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bee-ina-boat · 7 months

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hello gay people. i mentioned awhile back about a possible concept for a tma au but its mixed with mythology/religion based stuff. i have since finished this chunk of concept/reference art of the Ceaseless Watcher for this au!!!

im dubbing it: The Magnus Mythos!! please talk to me about it i am insane

putting my rambling au nonsense under the readmore!!!!!

edit!!!: new mythos post just dropped :3

alright- bare with me because my thoughts are everywhere lol

random various au information:

the fear entites are instead more general gods, much like those from various mythologies (greek, norse, egyption, etc.) like the eye, rather than an entity that feeds on the fear of being watched, is rather the god of knowledge and sight!

all of the gods have influence over the world, some mortals will devote themselves to one specific god entirely, others will become devout to multiple, and some will simply be neutral among all 14 and live life out as they please.

avatars are mortals who have been blessed with power by the gods while creatures (like mr spider, the not them, etc) are simply beings who have been born into the world by the gods power seeping into it. artifacts are items that have either been blessed/cursed by the gods or avatars, or have been affected by the gods power seeping into the world also.

theres multiple sects, cults, and churches for each god much like how many real life religions have different sects with their own rules and standards. some have beef, others do not.

the gods themselves are entirely morally neutral, they have their own interconnected relationships with eachother, and kind of view mortals as pets in a way, picking favorites and seeing them as of lesser importance in comparison to themselves.

since the gods here arent necessarily evil and theyre actually sentient beings, their titles are changed to be more fitting (the mother of puppets -> the mother of fate as an example)

the story is set in an era resembling the early 1900s because idk. vibes are neat i guess

thats all the basic world building crumbs for now, ill go deeper into it when i have more art and story stuff ready!

for now- heres some actual lore :3c

Jonah magnus is basically eye jesus. thousands of years prior to the start of the story, the eye favored him and he became a messiah of sorts.

the House of Magnus is a church sect of the eye founded in what is now london. but it doesnt operate JUST as a simple church. many sects of the eye devote themselves to gaining knowledge of the world around them and the House of Magnus is no different there. operating with a library, research centre and all. the research not just on history and knowledge, but also the holy and divine. documenting stories that deal with the divine powers and researching cursed/blessed artifacts aswell.

its a common legend that if one tells their story under the eyes watch (either in a church of the eye or directly to an avatar of the eye) that theyll receive good fortune and foresight, and since the House of Magnus has become a well known sect of the eye, many will come far and wide to detail their accounts under its roof

all of this documentation leads down to the Magnus Mythos, a large archive under the church where the written documents are filed, curated and cared for by the head Archivist. as such, the position of Archivist has become a most sacred role among worshippers of the eye comparable to the head of the church itself.

they arent just revered for their care of the mythos (though the devotees of the eye view the care of documented knowledge to be a sacred and ever important responsibility) Theres a prophecy, hand woven by the Mother of Fate herself, one that states an ordinary archivist will one day be gifted by all 14 of the gods and awaken the great change, bringing about a new and blessed age.

but is this newest archivist even ready for such pressure and commitment? and what if the prophecy is more devious than one might think?

oooOOOOoooOO mysterious lore- i know this is heavily self indulgent but i refuse to apologize for that because im havin FUN. if you read all of that just know i love you so much and i hope you liked it ;w; im very excited and ive been working on archivist +archival assistant lore for the past few days and im excited to do art for them ;_;

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actualbird · 5 months

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hiya zak!!! it's 2am and i can't stop thinking about it- but if you had the chance to write how luke gets cured of his illness in canon, how would you do it? (eg. via "surgery, but there's risks"/"oh we found a magical anecdote to your illness, yippee!...etc etc)

hiya "anon" hehe >:3c!!!! first off, thank you for this ask cuz it's super interesting. my answer to this is rather specific and looks bad at first but Trust Me and hear me out on this alright

if i had the chance to write how luke gets cured, i wouldnt make him 100% cured. medically (and this is very vague because im not a doctor), i would make it so that maybe new medication or a new treatment plan is found that makes his illness no longer terminal, but chronic. the new treatment has to be taken regularly as maintenance, along with regular diagnostic tests like EEGs and regular check ups with aaron. the new treatment would also come with a lot of side effects like mood swings, fatigue, nausea, etc.

basically: i dont want him to be cured, but i obviously dont want him to die. however, i want him to have to fight this for the rest of his long life.

it'll be an arduous process, one that never ends, but one he has to get through. and one he dedicates himself to do every day, because it's worth it, because it's worth life,

because he's worth life.

why do i want this? well, first off, it's because i'd love to see more chronic physical illness representation in fiction. it's not always clear cut with illnesses, and sometimes there Isnt a grand cure and it's more like an endless slog of maintenance

second off, i will repeat something i said in a previous ask i answered about luke's illness, but a sudden and 100% cure feels like a too-neat deus ex machina to me, narratively. his illness has been shown to be as Very lethal and Very painful and Very hard to treat, so for all of that to suddenly go away, well....the writing would feel a tad cheap to me if it were that easy.

and third off, because it'd fit well with the themes of luke's stories and luke's character

actually, let me go back to that previous ask i linked because im gonna copy paste a whole lot from it HAHA since my view hasnt changed since i wrote it. in that last ask i say:

in general with stories, i am less drawn to super neat resolutions and im more drawn to resolutions that are more like “and things werent perfect and they never will be, there will always be problems, but our characters will be okay and theyll keep getting better and better, and it’s in this push and pull of struggle and learning and progress and getting through where their happiness lies” ever since luke was a kid, even before he developed his condition, hes had the fear of being a burden to his loved ones. and when he does get his terminal condition, this fear is worsened and he starts to see his existence in other people’s lives as a whole as a burden of pain and grief that isnt worth the trouble. and…i dunno, i just like the idea of him continuing to live but also continuing to have these problems that still spark fear inside of him and still take so much work to manage every day. and out of habit, he braces himself for pain, not just for the kind his condition gives him but from Life because Surely, His Loved Ones Will Get Tired Of All Of This, Of Him and The Problems He Comes With, Right? but surprise surprise, they dont. because they care about him. because this should not and is not a dealbreaker for them continuing to care about him. aaron creates treatment thats more on the preventative maintenance meds angle so luke doesnt have to just wait for a pain episode to pop up and then dry swallow painkillers every time. it’s not infallible , but sometimes luke can have hours, even a whole a day sometimes where the pain hes bracing himself for doesnt come. mc always reminds luke to take his meds whenever luke gets too busy or caught up in a case. he worries at first that it’s an inconvenience to her for her to have to remember his routines for him just in case, but that worry becomes quieter as luke realizes she reminds him in the same tone as she says “good morning” or “have you had lunch yet? wanna join me?”, just this casual and loving thing thats now integrated into both their lives the team are always ready to help too in their own way. when luke gets a pain episode in hq, marius offers distraction in the form of idle chatter on (harmless) internal pax gossip while luke waits for his painkillers to dull down the stinging. when luke feels uncomfortable tingling crawling across his whole body while out with vyn, vyn subtly helps luke move from a crowded area to a quieter one where outside stimuli cant further overwhelm luke’s senses. when it’s a bad grip strength day and all luke wants to do is punch something and fuck his useless hands up even more, artem tells luke about custom silicone grips that exist for things like pens or knives or such and that they could look for some next time they go shopping. it is not perfect. but luke’s life, even with the pain, is still worth living. everybody is trying to help and eventually, luke learns how to start helping him self along with them too.

in summary: i think luke is a fighter. i do wish he had less battles to fight, but one battle that is important for him to fight is the fight to believe that he is worth living and worth joy in spite of it all

so if i had my way, i'd write him having to manage his illness for the rest of his life

and i'd also write him having a full and happy life while doing that anyway

thank you for the ask!! :'D

#asks #anon #''anon'' I KNOW WHO YOU ARE...AJHSVFLAFKAJS #i hope this response is amenable to u ;w;

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gentil-minou · 8 months

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sharing my wangxian phlebotomist!wwx/blood donor!lwj au from twitter here (a summary here if you wanna see)

The hardest part of the adoption process was supposed to be endless paperwork and screenings and the anxiety of not being good enough to meet high standards of the court.

It wasn't supposed to be A-Yuan's first doctors appointment.

His pitiful screams fill the small doctor's office. He's clinging to Lan Wangji's shoulders like there a lifeline, hiding and all LWJ wants to do is bundle up his son and carry him back to safety.

But these are mandatory vaccines he needs in order to attend pre-k. So he cant.

Nurse: Shots are never fun at this age, huh He would beg to differ; they're never fun at any age But see lwj isnt afraid of the shots themselves. Hes terrified of the sight of blood. His BFF loves horror movies & he watches them with her bravely by staring at the corner of the tv

When lwj gets his blood drawn, he looks closes his eyes and imagines being in a cold pond somewhere. But he's never been afraid of just the shot before.

He's helpless in the face of his son's distress. The nurse sighs, saying theyll have to try again another day.

A-Yuan sniffles into his baba's shirt, exhausted from the crying fit. His eyes are still watery and he looks around the room with such fear in his eyes, before withdrawing back into the safety of his baba's chest.

Lan Wangji has no idea what to do, only cradles him closer

Thankfully, LWJ has someone who can help. His best friend, Jiang Yanli is a child therapist and has been helping him prepare his home for A-Yuan.

If anyone knows what to do, it's Yanli-jie

JYL: Zhanzhan, have you tried showing him its not scary?

LWJ has not, bc he's terrified

JYL is the only one allowed to call him Zhanzhan. In Uni she was the one who mentored him his first week of school. Someone slipped him alcohol and he got deliriously drunk.

Yanli-jie was the one who found him and took him home. This is what they told the cohort but actually…

JYL: seeing his Baba get a shot and be okay might motivate him to be more brave

LWJ certainly doesn't feel brave. He's thinking of the blood flowing from his veins and then LEAVING them to go who knows where. It sounds barbaric

He has the distinct memory of learning what a period is in middle school and promptly passing out

He is not a fan of anything related to blood

But LWJ has learned that Yanli-jie knows what she's doing, so, despite the way he can swear he feels his blood pumping with fear, he agrees...but there's a problem.

LWJ: I am up to date on all my shots. How can I show him it is safe?

JYL: Hmm....I have an idea. My brother is a phlebotomist! He can help.

LWJ is confused. Last he heard, the younger Jiang is a prosecutor who makes a living viciously yelling in a courtroom.

JYL: Not him, Zhanzhan. My adoptive brother, A-Xian. I bet he would be happy to help you. He works at the blood bank at Yiling Clinic! The perfect exposure!

For who?, LWJ wonders. A blood bank sounds like a house of horrors to him. And a person who chooses to stick a needle in people and remove the very force that gives them life? He cannot imagine getting along with this person at all.

Yiling Clinic is a community clinic in a part of town Lan Wangji has never been to, especially since the Gusu Group has their own private hospital.

But this is where Yanli-jie's phlebotomist little brother works.

A-Yuan clings to the back of his legs as they approach the receptionist, a young man with amazing cat eye makeup named Mo Xuanyu

These two definitely do not fit the bill for their usual patients, with their designer clothing, so he asks with some skepticism: Um, can I help you?

LWJ has spent the last two hours siking himself up for the blood part, he isn't prepared at all for social interactions. He flounders like a fish.

LWJ: …I am…We are here for…

A shout comes from behind them: Ah! A-Yu, is that A-jie's friend? Zhanzhan?

LWJ flinches until he sees a man sprinting towards them. The 1st thing he notices is this man is wearing lilac scrubs with little white rabbits on them.

The 2nd thing he notices is this man has the most enchanting smile he's ever seen. Already, LWJ feels more relaxed.

The man winks at him: You like the scrubs? A-jie said A-Yuan liked bunnies, I figured this would help keep him calm.

LWJ does not blurt I like bunnies too. But only just.

Beside the man is a pediatric nurse named Wen Ning, no relation, who says he's here to help with A-Yuan

Yanli-jie's little brother, the phlebotomist, introduces himself: Ah! Sorry, Lan Zhan. Jiejie always calls you that so it just stuck. I'm Wei Wuxian. You can call me Wei Ying if you wanna make it even.

Strangely, LWJ feels no need to correct him: Lan Zhan is fine, Wei Ying.

WWX smiles so brightly, LWJ feels dizzy with it.

WWX: Now where's the little bunny himself?

A-Yuan has been clinging behind LWJ's pant leg, tilting around just enough to peek with one eye at this strange gege.

WWX: Maybe not a rabbit then, a radish who likes to hide away!

A-Yuan becomes offended: I don't like radishes!

WWX laughs: Me neither! But Qing-jie says they help us grow big and strong, so they can't be all that bad huh?

WWX is crouched in front of A-Yuan, draping both arms across his knees and resting his chin in one hand. He waits.

LWJ admires his patience. The longer WWX waits, crouched and rocking back and forth in front of A-Yuan, smile gently and welcoming, the more A-Yuan's natural curiosity gets the better of him.

Eventually, his son comes out from behind his leg to touch a black bunny on his sleeve

A-Yuan: I like this one. We only have a white bunny at home.

WWX: I like the black bunny too! What's your bunny's name?

A-Yuan: Banana, bc she tries to eat Baba's banana every morning, and you are what you eat.

He recites this with all the solemnity a 4 yo could possess

WWX's laughter echoes through the lobby: Well! You're very right, A-Yuan. Maybe you aren't a radish after all then. Tell me, what do little boys eat?

A-Yuan: I'm not little! I'm 4 and a half!

WWX: Right, right, I sincerely apologize for my mistake. What do big boys eat then?

A-Yuan purses his lips and taps his chin, pondering his question carefully: Hmm… jelly beans?

WWX looks like he wants to laugh more, but instead says: I see, I see. Thank you for your wisdom A-Yuan.

He looks up at LWJ, dark eyes dancing. LWJ's heart rabbits against his chest

WWX: If your baba is ready, we can head down to my cave if you'd like. I have a lot of cool machines I'd love to show you.

A-Yuan's eyes widen into saucers as he gasps: A cave? Wowww

They grin conspiratorially at each other, before turning bright eyes up at LWJ

LWJ feels warm and much more relaxed inside, so he nods: Mn. We may go.

A-Yuan cheers and holds WWX's hand as the head downstairs.

LWJ trails behind making small talk with WN, watching WWX and A-Yuan swing their hands and skip ahead, feeling something warm blossom in his chest.

The hallway to Wei Wuxian's lab isn't anything like Lan Wangji expects.

The rooms at Gusu are all perfectly pristine and sterile, painted white to promote serenity, rest, and healing.

For one thing, he'd raided a Halloween store at some point and hung up all sorts of decorations, mostly vampire themed. There's one that's says "I vant to suck your blood!" except suck is crossed out and replaced with "donate". Wwx and A-yuan giggle together at wwx's fake accent

It's definitely not up to Gusu General's strict standards. For one thing, there're beanbag chairs in the hall outside. Wwx says it's to feel more comfy while others wait, as he's the only phlebotomist on staff and it can take a while. A-Yuan personally tests each one.

His lab is…adequate if far too small. There's a desk that's overrun with stacks of papers and textbooks and a shelf that's filled with even more. The actual space where blood is drawn is, thankfully, sterile and clean. Though he's decorated with demons demanding blood for food

There's a temp controlled room where the blood is stored, with a red door and the words "Blood Pool" written in menacing barely legible font

Despite the…interesting decor, the room is homely and, surprisingly, welcoming. A-Yuan at least is having a very fun time getting a tour

Wwx patiently answers all of A-Yuan’s questions, even the endless why's, with utmost sincerity, even when his answers are purely nonsense.

Lwj can't stop the fond smile from lifting the corner of his lips. A-Yuan had never warmed up to a medical professional so fast.

He's pulled from his musings when A-Yuan grabs his sleeve: Baba! Blood-gege says this machine makes blood spin around!

Wwx burst out laughing: Blood-gege? I love it!

Lwj is enchanted, head repeating those last 3 words again and again as wwx fondly ruffles A-Yuan's fluffy hair

Wwx: alright, now that you're familiar with my beauty Chenqing (referring to his bloody spinny machine lwj does not want to think about), shall we get down to business?

He says this with his bright dark eyes glittering at LWJ. Right. The blood donating part.

Lwj gulps, nodding. A prisoner walking up to the gallows.

TBC

(If you're interested, I'm probably going to continue at least up to the end of the first part before i just make it into one long fic! You can follow it on my twitter!)

#i tried the threadfic thing on twitter and im finding it hard to get any engagement there and i think this au is cute okay #and i cant write it until a couple weeks from now so im just gonna share it here #call me wwx the way im shameless with my self promotion #hehe #bushy writing #mdzs #wangxian #mdzs fanfiction #mo dao zu shi #if the formatting looks dumb its cause im copying and pasting from shitter djfksh i dont actually write like this i just wanna share this o #anyways someone tell me how twitter fandoms work why are they so hardddd #from what i've seen the writing mdzs fandom is most active on there but i cannot understand how to get recognition there #to be fair i've always been a tumblr girlie and never posted much on my twitter besides retweeting art anyways #but i want validation for my writing T___T #also threadfics are a challenge of themselves and i admire writers who have the patience to deal with them because i am very much losing #mine like what do you do about all the typos and the mistakes and just ahhhhhhhhh #also i think its because im joining in the middle of twitter's mass exodus but idk where else to go #anyways

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redraine57 · 11 months

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Do you have any tips for getting over being too intimidated to go to the gym? I’m a cross-country runner so not new to fitness, but I don’t want men looking at me / snickering at me behind my back while I’m fumbling with weights. Any advice is appreciated!

1st tip

Equip yourself with knowledge! Chances are you’re walking into the gym with no head phones, no clue what the machines/equipment around you are for, and no structured workout program. There are a ton of videos that show you how to perform exercises, how to use all kinds of equipment, and insightful videos that teach you how to structure your workout regime in congruence with your dream body. Having this knowledge will make you feel more confident in the gym and even help you with your motivation!

2nd tip

Practice doing the things that make you uncomfortable. If you have anxiety like me we have the tendency to build things up to be much more than they are. We visualize worst case scenarios, we recite all the doubts we have of ourselves in our heads, we feed ourselves the narrative that we mustn’t try new things because we want to be perfect at them our first try or we just convince ourselves it takes too much of our peace. However, overcoming our discomforts is the only way we grow. Its a long road overcoming our fears but the more we practice/fight the easier it is to do those missions.

3rd tip

My most important tip and words you should live by: Fuck what people think! People are gonna impose their negative thoughts on you all the time. Theyll echo like the self doubts in your head, “ you cant do that” “youll never get that far” “ this is your limit” Instead of letting their disrespect let you down you use it to fuel you and prove them wrong. Your value, potential, and existence isn’t measured by any human being on this earth so why should any of them have weight on your heart? You want a strong body, you start by building a strong mind. Watch how many people reveal their true colors to you when your standards for yourself and those around you rise. You will lose many people on your journey to self growth and you must ALWAYS remember that it does not mean you’re doing the wrong thing. You prioritize yourself, protect your energy, and move in alignment with your higher self and youll see that loving yourself was the best decision you ever made in your life.

No more letting your fears hold you back. Our time is now. Get on it love 🦾

#i tried to upload a video answer but tumblr wouldn’t let me 😫#really heartbroken about it cause you needed to hear that last tip face to face but ill take what i can do

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pandoratheprocrasticreator · 1 year

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In the last scene in thanks to them, after flapjack sacrifices himself and hunter wakes up, you can. Like. FEEL luz's guilt. As soon as she's sure hunter is alive luz immediately removes herself from the situation. While camilla willow and gus are helping hunter up and checking that he feels okay, luz shuts her eyes and walks away from the group. She refuses to face her friends until they have to go to HER. Even before that, when the gang watched belos go through the portal, everyone else's expressions were of fear. But luz's expression was of resignation and determination.

She cant bear be around hunter. She cant even stand to look at him. Not when she blames herself for what happened to him and flapjack. Hunter would never blame luz for anything, but luz has a habit of taking every event that tangentially relates to her and twisting it to fit her self loathing. If she had helped look for belos better, maybe hunter wouldnt have gotten possessed. If she hadnt teleported to grab belos, maybe flapjack wouldnt have been close enough to get caught. We the audience know luz couldnt have stopped belos, but to her is just another item in her long list of mistakes.

Judging by her expression when hunter comes up to talk to her, luz is HORRIFIED at the new scars that belos gave him. (That she "let" belos give him) And i cant help but wonder how this new guilt is going to eat at her for the next two episodes. On top of the belos thing, the guilt she likely still has about leaving her mom and everything that happened with eda in the s1 finale, and everything with king, now one of her best friends (and family member she said shed protect!) has lost his palisman because of her. Every time luz looks at hunter shell be reminded of how he was hurt because of what she thinks are her mistakes.

Idk if theyll explore this in depth or even mention it because luz already feels really guilty about everything else and thats already going to take the whole finale to unpack. But this is one more thing for luz to tear herself up over and i cant wait to see how that goes

#the owl house #toh #shut up pandora #luz noceda #hunter toh #hunter noceda #thanks to them #i wonder if luz thinks hunter is mad at her for the possession thing #hunter would literally never be genuinely mad at luz for anything this serious #but i can see luz thinking oh i didnt believe him about seeing belos so he ran off and got possessed #and once he got possessed i teleported his palisman right to his palisman eating uncle #and even hunters 'inspiring speech' can be twisted by her even thouh he was obviously trying to make her feel better #when hunter said lets fight back for flapjack he meant like in flapjacks honor and maybe like a revenge thing #luz is somehow going to twist it into oh you were the reason flapjack died so you have to defeat belos to make up for it #even during the belos fight when luz teleported to him its giving misplaced guilt vibes #like yes her friends are all fighting so she wants to help #and yes luz is a certified nerd of course shes going to hug her brother and do the 'i know youre in there!' thing #but teleporting up to the goop man and grabbing him? its like she wants to get injured #she blames herself for hunter getting possessed so she thinks she shouldnt stand aside while her friends fight belos #and if anyone should risk getting injured to do the "i know youre in there' thing it should be her #luz babygirl you are SO mentally ill i cant wait to see you get iller #calling it now luz is going to sacrifice herself to save her friends and family and get horribly injured like eda and king in past seasons #she wont die ofc this is a tv y7 show and dying does nothing for her character arc #but she will suffer a LOT before camilla eda and amity can do the 123 combo of 'stop blaming yourself for everything and go to therapy'#*luz voice* hunter dana said its MY turn with the angst and wump #poor luz now she cant even be mentally ill with hunter anymore bc she might think hes mad at her #and one of the things shes mentally ill about is about him so he cant reflect that at her anymore #whos she going to be mentally ill to? herself #and itll keep going until she snaps i tell you

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80bitesofsweets · 4 months

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apparently the kid had a mental breakdown over it?

Let me get this straight -

The kid had a mental breakdown because they tried to insert themselves into another person's OC dynamics, got told no, decided to do it again, and then got rejected AGAIN and told to go away.

I know they're like a tween or in their early teens, but that isn't something you should have a WHOLE MENTAL BREAKDOWN OVER, especially if you're the instigator. To be honest, you'd be the person justified to have a mental breakdown in this situation.

overall their logic baffles me.

theyre a kid so their reasons has logic. young so their situation of doin somethin this silly makes sense that they'd sorta snap.

i was a young idiot teen before. i did things i should not have and played the victim out of pure fear of bein seen as horrible.

it happens. and while yes, one could argue that i should be the one losing sleep, tossin and turnin in my bed, im 25 and wont let a kid be the reason i lose sleep. especially if its over a silly cookie game.

let them throw their fit, theyll figure out one day that they were kinda dumb and work on themselves. at least i can hope they do.

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shameless-sol-apologist · 6 months

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fuck it posting it on tumblr as well

this is v rushed, unpolished and sucks in general but this disastergirl has been living in my head rent free for over a month and i need to get this out of my system before i lose mygoddamn mind so. incoherent rambling below the cut, beware.

spoiler alert: we pretty much only got a handful of breadcrumbs in terms of her personality and frankly some of those crumbs are covered in mold, so a solid 90% of this is pulled straight outta my ass. shes basically an oc at this point

(although, is that really a spoiler in THIS fandom?)

okay so. first off when it comes to characterization i tend to start with how a characters background shaped them into who they are

...which is where we run into problem number one: her backstory outside of "sols daughter" and "chaos magic" is really vague. we dont know what she was doing between aquas sacrifice and unsealing sol, how she even found out sol was alive let alone that hes stuck in that coffin thing or how exactly aqua sacrificed herself

(but hey, thats what headcanons are for, right?)

so in this rewrite pandora survived because aqua teleported her away to another one of their creators worlds shortly before dying (yes she can do that apparently. look i know it sounds farfetched, just roll with it) and she ended up in an orphanage, where her needs were barely met. hence she learned to only rely on herself

(also in this rewrite she doesnt actually find out sol is alive or his whole deal until waaay down the line since it fits better with her direction as a character. (she has to go An Arc abt it ala su) so yea im retconning away the one thing she does in canon lmao)

having to deal with her whole world being destroyed before she even finshed primary school (also as far as she knows her dad just went out for milk one day and never came back + in an orphanage both peers and caretakers come and go whenever), to her nothing was permanent, not her peers, not the caretakers, not even this world really. since anything and anyone can be taken away at a moments notice, whats the point in forming attachments or pursuing any higher goal? and so she keeps everyone at arms length, pushes away anyone that tries to get close to her so she doesnt have to feel that crushing pain when they leave her

...and yet shes deeply, deeply lonely. she craves connection, yet pushes away anyone that tries to get close to her out of fear that theyll abandon her. which is where kitsy comes in...

...if ppl are actually interested in reading more about my cringe fail daughter that is lol

#love a girl with innate ability to just fucking survive #(got it from her old man ig)#crow's screeching #gacha memories #gacha world #pandora gachaverse #pandora gv #pandora

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mental-health-advice · 1 month

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Hello!

(tw mentions of sh but nothing graphic)

I really dont know if this is the place for this, if so simply being able to write this out is probably helpful. I am in a romantic relationship with someone who self harms (were both 19). This was a thing i knew about before we got together, we were both going through a rough patch then and bonded a lot of beinf able to talk about our problems, i think back then i was so busy dealing with my own mountain of problems and thoughts of self inury (that i luckily never followed through on) that worry for someone else didnt even fit.

While all the resources I can find are really helpful im at a bit of a loss now, ive done everything right, i already had expierience with other friends and myself. They are in therapy and are on the path to healing, take good care of the wounds generally and we can openly comunicate about this and generally have been able to do so effectively.

These last few months however theres been more slip ups than before. I know progress is not linear, and its still much a work in progress (this has been an issue for 7 years, 1 year of recovery is obviously nothing). I am incredibly proud of the progress they have made, last year it was twice weekly trips to the ER, so even twice a month is huge already. also know they wont be able to quit or even signficantly reduce the self harm until they move out, since their family is unstable and does everything wrong (gets angry, threatens with ultimatums, generally extremely scared of their scars).

last few times with a slip up its made me freak out too, I have an anxiety disorder which this now triggers (i used to have a slightly better grip on this) I try to remain calm and helpful for their sake, but its mostly incredibly upsetting im not there to help them, and i know being there to talk helps but ive run out of material ways to help. It also feels like it proves my fear that something will always go wrong, which can lead me to have panic attacks. Ive talked about this with them of course and we get through it together, i really want to be better at keeping a slightly leverer head though. I used to have counceling too who helped me, but since i turned 18 and finished school im now on a waitinglist for adult help, and while talking to other friends helps somewhat its still generally makes me panic, sleep badly and sometimes have nightmares. I really love them, whenever were together we bring out the best in eachother and im afraid if i talk about this too much to people theyll tell me to break up with them.

we have plans to move in together for university next year, which im sure will help a lot (i know they wont magically heal then either, but ill be there as a more sturdy support and theyll be able to access ER, etc without being shamed) and ill have a therapist again then too, so its just these coming months that are going to be very rough. I just never know how to calm myself down, i know its not rational (they are hurt but never badly, they always talk to me about it, their psychologist will generally help too) i also know im allowed to feel sad and scared, i just want to be more in control.

back when i had a therapist she used to talk about trying to stay at my own feelings, not getting dragged down into someone else. But i just dont know how to do that, whenever it happens its just so sad and i hate it. No matter how much i remind myself even after ive allowed myself a period to be sad that itll be okay and they are relatively safe and i see them every week it feels so awful. Its not very tennable to ruin my whole night, next day on this every time. sorry this is sooo long but i feel the context is important as ive gone through a lot of advice, thank u tho.

Hey there,

Whilst I think that it is great that you have been able to help this person for such a long period of time, unfortunately it is not always sustainable no matter how much we would like it to be. This though doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try if you want to, I am just trying to point out that unless you look after yourself too and put a bit of a barrier between you and this person then it is likely that things may not change or improve for YOU.

I know how great it can feel when we help another and especially when we see such big improvements for the person we are trying to help and support, but the end line is that we can only do so much until we ourself begin to crumble or struggle a bit (which it sounds like you are to some degree) and so I am wondering if you can put some space between this person and you at all to focus on yourself a bit more and self-care may be of some benefit to you.

In regards to this person, any day of no self-harm is an amazing achievement and no amount of set backs or slip ups/ relapses can take these achievements away from them. It’s important to know that that recovery comes from within and so unless this person chooses to and is ready to focus on their recovery then it is unlikely that things will change for them and they will still be in survival mode. This is in no way your fault, and nor is there much you can do about it as we cannot choose recovery for another person, it has to be when they are ready and choose to try to commit. And even then, it’s quite normal to go back to survival mode and go back and forth between recovery and not, this does not mean they are not still trying, but rather they are just human like everyone of us are. I remember in my own recovery away from self-harm I did go in and out of trying to not self-harm depending on how strong I felt on the day and what triggers may have come up that made me want to self-harm, this didn’t mean I wasn’t trying or that, it was just that I was really struggling and the urges to self-harm were too strong to try and fight them.

So, what can you do?

To begin with try to be patient with yourself and this person and know that even when they seem to not be trying, they actually are. Try to put some space in between you and this person to enable you to look after yourself too. You can do this by practising good self-care (trying to eat healthy, doing some exercise a few times a week and trying to get a good nights sleep) and tyring to have some ‘down time’ where you can simply just think about yourself and do some things that you enjoy doing whatever that may be. I know that you may feel selfish and bad for taking some time out for yourself, but if you don’t look after yourself then it won’t be sustainable to help support others and be there for them if you choose to do so.

In regards to how it can make you feel when this person does self-harm or is struggling quite a bit, as your therapist mentioned to you, try to take a step back and allow yourself some time to grieve or feel sad and try to be kind to yourself – I know how it can feel like a loss to you as well when someone is struggling and self-harms as a result, but in reality it has nothing to do with you and how much or how little you are there for the, it is bound to happen anyway and this in no way reflects on you and how good a job you may be doing to support them through difficult times and days.

I know that you mentioned that it can cause great anxiety when they do self-harm now, and so when this happens, again, try to be kind to yourself and do try to take some time out for you. And I know, this is much easier said than done, but it will get easier though with practice and it may also be helpful to check out our page on calming anxiety and panic as well for some more ideas on different coping strategies.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going OK!

Take care,

Lauren

#mha-lauren #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #anonymous #self-harm #supporting others

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bumblebee-is-best-boi · 3 months

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I just realized i needed to make a list about what ships are going to be in TFFL and which will not be in TFFL. Cause i did changes which would make some popular ships not work.

Warning: if any of them are not what you like, id advise you not read it. Im trying to be as cool as i can with this but just in case:

Which ships will be in TFFL:

OpRatch (I love this ship so fucking much, my OTP)

Blitzbee (same, my OTP forever)

MegOp (past lovers, divorce arc)

Starfire/Skystar/Jetstar (that last one im confused on)

KOBD (i love them both and later on theyll have Wildbreak)

Cannon Wavewave but Soundwave trying to pull megs in to get over his divorce (poly)

Cygate (idk if theyre gonna be in TFFL)

chromedome/rewind (idk if theyre gonna be in TFFL)

Ok... now ships that will NOT be in TFFL (most of these i do like but theyre not fitting in TFFL):

Dratchrod (A: im not shipping Dratchet here. B: Ratchet is Rodimus's caretaker here)

Dratchet (Sorry im using OpRatch here)

MegRod (Im making Rodimus younger than canon here, so Rodimus is too young for this ship here)

Bulkbee (I just see them as friends, also theyre Amicas in TFFL (thank you that one person who made them as Amicas))

Prowlbee (sorry, but a: i dont even know what continuity Prowl im using and b: i like Blitzbee better ;v;)

WheelRatch (im sorry but a: probably not going to use TFP Wheeljack so much for creating his TFFL self, and B: Ratchet is conjunxed with Optimus)

This post may be a bit much, but the thing is i just want to tell people what im doing before actually churning out stuff, especially since i aged down Rodimus a bit for this. I have irrational fears about ship wars and such stuff.

#transformers #Transformers: First Labyrinth #TFFL #idk if i should tag anything else #tf fan continuity

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lazarus---rising · 1 year

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hey kid, youre new around here, so its okay if you dont know how this school runs, but the shit that they tell you, in orientation, is nothing more than lesson number one!

hey kid, no need to worry, i can let you in on what its all about, theres a couple more things, on the down-down-low, you should know before you have to figure out,

a word to the wise, dont you dare make a fuss! asking for help shows youre not one of us!

a word to the wise, dont act like youve made it, failure will find you-admissions delayed it!

just cause you made it in, doesnt mean that youre done! a word to the wise: youve barely begun!

theres lots of little places to get lost in,

theres libraries that sprawl beneath your feet!

rooftops that nobody frequents, where secret societies meet,

theres ivy-wreathed arches and ivory towers, sun drenched verandas to study for hours!

but dont share what you find, hidden in tomes on the shelf,

a word to the wise: its every man for himself!

we're too advanced for second chances, theres a standard to maintain! every hall and dormitory, bearing some great philosophers name, so why should anybody here be impressed? who the hell are you to compete with the best? you better figure it out, and figure it fast, cause, word to the wise: filthy slackers dont last!

a word to the wise, the sons of lawyers and kings,

are taking your classes and appraising your rings!

a word to the wise: you better stay in your place! or dorm room doors will get slammed in your face! so if you arent upper crust, or youre a hair out of touch, a word to the wise: dont stand out too much! just try to blend in, buy a three-button suit, dont let on where it fits wrong!

join a club and gain acceptance- if you arent too exotic to belong! theres been a hundred years of students like us, and two or three of students like you, your ambitions might burn, but tradition runs deep, a word to the wise: look before you leap!

the phaethon prize is a highly competitive award, given to a single senior in each graduating class. honoring the memory of arthur phaethon, who, during his undergraduate years, took it upon himself to isolate the radioactive elements produced by the decay of a pitchblende. while the project claimed his life just shy of his graduation, today the phaeton prize is awarded to undergraduates who display similar tenacity, independence, and intellectual acuity, distinguishing them as the best that ardess university has to offer.

the nominees for the phaethon prize for the current graduating class are: quincy cynthius martin, vincent aurelius lin, ambrose wellington bassford, beatrix valeria campbell, david elizabeth kawthorne, drew r...

theres a certain subset of exceptional, with a bulletproof reputation! earn the right prizes, the school recognizes your usefulness more with each commendation!

so if you get the chance in your senior year, why not give it everything youve got? why not whitewash your flaws, with a phaethon shine? a word to the wise:

your life's on the line!

ill let you in on a secret, kid, dont let this place eat you like me!

just try to fit in, learn to bear it and grin, be the paragon it needs you to be!

a word to the wise: never let yourself rest! they can try to despise you, but not your success!

a word to the wise:

its no use getting through, when everyone else expects nothing from you!

a word to the wise:

just be patient and wait, theyll have to give in once you do something great!

dont crack up, dont break it, youre not great, so fake it, dont falter or show fear, act like you belong here! dont crack up, dont break it, youre not great, so fake it, dont falter, or show fear, act like you belong here! dont crack up! dont break it! youre not great! so fake it! dont falter! or show fear! act like you belong here!

if you dont look the part, or cant keep your thoughts straight, better prove yourself soon, or head back through that gate!

a word to the wise: Keep your eyes on the prize! Keep your eyes on the prize! Keep your eyes on the prize! Keep your eyes on the prize! Keep your eyes on the prize! Keep your eyes on the prize!

#top 10 songs thatve been stuck in my head for like 10 hours straight #i went to bed woke up and this was still stukc in my head . hashtag autism

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ghost-proofbaby · 1 year

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idk if youve ever heard this song before or if its even your taste in music but the 24 hours series reminds me a bit of the song lost in reality by 5sos & i LOVE it. like "bittersweet chemistry, i cant escape you anywhere even in my dreams, all thats in my head are pictures & memories, words that youve said to me" just fits with their vibe so well and i love that for them honestly. the dual edged sword of emotion that is a bittersweet chemistry..i feel like really perfectly captures where the story is at right now. the juxtaposing of their tender moments & their trash talk, the way their conversations can be pleasant but peppered with them being reminded of past jabs that have yet to heal. they cant get enough of each other even though it hurts. and theyll both admit it hurts, but not that they cant get enough of each other. idk LOVE the series so far & so excited to see where you take it. & if you dont agree then um this is a joke and im totally kidding lmao. never stop writing youre amazing, not everyones writing can evoke emotion like yours can. you can feel the characters emotions with them because of the depth you show how they respond, not even necessarily telling HOW they feel. because not even the character KNOWS how they feel! we love an unreliable narrator truly. anyways sorry for the ramble i was not expecting this ask to get so long lmao! not even a question really, just an excuse to compliment your writing! hope you have an amazing day <3

never apologize for rambles i love it and am honored that my writing can evoke anyone to ramble omg <3

nonnie, you have no idea how much i adore that song. like. i am never gonna shut up about this, and can't believe i didn't connect the dots on that one sooner. that song is my jam solely because they said my name during the chorus and i will never shut up about that one lol

i really do appreciate the kind words <3 i think it's all writers and creators can really ask for, ya know? like for our art, our words, to evoke emotions. sometimes i fear i'm not being blatant enough in it, or i'm being too mysterious with it, so i appreciate you enjoying it, truly.

#thank u ily #things that make me cry ngl #i hope YOU have an amazing day babe

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rattyarts · 2 years

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i drew the rest of team margret as my oc species (mostly because i just wanted to, a little for practice drawing these species)

sugarbeans (nobody knows what their naming convention-obeying name was; i felt it was more fitting just to keep the name) is a penodir.

theyre an adult by now of course, but their story is that they were headed back to the homeworld after a successful hunt. they were about as old as penodir are allowed to get before being reset, so they likely would have been if they made it back to the homeworld.

on their way back, sugarbeans’s ship needed refuling (penodir ships take a variety of fuels, including random organic matter), but while they were gathing bits and peices, somebody refuled their ship first and took off with it.

sugarbeans had happened to land on the planet margret had set up on. at the time she only had her talons on that one planet, but would eventually expand to the rest of the solar system (still pretty dinky in this settings terms but, as far as im aware, so is only having one city). eager to have a penodir on her side, margret took sugarbeans on as her newest goon. theyve been there since. they cant exactly go back to the homeworld now, theyll be killed by the pseudodeity.

design wise, theyre supposed to give off a 2000s vibe lol.. the owo speech would also likely be a side effect of the penodir unfamiliarity with speaking.

blanche (true name bromine) was one of the first tox to leave yonrova (although tox can live for up to a billion years so that says nothing about how long ago it was). she was an athiest and was kicked out of her family (a family of preists nonetheless) household for that, leading her to leave yonrova for the wider galaxy. the dog pack, an offworld tox gang, was just begeinning to form, and picked her up (many athiest and pagan (by tox standards) join the dog pack for some form of support system). blanche was part of them for a couple thousand years, until fenrir came to power. fenrir was one of the first tox assigned as a division leader of the dog pack (it was growing exponentially and cerberus and orthus (the leaders) couldnt handle it by themselves) and over the centuries, became cruel to her pack members. she set up a blood sport akin to pitbull fights. members of her division of the pack who didnt perform satisfactorily would be thrown in an arena and forced to fight eachother, sometimes resulting in casualties. this also brought in quite a lot of money for fenrir, and the best fighters in the arena would be kept there permanently. the worst would have their teeth and claws filed down to be used as bait/training dogs. not only is this exceptionally cruel, but it violated the core tenant of the dog pack: ‘pack dont hunt/hurt pack’.

blanche was among one of the best fighters in fenrirs arena, but also ultimately the reason it was stopped. cerberus and orthus were begeinning to become suspicious of fenrir, but everything was confirmed when blanche snapped and killed and ate her.

fearing retaliation, she hijacked a small spaceship (killing its crew in the process) and ran to a secluded solar system. this happened to be the same system marget was setting up in. the dynamic from there on is pretty much the same.

blanche is based from a lion and gets a mane because tox are sexless, it looks cool, and it means i dont have to figure out how to position her neck vertebra.

mayhem anon (shuck) is pretty much just an anon. popped out of the anon city into spacetime, joined margrets gang and the rest is history.

however, mayhem is unique in that, if she wished, she could leave without reprocussions. shes an anon with relatively few mutations in a light years wide city with a population of at least ten times the amount of members of a given species that have ever existed; it would be extremely difficult to track her down and likely just not worth the time.

(i know this drawing is terrible and i didnt manage to get the smug bastard look right)

margret is an autumn fae. she and her brother georgios (fitting the fae naming convention of names being at least three syllables long) were kicked off the fae homeworld for their crimes and dumped on a backwater planet in a secluded part of the galaxy. this would prove to be the action that would allow them to become much, much more powerful than before, eventually spreading their influence over the solar system they were dumped in.

but eventually, margret decided to get rid of georgios. she forced him to shapeshift into a pickle jar and welded him into an iron box. it has a little window so she can talk to him if she wishes, so george can technically escape, but the moment he shapeshifts into something with flesh to burn he’ll be horribly and painfully burned by the iron.

These are FANTASTIC omg. Makes me so happy when people decide to stick my characters in another setting and making their own interpretations of them.

I especially love how Margaret resembles her human design, that’s so fun!

#submission #notmyart

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socoollike · 1 year

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Sometimes i look back at my childhood and realise there was so much in my head.

Sometimes i wonder if i have all these things like bpd, ocd, asd and adhd but im too scared to talk about it to my parents because from a young age my thoughts and my feelings were pushed aside or treated as a joke. My whole life especially in my early teen years i had a lot happening in my head where i was so intensely depressed and couldnt go outside in fear of my peers seeing me and thinking im weird or i look horrible and somedays couldnt even go to school without having a meltdown. But no. I was a joke to my friends and family. My parents still call me a snowflake when i talk about my friends, problems in the world, if im possibly neurodivergent.

Im scared if im not actually autistic. What if this is just me and theres nothing. What if this is just how my brain works and im just incapable of everything. Or what if i just cant read social cues and everybody just doesnt like me just because?

What if i dont have adhd and i just cannot focus and nothing can fit in my brain? What if i just cant sit still and i have to do something or Ill just explode.

What if i dont have ocd and my brain just needs everything in a certain way and if somebody touches something ill snap. What if my brain just makes up these images in my head of my parents or peers doing things to me or me doing things to them. Me killing people, raping people vice versa. What if i have to do things in fives just because?

Im scared nobody will ever take me seriously. Im scared if i talk to someone about this they’ll just tell me i have nothing wrong with me. Im scared just because i can make five seconds of eye contact (and i have to count to five) im not autistic. Just because my room isnt filled with a specific thing im not autistic. Because im terrible at maths and get bad grades im not autistic. Perhaps i do have adhd ? But ive been thinking i have autism since i was ?? God knows. But nobody did anything.

I was just a quirky kid who had a strange obsession with art ! With collecting dolls ! Putting them in lines by colour and fives ! An obsession with cats that i still have ! You know as a kid i would colour code all the dvds in the living room so much my dad had to sell them ? Too bad im collecting dvds myself now and colourcoding them again and again and again. Even when they’re already colour coded i do it again and again and again.

I was just a quirky kid who sat by herself at break time and lunch because every kid saw something about them that they didn’t see. They saw something in me straight away. Ive always been friends with only neurodivergent people my whole life. They were the only people who didnt see that. Or did they ? Did they subconsciously know i was one of them ? Some kids who werent neurodivergent kept me around sometimes but then would leave me, it didnt make sense. Up to my teenage years one of my best friends was neurotypical, we were compete opposites but i felt safe around her until i would talk about my interests in bands, cats and collecting things then shed go off to her other friends or change the subject or completely leave me in year 10. In year 10 i finally got friends that were neurodivergent and i felt home, i could talk about my interests without feeling like a burden, they were interested. Though i still couldnt read social cues if they were tired of me telling them about my cats origin story or how the nine lives theory came to be. They would still listen and be interested and ask me questions.

I need to tell someone these and get a formal diagnosis but im too scared theyll see me as a weirdo or strange. If j do get a diagnosis ill be so extremely happy because then i actually have something ! Id have something to tell people why im like this, this is why im like this this js me !!!!! This is why you bullied me relentlessly for no reason !!!!!

I need this so bad. I need to stop blaming myself.

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