#it's been sad orphan hours over here for a few days idk how to shake this wave of grief | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

littlemarvelfics · 5 years

Text

The Red Room

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: A lil violence, nothing major

Squares Filled: Memory Loss for @star-spangled-bingo and K2 Image Prompt for @buckybarnesbingo

A/N: I hope this anon is still around because I LOVE this prompt. It got away from me a little, but I hope you still enjoy it! You can find the image mentioned here.

Prompt:

Hey! I was wondering if you could do a Imagine with Bucky Barnes where the reader has a mechanical arm like him but on her right arm and was trained by Red Room like Natasha Romanoff... Maybe this is weird... Maybe they argued about some shit that happened to them in their past were they met up and kick both of each other’s asses and they both make it up to one another some how???? Idk know man idk

You jumped up from your cot at the sound of an explosion, the force rattling the concrete room you were in. You could hear people yelling to each other in different languages, instructions on where to go, what to destroy, but you heard one word over and over again. ‘Avengers’.

You grabbed one of the bars of your cell with your right hand, the clanging of metal causing someone running past to look at you before quickly moving away.

From down the hall, you heard yelling that quickly ceased and was replaced with the groans of the injured. You went to work, attempting to bend the metal of the cell, trying to free yourself. Normally it would have been easy. But the last treatment they gave had done something, your mind felt fuzzy, and you were unsteady on your feet.

“Y/N?” a voice spoke.

“Y/N? It’s me. Oh god. What did they do to you?” she continued when you stayed quiet.

“That’s not my name,” you said harshly.

“Then what is your name?”

You opened your mouth to respond, but your brain couldn’t find the answer.

“That’s what I thought,” the redhead mumbled before speaking into the air. “Steve, we’ve got a situation.”

You moved closer to the bars in an attempt to disarm her, but before you could make a move, you felt a prick on your neck as the world around you faded to black.

+++++++++++

Your eyes slowly opened, taking in the stark white room around you. It was vastly different from the cold, grimy concrete room you were usually kept in. You stretched the kink from your neck and got off the bed, pacing the room. You didn’t belong here. Something was wrong. You hoped to God you weren’t in trouble. The door opened, and you swiftly faced it. The red-head from earlier entered, a small woman in scrubs following her closely.

“Y/N, I’m Natasha, and this is Doctor Cho,” she said gently, gesturing to the woman behind her. “She’s going to examine you, and I’m going to ask you some questions, is that okay?”

You furrowed your brow in confusion at her question. You never got a choice. You gave a small nod of your head, indicating you would cooperate.

“Do you know who you are?”

You started at the woman called Natasha as you searched your brain for an answer. You were silent for a few minutes before shaking your head.

“That’s okay, do you know where you were when I found you?”

“A HYDRA base,” you mumbled. “I never know the locations.”

“Good, that’s good. Do you know why you were there?”

“A mission,” you answered quietly, momentarily distracted as the doctor poked and prodded you.

“Do you know what the mission was?”

You closed your eyes as you tried to remember the mission they had given you shortly before everything had gone to chaos.

“Assassination. A CEO funding the wrong cause, I don’t remember his name.”

“That’s okay. We’re gonna leave you to rest okay?”

Natasha started towards the door but stopped short when you called out to stop her.

“You said my name… what was it?”

“Y/N,” she said with a smile.

You repeated it back to yourself quietly. You continued repeating it, trying to force a memory long after Natasha left the room.

++++++++++

“Why is she so calm? She’s answering questions like she knows you,” Tony said as soon as Natasha came into the observation room, concealed behind two-way glass.

Natasha looked at you, a fond smile playing on her lips.

“She’s a few years younger than me. She was trained with me, we spent time in The Red Room together. Once I graduated, I never saw her again. Not until now.”

“That doesn’t explain why she’s so… docile,” Steve interjected.

“Part of it has to do with the sedatives I’ve given her,” Doctor Cho explained. “As far as I can tell, her memory was recently wiped. They may not have given her the drugs necessary for her mission.”

“What do you mean? I thought she was like Bucky?” Steve asked.

“She is, in part. She has a version of the serum running through her veins. But I’m assuming when Bucky escaped they changed their protocol. She needs an injection of adrenaline and probably some amphetamines to put her into the state Bucky would be in if he were triggered.”

“So she’s just a normal girl?” Tony confirmed.

“Far from it,” Natasha laughed. “She’s still a professionally trained assassin. She can fight, shoot with deadly accuracy and she’s stronger than most. Just not super-soldier strong.”

“What’s our play, then?” Tony asked. “Chances she’s screwing with us?”

“Does she look like she’s screwing with us?” Natasha asked, pointing to you in your room. You were sitting on your bed, knees held tightly to your chest, mumbling something over and over again. She could only assume it was your name.

“I think she should stay here,” Natasha continued. “We can’t just dump her on the streets, and I think I can help her. Maybe find a middle ground between what The Red Room made her and what HYDRA made her.”

The rest of the group agreed, dispersing quickly. Natasha stayed in the room and observed you a while longer before making her exit. It was going to be a long time before there was any type of ‘normal’ in your life.

+++++++++

A few hours later, Natasha was in the kitchen when Bucky cornered her.

“What is she doing here?”

“She who?” Natasha questioned, playing dumb.

“Nat…” Bucky warned.

“I found her,” Natasha said. “She was in a HYDRA camp. I didn’t realize you knew her.”

“A version of me knew a version of her.”

“Explain,” Natasha demanded.

“She came to us after The Red Room. They said she still needed more training and they sent her to me.”

“You should talk to her.”

“And say what?” Bucky asked.

“Anything. She doesn’t remember anything right now, Bucky. I’m sure she’s afraid and lonely. You should talk to her,” Natasha repeated.

“I don’t even know her name,” Bucky mumbled sadly. “They told me to call her brigadier.”

“Y/N. Her name is Y/N,” Natasha said, rubbing his arm. “When she was with you, did she have…”

“Did she have what?” Bucky asked, suddenly worried. Throughout the year and a half of training you, Bucky had developed feelings for you. Or at least what feelings he could manage. He remembered tearing apart the room the two of you trained in until they restrained him and made a mess of his brain again. He never forgot you, not really anyway.

“She has a metal arm Buck. Her right one.”

“No,” he whispered. “No, she didn’t have that when I knew her.”

“We found her file. It didn’t take long,” Natasha confessed. “I haven’t read all of it, but they didn’t have a reason to take her arm Bucky… they just did.”

Bucky closed his eyes and let out a breath. He thought of the pain you must be in, probably a pain similar to his own. The constant aches, the uneven weight, the hot burn he felt where metal met flesh. Bucky had made his peace with his arm, it was a part of him, an almost necessary part from what he read in his medical file from the 40’s. But he couldn’t imagine how you would feel, knowing that your body was ripped from you in more ways than one.

“Don’t tell her, not yet,” Bucky said. “I want to help.”

“I was hoping you would say that,” Natasha said with a smile.

+++++++++

When Natasha introduced you to Bucky, you didn’t show any recognition, but it didn’t stop her from pestering Bucky to tell you about your history with each other. Bucky had said it was only training, but from the sadness in his eyes, Natasha could tell it was more. Every time you fell back into your old habits, not speaking, not moving, barely even breathing until you were told to do something, Natasha saw how much it hurt Bucky. All any of the team could do was slowly work with you until things started to get better.

Two months after your arrival to the compound, you were less skittish around everyone, Steve had even made you laugh earlier that day, a rare occurrence. You and Natasha were going for a run around the compound when she saw Bucky watching you carefully. She rolled her eyes at him before turning her attention back to you.

“There’s something I should confess,” she said, slowing her run to a light jog.

“That can’t be good,” you mumbled, looking over at her.

“I have your file. I know you can’t remember some things. Maybe it will help fill in some gaps,” she suggested.

You shrugged a shoulder.

“Can’t hurt,” you said simply.

++++++++

When you returned to your room a few hours later, there was a worn file on your desk, your name written boldly along the side. You picked it up and took a deep breath. You flipped it open and started reading. The first few pages weren’t helpful, information on your parents and where you came from, things you didn’t care to remember. You knew you were orphaned- that was enough for you. The next few pages were about your Red Room training. You remembered some of that, not enough to remember Natasha or anyone specific but the blurs of training and correction flashed through your mind.

As you flipped to the next page, a picture fell out. You weren’t in it and assumed it had been shoved into the file by mistake. Before you could put it back, you stared at it intently. Something seemed familiar. You squinted at the picture, it was worn, but you could make out that it was Natasha and Bucky. Natasha looked younger in the photo, you knew she used to work with Bucky on the occasional mission, she had told you that much. But what struck you was Bucky. He looked different somehow. You gasped and brought your hand to cover your mouth when the realization hit you. You knew him. You hadn’t seen him in uniform before today.

You closed your eyes as the memories washed over you. They had told you that you were to be trained by someone new, injecting you with whatever sludge they concocted that day before sending you off. That’s where you met him- the asset. He was tough, always working you hard, disciplining you when you failed to meet his expectations. You could almost feel the crack of his palm against your cheek now. After a few months of training, the discipline came less often than rewards, which usually came in the form of the asset buried between your legs. They didn’t tell you it would be your last session with him until after. When you tried to fight your way back to him, they sedated you. When you woke up, you had a shiny new right arm.

You stormed out of your room, searching for Bucky. You finally found him in his own room, relaxing on his bed, reading a book. He looked up at you as you entered, smiling until he saw your expression.

“What’s-”

“Hello, asset,” you seethed, cutting him off.

The color drained from Bucky’s face as he let your words hit him.

“Why wouldn’t you tell me?” you demanded.

“I’m sorry,” he said, getting up off the bed.

You backed up as he came towards you.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“I couldn’t bare for you to hate me,” he said. “What I did to you… I’m a monster. You should never have to look at me again. But I just couldn’t find the words.”

You looked down at your feet and crossed your arms across your chest.

“Please, I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you,” he rambled, filling the silence.

You turned to leave him room and Bucky reached out for you, dropping his arm when you flinched.

“You know, when they told me I couldn’t see you anymore, it hurt. It killed me Bucky. I missed you. I really fucking missed you. You gave me the last shred of humanity I could have.”

Bucky watched you closely, despair written all over his face.

“I think I need some time alone,” you whispered, leaving Bucky standing in his room.

+++++++++++

Later that night, you woke up covered in a cold sweat, your sheets tangled between your legs. You tossed and turned, trying to chase away the demons that invaded your dreams. Once you had returned to your room after confronting Bucky, you had read your file from cover to cover. You had inadvertently opened a door, and you didn’t know how to close it. The memories came rushing back, the atrocities you had committed becoming clear again.

You resigned yourself to your fate of a sleepless night, leaving your room to get some air. You took the elevator to the roof and sighed as the cold air washed over you once the doors opened. You walked out into the night, tensing when you saw someone else on the roof as well. The figure turned to face you, blue eyes shining even in the darkness.

“Hi,” Bucky mumbled. “I can leave if you want.”

You didn’t say anything, continuing your walk to the railing that enclosed the space before leaning against it. Bucky took your silence as an answer, walking towards the elevator.

“How do you do it?” you asked suddenly. “How do you live knowing everything they took from you?”

Bucky paused, gathering his thoughts before answering.

“I found new things, new people, to care about. I try to make amends where I can.”

“What if I can’t ever get back there?” you whispered to the night sky. “What is I can’t ever fix myself?”

“You will,” Bucky said as he walked up behind you. “We’ll all help you.”

“I’m sorry I yelled at you. What you did… it wasn’t you. It wasn’t your fault.”

“It’s okay,” he said. “I should have told you.”

You nodded before suddenly turning around to face Bucky. He watched you carefully, trying to figure out your next move, expecting you to slap him across the face. What he didn’t expect was you throwing your arms around his neck, sobbing loudly.

Bucky didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you, holding you tightly as you let your emotions flow freely.

“We’ll get you through this,” he reassured. “It’s gonna be okay.”

And for the first time that you could remember, you thought he might be right; everything would be okay.

#star-spangled-bingo #bucky barnes bingo 2019 #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #marvel #marvel fic #marvel oneshot #marvel fanfiction #marvel imagine

255 notes · View notes