#it's really late here and I haven't checked my page in a few days and I got greeted with this how in the actual fuck
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pac || yes or no, and a message from Spirit
☁️ think of a question you need a Yes/No answer for, take 3 deep breaths and pick one of the piles below! this should give you a general idea of what the energy surrounding this matter is + what Spirit wants you to know and/or do.
☁️ take only what resonates and leave the rest! if you feel like the pile you've initially picked doesn't really apply to the situation you're thinking of, it's OK to pick another one.
☁️ remember that this is all for entertainment purposes and that free will still exists. don't feel pressured to do anything you don't want to or to make a pile/answer fit you situation, ok?
☁️ enjoy, my friends!
🍀 pile 1 || cards: five of pentacles, seven of cups rx, balance, magic.
Your answer, my dear pile 1, is No. Spirit wants you to know that there is something much better for you out there, and that you shouldn't keep yourself stuck to only this option (or the very few you've been considering). I can feel your sadness and frustration, but please trust that your Spirit Team is doing their best to help you navigate through & overcome this period, alright? Don't rush into a decision just because you want to get this over with. As soon as this moment of transition is over, you might realize that what you thought you wanted, isn't all that great after all; or, alternatively, that you were willing to settle for something that isn't in alignment with your greatest good and/or true desires.
It might also happen that, if you give it time, Spirit could give you the green light to pursue this option - that's only for a few of you, though. For the majority, I see that this really isn't the best bet anyway.
[extra confirmation that this might be your pile (doesn't have to apply): a white cat; Kat/Cat/Catherine/Katherine/Catarina; white socks and ballerina shoes; 29; dark blue walls; just painted or got your nails done by someone else; Andre/Andrew/Andres; low temperatures; slavic countries; pisces.]
🍀 pile 2 || cards: king of wands, page of pentacles, illumination, growth.
Goodness… this pile has such a strong and assertive energy, that there is no way you guys are still doubting yourselves! It's a clear Yes, my sweet pile 2. You already know what to do, where to go, what to leave behind and what to take with you on the journey ahead. You've seen the light already, and chances are that you are have already made some moves towards your goal, so just keep going! Don't be impulsive, though; always make sure to stay grounded and realistic.
If you haven't made any moves, however, someone else might've OR the Universe has been preparing the stage for this to happen. You might soon realize that things just seem to be falling into place all around, and you're all of a sudden full with good luck.
Finally, I feel like some of you might also need to hear this: stay informed! Do all of the research you think is necessary, and stay up date with all of the new details/updates regarding this matter.
[extra confirmation that this might be your pile (doesn't have to apply): 1st year as a college student; taking the subway every day now; swimming as a hobby; dark green hoodie; Jen/Jennifer/Jerome; G initial; Grace or "with grace"; 19; a item of jewelry that you never take off, likely a necklace; Church; eating your meals in a rush or on the go; soccer/football.]
🍀 pile 3 || cards: ace of wands rx, eight of pentacles rx, love, flow.
Not yet. Something needs to be done or finished before you get that much desired green light from Spirit. If you felt pulled towards Pile 1 as well, feel free to check that out, by the way! - for some, those messages may also apply.
Your energy isn't heavy, even though I still get a big sense of frustration here. Now, after struggling so much with this reality, you know that you are either not ready for such a change OR to receive this "thing" and be able to handle it. I feel like you guys have been doing a lot of inner-work lately, and have been putting a lot of effort into matters of self-worth, self-confidence, and so on; and this realization may have come from that.
My dear pile 3, you are on the right path, alright? You just need to stay focused on yourself for now, so you can later receive all of the blessings you have been waiting & praying for.
[extra confirmation that this might be your pile (doesn't have to apply): fidgeting with your fingers 24/7; daily warm, soft hugs from a family member or best friend; 29, again; 00; white bomber jacket; always making sure you have your gloves with you; a spike in humidity; geography or biology; lab coats; lost and/or got a new transit pass, passport or ID; significant earth placements.]
🍀 pile 4 || cards: eight of pentacles, the lovers, fear, abundance.
Some of you may have had to leave people, or even home, behind to pursue a dream, or may be considering it (and, by the way, it doesn't have to be literal or physical). You're afraid that you'll be alone and/or that those you're leaving behind will not miss you. However, Spirit wants you to know that none of that is true, and that things will turn out much better than you could've ever expected.
You have big plans for your life but also a big heart; and instead of having these two parts of yourself work together as they should, they are fighting against each other. Sometimes, in order to achieve something major, we must make some sacrifices, you know, pile 4? And that might sound scary, yes, but when you are living through it, you'll see that it actually isn't. We make sacrifices every day without even realizing it… for example, when we sacrifice an extra hour of sleep to spend some more time texting that special someone; or when we sacrifice our precious feet just to show off our new favorite, yet insanely painful, pair of shoes.
If you're on the other end of it, however, and you're the one being "left behind", make sure to use this time to work on your goals instead of focusing all of your energy on how much you miss that something or someone.
So, your answer is neither a Yes nor a No, because I feel like most of you guys are wording your question wrong?? Just know that this is a time for you to prosper, my dear pile 4, and that you should move forward with your goals.
[extra confirmation that this might be your pile (doesn't have to apply): spending a lot of time alone, sitting in the parking lot; your car's a mess; fidgeting with your earrings or rings; rubbing your eye until it hurts; Sanders/Sandra/Salome/Soumaya; north african countries; south east asian countries; stuffed teddy bear; 57; dad's or grandpa's birthday.]
decks used || Tarot of the New Vision & Prism Oracle
(Disclaimer: Based on current energies. All is alleged and for entertainment purposes only.)
#tqq#tqqgame#kpop tarot#nct tarot#nct dream tarot#blackpink tarot#aespa tarot#red velvet tarot#enhypen tarot#kpop pac#kpop pick a card#kpop astrology#bts tarot#seventeen tarot#stray kids tarot
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Submas sketchdump! Vol. 1
April-June 2022
Literally dumping all the presentable works as promised, whether I'm proud of them or not! This is where I started, even before the first thing I posted online (That subway station one). Many of these are not on Twitter yet so there's lots to see!
The top piece above the header is my very first digital Submas artwork!! I never finished it bc I didn't know how to pull my vision of as I wanted & started modeling the train and didn't finish that either, whoops! I really want to remake this later and make it super cool!
^^^ My reaction to breaking 500 likes & 100 followers in a single day with my first tweet (the battle subway one) all the way back in May!! I was completely floored by all the attention, oh how it skyrocketed my excitement and anxiety! Crazy times, I was so super nervous to be there with so many amazing artists and doubted if I could ever survive there ahahah!! Many had joined the community much much earlier than me, so I had arrived with a late train to PLA/neo Submas hype!
Next up is a bunch of stuff I haven't posted before:
One of my fav sketches! Been saving this for so long bc I really really want to finish this one day!
One of the first submas sketches with an actual story behind it! The subway bosses are running late for their flight because they didn't pass the safety check! The irony!! This would never happen as bosses are always on schedule. But Emmet hadn't noticed a wild Joltik hiding under his coat, so he set up the alarm and they got examined and interrogated of smuggling! How embarrassing for them! The bosses resolved the situation by catching the Joltik, but will they be able to catch their flight anymore?? Maybe if Elesa can distract the stuerts performing the safety protocol for a minute!
More sketchbook stuff...
In case you can't make any sense of it, Emmet's dreaming of different combinations of pokémon. Meanwhile Ingo snores louder than the train! HONK SHOO!
Top 7 every submas fan draws at some point!
Submas trademark posing
submas sleeping in a train
sad Emmet
Emmet with Joltik
Ingo with a cool solo pose
Emmet being chaotic & Ingo reacting to it
a bunch of mirrored submas poses
I sure have a full bingo card lmao, most of them you can see here XD
Next up is a sad man...
Stay strong our friends!
My typical sketchbook pages, crammed and messy as usual. x)
Post-PLA exploration:
A few examples of how my pencil sketches evolve.
I've done so much art experimenting with submas. I really like this black & white painting but I don't think I'll finish it anytime soon.
Where did you go?
The way I draw the twins' faces has changed a lot. They started with softer features and somewhat neutral emotions, because I wasn't as familiar with them or comfortable drawing them yet. Now there's hundreds of submas sketches, and they still keep evolving! My style is also kinda hard to pull off well, so their features differ from picture to picture.
This one was inspired by some submas music videos, can't recall their names anymore. The glowing eerie eyes and yellow&orange + black&white color schemes were neat!
I keep telling myself I need to draw more butlers, these twinks look so lean and neat and have more color and are posh with their monocles and have fun tailcoats!
(...why eyeglasses are not called binocles??)
I was there for the vinegar chaos. Good times!
That's all for now, I hope you got something fun out of this! Still got loads more art to share but I'll save them for another time. Next round I'll bring in my first submas comic!
#submas#sbms#submas ingo#submas emmet#pokemon ingo#pokemon emmet#subway boss ingo#subway boss emmet#ingo and emmet#sketch dump#chandelure#archeops#sinistea#submas butlers#butler ingo#butler emmet#too many ideas#butlermas
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An update
Lately I haven't been active and it's spanned much longer than I intended. I originally thought it was the Team Science Zine sucking up all my energy (that zine was awesome but a beast to make) but I now realize that may have been me trying to convince myself of an untrue reality. I've been exhausted all the time with no time for me. I'm also dealing with more personal issues and being in a period of transition uses a lot of spoons. Hopefully I'll resolve some issues through therapy or other means but it's a lot to balance and I don't necessarily have the resources to take on everything. Unfortunately, art and writing has taken a backseat for the time due to everything going on. It is what it is, I hope to create again one day. However, the end of DAC as an account may be nearing.
I know I've been silent/quiet for months. I know I've not finished anything. I have few WIPs but they're limited in development and not something I want to post. Overall the Dear-Alex-Chill account is fading on all fronts and I'm not sure I want it to revive. I know my stuff rarely shows up in places, in part because of the niche I drew myself into, but also a lack of relevancy in what I produce. I honestly haven't touched digital art in a while, I do miss it. However, I'm exhausted constantly or I'm under the perception I'm too busy to do it, carving time is hard right now. I am considering leaving everything up and just sorta orphaning my account, I would never delete my writing and I don't like the prospect of deleting my art, but actively maintaining a social media like that is taxing and not something I can do right now. DAC might turn into an archive of sorts and when I'm ready I'll start anew entirely with a new name and page. Or maybe I'll come back in a while ready to get going again, I'm not sure.
Some of the lack of desire to revive was a slightly toxic culture. When things blew up around me (not really at me though but like Tumblr? Yk) I felt the need to step back and a part of me just never wanted to return. Moots, I love you guys, you're the reason I stayed so long. But sometimes it's hard to want to engage in a community of people that dislike you and that you generally dislike, it's tiresome. Wacky and Sikyu especially, you guys were awesome to talk to (I'm just mentioning you two specifically because I feel really bad for leaving you guys with no context after months of hyper-dumping hcs and ideas. Anyone I've repeatedly dmed or shared my hcs with and talked to, I do miss you all. Everyone is owed an apology but that's a lot of names to write.) It's hard to stay in a place you don't want to be, especially when you feel you're leaving those close to you, but I think it's of my best interest to step away from DT and TtS/RTA.
To my followers, I'm sorry you haven't gotten what you followed for.
To the anons and haters, cool. Have fun with your lives, I believe in karma but don't act on it, it's not my job to enforce karma, that's the universe's job.
To my mutuals/friends, I haven't forgotten you all and I do think about you. It's just hard to reply or I feel bad reaching out after so much silence. Hopefully I'll be chatty again or return to some normalcy later and I'm sorry I didn't tell any of you earlier.
Overall this just serves as a message/wellness check. I'm still here, I still lurk, but I don't really know if I want to stay active. When I decide to either orphan or revive, I'll let you all know in a new post, but for now here's what's been happening. I love y'all.
See ya later.
(yes this was on insta in slides form, Tumblr hates me uploading more than 3 photos at a time)
#slight vent ish???#idk I'm trying to explain everything without directly venting everything#its prolly not working but thats ok
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The Seal Of Zeal (2/3)
Book : Open Heart (set post book 3)
Pairing : Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Meera Bose)
Series Summary : Ethan Ramsey and Meera Bose do not back down from challenges. But what happens when they challenge each other?
Chapter Summary : Ethan and Meera find it difficult to schedule a date night because of the demands of their new roles, until Meera proposes a plan.
Category : Fluff
Warnings : None
Rating : General
Word Count : 1209
Trope : And they were in the Office...
A/N : Hello and welcome back everybody! I so wanted to post this last week but it got very hectic, so better late than never. This is also my early submission for @choicesmonthlychallengejune2022 day 9 : date. Hope you all enjoy this one as well. Happy Reading! ❤️
Catch up on part 1!
Meera got into the car almost half asleep and let out a long sigh.
"You look like you had a rough night," Ethan said pulling out of the apartment garage.
"Says the man who has dark circles deeper than the Grand Canyon."
"Ouch! That was rude!" Ethan tried feigning offense but ultimately broke into a laugh. Meera joined in a few seconds later.
"I feel like I haven't laughed this much in forever," she said regaining her breath.
"Yeah tell me about it. Everyday I open my eyes and dread going into work because I'll have to see the fake smiling faces of the board members, and paperwork keeps getting more and more everyday!"
"Ahh! Paperwork. Is. Literally. The. Worst. I have reached the point where I can't bear the sight of my own signature. Is it possible? Can you be disgusted by your own signature?"
"Hmm, I think it is," Ethan chuckled.
"You know, this reminds me we haven't had a date night in ages."
"Really? Didn't we check out that food carnival like last week?"
"It's been three weeks to that old man."
"Wow! Three weeks is a really long time. We should rectify that at the earliest tell me when you are free this week?" Ethan said pulling into the hospital driveway.
"I am not on call Tuesday and I think I get off early Friday," Meera checked her calendar.
"No, that doesn't work with me, I can move around somethings and get out on Saturday and maybe Thursday if I am lucky." Ethan checked his. "I'll see if I can reassign some of your cases so that you can get Saturday off."
"Sorry, won't work, I have a consult at Mass Gen and they have been trying to have me over for weeks. Why don't You make things work for Friday."
"I would if I could, but the CEO of this med-tech company will be in town only on Friday and the board wants me to have dinner with him." Ethan pinched the bridge of his nose getting out of the car.
"Great so my boyfriend is now going on dates with some CEO?" Meera chuckled following suit.
"Come on Meera, meet me halfway here."
"Halfway? I am dealing with life or death here!"
The couple walked into the busy hospital atrium.
"Hey round with interns in five," Jackie shouted walking past Meera.
"Will be there!"
"Chief Ramsey someone from HR has been asking for you," Ethan's assistant Margaret walked upto him.
"I'll see them in my office in ten."
"Hey I have a new pro-Bono case for the DT I wanted to discuss with you," Harper said crossing the atrium to meet Meera.
"Let's assemble the team after rounds, will go through it then."
"Sir Mrs. Wilson's lawsuit has been settled we just need you to sign the paperwork."
"That's great! Keep it ready for me in my office."
"Meera I need a consult for a kid up in peds, you can't say no," Sienna said handing both of them coffee and cookies.
"How can I when your cookie is my breakfast? I'll page you when I'm done with the DT."
"You are the best," Sienna smiled curtly at them and dissappeared.
"Medicure pharma wants to let you know that their offer stands if you change your mind."
"Margaret let them know that Ethan Ramsey doesn't change his mind."
Margaret nods running up the stairs.
Ethan and Meera get into the elevator, and let out long sighs.
"So you ready for your day?" Meera asks.
"Doesn't leave me with a choice of not being ready," Ethan replies.
"You know I was thinking why don't we add a little more fun into our day?"
Ethan looked at his girlfriend puzzled.
"Whoever finishes with their itenary and clocks out first can decide the day for the date night and the other has to make time for that."
Ethan's blue eyes sparkled mischievously, "you are a freaking genius."
"Well I know, thank you very much," Meera gave a little bow as the elevator stopped at her floor with the familiar beep. Ethan cupped her face and pressed his lips to her one last time before parting ways.
Meera stepped out, "just so you know this genius brain is going to figure out all of her cases in no time and make you change your schedule."
"We'll see about that," Ethan said just as the elevator doors closed.
Meera walked toward her office with newfound motivation and joy.
The day zoomed by. Meera's brain was working at its fullest. She went through rounds, met with the DT and completed Sienna' s consult in no time. She returned to her office and started with paperwork without stopping for coffee. She didn't need coffee when the adrenaline from her impending win was pulsating through her nerves.
Soon the sun had set over the Boston horizon and Meera put her signature on the very last paper. She threw her hands in joy and looked at the time, it was half past eight and there was no way Ethan was done before her.
Without wasting a single minute Meera packed up her belongings and made her way to the elevator, doing a little happy dance to the elevator's music. Only to come up to an empty Chief's office. Ethan's assistant had informed her that he was almost done with the day's work when he got called into an emergency board meeting thirty minutes ago. This was maybe the first time Meera felt grateful for Bloom. He had ensured her win, but she missed being able to rub it in Ethan's face.
She walked over to Ethan's empty desk, overflowing with paperwork. She looked at the framed picture of her in the dog park that was kept on one side of the table. This man was whipped, she thought.
On the other side she noticed a huge white box with a leading pharmaceutical company's name on it. Filled with curiosity she opened it to reveal a huge spread of donuts. Being chief came with its perks, she chuckled.
Her stomach growled, reminding that the adrenaline of the day made her forget to take a break for lunch. She picked up the box of donuts and walked over to the couch, making herself comfortable.
A couple of hours later Ethan walked out of the conference room, head throbbing with pain. He looked down at his wrist watch taking quick steps towards the elevator. There was no way he was beating Meera now.
Ethan walked into his office and was welcomed by a soft musical snoring. His eyes made a quick scan before finding the source, his girlfriend, asleep on the couch with an almost finished box of donuts laying on the ground.
He smiled, she looked so peaceful and cute, but he couldn't help but click a few quick pictures which he knew Varma and Lahela would definitely appreciate. He nudged Meera awake. It took her a few seconds to break the trance before groggily saying, "I won, you lost."
"I know," he replied, "but let's get you home first," he put down an endearing kiss on her forehead, already cooking up an excuse for the board on missing the dinner with the CEO.
Thank you so much if you have read till here, it means the world to me. Hope to see you go on other different adventures with me, Ethan and Meera, till then sending love and hugs your way! ❤️
Taglist : @starrystarrytrouble @mm2305 @charisworld @choicesfanaf @potionsprefect @genevievemd @shanzay44 @little-flowers-on-heaven @schnitzelbutterfingers @coffeeheartaddict @gryffindordaughterofathena @chemist-ana @adiehardfan-deactivated20211021 @custaroonie @ireneadlerisseggsy @takemyopenheart @natureblooms24 @mainstreetreader @lawyerlies @a-crepusculo @quixoticdreamer16 @starryeyedrookie @sincerelyscarring @thebluestonedpendant @kit-rookie-princess @wanderingamongthewildflowers @peonierose
+ @openheartfanfics, @choicesficwriterscreations, @choicesmonthlychallengejune2022
Please let me know if you want to be added or removed. 💜
#pixelberry choices#pixelberry#choices : stories you play#choices the stories you play#choices stories we play#playchoices#choices stories you play#choices open heart#open heart fanfic#open heart#open heart fanfics#open heart fic#open heart fanfiction#open heart fandom#open heart ethan#dr. ethan ramsey#ethan x mc#ethan ramsey#ethan ramsey x mc#dr. ethan jonah ramsey#ethan jonah ramsey x mc#ethan jonah ramsey#ethan x meera#dr. meera bose#meera bose
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March check-in
This week has been... something. Busy, emotional, a lot... Also it's March!
DOL-OS won the Best Game category of the 16th edition of the Concours de Fiction Intéractive Francophone !
It's the first time I won an IF Competition! It's been a few days, but I'm still incredibly flattered people liked this game so much and thought it should win the main competition against 24 other amazing games!
The game was also 2nd in Technical and Theme, as well as 3rd in the Narrative Design. How cool is that!
If you haven't checked out DOL-OS or the other submissions of the Concours, I highly suggest you do so!
But for people interested in how I made the whole game, I'll be posting a Post-Mortem in the next few weeks.
My SeedComp! entry The Rye in the Dark City is out!
Come play Detective Rye, a down-on-the-luck detective thrown into a strange case...
Note: though only the first act of the game is available, there should be about 15-30min worth of content to go through.
Also, check the other 17 entries of the SeedComp! And you can now vote for your favourite game and seed! If you don't want to pick, you can leave a lil' sticker to a game or seed instead. :)
Deadline to vote: March 31st!
Since I helped organise the @seedcomp-if, you can't vote for my stuff :P
As promised months ago, the Space-Tech UI is out!
It is a bit different from the first draft I had been thinking of creating, following instead the Space UI I had made for the SeedComp! and P-Rix - Space Trucker.
The theme includes your basic settings, a title/end page, and mobile adaptability (portrait).
Unlike the other UI Templates, which included different colour themes, this Space-Tech one does not have a theme setting. Instead, it has two different designs (main page + codex) linked to the passage tags. The macros/diablog boxes are also customised to fit those designs.
Grab your Space-Tech Template now!
Welp... I couldn't manage to finish it before the end of February. I really didn't realise how much code there was behind the scene on that one (spoiler alert, a fuckton). BUT...
Scene 3 is complete. All scenes are now completely recoded, fixed some bugs, and corrected some text issue (typo and the like).
Next, I'll be looking at the macros/widget behind some of the code (the notifications especially, since I'm changing them for a more ARIA compliant one); fix the codex (I found a cool new way of displaying it, I need to test it); and some other secret things.
Still quite a bit to do....
Got to read more of Chapter 4 and help MelS tie in some variation/choice option. Not much more progress, MelS has been incredibly busy lately, and will be for the next weeks or so.
On the other hand, I've been looking around on how to include the map of Chapter 3's maze in the game. Web is easy peasy. Mobile is the problem.
Last month I set out some expectations, fulfilling only 2 out of 3. So here's the plan for this month instead:
Complete my SpringThing Entry (will talk more about it in the next few weeks), due at the start of April.
Add the missing content of The Rye in the Dark City (Act 2 - talking to other suspects, Act 3 - solve the case)
Finish the recode of CRWL
Some potentially interesting Jam for people interested
The lame jam 26: 3 days to make a lame game.
Games for Forests (GNOJ#9): A Game Jam centred around ecology and the importance of forests.
AAAAAaaaaand that's it for the week/February!
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Bejeweled Deluxe Review - The Birth of Match 3
Summary
★★★☆ Enjoyable
Bejeweled Deluxe is a legendary and well crafted game from back when puzzle games actually existed. Its simplicity and age could be a turn off for some, but others might find it refreshing and nostalgic. Either way, this is the game that started the match 3 genre, and it's an alright one to start with.
For more game reviews, check out https://pjsim2001.tumblr.com/reviews.
Background
For most of my life, I've played the same old games - platformers like Mario and Sonic, Wii stuff, and maybe a few FPS and miscellaneous party games. But recently I decided I wanted to branch out and try to add some new games to my repertoire, and maybe find something new to obsess over.
For some unexplained reason, Bejeweled popped up into my head. The game was something that I knew of... but had never played, or even really seen in action. It existed as a vague constant in the universe, but not one present in the gaming culture of today - I read an article somewhere calling Bejeweled "the Gone With the Wind of gaming", and I think that's an accurate description - TECHNICALLY massively popular and has iconic aspects, but not immediately memorable. Nowadays when people think of "match 3", they think of Candy Crush, the popularity of which and what it's done for the King company I can't even quantify.
Makes you wonder, whatever happened to PopCap, the company that made Bejeweled? They also made freaking PLANTS VS ZOMBIES (and Peggle as well, don't think I forgot about that) - you'd think that with a literal genre defining game like Bejeweled and one of the quintessential mobile games up there with Angry Birds like Plants vs Zombies, PopCap would be on par with King, having their games on the front page of the App Store... well, they got bought out by EA. Enough said.
So when looking for a Bejeweled game to play, I decided to skip anything modern and check out the past entries. I started with Bejeweled 2, and long story short, I'm now addicted to the entire series.
As of the writing of this review, I've played 1, 2, Twist, and 3, and I plan on making reviews for each one of them. Which is the best version? What does each version offer? Well, let's get started.
Graphics & Presentation
...OK, it's just the version I got, but the first thing I was jumpscared with when opening the game was this "Best Buy game center" window. I had no idea such a thing had ever existed. And look at that selection of ratchet ass flash games! Games like that are really nostalgic for a late 00s/early 10s Internet kid like me. But anyways, this popup is a bit annoying. The game is also installed in the start menu under "Best Buy Games" with a link to the website (which, by the way, now redirects to an Oakland Airport website?!?!?). If you're an epic hacker like me, you can get around the launcher by just changing the shortcut to open Bejeweled.exe instead of Launcher.hta, but yeah. At least the Best Buy ads haven't infiltrated the game, unlike back when Bejeweled was web only and was pimped out by Microsoft to advertisers.
That aside, here's the title screen of the actual game:
And what you see when you click there to play:
My friend described it best: "Cool Math Games?". You can definitely tell that this game originated as an online game, with the whole sidebar with small gameplay size, the onscreen logo, and the title screen with the "Click Here to Play!". Plus, when you get a high score, it'll tell you whether it was the best "for the day" which clears when you close the game (even if you come back the same day), which I bet is a holdover from online leaderboards. I also read that apparently the game didn't even HAVE a save feature until a later revision!
Needless to say, the game is dated, but in general, pretty nice. Unfortunately, the only resolution the game runs at is 640x480 - you can go fullscreen, but you can't stretch the window, which might be a visibility problem on high resolution displays. Good thing the gems are varied enough in shape and color to be distinguishable. There are also some charmingly classic effects, like rainbow text inbetween levels that warps and twists, as well as the gems swirling into the center of the screen when clearing a level or flying all over the place "exploding" when you lose. They also shimmer underneath your mouse cursor, and flip around in 3D when selected.
One weird quirk is that the high scores are hidden under the options menu. At first I couldn't find it, so I thought it meant that I'd have to complete a game every single time I wanted to see my scores! Also, the game shows the "swap these two gems!" tutorial every single time you open the program without a game in progress, which is a bit annoying, because you're forced to move that specific gem the game tells you to. Oh well.
Gameplay
Bejeweled introduced what's now referred to as match 3 gameplay - you start out with a board filled with gems, and you have to clear them by switching two adjacent gems to make rows or columns of 3 or more alike. If switching them won't cause a match, then the gems will return to their position and nothing will happen. But if you get a match, all the gems in the match will then disappear, causing the ones above them to fall down to fill the space, with more appearing from the top.
You'll get more points the longer your rows and columns are, or if switching two gems causes two different sets to be matched. The biggest way to earn points however is to "cascade", which is when making a match causes other gems to fall on top of each other to match and automatically clear themselves - the points will rack up the more cascades you make one after another.
The game has two modes: Normal and Time Trial.
Normal has you matching gems to reach a certain amount of points to clear the stage, represented by the bar at the bottom. There's no time limit, and the point requirement increases per level. What you'll need to be careful of though is running out of moves - you'll want to try and move the gems around in a way that'll maximize the amount of moves you can make, all the while trying to set up cascades and large matches. If you need help on finding a match to make, you can press the big bulbous purple button and it'll show you which gem to move, but at the cost of some points.
Time Trial uses the bottom bar as a timer instead. It starts out halfway full, then starts to tick down as time passes. You fill the timer by scoring points, so you'll need to make matches quickly and constantly to keep the bar from becoming empty. The bar moves faster and faster each level, so it'll reach a point where you'll need to make large matches and cascades to keep up. Luckily, you can't run out of moves in this mode - if you do, the gems will fall out and reshuffle themselves. You'll still want to try and be strategic with making moves though, since the less moves you have, the harder it'll be to find the next one, especially since you'll be rushing. Plus, the hint button basically becomes a suicide button past level 2, since it'll drop your timer.
You'll be surprised by how addicting Bejeweled is once you get to playing it. Just matching the gems is satisfying with the game's sound design, and getting cascades and watching as all the gems start falling and disappearing as the points rack up and the funny low resolution voice announcer dude congratulates you is one of the greatest feelings in gaming. People compare this game to Tetris, and I'd say it's a pretty good comparison - when things fit just right, it's a good feeling.
That does bring up the issue of randomness. As my pre-Bejeweled self expressed, it can seem like the game is basically just random in deciding whether or not it'll drop the right gems in when you need them. As post-Bejeweled me will confirm, lots of cascades will happen not because you planned them, but because the right gems generated from above at the right place (which is good and fun sometimes, but...). Sometimes it can be unfair to feel like you're making all the right and careful moves, only to get screwed over by bad gem generation, or even worse (and most INFURIATINGLY), the game will randomly decide to give you a cascade that ends up interrupting a move you're trying to make by shuffling the gems around and bricking a part of the board. Furthermore, while I can't confirm whether or not the gems that fall from the top are randomly generated or not, I felt that the later levels (in Normal mode) would give you less and less useful gems for the situation.
However, there's strategies you can employ to try and reduce the chances you'll get screwed over. Generally, you want to try and make matches near the top of the board at first, then make ones near the bottom when things start getting tricky in order to move gems around with gravity, or hopefully get some cascades to clear things out. I'd say it isn't any more random than getting screwed over by not getting a straight line piece in Tetris, and it isn't any less fair then the later Tetris levels where it gets so fast you can't move pieces to certain locations - and if you dared tell any pro Tetris player that the game is luck because the pieces you get are random, your ass is getting t-spinned out of the room. Bejeweled is the same way I think; there are pro moves you can make that aren't 1000% sure, but very good for your chances - I've been playing for a little while so I know this, but I still have much to learn (as you'll see when we get to Bejeweled 2, but that's a different story).
Music
youtube
Something notable about Bejeweled is it's YUMMY soundtrack. It's in the "tracker" format, so it's played live in-game with its own instruments, sort of like how a retro game console would do it, and it's better than generic Windows MIDI instruments.
The soundtrack was composed by electronic musician Peter Hajba (proving once again that Peters make the best stuff😎), also known as "Skaven", who's gonna be reappearing in the future for sure - and this is one heck of a start. The soundtrack is made up of three songs: "Autonomous" for the title screen, "Network" for normal mode, and "Data Jack" for time trial. All do an excellent job at creating a bright industrial electronic vibe that's catchy as all hell.
"Data Jack" in particular just blew my balls off the first time I heard it and the Sega Genesis-ass drums kicked in; it pumps you up and gets you scanning the board to find matches and watch the gems go flying. "Network" is also perfect, going much slower and more thoughtful, while also bringing straight heat with the way the music changes and evolves.
The only negative is that I think some people might find the whole bleep bloop retro style a bit annoying and grating. But me personally, I like electronic music and catchy stuff that has a little gritty character, so I love this soundtrack.
Verdict
Bejeweled, even here in its most basic form and after all these years, is still super addicting and fun to play. I love seeing how far I can get in both modes, whether I'm deep in thought and vibing with normal mode, or in the mood to kick some butt with my eyes darting across the screen in time trial.
Maybe not EVERYTHING about the game has aged super well, and there's plenty that later versions do much better than this entry, but the basics are all here and accounted for, and the presentation is still better and more professional than other shovelware, copycat match 3 games I've seen online before.
★★★☆ Enjoyable
Bejeweled 1-3 & Twist are relics of a time before puzzle games just became ways for mobile developers to mine ad revenue for revives, or pull some psychological tricks to extend game time by forcing you to wait for lives and stamina or whatever. Original Bejeweled is just like original Tetris, and I think it's worthy of being on the same level - it's a simple game you can pick up and enjoy, no BS.
I think even this first entry holds its own against current offerings, and even against its sequels to an extent. Later versions can get a little explosion-happy, which is great in its own way, but there's also something to be said about the rawness (& nostalgia factor) of this one.
I actually DO recommend checking out one of its sequels first (in fact, even something like Microsoft's replacement might actually be objectively better AND its online w/o download), but I can't give this game two stars man, it's just so damn good. Check it out if it looks appealing!
#Youtube#game review#bejeweled#bejeweled deluxe#retro#retro game#retro gaming#review#game reviews#retro review#puzzle#puzzle game#pc#retro pc#pc games#videogames#gaming#pc gaming#opinion#small reviewer#bored#satisfying#popcap games#popcap#nostalgia#2000s#2000s games#2000s gaming#early 2000s#2000s nostalgia
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15 questions, 15 mutuals :)
Tagged by @lepetitfruit , sorry I'm a couple days late on responding to thiss
There's no way I'm gonna tag 15 people, but I suppose I'll tag a few of you
Anyways;
Were you named after anyone?
My first name was chosen by my parents after some biblical person, it was related to trouble having me etc etc, I've heard the story plenty. My middle name is the same as both my great-grandmother's and my aunt's I believe.
When was the last time you cried?
Actually cried? Not sure, I'm the suppress-emotions-when-possible type. Getting a bit teary and doing my best to avoid crying? When a character died on a show I was watching a few days ago
Do you have kids?
Dear god no, nor do I plan to. I mean, maybe if my future partner really wants a kid I'll consider it, but there is no way in hell I will be the one giving birth. Not a chance
Do you use sarcasm a lot?
If you haven't heard me use sarcasm, either I am dead or you've never spoken to me for more than 30 seconds.
What's the first thing you notice about people?
For some reason I seem to have accidentally trained my brain to look for queer signals right off the bat, so ngl it'll probably be that. Sounds bad, I know, but it's the truth
What's your eye color?
Hazel
Scary movies or happy endings?
"Happy endings" is so non-specific, it could be practically any genre! Including scary stuff! But anyways, I haven't watched a ton of horror but if whatever I'm watching doesn't have a satisfying ending I will revolt (aka read fanfics) so I choose happy endings
Any special talents?
I do competitive archery on a national level, I think that one counts. I also can and will improvise practically anything small-ish into earrings
Where were you born?
Same general area I live now, Illinois, good ole American midwest. Yes, I am dying inside.
What are your hobbies?
Can I just repeat the "special skills" stuff? Archery, making earrings, and anything else I may hyperfixate on at any given time. Those things include half a million fandoms, way too many craft projects, and the occasional writing sprees.
Have any pets?
The only one who's tecnically mine is my cat, Pippin (named after the hobbit). The other animals in my house include Daisy, our beagle, and my sibling's two ferrets, Merlin and Myrtle.
What sports do/ have you played?
Feeling a bit repetitive here, but once again my answer is archery
How tall are you?
At least 5'7 last I checked, could be a little bit more
Favorite subject in school?
Well, back when I went to public school I'd always say science, but given the fact that I was 8 and only went through 3rd grade there's some room to change there. However, in my homeschooling ventures my work was much less rigidly defined by subject so I'm honestly not sure which to say here, I just teach myself anything I'm interested in
Dream job?
If I could get this writing demon in my brain under control that'd be fantastic, I need it to start spitting words onto pages please. Other than that, is it too much to ask to find a hands-off job that generates it's own income so I can travel and socialize and just live?
I'll tag... @superwho-ace @lonely-little-astronaut @renee561 @mon-sher-liam @siriuslythatbitch @seventiessunglasses @homoromoacecase
No pressure obviously, and if anyone else sees this you can say you were tagged by me, go for it!
#tag game#I put to much thought and too many words into this#I'm gonna wake up in the morning and realize none of this was legible won't I?#oh well
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ask a reader: B8, C3, D2, D7
B8: Is there a show or a book that you gave up on that you went back to later? Why did you come back to it?
Already answered here! TLDR; I can't think of one but I'm sure they exist!
C3: Is there anything that makes you nope out of a story? What is it?
I'll be honest it really depends on what mood I'm in and how invested I am in a particular fandom/pairing. For example, in larger fandoms with a lot of content, I am sometimes incredibly picky about word choice/writing style because I know I can afford to be.
In smaller fandoms I'm so happy that anyone's bothered to write at all, I want to consume all the content there is.
Probably the only thing that consistently makes me nope out of stories is when I start reading and realize the author is character-bashing to a severe degree. I don't mean like, making a character slightly more unlikeable than canon. I'm talking "have this character doing something they would absolutely never do under any circumstances" because the author has a death grudge.
It doesn't matter if it's a character I like or actively hate that's being bashed, it takes me completely out of the story.
D2: Who/Where did you get your last fic rec from?
I actually can't remember the last rec I got! I usually find fanfiction by searching through a pairing or fandom I'm interested in, reading a couple of the top stories when sorted by kudos that look interesting, and then if I like them going to the author's page and finding more of their stories (or bookmarks) and rinse and repeating until I've filled my craving for that particular fandom.
Once I'm caught up with Lost I'd love fic recs though! Or, if people know of fics they'd recommend that don't cover content past season one - I'd love recs now!
D7: Why did you leave your most recent comment? Will you share it with us?
I typically clean out my inbox once I have read/replied to things, so I can't guarantee they were actually the last (is there a way to look up your comments on ao3 if they haven't been replied to/aren't linked to a parent comment in your inbox?), but the last comments I have a strong memory of leaving were on a fic that hadn't been updated in about two years.
I don't remember exactly what I said across these comments, but I went into it knowing it was likely abandoned. I started the story way too late at night and couldn't put it down. Each chapter was beautiful. So beautiful, that even though I knew it was likely the author wouldn't be checking their account at this point I started leaving comments. Just small things I liked, or big things that broke my heart or made me laugh. And then, as I started getting near the end of what had been published, I started reading the comments too because I wanted to know how everyone else had reacted to what I was just now reading for the first time. And the comments were terrible. Just people repeatedly and rudely asking when the author would update their story. Pages and pages of single sentence replies saying "IT'S BEEN A YEAR, UPDATE!"
And I thought about how awful it felt when I abandoned a work because I couldn't figure out how to finish it, lost interest in the fandom, or had writing block, and had people demanding something from me I did for fun in my free time. How it made me never want to touch the story again.
So at four in the morning, after staying up and reading in a single night something that had taken at least a year of the author's life considering the publishing dates, I decided "fuck it." And wrote them a love letter. Basically just saying I went into the story knowing it would likely never be finished, and I felt so grateful to have been allowed on the ride they invented. That it was so kind to publish something that I could escape into without asking for anything in return. I told them I was subscribing just in case, but I was so happy with what I had gotten and I wasn't expecting anything more.
The author never replied, but the story was updated again a few days later. I have no idea if I contributed at all to them coming back to something they loved, or if they even read any of my comments at all, but it's nice to think maybe I had a small part in making a writing experience slightly less terrible for someone.
Ask A Reader Questions 💖
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having watched bleach start to finish like 3 times over the years, the length does not intimidate me but would you say one pace is better because it's closer to the original? 🤔
Oh shit nice! That will definitely help haha
IMO, One Pace is better because it cuts a lot of anime filler and adjusts the abysmal pacing of the anime in the latter half of the show (it's getting better-ish with the 2 most recent arcs, but it's still pretty bad all things considered) to be closer to the manga. I think it's amazing and 100% worth checking out if you don't like filler or slow pacing that doesn't benefit the story. That said, there are some things I think the OG anime does better than One Pace despite all its benefits, so it's up to you, really.
Here are some differences I've noticed so far so you can decide which one you should check out for your first watch :)
One Pace is subs only, no dub. I haven't met anyone who has considered that a deal-breaker yet, but I figured it should be pointed out asap because you do not get a choice if you want to watch Pace.
Some of the filler in the OG anime is great! Most fans I've talked to will sing the praises of G-8, which is a short filler arc, but embodies the spirit of the show perfectly. It's actually what I show the people I want to get into the series because it's short and not main story stuff and so perfectly One Piece.
But not all of the filler is good or worth watching. And lately the OG anime has taken to drawing out scenes for padding instead of simply coming up with filler to let the manga get sufficiently ahead. It can be draining to watch a side character's surprised face still-frame slowly drag across the scene for the 1,000th time when you KNOW there's better things they can be spending that screen time on. Or yet another shot of characters aimlessly running down a hallway to pad time between scenes.
There are some cover stories that were adapted into the anime [not all of them, though!] that One Pace cuts down on bc it does not match up with the only-manga style of the edits. This can be a bit confusing as some cover stories are important to the plot/understanding where characters are and what they're doing in the world without it coming out of left field.
That said, you'd have to read some cover stories anyway regardless of which anime adaption you choose, because the OG anime did not adapt every cover story and some of them are pretty important. Definitely check out the cover page wiki no matter which anime version you decide to pick up. Just be wary of spoilers. You can DM me for links to the cover stories if you want :)
If you're worried about One Pace cutting story info, I've been watching it with my friend as his first time through in case there's info I need to add in, but it's been very faithful to the manga so far. I even got my foot in my mouth a few times by explaining that a scene was cut- only for said scene to have been moved a few episodes down to match up with the manga, not the anime.
One Pace cuts out all the lingering reaction shots and redundant flashback sequences. And the editing is phenomenal! There are some weird music jumps in the arcs that they edited in the beginning [Thriller Bark is one I remember there being a lot of noticeable music cuts, and that's one of the first arcs they edited], but it's really not as bad as some people make it out to be. Just sort of an 'oh that was a little noticeable. Anyway, moving on'. The important scenes are all very well done and the editing jumps you may notice will not detract from the heavy impact stuff.
If you're someone who likes to takes things slower by only watching 1-2 episodes a day or once in a while, it may be best to stick with the og anime. It has recaps at the start of every episode and frequent flashbacks so you can remember what's going on. One Piece is released once a week, so this makes sense for a more 'casual' watching experience. One Pace has no recaps, and some flashbacks are cut for being 'redundant' [those that are shown a handful of episodes after the scene happened- or even in the same episode, for padding purposes]. Normal and reasonable flashbacks are kept in though, so you don't have to worry about that.
One Pace also isn't fully completed yet. For example, if you watch from the start of the show, you'll need to switch back to the normal anime for the Baratie arc. They don't edit the arcs in order, instead they edit them in order of which has the worst issues regarding pacing and filler. It can be a little strange having to jump back and forth at the start, but each One Pace episode shows which anime episodes it covers in the title name, so it's not that bad. Plus, this absolute unit wrote up a guide on reddit for swapping between One Pace, the OG, and a seperate editing project known as One Piece Kai. One Piece Kai has hour+ long episodes and the editing is less smooth than One Pace, but it is great for getting through Alabasta & Skypeia.
Also, One Pace has covered the latter half of the show in its entirety, so once you hit Enies Lobby it is a straight shot to catching up to the anime using only One Pace, which is great because once you jump back and forth between Pace and the OG, the pacing differences are night and day.
Overwhelmingly I would recommend One Pace. But! It's also important to know what you're getting into with it, y'know? If you do decide to use it, I definitely recommend following that guide I linked and also watching G-8. And keep an eye on when you should read the cover stories :)
For reference, I've watched the entire OG anime in chunks over the years and One Pace up to Impel Down [currently watching through, it's been great]. During my first time through the OG anime, I stopped watching once 'the latter half' of the show hit and switched to manga-only due to the pacing being That Bad. I watched all the anime arcs eventually, but that initial pacing problem really put me off it for a while. Before I recommended One Pace to a newbie friend, I rewatched WCI using it and the pacing was like night and day. It is really an amazing project, it's very well done and he's enjoying the series a lot so far.
Also, also, if you're going to watch, I recommend blacklisting some of the op tags! I believe the popular spoiler tags are 'opspoilers', 'op spoilers', and 'One Piece spoilers'. People may also tag each chapter/episode release individually. I personally use an amalgamation of the popular spoiler tags plus my generic 'spoiler' tag and the series tags, with chapter tags if it's really big. There was a huge thing recently (is a year 'recently'? It is in one piece time haha) in the manga that is just everywhere online, and it's pretty massive spoilers :)
#I hope this helped!! In the end it's up to you to choose#But like. I definitely have a favorite haha.#Sorry it got so long I really wanted to showcase both sides so you can choose which one feels best for you#Op#One piece#Ask#Thank you!!
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hello! a quick word of warning before i unravel the mess below: i haven't roleplayed, or well, written anything in a creative capacity in a while, so please bear with me as i try and navigate my way around. that being said, i'm still really excited and eager to write with you all, so here are some bullets on lucia von eleyver below the cut! also leaving a link here to her about page, so feel free to check that out for a more detailed insight into my muse!
backstory:
born as the younger twin to the noble house of eleyver, it seemed like she was forever destined to be her brother's shadow. baron von eleyver was delighted to welcome his son & heir into the world, but with regards to his daughter... think, quote daisy buchanan, 'and i hope she'll be a fool - that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.'
her brother was the golden boy in every sense of the word - gifted and good, lucien was beloved by all he came across. long story short, he outshone lucia in every single aspect of their lives and continued to do so until (spoiler alert) his death.
this gap between them only grew more apparent as they began to receive training aged seven - in both magic and warfare. eleyver is a city that prides itself on its light magic users rivaled only by those in ganggyn, and naturally, the barons of the city have been light magic users too.
lucia's progress with light magic was virtually non-existent, and her father eventually decided that... well, if lessons with the most expensive tutors weren't helping, then maybe she needed a more practical... approach to learning.
tw: child abuse. this new form of 'training' essentially involved locking lucia up in a dark cellar in the heart of the monastery, caning her, then leaving her alone to find a way to heal herself.
honestly?? you might ask how her mother let this happen. baroness von eleyver was a kind-hearted, weak-willed woman with a fragile disposition - she had her own nightmares to fight; stuck in a loveless marriage, and suffering from post-partum depression. lucia would always wonder if her mother was genuinely oblivious to her pain and suffering, or whether she knowingly turned a blind eye.
her father's form of 'training' continued for a few years until one fateful day, lucia lashed out at her father unknowingly with weak, dark magic. from that point onwards, all form of training concerning magic stopped - instead, she was groomed to make an advantageous match, and assist her parents in forming diplomatic ties between leaders across deyuis.
everything seems to be smooth sailing until the war against etlia breaks out; she's promised to another gleerium noble for marriage, and her brother is thriving as a top student at lotus academy whilst preparing to step into his role as the next heir in line to inherit the title as baron von eleyver.
lucien leaves for war, adamant that it is his duty to carry out the will of gleil & gleeirum, confident in his belief that he will bring glory, and return home. he does return home at the end of the war - in a casket.
a year after her brother's death, and lucia's tentative engagement has now been set in stone. her mother is unreachable in her grief over the loss of her son, and her father is contemptuous in his disappointment and outrage that his pride & joy was killed by rebel etlian forces. lucia is... lost, and desperately lonely.
possible plot prompts:
someone she met as a child during their visit to eleyver, and noticed that she was injured. the encounter was memorable to her because she'd never had her injuries tended to before, and to have such warm attention & care from a stranger, no less, when she couldn't expect it from her family was... odd, but not unpleasant. they meet again many years later, and in a way, some things haven't changed.
someone who was involved with her late brother, lucien. maybe someone who used to be his closest friend/advisor/lover? lucia finds herself seeking them out frequently - she's not sure whether it's because they're the only person who will willingly discuss lucien with her, or whether it's something else, but either way, she finds herself depending on this newfound friendship more than is probably healthy.
someone she meets on a diplomatic mission to another country with her parents. during discussions, it's evident that they don't exactly see eye to eye - cue rivalry, heated debates behind glasses of champagne, petty acts of revenge like stepping on each others' shoes during a dance, etc.
to be added!
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How's everybody doing? At this point, "everybody" means any one who ends up reading this.
I think most, if not all, people moved on with their lives and are no longer part of Tumblr. I still wonder how this platform isn't dead yet. I'd be devastated if that time comes because I have documented most of my college days over here and shared to the world my deepest, darkest thoughts for years. I've shared monumental and mundane things. It was what it was back then. I totally miss the old days when people write instead of making of reels/tiktoks and exaggerating stuff and clickbait-ing to go viral. Anyway, again it was what it was and it is what it is now.
To be honest I come here almost everyday for a few seconds just to check if people I follow wrote something new and/or gave updates with their lives and almost everyday, I get disappointed because it's silent. It gives me joy to see and read things from people I follow when they share and write something. I appreciate you guys and please know that I read and I listen. Keep doing it. You're a legend!
Life updates:
On work: I marked my sixth year working last July 1st and it still seemed like yesterday when I was writing about it here. (If you're bored and got nothing to do you can find it on my page. It isn't a difficult task because I barely post anyway so you'll find it in no time.) I've been thinking of resigning but can't afford to. I seem more broke now than when I started working. No matter how many influencers/digital nomads I follow say to just quit the 9-5 and try "living your best life, you won't regret it" etc. . I just can't seem to do that. It's just not for me. I'm just thinking of applying for other jobs and I'm terrified. Imagine all the interviews and exams I have to go thru again. Nope. Not again. Deep down I want to leave but we'll deal with that later on.
On relationships: I cut off ties with someone I used to talk to everyday for years. We both have to move on, it (whatever that was) wasn't working anymore and I was growing to hate him a little bit daily but not more than I hate myself for putting him through all that. He deserves better. It's been two months of almost no communication. This is for the best. And yes, I'll keep telling myself that until I don't remember.
On friendships: Being single on a group of friends who have partners takes a toll on you sometimes especially when the topic of the conversation is about it. I hate being the center of attention. I even made an excuse (half lie, half truth) the last time the group tried to get together because 1) I've grown to hate the crowd because of the pandemic and I don't like socializing at all lately, 2) i was actually busy with work and 3) the topic of me getting a boyfriend will be brought up again (e.g. they'll partner me up with our other friend who they all know has nothing there yet they still like to poke or my colleague who has a girlfriend it's getting annoying some times etc etc. I like me single and it's all I've known for years and I'm comfortable with it. Just leave me be!! 🥲
Tumblr, you really are my safe space. Twitter used to be but it's been ran over by kpops, cryptos and politics. I haven't tweeted in six months. I don't feel as safe there anymore. Maybe it's time to make a new one, away from all the people I know in person but it's gonna take some energy and I don't have that in me. I really am losing this game. I really need a vacation. Good night.
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je m'
To mark another 365 days around the sun, I thought it would be appropriate to write an open letter to myself. I just wanted to reflect on the past year and tell myself things that needed to be said, but that I rarely found the time to say. So, this is the letter to me.
Hello Gail,
Let me start by saying how proud I am of you. Surprised? I know that no matter how hard you try, I never tell you that you have done enough before. But girl look at you right now, you're awesome! Over the past few years, I’ve watched you rewrite your story page by page. Looking back now, I can say that you have come a long way from where you were before.
I'm so proud of you. I know I don't tell you often enough and I'm sorry. The truth is, I don’t have time to sit and think about everything that has happened or what is happening in my life. I've always been so relaxed and at ease lately, but sometimes my thoughts are so heavy. Then again, it might just be my anxiety.
This year was a blessing. You said yes to a lot of new opportunities, started a new journey, and met some really great people along the way. You walk through doors that you wouldn’t have dared to knock on just a few years ago. You are able able to reconnect with relatives you haven't spoken to in years and make some wonderful memories that you will both cherish for a lifetime.
No excuses whatsoever. I haven't been honest with you and it's time to tell you. Look at you, you're twenty-four years old, you've been living and breathing this crazy planet for twenty-four years. Do you know how many people don’t get the chance to say this? Yet you live here day after day.
So, I want to remind you of all the things you may not know. If you feel like you're not good enough or have made progress somewhere in your life, which I know happens a lot, if you feel like stupid person, please check this out and remember why you should be a part of this world, just like everyone else.
You may never escape your anxiety. I know this is hard to hear, and I see you worked so hard on this. But just because you can't beat it doesn't mean you have to let it control you. Every time you breathe, someone is taking their last breath. No matter what your fears are telling you, never take your feelings for granted. It's okay to cry sometimes and let it fester inside you. Let it out and you'll feel better.
Have more patience. Whether it's with friends, family, errands, or important life decisions. Be patient.
One day you will marry Abhit, one day you will have a bigger business, one day you will be more successful, one day you will be rich. I know you don’t believe it or can’t see it right now, but you are absolutely beautiful. One day, when you look back, you will realize how stupid you were for always thinking you were something you were not.
Gail, I'm so glad you're finally starting to realize your potential. Over the years, people tell you how much potential they see in you. But you never really see it (fool you). Because of your feelings, you suppressed them for so long and you feel not good enough for past year. Right now, look at all the excitement the world would have missed if you hadn't given up on that stupid idea, huh? Hahaha. I just want to say you're doing a great job and I can't wait to see what you accomplish in the next few years.
You have come so far and even though you are almost old hahaha, the journey has only just begun. I can’t wait to see what else you accomplish. You may not notice it, but any room you enter will become brighter. Don’t think you’re just blending in with the crowd.
Keep chasing the stars, Gail <3
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Day 1 Flufftober: "I've got you"
Hi guys, it's October flufftober month and I'm excited to at least show somethings that I've written for flufftober! Flufftober's crafted by @flufftober, so check out their stuff
But unfortunately, I don't think I'll be doing much pictures for this month. The last couple of weeks have been a bit busy with real life stuff (mainly work) And I haven't really gotten about to draw much lately. So maybe at a later date I'll update it with pictures or something... But then, we will see. Anyways, I hope you'll enjoy this!
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Today, it's another day...! I flip myself out of bed. Oh god, the things that I could do with Braedon...! I could maybe go and play jenga... no, definitely chess. I will go and try to beat him, unlike all the ten or twenty times where he'd just go and pretend that he's losing and then decides to triumphant me, just when I'm so close to getting him! I race to the door and just about when I was about to twist the door knob... There's... There's a rope here...? And when I go and glimpse down... There's a letter attached. One where it show's my name in cursive and big writing... My heart almost skips a beat, tremoring as I grip it as I twist around and sit down on the desk...
Sandlewood. Braedon has definitely been here. I open the letter from the side as I go and slide a somewhat sturdy paper with black ink written all across the page.
To Jules Talamor,
I want to let you know that I had left Alalingamor this morning, since you may be wondering on where I am. However, let me tell you this; as much as I would fancy staying with you a while longer, my father has insisted that I have to come home to Pyrocast. So unfortunately, I have to return home.
Talamor, I hope that you will be safe and well while I’m gone. And to help you out, I have got Terra to hire some guards so they can look after you for a few days while this raging wolf would hopefully give up on you.
But if I hear that you somehow get caught… I will find out. And if that canine has done anything like wreck a single hair on you, to try and make you upset in any way… I will make sure this wolf would get the time of his life when he next sees me.
I’ve got you, and I have your back.
I hope we meet again, when the time comes.
From, Braedon von Solivile.
I crunch my hands towards the note. He had to leave… God, he had to...
He had to, he had to... I couldn’t stop the tears that trickles down my face, glancing around the room before I take a deep breath out. Why couldn’t he at least stay for days, maybe even months longer? From the board games that they played together to the fact that our conversations just rings like cheery limelights in a star-ridden sky. Then I take a deep breath out.
But guards… I try to sniff the air in as I fling my head down and those hot precious tears leaks through me. Do I really want that help? I can survive this. I can handle the damned wolf. I can handle the threats… I can handle not being with that bear. I… I look at the letter again, with tracing throughout my eyes.
I want to feel him just one more time, see his face, feel his embrace, to sniff his homely sandalwood scent…
I just wish… Things will turn out ok by the time I see him again.
If you guys are interested in looking into some of the other prompts that I have done from the previous months, check it out here:
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WHERE THE FUCK DID FEBRUARY GO? WASN'T THERE SUPPOSED TO BE A WHOLE MONTH HERE?
Shit's coming up fast, oh god.
So, i have an appointment for my driver's test in March, and essentially through this entire month i was like "finish the log. finish it. write things in. do it."
I got to 37 hours of 60. Oi.
And then the fact that i literally CANNOT drive at night in this area. Between the light pollution of the city, those HUGE LED billboards that light up half the highway, and those new cars with retina burning headlights, I've literally struggled to keep my eyes adjusted to the night and nearly missed a fucking stoplight. I need 10 night hours. I have done 1 and realized it was pointless. I think i can back home though. Smaller town. Less light pollution.
I mean, i know I've actually driven the right amount by now, but i haven't been writing that shit down. Even my dad was like "you're ready, just fuck the log" and i was like "okay, cool"
I need to grab another page (WHY DOES IT HAVE SO FEW SPACES FOR 60 HOURS???) and draw out the things and fill it in and then get my grandma and my dad's IDs and fill in ALL THE ID NUMBERS, get them to sign EVERY Single ONE.
Hnngg. Then reminding my dad to take that day off to take me there. Like i've told him, but this is the man i definitely got my adhd from. Likely forgot by now. It's been like 3 months since i made the appointment (earliest one too. tf.)
And then the whole anxiety of all the plans I've made. Like, after getting my license i was going to prepare myself to move back to FL to be with my mom and around all my friends and such.
Like. I'm basically long distance dating this guy by now. We literally have plans set, just without date. Because I could either be there in April or i could be there mid summer or later, which is infuriating.
Ntm the fact that my money is VERY Quickly dwindling. Like, it'll cost a couple hundred just in gas to get there. I'm already down to less than my car insurance payment that will go through in June. I was hoping I could get down there, get that job, etc etc, THEN pay it off. Because here, I'd be working in a place for like a month and then ditching. That's not ideal.
So, I'm hoping my dad will help me pay for things in that aspect because holy fuck.
I also really need to change my bank because after it got bought out, the new company was like "K. If you have less than $500 average in your checking you pay $8 a month for use." Like WHAT THE FUCK??
And THEN that fucking FYE VIP Charge that I DID NOT sign up for taking another $12 a month. I literally went through their customer service, they couldn't find my info, yet I'm Being Charged for something i DIDNT SIGN UP FOR.
And well, a bank/card change would get rid of BOTH shitty little predatory charges here.
I've literally been going between those online banking services checking to see what's the best, because this bank charges me, cut my interest on my savings down like 95%, and is just inconvenient all together. Like, my dad has one, if i sign up with his code we both get $50, THEN the long distance guy has another where you get $100 if you get the banking thing AND a credit card with them for both parties. And I'm just here like "Oh god. Choices."
And then this guy. So, yeah, it has escalated a bit. He's the sweetest damn thing but every night it just somehow turns into, "I can't wait for us to finally be together" and me just thinking like "fuck if this doesn't work out right...."
Like it has turned from me saying "why tf am i feeling things for that weird guy from high school? Bet I'm just lonely" to being like "Yep. I've definitely fallen for him."
He's sweet, he's passionate, he's safe, and he's just great. He definitely cares a lot. There's something about the way he's outright trying to make sure I'm in a good place mentally and getting what i need to done and just being encouraging and a great company.
Like yeah, half the motivation for getting things done lately is just making sure i can make it down there to stop this from being long distance. There's somebody down there who genuinely wants to be that person to just exist at home with and go on adventures about town with. Just somebody to have around for literally anything.
Like. I CAME OUT TO HIM. He didn't even dodge the topic like my last ex did. It wasn't this awkward thing, it was just "as long as this makes you happy" and just jeez <3
then the worry about being with my mom again because FL rent is a waking nightmare. Like yeah, I'm going to get shit about my weight a lot and still have to pay HER rent, but i mean, it's better than being in this hellscape that is a metropolis and nearby people i like and trust. and not the constant hostility between people out here.
I've come to the conclusion that people in cities are just awful and so stuck in their lives of nothing but work and the hell that is this place with no escape which has made them into what they are now. At no fault of their own, but they're all selfish assholes. Like everybody is struggling and packed in like sardines. Of course we're all on edge. But FUCK, be NICE to others for the love of god. We're all in the same cement hell.
I want peace, and peace is a place i know well. I want to be back home already and not panicking about all this shit and slowly going broke due to predatory capitalism.
I want to be with that guy. I want to have my friends just ten minutes away. I want to be back in this familiar town i know like the back of my hand instead of this cement labyrinth of highways and skyscrapers. I'll settle for my old Panera job for a while. I just want something familiar that isn't this.
I want peace again and a place that's loud and hostile isn't peace.
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