[Drabble]: Insecurity
Prompt: “Do you really think I could ever replace you?” - Jyou and Yamato. In terms of partners for Jou, Sora is my first choice, but Yamato comes in at second place. So I’ve been meaning to explore Joumato a bit more. Thanks @50cyg for ‘forcing’ me to ;D
I’m really sorry, I can’t make it. Our study session is taking a lot longer than we anticipated. I’m so sorry. I’ll make it up to you, I promise!
Yamato gripped his phone tighter. It wasn’t fair; Jou never seemed to have time for him anymore. At the beginning of their relationship, when they’d lived separately, he’d made time. Nowadays, Jou was always studying with classmates and blowing him off.
Of course, Yamato understood that Jou was in his final year of medical school and, at 29, was one of the oldest students there. His numerous failed attempts at getting into medical school and the extra lessons he had to take had held him back quite a bit.
Yamato knew Jou really had to get his act together if he wanted to graduate. But that didn’t stop Yamato from silently griping about it.
The two were supposed to have one of their date nights, but Jou had, yet again, cancelled.
Yamato tossed his phone onto the kitchen table and slumped into a chair. He placed his face in his palms, breathing deeply.
The casserole in the oven was going to go dry. Yamato didn’t care. He should care; he worked as a chef at quite a nice restaurant. His food was supposed to be impeccable! He chose not to care. There was no one around to witness his failure, anyway.
Yet, with a frustrated growl, Yamato got up and removed the casserole from the oven. It was still good. Thank God.
He wasn’t supposed to care. But he did.
Just like with Jou. He had thought about leaving the older man, but any time the thought crossed his mind, he crushed it immediately. He didn’t want to. He loved Jou. Jou was just busy with his studies. Things would improve.
But, an annoying voice in the back of his mind nagged. How busy was he going to be as a full-fledged doctor? Constantly on-call. Phone ringing during dinner. Pager beeping in the middle of sex.
Yamato looked down at the casserole. He wasn’t hungry. He covered the food and left it to cool down on the counter.
He needed to strum a few chords or play a few songs on his bass.
Hours later, Yamato was gently awoken by a hand shaking his shoulder and a soft voice whispering his name.
“Hn? Jou?”
Yamato blinked his eyes open to a blurry image of his boyfriend leaning over him.
“Hey.” Jou smiled. “Let’s get you into bed. Sleeping on the couch is a sure way to get neck and back pain.”
Jou held out his hands, palms up, and Yamato slapped his own into them lazily.
“Too tired.”
Jou sniggered, reaching over to wrap his arms around Yamato’s torso, bodily pulling him into a standing position.
“Come on.”
Yamato leaned most of his weight on Jou, who didn’t seem to mind, if his chuckling was any indication.
Three steps towards the bedroom had Yamato stopping.
“Wait.” Slightly more awake, he looked over his shoulder towards the kitchen. “The casserole. I left it on the counter. It’ll go bad if I don’t put it in the fridge.” He made to pull away from Jou, but the taller held firm.
“It’s alright; I put the casserole away already. I wouldn’t want either of us getting food poisoning tomorrow.”
Yamato glared, insulted that his boyfriend would think his cooking could give anyone food poisoning. Ever.
Jou leaned over to place a kiss on top of Yamato’s head, continuing to lead him into their bedroom.
Once in, Yamato pulled off his clothes, tossing them into the hamper by the door. He then crawled into the double bed, onto the side closer to the wall.
Jou, on the other hand, took his time getting undressed and pulling on his pyjamas. He always insisted on being dressed in bed, no matter how hot it was or what activities had preceded sleep.
Only half-awake, Yamato watched his boyfriend move around the room in a well-calculated fashion. Everything Jou did had purpose. Yamato smiled. It was one of the ways he knew that Jou wanted to be with him. They had purpose.
Jou’s phone beeped and Yamato’s smile fell.
Or, at least they had had purspose.
Recently, though, Yamato didn’t feel like he fulfilled a purpose in Jou’s life. If he did, then wouldn’t the elder be trying to spend more time with him? Put aside some time, even half an hour a day for them. It’s not like they lived in separate apartments and seeing each other would require extra arrangements to meet up somewhere else.
Yamato snapped out of his musings when Jou chuckled.
“What’s funny?”
“Oh.” Jou looked up from his phone at Yamato, then back down. He typed out a quick reply. “It’s nothing, really; just a medical joke from one of the guys in the study group. It probably wouldn’t make sense to you.” He was evidently reminded of the joke because he chuckled again.
Yamato turned to face the wall. His heart felt like it was being squeezed tightly.
“Yamato?” Jou questioned, sitting on his side of the bed and placing his glasses on the bedside table. “Sleeping?”
Yamato gave a jerky nod.
“I’m not so sure about that.” Jou placed a hand on his shoulder. “Is it about me standing you up tonight? I promise I’ll make it up to you.”
“It’s nothing.”
“Yamato.” A warning tone, which Yamato had been subjected to quite often. It held a promise of Jou not giving up until the blond admitted what was wrong with him.
Rolling over with a sigh, Yamato fixed Jou with a sad look.
“Is this really working?”
Jou looked confused.
“Us.”
Jou’s eyes widened at the clarification and he hastened to move fully onto the bed, giving Yamato his full attention.
“Y—wha—why are you asking that? Are you breaking up with me?” Jou’s latter question was almost a whisper and his eyes reflected the panic he felt inside.
Yamato sat up, brining him near-eye level with Jou, though he chose to look down at his lap.
“No, I’m not, but if you want to break up with me, then I’ll accept that.”
Jou was stumped and his mouth opened and closed a few times, until he finally managed: “Why would I want to break up with you? Why are you asking about this? What brought this on?”
Yamato picked at his nails, head still lowered. Jou leant forward, trying to catch a glimpse of his boyfriend’s blue eyes.
“Aren’t I too stupid for you?”
Jou barely hear the mumbled question. He stared. Then he laughed.
“Stupid? You? When have you ever been stupid? You’ve helped me study so much and you understand most of my assignments better than I do!”
“Yeah, but.” Yamato paused, biting his lip. “You don’t want my help anymore or even spend time with me. I just thought that you’d be happier with one of your medical friends. With someone in the same field.”
“Do you really think I could ever replace you?”
Surprised, Yamato looked up into earnest obsidian eyes. Jou took his hands, entwining their fingers.
“I could never replace you.” He reiterated. “I could never find anyone to love as much as I love you. You believe me, right?”
Yamato nodded, though his eyes told a different story.
“You know,” Jou started, trying a different tactic. “I used to feel really insecure around your rock-star friends. They were all so much cooler and better looking than me. I thought you might have wanted to be with them rather than with me.”
An unwitting laugh made its way out of Yamato’s mouth.
“Why would I have wanted any of them?”
“Exactly.” Jou smiled, squeezing Yamato’s hands. “Why would I want any of those medical students?” He brought the hands up, kissing Yamato’s fingers. “I don’t want anyone apart from you.”
“Okay.”
Jou’s smile fell slightly. “I promise I’ll make more time for you. I’ve just been so busy with studying.”
“We can study together.” Yamato suggested, albeit a bit uncertainly.
“Really? Isn’t that really boring and lame?”
Yamato rolled his eyes, extracting his hands from Jou’s. “I find it quite interesting.” He lay on the bed, smirking at Jou.
With an incredulous shake of his head, Jou lay down next to the blond. “You’re weird. Though you’d make a good doctor—or at least a good medical student.”
Yamato scrunched his face up. “Nah, learning about horrible diseases is just a hobby. I wouldn’t want to be a doctor; I’m happy where I am right now.”
“Glad to hear it.” Jou leaned over to lay a kiss on Yamato’s lips. “I’ll hold you to your promise about those study sessions. I really need to pass all my classes this year.”
Yamato laughed. Good old worrywart Jou.
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