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superhaught · 1 month

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Breaking Down

(GIF by jamie-hayter)

Pairing(s): Leighton x Tatum, Leighton & Reader

Warnings: anxiety attack, slight angst

Word Count: 1900, Part 1/?

Part 2 / Part 3

Anonymous asked: Can you write about Leighton having a panic attack just after coming out to her dad in front of Tatum and Tatum's father ? Hurt comfort ?

Leighton was quiet for the remainder of the dinner. She smiled when she had to and answered politely when prompted to. Tatum kept glancing her way, brows knit together in concern. Leighton met her eyes and mouthed “I’m fine,” feigning a pleasant demeanor.

But she wasn’t fine. Far from it, actually. She didn’t want to come out. She didn’t want the fallout. She didn’t even realize she was saying it until it was too late and the words were already vomited out.

I’m gay.

The look on her dads face was seared into her mind. He wasn’t disgusted or anything that horrible, he was just… shocked. But what did she have to complain about? Him needing to take a few moments to process on the bench outside of the restaurant was hardly a traumatizing reaction. When she had gone out there to check on him, he was so quick to assure her that he loved and supported her. So why did she still feel like her insides were boiling?

Leighton was the last to stand up from the table, not realizing right away that the bill had long since been paid and they were starting to say their goodbyes. Tatum’s dad shook Leighton’s hand and gave her a polite pat on her back, saying something like, “I’m happy to have met you, Leighton. I think you’ll be very good for my daughter.” She smiled and nodded while repeatedly counting to twenty in her head.

Tatum gave Leighton’s upper arm a slight squeeze and whispered, “can I borrow you over here for a sec?”

Leighton nodded blankly, Tatum pulled her away to quiet a corner of the restaurant lobby while their dads continued to chat happily about the good old days.

“Hey, are you alright?”

“What?” Leighton asked, taking too long to process Tatum’s words, “oh, yeah. I’m fine, really.”

“You don’t seem fine…”

“Well, I am.” Leighton snapped. She didn’t mean to come across as harsh. She just… didn’t want to get into it. “Sorry… I am fine. That went as well as I could’ve hoped, so… it’s all good.”

Tatum raised an eyebrow, “Okay, but whatever you’re feeling is valid, you know? A neutral, or even a positive reaction doesn’t always make coming out any easier.”

Leighton inhaled through her nose and sandwiched Tatum’s hand in hers, “I’m feeling fine, Tatum. Really. I’m glad my dad knows, and I’m sure I’ll talk to my mom and brother soon. This is good.”

Leighton wasn’t lying, exactly. But that was far from the whole truth. She just didn’t know right now. She didn’t know how she was really feeling. She didn’t know why she didn’t want to be honest with Tatum about that. She didn’t know why she felt like all of the air was being sucked out of the room.

“Alright,” Tatum conceded, “well, just call me if you need anything, okay? I’m gonna go back with my dad to his hotel for another drink. See you later, babe.” Tatum gave a quick, chaste kiss that landed on the corner of Leighton’s mouth.

Leighton nodded. Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen.

She said goodbye to her dad as he climbed into the back of his ride back to his hotel. Eighteen. Nineteen. Twenty.

Leighton started walking back to campus on her own. One. Two. Three. Four.

She was nearly back at her dorm but she felt like her ribs were being compressed. The tips of her fingers were all pins and needles. She couldn’t get a full breath anymore.

Leighton sat down on a bench and gripped the edge of the seat with white knuckles.

You were on your way to your dorm from the library, finally finishing a study session for your upcoming chem exam. You usually never run into anyone on the path that you take but not this night.

Sat upon a bench next to the sidewalk was a blonde, hunched over with her head in her hands. You quickly recognized her; Leighton Murray was shaking and hyperventilating.

You look around quickly and then rush over to the bench, tossing your bag onto the ground and kneeling down in front of her.

“Leighton? Hey, Leighton… are you okay?” you ask softly.

The blonde gasped and sniffled, quickly sitting up and wiping her cheeks on the sleeve of her shirt. She muttered under her breath, “shit…”

“Are you hurt? Sick?”

She shook her head. She still wasn’t breathing normally. You felt like you recognized what might be happening, “Leighton, could you be having a panic attack?”

She nodded at this.

You didn’t know Leighton, well. You had been to some of the same events and parties. Run in some of the same circles. But you knew panic attacks. You knew what you would want someone to do for you.

You sat down on the bench next to her, “is it okay if I touch you?”

She didn’t respond immediately but she eventually nodded. You took off your jacket and draped it around her, and then wrapped your arms around her shoulders and started to give her a squeezing hug. At the contact, she quickly melted into you and started to sob. You weren’t surprised by this, you would’ve done the same.

“I want you to try breathing with me, okay? Just try to slow down, and breathe deeper…” you whispered. You made the pattern of your breathing obvious so that she could try to follow you, “try to match me, you’re doing great.”

You seemed to be helping. It took some time but she was able to focus on matching her breathing to yours.

Leighton coughed. You reached for your bag without pulling too far away from her and got your water bottle out, “do you want some water? It’ll help.”

She nodded and reached for it. You unscrewed the cap for her and she took it and poured water into her mouth.

She was quiet for another minute or so and took another drink before handing the bottle back to you. Her voice was shaky but her breathing seemed to have settled.

“Thank you…”

You nod, “Course, are you feeling better?”

“Mhmm…” she paused and wiped her face again, “why did you help me? You don’t even know me…”

You shrug, “I wasn’t just going to walk by.”

“How did you know what to do?”

“I’ve had panic attacks before. In my experience, they’re a lot scarier when you’re alone.”

She nodded and sat up a little straighter, “I must look like a fucking mess… I don’t like to let anyone see me like this.”

You can’t help but chuckle a little, “like what?”

She scoffed, “crying, my makeup running down my face…”

“Ohhh, you mean you don’t like people seeing you look human?” you tease, nudging her arm slightly.

Leighton laughed and wiped under her eyes with her thumbs.

“Here, if you’re so worried about it, I think I can help with that, too.” You rummage through your bag once more and produce a travel size pack of face wipes, handing them over to her.

She raised an eyebrow at you, “what are you? Some kind of genie for people having breakdowns?” Leighton took the wipes from your hand and cleaned her face.

You laugh, “No, nothing so glamorous. I just like being able to help when I can.”

She sighed, “well, it’s appreciated. Thank you, really. I kind of thought I was dying for a minute, is that stupid?”

“No, not at all. Panic attacks are mean like that. Have you had one before?”

“I guess so, now that I think about it.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, they’re no fun.”

“Yeah…” she took a deep breath, “I’m so sorry, I feel like an asshole, I don’t even know your name.”

You tell her not to worry about it and introduce yourself.

“What dorm are you heading to? Can I walk you back? Make sure you get there okay?”

She looks a little taken aback by your offer but she nods, “that would be really nice, actually, yeah.”

You stand and start walking. Leighton immediately groans, “god why am I wearing heels? Gimme a sec…” You stop as Leighton bends down to take her shoes off and resigns herself to finishing the walk barefoot.

“Oh gosh, no way you’re walking across a college campus barefoot, you’re taking my sneakers.”

Before she has a chance to protest, you’re already taking off your Adidas and passing them to her.

“What? Then you’re barefoot, that’s stupid!”

“I’m wearing socks, and this isn’t up for discussion. Just take them, please? I’ll carry your heels.”

Leighton stares at you like you’re an alien. To you, this doesn’t even seem like a big deal, but it clearly means something to her.

She shakes her head incredulously and slides your sneakers on her feet as you take her heels from her. You then continue the walk to her dorm building in silence for a bit.

“You’re… strange…” Leighton finally says.

“I am?”

“Yes. You’re not like most other people here. I feel like… you’re one of the only people I’ve met who isn’t completely self-interested.”

“Huh. Maybe you’re right. Maybe you’re just meeting shitty people, though.”

“Maybe… My roommates are pretty good, but they might’ve only given me a chance after I bought them all iPads.”

“I’m sorry, you did what?”

“Oh, I bought their forgiveness with iPads. I think… I think I might be the most self-interested person here, actually.”

You shake your head, “no. No way.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Eh, I have a hunch. For one, I don’t think you’d still be talking to me if you were really as self-absorbed as you say. Also, I find that people who are completely self-interested, usually lack the self-awareness required for panic attacks to happen.”

She thinks about your words for a while and then shrugs, “I still think you’re strange. I’d rather believe that you’re the anomaly in the system and continue to pretend that I fit in just fine with the student body here.”

You smile, “you’re lucky that I take that as a compliment, Leighton Murray.”

You reach her building and she turns to face you, handing you her phone, “put your number in.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah… honestly, there’s no one else I’d rather go to if I find myself in that kind of situation again. Is… is that okay?”

She looks vulnerable then. You get the sense that you’ve seen a side of Leighton Murray that no one else is privy to.

“Sure, Leighton. That’s totally okay. You can come to me for other stuff, too, though. If you just want to talk, or hang out. I can be a strange friend as well as a strange emotional breakdown genie.”

She laughs. You take note of how light and sweet her laugh is. It makes your stomach float a little.

You put your contact information into her phone while she takes your sneakers off of her feet and then you trade belongings back, returning her phone and heels to her, “I hope you have a good night, Leighton. Try to get some good sleep, you’ll feel better for it.”

She smiles softly, “Thanks, genie. You too.” You watch her go inside the building before you walk away. You let out a sigh and think to yourself a sentiment that you don’t realize you share with a majority of the sapphic community at Essex: goddamn Leighton Murray.

Next Chapter

#leighton murray #leighton murray fanfiction #leighton x tatum #leighton murray & reader #leighton murray angst #my writing #writing requests #request fulfilled #slocg #renee rapp

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