#is my favorite character ballister? yes how did you ever guess | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

babieyangyang10 · 4 years

Text

violent ends (chapter 7)

(chapter 7)

series masterlist

genre: hunger games!au

pairings: huang renjun x oc, na jaemin x oc

warnings: nsfw, loss of virginities, mutual degradation, switch!renjun, switch!oc, language, mentions of death

previous | next

"Holy-" Jaemin looked at my outfit, "Jesus Christ, Athena." His cheeks turning pink at the sight.

"Do you like it? I think Seulgi did a good job." I spun around for him. Both my dress and the stars in my hair were twinkling even under the backstage lights.

He laughs, "Of course. You look pretty in everything, though."

"She does, doesn't she?" I turn to see Lee Jeno and Lee Donghyuck, who goes by Haechan now.

Haechan slyly adds to Jeno's comment, "Almost good enough to eat. Congrats on the eleven, by the way."

I feel uneasy and lock eyes with Jaemin. His jaw is clenched and eyebrows furrowed. I try to seem unaffected, "Thank you. You boys look handsome as well."

"Who knew such a little thing could be so vicious?" Jeno darkly coos.

"Makes me wonder what else she's hiding in that pretty little head of hers. Doesn't she look pretty, Renjun?" Haechan tauntingly asks.

I didn't even notice the boy, who was standing right next to Haechan. He looks me up and down and stoically says to his allies, "Of course, she does."

The sound of trumpets and loud cheering interrupts our extremely pleasant conversation. "Ladies and gentlemen, our master of ceremonies: Caesar Flickerman!"

"Such a shame, looks like were starting. See you in the arena, pretty girl." Jeno says, however it's directed more towards the visibly-fuming Jaemin.

All the tributes are lined up by district. In one of the corners, there is a screen showing the live broadcast.

"So, our first tribute is from District 1!" A single man in the crowd lets out a cheer, "Someone likes District 1. Why, do you have money on District 1? Well, I'm not aloud to bet, contractually. Well maybe just a little bit."

The crowd laughs and Caesar continues, "First, from District one, we have a lovely young man named Jeno. Please give him a warm amount of applause."

Watching the screen, I see Jeno sit down in a white chair as the crowd cheers for him.

"Tell me three things: why have you always wanted to be here, what are your strengths, and what are your weaknesses?" lists Caesar.

"Well, every single year I'd tune in to watch the Careers completely dominate in the games. I knew, that is definitely going to be me someday. I began working harder and harder to get there." He explains to the audience, "I think me being here, just goes to show that with hard work and patience you do anything you want to."

The crowd goes wild, causing me to roll my eyes. They really buy this corny bullshit?

Next, Haechan is called onto the stage.

"Now, I can't describe how shocked we all were when District 1 had two boy tributes, instead of a boy and girl. Was it just me or did you all feel your heart drop?" The crowd nods, "Tell us, Haechan, what was going through your head when your name was called?"

"I was honestly thrilled. I honestly felt so disappointed when they called Jeno, instead of me at first. Then, they called my name and I was so happy. These are truly the greatest games ever invested. I mean, who wouldn't be excited?" Haechan asked the crowd.

"That's right folks, this year’s Hunger Games are going to filled with twists and turns." explained Caesar.

Now, it's District 2's turn. Firstly, Renjun is called to the stage. His face expression looks natural and indifferent in his black suit. On his collar, there's a star pin, matching the ones in my hair.

"Renjun! Welcome to the Capitol! How are you liking everything so far?” Caesar greeted.

“Everything’s great. Of course, The Capitols been treating me very well.” He flattered.

“As expected,” Caesar nodded, “Now tell us, Huang Renjun, who do you think is your biggest competition and why?”

Renjun paused for a second. I would hate to get that question. If you choose the wrong person, it could definitely blow up in your face.

“You know, I think it would have to be Lee Athena. Not only does she come from my district, but she scored an eleven yesterday. I think it’ll be a interesting fight, for sure.”

Good choice, Renjun. I know he couldn’t choose his allies, that would make things awkward. I can’t help, but feel a little flattered though.

Caesar smiled, “I like his attitude. What about you guys?”

I took a deep breath, starting to internally get into character. The innocent sweetheart, who adores the Capitol. I glance back at Jaemin and he gives me a supportive nod, before I hear my name announced.

Once I enter on the stage, Caesar squeals in delight, “Look at our Golden Girl shine! Give us a twirl.”

He says, once we sit down, “Absolutely stunning! Now, tell us how does feel to have your brother, Lee Taeyong, as a mentor?”

I hear the crowd go ballistic at the sound of his name. Especially, after his waving face pops up on the big screen.

“Well, Caesar. Taeyong has taught me so much. He’s a wonderful leader and has always been very inspiring to me. I hope to win for my big brother!” I overemphasised my emotions. The audience melting at my affection towards him.

“So cute. Oh stop it, your going to make us all cry!” pouted Caesar, causing the audience to laugh.

“Ladies and gentlemen, from District 2: Lee Athena, our very own Golden Girl!” I blow kisses to the audience, hopeful that I did all that I could to impress them.

I join Taeyong, Doyoung, and Renjun backstage to watch the rest of the tributes. I swear I almost lost my hearing from the screams when Jaemin entered the stage.

Caesar leaned in, “So, Jaemin. Many of us, especially the ladies, are curious to to know if you have a special someone?”

“Just the ladies?” Jaemin raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, fine! I wanted to know too!” Caesar bursts with excitement.

He paused, before answering, “Well, there is someone, but she doesn’t know how I feel about her.”

The audience thrilled, Caesar pries, “Well, tell us about her! Where did you meet?”

“Well, it was hard not to fall for her. She was wearing this beautiful gold dress at the parade,” Jaemin beautifully sighs, “It literally took my breath away.”

Taken aback, Caesar asks, “Wait, did we all hear you correctly or did you say ‘the parade’? As in the tribute parade? Jaemin, don’t tell me you’ve fallen for another tribute?”

“It’s true, Caesar,” Jaemin looks directly at the camera, “I’ve fallen for Lee Athena.”

The crowd gasps loudly. Suddenly, a camera is in front of me, broadcasting my shocked expression to all of Panem.

“Well folks! Looks like we might have a romance blooming in front of our very eyes soon.” Caesar teased the cameras.

“Athena! Oh my god! That was so dreamy.” Doyoung cried in the apartments.

“Yeah, I guess.” I said, cooly.

“Well, just so you know,” Doyoung whispered, “I’m rooting for the two of you.”

“Thanks, Doyoung. I know Renjun is too prideful tell you this, but you’ve been a great help to us these past few days.” I say, knowing this is the last time I’m going to see him.

Doyoung actually starts tearing up, “Please, it’s been a privilege to be your sponsor. Honestly, this year has been my favorite year of tributes ever. Do well, okay?”

He squeezes my hand, before I leave to the kitchen, where Taeyong will give his final pep talk to Renjun and I.

“When the gong sounds, don’t step off right away. You’ll blow up. It’s your personal choice if you want to raid the Cornucopia or not. Both of you are perfectly capable as long as you keep your guard up. Just clear out, try to put as much distance as you can between yourselves and others, and find a source of water right away," he says. "Got it?"

We nod.

“Meanwhile, Doyoung and I are going to be working on sponsors to provide anything the two of you need. We got your back.” He promises.

Once Renjun leaves, I give Taeyong one last hug. He quietly says, “Listen to me. You’re going to win this, alright? Do whatever it takes. Okay? After, I’ll take you to the mountains like I used to. Just us two.”

Memorizing his face and the feel of his hugs one last time, I state, “I’ll see you.”

“Alright, kid.” He ruffles my hair.

I go to my room and take a shower. Once all the makeup is removed, I throw on a thin nightgown and hop into bed.

After what seems like hours, it’s finally obvious in my mind that I am incapable of going to sleep. My mind just won’t slow down enough to let me. Obviously, I need all the sleep I can, before tomorrow.However, before I can stop myself my feet are moving to the kitchen.

I pour myself a cup of water and sit in the dark. However, I quickly realize there’s one single light still on.

Renjun’s.

Putting my empty cup in the sink, I walk over his door and knock.

“Who is it?” I hear him softly ask.

Finally, get my chance to tease him about the interview, I say, “Your biggest competition.”

He lets me in, closing the door behind me.

“What do you want?” Renjun frowns at me.

“I can’t sleep.” I explain.

“How is that my problem?” He raises his eyebrows, annoyed.

“Shut up. Obviously, you aren’t getting much sleep either, idiot.” I insult.

“Fine.” Renjun just sits down on his bed. I happily follow him and sit across from him.

“Your allies are certainly charming.” I trail off.

“Yep, that whole thing was them trying to trip out that lover-boy of yours.” Renjun explains.

“I thought so. It worked too, I guess,” I admit, “Especially the part where you said I looked pretty.”

“For sure, your boyfriend was fuming.” He laughs.

I roll my eyes, “He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Then, why else would you throw your whole game and life away for him?” He shuts his eyes.

“Are you serious?” My mouth falls open.

“Yes,” His jaw clenches tight, “Are you serious? You’ve known this kid for a week. A week. Now, he’s confessing to you. Don’t you think that’s a little suspicious? Did it never cross your mind that maybe he’s just using you?”

I hate how he thinks I’m a dumb little girl. I hate how he doesn’t know the truth.

“You know, Renjun, why do you care so much?” My tone sharp.

“Just shut up, Athena.” He shakes his head.

Furious, I get closer, “No, really. So what if I throw my life away? You never cared before. What’s it to you?”

He starts, “Just-“

Renjun softly grabs me by my chin, shocking me. Just for a second, he stares at my lips. He then, looks me straight in the eyes.

Holding himself back, “Listen to me. Get out of here, before I do something I’m not supposed to.”

“What if I don’t want to?” I widely grinned, before quietly asking, “What are you going to do to me?”

He answers me with a kiss. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, bringing him closer. Different from the last time, this one is certainly less gentle. It’s desperate and demanding at the same time.

I know I hate this kid, but holy shit he’s fun to make out with.

I can’t remember the part, when I decided to climb into his lap. I do, however, remember clinging to anything I can, his hair, shirt, or face, with need.

When he disconnects our lips, I almost cry out when I think it’s over. However, I forget all about it, when he starts kissing my neck. Up and down, little pecks. It’s so good. So sensitive. He should feel this too.

I push him backwards on the bed and crawl on top of him. Giving him only one brutal kiss on the lips, I copy what he did on my neck.

After I reached a certain spot by his collarbone, he let out a quiet, “Oh my god.” Curious, I decided to suck on the spot. He cried out, bucking his hips into mine. I pulled back to see a dark mark left behind, being filled with a weird sense of pride.

He slightly jumps, when I run my finger over the bruise. I let my fingers down exploring the uncovered parts of his neck, before I stop at his collar. I pause, unsure what to do next.

“Off?” He asks, still underneath me. I nod, crawling back to give him some space.

Renjun pulls his shirt over his head. He leans back, letting me do whatever I wanted. I run my hand slowly down his chest.

“I never pegged you for the obedient type.” I speak my thoughts.

“I’m not. I’m just being nice.” He says, plainly.

Testing the waters, I ask, “What if I said I don’t want you to be nice?”

His right hand suddenly places itself around my throat. Not squeezing, just resting. It was almost like he was saying, I could do it, but I’m not going to.

“Watch it.” He warns.

I raise my eyebrow, “Or what?”

Wanting to piss him off, I moved my hips against his. Back and forth. Back and forth. He flinches as other hand grabs my hips. I let out a moan.

He halts my movements, “Do you want them to hear you? Shut up.”

I laugh, “And what are you going to do about it? You gonna shut me up?”

Annoyed, he forces his pointer and middle finger in my mouth. I delightfully moan, deciding to suck on his fingers. Meanwhile, he just looks at me in shock. Eyes wide and curious, he just watches me take his fingers. To his dismay, I also continue my hip movements.

Grabbing his hand on my hip, I bring it down to the edge of my nightgown. Getting the hint, he grabs it and pulls it over my head. Fascinated, he looks over my body. It’s almost like he’s looking at a painting, analyzing every detail. He takes his fingers out of my mouth and runs his hand down my already-bare chest.

Stopping my hips, I plead, “Renjun, please do something.”

“What do you want me to do?” He quizzes.

Too shy to say the words, I reply, “Anything.”

He brings his hand down to my underwear line, asking, “Here?” I nod, feeing a little nervous.

Placing me down on the bed, he climbs on top of me. Just like I was to him, a few seconds ago. Only now, I was beginning to feel truly smaller.

I take a deep breath as he pulls down my underwear. When he looks between my legs, I nervously start shutting them. However, he forces them apart. Watching my facial expression, he runs his fingers over my core. Jumping, I let out a whimper.

“Shh...” He shushes me.

Continuing, he asks, “Did I make you like this?”

Too prideful, I stay quiet.

Unsatisfied, he rips his hand away, “Say it, or I’ll make you go back to your room right now.”

“Yes,” I force out with all I could, “You did.”

Content, he noticed me flinch, when his fingers touched a certain spot. He continues softly touching it, making me squirm around.

Curious, he asked, “Can I put my finger in?”

Once I agree, he pushes his middle finger in. I am met with a new and unpleasant burning. My face wrinkles up in pain. Sensing my discomfort, he quickly removes it.

“No, put it back.” I whine, knowing it’s pretty normal to hurt at first. His finger returns, starting to move in and out, very slowly. Once I got used to the movements, it actually started to feel really good.

He watches my face, as I slowly start to fall apart beneath him. When he starts to speed up, my hands cover my face in surprise.

With his free hand, he gently slaps my hands, wanting them away from my face. After I comply, he happily adds in his ring finger.

His fingers were now getting bolder and deeper inside me. Suddenly, they press against a spot that make me jerk, shutting my legs around his arm.

“Good?” He checks, unsure. Once I nod, he just starts hammering his fingers into the same spot. Unable to contain myself, my body starts thrashing around. Renjun just rolls his eyes and braces his free arm on my stomach, holding me down.

As a result, I am forced to just completely take his quick fingers. Eyes shutting, I feel a building feeling in my lower stomach.

“Renjun, I think-“ I pause, too overwhelmed to even think or muster out the words.

Understanding, he says, “Look at me, then.”

And I do.

I see his eyes just watching me with want and curiosity. Before I know it, something snaps deep within. Renjun’s hand is over my mouth, muffling my cries. However, his fingers are still working inside me, prolonging the bliss.

It’s only when I slap at his arm from sensitivity, that he removes his hand. Even so, I still feel like I’m floating above earth on a cloud. I can’t even think about anything else, except this happy feeling.

I wanted him to feel it too.

“Take off your pants.” I breath out.

Sitting down beside me, he pulls off his sweatpants. I see that he’s painfully hard in his underwear. I almost feel sorry for him.

I kiss him, climbing on top of him. He eagerly kisses me back, becoming stiff when my uncovered lower half slightly brushes him.

I break away from him, taking in the look of desperation and need in his eyes.

“What do you want from me, Renjun?” I run a finger down his covered bulge. He breathes out, when I stop at the end, where I notice there is a dark spot.

“You want my hands?”

I press down, where the spot is. His hips, jerking up from beneath me. Meanwhile, the look of constraint is still clearly evident on his face.

“My mouth?” His eyes dart to my lips, while I can see him considering the options in his head.

“There is something I’m forgetting, isn’t there Renjun?” I feign dumb as I sit down directly on top of him.

“You’re having so much fun, aren’t you?” Renjun darkly breaths out, “You sure didn’t talk this much, when I had my fingers in you a few minutes ago.”

“It is fun, because I know you’re too much of a pussy to ask for what you really want.” I chuckle to myself, enjoying my revenge.

His head snapped up at me, “What did you call me?”

“You heard me.” I stare blankly back at him.

“Fine. I want to be inside you,” His fingers run over my core, making me jump in surprise, “I want to feel you in here.”

While I’m at his mercy, he roughly pushes me off of him, onto my back.

He asks for consent, “Is that what you want?”

I peer up at him through my eyelashes and nod, “I want you.”

Just like the fingers, it burned at first. However, when he started leaving little pecks on my neck, it went quickly away. Instead, I felt full and completely satisfied.

I could tell it wasn’t just me. Finally getting some relief, Renjun was silently cursing to himself. The both of us listening to the sinful sounds of our skins slapping together.

It’s almost too much. The way I could feel him going in and out. Grazing exactly where I needed him.

“I’m almost there. Just pull out, okay?” I whisper out. Once speeding up, I feel his hand travel down to my clit. Feeling the familiar tightness in my gut, I wildly buck my hips into his. Knowing what’s about to happen, he shuts me up with a kiss, as I fall apart beneath him.

Not long after, he quickly pulls out. After sliding his hand over his length a few times, he releases a white substance all over my stomach. He crashes down on top of me, but I don’t care much. I just run my fingers through his hair, as he calms down.

Reaching into his bedside table, he pulls out some tissues and wipes my stomach. I let him take care of me, finally feeling exhausted.

Once he finished, I avoid eye contact,“Okay, bye. I’m going back.”

I look up at him, then quickly realize that when we see each other again, the harsh reality is that one of us will have to kill the other.

I don’t even have to explain my sullen expression to Renjun. He just knows. We both there’s no other way.

Before I leave, he kisses me, trying to soothe the bitter sting of reality. I don’t fight, just simply accept it. Try to remember the way it feels, before I go back to my room and this is just another memory I stuff into a jar and keep hidden in the back of my mind.

He kissed me one last time.

#nct smut #nct au #nct dream smut #nct dream imagines #nct dream #nct #renjun #jaemin #jeno #haechan

51 notes · View notes

be-more-chill-evan-hansen · 4 years

Text

BLACK FRIDAY SPOILERS

The following post contains spoilers for the new musical, Black Friday, by Team Starkid. Continue reading at your own risk.

MY FAVORITE PARTS FROM THE BLACK FRIDAY DIGITAL TICKET + OTHER COMMENTARY (IN ORDER OF HOW THEY APPEAR) WHILE WATCHING IT FOR THE 4TH OR 5TH TIME [contains very harsh and explicit language]

**These points will be brought up in another post (involving the Hatchetfield Universe theories)

The ENTIRETY of the Wiggly jingle at the beginning

Jaime saying “his belly’s so squishy!” while jumping up and down

The tights

“Uncle Wiley, where does Wiggly come from?”

James Tolbert (Team Starkid choreographer-turned-actor) STOLE the show

Curt Mega’s dancing in that song killed me

“DO THE WIGGLE!”

ROBERT AND JAMES DANCING WAS EVERYTHING

**Paul still doesn’t like musicals? (I have a theory of where this show takes place in the Hatchetfield Universe but that’s for another post)

The way Paul looks at Emma when she’s on her Cabbage Patch Kid rant!

“I’m Paul. I’m Emma’s...boyfriend.”//“Well, we haven’t put a label on it yet.”//“But we are intimate.” (Bonus: Emma’s glare)

Paul is still awkward I love him.

“I do not get flashbacks. I remember bad things vividly.”

“Thank you for your service.”//“I didn’t do it for you.”

“Ski-ball sucks.” (I wholeheartedly disagree but whatever)

Grace Chastity is Tom’s babysitter for Tim confirmed

Okay. Okay. Okay. OKAY.

TOM JUST WANTS TO MAKE IT UP TO HIS SON BECAUSE HE FEELS GUILTY ABOUT THE CRASH I’M SOFT

DYLAN SAUNDERS STILL STEALING HEARTS

WHY DO YOU GIVE DYLAN ALL OF THE HEART-WRENCHING SONGS????? I DON’T NEED TO CRY AT 4AM

THE LIGHTING

“Excuse me, miss. Do you think it’s okay for me to park here?”//“Yeah, it says ‘no parking at any time’ but I’m sure the loading trucks can just park across the street. Does that work for you?”

“If I won’t support my drinking habit, who will?”

“Hark, the herald angels sing. Glory to a newborn king. A fuckin’ furry little monster’s gonna make me a pile of cash.”

“Tell me, Lex. Do you know why they call it Black Friday?”//“Because it comes after Thursday?”

“Well, friend-o. I have a feeling that these little babies are going to take you so far into the black that you ain’t never comin’ back.” *long uncomfortable pause*

“Oh, you’re gonna make a killin’. That’s an Uncle Wiley’s Toys guarantee!”

FRANK HUGGING THE BOX OF WIGGLYS

“Hark, the herald angels sing. Glory to a newborn king. Peace on Earth, and lots of money. MONEYMONEYMONEYMONEY just for ME.”

JON’S VOICE AS WIGGLY I CAN’T

“mALL security we got a shoplifter. Drop that doll!” (His voice crack killed me oh my God)

HIS OUTFIT (The first time I saw him I went “Oh my God he’s emo”)

“Where’s my sister?”// “Oh no.” *stares dramatically* “Hannah?” *even more dramatic* “Is that what you’ve been telling me every day for the past four weeks? To pick up your kid sister?” *grabbing Lex* “Oh, I must’ve forgot because I’m so stupid.” Ethan needs to take up drama

“Do I gotta put a leash on you like a dog, or my cousin Oliver?”

“Don’t pull her.”//*voice crack* “I’m nOt.”

“Alright banana split.” i’m not crying

“You see this hat? This was gifted to me by a great warrior.” *Lex laughs*/*Ethan turns around slowly* “Don’t you fuckin’ laugh.”

“I’d make a great dad, I’m just sayin’.” (Ethan isn’t a horrible person he’s just misguided)

“My mom’s a bitch!”

Honestly the way Ethan looks at Lex

*in the middle of singing* “That’s not how cameras work, babe.”

Hannah’s dancing

ROBERT’S WIGGLES DURING “We’re missing in action.”

“Dear mom, it’s been real."

“I’d say you did your best, but I’m not a liar.”//“Oh, L-I-E-R, babe.”//“We get it Ethan, you’re a good speller.”

“PS: Get yourself a new trailer, because this one? Is BROKE AS SHIT!”

Robert in skinny jeans. Can Robert wear skinny jeans more often please?

Hannah doing the “smoking” thing with her hands.

“Hannah! What the fuck is this [imitating it]?That better be fucking FLOSS.”

UGH LAUREN AS LINDA MONROE IS LEGENDARY

“That’s called a bribe, sir, and it’s illegal...or it should be.”

“I have four boys. Four beautiful, blond, boys.”

“Do you really think your children are better than everyone else’s.”// “In so many words, YES.”

“I hope you don’t get a Wiggly. I hope you fucking die.”

“Well, my children were accidents.”

“Stop crying, Gerald. I wasn’t talking to you.”

The way Tom and Becky looked at each other when they met again ugh.

Whatever that song is called when the Hatchetfield citizens were gossiping about it like I think it’s called “What Do You Say?” or something?

“Tom’s put on some weight.”

“I heard Tom is seeing things.”

Jon is serving looks.

The dance they did when they said “all the years that had fun” killed me

Curt Mega is a treasure

“It’s cold out.”//“Nothing really.”//“How are things?”//“Haven’t seen it.”

“Oh my, God, it’s a train-wreck.”//“My favorite.”//“Give me my tub of popcorn.”//“Just skip to the fucking.”//“She’d never--.”//“Either way this is torture porn.”

“I think I’ll step in and save her.”// “You don’t have half of a chance, bitch.”

“THERE, she looked at his crotch.”//“He looked at her boobs.”

“I like dolls. I’m just kidding. I don’t like dolls. At least, not like that.”// “I missed you.” *everyone freaks out*

The dance that looks like a beating heart around them I love.

“Did you know if you spend money, your kids will love you maybe.”

COREY DORRIS NEEDS APPRECIATION BYE

“Give us your fucking money. Give us your fucking cash.”

SERIOUSLY I CAN’T WAIT FOR THIS RECORDING

“Do we have any morality.”

“What’s a grown man going to do with 85 dolls?”// “Well, one will stay in the box for posterity. One will be used exclusively for bath time.”

“If you’re going to make with the hysterics, TAKE IT TO MACY’S.”// “How dare you. Are you hearing this, Gerald? Yes, call my attorney.”

“I’ll tickle one doll, and one doll will tickle me.”

The bidding war.

“Get your hands off her.”// “Fuck YOU.”

The lighting slowly gets red when they start bidding.

“$800.”//“$3.”//“Can I use these coupons?”

“Well, if you’re not going to sell me that doll, I guess I’ll just gonna have to take it.”

“If he gets one, I’m getting four.” *Linda climbs the counter like Draco*

So the lighting during “Feast or Famine” is just???? The green and red??? Like holiday colors but at the same time it’s representative of greed and rage????

Just all of “Feast or Famine”

“What’s shaking banana, you okay?” I’M HAVING FEELINGS UGH

“What’s up with that grammar. Even I know it’s ‘more badder’.” Ethan no

ETHAN NO

“Give me that fucking doll I’m in a hurry.” Okay, Jeff you freaking gremlin man

WHO BRINGS A KNIFE SHOPPING?? Unless he stole that, too.

“Do you see him? Do you see him? Do you see him?”//“YES, I fucking see him!”

James as “Obama” I’m crying

“I’ll hold onto the little...uh...whippersnapper.”

“While you three devise a strategy, I’ll hold on to the little friend.”// “Shut the fuck up!”

“You’re nothing more than a Harvard Law School community organizing prick!” I’M SCREAMING

“Take one step closer to my fwendy-wend and I’ll rip your fucking throat out with my own teeth.”

“No, he’s mine! Back off or I will send a laser-guided ballistic missile to your house in Denver. You’ll be scraping off what’s left of your kids off the FUCKING pavement.”

“MORRIS. Give me that COCK-SUCKING MOTHERFUCKING COCK-A-DOODLE-DOLL” CURT MEGA IS A TREASURE

“I’ll bite your dick off!”

THE AUDIENCE (AND MY) REACTION TO MCNAMARA

*Obama voice* “Oh, I’m gonna vomit.”

“I hope you don’t mind if I let myself in.”// “Into the oval office?”

“Monsters and Men” IS A BOP

*yeets the Wiggly off stage*

“DECK THE HALLS” IS A BOP

I would 100% watch “Santa Claus is Going to High School” unironically

“Jingle! Jangle! If anyone sees two elves in my locker, I’ll get expelled for sure.”

The dancing UGH

Lauren is the cutest elf ever

PART THREE OF LAUREN AND ROBERT DOING A CUTE DANCE TOGETHER

“What the fuck am I watching?”

Becky talking about her ex-husband breaks my heart. I would die for her.

“You say you killed your family. I hope I killed mine.” My heart is breaking help me

Becky and Tom are freaking CUTE

“Take Me Back” is the cutest song ever

All of the times the characters mention other dimensions and stuff??? Each has a different context, but Joey’s character did say that Hatchetfield was a special town earlier in the show so????

All of the making out I’m done

Becky’s leg

“I knew you weren’t Santa.”//“A red tricycle.”//“SANTA!” *starts making out*

“This is the best movie ever!”

Robert has to make out with two people every day.

**PEIP deals with Paranormal, Extraterrestrial, and Interdimensional stuff, so if TGWDLM was Extraterrestrial, and BF is Interdemensional, will Nerdy Prudes Must Die be Paranormal? Will we see PEIP again? [I’M GOING TO MAKE A SEPARATE POST ABOUT THE THEORIES WITHIN THE UNIVERSE]

**“There are many dimensions, sir.”

“You want to send me into the fucking Twilight Zone to have a sit-down with the devil?”

“They will build him his birth canal.” Ew

Sherman Young is so freaking creepy

“Wiggly is good. Wiggly is just.”

“Bring forth the infidels.”

*as Linda walks onto the stage* “MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER”

“I dislike that word, Gerald. Cult. No, it’s a new, exciting religion that I started.”

“I’ve met God, He had nothing nice to say about you.”

“Adore Me” is a BOP

“You’ll kneel before me. Kiss my toe.”

“I will destroy everything, and then I will destroy everything. I guarantee I’ll destroy everything in my path. Unless I get what I--shit, Gerald.”

The followers repeating “I get what I shit.”

THE TIE AROUND JON’S HEAD KILLS ME

“I want you to know what I mean when I say my evil shit, ‘kay?”

TEAM STARKID PLEASE MAKE LAUREN A VILLAIN MORE OFTEN

“What’s shaking banana?” DON’T DO THIS TO ME

Evil Ethan hurts me

Hannah doesn’t deserve this

“I’m in the Black and White now. It’s just like California. It never ends.”

“I swear on my own grave.” I’M

Hannah calling Wiggly out on his bullshit

“Well, Webby is a stupid bitch.” JON UGH

“I’m going to eat you riiiight the fuuuuck nowwwww.” This scene just makes me want to give Hannah a hug

“We don’t get tricked. We’re grown-ups.” GROWN-UPS ARE THE ONLY ONES BEING TRICKED I CAN’T WITH THIS MUSICAL

“Tom, how could you? You let her get away!”

Dylan jumping at an audience member

I know people think that Ethan’s magic hat thing was bullshit but like the syringe missed Hannah so like??

“You think that in the Netherlands they care about some toy? Hah! Nah, they’re too busy enjoying their free vacations and free health care.”

Made In America is A BOP

THE SNIGGLES

BIG WIGGLY

I feel like Made in America won’t have the same punch on the soundtrack.

Joey’s falsetto

R.I.P. General John McNamara

“MERRY CHRISTMAS MOTHERFUCKER!”

“Uh, oh, Mr. Prezy-wez. It seems you’ve misplaced your bomby-womb. Don’t worry. I’m sure it will turn up somewhere.”

“We’ve lost Moscow, sir.”

“He baited us into World War Three.”//*Wiggly giggles* “That tickles.”

“Is this what I live for? To be choked in a toy store?”

“Black Friday” is such a beautiful song though

“Did I need her more than she needed me?” I’m crying please stop

“I’m authorizing you to use my firearm.”

“Monsters and Men” reprise is PERFECT

“Kids don’t want that piece of shit.”//“What?”//“They’re all into Fortnight, dude!”

“I mean, you’re like 40! You probably think your life is over!”

“Everyone is dying, and that includes me, too.” Jeff is a lyrical genius but he needs to back off of whatever angsty juice he’s drinking.

“If I fail you one more time, the punishment won’t match the crime, cause there’s no pain that could ever explain how I let you down.”

“I failed you once, and I will fail again.” I cried when I watched this the first time

“If I Fail You” is such an emotional song

“Alright, let’s go.”//“Fuck, yeah! Should I move these boxes first?”//“Fuck, yeah.”

Charlotte? Where did you come from???

“The only man that’ll have her now is Jack Daniels.”

“And you, you little shit.” Says Draco, the little shit.

“A magic hat? That’s ridiculous. Only dolls are magic.”

“Is this some kind of a joOoOoOoke?”

“Answer me, or I’ll cut your mouth open with my FUCKING KNIFE.”

“You’re a fucking moron.”// “Then you’ve been out-fucked by a fucking moron.”

Lauren’s wiggles during “He will wigglewigglewigglewigglewiggle his way into life.”

“Wiggle” is such a silly song but the harmonies and choreography????? Iconic.

ROBERT’S TWIRL???

JAMES’ DEATH DROP????

EVERYONE’S SEPARATE WIGGLES????

The crying when Becky shot Linda.

“Gerald? It’s Gary. Yep, we need to talk about the will. Goldstein!”

The red light that symbolized Wiggly being on fire.

The followers deciding to burn with Wiggly.

“I have this cooky, reclusive Biology professor.” *audience loses their shit*

“What am I supposed to do without my iPhone?”//“Wear a watch?”

“What If Tomorrow Comes” is such a haunting song

Kendall’s voice is so GOOD!

HOT CHOCOLATE BOY?

MR. DAVIDSON?

BILL?

The dabbing

Hannah and Lex hugging

Paul hugging Emma and Bill

The Hot Chocolate Boy and the Cinema Kid holding hands honestly adorable and I lowkey ship

A little bit of instrumentals from “Not Your Seed” in the end-credit music?? (From the lyric “Look what happened, nightmare time.”)

That’s it. It’s very long, but those were either my favorite parts or small things I noticed. Mostly just my thoughts.

#team starkid #black friday musical #black friday spoilers #jon matteson #lauren lopez #robert manion #curt mega #joey richter #dylan saunders #kim whalen #jeff blim #corey dorris #jaime lyn beatty #angela giarratana #james tolbert #kendall nicole yakshe #hatchetfield #hatchetfield universe

89 notes · View notes

batsysims · 5 years

Photo

didnt wanna do an actual Simself Edit™ so have an arrested development reference

anyways

i was tagged by @0cherub & i tag any1 who hasnt done this yet bc who doesnt like answering 125 questions abt themselves oh also @flavortowne im forcing you to do this sry

get to know me tag

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? its batsy dont worry abt it

2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? its batsy dont worry abt it

3. BIRTHDAY? september 15

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES? what?? are books

5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? ye both

6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? ummmm idk lmfao i havent “read” a “book”” in like 5 years

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? 35 & 36 on sirius are like basically the exact same station but that doesnt mean i dont constantly alternate between the two whenever im near a radio

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? pink is a v trustworthy flavor

9. WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? *owen wilson voice* wrow

10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? what kinda question is this wt f ive currently reobsessed myself w marina and the diamonds so honestly any of her discography

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? idk any words :^/ sry

12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? wheels on the bus im exhausted

13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? man in the high castle. man in the high castle. man in the high ca

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN? clerks al;dksfjf

15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? almost exclusively sims and fallout but every once in a while some indie game i find on steam so. yea

16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? never doing anything in my life and having nothing 2 look forward to!! yay

17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? probably my resiliency, maybe?? idk

18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? my habit of allowing bad things to happen to me lol

19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? cats but im sorta kinda indifferent 2 both i think i might 1 of the 5 ppl on earth who dont like having pets

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? summer and fall

21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? yea

22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? not being lazy lmfao

23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? @flavortowne eye emoji

24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? blue

25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? its natural brown but im thinkn abt going either red or blonde again

26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? like 3 ppl irl and everyone on discord u guys legit

27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? my person and @flavortowne eye emoji

28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? tom hardy. what is his end goal

29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? tbh going 2 basic lmfao im!! lame

30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? as of right now,, spiderverse lol

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? teletubbies was fckn legit and so was old school spongebob

32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? my person

33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? im not superstitious,,, but i am a little stitious

34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? i cant deal w fishing poles idk

35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT? in front babey

36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? sims or stitching play foods 4 the kid to use on her play kitchen

37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? stop asking book questions

38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? spiderverse yeye

39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? piano & i try 2 pretend i know what im doing w a ukulele

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? stingrays :^)

41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? legit all my mutuals

42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? i had an oc that could read ppls memories like a scrapbook if he touched them and i always honestly thought that was. cool

43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? in my house!! the door b locked bitch!!!!

44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? toddler being an idiot toddler

45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? its not really,, a sport,, but i bike

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? cream soda in those glass bottles is top tier non-alcoholic beverage

47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? i wrote a letter 2 my person telling him he was an idiot and by the time it was mailed 2 his house i was already living there lol

48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? nah

49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? either ppl blowing vape in my face or holding something so close to my face i cant see i just go ballistic

50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? nope unless u count a sesame street liveshow like 10 years ago

51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? nope!

52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? a cop lmfao

53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN? this is horrible but the setting of new vegas i just feel like id be at home there, w the radiation and constant danger and dehydration

54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? the kid

55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? only when im looking in the mirror adlkfj start thinkn abt a different face showing up instead of mine idk

56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? yea

57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? skipped a whole year adlfkj

58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? this is basic but i miss the tri-state area

59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? this is basic but i miss nj

60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? yea :^/ a dog, a cat, and uhhhh 14 fish

61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? night owl but honestly im just always tired

62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER? sunsettttt

63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? i do

64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? headphones. they just work

65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? nah but i need em

66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? i listen to everything tbh

67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? michael cera

68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? i used to read them religiously but not so much any more. i am reading the TAZ graphic novel tho

69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? having to repeat myself 20 times. or being an idiot when i wanna start a new hobby

70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? idk how to read

71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? honestly i had a blast in econ and my law enforcement class

72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? a bro, another sibling, and a half-bro

73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? food lmfao

74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? every time i measure myself im 5′2″ but the government insists that i am 5′3″ so w/e

75. CAN YOU COOK? yeap

76. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? alcohol, bike riding, wearing stupid makeup

77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? ppl holding me back, bird box, when my nail breaks before i can file it so its all oglee

78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? uh idk?? i dont have,, many,,,, friends

79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? bi

80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? sc :’^(

81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? my brother

82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? 2 nights ago the kid pistol whipped me in the chin w her phone and it just hurt so bad it legit made me lose it

83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? ok this is dumb as shit the kid is obsessed w Blippi and i have a mom crush on him afdslfkjs

84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? ye

85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP? i am currently obsessed w L.O.L. Surprise! Pop but all in all probs Pocket Camp

86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE? bad as parents but theyre fine now that im an adult and they have a grandkid they can like

87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? i dont like a majority of them lmfao but idk maybe uh?? irish

88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT? rly wanna go to nevada but im moving to the mojave soon anyways so

89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 15

90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? nope

91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? i was raised christian but i dont rly give a shit abt any of that

92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OR THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? outer space my dood the ocean is dumb and scary

93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? im jus livin my life

94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? i mean. im lactose intolerant but thats abt it

95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? nope

96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? no

97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? when im wrong abt something

98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? forest ig bad choices

99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? i dont think i was ever given advice, ever. maybe thats why im like this

100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? idk i try not 2 lie unless its like. an obvious exaggeration for the lols

101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? wtf idk ok i just did one of those quizzes & im a slytherin?? what does that mean

102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? yeah

103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? more of an introvert but im ok w going out there if i gotta

104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? i keep one for the kid but thats abt it

105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? nah. unless it was something stupid like burning food like im not gonna ban u from the kitchen

106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? if theres an id i guess mail it 2 the address on there?? idk ive never just. found a wallet. i think this happens a lot less than all the hypotheticals make it out to be

107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? if theyre dedicated to it. i dont think ppl can just do it over night and i dont think its ever a 100% change

108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? dont touch me

109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? Yep

110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? 2 in both ears but thats it

111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? spidr...mna

112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? no :^( once im cleared for them tho deffo

113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? i hate that this is the answer but enlisting adlfkjs

114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? yeah ig??

115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? glasses

116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? 2 late

117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? we all b stupit

118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? idk?? i get embarrassed but also get over it quick so like. idk

119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? yea

120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOU CLOTHES? black & red

121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? mhm

122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? i was on nickelodeon back when they had those cuts to the Live Studio Audience™

123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 21

124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? “I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.”

125. DO YOU PREFER SWEET OR SAVORY FOODS? savory i almost never eat anything sweet

#get to know me tag #now that ive posed this i wanna get back in2 making pose packs sigh

6 notes · View notes

alwayshinee · 3 years

Text

i know this isnt my comics blog but 1) im too lazy to log into it and 2) this is my blog and also cantwell's iron man has pissed me off so much i just NEED to go on a rant about it

1) tony investing his """severance""" fund into the stock market cantwell are you fucking kidding. tony has a track record of donating stupid amount of money into any charitable thing he could see. his literal second appearance has him donating like. $800k to build a new hospital wing. his date teased him because he wanted to see the orphans at the hospital and idk make balloons for them or something. if anything he would've just told b.o.s.s to distribute the money evenly between highly-rated charities.

2) REDHEADS ARE NOT INTERCHANGABLE. PATSY =/= PEPPER =/= MARY JANE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. also stop making them into his "mom"!!! he is entirely capable of taking care of his basic needs (now throwing himself into danger is another thing but that's not what im talking about) and yes i do blame the mcu for making people think he's an incapable man child

3) if he mentions his fucking ego one more time i'm gonna so ballistic OH MY GOD. this is the same guy who HATED seeing his own reflection in the mirror and whose entire early comics career was just him being "wow i am a piece of shit. i know i wasn't directly responsible for that bad thing happening and there was nothing i could have done to stop it, but i still didn't stop it so i fucking suck. i literally do not care if i die as long as i die helping others. i will refuse to tell people i'm iron man because i don't want to put others in danger and because i'm not doing this for the attention."

3) patsy telling tony "you don't know how it's like to constantly hear dark things in your own head"? ???? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ????? my man was diagnosed with manic depression and also read the point above

4) if he even BREATHES in the direction of a "tony relapses" plot given the "hints" he dropped last issue, i-- i-- AGH don't do it i don't trust cantwell to do this tastefully. i swear to god if i have to read "demon in a bottle 2: electric boogaloo" i'm gonna write a strongly-worded letter to him.

5) the fact that patsy keeps telling tony about his privilege like.... tony.... isn't...... already.... aware of this fact........ and his entire character.............. revolves............. around.......................... helping people.......... with his............ privilege........ because he's a HERO WOW NOVEL CONCEPT AM I RIGHT.

6) HOW do you manage to read "classic" iron man comics and come out making the most dudebro-y iterations of tony i have ever had the displeasure to read. "classic" iron man was all about him being *GASP* a good person, being emotionally vulnerable, sometimes being the one who needs saving (usually by rhodey, his knight in shining armor <3)

7) i will never get pre-mcu tony back :( :( :( :( :(

8) here are my favorite "classic" tony panels just because lol

also read iron man v. 3 #50 and iron man v. 4 #14 and iron man v. 1 #182 for Prime Feels.

ALSO HAVE MY FAVORITE TONY QUOTES

“You don’t always have to fight villains to save lives. That’s why I started the Maria Stark Foundation in memory of my mother. It may not be the branch of my company that gets the most public attention, but in my opinion, it’s where we do the most good.”

“Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done…” (ok i realize this one might be weird to people who aren't as familiar with tony, but this basically was during the civil war; tony is known for being an atheist + right before this he poured an entire bottle of whiskey down the drain and it just hurts ok it hurts me physically and yes i do have a headcanon about how maria was catholic so tony prays when he feels like he needs comfort because it reminds him of his mother but you did not ask for that!!!)

“Are you suggesting that I’m hallucinating?” (context: right after the civil war and steve's death, tony started having guilt-induced hallucinations regarding steve and others whose lives he couldn't save. he also started locking himself in his suit for days and blah blah punches a window and makes himself bleed and blah blah holy fuck this is depressing)

“Sound cliche, but I–I guess I always thought we’d grow old together. I figured, one day I’d hang up the armor, we’d change our names and run off somewhere. We’d just run off and be happy. It was a good dream, but it was a dream I had no business dreaming.” (i will never forgive marvel for killing rumiko i hope she haunts them forever. even busiek didn't like it.)

“And I swear, as the man, Tony Stark–As the Avenger fate chose to cast in the role of Iron Man–That I will live to avenge those whose lives have been lost through the ignorance of men like the man I once was–Or I will die trying!”

“Did you do your best, Anthony? And did your best only make things worse?” (hickman i have no idea what he hell you're doing with the x-men but i respected your tony so hard. come back.)

#jace_is_PISSED.txt

0 notes

slamsams-blog · 4 years

Text

For Your Eyes Only - #24WeeksofBond

This week we travel back in time to 1981 with “For Your Eyes Only” - also could be known as “When Bond Came Back to Earth”. Roger Moore’s films had been getting a little cartoony and comical, and then they put Bond in space with “Moonraker”, essentially jumping the shark. They had taken Bond as far as they could take him, and now they needed to bring the series back down to earth and give it a fresh coat of paint. “For Your Eyes Only” is a story of two governments vying for the same prize while also being a tale of revenge. This movie has its moments, and plenty of layers - but in my view, just misses the mark on excitement.

Roger Moore is back in the saddle of Bond, only because they couldn’t find a replacement. Moore was having his reservations about playing the role due to his age, and after his original contract expired after “The Spy Who Loved Me”, Moore signed a film by film deal, where there were essentially no strings attached. If they felt that they needed Moore, and if Moore wanted another payday, then we got Moore Bond. (see what I did there?). You definitely start seeing Moore’s age more noticeably starting with this movie - but he’s still not “A View To A Kill” old yet so we are still in the clear.

What I do like is how they used his age here. After meeting a young olympic skater in training, she starts smitten with Bond right away, and Moore plays the uncomfortable and awkwardness perfectly. Moore was an excellent eye actor. His ability to clue you in on Bond’s inner thoughts by acting with his eyes is something I’ve always appreciated with Roger’s movies. As they say in comedy, less is Moore...(ok, I’ll stop). But one of my favorite moments in this film is when the skater Bibi (Lynn-Holly Johnson) is in Moore’s bed inviting him for some good times, Bond says in such a Roger Moore way - “Yes well, you get your clothes on...and I’ll buy you an ice cream.” That line makes me chuckle literally every time.

Let’s talk about this pre-title sequence shall we? In one of the more memorable scenes in this rather un-memorable movie is the opening. Lots to unpack here. We open up with Bond at Teresa Bond’s grave, his one and only true love. This is again, one of the rare through lines throughout this franchise. We know how Bond’s parents died when he was a kid, we know SPECTRE, and we know Bond’s wife was killed. So here we are with Bond Moore-ning his late wife...(that was the last one). He is told that MI6 is coming to get him via helicopter. Bond gets in only for the helicopter to be hijacked by a familiar bald head. Blofeld makes a random appearance here after not being seen or heard from since “Diamonds are Forever”. I always found this odd. But anyway, Blofeld takes over the helicopter by remote control to have some fun at Bond’s expense. But Bond manages to get to the driver’s seat after hanging on to the side of the chopper as Blofeld is trying to knock him off. It’s a wonderfully intense scene.

Bond gets to the driver seat, and this is where Blofeld always manages to muck it up. This is why Blofeld never took care of Bond, because he lets him GET TO THE DAMN DRIVER’S SEAT! Bond takes control and scoops up Blofeld (who is in a wheel chair with a neck brace for some unknown reason) and dumps him down a huge chimney. Now story has it, they were not legally able to use Blofeld and SPECTRE anymore because Kevin Mclory (the Thunderball producer who you can read about in my Thunderball blog) owned the rights to them because of his legal victory in obtaining the rights of the Thunderball story. How annoying is that? So they never say his name, and this scene was meant to be a statement to Mr. Mclory that they didn’t need those characters anymore and that they were literally dumping them.

I thought maybe this time around, I would discover a connection between that scene and the rest of the film...but no. That opening is humorous and action packed, but it’s all for nought because it has nothing to do with anything. The real story begins with a naval fleet that has an “ATAC” being attacked by an unknown source. This ATAC is an important control unit that is able to fire ballistic missiles where ever you want. If fallen into the wrong hands, it could be a disaster. Of course Russia is involved, and they are trying to get it along with England.

But another layer to the story is that a man in Greece, who was contacted by MI6 to get it, is gunned down with his wife in front of their daughter who ends up being Melina Havelock (Carole Bouquet). They really had an opportunity here with Melina. She had a dark, and dangerous look and strapped her with a crossbow after she witnessed her parents die. These were the ingredients for a DC Comics type superhero. I think they wanted to make her full Green Arrow, but were maybe afraid to go too far away from the damsel in distress type that Bond girls had a reputation for. She has these moments where she attacks from the shadows, but still cries for James when she’s in trouble. The balance is just off, and it makes the character weaker than she should be. Not Carole’s fault, just poor writing.

Bond goes to Greece where he meets Kristatos (Julian Glover) who tells him the man who payed off the guy who killed Melina’s father was is working for a man named Columbo (Topol). So Bond starts to dig more, but keeps getting hunted down by men trying to stop him from the truth. Almost everyone Bond comes into contact with in this film ends up dead. Something is going on and Bond is forced to have eyes in the back of his head. We get some fun scenes along the way here with a car chase where Bond is driving a ragged Beetle, and a fun ski chase with awesome “Shaft” style music.

Bond kills Locgue (the man who payed the parent assasin) and is now on the hunt for Columbo. This movie is like a video game where there are all these different levels, and every level has a boss. Bond is now ready for the “big boss”; the Bowser or Gannon, if you will.

But Columbo finds him and convinces Bond that Kristatos is the real Bowser. Topol is great in this movie, he was primarily known for his broadway career, but he is able to bring all that charm to the screen and does a wonderful job of making you love him. Bond and Columbo are now working together and they go to infiltrate Kristato’s lair. This scene also gives me the willy’s. Bond has to be an epic mountain climber, but gets caught and kicked off. We see Bond free falling like Tom Petty until his rope catches him. That’s the stuff of nightmares there.

Anyway, they storm the castle, kill Kristatos, and destroy the ATAC so nobody has it. Leaving no country to worry about them using it against any other country. Yay. Feels like a pretty hollow accomplishment at the end. But at least we get a funny parody of Margaret Thatcher speaking to a parrot who she thinks is Bond. Not sure how accurate the parody was back then, but I’m sure it got roars of laughter?

To me, while we have a decent amount of action like the yacht scene where Kristatos is pulling Bond and Melina through the shark filled waters - the film falls short of any color what so ever. This movie is littered with forgettable characters and villains that don’t leave you as the viewer feeling invested. And while the plot may be deep and layered, the execution of it is just sleepy and un inspired. This sort of begins the twilight of the Moore Bond films, and little did the producers know that they would get two more films out of him.

Well that’s it for me this week. What did you all think? Let me hear you!

Reviews from Friends:

Jake Benrud

The Blofeld scene is comical. He could have killed Bond so much easier than that. His downfall is he lets him get out of his sight and assume it all goes according to plan. I guess that's the story with any Bond Villain. Similar to Dr. Evil's, "I'm going to leave them alone and not actually witness them dying, I'm just gonna assume it all went to plan. What?" This one I don't understand why the Olympic skater was infatuated with Bond. He's so old in this one. Also, that's possibly the worst car anti-theft system ever.

24 Weeks of Bond will return next Monday with -

The Man With the Golden Gun

#James Bond #Roger Moore #for your eyes only #Topol #24WeeksofBond

0 notes