#it's 2 am im not articulating my thoughts well
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not to like wax poetic about the literary nuances of Black Fucking Butler but i feel i need to point out how insanely campy it is. oh okay cool the butler is throwing butter knives at people with guns and winning. we're battling undertaker's zombie army by starting a boy band (we actually got the idea from the ZOMBIES' boy band). theres a curry making competition and its so important it needs an entire volume and a continuing motif dedicated to it. the Grim Reaper Death Gods are all cornballs with gardening sheers. the contradiction. the unintended irony.
i think the manga is like. toeing the line of camp. like its silly yet takes itself so seriously but its not too silly. my immersion is not broken by the silliness. but the anime is uncharted levels of camp. what the Hell was going on with pluto. you're gonna look me in the eye and tell me the phantomhives own a fifty foot dog thing and no one has noticed. simply one hell of a deer. ice skating. theres opium in funtom candy. the queen of england is maybe a little girl. speaking of which, the city of london just burned down. yeah the whole thing. the fifty foot dog was there too.
it's so ridiculously out of left field and the fact that none of the characters seem to notice or care feels like being gaslit. camp so visceral it's causing psychic damage. i am constantly begging the narrative to break character just once and acknowledge its silliness but doing so would negate the lack of awareness that makes it camp. its dated and timeless. an absolute milestone in camp history.
#it's 2 am im not articulating my thoughts well#just like. ohhhhhhhhg death and demons and walking the line between good and evil#dark acedemia vampire victorian vibes. except theres always some stupid shit happening with no explination.#like i know the tone shifts intentionally sometimes to match the haha comedic moment#thats not what im talking about#i mean when the most ridiculous plotline ever concieved is presented as a life or death situation#and after a while you're like lol this isnt dark at all and then BAM abuse trauma ptsd manipulation cults murders#the bittersweet understanding in clawing your way to the top#knowing the moment your revenge is exacted you will be consumed by the very thing that got you here#and choosing to keep climbing anyways#then boom back on that bullshit here's these motherfuckers in wonderland#the dark tone we had for all that trauma shit will Not be changing because catgirl grelle is just as serious of a topic#okay im going to bed#black butler#kuroshitsuji#sebastian michaelis#manga#ciel phantomhive#textpost#prev rb#oh i think the point i was trying to make it that its good because its camp#would not be nearly as awesome if it werent
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pairings: Harry Styles x tennis player!reader (fem, she/her)
summary: who would have thought that Harry is a tennis fan?
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harryupdates
liked by ynsfan, harrysmoustache and 9 201 others
harryupdates Harry just followed YN YSN on instagram and twitter! YN is a tennis player, currently no. 1 on the WTA ranking.
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ynsfan well, I hope she'll teach him how to properly hold the racket
ynupdates YN did not follow back!
⤷ynsthebest Queen behaviour 👸
fan81 what does it mean?
fan291 are they together?
⤷ harryupdates they've never been spotted together nor somehow connected. YN is getting famous now as a quite young player already holding a no. 1. it could introduce harry to tennis.
⤷ ynsmybestie why does everything need to be about relationship?
⤷ harrysfan1 maybe because it's unusual that he's following people that are not very famous in the hollywood
⤷ harrysbtch are you a new fan? he's literally following some random meme accounts. let him follow whoever he wants, yn's a great girl
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ynupdates
liked by harryupdates, ysfan012 and 4 201 others
ynupdates YN via IG stories! it seems like she's celebrating the Roland-Garros triumph!
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ynsfan92 so proud of her. all the hard work did pay off!
harrysmoustache scrabble? i have my eye on you, girl 👀
⤷ynsfan92 why? is there sth wrong about playing scrabble?
⤷ ynshands harry's fans believe that yn is his newest girlfriend
⤷ harrysbtch i mean... there are a few clues. scrabble is harrys favourite board game for example
⤷ helloitsharry not to be a creep but it looks a lot like harry's house, too
ynsmybestie despite the rumours i love that our talented girl is getting the recognition she deserves
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harryupdates
liked by ynupdates, harryshoee and 24 201 others
harrysupdates Harry and YN were seen together at the car dealer in Los Angeles!
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ynupdates oh, she's finally getting her dream car
harrysmoustache money money money
⤷ harrysmoustache you guys think i can be their sugar baby? i can bake and clean 😇
hArrysbtch so they're rich RICH... damn
ynsfan92 so the rumours are true?
⤷ harrysmylife nothing is confirmed but it seems more true with each day
lucycardealer Hey guys! i work at this car dealer and saw them today!
⤷ harrysbtch girl! spill the tea!
⤷ lucycardealer they came together, had a scheduled meeting with a big boss. they were shown some of our most prestigious cars (and most expensive really) and after a test drive, they both chose one each - the ones seen in the photos.
⤷ ynshands since you've seen them, do you think they're together?
⤷ lucycardealer oh, absolutely! most of the time they were very close to each other. harry had his hand on her lower back most of the time. they looked very happy and cute!
⤷ harrysbtch CONFIRMED! he's taken guys, he's taken...
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harrysmylife
liked by ynupdates, harryshoee and 18 101 others
harrysmylife well, this happened today... you know, i started taking tennis lessons after seeing the tennis queen (YN) play. im walking to my practice and out of nowhere HARRY is passing by with a little 'hello, excuse me' because im a dumbass taking over the whole sidewalk... he saw my amazement, probably recognised that im a fan and started TALKING TO ME???? rest in the comments
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harrysmylife i of course stumbled over my words and could not articulate like the grown adult that i am. he was so sweet, asked me how long I'd been playing tennis. i answered him that i just started because of watching yn and being inspired by her. and let me tell you guys, the way this man SMIRKED when i said her name???
harrysmylife 2) he was like 'that's incredible, I've seen a few of her matches'... he must've wanted to laugh out loud at my shock face. then he said 'do you have tips for the first lesson? im just heading to the one and im quite nervous.' i said some things blah blah blah and what i see while walking on the courts??? Harry playing tennis with his coach, his coach that is YN gucking YSN...
harrysmylife 3) im dead, but don't worry - my life is complete
harryupdates that is one of the best fan stories that ive heard!
ynsupdates our girl instead of preparing for the Qatar tournament is teaching her boyfriend how to play... 💀
harrysmoustache he's learning how to play tennis??? with yn??? im fucking melting
harrysfan82 sleeping on the highway tonight, see you guys on the other side 🫡
ynsmybestie and they say romance is dead...
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ynupdates
liked by harryupdates, harrysmoustache and 7 101 others
ynupdates YN's message after winning the semi-final today in Qatar! that may be some kind of a confirmation????
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harryupdates what a lovely gesture to show your support!
hArrysbtch GIRL??? we down bad, huh? i love it.
harrysmoustache the heart at the end? the hs?
harrysfan82 why did she ruined this camera's lenses?
⤷ ynsmybestie it's a tradition. tennis player write a message after winning the match!
harrysfan20 and he probably watched the whole match before going to bed.... crying, screaming
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harryupdates
liked by ynupdates, harryshoee and 29 101 others
harryupdates Harry via his IG stories! edit: deleted!
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ynupdates THIS IS SO SWEET!
harrysmoustache im so happy for them! *jumping of the bridge*
hArrysbtch 'my love'????? the cat????
⤷ hArrysbtch i can't take it ... he is so in love with her
ynsmybestie time square finally has some quality!
harrysmylife i love how he can't use instagram... this time it took him much more to delete though
⤷ hArrysbtch a grandpa!
⤷ user11 yeah, he's too old for her
⤷ hArrysbtch it wasn't about his age but more about the way he deals with technology. but also, how is he too old? they're seven years apart, it's not that much.
⤷ user101 i agree with user11, and she's probably with him for the money!
⤷ ynshands her net worth is literally $16 million...
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ynsmybestie
liked by ynupdates, harryshoee and 9 101 others
ynsmybestie YN and Harry playing soccer during her practice!
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ynupdates some way to start a practice!
harryupdates i wonder who won 😅
⤷ yourinstagram i did!
⤷ harrystyles liar.
⤷ ynshands harry you're telling me you won with no. 1? can't believe you.
ynsmybestie did it really happen???
ynshands hoping she'll be ready for the next match, Indian Wells is a tough competition!
⤷ ynstennisfan she's ready, easy way towards the final, and then reclaiming her title
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playerstribune
liked by harrystyles, yourinstagram, ynupdates, harryshoee and 2 101 202 others
playerstribune 'It is not all about tennis in my life. I love it, it's my job but it is my passion as well. I'm a 21 year old, trying to navigate her life, having people watch it like hawks. Being with someone that has been dealing with it for years helps. No one else would understand the frustration that comes with all of this.'
Click the link in our bio to read what YN YSN - WTA no. 1 - wrote for all of you. 'To understand me more, YN.'
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yourinstagram thank you for letting me voice my thoughts❤️
ynupdates tell me why i cried while reading it?
ynupdates day after day i learn what a great role model you are, yn. truly exceptional
⤷ yourinstagram ❤️
ynsmybestie i need to give this woman a hug. losing is a human thing, a learning experience. there is nothing shameful about it. happy yn has people close to her telling her that.
⤷ yourinstagram thank you, lovely
harryupdates 'for him i was the best' jeez... he really is the best boyfriend on the planet, huh?
harrysmylife excuse me when i cry to this - 'I noticed that I was losing my identity. I tried to be universal so more people would like me, respect me and cheer on me. I was losing myself, a people pleaser that I've been since my early days. Then I met him, and it really turned my world upside down.'
⤷ harrysmylife 'Besides my family he was the only person I didn't feel the need to be that [universal]. I could be myself and he would appreciate it. Love it. That was even more important for me than winning US Open [laughs].' SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP WTFHSISN
hArrysbtch 'I could talk about him for hours. I'm still young and those feelings are often overwhelming for me but, you know, I'm happy. I'm very happy and he's one of the most important reasons for it. He made me believe I could be myself without feeling any guilt over it.' what in the actual fuck...
ynsfan 'Biggest dream right now? Winning Olympic gold would be nice. Getting a dog.' people only yn could put Olympic gold and puppy as her biggest dreams 💀
harrystyles 🎾🐐
⤷ harrysbtch she literally spent the whole interview speaking of you, say something more, harry
⤷ harrysmoustache let's bully him to say more
⤷ harrysfan82 more
⤷ harrysbtch more
⤷ harryupdates more
⤷ ynupdates more
harrystyles GLASS SHATTERING [CAR CRASH] [VROOM VROOM] [PEOPLE SCREAMING] EXPLOSION "MY LEG... MY LEG... [BABY CRYING] WAAH... WAAH... [HELICOPTER NOISES] [SIRENS] WEE WOO... WEE WOO [SOBBING] [YELLING] FLAT LINE
harrystyles Talented, Brilliant. Incredible. Amazing. Showstopping, Spectcular. Never the same. Totally Unique. Completely not ever been done before.
harrystyles yourinstagram 🧎🏻♂️
⤷ yourinstagram well...
⤷ ynshands man, oh man. 🥵
⤷ hArrysbtch what in the actual fuck???? Harry??? you know it's your official account???
⤷ harrysmoustache see kids? bullying works!
⤷ ynupdates I'd never thought it would work...
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harryaustralia
liked by ynupdates, hArrysbtch and 37 201 others
harryaustralia Harry's reaction to the whole stadium chanting YN's name and seeing posters with her face!
Thank you to everyone that prepare it, it was a blast!
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harryupdates 'woah, so that's what it is? you like her more now? same.' what a sweet boyfriend
⤷ harrysbtch yeah and then 'it's about me!'
harrysaus22 i love how he took the time to answer questions about her 'where's yn? she's in Indian Wells, defending her last year title. you should watch the stream, i will!'
⤷ ynsmybestie and then 'can i have yn's number? *judging face* nope, absolutely not.'
ynshands 'are all of you here to learn more about my girlfriend?' crowd screaming yes 'okay, you want me to call her?' AND HE DID!
⤷ ynupdates 'baby, they came to see me so i would talk about you. they don't want me.' and the zoom at his phone to show yn laughing like crazy 'sing medicine, it'll solve the problem' YN, YOU KNOW US TOO WELL
⤷ hArrysbtch and he did sing it! 'it wasn't on the set list, so everyone say - thank you, yn! three, two one THANK YOU YN' she's got him wrapped around her finger, i love it!
harrysfan04 why is nobody talking about the 'i shaved for this sign'???? that man answered with 'would it be inappropriate to say, so did i?'
⤷ hArrysbtch YAS! my mouth went open wide after hearing it, dirty dirty man
⤷ ynsmybestie was yn still on a ft with him?
⤷ ynshands i think so!
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ynupdates
liked by harryupdates, hArrysbtch and 19 301 others
ynupdates YN and Harry at the restaurant in Indian Wells, California!
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harryupdates this man has only four free days and he came from the other side of the world to support her...
hArrysbtch i love being single, i looooove being single *cries*
ynshands he's going to watch the final!!!!
harrysfan92 with him in the audience she's going to be a very very tough opponent
ynsmybestie oh she's gonna win WIN
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yourinstagram
liked by harrystyles, annetwist, ynupdates, harrysmoustache and 3 101 302 others
yourinstagram This last week was an absolute dream. Thank you to everyone watching me play and believing in me. It feels surreal to win here, in Indian Wells second year in a row. Thank you, H for being my no. 1 fan and cheerleader. I'm going to rest for a couple of days, see you in Paris!
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harrystyles i love you 💓
annetwist Congratulations dear! xx
ynupdates so proud of you!!!!! you deserve it like nobody else!
harryupdates the match was beautiful, you left your heart on the court
yourcouch hard work pays off! proud of you!
hArrysbtch the way harry was cheering on her??? the best
harrysmoustache do you guys see the note??? 'you are the cave from Prometheus that I found & been lost in for days' THE POET THAT YOU ARE MR STYLES
#harry styles x you#harry styles x reader#harry styles imagine#harry styles instagram#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles#tennis player!reader
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fic rec friday 22
welcome to the twenty-second fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.
1. you’re the one that never lets me roam by @littendeservesbetter
If any of his teammates were insulted—if Allura’s leadership was doubted, if Hunk was called too soft, if Pidge was underestimated, if Keith was attacked for his Galran heritage—Lance would defend them in a heartbeat. He knows his team and he loves his second family. He’d defend them to the universe and back.
So why wouldn’t they do the same for him?
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season 7 episode 4: Lance's thoughts after the game show.
this fic is genuinely one of my favourite handlings of that piece of shit episode ever fr. its klance BUT also not a half-assed apology!! im not articulating this right but my point is that this is handled so well and god bless my fellow lance stans
2. xo by @thespacenico
keith confesses to lance hoping that the expected rejection will help him move on ASAP. it doesn't quite go according to plan.
darcy does not miss!! seriously her fics always make me smile. my two favourite parts of this fic were that a) when lance didn’t know who keith liked he assumed immediately and wholeheartedly it was hunk. that’s golden right there and b) shiro is a DRAMA LOVING BITCH
3. for you only by @paprbee
"Be mine," Keith mumbles, pleas, against Lance's lips, unwilling to pull away.
"Yes," Lance whispers, smiling as Keith brushes their lips together again, pressing up and forward to kiss Keith properly. "You too... be mine, too."
"I am," Keith tells him when they break apart reluctantly, their foreheads pressed together, tip of their noses touching, Keith's arms squeezing Lance gently in their hold around his waist and lower back. "I'm yours."
okay i cannot describe how much this fic makes me lose my mind in my own words i literally have to give you guys a snippet of the fic that made me actually cry real tears and struggle to breathe:
"Baby," Keith says softly and it sends a thrill through Lance, hearing pet names from Keith is so rare he always melts when he does hear them, specially when they're whispered against his lips this way. He presses a soft chaste kiss into Lance again before he continues to mutter softly. "My baby, I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you."
its just. the devotion. the repetition. it always fucking gets me. from keith especially, bc hes such a devoted guy!! he is loyal to a goddamn fault and beyond like!!! thats how he loves!! with his whole heart his whole body his whole soul his own being!! he loves and loves and loves!!!
4. i’ll be your romeo by @jilliancares
In a world where Soul Marks show up only after your soulmate has fallen in love with you, it's rare for them to appear when you're not already in a relationship. It's even rarer for them to show up when you're standing on a chair in your favorite coffee shop, screeching at the sight of a spider. Lance becomes well-acquainted with this brand of "rare", and he gets the cute barista, Keith, to help him with the search for his soulmate.
first of all soulmate aus my beloved. second of all jillian fics my beloved. third of all this fic is SO dorky and i love it!! i was hooked by the first scene bc it was just so funny. the way keith falls for lance...hes such a goober i love him
5. finally, you’re mine by @nezueye
“I need you to do me a favor.”
“Okay. Anything,” Keith says easily.
[...]
“Okay so, I just need-“ Lance sighs. He pushes his hands through his hair and braces himself. “I need you to break my heart. Once and for all.”
Keith chokes on his next words. “Excuse me?”
“Break my heart.”
- or -
Does Lance finally get the guy?
this is another devotion fic bc i am fully and completely obsessed with them. i made a seperate rec for this fic a couple months ago bc it truly made my breath stop like i could not process. there were three scenes in particular that made me gasp out loud and make my heart pound. just the easy way they love each other...sobbing
that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!
#this is a really important one to me#devotion fics Get to me#vld#voltron#lance#lance mcclain#keith#keith kogane#klance#galtean klance#canon divergence#devoted keith#romantic keith#soft klance#modern au#soulmates au#fic rec#fic rec friday
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yes, the plans that i could not share with you (because the haters would sabotage me) were that i was taking on LACC in my vash getup :)
i have so few pictures of myself but i got so many compliments (especially on my arm) and plenty of other people took pictures of me. and normally i don't like attention but i will be honest with u. under these circumstances i loved it. my arm held up really well through 8 hours on the convention floor and i have never been prouder of anything i've made. it's articulated incredibly well, no part of it gave out or required repair, it's never uncomfortable or a nuisance to wear, and i have enough range of motion to do relatively complex things like tying my shoes.
originally i was not planning to try to meet anyone famous because 1) it's expensive and 2) the lines are long and 3) i feel weird and annoying approaching literally anyone for any reason BUT. the spot where i met up with my sister just happened to be right next to johnny yong bosch's table. right when he started signing things. so i said LOL ok i'll do it.
it was super chill, i asked him how it felt to get the call that they wanted him to come back 20 years later for a trigun reboot and he said it almost didn't happen -- that since they recast everyone else for stampede they considered recasting vash as well (and i said WOW i'm so glad they didn't) and he said he really enjoyed getting to come back and explore a darker take (i forget if what he said was a darker take on vash's character, or just a darker trigun in general) but it was briefly surprising 2 me that he considered stampede to be a darker version but i get it, especially when u consider that there is not a lot of comedy in those 12 episodes to balance out the grief.
ANYWAY he was impressed with my arm and i asked him if he would sign my coat :) so he signed the lining but he was also like u know what, i'm gonna give you a second autograph just because. so he signed a print for me as well (free of charge!!) and the print with the blue signature matches my famous paintings that i always film in front of (that's providence baybee)
other stuff from the con under the cut
cosplay notes:
i saw 3 other vash cosplayers (a 98 vash, a stampede vash, and a purple coat vash) and no shade but i definitely had the best arm build. peace and love to all of them though
i saw 1 1/2 wolfwoods. 1 was the aforementioned mullet wolfwood from yesterday's post (ww if you’re out there ww) and the 1/2 was the 98 vash cosplayer’s gf in some kind of goth-ish dress and she was carrying a punisher
mullet wolfwood if you're out there i regret not getting a picture with you so much. i am deeply ashamed and i have no excuse because i ran into you twice and both times i was too embarrassed to ask for a picture. i just want you to know that your punisher was swag and your earrings were yolo and we would look very good together
i expected to see a lot more trigun tbh. los angeles where u at. 4 vashies at a convention of 120,000+ people is nothing. one guy even walked up to me like wow i love ur vash, i haven't seen a lot of trigun at this con and i was like I KNOW i thought i'd see a lot more
theeeee costume of all time award goes to the cad bane cosplayer i saw on the balcony. spare hand in marriage dude (gn) you looked so good
second place for costume of all time goes to the other mother cosplayer who had button eyes and these crazy finger appendages and never once broke character even while waiting in lines
i took 100 points of psychic damage from this one guy who (and im not kidding) was at least 6’4’’ and wearing platform boots and was dressed as the mfing onceler. with the stupid top hat he was fr 7+ feet tall (i saw him duck to get through a doorway).
someone was there as the brawny paper towel guy?? just walking around in a beard and flannel carrying a pack of paper towel rolls?? go off king
i saw 5 nightwing cosplayers but only 2 were biblically accurate (had ass)
the nanami sweep at this convention was so real u all SHOWED UP. and everybody ate. i saw at least 12 nanamis and not one of them was a flop.
i have never seen so many spider-mans in my life
other things:
fig. 1: this extremely hot captain america on a very large poster was about 2 make me act unwise. hi gorjus................................. nice eyebrows
fig 2: i saw this sign a couple blocks away from the con and i did a triple take. 🔥🔥🔥TRIMAX MENTIONED🔥🔥🔥
fig. 3: i saw all 4 hobbits in panel and can confirm elijah wood’s laugh is ten times more infectious in real life. before they were even done sitting down, dominic monaghan switched around all of their name cards so that none of them were seated behind the right name. as u might imagine much of the panel's content was reminiscing about LOTR, but i heard some stories that i hadn't heard before. they also talked about video games, other projects they are working/have worked on, how their kids feel about their dads' LOTR roles, how much they love ian mckellen, and how they would love to see something happen for the 20th anniversary of ROTK this year. sean astin (the legend) took shots at the stranger things writers (basically said joyce could never be happy with hopper) AND EVERYONE CLAPPED LOL. billy and dom talked about the best food in NZ, their show billy and dom eat the world, and the unfortunate events that led to the friendship onion's hiatus. it was a ton of fun to just watch them be themselves with each other, you can tell that these guys are all so fond of each other and love each other so much.
and finally, fig. 4: i bought these beautiful prints from @/batinyourbelfry and the skeletal washi tape from @/skeletalacademia (both on IG)
#this post is all over the place but i want u all to experience this with me. baby's first convention#i didn't hate it like i thought i might but i am absolutely WIPED and will b perfectly content to not go to another con for several years#lacc#los angeles comic con#it's so funny walking around and just hearing someone go VASH and literally being like. who said that.#like there are 5 million people in this corridor. where are u so i can acknowledge you#my immediate defense mechanism is to toss up a peace sign so it's very convenient that it is something in character for vash#my favorite compliment was this one guy who was just like 'THAT'S FUCKIN SICK' from across the aisle and i was like 'YEAH!!!!'#long post#ackchewally the more i think about it. i do think sometimes people mischaracterize stampede as lighter than the other triguns#simply because the characters look more baby than their other counterparts#even though many elements of stampede are. truly so dark.#like we are not at manga-level-dark yet but HOO BOY i have no doubt we will get there#i'm dying to see what other horrors orange is cooking bc i KNOW they're cooking awful manga things (laudatory)#hot single dads in your area#my cosplay#this post has taken me hours to write. im so sick of it at this point begone from my sight i hate u
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Getting super emotional over how much I love toontown corporate clash despite my initial fears almost every person I've met has welcomed me into it with so much warm unfamiliar kindness that its making me get all soft and mushy, if you told me only a few months ago last june that I'd be able to just hang out on a silly reboot of an mmo game from 2000s and talk to strangers about the stuff I like for nearly an hour after getting done roleplaying an underpaid pizza worker with a 2 cents an hour salary cooking people in the oven I would've told you I thought you were crazy, but lo and behold here I am
It's not been perfect of course but I've met so many amazing people through this game and I've not even been part of the community for a year, I've never felt this welcome anywhere before its amazing, the members of the clash crew that ive met are awesome and really nice and the game itself has been helping drag me by the ankles through a total bust of a year (and.. last year) and it got me closer with some of my old friends as well as helped me get adopted by another friend group too who I love very dearly (if you guys see this hi hi hehe)
sorry this post is so long and meandering im not very articulated when im happy because I'm not happy very often but RAAH I LOVE COMMUNITY I LOVE MY FRIENDS I LOVE EVERYONE RAAH
Even after such a short amount of time I already feel like toontown is gonna be a big part of my life for a long time you're gonna be hard pressed to catch me leaving anytime soon baby I'm in this shit for the long haul, you people have shown me genuine human kindness I live here forever now HEHEHE
#sludgetalkz#hey bumbleburger and spamtoon g spamtoon and ghostly felix and everyone else u guys r great#and everyone else who was at the pizza place im bad at remembering names on the spot im sorry#im just so ABAWABWBWABWABWA im hapy :]
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hello unfortunately i thought even more about sol + swag as an analogy for being asian and it is . making me unwell. i am putting it under the cut for the main reason that it is stupid beyond belief
OK. so. hear me out .
STUPID REASONS WHY SOL IS ASIAN:
(and hint: this is all me projecting 100%)
1) moist frog who immediately turns off when it gets too cold. SOUTHEASTASIAN BOY AS FUCK (to me). guy who thinks thirty degrees celsius is pleasant temperature. guy who thinks that anything below 25C is sweater weather. guy who is soo sweaty and moist all the time (the humidity) and that is not only a natural state, but a preferrable state. 20 degrees is too cold. anything below 0 is actually not functional.
anyway. sol bufo. keepin it warm and gross. if its too cold and dry he immediately hibernates. king
2) idk if anyone reading this has seen shaolin soccer. but sol bufo. could clump shaolin soccer. essentially what im saying is sol bufo is like a buff asian jock. which is kinda goofy and goodnatured and loud and also very obnoxious. i cannot articulate this very well. but. what can i say except a human version of sol bufo was delivered to me in a dream and it was every buff chinese classmate ive ever met.
3) (you will notice the reasons get progressively more stupid and more deeply specific)
sol bufo would love milo. omg. like. chocolate drink in a juice box container that is branded as a sports/energy drink and also green. also the guy on the front of the packet milo. sol bufo coded. tbh
anyway. milo isnt strictly southeast asian..? but. yes it is actually.
4) the whole monk class is extremely steeped in asian 'aesthetics' anyway. i mean. ki. so whatever i can claim this monk for me thats my right
NONSTUPID BUT STILL KIND OF SILLY REASONS:
and this is also me projecting 100%. obviously all delusion. so i guess see this as a for-fun reading of the sol/swag storyline through the lens of a very specific of asianness
okay so. swag right. his journey is about leaving his home where he was comfortable and safe but also very confined. mothership lures him to ezry w the promise of opportunity & seeing the world, making something of himself. he ends up being exploited for his body and skills. and he runs away, but his blood still oils up the mothership cogs.
so anyway. i think its pretty clear how that cld map onto like . an immigrant experience? leaving home because of the need to find urself, but simultaneously, the threat of exploitation at the hands of ppl who see you as a potential profit to be mined. this is the first part
the part that is more crazy to me is his experience in irondeep. like, when he left moonstone he left his entire community. now hes alone ... and he cant go back. (he is stranded physically, emotionally). and at this low point, of true and utter loneliness and purposelessness, comes along bronzebeard industries. they offer him a job - but more importantly, they offer him connections.
like. thinking about how were introduced to swag. its not at his job, its his downtime, its when hes hanging out with his coworkers, when hes surrounded by 'friends'. w people who think hes cool, and the people who think hes a "sucker".
idk! but i think this also relates rlly strongly to a common experience of being international? like. when you know you are permenantly lost from home. what you want more than anything is to feel the same community and sense of belonging you used to have. and it is very easy for that desire to ge manipulated. (like - im just gonna mention the one specific instance that ive seen. which is like. international students on college campuses getting targeted a lot by christian groups. because they know those people are lonely and want a feeling of shared tradition and practice. anyway. this is one specific example but also this is literally what happens to lyddie and sister rosaline :-| )
anyway so in summary: swags story of hope/idealism, exploitation, and loneliness leading him to be a very good pawn. i think that is something that could potentially be read as the experiences of ppl dislocated internationally from their home. and im saying its asian because I Want To.
... and sol! okay. i think very simply: sol is super white-washed. total banana. and thats part of his character. he is a moonstone bullywug who never knew his own home, and still, has never even seen moonstone with his own eyes. he does not know his own history. (and kinda tangent, the place where he spends the majority of his life is in launchpad, a sanitized corporate version of reality. and i mean, the whole 'boy wizard and frog pal' is very clearly alluding to harry potter. like. its white.) but ignoring that, the essence of his character is like. this is a guy who does not know where he came from
and currently? a large part of his arc is about trying to unravel his identity by figuring out where (who) he came from. swag daniels is his one link to a community hes just now found out he has. that is a part of why hes trying so hard to save swag. swag is his family - specifically the parts about family you cant choose. that is hard, complicated and how you understand where the parts of yourself track back to.
like. i think a lot about how the pivotal moments of connection between swag and sol are all about swag... showing sol what moonstone is like. in a dream, he lets sol experience what that place is like. that place is a muggy swamp. idk. swag is taking sol back home. that fucks me up a lot
... anyway digression aside. i think one of the most painful things gg on rn w sols arc rn is. how its looking right now. sol is going to lose swag. sol is going to have to come to terms w losing swag. sol for the first time, yearns to know who he is and who he came from. but by the time he went looking it was too late. his time is up. that moment of connection was brief and gone. there are so many questions about their history that sol will never know now
so obviously this kind of dips a bit into metaphor at the end. swag represents connection to cultural history and heritage and identity. and in that lens, it reads to ME as a story abt being asian and disconnected from ur roots. but anyway. even without that lens i think sols story is still v much abt cultural estrangement
(i also have a very loose and unformed thought: which is that sols journey from wanting to stand out/be special to wanting to find a place of belonging. is ALSO INCREDIBLY RESONANT to the experience of being whitewashed asian... ESPECIALLY for ppl who do come from asia. and how that also relates to the tragedy of wanting to understand ur roots when its already too late. but . i dont rlly know if that is a common experience so. itll be noodling in my head for now)
anyway. my essay. and yes this is all make believe in my head . TLDR: i think swags an immigrant sols a banana and i am fucking insane thanks everyone
also if u read this all and want to know what part of this long ramble actly answers the question of why i think theyre asian. well. you know what.
#im NOT tagging this . LOL.#if u read this that was an ACTIVE CHOICE ON UR PART and i am NOT LIABLE#ramble tag#also anyone who doesnt know: banana = asian on the outside white on the inside#so.... MEEEEE 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌺🌹🌹🌹🌷💐#fml this is 1k + words. LORD. okay.... im SILLYY.. man i have actual work to do tonight#anyway. i hope u guys understand why im normal abt sol
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a perspective on dea and grinpayne: part 1 (siblings)
[image id: screenshot of a tumblr reply by prettyravegirlnightcore that reads “id be interested to know more of your thoughts on their relationship.. like i agree theyre not siblings but sometimes im not really sure Why they arent siblings :o (i love your posts/analysis btw!!)” /end id.]
first off: thank you! i’m glad you enjoy them! and you are in luck because i have a lot to say on this topic. you’re also getting way more than you asked for because i love typing. :)
the post this is replying to is one where i said i thought it was funny they cut the lyrics where osric calls dea grinpayne’s girlfriend, and then in the tags i mentioned that i appreciate the complexity of their relationship but i think it’s clear they’re not meant to be read as siblings.
the other complexities will have to wait for another time (part 2 here), but today i would like to give my two cents to the point mentioned specifically in this reply: dea and grinpayne are not siblings.
i'm going to kick this one off by reminding everyone that my first experience with this musical was by reading the script and listening to the london cast recording, not by watching it onstage, filmed or otherwise. i think i've mentioned it offhand before but it bears repeating for this one because the focus of this series of posts is going to be on analyzing the script. you’re going to get my interpretation of their dynamic before i saw a performance. this is not about version differences, or the way that the actors chose to portray them onstage. i’m sure i’ll cover that eventually (i’m dying to, actually), but not here.
the issue on the table
i think these two are kind of challenging. full disclosure, the first few times i read it, dea and grinpayne made me uncomfortable. so i think that's a valid feeling. you get the two of them being raised together and then immediately a song about how they love each other. and you go woah now hang on. stop the car.
so let’s hit the brakes. there are two assumptions about their relationship present here that, as they coexist, naturally cause some discomfort:
dea and grinpayne are adopted siblings
dea and grinpayne are in romantic love with each other (and possibly have been since they were young)
so, taken together at face value: siblings in love! and to be clear i'm not cool with this personally. i'm not about to defend incest. don't even worry.
what i am about to do is tell you is that not only can you argue they are not siblings, you can also argue that they are not in love with each other, at least not until they are adults, and possibly even not until the end of the show. (and just so we are 100% in the clear the thing i am disputing here is the “in love” romantic part specifically. as the self-proclaimed “#1 beauty and the beast enthusiast” obviously i think they love each other). the latter will have to wait (or click here) so for now let’s just assume that they’re in love and focus on articulating why i think these two are not brother and sister.
argument for siblings
the biggest reason to believe that they see each other as siblings is that they were raised at the same time in the same place by the same father figure.
maybe this reason is enough for you and it trumps everything else. as a general audience member, that's completely fine. that's how you feel about it. a valid gut reaction. however, when analyzing something, "how do i feel about this?" and "how does the text want me to feel about this?" are two separate questions that may have two separate answers. and we are interested in the answer to the second, not the first.
so, how does the grinning man want us to see dea and grinpayne?
well, whether or not they ever refer to each other as brother and sister is going to be a pretty big indicator of that. and... they don't. they both call ursus father, but not once do they call each other siblings. taken in isolation, i still wouldn't give this more weight than them being raised together. i'd call it ambiguous and accept either interpretation (siblings or not) with varying degrees of personal comfort. however, we have to take the whole show into account. and there is more than one romantic couple...
josiana and dirry-moir's relationship is critical to the construction of dea and grinpayne's. they're the only two romantic couples in the show, and i believe they stand in very intentional contrast to one another. (yeah sure ursus's wife exists but. barely. not enough to count.)
josiana and dirry-moir absolutely call each other brother and sister. hell, their first on-stage interaction is this:
Dirry-Moir: Sister!
Josiana: Brother!
They immediately get intimate.
following this, angelica comes in and starts telling them to knock it off. josiana and dirry-moir's relationship is very explicitly an incestuous one. and it is played for laughs. heavily. when it finally accepts them, its with a "well, under these circumstances, i think incest is absolutely acceptable" that is honestly still too absurd to take seriously.
disclaimer: i have not fully read lhqr, nor do i plan to at this time. but i skimmed it enough to notice that josiana and dirry-moir were not originally half-siblings in the novel. this is something they changed this for the musical. and i think they made this choice specifically to make this point and to contrast them with dea and grinpayne.
it becomes incredibly relevant, then, that dea and grinpayne's relationship is treated differently from theirs. they’re never questioned or ridiculed about their relationship by other characters. even ursus, their father, doesn’t really seem put off by them being a couple. grinpayne told him when they were first found that the baby was not his sister, and ursus seems to have taken it to heart. his reluctance to tell them beauty and the beast seems comes from them relating to the eponymous characters (“a little close to the bone, girl”) and when he comes into conflict with the two of them later, it’s over dea encouraging grinpayne to seek the truth, not over them being in love with each other. barkilphedro doesn’t mention them being raised together at all when grinpayne says he wants to marry her, his preferred attack as to why she’s not suitable is that she’s “part of the old life.” now, dirry-moir describes dea and grinpayne as having “a love affair that’s beautiful and true / but more ugly and erotic than a visit to the zoo,” but it isn’t explicit in my opinion exactly which parts are “beautiful” and which are “ugly,” so it’s hard to parse this as a comment on the morality of their relationship. i’m of the opinion that this is just him saying that he thought beauty and the beast was sweet, with the “ugly and erotic” part being because of their disabilities. the rest of the song is him gleefully objectifying grinpayne for his face, so i think it’s a pretty safe reading. this is all of the times that came to mind where an outside character comments on their relationship, but if i missed one let me know.
i think that, in a nutshell, this difference in treatment is the strongest indication that we aren't meant to see dea and grinpayne as siblings. the grinning man establishes very decisively (albeit after "beauty and the beast") by way of josiana and dirry-moir that it believes in poking fun at incestuous relationships. and it just never does this with dea and grinpayne. they’re treated quite seriously, both by the other characters and the narrative itself.
as i said, i think there’s still a lot to be examined when it comes to these two and their relationship with each other. hopefully you will join me next time as i do my best to unpack more of it.
part 2
#the grinning man#burning thoughts#dea#grinpayne#duchess josiana#dirry moir#stay tuned for part 2 in a few days where i will finally talk in-depth about beauty and the beast ❤️
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I’ll be very honest arc 4 is the one arc i know the least about lore wise simply cause the majority of the release I was either 1. In college or 2. actually working on the game so I was reading some more about The Old One and the nothing/dasein and i am far too high on my meds to coherently articulate my thoughts but the more lore i uncover over the years im just baffled at like….. how. How has Morganthe not reappeared in a substantial way throughout all this. ALL THIS. The shit with The Nothing/Dasein swallowing the Old One, Dasein “having access too” his memories, feeling GUILT over having swallowed The Old One… that’s such an interesting mirror to both Wizard as well as Morganthe.
You bet your butts the wizard saw Dasein struggling with that and internally was reminded of what Spider did to Morganthe, and how The Wizard actively chose to not save her AFTER SPIDER SHOWS US HOW TO DO THAT!!!!!!! … and how her true memories currently as is, DIE with us! Like we never tell her truth to anyone, no one!! Not one soul!!! And you could say that mirrors how the memories of the old one could ultimately die with Dasein… and what kind of responsibility should you have about that?? What kind of person are you if you don’t honor their memory??? ALMOST LIKE THE WIZARD HAS HAD TO GRAPPLE WOTH THOSE SAME THOUGHTS… BUT DIDNT BECAUSE IF THEY WERE TO DO THAT THAT WOULD MEAN! THEY! WERE! IN! THE! WRONG! And they cant be wrong… because their the savior! And if we aren’t the savior… then weeeeee areee nothing!!!
Idk if any of that makes sense but dear god i swear i just stared at the wall for 30 minutes letting my third eye open. brb while i write a fic where Morganthe and Dasein meet and the wizard screams internally the whole time.
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do you hate miles?🤨
i was wondering when someone would send me an ask like this yeah i dont like him to be honest. i know ppl on here have largely moved on from the fateful 2016 interview and it has been discussed to death and yeah he immediately said he was joking etc etc but i dont think its weird to think you shouldnt have to feel pressured to like completely forgive and forget and absolve the sins of a male musician saying something that made a female reporter feel unsafe or objectified or 'caught in an increasingly distressing situation' or act like its some sort of unheard of and unimaginable offense that has never happened before in the history of music interviews and one someone’s favorite musician who can do no wrong in their eyes could definitely never get caught up in (esp given how gross in general the music industry is towards women). OR even go so far to say the reporter did it all for attention i cant believe this is even a discussion that has ever been had in any form ever like genuinely nothing makes me angrier than ppl who literally turn into blatant sexists whenever their favorite white guy's reputation is even mildly put at risk ive literally seen one person on here say the whole interview was made up and exaggerated and that she just wanted to 'join the me too movement' which is like Okay man i think you might just not have any respect for women in real life maybe. even watered down and not as extreme its a take thats more prevalent on am tumblr than i thought or previously imagined and i hate how bad it makes the fandom look like i trust that everyone on here is a reasonably intelligent and empathetic human being who has at least a basic tumblr education on the fact that victim blaming is bad so we dont rly need to turn around and immediately go 'she just misunderstood what he was saying' or 'she just didnt get his sense of humor' like Alright
i hope im articulating all this reasonably well like i think its literally fine that ppl have accepted his apology and moved on and are able to enjoy him as an artist and/or as a person too thats awesome and im happy for the ppl that i follow that have this kind of relationship with him. even if it wasnt for the interview thing he stil wouldnt be for me i used to be a pretty big fan of his music when i was younger but nowadays since ive found different music i dont rly pay any attention to him. im glad he was able to spark alex creatively but thats as far as my enjoyment goes of him to be yonest
also ive just realized now that all this makes me look kind of contrived given the fact that ive written milex before and i dont rly have like an impenetrable explanation i literally started writing for jamex around the time the car album came out bc i found out all my fav jamex fics had gotten deleted by their author so i wanted to fill the void and then one day i was like wait am i good enough yet to write a functional milex fic (plus i was hoping to get more ppl to notice my writing and milex offers a pretty easy way to do that) so then i wrote 2 and i was like ok i am cool. i dont intend to write another fic for them
hope this makes sense i probably forgor to say like 10 other things i wanted to say but thats okay
#i didnt rly wanna talk abt this but now i cant dodge it anymore i trust my friends respect my opinion and arent mad at me#also wanted to make a disclaimer that ive never set foot on am twitter so my opinion isnt influenced by amtwt at all#i know ppl dont like miles on there but i have genuinely no clue how they go abt it or what they say im not brave enough to make an account#there.#asks#Pleasneeeeeee dont harrass me over this im literally just doing my thang over here in the czech republic#also ive literally had that one shitty take screenshotted since like november of last year LOL it made me soooooooo mad
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i find you unimaginably cool and ive expressed to you before on anon the sentiment that i feel a deep kinship towards you for how you speak so candidly abt your own stupidity (pls dont take that as me calling you stupid) bcuz i feel exactly the same way abt my own stupidity and hate when ppl try to talk me out of it but ANYways i just saw your post abt writing a novelization of splice and i am literally reeling. i love that weird ass movie so much and i think writing a novelization of it is one of the most off the wall and amazing things ive ever heard of. i hope that you will share when it is published bcuz i cannot wait to read it. pls know that someone out there understands you (or at least understands you as best as someone can thru this parasocial lens of tumblr and how you choose to share yourself there) and that someone out there thinks you are basically what i hope i can be when i grow up. thank you for sharing. thank you for articulating yourself as well as you do (i too have the itch to tell you you are not stupid but bcuz i know how it is i wont do it but besides that, i think you are one of the clearest and most well articulated writers ive ever encountered online or elsewhere). sorry, this all feels insane to type. im off two tallboy ipas and i just think youre great.
Dearest Correspondent,
Oddly enough, just the other day somebody liked an older post of mine, and when I clicked on it to remind myself of what it was, the next post down was your last message. Anyway, thanks! The whole novelization business is really funny. Do people even know what they are anymore? I didn't know anybody still made them until I was hired to do SPLICE. I used to get them from the drugstore sometimes when I was a kid because my parents were very uptight about what I watched, but they wouldn't be caught dead restricting anyone's reading habits. During my initial conversation with the SPLICE publisher, we kind of bonded over our memories of the CHILD'S PLAY 2 novelization, of all things, that seemed to help me a lot in addition to my ideas about what SPLICE should be like on paper. I tend to think of novelizations as just another piece of merch, but when you write them, I don't know, like you really have to live out the movie in your mind over and over again to figure out what the characters are experiencing physically, environmentally, how their emotional experiences affect their bodies, etc. You have to fill in the blanks of what they think and sense just enough to make your transcription convincing, while staying within certain bounds to honor what the filmmaker meant to say. SPLICE started as kind of a lark for me, and then almost immediately it became extremely personal; when I was nearing the end of my first draft I thought, "OK, well, I guess everyone is about to find out how insane I am." I was afraid it just sounded "crazy" and wouldn't be what the publisher was expecting. But after I turned it in, the surprise encouragement I got from actual-Vincenzo Natali was pretty amazing, so maybe it's good! Maybe you really CAN'T tell how crazy I am, and it's just very entertaining. You'll have to wait and see.
Parasocial relationships are tricky, huh, especially here on tumblr dot com. The best thing you can do for yourself is just be very aware that they are happening within you, a test you seem to have passed. I think a lot of us come here seeking understanding of our weirdest parts, but the more you put out there to find the people who get what you're saying, you simultaneously get a lot of reminders that most people have no idea what you're talking about. There will be people who seem to hate you because they've misunderstood you, and there will also be people who love you but whose interactions prove that they have absolutely no idea what you're communicating. I recently culled a bunch of followers because they were just creating a lot of noise, even though they may have meant well, and I was losing the clarity I needed to keep doing this. I started to see every post as a worrisome opportunity to find out how poorly people can possibly read me, and suppressing the urge to re-explain myself every day was becoming exhausting. And ironically, around the same time, I was briefly mutuals with one of my favorite bloggers ever, and just as I thought we were becoming chummy, they unfollowed me. I didn't freak out, actually I just unfollowed them back because I was concerned about being annoying, but I did have all kinds of Thoughts about this event. I have spent a lot of time reviewing what my projections were about that person, and what my personal investment in their narrative says about me. I think there could be something good to get out of this audit, even though the whole episode is sort of embarrassing. But Tumblr definitely gives you a lot of opportunities to examine your own filters, clean them out once in a while, and get to know yourself a little better--even if other people seem to be getting to know you a little worse! You just have to stick to your own course and see what comes of it.
Uh. What the hell was I saying. I don't know! But I appreciate your messages, I feel "gotten" by them. Some of the follower upheaval recently did involve the way that I process my experience of my own stupidity out loud on here--like I know that sometimes folks are trying to be helpful by contradicting me whenever I sound "negative" (read: realistic), but being told (by strangers) how to feel about yourself and that you're wrong about your own experiences is actually really awful, confusing, frustrating, and undermining. So I don't mind being reminded that my signal is coming through for at least some people. I hope you're doing good this holiday season. I wonder what beers you had, they sound fun!
Good tidings to you,
C
PS Isn't "on here" a weird phrase? I always feel like a primate when I say it, but I have yet to find a different phrase that conveys the same thing as accurately.
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han what if i told you to write some positivity for a follower of your choice 👀 do it do it do it
Send me a url and I'll write some positivity for it.
id tell u this -
NOT BUT REALLY -
im gonna choose you because 1 - i am simple brained. literally have like one brain cell that is torn between food, sleeping and gaming. i am very stupid so LOGICALLY, its easy to choose ur URL cause ur here before me, presented like a beautiful turkey. NUmber 2 - I WANNA TALK ABOUT YOU, MOOGS SO I AM GOING TO. >:)
MOOGLE. another og of the remake fandom; another - as i like to say - 'legend'.
literally, your love, appreciation, passion, spirit and just fuckin general FEEL for roche has always, ALWAYS been something ive loved and admired. i feel that your passion for roche is similar to my weird obsession with heid - but it's so much more articulate / well-rounded / thought out. you have this way with roche, like, you adopted him back then as your bab (unloved by the fandom but adored by you) and i just love that so goddamn much. your analysis of his character and headcanons are something i absolutely cannot get enough of. when i saw him in game, i found myself thinking 'i wonder what moogle thinks of this choice, or that choice-' i saw certain things and desperately wanted to message you but didn't wanna spoil you so i laid of. HELL a part of me was close to grabbing shots of the keyring (you know the one lol) just to send you cause i saw it and literally said 'moogle would love that shit'.
it's just so heart-warming to me to see somebody have a passion for a character others 'don't like'. a lot of characters get an unfair rap from people, be they og fans w/no time for those characters or remake fans who just want to shit on any character they dont like (srsly the chadley hate actually makes me fuckin twitch). despite it, you power on. you love this character unapologetically, you're passion overrides any losers dislike for the character. that gets a big fuckin high five from me
AND in terms of writing - your writing is just so magical. you write professionally and a lot of the time when replying to you, i find myself taking a minute to take in what you've read and savour it - you know like homies do with a fine glass of wine? its like that. im huffing that writing and swirling it round my glass like, 'gosh DARN the good cush-'. you're so insanely talented, and your art, too! everytime i see it, im like snorting it up. you got that oldschool anime style that makes my brain vibrate inside of my SKULL.
moogle, i could honestly shout to the heavens about how rad you are as a person / writer / roleplayer. i adore your passion, adore your energy and i like that im moots with someone here who has the same wild-brained approach i do (lol), its nice to feel comfortable with another writer and always have your support / general presence on my dash cause your vibes so good ( your swag too strong, theyll kill u). just yeah, Ima stop writing now but for real - you're fuckin cool.
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15 questions, 15 mutuals
tagged by @woodswit 💌
whose blog ive been lurking on for a bit now and whose book is near the top of my tbr so i will hopefully get to talk about soon!
1. are you named after anyone?
first name not really (tis a common noun so kinda?), but middle name is feminized version of my mum's dad
2. when was the last time you cried?
the other day from a book i think?
out of the crying everyday phase now that we're a couple weeks out from breakup so thats a yay
3. do you have kids?
i'm pretty young so no. but, i have always wanted them (got called maternal from a very young age, we don't have to talk about what that did to my psyche)
4. what sports do you play/have played?
did very minimal karate, ballet, gymnastics as a kid and then played soccer into highschool until i was too concussed <3
5. do you use sarcasm?
actually something im trying to lean on less - i try to be a kind person and find i lean on sarcasm as a defense mechanism even when its not how i want to be interacting with people
6. what's the first thing you notice about people?
probably something cliché like eyes but also the energy they are giving off and if they have humour about them, if that makes sense? not sure how to explain it other than some people are just heavier or lighter beings
7. what’s your eye colour?
dark brown, i used to not really like them but got this insane text from a guy friend™️ once so there's that
8. scary movies or happy endings?
firmly happy endings, im an absolute p*ssy with a pension for nightmares so keep scary shit away from me
9. any talents?
I'm a good talker, always could improv a speech or articulate my point well which has come in pretty handy in academic writing
i also can solo the shit out of a canoe so
10. where were you born?
born and raised in the same canadian city
i like to leave breadcrumbs of mystery
11. what are your hobbies?
reading and talking about books generally, watch quite a few sports with varying degrees of intensity (love hockey but have had a harder time with it over the past few years with how bad the culture is), a lot of time looking at/talking about politics but thats also my degree
also not sure if it counts but i really do love being a part of fandom/internet spaces
12. do you have any pets?
a family dog back home with my parents!
13. how tall are you?
about 5'9 which i think is pretty tall and i am very self conscious about
14. favourite subject in school?
oo it shifted a lot over time. i loved math early on because i picked it up really easily but that was a really hard subject to maintain when i was in and out of school for health reasons. so it moved to the humanities/lib arts
always enjoyed english and I'm a Politics, Philosophy, and Economics(bleh) major so do with that information what you will
15. dream job?
aha thinking about the future is terrifying. i'd really like to teach in the polisci field just because i have so many thoughts about the importance of education there but every now and then i consider being a librarian
or the younger wife of a rich man who wants to give me his money for books and philanthropy would work too
absolutely zero pressure tags of those i love and/or would love to get to know better: @chai-isms @ceilidho @ohbo-ohno @heatherdewhoney @ghosts-cyphera @winterrose527 @thegoodbutter @bluemoonjeans
and anyone else who would like to but im shy and terrified of annoying people (ill bring it up to my therapist)
#tag games!#guy friends amiright#i find learning about the little people in my phone's majors or degrees so interesting#like yes slay the queens with crazy stem backgrounds who also have time to write incredible smut#i am a humble social science girly in awe of you
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why is your sobriety pertinent to the rest
careful with those big words around me what the shit 😥😰😥😰
just as to why im not part of any drama, im too busy being a junkie and trying to stay sober. explain why im often gone, why i dont, idk, insert myself into drama ooc? i have too much going on because im either
1 relapsing actively on drugs ruining my life or
2 sobering up and dealing with the ruins of my life.
saaying im not just a junkie and that, i can be sober. like now. which is why i can articulate whatever i am doing or talk about my experiences but i dont need to talk about, "he said" "she said" i can be another voice in the "they said" and u make an opinion after hearing all voices, idk?
if i said what others say then im just a useless echo to something that might be wrong or right and thats how propaganda starts man too many ppl saying 1 side of a story instead of sharing their story and letting others piece together a more accurate idea of what's happening, rather believening propaganda yk?
u can still get the wrong idea with all the, facts or stories, but oh well
but yeah i was saying if u want my mods experience with other mods they can give their experience, but these are real people and blurry doesnt need to harass others
i was getting asks asking about whats happening, and since it's ooc, they have to work it out ig? i mean to me blocking and moving on is my move with people but thats me if they want to, talk thats them, i mean blurry, a character harassing, is not for OOC people. not for the mods. i have always given other mods the same respect we all deserve and we are not our characters. i would hate to harass someone and have it actually hurt their mod, rather some funny moment in an rp.
and yeah some dont like blurry; but some mods give me ammo for their characters to get bullied, or otherwise LOVE blurry. some people like drama and angst in rp, you know? but we dont irl. so when im asked whats happening or my thoughts, it's not for this blog if its about anything irl <3 but i can express myself if we want, in private.
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im moody so let me talk about my characters and why i am rewriting them so much
SUPER LONG POST. I mean it.
some of you have been following me for quite a while, some of you are a bit newer to my blog, some of you might be seeing this and be thinking "who the fuck are you" and to answer that question - hi, im eyris and i have perma gw2 brainrot!
well that was not where i was going. where i was going was "some of you have seen what my characters have been through and that i quite often rewrite them"
so today i'd like to talk about that a little bit. why is it happening, for the start.
I guess the best answer would be that i am getting better ideas and i am getting better at articulating them. i am also growing as a person, which also changes how i view my characters and what i want to say with their story. and sometimes i feel like things are cringe because not many people like my stuff. in no way i mean to fish for likes, no, i am contempt with what im getting (most of the time). what i mean is that i still feel like this very small and cringy blog among so many great people who have much bigger following, better stories, better art, better...everything, really. i guess a part of me wishes to catch up to them, be more like them, even if that is...1. impossible and 2. probably very stupid in your eyes.
so there's that. now, let's go over some of my characters and how they've changed across the years.
EYRIS, the main-main, game-wise and story-wise changes.
Eyris was my very first character, initially she had no story. TBF when i started gw2 my english wasn't so good and i was very lost with the game's story. I mean, i thought the Elder Dragons were some big bad organisation! Some people called themselves Dragons, something like this. As I said - my English wasnt very good back than. TBF I was like....15, I think. Yeah. I also somehow convinced myself I had to keep Eyris as a sylvari because other 4 character slots were for other 4 races and i had to keep them free! But I loved playing Eyris! SO! I fucking. I fucking deleted Eyris and made her again. over. and over. and over. and over and over and over and over.
AND THEN I went to a theatre on a school trip and we watched a play and the very handsome actor played a teacher named Mister Ross. I was 16 at a time (I think), so of course I was like "I like that name" and... I deleted Eyris for the final time and remade her as Eyris Ross. I had no idea that sylvari, according to canon, had no surnames. So when the time came when I started designing more lore-compliant story for her, my initial idea was that she was in love with a human and thats how she got her surname but he "died or something" and thats why she was now traversing Orr. I remember writing a scene of Eyris entering a Pact tent with Trahearne conversing with other leaders and she went completely off because she was sent on a suicide mission to scout Arah before going after Zhaitan and only she came back. Yeah. That....was a time. Somewhere in that time I also realised I did not like Ross backstory but I didnt want to delete Eyris again, I grew super attached (also all thjat crafting was developed completely...) so I changed her name to...Eyris of the Night. Because she was a Nightbloom and because someone took "Eyris" and I was sad about it. Still am, tbh. Somewhere then also Anriin came to be. A Priory scholar, quite mean... and she was Eyris's girlfriend who killed her in HoT because Eyris was getting corrupted! So tragic! But I scratched that off because I didn't vibe with it. I think I still have sketches though from that time so if I find them I will post them. I was 19 at the time when Eyris/Anriin was a thing. Then the Soundless plot came in. And then...
I used to have a friend. A best friend, actually. We were a package deal. So of course we bound our stories together. Eyris was just someone who happened to be there. She wasn't the Commander or the Dragon's champion. She was Just Some Plant that happened to be at a place at a time and ended up befriending the Commander (that friend's OC). Then Tragic Backstory TM happened. Eyris was a Soundless who was taken by the Nightmare Court. She was saved by a group of mercenaries (Idk who hired them. don't think too much about it). The group consisted of a young charr gladium (love interest), asura twins (siblings figures) and a norn elder (father figure). there was also a Mean Human Girl TM who bullied her because ???? and there was a drama in the group and the Mean Girl then fucking lured them into a trap (the Undead are attacking!) and everyone fucking died! Eyris survived and Trahearne saved her from the risen. Ever since Eyris hated necromancy (death magic, connection to zhaitan, zhaitan killed her loved ones) and mesmers (the Mean Girl was a mesmer). Eyris tracked her for years and she brutally murdered her in the jungle during HoT (how did the Mean Girl end up in Maguuma in the first place???) but revenge didnt help, it only drew her closer to mordremoth. Also her dog died in HoT (Mordremoth corrupted it and she had to kill it)
And then PoF time. She went to the desert. Why? I don't know. She went there and befriended a wild jackal pack for reasons unknown until today. That's how she got her mount and friend, Aiari. A few years ago Eyris became a Dragon Champion because I wanted to get her to have more story involvement and significance. And some time later I scratched off the Mercenary Group and changed them into Just A Norn Dad plot.
Currently Eyris's story is actually in this google docs right here but recently I had a Big Think and realised that No, the Vigil would NOT be swayed! So... you can take a peek on how it looks for now. Big Thanks to my friend Awerzo who shared her idea of character timelines. I stole it. It helps.
I am pretty sure I forgot some plots that existed for some time hhh
MOVING ON. AIRELL. The second Main.
Remember that friend I mentioned in Eyris's story? Well, Airell was initially created with their Commander in mind as his love interest. It did not fly. OG Airell was a shallow fuckboy that flirted with everything that moved. Then I wanted to add trauma because that's what you do, so Nightmare Court Boyfriend!!! Yeah it... didn't fly.
Then there was "unrequited love for Trahearne" plot, and after HoT Airell shut down and left for the mountains. They were supposed to be alone in their grief and die alone. but my earlier mentioned friend asked if they could make a friend for Airell. I reluctantly agreed. And so, Ewyn Rhosyn came to be. Ewyn and Airell had such a great chemistry that even if me and my friend said "just friends", these two fictional chartacters decided to date. Honestly, one of my fondest memories. I still cannot recreate a similar chemistry that these two characters had and believe me, I TRIED SO HARD.
Anyway, before Ewyn... Airell's grief was accompanied by a wish to forget all the pain they had endured. They set off to find djinn as they heard that the djinn could grant wishes. In hopes they could wish for erasing some painful memories, they looked for them, at the same time growing ravenous. When Airell finally encountered a djinn and learned that djinn magic did not work the waythey hoped for, they succumbed to hunger and ate a poor guy. Airell realised they could satiate their hunger with magic and so they became the ravenous djinn eater. Yeah. No, scratch all that. As much as I liked the concept, as a creator I wanted Airell to be likable, and let's be honest. eating people is not really the way to go, is it? Yeah......soooo then i decided to make them suck magic out of people (without killing them). Djinn eater became Deldrimor's Banshee, then I changed the name to Deldrimor's Siren, since I really liked that scary Fear Not This Night version.
As my friend and I lost touch, I held onto Airell and Ewyn for some time and then ditched it for my own sanity. I really liked the name Thorns and Roses though so I made my own gay rose mender - Achilles Flameshaper, who after losing his healing abilities became a therapist on a remote island for people who needed refuge (Whale Tail Island, or as I like to call it - Therapy Island).
The idea was that after Airell reawakened in the heart of Maguuma after the events of HoT concluded and after they learned of Trahearne's unfortunate fate, they mourned and succumbed to the magic hunger and was looking for the source of that big magic signature (cough balthazar cough), in their vinetooth form (pic below) they met Achilles and Eyris heading to the Commander's wedding. Achilles was just giving her a ride. Achilles and Eyris fought the lost mordrem in order to secure the area. Airell gets hurt, detransforms, oh no it's airell! oh no what do we do! Achilles takes Airell to the Island because clearly Airell is both physically and mentally hurting. While that part remains canon for Airell until today, their big romance with Achilles did not bloom as I planned. but you know what started vibing with me? TRAMMANDER. Because I decided to make Airell the commander from PS until the start of HoT and then reassign the commander-ship to them somewhere in the middle of PoF (thanks Nia Furaha for holding the line from HoT to PoF!). And if Trammander is canon.... then we're back to Trahearne angst. and guys, I needed to rework that too, so...
I added the whole Trahearne resurrection (ritual goes wrong! not clickbait!) idea! I am still SOOO vibing with it pls ask me questions about this im vibrating!!!!!!!
The Ewyn plot in PoF/LWs4 is CRAZY and I would need a separate post for that but I dont have time for that. Instead, let me tell you a fun fact - Airell died 1.5 times. 1 - stabbed during HoT and put in a blighting pod, and 0.5 in LWs4 when they got swallowed by Kralk and everyone thought they died but then kralk threw them up (sorry Airell).
NIA FURAHA
Nia was fun. A nice human commander, initially she was supposed to take the role of a commander after me and my friend stopped talking, but with time i decided to pass that role in majority to Airell.
Initially, Nia had a backstory. Which accidentally came out racist, so I won't be talking much about it. What I can talk about comfortably are her vigil years.
OG Nia joined the Vigil to protect people. She became a commander through recommendation and battle prowess. She was proud to be the commander, the hero of Tyria. But then I was replaying LWs2 and had thoughts. I thought what if Nia joined the Vigil to escape Anise's clutches. What if they wanted to get Nia into Shining Blade and she didn't want that? I had that storyline for some time but I don;'t like the person this makes Nia. She would not survive the dragon war with that motivation. So...I'm reworking her again when it comes to her role as a Pact soldier and Part-Time Commander.
Freya Wyldwolf
Freya has a long story. She started off as Freya Riverblade. Which is funny because I played hammer on her. Reasons? It was her father's hammer. Her father "left for a hunt and never came back" (as in he "died or something". again). Her mother was bitter, tried to get her life back together but with a wrong person and freya got a half sister. Her mother hated that child because we need that plot (insert eyeroll here pls) and Freya got her motivation to join the Vigil (previously she was a Whispers agent but only because I liked Tybalt ok).
But scratch all that. Freya now has a twin, her name is Wyldwolf, and her half sister was not neglected. Her mother was not the mother of the year but she tried.
Freya comes from a long line of OG Wolf followers, so theres always "wolf" in the second name of her family. She is from Cragstead and is besties with Braham.
Also in IBS she killed a corrupted Spirit of the Forest (cough reworked boneskinner cough) and her name changed to Freya Spiritkiller, she did not take it well and is currently MIA.
....
There's also Yvrell but I'm not vibing with it right now also this post is super long and i've been typing it for hours so.
Yeah.
Thanks for reading, Bye. Or something. Love you.
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can the nosey ones know abt ur crush? :3c dw if not. my condolences (positive)
yeah sure why not i cant stop fucking talking about it anyways.
iiii dont know if its necessarily a crush though!! definitely an obsession. definitely some kind of. fixation. thanks for your condolences i definitely fucking need them. TT-TT )
its like. uh. this person i know whos sooo articulate and smart and. theyre really sweet. yknow BASIC SHIT. theyre great everyone likes them.
anyways when we first started talking it was like. some kinda. there was clashing. i guess is how you could put it? but every time we finished talking i felt soo like. electrified. like buzzing. like my whole body was just shaking. adrenaline? maybe?
i really thought at first that it was just a friendly interest. some sort of.. y'know intellectual thing! you meet someone whos so much smarter than you and whos ideas are so well put together and who thinks YOU'RE interesting and of course you want to know more of how their brain works of course youre. captivated a bit yknow? thats like. normal. to feel. i think.
oh the first couple times we talked i went so nuts! i reread over our convos like a thousand times and reiterated our talks several times to EVERYONE in my house. its so actually embarrassing. but they were good convos you HAAAVE to understand. it was like. ducking weaving. it was like. some sort of mental exercise . and i thought it was like. normal. but it just kept. HAPPENING. AND HAPPENING. AND HAPPENING.
and i tell you what this was a lot easier a month or so ago when i was like I JUST REALLY LIKE TALKING TO THIS PERSON!! ^_^ (<- STILL A DEFINITE POSSIBILITY) cause ugh. lately its like. ever since the thought popped in my head that this interest MIIIGHT be romantic in nature its. ALLLL DAY thinking about them its so nuts! its so constant!! its literally like a fucking DISEASE... i feel like. angry over it? spiteful? almost? it reminds me of when i had a crush on a guy in elementary school and I didnt know how to handle it so i beat the hell out of him with a lunch box.
like im over here forgetting shit left and right and messing up basic conversation skills and having heart palpitations and theyre like. fine probably. iiii honestly dont think they even think about me lol. i mean definitely not as much as i am,easy, because im totally insane and obsessive i know this.
we also dont talk so much! its not very often! so yeah im sure they dont think about me as much. im even definitely sure if i ever verbalized this it wouldnt work out. ive visualized them turning me down like 20 different ways for 20 different reasons just today. lots of reasons yknow! im mentally unwell and totally nuts, im immature and also very ugly im unable to carry out a meaningful relationship because of my chronic pain problems and various health issues, all of that is fine but my obsessive nature is really freaky,LD relationships are a no-go, they just dont like me that way, ect ect ect.
its sooo stupid. its SO middle school. they type a response to me and i can barely look at the screen. i feel SO fucking stupid its insane. im like. going to claw my eyes out of my head and chew on them till they burst. i hate it here. and its never going to be reciprocated whatsoever so im literally not even going to try.
BESIDES Y'KNOW!! I DONT EVEN KNOW FOR SURE IF THATS WHAT IM FEELING!! its been wracking my brain for a week straight!! its like. am i just fascinated on an intellectual level, am i just interested in an anthropological sense, are these just really good conversations, if this just normal friendship and im making things super weird? am i just excited that someone seems to get what im saying about what im interested in? yknow. dumb.
either way TLDR; im waiting for it to pass. either I'll sort my own feelings out or itll pass! if its infatuation, GOOD, that has a expiration date of 1-2 years so i will just box it up and not think about it and not do anything about it. ^_^ )9 and it WILL die. BUT if you know how to force that process to go along faster let me KNOW.
#FR GENUINELY IF ANY OF YOU KNOW HOW TO FORCE THIS TO PASS. LMK.#LIFE IS CURRENTLY BEING RUN BY THIS SHIT AND I WOULD REALLY PREFER TO DO LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE
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yo this Gilles Deleuze guy uhhhhh. i understood the thing that quote is from pretty interesting pretty cool but um. that capitalism and schizophrenia: anti-oedipus stuff i understood the preface and introduction but it lost me by chapter 2.
have you read it? did you get it? how am i supposed to get it? i feel like i need to have a degree in psychoanalysis or some shit to understand it
i have not read it. i wouldn't stress not getting it tho. don't feel duty bound to read and understand theory. do it because it enriches your life, helps to bring joy.
that said, he's french, and personally i find the act of translating to be enlightening, even if i don't actually know the langauge. something about the literal translations can sometimes make things click in my mind. even just taking the english version and 'translating' that, going thru it slowly, rephrasing sentences, cutting out the bits that are distracting you. perhaps even translating it into diagrams, so you can visualize it.
i find also that it's helpful to just sit with your lack of understanding a bit. let it be a thorn in your side, a pest that keeps buzzing around in your head. tying it back to language again, immerse yourself. go thru the related tags, reading selected quotes, pushing thru your lack of understanding. eventually you may start to get an intuitive sense of things, even if you could't articulate that understanding. but also trying to articulate it anyway. talking it out can be very helpful, even if the other party doesn't have any input whatsoever.
reading up on psychoanalysis might help too, as well as digging into the history of these thoughts. dig down to the foundations, see what its being built on. elbisneherpmocni sraeppa yllaitini tahw fo esnes ekam nac ,sdrawkcab tsuj si ecnetnes siht gniwonk ekil ,txetnoc (read that backwards)
read wiki and other summaries, follow the sources. personally, im a bit of a 'cast a wide net' sorta person. i like variety, cross pollination of ideas, getting the big picture, seeing the forest. maybe you're more of a details sorta person, but i hope this helps and gives you some idea to go off of.
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