#ive read history books for this shit
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doodle i did in a small fit of hysteria
#shut the heck up#midnight rambles#kirby lore rambles#no one gets it.#not even kumazaki#he sees halcandra as any b-tier fantasy sees their Ancients(tm)#but he fucked up by designing Halcandra to be such a visually striking wasteland juxtaposing the metallic urban and fiery rural hellscape-#-with the majesty imagined by the lor#he fucked up cause now ive been obsessed with it for the past 4 years of my lifeshdgfj#ive read history books for this shit#ICAREabout the original implication of magolor being from halcandra cause it both gives him a unique envirornment to inform his-#-shitty behaviors#and that it then alludes to the types of people who once lived on the planet and possibly even what their downfall was!!#and hwo far theyve fallen and the types of vices that keep them from truly rebuilding!!#AND I CARE ABOUT HALCANDRA BEING POPULATED BECAUSE IT MEANS ITS PEOPLE CAN HEAL#i fucking care about the ancients and their descendants and their being a dynamic cultural group and not a source of random mcguffins!!!#I CARED ABOUT HALCANDRA WHEN NO ONE ELSE DId.#(im really sleep deprived rn)#(i should get back to those rtdl streams)#tag talking#also thats my sona hi.#(edit: this is completely undirected i dont even have actual beef with kumazaki as a director i actually love him to bits (measuredly))
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ive got an essay due at 3pm tomorrow and ive not even looked at it i am so so unserious about my degree and by the grace of some higher being i somehow keep managing to crawl through it's actually getting a bit funny
#me and an old friend of mine used to have a running joke during a-levels that im just one of those people where shit Works Out#and it started bc we shared two a-levels (english and economics) and in BOTH classes i regularly didn't do the homework#or the reading etc and yet it would ALWAYS work out for me#like we'd walk into a class neither of us having done the homework and they'd get yelled at while i went under the radar somehow#or that one english essay i got the highest score in the class when i literally hadn't even read the fucking book it was on#and when we pointed the theory out it started just becoming really prevalent#like no matter how late i am for things i'll arrive and by some miracle the thing im late for is also late (e.g a train or teacher)#like im just one of those people that has very very mundane luck#and low and behold i am fighting this degree with bloody fists putting the absolute bare minimum in for my own sanity's sake#and i SOMEHOW keep pulling through. literally failed two modules last year and STILL got a 2:1 average#and the last essay i wrote was the worst essay id ever done in my life and i get my standards are higher bc ik im good at essays#but the point still stands and you know what? i got a FIRST#literally was pure waffle i have never blagged it so hard and i got a FIRST#and all this shit just makes me cockier and cockier and go even more by the skin of my teeth and it ALWAYS WORKS OUT#it's soooo silly but im not complaining. anyway ill keep u posted about this essay <3 it's econ history so is actually interesting#but the most ive done for it is ask the sc ai lmao and for context degree-level essays usually require a good few days of graft#live love laziness#hella goes to uni
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For the last four days I have been staring at The Other Side of Silence, a book I have been wanting to read since I got it and my brain keeps going "no. Not today. Stars, can't do it" and like breh I just want to read about deaf education in America ok.
#winters ramblings#i gotta find myself some canadian centric stuff i read too much shit about America lmao. but also America is Very Loud#and canada is less so. also American history is FASCINATING im literally watching a video on Iran Contra as i type#but also ive watched or listened to a couple podcasts/ vids on koko the gorilla and the book talks about that#and how fucked up it is hearing people were stoked about a GORILLA using sign while ACTIVELY FORCING DEAF KIDS NOT TO SIGN#because yeah that IS fucked up tell me more
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this book is so psychologically distressing I might actually have a breakdown
#yeah i regularly read my fave dying but that's a different kind of distress#like#it's not as if this is an important book to read so that im informed#im EXTREMELY aware of the shit that's been done to china historically#ive made myself violently sick reading about it in a purely historical context#i didnt realize going into this that i was gonna get such a brutal recap of my history books yk#says kenna#and everyone says babel is worse!?!?!? HOW?!? worse than boiled babies????
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so like my fave fic was deleted from ao3 and I don't know why I'm sad when the author said they'd delete it later 😭 it was such a good fic too!!
90k words, hurt/comfort, sociopath character that remained a sociopath throughout the whole thing, media controversy, ANGST, and gosh the conflict was handled so beautifully 😭
#jokes on them i downloaded that shit the moment i read the lines *will delete later*#ive lost 10 fics because authors decided to delete them#i will not be burned again#speaking off i need to go fownload all my book marks and fave fics in my history#aes.txt
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#i can go on like long rants about us history#its been a long time since i like actually studied history#most of my knowledge is of 20th century US history#i need to get back to studying history#ive been a leftist basically since i was a teenager#i dont think i still have the pamphlets that really pushed me into learning about communism#though again i was still learning mostly from the imperial core#so there were some gaps in my knowledge#but even learning from that was enough to be like 'ok this shit fucking sucks ass#idk#my memory is spotty so i dont remember super well#god i remember trying to stand against my dads islamophobia and homophobia#shithead#i dont talk to him anymore#learning history is important#i still need to read a lot of books though because my picture is always feeling incomplete#it will never be complete and ill be arrogant if i ever think it is#but my knowledge still feels woefully inadequate#anyway enough rambling#rat thots
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@lynchbrovhers tagged me in this last/current/next book tag made by @canabooklooksad !
I shall tag @adamparrishgfs @luvcorelez @parrishh @rumaan @maingoes @superdanys @mostlykind @therumoursaretrue @existentialintrovert @cankersoregirl @florawelch @captainjanegay @gaydaryl @greenteawithlilies and anyone else that wants to do this!! Also feel free to ignore 💕💕💕
Template placed under the cut!
#now LISTEN i was gonna lie about my last book read and say cinderella is dead#but u kno wot#i actually really enjoyed the rock kiss series and im trying to stop being so emnarassed in admiting that i enjoy romance novels lmal#also i was actually reading fhe secret history so fast and then i stopped because i thought i was reading jt too fast lmao#also the next read really depends on my library lmal long story#but it is my planned next read#anyways! daily dose of oversharing you are welcome#about me#long post#ok so ive tried fixing the links and shit too many times i am officially giving up lmao
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I think the main issue I have as I continue to interact with historical media is that i actually don't think historical media or even inaccurate historical media is inherently bad, but jesus i cannot STAND the people that try to cram historical media into their lives so it doesn't make them uncomfortable
#thinking about the pirate philanthropy section in The Ripped Off video (i still have not seen OFMD even tho i was obsessed with the golden#age of piracy. ive been busy)#kazoo noises#like. honestly i do appreciate how a lot of historical fiction or historical ish media has inspired people to get curious about history.#i think about shows like drunk history that like. led me to discover some truly crazy minutia about the world.#when hamilton was big a lot of my friends actually learned a lot about totally niche and still really fascinating shit re: american history#like obviously both these examples are flawed and arent a substitute for hitting the books but idk man#i appreciate it existing and giving people a mission to find something out bc if you go into a big ass chernow book or biography about#mary read or some shit ur gonna lose steam fast. such is the nature of academic writing.#so like. having a special quest for a specific fact is fun.
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i know this blog isnt generally political because i try to keep that stuff away from funky fresh fandom times but holy shit. that restrict act is some scary ass stuff
#ive been following it for a while now and man.#all i can think of is how nazi germany had their freedom of speech and contact w the outside world cut off bit by bit?? just like this???#and people are just letting it happen now. what the fuck.#(that comes to mind because ive read a lot of ww2 books/taken classes abt the history in that era so its what i thought of first)#its genuinely scary living in america rn like. ik it's not a cakewalk being on the receiving end of this country's shit either#but holy shit. its so terrifying right now.#anyway if you live in the us and havent already this is ur psa to lobby the fuck out of the representatives and congressmen#to get this shut down before its too late#politics#current events#restrict act#winter speaks
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On some Lincoln assassination stuff
#i just finished reading a short book thats supposed to be from daveys pov and it kinda went hard#it was more alternate history sorta but it was pretty good#the narration was written pretty realistically at least i felt like it was#and also it got me to look up some shit and i learned he had a dog#not a lot of info i can find on it but from what ive heard his dog was allowed to visit him in jail#so pretty cool ig#rays art#lincoln assassination#history#david herold#john wilkes booth#lewis powell
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What type of idiot would write a 40+ page report and just put (source) where the sources are beacuse writing out a proper source was boring and they didn't wanna do it. Who would leave their future self in agony trying to find these mysterious sources by hopelessly searching random quotes in google?? Who would be so cruel and dumb??
#answer: me bitch#i thought my google history would remember which studies ive looked at from before#but i did not account for the fact that i also used books and some very legal pdfs that might be hard to find on google with a quote search#anyway i have today and tomorrow to get it all done plus formatting and proof reading#and re-readung a hundred times trying to cut away the unnecessary shit#may the lord strike me down already i hate this#also my body hurts so much from workjng that wedding that i cant even force myself to study at a cafe#so im designated to the sofa where i cant focussss#and yes i did take my meds but im still 😩😤😤 !!!! fukin fumin mate
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Favorite book? (1/2)
#seriously speaking i can’t remember the last time i’ve read a book#i’m really more of a nonfiction guy like i literally have one on the history of cod fishing and i eat that shit up but an actual STORY 😟#unless you count tgcf but that feels more weeb adjacent#the first answer that comes to mind is the little prince of all things#and pax but mainly that’s just cuz those were important to me as a kid#ive grown up to be illiterate
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griffin jennings gets me like no other book protagonist will ever get me
#this is like the third time I'm reading this book and it still feels like the first#i want to cry#if there's ever a book that defines my heart and soul it's this one#every page of it cuts so deep#history is all you left me#adam silvera#this is MY book. ive only known one of my friends who's really got it & loved it like i have and idk if it makes me love her even more#or just want to give her all the hugs in the world because this shit hurts#im not a rereader like at all but i will never grow tired of rereading hialym#it's my comfort book
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i know logically in my brain that i have a disorder that makes it hard for me to focus and do work, the symptoms of which are not gonna go away bc other people need/want me to do stuff, and still like. i'm behind on a bunch of shit for school rn and i'm kind of spiralling over it bc WHY IS IT HARD. this is stuff i like doing and that i want to do. and i can't for the life of me fucking do it and the deadlines are coming up and i NEED TO FUCKING GRADUATE so it has to get done
#i have two assignments due for indigenous lit and i havent even read/watched the materials which is fucking shameful ngl#im so disconnected and behind in that class its not even funny. ive been skating by reading part of the books and doing shit last minute#and i feel awful abt that in particular bc i WANT to give it my full attention. i want to learn. this is important and interesting to me#im also a week behind on my essay which terrifies me ngl#im a week OUT from the next deadline and thats not getting met. which begs the question of when im going to be able to submit it#when i asked my prof for extra time he said he trusts me to 'work conscientiously' which. god. thats so kind but i dont do that#theres an assignment next week for book history that i dont have even started and dont understand#and i cant make myself do fucking anything at all i want to fucking cry#why cant my brain work normally please this one time#why cant literally anyone in a position of authority take me seriously that its a problem i am literally begging rn#im tired of being told that im smart so i can do it bc i literally cant anymore! its been getting worse for years!#i Am smart enough to do this but something else is wrong!! please!! im trying so hard and i know its not this difficult for everyone#im only taking 4 courses! i know people taking 5 who arent struggling as much as me w workloads!!#its gonna take me failing for anyone to care and i cannot fail at this point. im almost done#levi.txt#vent tw#and then i also feel bad bc i blame everything on my adhd#but also. it does fucking affect all aspects of my life#and i feel like i complain too much but that simultaneously nobody is getting how hard shit is for me/how im not ok#delete later#im not asking for attention rn im just yelling into the void dw abt it. ill probably feel better in an hour or two
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me: I dont even like christianity, cannot tolerate a single christian thought, imagery or sentence uttered in my vicinity,
my downloads folder rn:
#my need to stay true to my stupid little ocs outweighs my hatred SOMEHOW#-thru gritted teeth- I shant allow bias to distort the story or the character#maybe Im entertaining writing a book WHAT OF IT dont look at me#ok not all of these are relevant n I only needed the baru book for a specific quote Ive already read this one#thought I was gonna take a break after he who drowned the world and try and steep in fandom for a bit or something but im getting bored#nonfiction could be a good compromise#learn some shit for once#I swear Ive read and heard and seen so much abt the bible n history of christianity and it never keeps in my brain ugh#a lot of the stuff is so chaotic in my defense#ALSO ALSO need to look into cathars though they came much later n I dont wanna mess with st mals setting that much....but#vermin chat
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rereading donna tartt books really has me like. it was all spelled out from the start huh
#ok ok ive only read the goldfinch and the secret history.#just finished tsh for the second time and just starting the goldfinch for the second time#and my god not to english 101 this shit but julian's lecture and audrey's monologuing about paintings at the start of each books#that's the key baby it's given to you outright#i love rereading or rewatching media it's so rewarding to see those things you may have missed before
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