How to Take Care of Your First-Mate Who Has No Self-Care Skills 101. 🧜‍♂️🦄

(You cannot tell me that Izzy put an extra pillow under his own leg during the cursed suit try-on scene. I won't believe you. I've had this headcannon since the day S2E5 aired, so I had to draw it into reality! 🧜‍♂️🦄)

Nnnot sure what’s happened six months ago…? Anyway! Time for your weekly sword training session, go get changed or whatever you poofs do. Hurry up, he doesn’t have all day

doodled a bit to warm up before getting back to commissions (went through some traumatic shit irl, needed a pause) recently finally watched Beetlejuice musical and got homosexually obsessed with alex brightman (hence the guilty favorite one too) the grip that man has on me......................

okay but I love that

Ed canonically rode Jack's chode so hard he almost snapped it

Stede and Mary had THEE most awkward, lacklustre lights-off sex

Izzy is theeeee slut of the Republic. Everyone gives him mad respect because they know he can take them (not in a fight)

None of them are each other's 'first' by a long shot! They're all experienced, for better or for worse. With the exception of Stede, they've probably had objectively BETTER sex with other folks than a fumbling first time with each other.

But you cannot convince me that this fumbling first time between the three of them when they're all well into middle age, wasn't the best sex of their lives.

My dudes this is how the makeup scene went right

The different Steddyhands dynamics are so funny.

Stede and Ed do this cute little dancing around each other courtship thing with fabrics and candlelit dinners and You Wear Fine Things Well.

Ed and Izzy have this achy horny tender codependent hateful loving dynamic. They're the most divorced unmarried and the most married unmarried people on the seven seas. I have love for you I loved you best I could ouch ouch ouch.

Meanwhile Stede and Izzy are like. Fuck NASTY in the first chapter. Complete bitch4bitch energy. Izzy calls Stede a stupid motherfucker in front of seven other crew members with a mouth that still tastes like Stede's balls. The girls are fightiiiing. 'Don't look at my fucking boner when we fight' only they're BOTH hard and they're BOTH looking. And then Stede shows Izzy one (1) tenderness and it all falls apart.

With all the Izzy discourse, we must remember that he too is a dork-ass loser, more so than anyone else.

“You will rue this day, Edward! You will rue it long and you will rue it hard!” *gets hit in the face with a sandwich*

😍🖤😍🖤😱😱

OMG DAMN Izzy’s voice is sooo perfect!!!!

I leave you here a pure freaking gem, a small segment of a rare interview by Izzy and the Juju Hounds💫

YEAR: 1992

@rocknrollflames @izzystradlindoesitforme @izzystradliniscute @jakelinestradlin @itryandfeelthesunshine @beebemarie @liveinalovelyway @hi1234hehe @guns-n-roses-gal @greeneyezblackheart @nenynra @prettypersuasion @glamwitchyb @delusionsandrainbows @midnight-alibi @izzydeanstradlin @cel3brity-skin @unknownperson246

canon-typical edizzy religious themes

Don't forget to vote !!! #izzy #votethefuckersout #ofmd #localelectionsmatter

I am looking and listening respectfully 👀😳

Got randomly annoyed, crawling out of my hole to bitch.

S2 really did kill Ed as a character for me. He just...sucked, so outrageously.

It's one thing to have a subconscious death wish that causes you to put yourself into situations where you're likely to die It's something else to be so much of a pathetic coward you'd rather methodically feed your first mate his own toes than pull the trigger yourself.

I'm supposed to feel sympathetic to Ed due to his suicidal tendencies, when his suicide attempt ended with most of his crew dead? It was just lucky they were found The crew were starving to death, resorting to eating raw seagull.

He couldn't even apologize to Izzy properly. He only showed open affection when he was crying on his own behalf because he didn't want to be left alone. Couldn't even say something meaningful at the funeral.

Then there's the whole fisherman thing. He was passionate enough about this that he wanted to leave Stede to take up fishing, but he didn't learn. He didn't work hard. He didn't treat his employer with respect. He wasn't even really aware of his own incompetence.

As fucked up as it sounds, it made Ricky's comment about Izzy being the brains behind the operation and Stede saying Ed told him Izzy taught him everything he knows sound like canon??? Where is the brilliant pirate Blackbeard, and what is he capable of besides lots of murder?

Because the whole sympathetic not killing trait is gone to. He's just cool with it now for no particular reason.

The fact that Izzy of all people managed to integrate with the crew indicates a remarkable lack social intelligence, regret, and effort, tbh. I mean, it's Izzy. What did Ed do? Help fund a party the crew came up with with treasure the crew earned with their own labor under appalling working conditions under Ed?

cant believe i forgot to post wlw Izzy during lesbian week, im so sorry queen

It’s so strange to me how people who loathe Izzy love to claim that he only wanted Blackbeard then turn around and shit on Jack because they don’t like who Ed becomes around him.

THE HYPOCRISY!!!

And I mean that's sort of the point of Stede in that episode. He’s encouraging Ed to be “himself” but also refuses to acknowledge any of Ed’s past violence. Just like Izzy (allegedly) wants him to be one facet so too does Stede and that’s equally as selfish. I feel like some people forget that Stede is flawed too. I mean he’s a rich white man who wanted to become a pirate— which is an occupation born out of desperation and poverty— for the aesthetic. Olu and Jim literally point this out to him in episode one. I don’t know if he truly gets that by the end of season 2. His aversion to violence is understandable and probably a good thing in the long run but ignoring these traits in Ed, especially when it directly affected his crew, isn’t about trying to make the world safer, it’s about ignoring and sanitizing his vision of Ed.

Now I don’t think this is the worst thing ever because Ed in s1 was helped by it however in the long run issues will arise. And I don’t even fully blame Stede because to me it’s the equivalent of having a crush and seeing them through rose-colored glasses versus actually dating someone/ getting to know them/ being in a more serious relationship. S2 unfortunately just had Stede double down on the bad behavior instead of recognizing it.

By now you all know I'm a multishipper, I'll read anything, but I have noticed that it tends to go like:

Gentlebeard: Aw 🥰

Stizzy: Sickos_yes_HaHaHa_YES.jpeg

EdIzzy: [Crying and chewing glass] I love it here

💫 Samba / IG: my most embarassing moment...🤭