#incorrect bad omens quotes | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mysticdoodlez · 4 months

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Jolly: Noah has no survival skills, their need to win has replaced them. Nicholas: That can't be true! Jolly: Watch this. Jolly: Hey Noah, race you to the bottom of the stairs! Noah: *Throws themself out a window*

#incorrect bad omens quotes

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ineffablyruined · 6 months

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Good Omens + Bad Jokes (6/?)

Made as part of the Angst War over at @goodomensafterdark

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orpiknight · 5 months

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Crowley: That's the point. No nightingales.

Aziraphale: . . .

Aziraphale: Have you checked your sleeves?

#good omens #good omens 2 #anthony j crowley #aziraphale #aziracrow #crowley #okv #incorrect quotes #they might be late #I'm sorry #bad magician humor is how I cope

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gods-favorite-autistic · 9 months

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Good Omens incorrect quotes:

Aziraphale: You know, I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works.

Crowley, drinking toast: Why do you say that?

~

Aziraphale: Violence isn't the answer.

Crowley: You’re right.

Aziraphale: *sighs in relief*

Crowley: Violence is the question.

Aziraphale: What?

Crowley, bolting away: And the answer is yes.

Aziraphale, running after them: NO-

~

Aziraphale: Do you take constructive criticism?

Crowley: I only take cash or credit.

~

Aziraphale: I've already sent good vibes your way… they’re coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop them.

Crowley: This is the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up.

~

Aziraphale: *Kicks the door down looking panicked*

Crowley: What did you do?

Aziraphale: Nobody died.

Crowley: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

~

Aziraphale: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated.

Crowley: Killed without hesitation.

Aziraphale: No.

~

*how season 3 should start*

Aziraphale: Top 30 reasons why Aziraphale is sorry... Number 5 will surprise you!

Crowley: Top 30 anime deaths. Number One: YOUR FUCKING ASS RIGHT NOW!!!

~

Crowley: You're right.

Aziraphale: That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?

~

Beelzebub: I’m going to take you out

Gabriel: great, it’s a date!

Beelzebub: I meant that as a threat.

Gabriel: See you at five!

~

Crowley: *Walking in to a room* Sorry I’m late... I was... doing things.

*Sounds of running footsteps progressively getting louder*

Gabriel: *Out of breath* THEY PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKIN’ STAIRS.

~

Beelzebub: I made tea.

Crowley: I don’t want tea.

Beelzebub: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea.

Crowley: Then why are you telling me?

Beelzebub: It is a conversation starter.

Crowley: That’s a lousy conversation starter.

Beelzebub: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate.

~

Aziraphale: This is bothering me.

Crowley: Well, you are digging up a corpse.

Aziraphale: No, not that. That's, uh, pretty par for the course, actually.

~

Aziraphale: Whaddya call a fish with no eye?

Gabriel, not looking up: Myxine Circifrons

Aziraphale:

Aziraphale: fsh

~

Crowley: God, give me patience.

Gabriel: I think you mean 'give me strength'.

Crowley: If God gave me strength, you'd be dead.

~

Aziraphale: You know, not every problem can be solved with a sword.

Crowley: That's why I carry two swords.

~

Gabriel: So what’s for dinner?

Beelzebub, staring at the food they just burnt: Regret.

~

Muriel: Why are you on the floor?

Crowley: I'm depressed.

Crowley: Also I was stabbed, can you get Aziraphale, please.

~

Store Worker: Would a Mr. Fell please come to the front desk?

Aziraphale, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?

Store Worker: points to Crowley and Muriel

Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?

Crowley and Muriel, simultaneously: We got lost :(

Aziraphale: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-

~

Muriel: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.

Crowley: The cow???

Muriel: What?

Aziraphale: Crowley, W H Y?

~

Aziraphale: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Crowley?

Crowley: … No.

Muriel: I do!

Aziraphale: I know, Muriel.

Muriel: I’m sad!

Aziraphale: I know, Muriel.

~

Muriel: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time?

Crowley: The car takes a screenshot.

Aziraphale: For the last time, get the fuck out.

~

Crowley: Aziraphale and I don’t use pet names.

Nina: I see. Hey, what are those things with the halos called again??

Crowley: Angel?

Aziraphale: Yes, dear?

Crowley:

Nina: Don't ever lie to my face again.

~

Muriel: I really like this whole ‘good guy, bad guy’ thing you guys have going on.

Crowley: It’s not an act, it’s just that I’m mean and Aziraphale isn’t

~

Aziraphale: We need a distraction.

Crowley: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?

Muriel, whispering: My time has come

~

Aziraphale: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me

Muriel: Okay, but in my defense, Mr. Crowley bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo.

Aziraphale: That’s not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!

~

Aziraphale: Crowley, keep an eye on Gabriel today. They're going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.

Crowley: Sure, I’d love to see Gabriel get punched.

Aziraphale: Try again.

Crowley, sighing: I will stop Gabriel from getting punched.

~

Maggie: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?

Crowley: I'm a knife.

Aziraphale, from across the room: They're the little spoon.

~

Aziraphale, driving Crowley and Muriel: So how was your day?

Muriel: We almost got surprise adopted!

Aziraphale: What?

Crowley: We almost got kidnapped.

Aziraphale: Oh, okay.

Aziraphale: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?

~

Aziraphale: You have to apologize to Gabriel

Crowley: Fine.

Crowley: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.

~

Crowley: Hey angel,

Aziraphale: Yes?

Crowley: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on?

Aziraphale:

Aziraphale: Where’s Gabriel?

~

Aziraphale: WHY. why did you give Muriel a KNIFE?!

Crowley: I’m sorry. They said they felt unsafe.

Aziraphale: Now I feel unsafe!

Crowley: I’m sorry.

Crowley: ... would you like a knife?

~

Muriel: Hey, Mr. Crowley? Can I get some dating advice?

Crowley: Just because I’m with Aziraphale doesn’t mean I know how I did it.

~

Aziraphale: Crowley and I are having a baby.

Muriel: That's gre-

Aziraphale, slamming adoption papers on the table: It's you, sign here.

~

Muriel: Are you sure this is the right direction?

Crowley: Certainly, I'm as sure as I am honest!

Aziraphale: In that case, we're definitely lost

~

Muriel: What do you think Mr. Crowley will do for a distraction?

Aziraphale: They’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do.

*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*

Aziraphale: ... or they could do that.

~

Aziraphale: I trust Crowley.

Muriel: You think they know what they're doing?

Aziraphale: I wouldn't go that far.

~

Aziraphale: While I’m gone, Muriel, you’re in charge.

Muriel: Yes!!!

Aziraphale, whispering: Crowley, you’re secretly in charge.

Crowley: Obviously.

~

Aziraphale: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity?

Crowley: *turning to Gabriel* How tall are you?

#featuring a lot of inneffable husbands #Crowley and Aziraphale being Muriel’s parents essentially #Aziraphale refusing to let Crowley drive with Muriel in the car #a tiny bit of inneffable bureaucracy #a whole lot of Crowley openly hating Gabriel now that he can’t get smited for that #bad influence Crowley #Maggie and Nina supporting the dumbass gays #they/them Crowley and Muriel #and just Crowley being my favorite character #maddy’s thoughts (taken straight from the brain)#good omens #good omens 2 #inneffable husbands #inneffable bureaucracy #incorrect good omens quotes

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ciginatree · 3 months

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Noah: I’m not trying to seduce you I just have almond shaped eyes and low energy

#bad omens #bad omens incorrect quotes #bad omens cult #noah sebastian #BOICQ

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rhapsody-clown · 1 year

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Person: What's your gender?

Hastur: My what?

Person: Your gender. What's in your pants?

Hastur: Frogs.

Person: W- What?

*Hastur stretches out the waist of his trousers and thousands of frogs jump out and swarm the person*

Hastur: Frogs.

#good omens #incorrect good omens quotes #hastur good omens #my favorite filthy frog man #ive got the go brainrot bad

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ineffablefuckups · 7 months

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Please this I need this to be canon

*Aziraphale and Crowley sitting outside, on a park bench*

Aziraphale: Crowley dear, I heard a joke I think you would find amusement in, would you like to hear it?

Crowley: *does a slight wave of hand* Go ahead then.

Aziraphale: What's a snake's favorite school subject?

Crowley: "Hiss"tory. Honestly, Angel you think I haven't heard that before?

Aziraphale: No. It's math.

Crowley, slightly taken aback: *raises an eyebrow* Math?

Aziraphale: Mhm. Because of the adders.

Crowley: I-

#good omens #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #snake puns #bad puns #ineffable idiots #magic isn't the only thing Aziraphale is good at #incorrect quotes #headcanon

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themistymountainscold · 9 months

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aziraphale: why do you think i don’t like you? i do. i would kill for you.

aziraphale: ask me to kill for you.

crowley: ...first of all, calm down-

#you know it's bad when crowley tells you to calm down #good omens #incorrect quotes #aziracrow #crowley #aziraphale #this is them i literally don't care #ineffable husbands #gay

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ivyprism · 6 months

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"It wasn't hard to realize... Love's the death of peace of mind."

Roscoe softly as he brushes his thumb across your lip. @hearty-dose-of-ranch @didderd

#sdfguhuhg #incorrect quotes #incorrect quotes?#correct quotes?#i dunno #mafiafell #mafiafell sans #roscoe x reader #mafiafell sans x reader #death of piece of mind by bad omens

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mysticdoodlez · 5 months

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Incorrect Lost in the Labyrinth Quotes

Nicholas: Where are my fucking keys?

Taylor: Nicholas, Jerry and Lydia are around, can you say it a little nicer?

Nicholas: May I ascertain the whereabouts of my FUCKING KEYS?

#incorrect bad omens quotes #incorrect quotes #just LitL things

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ineffablyruined · 7 months

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Aziraphale + Bad Literary Jokes (2/?)

#I'm sorry for how bad these are #but they amuse me so you all have to suffer #incorrect good omens quotes #incorrect omens #good omens incorrect quotes #bad literary jokes #good omens #aziraphale #crowley #crowley x aziraphale #aziraphale x crowley #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #ineffable idiots #ineffablyruined

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trianglesimpfordpines · 1 year

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The Hand Witch: I will now tell your fortune.

Ford: Okay.

The Hand Witch: ...Why the fuck is every card here Death? I don't even own this many death cards!

#gravity falls #incorrect quotes #incorrect gravity falls #the hand witch #stanford pines #ford pines #ford's entire existence is one big Bad Omen poor dude

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darksideoftheshipps · 7 months

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Okay I NEED TO STOP READ SMUT! It's not healthy for me :')))

So I got my Bad Omens comics and I think it's time to stop with reading smuty spicy gay FF...

Now the whole conversation has a very different meaning 😏👉🏻👌🏻🔥

#incorrect quotes #bad omens comic #concrete jungle #I'm not gonna stop to read smut #concrete jungle comic #gay shipper #aesthetic #bad omens #bad omens band

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ciginatree · 3 months

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Noah: yeah and Nick was screaming like a little girl

Nicholas: you were screaming too

Noah: no I was yelling “Nick, stop let’s be brave”

#bad omens #bad omens band #noah sebastian #nicholas ruffilo #bad omens incorrect quotes #psych quote #BOICQ

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intothesportsaniverse · 10 months

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Barista: Hello! Can I get you anything? Sena: Take a big cup, put 6 shots of espresso into it. Nothing else. Chiyo: That sounds fun, does it calm you down? Sena: Not really.

#t: incorrect quotes #oc: miyano sena #oc: hori chiyo #src: bad omens #by: clara #clique: vieux riche #series: haikyuu

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gaynessandghostlyhauntings · 8 months

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Ineffable Husbands x Reader Incorrect Quotes

Crowley: I know you love them. Reader: I am not in love with Aziraphale! Crowley, staring at Reader: I never said who… Reader: realizes Reader: Shit. Well, anyways-

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Crowley: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming? Aziraphale: Can everyone in this godforsaken group please learn the skill called "Think Before You Speak"? Reader: Ya know… it might be.

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Aziraphale: Sorry, I'm late to the party. I've been doing things. Reader, entering in an unbuttoned shirt: I got caught up doing things too. Crowley: Wow, Aziraphale was late too! What a coincidence!

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Aziraphale: Coca Cola can remove rust from metal, imagine what it’s doing to your body. Reader: Pfff, getting rid of the rust, idiot. Aziraphale: THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS! Crowley: Hmm… I've been drinking soda and my body's rust free… not sure where you're getting your facts from…

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Crowley, bursting into the room: You two are having sex! Aziraphale, not looking up from their book: Really? Reader, why didn’t you tell me? I would have put my book down.

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Reader: Hey, check out my Spongebob umbrella! Reader opens their umbrella while indoors Aziraphale: Reader, that’s bad luck… Reader: Chill out, Aziraphale! Crowley, kicking down the door: WHO SUMMONED ME?!?! Reader and Aziraphale: screams

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Aziraphale: Why is everyone so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I’d just be excited to have a bunk bed. Reader: Reader: I'm gonna tell them. Crowley: Don't you dare.

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#Good omens x reader #Ineffable husbands #Ineffable husbands x reader #Good omens #crowley x reader #Aziraphale x reader #Aziraphale #anthony j crowley

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