#its very therapeutic
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the apollo justice urge to just fucking scream
#sunnysiderambles#i miss screaming#its very therapeutic#i only ever had to do it for performances tho#which is a bummer#i should be allowed to stress scream more without disturbing anyone
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gently holding a small bug type pokémon is important I think
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What do you think about Taylor's dad assaulting a reporter ?
i have her tags blocked and like 2 swiftie mutuals left so i have no thoughts about this. head truly empty of all things her. ✨
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Don't check up on people from your past. Delete old messages/texts/emails. Move on and live your life. They aren't in your life anymore for a reason.
#its very therapeutic#clean out the trash#you deserve so much better#positivity#a clean slate#moving on#in case anyone needed to hear this today#and definitely unfollow them#soft block if you need to#especially if they violated your trust#and serial ghosters#trash people be gone#i feel like a weight has been lifted since i cleaned out my inboxes recently
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i see your idea and i raise you:
both
seth makes pumpkin eat both the old fingie and the new one.
why does seth have to take a new finger? cruelty thats why.
today i woke up and chose violence against pumpkin
so this took seven thousand years as well and i didnt even tick all the boxes- sorry
trigger warnings: forced autocannibalism, humiliation, dehumanization, pet whump, conditioning, manipulation, gore, blood, restrained, emeto, crying, begging, cutting off a finger, wishing for death
"What do you say we cut off another one?" Seth slammed Pumpkin's hand down, flat against the table. The poor thing was wailing, barely coherent in their begging to be let off the hook. They'd already lost a finger, they'd been tricked into eating it later, they did not want any more of that experience.
"P-Please, please, Sir, no, please, please don't, don't do this, please, it hurts so much, please..." They struggled weakly against their owner's hold on their wrist, but ultimately they were helpless to stop themself getting strapped down once more. "I'll do anything, anything, please!"
Seth grabbed them roughly by the face, his fingers digging into Pumpkin's delicate skin. It was going to bruise later. "Anything? Yeah? Well, I want this. So why don't you shut that mouth of yours and behave?"
"I b-behaved last t-time," they stammered, all the defiance evaporating from their body now that Seth was so close, and so intimidating. "Please, I behaved, Sir, p-please... n-not again..."
"Pumpkin... Dear, stupid little Pumpkin..." Seth smiled, without an ounce of happiness, rather out of amusement and condescension. "Do you really think that behaving once gets you a get out of jail for free card? Or that once I've done something to you, I'll never ever do it again?" He let them go and knocked on their head a few times, his underlying annoyance apparent by the way the knocks hurt more with each one. "It's fucking hollow, isn't it?"
Pumpkin bit their lip and looked away, both too afraid and ashamed to keep arguing. They didn't want to lose another finger. They'd never wanted to lose one at all, it was too far, too permanent, too terrifying, but still, they'd let Seth do it. And now he wanted to do it again.
"Well, I guess that was a little rude." They blinked away the tears, cautiously glancing up at Seth. Was he... apologizing? That had never happened before. "I got overexcited to do this," they continued, running a hand through their hair. "But really, I shouldn't forget that the whole reason I'm able to is because you made good on your promise and came here."
Pumpkin's eyes lit up, the smidgen of acknowledgement making their heart beat even faster than the knife in Seth's hand. "I, I'm s-sorry, I- it wasn't rude, y-you're right, I should've... I should've never questioned you, Sir, I'm sorry... I, I came here to- to let you do whatever you wanted, r-right? So... so it really didn't make sense..."
Seth couldn't have stifled the Cheshire cat grin if he wanted, it was all just too easy. "Don't worry about it. Let's get this over with and forget about the rest."
Except that was as much of a lie as anything else coming out of his mouth. Because as soon as that finger was severed, as soon as Pumpkin began to hope it'd be all over, Seth got another idea. Because apparently it wasn't enough to replicate that part, he wanted to replicate the aftermath. Make it even worse.
"Wanna try it raw this time?" He picked up the bloody finger like it was an average, everyday object, grinning at their already shocked and freaked out pet. "I know I ground and cooked it last time, but really, I'm curious as to what it's like without all that."
"No, no no no no no no no, please, please, you said-"
"And you said you came here to let me do whatever I wanted."
Pumpkin looked horrified, rightfully so. Even the remaining colour drained from their face at Seth's completely serious and expectant expression, because they couldn't, they couldn't do that. That was disgusting, repulsive, they couldn't, couldn't put that in their mouth, there was no way, they couldn't-
The sounds became distorted and muffled as they kept fixating on the bloody mess in Seth's hand. They suddenly felt dizzy. It might've been the blood loss, or maybe the experience itself, they couldn't tell. They somehow managed not to throw up immediately as they touched it - when did they reach for it? - taking one last look at Seth's blurry face for confirmation through the curtain of tears.
They really were holding their own severed finger. It didn't feel all that weird, it felt like a prop, like it was all fake and the blood was nothing but strawberry jam from their dead grandma's kitchen cabinet. She had scolded them so much for taking it and using it as fake blood back in the day, she'd said it was wholly inappropriate and a horrible waste of food.
Strawberry jam.
Chewy.
Their teeth hit something hard.
They couldn't do it.
Pumpkin threw the severed digit on the ground and threw up, their head pounding so bad they thought they were going to pass out. The room was spinning, all they wanted to do was fall off the chair and hit their stupid, empty head hard enough on the concrete to never wake up again, but with their wrist still secured to the table, that was unlikely to happen.
Seth said something, it sounded like an order, but they couldn't make it out. They were slapped once, twice, but his face just wouldn't come into focus, and the memory of that thing in their mouth was too vivid, they couldn't cover their mouth before they threw up all over him.
Even with the one remaining thread that was connecting them to reality, they could tell that was a bad move; still, the fear was toned down, like someone had dialed it down with the rest of their thoughts and emotions.
A heavy thud, distant ringing in their ears, and everything went black.
#i will never apologize for constantly writing heavy dissociation scenes that make little to no sense#its very therapeutic#the bad scribbles#writer whumper
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Every morning when i get ready i put on my silver and pink tiara
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Cannot stop giggling at the idea of Bat, who is just some goth prick with too much free time and daddy issues, getting in trouble and instead of getting grounded to his room he has to go work at the fucking 𝘣𝘶𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘷𝘢𝘯. The burger van which is conveniently ran by the guy he keeps playing nasty tricks on for his own entertainment
#oc lore#trans#queer#hes my favorite little guy i make him do a funny dance in my brain#its very therapeutic
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touched up and colored some old dunmeshi doodles from earlier in the year ^_^
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#marcille donato#kabru#laios touden#usually i hate coloring but occasionally it can be therapeutic 😌#dont get it twisted im still deep in trigun (wolfwood) brainrot but MAN I AM SOOO READY FOR THE ANIME#ive had the opening song on repeat since its dropped. bc im a normal person (also bc i like bump of chicken)#will probably switch over to dunmeshi brainrot come january 4 who knows! (very likely)
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Anyways XO Kitty love interests summarized
Dae
Min Ho
Yuri
#I finished it guys I have thoughts#pleasantly…. surprised I actually enjoyed it a lot?#like don’t get me wrong it was very cringe fail at times but in like an affectionate way in like an aw high school affectionate#bet y’all can’t tell by this post which my favorite LI was I bet y’all can’t guess take a guess#ranking wise Yuri>Min Ho>Dae#I am so sorry Dae is so aksjskw boringgg and like not even because he is a nice guy I love nice guys#he just didn’t have any personality whatsoever apart from chasing Kitty around and saying I can explain#they could have swelled more into him being a family guy but they just kinda didn’t and it was very meh overall#like min ho was an ass but kinda funny at times and had a whole character arc#yuri had a whole development too going full circle and growing as she faced different situations in the series#dae I feel like he started the same way he finished and I guess that makes sense for the plot showing Kitty needs something else but defo#makes him the weakest li. no criticism taken btw#SHUT ME UP ITS 4 AM AND I AM PSYCHOANALYSING A KIDS SHOW AKSJWKKW therapeutic#xo kitty#I hope this doesn’t offend anyone lol all /lh#dae#min ho#yuri
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MARTch, day 23: chill. You ever freehand a car just to feel something
#hes chillin. hes a chill guy. its chill#martch#martch2024#coyoteworks#oc#mwnn#artists on tumblr#original character#illustration#digital art#digital painting#cowboy#cowboy art#western art#dont zoom in too close its 3am and i dont feel compelled to clean up minute details into eternity#as it turns out drawing cars is very therapeutic btw.#this one is a 1974 dodge tradesman 200
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this is where i post from
#my art#furry#i spent a total of over 19 hours on this. and now its 4:30 am because i decided i couldnt sleep until i finished it#for no reason#if its not clear this is a drawing of my actual desk with my computer on#except theres a bunch of important details missing because i couldnt possibly stand to draw more#this was fun believe me it was very therapeutic. i need to. go to sleep now though#my fursona
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The spiral
#horror#my art#traditional art#giygas#i guess? its inspired from him but its def not him though#done with markers#its very very different from my usual type of art but surprise surprise i truly enjoy horror#its also a vent art... the process was very therapeutic as i tried to visualise what absolute despair and pain feels like#it comes from my own experience with ptsd#smtsmt art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comforted
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warm-up belos
#emperor belos#the owl house#toh#my art#sketch#its a big writing week for me (midterms) so i drew this to destress#doodling unhinged villains one second away from a breakdown is very therapeutic actually
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woe. tiny angie based off those limbus chibis. because ilike them :]
#pikart#projmoon#ineed. t do more silly chibi art its very therapeutic#anyway uhhh passes out goodnight <33
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i went to the beach with my family today and i brought dante bean along!!! so have the dumb doodles i did last night before going + pics i took today with regular sized dante(?) drawn over them :D
#these were so fun to draw over... i still have a lot of other pics i took i might draw over them later tee hee#in case you couldnt tell. these were very self indulgent. i like to draw myself hanging out with dante just doing dumb shit its fun :)#its not even bc im in love with him or smth i just think its fun to draw yourself with your favs... its therapeutic even....#anyway! im exhausted! i can barely feel my legs! but today was so nice :)#devil may cry#dante(dmc)#ally(sona)#allyart#cringe is dead. i killed it. its my blog so i get to draw myself having fun at the beach with dante and no one can stop me!!!!!!!!!!!11
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.
It wasn’t until the phone was already ringing that Roy thought through the logistics of his plan. Whether he should call Ted or not wasn’t even a question-- he had to get an explanation for this, right now-- but the time difference wasn’t something Roy had considered. It was probably around three in the morning in Kansas right now. Ted might not even pick up the phone at all-- and if he did, he’d be in bed, eyes blinking open and hair askew. The mental image of Ted being woken up by his call almost made Roy feel guilty for a second, but he was too fucking pissed off to feel bad for very long.
Eventually, Ted did pick up the phone, a croaked “Roy?” sounding tinny through Roy’s phone.
“What the fuck did you do?” Roy demanded immediately. “What did you say to him?”
“What’d I-- what?” Ted sounded bleary and unfocused, his voice still hoarse. “W’happened?”
“Jamie. You fucking said something to him.”
“I-- I did?”
Roy’s teeth ground together with an unpleasant squeak. “About his father.”
The line was silent for a moment.
“Oh.”
“You said something to him, about-- forgiveness?! Forgiveness, Ted?” Roy shook his head in disbelief, though he knew Ted couldn’t see it over the phone. “You fucking told him to forgive his father.”
“Yeah, well, I thought it might--”
“Fuck whatever you thought it might do,” Roy growled. “He’s fucking bleeding right now, because of you.”
“He-- what?!” Now Ted sounded more awake. “Wait, Jamie? What happened? Is he okay?”
“No thanks to you.” Roy squeezed the wooden railing of his porch, glaring into the night sky above. “Because of your little fucking pep talk, he ended up letting his father start fucking living with him, and now I’ve had to just spend the past hour talking him down from a fucking panic attack and cleaning the fucking blood off his fucking face and-- fuck, Ted! Did you even think at all about what you were fucking saying?” Roy shook his head again, trying his best to keep his volume under control-- Jamie was just on the other side of a glass door, after all. “Why would you fucking say that to him?”
“I…” There was an indistinct shuffling from the other side of the phone, like Ted was scrambling to get out of bed. “I didn’t tell him to do any of that, I just said--”
“You said to forgive him.”
“No-- well, I--”
“Yes. Jamie said that’s the word you used.”
“But that’s not what I meant.”
“I don’t give a flying fuck what you fucking meant, Lasso. Whatever you meant to say, what he got from it was that he has to bend over fucking backwards to accommodate his father, give him a second chance-- no, not a second chance, a fucking thousand-and-second chance-- or else Ted is going to be disappointed in him.”
There was another moment of quiet, where Ted let out a long, controlled breath. Part of Roy’s brain supplemented a memory of Ted before a game, closing his eyes and performing breathing exercises into cupped palms, but the rest of Roy rejected it outright. He was too fucking blazing mad to be feeling any sort of understanding for Ted at the moment.
“I do think forgiveness is a-- a virtue we should all strive towards,” Ted said finally, calmly, and Roy barked out a laugh.
“You think that fucking matters right now? Your fucking Lasso philosophy? He’s bleeding, Ted.”
“Well, I didn’t know that was how this would end up!” Ted’s voice shot back, suddenly defensive in a way Roy had never heard him before. “Everyone can change, Roy, you know I believe that--”
“Jesus, Ted, you weren’t thinking for a fucking second about the consequences of what you said to him, were you? You saw fucking Wembley! Jamie is terrified of that man! He’s sent him to the fucking hospital before! Sure, maybe he can fucking change, I don’t fucking know.” Roy ran his hands through his hair. “But you really think it’s worth the risk of letting Jamie get hurt again, on the off-chance that this is the time things are different? When that man sends him into hysterics every time he’s around? When Jamie’s still got scars from him? I mean, this is the man that had him fucking raped at fourteen, Jesus, Ted--”
“He-- what?!” Ted squawked over the line, but Roy was too fired up to stop.
“You think it’s worth the fucking risk just to-- just ‘cause he could change this time? What if he fucking doesn’t? Or doesn’t yet? Even if he does change, it’s not gonna be instantaneous. You willing to just let him keep hurting Jamie for another-- year, two years, ten years, until he’s finally changed? That’s worth it? Just ‘cause forgiveness is a fucking virtue?”
Roy stopped to breathe, his cheeks hot with anger as he heaved in one breath after another.
When Ted spoke again, he sounded terrified. “I didn’t-- now, Roy, a lot of that stuff I didn’t even know about--”
“Bullshit,” Roy spat. “Bullshit, bullshit. You were there at Wembley. You saw enough. You saw.” Roy dug his fingernails into the wooden railing. The wood was soft from the rain last night. “And even if you’re right-- even if that man could change, did change-- even if he never hurt Jamie again, you still think-- you know what he said to me? He said, ‘I thought it’s what I had to do to be a good person.’ That’s what he said. Because of what you fucking told him, he thought he’d be a bad person if he just deleted his dad’s fucking number and went the fuck on with his life like I told him to do.”
“That’s not what I said to him. I was just giving advice, I didn’t say that not following it would make him a bad person--”
“Jesus, Ted, that doesn’t fucking matter! The boys look up to you, they--” Roy growled, slamming his fist down on the railing. “How many times have you given me this exact same fucking talk? ‘Careful what you say to them, Roy, you know how they look up to you. You say jump, they say how high.’ Yeah? Didn’t you fucking say that to me?”
“Roy--”
“You tell them that something is the right thing to do, of course they’re gonna assume it’s the fucking-- universal truth of it. Of course they’re gonna wanna do what you say, ‘cause Ted’s the best person, so if he says this is what’s right then it must be what I have to do to be good too, yeah? Of course they’re gonna fucking listen to you. Christ, Ted. Surely you know the effect you have on people.”
Ted was quiet for a long moment. When he spoke again, his voice wasn’t shrill or defensive-- it was just soft. “Well, I didn’t mean…”
“Yeah, whatever,” Roy huffed. He turned to peer through the glass door back into the house, but Jamie wasn’t in his line of sight. He should probably get back in there-- Jamie had been alone for a while now. But he turned back toward the backyard, back toward the night sky, to address Ted one last time. “I’m fucking pissed at you, Ted. I’m pissed that you fucked this up so massively and then just fucking left. I’m pissed that it’s my job now to pick up the pieces of the thing you broke. Why do I have to be the one to clean up your fucking mess?”
Ted said nothing.
“Whatever. I have to go take care of my fucking player.”
“Hold on, now. Roy--”
Roy hung up.
After tucking his phone back into his pocket with shaking hands, Roy gripped the railing tight, bending forward to shut his eyes and breathe down into the floor. He couldn’t go back in there like this, still flushed red and shaking with rage, not when Jamie was still so fragile. He gave himself a minute to breathe, counting to ten and taking deep breaths and thinking of Phoebe and all the things Fieldstone had told him to do when he got too angry. And he tried not to feel any kind of way about the fact that his phone in his pocket hadn’t buzzed again once.
Eventually, he was calm enough to go back inside.
#no context no context for u#night before a big exam quick post s3 critical feelings dump thinly veiled as a fanfiction#before u can talk urself out of it#this is very s3 critical so yknow dont read if u dont want that#also its. like i said. less a fic dedicated to like. character integrity or anything lmao and more just me speaking thru roy#to get my feelings out#its very therapeutic i should write about everything that upsets me in roy's voice#anyway i never meant to even post this publicly but whatevr#why not#written like a month ago
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