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chaethewriter · 1 year

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Ghost of you

Jack Champion x reader

In which you have to keep your relationship a secret, not knowing the consequences.

Word count: 3,6k

Warning: hurt to comfort, angst, I'm so embarrassed to post this, english isn't my first language, not proofread.

tagged: @viivvriv @genesis4545 @norrisgf @darkcrusadestrawberry @drxwstxrkxy

A/N: this one for my poopsies! <3

"I'd settle for the ghost of you."

When Jack had asked you if he could be your boyfriend, you were over the moon. The two of you had met during one of his press tours, and while you thought he was the most handsome and funniest guy you have ever met, you knew you didn't have a chance. Or so you thought. The two of you got closer after he had asked for your number, and now you could proudly call him yours. Well, your relationship wasn't known publicly. His manager and mother recommended him to keep your relationship a secret. You were okay with it at first since you liked your privacy, but now you had wished that you could flaunt him all over your social media.

"Baby? Are you okay with it?" Jack took your hands in his as he stared into your eyes with the softest expression ever. Jack was an incredible boyfriend. He treated you like a queen. It was your first relationship, and you were glad that he was your first. You bit your lip as you considered all the points. You see, Jack recently got a job offered for a romance movie as the main character. Even though he had said he wanted to focus on action and thriller stuff, he saw this as a great opportunity to try something new. Acting was his passion, you couldn't take this away from him. And you trusted him, of course you did. He was so loyal and loving and didn't want to do anything that would make you uncomfortable. "Baby?", Jack had called you again as you zoned out, his lips against your skin as he looked down at you with concern. You wanted to be the supportive girlfriend, no matter what. Even if it meant overstepping your own boundaries. "No, I don't mind no. I'm so proud of you!" you put on your brightest smile as you took him in his arms, your arms wrapped around his chest. Jack sighed in relief, "I would never want to make you sad, you know? I love you so much, baby." His grip on you tightened as he praised you with loving words, but deep inside you knew now you truly felt.

Soon enough, to your dismay, the recordings started. His manager thought that it would be best that you wouldn't come along for the sake of not getting into rumors. So you had stayed back at your hometown without Jack. The two of you were facetiming right now as you watched him get ready, "you look handsome, big boy." You grinned as you buried your face into your blanket. Jack was wearing a half buttoned blouse and some brown pants, and you couldn't help but swoon over your handsome boyfriend. He grinned in return as he took his phone back in his hands, bringing it closer to his face, "I showed myself, so why won't you reveal your pretty face, pretty girl?"

You chuckled as you dropped the blanket to reveal yourself to him. The notification you got on your phone told you that he had taken a screenshot, "hey!" Jack's grin widened as he put his phone back on its stand, "can't help but have my camera roll filled with my pretty girlfriend, you know?" He was incredibly cheesy, but it's what you liked about him after all. "How's recording going?" You honestly dreaded to know the details, you didn't want to know. You didn't want to know how he treated someone else as his. It was acting, it was his job. It wasn't real, but why did you still feel upset about this? You didn't want to be a selfish girlfriend, you didn't want an argument to break out, so you kept quiet and bottled all these emotions up. "It's going great! Anne is so comfortable to act around, you know? It's like we have known each other for a long time! She's so kind and we get along so well?" Jack rambled on as he referred to his co-star. You pursed your lips as you forced yourself to smile, "That's great! I'm so glad it's going well f-"

Your sentence got cut off by girl's voice on the other side of the line, "Jackie!!" Your heart fell to your stomach as you saw the door of his trailer open, and there she stood. Ann, Jack's co-star. "Jackie, we should totally practice our lines for today. It's the car scene where you pick me up after the summer party!" You saw the way Anne was dressed: a pretty dress that stopped just above her knees. Her makeup was done as well as her hair. Jack looked behind him as he gave his co-star a smile, "hey A, yes I'll be there soon," he then turned back to you, "I got to go baby, but I will call you soon okay? I love you!"

"I lo-" before you could reply, Jack hung up on the call.

You watched the television as news got out of the new romance movie starring Jack and Ann. The two were posing for the photographers as Jack's arm was around her waist, with her hands on his chest. The two wore matching outfits for the interview that would come right after. You had sent him a message wishing him good luck with a heart, but he didn't read it yet. Jack had been incredibly busy these past few weeks. Starting promotions and all while still recording, he didn't have much time on his hands. Yet, he never forgot to send you a paragraph of telling about his day and asking you how your day had been and if you were taking care of yourself. Your heart always melted whenever he sent those messages.

"Jack, Ann, welcome!"

"Yes, thank you for having us!" Jack smiled as he exchanged a look with Ann, who gave him a loving glance. Your brows furrowed as you buried yourself in your blanket. You sat there in your bed as you watched the interview. At first, you were excited to watch it: he was your boyfriend and who wouldn't want to watch their boyfriend on tv? But now, now you wanted to click away.

Ann leaned closer to Jack as she shared some points of the movie, "So Jack plays a character called Justin. He's the best friend of my character, Aimee, and they go through a rollercoaster of emotions as they fall in love with each other."

"It's like a best friends to lovers movie." Jack added on as he nodded with a smile. Ann smiled as he added something to her explanation, their bond clear as they were in sync.

"So it's a romance movie. Do you have a special person in your life?"

Jack immediately shook his head at that question. He wanted to flaunt you so badly, but for the sake of your feelings he had to do this, "Not me, no. I am still looking for my person."

Ann didn't answer the question. Instead, she teased Jack as she bumped her elbow in his arm, "Could I be that person?" Jack answered by shaking his head with a laugh. They looked so comfortable around one another.

Your heart broke in pieces at the sight of Ann shamelessly flirting with your boyfriend, who you couldn't even announce was your boyfriend. You turned your television off as you took your phone. Not to communicate and tell him how you felt, instead you had sent

Jack. <3

Me: You were amazing, so proud of you

Your relationship had been rocky lately. You had been feeling so down and insecure in your relationship. Ever since the photoshoot and the interview, social media had been in an uproar. About how good they looked together, how Ann looked at him, the rumors that Jack and Anne were dating. 'Rising star Jack Champion and Ann spotted having dinner together?' You had scrolled through instagram, twitter and tiktok every moment of the day, watching how everyone supported the rumored relationship between Jack and Ann. You cried as you did so, angry and upset with yourself. They were a match and it was obvious everyone would support Jack with being with a beautiful girl like Ann. And while you were feeling like this, he didn't know anything about that. Instead, he was left confused while looking at your contact name, wondering why you weren't responding.

Hers. <3

Me: baby?

Me: did you receive my flowers?

Me: are you okay?

Me: babeeee

Me: :(((

Me: helloooo

Me: babe

Me: are

Me: you

Me: okay

Me: question

Me: mark

Me: ?

Me: if u don't answer I will come to u

Me: baby?

Me: answer my calls pls

Me: my love, are you mad at me?

Me: did I do something wrong?

Me: please.

Me: I'm sorry.

"Flowers? For me?" You had opened the door in your oversized hoodie with your bloodshot eyes, only to be met with a deliverer with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. They were your favorites. There was only one person who knew you this well. "Yes, you're (y/n) (l/n) right?" You nodded at his question and he pushed the flowers in your arms. You thanked him before closing the door. You looked terrible, honestly. Bloodshot red eyes, tear stains, wearing the same clothes from a week ago. You felt horrible, yet you didn't want to do anything about it. Jack was so happy with being a rising star, you didn't want to fuck that up for him. But did you know how much Jack actually depended on your feelings?

You stared at the flowers as you stood in the middle of the living room, ready the little card attached to the bouqet.

'I love you. Pls call me so that we can talk?'

You pursed your lips. It hurt feeling like this, it hurt so bad. You were so insecure and unsure of everything, meanwhile Jack already made a name of himself. Jack definitely deserved better, someone as passionate as him. After weeks of pondering what you should do, you finally knew.

Let him go.

You picked your phone up and stared at your wallpaper. A picture of the two of you from your prom. You would miss him so much. All the memories, how happy he made you feel. How secure he made you feel. You shook your head and looked for his archived contact. You knew you were running away from all the problems, but this was the best for him. You had to take this initiative in order for him to be able to rise. You would be content enough to watch him be happy from the sidelines. That would be enough for you, to settle for the ghost of him.

The first rang didn't even have to go for him to pick up, you pursed your lips as you tried to contain your sobbing, walking up to the walls of pictures in the living room that mostly contained the two of you. "Baby? Are you okay?" Jack had already spoken up before you could. He was calling you from his trailer in between scenes. A sob left your lips at the nickname. You took a deep breath as you tried to gather the words you wanted to say.

"Jack, I think we should end it."

A nervous laugh escaped his lips, "baby, end what?" The realization hadn't set in yet. He didn't want to believe it.

"Let's break up."

Jack collapsed on his chair as his eyes widened, "what? You're joking, aren't you? (y/n)?" He waited for your laugh, your voice as you tried to lie to him, anything. Anything that could give him a hint that you were fucking around. Instead, he was met with your sobs. "Let's break up, Jack."

"Did I do something? Did you fall out of love with me?" Without noticing, the tears had flowed down his cheeks as his he gripped his hair with his free hand, trying to pull his strands out as he expected to wake up from this nightmare. But he didn't. This was real. "Please answer me! I can fix this, I can fix us!" He was desperate now, his screams booming through his trailer. He couldn't accept this. He just couldn't. He saw his future in you. When he looked at you, he already imagined you as a pretty pride as you told your vows.

"Jack, please don't do this."

"No! No! Please don't leave me, please tell me! (y/n)!" His throat burned as he screamed, as well as the tears that burned his face— like lava was burning through his skin.

"I love you, Jack."

Call ended.

He stood up from his seat as he screamed your name, waiting for an answer on the other side of the line, but nothing. The chair had fallen with a loud smack, gaining the attention of certain people close to his trailer. He sat on the floor as he cried, phone in his hands as he tried to call you back. A ton of gibberish left his lips as he desperately wished for you. Clothes disheveled, hair all messed up, makeup gone as the tears washed it away— which all prepared him for the next scene. Yet he couldn't care less about acting, about his job, about the money. You were all he needed, and you were gone. The door to his trailer had slammed open as his mother stood in the opening, "Jack?"

"Mama, mama," he stumbled over his words as he hiccuped due to the amount of emotions he felt, "she left me." At the moment, the person before her wasn't Jack Champion the rising actor, or Jack the Champ. He was Jack, just Jack, Jack who got his heart broken. Jack, her teenage son who had broken down.

"Oh, Jack.." she had ran up to him as she took her son in her arms, "It's okay sweet boy."

Out of frustration, he had screamed at his mother. He didn't mean it, his breathing exaggerated as he shook in her arms. Anxiety. "Mama.." he felt dizzy as he spoke. His mother told him to stop speaking, as it would only make him feel worse. But Jack couldn't stop himself, he had to talk to someone. And who not to trust more than his mother? "Mama, what did I do wrong? Mama please." His grip in her arms tightened as he choked on his own tears. His hair was stroked as he tried to speak. She had decided to not speak further, he needed to get this out of his system. He needed a listener. "She told me she loved me, but she broke up with me. I don't know what happened mama?" He pursed his lips as he stopped talking, allowing the tears to flow as he awaited an answer from her.

Her tone was soft as she spoke, careful with her words to not cause him a further breakdown, "did you talk to her about the rumors?" He looked up at her in confusion. Rumors? What rumors? "What rumors?" His mom looked down at him with a sad expression, realizing she played huge part in their break up. She wanted to protect both you and Jack, but in the end it caused further heartbreak. "You and Ann?"

Him and Ann? What was she talking about? When her son looked at her with bloodshot big eyes, she continued speaking, "Everyone thinks the two of you are dating. The touches she gives you, the flirting." Jack widened his eyes as his breathing exaggerated again, "No! There is nothing with Ann! My heart is (y/n)'s! I'm hers!" His expression faltered yet again.

"But no one else knows about you and (y/n), I'm so sorry Jack. It's my fault."

Jack had begged his mom to leave set. He couldn't stay here, not when he was feeling like this and not while Ann was here to escalate the rumors. He should've known, he's so stupid. He wanted to stay respectful in front of Anne, not knowing that by doing so, everything would go downhill. He regretted not doing more to keep you secure, he regretted not finding out about it and talking to you. He regretted not figuring your feelings out sooner. Of course, you would feel upset after Anne did all those things. Why couldn't he be better? Why couldn't he do better? But he's not letting you go so easily. Not now, not when he still had time.

jackchampion

I haven't been telling the truth. I should have been truthful. I have a special person. I had a special person. And I lost her. I'm sorry for not fighting harder for us, I'm sorry for not noticing how you felt. It has always been you. And it will always be. I hope for my future to be with you and only you. Let us fix this and communicate better. Let me fix this. Please, I love you (y/n).

jackchampion has followed you.

Your phone was blowing up like crazy, yet you couldn't bother to look. You had been watching tv in your bed as you munched on your chocolates with tear stained cheeks. You felt even more miserable now that you had broken up with him. You switched channels, looking for something to watch as the tv show you were watching only made you even sadder. "Now on to celebrity news. Rising star Jack Champion's instagram post surely stirred up the emotions under fans. He is known for his roles as Avatar's Spider and Scream's Ethan Landry." The screen switched to instagram as a post under Jack's name popped up. Your hand moved towards your mouth as he posted your go-to song with the caption. This had to be for you. "Rumored is that Jack Champion left the set as he was spotted on the airport. A picture was taken by paparazzi of who is rumored to be Jack Champion." A picture was shown on the screen and you knew that postured and the clothing like nobody else. Jack in his pink hoodie and sweatpants as the hood was on his head, with a pair of sunglasses on his face (to hide his expression).

Was he coming your way?

You got up from your bed, feeling all dizzy from standing after so long. You took your phone and ran downstairs to get to the nearest airport. With your phone in your hands, you tried to put your shoes on as you called for an Uber. If he was spotted all those hours ago, he should be there soon. You can't miss him. Not when he publicly announced how he felt about you.

On your way to the airport, you had scrolled through instagram. Notifications flooded your screen as you got DMs, mentions and followers. But one thing stuck out to you.

jackchampion has followed you.

You pursed your lips as you tried your best not to cry again. Was him following you telling you that he wanted to go public? He was told not to follow you back to stay discreet. You felt so many emotions flooding through your body that you didn't notice that you had already arrived. You thanked the Uber driver with his payment and ran inside. The airport was filled with teenage girls.

"Jack Champion is here!!!" You heard a girl scream as everyone pushed one another. You tried to make your way through, but to no avail. You couldn't get through, not with so many girls pushing all at once.

"Wait, are you (y/n)? The girl from Jack's post?" One of the girls closest to you stared at your features. Of course, she had caught on to the drama. Your instagram was figured out and she had followed you. She was a fan of Jack and if Jack loved you, she loved you too. You nodded your head slowly, unsure of what to do as many faces turned to you.

"You bitch, stay away from him!!"

"Fuck off, nobody. As if you had a chance with him. Everyone make way!!" A girl retorted back as she punched the girl that disrespected you.

Jack Champion caught onto the crowd of girls that slowly made a path. He cocked his head to the side. Was it you? Or was this wishful thinking? He shook his head. It couldn't be you. Why would it be you? Or so he thought. He continued walking towards the exit as he fixed his sunglasses, protected by security.

"Jack!" Out of all the girls that screamed his name, this one felt all too familiar. His heart was beating in his throat as he quickly turned around. His eyes widened as he layed his eyes on you. Sweet you. He pushed the security out of the way as he made his way towards you. "(y/n)? Let her through, don't hurt her!" He had raises his voice at the security that had tried to push you to the ground. As you were let through, you ran towards him to wrap your arms around him.

"I'm so sorry for not communicating."

He shook his head as his face was buried in your hair, inhaling your scent. "I love you so much." His arms were wrapped so tightly around you, it almost felt like you were about to break a few bones. But you didn't care. You were together now and from here on, you would figure everything out.

silly(y/n)_

the privilege to be the first one to post this picture of him, for he is my special person. <3

#jack champion x reader #jack champion #ethan landry x reader #ethan landry #Spotify #jack champion imagine #jack champion headcannons #jack champion is taking my brain over #jack champion imagines #ethan landry headcanons

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wildemaven · 2 months

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sweetest heidi!! congrats on 1000 my lovely 🤍

can I request a main dish blind drabble?!

Pedro character: let’s gooooo Javier Peña or Jack Whiskey Daniels! chef’s choice 😉

numbers: 3 and 283

😘😘😘😘

losin’ you | jack ‘whiskey’ daniels

pairing: bull rider!jack daniels x barrel racer f!reader word count: 1287 content warnings: 18+ blog: some angst, reader and jack have history, some forgiveness but he has to work for it, reader has a rebound fling, reader rides a horse but no other physical descriptions, this is an AU, cursing, I think that’s it. notes: Kay! I’m sorry it took so long for me to get to this!!! I hope it was worth the wait 💕 Shoutout to @gnpwdrnwhiskey for a specific line (I won’t give away which one it is)

It’s not a world you think you’ll ever be used to. Roaring crowds and blinding lights accompanied by the adrenaline rush as you race against the clock doing what you love. It goes against the quiet life you dream of having on some land, miles outside of the bustling town and an even longer dirt road entrance to deter solicitors. But it pays the bills enough to get by for now.

Bouncing from rodeo to rodeo can be lonely, even with all the cheering from fans and their undying support. All in the name of making a living and a name for yourself with the hopes of becoming a champion barrel racer.

Tonight is a little different. Run after run chasing the fastest time. Arena dirt kicked up straight out the gate. Weaving around the three strategically placed barrels, all sharp turns and calculated verbal cues to carry you past the line. 13.58 seconds was all it took to secure the top place at the end of the event.

Instead of hiding out in your trailer with one of your two closest friends Bravo, who both happen to be a 15 hand Chestnut Quarter Horses, you allow yourself to revel in the celebration and enthusiasm fans are showering you with.

The vibrancy in the air is palpable after leaving Miller to rest up in your trailer. An effervescence pounding in your chest— all your self doubt and fears dissipating into a plume of contentment.

It’s a feat in itself meandering through rodeo dust and small crowds wanting pictures and messy signatures on your walk to pick up the grand prize shiny buckle and winner’s check, hoping to get on the road before the announcer calls the last event for the night.

The sight of a cowboy loading your tack and saddles in their proper compartments has you stopping in your tracks. Watching as he moves about with familiarity. Feeding Miller his favorite treats, already loaded and secured in his trailer stall. Bridles and lead ropes hung on their designated hooks. Gooseneck hitched into the bed of your old pickup truck.

Seemingly taking care of your long list of tasks effortlessly.

“Congratulations, Sweetheart.” He says as he latches the tack room closed, his hand giving it a good shake before turning to look at you.

“Jack—“ You’re sure he doesn’t miss the way your face almost lights up at the sight of him. Quickly controlling your expression to something a little more neutral despite wanting nothing more than to run into his arms.

“The boyfriend ain’t around is he?” His voice tempered as he took a look around, expecting a six foot something man to walk out of the shadows swinging.

“Benny? Why? You wanna compare buckles, see whose is bigger?” You snark at him, tossing your earnings in the front seat of your truck.

“Don’t wanna step on anyone’s boots if I’m not welcomed, is all.” Such a stark contrast from the man who would go toe to toe with anyone who so much as looked in your direction.

You roll your eyes as you stalk past him to open the small trailer window to allow Miller to hang his head out.

“No he ain’t around. Fell for some cute buckle bunny over in Austin. Besides— he wasn’t my boyfriend. Just a fun rebound, ya know since you broke my heart and all.” He can sense the hurt in your voice, looking to where you’re running your hand over Miller’s velvet nose

“Sweetheart, ‘M sorry.“ Jack says meekly looking to where his boot is dragging over the dirt, his tone barely audible with noise coming from the stadium cheering on the roping finals.

You know he isn’t referring to Benny and the whirlwind of a fling that he was. Seeing other people, serious or not, was part of the agreement. Benny Miller was a good time for a short time, long enough to keep you distracted from the way your heart ached for Jack.

“It’s fine. Besides, it got a little weird with his last being Miller, too. I was losing track of the amount of times he used the line ‘wanna take Miller out for a ride? And I don't mean your horse!’”

“That wasn’t what I was referring to Sweetheart and you know it. I was talkin’ about that night. I’m sorry—“ Oh, so this is a real apology. You’re not sure you’ve ever heard him sound so defeated in all the years you’ve known him.

“Surprised you were able to get that big time ego of yours through the front gate. Now that you’ve got nothin’ holdin’ you back from all those sponsors and big money.”

You chance a look over to him, propped sheepishly against your trailer, hands tucked in his pockets, too ashamed to look at you directly as you call him out. Not sure how long you want to drag this out and tell him how much you’ve missed him.

“I came here to see you race. Watch you win big— jus’ like we always wanted.” He turns to meet your gaze.

“We? I think what we wanted were two very different things, Jack. I wanted to win big doing what I love with the man I love. You wanted— what was it you said that night ‘take a break a break so you could figure things out’ among the other shit that spilled from that stupid mouth of yours.” You throw his words back at him as you stomp the short distance to him, causing him to straighten up in preparation for more of your own words.

“I thought that’s what I wanted. Guess it took me losin’ you to realize I was wrong. I want you. More than the sponsors. More than the fame. I need you more than all of that shit combined, Baby.” He confesses sincerely.

The warmth of his touch has your knees nearly buckling when he brushes some dirt with his finger off your cheek.

“And so you thought you’d waltz your Mr. Professional Bull Ridin’ ass in here? Lookin’ all handsome wearin’ those blue tight jeans and my favorite denim jacket of yours. Hopin’ I would just take you back just like that?” You sound harsher than you intended to.

“Well, I didn’t even think I would make it this far. I was sure I’d already be staring at your tail lights by now.” He quips, giving you a glimpse at that lopsided smile of his you’ve missed more than you should.

You study him for a beat. Your eyes flitting across his face, each one of his beautiful features still as heart melting as always.

Against your better judgment you kiss him. His lips molding perfectly over your own. Like a puzzle you once had and misplaced. Now found and situated where it belongs.

“It’s gonna take more than an evening of groveling to get you outta the dog house— but it’s a start.” You flick the brim of his black felt hat, turning on your heels in the direction of the passenger side of the truck.

He’s amused by your candor. The tip of his tongue swipes over his bottom lip, watching the way your hips sway a little more deliberately until you’ve reached the truck door.

“If I remember correctly, the 8 second ride time only applied to the arena?” Biting at your bottom lip at the remembrance of the way he took care of you in so many ways.

“Yes, ma’am!” His hat tipping with a slight nod.

“Well, this truck ain’t gonna drive itself home, Cowboy.” Giving him a wink as you hoist yourself into the cab, watching the dust kick up behind him as he sprints to the driver’s seat.

#agent jack whiskey daniels #jack daniels #jack whiskey daniels #pedro pascal #wildemaven writes #pedrostories

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jxckchxmpi0n · 4 months

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Jack champion x fem reader and he plays spiderman and reader is mj?

I'm going to make this into some headcanons

hope you enjoy <3

Being Ethan's mj headcanons

did not proofread |m.list

update : I just now realized that after posting this what you were asking I will 10000% rewrite this as its supposed to be!! I'm so sorry I hope this is okay for the time being! idk why it took so long for my brain to realize what you were actually asking for :(((((

Happy New Year babes!!!! I hope you all had a great new year's and were safe! I'm so excited for this new year and to grow my account. I am going back to school next week, so the requests are going to come out slowly, but I am writing them. I will try to post once or twice a week but I no promises <;3 I love you all so much and thank you so much for your support it really means so much to me.

You didn't know who Ethan was before your junior year in high school. both of you got paired up for a science project and ended up hitting it off and became close friends.

Chad would try to get Ethan to ask you out, he would be sad for weeks after you both finished the project, unable to see each other after classes had changed.

After a fight with some jock, you saw him hanging outside trying to clean up the cuts on his face, you would end up helping him and get to talking.

"Listen Ethan I actually wanted to ask you if you wanted to go out sometime." he would just stare at you in disbelieve, he'd be smiling so much the cut on his cheekbone started to bleed again.

From there on it was official you were in a relationship with him, he would always meet you up after school take the long way home just so he could be with you longer.

After a few months there was a change in how he was acting, you also noticed something different about him but couldn't put your hand on it.

This weekend it was longer due to some holiday and you, and Ethan had planned to spend the entire weekend together watching Star Wars and building Legos, but Ethan's mind had been so wrapped up in his new actives that he forgot.

Crawling through his window he heard his aunt talking, but he also heard another voice, and it was yours. His heart beating faster, just hearing your voice has that effect on him.

But thinking about your voice distracted him from realizing you were walking to his room, once he saw the door handle move panic set in.

Quickly he fell from the ceiling and grabbed a blanket but tripped himself in the process. "Ethan? when did you get home?" and before you both knew it you were holding the blanket while he shot up holding a hand to your month to stop you from yelling.

"Please, don't say anything! My aunt doesn't know yet you can't tell anyone!" his voice was harsh yet soft and scared. He was scared with how you were going to act.

"You're fucking spiderman! Holy shit! Holy Shit" you dropped the blanket and jumped into his arms. he stood there for a second confused, he eventually gave in wrapping his arms around you. feeling the warmth of your body against his. He felt safe with you.

"You have to tell me everything! and oh my god I have so many questions! but also you idiot!" you slapped him aside the head laughing but also giggling at the fact that your boyfriend is spiderman.

From there on you would help him fix his suit if he ever needed it or cover for him if a lie came back to haunt him.

Some nights he'd come to your window sharing all the details about some sandwich robbery he stopped.

There would be times where it's hard to be with Ethan, you sometimes thought he loved being spiderman than being with you. His actions spoke more than words could at times.

Bailing on date nights, sometimes right in the middle of your date. You love him and love seeing how much joy he gets out of helping others, but it also takes a toll on your relationship.

After an argument about how you felt he bailed out on you not wanting to say something he'd regret.

Things just got harder from there, you both agreed that you'd be better off apart, but you both lied to yourself.

Ethan thought it was better only to keep you safe from the criminals, and you thought it was all stupid. Knowing spiderman is who he is but he's also Ethan Landry the love of your life.

Soon things would take a turn for the worst as one of his enemies found out your importance to spiderman. Kidnapping you and using you as a pawn to trap him.

Ethan's heart would break seeing you in so much pain, even after trying to leave you to keep you save it did nothing. there you sat in front of him after he fought the villain. He didn't know what to do.

Both of you scrapped and bloodily up all you want to do is be in his arms. And just like before he stood shocked for a moment feeling your body against his.

It felt so right, wrapping his arms around your body he held you tight, tighter than he ever has. "I'm so sorry y/n please I'm so sorry i love you" he tucked his head into your neck, the faint smell of your perfume filled his nose.

"Don't ever leave me ever again! I'm being serious" you hugged him as tight as he did to you. "And I love you too."

#jack champion #ethan landry #scream vi #ethan landry imagine #ethan landry x reader #jack champion imagine #jack champion x reader #spider avatar #ethan landry smut #ghost face x reader #spiderman ethan landry #ethan landry x you #jack champion is all i think about #jack champion fluff #jack champion fanfic #avatar spider #avatar way of water #avatar

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runningthroughthegarden · 1 year

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could you please write a jack champion taking care of his sick gf? i’m currently sick so i need some love (even if it’s fake LMFAOO) 😭

love this!! :) just a short little blurb <3

soup and soft touches

you lay sick in your bed, red nose, dewy sweat, and tissues surrounding your bundled up body. suddenly your bubbling boyfriend comes crashing through your door.

"hey babe you'll never gue-" his high energy filling the room. he takes a second to take in your appearance.

"hey what's wrong?" his face instantly fills with worry has he walks towards you.

"hey, just got a little sick is all" you reply with a slight smile.

"a little?? you're burning up!!" he exclaims while his soft hands graze your forehead.

"promise i'm fine jack i just-" you say leaning into his touch.

"i'll be back" he states. quickly getting up to leave the room, leaving you confused.

sinking back into your soft bed you fall in and out of a sound sleep. feeling your head pound and nose run. you don't know how much time has passed but your curly headed boyfriend finally enters your room. walking in with a tray in hand, carrying your favorite soup, medicine, a glass of water, and your favorite candy.

"jack you really didn't have to" you say, sitting up from your comfortable position.

"nuh uh i'm taking care of you" he sweety replies placing the tray on your nightstand. climbing into the bed next to you he drapes his arm across your waist, placing a kiss on your forehead.

"you're gonna get sick y'know" you say looking up at him.

"i don't care. i wanna be here with you" he replies.

letting a laugh escape your lips you snuggle your head into the crook of his neck.

"c'mon eat some soup before it gets cold" he suggests while pushing stray hair off your forehead.

"i'm gonna go clean this up i'll be right back okay" he says while leaving the room. you take this as an opportunity to start playing your favorite movie. jack reenters the room, now shirtless and in a pair of comfortable sweats.

"hey you don't get to look that pretty when i look like death" you giggle, taking in the sight of the man in front of you.

"you could never not look gorgeous" he replies, planting a kiss on your lips.

"don't complain to me when you're the one sick in bed" you laugh.

"yeah whatever scoot over" he replies, pulling you into his chest.

spending the rest of the night cuddle up with your favorite movie and your favorite boy, you can feel your body slowly start to heal.

<3.

a/n: hope this makes you feel better!! :)

#jack champion #jack champion x reader #jack champion x y/n #scream #scream vi #jack champion fluff #jack champion oneshot

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auras-moonstone · 10 months

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hello there! this is my first time requesting anything so i’m sorry if it comes out too long or i don’t really request it properly hwhshwhsjssh, i just stumbled across your blog and saw you’re a swiftie AND a jack stan too!!! (i already love u for this!!). could we get jack/ethan with a swiftie girlfriend? maybe he got her tickets to see taylor (and if it’s jack, maybe he knows taylor and got into the little celebrity area at the eras tour?) and he tells her he loves her for the first time during “daylight”, because ever since they got together he learnt love is golden 🥺<3 if you’re not up for it, it’s totally cool!! your work is so good :)

hi!! the way i SCREAMED in excitement when i saw this request omg! thank you so much! writing this was honestly heartwarming. i always include some taylor references on my writings because she’s the one that inspires me to write. so, i’m actually really proud and happy of what i did with this little one shot🥺 hope you enjoy it!

it’s golden, like daylight — jack champion

words: 1,307

pairing: jack champion x fem!reader

summary: taylor invites jack and y/n to her show, and during one of the surprise songs, jack gets the courage to tell her the three words.

THE FIRST THING JACK THINKS WHEN HE HEARS THE NAME TAYLOR SWIFT IS Y/N. When they met, one of the first thing he noticed about her was that she was a huge swiftie. He took interest in her interests, so now his timeline and his search page was filled with things about the american singer. He even added tons of her songs to his playlist. And if you were to ask him what his favorite album was, he would say Lover. But maybe that’s because—as his girlfriend said—he was in his “Lover Era”.

When Taylor announced she was going on tour, he knew he would do anything to make his girlfriend’s dream come true. Maybe the stars had aligned, maybe it was a coincidence or maybe it was faith, but Taylor Swift knew him, and she also knew that Y/N was a big fan and Jack almost fainted when he saw his Instagram notification. He had kept it from Y/N for a couple of weeks, and it was finally time to reveal it.

Y/N was sitting on the couch, laptop on her lap and you could see the stress and anguish painted on her face. It was clearly someone who was having an awful time on queue.

Jack walked towards her with a smile, and closed her laptop. She started at the device with an expression of shock before setting her eyes on him—if looks could kill, Jack would’ve died on the spot.

“Jack! What the fuck!” she said in a loud angry tone. “You better pray to all the gods that I didn’t lose my queue number, cause I’m going to strangle you” she gritted her teeth as she opened her laptop again.

“You don’t need the queue” Jack simply said, taking her laptop away.

“Jack, please, it’s not the time for your cuddling needs” Y/N said frustrated.

“It’s not that” he laugh, as he took his phone and opened his DMs. He handed the phone to her. “Read it”.

Y/N’s curious eyes took notice of the user on top—Taylor Nation. Her heart skipped a bit, and read the message.

Hey, Jack!

Hope you’re doing well!

Taylor Swift knows your girlfriend, Y/N, is a big fan and she would like to invite you both to her show on Minneapolis, night two!

Please, answer us if you’re available and gives us the address so we can send you the tickets.

The girl stared at the phone in pure shock, not even noticing the tears leaking from her eyes or her shaking hands. She re-read the message hundreds of times, but still felt surreal. Taylor fucking Swift invited HER to her show. Taylor Swift knew who SHE was. Y/N never imagined something like this would ever happen, not even in her wildest dreams.

“Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I wanted it to be a surprise. Also, sorry for making you angry and scaring you with the laptop thing” Jack spoke up.

Y/N grabbed his hand and pull him in, his body landing on top of hers. She hugged his boyfriend tightly. “Is this really happening?” she asked with a broken voice.

“Yes, babe. We are seeing Taylor in a couple of months!”

Y/N sobbed as she hid her face on her boyfriend’s neck. Her wishes became true—she was seeing her favourite artist with her favourite person.

JACK DIDN’T KNOW THAT THE TOUR WOULD BE SUCH AN EXPERIENCE. The concert was still months away, but the excitement was present every single day. Y/N even had a folder on her pinterest called “the eras tour”; in where she had outfits ideas and inspo for friendship bracelets. She also had a list on her phone notes with the surprise songs she would love to get.

“So, what costume are we getting?” Jack asked her while they made friendship bracelets.

“You are getting one too?” Y/N asked surprised.

Jack smiled “Of course! I was thinking of doing couple costumes”

“Yes! Let’s go on pinterest” she said with eagerness.

They spent a couple of minutes searching for a costume they both liked, until they found the perfect one.

“I’m so happy, you don’t even know” she beamed, head on his lap.

“I love seeing you like this. It makes me happy too” Jack grinned, tracing her cheekbones with his fingers.

Y/N lifted her head to kiss him softly “Thanks for putting up with my annoying fan girl ass”.

“Shut up” he laughed against her lips “You say it as if it was something bad. And it isn’t. Like I said, seeing you like this makes me happy too. Besides, I’m actually enjoying this whole ‘the eras’ experience”.

“Well then, I’m glad. What song would you love to hear live?” she wondered.

Jack knew the answer instantly. “Daylight”.

“Jack, oh my god, you have great taste. Why did you choose it?”

“I just like the lyrics” he shrugged.

Lies. Well, of course he liked the lyrics—but more importantly, he understood and felt them. Jack didn’t really know how Taylor came up with the concept that love was golden, but it just made sense to him. Maybe it’s because he had Y/N in his life that he could see why the color fitted just right.

His girlfriend was a literal ray of sunshine, there was no chance of feeling blue whenever she was around. How could he not fall for her? How could he not love her when everything was brighter and shiner—like daylight—ever since she barged into his life with her dazzling smile and heart of gold? She was golden and so was their love.

Love… that was a word they hadn’t say to each other yet. They had been together for almost six months, and he had known he loved her two months ago. But she was his first girlfriend, and he was scared he was going too fast for her liking, so he decided to wait.

Ironic enough, the same thoughts were on Y/N’s mind constantly. Falling in love with him had been as easy as knowing all of the words to her old favourite songs, pun intended. He was sweet, funny, caring, the representation of a golden retriever.

Both had the other completely bewitched, and they didn’t even notice.

THE DAY HAD FINALLY ARRIVED AND Y/N ENTERED THE VENUE WITH SHAKY LEGS. A security guard guided them towards Taylor’s guests area and on their way, a couple of fans waved at them excitingly.

Once they were settled there, the fans started to come their way to say hi and exchange bracelets with them, also receiving a lot of praise for their outfits. They chose the costumes Brandon Urie and Taylor used for the ME! music video. Jack had a dark pink checkered suit and Y/N the glittery pink dress with the big red heart on the middle.

The countdown began and Y/N and Jack screamed her lungs out singing the intro of Miss Americana and Cruel Summer’s bridge. They got all lovey during Lover and Enchanted and danced their heart out to the rest of the set list that was filled with Taylor’s most iconic songs.

Before they knew it, surprise song time came, and Jack’s mouth fell open when he heard the words.

My love was as cruel as the cities I’ve lived in…

“Jack, what the fuck! You literally manifested it!” Y/N laughed. Jack laughed, wrapping his arms around her waist, her back pressed against his front and Jack’s chin rested on the top of her head.

I once believed love would be black and white… but it’s golden, like daylight.

If that wasn’t a sign, then Jack didn’t know what else it could be. But he was going to tell her, he felt a little more brave…fearless.

“I love you, Y/N” he whispered on her ear, as Taylor continued to sing the song that, in that moment, became theirs.

Y/N turned her head to the side, their lips brushing. The corners of her mouth lifted and she looked at him with eyes filled with love and adoration. “I love you too, Jack”.

liked by taylorswift, taylornation, jackchampion, and 16,987 others.

y/n.y/l/n i once believed love would be black and white, but it’s golden like daylight 💓 i love you forever and ever jackchampion

jackchampion that’s our song, love. i love you to the moon and to saturn 💕

jennaortega best couple ever

masonthegooding you two are disgustingly cute

baileybass omg you finally said the l-word!!!

y/n.y/l/n baileybass yes!! he said it during daylight😫💕

jackslover SO THATS WHY JACK SAID “THAT’S OUR SONG” OH GOD THIS IS CUTE

jamieflatters and they say romance is dead

misstrinitybliss i love you both 🥺🫶🏻

taylornation that’s a real fucking legacy

#jack champion #jack champion x y/n #jack champion fluff #jack champion x reader #jack champion imagine #jack champion oneshot #jackchampion #taylor swift #jack champion fanfic #ethan landry

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cornsobsessions · 1 year

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It's the end of 2022 so here are my favorite fics that I read this year! These weren't all written in 2022, in fact many of them were not, but I did read all of them this year.

They cover a wide range of ratings and topics so please read any of the writers tags and content warnings before reading. a * means you need to be logged in to ao3 to read.

Anything in Italics is my thoughts.

1. consider the hairpin turn (do not choose sides yet) by jjcofeesa (@30samwiches) zimbits, holsom, shardo, pimms | 50k You are not in a car with a beautiful boy. You are in a car next to a beautiful boy. And in a car behind your ex. And in a car ahead of your best friend. If you're Jack Zimmermann, current World Driver's Champion, that is. If you're Eric Bittle, you're too nervous about your rookie season to be thinking about what the boys in the other cars look like. (You tell yourself you're too nervous, anyway. You do think about it.) If you're on Twitter, well. They're all beautiful boys, and you wish you could be in the car with them. I don't know when this became a comfort fic for me but I have read it several times now and it has been wonderful every single time

2. action painting, abstract in the making by unconventionalturtle (@watermelonmountaindew) zimbits | 35k A stolen painting. A forged painting. A mysterious blonde. That's how it all begins.Jack Zimmermann thinks he’s set himself up for a nice, simple life when he quits playing hockey and gets started on his degree. But for the grad student, and night shift security guard, the summer of 2015 seems to have other plans. A fun story about the gang and you get to learn about some cool paintings along the way!

3. Defining Expectations by cricketnationrise (@cricketnationrise) nurseydex | 32k When Will joins the team at Samwell Dictionary, he doesn't know what to expect about anything other than his job description. With the help of good friends (and good pie) he might just have a shot at defining his expectations.

4. Got Your Back Means I'll Get You Out by cricketnationrise (@cricketnationrise) bitty and shitty | 17k Bitty Comes Out. Shitty Comes To Get Him. heartbreaking, wholesome, and full of platonic love

5. getting used to letting go by jennycaakes nurseydex, farmer | 37k Dex was supposed to have a fancy job in some city upon graduation, but his plans changed once his uncle died and left the family home in Maine to him. Without immediate obligations of their own, Nursey, Chowder and Farmer follow Dex up there to help him clear it out and clean it up. The way this feels so true to life is insane

6. I Don't Know What I Would Do by specklesandflowers jack and shitty | 57k The adventures of first-year Shitty Knight and Jack Zimmermann and the beauty that is their friendship I love Jack and Shitty’s friendship so much and this was so fun to read

7. The Gay Favour by FightMeImSmall nurseydex | 43k “I need a favour.” Will said intensely to the group of people assembled before him. “Okay so last year my brothers were ragging me about going to a liberal arts college and just generally being dicks. Sibling stuff, and like, that was fine. But then Christopher was like ‘found yourself a boyfriend yet?’ like as a joke and I’d had it up to here with their shit and replied, ‘so what if I have?’ So now my family think I’m gay and expect me to bring a boyfriend to this big ole reunion. If I don’t bring one they’re just going to get worse.” His friends all blinked at him, surprise evident in each of their faces. “I’ll do it.” Nursey said slowly The OCs are amazing and it was just so fun to read

8. Breathe With No Air by bluflamingo parswoops | 25k After Jack kisses Bitty on the ice, Kent's attacked one night by drunk, homophobic hockey fans. He's got no memory of the attack, but that doesn't make it any less traumatic. Fortunately, he's got his friends to get him through, in more ways than one. Pain but its also so beautiful

9. got the feeling you're the right thing after all by bisexualnursey nurseydex | 74k Two and a half years after he breaks up with Dex to go to grad school across the country, Nursey runs into him again when he visits New York for the holidays. What starts as them just rekindling their friendship quickly turns into a whole other thing: a 100% no-strings-attached friends with benefits arrangement while they’re in the same city. Which is totally chill because Nursey is definitely over Dex. He swears. He’s going back to California soon anyway.

10. (simply having) a WTF christmas time by loud_as_lions * whiskeytango, wtf | 17k All the Ford siblings are home for the holidays. Denice’s brothers are more than a little surprised when their sister brings not one, but two men home for Christmas. Logically, they assume she’s dating one of them. Which one, though? Just so much love can be felt and the OCs are wonderful

11. write our names in the wet concrete by MyCupOfTea zimbits | 20k “Oh my God, has it? Been ten years already?” The Olympics are never without their fair share of drama, scandal, and movie worthy storylines. However, the 2018 Winter Olympics remains burned into the sports world’s memory especially bright. And the sports world, despite their somewhat recent retirement, includes Eric Bittle and Jack Zimmermann. I love the way this is written

12. I've been waiting for a lifetime, for a moment just like this. by pandabob parswoops | 25k It's Jeff's last Christmas hospital visit before he retires so Kent is determined to make sure that he visits everyone, little does he know that this visit will change their lives forever.Heart wrenching and beautiful

13. Your heart hurts, mine does too by the_p_in_raspberry zimbits | 19k Shitty had always thought that because of Samwell’s LGBTQ+ friendly rumor, if one of his teammates weren’t straight they would come out eventually, only waiting because they weren’t ready yet, but never waiting because they were scared. He could see now how his logic was flawed. heartbreaking and heartwarming, all at the same time

14. From the Ground Up by Rianne kent/omc | 167k Kent has a pretty good life. It’s been a couple years since the Aces last won a cup, but he’s still at the height of his career. He has an apartment with a stunning view over Vegas, a best friend who’s always dragging him to basketball games, a cat to cuddle with, and more money than he could ever spend. Everything is fine. So it won’t be a problem at all if he strikes up a friendship with that guy he meets at the All-Star party. ---- Tomas enjoyed the years he spent in Minnesota, but he’s ready for a new life in a different city. It means he’ll be even further from his friends and family in Quebec, and he’s not sure he’s going to adapt well to the desert. But he’ll have his new job to distract him, and he’s never minded the challenge of developing a new circle of friends and acquaintances. He doesn’t expect Kent Parson to be part of that.

15. mon pays by weneedtotalkaboutsherlock (@weneedtotalkaboutfic) zimbits, shardo, farmer, zimmerparents | 41k He didn't suggest they come to the cabin because he misses home, not really. At first, it was a senior thing between Shitty and him, one last weekend together before their final semester at Samwell, before graduation, before their lives inevitably change and diverge in ways Jack doesn't want to think about too much. Shitty suggested that Lardo and Bitty should tag along, and Jack agreed. Having them at the cabin… it was a good thought. He'd have them for his own, for a few days. But then, four became six, when Holster and Ransom heard about their plans, and cherry on top, the Frogs tagged along as well after that. So much for a quiet weekend between friends. snow filled shenanigans

16. four calling birds by wit (@parvuls) zimbits, shardo | 11k "You are now listening to Shits and Bits on Hub 98FM!" In which four radio hosts and one medical emergency result in Jack and Bitty co-hosting a show the night before Christmas Eve.

17. Friend Request by WrathoftheStag (@wrathofthestag) zimbits, shardo, nurseydex, fordtango | 26k When Eric Bittle was 18, he made out with 20-year-old hockey player, Jack Zimmermann, at an Olympic after-party. 25 years later, an unexpected friend request from Jack throws Eric for a loop. What’s a guy to do?

18. Time and Hearts by rickysims katyageorge, zimbits | 16k In 2002, a figure skater from Russia and a hockey player from Canada met at the Olympics. They fell in love. Jack and Bitty know that part. What they don’t know is what happened next and why Katya and George might not want to rekindle flame that went out 20 years ago.

19. Becoming Lardo by loud_as_lions * shardo | 9k Larissa was different with these boys than she was with anyone else. She had always thought that all the talk about finding yourself in college was bullshit, but these boys were making her wonder just how much of what she had previously believed might be changed by this place. An absolutely wonderful lardo character study

20. Like Our Own Private Island by imafriendlydalek * zimbits, shardo | 85kAfter Eric loses his spot on the SMH team and Lardo graduates, they're both left floundering with few options. So when the opportunity comes up to manage a cafe on a remote island in Quebec, it seems like as good a place as any to figure out their next steps in life. Even if it does mean he'll need to brush up on his French. The last thing Eric expects to find in a place like this, reachable only by ship in the warmer months or tiny little tin-can airplanes, is a town full of people who welcome them like family. Well, everyone except one: the enigmatic, irresistible Jacques Laurent.

21. Eric Bittle, NBC 10 by foryouandbits zimbits | 82k In 2009, Jack Zimmermann was drafted 2nd overall to the Providence Falconers. After a tumultuous first season in the minors, Jack returns to the NHL and is named captain within a year. Known to the media as the "hockey robot," no one seems to be able to break through the polite barrier that Jack has built — no one until Eric Bittle, newest intern at NBC 10. Bitty, interning as a requirement for his journalism degree at nearby Samwell University, forms an instant connection with Jack. Throughout the rest of the season, and the rest of Bitty's junior year at Samwell, the two grow closer while learning how to both trust each other and succeed in their respective careers. A fun alternate meeting AU

22. thinking outrageously (I write in cursive) by bumblegremlin (@bittysthesis) pimms, zimbits | 15k Jack was glad Bitty wanted a long engagement. It gave him time to address the very large, very pressing issue at hand. Eric Bittle was Jack Zimmermann’s fiancé. Kent Parson was Jack Zimmermann’s husband. A fun and funny fic in which Kent is a little shit and so is Jack

I read so many awesome fics this year and like last year making this list was very difficult! I can't wait to see what all you write in the future (or have written in the past) that I will get to read!

#i read a lot of fics over 10k this year sorry not sorry #i am not lying when i say narrowing this list down is so hard #my 'short' list is over 60 fics long and i read many many more #i hope you all enjoy and i can't wait to read more!#fic recs #best of 2022 #omgcp #check please #omgcheckplease

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moth-based-cryptology · 3 years

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Ufc Fighter Albert Dasilva Headcanons

hello, people who still follow me despite the fact i never post cause i’m a mess. how y’all doin? my favorite ufc fighter won the other day so now ✨this is what we’re doing✨. also i originally sent this thought to @we-are-inevitable ‘s ask box so find that post here (hi jac ilysm mwah mwah mwah)

i also wrote a part 2 so find that here !!

also,,,,, this is fairly obvious. but trigger warning for violence/physical fighting, and well as blood and injury. (it’s a rough gig y’all fjdhdb)

i sincerely apologize in advance for what a mess this post is gonna be i just had a monster and i’m hyped up on the win and this is a hyperfixation i don’t get to talk about very often so feel free to ask questions and HERE WE FUCKIN GO

OK SO

albert is just,,,,,, a violent sports guy. always has been, probably always will be.

most forms of recreational fighting, football, hockey, rugby, fuck even soccer if he gets too into it. he’s just a Built Person, and he wicked competitive, and that makes for violent displays of athleticism

I think he was probably a hockey or football guy in high school, but he was also on the wrestling team cause i said so

then after graduation he got really into kickboxing, just to have something to do cause he didn’t have school sports to play and train for all the time

and then one day his coach is like ‘hey. you’re like,,, stupid good at this. you should sign up for competitions, you might make some money.’

he does, in fact, ‘make some money’, cause in straight kickboxing? he’s pretty much unmatched on the regional scene, which is ridiculous cause he didn’t start training his stand up game til he was 18 or 19

then American Top Team (ATT, it’s a really big MMA training camp that had trained a boat load of the top talent in the UFC) approaches him like ‘y’know if you worked on your grappling you could be a really solid mma fighter’

which is HUGE, but obviously albert can’t pick up his entire life and move to florida to train with them, so him and race (this is me, of course race is with al. supportive boyfriend and number one fan alert <3) find gyms willing to work with him based in new york. then he starts signing up for shit.

he sticks with stand up fighting when he can, he likes it more and cause,,,,, well. it’s more entertaining. the higher your entertainment value, the more people watch your fights. the more people watch your fights, the more likely you are to get noticed by big promotions (like the ufc)

he uses his wrestling to keep grapplers on their feet (he’s got like a 90% takedown defense, what an icon) and he picks people apart.

he has a lot of technical skill, but he also is fiery and passionate and scrappy. he gets hit too much for his own good a lot of the time.

he’s super durable. this man can get hit clean over and over and stay on his feet, but that’s not gonna hold up forever. it takes a loss or two in a row to motivate him to change it

and oh boy does he change it

he spends a month in auckland, new zealand at city kickboxing (one of the best kickboxing gyms in the world, and they lean heavily on tactics rather than just charging forward blindly)

he’s straight up a different fighter after that. he’s quick, light on his feet, and avoids punches way easier while also setting up the angles for his own. he gets signed to the ufc 2 fights later.

his first fight is short notice. no training camp, he’s got 5 days to make weight, AND it’s against a top 10 ranked opponent. no big deal, right?

and albert, being albert, is super chill about it. sure, this is the opportunity of a lifetime, could decide his entire future as a fighter, and he’s barely got time to prepare.

but he’s in the gym every single day of the week, he doesn’t super cut on weight like most ex-wrestlers, and most importantly, it’s just fighting. all he has to do is get in the octagon and punch some dude in the face. he can do that all day.

race on the other hand,,,,,,,,

he believes in albert with his whole soul, he really does, but Fuck watching your boyfriend get hit in the head is no fucking fun. especially when you know that the guy throwing the punches has been training for months, and your guy hasn’t even had a week

so he brings jack for moral support. also cause jack is DEFINITELY a ufc fan and was the only one that would understand what was happening.

at some point in the first round albert gets caught clean, opening a cut on his cheek, which makes race Panic Even More

but he gets cleaned up between rounds, and it’s not swelling so he can still see, and it’s over by the middle of the second.

and albert wins, cause (this is fiction and i’m telling a story) of fucking course he does, and he probably wins with some stupid dramatic spinning back kick and gets clipped on twitter cause he’s just Like That

the part that makes me, as the ralbert shipper, super fucking happy is coming up but i need to add a lil real talk first

considering albert is like,,,, openly in a relationship with a man when he gets into the ufc,,,,, that makes him the first publicly gay ufc fighter. like,,,, ever.

this is realized after his hand gets raised after the ref calls the stoppage.

bruce buffer makes the official announcement, al gets his hand raised, he gets interviewed by joe rogan, and then his coaches, jack and race get to come into the cage

at first everyone things it’s a best friend or something, especially after the dap up bro hug things he gives his coaches and jack

but then albert sees race, and you can watch this boy’s face light up on the camera. then race throws his arms around albert’s neck and albert half lifts him off the ground in a hug around his waist and ok, sure, that’s not the most platonic thing you’ve ever seen, but that doesn’t prove anything

and then albert kisses race. like full, actual, on the mouth in front of all the cameras kiss. cause he doesn’t give a shit.

and nobody’s talking about his spinning back kick anymore, cause Holy Shit That Wasn’t Very Straight Of You Dasilva

but he doesn’t address it, cause every other fighter gets to kiss their wife or girlfriend or whatever in the cage after they win and nobody bats an eye, so why should it be any different for him and his boyfriend?

also, because it needs to be said, statistically there are ALREADY lgbtq+ male fighters in the ufc. like currently, in real life. they’re just not out publicly. the ufc has openly supported queer people’s rights in the past, and is partnered with 4 prominent HIV/AIDS awareness organizations. there is multiple openly queer women currently fighting in the ufc, including amanda nunes, who has been repeatedly called the greatest women’s fighter of all time. but as of right now, there is no openly mlm ufc fighters, so that would technically make albert the first. we love a trend setter. now back to what i’m supposed to be talking about djdhdbd

and eventually interviewers and fans on twitter realize that they’re only going to get one answer to vague questions about sexuality, which is “i’m dating a man and i fight people for a living. if that makes me a revolutionary, so be it bro.”

he includes race in a lot of his answers, especially in interviews where they ask more personal questions or grill him on his mental game, cause he loves race and thinks he deserves credit for everything he does to make al a better person and a better fighter

also, purely for my own entertainment, i think after he becomes champion (cause of course he does) he goes on the joe rogan podcast, and joe is pretty much the only one who gets albert to talk about any of it in a genuine way

he doesn’t get sarcasm or a blunt “can we talk about fighting, now?” like everyone else, he gets a real answer, cause that’s what albert came on to do anyway

he talks about getting together in highschool, and how it was race’s idea for him to start kickboxing in the first place, and what a fucking genius race is and how he’s getting his PhD right now, and how he didn’t want to talk about it cause he didn’t want to be the “gay fighter”, and how that’s a trivialization of his relationship with race and he refuses to let it be seen as anything but what it is, which is the best fucking thing that’s ever happened to him

just. Ugh. them <3

THIS POST IS SO LONG HOLY SHIT DHDHDHDH

anyway-

y e a h. albert dasilva would rock anyone’s shit. if i keep having thoughts about this i’ll make one about him becoming champion. thank you for your time ✨

also gonna tag @soaps-posts cause the brainrot is powerful so here you are my dear <3

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alexajanecollins · 3 years

Text

Part 3: There is something about childhood friends that you just can’t replace. - Mason M.

Part 1: “Life ain’t always easy when your last name is Lampard” Part 2: “A girl and a boy can’t be just friends, there is always one that falls in love” - Jack G.

Hope you like it 💙

“Are you allowed to join the players on the plane to Sevilla?” Mason had asked you in a text message some days before Chelsea was leaving to Spain for their Champions League game against Sevilla. Mason knowing you usually are present at all home and away games, the boy secretly hoping you will join the Champions League games as well this year.

You weren’t sure if your dad was letting you travel to that exact away game, neither did you know if you were allowed to travel with the same airplane as the players. This being the exact reason you never answered Masons text messages, the answer pretty clear when the boy spotted you at the airport.

Your best friend from college had been joining you to almost every game ever since your dad started coaching the Chelsea team, the girl agreeing the minute you invited her to the game in Sevilla. The both of you deciding to use the game as a perfect opportunity to explore the city and have a short city trip away from home, away from all the college work.

It didn’t take long before everyone was allowed to board the plane. The whole plane filled with players, staff or any person related to the Chelsea team. Your friend was currently talking with your dad as she took a seat, a smile into each players direction when she passed their seats. The both of you always seated at the back of the plane whenever you travelled.

“She doesn’t answer texts anymore, just surprises you with the answer.” You heard Mason say more to himself, a bit of laughter coming from you for a second. “Look who is seated all alone again.” You smiled stopping where Mason was seated. “Feel free to join.” He said and you asked your friend for a second if she minded, the girl just nodding in your direction as she started talking with someone from the staff.

“I was busy, I totally forgot to reply.” You excused yourself for the fact you never answered his texts messages. “But here I am, joining you to Seeeeevillaaaaa.” You said singing the cities name, Mason laughing for a second. “You really aren’t ashamed of anything are you.” He said shaking his head as some of the others turned their heads to look at you, a bit of laughter filling the plane for a second.

“Not at all.” You said, your eyes meeting with one of the players, a small smile and a wave shared for a second before Mason pinched your cheek. “Stop flirting with my teammates.” He laughed and you laughed yourself looking at him for a second. “You are just jealous.” You added looking out the window for a second as the plane was up in the air already. “Besides, I don’t need to flirt with any of your teammates to get myself a man. I already have one” “You added, the last part of the sentence more to yourself.

You and Mason had been friends since you were both children. The two of you never separated, always find together. It just felt like you weren’t able to get rid of him, not minding that the both of you still were very good friends after all these years. The childhood friendship something you want to keep alive for as long as possible.

Mason always wanted the exact same, the friendship to never end. The both of you knowing too much about each other’s personal life to just give up on. And the fact you both are still living in Chelsea being perfect to maintain the friendship. The endless support you give each other all the time being the perfect medicine to have this amazing friendship.

“How are you feeling about the game?” You asked looking at Mason again. “Nervous.” He said with a sigh. “But I think we actually are able to win this one.” He said and you nodded. “That’s said with enough confidence.” You smiled. “I am sure it will be good. Sevilla isn’t that strong of a team.” You said and he nodded. “If you say so.” He smiled.

You and Mason talked through the whole flight, some of the other players sometimes blending into the conversation. Mason asking you for a bit of advice with his love life as things weren’t going as good as they normally did with his girlfriend. You tried your best to get his mind of the troubles at home so he could focus on the upcoming game.

And what a focus he had. The game came to an end with Chelsea winning. The atmosphere on the flight back home the ultimate best as everyone was still celebrating the win. The two days spend in Sevilla leading into you and your best friend having loads of pictures saved into your phones. Several pictures ending up on your social media accounts.

You and your friend were talking and laughing while getting off the plane and out of the airport, a quick goodbye to some of the players and your friend when her boyfriend waited for her outside, her private taxi driver as both of you always said. A small conversation between you three before your ways seperated.

“Text me if the trouble in paradise isn’t better when you get home.” You said while hugging Mason goodbye, a chuckle coming from him. “Fingers crossed she isn’t mad anymore.” He laughed a little before saying goodbye to his teammate as well as you when his taxi arrived.

Both you and the team mate he said goodbye to dissapeared in the same taxi. Laughter filling the car for a second as you bumped your head against the roof while getting inside. “This is your fault.” You said pushing the boy for a second as he kissed your head a couple of times to make the pain go away. “I will make it better. I promise.”

tags: @footballdaydream @bbychilly @kingkepaff @cam-blog98 @shewritesfootie@chilly-me-softly @ellarrose @eatsleepbreathefutbol

#mason mount #mini series

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chaethewriter · 1 year

Text

Jack Champion x acubi gf!reader scenarios

Underdressed bf and overdressed gf

tagged: @viivvriv @genesis4545 @norrisgf @darkcrusadestrawberry @drxwstxrkxy

A/N: for all my acubi girls <3 felt like doing this impulsively so it isn't well thought out oops.

◇ when you had announced your relationship, no one expected it. I mean, not to be mean, but you and Jack looked TOTALLY different.

◇ first of all, you weren't in the spotlight the way Jack was. You were a photographer and Jack was an actor.

◇ this is also how the two of you had met. You were at an event taking pictures when Jack had knocked you over because he didn't see you.

◇ typical Jack.

◇ he had apologized multiple times, feeling terrible as his muscled chest collided with your face.

◇ you thought he was incredibly cute, though, with his fluffy hair and short sleeved shirt that defined his muscles.

◇ being incredibly bold, you didn't miss to try and take your chance.

◇ it made him incredibly flustered how quick he folded.

◇ was incredibly surprised when the two of you met up after the event— your clothes of that day were assigned to you, so seeing you in this different style had him surprised, in a good way.

◇ your outfit obviously flustered him. He wore one of the most comfortable clothes in his closet: his pink champion hoodie and a pair of black jeans. Meanwhile, you wore a short skirt with a huge belt, a crop top, and a knitted shrug. Your black boots were half covered with your leg warmers as you topped your outfit off with a lot of jewelry.

◇ to say he was starstrucked by you was an understatement. Man was down bad.

◇ he messaged you whenever he could. Sending you silly images to go with in return for your pretty little selfies.

Jack attack: Jamie is laughing at me :(

Jack attack: we were walking down the street and Trinity called me from behind

Jack attack: so I turned to look at her then I ran into a lamppost

Jack attack: ☹️

Jack attack: anyway OOTD?

◇ he asked you out like a true gentleman: flowers and a teddy bear from build-a-bear that reminded you so much of him.

◇ almost got a nosebleed on your first date because of your revealing outfit.

◇ gave you his coat when you were cold (your mindset is always style above comfort, he needs to think about your comfort for you)

◇ your body basically drowned in the material as he is 6'1.

◇ accidentally asked you if he could be your boyfriend on your first date— he didn't mean to, as he wanted to take it slow with you.

◇ you just looked so pretty in front of him.

◇ honestly shat his pants, thinking he lost his chance.

◇ was over the moon when you had accepted him as your significant other.

◇ honestly your personal photographer.

◇ he is better at it then expected.

◇ stands like a grandpa while taking your pictures though.

"Babe, why are you standing with your ass out like that?"

◇ you tag him in all the pictures he took for your insta posts.

jackchampion these are the prettiest pictures ever taken. Who took them?

◇ always asks you if you're comfortable in your outfit— to him, it looked so uncomfortable.

◇ he honestly doesn't care what you wear: it's your body and he is happy to know you feel secure in your style.

◇ can't help but constantly worry about you: if you're warm, if your feet are okay, if you're uncomfortable under anyone's stares.

◇ people look up in confusion when the two of you walk through the streets.

"No way they're dating."

◇ you throw them nasty faces when you hear them talk behind your back.

◇ Jack scolded this group of boys once for shaming you and laughing at you.

◇ he always wears a shirt under his hoodie when you go out, in case you get cold and need his hoodie to wear.

◇ always goes shopping with you.

◇ he loves your happy expression as you run from section to section looking for cute cropped shirts and short skirts.

◇ you always ask him for his opinion— knowing he will say that he likes whatever you wear.

◇ terrible clothing advice giver, but he's trying for you!

"Do you think this brown crop top compliments this skirt?"

"Babe you look good in it I swear I have no idea what you else I should say-"

◇ he pays for you. He begs you to let him pay.

◇ "my pretty girl deserves to get dolled up for free. Just look pretty for me alright?"

◇ fun fact he had to walk through the streets on his socks once, because you were wearing his shoes.

◇ your feet were killing you, luckily you have a caring boyfriend.

◇ he loves to just sit in your bedroom and watch you play doll as you try out different clothing combinations.

◇ you had begged him to match outfits with you.

◇ the two of you want to your favorite clothing store, one he wouldn't step foot in on his own.

◇ you practically dragged him around as you assembled on outfit for him.

◇ got out of the changing room in an awkward stance.

"Are the pants supposed to fit like this?"

"Why are they about to rub the ground?"

"This feels so weird."

◇ you thought he looked pretty in the acubi style though.

◇ even though it's not his usual style, he bought the outfit for whenever you wanted to match.

◇ even though he walks around in silly orange tank tops, he's still your silly boyfriend whom you love so much.

liked by jackchampion and 30k others.

silly(y/n)_ pain is temporary, drip is forever?! —photographer: @ jackchampion

view all comments.

jackchampion the photographer totally slayed🥰 you too pretty girl

-> silly(y/n) jack please

#jack champion headcannons #jack champion x reader #jack champion #jack champion is taking my brain over #jack champion imagine #ethan landry headcanons #ethan landry #ethan landry x reader

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dem-cp-hoes · 4 years

Note

Sorry to bother you, but can you do some wholesome/cute head canons for the creepypastas please?

You're not bothering at all, no worries😊

Though I think these turned out to be general hc rather than cute but... 🤷‍♀️

---------------------------------------------------

Jeff:

I think it's pretty much canon that Jeff names his knives. Most people would think that he gives them badass names but nah...

His favorite is named Martha, no one else is allowed to touch her

There's also Kule, Austin and Annie, sometimes he talks to them (mostly about Liu)

No, you can't point it out/comment on it, it'll upset him

Smile is his best friend, Ben is jealous

His hair gets curly after a few days, which means he has to straighten it with an iron

He also puts his hair buns, or ponytails around the house (he looks good tbh)

^the reason he always has hair ties as well

He's either dead asleep or hasn't slept for 4 days straight, there's no in-between

Not a total asshole all the time, surprisingly

He doesn't make mean comments about things that hit too close to home

Like, sure he's gonna tease Toby for his ticks but he's never gonna mention his sister

He makes up his own curse words

He puts on chapstick, but no one knows

Everyone knows, they've seen him, Ben has a video

He talks during movies, questioning the logic and making comments about characters' decisions, nobody minds bc it's hilarious since everything he says is on point

He drinks the sweetest coffee with milk and 3 spoonfuls of sugar at least

Loves romantic movies, but he has a reputation

Has a small cactus in his room, it was a gift from Ben, he takes good care of it

Ben:

He has freckles!!! He has freckles everywhere!!! (sorry I got excited, I just love freckles) but bc of the whole dead/demon thing, you have to get close to him of you want to see them

Owns a lot of fandom themed hoodies and t-shirts

He can mimic a lot of cartoons' voices, including the jigglypuff song, it's quite impressive

He's very proud of it

Ben is a genius, since he's mostly attached to a computer he has access to anything the internet has to offer, so lots of knowledge

Sometimes he can answer like Alexa/Siri does if someone calls his name and asks something

The others think he can't control it and ask him things all the time

He absolutely can control it and only does it to fuck with them by giving them bullshit answers that sound legit

He collects action figures, what a dork

Has a hamster, his name is Picachu

He gets teased a lot over it, let him live pls

The others secretly love it tho

Loves to watch people argue through their cameras

He lives for the drama

"Ben what are u doing?" "I'm watching this couple in New Jersey, apparently Sharon cheated on Nick again, but this time with his sister!!!"

When he giggles/gets embarrassed his ears become bright red

Sits on the floor, sits on tables, sits on Jane, Slender is convinced he doesn't know what a chair is

Jack:

Any perfume with a very heavy scent makes him sneeze a lot

He refuses to believe he is hurt/sick

Jack, while being held down by all the proxies: Guys, I told you I'm fINE, I CAN WORK TODAY, JUST LET ME GO!!

He has a lot of animal mannerisms

Like licking someone he likes on the cheek, purring/growling, sniffing etc

Bruh, you scratch behind his ears or under his chin and his whole chest vibrates with purring

He tilts his head on the side when he's confused, like a dog

Loves scented candles, he has a bunch of them in his room

His favorite scent is lavender

He can in fact eat human food, it just can't sustain him all that well and anything that is not overly seasoned tastes bland

With that being said, he loves spicy food bc he can taste it properly

Jane screamed when she saw him eat an entire plate of ghost peppers with no milk

The jingle of keys makes his head turn sharply towards the sound, once again like a dog

He can fall asleep anywhere, and I mean anywhere

The porch? More than once

In another's room? Of course

In slender's office? That was quite an interesting thing to explain

In the middle of the kitchen? Yeah, once

He's just a sleepy boi

Jack is the one who knows everyone's ticklish spots bc gives check ups

Likes listening to audio books on his free time

Masky:

He drinks Irish coffee (for those of you who don't know, it has alcohol in it)

Once Masky called Slender dad (sleep deprived) and then proceeded to slam his head down on the table and say a bad word

Sally once made him a flower crown for his birthday

He refused to take it off for 5 hours!!

Won't sleep with less than 2 pillows

He considers his one True near death experience to be when he almost choked on one of Jane's fake eyelashes (long story)

He has mastered the 'disapproving face' game', even when he wears the mask, you can feel it's there

He's around Toby, what did you expect?

Doesn't trust giraffes ("why are they so fucking long????")

He has a very contagious laugh when he really laughs, even when he just grins

Can give the best hugs, hands down

Like you feel so warm and protected when he hugs you

And it doesn't help the fact that he smells like the forest after a rainy day.... (now I want a hug)

Hoodie:

He has dirt on everyone

Mainly bc he's quiet and reliable so people tell him stuff

Has Masky saved in his phone as 'Bae' and when people see it they ask, "Is he your boyfriend?"

And he replies with, "Nah, it stands for Biggest Asshole Ever"

Drinks tea by the gallon

Reigning champion of "How many objects can we put on Jeff while he sleeps"

Hoodie has those "hoe don't do it" moments pretty much every day

Jeff trying to start shit, Ben is planning a prank on someone, someone insulted Slender. Every time

Award winning smile

His hair is the softest thing ever I swear-

Will make tea for anyone he sees that's having a rough day

He likes to sketch people, he's actually pretty good

He likes to read books to calm down

If someone wants to he will read out loud to them

Toby:

Don't give him energy drinks

It won't make him hyper, oh no, but it will make him do dumb shit

Once, Helen made the mistake of handing him a red bull, and let's just say he was found playing a mix between 'the floor is lava' and 'don't let the balloon touch the floor'

It was intense

President of Protect the Bees and very proud of it

Will follow through with literally any dare, he takes impulsivity to new levels

Will let Sally do his hair and dress him up to play princess

That friend who sends you fucking memes at 3am just to be a prick

It's easy to get him flustered, especially if someone flirts with him

He is obsessed with sour sweets, not even he knows why

There's no such thing as personal space, he's comfortable around everyone

Gets excited when he sees a cartoon on tv from when he was a kid

Places the stickers Sally gives him on the headboard of his bed

He knows how to say, "can I pet your dog?" in 4 languages

#Creepypasta #Creepypasta Headcanon #Jeff the killer #Ben Drowned #Eyeless Jack #Masky #Hoodie #Ticci Toby

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vettingsanders · 4 years

Text

He Did Nothing For Years

The Bernie Sanders Story

I was going to title this post something that more adequately expresses my rage, like “Bernie Sanders is a Grifting Fuck and a Garbage Human,” but then I decided to be classy and paraphrase a quote from Evita instead. But I’m also petty so consider the subtitle of this rant to be “A Grifting Fuck and a Garbage Human.”

I was going to wait to post this until the primaries are over because if by some unholy hell miracle Sanders wins the nomination, obviously we all have to unite behind even the shittiest, most doomed to fail candidate, but fuck it. Vote blue no matter who, that goes without being said, but Sanders is the worst possible choice and was even when there were a dozen plus horses in this race, and now y’all are going to hear all the reasons why.

The Early Years: Sanders the Deadbeat

Sanders graduated from the university of Chicago in 1964 with a BA in Political Science and chose not to work until he was elected mayor of Burlington in 1981

I say “chose not to work” because he was fully capable but preferred being a bum. He had no student debt, he had no health conditions that prevented him from working, and the 1960s were characterized by rapid growth of the workforce, with three out of four college graduates holding high level positions by 1970

Sanders occasionally did some freelance writing and carpentry during these years, according to his resume, probably so he could claim he was trying to work in order to collect unemployment. Let’s take a look at some of his writings:

At age 28, he wrote an article for alternative newspaper The Vermont Freeman entitled “Cancer, Disease, and Society.” In the article, he argues that sexual repression can cause cancer, and women who are virgins, have fewer orgasms than their peers, or simply don’t enjoy sex are more likely to develop cancer. The article includes statements such as “the manner in which you bring up your daughter with regard to sexual attitudes may very well determine whether or not she will develop breast cancer, among other things” and “How much guilt, nervousness have you imbued in your daughter with regard to sex? If she is 16, 3 years beyond puberty and the time which nature set forth for child-bearing, and spent a night out with her boyfriend, what is your reaction? Do you take her to a psychiatrist because she is “maladjusted” or a “prostitute,” or are you happy that she has found someone with whom she can share love?” He also argues that the education system contributes to cancer, as does having “an old bitch of a teacher (and there are many of them).” https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/2157403-sanders-cancer.html

In 1969, in another article for The Vermont Freeman, he wrote, “In Vermont, at a state beach, a mother is reprimanded by Authority for allowing her 6 month old daughter to go about without her diapers on. Now, if children go around naked, they are liable to see each others sexual organs, and maybe even touch them. Terrible thing! If we [raise] children up like this it will probably ruin the whole pornography business, not to mention the large segment of the general economy which makes its money by playing on peoples sexual frustrations.” https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2015/07/bernie-sanders-vermont-freeman-sexual-freedom-fluoride/

His resume, incidentally, also lists him as a freelance youth counselor during his period of unemployment, which is just great. The man who thinks thirteen year olds should be getting pregnant and children should touch each other’s genitals, counseling your kids. Fantastic.

In the 1970s, Sanders stole electricity from his neighbors rather than paying his own bill. https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2015/07/bernie-sanders-vermont-119927

He stole food from the refrigerator of The Vermont Freeman’s publishers https://newrepublic.com/article/122005/he-was-presidential-candidate-bernie-sanders-was-radical

He was asked to leave a hippie commune in 1971 due to sitting around engaging in “endless political discussion” rather than working. Let me repeat, he was too lazy for a hippie commune. https://freebeacon.com/politics/bernie-sanders-asked-leave-hippie-commune/

Now, all of this apart from the theft is arguably okay. It’s his own life, and if he wants to squander it publishing poorly written essays and doing jack shit, whatever. Except it wasn’t just his life, because he had a son, Levi. And he was a deadbeat, paying no child support and causing Levi’s mother, Susan Mott, to rely on welfare, which made her face discrimination when trying to find housing. https://twitter.com/m_mendozaferrer/status/1093295853907922946

Bernie Sanders is a deadbeat dad. No respect.

Failing Upwards: Sanders the Politician

In 1971, Sanders joined the Vermont Liberty Union Party, a socialist political group. From 1971 to 1977, Sanders was the party chief and habitually ran for office, failing every time. He left the group in 1977, stating that they did not do enough to fight banks and corporations during non-election years. This is just one example of Sanders decrying everyone else as too impure for him.

In 2016, the Vermont Liberty Union Party voted to brand Sanders as a war criminal. Their general secretary, Peter Diamondstone, said of Sanders, “ He never was a socialist!" https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/bnjby3/the-vermont-political-party-bernie-sanders-founded-isnt-into-him-anymore This is just one example in the long list of Sanders alienating his allies.

He finally won the mayoral election for Burlington in 1981, by only ten votes. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1981_Burlington_mayoral_election

Sanders was only elected to the US House of Representatives in 1990 because he had the support of the National Rifle Association. The incumbent Congressman, Republican Peter Smith, advocated for an assault weapons ban, so the NRA flooded Sanders with money. https://www.sevendaysvt.com/vermont/stickin-to-his-guns-the-nra-helped-elect-bernie-sanders-to-congress-now-hes-telling-a-different-story/Content?oid=27816693

In 2006, 2012, and 2018, when running for the Senate, Sanders ran as a Democrat in the state primaries, then declined the Democratic nomination, and ran as an independent in the general. This made it basically impossible for any Democrat to run against him. https://www.politico.com/story/2018/05/21/bernie-sanders-democrat-independent-vermont-601844

After a landslide loss to Secretary Clinton in the 2016 Democratic primary, Sanders demanded changes to the DNC primary structure that would make the process easier for him to win with just a plurality of delegates instead of a majority. These rule changes were the reason the 2020 Iowa caucus was such a clusterfuck. https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/bernie-sanders-iowa-caucus-winner-trump-democrats-a9317761.html

Despite all his talk of getting out the youth vote and inspiring disenfranchised voters, Sanders planned all along to squeak by with only thirty percent of the delegates in the 2020 primary by provoking infighting among other candidates to split the moderate vote. The supposed movement he claimed to lead is a sham. https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2019/04/bernie-sanders-thinking-he-will-win-it-all-2020/587326/

“I Never Saw Him”: Sanders and Civil Rights

Sanders touts his participation in the March on Washington in 1963 as proof of his devotion to civil rights activism. He loves to remind people that he marched with MLK, as seen during the She the People 2019 forum where he repeated that old chestnut for the millionth time and was booed by the attendees. https://www.thedailybeast.com/bernie-sanders-met-with-boos-after-name-dropping-martin-luther-king-at-she-the-people-summit

In actuality, Sanders was one of 250,000 people at the march, along with Mitch McConnell, who is clearly no champion for civil rights. https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/7-things-know-about-sen-mitch-mcconnell-r-ky-part-flna6C10621413

Representative John Lewis, an actual civil rights hero who worked with Dr. King and whose skull was fractured by police on Bloody Sunday, said that he “never saw [Bernie Sanders]. I never met him,” during the movement. https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/local/2016/02/11/john-lewis-never-saw-bernie-sanders-during-civil-rights-era/80263450/

Sanders was charged with resisting arrest during a segregation protest in Chicago in 1963, and was charged $25. He later white flighted to Vermont, one of the whitest states in the country. https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2016/02/bernie-sanders-core-university-chicago/

Sanders never bothered to vote during the Civil Rights movement, only putting forth the effort when he himself was running. https://imgur.com/gallery/mmS40Gq#460q6bS

During his speech in Jacksonville on the 50th anniversary of MLK’s death, Sanders rewrote history and tried to claim that King’s real focus was economic justice and not civil rights. "All of us know where he was when he was assassinated 50 years ago today. He was in Memphis to stand with low-income sanitation workers who were being exploited ruthlessly, whose wages were abysmally low, and who were trying to create a union. That’s where he was. Because as the mayor just indicated, what he believed — and where he was a real threat to the establishment — is that of course we need civil rights in this country, but we also need economic justice.” https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/rubycramer/bernie-sanders-revolution-needs-black-voters-to-win-but-can

In thirty years in Congress, Sanders has not sponsored any bills pertaining to civil rights: https://www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/browse?sponsor=400357#current_status[]=28&enacted_ex=on

Sanders voted for the 1994 crime bill https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2020-election/bernie-sanders-has-dodged-criticism-crime-bill-vote-while-others-n1020726

In 1994, he praised the bill and stated that the US needed more jails. https://twitter.com/KFILE/status/1221468426855755776

He touted his vote for the crime bill on his website at least until 2006, as proof he was “tough on crime” and “strong on the cops” https://web.archive.org/web/20061018180921/http:/www.bernie.org/truth/crime.html

In 2015, during a meeting with police reform activist group Campaign Zero, Sanders responded to being asked why he thought a disproportionate amount of people of color were incarcerated for nonviolent drug offenses with “Aren’t most of the people who sell the drugs African-American?” Those present at the meeting stated, “Even confronted with figures and data to the contrary, Sanders appeared to have still struggled to grasp that he had made an error.” https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/rubycramer/bernie-sanders-revolution-needs-black-voters-to-win-but-can

In 2018, fifteen racial and social justice leaders in Vermont, including multiple NAACP branch presidents, ACLU organizers, and BLM activists, sent an open letter to Sanders and the Sanders Institute to complain that they were “excluded” from the “national progressive movement that Senator Bernie Sanders is trying to foster.” The letter asks “how could Senator Sanders host what is supposed to be an intersectional, progressive event without inviting the very people whom he serves?” http://mediad.publicbroadcasting.net/p/vpr/files/201812/sanders-letter-2018.pdf

Curtiss Reed, Executive Director of the Vermont Partnership for Fairness and Diversity, stated that the exclusion of Vermont POC from the Sanders Institute’s event was “a catastrophic failure of his sort of tone deafness to marginalized communities in the state of Vermont” and added “I’m tempted to say this is no longer a question of benign neglect on the part of the senator, but willful ignorance on his part not to include marginalized voices in this national conversation on the progressive movement.” https://www.vpr.org/post/we-find-ourselves-excluded-racial-justice-leaders-ask-bernie-sanders-get-program#stream/0

Vermont Black leaders stated they were “invisible” to Sanders, and that the senator “was just really dismissive of anything that had to do with race and racism, saying that they didn’t have anything to do with the issues of income inequality. He just always kept coming back to income inequality as a response, as if talking about income inequality would somehow make issues of racism go away.” https://www.thedailybeast.com/vermonts-black-leaders-we-were-invisible-to-bernie-sanders

In his 1998 autobiography, Sanders repeatedly and needlessly used the n-word. He chose to keep the word in the text when republishing the book in 2015. https://www.inquisitr.com/5620596/bernie-sanders-under-fire-for-use-of-n-word-in-2015-book-clip-from-audiobook-version-goes-viral-friday/

“I Will Not Make It a Major Priority”: Sanders the Ally

During an interview as mayor of Burlington, Sanders said LGBTQ rights were not a “major priority” for him and he would “probably not” support a bill to protect gays from job discrimination. https://slate.com/human-interest/2015/10/bernie-sanders-on-marriage-equality-hes-no-longtime-champion.html

Also during his time as mayor, Sanders signed a resolution affirming that marriage is between “husband and wife.” https://www.washingtonblade.com/2016/02/06/clinton-surrogates-pounce-on-sanders-over-82-marriage-resolution/

Sanders and his wife stated in 1996 that they opposed the Defense of Marriage Act simply because it would weaken states’ rights. Only later did he claim his opposition was due to support for same-sex marriage. https://time.com/4089946/bernie-sanders-gay-marriage/

Sanders argued same-sex marriage was a states’ rights issue in 2006. https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=57&v=kej9QAsS3uI&feature=emb_logo

In that same year, after same-sex civil unions had been legal in Vermont since 2000, he responded to a reporter asking if same-sex marriage should be legalized in Vermont with “Not right now,” after the “very divisive debate” preceding the civil union legislation. https://web.archive.org/web/20160407064606/http://www.timesargus.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060607/NEWS/606070302/1003/NEWS02

In thirty years in Congress, Sanders has not sponsored any bills pertaining to LGBTQ rights: https://www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/browse?sponsor=400357#current_status[]=28&enacted_ex=on

Sanders the Warmonger

Sanders loves to tout his opposition to the Iraq War as proof of his moral superiority. But in 1998, he voted for the Iraq Liberation Act, which states that “it should be the policy of the United States to support efforts to remove the regime headed by Saddam Hussein from power in Iraq.” He also supported Clinton’s airstrike on Iraq. https://www.govtrack.us/congress/votes/105-1998/h482

In 1999, Sanders had anti-war protesters at his office arrested. https://www.counterpunch.org/2015/07/27/bernie-sanders-savior-or-seducer-of-the-anti-war-left/

The Iraq War Bill that Sanders voted against required Bush to first try diplomatic efforts and abide by UN rules of military conduct. It also required transparency and progress reports. https://www.congress.gov/bill/107th-congress/house-joint-resolution/114/text

The Authorization for Use of Military Force Act (AUMF), which Sanders did vote for, required none of that and is the reason the Afghanistan War was so much of a clusterfuck. Bush would have used the AUMF to invade Iraq even if Congress had voted down the Iraq Liberation Act. The only person to vote against the AUMF was Representative Barbara Lee. Sanders voted in favor of it. https://www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/107/sjres23/text

Sanders claims to oppose the defense industry. But he brought Lockheed Martin and their 1.2 trillion dollar, over budget, outdated stealth fighters to Vermont. https://www.thedailybeast.com/bernie-sanders-loves-this-dollar1-trillion-war-machine

During his tenure as mayor of Burlington, he fired the assistant city treasurer when she was jailed for an anti-war protest. https://academic.oup.com/publius/article-abstract/21/2/131/1917641?redirectedFrom=PDF

Sanders the Healthcare Crusader

Sanders was chairman of the Senate Veteran Affairs Committee during a 2014 scandal when dozens of veterans died while waiting for medical care. During his tenure, Sanders only held seven hearings on VA Oversight, as opposed to the House committee’s forty-two hearings. Veterans argue that Sanders was too invested in the idea of the VA as a shining example of government healthcare to address its failings. Despite the scandal and tragedy, Sanders as recently as 2017 bragged that he was involved with “the most comprehensive VA health care bill in this country.” https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-veterans-scandal-on-bernie-sanderss-watch

He voted against the Clinton plan for universal healthcare in 1993. https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2016/3/14/1501210/-Where-Was-Sanders-on-Health-Care-in-93-and-94-Against-the-Clintons

Sanders also voted against CHIP, the children’s health insurance program that AOC relied on to see a doctor in her youth: https://www.govtrack.us/congress/votes/105-1997/h345

Despite campaigning on Medicare for All since 2015, Sanders was unable to explain how much the program would cost during a 2020 60 Minutes interview. https://www.cnn.com/2020/02/24/politics/bernie-sanders-donald-trump-2020/index.html

When Senator Warren did the math for him and released her detailed M4A plan, Sanders attacked her, calling his plan “more progressive” and saying hers would “have a very negative impact on creating jobs.” https://www.cnn.com/2019/11/03/politics/bernie-sanders-elizabeth-warren-health-care-plan/index.html

Sanders claims that his healthcare plan is standard in other countries. But his M4A plan would ban private insurance, which is not done in any country but Canada. In the Scandinavian countries Sanders loves to hold up as an example of government healthcare, the market for private insurance is growing. https://aapsonline.org/no-bernie-other-countries-do-not-ban-private-care/

“Too Brassy, Too Bitchy”: Sanders the Feminist

In his autobiography, Sanders quoted an article calling his 1996 primary opponent Susan Sweetser “too brassy, too bitchy.” https://books.google.com/books?id=_2YjBm2_JGUC&pg=PA173&lpg=PA173&dq=sanders+too+brassy+too+bitchy&source=bl&ots=SWrIR5Xa8m&sig=ACfU3U2-Hj1-UXIOM0Zz274h6_Nu8juoBg&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjHhtObq6LmAhWvUt8KHc8mDVUQ6AEwA3oECAkQAQ#v=onepage&q=sanders%20too%20brassy%20too%20bitchy&f=false

In his Vermont Freeman article “Cancer, Disease, and Society,” Sanders called teachers “old bitch[es]” and blamed them for men developing cancer. He also said women developed cancer due to sexual repression. https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/2157403-sanders-cancer.html

Referring to their 1986 governor race, his opponent Madeleine Kuhn stated, “When Sanders was my opponent he focused like a laser beam on “class analysis,” in which “women’s issues” were essentially a distraction from more important issues. He urged voters not to vote for me just because I was a woman. That would be a “sexist position,” he declared.” https://www.bostonglobe.com/opinion/2016/02/04/when-bernie-sanders-ran-against-vermont/kNP6xUupbQ3Qbg9UUelvVM/story.html

Sanders called Planned Parenthood “a part of the establishment” because they endorsed Secretary Clinton for president. https://www.politico.com/story/2016/01/planned-parenthood-bernie-sanders-218026

Sanders called Hillary Rodham Clinton, former law firm partner, former First Lady, former Senator, and former Secretary of State, unqualified to be president. https://www.cnn.com/2016/04/06/politics/bernie-sanders-hillary-clinton-qualified/index.html

In January 2020, leaked phone banking scripts from the Sanders campaign called Warren a candidate of the affluent who wouldn’t bring any new voters to the Democratic base. https://www.politico.com/news/2020/01/11/bernie-quietly-goes-negative-on-warren-097594

In response, members of Warren’s campaign leaked information that, at a dinner in 2018, Sanders had told Warren he did not think a woman could win the presidency. Sanders and his supporters decried this as a lie, even though reporters knew of the dinner and had been asking Warren if Sanders had discussed women’s electability there for over a year. https://twitter.com/mlcalderone/status/1104477933886935040?s=19

Sanders supporters then flooded Elizabeth Warren and her supporters’ Twitter mentions with snake emojis.

Sanders said of Secretary Clinton, “It is not good enough for someone to say, ‘I’m a woman! Vote for me!” https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2016/11/21/13699956/sanders-clinton-democratic-party

Bending the Knee: Sanders the Dictatorship Fanboy

During a 2020 60 Minutes interview, Sanders inexplicably decided it would be a good idea to start praising Fidel Castro’s genocidal regime, stating, “We’re very opposed to the authoritarian nature of Cuba, but, you know, it’s unfair to simply say everything is bad. When Castro came into office, you know what he did? He had a massive literacy program. Is that a bad thing, even though Fidel Castro did it?” https://www.vox.com/2020/2/24/21147388/bernie-sanders-cuba-60-minutes-nicaragua

He doubled down on this praise at the next debate, whining, “Really? Really?” when the crowd booed him. https://www.miamiherald.com/news/politics-government/article240627047.html

In 2014, Sanders visited Cuban prisoner Alan Gross, who lost over 100 pounds and five teeth during his captivity. During the meeting, Gross recalls Sanders telling him, “I don't know what's so wrong with this country.” https://www.npr.org/2020/03/04/811729200/former-prisoner-recalls-sanders-saying-i-don-t-know-what-s-so-wrong-with-cuba

In 1985, Sanders praised bread lines and food rationing. “American journalists talk about how bad a country is because people are lining up for food. That's a good thing. In other countries people don't line up for food. The rich get the food, and the poor starve to death." https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2020/2/21/1920767/-Time-to-switch-out-from-Bernie-he-praised-nations-with-bread-lines-that-s-a-good-thing-Danger

Sanders hung a USSR flag in his office as mayor of Burlington. https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2019/feb/24/bernie-sanders-reveals-his-radical-inclinations-ov/

He honeymooned in the USSR, and praised the state of the Soviet Union. https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/inside-bernie-sanderss-1988-10-day-honeymoon-in-the-soviet-union/2019/05/02/db543e18-6a9c-11e9-a66d-a82d3f3d96d5_story.html

In the 1980s, Sanders attended a Sandinista rally in Nicaragua where the attendees chanted, “Here, there, everywhere, the Yankee will die.” https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2019/05/bernie-sanders-pro-sandinista-past-problem.html

Sanders recently praised China, saying that it has made "more progress in addressing extreme poverty than any country in the history of civilization." https://thehill.com/hilltv/rising/458976-sanders-china-had-done-more-to-address-extreme-poverty-than-any-country-in-the

“They Can’t Stop Us”: Sanders the Conspiracy Theorist

Despite conceding the 2016 primary and stating that “Secretary Clinton has won the Democratic nomination and I congratulate her for that” (https://www.cnn.com/2016/07/11/politics/hillary-clinton-bernie-sanders/index.html), he later made the Trump-esque statement “Some people say that if maybe that system was not rigged against me, I would have won the nomination and defeated Donald Trump.” https://www.newsweek.com/bernie-sanders-defeat-donald-trump-2016-rigged-primary-dnc-nbc-kasie-hunt-1446116

On February 21, Sanders tweeted, “I've got news for the Republican establishment. I've got news for the Democratic establishment. They can't stop us.” https://twitter.com/BernieSanders/status/1231021453270769664

After Super Tuesday, Sanders stated that Buttigieg and Klobuchar were pressed to drop out as part of an establishment plot to defeat him. https://thehill.com/homenews/sunday-talk-shows/486503-sanders-klobuchar-and-buttigieg-ended-campaigns-under-great-deal

Sanders has repeatedly attacked the press as “paid by the corporations and billionaires who own the media.” He’s promoted the conspiracy theory that Jeff Bezos makes The Washington Post write negative articles about him. https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2019/aug/27/bernie-sanders-attacks-media-press-fair-or-trump-2020-democrats

During the Nicaraguan conflict, Sanders accused American reporters of ignoring the truth and told a CBS reporter, “you are worms.” https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2019/05/bernie-sanders-pro-sandinista-past-problem.html

Sanders accused The Washington Post of trying to harm him in the Nevada caucus by reporting on Russia’s attempts to boost his campaign. https://www.mediaite.com/tv/bernie-sanders-takes-a-shot-at-washington-post-good-friends-when-asked-about-timing-of-russia-report/

“We Support Them”: Sanders the Spoiler

Robert Mueller’s investigation found that Russian interference sought to boost both Sanders and Trump’s 2016 campaigns, stating “we support them.” https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2018/02/17/indictment-russians-also-tried-help-bernie-sanders-jill-stein-presidential-campaigns/348051002/

Sanders was well aware of the Russian efforts, stating “What we knew is–well, of course we knew that. And of course we knew that they were trying to cause divisiveness within the Democratic party. Uh, that’s no great secret.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDYbHult0Do

When The Washington Post reported on Russia’s efforts to boost Sanders in 2020, Sanders had already known for weeks and said nothing. After the report came out, he attacked the Post and accused them of trying to tank his performance in the Nevada caucus, stating “I’ll let you guess, about one day before the Nevada caucus. Why do you think it came out? It was The Washington Post? Good friends.” https://www.mediaite.com/tv/bernie-sanders-takes-a-shot-at-washington-post-good-friends-when-asked-about-timing-of-russia-report/

The Fish Rots from the Head: The Sanders Campaign

The 2016 campaign breached the Clinton campaign’s voter data and harvested and stored voter information https://time.com/4155185/bernie-sanders-hillary-clinton-data/

The 2016 campaign received a 645 page letter from the FEC detailing the campaign’s finance violations (https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2016/05/the-bernie-sanders-donors-who-are-giving-too-much/482418/) and had to pay a $14.5 K fine to the FEC after receiving donations from non-citizens. https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/376373-sanders-campaign-pays-145k-fine-to-settle-fec-complaint

The 2016 Nevada campaign director sought to rig the state’s caucus by urging staffers to buy double-sided coins for tie-breaking coin tosses http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/sanderss-nevada-director-floated-two-sided-coins-for-tiebreaks-report/ar-AAhHiAI?getstaticpage=true&automatedTracking=staticview

The 2016 campaign initially decried superdelegates as “undemocratic” (https://www.cnn.com/2016/02/23/opinions/superdelegates-democratic-party-kohn/) before attempting to persuade them to go against the primary’s outcome and back Sanders instead of Clinton https://www.npr.org/2016/05/19/478705022/sanders-campaign-now-says-superdelegates-are-key-to-winning-nomination

The 2016 campaign was accused by staffers of sexual harassment, demeaning treatment toward women, and pay disparity by gender https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/02/us/politics/bernie-sanders-campaign-sexism.html

Weeks before the 2016 general election, Jane Sanders retweeted a video from an April town hall of her husband telling an attendee to “make these decisions yourself” regarding whether or not to vote third party if Secretary Clinton won the primary https://www.burlingtonfreepress.com/story/news/politics/2016/09/26/retweet-bernie-sanders-wife-jane-raises-questions/91140254/

The 2020 Sanders campaign appointed Russian interference denier and Jill Stein 2016 voter Briahna Joy Gray as the campaign’s National Press Secretary https://twitter.com/briebriejoy/status/888555665865814017?lang=en

Following promises to run a civil campaign, Sanders hired David Sirota, a man who’d spent months attacking other primary contenders online, as a speech writer. The campaign also confirmed that Sirota had already been serving in an advisory role prior to his official hiring https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2019/03/sanders-promised-civility-hired-twitter-attack-dog/585259/

Press Secretary Briahna Joy Gray called for the doxing of a Sanders critic on Twitter. If there was any repercussion for this behavior, it has never been made public. https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2019/8/14/1879124/-Bernie-Sanders-s-Campaign-Doxed-a-Critic-on-Twitter

The 2020 campaign hired and fired YouTuber Matt Orfalea within 24 hours after being alerted of his sexist, racist, homophobic, and ableist content, suggesting he was not vetted before his hiring https://www.dailydot.com/layer8/bernie-sanders-matt-orfalea-mlk-youtube-video/

Despite his firing and the campaign decrying his behavior in October 2019, in January 2020 Jane Sanders was still retweeting and praising Orfalea. https://twitter.com/Rob_Flaherty/status/1236861997398048768

In March 2020, Orfalea posed as a Biden volunteer and made calls to voters claiming that Biden has dementia. https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/jgeanp/a-man-fired-from-sanders-campaign-is-calling-biden-voters-and-saying-he-has-dementia

They hired and fired Darius Khalil Gordon after two days after being alerted of his sexist, racist, anti-Semitic, homophobic, and ableist Tweets https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2019/12/bernie-sanders-new-head-organizer-called-people-fgs-bhes/

The campaign also hired former Women’s March leader Linda Sarsour as a campaign surrogate. The Women’s March cut ties with Sarsour following anti-Semitic statements. https://nypost.com/2018/11/20/womens-march-founder-calls-on-current-leadership-to-step-down/

Sarsour was also condemned by the Anti-Defamation League for the statement that “a state like Israel that is based on supremacy, that is built on the idea that Jews are supreme to everyone else.” https://forward.com/news/national/435964/bernie-sanders-linda-sarsour-jewish-voters/

Sanders National Campaign Co-Chair Nina Turner claimed that Biden’s strong support among Black voters is due to the voters’ “short memories” and “not a true understanding of the history” https://thehill.com/hilltv/rising/473161-top-sanders-officials-hits-biden-over-riding-on-obamas-coattails

The 2020 campaign paid staffers working 60 hours a week an average of 13 dollars per hour despite Sanders campaigning on a 15 dollar per hour minimum wage https://www.vox.com/2019/7/20/20700841/bernie-sanders-minimum-wage-staff-pay

Bernie Bros attacked Biden’s Detroit rally on 3/9/20, striking senior aide Symone Sanders in the head with an iPad and knocking her down. https://www.politico.com/news/2020/03/10/joe-biden-detroit-protests-sanders-124874

“Nobody Likes Him”: Sanders Himself

In 1996, Congressman Barney Frank said of Sanders, “Bernie alienates his natural allies. His holier-than-thou attitude—saying in a very loud voice he is smarter than everyone else and purer than everyone else—really undercuts his effectiveness.” https://www.boston.com/news/politics/2016/04/11/history-barney-frank-bernie-sanders-criticize

In her recent Hulu documentary series, Hillary Rodham Clinton briefly spoke about Sanders, saying “He was in Congress for years. He had one senator support him. Nobody likes him, nobody wants to work with him, he got nothing done. He was a career politician. It's all just baloney and I feel so bad that people got sucked into it.” https://twitter.com/Burkmc/status/1235863901813661697?s=09

A former campaign staffer called Sanders “unbelievably abusive.” Another campaign insider called him an asshole, and a former Senate staffer recounted, "He yelled in meetings all the time.” https://www.sevendaysvt.com/vermont/anger-management-sanders-fights-for-employees-except-his-own/Content?oid=2834657

One aide stated that Sanders “never makes you feel like you’re good enough to be in the room with him.” https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/06/us/politics/bernie-sanders-image.html

Sanders voted in favor of dumping nuclear waste on the poor and predominantly Latinx community of Sierra Blanca, Texas https://www.texastribune.org/2016/02/28/Sanders-Nuclear-Waste-Votes-Divide-Texas-Activists/

When asked if he would visit the site in Sierra Blanca, Sanders answered “Absolutely not.” https://archives.texasobserver.org/issue/1998/09/11#page=11

Sanders voted five times against the Brady Act which required universal background checks and a waiting period to buy firearms. https://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2015/oct/13/hillary-clinton/hillary-clinton-bernie-sanders-voted-against-brady/o

He also voted against the AMBER Alert System. http://archive.boston.com/news/local/vermont/articles/2006/09/21/sanders_vote_on_amber_alert_emerges_as_key_campaign_issue/

He wanted to primary Obama in the 2012 election cycle. https://www.thenation.com/article/yes-bernie-sanders-wanted-obama-primaried-in-2012-heres-why/

After saying millionaire senators are immoral (https://www.cnn.com/2019/04/24/politics/bernie-millionaire-senators-immoral/index.html) and railing against millionaires and billionaires in his 2016 campaign, Sanders responded to criticism of his millionaire senator status by saying “if you write a best-selling book, you can be a millionaire, too.” His stump speech now only rants about billionaires. https://theweek.com/speedreads/834228/bernie-sanders-says-millionaire-like-write-bestselling-book

Upheld a ban on rock concerts as mayor of Burlington like a Footloose villain https://i.redd.it/atpybo1rcwa31.jpg

Despite running on forgiving student loan debt since 2015, when pressed for specifics during an interview with Dana Bash, Sanders responded, “I don't have the plan in my pocket right now,” because, you know, why on Earth should he know the details of his key campaign promises? https://mobile.twitter.com/DanaBashCNN/status/1137779734467792897

Two days before the 2016 general election, Sanders tweeted “I do not believe that most of the people who are thinking about voting for Mr. Trump are racist or sexist.” https://twitter.com/berniesanders/status/794941635931099136?lang=en

Sanders had a heart attack at age 78, making his continued life expectancy 3.1 years. https://www.cardiovascularbusiness.com/topics/acute-coronary-syndrome/study-65-older-mi-patients-die-within-8-years

He could have dropped out of the race after his heart attack and endorsed Warren, and she could have spent the primary building coalitions with the demographics where she was the weakest, and could well have been the front runner by now. Instead, he selfishly stayed in the race, screwing her over and knowing full well the odds are against him living through a single term. He continued to do the only thing he’s good at: fucking everyone over.

Say whatever you want about Biden, it’s not like there aren’t things to say. But I’ve seen so many posts about how “Sure, Biden’s the worst EVER, but he is EVER SO SLIGHTLY less worse than Trump,” and excuse me, fuck off. Biden horribly lost his wife and daughter before his 1972 Senate term even started, and instead of dropping out, he continued to serve his constituents while commuting home two hours every night to raise his sons. Meanwhile, in 1972, Sanders was a deadbeat bum stealing electricity. There’s no comparison.

#long post #Bernie Sanders #politics #2020 election #election 2020 #primary 2020 #2020 primary

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aion-rsa · 4 years

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30 Rock’s Best Running Jokes

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When 30 Rock drew its final breath in 2013, yards of column inches were devoted – deservedly so – to praising the work of creator Tina Fey. Article upon article applauded the characters, cast, performances and seven seasons of energetic, inventive, satirical comedy.

More than anything else though, 30 Rock was always about the gags. It was fruitcake-dense with jokes, regularly fitting in more quotable laughs before its opening credits than many shows manage in a full half-hour. As it returns for a one-off reunion special, join us in celebrating the many, many running gags of its seven-season history, from the fake movies, to the terrible yet incredibly catchy songs, Frank’s hats, and those godawful TGS sketches…

The fake movies

The presence of Tracy Jordan (a bonafide Martin Lawrence meets the Wayans Brothers-style movie star) in the TGS cast opened up the world of film parody to 30 Rock.

Admittedly Jenna Maloney also enjoyed a movie career of sorts, but while she was being offered the part of “any blonde actress” in torture porn flicks by the producers who watched and rented Saw, Tracy was turning down the lead in Garfield 3: Feline Groovy to pursue his serious acting career. The latter climaxed with the release of spot-on Precious parody Hard To Watch (Based on the novel Stone Cold Bummer by Manipulate), for which Tracy received the O in his EGOT plan. Sheer class.

Over the years though, who couldn’t not smile at Tracy’s blaxpoitation-filled back catalogue, from the timeless romance of A Blaffair to Rememblack, to Sherlock Homie, Who Dat Ninja?, The Chunks 2: A Very Chunky Christmas, and last but by no means least, Honky Grandma Be Trippin’. The man is a chameleon (in that he’s always a lizard).

Two of Jenna’s TGS projects however, bring back the fondest memories of 30 Rock’s stinging movie satire: small-town legal drama The Rural Juror (based on a Kevin Grisham novel), and her GE-produced life rights-avoiding Janis Joplin biopic, Sing Them Blues White Girl: The Jackie Jormp Jomp Story.

The TGS sketches

The quality of TGS’ output was never under question in 30 Rock; the sketch show was unremittingly bad (when the absence of their star meant a ‘Best of TGS’ series had to be run in lieu of live shows, Legal objected to their use of the word ‘Best’, and when a review dubbed it the worst comedy ever made, Liz was thrilled they’d defined it as a comedy). Liz Lemon’s opus was a fluorescent collection of fart gags, dodgy caricatures, Jenna’s songs, and misjudged celebrity impressions.

Beginning life as, in Kenneth’s words, “a real fun ladies comedy show for ladies”, TGS was Saturday Night Live’s idiot brother, the unsophisticated thorn in NBC’s side, under constant threat of controversy and cancellation. Forced to synergise backward overflow, advertise parent company products and promote GE interests, 30 Rock’s show-within-a-show satirised both the TV industry and tired trends in comedy (the always hilarious combination of a fat woman who’s sexually confident! Old ladies are crazy! Farts!).

Lemon may have seduced pilot Carol (Matt Damon) with her Fart Doctor skits, but TGS failed to win many hearts. With sketches like Pam the Overly Confident Morbidly Obese Woman, Ching-Chong Man Who Loves to Play Ping-Pong, Fat Hillary Clinton, Bear vs. Killer Robots, Me Want Food, and Gaybraham Lincoln, why it wasn’t more successful is a mystery.

Astronaut Mike Dexter

Lemon may have ended up with James Marsden’s Criss Chros, but fictional boyfriend Astronaut Mike Dexter will always hold a special place in her heart. Handsomer than Dr Drew, less British than Wesley Snipes, less living-in-Cleveland than Floyd, and a million times better than Dennis Duffy, Astronaut Mike Dexter had it all… except of course, a corporeal self.

The fake songs

Over the years, Jenna Maroney’s singing career has vomited up some truly dreadful creations, and topping the list has to be Muffin Top (a big hit in the king-making music markets of Israel and Belgium). Seguing from its pop insanity chorus “My muffin top is all that, wholegrain, low-fat” into a Madonna-style spoken-word rap “I’m an independent lady, so please don’t try to play me. I run a tidy bakery. The boys all want my cake for free”, the song is a battery assault on the senses.

But is it worse than Jenna’s summer dance jam, Balls, which earned her the princely sum of $50 in royalties? Or her computer generated, generic benefit song in aid of an unspecific natural disaster, which urged viewers to donate to “help the people the thing that happened, happened to”? How about the Jackie Jormp Jomp performance she gave of Chunk Of My Lung, written by Jack five minutes before the show, containing the classic line “You know you’ve bought it if life makes you sweet food”? Or Fart So Loud, the un-Weird Al-able song she and Tracy wrote after he parodied the theme to Avery Jessup TV movie Kidnapped? Such riches…

It’s not only Jenna who’s provided 30 Rock’s musical intervals of course. Season three finale Kidney Now! welcomed an eclectic collection of stars including Sheryl Crow, Mary J Blige, Elvis Costello, Moby, two of the Beastie Boys, Wyclef Jean, and Cyndi Lauper to perform a We Are The World-style anthem at the Milton Green benefit gig. Angie Jordan famously released a fifteen-second single My Single Is Dropping, to ride on the wave of her reality-show fame, Frank and Pete’s Sound Mound came up with unforgettable rock anthem Weekend Woman, and in the very same episode, even Tina Fey got in on the action by providing excellent Joni Mitchell parody, Paints and Brushes.

The legacy award though, as in the 30 Rock fake song that will continue to bring joy to the hearts of fans decades from now, has to go to one song, and one song only: Tracy Jordan’s Werewolf Bar Mitzvah.

Frank’s hat slogans

Off-set, stand-up Judah Friedlander favours his ‘World Champion’ trucker hat, the one he claims to have been awarded as the winner of the World Championships of pretty much all sports, martial arts, and that time he karate kicked Chuck Norris’ beard off his face and forced him to legally change his name to Charles.

On-set as Frank Rossitano though, Friedlander wears a series of self-designed trucker hats, each bearing a different gnomic slogan. Often incongruous, sometimes suggestive, and always odd, Frank’s hat slogans are part of the bricks and mortar of 30 Rock. In terms of favourites, we’re quite fond of ‘Alabama Legsweep’, or the laconic enigma of ‘And’, though ‘Shark Cop’, ‘Half Centaur’ and ‘Space Gravy’ also caught our eye over the seasons.

Jenna’s Mickey Rourke sex stories

Like Dot Com’s intellectualism, this running gag may have been introduced late into proceedings, but Jenna’s torrid sexual history with putty-faced beefcake Mickey Rourke gave J-Mo some of her best lines. Jenna’s allusions to Rourke’s sexually deviant and murderous attempts on her life paint a fascinating picture for 30 Rock fans. Here are some of the finest:

“Your new vibe is a double-edged sword, much like the kind Mickey Rourke tried to kill me with”, “Nice try Hazel, but you made the same mistake Mickey Rourke made on that catamaran. You didn’t kill me when you had the chance.”, “I’m going to have to reinvent you. Break you down completely and build you up from scratch. Just like Mickey Rourke did to me sexually.” “Next time you’ll tell me Mickey Rourke catapulted you into the Hollywood sign.” “You know what they say, if you can’t stand the heat, get off Mickey Rourke’s sex grill.” Wise words.

Kenneth the immortal page

To this day Kenneth Ellen Parcell remains something of an enigma to 30 Rock viewers. In later seasons, Jack McBrayer’s character went from being a simple country rube from Stone Mountain, Georgia to the flesh vessel for a mysterious immortal with no reflection, no age, and links to a world beyond our own.

Plenty of reference has been made to Kenneth’s ageless and supernatural state over the years, including the suggestion that not only is he unable to die, but he’s also an angel, sent to oversee the transition of souls from one world to the next.

The fake TV shows

It’s either a credit to the 30 Rock team or a condemnation of our times that Jack Donaghy’s hit reality viewer vote show, MILF Island, no longer feels like a parody. In generations to come, time will no doubt erode the boundaries between fact and fiction, and we 30 Rock fans will be telling our kids about the time we watched Deborah beat her competitors and claim MILF victory in the same breath as educating them about those people who ate kangaroo anuses for public approval.

MILF Island stands head and shoulders above the rest of 30 Rock’s fake TV shows (including TGS itself, lest we not forget), but that doesn’t mean that Gold Case, Los Amantes Clandestinos, Black Frasier, Homonym, or the inimitable Bitch Hunter deserve any less respect. Our fallen brothers, we salute you.

We could go on indefinitely listing the recurring jokes that made 30 Rock great, from Liz’s sandwich lust and desire to go to there, to Jack’s gloriously thatched head of hair and Republican conspiracies. As the show prepares to return, which of the above will live again?

30 Rock: A One-Time Special lands on NBC on Thursday July 16th at 8pm in the US.

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DEVIL WITHIN [THE ORDER]

Belgrave University was supposed to be Rebecca’s fresh start. It was supposed to be her chance to escape her controlling parents, her lying ex-boyfriend, her extremely eventful past. The promised fresh start turned quickly into a nightmare as she learns that not everything is as it seems in Belgrave. the order [season 1 -?] hamish duke x oc

CHAPTER 1 | CHAPTER 2 | CHAPTER 3 | CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 5: CREATURES OF THE NIGHT

I had no idea when I had managed to fall asleep, nor that I would even fall asleep while being in some random house. After Randall and his companions finished their explanations of their society and the backstory of it Cassie and I had settled on the couch with the intention of waiting for Jack – and getting the hell out of there as soon as he came back, if he was even was planning of doing so. Cassie was the first to close her eyes, her head resting on my shoulder. At least one of the members of the Knights was present with us in the room, never daring to leave us alone. Randall had tried his best to strike up a conversation with us, but neither I nor Cassie said one word to neither him nor the others, simply staring daggers at them.

It occurred to me that I had fallen asleep when I opened my eyes to Jack’s loud yelling. Night had turned into a morning as I gently shook Cassie in order to wake her up. After a minute she finally opened her eyes, looking around in surprise when yesterday’s events came back to her. We bolted up from the couch, seeing Jack standing around, practically naked with only a robe covering him. He seemed confused even more than we did, but relaxed when his eyes landed on us.

The three figures blocked us in our way to Jack, and without any remorse I bumped into Randall in order to make him move out of our way. He seemed genuinely regretful about keeping a secret from us; I had to remind to myself that I would not forgive the boy so easily. I had already forgotten my wrath towards Jack and was now solemnly angry with Randall.

“Get your shit and let’s go, Jack.” I ordered him, throwing him his clothes that were practically ripped apart. I could care less about the state of his clothes; leaving was the solemn thought in my mind as I remembered that I had a class in two hours I needed to get to. Besides, I had no desire to spend any necessary minute in the house of werewolves.

“She sure swears a lot, doesn’t she?” Hamish commented, more to Randall and Lilith to anyone else. “My kind of gal.” The girl commented back as I could simply send a glare to both of them, ready to drag Jack out of the house myself if necessary, Cassie right next to me.

I was about to do so when Jack suddenly threw up parts of a deer as far as I could determine. It took me every ounce in my body not to threw up myself; it was obvious looking over to my roommate she tried her best not to do so herself.

“Yeah, you ate a deer last night.” Randall casually said, not bothering to comment on our dumb-folded faces. We could simply stare at Jack as he tried his best to stay calm, even when the trio started telling him a werewolf named Silverback – who, apparently, chose him as his champion, whatever the hell it meant. As it turned out, it didn’t take a full moon to make them turn; and a silver bullet would hurt them a lot which was a piece of extremely useful information.

Jack suddenly stormed past us, not bothering to even put his clothes on. Cassie and I instantly followed him, trying our best to keep up with him; the boy was running off like crazy, and as much as we tried he was too fast for us. Because of that I and my roommate ended up in the middle of the woods with no idea how to get back to the university.

“Do you have the same impression that we should unfriend Jack, like, right now?”

||| ||| ||| ||| |||

The next couple of days had passed as quickly as a shooting star. I was fully focused on my studies, steering clear of both Jack and Randall. The latter hadn’t given up on apologizing, forcing to admit his defeat every time he did so since I quickly shut him down. Jack, however, was too busy hanging out with his new friends that he didn’t have any time for me or Cassie. Not that I minded it though; getting caught in the supernatural was definitely what I had in mind when I thought of a fresh start.

The words in front of me were blurred together as I tried my best to understand at least something of what I was reading. I cursed myself for letting my mother talk me into taking a French class for advanced students. Just because I had learnt it for two years in high school didn’t mean I was advanced in it. I barely understood anything I read, no matter how hard I stared at the pages. With a groan I decided to sip on my drink instead. Why study when I could get drunk instead, and focus on language of love in four hours or so?

My peace was – unfortunately for me – cut short when Cassie came running over to me. She sat down against me, stealing a French fry from my plate before popping it into my mouth.

“Hello to you too.” I said, rolling my eyes and taking yet another sip from the drink.

“Jack’s doing some fucking voodoo magic shit.”

Cassie whispered, leaning closer to me before resting back on her chair. I followed her eyes and saw him sitting behind a table with some of his society buddies. I had been so focused on my own stuff that I hadn’t even noticed him; my eyes travelled around the bar and not too far from him I saw Randall along with Hamish and Lilith, their eyes focused on both Jack as well as us. When Randall noticed us he sent us a wave which I returned with a fake smile before focusing back on Cassie and her claim of voodoo magic.

“What did he do then?” I asked just for the sake to keep the conversation going; I still had to admit I was curious as to what Jack was up to.

“He drew some symbol onto a paper and paid the waitress with that. She just accepted it as if it was a one hundred dollar bill.” Cassie explained, cautiously looking around the room so that no one would hear her. My eyes looked over to the boy in an instant; he was laughing with his new friends as if he didn’t have a care in the world, as if he didn’t turn into a werewolf and eat a deer a couple of nights ago.

“Doesn’t sound like voodoo to me.” I explained to the girl sitting opposite me. Cassie didn’t even have a chance to reply when Randall along with Hamish and Lilith appeared at our table.

“Move.” The dark-haired werewolf basically commanded, forcing me to scoot over to the other side of the couch. Randall and Hamish forced Cassie to do the same, and now I was literally stuck and unable to exit.

“Are you stalking us or something?” I questioned, throwing a glare to Randall who looked over apologetically. Hamish and Lilith didn’t share his concern though; I didn’t have to know them to know apologizing was the last thing on their mind.

“Is Jack doing magic?” Lilith questioned, the question not meant for anyone specific. I shared a glance with Cassie; neither of us knew whether we should tell them about Jack being in The Order. Yet the fact that Lilith even asked that meant that Randall hadn’t told them – it was obvious there was a reason behind that.

“Do we look like his babysitters? How the hell should we know what he does?” I answered annoyingly. Looking over to Lilith she stared at me as if she wanted to rip my head off right there; I sent her a smile before my attention averted back to my drink I hadn’t still managed to finish due to the many interruptions by others.

“Yeah, I should have told you this earlier, but Jack’s in The Order of the Hermetic Rose.” Randall explained hesitantly. “Which is good, because that means we have an inside man.” He continued before anyone had an opportunity to reply.

“We’re gonna kill him.” Lilith blurted out as if it wasn’t a big deal and a daily occurrence for her; which, to be honest, wouldn’t surprise me not one bit. Cassie’s eyes widened in surprise at her claim – the girl looked like she wanted to bolt out of the room in any second.

“You’re not killing my friend.” I said more forcefully that I meant. “Doesn’t look like he is your friend.” Hamish instantly commented, making me roll my eyes at him.

“He might be a shitty friend, but he’s still my friend.” I added to which Cassie nodded. Everyone turned quiet after that; not one of us when what to say to each other. I was about to literally force my way out of the booth before Randall stopped me by practically yelling: “The two of you can help us! You’ll be like the honorary members of the Knights of Saint Christopher!”

“Absolutely fucking not.”