#ive listened to this way too many times
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youve heard of sex flowers get ready for the flower that makes you into a celestial shoujo herione complete with particle effects you cannot turn the fuck off and creates a wifebeam so powerful it can incapacitate and maim and keeps making you burst into tears and fall on your ass which makes the wifebeam More Powerful and you also cannot turn this off either.
and is also still, sort of, a sex flower
from one of my favorite fanfictions, Celestial Afterglow by elanor_pam, a fic that defies description in the best possible way
#arts#shen qingqiu#svsss#listen im not saying that ive spent a cumulative half a year reading this fic and then trying to make an arts for it#and then getting frustrated and stopping because i couldn't figure out how to make sqq shimmery enough#but like. im not NOT saying that#this is the FOURTH time ive started something for this bitch it haunts my fucking dreams and yet the opalescent glittery sqq evades me#perhaps you o unlearned fool look at this and say hmm that's too many colour layers and glowy effects but oh how wrong you are#if it doesnt make you literally fall over yourself at how otherworldly and radiant he is then there is room for improvement yet#perhaps you look at this and you think Wow!!! this gives me literally NO ideas what this fic is about#well Let Me Tell You. i have no fucking idea how to summarize this fic#its not often the tags in a fic give me pause but i saw this and as i read the tags i was increasingly just like What#but i have no idea how to describe it. the tags arent NOT accurate but i was SO unprepared for what happened in like an extremely pos way#if i were tagging this i think i would give it the no archive warnings apply label if that matters to you#the author seemed they wanted to leaned towards over caution rather than risk missing anything re tags because This Is A Weird Fic#but oh my fucking god#i am gripping you by the shoulders i cannot stress enough how charming it is#brilliant characterization especially with airplane in the first scene#and also so much fucking funnier than i thought possible for the general setting summary tags and buildup#its just. ough. its good
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Ok so I was wondering like
Top 0.005% of listeners. That's Pretty Damn Small. But I was wondering Just how small...
357.1k monthly listeners
0.005% of 357.1k is... just under 18...
Guys. I'm within the top 20 listeners for IAMX. Period. 🫣
#speculation nation#16K MINUTES OF MY 59K TOTAL MINUTES FOR THE YEAR...#A LITERAL 27% OF ***ALL*** MUSIC I LISTENED TO THIS YEAR........#cant help gettin emo i guess#like i knew he'd be indisputably my top artist but. holy fuck.#THIS ALSO ISNT INCLUDING THE SNEAKER PIMPS ALBUM... which ive listened to obsessively too#as an extension of the obsession with his music. bc he sings in it.#SOMETIMES AN ARTIST HITS U LIKE A FREIGHT TRAIN and ur left like. yeah. yeah .#helps that hes got so many albums so i spent Months slowly making my way through them all.#but then i just kept listening to him bc his music just... scratches an itch in my brain idk.#in part it's the grief. Metanoia was a crutch of an album after my uncle died.#and also with my cat... it was just. nonstop IAMX. for Months.#ive been branching out more again recently bc i do like some variety in the music i listen to#but if i want music but dont know what to play it just always ends up going back to IAMX#because it's dependable. it's enjoyable. it's Comfortable.#his music feels like a reset button for me. like returning to a dark room to sleep at night.#it's not dark for the sake of darkness. but for the comfort of it. existing honestly. existing without fear of judgement.#and bringing the analogy together i really have listened to his music to help me sleep a few times#not often just bc i usually dont listen to music as i sleep. im a light sleeper so i need white noise.#but there were a few times i found myself without a working fan. so i turned to his music to act as white noise instead.#not actual white noise of course. but the function of it. the Comfort. the familiarity.#pick one of his lowkey albums and just let it keep going. and it works. it does.#so like. it makes sense. it does. i understand entirely why i rank so high in his monthly listeners.#it's just a bit mind boggling to actually see the tangible numerical value hfkshdjd bc. man. man...
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#it's an old frustration. an old pattern of thought.#i just feel that i have a brain that doesn't hold information. that lacks the discipline to gain knowledge. that is incapable of deeper#thought. and i cant teel you how maddening that is. to sit in a room and listen to other people discuss a paper you read in depth 5 times#like it's the 1st time you ever heard anything about it. how is that possible? how do i work with that? i read and nothing sticks.#nothing stays with me. how??? i was talking to a prof recently who ive heard is hard on her students with disability accommodation. and she#was saying how she doesnt see these things as a disability. how we're just different not disabled. ive heard the phrase differently abled#a lot of times. and i get what she's saying. i do. ad i get why she's hard on them. she wants to push them. but there comes a point where#you are quote unquote differently abled and you run into a wall that other people dont have. then what are you supposed to do? work harder?#but what if that doesn't help? what if that just compounds the hurt that's always been there? what if that leaches away all the wonder? what#then? at what point does a thing become too much of a barrier? i think there's a reason i dont run into many other dyslexic grad student.#everyone has adhd. it's a place where those with adhd prosper. but dyslexia not so much. at least not with the level of hanicap i have#and everyone's really nice. they want to help. but there's nothing anyone can do for me at this stage. it's up to me to compensate for my#leaky head. and i kno im not stupid. ive got a piece of paper stating my iq is above average after correcting for uneven intelligence. but#i dont feel very smart most of the time. i feel more like my uncorrected iq score that comes out at just below average even with me trying#my very best. iq is bullshit but there's something to be said for that gap. im smart if unconstrained by language and time. but were bound#by language and we're bound by time so what am i supposed to do? is there anything i can do? im stuck with this forever. theres no getting#better or making it easier. my brain is wired in a way that gives me the reading skills of a child. forever. and i just have to accept that#and im trying to swallow around that idea easier because the only other option is to choke on it. but maybe i chose the wrong career path.#one of my lab mates said she wants challenges all the time and ive chosen a path that's challenges all the time but im jsut trying to do#what everyone else can without a second thought. it's deeply demoralizing. yet here i am. trying to be easier abt it.#maybe im just nit cut out for this. doing a job im not built for.#unrelated
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hate it when u know someones being a dick to u on purpose but u cant call it out because theres plausible deniability that u know they'll hide behind so instead u just have to smile and be super nice and act like u dont even notice while u keep reminding urself that it'll pay off eventually when they fuck up and everybody else realizes they're a complete asshole and u can bask in the vindication of once again being right
#jack.speaks#the amount of times this has happened to me and then payed off in this exact way is too many#but it really does work everytime#ive literally never been wrong about someones rancid vibes#everyone ive ever like genuinely hated turned out to be a creep and a loser and a piece of shit#and yet ppl still dont listen to me when i say someones vibes are repulsive#everybody wants to 'oh but i dont think theyre like that theyre so nice to me specifically they cant be this way' okay jan#i'll just keep having paper towels on hand for when u eventually have to wipe that egg off ur face cause they fuck u over
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realized the depths of my hatred for fanon byler once again n it can always grow it seems
#listen. I used to be someone who had such a hard time validating my own opinions n letting them form to the point where it showed-#-in evrything I did. n where even I thought for this I was just “overreacting” ovr the bastardization of the characters#like oh ok whtevr. maybe im wrong but damn#n THEN I found my lovely mutuals who felt the exact same way I felt n MAN. let me tell u it was the best feeling evr#n since then ive just been slowly realizing exactly why I dislike it so much lol I feel healed#anyways👋 saw Too Many Posts td n i realized I needed to get the hell out of the main tag once again
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this isn't meant to like. make you give your opinion on Discourse™️ or anything I just wanted to ask, but I keep seeing people upset about taylor dating mr. 1975 and I can't figure out if it's bc he's a terrible person or just a greasy alcoholic 😭😭😭 do you know what's up with that guy??? like on one hand I like not knowing things about celebs and I should keep it that way. but also
i, unfortunately, do know what's up with that guy and it's that he's said something problematic about every faction of society at least once. for me i have some weird, reluctant fondness for him because he is just a train wreck and he's such a twat all the time that at least it's nondiscriminating, and i also like that when he sings about mental illness it's bc he's actually BEEN THERE and been publicly a mess bc of it and been addicted to drugs and acted like a dick, and he ACKNOWLEDGES THAT, but also at no point am i gonna jump on the 'he's an amazing person' parade bc generally he is just a sleazy idiot. it is weird watching people suddenly dragging up every single thing he's ever said to be like 'look! this is why he's bad for our tay tay!' when the running joke with matty healy is that he's just a prick. like u dont need to expose his moral fibre. u can just say he's a prick. and also as funny as the jokes are she's still a grown woman who's been around the block a few times when it comes to dating. i think she will be okay maybe
#idk that's just what i think though. like he's been cancelled more times than he has songs and yet a lot of us are still here#and he acknowledges it like there's a running gag at his live shows where he goes to say a very explosive sentence and then he gets cut off#by the band with a random song it's so funny. like he'll go 'i just think that immigrants- *LOUD GUITAR*' & i think that's a part of it too#is that a lot of people don't get that sometimes he's being ironic? he takes it too far and these days he's annoying#but idk ive seen certain instances where im like. that went over so many people's heads#idk i just dont think he's Evil and Malicious i think he's just a prick. like people can just be pricks even if they're super famous. wild#he's so fucking pretentious but he got famous for being REAL and his music has helped a lot of people because of how real it was#like i made a post a while ago about his song 'give yourself a try' and how the concept of it is literally#'life is a little bit shit to be quite honest with you and you WILL get fucked over by it and fuck yourself over but you're here anyway#so you might as well give it a go' like???? so many mental health ballads are like 'the world is So Beautiful and So Are You'#but matty healy ALWAYS has gone actually it isnt and you arent. whatever though#and i just really like that#ask#also big disclaimer that i dont have an encyclopedic knowledge of all the dumb shit matty healy has said ive just been listening#to the band for a while and have picked shit up along the way. if it turns out he's done some actually reprehensible shit that ive missed#then that's literally bc i do not actively run in 1975 circles and do not intend to ever start <3 so dont yell at me LMAO
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finally was able to catch up w yohane in time for the finale. i could not stop thinking about this
textless + original
#yes this looks horrible it makes it way funnier#i did make it really fast too i only colored it because i figured it wouldn’t take long#is this a shitpost#my art or something#love live#genjitsu no yohane#yohane the parhelion#sunshine in the mirror#why does this show have so many names#lailaps#assuming that’s the spelling but im pretty sure it wasn’t in sunshine#oh well it’s an au#anyway im going to hope with all my heart we get a s2 because SAINT SNOW OH MY GOD THEYRE ALIVE#they remembered them they’re not getting the arise or sunny passion treatment#plspls it’s been so long and ive listened to all their songs so many times already#lonely snow planet has been sooo stuck in my head lately
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<3
#my besties here at college#when i came in we used to talk about stuff and she'd get surprised and ask me how i notice such small things#and have detailed description of everything#and always made jokes on me being deep analyzer and taking things too seriously#it was fun mostly but one time she made it in front of bcg that was when i began to have crush on him#i got so defensive i actually said not my fault you view life so blantly and superficially#how can you not see the beauty that comes in patterns that must feel awful being that oblivious almost disrespectful to nature#and i said it ofc in the funny manner and that may sound really rude but she took it in a positive way#so she began taking interest in everything and started to try to discuss and know my opinions about everything#and i loved that there was someone listening so fascinately like a kid#simultaneously she uses a lot of shuddh hindi vocab not even adults speak like that#and it was just weird to me to listen them in normal conversations#but since ive been good at hindi literature and have a good vocab i tried it too#used to feel so awkward at first almost like the words took too much effort to come out of mouth#because obviously i grew to learn the internet slangs and their medium is english so my mode of expression in hindi was#but now she surprises me with talking about things and noticing what escapes my attention#and i have to mock her say its not that deep#and i while speaking use too many shudh hindi words and then when she can't find a word i think before and give synonyms as well#and we both laugh#ive said this before ig
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i dont trust a bitch that hates ronance
like wdym u like stedd1e(<3) or god forbid fucking h4rr1ngr0ve(😒) but you dont like ronance🤨🤨🤨🤨
like if u dnt ship it bc ur rooting for robin and vickie or ur a super yay jxncy person or smt sure whatever. but if u HATE ronance??? i do not trust you.
#anyone thats 100% insistent and totally sure that nance is straight gets my side eye tbh#bc like did u listen to murrays lil expose on her💀 'ur scared to be urself and instead rely on safety of conventional man'#yeahhh not queer coded at all#when we talk abt how mlm ships need 100x as much evidence as straight ships to be considered plausible???#yeah that but x10000000 for wlw ones jfc#like steve can have a male friend that says hes got nice abs or smthn and everyones WOOF WOOF BARK GRR GAY PEOPLE!!!#sure okay have fun besties#but nancy is like 🥰robin ik i wanted nothing to do w u 5 seconds ago but ive actually decided ur my fav person🥰#🥰we are gonna spend the rest of our time on this world saving mission glued together ok🥰#anyway. do i believe it has any shot at endgame?? no!#but i do not like the way that people are like st3ddie<333❗❗❗ (i love it too dont get me wrong fruity four my loves)#and then totally ignore ronance. or worse. see them as side characters 💀#i have so many thoughts on this but just. im usually a defender of why fandoms fixate on mlm ships bc women tend to have less development#(im a byler first. bc theyre the most obviously romantically coded in a Oh this one has Actual Potential way)#but robin and nancy are fairly well rounded characters. and they interact a fuck ton in s4. so. usual defenses are a no go#and now im ready to sword fight the haters#ronance#this is incomprehensible#but im right#only censoring ship names so i dnt end up in their tags i love stedd1e and jxncy dw
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two notes. probably nothing. but i did notice.
ep 1 -> when fionna says 'stop acting crazy' to cake in the exact same way did marceline did in I Remember You to ice king.
ep 2 -> simon says same old, same old...this is more vague bc its a common phrase but. olivia olsons' (marcys voice actor) song Take Care comes to mind. the verses about simon specifically. in which she sings 'you diverged, confirmed what i already learned- same old same old'.
#fionna and cake#fionna and cake spoilers#simontalk#only noticed because ive listened to take care many many many times but its probably nothing#first one on the other hand. was way too pointed
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i’m crying you did NOT gaf about LH1 😭
oh i loved LH1 !! I think it's an absolutely bonkers insane piece of art but it's not really an album that I can listen to tbqh and i do not say that in a derogatory way at all. it just sends me into absolute hysterics every time and that's not very productive for me, so i dont really listen to it (just bc i genuinely can't handle it) and, because of that, im not personally chomping at the bit for LH2 (even if I know a ton of people are) because I just know that I, Jess, am not the target audience for it and i shouldnt have to pretend that i am
#it's an incredible album !! it's a masterpiece !! luke is one of the most phenomenal poets/songwriters ive ever read/listened to#but like that shit fucks me up in a way i cannot describe lmfao#i genuinely cannot listen to LH1 without having a full blown hyperventilating crying breakdown. like it's my anxiety attack album y'all#music has a really strong affect on me. i am really sensitive to auditory stimulants and so i cry *super* easy to music#so if i listen to LH1 i have to be prepared to bawl my eyes out for multiple hours#and i usually dont have time to spend crying so i dont really listen to it. i mean baby blue + saigon i will BUMP i fucking LOVE those song#but the rest of the album just hits too close to home. and i know that's what so many people *love* about it#and what makes it so incredible. but for me? i would just rather listen to songs that make me happy#i thought abt not answering this ask bc i think it might be ~controversial~ lols#but the fandom is so small on tumblr now that im actually just gonna say whatever tf i want moving forward dfghjk#this is my turf !#(secret time) i also have <3 personal resentment of LH1 bc of how fans treated superbloom <3#but what're u gonna do abt that yknow#not luke's fault. his artistry is incredible. ashton's is too. and they attract different types of listeners#and just bc im a 5sos fan doesnt mean i have to love all their solo projects yknow?? it's just abt what i enjoy as a listener :)#pigeon#anon#i feel so brave saying this#will i get attacked#i doubt it. surely there's not enough people left on here to care dfghjk#if my luke friends see this im sorry guys i love him ily i love his album i have NO bad things to say about it from an artistic point at AL#it's a masterpiece !!!#i just dont listen to it#and nobody gets to make me feel bad abt that >:(
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"this house is so full of ghost activity!!"
the house:
#my post#im still on my skeptic shit#ill never stop being on it#these people really go into houses and buildings that are at least 100 years old and go 'wow! theres so many noises!'#or 'the temperature just dropped holy shit'#or 'woah why is this thing swaying lightly on its own!/this item shifted!'#as if old buildings arent made the way they were back then and also as if they werent heavily used by the time this happens lol#'listen to this recording! it sounds like [word or phrase!]' the recording in question: [see image]#sometimes i can KINDA hear what they hear but if i dont see what word they think it was. it literally sounds like a shuffle or wind or like#someone maybe just breathing slightly too loud LOL#i will say that the latest ghost investigation video i watched did have one of these that did sound like a person talking more than like#almost every other example ive ever heard. but get this: i still think it was fake#because tbh. i still think they faked a few things in that video to make it more interesting. and it was just a whisper so#so it didnt sound like a particular voice. it just sounded like anyone whispering#and couldve been said by one of them or edited in later#cause iirc they didnt react to it in the moment. only in editing#sooo anywayyy
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like 10 people now have told me i should start customizing jackets for After seeing all the painting and stuff i did on mine . 'd love to do that and all but it would be so stupid expensive to unless i charged people for all of the materials . they'd have to mail me the jacket + patches and shit to sew on But i could probably get the paint stuff myself
#my rambles#even my therapist was like#“ive never seen anything like this before. people are gonna want this" And wheni told her how many times people have said that 2 me#And she was like well then maybe that's a sign 2 start listening#i feel like there's a reason it hasnt done it though Like it's too inconvenient#also i feel bad charging what I think is a lot of money for things#even now i squint at my comm prices for when i open em again#i just like to dress in a way that communicates my interest 2 others Like walking around wearing a list of everything i enjoy#i feel nice in it !!#and hopefully likeminded people will talk 2 me lol.....
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There’s so much I love about Jack Stauber’s Opal but one thing that hits really hard is the depiction of the father, and the way emotional abuse and neglect is portrayed. He’s got the most abstract design, being constantly surrounded by mirrors as a way of showing how he’s so insecure about how he looks and behaves that he’s become insanely self absorbed and can’t see anything other than himself. And as he talks to Claire he’s really just monologging while constantly tripping over his own words and projecting his insecurities onto her absolutely unprompted. You can also see the way he views himself as a savior, the way he pats himself on the back for taking time to talk to his daughter, the way the man he sees in the mirror looks much prettier than the real thing, the fact he says god is in his skin and he’s granting the world its next new savior. All while not letting Claire talk, all while spending the whole conversation invested in himself, all while doing nothing to stop the grandfather from harming her and even getting upset when she runs away, asking if she knows how it makes him feel. It’s too damn real
#the klock keeps ticking#opal#jack stauber#the way hes just so insanely insecure and has clearly been abused before too but doesnt really unpack it reminds me so much of my mom#and the way he just forces claire to listen to his monologue and calls himself a savior just for like#talking to her even though he doesnt pay an ounce of attention to whats happening in her life#just like my dad#and he just like. knows hes the ‘good’ one in the house like he knows claire trusts him most#and he thinks that just makes him so special that he doesnt have to do anything#and in claires fantasy her dad is for once just looking at her and not himself#its a depiction of abuse i never see even though its like very common and its done in such a cool clever way#feels validating as hell and also like fuck that guy and everyone else in that house i hate them 👺#give claire a better home and a burger#godddd ive seen opal so many times i am eating it its so good and so catered to me#but god its hits really hard too i get chills every time
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taking a break from comms for a minute but im gonna restate what i said on twitter and say that some of the jessica d.rew hate is rooted in anti-blackness
#* ✧ ⁺ . ⋆ ˙ 𝙾𝚄𝚃 𝙾𝙵 𝙲𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙰.#just like. listen to me#im not gonna restate everything i said in my little private tweet but basically yeah jessica had her wrongs and i too personally disliked -#the way she would act at times during the movie ( primarily bc she too was compliant with miguel’s ideology ) but some of the hate ive been-#seeing towards her has been Insane meanwhile the same ppl are like. quiet. towards miguel’s own crimes#plus like. speaking as a blk person. i shant lie. some of the hate just feels like it’s coming from a place where blk women are demonized#which has been a problem for literally centuries .#on a different but similar note honestly some of the commentary on atsv feels racially motivated in different ways#like. something very strange abt how ppl are characterizing miguel ( a latino man ) and the bashing of blk ships in favor of a interracial -#relationship ( <- WHICH ISNT ME SAYING I HATE MILES/GWEN. i had my own apprehensions abt their relationship given too many writers throw in-#interracial relationships with little regard of putting a blk character in a relationship with another blk person or person of color. and -#honestly even if you remove the potential romantic aspect i think gwen and miles’ relationship is really well written )#but like. yeah. a ton of strange behavior . some ppl don’t know how to treat characters of color and it makes me SICK
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showing my parents the super cool nude models I’ve drawn: :D 👍
me, the moment i hear that doorknob turn when im doing art for tumblr:
#skrambles#ive been so close to getting caught way too many times for comfort#theres this doorknob turning sound in one of the song i listen to and it always puts me on edge
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