my dashboard is dead and i need more active mutuals. interact, like or reblog this post if you’re an ed blog active july 2023

guess who’s back 

02.17.21

someone randomly commented “my 600 lb life livestream” when i was live on twitch today and like .. yeah .. but also, i want to cry ..

brb .. gonna go drink some tea and think about how much i hate myself for letting myself get to this point

I left for a while because I tried to be okay. I tried to be healthy. But maybe my brain is too far gone to be healthy? Maybe okay was just never in the cards for me?

08.03.19

I wish that I was strong enough to not put endless amounts of food into my mouth. I wish that I loved myself enough to exercise and not be fat anymore. But I’m so scared that if I lose the weight I’ll still be ugly. I’ll still be unloved. I’ll still be ordinary. 

I’m scared to give up this crippling and hate filled security blanket.