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#language & perspective
autoraton · 9 months
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riz redraw!
side-by-side comparison under the cut :-)
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scribefindegil · 9 months
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As much as I adore conlangs, I really like how the Imperial Radch books handle language. The book is entirely in English but you're constantly aware that you're reading a "translation," both of the Radchaai language Breq speaks as default, and also the various other languages she encounters. We don't hear the words but we hear her fretting about terms of address (the beloathed gendering on Nilt) and concepts that do or don't translate (Awn switching out of Radchaai when she needs a language where "citizen," "civilized," and "Radchaai person" aren't all the same word) and noting people's registers and accents. The snatches of lyrics we hear don't scan or rhyme--even, and this is what sells it to me, the real-world songs with English lyrics, which get the same "literal translation" style as everything else--because we aren't hearing the actual words, we're hearing Breq's understanding of what they mean. I think it's a cool way to acknowledge linguistic complexity and some of the difficulties of multilingual/multicultural communication, which of course becomes a larger theme when we get to the plot with the Presgar Translators.
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marzipanandminutiae · 10 months
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I miss people using non-medicalized terms for other people's passions
like. well and good to talk about "hyperfixations," "special interests [in the context of an autistic person's favorite subject]," or "infodumping" if you have ADD/ADHD or autism, or are talking about someone who is, but...that's not everyone who feels strongly about something, obsesses, or loves talking about their interests. those words mean specific things, associated with specific forms of neurodivergence
don't assume everyone is comfortable with that language
"rambling" is a word; so is "ranting." "obsession" is a word. "passion" is a word. learn them and use them
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royalarchivist · 3 months
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[A sad violin song plays over an image of a sad hamster]
Pac: This doesn't have anything to do with me – I wear a blue sweatshirt, you're crazy, this mouse doesn't even have a sweatshirt, this hamster! [Reading chat] Am I a depressed hamster?
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[ Transcript continued ↓ ]*
Pac: Actually– that's fine! I embrace that idea – of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy? [He hits his desk, then starts counting off people on his fingers] Fit is gone, Richarlyson is gone, Ramon is gone, Bagi and Empanada who were always there when we were there are also gone, I haven't seen them! It's just me and Tubbo, and sometimes Philza shows up.
Pac: I lost Chume Labs, I lost the Favela, I lost Murder Mystery, I lost Ilha Chume Labs, it's crazy! Look at how much I've lost, and I've gained nothing! Of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy?! How am I supposed to be happy?!
Pac: [Reading chat] "You have us Pac," that's true, thank you. No, that's true, sorry.
* NOTE: Please note that this is an incomplete transcript, as I was primarily relying on Aypierre's translation mod at the time and if I am not confident of the translation, I do not include it. As always, please feel free to add on translations or message me corrections.
#Pactw#QSMP#Pac#March 18 2024#As much as I love keeping people updated about Pac / the other Portuguese-speaking creators#I think I might not make as many transcribed posts for their clips anymore#I just don't think I'm qualified enough to be transcribing things for a language I don't know#like yeah we have the Qlobal Translator and Aypierre's translators to rely on#And I'm always upfront when I'm not 100% sure about a translation#but I've been thinking about it a lot and it kinda makes me feel a bit icky. Idk.#I might be overthinking this but I just I don't want to spread around translations I'm not super confident about#esp. since I know a lot of people cite my clips in analysis posts or link them to other people as resources#and 90% of the time I'm like ''Hell yeah I love seeing people getting a lot of use out of the archive''#but sometimes I get a bit anxious like ''Did I do a good enough job translating this''#''Am I ruining someone's entire perception of a conversation or character because I left one word out or mistranslated something?''#And like I said that's normally not a HUGE concern since if I'm not certain about a translation I just won't post a clip. but you know#idk it might just be the anxiety talking but I really really don't want to spread bad info#Happy to hear other folks' perspective#I'm really grateful for people like Bell and Pix and others who translate clips and I always try to reblog those#but we don't have a ton of people posting clips & translating things on Tumblr since we're so English-centric#which is part of the reason WHY I like sharing clips of the non-English-speaking CCs#but at the same time I want to do an accurate job representing what they're saying#Maybe I'll just start posting things and give a TLDR context of what they're talking about but not a transcript#that way native-speakers can hop in and add translations if that's something they're comfortable doing#and if not then well. at least I'm not sharing something that isn't super accurate#idk I'm just thinking out loud a bit in the tags#But I'm open to hearing other people's thoughts on the matter#Anyways giant rant aside. q!Pac is NOT doing ok rn
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klausbens · 10 months
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the thing about season two’s ending is that they broke each other’s heart. they were speaking two different languages, as they often do, and saying the same thing—as they often do. so there’s no right or wrong. there’s no blame to be put on either. they just broke each other’s heart while trying to secure an eternity together
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hychlorions · 1 year
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idk if this means anything but the promo image for nendoroid apollo's perceive effect sheet features him zeroing in on phoenix's hand. when you think abt it, phoenix in aa4 always keeps his hands in his pockets so if the promo image for the nendos DO mean something it's probably pointing to the fact that phoenix's tell/tic has something to do with his hands
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hallowpen · 17 days
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My lovelies,
If there is ever anything you are unsure about regarding Thai culture (beliefs, customs, values, etc.), interviews/posts in Thai that have not been translated to your language, checking the accuracy of certain things that have been subbed or translated by a source whose native language is not Thai (or even if the native speaker is Thai but does not have a firm grasp on the English language. You'd be surprised -or not- that a lot of the subtitles you read in a series are actually not what's being said at all hehe), or any other general questions about Thailand... Please do not hesitate to ask me for clarification. If it is something that I have knowledge of and can help with, I genuinely don't mind AND if it's something I am unsure about, I'll be very clear about that and do my best to point you in the direction of a source that might have a better understanding.
Obviously, there are limits... and I do ask you to be respectful of my time. I'm not going to translate super long interviews or passages word for word (even more so if it is something I would otherwise not have an interest in), but I can give you a general idea of what's being said if I have seen/read them. In terms of dramas, I don't follow a lot of Thai series or actors... but if you've been following me or are aware of my interests then you probably know what it is I will sit through hehe (i.e. anything GL related, everything FreenBecky or BounPrem, The Sign and/or IDOLFactory news)
I'd just really like to avoid the spreading of misinformation as fact, which has been happening pretty frequently. Even something as simple as tone in language can lead to a big misunderstanding, so it's important to know the difference.
That is all! Please feel free to reach out ❤️❤️❤️
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sampegger · 5 months
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i have no idea if this is going to make any sense but. as an enochian speaking sam truther. if sam only ever learned most of the enochian he knows from lucifer in the cage. and that's just because he was forced to spend so much time with him and he was never really aiming to learn enochian himself. do you think that him working on improving his sign language for eileen is a deeply personal thing to him. like he loves her so much and this time he is learning someone elses language not out of necessity but out of love commitment and devotion. sam choosing to learn someone elses language this time around because he loves them after years spent learning enochian through lucifer just feels so... intimate and loving to me. do you hear me. do you guys understand what i'm saying. i'm ill.
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angel-archivist · 9 months
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It's so interesting and so exceedingly frustrating how agab is being utilized now within the queer community as a way to isolate and sort nonbinary and genderqueer folks into binary boxes that determine their moral purity levels, and their authority to do and write and exist.
The way nonbinary writers are being put under accusation of fetishizing gay men while their AGAB is continually brought up in a way that feels like queer-space-approved misgendering.
The way feminist circles that are supposedly trans-inclusive will use the word AFAB in a way that implicitly but intentionally isolates nonbinary people who aren't AFAB from joining. It's for women*.
The way the language is already flawed and leaves out intersex folks from the conversations while focusing on a binary of sex that isn't truthful.
The constant obsessing over whether someone is AFAB or AMAB and whether or not that gives them the privilege to join, do, write, or be present in certain spaces really really concerns me. How are we supposed to dismantle a binary system of gender if we can't even move past forcibly assigning and focusing on people's genders assigned at birth?
#and yes i understand! that agab language can in some circumstances be helpful in inclusive language and in the medical world but ultimately#is misgendering and unnecessary it should be up to the person to disclose their agab not an expectation of them to give up freely#I think that inclusive language shouldnt be misgendering in nature and agab as far as i can tell should only be used in select discussions#and certainly not as a way to frame a nonbinary writer as a “biological woman” but in a way where the queer community will nod along and sa#“oh they have a point” because you used the word AFAB instead#honestly afab is the term i see used most frequently and most harmfully towards other nonbinary people who don't identify w the label#to exclude trans women and amab nonbinary people#to frame nonbinary people as “still women” because of their assigned gender at birth#also i understand its not as simple as “not using” these terms bc they still serve a purpose and are important#but as they leave the queer community and as they enter the hands of cis queer people they become weapons#i wish i could like manifest my thoughts super clearly but i really cant bc its a difficult situation#its just another example of misogyny and bio-essentialism creeping into the queer community#because the patriarchy impacts all things including our discussions of trans oppression and gender we need to stop viewing it#as a strict binary of male female and oh sometimes we'll mention nonbinary people but we're all afab and amabs at the end of the day <3#like flames literal flames#if you wanna like chip into the conversation just shoot me an ask or respond to the post i'd love to hear other peoples perspectives#im not infalliable so if i said anything you view as incorrect especially in regards to intersex folks and how you all would like to be#included in these discussions as im not intersex but am aware of how agab is a subject that leans into the idea of a binary of sex#so yeah rant over <3#retro.bullshit#rant
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quirkyfries · 2 months
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I do not own these characters!
Surprise surprise, ruin appears again XD. I wanted to practice half-rendering lighting, and I have a few doodle pages in my sketchbook that I can subject to experimentation. As funny as my reference was, their poses were very similar. Oh well, this was still fun to try to render! Watching videos of the guns in action was also an experience, for reference purposes.
This doodle is based on chapter six— when Eclipse and Ruin were preparing to leave to go.. run some errands xP.
These characters belong to @sinclairmaxwellao3 ‘s SAMS Mafia AU! Please go check out her work at https://archiveofourown.org/works/54344629?view_full_work=true
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aroaceleovaldez · 6 months
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re: my recent Hazel posting. more of yall have got to start drawing Hazel as fat. make her chubby. make her stout. i can't keep doing this alone.
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cowboyskeletons · 3 months
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pair nettle with hemlock for a loved one who has been taken away too soon
pair nettle with oleander to warn someone that their betrayal has been discovered
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hive-sight · 11 months
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Travel 2
Hello again Sentients! This one had to rush to post once again!
The decryption of the Terran language is done! This one had wondered why the decryption had taken so much longer with Sol-3 when compared to many other known planets… Now that it is done, this one can tell you why.
Sol-3 does not house a language. It houses over six thousand separate languages! Magnitudes more than any other known planets. The previous largest number of languages to a single planet was three.
Epsilonia-4 houses three individual races, each with its own language. But Sol-3… Sol-3 houses only one sentient race. They have been so divided that language has spread out in a fractal. The closer two of the points on this fractal are, the more syntax they share but at either end of the fractal… the languages may as well be in different Stellar Systems.
Moving on! The decryption has informed the crew that the most spoken of these languages is called, English [Een-gah-lee-sh]. This one has begun calibrating our translator chips to place English as the priority and storing audio of any other languages for review later.
The Terrans, who refer to themselves as “Humans”, also seem to have a vast repository of media stored on a network of interconnected servers referred to as the “internet”. As there is likely a wait of seven Lums before arriving in the Sol System, this one has decided to review some portion of this media labeled as “movies” or “film.”
This one has asked Raxor, the bodyguard of this one’s crew and a member of the Valkorin or Soldier Caste, to review the saved history of Terran Warfare. The Queen will want to be aware of any threat these Terrans can present if she decides that we are to be Sol-3’s introduction to the greater galaxy.
Before signing off, if any among you have questions this one can answer to better inform yourselves about the galaxy at large. Please do not hesitate. This one would not have begun posting if this one were afraid of interaction.
With that, on XD: 4682 C, 3 A, 19 L, or the 8th of May  in the Terran Year of 2030, this is Elysia of Xyloptha, signing off.
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mamawasatesttube · 5 months
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an excerpt of the kon & cass genderisms fic im very excited about but still nowhere near done with:
The idea of Kon looking like a girl is kind of absurd, when Cass first thinks of the word. It brings to mind Steph, first and foremost. Brenda, too, though. And others.
But some of Brenda’s friends were tall, or broad-shouldered. Some of them dressed like Kon. The thought brings with it a pang, as always; Cass wishes she’d gotten to know them better, before…
Before.
But anyway. Not the point. The point is, Cass has seen Barbara call people without skirts or breasts girls or women, sometimes, too. So maybe Kon looking like a girl isn’t as weird as he seems to think it is.
She hums, cocking her head to the side. “What is a girl?”
“Huh?”
Next to her, Kon blinks. He frowns up at the stars, then rolls over and props himself up on one arm, and reaches over to playfully poke her nose.
“Well, I dunno exactly. You were Bat-girl, weren’t you? Shouldn’t you know?”
But that isn’t because of any… kinship with the word. No… what’s the word? Affinity. No particular affinity. Or is it connection? Something like that. Regardless, Cass shakes her head. “Barbara’s name. I just kept it.”
“Oh.” Kon frowns slightly. “I dunno, either, honestly. I mean, TV will tell you a girl is someone who likes girly stuff, but that’s stupid, ‘cuz plenty of girls don’t like girly stuff, and I mean, I do like so-called girly stuff, I guess, like knitting or baking, and I’m not a girl. So…” He shrugs, rolling back over onto his back. A moment later, though, he picks his head up and peers at her. “Are you—is this—I mean, are you trying to tell me you’re not a girl?”
The way he holds himself makes it seem like that’s some kind of a big deal. Cass just shrugs. “Dunno.”
“Oh,” Kon says, again, more softly this time. “Hey, I mean—nothing wrong with that either. It’s cool.”
Cass shrugs again. “It’s just a word. To me, anyway.” It’s her turn to frown in thought. “What makes a boy a boy?” She lightly nudges his side. He’s warm against the slight night chill, and she scoots in a little closer with a hum. “You were Super-boy. Tell me.”
Kon blows out a breath. “Hoo, man. Now ain’t that just a fine pickle and a half?”
Cass wrinkles her nose. “What do pickles have to do with it?” She likes pickles. Ma Kent has a jar of crisp ones in the pantry, homemade from cucumbers grown in the garden out back. Cass likes the way they crunch between her teeth and splatter vinegar-juice on her tongue.
“Nothing. It’s… actually, I have no idea why that’s something people say.” Kon lets out a wry snort. “I came pre-programmed with slang and idioms, y’know.”
“I know,” Cass says, and pats his arm. “Pregnable.”
Kon lets out a bark of bright laughter. It reminds her of the stars. He seems so very at home here, under the night sky. The starlight matches the gentle glow of his eyes. When he isn’t wearing his glasses, it’s easy to see the inhuman blue.
“Aw, man,” Kon says, still grinning. “You remember that? I forgot I said that way back then.”
“It was…” Cass tilts her head. “New to me. Memorable, for that reason.” She grins mischievously. “A pregnable boy.”
Kon laughs again. Cass snuggles up to his side and throws her arm across his ribs. She likes to feel the rise and fall of his chest as he breathes.
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GIF by toastcrime
this scene, man. the way nimona instinctively lifts her arm to protect herself but immediately relaxes when ballister comforts her, believes him when he tells her she's safe, and goes back to sleep. there's no moment of hesitation. she trusts him completely. and then later when she wakes up again and says "i have not slept like that in forever" she slept better after he'd comforted her i- 😭
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afewproblems · 1 year
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Part Two of my Mean!Eddie Misunderstandings WIP
You can read Part One Here
CW: The F-slur is used in this once, and it will show up in part three once. It's use is treated with a lot of negative weight with the context of how it is used and who used it (an atagonist that does not physically appear in this story) I do apologize if this language is upsetting to read - it was certainly upsetting to write.
***
"What the fuck Eddie," Mike snarls, he stands up so abruptly his chair nearly topples over.
Dustin is also on his feet the second Harrington disappears into the kitchen, he looks at Eddie once, his expression stormy, before following through the doorway.
Silence has spread over the room, slowly oozing around to fill each nook and cranny, it makes his skin itch as Eddie shifts, he goes to cross his arms over his chest but stops with a roll of his shoulders, he’s cool, a regular fucking cucumber right?
Except Will won't look him in the eyes and Lucas won't stop, he glares at Eddie with open disappointment.
Jeff clears his throat, he meets Eddie's gaze and tilts his head towards the door, as though trying to beam the thought directly into Eddie’s mind, ‘let’s get the fuck out of here before our welcome wears out’.
Eddie nods and both men turn to Gareth, considering he’s their ride it all kind of hinges on him.
Gareth stares straight ahead, pointedly ignoring everyone at the table, he wipes his face roughly with the hand not holding onto his character mini and drops it roughly onto the table.
"Oh what?" Eddie bites out, his chest suddenly fills with hot shame that smothers his heart, "I didn't say anything that wasn't true". 
Eddie wants to snatch the words out of the air as soon as they escape, banish them from existence, but they seem to hang in the dining room between him and the kids.
Gareth shakes his head and stands up from his seat, he starts to silently clean up the table, collecting the miniatures and his own papers, Will moves to help while Mike seethes in the corner or the room, his head swivels back and forth from glaring at Eddie and back to the door that Dustin disappeared behind.
"You've been weird all night man," Lucas says harshly, he stands up and makes his way towards the kitchen door which bursts open to reveal a furious Dustin who stomps back into the room and begins collecting his things, haphazardly throwing sheets of notepaper and dice into his backpack --not even bothering to put his dice in the little drawstring cloth bag his mom made him. 
"Woah woah woah," Eddie says sharply, he stands, knocking back his chair which scapes loudly against the hardwood floor "what the fuck are you doing Henderson?" 
Dustin ignores him and continues packing, he reaches for the miniature that Gareth moved onto the table and stops as Eddie snatches  it away from his hand.
Dustin meets Eddie’s gaze, wearing a matching mutinous glare. 
“Give it back,” Will interjects with a soft but firm voice, his gaze is unwavering as he stands up and moves towards Dustin’s side of the table. He also has his backpack slung over his shoulder --when the hell did that happen?
“But you--”
“EDDIE,” Gareth shouts, his eyes are wide, face pinched into a grimace. 
Gareth takes a second to breathe after the outburst and swallows harshly, ignoring the eyes on him, "I think it's safe to say we aren’t playing tonight man". 
The whole night is unraveling around him, everything he planned for the evening, the meticulous character beats he mapped out based on the backstories everyone crafted, the NPC’s he researched at the library -dodging Mrs. Depencier between the stacks before she could try to kick him out.
The homebrew monster, the final boss he had mashed together out of three different beasts in his well worn copy of the monster manual. 
He had prepped all of it for tonight, he'd been excited, ready to show off his skills in a new environment, maybe show off a little bit for--
Oh. 
Oh fucking hell. 
Eddie wants to kick himself. Hard. Repeatedly. 
Eddie wanted to see what Steve would think, this was going to be the performance of a lifetime and he had catapulted himself directly into the sun without hesitation. 
Tonight had been ruined, mostly by himself --not Steve. 
An oily thought creeps in and whispers in his ear, 'so what? It isn't as though King-Steve hadn't ruined plenty of things for you before, your first two senior years were dog shit before people started to forget about the whole--' 
Eddie shakes his head harshly and scrubs both hands over his face, the rings catch lightly in his hair and tug as he bring them down. 
"I'll call my mom to come get us, I'm sure she'll be happy it's so early," Lucas mumbles before he gets up from his seat and slowly makes his way towards the kitchen door to use the landline. The door swings softly shut with a quiet snick.
The silence in the room is heavy, only punctuated by Mike muttering under his breath to Will and Dustin as he snatches several things from the table and the floor. Lucas eventually reenters the dining room and Mike shoves an armful of note papers and Lucas's Human Cleric character sheet -which has become creased and wrinkled in Mike's frenzy, towards Lucas and Dustin.
"Figure out whose is whose later, let's just go if we're done, I'd rather walk," Mike snarls as he looks over his shoulder at Eddie, Gareth, and Jeff. 
"Jesus Mike," Lucas mutters, "gonna have to rewrite this whole thing out now," he pauses as he looks Eddie up and down with narrow eyes, "maybe".
Lucas shakes his head, "anyway, mom is on her way, she's happy to come get us early so she'll drop you guys off, she's taking the van".  
Mike nods, the perpetual sneer on his face deepens as he walks towards the hall leading to the front entryway, "I'm waiting outside, are you guys coming or not?"
The kids file out through the hallway, one by one without looking back, leaving Eddie, Jeff,and Gareth standing around the empty dining room table.
They freeze at the sight of a long, deep, scratch in the center of the wood. 
Had that been there before?
A pit begins to form in Eddie's stomach, cavernous and deep, he sweats at the sight of it. 
"Shit," he whispers, mostly to himself, but Jeff catches it. 
"That was there before man," Jeff murmurs, though the conviction isn't quite there, he stares at the table before raising his eyes to look at Gareth, "right?"
"I don't fucking know man," Gareth hisses, he also has his messenger bag now slung across his shoulder.
"I'm not sticking around to get blamed for trashing Harringtons table," Jeff says lowly, he's already backing up towards the hallway leading to the front entrance, "I’m not afraid to take your car Gar, hurry it up," he says before turning on his heel and walking down the hall, Eddie flinches at the sound of the door slamming shut behind them. 
Gareth curses under his breath and steps away from the table, “Well,” he huffs, “are you happy?”
Eddie's jaw drops as the words hit him square in the chest, "What? Gar--"
"No," Gareth says sharply, the volume steadily rising as he steps closer to Eddie and jabs a rigid finger into his chest, "are you happy with how this went? Does this finally make you feel better?" 
"Cuz, we don't care if you're friends with him or if you hate the guy," Gareth shakes his head once and steps back, away from Eddie's space, "Maybe Jeff does a little bit, but he's just being protective I think". 
Gareth waves his arms as though to clear the tangent away, "it doesn't matter, the point is, you're acting like it's still highschool and this," Gareth gestures towards the table, "is fucking mean man". 
A car horn beeps from outside startling both of them; Gareth sighs and shrugs the strap on his bag higher up his shoulder as he turns towards the hallway, "so if you want to hate the guy, stop stringing him along, it's bullshit".
Stop stringing him along.
Stringing him along?
The words echo again and again in his head, Eddie feels his chest tighten and grow cold as the words sink in, what the hell was Gareth talking about?
"If you don't want to be his friend just tell the guy, I don't understand what you're doing Ed?" Gareth says with a sigh.
The horn beeps again outside, Gareths eyebrow twitches once and his expression slowly twists from an irritated scowl to something close to murderous.
"Whatever," he huffs angrilly, "are you coming or not? It sounds like Jeff's about two seconds away from grand theft auto, and if he beeps the horn one more time I can't be held responsible for my actions". 
Eddie swallows harshly and nods, he steps back from the table, his legs sluggish in their response as he slowly trudges after Gareth. 
As Eddie moves through the hall, passing large framed art pieces and not a single family picture, he catches a whiff of something from the kitchen, warm pastry? Something savory he imagines. 
Eddie ignores the queasy lurch in his gut at the thought that whatever Steve had made that night didn't even make it past the kitchen. 
***
If you had asked Eddie back in highschool to give you his opinion on the social hierarchy of Hawkins High he would give you a fairly general answer.
You had your standard Asshole Jocks, your Narcissist Beauty Queen Cheerleaders, your Nerds with the smaller subsections of Band Geeks and Weirdos - everyone’s seen The Breakfast Club, it’s a no brainer really. 
Eddie was quite content to sneer and jeer with the best of them, focusing his ire on the very top, the Asshole Jocks that made it their mission to ruin the lives of anyone they deemed lower than themselves. Billy Hargrove and Tommy Hagan were the original worst of these with Jason Carver following close behind, but Harrington? King-Steve? He was a bit harder to pin down.
For Steve-the-Hair-Harrington, it would be a firm comparison to the grime in between Eddie’s toes after ten laps around the gym in socks he’d worn for three days.
Eddie could admit, if only to himself, that Harrington was certainly aesthetically attractive, with his tanned golden skin dotted with a constellation of moles that Eddie desperately wanted to play Connect the Dots with. The athletics uniform was criminally short, accentuating his long legs and strong thighs. More than once did Eddie ditch gym just to avoid making direct eye-contact with the outline of Harrington’s dick in that green scrap of fabric. 
Sue him, man was hot, but he was also a huge asshole.
Harrington was mean, whispering cruel things under his breath to Hagan and Perkins, snickering to himself when he made a particularly cruel observation about Joey MacDonald and his resemblance to a certain fast food clown - it wasn’t even clever given that it was only the kid’s last name, but the nickname followed that boy till he graduated along with the smell of old french fries that people would stuff in his locker between classes. And well, there was one other rumor he started, not that Eddie let it remotely bother him.
Fuck, Highschool kids were the worst.
But, then all of a sudden, here comes Harrington in his junior year with his usually handsome face beaten in and a haunted slump in his shoulders. And whoever had done it pulled no punches. Word around school was that Byers was the one that cleaned Harrington’s clock, over Nancy Wheeler of all people. And not only that, but King-Steve had been dumped by his two best friends, thrown away like an old piece of trash. 
Now again, Eddie never really gave much credence to rumors, especially the ones about himself, and given the way Hawkins High seemed to churn out a new rumor every other day this was more than likely an exaggeration. But with Hagan and Perkins giving Harrington a wide berth, and trading off glaring while hiding their kicked puppy expressions in their school books; the whole school watched as they were slowly replaced by Wheeler and Byers who encircled King-Steve, Ex-King now, with equally haunted expressions. It was even harder to argue with the evidence starring Eddie in the face.
They made absolutely no sense together, especially Byers; the three of them sitting at lunch in their own little world, with Harrington slowly slipping down the rungs and onto the bottom of the social ladder.
What on earth did Nancy Wheeler and Jonathan Byers even have in common with someone like Steve Harrington? 
Eddie hardly ever saw Harrington around school after that, if he did he was mostly alone or followed around by a gaggle of children from the Junior High down the street that followed him around like puppies. To think of Harrington and kids in the same sentence, that the former King had lowered himself to the likes of babysitting a bunch of brats - it was…weird to say the least. 
Especially given how Eddie knew who Steve was. Harrington wasn’t soft, he wasn’t kind, he was a bully and a thug with a glass jaw, the worst kind of pathetic that ever graced their shitty highschool halls and Fuck Him for doing the one thing that Eddie couldn’t even do.
Eddie would be repeating his senior year while the Ex-King asshole left it all behind him.
God dammit.
It wasn’t really until Chrissy Cunninham died in his uncle’s trailer that cool March evening all of four months ago that he even had an excuse to be in the same room as the ousted monarch - if you could count pressing a jagged bottle to Steve’s pretty throat and pressing his lithe frame into the corrugated aluminum wall of Rick’s boathouse. 
And Steve? Rumor spreading, ex-King, Asshole Jock, Steve Harrington, was not all that bad as it turned out? Eddie couldn’t really keep the thread of his arguments about Harrinton as Eddie was carried out through the last remaining portal out of the Upside Down, nestled safely in Steve’s arms.
The son of a bitch.
Suddenly, Steve is everywhere, chauffeuring the kids to the arcade, visiting Eddie in the hospital, bringing Wayne food to the trailer --because of course he likes to cook apparently? And Wayne just loves him, won’t shut up about, ‘that Harrington boy and his thoughtful casserole’, and ‘when’s the next time you’re going to bring that Harrington kid by?’
Then it’s movie nights with the kids, and Nancy, Jonathan, Robin, and Argyle, smoke sessions in the Byers backyard, pool days when the weather finally warms enough for the kids to jump in. God help him, Harrington is showing off even more skin than Eddie would like during these pool days, his little moles spread over the planes of his back and legs. Steve has more scars than Eddie remembers from the highschool Varsity swim meets but he’s not complaining. 
Stupid handsome jock.
Eddie feels like he’s gone crazy, like he’s the only one that feels this way, as if he’d been dropped into an alternate universe where everything was the same except for Steve Harrington. 
And given the fact that alternate dimensions actually exist, well, this theory is not actually that outlandish.
Especially because Steve was…nice okay? He was nice. Eddie had it right the first time when they were walking around that creepy Upside Down forrest, even if he hadn't fully believed it at the time, the words were apparently true.
Well they were true now anyway.
Steve was sweet, he was funny, he cared so so much, the kids loved him, and Eddie couldn't quite get the sound of Steve's musical laugh out of his head, or the way his hazel eyes crinkled in the corners when he smiled--
Fuck.
Steve was also best friends with Robin --someone Eddie knows that Steve would never have given the time of day back in highschool and the two are practically soulmates now. 
Eddie was fairly certain they weren’t dating because he’s also fairly certain he clocked Robin the same way she had clocked him after their second shared joint a few months back. 
She hasn't said anything but there was no mistaking the way her eyes trailed to the bandana in his back pocket and the way his own eyes landed on the little homemade pink triangle patch on her messenger bag.
And the way she had smiled at him after, it was small but the understanding and the feeling of being seen left him warm in a way he hadn't felt around a lot of people other than Wayne, Gareth, and Jeff. 
And then, of course, Steve had to go and ruin everything, offering up his own home for the next Hellfire club meeting. 
If it hadn’t meant Steve actually spending more than five minutes in passing with Jeff and Gareth it probably wouldn’t have been so stressful. 
And like the proverbial cherry on top, it had all blown up in his face.
The kids were actively avoiding him now, dodging his calls and making excuses about why they were busy, ranging from Will needing to help Jane with some kind of project she'd been working on, or Lucas citing babysitting duty for Erica --after having met Lady Applejack this was not as believable but Eddie let it go. 
Mike would grumble, clearly going off a script of some sort to keep his friends appeased, but with the lazy excuse of just being 'busy'. And, Mike being Mike, he'd follow it up with an ever so kind, 'get your head out of your asshole man, Will was our DM before and he'd have no problem picking up where we left off'.  
And didn't that sting just a bit? 
Dustin just refused to engage with Eddie, repeating the phrase, 'if you have a problem with Steve then you have one with me,' or the more eloquent, 'get bent'. 
Gareth wasn't much better. The last time Eddie was able to get him on the phone he’d told him to call when ‘his personal shit stopped interfering with Hellfire,’ and to, ‘get his head out of his ass sometime’. 
He and Mike needed to hang out more apparently.
It sucked, especially with how icy the kids have been towards him. Even Max, who must had heard about it all from Lucas, had taken it upon herself to avenge their babysitter, smearing mud on the front window of his van and writing, DICK, in bright red lipstick letters on every single side window. Eddie would be impressed if he wasn’t the one that had to clean it up. 
Jeff has been fairly tight lipped about it all, not really siding with Gareth or the kids, he and Eddie would still jam together but it wasn’t the same without their drummer. 
Without Hellfire or his band to practice with, Eddie is bored, which is never a good thing in his experience, and has time and time again led him to disaster. 
Which is how Eddie finds himself outside Family Video.
Eddie sits in his van for nearly twenty minutes before he ventures inside, scanning the windows relentlessly for any sign of Harrington or Buckley. It's the middle of the day on Tuesday, Keith is usually in on weekdays so he should be fine, what are the chances that the source of his recent frustrations would be working today of all days. 
Apparently pretty high.
The bell dings above Eddie as he swings the door open and the smell of stale popcorn hits him in the face as he steps over the threshold, there's no one at the counter --not a great sign since Keith usually posts up with a comic or a magazine up front so he can still look busy while watching for shoplifters. 
But it's fine, there's absolutely no sign of either of the Wonder Twins, it's fine.
Eddie takes another step and sees Jonathan and Argyle just behind the New Releases shelf, they've each got a tape in hand and seem to be arguing about which one they should go with.
Argyle spies Eddie first and waves jovially from their spot behind the shelf, Jonathan's gaze follows Argyle's and he lifts his hand in a half hearted wave, and jeez, tell a guy how you really feel, Eddie thinks to himself.
"What's up brochacho, how's it hangin'?" Argyle calls out as Eddie makes his way over with a smile, he ignores the stiffness in Jonathan’s posture and tries to focus on Argyle’s friendly grin.
"Eh," Eddie hums, throwing his hands in his back pockets, "can't complain too much, when you've literally been to Hell it puts things into perspective". 
Argyle nods and opens his mouth to say something when another voice joins them from behind Eddie. 
"If you're here to rent something, hurry up and get out," Robin growls nearly in his ear. 
Eddie flinches and turns around to face her, he almost stumbles backwards at the furious expression on her freckled face. Robin's blue eyes flash and pierce his own, her mouth stretches into a blunt line across her face. Robin's arms cross over her chest, covering her name tag and the 'Ask me for Help' button, she seems to stand taller than her actual height and Eddie feels as though he's somehow managed to shrink down to two inches tall.
"Hey hey miss Birdy, got any recommendations for a Friday night smoke sesh?" Argyle says warmly, if he's aware of the tension in the room he doesn't show it. 
"Monty Python, two rows over on the left," Robin mutters, her eyes never once leaving Eddie's face. 
"Choice pick, we got our movie man," Argyle crows to Jonathan as he puts back the Ferris Bueller tape and makes his way down the stacks. 
Jonathan's eyes flick between Eddie and Robin, he hesitates for just a moment before following after Argyle and leaving Eddie to his fate. 
"Okay listen--"
"No you listen," Robin snarls, stepping into his space and shoving a rigid pointer finger into his chest, "I don't know what you're problem is but if you're going to be an asshole, you can show yourself out before I do it for you". 
Eddie bristles slightly and lifts his hand to push hers away, "you talk to all of your customers like this Buckley?" 
Robin scoffs and steps back, as though reminded that they are in fact in public, "rent something then or get out," she bites out, turning on her heel and walking away to meet Argyle and Jonathan at the checkout.
Eddie feels his face twist into a fierce frown, he can't even rent movies in peace now without this thing hanging over his head, he hadn't even said anything that bad, this was getting ridiculous. 
The bell dings as Argyle and Jonathan leave, Argyle waves again, which Eddie returns unenthusiastically before stalking into the horror section in three strides. He snatches Children of the Corn off the shelf and stomps up to the desk. Robin's scowl matches his own as he reaches back to grab his wallet from the back pocket and --its not there. 
Eddies stomach plummets into the bottom of his shoes, he can see if in his minds eye on the desk in his bedroom, it's not even in the van where he could easily run and grab it, Shit.
"What?" Robin grumbles as Eddie opens and closes his mouth silently, cursing his own stupidity and the rapid flush creeping up his own neck. 
"Robin, I organized the back room, I still don't think that was really on the list but --oh!" Steve says as he walks towards them from the back of the store, a half door swings back and forth in his wake below a tiny hand written Employee's Only sign above the doorway.
Steve looks between the two of them, his face jumping through several expressions before settling on something carefully neutral, blank in a way Eddie hates.
"Hey Eddie," Steve says in that phoney cheerful customer service voice he made fun of just a few short weeks ago, Eddie remembers leaning over the counter and teasing Steve about it just to watch his ears turn pink.
But now they're here, and Steve is actually giving him the customer voice, like that's all he is now. 
Fuck.
"I uh," Eddie mumbles, hating the way he can feel his own face heat up, he wants the floor to swallow him up, banish him to the Underdark, "I was going to grab this, but I forgot my wallet, forget it". 
Robin smiles, almost triumphantly, and moves to lean against the front of the counter. Her left leg kicks out to cross in front of her right leg at the ankle, looking like the proverbial cat that caught the canary, Eddie hates her for just a moment.
"Its fine man," Steve hums, he takes the tape gently from Eddie's hands and walks around the counter to get to the computer, he starts typing and scans the movie before sliding it across the counter towards Eddie. Robin frowns and nearly stumbles in her attempt to move around to where Steve is standing.
"Steve," Robin hisses at him when she sees the computer screen, worry lines etch deep across her forehead and her mouth does this weird little wobble before creasing into a frown.
"Uh, seriously dude," Eddie mumbles, "I don't have my wallet and I don't have any change on me--" 
"Don't worry about it," Steve says smoothly without missing a beat, "Rob and I get free rentals once a month, just take mine". 
Eddies eyebrows rise slowly into the wispy bangs covering his forehead as Robin tisks loudly from beside Steve,
"What, just like that?" he says slowly, the words stick to his tongue which all of a sudden feels as though it's three times too big for his own mouth. Why the fuck was Harrington being so nice to him, like the other night didn't matter at all. 
"Yup," Steve says simply, he doesn't pop the 'p' like he used to, and his face is so neutral and smooth. It's not back to their normal after all, but what was he expecting, nothing was.
"Anything else we can do? I gotta get back to rewinding the tapes," Steve says as he jerks his thumb towards the back room again. 
Steve hesitates for a second, he's still facing Eddie and looks as though he's on the verge of saying something, his large hazel eyes dart back and forth between Eddies own for a moment, before he lifts his right hand to roughly pinch at the bridge of his nose once before the hand sweeps into his hair, pushing it away from his face. 
Robin, who had been watching them like a far more predatory bird than her namesake, steps closer and knocks into Steve's shoulder gently.
"Remember, they are organized and outnumber us like 200 to one," she barks, saluting him with her left hand, "don't rewind till you see the whites of their tape cases".
Steve's blank expression cracks with a small smile, he reaches up to switch out her left hand with her right and then draws himself up to his full height. 
Steve squares his shoulders, "if the tapes claim me, don't be a hero Buckley, remember me fondly".
She snorts and shakes her head as he brushes past her, Steve looks over his shoulder once at Eddie before disappearing into the back once more. 
Eddie watches him leave, the Children of the Corn clutched in his hands so tightly he's almost worried the plastic will warp, he misses Robin silently siddle up next to him and nearly jumps a foot in the air as she speaks.
"Don't let the door hit you on the way out," Robin growls softly before she sweeps over to the push cart filled with returns and walks it over to the closest shelf, pointedly ignoring him.
Eddie huffs out an irritated sigh but feels his shoulders slowly deflate on their own as he trudges back towards the entrance, the bell rings once again as he steps outside into the mid afternoon sun.
Gravel crunches underneath Eddie's ratty chucks as he heads towards the van, stopping in his tracks when he spots Jonathan leaning against the driver's side door. 
"Uh, hey Byers?" 
Jonathan waves again before crossing his arms, he's glaring at the ground as though it personally offended him. Eddie looks around, letting his eyes trail over the other cars in the lot. 
"Where's your partner in crime?" Eddie asks carefully, he knows Argyle wouldn't have just left without Jonathan.
Jonathan waves his hand towards the convenience store at the end of the parking lot, "he's grabbing snacks, he should be back soon," Jonathan shugs and settles back against the van.
It's awkward, Eddie can count the number of times he and Jonathan have hung out on one hand, he's seen Argyle way more, sharing trade secrets and sampling some grade A California Kush while he's at it.
But Eddie and Jonathan, he's got nothing.
"Sooo," Eddie hums, dragging out the syllable as he steps towards Jonathan and leans against the van beside him, "you here to yell at me too?" 
Jonathan scoffs and shakes his head, but his arms do tighten a fraction around his midsection, hah, gotcha.
"No, but honestly dude, if Nancy and I have to hear the kids bitch and moan one more time about whatever the hell is going on between you and Harrington," he shakes his head and snorts.
Eddie bristles slightly but nods, "Yeah Mike's got a mouth on him huh?"
"So," Jonathan starts and immediately shuts his mouth with a snap and a grimace. He seems to steady himself before meeting Eddie's gaze, it's unnerving.
"Fuck it, look," Jonathan snaps, he turns to face Eddie, "I'm not the biggest fan of Harrington myself, but we’re not going out of our way to see each other and if you're going to do this kind of thing I'd prefer if Will wasn't in the same room," Jonathan scrubs a tired hand over his face, "he was pretty upset the other night, said you were a prick to Dustin too". 
And that Eddie can't even defend, he bites the inside if his cheek and nods again, letting his arms wrap around himself tightly, it's such little comfort that it leaves him feeling cold despite the midafternoon heat and glaring sunshine. 
"What's going on man?" Jonathan says softly this time, he's still facing Eddie but has leaned back slightly.
"You remember how shitty Hawkins high was right?" Eddie says after a beat, the words barely escape between his teeth, but someone else needs to know.
Jonathan doesn't say anything but he nods once, a dark look crosses over his face momentarily before disappearing.
"And I'm sure you heard some of the rumours that were going around about me," Eddie rubs his hand across his nose, "that whole place was a fucking gossip factory, I know most -if not all of it was bullshit, but".
Fuck.
He doesn't even know how to say it. 
"Harrington told everyone I was a," he swallows roughly, the word catches in his throat as though covered in barbs, "a…fag, and that my parents kicked me out after my dad tried to kill me, that was the reason I was living with Wayne".
Eddie stares, unseeing, at the ground, he hears a sharp intake of breath but keeps going.
"And now," he breathes out, hating the way it catches slightly in his throat, "I don't know how to feel about him, I'm so fucking angry about it, but he's so God Damn nice now, it's like whiplash".
"The worst part is," Eddie continues, breathing deeply through his nose, his eyes start to burn, fuck, he doesn't want to do this here, "I don't even know if he remembers, that's what makes me so angry". 
Eddie barks out a wet laugh, "that it made me a target, and for him it was nothing". 
Jonathan is quiet for a moment, staring past Eddie with a pensive expression, "when did this happen?" he says softly.
"I don't know man," Eddie sighs, he brings a hand up to press into his eyes until stars explode across his vision, they come away wet.
"It was one of my senior years, the first go around, why?" 
"Because," Jonathan urges, his voice uncharacteristically harsh, "I heard Billy Hargrove say that, like word for word, at Tina's Halloween party, and that was like two years ago". 
Eddie remembers Billy Hargrove. Though Billy and Tommy were both assholes, Billy was the actual scary one of the pair.
Eddie remembers that party too. He had made some decent money that night, posting up in the backyard, letting his drunk classmates come to him. Eddie had even wandered inside a few times to grab a beer or two before leaving, no one had really bothered him that night, granted it seemed hard to shake that Mullet wearing psychos flinty gaze, but if he thinks hard about it enough, everything changed after that night.
Eddie stops breathing, it takes almost a full minute for him to really catch up to what Jonathan is saying, "but, but I thought for sure…" he stammers, voice tight.
"Eddie," Jonathan says, the gentle tone back as looks him in the eye, "Steve spent that whole night babysitting Nancy. It was a whole thing, he left early too because they had a big fight".
Jonathan takes a deep breath, and blows it slowly through his nose, it releases the rigid line of tension in Byers shoulders. His dark eyes scan Eddie's face before he sighs again and stuffs his hands into his pockets.
"I'm not trying to defend the guy, he was a prick in high school, but if you've been blaming him for spreading that shit around, I think you have the wrong guy".
Eddie's is racing, he feels as though he's underwater and sinking deeper, his vision narrowing to a single point of light just above him. His lungs shudder as he tries to catch his breath.
"Hey, slow down and breathe man," Jonathan murmurs, a worried grimace pulls at his mouth as his head swivels to and fro, scanning the parking lot. Jonathan reaches to put a warm hand on Eddie's shoulder, "you're going to make yourself pass out".
"I'm good man, I'm fine," Eddie bites out. He shifts and straightens his back, stepping away from Jonathan and the van, he nearly stumbles in his efforts to move.
Jonathan leans back with both hands raised in front of him in, ready to steady the metal-head if needed, his eyes dart across Eddie's face with wary concern.
"Relax Byers," Eddie breathes out as he takes another step away. He looks back towards the Family Video, in case they've drawn an audience by now. 
He can see Steve and Robin through the window, they're both at the counter, their backs are turned--thankfully.
Robin has one hand on Steve's back as she gestures emphatically away from herself with the other, he's nodding but his whole posture has drooped, wilted like an old flower. 
Eddie feels his heart clench again at the sight. Fuck.
"Hey man, mind getting off my van? I have to make a call". 
***
Eddie races home, the old breaks squeal and the engine shudders as he turns abruptly into the gravel drive just ahead of their new government issued trailer. 
Though it didn't have the same feel as their old trailer, the notches on the bathroom doorway to track his height over the years replaced by pristine white paint, the spaghetti stain on the ceiling from Eddies first ambitious attempts to make Wayne dinner replaced by the same stark whiteness. Wayne was able to save some of their photos and Eddie's favorite Dio poster, it helped a little bit remind them of their former home, but it wasn’t quite the same.
For all it lacked, at least the ceilings were whole, with no sign of the horrific death Eddie had witnessed just a few short months ago.
Eddie turns off the engine and unbuckles himself as he opens the door and steps out of the van. The feel of gravel and grass under his feet is grounding, but he still feels as though he might fly apart at any moment. 
His uncle's pickup is still out front; Eddie winces at his own park job and considers getting back in the van to try again --his uncle will have to swing wide just to get around him for work at this point, but there's an itch in Eddie's brain. He has to talk to Gareth, make sense of this.
Eddie makes his way inside, Wayne isn't in the living room or kitchen based on his quick scan, he barely manages to close the front door behind him in his haste to get to the phone. 
Eddie hears the main bathroom fan and Wayne humming tunelessly to himself, he figures he probably has at least half an hour to use the phone undisturbed.
Eddie snatches the phone off the base hung on the wall beside their Kit-Cat Klock, he immediately wraps his fingers in the cord and dials Gareths number. It rings again and again, fuck.
"Hello?" 
"Gareth, don't hang up!" Eddie struggles to keep the shout out of his voice, he wraps and unwraps his hands in the phone cord, tangling his fingers nervously as a long sigh crackles over the line. 
"What man?" Gareth huffs, impatience saturates the words and Eddie can't keep his own bottled up for even a moment longer.
"I fucked up," Eddie whispers, "I fucked up Gar," he untagles his one hand long enough to sweep it up into his hair, pulling it away from his face.
He can hear the rustle of cloth and movement over the handset as Gareth breathes out a soft and confused, 'what,' on the other side but once the words start Eddie can't seem to contain them any longer. 
"I don't know what to do," he says, his voice pitched in a low whine, "I spent so long absolutely convinced that Harrington was the one who put that target on my back in highschool, that he was the one who spread all those rumors". 
Eddie begins to pace, two steps forward, and two steps back, he's too caught up in the phone cord to move much further around the kitchen but he feels the need to channel his frenetic energy somewhere.
"But he didn't, I just," Eddie swallows and removes his hand from his hair to press roughly into his eyes once more, "I just assumed".
Gareth says nothing, the only reason Eddie knows he's still there is the fact that the call hasn't cut out to a dial tone.
"I think, I think ruined it Gar, I don't know how to fix this, i think we could have been friends…"
A scoff bursts over the line and Eddie flinches at the sudden sound.
"Sorry, but Eddie, this is exactly what I was talking about". 
Gareth sighs loudly and shifts again, "don't think it was just Jeff that was confused and maybe even a little angry that you started hanging out with the guy, but we thought, 'well, if Eddie forgave him, and wants to be his friend then we can deal,'" Gareth hesitates for a beat before speaking slowly, choosing his words carefully.
"If he did or didn't do it wasn't the issue Ed, you can't have it both ways. You can't try and be with the guy, lead him on like that, and hang on to this grudge, you'd just be hurting yourself and Steve more".
Eddie feels himself pale as he freezes in the middle of his pacing, he swallows hard but manages to keep his grip on the phone steady. 
"I dont--you keep saying that--" he stutters, ignoring the cold feeling that settles in his gut.
"Eddie, come on, we have eyes in our heads, we didn't care that you liked guys, we don't care that you have a thing for Harrington -well I mean, Jeff might but he'd get over it if you asked him to".
Eddie feels his heart climb into his throat and nods once before remembering Gareth isn't actually there in person, he cradles the phone to his cheek and whispers, "I know".
"So fix it," Gareth says softly, "I don't know why you're talking to me, it sounds like you already know what you have to do". 
"For what it's worth," Gareth says with a sigh and Eddie can hear the small smile in his voice this time, "I do think he's changed since highschool, and I am glad that he wasn't the one who said those things about you, it'll make my shovel talk a little easier anyway". 
Eddie barks out a laugh that comes out a little wet, "thanks man," he mumbles into the receiver.
"Anytime, now get off the line, I gotta break the news to Jeff, he'll need time to digest". 
Eddie laughs and hangs up the phone after a soft, 'goodbye you dick,' and turns to see Wayne leaning against the entrance to the kitchen watching him with a raised eyebrow and a stern expression. 
"So, you finally gonna fix what's had you moping around here for the last couple o' days?" Wayne asks, his voice is casual but there's a glint in his brown eyes, so like Eddie's own, that puts him on edge. 
Eddie winces and runs his hand through his curls towards the back to cradle his head, he hesitates as Wayne tilts his head slightly, waiting for his normally talkative nephew to speak.
After another beat Wayne sighs and pushes himself off the doorway, he steps into the kitchen and makes his way to the cupboard to pull out his favorite Indiana Pacers mug. Wayne busies himself with the kettle, while Eddie sweats by the phone.
"Uh, how much did you hear of that?" Eddie says eventually, he picks at the skin on his fingers and shifts his weight from foot to foot. 
Wayne tilts his head to the side to look over his shoulder at Eddie as he adds two scoops of instant coffee into the empty mug while the water starts to boil. 
"Well, it sounds like you and Harrington had something of a misunderstanding, that why he hasn't been 'round here with that famous lasagna of his?"
Eddie huffs out a laugh and rolls his eyes, "I guess you could say that," he chews on his lip roughly for a moment before releasing it, "I just don't know how to even start Wayne". 
His uncle hums at that, flicking the stove burner off just as the kettle begins to hiss and whine, he pulls it off the metal coils and pours a helping of water into his awaiting mug before putting the kettle on the farthest burner to cool back down. He picks up the spoon he had used to scoop the instant coffee and stirs thoughtfully, allowing the metal to clink and clang against the chipped ceramic. 
"Have you thought to just talk to him? Harrington seems like a good kid, I doubt he's holding a grudge--"
"I was mean Wayne, I was a dick in front of the kids," Eddies breathing picks up as he continues to speak, "they all hate me right now, they won't talk to me, and I kind of hate me a little bit right now and--" 
Eddie stops talking as Wayne crosses the kitchen and pulls him into a fierce hug. He lets himself sink into it. 
Wayne had always been somewhat easy going with affection, doling out hugs and pats on the back, but ever since Eddie had been discharged from the hospital Wayne seemed hyper aware of the need for comfort without being asked.
"If you're sorry then tell him, and if he doesn't want to hear it then you let him be, either he'll forgive you or he won't," Wayne's voice rumbles through his chest, he feels the hug begin to loosen as Wayne leans away to catch his eye once more, "sounds like the kids might be owed their own apology but you can do that after Harrington, what do we do when make mistakes?" 
"We fix em," Eddie whispers, he feels lighter, lighter than he has since Gareth drove him and Jeff home in stony silence that fateful night. 
"Damn right, now go on, if I have to miss another one of those damn casseroles you're gonna owe me an apology".
***
The drive isn't long but waiting for the approximate time that he figured Steve would be home was absolute torture, he even let Wayne fix him his own cup of instant coffee -how his uncle could drink that stuff was beyond Eddie but the warmth of the cup was grounding as time ticked by. 
Eddie waited until six, figuring that would be the safest bet after a day shift, worst case scenario he'd go home and try again tomorrow if the house was empty. 
A small anxious part of him hoped it would be. 
The lights are on when he pulls up to the house, and Steve's beemer is in the driveway. 
Okay, he could do this, all he had to do was go up to the door. 
Eddie shuts the engine off, tapping out a nervous rhythm on the steering wheel as he grabs his keys and pops open his van door. 
Eddie breathes in deeply through his nose and releases it slowly through mouth as he steps onto the walkway to the front door. The porch light is on despite the sun sitting high in the sky. 
Eddie hesitates as he reaches the dark red double doors, all he has to do is raise his hand to ring the bell or knock, but he's frozen suddenly, his heart beats a wild staccato in his chest and that feeling of slowly sinking under water from earlier is back.
Eddie shakes his head, he faced down feral demon bats, and trudged through a poisonous forest to help hunt down Vecna, he could do this!
The door in front of him suddenly opens of its own accord revealing Steve’s frantic and confused face.
Shit. 
***
Thank you everyone! There will be a part three that will finally have some comfort for all this whump and angst!! (I PROMISE!)
Taglist: @zerokrox-blog @samcoxramblings @thosemessyvibes @liketheocean @vampireinthesun @themostunoriginalpersonever @merricatty
(I hope these tags work and if I missed you I'm so sorry!!)
Continue with Part Three Here
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