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urzfanclub · 11 months

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what interests me about the end of 3 is so much is that i can see all the moving parts and where they don’t quite align but almost did… like disclaimer that im wearing my “me3 fan” shirt & probably giving them too much credit but I think the ending(s) get so much shit bc people were expecting them to be satisfying & they were so open ended… yet they almost fucking worked…. that is before they shot themselves in the foot

and everyone under the sun with far more brain power has analyzed these endings down to the last pixel & ive talked to myself about them for years but I do think (sits in my corner) one of the biggest factors in how confused and frustrated people were has to do with the lack of development during 3 for the reaper AI

just spitballing here

1) IF I RECALL RIGHTLY… the wiki glosses over your conversation with them where this is revealed… the leviathans you speak with are not the ones who first created the intelligence that would become the reapers. which is already fascinating and immediately creates a parallel between them and the quarians with regards to their creation of AI that gained consciousness and then sapience and turned against them.. inevitably (as bioware Loves to fucking write) leading to war (which is nasty in many ways and a problem they have overall, not only here.)

2) it would be not only interesting but i think its necessary for the coherence & success of the trilogy’s story to let us speak to the reaper AI outside of the “death and destruction beyond your comprehension” monologues, and if not, to at least acknowledge and discuss what the AI’s intention is within those speeches. why bother to converse with us at all…….

3) there is a definite connection between the reapers and geth from the beginning with the heretics regarding sovereign as “one of the old machines” and that really Really should have been elaborated on especially re the morning war vs the cycle of reaper harvests

4) I think this is what they were trying in part to accomplish with the synthesis ending. not to humanize the reapers in any sense but to forge an undeniable link between the reapers and EDI and the geth and the question of sapience and the validity and POSSIBILITY of one’s existence “unshackled” from a creator’s imperative. (TIM, the quarian engineers of old, the leviathans… and that’s not at all meant to imply comparison beyond their similar histories with the AI they develop, lose control of, for the most part don’t believe to be sapient. though with the quarians of course we meet members who firmly believe the geth have been wronged.) Which goes into my next incoherent bullet point

4.5) the reapers do not get the same sympathy as EDI and the geth and i think this is chiefly due to their contrasting goals; those two want to live with autonomy and dignity and the reapers only exist to destroy. (bear with me but this is one hallmark of the reapers’ tragedy, that they do not possess desires the way EDI and the geth do.) their impersonal malevolence is explained as a directive “gone wrong” but it does go hand in hand with their deliberate rebellion against their creators and their creators world (!!). similar to the geth, but in 3 we see an inarguably sympathetic side of the geth whereas the reapers do not receive this.

not that im arguing for sympathy. I do think complicating the identity of the reaper AI would have given their side of the story fascinating nuance and TRAGEDY bioware’s big favorite thang to wave around…

and none of this is going into the reapers’ sole identities as tools of conquest and how their rebellion against the creators who trapped them within the cycle must be expressed in the cycle itself because of how they’re constructed to interact with the world around them and the values and priorities of their creators. ie a limited scope of life mandated by their creators’ will….not their own…which sounds like an echo of indoctrination to me

and while im here its a fascinating window on the reapers as an antagonistic force…they don’t have the same love of anomaly as the geth do…indoctrination is about forcing you to think like them, imposing their will over your personhood (again this is the inheritance of the leviathans) and you lose your skills and talents as you lose autonomy. versus EDI and the geth’s arcs: in part about gaining their autonomy, cultivating new skills as a part of a team with organics where both mutually seek to understand one another & cooperate. i think this is another piece of the reapers’ tragedy

5) ultimately the end (any end, but especially synthesis and control) doesn’t work due to many factors that many much smarter people have talked about at length; one being Perhaps that they invested so much into the “horror of the harvest” aspect and the “war against evil robots” aspect so they don’t have enough room to develop the AI plotline especially in 3 where it needs to gain a lot of credibility way before they attempt to cash emotional checks at their big finish. (either for synthesis or control) so the premises are fascinating but they don’t have as much weight as they could bc the reapers were not given the same screen time as the other sapient AI and so their leg of the triad falls flat

^ there’s been metric tons of meta written on why the endings don’t work and this is just a toothpick’s weight of an opinion and the application could be totally off mark but i stand by the reapers being underdeveloped in 3 and serving as setting pieces rather than characters

6) the destroy ending Fascinates me because of bioware’s choice to make that the one that offers the best hope of shepard surviving…IF we are working off the equivalency of geth - reapers - EDI (and what some of the writers have vagued about on Twitter though i dont have sources just my shitty memory) and IF we are thinking of the reapers in a similar light as sapient AI attempting to find its own place in the galaxy but ultimately stymied by their own nature as mandated by their dead creators (IE: as a tragedy)…destroy is a sad ending that irreversibly alters the ecosystem of the galaxy, since the reapers could be seen.. in part.. as a piece of the galaxy’s process of succession..but at the same time they are very Very much a horrific artifact of the leviathans’ empire

& the fact that the story of the trilogy says that’s all the reapers are & that’s all they can ever be without any hope of change is honestly kind of sad. versus edi & the geth whose hope of positive self definition is almost like this autonomous recursion that proves itself against the reapers’ tragic doom by virtue of existence

& im going off the rails here but imo control ending could have been possibly more hopeful in its way, if the reapers had been developed in 3 half as much as EDI… you could approach it in bitter-er or sweeter angles but either of those would require bioware to take a stance (or the illusion of a stance) instead of hand-wavy “isn’t that bizarre and fucked up? goodnight” which doesn’t quite work anyway for a story with as much of a plotline about coming together to stand against despair and oblivion as 3 has. In my honest and biased opinion.

and to imply that the destroy ending is where shepard might have a chance to live… always seemed very haunting to me that you (possibly part machine via cerberus) may live to see an entirely new galactic future only if you irrevocably destroy this first and oldest of sapient AI. and then they made it so all other sapient AI, taking steps toward a new form of self definition for the first time in their cycle’s history, in..id argue..a rejection of any remnant of the leviathan empire… die with their predecessors by your fucking hand. yeowch

But then again. bioware and tragedy

#this is your brain on 0 sleep

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glitterdior · 8 months

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newsflash newsflash!!! women are people!!!

at the end of the day i’m just a girl who craves to be understood, that’s why i overshare so much online. that’s why i’m extremely silly. that’s why i despise romantic gestures, sexiness or even womanhood. that’s why i wanted to be small all my life, to be a child.

I’ve always been after the feeling of being seen that only a child gets. you’re funny you’re smart you’re kind. you don’t have to be anything else. and i hate that in my soul i have so many good things to give people romantically that maybe are not the standard ones, but they’re still there and they’re important to me.

that’s why i always tend to love my friends so dearly, because to them i can be a funny girl who’s also good looking. and it’s so sad that men can only see you for one thing.

i care so deeply about everything i do as a person, how i come across, and it never seems to work. all the time and effort i put into my performance, and it still gets misunderstood.

Is it misogyny? is it society? why am I sought after only if i can be a pretty thing to keep by your side, to lie to and cheat on, to break its little heart.

why am i only an object, not a person. and why do i still feel alone even when i get the attention I seek?

Because that’s not the one i was after. im looking for a specific thing. im expecting you to look into my eyes and see a person, the reflection of the struggles and fights conveyed in the human experience. Relate to my stories, laugh at my jokes, treat me as a human.

So many girls let men walk all over them and i find it so difficult. to fall into such a trap and let a man take control of your feelings and emotions. of your peace.

I’m never going to find love, no one understands me like i do, no one loves me like i do. And it’s not on some im not like other girls shit bc i’m pretty sure almost every girl in the world feels the same.

But they stay with mean people who treat them poorly. my mom is an example of that. I’m so scared of intimacy that i ignore and reject any sign of it bc i’m terrified that my life is going to be like hers.

So many women in the world stay with horrible people bc they’re scared of being alone. i’m scared of being alone.

that’s why i have fucking dating apps and shit but idk it’s not the same.

it always feels like a stab in your heart when it comes from someone you thought was chill. Wtf do men want

imagine girls did the shit they do

that’s why i’m so mean all the time, i put walls up and decorate them with sarcasm and bitterness so people don’t bother me. yet they always do.

maybe it’s because i have a brother, and i have a reference on how people treat you when they see you as one of them. as a complicated person who fights with you all the time but still cares about you. someone who’s never called me pretty. only smart, funny, an asshole, an idiot, a nuisance, the greatest person in the world, the worst person in the world.

Friends get to see me maybe as a 80% of what i am, i always keep a little bit of myself with me, bc i’m scared they’ll do what i hate the most. That’s why i’m also good friends with girls. bc they get my struggle. and that’s why a compliment for a girl is more valuable than anything a man has to say.

they always try to change me, to make me into what they think i am. i always try to see them as who they are, to understand them. I know they’re incapable of change, why don’t they get it too???

After all this my life makes a lot more sense i guess. i always hurt people and try to fix them. but when someone hurts me i just disappear and heal myself

I’ve always been alone, and that has given me so much time to think. i know myself so well, i fall into pits of deep reflection, i come out having analyzed so many aspects of my being.

i know i’m mean, i know i’m difficult, i’m careless, i care too much, i lie.

i don’t think i like anything that has to do with love bc it’s so unfamiliar to me.

this is basically the song hot girls we have problems too, we’re just like you!!! except we’re hot

#ranting #i hate men #i don't want to be perceived #woman in her twenties moment #honestly why Im I so dramatic

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sunnydice · 9 months

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aheem heem 12 and then like. all of the 20s?

YES KISSA YOU O7 doing dsmp ones uhm

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

well you already know what the hell i'm going to say...ceeschlatt i'm so sorry he only did some of that you guys are so annoying. i think a huge chunk of his story is just like. Canonically Textually way deeper and more sympathetic and more complicated than people want to acknowledge. guys will have direct blatent narrative foil parallels of their mistakes to their blorbo of choice but only one side will get a million excuses and only one side will get their pov analyzed. OK 👍. telephone game ass fanbase. read the parallel storyline of what would've happened had pogtopia won read the nov 16 script look at the canonical smplive isms analyze why someone would want to "revive someone for political power" desperate style after a funeral where it was Blatantly Clear that person has absolutely Zero Power and it paralleling the post charlie death insanity. and then you will calm down!!

honorable mention to ceefundy as well. i wouldn't say he's unpopular unpopular but goddamn. despite the fact he's so interesting and cool and inpactful and represents huge chunks of Core Themes, he just gets ignored and infantalized and has so much of his story plain Erased because it's inconvenient to other characters. Fucked!!!

20. part of canon you found tedious or boring

ceeranboo so sorry ok. iget why people like him i do but he is so so bland to me. shepards tone empty promise of a character. to me. some of his implications were pretty interesting, especially when it came to things that were more complicated, the exile isms the being knowingly complicit in ctommy prison murder or him drinking ableist copium abt tubbo being kind of unhinged. the centristism sometimes feeling less waffly and more like he's trying to people please to the point of exploding. too bad i do not care ☝️🔛🔝

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

and if i say tntduo..it's been so overhyped it overshadows everyone else it overshadows their own damn characters entire arcs and decisions and then the whole story itself they are not allowed to be anything except eachothers klance bait which was equally as mid. i do think there is value to it but at this point i am so exhausted about the oc versions being treated like canon when on screen its so bad out here sometimes. ppl going ohhh we never got resolution :[ ,,,.ccwilbur blatantly said what would've happened in the final tntduo stream. cwil would show back up to lnv in the same set up of his apologies but its a bait and switch that pivots into insulting q again and then finish it up w oh hey maybe yr not so bad after all 😂 and then he gives him a fist bump and leaves. there's yr closure. lea me alone

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

i already said i think pumpkinduo is like funny comedy mallets for crazy people but i think most other things get attention properly? el rapids deserved more hype tho i srs think it would change how people see a lot of the characters involved

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

im not sure? weird shit is a given but other than that who rlly care <- edit: HELP i misread the question i thought it was asking what you are Unwilling to come around to. so sorry. to answer the actual question uhm,,still not very sure hheheh im very solid in my dislikes and likes and complaints

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

exile and the prison for sure :heart_hands: /RETCH. sure other things are very annoying but the levels these two arcs get to are Awful and Telling and Shitty the media illiteracy is off the charts. how you can watch streams with your eyes closed and ears closed and without registering the words or characters on the screen. what's going on. anyways if cdrm thinks torture is so bad maybe he should not talk about eye for an eye when he had tortured three people before he was even in the prison. but okay. also rip prison arc sam the world wasn't ready for a character like you 🙏

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

i'm not sure? what are the most common complaints i do happen to agree with a lot of them i think

#thank you sm fr the ask iam kissing!! you!!!!#ask games #huri.txt #solsync #♡#askatraz

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foundingtitan · 3 years

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ppl on tw*trp are already including proshipping in their hard blocks of guidelines. which. fine I guess curate your own thing but. idk ppl make it out to seem like you'll ship the craziest most dark inhumane shit. or ships that are problematic are seen as awful horrible. like why can't I ship a hero with his villain ??? but tbh I see some of those same ppl being hypocritical when it comes to their own ships like. I'm so tired why is this even a thing.

also why do ppl get so mad about aging a character up..... even using a whole ass diff character to portray it but yet its somehow worse? 😂 like BRUH THIS IS ANIME. the characters could literally be fucking 14-30 and it all depends on the creator's say.

#the ppl who dont ship these quote problematic quote ships act so fucking superior like why ..... lol #guess what im this character and id NEVER ship so and so !!! praise me yuck its disgusting #idk when tf ppl started taking SHIPS this far #like yeah its ok to analyze popular things after a while but idk .... humans and our brains are very idk... NUANCED? complicated?#like yes the YA supernatural books i read when i was 15 might not be perfectly ok if applied to real life but that story slaps hard #also why are ppl so mad about certain kinks.........#honestly i have a hard fuck no to some shit but never once have i been like yourE DISGUSTING IF U DO THIS U BLAHBLAHBLAH #i rlly just dont be getting mad like that over it its absurd

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spacedadsstuff · 7 years

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The Lost Bladesman (2011)

The movie that Wen and Donnie first worked together. It’s about this character 关羽 (Donnie) was captured during a battle and since he’s such an honourable hero 曹操 (Wen) the...sort of General wanted to recruit him so bad, anyway 关羽 refuse to betray his lord but 曹操 still treated him so well and let him go freely even though everyone spoke against that decision.

I’m sorry this is a terrible intro I tried I really tried

#aus right here #its such a complicated story and im shit at analyzing #really sorry #the lost bladesman #jiang wen #donnie yen #baze x chirrut #chirrutbaze #spiritassassins #space dads #baze malbus #chirrut imwe #star wars #rogue one #rogue one: a star wars story

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fipindustries · 3 years

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TENET, i have *many* thoughts

ok, that was a mess.

so.

This movie is nolan at his most cocky and self indulgent. it is in many ways nolan at his worst. this is the quintessential example of what a bad christopher nolan movie looks like, this is the movie that every person that disliked nolan has been talking about all along. to quote the northern caves:

is undeniably imaginative; it probably has the most dizzyingly elaborate plot ever featured in a work of children's literature. Does that make it complex? No, it makes it complicated. And between those two little words is a world of difference.

Salby's plotting builds hierarchically, inexorably, unforgivingly. Every new development serves as scaffolding for the next, and any idea or event, however minor, however many pages or books ago it was introduced, can serve as fodder for new narrative contortions. The result is a reading experience that recreates with eerie accuracy the atmosphere of the schoolroom. Salby demands academic devotion; everything will be on the test

Sean Carruth’s masterpiece Primer has a lot of its hermetical power resting on the fact that it is presented in the most opaque and confusing way possible. Entire plot points are skipped or merely alluded to in throwaway lines, which make what would already be a really complicated plot much more impenetrable than it already is. But what primer does to compensate for this and what Tenet lacks, is time to breathe, presentation, atmosphere, mood, all the necessary components of movie making.

a lot of what happens in this movie occurs almost in a slapdash fashion, as if it had been pushed and churned out the editing room as fast as possible. this movie feels like a five episode long miniseries crammed as awkwardly as possible into two hours and a half. Not because it suggest to impenetrable depths or to a larger breathing world beyond the film but because it is missing entire sections that would have helped us get acclimated to the world, the settings, the events and most important of all, the characters.

the characters are all function over form, they are a collection of basic traits and lines, all whose main function is to exposit and make the plot move according to nolans convoluted design. i could probably have a lot more to say about this but sadly i couldnt pay any attention to what the emotional core in this movie was supposed to be, busy as i was trying to stop my eyes from glazing over the plot.

in some ways this feels like michael bay, there is a clear priority on looking cool, and sexy and glamorous which borderlines on fetishistic (nolan seems to be desperate to make a james bond film but since he cant he decides to make his own bond, with time travel and hookers) the only difference is that nolan has different ideas from Bay about what counst as “cool” or “glamorous” or “sexy”. instead of going for gaudy, over the top douchy excess, he prefers sleek, sophisticated, anodine elegance.

in fact i almost dare to be so bold as to say that the entire premise of this movie, for all its pretense of carefully calculated, metodic, intricate well thought out rules, it really seems to follow exclusively the rule of cool. the very first scenes where the conceit is introduced it already feels stupid. and then the rest of the movie builds on top of that shaky foundation and i was never able to get over that initial stumble. spoilers ahead.

the general conceit here is NOT that things are moving backwards through time, but that “their entropy is inverted”. so, for example, if a bullet flies backwards from a crater into the gun, it is not because the line of causality goes backwards and it was some how “postdetermined” to get reverse fired, it is because someone aimed a gun at that crater and in that moment the bullet decided that was the gun that shot it, it could have been any other empty gun, wielded by any gunman and it could have happened whenever the gunman decided it was time for it to happen. so it is still us going forwards in time what decide when things are falling up, or getting repaired from exploding, or being shot backwards, simply by waiving our hands on top of it. it is not time travel is just a fancy form of telekinesis. which is bullshit.

and it is this central bit of gobbledygook what explains all further convolutions that spiral outwards. add on top of this ever increasing forms of quintuple crossing, sextuple agents, shell companies within fake agencies, within false fronts from a mediocre spy novel on steroids and you get a recipie for the audience being unable to give a shit about what is even going on.

i need to stress at one point the movie explains the grandfather paradox, as if people didnt already know about it and as if it had anything to do with the actual plot.

so this is a bad movie, right? it sound pretty close and shut.

well

thing is, i am a huge fucking nerd, primer is one of my favourite movies of all time, the homestuck interlude at the end of act 3 is the greatest piece of media i have ever read, i have written pages upon page analyzing almost nowhere, i can keep throwing names around: fleek, fine structure, hpmor, im not telling you these titles to brag about how smart i am for liking big brain boy stories, im telling you this to emphasize that i love weird intricate messes to pick apart and unravel and boy tenet is a fine example of that.

i cant help but respect how unconcerned with being liked this movie is. nolan is doing whatever the fuck he wants according to his ridiculous designs and is paying no heed to people enjoying the show.

but on the other hand, every time i finished one of the stories i just mentioned my first reaction was that of a kid coming out of a disney ride, i wanted to go immediatly back, this time with pen and paper, ready to draw diagrams, to chart formulas, to parse through it all at 0.5x the speed to make sure i got everything.

i certainly would have to do that for this movie, the problem is that i dont particularly care to. it doesnt feel like a fun puzzle to solve, it feels like homework, homework to figure out a movie that im not even sure i liked all that much.

which is a pity, maybe some day ill go back, ready to understand it all, but that day is not soon. tenet, it could have been great.

#tenet #christopher nolan

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after-lauhgter · 3 years

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Hey dude, I really like your music taste so do all the music questions that you didn't already answer 🌚

OK DUDE HERE THEY COME (except 1,6 & 14) ... ok lets do number 1 again What's a song you've been listening to a lot lately? as the world caves in by Matt Maltese, if I get high by nothing but thieves, and literally anything off waterparks’ new live album, that thing makes me feel so ALIVE bc like LIVE MUSIC Is there an album you recently discovered and are obsessed with it now? well waterparks live in the uk obviously but if the last 6 months count as recently, then the new abnormal by the strokes. its... absolutely breathtaking. I don't have words. 0 words. except these dudes know what the fuck they’re doing. and then I found the devil and god are raging inside me by brand new and jeeesus. literally Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ was my most played song in 2020 AS IT SHOULD BE bc its EVERYTHING this album is THE SHIT. every song is just *chef kiss* like there's limousine (omg limousine) and you won't know and not the sun and AHH listen to these albums omg Put your playlist on shuffle and show the first 10 songs. No cheating. i assume “your playlist” means all my saved songs so Topography by Civilian (pls go listen its SO great) Na Na Na by mcr yees issa classic Du schreibst Geschichte by Madsen omg geeerman just saying by EDEN (pretty pretty pretty) Westerland von den Ärzten another classic letdown by nothing,nowhere. sad but the good kind of sad The Man by the killers making fun of toxic masculinity gives me LIFE Graffiti by CHVRCHES YES and death stranding by CHVRCHES too YES SO GOOD simmer by Hayley Williams, a queen How do you tend to discover new music? If you do at all of course I do enjoy what Spotify suggests, like my weekly mix brought a lot of bops in the past, although sometimes it just sucks lets be real. I also like the artist- or album-radio, when I wanna find something similar to an album but not the album. and another thing I lovvve is when artists I like recommend music, for example, have you seen dallon weekes instagram stories? THE TASTE? bc yes, someone who writes music like that MUST have a superior taste in music and he fucking does.

What app do you mostly use to listen to music? Spotify :) Is there an artist that you feel ashamed of listening too? I can't think of anyone so probably not What is your favorite album cover art? omg. I have to go with more than one. so there's where the mind wants to go/where you let it go by I the mighty, one of my favorite albums of all time, and I'm going to say it how it is, I LIKE THE COLORS. the blue-ish imagine with the red omg. look at it pls. Also fandom by waterparks looks SO COOL. again the COLORS and I love the art for Isola by Kent. I recently discovered you wouldn't believe what privilege costs by civilian and I think that cover is pretty cool too. well and then there's petals for armor by Hayley Williams, the cover art is so fucking powerful Jesus I get goosebumps just thinking about it. in case you don't know about it, long story short: there's been a lot of shit going on in Hayleys life in the past. relatable imo. then they made after laughter and its been like u know what fuck it we’ll just laugh and dance through the pain. together. and I LOVED the vibe omg it gave me so much. but for Hayley it kinda postponed REALLY dealing with shit. she came home from touring with AL and she also got divorced during the AL era and everything's shit and out of all that came petals for armor. and in it she reclaims femininity, being alone, being powerful, being a women, everything. and ah yeah we were talking about the cover art, the cover is her, having a line of squares on her face, three of these squares are tattooed on her fingers though bc its where her ex husbands initials used to be that she got covered up. WHAT A MOVE. THE POWER. (if anyone is interested in hearing Hayley talking about/explaining all this, I really recommend watching her interview with zane Lowe. its SO GOOD basically free therapy) How much did your parents influence your music taste? a. lot. my dad listened to a lot of “dad rock” you may call it, I guess a lot of dads listened to stuff similar to this. Deep Purple, the police, simple minds, Green Day, Billy Talent, the scorpions and things like that. what influenced me the most tho was the beatsteaks (german band, very good), die Ärzte (german band, very good) and LAST BUT NOT LEAST the fricking blues brothers. my favorite movie (not the 2000 remake, go watch that in hell where it belongs), a great, charismatic band, unbelievable live performances. very big WOW from me. Do you own any vinyl? don't get me started omg. I DO. I wish I could take a photo but my records are at my parents house so ill just name my favorites. -after laughter and brand new eyes by paramore -violent things by the brobecks and their song boring on 7inch (this is very rare ok) -razzzzmatazzz by idkhow in gold :) -may death never stop you by mcr (my first one, I bought it first and then bought a record player for it, that's how it started lol) -omg the black parade is dead by mcr, this was never available on vinyl until record store day 2019 (?) and I hunted that bitch like idek what it was insane but I found a super cute small record store and the owner didn't have copies of it bc NOBODY DID but he fucking CALLED THE LABEL even though it was way too late and he asked if they'd send him a copy and THEY DID I FUCKING OWE THIS MAN -and omg Isola by Kent (in Swedish tho bc the English version was never pressed on vinyl) this was intense. I searched for like 2 weeks and then, on google results page 8 or something, I found what could've been the only copy on the damn internet and it was very expensive but its MINE NOW -my signed vertigo vinyl by EDEN, its clear and on side D it doesn't have music but a little message engraved it the vinyl IT IS CUTe -Placebos MTV unplugged! I am so I love with this album. SO. in love. and one day, when I was in Berlin to see palaye royale, back when we had concerts, I walked by a random record store and they have like 4 records left bc they were closing or idk and the only one displayed in the window was this one. tell me about FATE Do you own any cds? not many. sometimes when im at the store and I see ones I know or like, I just buy them and put them in me moms car bc I want her to listen to them. or when I find a cd by a smaller artist I enjoy, I buy it just to push the nachfrage. HI i am HERE and I WANT this music Is vinyl really better than listening on a digital device? im not gonna be that middle aged white male audiophile that hates on our generation for using Spotify. bc its great. I think its just different. I mean im sorry I don't carry my record player on the bus with me, pls forgive me for using my phone? having immediate access to most of the music that is out there? wow. what a concept. I love the internet. YES TECHNOLOGY. but. vinyls are... different. I feel likes its a different kind of listening. I feel like youre rly LISTENING. and that way isn't better, or right, and im not saying it works like this for everyone. but when I put a record on, my only activity at that moment is listening to music, I sit down and I listen. to the entire album. so skips and no pauses, bc that's how it works. and I think that sometimes, that can do a lot for you. if you let it. and besides that, physically owning a record makes me happy on a level nothing else really does. fuck I love music so much and when I fall in love with it, I fall hard. and then owning a copy of it, something I can touch, something that is MINE, putting it in my little shelf, looking at it every few days and just being in love? fantastic feeling. What is a genre of music that you tend to go to for comfort? sad shit. I feel like I can get great comfort from the sad shit. or maybe just slow shit. and songs that mean a lot to me and have been around me for some time, they have this other level of comfort. like for Emma, forever ago by bon iver for example. I have a playlist, maybe I'll reblog this again and link it ;) Do you tend to like poppy upbeat songs, or more intricate and interesting songs? both. sometimes I wanna have complicated stuff and analyze the shit out of lyrics and instrumentation, sometimes I just wanna v i b e If you have a favorite band or artist, tell us about how you got into them I liked paramore before but when they posted the video of them performing last hope at reading? it was over. when Hayley sang the bridge it was over. now im a die hard fan and I never looked back Is there a song that came out this year that you like? maybe after reading all this shit you expected a list but somehow I can't. where do u even start. but the answer is definitely yes. THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING I COULD GO ON FOR DAYS

#asks #music #i guess #not me putting I guess after my tags all the time #I like guessing #questioning everything is a lifestyle

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revasserium · 4 years

Note

Your writing touches the depths of my very soul and makes me cry from the pure BEAUTY you are a blessing thank you so much the way you describe things is BREATHTAKING to me and just... please, I hope you never stop writing ♥️♥️ hope you’re doing well btw♥️

aww thank you!!! i’m doing well! just busy with real life and work haha but other than that, i’m doing quite well <3

oh my- ever since I got added to your tag list I've been blessed every once and a while with your writing! a Very Good Choice on my part and I'm so thankful that you have your tag list!! you're doin amazing and ily 💞

aww thank you!! it’s quite a new concept to me! i am an Oldie in the vast world of tumblr LOL but im glad that people seem to be enjoying it!

hi!! i just wanna tell you how inspiring you and your work is!! like your found among the ruins analysis was so detailed and incredibly profound in such a relatable, humble way and i loved learning about the subtle allusions to history that i hadn’t even thought of before! please keep writing and take care of urself!! 💞💞

yes! it was an incredibly fun piece to write, and one of those pieces of writing i go back to sometimes. because i just enjoyed it so much u_u im really glad that you all enjoyed it too! <3

I love all your writing, but your kageyama pieces are just so in depth and awesome

its bc my bias is super strong hahah i love kageyama so much. him and hinata will always be two of my fav muses

not an ask but let me tell u i love u and i cherish u 🥺 ur works are amazing!!! 🥺 pls continue doing what u love ♥️ take care always 😊

thanks darling! <3 and you too u__u stay safe and healthy !

dude,,,, i'm logging onto my tumblr account for the first time in like years just to tell u that i fucking love ur writing its so artistic and i'm lich rally in tears throughout every piece 😔✊ i love u

thank you!!!! <3

hey just a reminder that I adore this blog and your writing. you write the perfect type of stories to curl up in bed with on a cold night because they really do warm my heart 💓

ahhh thanks so much <3333

reading your writing always makes me want to cry it’s so freaking incredible ;-;

u__u <3

holy frick can i just say that slam poetry is one of the best things i've ever encountered in my teenage years. like even if i'm just reading (more like yelling) my own poems in my room, it feels like a weight has been lifted off my chest. i don't find it as hard as actually writing stories with meaning and naming characters. i can just substitute my trauma with glittering metaphors only for you to analyze and digest them for what they really are. i will say it again, slam poetry is the shit.

yes! slam poetry is a very good outlet for a lot of complicated emotions. and also its just nice to read/listen to. there’s a lot of quite mediocre pieces, but when you find the good ones, it really is worth it!

so sometimes when I just need to feel something I come back to reread “letting go” + oikawa LMAOOO because that Hurts so bad shsjsns

ahhhh hahahah a weLP im glad that it brings you some relief u__u but all writing is meant to elicit emotion, so! im glad it’s doing its job haha

“I’m chugging wine and thirsting over fictional boys” if that ain’t a MOOD

LOL. it me. constantly.

#anon love #u__u it's been a busy week bruh -- like #more so than i thought it would be LOL #and i haven't been as active in haikyuu fandom so i need to get back into it a bit haha #Anonymous #🌧 raindrops

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methargicismm · 7 years

Text

Beginners guide for wlw mangas/manhwas

1. Tamen De Gushi (Ongoing)

Okay. Listen. This manhwa is for yall out there who just want a chill, innocent, non complicated, 50/50 fluff-to-humor ratio story. Blonde and Brunette. And listen, listen, listen... This is DIABETES worth sugar. The art style is really good too. It’s simple but somewhat sophisticated. So far it has 139 short chapters (about 12 pages per chapter). There’s a linear story to it, but it sometimes drifts to a completely different timeline. It updates about once a month, or sometimes once every two months. 11/12

2. Fluttering/Exciting Feelings (Ongoing/Currently in Hiatus due to Author’s health)

Before I even start with this, I got major Korrasami vibes out of it ho ly shit. Anyway, this manhwa is currently at chapter 68, and sad to say that the author may never continue the story again due to cancer and several other reasons. But I am still adding this manhwa to the list because it’s sooo good. It’s not as fluffy and humorous as Tamen De Gushi because later in the story, No-rae (brown hair) brings in some drama while Seol-a has drama of her own kind. The art is simple but it’s great enough to look amazing. Still though, the manhwa is great, but sadly... it might be discontinued :(. 10/12

3. Citrus [Saburouta] (Ongoing)

I like this manga. I like it a lot. The art is good anatomy wise, but sometimes it gets too.... much..... Here’s a note, though: These two are step sisters. Yes. You heard me right. There are a lot of love triangles, a lot of drama, a lot of “Im-gonna-kiss-her-wait-no-nvm” moments, but there are a lot of WELL-DRAWN kiss scenes and semi-sexual things. There is almost no story line? Well, there is, but it’s your typical high school plot. It barely updates, and it currently has 30 chapters. Probably updates once every two months. 8.5/12

4. Yagate Kimi Ni Naru (Ongoing)

Yo, listen. This one is ....... VERY complicated. If you are planning on reading this story, I need you to know that this is as basic as I can put it: Nanami hates herself and doesn’t want her partner Yuu to fall in love with her, while Yuu is someone who can’t fall in love with someone. The art is simple but good god it’s really good *o*. It has fluff, but for every fluff there will always be some sort of angst right after or before it. There is certainly a plot line on this but it doesn’t focus too much on the plot. Characters are great and they have a personality of their own. Despite the “Im not in love” thing that is going on in this manga, there are many, many, cute parts. It updates about once every month or every two months. 10.5/12

5. The Love Doctor (Ongoing)

(PS: this image is misleading btw but it was too fucking cute) I. freaking. love. this. manhwa. so. much. Now, this has many, many fluff moments but it also has its bulk of angst and drama. Love(ish) triangles, dark past from both parties, and there IS an age gap between the two but I forgot how many years. Still though!!! It is worth a read! The art style is cute and light and adorable, but sometimes the emotions can start looking the same in each panel (especially for one of the characters). Updates, I believe, every month. 11/12

6. Pulse [Ratana Satis] (Ongoing)

Look at this art. Look at it. Isn’t it cute? Well, if you’re here for cute shit turn the fuck away cus this IS indeed cute, buuuuuut it also has sex scenes. There is also fluff and drama, and as you can see, one of them is a doctor. The art style is pretty well done and really sophisticated. I can’t remember if there’s an age gap? I’m pretty sure there is? Anyway!!! There’s a story, yes, and also a shitty ex that no one should like but everyone feels sorry for (for good reasons of course). 12/12

7. Magan & Danai / Magan he Danai (Ongoing)

This one reminds me of Tamen De Gushi a lot, BUT.... This one is directed to the life of two women who love each other and what happens in their daily life. The art is much more detailed that TDG, and the characters have very different personalities. Danai, the shorter one, is the more mature one but also the more feminine one while Magan, the taller one, is definitely a fucking cry baby. To be honest, idk how frequently it updates? But!!! Still!! Go watch!!! 11/12

8. What Does the Fox Say? (Ongoing, 2 chapters left)

Ho ly shit whe re to be gin...? Definitely not light. It is not full of fun or fluffy or innocent. This manhwa is dark, sexy, angsty, drama-filled, teeth gritting, and very complicated. VERY, VERY, VERY, Adult. A story with a beautiful young blonde who loves a much older boss, and the much older boss has a shitty ex that everyone loves who fucked up a lot but she has her reasons. This is one of those manhwas that you need to ANALYZE every. single. fucking. scene. It is one of those where each scene MEANS something and you have to keep a sharp eye even at the sex scenes. The art style is good. Not amazing, but decent enough. As I said, it ends in two chapters. It updates twice a month (from my observations). 12/12

*Note: These are all based on my observations

#tamen de gushi #fluttering feelings #exciting feelings #what does the fox say #wdtfs #team blonde #team pink #magan and danai #magan he danai #pulse #the love doctor #yagate kimi ni naru #yuri manga #yuri #manga #manhwa #yikesss

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tamiddyinyourcity · 4 years

Text

i should probably analyze why i want to be friends with benefits with this guy.

My original reasons at the start of the month, in no real order, but some were bigger reasons for wanting to than others:

I hadn't been laid in a month. That's a year, to me, someone who went from constant sex to none in a short matter of time.

If feelings develop and things end up evolving into "why not give it a chance", then, boom. (Cant tell if this is true or not? But like i said.... if it happens, then it happens. But.... no expecting shit.)

My weird need to feel empowered, knowing that someone who doesn't like me still wants to fuck me. (And the weird high of "woohoo, tables have turned, im no longer the one chasing a person!")

Trying to meet other people flopped. (Big reason; its easier to bang the person who prioritized your joy, than, some random guy you were with before, that looking back, was never satisfactory and just lead to lots of avoidable unnecessary cervix pain.)

Tongue game too good to quit. (Top reason.)

And my reasonings now:

He's the most accessible.

Tongue game.

My reasons for not:

I don't wanna kiss him. Both since he lost that right when he dumped me, but he's just not.... trustworthy enough for that. Back when we were FWBs, making out was a perk. And now, its like salt in the wound of "watch, mans will make out with you, do Cirque De Soleil on your clit, fuck you in six different positions, and still be tense about making eye contact or texting you back."

Oral sex? Cool. Giving oral sex? Yeah i guess. Him actually nutting in me, with a condom, and getting arousing satisfaction from me, despite.... not satisfying me emotionally? (Do i really wanna set myself up for pain, getting nutted in by someone like that? Hes an asshole and i know it, jesus christ.)

What if it feels TOO GOOD, and i get emotionally attached?

Pretty much every answer is "what if i get attached or too into it and he doesnt?", or "what if he gets attached and i dont?" Plus, "what if i get attached and refuse to stop hooking up, since the intimacy is so good?", or "what if he gets attached and does that thing where he starts making things complicated and running off, instead of having any vulnerability, like before?"

Not a fan of screwing guys where I don't know where their dick has been. I'm usually close enough with guys I bang to gossip about our sex stories. They can go "I hooked up with a really hot girl this one time", and I can go "this one dude had been amaaaazing".... Hard to do that with a dude who i was the only person he's banged so far, aaaand probably don't think i wanna hear about whoever he bangs next. Since on one hand.... Hearing it would make me feel less attached, knowing hes still looking for others after sabotaging our relationship like that. On another hand, eh, do i wanna need more reasons to loathe a person?

What the fuck would the pillow talk be? :/

....

I just wonder what my expectations are.

I can't date him, and if he asked to date me, i would probably be resentful. Since, i cant redate a person who isnt sorry about the things theyve done.

The way I see it.... Its just sex.

I can just go on walks with him, talk to him, and let him have sex with me on the occasions that I trust him enough, and would mutually want it.

I don't know how he feels about me. He's inconsistent. I just am aware that being told that I was unwanted several times before.... Said enough.

But I was also aware that he's inconsistent. Like the day I apologized to him, waaaay way back before we had officially dated, he went from "I'm only accepting your apology since i need more friends, so", to "oh..... you liked me, thats why you were acting weird? Huh......", and when i blatantly asked me to tell me that he did not reciprocate the feelings....

For the sake of me not being weird or having the crush continue with false hopes or expectations of our friendship restarting up, or holding myself back....

He was just like..... "Well, I can't give you that answer."

It was him being vague, and doing the classic "hinting at what he wants, but not feeling comfortable enough to do it yet."

So, I did my thing. We talked, hung out. It was awkward, then got better. I felt good around him.... But, I wasn't gonna submit myself to asking his feelings.

Since if he felt them strongly enough, he would've told me. I wouldn't have been confused, and I wouldn't have been single. So, I waited. And just saw it as, "He is good company, and I will see if I am happy in the dynamic we currently have."

...

I was. Until I wasn't. Luckily, the day I was gonna leave, (subconsciously deciding to just move on,) he did ask me. It was weird, it was like he just KNEW or something.

And, I don't know. Clearly I'm not sure what I want from him, and not admitting however i feel towards him, since the feeling changes every few damn hours.

I think sex too soon is a bad idea.

Maybe still oral, since fuck yeah, but he..... Yeah, i just dont feel like i trust him enough.

Hard to really like a dude genuinely when there's a "two hangouts a week" limit, (we did three times this week,) and hes also hesitant to let me at his house to hang or bang. (Dude, its not hard to go "hey, im helping her edit a video" or something then letting me plow in a place that does not have six windows, barely enough room to ride him, and will not have the risk of me hitting the transmission gear and having our asses back up and reverse off of a cliff... when i was trying to back DAT ASS up, man.)

Plowing an ex I have resentment for in his ridiculously small ass car? Not amazing.

Taking a chill walk on a sunny day with a good friend, watching a flick with some snacks, and then fucking? Great.

Key difference: trust, mutual enjoyment, and chill vibes with no expectations.

Thats not something taboo to ask for, and definitely not leading to a relationship.

So, lets just aim for a place where i can enjoy his company, and his presence, and let things go from there.

#nice #yep

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aicosu · 7 years

Note

Hey guys! I wanted to know how was the fifty shades darker movie? Was it decent or was it really bad like some people are saying?

Omfg.

I actually have intense complicated thoughts on Fifty Shades.I’ve been obsessed with the rise and fall story of Fifty Shades, mostly because I’m a fanfiction writer myself and super - SUPER fucking familiar with the community and it’s inner workings. LONG POST AHEAD.

The tale of HOW and WHY Fifty Shades even hit bestseller is amazing. AD I SEE IT HAPPEN EVERYDAY ON AO3. Like, keeping your fanfic chapters to a couple thosand words, updating weekly, and commenting on comments for your fic to up the comment count (something I refuse to do for this very reason) is a VIABLE method to staying on the top list of any fandom on any fanfic hosting website. Even if you only have the same 10 people commenting on your fic, fic you comment back, 20 comments per chapter nad have 60 chapters? Thats 1200 comments! FUCKING INSANE. I see it everyday. I think every fanfic reader/writer knows that ONE STORY thats ALWAYS on top, for this reason alone, even when (JUST LIKE EL JAMES) the writing is horrendous.

So! When I researched all of this once the book was released and had all that controversy about BDSM I was both suprised, impressed and horrified. Suprised that a fanfic had even MADE it this far. Impressed because, you got to give the girl kudos. Having her original fanfic readers comment and rate her book on amazon with copy pasta reviews and skyrocketing her to #1 is ingenious. It is, from a marketing stand point its amazing. And of course, I was horrified and dissapointed that with all the fanfics out there, it had to be this one. Not only was the writing terrible, but its a terrible terrible representation of the bdsm culture and community.

Do not misunderstand me; The Fifty Shades books are horribly written and super problematic.

The Movies:

Okay so, I’m a huge film buff. Huge. I took film history and cinematic storytelling in college and I love analyzing movies.

From a director and writer and cinematographers standpoint, I was literally curious about HOW THE FUCK YOU EVEN FILM THIS MOVIE?? Like, will they have exposition of her ‘INNER GODDESS’ like some odd edgar wright cut aways to a Lizzie McQuire type Anastasia steel!?!? WILL THEY ACTUALLY FILM HIM RIPPING OUT HER TAMPON TO FUCK HER?? (this happens in the book) LIke I needed to know. I had to know. SO I had to see the first movie. I was too curious. AND I wanted to see a legit, from my generation, written fanfiction, adapated for film. Its too groundbreaking, even if you have problems with the story and films how is that not fascinating.

After watching it this is what I got (I did not pay for this movie btw.)

EVERY FANFICTION I EVER READ EVER ALL ROLLED UP INTO ONE META MINDFUCK. Like!??? I have almost a keen adoration for how WEIRD it is to see ON SCREEN lines like “Your biting your lip.” LIKE – thats fanfiction from 2005, the lip bite. The FUCKING. Dialogue of this movie is like a collection of all the terrible coffee shop aus, high school, fanfic soap opera craziness. Or how he just bumps into her at her work and shit!? OR the fanfic issue of a 20-something yr old interviewing the SUPER HOT hotshot bachelor who has tons of money because….why? WHAT DOES HE DO? In fanfic it doesnt matter but in the movie THEY NEVER ADDRESS THIS EITHER>

I MEAN its literally that FIC. The one where theres nothing left of your ship you havent consumed, and this one aint so great but eh its 4am on a tuesday and it has 45 chapters.

I HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend any writer or reader to watch this film just for the weird TRIP it is. It freaks me out mann its nuts!

The movie literally breaks hundreds of Cinematic rules JUST TO tell the story because its source material is what it is. Theres no introduction to the protagnist, no side introduction to our love interest like a rom con always does and the Meet Cute is isn’t a meet cute, it plays like a PROMPT. And its in the first 3 minutes of the film.

And the Twilight source the fic hangs on can be seen there on screen. Seattle, him saving her from the bike/car, his big rich family compared to her remarried mom (to a golfer not a baseball guy), and her estranged dad whose never around, the weirdness of Christian Grey thats missing that can only be explained by -immortal vampire-. Its insane. They didn’t change any of it. You can see Twilight right there its hilarious.

AND BECAUSE ITS FIC, theres actually, surprisingly, some really good moments? Its few and far between, but I find the bar scene generally funny and charming. Anastasia anyway. Christian is a creepy from first minute to last minute of every movie because what can you do with a non-vampire-vampire character, really? But Anastasia is pretty funny in a way Bella swan never was. I love the whole “Your so bossy, come here, come here, go away go away!” dialogue. FUCKING hilarious. And so unarguable a FANFIC genre of WIT. I like those moments. Or the buisness meeting about the bdsm contract “please turn to page 5 and strike out ‘anal fisting.’” “Are you sure?” “YUP.” (no paraphrasing, she literally says YUP. 10/10 delivery) Also love the texting scenes, reminds me too much of MS though and I immediately felt like trash.

Now, aside from those moments, hands down, terrible fucking plot. But it had terribel fucking plot to begin with.

What I was suprised about was that the film crew and creators DID IN FACT listen to te protests and uproar about the controversy of the content of the film. And I was suprised to see that THEY CHANGED a lot of stuff and cut out a lot of shit too. Christian NEVER touches her unless she says so. There actually a lot of moments stressing the consent thing. Even in the room, he tells her to hold out her hand and test the pain, and se if its ok. If its ever to much, he tells her to say stop, and he will. In fact, we see a lot of “nos” that he adheres to. Whereas in the books hes on he like a grade A rapist. They also add her in negotiating a ton of the terms.

Theres no tampon pulling scene and no inner goddess, much to my dismay/happiness. Lol.

HOWEVER.Aside from terrible plot, after making changes to the controversy, the movie didnt go far enough to differentiate the problematic nature of CHRISTIAN and the lifestyle of BDSM. Because Anna is a stranger of both, both are presented to the audience as BAD. We see bdsm through the lens of someone who USES IT THE WRONG WAY, FOR THE WRONG THINGS, and thats the main idea the movie can seem to target, and the book never bothered to learn. That last red room scene is Confusing at best, since its all consensual and really tame looking to anyone apart of bdsm, and misdirecting at worst to anyone not apart of it. Because its obvious Christian has ACTUAL Issues, but we’re made to believe all BDSM is like that, and its just not true.

TO THE SEQUELS CREDIT, 50SDarker goes a little more into this. Not just with dialogue, but showing how Anna is accepting of and in control of BDSM. She asks for specific thinks and seeks out certain sexual activities and calls him out on the shadier parts of his own personality, But in my opinion, its not enough. Theres too much –between the lines– and for a movie ABOUT this lifestyle, its to important to skim over like they do. Thats probably the most disapointing part.

All in all, its a terrible plot and terrible movie, that doesnt know enough about a material it references, and cant stand alone without its SOURCE material.

Theres way too many helicopter shots of places, and vehicles. Greys idea of romancise seems to be fancy transportation of some sort and his idea of -KINKY- sex is Cunnilingus, missionary, missionary cunnilingus, and missionary with some handcuffs. But its a WILD ride to watch. And has its genenuinly charming moments that can only come from the COMMUNITY of FANFICTION that molded it. As we know, fandom is just as much influenced by the original fiction as it is the headcanons, aus, peronality tropes and almost mandala effect culture the FANS put into it. And I love and adore that secret part of the movies. Dakota Johnson is also super charming and natural as Anna. A Bella swan, oc, induced character, self instert type fanfic pov. And to do that is some acting talent right there. And finally, and I’m probably the ONLY one here, but Im not 100% upset that 50shades got a movie. Because yes, its terrible in a on of fucking ways. But its STILL a fanfic on screen. And thats incredible. Thats why I bought tickets to support the sequel. She may have manipulated the rise to fame, but EL James still showed us the path to that goal. Fanifc to novelist, novelist to billiondollar box office numbers. EL James was ON SET, telling them how to film – HER FANFICTION. Thats a THING now. You cant not take fanfiction as a community and tool seriously now. Not when it made that much money. And hey, look at Superhero movies. We had to sit through too many shit Xmen and Daredevil movies to get an Iron man.

I will sit through a few 50shades to get my fucking favorite fanfics on screen too. Its not like Hollywood has any better stories to put up but Adam Sandler movies.

#it suprises me how many people dont know the fanfiction history of this movie #long post #im probably gonna get so much hate for this #oh well #50shades #50 shades darker #i didnt talk about the actual plot #WS THERE ONE?#that helicopter death scene came out of fucking NO WHERE #and the fucking ms robinsin character kept coming up like a bad soap opera #oh god #too many helicopter shots of enviroments

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imabookmarkaddict · 4 years

Text

or would the ex gf just stick to the simple script of 'how could you do this to me'?

WelshenToday at 1:12 AM

Uh idk i like to think they liked each other so maybe not cussing bu like youre the worst i cant believe u did this to me

[1:12 AM]

Like me when u mention star trek

puzzlezToday at 1:12 AM

ur the ex gf

[1:12 AM]

i c

WelshenToday at 1:12 AM

Ofc

[1:12 AM]

U trusted sadi tho

[1:12 AM]

Thats on u man

puzzlezToday at 1:13 AM

and okay, i know some people can get monstrous with their language when they're really upset and i didn't know if the ex gf would be the type to hurl insults to hide her hurt or if she'd be a lil more 'mature' about it

[1:14 AM]

also would she care that it was a guy trevor 'cheated' with or would that not rly faze her/be something she mentions?

WelshenToday at 1:14 AM

I dont think she noticed

[1:14 AM]

That comes up next time

puzzlezToday at 1:14 AM

there's a next time omg

[1:15 AM]

idk if i feel worse for trevor or markus having to put up with angry ex gf popping up and making their budding (and doomed) love awkward

WelshenToday at 1:17 AM

Well yeah she doesnt give up duh

[1:17 AM]

I think she comes back like im pregnant

[1:17 AM]

Halp

[1:18 AM]

And trevor has half a backbone and says no go to my ex best friend is it even mine no ofc it isnt lol

[1:19 AM]

Eventually tho the best friend just vanishes so trevor thinks its immoral to let a pregnant woman live on the street right obv she has it very difficult

[1:20 AM]

But he kind of asked markus to move in and now has to amend it to move in with me and my preg ex

[1:20 AM]

Eventually they get marrued for the child even if its not his so

[1:20 AM]

Shrug??

puzzlezToday at 5:51 AM

i'm assuming that markus overhears most/all of the convo between trevor and his ex gf since the apartment isn't that big?

WelshenToday at 5:51 AM

Yeah

[5:52 AM]

He doesnt really care about cheating, he would never do it but most of his customers obv cheated on wives and stuff

puzzlezToday at 5:53 AM

so i know markus wants to just hide under a blanket and die but does he ask trevor at all about what happened with the ex gf or is he okay with just not talking about it?

WelshenToday at 5:53 AM

Hmm

[5:54 AM]

Well maybe he asks if the chocolate didnt work out or smth

[5:54 AM]

And trevor just mentions that apparently his best friend was giving it to her

[5:54 AM]

Wink

[5:55 AM]

But not really more than that, maybe later when trevor goes boyfriend? Markus asks if the ex is an ex(edited)

puzzlezToday at 5:58 AM

so what happens after the little talk about the ex gf? like, does markus mention anything about hanging out again/does trevor?

[5:58 AM]

basically, how do they decide to keep in touch

WelshenToday at 5:59 AM

Ugh

[5:59 AM]

Well markus doesnt really carry a phone

[5:59 AM]

So thats out

puzzlezToday at 5:59 AM

rofl

[5:59 AM]

i wasn't sure if like they didn't establish communication and bump into each other again or if they decide while still in the apartment that they want to hang out again

WelshenToday at 5:59 AM

So idk a normal way to deal with that,

puzzlezToday at 6:00 AM

like trevor saying something like "well we never finished that movie so u wanna come over again some time to try again" or smth

WelshenToday at 6:00 AM

God thats so perfect lol

[6:01 AM]

Markus is prob awk saying sorry dont have a phone, you cant come over

[6:02 AM]

Cuz he's staying with another family

[6:02 AM]

A friend of jonahs cousin its complicated

[6:02 AM]

So trevor is like well i work at the mall at x clothing store bla bla

[6:03 AM]

And markus goes yeah i work at the crepe/non usa pancake bar

[6:03 AM]

So they mostly hang out at trevors apt, at work or the mall. Meet me at x tmrw at 4 or whatever people do(edited)

puzzlezToday at 6:05 AM

so i was picturing the original convo (after the ex gf leaving) kind of being like a little awk and then when markus tries to flee, trevor dropping a comment about like "hey come back at x time to finish the movie with me" and markus agreeing

WelshenToday at 6:06 AM

Oh yeah that makes sense, markus cant say no if he feels he owes something

puzzlezToday at 6:07 AM

and that's kind of the end of the scene, and i guess the next scene being the movie?? i'm kind of wondering like

WelshenToday at 6:07 AM

Thats kind of fuzzy

puzzlezToday at 6:08 AM

did u want to do something dumb and cute like the two running into each other at the mall somewhere and that's when they both say they work there?

[6:08 AM]

like idk they're on break

[6:08 AM]

or trevor is on break and wants a quick snack but damn gf packs lunch and shes not there so he didn't pack a lunch and gets cheap/quick junk food and -- oh hi markus how u

WelshenToday at 6:08 AM

Oh hey that second one is cute

[6:09 AM]

Im pretty sure markus workplace is like a 10min walk from the mall or smth but its well recommended

[6:09 AM]

So it would make sense i think

[6:10 AM]

Idk im incompetent at cute

puzzlezToday at 6:10 AM

omg no ur fine

[6:11 AM]

over the past few years i feel like i've gotten good at bouncing ideas off of ppl because despite doing v little actual rp'ing i've planned a shit load of details for the rps and it mostly involved me concocting ideas until the other person says "i like that one"

[6:11 AM]

so if i make a rec u don't like ur not going to hurt my feeings btw

WelshenToday at 6:11 AM

Well im kind of particular

[6:12 AM]

But more about personality

[6:12 AM]

Also why would u care about yr feelings when u go for yoga and skurk

puzzlezToday at 6:15 AM

so it could be like the next work day (i forget but i think the amusement park was on a saturday? so its sunday rn? so next work day is monday unless markus works whenever/whatever days) markus sees trevor and there's that little burst of surprise at seeing each other, and trevor explains i work at the mall, and markus is all oh never seen u here just surprised and trevor semi awkwardly explains yehhhh ex gf packed lunch so now i gotta figure out food for myself/didn't have anything today buuuut won't complain at seeing a friendly face (or something kinda friendly and flirty)

[6:16 AM]

and maybe they have a small flirt fest and at the end trevor says something about "oh i never got your number?" and markus admits he doesn't have a phone and trevor is all well sighs guess i gotta wait until saturday (whatever time they agreed to see the movie)

WelshenToday at 6:16 AM

Yeah that sounds about right

puzzlezToday at 6:17 AM

and markus feels a bit tickled at someone expressing excitement at someone seeming a bit excited about meeting up

WelshenToday at 6:18 AM

The only attention markus has gotten is from spencer so yah now he's a pretty easy flirt

puzzlezToday at 6:18 AM

is trevor a sweet tooth that he would start to casually show up at markus' work every now and then for a bite of food and a quick flirt with markus?

[6:18 AM]

...wait what kind of crepe place we talking actually

WelshenToday at 6:18 AM

Im sure he would do it anyway, see taking care of ex gf

[6:19 AM]

Swedish pancakes are apparently called crepes in usa

puzzlezToday at 6:19 AM

the traditional ones like in france were there are also savory crepes (filled with meat/cheese) or the kind where they just have desert (piled up with sugar/fruit)

[6:19 AM]

u have ur own omg

[6:19 AM]

google time

WelshenToday at 6:19 AM

Christ

[6:19 AM]

But yeah i think its at most cheese

[6:20 AM]

Not meat really ? Idk how they stay in business

[6:20 AM]

But hey we eat pancakes w jam for lunch in sweden so f u america

puzzlezToday at 6:20 AM

...huh

[6:21 AM]

they look like crepes idk taste difference obv

[6:21 AM]

we have places here that only sell sweet crepes

WelshenToday at 6:21 AM

Ifbwe were to make crepes

[6:21 AM]

They would be even thinner and smaller

puzzlezToday at 6:21 AM

most americans think crepes = dessert only even tho in france they're mostly a savory snack/light meal

[6:21 AM]

yeah the swedish ones look a little thicker than french crepes but other than that they look similar

[6:22 AM]

what do u want me to call them in the story

WelshenToday at 6:22 AM

Probably are idk

puzzlezToday at 6:22 AM

i mean i can call them the swedish name if u want

WelshenToday at 6:22 AM

Theyre called crepes in the next story

[6:22 AM]

Which is the nsfw of markus workplace

[6:22 AM]

Please dont eat there its unsanitary

[6:23 AM]

Every surface has been banged on

[6:23 AM]

Maybe not the stove

puzzlezToday at 6:24 AM

omfg figures

[6:24 AM]

wtf r they called in swedish tho

[6:24 AM]

none of the recipes i'm looking at call them anything but crepes

WelshenToday at 6:24 AM

Pancakes

[6:24 AM]

Or pannkakor

puzzlezToday at 6:25 AM

huh okay

WelshenToday at 6:25 AM

Literal translation

puzzlezToday at 6:25 AM

does markus' workplace have a name or is it just "that crepe place"

[6:26 AM]

same goes for trevor's workplace actually is it just "the clothing store"?

WelshenToday at 6:27 AM

Rofl idk remember unnamed bf

[6:27 AM]

Idk if i use real ones or made up ones

[6:28 AM]

Instead of an h&m store its m&h maybe shrug

puzzlezToday at 6:30 AM

that works, yeh

[6:30 AM]

i tried looking up cute crepe store names but the best i found was "cut the crepe"

[6:30 AM]

(pun on cut the crap but not very good if u ask me)

WelshenToday at 6:31 AM

Snort its cute tho

[6:31 AM]

Im bad at puns

[6:31 AM]

Markus loves puns, its not compatible

puzzlezToday at 6:32 AM

omg well if it comes up do u want the crepe place to be called cut the crepe?

WelshenToday at 6:32 AM

Sure

[6:32 AM]

And if we come up w something better i can just edit shrug

puzzlezToday at 6:33 AM

yeh

[6:33 AM]

idk if it will come up tbh since i'm not rly the type to shove details in unless it feels natural if that makes sense?

[6:34 AM]

like idk if i'm writing from markus' pov for example i'm not going to wax poetic about how he looks every time he glances at a mirror because realistically how often do u look at urself in the mirror and analyze ur every detail

[6:34 AM]

ur more likely to give it a quick glance and be done

[6:34 AM]

stuff like that

[6:34 AM]

but yeh it's good to know small stuff in case it does come up for any reason

WelshenToday at 6:36 AM

Sure thats fine

[6:36 AM]

Fun to think about tho

puzzlezToday at 6:36 AM

yeh

WelshenToday at 6:37 AM

Thats more if i do art for it

[6:37 AM]

Wink

puzzlezToday at 6:38 AM

okay so for now it's ex gf shows up, melt down, awk convo and trevor asks for markus to come back to finish the movie, meet up at markus' work, and then movie

[6:38 AM]

omg yes

WelshenToday at 6:38 AM

Yah sounds very good

puzzlezToday at 6:40 AM

so should it be like trevor shows up earlier in markus' work week (like mon or tues) and then again later in the week (friday or smth)? or would trevor not rly think too much about markus after the first encounter at the crepe place cuz moping about gf off and on?

[6:41 AM]

i'm wondering if maybe they agreed to meet up like friday at 7 pm or smth and would/do you want trevor to show up after his shift at the crepe place for a sweet bite and then lingers and asks if markus wants to walk back to his apartment after markus gets off?

WelshenToday at 6:41 AM

Idk i think he was suspecting her for a while? Which is why he blew up at markus for "cheating" the wheel

[6:42 AM]

So hes probably okay with how it turned out

[6:42 AM]

And hes got a rebound now too

[6:42 AM]

Whos very compliant

[6:42 AM]

But yeah he can border on stalker

[6:43 AM]

Very simpleminded guy we're talking about

[6:43 AM]

And i guess hes worried about losing contact?

puzzlezToday at 6:44 AM

omg well it could also be like idfk trevor feels a little excited at the idea of moving on if he was okay with how things went with the ex gf

[6:44 AM]

thought it might make markus happy to have a guy kinda acting like a dope at the idea of a date-not-date thing

[6:45 AM]

like trevor kinda being like "well if ur not doing anything after u get off u don't have to wait until 7 to come over u could walk home with me"

WelshenToday at 6:47 AM

Yeah definitely

[6:48 AM]

Markus is happy to have a friend first of all

[6:49 AM]

Well a nice friend

[6:50 AM]

So yah markus does kinda see sex as an unevitable payment for a relationship tho

puzzlezToday at 6:50 AM

poor kid

[6:51 AM]

so would trevor make moves for 'round 2' of the failed sex on movie day or would they just chat and hang and flirt?

[6:51 AM]

idk how fast things actually get sexual with them so

WelshenToday at 6:55 AM

I dont really know either

[6:55 AM]

Whatever ur comfortable with to start

[6:55 AM]

But yeah im sure trevor is the kind of guy who goes hey i studied lots of porn

[6:56 AM]

Watch what i can do and markus just finds it adorably vanilla lol

[6:56 AM]

Maybe he tries to proper date on date one a kiss on date two etc

[6:57 AM]

Markus finds all of him adorable but in the end too naive for a longterm relationship i guess

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neuropathicgypsy · 5 years

Text

Me: why did i have a dream that i was protecting a baby from my mom and I was so much about it, i woke up kicking my foot and yelling to keep her from going in my room?

Military Dude: you used to have a doll that you would practice protect ing but this particular girl you were protecting her and her mom from being killed by an abusive husband and you didn't trust your mom. She was angry, thought it was someone you wanted as your mom, not realizing you were home from school because you actually were saving people at 8 years old. I know this is particularly hard for you because you keep crying. But they want to meet you. Is that ok?

Me, tears rolling down my cheeks: yes

Military Dude: They dont know what yoive been doing in life. But this is your true success story. She became an advocate for domestic abuse victims and runs a shelter. Her daughter is a doctor. They're both married and had more children. I know you're tired and this may be the break you need. You think so, yes?

Me: i do. Matt needs help, too.

Matt: no im fine

Me: you're not but whatever

Military Dude: your anger at him is what helps you to be clearer on what you need to do, doesn't it?

Me: it makes me not cry. He holds me back a lot and its not healthy.

Military Dude: she knows a lot of tricks to help you with that. You know you defend alot of people with great success. So people dont realize how much help you need to defend yourself. Why is that?

Me: I can't defend myself readily. It does help,me,to see that people are bad and so when i see others being hurt, i know i need to help them because I understand they can't readily defend themselves.

Military Dude: why is the word readily? You don't have the power or ?

Me: no. If im not on the receiving end of help then how can,i really know i make a difference?

Military Dude: except they thank you.

Me: i have been defending myself a lot but its become a game to some

Military Dude: like don Schumacher and your mom

Me: i don't play that way. They know the truth and they cover it with poop but under the shit the truth peeks out

Military Dude: like a bone on the west mesa due to a series of events like a housing crunch and,a flood. And that's what you need, quite literally.

Me: im in a housing crunch. My mortgage hasn't been paid in 21 months and im at my parents.

Military Dude: yeah i hear you

Me: think my tears count as a flood?

Military Dude: and your anger. Im not going to get you out of there, that's not my job. Im just to see if you're viable to use a resource to seek comfort.

Black girl: yeah i know she is!

Me: how long do i have to wait?

Military Dude: IDK yet. But yesterday after you were crying in the car because your shoulder and neck hurt and you still can't work and do normal things and you're tired of your mom bullying you and pretending to be you and destroying everything she can, like its a game and asking for help. We decided to analyze your situation a little better because we aren't getting you.

Me: I'm quite simple, actually. Its others that are complicating.

Military Dude: we are from the DOJ so we will see what we can do, including dealing with your mom. Your dad sent her to the commissary and you said she would just look for guys to fuck and i assure you that she is. However i am not dealing with that. Its her ego that is in check but its not working. Why is that?

Me: thats all she is

Military Dude: evil ego. Nothing else?

Me: nope. She uses what she's punished with to punish others. She doesn't even understand the concept of why

Military Dude: shes just control. Is her evil encouraged?

Me: she encourages people to be evil. Like its the opposite of defense yet the same

Military Dude: so she's twisted it.

Me: yep. Don/Jennifer have been encouraging.

Military Dude: sometimes do you feel that acknowledging her evil is a form of encouraging?

Me: used to be that way but Jennifer has encouraged her that ignoring is ignorance and,it empowers her to be worse and worse

Military Dude: until you blow up and,start yelling and throwing shit?

Me: yeah. But my dad doesn't like it

Military Dude: is it effective?

Me: if only hate is applied constantly

Military Dude: but that's not your forte?

Me: i would have to kill her if i did.

Military Dude: is that why your dad told you to stop?

Me: yeah. But if i got rid of her body successfully would i be in trouble?

Military Dude laughs: don't ask me that, besides shes a large body to cook for the dogs and you can't stand or use your shoulders that long.

Me: don't disappoint my audiences! I can get help!

Matt laughs; shut the fuck up please!!

Military Dude: well our half hour is up.

Me: so that lady whose military husband abused her, she doesnt encourage cooking people?

Military Dude: probably is that ok with you?

Me: my thing is that i just want to be left alone! I don't want to deal with socio paths and ignorant people.

Military Dude: well my thing is she tried to tell you what to do and you told her you wouldnt listen and,find another subject then you went and did the thing she told you not to do! Then justified it with precise accuracy like a sharp shooter sniper. So how can anyone help you?

Me: a lot of money, listening (to me, especially Matthew and where it regards my kids)

Military Dude: not interfering with your curent flow of life.

Me: I desperately need my current flow interfered with. That goes under listening. Not interfering with what i say and want. Example: don't change all the hospital procedures because i want all mine done,at once. Let me,do it all at once. Example: dont,interfere with the flow of,truth. I keep complaining how I'm interrupted.

Military Dude: that's what i mean.

Me: jess gave proper diagnosis and solutions yesterday

Military Dude: why do you go to him? You're starting to cry.... Is he like snoop?

Me: snoop is great. He tries to cheer me,up. I guess the libra connection there works

Military Dude: jesse is Aries, the complete opposite, I see

Me: I'm,used,to always telling my mom my problems so my dad tells her how to,fix them

Military Dude: money. Is that,an obstacle for you?

Me: the biggest, hugest obstacle ever.

Military Dude: it would aleve alot of stress?

Me: HUGE!!! The kids always remark how calm,i am. But money tightens my chest ans i can't .... Paralizes me. Especially with the fact,i have asked,and asked for help so,i can help,eliminate some of my moms enormous ego

Military Dude: now that,was what i was asking. How to eliminate that!!!!

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