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#kinda gets me in the zone.. idk
spiderziege · 11 months
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poll for artists!
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luxaofhesperides · 3 months
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For ghost lights prompts: eldritch/creepy/weird Danny + shy/flustered Duke + hand holding
Your ghostlights fics are giving me so much joy RN I cannot express how much, if this prompt doesn't spark a brain worm for it I get it but I'm excited to read all the others you may wind up posting
There’s a new kid at West Robinson High School. 
This normally wouldn’t be a big deal. They get plenty of new students, being an average high school; not prestigious like Gotham Academy, but not terrible like some of the schools in the lower South Side. New kids are hardly anything to make note of, but something about this student has everyone paying attention to him.
It’s not charisma. The guy doesn’t talk to anyone. It’s not attractiveness, because no one really knows what he looks like under the tattered hoodie he wears all the time. It’s not curiosity, not really, because the student body moves around him like he’s dangerous, not like they want to pry all his secrets out into the open. 
It doesn’t help that Duke sees things around him. 
He considers briefly telling someone about it, but then remembers having to argue for returning to West Robinson High School instead of being put in Gotham Academy and decides that Bruce can continue to mind his own business. It’s not like this new kid has done anything bad (yet) and Duke can handle investigating this on his own.
So he watches, catching glimpses of the new kid—Danny Fenton—in hallways during passing period, hiding away at lunch, disappearing into the streets as soon as the school day is over. They even share a class together, French Language and Culture, but Danny is always in the back corner, ignored and made invisible by everyone else. 
Well. That’s not quite true. 
There are shadowy figures that surround Danny and they never leave him alone. Even when he’s got his arms folded on his desk, head down, looking as if he’s asleep, these figures pull at the hood covering his head or reach semi-transparent hands down to pet his hair. And Danny reacts to them, lightly batting their hands away or turning his head away from them.
Duke has no idea what they are. Ghosts are his best guess, but he can’t confirm it. As far as he knows, ghosts are magic and can only be seen by magic users, which Duke very much is not. They do lead to cold spots, keeping the temperatures noticeably colder around Danny, and make the shadows darker, which only makes other students more nervous about being near Danny. 
Through his week of observing Danny, beyond the ghostly figures and visible unease he causes in everyone, what Duke learns is that Danny is lonely. 
No one talks to him. People barely look at him. Teachers avoid calling on him when they can. 
And Danny accepts it. He fades into the background, keeps out of the way, shrinks in on himself. 
No one else sees it. No one else wants to see him.
It’s breaking Duke’s heart, just a little bit.
He’s lucky that he’s not an outcast at school. With his meta gene awakening and his free hours taken up by Bats and fighting crime, it’s hard to have much of a social life, but he still has a few friends during the school hours he can hang out with. Danny doesn’t have anyone, and the more Duke sees how isolated he is, the more upset he becomes.
Which brings him to step two of his investigation: befriend Danny.
So what if he has some ulterior motives! He also just wants to give this guy someone to hang out with! What little glimpses of Danny’s face he’s able to get show him a tired teenager, worn down the way Alley kids are when they’re at the end of their rope and have nothing left to give.
Duke’s first attempts at befriending Danny fail so fast it’s almost funny. It’s as if Danny knows when someone is seeking him out, because every time Duke goes to where he is, Danny up and disappears, hurrying away and vanishing in the crowded hallways, or in the alley a few buildings past the school, or into the fucking restroom, which is always empty when Duke goes in after him. Trying to use his powers to see where Danny goes next doesn’t help either; all he sees is some glowing figure resembling Danny walk through walls, which is either due to Danny being a meta or from Duke’s powers deciding to be unhelpful.
He’s about to resort to Tim level stalking to finally have a conversation with Danny when his French teacher blessedly (and unknowingly) aids him on his mission.
“Find a partner, everyone!” she instructs with a clap of her hands near the end of class. “This is a translation project, and you’ll be doing them in pairs to check each other’s work and decide how to best interpret something into English. If you don’t have a partner in the next minute, tell me and I’ll assign you someone.”
The class is a flurry of movement just as the last word leaves her mouth, friends turning to each other or running across the room to make sure they’re partnered up before anyone else can butt in. 
No one looks at Danny. Which means Duke can just skirt along the wall of the classroom until he’s next to Danny, gently knocking on his desk to get his attention.
Danny looks up, and Duke sees a flash of blue before Danny averts his gaze, tilting his head down again. “Yeah?” he says, and his voice is much softer than what Duke imagined. He expected something hoarse and rough, a little deep, intimidating. Instead, it’s gentle and quiet and smooth. 
It’s a nice voice. It’s a shame that no one else has really heard it.
“Wanna be partners?” he asks, as if he’s offering a choice. They both know no one else is going to ask Danny, and if he wants to avoid talking to the teacher, then he has to work with Duke.
Danny sighs. “Sure.” 
And then he puts his head back down on the desk. 
Duke backs off. This is the best he’s going to get right now. Now that he’s got an excuse to spend time with Danny, he can take his time breaking down his walls and getting to know him. He watches as a figure from the usual group that hangs around Danny breaks away and gently brushes a hand against Danny’s arm. Then they turn to Duke and reach for him.
He moves without thinking, stepping out of the way. The shadowy figure fades back, almost invisible even to his eyes, and Danny’s turned his head to lay his piercing gaze on Duke.
…There’s no way that blew his cover, right? 
He didn’t just reveal one of his meta abilities from taking a single step to the side. No way. 
But Danny’s eyes are a deep blue that seem almost endless as he keeps his attention on Duke. It feels as if he’s staring into Duke, seeing more than what he wants to reveal. 
“Alright, looks like everyone’s found a partner! As you head out, be sure to grab a practice packet from my desk to work on some translation. There are due the next time we meet, and I will be handing out your individual passages once these have all been turned in.” Their teacher sets a large stack of papers onto the corner of her desk, then gets to work erasing the whiteboard just as the bell rings. 
Students grab their bags and rush to take one of the packets before heading out to their final class of the day. Duke stays behind with Danny, waiting for most of the class to leave before swinging his backpack onto his shoulder and grabbing a packet for both of them.
He hands one to Danny, who takes it with some hesitancy and a quiet, “Thanks.”
He leaves before Duke does, and though it’s only a second between his leaving and Duke stepping out the door, Danny’s already vanished from sight.
As soon as school ends, Duke heads for the Hatch, hoping a quick evening patrol will help clear his mind. It’s a quiet evening, though, so he’s left with his thoughts more often than not, staring out over the city long enough that Oracle asks him if he’s alright.
Against his better judgment, he says, “I’ve been looking into something, but I’m not finding much. Can you do some research on Danny Fenton?”
Oracle is already typing before he finishes asking. “What am I looking for?”
“Anything. He’s… strange. I don’t know if he’s a meta or just lightly haunted. But there’s something up with him.”
“Do we need to be keeping a closer eye on him?”
Duke considers. None of them ask Oracle to look into specific people unless they’re dangerous. But danger is not the sense Duke gets from Danny. It’s more like he’s hiding, shying away from the world, constantly on edge. “No. If anything, he might be in danger. Something happened to him, because no one ends up like that by living an average life.”
“I’ll let you know what I find. Turn in for the night, it’s quiet out and you’re too distracted to patrol properly.”
“You got it, O.” He salutes the nearest camera, knowing she’ll see it, and makes his way back to the Hatch to change back into civies and get started on his homework.
When he next goes into his French classroom, all the desk has been rearranged so they’re all in pairs, side by side. Already, patterns are filling up the desks, so Duke heads for the back and sits down where Danny usually hides away. He’s not here yet, which is making Duke realize that he’s never actually seen Danny walk into the classroom and head to his seat.
Did he just never pay attention? Has Danny always just slipped in unnoticed until attendance was taken? How did Duke miss that?
There’s movement in the desk next to him. Duke goes to say that he’s waiting for his partner, so please sit somewhere else, when he realizes that it’s Danny who managed to sneak in yet again.
“Hey,” he says after a moment, hoping his surprise is hidden.
There’s a pause, and then Danny returns, “Hey, Duke.”
That’s all they have time for before class is starting and their teacher goes around to collect homework. She then hands out new packets, each one a different section of L’Ecume des Jours, and gives them the rest of class to begin working on translating it. 
Duke is already dreading it as he flips through the three pages they were given to translate, stapled to each other beneath the two page instructions of how to format the final translation, how to document their previous translation drafts, and what to include in the reflection essay. 
There’s no way he can get all of this done in a week. 
On the other hand, it gives him a week to learn more about Danny. He needs to make the most of it.
“This is a lot,” he comments, hoping to prod Danny into conversation.
Danny shrugs.
“Can we work on this together after school today? Or do you have plans?”
“We can work on it today,” Danny says, voice barely louder than a whisper. He’s already scanning the pages, underlining certain words and phrases. 
Duke hurries to get to work as well, trying to parse out meaning from the text through single words scattered on the page. 
Qu’est-ce que vous faites dans la vie, vous? 
J’apprends des choses, dit Colin. Et j’aime Chloé. 
Duke nods to himself. He definitely doesn’t know French. Well, he knows qu’est-ce que. He knows vous. He know j’apprends and j’aime Chloé. Also dit Colin. Fairly simple, but with the missing pieces to the rest of those sentences, he really doesn’t know what’s going on beyond the fact that it’s a conversation and Colin loves Chloé.
When he glances at Danny’s desk, he’s shocked to see that his partner is already translating the first few lines into something that reads like normal English.
“Oh, wow,” he says, leaning over to get a better look, “You’re definitely better at this than I am.”
“I just like languages,” Danny replies, turning his paper so Duke can read it more easily.
“Have you been hiding your French skills this entire time? I could have definitely used your help before this.”
Danny goes still for a moment, eyes flicking towards his right where a shadowy figure has placed a hand on his shoulder. Then he turns to fully face Duke and says, “Better late than never. What do you need help with?”
“Everything.”
His immediate answer makes Danny smile, and he begins talking in that soft, soothing voice of his. He talks about not trying to translate everything into English immediately, but to understand the French and take it in as a whole language itself. He talks about getting the idea of the text first, the feeling of it, before trying to fit it into English. He talks about splitting up the text into sections to make it easier.
And then he reads the text, entirely in French, and Duke did not have a thing for voices or multilingualism before this, but he sure does now.
“Qu’est-ce que vous faites dans la vie, vous?” Danny reads, reaching the end of the first page. The syllables come to his easily, his French smooth and steady. “J’apprends des choses, dit Colin.” His eyes dart up, off the page, and fix Duke in place. “Et j’aime Chloé.”
Duke has never been happier that he doesn’t blush so visibly with his dark skin because he feels downright romanced. It’s a mix of the French, of Danny’s addictive voice, of their closeness, of how intimate this dark corner of the room feels, tucked away from the rest of the class.
“We can work on the other pages after we finish translating this one,” Danny says, leaning back at bit. 
Duke nods, swallowing to chase away the dryness of his throat. “Sounds like a plan!” 
They work in silence for the rest of the class period, and once the bell rings, Danny says, “I’ll wait for you by the bus stop down the street,” before he slips out of reach and disappears into the throng of students heading to their last class. 
He’s beginning to think that he’s in way over his head. Duke can handle being in the middle of all the action, risking his life, fighting for others. He can handle staring down rogues and criminals and Gnomon. He can’t handle feelings and romance and other such things. Those are much scarier than a criminal shooting at him. At least with the criminal, he knows what to do and doesn’t just freeze up like he did with Danny.
The school day ends faster than he’s prepared for. As promised, Danny waits for him by the bus stop down the street, where other students are also waiting. 
They don’t wait for a bus, though. Danny just meets his eyes and begins walking away, leaving Duke to follow after him, matching his pace so they can walk side by side.
The shadows in the alleyway seem to reach towards them as they walk down it. Something about it doesn’t feel right, so Duke tries to quietly use his powers and force them back. 
He only has time to think, Oh, that was a bad idea, before Danny is shoving him against the wall, getting them both out of the way as a shadow solidifies and lashes out at them. He’s kept in place by strong hands on his chest, and Danny’s eyes are glowing lightly as he hisses at the shadows, making them rear back and settle down once more. 
As if given permission to reveal themselves, more shadowy figures and strange movements in the shadows emerge, surrounding them. 
“Danny, I don’t mean to alarm you, but—”
“I know,” Danny says. “I thought you might be able to see them too. Which is not good.”
“Sorry, man, it’s not like I can turn it off.”
“It’s fine. Just be more careful. They like me because I’m like them, but you just register as a threat. Either that, or prey.”
“Great,” Duke replies weakly, “Those are my favorite things to be. Are we… are we safe to move?”
Slowly, Danny steps back, no longer pressed right against Duke. Nothing moves to attack him, but it might be due to the glare fixed on Danny’s face, eyes still glowing.
“They’ll leave me alone, so…” He reaches a hand out, looking away. The hoodie isn’t able to hide the way his cheeks go red. “Don’t let go and we’ll be fine.”
“I hope this isn’t to lead me to my doom,” Duke jokes nervously as he accepts Danny’s hand, holding it tightly. 
Danny wiggles his fingers, making him loosen his grip, and then their fingers are lacing together. Duke stares down at their hands, wide eyed, and hopes he doesn’t look as flustered as he feels. 
“Not to your doom,” Danny reassures. “Just a coffee shop I thought you’d like.”
“Well, then, lead the way!”
“Allons-y,” Danny replies. 
Stealing glances at him as they walk, ghostly figure and shadow shrinking away from them, all Duke can think is that he doesn’t need to worry about Danny being evil. His immediate instinct to protect Duke has proved that. He’ll keep the investigation going, though, to make sure Danny is safe from others that could hurt him. 
Strange and unsettling as he may be, Danny’s also a smart, kind person who deserves more.
Duke is determined to make sure he gets it.
And if he gets a crush along the way, that’s his business and his business only. 
It looks like Step Two: Befriend Danny is finally complete. He’ll figure out the other steps later. For now, he has an evening of French in a coffee shop to look forward to.
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hum--hallelujah · 8 months
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honestly if I were ever to throw the Suitehearts into any of my Killjoys stuff the dynamic would literally be the stupidest thing in the world. you do not want to have the Four and those guys together in any setting. it's a recipe for disaster. Jet and Benzedrine bitch and bicker like old ladies. telepathic warfare is waged via a complex language of glares and eyebrow movements between everyone in the room. Sandman makes a wholeheartedly joking comment to Ghoul like "I want to study you in a lab" and Kobra Kid gives him a black eye on the spot. Crab and Donnie end up playing hide n seek with the Girl until someone else who isn't aware of the game accidentally dumps a whole dude out of their hiding spot on accident and then gets elbowed for it. everyone hates each other but they're also kind of pals in the way that people who occasionally help each other out but don't see each other outside of that can be. that kind of thing
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pekoeboo · 11 days
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feeling Emotional tonight and i ended up crying ugly tears thinking about Khalan again. it's always the songs from my character playlist that get me good, man 😭
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thinking about ghoul and his scar again
what if he was like. stupidly young when it happened. like around sixteen or so. maybe it was his first run on his own, or maybe it was him and kobra, being the youngest, getting to do a run together without requiring somebody with them to make sure they were okay. maybe they finally got that bit of independence and they did everything they were supposed to do they did it all right and still. they ended up getting chased and maybe their bikes get shot or break down and then its just them. maybe the people chasing them, not bl/ind this time, no, zoneborns who are convinced that poison, ghoul and kobra are traitors because theyre from the city. maybe they beat kobra half to death and maybe they give ghoul a smile he can't lose. hhinking
and ofc the line from homesick at spacecamp that's "my smile's an open wound without you"
this is worse if its just like. they both get left in the dirt and kobra calls poison and then all he can do is hold onto his best friend as they both bleed out in the sand waiting for help. they're too young for this
SCREAMING KAZ OHHHHH MY GOD FHMGFSHGS THEYRE BOTH TOO YOUNG FOR THIS!!!!! THEYRE JUST KIDS AND THE ENTIRE WORLD'S AGAINST THEM AND THEY TRY SO HARD TO PROTECT EACH OTHER BUT THE MONSTERS ALWAYS SEEM TO CATCH UP TO THEM EVENTUALLY WHAT IF I FUCKING DIED
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pepprs · 6 months
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im home and already swallowed by despair. can you believe i was in CHICAGO a few hours ago. and now im here. lol
#i know i know. and i need to let the anguish motivate me to get out of here. but it feels like i dreamed it all#purrs#chicago#i had a rough time getting out of the hotel and through the airport to my gate and also im bad at math so i fucked up the calculation about#when my flight lands bc of the time zone change and i gave my parents the time in central time not eastern time so my dad was waiting for m#for like a half hour and texting me and i wasn’t answering bc i was still in the air and he was pissed at me and snarky in my texts with hi#and i was sitting there on the plane and could just feel his words ripping into me and the horrors rushing back in and i still haven’t#recovered from it honestly. it wasn’t that big of a deal he just said something that i misunderstood as him saying he was giving up waiting#for me and going home bc id already wasted his time and even though that was not what he actually said it just kinda burrowed into me that#my parents were mad at me and were probably also mad at me for not communicating with them AT ALL the entire time i was in chicago. and it#just was eating me alive. im home now and we haven’t talked about it but they did say things disapproving of the fact that i did a lot of#stuff by myself which i probably shouldn’t have told them. idk. it’s not even that bad i just am torn apart by their rejection of me and#utter inability to just like be happy for me without criticizing some part of it or restraining me. plus the house is just as much of a#biohazard as it was when i left and all the broken things are still broken and it’s like. a lot. i miss the hotel LOL#i think im just sleep deprived and not in my head right today but i do not want to be here. sinking in quicksand unable to breathe. but i#have to be the one to get me out of it and i should have learned how in chicago but i didn’t it was just a break and now im stuck again#delete later#kind of terrible that instead of being so proud and happy about what i did my immediate reaction is to be miserable that im home now lol
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bluewinnerangel · 1 year
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top 9 albums you listened to this year? totally random question 🤪
Unlike last year I did listen to a lot of new music this year so 2022 albums this time weee it was even hard to pick a top 9 but in order of release (probably):
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Nilüfer Yanya - PAINLESS
ROSALÍA - MOTOMAMI
Kendrick Lamar - Mr. Morale & the Big Steppers
Harry Styles - Harry's House
Steve Lacy - Gemini Rights
Joost - Fryslân
The Snuts - Burn The Empire
Louis Tomlinson - Faith In The Future
Little Simz - NO THANK YOU
ramble in the tags
#yeah i totally did not basically beg to be asked this thank you for taking the bait askldlsakjskl#albums of 2022#Nilüfer Yanya - PAINLESS only discovered recently and it sent me into a zone a Z O N E do get in there do it#ROSALÍA - MOTOMAMI when that one came out it was blasting in the house like this only for a good while#Kendrick Lamar - Mr. Morale & the Big Steppers I feel like I'm listening to something not intended for me but i should be hearing ?#like it just wrecks me from a place that was never there just unknown and i cant begin to imagine what it can do for people where its known#Harry Styles - Harry's House I THINK IVE SAID QUITE A LOT ABOUT THIS ONE ON HERE#Steve Lacy - Gemini Rights what in the masterpiece is this ??? like????? seriously? SERIOUSLY WHAT IS PUT IN HERE#Joost - Fryslân THIS IS MY BABY he makes this variant of dutch white trash music that is horrid in the most delicious way#unserious but THEN he comes in hard with extremely painful honest lyrics in between utter crap LIKE#love it when music doesnt take itself seriously and still has a huge heart and soul and this is that#this dude is making me cry singing about the grief of losing both parents and minutes later interpolating crazy frog.#The Snuts - Burn The Empire obviously introduced by Louis. I didnt really take them in properly till we saw them at#Lokeren. I did listen to some songs here and there.. Glasgow was a fav. and that was kinda it. but then they came with this album#i always feel regret when i start listening to an artist bc they impressed me live like i should have known before.. which is weird.#that happens. but hearing burn the empire live i was like FUCK and then i was hooked#Louis Tomlinson - Faith In The Future I MEAN YOU KNOW WE KNOW I KNOW EVERYBODY KNOW WE ALL LIVE IN A FITF#Little Simz - NO THANK YOU this one was released this week! still taking it in but like? FUCK? HELLO? fav: No Merci#honorable mentions (sorry):#Björk - Fossora how the fuck you make an entire album sound like a heavily distressed mycelium network beats me but call me a shroom (idk)#Taylor Swift - Midnights had a bit of a meltdown over this (understatement)#IDLES - Five Years Of Brutalism okay okay it's a rerelease but THERE ARE LIVE VERSIONS
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cherrysnax · 2 months
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also hyper focused on mlp and sonic right now so I’ve been trying to draw more non humans and it’s really helped me feel less restricted
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trustherkindheart · 5 months
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Not surprised Bennett isn't protected and she'd be a great get for either team, but man 3 teams your first 3 years in the league would be rough
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sanchoyo · 1 year
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i start that new job tomorrow 😶 ...
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aeolids-zenith · 1 year
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i hate posts that are supposed to be positivity for people who lack friends or that say that social connections are like unexpectedly inevitable/straightforward to make or something, but then like. don't elaborate on how that is possible. it always just makes me feel more hopeless
#space chirrup#idk. i suppose even if there was actually anything theoretically actionable in those posts i still might not feel like it'd work for me#i mean i've tried googling for actual advice but for some reason ''how to make friends as a chronically online socially stunted#possibly autistic barely-transitioned transgender young adult introvert with esoteric interests'' doesn't turn up anything useful#(idk if ''possibly autistic'' is accurate all the self-assessments i've done plus the psychologist i went to said i probably wasn't)#i suspect that i might be unnecessarily limiting myself with all of that#but i have absolutely no idea what is a reasonable amount to step outside of my comfort zone/interests#i don't even have anything that i want out of basic social interactions the thing that compels me is intimacy.#but i don't want that with someone i don't know already.#but how do i get to know people when there's nothing i want to do with them and i have trouble feeling like i want things in general#does that mean i'm depressed. i've had conflicting feedback on whether i am. what is the productive course of action if i am#bc i keep thinking that like medication wouldn't be worth it if i didn't have a plan to actually improve my life but that if i had a#plan i could just do it without medication#but idk maybe medication would allow me to identify an actually viable plan. ggggggg#ALSO does it make a difference that i only feel strongly about this when it's late at night#people always say not to trust how you feel at night but it's not like i feel GOOD about my life in the daytime it's just kinda neutral#like there's enough for me to survive without significant effort and i'm not completely joyless but idk what it's all for#and night is the only time i feel motivated to do anything about it.#though usually that thing is just writing a vent post on tumblr or something equivalently unproductive lolllll
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lemongogo · 1 year
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do you guys feel like figure studies interrupt ur art flow or r u just normal
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sadiiomane10 · 8 months
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People have attention spans.....must be nice
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weaseltotheface · 1 year
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Wonder if ill ever actually catch up with cr
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icantalk710 · 1 year
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🥱
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noxtivagus · 1 year
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good morning i am just very slightly worried about prom <3
#🌙.rambles#no classes today 🥺 gna do my hw for next week tho n then. yes.#I'M WORRIED THOUGH YEAH BCS. hfdsksdjf most of the other ppl r friends or r in the same class#kinda worried i might not enjoy as much bcs. who knows if i'll be able to talk properly or if i might just get nervous instead#n maybe at one point i cld go to one of my other friends too but she's going w a guy n i don't want to intrude ig#n she has her other friends too. my friend at our table yeah has other friends too#i'm worried i might just. not enjoy at all bcs of anxiety or maybe i'll just feel lonely or smth hdkfajsdlf nothing i can do abt that thoug#maybe when i'm anxious i'll just cope by dissociating n just thinking of noctis or claude or smth 😭😭 or artem n write a story in my head#n i'll go out of my comfort zone n use up all my social energy#recently they just announced in our batch gc that we can have yk same couples. wasn't in the ltp or smth tho 🥹#wish i had at least another friend or smth. so maybe it wld've been possible to bring one of my friends from another school ^^#platonically bcs she's like. bi. 🫣 i'm still rather amused at how she. mentioned she was bi when like#i had my arm around her shoulder n she said smth along the lines that it was kinda weird for her bcs she wasn't used to it?? IDK 😭😭#didn't quite catch the rest of her words but sorry girl i'm just naturally affectionate w my friends#n idk why but if you're like. biologically female or actually even just like. yk your gender is female n you identify along those lines#i'm just automatically more comfy w you n physically affectionate.#nyways she told me she doesn't have prom tho when we were talking abt sch we were like talking abt school events n :<<#hmm. yk it's not like i need. someone for prom like. yk i just need myself. but i guess it's a bit of a childish old wish of mine#that said though i'm fine just still rather worried bcs in social situations i just. end up feeling rlly lonely haha#like i was doing well i rmb friday of the fair but then i was bottling my emotions n pretending i was completely okay 👍#definitely wasn't crying when everyone was away <3 n then my anxiety just. god i don't want to think about it#until the end i was just. hanging on to a piece of thread. sorry you saw me cry a bit. sorry i lied that i was fine#sorry i let myself. go through that. twin n friend laying their heads on my shoulder as they were falling asleep n i was just. crying#n then later that night i just ended up crying even more. painful memories.#just have to accept that my social energy's just shit n ppl will always have another that they'd prefer talking with.#i have. apollo at least yh? n i guess to each person i mean at least. something. i think#sorry i'm not usually like this but it's just. smth i just can't help but be anxious about. one of my biggest insecurities#i'm so used to being alone though i've realized. last year wasn't real goddamn. n. 2020 was.. i don't know#ah i'll be productive now. i. move forward from the past n i never forget in a way that it. helps spur me onwards but#sometimes the past haunts me. sometimes is.. perhaps a big understatement bcs i think too much but. uh. yh that's enough i'm fine.
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