#just in case! he's fine though!
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I didn't want to talk about this while it was happening because I was very freaked out and stressed but! Marlowe had to go to the vet because he's always had kind of a little bump right on the top of his head and it got bigger all of a sudden for some reason, so we took him to have it checked out. As it turns out, he's fine, he just has An Lump which is harmless and I'm incredibly glad we were able to get it checked out. However they had to shave the top of his head so now he has a fuckin. tonsure with the little bump right in the middle of it like some kind of very sad unicorn. he will NOT let me take a picture
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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there's no way the bathroom at peppino's pizza is actually that big but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . hey ummm anyway.... i care them...... anyway there's a lil ramble on my take on fake pep's like psyche or whatever in tags on the og post if ur into that kinda thing :y
hey! it's a series! fake peppino world tour: [noise] [noisette] [peppino]<- u are here [gustavo] [gerome] [noisette again]
#ramble after realtags yeag. shoutout to serrangelic btw suggesting the silhouettes thing bc i would have Died otherwise#pizza tower#peppino spaghetti#fake peppino#gustavo and brick#arting#pizzaposting#so anyway i think fake peppino has like. a general awareness that he is supposed to Be Peppino and that he was Made to do that#and likewise he does generally try to...do that. the thing he does NOT realize is hes like really goddamn bad at it#not to be mean but like...c'mon. they are pretty distinctly different kinds of guys even beyond the physiology yknow.#he's neither on-brand nor fooling anyone dsjdsjjkgfsd. BUT!#since the rest of the cast generally likes him [at least as I play it] he thinks hes doing just fine#he's like 'oh they r happy with me so i must be getting a good grade in being peppino :)'#so getting told that 'yeah you actually really suck at that but that was never the reason people liked you'#and told that by og model peppino no less--yknow THE guy he's supposed to be living up to#who's already a bit intimidating for that and who ALSO totally wrecked him TWICE in the tower#making him acutely familiar with just how formidable the guy is and how much there IS to live up to....#it's a Moment for sure. not really a sad or hurt one though. just... contemplative.#thinking abt people liking him for being the guy he's already naturally been being even though that guy is Not Peppino#i don't think he's gonna be super broken up about realizing he has a bad grade in peppino given everything else hes got now#nor do i really think he cares enough to go like reinvent himself or whatever after the fact#he seems to b pretty clearly having fun with it already so i think he just keeps doing that#and in some cases he still has the pre-installed peppino traits/instincts like to cooka da pizza. and that's fine#is this projection. yes. but if youve been following me awhile you know most of my character writing is ghdhfdgf#gonna kinda expand on all this in the gerome one which is...one after next. itll be a bit but man.#anyway peppino will never admit to anyone and especially not himself that he's gotten a little attached to the guy. hee hoo#pep tends to be kinda surly but he certainly has his ways of showing he cares. all of which are on display here#''that thing is not my son'' says man currently watching thing's antics with the 'bemused dad' arms crossed pose. yeah ok buddy.#gus is totally onto him already but hes not gonna say anything.#if u read all this ur prize is not having to go decode fp's rot13. his lines are ''meant to be you...?'' and ''wrong question.''
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"It's just you now. Take care of mother."
i have the normal amount of emotions about them (lying) <3
#a redraw but also not really cus i ended up tracing a lot from the old one hfldsjdfs#it was only supposed to be for reference but i ended up keep messing w it instead of redrawing it proper......#feel like i got his expression down better in the old one; looks more strained/ hearbroken like i feel#but thats fine#my art#my ocs#oc: liam hawke#i'm still not sure if liam or varric is the one who deals the killing blow#love both the thought of liam having his own sisters blood on his hands and never being able to wash it off fully#or his (future) best friend saving him that fate but now having that stand between them#cus liam would be grateful for it but part of him would always remember that and hold it against him#(both options also make the bartrand encounter crunchy in slightly different ways)#either way in that moment he kind of hates varric for even just being there. and fenris too#(though tbh im not sure how realistic it would be for him to take sb else except bethy and varric down into the deep roads)#((so maybe in canon fen wouldnt be there idk. havent decided this yet either))#logically he knows its not fair ofc but it just feels like an invasion of privacy. it feels Wrong.#they have no place in this they shouldnt have been there they shouldnt have been part of it they shouldnt have seen him like this#but its sth that binds them too#the rest of the trek is miserable and awkward for all of them in any case#but yeah.#idk if they would be able to bury her down here properly so maybe they end up doing it via lava?#theyre not leaving her body out in the open to rot and/or become food for darkspawn or spiders thats for sure
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He's a wonderful boy and before I knew anything about him gave him a best friend in the form of a wolf. A good boy deserves a good boy! I do like him but he sadly didn't keep up level-wise and I can no longer really use him in my run. I would like to use him more in a second play through (if I can beat the game first oops).
#fe engage#amber#like he is a good boy yes but he didnt win my heart on sight ?#i just tend to zoom in and love a character pre release and hope for the best in game#which is tragically not the case for him ... his design is fine but it wasnt a selling point to me#me making him a furry immediately though was something i dont regret#he looks cute with his fluffy tail
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Gordon should NOT get a biological hand back(if he does it’s busted to all hell and mostly numb). And any prosthetic he gets sucks ass unless it has a cartoony switchable feature that lets him adapt to certain tasks because even high tech prosthetic hands with the correct reaction speeds will never beat gun arm if your goal is shooting something.
What im saying is he makes a million different hands for himself to the point where he has “fork hand” and “screwdriver hand” and “scissor hand” ect
#hlvrai#gordon feetman#HAPPY 5 AM IM STILL RUNNING ON 3 HOURS OF SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#like look. i dont expect the RTVS gang to put thought into their disability rep in a comedy series on gmod. i dont#but also i get so tired seeing people be like. oh his arms back :) AT LEAST LEAVE IT SCARRED AND NUMB……DAMN!#not to mention people constantly sleep on how interesting mobility aids are to flesh out for characters#though that might be from my years of experience writing an amputee.#DISCLAIMER!! I MYSELF AM NOT AN AMPUTEE JUST BTW!!!!!!!!! LISTEN TO ACTUAL AMPUTEES BEFORE ME#though im repeating everything ive ever heard ESP that prsothetics tend to fucking suck#not saying he cant HAVE a robot hand. i draw him with one. i just think itd be funnier and more realistic if he swaps it out#might draw examples when i wake up bc its silly and fun :)#wait adding more tags despite the fact that NO ONE WILL READ THEM. this is esp the case bc hes right handed#he needs his right hand for fine motor skill you will NOT get that with a prosthetic
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wait hang on
HANG ON
DO YOU SEE MY VISION
#professor inkling#count bleck#TELL ME YOU SEE IT. IM NOT CRAZY#*writes yet another octonauts crossover au-*#OK BUT LISTEN HEAR ME OUT HEAR ME OUT#H E A R ME O U T#in case you're wondering if it's just the monocles NO IT RUNS DEEPER THAN THAT I PROMISE#1. both have been around a long time and founded some sort of group to further their goals (octonauts & team bleck)#2. fancy clothes (yeah inkling's in just a bowtie but remember he's straight up an octopus) that stand out among their peers#3. speaking of that last point: unusual anatomy (one does NOT look a fish and the other is a head torso and floating hands. nothin else)#4. i kinda don't wanna have to pull the mafia au card on this one but if I WAS then: tragic backstories and tragic motives#though then again do we REALLY know anything about inkling- like do we R E A L L Y?? his backstory could be tragic they just aint tellin..#5. avid book readers (bleck let a book tell him how his life was supposed to go this man is clinically into books)#6. defense mechanism that involves darkness (octopus ink & a bLaCk HOLE-)#7. if you see either of them walking it Don't Look Right#8. this is more of an implied thing for them but: knows a LOT about the people they gathered for their causes#9. both from children's media that gets DARK sometimes without warning#10. sometimes they say things and the people around them are just ''what''#11. love interests (ones outright saying it and the other is again just implied but STILL ITS ANOTHER POINT SOOO)#12. ok fine. yes it was the monocles at first but then i thought about it MORE so HA#feel free to add on if i missed something
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CLOVER REAL???? AGAIN??????
#melonposting#spoof#ii spoilers#i keep calling it. oh my god i keep calling it#i don't really have an opinion on this episode. overall it was fine#but good god were the interpersonal conflicts solved way too quickly#blueberry had his whole weird villain(?) arc for a whole 2 seconds and now he's gone#like what on earth#and then the nickel-balloon thing was super rushed#i always love seeing cabby and clover though. that made it good for me haha#ii neg#<- just in case!! :)
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Stumbles down your chimney
ahhhhhh hello, you must be that Santa Claus i hear so much about. welcome to my home. here we have my two christmas trees so i can max out on presents. you understand. i'm on the good list, don't even double check. if you know what's good for you Santa.
#ask#spatialapprentice#sorry these are images i made a few years ago. i think i have the source files for these but i didnt want to get out of bed#i just grabbed them and put them through imgflip#i tend to do that a lot actually. though it makes me laugh regardless so maybe its fine.#welcome to my stinking house. my home.#the background environments are from mystery case files ravenhearst. an older find the hidden object game#its appearently on steam and i gotta buy it at some point. i love its environments.#its probably one of the main reasons i imagine boes house to be so messy#and is definitely the biggest inspiration as to how his house looks. besides the mess.#weirdly enough i also associate limbo with pajama sam 1's darkness environments#its got such nice colours. all over the place.#also ignore boes randomly swapping tooth gap. hes only got the one on his left side.#anyway i hope you found the ask silly :) thank you for tha ask!!#boe#boe tai marrow#my characters
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if you see me listening to the dirty dancing soundtrack while drafting this scene just know i'm incredibly valid for this
#the vibes are. you know. one could make a case#there's a guy in a leather jacket kissing someone whose influential father figure would not approve#though bruce is more upset that tim is on a different continent rn than he is about tim being with kon#bruce isn't worried about kon in this situation. he can intimidate kon just fine if need be. it's tim who's the wild card#oh and actually tim's the one in the jacket this time too. he's every contributing factor to bruce's tension headache#kon is just along for the ride#anyway ok back to it#my fic#etc
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Just had to spend 10 minutes explaining to my husband that the uranium glass I'm buying is not dangerous and is less radioactive than some household electronics I'm not going to fatally irradiate our household i swear
#he wasn't THAT worried tbh but i did have to reassure him some and google some sources to back myself up lol#also went on a small tangent about how cesium is the main contaminant in most nuclear fallout and not the uranium itself#though maybe i was stabbing myself in the foot there since cesium has a half lufe of 29 years and uranium... several hundred billion ha ha#but it's FINE it's FINE REALL#*really#it's not dangerous!#the only reason you're not supposed to eat out of it is in case you accidentally swallow particles of the glass. which could be bad for u#just like you probably shouldn't swallow parts of your phone#anyway#uranium glass#mod post
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me age seven being sat down in front of the school’s district child psych lady and being given strange, simple spatial puzzles to solve and then long, complicated worksheets and hammering my way through them at the speed of light while having zero comprehension what their purpose was or why i was here: this is urgent! i have to get a good grade in Weird Puzzles, Or Else, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve,
#kjalkjsdalkjasdl mrs button was a nice lady but not one adult in my childhood ever seemed to notice what to me now seems like#a pretty obvious case of the autisms#then again maybe they just didn't look as hard unless it was *really* obvious back then . it was like. what. 2000? a couple years later#everybody was talking about autism but not when i was six or seven then it was usually just when it was Very Visible#a couple years later my cousin who's more visibly on the spectrum than me got her diagnosis so young that she's pretty much always had it#which is...well i think it's just made her life difficult in a different way. people underestimate her or don't treat her like she's her age#but then she's always had the opportunity to get accommodations and people are sometimes more forgiving when she can't do something#whereas i got labeled 'kid that should be ahead of the game' from a pretty young age and then when i struggled adults either ignored it#or it was just a huge hassle to them and even i could see it exasperated them to have to work around me#but because mrs button (nice lady but what were you thinking) hadn't told them to treat me like a kid with a developmental disorder#they didn't do that in good OR bad ways . so i never got any accommodations with school stuff i struggled with which was a fair bit#i wasn't supposed to need extra testing time in a quiet room or tutoring with math or help organizing my abysmally scattered things#the only time i DID get that was in sixth grade when i was sort-of friends with this kid jonathan who was Very On The Spectrum#he wasn't really a talker unless it was about whatever he was reading which suited me fine so we just kind of existed in each other's space#and his TSS was this very smart and nice lady who had clearly clocked that Something Was Going On With Me and even though it wasn't like#her JOB she made a little bit of time for me. mostly with emotional stuff (i think i was under the impression she was a therapist?)#but if i had some problem with being unable to keep friends or being frozen out by the kids i wanted to be liked by (happened often)#she'd be able to just like. be there she'd make the time . wish i could remember her name
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fear and love lethal combo. literally crying and throwing up. like sitting in the bathroom shaking terrified etc etc erc
#love because i asked my boyfriend if he would be able to watch my brother and his friends while i was at work bc my brother is a little#douche and is lying to everybody and everything regarding his stupid hangout and i have to cover his ass#but my boyfriend is so so sweet and is helping#but also completely and utterly terrified because what if he actually secretly hates it and now me and he’s super pissed and everything#collapses and crumbles and them my mom finds out and everythtong explodes and dies#should i just kill myself. possibly. but i shant in case it’s fine#paralyzing fear of pissing him off even though he has literally never yelled or been angry ever. Ever .#literally the perfect man. and yet#maybe the ptsd is still in there a little bc if i did this with my dad i think i would have been beaten and kicked out#dear diary
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i do honestly think that like. the reason steve's torture scene is so undercut is because it is a torture scene. like they didn't WANT it to be hit heavily they didn't want to have to cut between relatively normal for the show scenarios back to steve and robin locked in an unreachable facility getting beaten and drugged and about to get their fingernails ripped off with the knowledge that in the end unless they're saved they're going to die. Because that is deeply tragic. so they have to make the jokes and make it lighter than it seems not only because the plot needs it but like the AUDIENCE needs it and the CHARACTERS need it... like yes the show does not take so many character's real life suffering seriously because for some reason lasting effects and trauma only exist to be taken advantage of by the plot or if you're the billed star or something but steve also in canon is the one who didn't let himself BE A Guy Who Was Just Tortured. he was a guy who was just beat up a little. and like they're scared but they're not too scared because they have to have hope because they are two people who have never had to rely on hope before in order to survive...
but also!! tbh i can't. help but think how much of a critical hit gut wrench it would've been if they had decided to commit to the darker theme of it and how it juxtaposes against the whole Bright Neon Light Palm Fronds And 80s Pop and how 30 minutes later they're standing among a group of children and no one even realises anything is out of the ordinary i think it would've accessed an actual emotional impact and depth the duffers seem to stumble upon by accident and never of their own volition </3 to cut from the concurrently running scenes to an 18 year old boy we know is completely innocent and completely telling the truth that he was just in the wrong place and didn't realise how serious it all was who was getting tortured and it be something serious. and his 17 year old coworker who just had to listen to it all to the point where she thought they dragged his dead body in to lay next to her. and in a way it's somehow MORE tragic which was not their intention at all that it was so lightly handled even though we the audience know it's somethings deeply upsetting it all just gets washed away in the face of Life goes on even on tv... sigh.
#🍦#anyway#also unrelated i saw a post abt like someone commenting on the entire insane patriotism and the red scare stuff and maybeppl just commented#at the time THEY DID trust me.... it is one of the biggest criticisms of the show itself and a lot of people actually hated s3 bc of it 😭#well like. me too. not that i'd seen it at the time i just remember eveurhing being like . said#anyway the way this show handles trauma actually gives me a headache lol#bc it's purely on case by case and yeah i know they can't just handle everyone's particular traumas but ugh. well you know what im saying#i think if they acknowledged the things that happened to steve they would also have to acknowledge it was never intended to have gravity#it can't be abandonment if there was never intention it can't be something they missed bc they don't see the something#he will get beaten every single season (barring the first) with no repercussion bc his like#humanity is not a right he is just some guy. it would also lose all the comedy to it that was established for 4 seasons#like oh it's not funny anymore and he's not the fun guy anymore because it's sad and that's not FAIR i don't think#bc trauma doesn't change everything about you and shouldn't change people's perception of you that's . fucked#and i think it's wild a show that attempts multiple times to go OVER these traumas will only ever land it sloppily bc i don't believe#they're doing it well intentionedly LOL it's for plot which is well fine it's a narrative but it means when it#lacks it's upsetting instead of the writing just being bad too#anyway... tangent . that also applies to like nancy and jonathan and stuff too . lucas and erica in s5 i imagine as well#though i shouldn't predict failure bc that's not very nice. to the characters .I just hate those men so much tbh tbh#sts
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Bio update, just for clarification :)
#longish tags#tag ramble#tag rant#dw it's nothing anyone said on here#just had a really shitty day in what is usually my only safe space#to be extra clear; she is fine#on occasion#considering today though i might change that in the future#I'll update again if that happens :)#anyway look 🥺🥺#he's got monster socks 🥺#not rb#cw misgendering#<-just in case#removed some of the tag ramble; sorry if you saw the old tags lol you're not going crazy
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I either need to accept that I am just a way stronger person than this friend and can handle way more while still being able to engage with the world as a person, or recognize excuses as excuses, accept that I am not valued and be done or. Maybe both. Idk. It might be somewhere between the two. I am just sick of regular life stuff rendering him unable to spend any time with me, and of him being unable to bear any of the details of my life, when I would move mountains to rekindle our friendship. Though I'm starting to wonder if I still would.
#faer personal files#i just. really didn't want officiating his wedding to be our last hurrah of friendship even though i did kind of feel it coming#also i'm really sick of being infantilized for my chronic fatigue i am a grown adult and i know what i'm capable of#ugh. maybe i'm just being awful and not understanding in which case i'm too much of a rancid person to be his friend i guess#but i don't think that's the case#idk i'll never forget when i couldn't see this dude for a year even masked up outside for covid but when another of our old friends came up#from her job doing COVID RELATED CROWD CONTROL FOR THE FUCKING ARMY he went on a hike with her mask off#and i think that says a lot about what our friendship's been for years honestly. if he can't bear my company idk why i try#if i'm just an interesting prop for conversations and occasions but not a friend. i can't accept that#i am an interesting prop for conversations. the disabled genderfluid bisexual genius who lost everything bc of said disability#but i didn't lose everything i just have to fucking rebuild on new ground. and i am doing that. i whine on occasion but i am so strong#and i do know how to interact with people without traumadumping i haven't on him in YEARS but his concept of me crystalized at age 21#or something like that i guess. idk it just breaks my heart#bc for a long time he was my person. he was the only person who knew the authentic me. more even than my sisters at times.#and yeah that was a little unhealthy but at the time he craved that!!!#and then i grew up and stopped needing him like that around the same time he stopped wanting that and it should have been fucking fine#but like. even senior year of college when i was sick it was already starting to fall apart#like i remember being on a small hike once being exhausted and jokingly being like you gotta carry me back and then being like#no really i might actually need an arm to lean on by the end of this walk if i'm gonna make it back to the car i really don't know if i can#and he said no bc he didn't want to look straight. who the fuck CARES??? i could barely walk i was stumbling my way back annoying him going#too slow. fuck. and that really has been what our friendship has been for years. the minute my house wasn't the most convenient place it wa#more or less dead idk why i keep dragging this horse around#idk why i keep letting him break my heart like this it's so stupid he's never gonna care about me like he did when i was quick and brillian#but never quite as smart as him in his view. fuck him. i'm smarter. just bc i was a little gullible or paranoid at times bc of the#FUCKING CPTSD doesn't mean i was dumber than him. the fuck??? there's something wrong with me i swear idk why i hang on#anyway i'm irritated. but i'm also reluctant to throw away somebody who's seen me through key points in my life. so.
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