#it's like this whole thing actually happened on the show two episodes ago pretty much
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Husk with gender-neutral!reader relationship headcanons
Special thanks to @isuckatwritingsobenice, @nixie-writes, and a few other writers in the Hazbin Hotel community for helping me create a piece for one of my favorite characters from the 2019 pilot episode, Husk! :)
Warning: Husk's potty mouth and this is Hell, so indecent things are bound to happen but nothing to imply NSFW content.
Husk gave up on the idea of love years ago, preferring to drown himself in cheap booze and try his luck at the casino before Alastor pulls him away to do a job for him or some other shit because of his contract with the fucking asshole. Why else would he and Nifty be wastin’ time slaving away in a hotel that’s supposed to rehabilitate sinners? Least the pipsqueak gets to clean this place from top to bottom and away from the clients, and he’s stuck handling their drunk asses in the lobby bar.
Angel Dust has been the one who’s been trying to get into his pants since day one, but that’s a different story entirely. He’s persistent, Husk will give the prissy punk that much credit.
Though…he supposed it isn’t all too bad being here. Least since Vaggie hired you. Initially, the job offer she and Charlie had posted online was to manage the front desk, handle phone calls, and all of the other tasks required to be the hotel’s conceirge. However, since there still wasn’t enough staff to do everything, he would see flitting about carrying baskets of clean linens or giving tours around the hotel to potential clients, helping Vaggie with organizing meetings with the press, and so on.
He might be a drunk asshole, but if there’s one part in his body that’s still functioning besides his dick, it's his hearing.
He’s lost count of how many times he’s heard a snide remark from potential or current clients about your polite demeanor, if you’re actually a freak in bed, and a whole lotta other bullshit he did not want to hear when he’s still sober. He didn’t want to care but god fucking dammit it made his skin crawl at the idea of some asshole thinking they had a chance with you. You, who never seemed to lose your smile and would go out of your way to make Nifty’s day by belting out Broadway songs on top of the banister, completely lost in the character you were playing and not giving a shit about anything else.
Not gonna deny it, you had one hell of a voice. You could change the pitch of it so easily. From a high tone all the way down a low, smooth baritone that almost sounded like a siren’s song luring sailors to a watery grave.
When he actually musters the fucking courage (thanks to a lot of booze from earlier in the day) to ask if you’d like to go to a bar or even the casino, Husk thought you would reject him. After all, why would a someone like you would even want to hang around an old fucker like him?
But when he saw your face turn as red as a certain deer bastard’s suit and sputtered that you weren’t very good at the slots, though you were willingly to try your luck at the blackjack table as long it wasn’t a high stake one, Husk thought he had actually achieved the state of inebriation to where he was hallucinating.
However, he was proven wrong when you told him that you’ll be ready by seven to go to the casino. Since he’d been on good behavior and Charlie never had any issues with you as of late, the princess wouldn’t mind the two of you being out for a couple of hours as long as you kept your phones on you in case anything happened.
Alastor could care less since watching a tormented, loveless war veteran being bewitched by a beguiling songstress provided him with much needed entertainment~.
Upon arriving at the casino, Husk pulled you over to the slot machines. He showed you how they worked and how much money you should put in them, so you don’t lose all of it in under an hour. The old-fashioned ones with the levers weren’t so bad, though the rounds would go pretty quick if you weren’t paying attention to the denominations; same thing applied to the new tech ones, betting could go from 88 cents to up to two dollars.
In the end, you quit after trying three different machines and went to go find the restroom. Husk decided to go find a bar and order a couple of drinks. One for himself, and one for you. A couple of fellas, hellhounds by the look of ‘em, asked him if the ‘pretty little thing’ he was with earlier is with him or if you were single.
“They’re with me, so fuck off.” He grumbled.
“Ya sure about that, old man?”
Husker growled, feeling his hackles rise at the provocation, half of it he blamed on the booze. As much as he wanted to teach these punks a thing or two about showin’ respect….they weren’t worth ruinin’ his first date with you. First impressions made all the difference, least when he’d been alive. So he made a rude hand gesture and sat at the bar until he heard you call out to him.
“Everything all right, Husk? I hope I didn’t interrupt anything between you and your friends. The guys you were talkin’ to before they took off.”
He smirked. “Nah. If I knew them, they’d know how to play poker.” He stood up and grabbed his drink, handing over yours. “C’mon, let’s hit the blackjack tables and see how good you really are.” He said, leading you to your next stop for the night.
Turned out that you weren’t all talk. You were able to win five out of seven rounds, never showing any anxiety or indication that your hand was either good or bad. For kicks, Husk asked if you wanted to try the poker table. You agreed, but just to two rounds. If you weren’t comfortable continuing to play, please allow you to walk away. Husk agreed, opting to watch you from the sidelines as moral support instead of joining you at the table.
Three words could only describe what he saw next: holy fucking shit.
All you could do was smile sheepishly at him when he asked how the ever living fuck were you this good at gambling and didn’t say anything as the two of you left the casino with a hefty sum of cash.
“Would you believe me if I said I’d gotten banned from more than one casino when I was alive because I was just good at card counting?”
He stared at you for a long moment before he grinned widely, clapping you on the back. “I knew I had my eye on ya for a reason!”
‘Course, you’d never know that he wanted to show you that he’s one hell of a gambler at the casino instead of the other way ‘round. How he knew to play his cards right and treat you to something nice, show those little shitheads that a real gentleman knows how to win the game and a good-lookin’ partner all in the same night.
Still…gettin’ spoiled at a nice restaurant for a change wasn’t too bad…so long as no one from the hotel saw them. Especially Alastor.
And that was how your first date went. Nothing too crazy, least the two of you didn’t run into any trouble on the way back to the hotel. Husk walked you to your room, wished you good-night, and went to drink a little more before passing out in his own room.
Husk hasn’t been with anyone in an incredibly long time. There will be moments when he might seem harsher than usual towards you and tries to brush everything off, or chug it down with alcohol. He struggles to communicate with his feelings to someone else, so patience and respect for boundaries is key.
He does not tolerate any disrespect towards you, even if you try to tell him to ignore the sinner who is catcalling after you when the two of you are walking through the Pride Ring to pick up stuff for the hotel. If it happened at a bar while you’re on a date? Be prepared to have chairs go flying or Husk tearing a new hole in the poor bastard who pissed him off.
He is not a fan of PDA. He has a reputation to uphold in the hotel and on the streets. Behind closed doors, however, he will be more lenient. Cuddles and midday naps are exceptional, with him pressing against your body with his tail loosely coiled around your thigh and one of his wings acting as a shield or even a blanket.
Speaking of feathers and fur, he does need to groom himself periodically, especially when it's molting season. You need to be gentle if you want to help him since his skin can be especially sensitive around this time of the year.
Actions speak a lot louder to him than pretty words. If you show him that you do care for him and will never betray his trust or loyalty, he will return it tenfold. He will do everything in his power to make you as happy as you have made him in this shithole.
Taglist
@angelltheninth
@isuckatwritingsobenice
@selineram3421
@nixie-writes
@dragonempress18
@ceoofdabicorpsensfw
@lbcreations-blog
@chroniccorvus
@food-theorys-blog
#an idyllic novelist#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin husk#hazbin charlie#hazbin hotel alastor#hazbin angel dust#hazbin hotel 2024#hazbin hotel 2019#gn!reader#x reader headcanons#x reader
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What's your opinion on the anime? I find it pretty funny, but I can't say that I am not disappointed to see so many scenes missing.
For exemple, I wanted to see Dazai cry laugh at Chuuya's young mistress act, show that it was a joke shared by both of them, rather than one made to us at the expense of Chuuya. They took a genuinely funny moment and made me cringe SO hard for no reason T^T
God i could go on for hours about how Bones ruined this series. I'm obviously thankful we have an anime adaptation but. Well just compare bsd anime to jjk one or smth and yeah.
I will be complaining more under the cut,,
First the overall writing choices:
-Deleting or changing skk scenes to the point im not even shocked when ppl think these two actually somehow hate each other.
-The way they portrayed Sigma. They deleted half of his personality and backstory. And just speedrunned the Sky Casino arc like if seeing that place was giving them nightmares. No wonder he gets mischaracterized now.
-Tachihara's internal conflict about belonging to either Port Mafia or The Hunting Dogs? Bones never heard about it. It's not like IT'S A VERY IMPORTANT PLOT POINT.
-Akutagawa's whole character in the anime is just 'edgy and angry and bad grr'. In the manga he had some 'kind' or even seelf-reflection moments that were ommited in the anime. Like where he realizes defeating Atsushi didn't satisfy him (ship fight, season 1). Or when he gives files about the orphanage Director to Atsushi and says he won't fight him today because he lost someone impirtant to him. Sskk vs Fukuchi fight?? No scene where Sskk r helping each other walk. Instead we get Akutagwa just pushing Atsushi away. Won't even start on that last smile that looked more like another angry expression.
-THE WAY THEY CHANGED "DAZAI'S ENTRANCE EXAM" INTO SOME CURRENT TIMELINE EPISODES. IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY LIKE. THIS NOVEL WAS SO GOOD. Showing both Dazai and Kunikida's characters and partnership so well. But no. Let's just??? Put Atsushi there. Let's delete the fact this thing happened 2 years ago. And let's delete everything that was actually important about it, too.
-also some changes in the Dark Era arc. Like. Lord. Dazai is so much more emotional in the novel. His expressions r described so well. But the anime either shows him from the back at those moments (him finding out Oda was almost killed by a sniper in Ango's room) or just deletes/changes the thing (Oda dying. This scene is so emotional in the novel. From the description u can tell Dazai was crying/on the verge of it as Odasaku died. But in the anime he looks calm and then we get a far aeay frame and he just. Gets up and that's it yeah.) They also deleted the scene of him visiting Oda's grave.
-The way they rushed seasons 4 and 5. Just to give us an episode that goes further than the manga and has the shittiest writing ever when it comes to skk's plan revelation (im so angry about this u guys have no idea. I sincerely believe that if this episode never came out, the manga would go differently bc there's no way that Asagiri who wrote things like Stormbringer suddenly thought that some dollar store vampire make up will fool a guy who's centuries old and literally lived next to vampires. But well!! Seems like these two speeches Dazai gave weren't important at all and now we can just forget about them yippiee)
I could definitely mention WAYY more examples of that but this is already long af. Like guys. I know u cant fit everything in an animated show. It takes time to make it and all but. Bro. The character's in the anime r so shallow compared to their original versions.
.
Now onto the artstyle of the anime.
Lord. U know? It was actually pretty in the first 2 seasons. The official arts at the time were also really nice to look at.
No idea what happened later. Why did Bones suddenly decide that those ugly turtle smiles r gonna become the main thing in the character design. Why so many fisheyes. Atp sometimes i look at the official art and i go oh lord even i could fix it. It really feels like they draw some characters ugly on purpose now (Chuuya being the main victim for unknown reasons).
Tho i must say they have their moments even now. Some last episodes of season 5 weren't really bad, especially the Meursault part (love them for animating Dazai and Sigma dancing so well. And for that 101 animation. And maybe for the heartattack they gave me with 109 and Chuuya shooting Dazai so many times.)
.
On some other things, i really like the music! Bsd openings and endings never miss,,,
#sab q&a#tumblr crashed when i was half into writing that and i had to start from the beginning again but it's no longer as detailed bc >:(#my relationship with bones looks like that: i would like to see stormbringer animated but im actually scared of seeing it animated#not because its sad but because there r very high chances that Bones will completely ruin it too#if u want me to talk solely about the manga vs anime skk then yeah just tell me i can do that too muah#sab yapping
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Salvia Splendens Means Forever Mine - Part 1
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader
WC: 8.5k
TW: Guns, S2 E14/15 ie Revelations (lmao sorry gang), guns, police (acab), torture, character death, mentions of death, dead bodies, rabid dogs, loooots of bible talk, mentions of kissing, brief reminiscing of potentially more sticks to canon pretty closely meaning if you have issues with the Episode Revelations, then this might not be for you, neediness, crying, lack of crying, internalized emotions, mentions of cheating, mentions of past relationship trauma
A/N: So I'm pretty sure this reads as gn! Reid does quote a proverb that references women, but that's because the bible wasn't big on inclusivity when it came to shaming people who enjoyed sex...anywho! I love any and all feedback! Enjoy!
You, Emily, Hotch, Derek, Gideon and the Sheriff sat around the computer, staring at a woman tied up in a barn, in her slip dress, mouth duct taped over. A figure, who had hidden his face, was reading out a passage of the bible. Your eyes were glued to the screen.
A portion of Jezebel shall dogs eat the flesh of.
“No. no.” You turned around, not wanting to watch what was happening on the screen, just hearing it was almost too much.
“Jezebel’s Death.” muttered Gideon, his voice filled with solemnity.
“My god.” Emily turned away from the screen, copying your actions.
Finally, Hotch told Emily to turn it off, but not before the Sheriff jumped up. “Wait.”
You all looked at him, confusion written all over everyone’s faces.
“You hadn’t seen enough.” Derek quipped.
“Those dogs. Those three dogs attacked someone a couple of months ago. I would’ve had them impounded but the victim knew the owner.” The sheriff was sure about it, more sure about this than anything he had seen in his life. “A neighbor, he didn’t want to press charges.”
Gideon stared at him. “You sure?”
“As god as my witness.” The sheriff scrambled for his notebook, flipping to find something. “Three mangy mixes, I knew those dogs looked sick. I called in animal control, but I don’t know if they ever followed up on it.”
“Here it is.” He looked up from the page.
“You have the owner’s name?” Hotch leaned over glancing into the notebook.
“Hankel.”
Your eyes went wide. “Hankel?”
“Tobias Hankel.”
“That’s where Reid and JJ are.” You looked over at Hotch, who watched several waves of emotion fly over your face, trying to control all of them. He nodded and looked at everyone. “Alright let’s go.”
The sheriff yelled out for people to grab their gear while you asked Hotch for a second outside. He nodded and followed you outside to the parking lot. It was cold out, only because of the night breeze, allowing yourself to enjoy the lack of sun and heat.
Hotch was the only person who actually knew about you and Spencer’s relationship, not because you didn’t trust the team, but because the less people that knew about it, the better. You had watched agents lose their loved ones over and over, being used as pawns against one another, and you were terrified of that happening. The team knew you two really liked each other, and you would hope that it showed since you had been dating for almost a year.
You were the team's newest addition, right after Elle, younger than Spencer by a year, but still boasting your own PhD. The two of you clicked right away. And to a room of profilers, it was obvious that you two would work perfectly together, and you did.
So when you started dating a couple months later, you had kept it a secret, just to test things out, not make it public before you were sure. But then the whole “Fisher King” incident happened, and then Elle disappeared, which meant Emily had just joined, causing there to be really no time to just drop another bombshell on a team.
You didn’t mind though. It meant that despite the teasing, you got reassurance that Spencer absolutely had a crush on you, regardless of relationship status. Morgan teasing him over glancing at you one to many times had definitely boosted your ego a bit, but a little confidence never hurt anyone.
You looked up at Hotch, really trying not to freak out, counting your inhales and exhales, timing them so your heart wouldn’t give out. “Hotch if they aren’t…”
“I know.”
“I’m not asking you to promise me that everything is okay and he’s going to be fine, because we honestly have no reason to believe anything is wrong in the first place, but I–I just need to know that whatever might go down, I’ll have your support because…”
He nodded and put a hand on your arm, giving it a squeeze. “I know. I’m going to give you another minute out here, but then we need to go.” He went back inside, letting you close your eyes, breathing in the air, letting the coolness still your chest.
It was hard to only have Hotch know at times like these, or at least confirm his suspicions. You had been alone for about thirty seconds when Derek came out to greet you, bringing you your vest.
“Stressed out there Girl Genius?”
You nodded and accepted the vest, sliding it on, remaining silent.
“Hey.” You looked up at Derek who held his arms out, and you gratefully accepted the invitation. “Everything’s going to be okay. Maybe he’ll finally admit that he loves you if something bad happens.”
His joke landed but not in the way Derek thought. You scoffed. Derek sighed and pulled away a bit. “He really does like you Y/N, you just have to be patient with him.” You almost felt bad for not telling Derek the scoff was because you already had told one another, quite recently actually.
“Maybe Derek. Maybe. But for now, I want to make sure they’re both okay, and I’d rather it be sooner than later.”
The police pulled up to the Tobias household, sirens wailing, lights flashing around. You jumped out the car, gun in your holster, following Derek and Emily.
The sheriff stopped Morgan and told him about the barn in the back, and the three of you moved to the back of the house. You took out your gun and slowly followed behind Morgan and Prentiss, watching the door of the barn swing back and forth slightly in the wind.
Derek clicked on the flashlight, and you two did the same, following behind him as he took the lead into the barm. You shined a light through the empty stalls, rocking back and forth between each side, looking for any sign of either Spencer or JJ.
Emily’s light landed on one of the dogs, dead—shot. You swung your light the opposite way, finding another dog. Just then Derek took a step back, having found the mattress in which the remains of that poor woman was, or at least all of her blood soaked through the entire fabric of the mattress. You immediately turned away, not being able to look at it. You had a very strong stomach, unusually strong since you worked with the FBI and had seen plenty of inhumane things no human should be capable of, but something about this particular scene was unbearable to look at.
“Damn.” Derek whispered before you all whipped around when you heard someone scream “F.BI.”.
JJ. Her hair was matted, eyes wide, chest heaving. She was shaking, eyes running between the people standing in front of her.
“JJ!” Derek yelled her name as everyone had swiveled around to her, all twisting your aim to JJ. .
“Don't. Move.”
“JJ it’s us–Morgan. Prentiss. Y/L/N. Don’t Shoot, it’s okay” He slowly moved towards her, trying to calm her down, get her to put down her weapon. “Don’t shoot. It’s okay. Are you hurt?”
She lowered her gun, eyes quickly moving from each of you, you could watch as her mind tried to calm down, letting the adrenaline dissipate. You approached her, getting close, trying not to startle her.
“It-Tobias Hankel is the unsub.” She let out, eyes still quickly scanning around her, almost searching for something.
“We know.” Emily exhaled, as she placed a hand gently on JJ’s arm. The sheriff leaned over and informed Derek that they were going to call an ambulance for JJ.
“W-W-We just thought he was a witness…” JJ holstered her gun before watching as Morgan looked around as the dead dogs surrounded all four of you.
“I had to kill them.” Her eyes had glossed over.
“JJ, where’s Reid?” Derek spoke, looking at her expectantly, but eyes filled with worry.
“They just completely tore her apart. There’s nothing even left–”
“JJ. Look at me.” You grabbed her hand, causing her to look up at you. “Look at me. Where’s Reid.”
“We–We split up, he told me he was going to go around back.” JJ started to panic again, realizing he wasn’t with you. You also started to tremble, pulling your hand away slightly, exiting the barn before you could hear another word, gun drawn.
You could hear as Morgan followed you, almost running to the back of the barn. You stopped once you turned the corner, slowly creeping forward, eyes scanning across the corn, but also listening in for potentially any sound coming from behind the barn. You saw some trampled stalks, and turned to look at Derek.
“He followed him into the field Derek.”
Derek saw your thought process, and the conclusion you reached as you reached it, which was a matter of seconds. As you went to dash into the field, following the very faint trail, Derek grabbed your arm and stood his ground, meaning you fought against him, and he struggled a bit, but ultimately won. ���If you think for one second I am about to let you go into that field, you’re crazy.”
“Dere–”
“That’s clearly a sign that someone got dragged. He’s not in there.”
You huffed, biting your lip. You were trying so hard not to break in front of Derek, but every second you thought about what Tobias Hankel had been doing to people, meshed with every other second you thought about that happening to Reid, it was a miracle you could still even listen to Derek.
“Go inside with Hotch.”
You nodded slightly, holstering your gun, and running your hands down your face. “You’re not going to leave me alone until you watch me walk away from the cornfield.” You grumbled out, looking up at him.
“Yeah.” He sighed and pulled you into a quick hug. “Look. I don’t know what has actually occurred between you and Boy Genius, but you charging off into a field we know he probably isn’t in, won’t help us find him. I’m going to talk to Prentiss and JJ.”
You nodded and pulled away, running your hands through your hair, quickly walking towards the house as Derek moved towards the ambulance, not fully taking his eyes off of you. He was curious as to what the team didn’t know about you two, but pushed it aside since clearly pestering you about it wasn’t going to help any of you find Reid.
The next morning, You had not slept, and were only slightly avoiding JJ, basically walking laps around the outside of the house, trying to let your brain get some oxygen and calm down. Or, you would be standing around a table with the team, sitting in front of the computers, and your leg would bounce, you would tap your hands against your arm, anything to keep yourself from breaking down.
Obviously the team all picked up on it. It’s not even like they were microexpressions, you were just visibly anxious. All your brain could think about were flashes of Spencer, and whether or not he was still alive, completely unaware of his whereabouts since the lead from last night turned out to be a dead end. Hankel was smart, which made you nervous.
You were currently walking around the living room, wearing a circle into the rug, which was barely holding it together, reading Tobais’s diaries, trying to find anything. You heard JJ welcome in Garcia, and you paused to look up at Garcia with a brief smile on your face before continuing. Once they got her set up, Hotch tilted his head, requesting you come a bit closer so you all could talk.
“So, I’m guessing nothing new since I left.” He started.
“Not but,” Emily started. “The good thing is this guy documented everything second of his life. The bad news is we’re still unpiling.”
“From the looks of it, he hasn't left this place in years.” JJ sighed and stared down at all of the notebooks and papers strewn across the table.
“He knew he could pretend to be looking for a motel and throw us off his trail.” Emily looked up at Hotch, but Gideon interrupted.
“No no no, it’s more than that. Sheriff’s office, 911 calls. Every time he engages the police and gets away with it, he reassures himself. God’s on his side not ours.”
You just walked into the kitchen and lightly dropped the notebook you had been reading onto the table, brushing past Hotch. “I need some air.” You mumbled to him, shoving the rickety screen door open and quickly hustling down the steps.
You ran your hands through your hair, trying to breathe, trying to fight the urge to burst into tears and let yourself just lay on the ground. The only reason you hadn’t done so yet was because the urge to find Spencer was so much stronger.
After a moment, you heard the screen door open and someone come down the steps. “Emily I’m fi–”
“Y/N,”
You looked up and made eye contact with JJ. Her hair was flatter, less knots, but you could still see she had been shaken up. It didn’t matter. You were trying, desperately trying to not blame JJ for Reid’s disappearance, and you knew she was struggling with it too, but the fact that they weren’t together meant that he got dragged off somewhere, technically on her watch.
“JJ now’s no–”
“Please let me—”
“JJ.” You cut her off, arms crossed over your chest. You were only truly able to make eye contact with her for a couple seconds before you had to avert your eyes upwards. “Seriously. I’m fine. Go back inside.”
Your voice was curt, and running along the line of unkindness, but you were restraining yourself, trying to give your coworker, your friend, someone who had become your family, an out in this moment, but she just wouldn’t take it.
“You won't even look at me!” That got your attention back to her. “You haven’t spoken to me since the barn, and you’re avoiding me. I-I know what we did wasn’t…”
You huffed, now only staring at her, challenging her. “I’m listening now, JJ. That’s what you wanted right.”
She closed her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I know you blame me. I blame myself. But I can’t stand you being so distant and I–”
“Look. JJ.” You cut her off again. “I am doing everything in my power not to scream at the top of my lungs how stupid it was, for the both of you to split up.” Your voice was low, and steady—it was unnerving to hear since you had always spoken with such character, such lightness. “But right now, I can’t yell at Spencer. And I really do not want to yell at you. I think it is one of the stupidest decisions either of you could have made. But blaming you for a decision you both made, doesn’t help us find him any sooner. So please. Just leave me alone right now.”
You brushed past her, not making any actual contact with her, since the next person who touched you might actually be the reason you start sobbing. JJ was absolutely shocked, frozen in the yard, trying not to cry herself. You didn’t want JJ to cry, you really didn’t, but she was pushing on something that is usually completely surrounded by walls and locks and gates.
You blinked away your tears and walked back into the house, towards the kitchen. Hotch and EMily looked up at you, both noticing JJ wasn’t next to you, and your face somehow managed to seem more frustrated and anxious than before.
Spencer had bought you a necklace for your one year anniversary. It was a very simple chain, with a small pendant on the front. Inside it was a pressed flower, a small, pressed, red salvia in the center of the clear pendant. You loved flowers, it was very obvious from the way that you always had a small vase of a few fresh flowers in the corner of your desk, or you had a signature pair of floral converse you always wore when you went out. It took Spencer all of three seconds to figure out that you loved flowers, and all of one question later to find out if you knew, and liked, Victorian Flower language; of course you did. When you two had started secretly seeing one another, you had been updating the flowers weekly. It was a part of your regular schedule, so no one questioned it. But suddenly you were becoming deliberate in your mini bouquets, hints of longing (pink camellias), with pops of devotion (heliotrope), or secret adoration (gardenias) sprinkled with I think of you (blue salvia), eventually turning to bouquets of ever-lasting love (baby’s breath) and sunshine in his smile (yellow tulips). Every time you would update the weekly bouquet, the team would comment on how the new bouquet looked so beautiful, the colors brightening up the place. But when Spencer walked through the door, you loved watching his eyes immediately dart for the flowers, decoding the message for only him. The red salvia on your chest was proudly proclaiming forever mine, for Spencer, and no one was the wiser.
When you wore it happily the day after your anniversary, exchanging the previous bouquet for a new one filled with yellow lilies, Spencer cou;d’ve known right then and there that you were over the moon, if you hadn’t already told him, and shown him, the night before. When Derek watched you fiddle with the necklace all day, he had made a joke that clearly you have someone in your life and “Pretty Boy needs to step up his game”, he had misread your slight smirk as a tease on Spencer, and not on himself. It was not a month later that you were fiddling with it in Tobias Hankel’s kitchen, your biggest tell of all, that you were nervous about something. But to most of the profilers in the room, you were nervous and fiddling with your necklace, to Hotch, it was a clear sign that he needed to keep you at a slight distance to make sure your head stays clear. If any of them had been thinking clearly, they might have made the connection from the necklace to Reid, but no one really was.
JJ followed a minute later, and quietly went back to her seat. It was clear she had been crying, or trying not to, but so were you, so it honestly didn’t make you feel as bad as it probably should have.
“Hey guys.” Emily’s voice cut through your thoughts. “I have got a list of Narcotics Anonymous meetings. Someone’s name and number is written on it, but it looks to be about twelve years old.”
“Try it. There are no bad leads.” Gideon answered.
You sighed, but watched curiously as Gideon stared at the wallpaper. He peeled off a section of it, revealing what seemed to be the same phrase over and over and over again.
“Honora Partum Tuum.” He read aloud.
“Honor thy father.” You finally spoke up. For much of the team, it was the first time they had heard your voice in hours.
Gideon looked over at you, realizing in his eyes, nodding.
“Hey guys. I think I got something.” You heard Derek yell, which meant all of you rushed out of the house, running over towards Derek. He had his gun out, pushing hay off of doors to what seemed like a storm cellar.
Derek pulled open one of the doors, shining his light into the darkness. “Tobias Hankel, F.B.I!” Hotch gave him the go ahead to slowly move down the stairs, then allowing Emily to follow. Hotch then gave you a small look, giving you the impression that you would not be allowed down into that cellar until it was cleared. You stood back slightly, not having the energy to have a bout in front of the others, still holding your gun, and scanning the surrounding area, keeping an eye particularly on the barn and the fields behind it.
You heard Derek yell out “Tobias Hankel” a couple of times, making your pulse beat faster–maybe they had found him, maybe he was okay. There was no other sound than Derek though. Maybe he was dead. Maybe someone else had spencer. Maybe—Derek came out of the storm cellar, covering his mouth.
You looked at him expectantly and shook his head. “Tobias’s father…on ice.”
You exhaled, a wave of emotions crashing through your veins that only left you more stressed than before.
Hotch came out of the cellar next, and motioned for you to follow him. You knew this conversation was coming, and the fact that it hadn't happened already surprised you.
Once the two of you were out of earshot, Hotch looked at you, not as a friend, not as someone who helped you through some dark moments in your life, but as your boss. “Can you continue, or do you need to sit the rest of this case out.”
His tone wasn’t harsh, quite the opposite. He watched as someone he cared for was slowly crumbling, closing off her walls to the outside, meaning you were more in your own head, than truly present.
You nodded, sighing. “If I’m not here, then I might go out there on my own. I’m not telling you that you’re babysitting me.” Hotch tried to cut you off, but you barrelled through. “But I need to be here, because if a breakthrough happens, if any of us find a location, I need to be in that car Hotch. If we find Hankel, I have a full understanding that however I react is the fate of my job. I am well aware of that. And I love this team with basically everything I have, so I need you to trust me, the way I am trusting all of you to find him.”
Hotch watched you for a moment before nodding. His features softened and he placed his hand on your arm again. It was the most contact Hotch ever really gave, but it meant so much. “Are you okay?”
You shook your head, managing to keep it together. “No. I’d be more concerned if I was.” You tried to crack a joke, causing both of you to smile before he nodded at you. “I’ll see you in there.”
He left you standing by yourself, giving you a moment to collect yourself, before you followed him back into the house, back into the kitchen, back into the journals.
Spencer being gone for so long meant you had a laundry list of things you missed about him. You missed the way he would ramble on about anything in the world that he knew about. You missed his sweater vests, how they never seemed to match his outfit, but somehow always pulled the look together. You missed his dorky smile at you from across his desk. You missed the notes he would leave you in your apartment when he would get up to get to work, knowing you always had arrived before him at work since you lived closer. You missed the feeling of his hands in yours. The feeling of the hand on your back, on your shoulder.
But right now, you missed how fast that son of a bitch could read. Oh my god. If you had to read through one more of Tobias’ notebooks, you might lose your mind. You placed it facedown on the table and placed your head in your hands, giving your eyes a well deserved break.
After a moment, Derek spoke up. “There’s something weird going on here.” He was slowly pacing around the table.
“You think?” quipped the sheriff from across the room, and you snorted slightly in agreement and amusement.
“No seriously, check this out.” Derek looked up at everyone in the kitchen. “This journal is full of religious ramblings. He notates hour by hour. November 15th, 3:17 – if ye offer a sacrifice of peace offering unto the lord, ye shall offer it of your own will. And it goes on and on. 5:04, 7:41, 10:22, 1:42, but then it goes blank for days.”
You removed your face from your hands, looking over at Derek.
“Maybe he got sick of writing.” The sheriff offered up.
“I think I got it.”
“What is it?” Gideon prodded Hotch, all of you watching him.
“Journal entry, December 6th, Father sick. Wants me to put him down. I say thou shalt not kill, he says honor thy father. Must pray for guidance.” Hotch looked over at Gideon.
“So he kills his father as an act of mercy?”
“This is two months ago. Tobias Hankel’s father had been dead for four months already.” Hotch raised his eyebrows, Gideon and Derek starting to realize what he was getting at.
“That’s exactly it.” Derek moved one of the chairs away from the table. “Look at the floor. These scuff marks are fresh. I mean, it’s like two people were moving the chairs constantly trying to fight for control.”
“So?”
“This journal matches Charles Hankel’s handwriting, but it was written after he died. Upstairs, Tobias’ bedroom—it’s got junk piled from floor to ceiling but the other bedroom could pass a military inspection.” Derek was explaining to the Sheriff, who honestly was starting to get on your nerves with some of these questions.
“So you’re telling me one of Tobias’ personalities was his father?”
“Well, Tobias was raised with a strict religious code. Black and white, right and wrong.” Gideon interrupted. “When his father asked Tobias to kill him, something had to give.”
“His brain couldn’t handle the moral contradiction so it split into two personalities in order to keep his father alive.” Hotch looked over at Derek, a conversation between the two of them happening silently and quickly.
“So who is Raphael?”
“My guess, he’s the mediator between the two.” You spoke up, watching hotch and derek before looking back at the sheriff.
“Angels have no human emotions.” Gideon continued your thoughts. “Live or die, they don’t care. As long as it’s God’s will.”
“We need to start profiling Tobias’ father. He may be the one who chose where to take Reid.” Hotch quickly looked at you before looking at Derek.
Derek nodded and started to head out of the room. “I’ll get Garcia on it”.
“Any luck with the rehab contact?” You looked up as Emily and JJ walked in, hoping they would have some answer for you.
Emily sighed. “Well he has no idea where Hankel might be, but we did learn that he has a serious drug problem. Dilaudid.”
“Well that could explain the psychotic fracture.” Hotch nodded over at Gideon.
“What are you talking about?”
Gideon, who had been staring at the photos all along the mirror that they had taped up, looked over at JJ. “Tobias is living as at least three different people; himself, Raphael, and his father.”
“Well this could be some bad news.”
Honestly, to you, it felt like all the sheriff did was bring more and more bad news.
“A computer store was robbed in the middle of the night. A suburb outside of Atlanta Thief got away with four laptops, external hard drives, and a satellite.”
“If it’s Tobias that puts him right back in business.” Hotch cast a quick glance over at you, watching as you tensed up, knowing the images you were desperately trying to keep out of your head. In response, you stood up and left the room, heading over to Derek and Penelope in the next room.
Penelope was sitting at the desk, typing and typing away. Derek looked up as you entered, giving you a small smile. You shook your head. “They think Tobias stole—” Just as you started, your mouth stopped. The screens in front of Penelope had changed, going blank with one cursor in the corner.
“What happened?”
“I don’t know.” Penelope’s eyes were wide.
Spencer filled up every single screen, except for Penelope's laptop, and the one screen she was directly connected to.
“Oh my god.” You yelled, one hand flying to cover up your mouth, the other immediately grabbing your necklace, eyes flitting from screen to screen. This wasn’t real, it wasn’t happening–it couldn’t be happening.
Spencer was tied to a chair, his clothes disheveled, his hair a mess, he was missing both shoes and one sock. The left side of his head was soaked with blood, hair wet with it.
This was your worst nightmare, and yet you could not look away. You watched as his chest rose and fell, giving you at least the calm that he was alive. But tears still pricked the corners of your eyes, breathing was becoming harder and harder, but you couldn’t shut down. Your body wouldn’t let you.
Your yell had the others almost run into the room you were in, all of them barreling into the room, filling it up with bodies. Once they all looked at you, each one slowly realized what you were staring at.
“He’s been beaten.” Emily so astutely pointed out.
“Can’t you track him.” JJ was also struggling to breathe, guilt consuming her entire body.
“Hankel’s only streaming this to his home computer.” Garcia said solemnly, still doing her best to find something, anything.
Hotch turned to look at your face. At this point, most of the blood had left your face, leaving you pale, and nauseous. He tried to calmly gestured for you to leave, giving you an out, but you stared straight ahead, somehow becoming more pale, more sick, when Gideon pointed it out for you all.
“This is for us. He knows we’re here.”
Derek huffed and turned away for a second, trying not to bash the wall in. “I’m gonna put this guy’s head on a stick.”
“Why can’t you locate him?” You could kiss Hotch for staying so level headed in this moment. Your eyes quickly tore away from the screens, looking at Garcia.
“He’s rerouting to a different I.P. address every thirty seconds. I can’t track him.”
Can you really see inside men’s minds?
All of you quickly found a screen to watch as you heard the voice take over.
See these vermin? Choose one to die.
All you could do was stare at his face–his eyes. You had never seen Spencer so vulnerable, so tired, barely fighting at all. You watched as his eyes scanned across something to his right. All of you held your breath, waiting for Spencer to say something, anything.
You choose one to live.
“Oh my god.” You mumbled again as Spencer shook his head slightly, defying Tobias, or whoever’s wishes.
I thought you wanted to be some kind of savior.
“You’re a sadist in a psychotic break. You won’t stop killing. Your words aren’t true.”
The other heathens are watching. Choose a sinner to die, and I’ll say the name and address of the person to be saved.
“I won't choose who gets slaughtered and have you leave their remains behind like a poacher.” Spencer was staring into his eyes, challenging him. But Tobias, or Charles, picked him up by the collar, both hands, and brought his face really close to Spencer's.
Can you really see inside my mind boy. Can you see I'm not a liar. He chucked Spencer back into the chair, causing Spencer to flinch from another bruise you probably couldn't see. Choose one to die, and save a life. Otherwise they’re all dead.
“All right. I’ll choose who lives.” You inhaled sharply, Derek tensing up next to you.
They’re all the same.
You all waited, in silence, as Spencer scanned what you assumed were the laptops that had been stolen. His eyes flickered to the camcorder, shame in voice, looking back at Tobias or Charles. “Far right screen.”
Marilyn David, 4913 Walnut Creek Road
“You got that?”
“Marilyn David. My name is Jason Gideon with the F.B.I. I need you to close your laptop screen right now. Someone has been connecting into your laptop’s camera and watching you. For your safety, you need to close it.
“Raphael.”
The computer screens went black.
“Garcia, get him back.”
Derek turned away, slamming the door against the wall as he stalked out of the room, beyond pissed.
“Garcia, get him back.” You repeated, absolute horror dawning on all of your faces. Your eyes were frantically running over every screen every ten seconds, hoping that maybe one of them would still hold the image of Spencer.
“I’m t-trying.” She whispered, furiously typing away, trying to hack into something, or find Hankel, anything really.
“So now what. Wait for a 911 call?” The sheriff's voice rang out in your ear, and it grated against you. “And hope we get there in time.”
Once you had gotten the 911 call, you, JJ, Emily, and Derek were told to stay at the house with Garcia. You heard Derek and JJ in one of the other rooms, but you were just standing next to Garcia’s chair, not moving an inch. All you could do was stare at the screens, eyes flitting from face to face on unexpecting potential victims.
JJ walked in, looking more like she had in the barn–disheveled, guilty. “Any more signs of Reid.”
Both you and Garcia shook your heads.
“He just posted the last murder online.” Garcia’s voice was grave, eyes dark. “It had over 17,000 hits in the first twenty minutes.”
“I want to see it.”
“No you don’t.” You answered JJ, not turning to look at her.
“Don’t tell me what I want and don’t want.”
You tore your eyes away from the screens and over at JJ.
“If I can’t watch this…I have no business being in the field.”
“J-ge, it’s not a competition.” Garcia whispered.
“I-I need to see it.”
You shook your head and walked out of the room, not being able to watch it again. You walked into the kitchen where Derek and Emily were, discussing something. Derek’s eyes quickly flicked over to you, surprised slightly by the fact that you had left the screens.
“We can trace their whole family history. Here we got happy smiling pictures of Tobias. Report cards all A’s and B’s. But at eight years old, we got nothing.”
“That’s his mother leaving.” Emily shot you a quick, yet sympathetic smile, before looking back at the mirror. “Six months later, on the other side of the board, we have a form from child services saying they paid a visit.”
“Then Charles starts keeping journals about punishing sinners and needing to remove the devil from his son.” Derek continued.
“Which corresponds to Tobias’ drug use. He’s trying to escape.” You watched as Emily and Derek worked through the profile again.
“So wherever Reid is, It was Tobias’ choice, not his fathers.” Derek sighed and scanned over the pictures, trying to find maybe a common location amongst them.
“How’d you figure?”
“Look at these two lives. They’re like inverse graphs. One’s getting weaker while the other ones getting angrier. Tobias would run away while his father would have stood and fought.” Derek looked back at Emily.
She nodded. “Okay so Tobias uses drugs as an escape. I’ll go back through the journals and see if I can find anything connecting his drug use to a hiding place
“Uh where’s Gideon.” You finally spoke up.
“He’s upstairs. Why? What’s going on?”
“Hankel just posted the latest murder.” JJ walked out of the room that you had just been in.
You watched as she quickly called out to Gideon that the newest murder had been uploaded, and as he quickly made his way into the adjoining room. You heard him panicking, trying to come up with a solution to get people to stop watching the videos.
You were fiddling with your necklace, mind lost on the day before all of this started. It had been sunny in DC. Something you didn’t get all the time, especially when you were only there half of the year. You had gone over to Spencer's apartment, picking up your favorite take out on the way over. He had been teaching you how to play chess. You already knew the basics of chess, which pieces moved where, and how to analyze a board on a move to move basis, but Spencer started to teach you strategies. He would explain every single move he was making, and how he was able to predict a check in three. It was adorable. In return, for every game you would learn together, Spencer would watch a movie with you. He would watch movies if you had asked him in the first place, but this time, you gave him what he thought was the most enthralling commentary the entire time. You would put on your favorite movies and ramble on and on about a certain actor getting sick during this shot, or the fact that the two romantic leads hated one another, or even someone breaking their toe during one scene—he adored listening to you ramble, in the same way you loved listening to him. That night was movie night. You had picked cult-classic “Rocky Horror Picture Show.” you were absolutely enthralled to explain to Spencer the interactive portions of the movies, the screaming at the screen, the details of the pink triangle on Dr. Franknfurter’s smock, the repetition of certain musical themes. You two hands ended up tangled on the couch, giggling about something, drunk on each other’s company—it was perfect.
But the sound of Spencer’s sob ripped through your thoughts. It took you three strides to be back with Garcia and Gideon, watching as Tobias slammed his fist across Spencer’s face. Your hands moved to your mouth as your eyes watered.
You heard as he begged Tobias to help him, bruises flowering across his face, a cut across his lip breaking the once smooth skin.
He can’t help you. He’s weak. Confess. Confess your sins.
You watched as Spencer’s chair was chucked to the ground, while he was still tied to it. Every single atom of air had left your lungs. You could feel the pit of your stomach drop, unable to move, unable to blink. Tears welled up in your eyes as the love of your life was being beaten to death, and you couldn't do anything about it.
Several studies have shown that plants can feel pain. Whether or not they are completely and one hundred percent credible is something you and Spencer have jokingly argued about multiple times. You liked to think that they didn’t considering you managed to bring in a fresh crop of newly cut flowers each week. But these scientists claim that plants can feel pain. They can feel the pain of being cut from the vine or stem, and they can feel themselves dying as you watch them wilt in the vase. You and JJ were quite similar in feeling like you had to prove something to yourself, that if you couldn’t handle what was happening, maybe you shouldn’t be in the field, shouldn’t be in the BAU.
Watching Spencer have a seizure on the ground, unable to run to him, unable to save him, unable to do anything but just watch in horror, made you feel every single ounce of pain you could have ever imagined. When his body stilled, and Tobias exited whatever building they were in, you were still standing there, completely and utterly in shock. Hotch took your arm and wordlessly tugged on your arm, but you couldn’t move. Your feet were cemented to the floor. Even if you wanted to run the other way, you couldn’t. Hotch tried again, but you just stared at the screen, constantly flipping the necklace over and over and over and over again. If you moved, you might start sobbing, you might collapse, you might have just died on the spot.
Spencer's lips were still. His lips would ramble when he had something he found quite interesting to speak about, they would fidget when he got nervous, they would form quirky expressions when he had a moment of realization. But not once have they ever been this still. And it was dissolving your heart. Moment by moment another small section would boil down to dust, not even letting you have the chance to have your heart ripped out, because that would mean your heart would still be together, still be beating, just not with you anymore. Your heart was dying because Spencer was dead.
The first stage of grief is denial. All you could do was hope, pray, anything that this was some sick and twisted joke, that Spencer was okay. That Spencer was alive. That you weren’t staring at Spencer’s body on the screen, not knowing where he was, and if you would ever find him, or his body.
Lucky for every single person in that room, and lucky for Tobias Hankel, you watched as he burst back through the door, dropped down to his knees, and tried to resuscitate Spencer. Your eyes widened as you watched every single chest compression, every single moment of mouth to mouth. After the longest thirty seconds of your life, Spencer convulsed, air filling his lungs, coughing.
“Oh my god.” You almost threw up into the hands that were covering your mouth because you were so grateful for the fact that Spencer was breathing, that his dead body was somewhere you might never have found it.
“Wait. Wait a second.” Emily leaned over to Garcia. “When was the video of the last murder poster?”
“9:23.”
“And what was the time of death?”
“The 911 call came in at 9:04, and the murders must have been moments later.”
“That's only a 19 minute difference.” You spoke up, figuring out what Emily was getting at.
“How long would it take to post the mpeg.” Derek chimed in.
“2, 3 minutes.” Garcia looked over at you all.
“Lets call it 2. You figure a maximum of sixty miles per hour in a residential area, that means Hankel has to be within a seventeen mile radius of the crime scene.” Derek reasoned, looking over at Hotch.
“Garcia, can we see it on a map?” Hotch leaned over Garcia.
“Call Farraday. I want that area locked down like it’s martial law.” Gideon turned to Derek, ready to give more instructions but you interrupted.
“Guys.”
You came back to life.
Spencer was looking up at Rapheal now. The complete shift in tone from Charles to Raphael to Tobias always made your hair stand on edge, but you could hear the anger that Raphael held.
There can only be one of two reasons.
“I was given CPR.” Even after he was just given his life back, he still managed to crack a joke.
There are no accidents. How many members are on your team?
“Seven”
You paused, ready to speak up, but Tobias beat you to it.
The seven angels who had the seven trumpets who prepared themselves to sound. The first sounding followed hail and fire, mixed with blood and they were thrown to the earth.
“He thinks it’s revelations. The seven archangels versus the seven angels of death.” Hotch explained.
“Hotch there are eight of us on this team.” You spoke, this time garnering the attention of everyone in the room. “He’s lying to Hankel, that's considered a sin right? If Hankel finds out—”
You were interrupted by the sound of a chair hitting the ground. Hankel had yanked Spencer’s chair upright, watching as he was jostled around.
Tell me who you serve.
“I serve you”
Then choose one to die
“What”
Your team members choose one to die.
“Kill me”
You inhaled sharply causing one of Derek's hands to find the small of your back. You had already watched him die once, but you can’t give CPR to a bullet through the brain.
You said you weren't one of them
“I lied”
Your team has six other members. Tell me who dies.
“No”
All of you watch as Tobias pulls one bullet out of his pocket, and clicks open the revolver. He placed it in, and spun the barrel, letting it close with a click. Spencer playing Russian roulette was not on your bucket list of things to do this year. Maybe force him to go kayaking with you, let him teach you some other game like Go, maybe even take a few days off for a real vacation and work each other up so desperately. But you could guarantee, this was not on that list.
Each time Spencer refused, and you heard the empty barrel fire, your heart gave out, again.
Choose, and prove you’ll do god's will.
“No.”
Click.
And again.
Choose.
“I won’t do it”.
Click.
And again.
Life is a choice.
“No.”
Click.
And again.
Choose.
Spencer’s pause made everyone hold their breaths. He had a 33.33% chance of getting shot, and luck had to run out, it always did.
“I-I choose…” You all waited, no one truly knowing what he could possibly be thinking. “Y/N Y/L/N.” Derek's hand on your back tensed up, all eyes looked at you, and all you could do was stare at Spencer on the screen. He wouldn’t just hand out your death sentence like that, he wouldn’t do that to you. Right? Right?
“Adulterer, cheating on my for months now. Puts their own needs above others and their feelings.” Your brows furrowed, hand immediately at the necklace you were wearing around your neck. This accusation confused the absolute shit out of you, since you had revealed to Spencer your history with a previous partner who had chea–oh. He was speaking to you.
“Oh my god.” You whispered.
“I would come home to bouquets of crimson roses and rosemary, or there would be begonias and clematis. I've only ever bought red salvias with baby’s breath—their favorite.” Spencer chuckled, putting on an act for Tobias.
“Pen! I need a pen.” You yelled, everyone now concerned you had lost your mind, but Garcia had quickly handed you hers as you tried to write down the flowers Spencer had listed off. Once you had all of them written down, you quickly ran out of the room.
“Genesis 23:4, For the lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil. But in the end she is as bitter as poison, as dangerous as a double-edged sword.”
You only paused for a moment when you heard a gunshot, but you kept going, hoping and praying that you were right. You had found one of the empty pages of Tobais’ journals and wrote down the flowers:
crimson roses - mourning
rosemary - remembrance
clematis - poverty
begonias - beware, watch out
You looked at the list of the flowers, over and over. “Mourning…” You mumbled, when it hit you. Quickly, you grabbed the bible on the table, flipping to find Genesis 23:4.
Morgan walked into the room, placing a hand on your shoulder. "Look I don't know about this potential relationship that you and Spenc-"
“I’m not a cheater.” You cast him a quick look, still flipping to find the page.
Derek started. “He’s not in his right mind Y/n.”
Gideon quickly followed. “Come on, look you can’t think anything of that..”
“That’s not what I’m talking about. Well, yes, it is, but that’s not–”
Hotch cut you off. “He’s panickin—”
“Everyone. Stop.” They all obliged, watching as you picked up the notebook you had been writing in. “What is my worst quality?”
They all just stared at you.
“Okay I’ll start, I can be a total bitch.”
“You miss a concerning amount of briefings.”
“You can get overly emotional sometimes.”
“You’re extremely stubborn.”
“You don’t trust anyone easily.”
“Okay good, I’m all these things, but none of you said that I would ever put my needs over anyone. Especially over other’s feelings. Reid and I had a conversation about two weeks ago about my ex who would repeatedly cheat on me, among other things.” You took a little breath before continuing. “And he knew I would obviously remember a conversation like that. He also knows I love Victorian Flower Language, it’s one of my favorite interests. Some of the flowers he listed off, correspond to flowers you send in mourning, when someone has died, not the flowers you send someone to admit their love or hide it.”
You handed the bible to JJ. “And he also quoted Genesis Chapter 23, verse 4, Read it.”
JJ read out: “I am a stranger and a sojourner with you. Give me property, forbear a place among you, that I might bury my dead out of sight.”
“Spencer would never get it wrong unless it was on purpose. He’s in a cemetery.”
“I don’t see a cemetery” Garcia had pulled up the 17-mile radius again, looking between you and Hotch.
“Call up the first time we saw Reid.” Gideon was rubbing his hands together, trying to remember something.
“I won't choose who gets slaughtered, and have you leave their remains behind like a poacher.”
Spencer had looked right at the camera, fucking brilliant man. He had been trying to contact you all since the first time he was on camera.
“Check to see if there are any reports of poaching in the last couple of days.” Hotch nodded at Gideon while Garcia speedily typed out her parameters, getting a response almost instantly.
“Okay uh, a farmer reported two sheep being slaughtered on his property.”
“Where are we talking?” Derek was behind you, watching as Garcia zoomed into a five mile radius around the farmer’s land.
“It would be someone that was old, dilapidated, run down. Clematis is a sign of poverty.”
JJ pointed to a small section on the screen. “What’s that patch of green there”
“Marshall parish, I think it's an old plantation.”
“Wait.” Emily quickly flipped through a journal, trying to find what she had remembered. “Tobias wrote in his journals about staying clean and keeping away from Marshall.”
“Guys. There's a cemetery on the grounds.”
“Alright.” Hotch nodded at all of you. “Let's go.”
As you all headed out, Hotch stopped you, pulling you past the kitchen and into the living room. Derek shot you a sympathetic smile as he and the rest of the team exited the building. The living room would be far enough away from Penelope's prying ears, but it’s not like it mattered anymore—it was pretty obvious you and Spencer were sleeping together, if not dating.
“You’re not going.”
You scoffed at Hotch, expecting nothing less, but still willing to fight him about it.
“I’m serious Y/N. I need everyone out there to be as level headed as possible, and you and I both know that the second Spencer put his life on the line, second time round, you were about to raise hell and earth to get to him. If you can promise me, right here, right now, that your head is completely clear, then I will let you go with us, no questions asked.”
You pinched your eyes, letting out a hefty sigh. “Hotch I cannot be here in case he needs me.”
“If he gets hurt, you will not be able to function as an agent, and that is a risk I am not willing to take.”
Hotch is right. He almost always is.
The porch door swung open with the loudest screech yet, Derek appearing in his bullet proof vest, holding Hotch’s in his hand. “We’re heading out.”
Hotch nodded at you, a brief hand on your arm, before walking to the door.
“Hotch?”
He looked over at you.
“The last flower? Begonias?” He nodded at you, not sure where you were going with this.
“If you were sent begonias…it was a subtle warning that you were in danger. Please, be careful.”
“We will.”
And with that, the door slammed shut, and suddenly you were stuck in a ranch house, wondering whether or not Spencer was okay, and whether or not your team would even make it on time. You clutched at the necklace, twirling the pendant, watching as the headlights faded into the darkness, with the very real possibility, someone might not come back.
Next Part
#spencer reid#x reader#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x you#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid angst#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid oneshot#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid x reader angst#spencer reid x reader fluff#spencer reid x gn!reader
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This year’s movie is 7/10.
Should’ve named it Detective Conan: Tracking device tag (I’m corny)
Spoilers ahead in the cut ⬇️ And I mean a crazy amount of spoilers. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK
Set in Hakodate, Hokkaido prefecture with the theme of the entire movie about swords and the lost treasure no one can find after they hid it.
Half Japanese rich guy (with a crazy band of mercenaries) goes around and tries to steal them for himself after KID steals the two he had in his possession.
There’s just so much lore and deductions in this movie that action scenes are halved compared to recent movies.
And the amount of tracking devices the characters used. Conan, the half Japanese guy, KID, the actual murderer, even Hattori!! I can understand most but Hattori??
Let’s not forget the love story between Heiji and Kazuha. At least it progressed, but figures the ending would end up like a joke as usual and Heiji’s screaming internally.
Momiji was in the movie but she was playing “Where in Hokkaido is Hattori Heiji?” And went all over Hokkaido looking for him (Her role was basically Hokkaido PR for the viewers. She helped with the puzzle solving but the rest of the time, she’s in her helicopter finding Hattori)
Aoko makes an appearance in the movie because her father gets shot protecting a suspect. Ran and Aoko don’t meet but KID’s pretty much keeping watch over them, hoping Nakamori will wake up. KID is blaming himself for not being able to stop the shooting in time. And that scene is burned into my memory because that is one powerful moment to realize KID never wants any harm to come to Nakamori, even if KID himself is getting shot at.
Kudo Yusaku and Yukiko also show up but if you weren’t in the loop about the frenzy that happened on Twitter, to put it short, Yusaku and Kuroba Toichi are twins. Yusaku is the older, Toichi is the younger. Which makes Kaito and Shinichi first cousins.
They’ve touched on this 18 years ago in files 570-573. Toichi told young Shinichi that he’s his younger brother (in reference to Yusaku). But it isn’t exactly direct and a very odd statement to make at the beginning of the case. Yusaku was also the one to name him KID because of Toichi’s handwriting of 1412 looks like KID.
But besides that case, they don’t touch it until the movie (which is also not canon btw, including all movie OVAs and episode tie ins). If Gosho adds it to his manga, then we can consider the fact canon (so 570-573 brother fact is canon for 18 years but people are deciding to scream about it now)
This whole movie revolves around the age old question, “Are Kaito and Shinichi related?”
But the one thing everyone should be screaming about is Kuroba Toichi is alive in the movie. After being confirmed dead and come up at the very end of the movie to text Yusaku, this was a shocker. And wearing an all black version of KID’s outfit.
As for the 2025 trailer, we gonna get Kogoro in a forest. In the middle of a blizzard. Don’t ask 😂 I was just as lost
#detective conan#kaito kid#kaito kuroba#conan edogawa#hattori heiji#new movie#movie 2024#SPOILERS#SO MANY SPOILERS#the million dollar pentagram
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Jazz for two
I'm so glad we got to watch this in a week because I don't think I could handle the weekly viewing. What a mess.
Let me start by saying that I read the source material and although that doesn't help at all, it's not why this show doesn't work for me. These are my immediate thoughts after watching. There will be webtoon spoilers.
Two things really bothered me about this adaptation.
First thing was the character of Seohon. This boy has absolutely no agency here and is submissive to every other character. The second is TaeJoon's (TaeYi's brother) storyline.
I could argue that these two things are connected by way of Seheon father. So here is the family background in the original.
-Seheon lives with his mother and not his father. In fact his father abandoned the family and that's why in the WT he can't play piano at home because his father was a piano player and mom doesn't want to be reminded of him.
-Seoheon only sees his father occasionally at his office, he's a piano teacher, where he gets to play.
-The father was TaeJoon's teacher and they got involved. He cheated on his wife with him. He was not homophobic. He left the family to be with TaeJoon. I'm not gonna go into why they broke up and TaeYi's brother commited suicide because there's a lot more characters that influenced this. Suffice it to say that in the end he was caught by someone else and basically left him.
So why they added the bully father is beyond me but I guess it makes the fact that Seoheon is so submissive more plausible. I can understand why they wouldn't want the dad and the brother story line here. But I don't get why they thought that adding the homophobic brother was a better choice.
I'm gonna echo @lurkingshan feeling here regarding episode 7. That episode made absolutely no sense whatsoever. None of it is credible. They both do a 180 in a matter of minutes. And because of the way they wrote Seheon here, it just makes him look stupid. I'm not gonna compare with the original because it really doesn't matter. It's just bad writing here.
If the main couple is rushed, don't even get me started on the second one. It's just not believable. They removed so much from their story that it just looks like Do Yoon has to be out of his mind to actually fall for this guy. And yes, the original is also a bully/victim romance, if anything he's even more violent, specially toward Seheon, so I'm not saying it's a good couple either way. But at least in the original Jun-Ha is multi dimensional and you can actually empathize with him in moments. Although I wasn't a fan of them in either media. And also this romance takes a while to actually happen so it's definitely easier to buy.
This story is full of traumatized and flawed characters. And I knew from the start that it would be hard to adapt into 8 episodes of 30 minutes. To do that they'd have to cut a lot and honestly I'm still in disbelief about what they chose to keep. All the character are so superficial so none of it lands for me. There's no emotional connection for me to grab on to. It's not enough to give a character a traumatic past. That alone does not a fully fleshed out character make.
Nothing about this story rings true for me and this is not a defense of the WT because that also is not perfect. It's way too long and there's too much shagging filler but I really liked the characters in it. They were much more complex and it all read much more believable. There's also a couple more characters that are pretty important in bringing the whole story together.
There's obviously a lot more things wrong with this but this is already long.
[If anyone else read the original and I made a mistake here please let know. I don't think I did but I've read it a while ago and didn't really wanna go back after watching it]
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In preparation for Heartbreak High season 2 TOMORROW, and following up on this post from a year and a half ago I made about why Spider should have a redemption arc, I have another lukewarm take to present: if Spider deserves redemption then so does Sasha.
I thought about making this post ages ago, not long after the original Spider post, but I never got around to writing it out... til now! Here we go!
After season 1, I was seeing A LOT of Sashsa hate, much of which I agreed with but some that definitely went too far. I saw a lot more people calling Sasha irredeemable than I saw of anyone speaking that way about Spider or Dusty. I hate Sasha as much as the next HBH fan, but it is undeniable that if we give Spider enough grace to encourage his redemption we should extend the same courtesy to Sasha; if we have enough faith in the show to handle the nuance of his redemption then we should have faith in it to be able to handle her redemption too.
Sasha is not trying to be a bad person, she genuinely believes (in my opinion) that she is trying her best to be a good person. The problem is she's confusing virtue signalling and "wokeness" with actually being a good person, and that makes her behave like a bitch. What it all boils down to, just like with Spider, is attitude. What they need to do is pretty similar as well; Spider needs to start paying attention and empathising with the experiences of people around him and Sasha needs to realise that what she thinks is genuine empathy and compassion is really just performative and does not make her a good person. They both need to stop viewing themselves as victims, they both need to be more willing to hear other people out, and I believe that they both have the capacity to change.
The two things I hated most about Sasha were:
Her relationship with Quinni and the way she treated Quinni during that time, as I'm sure most (if not all) of you will agree. That whole episode with the book signing (episode 6: "Angeline") makes me so mad, and it is a perfect example of how her empathy is not genuine. When Sasha is told that Quinni is autistic, her immediate response is "I need to do some more research" instead of "I need to ask Quinni what she needs and what she wants". Right there, she fails to empathise with Quinni as a person because she's too busy thinking about how she should be empathising with Autistic People as a whole and thereby completely misses the point. In the same vein, we the viewers all see Sasha's ableism when it comes to Quinni and how she fails to treat Quinni like an equal, but Sasha is so convinced that she is a good person because she supports all of the right ideas that she fails to see when she's falling short when it comes to the real people actually in her life. (Even at the end of this post when I have explained why Sasha deserves redemption, just know that I absolutely DO NOT think that Sasha and Quinni should EVER get back together.)
The way she just drops people when the social tides turn against them. We see her do this with both Amerie and Harper, completely dropping them as friends as soon as everybody is mad at them and not even speaking with them first or even allowing them a chance to just talk to her. This still makes me incredibly angry. Sasha had every right to not want to be friends with both Amerie and Harper after the things that happened, but the way she cut them out of her life so completely without a second thought makes me seethe. Now, there are layers to this. First we have the double-edged-sword of school social hierarchy and Sasha's "woke" attitudes. I personally believe that Sasha definitely dropped her friends because she didn't want them to tank her social status (like lots of teenagers would, horrible as it is), but she justified it to herself by rationalizing it like a political/social justice issue. Amerie did something bad = Amerie bad = I won't talk to Amerie anymore. She treats the ending of a friendship like a corporate boycott. What she says to Harper in episode 6 ("I'm not gonna let you suck me into your negativity black hole. You're an emotional vampire, Harper. I watched a whole YouTube video on it.") is a shining example of both how much of a bitch Sasha can be to the people around her and how she justifies that behaviour to herself. They are bad so I don't have to treat them well. And sometimes that line of thought is genuinely justified, but people are not that black and white and to cut ties with someone you considered a close friend without even talking to them or allowing them to even try and explain or apologise is peak bitch behaviour if you ask me. Especially when it's so clear that they are struggling and have nobody else to turn to.
You may have gathered that both of these points link back to the same thing: her hollow social activism. I am not saying here that she doesn't actually care about any of the causes she supports, nor am I saying that no good has been achieved through her various activist endeavors, but I really think that she approaches it all in the wrong way. Sasha tries so hard to say the correct thing, support the correct causes, and be on the correct side of things in a widespread social view that, not only does it create an element of performance and virtue-signalling, but she just doesn't take the time to actually learn and consider things without looking so far out. To reverse a common phrase, she can't see the trees for the forest, (i.e. she's so focused on the bigger picture she can't see the closer points). I'm sure she really does agree with all of the political and social justice causes that she supports, but because that's all she thinks about it creates the insufferable holier-than-thou attitude that makes her such a bitch while also leaving this vacuum where she fails to apply these ideals to her real life. Empathy is research, compassion is protesting, and when someone fucks up and people turn on them then it's fine to just turn on them too because they did a Bad Thing, no matter what else is happening.
But the door to redemption is open for Sasha and, just like with Spider, I want to see what the writers do with it. I think the big bus fight in episode 6 and Sasha finding out that Quinni has gone non-verbal in episode 7 could serve to open her eyes as to how uncompassionate she's been to the people around her. If she gets clued in to what happened with Harper she may reflect on how poorly she treated her while she was dealing with all of that trauma and realise that she isn't as much of "an empath" as she believes she is, and that just might be enough to open the door for some well needed introspection. Progress would probably be kinda slow, like I said in my post about Spider most people with any kind of strong belief tend to get defensive when challenged, but, also like I said about Spider, if people hold Sasha accountable then change can 100% happen. If the people around her continue to show her that she is not the good and just person she thinks she's being but rather that she's being a bitch and not offering any support or understanding to the people around her, if they can show her that her attitude is causing them harm, then I think that has the potential to open her mind and allow her to learn to fix those problems.
#sasha so#sasha heartbreak high#heartbreak high#heartbreak high 2022#heartbreak high netflix#heartbreak high sasha#heartbreak high reboot#heartbreak high season 2#quinni gallagher jones#spider white#spencer white#amerie wadia#harper mclean#heartbreak high analysis
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Neon Genesis Evangelion 03
You know, I hate to say it, but this show's been pretty friggin' boring so far. I mean, the animation's excellent, and the character designs are really top-notch, but there's these long stretches where nothing actually happens. The dull parts are probably intended to make the robot battles more exciting, but Shinji kind of sucks at fighting, and this whole show seems designed to make me feel guilty about his predicament, so it's hard to enjoy the action, you know?
This one opens with Shinji doing some target practice with his Eva. Ritsuko talks him through the drills, reviewing the technical details of the unit. For example, that cable coming out of its back is a power line, because their battery technology sucks in this world. If the cable gets cut, the Eva has 5 minutes of battery life before it shuts down.
Shinji just sort of exists through these drills like he's in a trance. Ritsuko observes that he seems to go through life just doing whatever he's told.
Misato got him a cell phone when he moved in with her, and she expected him to use it a lot when he started at his new school here in Tokyo-3, but she hasn't heard it ring even once, and she suspects that he has no friends.
The two women consider the Hedgehog's dilemma: the notion that hedgehogs have trouble socializing with one another, because the closer they get the more likely that they'll hurt each other with their quills. Pretty sure that's not actually how hedgehogs work, and I'm pretty sure that's not Shinji's problem.
So far, all I really know about Shinji is that he doesn't particularly like himself very much, and he's adapted to his life in such a way where he just passively accepts everything that happens to him. I'm pretty sure this has a lot to do with the way his dad just sort of glares at him instead of interacting with him like a normal human parent.
I suppose, in theory, Shinji could find some common ground with Rei Ayanami, the other Eva pilot, but he just stares at her while she stares out the window. This is what I mean when I say this show is getting boring. Everyone just sort of keeps restating the premise. The world's in danger from these Angels, the Evas are the only thing that can stop them, and Rei and Shinji are the only ones who can pilot the Evas, so they're desperately needed, but they're also completely distant and isolated from the rest of society. This seems like a really major problem that someone should try to solve, but we're on Episode 3 and everyone just keeps staring at this mess waiting for it to clean itself up.
Let's talk about Shinji's school, because apparently that's incredibly fascinating. Yes, I sure am interested in school. Just the other day I was thinking to myself that there aren't enough animes about schools. They should make... a thousand of them, all set in schools, and everyone could wear the same clothes, even the ones that take place in the future, when you'd expect them to have come up with new social customs. Argh, fuck this.
After the battle in episodes 1 and 2, a lot of people just moved out of Tokyo-3, so it looks like the classes are nearly deserted, except there's a packed house once the classes actually begin. The teacher just happens to give a lesson on the backstory of this world. In 1999 a meteor hit Antarctica, setting off disasters and climate changes that wiped out half the human population. He doesn't get into the Angels, although if I understand correctly, the last one showed up 15 years prior to the start of this show, and the second one showed up in Episode 1. So maybe there's not much to tell.
Anyway, Shinji gets a text message on his laptop asking him to respond to rumors about him being the Eva pilot who saved the city three weeks ago. He says he is the pilot, and the whole class starts asking him questions, ignoring the teacher completely. Everyone thinks Shinji is pretty cool, even though he can't actually tell them anything about his pilot work, and he just sort of murmurs all of his dialogue like a drugged kitten.
Well, one kid doesn't like Shinji, because his sister was crushed by falling debris during the attack, and she's been hospitalized ever since. He blames the Eva pilot for fighting the Angel inside the city, and now that he knows it's Shinji, he punches the shit out of him. Shinji mutters that he didn't pilot the Eva by choice, so the kid punches him again.
Then Rei stands over him like the spectre of death and informs him that they got an emergency call. She says she's going to report for duty, but this is the last time we see her this whole episode. I'm pretty sure Rei does something in this show, but I don't understand why it's taking this long to get to that.
It's another angel and... wow. This is a serious downgrade from the last one. NERV mobilizes the Eva, which seems kind of obvious since that's literally the only thing that works. Apparently this is the fourth Angel, so the third must have been the one from Episode 1 three weeks ago, and the second must have been the one they talked about from 2000.
Misato remarks that NERV's commander, Gendo Ikari, is away, but what difference does it make? All he did the last time was stare at the monitor and smirk occasionally. I think they can manage without him.
Shinji wonders why he's still doing this when his dad's not around to see it. I get that characters don't always understand their own motivations. They're not always honest with themselves, or they act impulsively, or whatever. But I feel like if you put on a leotard to sit in the cockpit of a robot about to do battle against a giant monster, you ought to have some vague idea of why you're doing it.
Anyway, Tokyo-3 goes into battle-station mode, and Shinji engages the Angel, and... immediately goes to pieces. The Angel kicks his ass and severs his power cable, so now he's only got five minutes left before the Eva shuts off completely.
Shinji continues to take a beating, and eventually falls near his two classmates, who snuck out of the bomb shelter to see the battle. The one of the left is fascinated by this Angel/NERV conflict, and the one of the right is the kid who beat Shinji up earlier. Seeing them makes Shinji freeze up, which is impressive because I thought he was already freezing up earlier in the battle. What, is he double-freezed up now? How much does this Angel suck that it still hasn't managed to kill him?
I guess he sort of pulls it together long enough to keep the monster busy while Misato orders the hatch open so the other kids can get inside the robot with him for safety. Ritsuko objects to this, but Misato seems to be in charge, so she gets her way.
Apparently just having passengers on board the Eva can screw up its delicate interaction with the pilot, so this further disrupts Shinji's ability to defend himself. I thought he was already incapacitated from his initial fear, and then again from worrying about his classmates, and now this. Next some guy is gonna show up and stab Shinji in the throat just to make this extra difficult.
But then Shinji goes berserk just like he did in Episode 2, and he manages to kill the Angel before his battery runs out of power. So it all works out.
Three days later... Rei's still staring out that window. Thanks for coming out tonight, Rei.
Shinji hasn't been back to class since the battle, and the kid who beat him up before feels bad about it, now that he understands what Shinji's job is really like. His pal gives him Shinji's phone number to call him and apologize.
And he goes to a phone, but I'm pretty sure he chickens out for some reason. Or maybe Shinji doesn't answer. Whatever.
And that's it. Wow, that sucked. Business will probably pick up later, but I hope it doesn't take too long, because this really isn't doing it for me.
Misato does the next-episode preview segments and she promises "lots of fan service" in Episode 4. Yeesh.
#neon genesis evangelion#2024ngeliveblog#shinji ikari#rei ayanami#misato katsuragi#ritsuko akagi#*do* something! gah!
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Oh oh oooh.... spoilers for ep 7
sooo, my predictions basically came true: livio is out of the picture but still alive, vash communicated with the plant and now something's wrong with him
we saw a glimpse of raslo!!!!! so glad that LR are relevant to the story, they deserve more screen time and they're gonna get it
wolfwood was so unhinged, like yay girl go fuck shit up. yeah I'm sure you can move the canon with your bare hands, sweety
the sand steamer episodes were already adapted in the og anime, so it made sense to use it as a backdrop for a different story. bad lad gang members were basically comic relief, and I'm okay with that
meryl is so GREAT in stampede!! I love to see her development and how she is an active participant in the story and gets to have emotional moments. as much as I love the capable "iron lady" meryl, she was often sidelined in the og series
roberto's big "I'M GONNA GET KILLED OFF" forehead sticker is getting bigger with every episode
I despise legato but also love him, what a drama queen... just can't get enough of this twink's attitude
y'all are saying that zazie pulling that worm from their mouth was sooo gross. really? REALLY???don't you remember WHERE that one worm came from in the manga????? be grateful
and vash......... oh boy. love how he trusted meryl with the whole ship, even tho an episode ago he acted pretty cold. also worked with wolfwood as a team, so cool to see them bonding, especially that interaction after the canon fired
and, of course, the plant stuff!!! a bit disappointed that we're not gonna see any feathers or wings in stampede (at least it seems that way)....... apparently they decided to stir away from christian imagery and embrace a sci-fi look. the designs are cool tho and really drive home that it's some nonhuman bullshit
I sorta expected the final scene, but it was so, so good! the terror in meryl's eyes... and vash finally showed his "oh he's fucked up actually" face. and fucking COLLAPSED. what an icon
I'm curious on what happened with him and the plant. they definitely contributed to stopping the ship, but was there some power exchange and if so, in which direction? ep 8's gonna be mainly expositional, and should clear this up (as seen in the preview, lil' vash does a similar thing with a plant. partially merging??? giving away his energy and that's why his eyebrows are black???)
I already made my predictions for the next two episodes, so that's all for now. man, what a ride
#so sad we didn't see some gorgeously animated wings..... still a great episode even tho it went hard on anime logic#and the next one will be full of little vash??? how am I gonna survive that#it wasn't shown in preview but I wanna get some awkward interactions as vash wakes up and has to explain his entire life apparently#trigun#trigun stampede#trigun spoilers#vash the stampede#meryl stryfe#zazie the beast#legato bluesummers#livio the double fang#wolfwood
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Spoilers for YR3 episodes 1-5!
Ok so I got to the buffer in s3. As I predicted, I really love this season so far (and totally called that angsty music room scene being in episode 5). I'll probably give a full review after the 6th episode comes out on Monday but here are a few things for now:
2 side things I really wanted to see going into this season was Micke and finding out what was going on with Stella and Fredrika. Loved the dad storyline and so happy we got to see more of him (even though it was concluded at the end that he really was just a horrible person). That being said, what is going on with Stella and Fredrika?? I can't be the only one to notice the romantic tension there right?? Like come on Young Royals! Please I am really hoping the 6th episode gives some conclusion on that storyline! I'm kind of sick of these shows sidelining the sapphic characters and I hope they don't do that with these two.
Really hope that Felice and Sara get resolved! I loved their friendship in the first two seasons. I know that Felice was hurt, but Sara seems like she is actually really sorry and wants to at least be friendly with Felice again. I don't think things will go back to how they were but I really hope they can at least make peace with each other.
Simon is fading. You can tell he is just slowly losing himself and its heartbreaking. I really hope that he and Wilhelm have an open and honest talk in episode 6 and he can be more himself again. It breaks my heart that he's not enjoying singing as much, keeps getting attacked, and had to delete his social media profiles. I really do love him and Wilhelm together but they desperately need to communicate and be more themselves in the last episode without all of the added pressure
Ok, I loved Wilhelm's outburst at his parents and then the scene directly after with Simon. I said a few episodes ago that Young Royals will building up to an explosion. Well here was that explosion. And we will get to see the aftermath in its entirety next episode! I don't blame Wilhelm for being angry and I'm glad he got it all out when he did. Can't wait to see what happens next with that.
The whole Erik thing has been so interesting and horrible to learn this season. I have been waiting to learn more about Erik since season 1 and I feel like season 2 just glossed over him. Learning that he was a pretty horrible person and was potentially homophobic is devestating but it also gives him so much more character. It further proves that he was not perfect and this is something that the Queen and the Duke really need to wrap their heads around.
Last thought for now: I actually have no idea how this season will end. Like I'm torn on whether or not Wilhelm will abdicate. He seems like he wants to, but he also doesn't want August to be king. I also think that Wilhelm would actually be a great king if he could just have more of a say and more control. In the past I could always predict how the season was going to end at this point but I can not tell you for this season. It's so exciting and also very scary. I am 99.99% confident Wilmon will be endgame though. The writers would not do us dirty like that. It will either be implied that they will get back together in the future or we will very clearly see it in the next episode. I also don't really think that last scene in episode 5 was a breakup. It was more of an invitation to talk?? I have to remind myself that they were in the palace in the same room (on Wilhelm's birthday for that matter) and that would be a really weird place and time for Simon to just dump him. (Also side note but "Arcade" by Duncan Laurence was the perfect music choice for that scene and so fitting for them as a couple)
I have so many more thoughts about this show but I will likely do a fuller review when that last episode is out. These are just a few things going into the last episode that I wanted to highlight. I love this show so much and can not believe it is almost over. I am so thankful that we will see the conclusion that was always meant to happen and I'll see you all on the other side!
Happy to have any discussions about episodes 1-5 in the comments!
#young royals#young royals s3#yr3spoilers#yr s3 spoilers#thoughts#reflective#It's like 2am right now
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HOO you don't have to respond to this bc I'm gonna RAMBLE but I just wanted to say thank you so much for making this game. I remember when it first came out years ago, I love dating sims, but I had never seen Gravity Falls before. I thought "aw man, if I play this, a bunch of references will probably go over my head huh" so I decided to actually sit and watch GF, I binged it and managed to finish the whole series in about two or three days. I wouldn't have taken initiative to watch the show at *all* if it wasn't for this dating sim, but I sincerely love visual novels more than anything else in the world, and I am so glad I watched the show. I really enjoyed it. Now, years have passed, I decided that I wanted to replay this dating sim again today, but it'd been years since I'd played or even watched the show and I didn't remember much of anything at all, so I rewatched again and fell in love like the first time. I'm pretty sure I sped through the episodes in less than five days this week because I was so so so excited to play this game again. I smiled SO big when I heard the music after opening the title screen. Felt like coming home.
I can tell a lot of love was put into this game. I've tried making dating sims before, just personal ones for my own self indulgence with my OCs and such, and like... dude, it's so hard! Making games is hard!!! Pushing yourself to actually finish a game is hard! Not to mention coding, that's like a whole other can of worms more tempting to never open. So the fact that you finished this game is impressive just in itself! Not only does your game seem so in-character, making it so easy to read everything in the character voices, but it's got such expressive sprites!! I cannot tell you how many otomes I've played where the sprites are just one plain expression with maybe 3 different eyebrow angles and just a switch between a smile and a frown. But your sprites really move!! The body language!! Oh my god. The way the sprites are colored to fit the setting. Like their coloring is darker if they're outside, and even tinted red in the sunset backgrounds. I literally just sat and stared at the screen when that first transition into nighttime happened and you see the characters matching. I was so impressed. Even Stan's hands in his pockets change when he bunches his shoulders forward ever so slightly. The attention to detail is amazing. The outfit changes too!!! Ahh!!! :D
The illustrations. Wow. Just.. man, please let me ramble about the CGs, they're gorgeous. The brush strokes look so so so soft and the fact that so much time was put even into the backgrounds... lineless and so clean... every few minutes I take the time to just stare at the artwork. I rarely draw backgrounds because I find it so difficult, and anyone who has the patience to make backgrounds and also paint is really admirable to me. I'm so blown away by the art in this game. The illustrations are magnificent. There is genuine fondness and joy in their eyes in each drawing and it's so pretty to just [parks and rec voice] this is beautiful, I've been staring at these for 5 hours now
I'm so happy to have found a fan-made dating sim who is not only true to the characters, but also slowburn. It feels real, making a genuine connection with these characters at a steady pace, not rushing into things. And maybe this is just because I'm ace, but agh, I can't tell you how refreshing it is to play a game where I don't have to do anything raunchy to get a good ending... like, I've played so many dating sims, it's one of my favorite things to do, but it's always a little bit disheartening to only get a good ending if you do something sexual, from the perspective of a person who. well. isn't! And when I replayed this game today, I remembered "oh yeah... I don't have to worry about that sort of thing" and it also makes me feel more lovable because... well. ahh this might sound dumb but it made me feel like these two would really truly love me, not just despite me being ace, but maybe even *because* of it? It was so refreshing, I'm sorry I'm not the best with putting things into words but I hope I was able to phrase it clear enough to state: I am really, really grateful that this game is made the way that it is, that someone like me is able to play it without any worries. A huge lift off of my shoulders. I can't tell you how many otomes I've played where I've gotten a bad ending or a neutral ending just bc I didn't sleep with someone. Playing this and just having pure fluff and kisses (with a bit of the steamy makeouts on Stan's route? heehee) Hoooo, that was perfect, that was just perfect.
This message is getting so long fjdhkfh I'm sorry I was gonna ramble more about how much I love the game like, the dates, how the dates are very fun to play bc there's such a variety of things to do that makes you feel like you're really in Gravity Falls, and I love how you get to interact with many more characters on the side without it distracting from the main storyline, like interacting with Dipper and Mabel and even Dan and Susan, things like that! I love the little mini games like boxing and playing dungeons, I love that you have to really work hard to get the perfect endings and that Ford takes a little more time to open up about his feelings - hell, I love the little detail that you have to encrypt the codes to get their walkthroughs!! That's such a cute little touch! This whole thing couldn't be more perfect. I adore everything about this game, it's very dear to my heart. You've all put so much love into it, I don't think there's any other fan-made games out there for any other fandoms I'm in, at least to my knowledge, that are so well put together. It's one of my favorite things and I love replaying it at least once a year. Thank you for making me feel like these characters would love me, it helped me through a tough time lately, I've been in and out of the hospital for a few months and this game gave me some much needed comfort today. I hope everyone who worked on this game is doing well right now. And know that there is some random person out there on this planet under the same sky as you, who is always going to cherish the love put into this game, forever, always gonna have a special place in my heart for it and I am so thankful it exists 🥰💙
i love that you noticed so many details about the game!
reading this felt like looking into a mirror a couple times--i've had a similar experience with vns/dating sims, though for me i gave in and stopped playing them bc it felt like while i loved the genre, it never loved me. i've felt those thoughts and worries myself, so i'm really glad you can just relax with this one!!
thank you so much for sending this in :') i hope you're doing well right now too!
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Review of 11x3
Yes, I am finally doing a review, and it's for the third episode of the season rip to the first two I guess? Also it has taken me all week to write this out despite having notes on it and having it half done ages ago.
First, I'll talk about the Burzek of all it because I'm nothing if not on brand:
I adore their house so much, it's so them.
Their routine 'dance' is so cute. "Stop we're in this together" oh my heart they've grown so much I love it
Burzek texting is so, so cute.
When Adam and Kim was standing so close and cute I nearly died, they're actual cutie pies.
I so so enjoyed and loved Adam looking after Kim. It's such married behaviour. Him trying to encourage her to take a break. And when Adam touched Kim's back oh my heart!
Adam having buddies everywhere helping, I love it so much.
Starting the episode in the kitchen and ending it in it is so good.
When she left through that way she went from mom and family and wife kim to cop kim, and coming back through, after having a rough couple of days, she's once again allowing herself to stop being cop kim and just be in her comfortable family home.
Notable moment being the lunchbox and then her smile at her sleeping family. Adam's smile, Kim telling him to sleep, Adam wanting to hear everything. Adam picking up Mack. All of that.
Now for my general comments on the whole thing:
I love Kim being a spanish speaker. I love hearing her speak it, her voice sounds so so good.
I also liked that Kim did not like the desk sargent's attitude.
I enjoyed the foreshadowing on the green card.
Alvarado going to the toilet right before the shooting happens - something very convenient that I didn't realise at the time.
I loved that Kim immediately clocked the car, then the gun.
I also loved how empathetic Kim was this whole episode.
I do wonder if they're grooming Kim to be the 'main detective' esque character after Hailey leaves.
Kim running point, I love it. She's such a good detective, she deserves to actually be one. She leads the team truly like a true leader. Even clocking when Alvarado is looking up on the computer. And then again talking him down.
Alvarado's frustration - even more clear with that he so wanted him to be the fall guy. He really tried to cover his tracks. If it wasn't for Kim's instincts honestly he would've gotten away with it.
The search for Gabriela is so anxiety inducing, especially when Alvarado shows up.
Talking of which, I love how names are used in this. He is 'Danny' when they see him as one of them, Alvarado when they know he was the perpetrator and I really liked that.
I loved Kim's reaction to the tourniquet being applied wrong, Kim's face at that. The way she said "it wasn't a bystander".
Kim is such a badass. She really has got such confidence, especially in the face of injustice. "You seem to think that would bother me". I loved that line.
I also really love learning about Kim's past.
RE: Kim getting the fake papers, I love how determined to a point of craziness Kim gets, especially on cases she runs/hits close to home.
Sort of off topic but Kim is so pretty <3
Also I loved my protective Kev, the burgwater friendship is so dear to me.
I have to give a special mention to Voight because of this scene: "You been home? You been asleep?" I don't like voight too much, but this season he has really been shining through honestly. That alongside the team knows they can trust Voight, as their Sarge, to bring up their concerns. Also how he checked with her about Alvardo in the first place, he trusts his unit's judgement.
The confrontation scene is one of my favourites. Kim clocking the gun. How she stands. How she lets him talk all while knowing that she's going to arrest him.
And when he tries to turn the table onto her. But when she talks about the diner footage, I love it. Her expression, calm and collected. The way he truly thought she'd let him take the easy way out. "If you make me work for it".
Overall, I really loved this episode. I found it really cohesive and Kim properly shined in it. I still have an issue with the character centricness of these episodes, especially as it's gotten worse again from last season, but Kim definitely did shine.
I do have two issues: although I liked the episode, and the story itself is pretty powerful, it is definitely a Choice to have the latino man be the bad guy. It's a story that needs to be told, but I don't know if this is the place for it when this will be the only immigrant storyline told? Like if they did more on the topic, okay, fine, but yeah, as just the only thing? Not great.
Also the second issue being I would've really loved to see Torres in this episode, and see him and Kim work together or talk about this. And it's just reminded me I really want to see Kim and Torres working together in general, and we should've gotten him in this episode.
Notable Quotes:
"rising tides"
"It's vintage like you"
"THIRD TIME'S A CHARM" - both times
"Got an eye for it"
"i know one [a cop family]"
"nothing" just because i love how Kim says this.
"Kim, you're kinda a walking miracle"
"Adam I used my own money, OUR own money"
"Some cases you'll do whatever you can"
"We bled for it, Kim".
"That feel good?" "Perfect"
#ree has thoughts#ree's reviews#chicago pd#kim burgess#burzek#ree's meta#finally!#right in time for this week too lmao
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One of them tag games
So I wasn't actually tagged by @cour5t in this, but I was tagged by @rosewinterborn in a very similar game, so I'm stealing the first and pretending it's the second, since the second had a few questions that didn't apply to me x)
Last song: I'm gonna do the last song I've had on repeat for this!
Favorite color: I never know what to say for this. Black? Dark red? Dark purple? Dark green? That whole colour palette is the bomb dot com.
Last movie/show: The last movie I watched that was new was Nimona! It was fantastic, 10/10 lives up to the hype. The last show I finished was Reacher. It was okay.
Next on my watchlist: I've finally started watching Criminal Minds, but I'm already kind of burning out on it midway through season two. And there's still like 300 episodes left. Ridic. I should probably catch up on Foundation and For All Mankind. Next movie is the cartoon version of Mulan!
Last game: Prey! I did a replay of Doom 3 a while ago and mused that the horror story-game genre should be revived, and then on a whim I decided to play Prey without knowing anything about it. And it's the exact kind of game I was talking about. It's pretty good.
Last book: Rebirth of the Sigil by Peri Akman. It was disappointing. :/ Especially since I know what the author is otherwise capable of. I had the same thing happen with John Gwynne recently as well.
Sweet/savory/spicy: Savory, I think? I don't have an instinctive sense of what savory is. Google says it's a meaty taste, and I rely heavily on protein, so I guess that. I have a pretty low tolerance for sweetness despite liking sodas and such. I don't like most desserts or can only eat a tiny amount. Spicy is alright but my digestive system disagrees.
Relationship status: *vague gesturing*
Last thing I searched online: The hours for my pharmacy to see if it was too late to pick up my medication.
Current obsession: I am generally not an obsessive person when it comes to, like, interests and activities. But I am an obsessive person when it comes to thoughts and emotions. Lately I've been struggling a lot with thinking about eternity. It has not been fun. On a lighter note, I have also been thinking more regularly about writing. Perhaps someday that will translate into action!
Greatest flaw: How much time do you have? This is actually something I have difficulty answering, because the line between something forced upon me and something that is actually inherent to me is blurred a lot of the time.
I think I'd say how I behave when I'm spiraling mentally. I close off and disappear from almost everyone in my life. Occasionally I can keep up appearances with one group but not the rest, but by and large I become a ghost. When I am in a conversation during those cycles, it's crazy how badly I'm affected. I don't become cruel or mean toward others, but my speech becomes jilted, I can't make eye contact, and I am just devastatingly hateful against myself.
It's partly why I isolate, so that I don't have to expose others to that behaviour. It happens on a yearly basis though, and it can last for weeks at a time, so it has a pretty negative impact on my relationships. I also have no idea how to navigate being in one of those moods while part of a relationship where daily contact is an expectation. When I was part of a romantic relationship, instead of having one big prolonged dip, I would fade in and out of it. A couple weeks good, a couple days bad. Rinse and repeat. Awful. Terrible. Annoying. There's almost no predicting when it'll happen either.
Fic I’m currently reading: I rarely read fics because I have no patience for wading through wish fulfillment, horny writing, and "He would not fucking say that" fics, so there's only one that I vaguely keep up with. My friend has a Mass Effect fic, which can be found here. It focuses on femShep(/Kaidan) and Tali(/Garrus) and is post-ME3.
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I tag anyone who sees this and actually made it to the end, tbh. But for sake of poking, I tag @rosewinterborn with this variant, and also @deadlyessencewhispers, @tananaphone, @stupid-elf, @carrotblr, @atinydroid, @imtryingx, and, uh, uh... I don't know... let's see... @kkshowtunes, @d3viantvanguard, and @awritingcaitlin. I probably just tagged everyone who follows me. Anyway thanks bye
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Not Me Eps 10-12 (of 14 turns out) I am drowning in study, have an update.
If anyone reading this wonders why I have disappeared off their dash or out of their notes it's not you it's me, PhD is breathing down my neck and I am barely running fast enough so I'll be back more in December!...or maybe January 😅
@plantsarepeopletoo @anon451 @shouldiusemyname @thegalwhorants @wen-kexing-apologist @slayerkitty @fanfictionroxs @pandasmagorica
I watched these three one at a time so ep 10 was a while ago now but the plan is to watch the final (actual final) 2 together so I figured I should scream again about how much I love this show before I finish it.
I LOVE IT FOLKS
Ep 10 was rough!
*racks brain for what happened in ep 10*
*checks screenshots*
*one single screenshot from ep 10...*
this is the downside to watching with people...can't pause for screenshotting and I didn't double watch this ep oops
I'm pretty sure this is the ep where:
Black goes back to being Black and breaks Seans heart and beats him up
Dan joins them
White pretends to be Black while seeing his mother but his mother realises anyway.
They all get shot at/actually shot
White saves Sean (and he's EVEN MORE CONFUSED)
...wait do I not even have screenshots from the post saving stuff? That's just wrong.
I will rectify it but this update will be light on screenshots!
I still had questions about Todd and Black here about what happened to them but ep 11 answered those questions!! Even if I spent all of ep 10 and 11 waiting for White and Black to be in the same room as the gang or someone to figure it out or SOMETHING and FINALLY Ep 11 was like....
WAIT
The care screenshots were Ep 11!!
Also before this was the Todd/Black confrontation and their back story was SO interesting. Todd thinking he could use the power, Black wanting to take down the power entirely. SO many Layers I LOVE IT
In some ways I think Black betrayed Todd more than the other way round but really the nuance of it all is fascinating.
And obviously Todd putting Black in a coma trumps that...
BUT THEN EP 12
The HANDCUFF FIGHT
The Brothers!!
THE CHASE?!!
Sean was so desperate GAH I LOVE THEM
Seriously I love them so much I wasn't even mad First was only in this episode for like...3 minutes.
I just want to sit there and stare at them
(Anyone watching Venus? It's really good)
Sean is so loyal and so true, White trying to stay away and regretting it, making his brother understand, making Sean understand.
I am so glad I watched Theory of Love before this or I might have been tempted to go looking for more OffGun and then I'd be watching ToL after this and just...no
Super excited for Cooking Crush now though!!
The Twin connection making Black cry and choke, THE TWINS COMING TO AN UNDERSTANDING
Black being determined to take down Todd while Sean is so determined to take down Tawi has got me SO CURIOUS for the last two eps, I mean we had the drug operation (and Sean using that as leverage to get White to introduce himself lol). But Todd clearly still cares for Black and Black is so opaque because he's been in a coma for most of this and his character before and his actions after, they just seem so focused but without...nuance?
And I doubt this show is going to end without nuance, the protests are rising and the gang are finally a team, there's a plan and cops and AHHHHH
I don't know... I need to finish it (maybe this weekend...maybe in three weeks time)
I have no idea if I am going to have complex thoughts when I am done. But the way this show is exploring these complexities, the law, the privellege, the power, the idealism. It's so fascinating.
OH another thing this ep
Sean tried to get the cop to shoot himself! And then Gram showed up (finally lol, felt like he'd wandered off somewhere...) just in time to give that whole speech that essentially boiled down to: an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
...I really want my little brother to watch this show.
I can't wait to see what happens with it all, I am going to have to go meta searching after I am done...and after I am done drowning in study probably
Predictions?
Todd and Black are going to come to some kind of mutual ground
no idea about Tawi, taken down maybe? but not by them exactly, but the public maybe, although the law probably needs to come into it
Gram Eugene Black love triangle? Honestly don't know (and my pick Black/Gram is out soooo... probably Gram/Eugene if they choose to resolve it
MORE YOK/DAN (*manifesting*)
will Dan be discovered and fired?
WHAT ABOUT THE PARENTS? we haven't heard from the dad in ages??
Also Whites whole actual career arc...?
Hope you're all doing well!!
(also the music in this show, it's on point!!)
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Bad Batch Finale spoilers and ... Critique? I dunno it's probably just me bitching a lot.
Well...
It's not Star Wars if somebody doesn't lose a hand.
I would just like to point out that I wrote a fic that included releasing the zillo beast as a distraction, Nala Se's death, rescuing the brothers imprisoned on Tantiss, Hemlock with a blaster to Omega's head with Hunter and Crosshair as the one's to save her, specifically with Crosshair taking the shot, over a year ago.
People often come up with ideas of what they think will happen (what they want to happen) that are so wildly outlandishly off base that I wonder if we're even watching the same show. So predicting that many things correctly makes me feel pretty smug, not gonna lie.
Anyway!
I love that Echo got to shine this episode and that he always knows exactly what Omega is going to do, because he trained her. That is Echo's kid, and he's so damn proud of her. You can of course see all of the Batch's influence on her - I think that's really well done actually. But I love Echo and Omega's dynamic so much; they're my favorite.
It hurt me so much when Crosshair said Clone Force 99 died with Tech. 😭😭😭 We think of Hunter as the leader, but was he really? By their own direct and indirect admissions at various points, Tech was the glue that held them together.
I'm glad Nala Se was against the empire in the end, but honestly her whole storyline did not go as I expected, and I'm not impressed with it. She's not a good person. She's not reformed. She was the lead scientist in charge on a project that treated human beings as expendable slave labor, erased individuality with reconditioning and murdered anyone who didn't obey or perform high enough with decommissioning. That's canon, you can look it up. Omega being her favorite and her being against the empire doesn't change that. This is an enemy of my enemy situation, not a reformed and on our side now situation. Honestly I think I'm mostly disappointed because they could have given her a complex and interesting story arc, whether it was a villain arc or a redemption arc either way, where we dig into her motivations and her change over time. I actually expected we'd get that from episode one, but what we got of her was sort of glossed over and only present enough to move the plot as necessary.
Same with Emerie to a lesser degree. There was that one line she had a few episodes ago. Something about being "discarded". I'm assuming that means she was a sort of test run for Omega. That's why she's older. That's why she's a scientist. I want the whole story there.
I also expected Rex to show up with backup, but narratively it makes sense. This show is about the Bad Batch, not Rex. It started with just them, it needs to end with just them.
But now of course we need the Echo and Rex show, in which we find out what happens to them and Wolffe between now and Rebels.
I also really truly believed (and I know a lot of us did) one of those X troopers would be Tech and there would be a big standoff where the power of love and brotherhood would overcome his conditioning. While on the one hand, Tech's death was a good one, on the other hand Tech was my favorite and I feel like they purposely baited us all season as a misdirection. Well played, but also fuck them for that. I don't know, maybe we all exaggerated the likelihood of it being Tech because we wanted it so bad.
But if that shot of the one X trooper's helmet with goggles was meant to imply that one of them was Tech, and Wrecker and Echo killed him? Well fuck them even more. I hate my brain for even having that thought. Let's pretend I didn't.
Also fuck them for wasting Scorch like that! How fucking dare they! Why did they bother making that commando Scorch if they weren't gonna do anything interesting with him, and once again misdirect us by making us think he mattered somehow?
The misdirection with Tech I totally understand, but did we really need two? At this point I feel like including Scorch and also Cody was name dropping purely to bait Legends fans and Cody fans to watch the show when maybe we otherwise wouldn't have. Am I biased because Cody being in the season 2 trailer is 100% of why I bothered to watch this show in the first place? Maybe.
Anyway, all in all, it was a good episode, a good season, and a good show. I had a good time watching it and there's a lot to love about it. I'm not going to say I'm definitively disappointed despite my complaints here, because I do fully expect them to announce a new show almost immediately now that BB is over. It's Disney. Star Wars makes them assloads of money. They aren't going to stop.
I just hope they give us more Jedi and clones, because I have zero interest in Tales of the Empire or Acolyte and I won't be watching them. Fuck the Sith, man. Sure I was curious what happened to Barriss but not curious enough to watch a show specifically about the bad guys. And I like the Ahsoka show, but I don't care that much about Elsbeth's backstory. Nightsisters? Yes. Elsbeth? Meh. I found Baylan and Shin more compelling.
But back to Bad Batch. I do think the ending with Omega grown up was absolutely wonderful. I was smiling the whole time. Omega is so great, I love her so much, and I'm really proud of her.
Also Hunter looks much hotter with the salt n pepper beard. 10/10.
Maybe we can get a Tales of the Rebellion as well as Tales of the Clones like we want. I want to know if Omega meets Luke and Leia. I would like her and Luke and Han and Hera sitting around talking about ships and piloting. I want her to meet Chewbacca and ask after Gungi. I want her to be talking to Han and find out about his beef with Boba and apologize and be embarrassed that one of her brothers is willingly a bad guy.
I'm gonna be writing SO MUCH Rebellion/Original Trilogy era Omega fanfiction.
#the bad batch#the bad batch spoilers#the bad batch season 3#i mean its not entirely me bitching. there was definitely a bunch of stuff i liked.
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Crackpot Rambling about MoonWolf and StarOwl
Did anyone else notice something in this shot from Seeing Stars?
Specifically this simplistic drawing, which we can only assume was drawn by Loona, showing a wolf, a moon and a star?
The wolf and the moon are easy to guess the meaning of, but it’s the presence of the star that I find particularly interesting, especially with how it’s just as prominent in the picture as the moon. I ask you; which character in the show has a prominent association, both visual and symbolic, with stars…
…who just so happens to play a major role in this episode alongside Loona?
Now before anyone gets out the tinfoil, no I am not theorizing that Loona and Octavia actually met years ago as kids and have some kind of ‘forgotten childhood friend’ thing going on.
Rather, this scene right here is one of several cases I’ve noticed of the show hinting at a major connection between these two. Not in a ‘long lost relative’ or again a ‘forgotten childhood friend’ sense, but in a more general sense that a friendship between Loona and Octavia is important.
First there’s the simple fact that Loona and Octavia are each associated with closely connected celestial bodies in the night sky: Loona is the Moon and Octavia the Stars. Loona obviously has her name, werewolf-like appearance, the prominent crescent moon on her shorts, and even her whitish-grey fur can be considered similar in color to the moon. Octavia meanwhile has her connection to her father and family as demons closely associated with the stars, her clothing has a lot of prominent star patterns and even her name is likely a reference to a minor planet in our solar system (598 Octavia).
And this episode in particular really reinforces this connection.
We’ve got the aforementioned childhood drawing from Loona scene in the flashback.
We’ve got the prominent ‘Star Owl’ poster that Octavia clearly adores, and later it’s clear that Loona also takes quite a liking to it.
Then there is some interesting layered symbolism of the episode’s theme of ‘looking for the stars’: Octavia spends the whole episode looking for ‘the stars’, in this case the meteor shower, while I.M.P. and Stolas are trying to find Octavia, who herself is closely associated with the stars. Plus there’s the whole irony of the Grimoire confusing celestial ‘stars’ with acting ‘stars’, the TV studio being named ‘Star Seekers’ and the reintroduction of Blitzo’s own desire for ‘stardom’, ie; fame, recognition and validation. Where this gets interesting is that it’s really only LOONA who manages to find the ‘stars’ she was looking for, ie; while the imps and Stolas were getting caught up in various shenanigans, it’s Loona who actually manages to track down Octavia.
At an observatory, no less.
And finally there’s the big scene between Loona and Octavia at the end of the episode. The one that ends with the smog parting to reveal the moon and the stars together in the night sky.
Which Loona and Octavia in turn share an embrace underneath. Heck, the composition of the shot even has Loona’s head in place of the moon.
Going back even further before this episode, let’s talk about Stolas’s Grimoire and how it factors into all this.
It’s easy to think of the book as just belonging to Stolas, but we can also assume that he is training Octavia to be his successor and will one day pass the book down to her. We know that Stolas has been teaching Octavia magic, and has even claimed that she is a prodigy. While neither Stolas nor Octavia seem to care about this detail all the much, I think we can pretty safely assume that the Grimoire is Octavia’s birthright.
Now let’s talk about how the Grimoire has been used by the fine folks as I.M.P. And more specifically, by Loona. Because it’s become pretty clear by now that it is Loona specifically who knows how to actually USE the Grimoire. At the very least, she knows how to use it far better than Blitzo, Moxxie or Millie, who have never been shown actually using the book. And from this we have to assume that Loona must have taught herself HOW to use this ancient, extremely powerful demon artifact with little-to-no outside help. It’s certainly hard to imagine Stolas giving her lessons or pointers.
That alone would be pretty damn impressive, but let’s also square this detail with something we learned in Seeing Stars: Octavia, Stolas’s daughter and student whom he called a ‘prodigy’ in magic, doesn’t yet know HOW to use the Grimoire. While Loona DOES. When Octavia accidentally portals herself to LA, she is botching a spell that Loona has clearly mastered. Stolas even mentions at the end of the episode that he hasn’t taught Octavia spells like portal-magic. Yet, again, Loona has been shown repeatedly using the Grimoire to make portals with ease.
While it’s yet to be commented on in the show, I think it’s pretty safe for us to assume that Loona is a serious prodigy when it comes to magic. Maybe even a bigger prodigy than even Octavia. Notably, when Loona and Octavia go to find their dads, Octavia doesn’t even try to make a portal again. Instead she simply passes the Grimoire to Loona, implicitly admitting that Loona knows how to use it better than she does.
When you really start thinking about it, the implications here are pretty wild in terms of where the story could end up going with all of this. We’ve got Loona and Octavia embodying complimentary celestial bodies in the night sky, with both being magical prodigies.
And on top of that, Loona and Octavia meet because of the Grimoire (Octavia stealing it), and at the end of the episode Octavia notably returns the Grimoire to Loona before they hug. It really makes it feel like the Grimoire is something that symbolically connects these two. Heck, the Grimoire even SHOWS the moon AND stars together on its cover!
Like FORGET just being some ‘adopted step-sister daughters’ of Blitzo and Stolas. This kind of symbolism makes Loona and Octavia feel like the potential heroines of their own, totally separate story. Particularly, it feels like a major contrast to the dynamic between Blitzo and Stolas, who symbolically have almost nothing in common and feel like a meeting and relationship that happened by pure chance.
I mean, I know the show probably isn’t going to do any kind of romance between these two, but all this symbolism seriously makes it feel like Loona and Octavia have some soulmate shit going on. Like Loona is some diamond-in-the-rough ‘chosen one’ and Octavia is her destined partner.
Now of course, I have absolutely no idea if this is ACTUALLY where Vivzie and the rest of her team are going. Thus far, Loona and particularly Octavia have been pretty firmly relegated to ‘supporting character’ position, with their dads taking much more prominent roles as effective ‘main character’ and ‘main love interest’, respectively.
That being said, that could be subject to change. Especially considering how Loona and Octavia could make for an especially strong platonic foil to Blitzo and Stolas. Both as individuals, and as a friendship.
Do I think Loona and Octavia might supplant their dads as the ‘main characters’ of the show? Doubtful.
But depending on how much the show decides to delve into the political scheming and machinations of the Goetia family, like how Stella putting a hit on Stolas feels like just as much a power play as it does an act of petty spite, I’ve got a good hunch that Loona and Octavia will have a major role to play…
#helluva boss#helluva boss theory#helluva boss analysis#helluva boss rambling#Loona#helluva loona#Octavia Goetia#celestial symbolism#complimentary symbolism#when two characters have THIS much complimentary symbolism I think we should be taking notice#loona and octavia as platonic(ish) soulmates?#loona is a lowkey magical prodigy
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A Deep Dive of the Hikari-Mahiru Revue in the Movie, or why maybe you should figure out your own stuff first before giving other people advice
Okay, so the Revues in Revue Starlight are super confusing.
There’s just so much going on at once, from the fights to the sets to the music in the background, it’s overwhelming! And the movie somehow makes the revues even more vague than what we got in the show, because along with the budget to pop off on the sets of the Revues, apparently there’s a costuming department now! Meaning that instead of laying themselves bare like they did in the auditions, now the stage girls are acting like half the time, so I don’t know if they really mean it or it’s just a performance!
That’s not to say the fights are hard to follow, since honestly it’s pretty clear what’s happening and what it means for the characters, but it’s still a lot at once. If you got time the to rewatch any of them, you will probably find something new that you missed the first time. So this is part of my ongoing project to write a deep dive into each of the movie’s revues so I can get a better understanding of everything going on in them.
This is the second one, about the Revue between Hikari and Mahiru, and it should be able to be read stand alone, but I may touch on some themes I mentioned in the previous deep dive on the Revue between Kaoruko and Futaba, since it’s hard to completely separate each Revue from the others.
In my last write up, I could very easily compare what was going on with Kaoruko and Futaba in the lead up to their Revue because they both were together the whole time and I could compare their reactions to whatever was going on in the plot simultaneously. But Mahiru and Hikari are in different places. Both physically, since Hikari went back to London, but also mentally, since by the start of the Revue, Mahiru is ready to move onto the next stage, but not Hikari.
So basically the Revue of Competition is to Hikari what the Revue of Annihilation is to everyone else.
A wake up call that they can’t get to their next stage as they are now.
So to see how we got there, let’s take a look at Mahiru!
After High School, she’s planning on applying to the New National First Theater Troupe, which is widely regarded as the best musical theater troupe! She wants to use what she learned at Seisho to make her ideal self come true on a bigger stage.
This may sound familiar, and that’s because it’s exactly what the Mahiru from 3 years ago, who was applying to Seisho wished for!
Her dream is still the one same one she had from Middle School, and she hasn’t lost sight of that! And we’re gonna see a lot of comparisons between the Mahiru who was applying to Seisho and the Mahiru who is applying to New National.
When she and Claudine are in the washing room, Claudine compares them all to freshmen being excited about the future, and specifically says that Mahiru would be one if she gets into New National. But Mahiru, much like in her interview as a Middle Schooler, isn’t too confident that she’ll be accepted.
And while I really do wish she’d build up some self confidence, I’m really happy that Mahiru resembles her younger self. Admittedly considering that a stage girl evolves everyday, and that stagnating could lead to death as a stage girl, this could be dangerous, but this is a series where literally everything comes back to a promise that two kindergarteners made, so it’s definitely not a bad thing to stick to your roots either.
But the reason it’s so important for Mahiru to stay consistent like that is because she thinks that her younger self was dazzling. Back during Episode 4, Mahiru thought that she had no talent as a stage girl, but Karen pointed out that actually she was overflowing with brilliance, Mahiru just wasn’t looking at herself properly. And while Mahiru wasn’t completely convinced in their revue, afterwards she saw proof of her own potential by looking at herself objectively through an old interview, and realizing that she had that glimmer all along.
Even though she had lost confidence in herself after seeing how amazing everyone around her was, Mahiru realized that as long as she stuck with her original dream from when she applied, she could shine. She didn’t need to rely on anyone else other than herself, despite thinking if Karen left her, she would be empty.
And she’s right! She is someone her classmates and underclassmen can always rely on, and she got to a place where she did everything she could to help Karen find Hikari. That’s not to say the Mahiru at the start of the show wouldn’t have done the same, since she’s a sweetheart and can’t refuse Karen, but she’d be way more reluctant and passive-aggressive.
(Although admittedly the glimmer on screen when Mahiru looked at her current self was a lot smaller than in the interview, but it’s a work in progress! She just regained her sense of self worth after all! Give her some time!)
Self love is hard. And Mahiru did lose herself to despair once, so it’s easy to slip into a downward spiral again. After all, she’s applying to New National alongside Tendou Maya and Daiba Nana, literally the best in her class. It could be easy to lose confidence in herself if she compares herself to them again, and it seems like she does come close at some points.
Because in this movie, Mahiru is constantly linked to Futaba.
Take how the two of them are applying to the same school, even though neither of them are quite sure if they’ll make it in. But despite that they both have a super long list of questions for the actors at New National and are both excitedly reciting the line of the New National’s lead on the train, so it’s clear they’ll do their best to achieve their dream, despite the odds.
Or take how during the Revue of Annihilation, they are both defeated by Nana in the same swing.
As I talked about in the last deep dive, Futaba doesn’t think she’s good enough as a stage girl. In her Revue with Kaoruko, Futaba mentions how she didn’t have the qualities the others had that made them shine as stage girls, and how she needed to go off on her own to become someone who could stand beside Kaoruko.
And all of this rings true for Mahiru as well. Neither her nor Futaba think it’s very likely they’ll make it into New National. And just like Futaba, Mahiru had lost confidence in herself after comparing herself to how amazing her classmates were back in their first year.
But it’s really just a matter of perspective if you consider how Futaba mentioned Mahiru alongside Claudine and Maya as stage girls she admires. Anyways, this will come up later, but just understand that Mahiru doesn't think very highly about her own acting skills, even though she’s actually great and doesn’t give herself enough credit. (Just like Futaba, may I add.)
So Mahiru, after her devastating loss, has a lot to think about before the 101th Starlight Kick Off Party. And like all her classmates, she’s in a dark place. Literally. (Except Maya because she’s simply built different, but we’ll get to that in her essay.)
Nana gave each of them a lot to think about, and Claudine took the practice room and Junna took the table they always ate snacks at, so Mahiru gets the leftovers and has to brood in some place that’s not very significant to the anime, since all the good spots were already taken, I guess.
I think it’s telling that despite all of them facing the same issue, that they aren’t ready for the next stage, they are all dealing with it alone. Each of them knows what the others are going through right now, after all Nana beat all of them at the same time, but none of them are willing to reach out to each other. They’re so caught up in their own problems and self pity, that they don’t realize this is an option.
But keep in mind, if you ignore the absurd and extravagant nature of the revues, they’re just high schoolers who are about to graduate. Literally everyone else around them is also worrying about their future. It’s not just the main characters who are dealing with this.
Just like the stage girls, the scriptwriter from Class B is also in the dark. This is in contrast with all their other classmates who are enjoying the festival and are illuminated by the lights of the party.
And just like how everyone else realized they weren’t ready for the next stage, neither is the scriptwriter.
Even though she promised to finish her script by the party, she couldn’t make it in time. She wanted to write the best final chapter, but she couldn’t achieve that. And now she doesn’t want to go outside and tell everyone that she couldn’t do it. She isn’t ready to go onto that podium.
But she won’t be the only one on that podium.
The director from class B is there too, and she says they have to go up. The scriptwriter promised and everyone is expecting them.
Plus, it’s not like the scriptwriter didn’t try. The script is incomplete, but it’s still halfway there. And it has some banger lines in it.
So when the director and scriptwriter go on stage, the director breaks the tension of everyone noticing the script is incomplete by screaming that she’s afraid. She doesn’t know if they can surpass the production of Starlight they put on last year, just like what the scriptwriter was worrying about.
And it’s not just those two who want to put on the best show they can. You can hear the lighting girls talking to Maya about how they also want the lighting to be the best since it’s gonna be their last year. And then we hear the acting class students talk about how they want to do the lines that the scriptwriter wrote.
They all want to do their best for their final show, and they’re all scared because of that. The director acknowledges that. And she guesses that every year’s graduating class has been scared about their final performance too.
But even though she’s scared, she wants to perform with everyone, since it will be their last chance to put on this show with everyone.
And because the director could admit her own weakness, the scriptwriter can too. (I mean she still needed to be dragged on stage, but still.) The scriptwriter acknowledges her failure and apologizes for being unable to finish, but everyone supports her despite her failure. They love the lines she wrote so far and there for her so she can write even more!
It’s this support that brings the scriptwriter out of the shadows and into the light with all her classmates.
And I’m happy for them! I’m glad they’ve got all these friends who support them, even when they mess up. Even though we don’t see this duo very often, I’ve always had a soft spot for these two. Mostly because I think it’s funny that despite working on the play for 7 months, they completely rewrote the script for Starlight to change the ending and recast the play to change the leads and add a 7th goddess for literally no reason. Actual Legends. And while I’m on the topic, how did Karen and the others even convince them? It’s not like they could explain the Revues…
But the reason I spent so much time on them, other than the fact I adore them, is because we’ll see this entire situation play out again with Hikari and Mahiru in their Revue.
And this scene is also the moment when the stage girls realize that they aren’t alone in trying to figure out their futures and what their future selves will be. They can rely on each other and talk about where they are going. Admittedly stage girls don’t so much as talk as they do swordfight, but you know what I mean.
But unfortunately Hikari isn’t here, so she get didn’t see this beautiful moment of solidarity. She’ll need someone to show her it’s okay to be scared since everyone is there for her.
Fortunately, the rest of the stage girls who are here have learned this lesson. So when they go back to the site of their failure, their death as stage girls, they go together.
The bodies laid out on the roof of the train are dead stage girls. None of them are wearing their cloaks as they have all fallen on the ground. This is their future if they stay complacent and don’t shape up.
But this isn’t the first time Mahiru has seen herself as a dead stage girl. Back during the auditions, Mahiru felt like she had no glimmer. And Hikari, who had actually lost her glimmer in the London Auditions, specifically calls herself a dead stage girl at the time.
So Mahiru knows that the path of a stage girl is going to hurt her. She doesn’t think she’s that good of a stage girl and this inferiority complex drains her. She almost lost hope in her second year because of that, before Karen helped her see herself properly. So she understands that she may get hurt, but she needs to push forward regardless.
But I think this line could potentially be referencing another thing too. In the upcoming Revue, Mahiru is going to have to scare Hikari. This is directly at odds with her motivation to become a star who brings smiles to those she cares about. Mahiru thinks that she can only shine if she makes people happy, and we know how lacking that shine can hurt Mahiru. So this next performance will be painful, but she has to do it. For Hikari, yes, but also because Mahiru is a stage girl who chose to perform.
Everyone from the Revue of Annihilation knows what to do next. They come to the same conclusion and take a bite of the tomato, symbolically the first step to going to the next stage.
But Karen and Hikari didn’t get to witness Nana’s epic solo win where she crushed literally everyone else simultaneously, and like a student who missed a day of class, now need to borrow their friend's notes.
So the Revue of Competition is meant to help Hikari take the first step in going to the next stage, which is to first recognizes her faults and what she needs to do to improve in the future.
Now for Hikari, there really isn’t much to say about her before the Revue. Aside from some adorable flashback scenes, we don’t really know much about what happened to her after the show’s finale. And just like the tomatoes, I’m saving the analysis of that means for the essay on the Karen-Hikari Revue. But as for the third year Hikari, we know that she’s back in London, but her reasons are a mystery.
Just like in the first episode, we know nothing about what’s going on with her. But if there is one thing we do know, it’s that Karen is important to her, even if she won’t say it out loud. I mean, the giraffe mentions Karen being in trouble and she has no hesitation in getting on the train so she can be there for Karen. And this is the same giraffe whose audition led to her losing her radiance and potentially Karen’s too, but none of that matters if Karen’s life (as a stage girl) is on the line.
But her impatience to get to Karen means she skips some important steps.
Unlike everyone else who had to take a break after the wi(l)d-screen baroque scene, Hikari simply runs past the sign, without the proper time for self reflection. This is because Hikari mistakenly thinks she already knows what it means to already be on stage.
For some reason, after sending the cutest picture of them as kids to Karen, Hikari says “We are already on stage,” the conclusion that everyone else comes to on the train, despite having not yet eaten the tomato.
Also, quick sidebar, but literally what the fuck is Hikari on about? What could possibly be the context for sending those two things one after the other? Why does Hikari say the things she does!? I just want to understand her but she always makes it so hard!
So, moving on now, it’s Revue Time.
Hikari, who had entered the revue following a red line that said it led to Karen, she is super lost when Mahiru is there instead, and keeps asking her where Karen is.
But Mahiru isn’t confused at all, she’s been expecting Hikari. But instead of answering any questions, she starts to perform on stage.
And it’s a grand stage, that once occurs every four years where participants compete in a variety of sports for a gold medal, all under the purview of a giant flame that was lit by a torch.
It’s basically the royalty free version of the Olympics.
And Mahiru is in complete control.
Sports have always been associated with Mahiru, recall how her last Revue with Karen had a baseball motif going on, and the Olympics is the biggest stage for sports in the world! Plus the stadium is full of cutouts of her favorite mascot, the Suzdal Cat, as opposed to the singular Mr. White cutout that greeted Hikari when she entered the stage. And that’s not even mention that Mahiru can somehow quiet down the entire stadium at will as well as bring out props from her old revues!
And while Hikari is super confused when she enters the set, Mahiru doesn’t miss a beat when she enters and immediately does her introduction, but in line with an Olympic oath, to show that she is already on this stage.
You can see this difference in preparedness in the entrances of their mascots too. While Hikari was surprised that Mr White was there, which she really shouldn’t since he will always be at her side, Mahiru was leading her Suzdal Cats like a country’s the entrance parade in the Olympics.
Anyways, Hikari is super worried about Karen since the giraffe gave her that cryptic warning, so she’s in a rush to get to her. But Mahiru insists that they perform together anyways.
Because Mahiru knows that Hikari can’t help Karen get to the next stage as she is now.
And Mahiru symbolically says that, by saying right now it's the two of them on stage, so she can’t focus on anyone else right now.
As is tradition for all of Mahiru’s revues, it starts with the opponent running for dear life while she chases them.
The two of them are not on the same page at all, with Mahiru insisting that Hikari compete with her, and Hikari asking Mahiru to stop. Possibly because Hikari wants to find Karen instead of performing with Mahiru, or possibly because Hikari genuinely needs a moment to process what’s going on since this was all sprung on her at the last minute.
But Hikari does perform with Mahiru. She and Mahiru put on outfits for the various sports they compete in. And when you listen to the song, you can hear both Mahiru and Hikari singing about competing in various sports. Hikari can do this much because Hikari has always been an amazing stage girl. The beginning of the show had her perform at a level that impressed everyone who saw her, even though she lost her motivation and her heart wasn’t in it.
But when you look at their dialogue, you can see that Mahiru is in character for all these, as she talks about how rivals competing can push each other to new heights. But the issue is that Hikari keeps breaking character, pleading with Mahiru to listen to her so that they can stop performing.
So basically this is all a long winded way to say that Hikari is not on stage. She’s refusing to act, which is why she loses her button, her pride as a stage girl. Since what’s the point of a stage girl who won’t act?
And just like the stage girls who lost their jackets when Nana beat them, Hikari stands there in utter confusion over what just happened.
The song stops, and since Hikari lost her button, the revue should be over, right? But this isn’t an audition, so the same rules don’t apply. This is between these two, so they’ll decide when it ends.
Mahiru confronts Hikari over the fact that she won’t act despite claiming to be on stage, and the stadium dims as it loses its shine, since it looks like the performance is over. But then Mahiru starts singing in the background again. Their Revue isn’t done yet. And since Mahiru has been in complete control of this set so far, it shows that the dimmed lights aren’t because the show’s over, but because Mahiru isn’t trying to make those she cares about smile anymore.
In Hikari’s revue with Nana, the background becoming blue was a triumphant moment for her. It was the moment her brilliance was reborn as she remembered her promise. But this time, the background becoming blue is ominous for her. But just like last time, this signifies that we are going to focus on Hikari and their promise for this next act.
And apparently this next act is a straight up horror movie.
Okay, before I get to the next part, I want to discuss a question: Is Mahiru acting here?
Like afterwards, she does say that all of this was an act to Hikari, but it’s left a little vague.
I mean she literally says that she always hated Hikari just after the song in the background has her singing about her how she wants Hikari to be honest. And as I mentioned earlier, when the two of them were performing, they changed into the outfit of whatever sport they were playing, but they are in their stage girl outfits here. Although that might just be because Hikari didn’t realize that Mahiru was acting at the time, so that’s why neither of them could change.
But from her perspective, I get why Mahiru could be pissed at Hikari here. After all, she just sang a song about wanting to compete with Hikari as rivals, but Hikari kept brushing her off. And this could just be frustration from all the way back in the second year where they were love rivals over Karen, but Mahiru was way more conscious of Hikari than she was of her.
And Karen is still super important to Mahiru. So when Hikari just straight up left after they performed Starlight, Karen was hurt, and no one knows why Hikari did that.
It’s easy to be frustrated with Hikari after all of that.
But I don’t think Mahiru would lie to Hikari about feeling scared over having to act scary, especially because Hikari just admitted that was scared of facing Karen. And although Mahiru says she’s not great at acting after Hikari leaves, which is what made me think there is a grain of truth to her performance in the second part of the revue the first time I watched the movie, remember that Mahiru has been constantly underselling her skills since the movie began. Despite what she thinks, she could totally pull off this performance because she definitely has the range! She just needs to recognize that in herself.
But the biggest reason I think this was all fake and Mahiru was just acting in this scene is because when Mahiru is actually angry, she doesn’t act like this. We’ve seen Mahiru angry a few times in the series so far. Like back when Kaoruko wanted to snitch on Hikari and Karen for sneaking out without a permission slip in episode 4, and Mahiru scared her off by reminding her that snitches get stitches and also Mahiru had a baton and she knew how to use it. Only at that time, Mahiru was way more expressive and theatrical when threatening her, imitating Kaoruko and monologuing about how she wished Karen paid attention to her like she did Hikari.
And this is a recurring thing for Mahiru. She cries tears of frustration when confronting Hikari in the locker room about stealing Karen from her. She loudly whines whenever Karen makes them late at the start of the series, and during their Revue, Mahiru acts overly cheery at first but nearly breaks into tears when she talks about how she missed their old relationship since she thought it was the only thing she had.
So the Mahiru in the Revue, who acts cold while forcing Hikari to face uncomfortable truths, doesn't feel like the same person to me. No, if anything, this anger feels more like Hikari’s.
In episode 3, after Karen’s revue with Maya, and in episode 5, when Mahiru accuses Hikari of stealing Karen’s glimmer from her, we see an angry Hikari. She’s cold and harsh and threatening, and completely ignores what the other person is saying.
So my theory is that Mahiru is trying to show that she means business by imitating Hikari. It’s a nice a little call back to when she imitated Kaoruko back in episode 4, but that time was to show that she knew what was going on, but this time it feels like an attempt to convey the intended emotions in a language that Hikari understands, but Mahiru doesn’t realize how scary she can be and went overboard.
But while I do think Mahiru is acting in this part of the Revue, she might still be mad at Hikari deep down. After all, no one frustrates us more than the people we love, since we expect so much more from them. But it’s left vague on purpose, because even if Mahiru hated Hikari at one point, now she chooses to ignore that to help her get to a point where she’s ready for the future, and honestly that feels a lot like love if you ask me.
That was a bit of a tangent, but I wanted to get my thoughts out on why Mahiru acts so scary before I actually looked at her actions in this scene, since hopefully it will help us understand her better. Also the fact that I changed my mind about what was going on after rewatching the movie and the show makes me want to see what others think, since other people may have their own interpretations that could make me see it in an even newer light.
So back to the Revue, Mahiru shows she means business by decapitating the Mr White cutout Hikari came in with. Now Mr White has always been by Hikari’s side, a bastion of support and comfort in her most trying times, but Mr White can’t help Hikari right now. Like Mahiru said at the start of the Revue, there’s no one on this stage but them. And right now, Hikari is alone.
So Hikari flees from the stage.
She runs away to the backstage, as you can tell by the background having spare props, dressing room lights, costumes hanging on a rack, etc.
But Mahiru calls her out for that. That she’s running away, just like she did from Karen and their promise. And she wants to know why Hikari is running.
And behind Mahiru, as well as all the places that Hikari had previously run, there are these Suzdal Cats cutouts with red heads.
So I’m not sure exactly what those things represent, but I have a couple theories. Firstly, I think that it's a constant reminder of what Mahiru did to Mr White. She decapitated him, and so their red heads remind Hikari of the danger that she’s in. Another explanation is that the circular red shape of the head could be a reference to the tomatoes, the symbolic first step to going to the next stage. Hikari still hasn’t accepted it, so they’re looming behind Mahiru, constantly reminding her. But my last theory, and what I think is most likely, is that they’re reminding Hikari of a certain other redhead she’s been running from.
And Mahiru is an extension of that. She’s chasing Hikari while repeating the promise Karen and Hikari made, and Hikari is running from her. She also asks Hikari why she really left for London, calling Hikari a liar for saying that she left in order to make sure Karen didn’t get too spoiled, since that’s also a way of running from the truth.
And in order to escape, Hikari runs to the elevator, heading up from the 99th floor to the 101th. This is a nod to how their class performed the 99th production of Starlight and the 101th production will be their last, showing the passage of time. I’m not entirely sure why these numbers were chosen considering Hikari was only in their class for one year, but I think the more interesting thing is that the elevator is going up. After all, the elevator to the auditions went down, so it shows how Hikari is still running from the stage.
But despite not being in the elevator, Mahiru still manages to confront Hikari. And Mahiru demands more from Hikari. To act more properly. To convey more emotions. To say more lines. To be more real.
Because Hikari has never given the audience much to go off of. She’s the cool and mysterious transfer student. We didn’t see her backstory until episode 8, over halfway through the series. We didn’t even know what she was up to in London before the Movie Revues!
And this approach carries over to Karen too. Hikari never sent letters and she’s a taciturn person in general, so it can be hard to tell what she thinks. Now there’s nothing wrong with that, after all I’m a private person myself too. But this is an issue when it comes to dealing with problems with Karen, since Hikari usually pushes Karen away instead of telling her more.
Hikari locked Karen in a shed without explanation to keep her from the Revues. Hikari beat Karen in the penultimate revue of the show since only she knew what winning the top star in the audition meant. Hikari solves problems on her own, without explaining her plans to Karen.
And while it was okay in the show, since Karen was the one reaching out to Hikari there, that won’t work this time, since Karen needs help. Karen needs help to know what to do in the future, and if Hikari can’t give her anything to work with, then the two of them meeting at this point is useless.
And as Hikari escapes from the elevator, where she still was still being pursued by Mahiru and the redheaded cutouts, she’s eventually comes to the elevated platform of the backstage, but it’s a dead end (It’s also shaped in a T like position zero). And now there’s nowhere left to run on this bridge, so Hikari is forced to stop running from the truth and confront the real reason she’s left Karen.
This is also the moment Mahiru corners Hikari, showing that Hikari running from Mahiru meaning Hikari can no longer run from either Mahiru or Karen anymore.
Also I want to take a second here to point out that in the song in the background, even though Mahiru is the only one singing, it isn’t a monologue. She’s directly asking Hikari questions, but Hikari isn’t answering them. And just like the song, when Mahiru confronts Hikari about how she intends to help Karen be reborn as a stage girl if Hikari isn’t even acting properly as a stage girl and can’t face Karen properly, and Hikari can’t say anything in response.
So the last thing she can see before she falls is a young Karen, holding a letter. (Also a neat thing I noticed is that Hikari’s eyes narrow in fear almost identically when she sees that Mahiru means business as well as when she sees young Karen.)
But this isn’t the Karen from when Hikari made a promise with her. She’s wearing the crown pin that Hikari gave her after they made the promise and the letter in her hands isn’t the invitation that Hikari gave to her all those years ago, since it doesn’t have the Mr. White sticker. Instead, it is one of Karen’s numerous letters that she sent to Hikari that she never responded to.
This is the Karen that Hikari ran from.
And since Hikari can’t answer Mahiru, she pushes Hikari off the stage (or drops, it’s vague like that.) And as I talked about in the deep dive essay on the Futaba-Kaoruko revue, falling in Revue Starlight signifies failure. But the thing about failure is that the most important thing is what you do next.
As Hikari falls, she has flashbacks of the first time she met Karen, the last time she saw Karen before moving, and the moment Karen gave her the star hair pin, the moment they solidified their promise. And all this is very similar to what happened to Karen in episode 1 when (dream) Hikari pushed her off Tokyo Tower, which symbolizes the stage, and it was this moment that made Karen realize that she wasn’t taking her promise with Hikari seriously enough.
So just like how Karen could be reborn after that moment, Hikari falling here is a chance for her to confront the fact that the real reason she had left was not to keep Karen from getting spoiled and stagnating as a stage girl, but because Hikari was worried that she would be the one to stagnate, because she would be too captivated by Karen to become a stage girl who could stand by her side.
And eventually, Hikari lands safely on a giant Mr. White, because Mahiru doesn’t actually want to hurt her. This is all an act, remember? And in lying down in the fetal position, Hikari is symbolically reborn as she admits that Mahiru was right and she had been running from Karen and their promise when she went back to London. She cries and admits that she was scared and she’s sorry that she avoided Karen after they fulfilled their promise by going back to London.
And this next part is kind of a stretch, but the shot of Hikari lying alone on a soft mattress-like object kind of reminds me of that scene in episode 1 where Hikari was lying in bed, clutching a picture, the same picture of them that Karen kept framed in her room. Up until then, Hikari had been rather cold to Karen, but this was the first glimpse we saw that Hikari cared about that promise just as much as Karen.
But unlike that scene from episode 1, Hikari isn’t alone anymore.
Mahiru is also there, and her voice is much kinder than before. She admits that she had been acting the whole time, and that she was and still is scared too. Specifically about whether or not she could be a good enough actor.
So Hikari asks Mahiru why she stands on stage when she’s scared, because Hikari was terrified and she ran but Mahiru could instead overcome her fear and embrace it.
And Mahiru’s answer is simple. Because she decided that she will live on stage. And this is a really big moment for Mahiru, because earlier in the series, she said she only applied to Seisho because her grandmother and the people around her thought she could become a star. And now Mahiru fully accepts that dream as her own, she’s not trying to meet anyone’s expectations other than her own now, and she’s choosing to be a stage girl.
And Hikari also decided. She made a promise to stand on stage with Karen and shine together all those years ago. And even though it’s scary, she still decided that she wanted to be a stage girl who could stand beside Karen all those years ago.
Just like that scene with the scriptwriter and director at the party, they’re both scared. They’re both facing the same challenges. But even though they feel alone, there are people around them who care for them and are willing to help them.
And Hikari and Mahiru have each other, so they can help each other overcome their fears.
So as the star in the background ascends like a sunrise, Mahiru returns the star clasp that she had knocked off of Hikari so long ago. And the whole thing resembles a medal ceremony because now that Hikari is honest with herself, she is actually on the stage now, so they can finish their performance.
Plus this also ties into the line from the pep rally that was spoken over Mahiru, since she literally helps breathe new life in Hikari by helping her be reborn as a stage girl.
Meanwhile, Mahiru sings to Hikari that she understands her fear of being left behind, because of how dazzling everyone else is, since that’s what caused Mahiru to lose heart in the beginning of the show, so she knows what Hikari’s going through. Hikari isn’t alone, and if she bears her heart more, she can perform more honestly, which is a much nicer way of conveying that message than chasing Hikari backstage with a mace that can crack concrete.
And since Hikari finally understands what Mahiru has been trying to say to her the entire time, the two of them can now sing together in harmony about how as rivals, they can share their burdens with each other.
And after restating what she said at the beginning, how she was happy that she could share the stage with Hikari, Mahiru urges Hikari to run, despite being on her case about how she ran away from Karen only minutes ago.
Mahiru knows that Hikari has another stage with Karen and encourages her to say the final lines to Karen that she couldn’t before, because she had been too scared to say them before this Revue.
But before Hikari can descend down the combination finish line/position zero, the two of them say their goodbyes, with Mahiru reaffirming that she was happy to stand on stage with Hikari. Mahiru had been saying that from the start of the revue, but it’s also a callback to when Karen had to descend into the basement to save Hikari with the help of her classmates. Each and everyone of them asked Karen to pass on the same message to Hikari, that they were waiting for her on stage. So it’s not just Mahiru who’s there for Hikari, but every one of the stage girls she fought with and grew together with during the auditions.
And Hikari, before she leaves, thanks Mahiru again. She also praises her acting skills, partially because Mahiru was super terrifying earlier, but also because Hikari has always thought highly of Mahiru. Hikari, who is notoriously stubborn, always listens to Mahiru when it comes to cleaning their room, despite being super reluctant about it. And in episode 5, Hikari herself says that Mahiru is shining, even when she had lost confidence in herself.
Hikari always saw Mahiru as a proper rival, even if Mahiru didn’t realize it.
We see this again, in Mahiru claiming she’s not that great of an actress after Hikari is gone. Mahiru still suffers from the self doubt problems she came into this revue with. Actually, Mahiru doesn’t change at all in this revue. She repeats the same thing at the beginning and end, that she’s happy to be on stage with Hikari. And her last line in the scene is the same as her introduction’s last line!
And that’s because Mahiru doesn’t need to change. She was already shining at the start of the Revue. Her arc in the show was that she lost track of what she originally came to Seisho to do. And in this movie, we see the continuation of that struggle. Times are going to continue to be rough for her, and she won’t always have the confidence to succeed, but as long as she keeps aiming for her original goal, she can be happy and brilliant as a stage girl.
And she keeps at it! Mahiru makes it into the New National Troupe despite her doubts! And she made it in with her fellow applicant Tendo Maya, literally the top star of her class!
As for Hikari, we’ll get to her ending when I cover her Revue with Karen, but just know that had she not had this Revue with Mahiru, she would not be ready to face Karen, and they wouldn’t get a happy ending.
Anyways, before I get to my final thoughts on the Revue, I wanna do my fun facts corner.
The Olympics has a passing of the torch from event to event, like how Mahiru is passing the torch onto Hikari to help Karen. She helps Hikari understand how to get to the next stage, and in turn Hikari will help Karen in her next revue!
The set of Mahiru’s previous Revue was full of cartoonish designs and had a childish air in general. But the Olympics is the greatest stage for sports in the world, and I’d like to think that this reflects not only the bigger budget of the movie, but also the bigger ambitions and maturity of Mahiru now that she doesn’t rely on others to feel dazzling.
But it’s still the same Mahiru, so she keeps the cutouts and Suzdal Cats, as well as the UFOs that are around when Mahiru drops Hikari from high up.
Also, whenever Mahiru and Hikari are performing and have a number on their uniform, it’s their student numbers, 17 and 29 respectively.
Mahiru can deadlift almost 200 kg. This is very important and I need everyone to know this fact.
Once Karen and Mahiru came to a proper understanding in the Revue of Jealousy, the two of them play baseball to decide the winner. So in a way, I think this shows Mahiru’s sincerity in attempting to perform with Hikari, since she and Karen managed to communicate like this, and Mahiru wants to use what Karen had taught her to communicate with Hikari.
Also, I’d like to take a moment to appreciate how far their relationship has come. After all, Hikari really didn’t care for Mahiru at first. She came to the Tokyo Auditions and was willing to steal the brilliance of all the other stage girls in order to keep her promise with Karen. And in episode 11, when Hikari doesn’t do that, her classmates all agree that it was probably to protect Karen, and the rest of them were saved as a byproduct of that. Another example is how despite knowing that moving in with Mahiru and Karen would be a bother to Mahiru in episode 1, she moved in anyways despite her objections in episode 2 anyways.
But Hikari does soften a lot over the series, and since they are roommates, she probably was the closest to Mahiru out of everyone other than Karen. So that’s why Hikari doesn’t just ignore Mahiru, and tries to reason with her at the start of the revue.
The redheaded Suzdal Cats might be rejected props since one of them has an upside down mouth. This is either to show that Hikari running away is a mistake or it’s to give a feeling of wrongness about what Mahiru is doing, since she’s actually acting here. I didn’t bring this up earlier though, since usually the redheaded Suzdal Cats are blank.
I always thought Hikari moved since her parents got transferred or something, but Hikari makes it sound like she’s the one who chose to London, so I’m imagining the conversation her parents had go like, “Hey, Honey? Our five year old is worried she’s gonna catch feelings for her best friend, so we’re gonna move halfway around the globe. How’s your English?”
The fact that Hikari and Karen need to find themselves and their own star apart from each other now that they completed their kind of brings to mind how Mahiru’s Revue in the show was about finding her own shine and not relying on others, which feels thematically similar, and is probably why she could help Hikari come to the same conclusion.
Mahiru says she wanted to be on the same stage as Hikari, but understands that Hikari has another revue with Karen, which is some good character development considering that she also wanted to stand on stage with Karen, and got upset when Karen wanted to stand on stage with someone else too.
Also it’s just so nice that Mahiru is just so gentle with Hikari at the end, showing just how much she cares about her and wants the best for her. And I know that Hikari and Karen have this bond of destiny and they mean so much to each other, but they both have two hands okay!?
Also they literally just taped the head of the Mr White cutout back on at the finish line. That’s just so funny.
Anyways, take a look at Hikari running to her Revue with Karen before and after this Revue. The first time, she’s in the dark, and she’s determined, but probably a little scared. But after Mahiru, Hikari is bathed in sunlight, and is smiling when she runs. She’s still determined, but she’s not nearly as impatient since she stops to say goodbye and compliment Mahiru. Anyways, this Hikari is way more ready to finally face Karen than before, and I think the difference between the two shots helps show that.
So overall, this Revue feels a little out of place. Unlike everyone else in the Movie, Mahiru doesn’t really change after this Revue, and Hikari still has another Revue with Karen, so this isn’t really a conclusion for her either. But it still makes sense in a way. After all, this the culmination of both of their times at Seisho.
Because for Mahiru, there is never going to be a proper end point for her goal, unlike Karen and Hikari’s Starlight or Claudine beating Maya. She’s going to have to always keep trying to become a warm star, even when times get tough. And so the fact that Mahiru can remain unchanged, even after a Revue, which is usually a volatile moment for a stage girl, says good things about her future.
And for Hikari, this Revue is the result of her time at Seisho. Even though before she had only come there to get her brilliance back to maintain her promise with Karen, she found friends who will support her. I said before that this was supposed to be like the Revue of Annihilation for Hikari, but in a way it’s also her Interlude of a Stage Girl. That’s the song where all the classmates helped Karen descend into the basement to find Hikari, and they told her that she wasn’t alone.
And this was important since Karen literally quotes Junna and Maya while fighting Hikari to show that Hikari doesn’t have to perform alone. And in a way, this revue tells Hikari the same thing, that she doesn’t have to perform alone. Only this time it isn’t Karen saying it, but Mahiru, because Karen isn’t the only bond Hikari had at Seisho.
It also opens up the idea of a stage without Karen for Hikari, which is essential for the two of them since their next stage won’t have each other on it.
Also I’m just really happy I finally got to see the Hikari-Mahiru revue after I got baited in the show. And yes, I’m still not over the fact that they had the ringtone chime right when Hikari and Mahiru were about to get into an argument in the locker room, only to never follow through on that until now.
But I guess it was worth it. This was everything I wanted and more from their Revue together!
#revue starlight#hikari kagura#mahiru tsuyuzaki#mahikari#revue starlight movie#shoujo kageki revue starlight#gekijouban shoujo kageki revue starlight#revstar#essay
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