Something to be said for how sometimes it can feel isolating to be autistic. Like how peers are able to do things that you'll never be able to do on your own or much later than them, like drive, move into your own place, work, advocate for yourself in things like doctors appointments, etc. And just like connecting and making friends with other people being very hard

One of the reasons I think Billy is so hated is because people no longer listen or care about the context or the world characters come from. If you put a list of actions by Billy and Henry side by side its obvious who is the bad guy but Billy is realistic. Racist undertones and angry abuse victims aren't a thing in ST except for when it comes to Billy so he stands out and people for some reason have this visceral reaction when a child murderer is right there.

Like I and others have said if he was in something like Shameless US he would be a fan favourite because he fits into that world better than ST.

When criticising characters I like to look at the world they're in and what level of violence is normal. In Stranger Things Billy (not flayed Billy because that isn't him) is such a low player in that game he's barely in it. Jonathan also beat up Steve so other than shoving Lucas they're almost even. Pretty much everyone has done something "bad" or physically violent including El who is forgiven by the narrative unlike Billy.

I can't think of another character people hate so much for so little when Billy is in a world of interdimensional villains and monsters who KILL CHILDREN. Sure, if you dropped him into a sitcom or kid's cartoon he would be the villain but he's in an adult show with adult themes and adult audiences. He isn't the bad guy of his world but he is treat as such.

Just like if you threw him into a show or Game of Thrones he'd be one of the most morally good people around but if you threw The Hound into Stranger Things he would be evil whereas in his own world he's not as bad as he could be. Worlds and context matter but people don't care. They just want to point and scream

anyone else hate buying new technology? not out of a 'I'm aging and don't want to learn new stuff' sort of instinct, but simply because everything new that is being put out these days continues to restrict user access and coerce pre-approved modes of use dictated by corporations. They locked us out of our phones a while ago, and they'll only continue to do worse with every piece of new technology. Like, thanks, but I'd rather hold on to the phone with less surveillance capabilities and that still fits in my human-sized hand, even if it's barely feasible anymore. I would love a new phone - I love new tech in general. I just abhor that companies have seized control of these inventions and enforce draconian purposes and modes of use to continue recording and invading every aspect of the human experience.

Lover's Trophy's contrast in character type

Lover's trophy really works structurally.

Some murdersim games offer lots of options for dates to choose and some offer only one option. Lover's Trophy offers two options and while I would need to play the game again and more thoroughly to fully analyze it, I can safely say that the characters are a perfect contrast of type.

In my experience it seems there are two (or three if yandere is counted on its own) as being the 'type' for murdersim fans. The impulsive killer and the remorseful killer.

Impulsive killers do not have overwhelming guilt for what they do. They have fun with their crimes and have stronger and more dangerous emotions than others.

Remorseful killers are ones who know (in the intellectual sense) that what they do is wrong and sick and often have a fixation of some kind (like Lawrence Oleander's focus on several topics: plants, roots, threads, the river) and frequently have a philosophy or an idea they use to explain their actions or attempt to understand their own behavior.

There are other types of killers in murdersims and yandere games but these two pop up quite often if you are looking for it. and they work as a group because these two types are so heavily contrasted and often appeal to differing parts of our brain. Impulsive killers have a raw appeal. They feel laid bare, having an unbridled joy and expression through something so cruel and shocking. It's hard to not feel enticed by someone who enjoys what they do so unabashedly especially if that thing is shocking. and yet Remorseful killers are enticing in a different way. They have interesting thought processes and their outbursts are unexpected, unpredictable, and a more calculated threat with long-lasting implications leads to a different writing approach.

Because these two types are so heavily contrasting each other it really brings Lover's Trophy together and makes it feel 'full'. Even with only two characters it doesn't feel lacking. It still manages to feel like no matter what kind of murderman you like the game will provide you an option you can consider your favorite.

T-that's just me though.

I want to talk about one of my favorite Majimako moments because I'll never be over Majima looking with the most tender, agonizing expression at Makoto on that roof in chapter 16,

He understands everything, the empathy is so strong here she doesn't even have to say what she wants, he already knows—and that's probably what he feared from the very beginning. That the yakuza was going to destroy Makoto to the point the girl that went through hell and beyond and still managed to be sweet and kind (to him, even!! Like he doesn't deserve it..) became something completely different, because Makoto has it in her.

Like he has it, too.

Not that he'd love her any less, but Majima, despite all the yakuza pride and identification, is very much aware of what the yakuza is and what it does. They did it to him, and it's difficult to believe that scars like those will ever disappear. As much as I recognize that his final choice to leave Makoto behind is related to the danger and the suffering she would face in that environment more than anything else, I think that another big reason for him to cut her out of his cursed life is that he doesn't want her to turn into someone she doesn't have to turn into.

(And yes, I can probably talk about all the juicy headcanons out there with Makoto as a gokudo wife, but maybe another time)

Reminder to watch movies yourself instead of relying on the popular opinion

I just watched Thor Love and Thunder. Heard so much negative things about this movie and how it sucked. But I had free time and Disney+ and thought, oh why not.

While watching I kept asking myself when the awful things are gonna set in. When is the movie gonna make that major misstep that has everyone hating it so much. And came out of it in a rather good mood (and admiring some good backgrounds and fights and stuff. Thor movies and their nice visuals).

Turns out I had fun watching it. Is it the best mcu movie? Nope. But is it garbage? I don't really think so. It's a fun movie you can watch when you're bored, and that's good enough for me.

Alchemy of Souls ep 12

shit, that was intense

Jang Wook hugging Mudeok even though he just witnessed her sucking the soul of another person is just AHHHHHHH!!!!!! Yes, I was expecting that he would do something like this even before but actually seeing that scene is glorious. I mean he already told Yul that they could protect monsters too but AAHHHHH!! He's terrified... for her. I doubt it if he's actually thinking about his own safety. It's always about her, the way he just continue to moved forward even though she told him to go, the way he tried to comfort her, saying it's okay, she's fine OH GOD.

Kudos to both Jung So Min and Lee Jae Wook for that scene, that was some hella acting.

That hug tho, I was squeeing and clawing at my face.

I don't want to think of inevitable... that Mudeok may actually run wild. I mean there's a difference between her and other soul shifters. When they suck the soul/energy of another person, the color is black. Hers is blue (just like the blue jade egg, ehem, I noticed that Hong Sisters) and the way the stars bloomed around them when she touched the water in that pensieve like basin... so there's hope that she would not run wild and be petrified right?? BTW, that scene when she's sucking the energy of that eunuch is so badass. She looks small and cute and the blue aura around her is so pretty but the look on her face is just so badass.

Anyway, there's less bickering for this episode and more Jang Wook taking care of Mudeok. I thought their fight would last long but it only took for Mudeok to dip her toes in that dirty water and Jang Wook became soft, like wiping her shoes and telling her to change it so that she won't freeze. And then when Jang Wook heard about her past, about how Jin Mu used her and the first thing he does is to hug her and carry the bucket for her. And then he took her inside Chonbwugan (how do I even spell this?) because he heard that her father was a mage there. I mean Mudeok was about to go there because of the errand but Jang Wook used his status and playful wit to get inside. It's just sad that some wild soul shifter ruined their date.

One of my favorite scenes here is when Crown Prince and Jang Wook meet at the bridge, the bgm and the dialogues are just chef kiss. But then I saw the preview and my liking for Crown Prince suddenly plummet. What do you mean, you're going to use the duel to get her? Fuck it CP, I like you but don't be like this. Can we just stop this hexagonal ships and just make them friends forever? It's more fun when they're bickering and helping each other cheat.

Don’t mind me just spitting out some thoughts I’ve been having.

Was reading Binary Bard’s wiki a while ago and read Princess Elyana’s after, and this bit from her trivia; “She used to admire Mordred, but after he kidnapped her she realized he was evil." Makes me think they were really good friends before Mordred became Binary Bard.

Bard’s wiki says he’s quite possibly the nephew of a king because of the family tree in Tropical Island, so heck, if that’s the case they could have possibly even been betrothed to each other as kids, as royalty does, and they ended up becoming very good friends over the years as they grew up together.

I discussed this a little with a friend and we agree that this could also be the reason why Bard kidnapped Elyana, with her being the only person he felt like he could trust, but his mind has been so warped (likely due to his villain totem) that he resorted to kidnapping instead of just trying to simply convince her to leave Arturus with him.

I like to think that mayhaps, after his totem was destroyed, he and Elyana did some reconnecting and slowly but surely became friends again. Of course the relationship has been a bit strained due to what happened, but they’re doing their best to put the past behind them.

Noticing a trend in media moving towards cowboy/country. And truly, DR is in a good line up. Trixie has a new collection called 'Horse Girl' thats just cowboy chic. Ric Rodeo 2.0 is dropping today and I see that Bad Bunny dropped an album with a cowboy as the art?

Our boy is with the trends.

Touching up some of my older pieces rn to make prints of them, while also softly cursing myself for not thinking about that while painting them back then and making their formats so weird. I’ve been thinking about the lifespan of art on the internet and social media in general quite a lot recently. It’s kinda wack to me how I consider art I drew three years ago now “old” despite it being barely anything in the great sum of it all, especially if I still love said art a lot. This one down here is from January last year and just with all older art I’ll always look at it and see things I could have improved but I’m still adoring it nonetheless. “Old” lol. January last year.

I should have known that the decision to study Russian Philology will sooner or later lead me to that dark part of internet which ships Raskolnikov x Razumikhin, Onegin x Lensky and creates absolutely stunning arts of brothers Karamazov. Yep. Currently sipping my coffee deep in the “research”. I do like it here

I was in the car with my uncle yesterday and you see, he is a metalhead, like he grew up in the 70s and the 80s and he was a big metal and rock fan. he has been to so many concerts, he has a whole wall of tickets and posters etc and he always wears band shirts. anyway, worlds apart by journey comes on the radio and I was quietly vibing and then he says "stranger things huh" and I asked if he saw it (bc the song is in it) and he got a bit emotional bc yes he'd seen it and he felt like Eddie was a very good depiction of what his scene was in the 80s and he was nostalgic of his youth and all. he said "they really got it right. that's what it was like. that's what it felt like. I got chills from the songs."

and you see, I do have stranger things brainrot but if someone asked me I'd say the writing isn't very good. I have a lot of complaints about that and obviously I can't stand the American patriotism in it and the antisoviet propaganda. and you should know, my uncle isn't some apolitical person. I'm pretty sure he picked up on the politics of the show and I wanted to discuss it but seeing him so moved by it, I couldn't bring myself to downgrade the show. and this was a perspective I hadn't seen before. someone feeling nostalgic of their youth and emotional like that over Eddie's character.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I think sometimes it's good to talk to older people and see their point of view and also to take a step back from what you'd like to see and your literary criticism and see how stories are, in a fundamental way, meant to unite us

So I finally started watching “Inventing Anna” after listening to at least 2 episodes of true crime podcasts covering her case. I can’t help but admire her for what a rich bitch she was even though she wasn’t rich at all. Like she faked her way into high society with such cleverness that so many rich people actually believed her made up stories. Obviously it’s wrong what she did and one shouldn’t admire her at all, but still … it’s a fascinating true story (except for all the parts that are made up).

Current objective: make more friends Next step: support them, give them nice things, make sure that they know they're loved End goal: Create an army of awesome, talented, lovely people and take over the world

All I hope for is Steve and Nancy to not get together. Hell I don’t need Nancy with Jonathan either if they are going to play with these relationship issues.

It’s mainly for selfish purposes. I love Nancy, seeing a more traditionally feminine, smart badass character is so nice to see. She’s a character who was super easy for me to connect to especially as the seasons went on.

But now seeing her constantly be tied down or thrown into a relationship is so disheartening. It reinforces a woman is nothing without a relationship. Because a woman isn’t successful until she has it all.

I know some people probably like that idea of showing she is a modern woman, she can have the successful career, the dream, and the family. But that’s so heavily enforced in media today it would be nice to see, having a man isn’t everything.

The heist au I posted, is actually something I am kind of proud of. I drew three people - full body even! And I don't absolutely hate it?

Next step, I am going to draw scenes/frames. I need to practice with backgrounds and vibes and broaden my horizons. That will be my challenge for upcoming months. Push myself to actually do that!