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bug-bites · 9 months

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whatcha lookin at buddy? :3

tw: none!! just some silly fluffy romantic hcs, also not edited bc im just an eepy lil guy

pairing: rodolfo "rudy" parra x gn!reader

summary: uhhh your boyfriend shares his silly little late night habit with you or something

characters: rodolfo "rudy" parra

notes: i never know what to title these things also i know the formatting is ugly!! i wrote this in my notes app and was too lazy to make it look decent,, <(＿　＿)>

rudy never was one to sleep early, in all honesty he seemed to do the complete opposite. he would always go to bed hours later after you. you never understood why.

it wasn't anything that made you suspicious, he wouldnt go far, most of the time he would still be at home, just outside. it was just odd, but it didnt seem like anything bad?

one night you woke up and there was an unfamiliar emptiness beside you, rudy wasnt there next to you like he was right before you fell asleep

its the middle of the night what else would this guy be doing at 2am??

so you're panicking a bit, you wake up and your boyfriend isnt next to you. sure maybe hes just pissing but you're tired and logic isnt the first thing that comes to mind

you call out for him, your throat a bit dry after you've just woken up and it comes out a bit more panicked than you intended

you sit up, eyes scanning the room looking for him- any sign of him

a sigh of relief leaves your lips, he's there. he's in your bedroom, back turned to you as he gazes upwards, out the window.

as soon as he hears his name his head whips around, why are you panicking?? whats going on?? did something happen? did you have a nightmare? most importantly, are you okay?

but he hears your sigh and you mumble something under your breath. he closes the curtains and walks towards you, gently cupping your cheek

"qué pasa?" "sorry i just- you weren't next to me and i just panicked" "nothing to be sorry for."

his voice is soft, barely above a whisper. he runs his thumb along your cheekbone, holding your cheek so tenderly it feels like you're about to melt

"it's okay. im right here."

"what were you doing?" you ask him, its about damn time he tells you anyways and you're getting curious about his strange nighttime habit "you'll find out tomorrow. its better if its a surprise." he kisses your forehead and climbs back into bed with you. "what if i dont want it to be a surprise?" "well thats not up to you. now go to sleep, cariño"

one his arms snake around your waist, the other making its way under your head, like a pillow but better

the next night, as soon as it gets dark he finally lets you in on his not so secret secret.

he grabs your hand, your fingers intertwining with his and leads you outside to a picnic blanket

"its a bit late for a picnic." you say with a yawn

he rolls his eyes as he walks over to the blanket, lying down flat on his back. you do the same, curious to what his next move was.

"stop looking at me and look up" he says with a chuckle

you listen to him and look up, hundreds of stars scattered in the distant sky. its calm, the sounds of the crickets chirping, his hand in yours, your back flat against the picnic blanket, its so serene you almost forget to breathe

"i used to do this all the time when i was younger." rudy says, breaking the silence "i would set up a mat outside and me and alejandro would lie there for hours until my mamá would yell at us to come back inside"

you look over at him, just for a second and catch him smiling as he reminisces

"i like to look at the stars when i get overwhelmed. reminds me i how small i am in the universe" "thats a bit melancholic, dont you think? the idea that we're so much smaller than the universe. like we dont matter as much as we think" you say, "i dont think of it like that. its like the world is bigger than my problems, it continues and theres so much more than just my troubles." he replies, eyes fixated on the stars "well when you put it that way, it sounds pretty nice"

the next few minutes are spent with rudy teaching you some basic constellations like the big and small dipper and then moves onto the more complex ones like ursa minor, andromeda and orion.

each constellation he points out comes with a story, as great as they look you cant help but watch him as he tells you all about them. its something he loves so deeply, you can tell from the way the corners of his mouth turn upwards as he describes them to you, the look of amazement in his eyes even though he's seen the stars hundreds of times. you cant help but fall more for him with every word he says

"i wish we met earlier. before when i was younger you could see so much more than just ...this. i wish i could've shown it to you" his tone becomes slightly bittersweet.

you don't exactly know what to say, you just wrap an arm around his torso, you mutter a soft "i know" right before you press a kiss to his cheek

the next time you two go stargazing its when you go camping together, although sure its not just in your backyard its as close as you can get with just enough clarity in the sky to see everything rudy wanted to show you :]

taglist: @pygm4li0n

#the thought of him stargazing w/ lil alejandro is so cute ashdgshajsdg #i love my boy rudy we need more content for him #also first explicitly romantic x reader thingy ever yay!#i wanna go stargazing with rudy (but more platonically) :(#rudy parra x you #rudy parra x reader #rodolfo rudy parra #rodolfo parra #rudy parra #call of duty #call of duty mw2 #call of duty modern warfare 2 #call of duty headcanons

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whilomm · 5 months

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I saw the slime post and fallen a little bit in love with you and your passion for algae... Is there anything else you love as much as that, or maybe more algae knowledge you want to share? Please I am respectfully begging for infodumps if you have them <3

(also I hope your day is nice and that the algea trees post getting so many notes wasn't overwhelming for you)

Hello sorry this ask has been sitting in my inbox for literally a year or st but my brain short circuted a bit due to 1. the compliment 2. idk im ushally not that good at infodumping bc I tend to not know a lotta the relevant details like ive gotten into planes and boating and shit but im bad at stuff like "distinguishing between airbus and boeings" or "remembering what the fuck the flight surfaces are called" so if i try to tell you a plane thing itll be a lotta "oh uhhh i forget what its called but-" and "well theres this thing thats reallt cool but i dont know how to explain it so-" and if someone ASKS me to infodump my brain will immediately dump all the info. into the trash. I forget Everything. I forget who I am.

So apologies thank u for the ask and the compliment but due to things being wrong with me I said "....well ill figure out how to respond to this later!" and then i Didnt. I still think the slime tanks are cool tho and I hope the Slime is embraced

#i have an approximste knowledge of many things and i am bad at translating that knowledge into words sorry #...it might have actually been sittinh in my ask box for over a year at this point #sorry I ocassionally opened up my ask box and saw it and short circuted again

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dreeamsbff · 11 months

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Hi, Tommy! I hope you’re well 😊 I’ll admit, I’m kinda concerned for you… it sounds like Dream scares you a lot, but he still managed to convince you he’s your friend. Have you heard of the saying “friends aren’t scared of each other”? If Dream terrifies you, I genuinely don’t think he’s a very good friend 🥲 Leading on from that: apart from anything concerning Dream, how are you honestly feeling within yourself? If it’s less than positive, have you considered that perhaps Dream’s behaviour makes it worse rather than better, despite what he might say? I’m sorry if all this overwhelms you, but I just want to make sure you’re safe and happy. Keep holding on, Tommy, I promise things will get better! 💜

ELLO??? i'm v good, Dream stayed 15 minutes longer with metoday!!!!

wh. what are you tryna say by that??? OF COURSE, he's my friend- he STAYED when everyone esle had LEFT me!!! and he was patient w me even when I was acting up or being annoying- AND- and all he wantedto do was fix me so that i didn't bring ayn more problems!

UHM- i never thought of that before- are you 100% sure it's trye??? but- but Dream says it's just tough love and i need a healthy amount of fear to learn better whatever he wants me to. but I wish I could just... be friends w him WITHOUT being afraid of him every second- but i feel liek it's selfish and ungrateful of me, because he had done SO MUCH for me and all i still only feel scared and want to escape :(((

UHHH ITS NOT GREAT- I HATE ADN BLAME MYSELF ALL THE TIME and think that maybe JUST MAYBE if i wasn't as annoying in the beginning, Dream would've liked me more... i dont think he lieks me now and. when he's especially mad i often think he hates me- he keeps repeatimg he's my friend, so maybe theres nothing 2 worry about BUT STILL????

ughhhh i mean it's a possibility??? lately, i noticed that his rules got even more absurd and he punisged me for no reason at all??? and i noticed that every time the punishment is over, he presses on my wonds real hard and chuckles- I DONT INDERSTAND WHY- lmaybe he's just proud that i'm getting better??? I ADMIT IT IS PRETTY WEIRD But i dont think he does that because he's a bad person!!!! still, im starting to doubt his good intentions tbh- and it scares me. i'll have to look more into it because it seens really sketchy...

ohhh thank you, i realky hopd things get better soon!!

#ask tommy #rp

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tigerdrop · 4 years

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king u gonna elaborate on virgin benrey

listen i have kiryu “is 100% a virgin at the ripe old age of 37, and this is appealing to me instead of fucking hilarious″ kazuma disease and it has followed me here. also this kind of branches into a completely different kink at the end b/c i am diseased

so you know how i write "obviously fucks good and hard all the time" benrey. well........you know.......like..........what if......................he didnt. what if he was. what if he had never fucked before in his life and his incessant flirting finally works and hes like "i did not expect to get this far."

envision, if u will, the delightful awkwardness of virgin benrey + "has never had sex with a dude before" gordon

ive definitely brought up the possibilities of gordon going all science-brain on null benrey before but i think it works just as well on virgin benrey too. its a learning experience for both of them and if theres one thing gordons good at, its research. and gordon probably gets way too up in his own head about making sure he does this shit right and spends a lot of sleepless nights googling "how to have sex with dudes" and, you know, researching,

if benreys not the one fucking babying him thru his first gay experiences he is probably going to bungle it so fucking badly and i think it would be really funny

alternatively please consider gordon being so fucking neurotic about benrey never having done this shit before that he avoids the subject as hard as possible, thinking that hes gonna dick it up hardcore, but the whole time benreys just thinking "bro i havent had my dick touched in [however long hes been alive]. come on". the tension

furiously making out with him behind a fucking crate in black mesa and then realizing this is Going Places and gordons voice breaks as he says, way too loud, "I GOTTA UHHH GO RELOAD MY SMG. RIGHT NOW"

you think gordon is touch starved ? no. Hell with this

Im just tsying theres no evidence hes been touched at all by another human being in his life before this. if hes video game in real he benrey noclip out of being touched

what if he like, chooses not to noclip/not feel....ON that time gordon catches him. just cuz hes curious, a gay impulse. or maybe hes so surprised (and gay) he forgets to avoid it

and oh, to be in gordon freeman's gentle grasp. makes him into an unholy annoyance of awkward gayness for the rest of the series

YEAS.......also he has definitely thought hard about sucking gordons dick but doesnt actually have any idea how he would go about it. hes just heard its cool

giddy thinking about the scenario where its actually benrey whos terrible at sucking dick b/c hes never done it before and gordon who actually does suck dick like a champ

i know that this is literally the plot of the very first serious nsfw fic in this fandom but still. virgin beney. benrey getting sucked off for the first time in his entire life and shaking like a fucking leaf......

Power trip of Gordon realizing this guy whose been hitting on him the whole time has no idea what to actually do

Gordon Freeman Gives Benrey A Prostate Exam

its a joke but its not a joke. virgin benrey being vaguely aware that being fucked by gordon freeman would be cool, in theory, but not fully conceptualizing of how you actually get a dick in your ass until gordons like "what?? no, dude, you cant just stick it in there" and gives him a demonstration and thats how benrey discovers he has a prostate

benrey like "idgi man this just feels weird. when do we get to theohhh my god what. what that" and gordons like "what, u mean this?" (curls his fingers again) mean smirk hours

i want him to make a squeaky little noise when gordon says that and curls his fingers again, and gordon's like "ha- knew he'd like it" and keeps kneading him a while; but oops, suddenly benrey's coming with an even squeakier noise

gordon's so surprised he just keeps going, hes like, not comprehending until benys whining at him to stop

a thought: benreys not good at "being human" and probably doesnt actually know whats supposed to happen when u nut so every time hes been jackin it he just does it until it starts to be Just A Little Too Much and then hes like "mission accomplished" and stops. imagine his fucking surprise when gordons jerking him off and he doesnt stop and hes like "wh ha hu what the fuck i already got off bro" and gordon just stares at him and the distinctive lack of cum on his hand and s like ".......did you? you sure about that one."

tl;dr benrey squirming and babbling and digging his fingers into gordons back as he begs him to keep going, he doesnt know whats gonna happen and hes feeling totally overwhelmed b/c gordons pushing him further than hes ever been pushed and he keeps inadvertently trying to wriggle away b/c its So Much but gordon, maybe, pins down his hips so he can get benrey off For Real.......

even better if its when gordons sucking him off for the first time so he can wrap his arms and hands around benreys thighs to keep them spread wide open and firmly in place

knees shaking and thighs jumping constantly

and benrey has no idea when its supposed to be over so he cant even warn gordon properly. he just keeps getting louder and louder.......

maybe even.......completely hunched over gordon......pushing him down on his dick with his hands in his hair.......

alternating between babbling "stop" and "dont stop" b/c hes stupid

eventually gordon gets so sick of benrey not being able to decide whether he wants to shove gordon onto his dick or yank him off that he just pulls off and says "look, man, do you trust me?" b/c he would really like to just get benrey to stop edging himself here

UNINTENTIONAL OVERSTIMULATION.......THE TEARS........HHHHHHH

and he eventually gets benrey to nod furiously at him that he trusts him and gordons just like, okay, im not gonna stop then. im gonna keep going. and.......he does

eyes glazed, hair sticking to him with sweat, hips all twitchy, dick all red, face also all red

sucking benrey dry until hes over sensitive.......

He started off spasming then he’s rocking into Gordon’s face by the time he’s wailing his name. Panting and gasping like he’s fucking DROWNING

gordon meanwhile almost nuts in his pants from the fuckin show that benreys puttin on for him and hes not even trying. hes just Like This. gordons got jerkoff material for the next month just thinking about the way benrey wails his name and clutches his hair tight

benreys like (slurred) 'u gonna jack off or sumn.......was it not hot'. gordon fighting with every cell of his body not to scream "WAS IT NOT HOT?"

trying to decide what would be hotter: gordon jacking off while hes on his knees with his head resting on benreys thigh or jerking off on benreys stomach and.....r.......rubbing it in

benrey watching gordon cum and feeling a whole new context for it cause now he knows how good it feels and gets turned on again faster-

thinking.......about.......th. next time. now that benreys figured it out. he gives it a try on his own time and hes so surprised that it works that he goes up to gordon like "yo. check this out. i figured out how to jack it" and gordon has the most unimpressed look on his face imaginable

"proud of you, buddy. am i good to go back to watching storage wars, or" "you wanna uhhh.....wanna see it maybe?" and that changes his entire tune

imagining benrey being so fucking bad at it still that he keeps doing the start-stop shit b/c its so intense and hes not used to it and the thing that actually gets him to finish is gordon, pants down to his knees and fisting his own dick like he might die tomorrow, leaning forward and telling him that hes got this, benreys gonna come for him, right? come for gordon?

gordon fucking telling him "dont stop" WRT jerking himself off and benrey just listening to him and pushing himself is ruining my fuckin mind

its a really good thought......i love how it plays into non-human benrey having to figure out human stuff........makes me crayz

probably keeps being sensitive for a long while too........ (mumbling very very quietly) and if hes so sensitive from never being touched before......maybe hes kind of........uhhh..................ticklish

new layers to the whole "oh my god its too much stop it" + "i actually dont want you to stop touching" thing .. . . .. . . . + gordon powertripping when he realizes whats going on with him and why he keeps jerking away and trying not to laugh when gordon touches him like on his stomach or his sides

benrey accidentally jerks too hard and knees gordon in the dick from how ticklish he feels just from like, hands on his sides or something

i was actually thinking about......like.......gordon laying on the ground and suffering (because why wouldnt i be thinking about gordon suffering) and deciding that enough is enough and offering to.......desensitize benrey. you know. for his own health

you know. uhhh. tying up his arms and legs, perhaps, and. you know. "do not noclip through these. i swear to god, benrey, if you kick me in the dick again"

i'm think about benrey begging gordon to stop, so he does, to check if this is a Forreal stop or a "hahah nooo~" stop, and benrey asks him through gasps to keep fucking tickling him (except he just says smth to the effect of ."gh.. ....keep doing it dude wuhdah hell...") and gordon gets an evil fucking grin and just feels on top of the world "yeah?? think you can handle it, huh???" and just destroys him. benrey thinks about gordon's horny manic face for weeks

neither of them had a thing for this before this point but the combination of feeling like hes being tickled and gordons hands on him for the first time making him mad horny gives benrey a brand new fucking fetish. gordons manic fucking face im so glad we are on the same wavelength about that

i truly hate my own posts. incurable. diseased

#asky #writin stuff #SOMETHING GOT COPIED AND PASTED WRONG SORRY

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sargentr · 5 years

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so i reread the dream thieves a while back and i wrote down some stuff i hadn’t really noticed/paid that much attention to. some of them are mere observations others are just me. Fangirling. as one does:

* ronan's first love was his family

* adam tried his best to make things work with blue, just like everything else he had tried in his life

* gansey is very well aware of his privilege and wealth

* ronan has two weaknesses: niall lynch and adam parrish

* noah was there for ronan is ways not even ronan realized

* when ronan was filled with anger for a reason i cant remember, he relaxed a bit when gansey, beside him, answered his phone and said "hey" into it, meaning it was adam. (this is from ronans pov) like!!! theyre so comfortable around each other can i leave

* adam was so furious at gansey for thinking he had made the st agnes bill easier for him that he didnt realize that it had ronan written all over it

* gansey was such a light hearted and carefree person that there was not a single person in aglionby who did not know who he was. it is described that while others tried to fit in aglionby, aglionby fit perfectly in gansey. he was the type of person who the teachers would hold for a second after class to show him the article they thought he might like. HE’S BABY.

* gansey and ronan's relationship was not based on communication.

* adam always thought how beautiful all of gansey's things were.

* ronan lynch was one of those things

* gansey often reminded himself how niall lynch's death affected ronan

* ronan would rather die than kill adam

* the image of ronan trying (and lying) to take his life was scarred into gansey like ink

* gansey and ronan fought a night creature and fit perfectly as a team (gansey's pov)

* clue number two of non heterosexual ronan niall lynch: "(blue) wore a dress ronan thought looked like a lampshade. whatever sort of lamp it belonged on, gansey clearly wished he had one. ronan wasn't a fan of lamps."

* ronan lynch is completely and utterly himself the first time he steps foot in the barns

* RONAN REFERRING TO ADAM AS EINSTEIN

* ronan has no chill whatsoever omg when they're in the barns and checking to see if the animals are still alive blue asks ronan to check some of them and he replies to her and adam "you two poverty twins do it"

* confirmed: ronan lynch is a complete cupcake (eg: pressing the small mouse to his cheek to check the heartbeat)

* confirmed: richard gansey is a bigger cupcake for smiling ear to ear while doing the same

* !!!! "and it was his smile that buried ronan"!!!! (referring to gansey and the mouse)

* "... adam replied, his henrietta accent sneaking out, betraying his fatigue. it was something deeper." (ronan's pov)

* second confirm: ronan lynch is a Softie™ (eg: when they were about to leave the barns but ronan whispered so just gansey heard "can i go and see mom?" HE IS ALSO BABY

* OKAY BUT GANSEY AND RONAN THIS ENTIRE BOOK: "i remember when you used to smell like this" referring to when they enter the main house at the barns.

* "ronan loved it so much. he nearly couldn't bare it. he wanted to destroy something." (((this is about the barns. protect this sunshine)))

* when blue saw a picture of a bird in the barns and asked, "are these vultures or crows?" and adam and ronan replied at the same time, "vultures" "crows" NERDS

* "i am being perfectly fucking civil" still to this day, the best thing ronan lynch has ever said.

* "ronan looked at gansey. that look, blue thought. ronan lynch would do anything for gansey" claps slowly

* BONUS: "i probably would, too." thought blue

* matthew lynch was the only thing that made ronan come back himself

* niall left ronan (and only ronan) his entire property

* gansey shops when he's sad

* gansey and adam sharing a LOOK when orla comes in with skin showing

* blue had very few skin showing and gansey wanted to tell he how much he liked hers and not orlas, but then thinking "that's adam's job" what a bean

* how extra can ronan lynch get (a series): making a complete SCENE while opening his car door, sitting inside, closing the door, driving away

* gansey protesting so blue wouldnt go inside the water (bc baby boy probably couldnt handle blue seminaked) and using "you wont be able to see without your eyes getting irritated" as a point

* gansey getting all flustered and reminding himself he'd been looking at orla's naked body for so long but also: HER BIKINI IS SO ORANGE

* clue number two of non heterosexual ronan niall lynch: laughing his ass off about ganseys reaction of orla and said orange bikini

* jealous little blue being furious at gansey for just looking at her

* ronan's pulse fastening when thinking about kavinsky

* ronan smiling to himself and only doing so because there was no one to see it

* noah and blue holding hands at monmouth when gansey and ronan arent there okay look at those two

* "sometimes i pretend im him" "which part?" "alive" PROTECT NOAH CZERNY

* when blue was laying on ganseys bed she though "i have a crush on richard gansey" and the following "i dont have a crush on adam parrish"

* okay but the whole kissing scene is adorably cute and the best part of tdt

* BLUE THINKING "oh, this is what i can't have"

* MATTHEW AND RONAN VISITING THE BARNS AND BOTH OF THEM JUST BEING ADORABLE WITH AURORA AND EACH OTHER

* ronan racing kavinsky and having so many mixed feelings

* adam feeling misplaced in DC and constantly thinking of this fathers abuse and I Cried

* adam and gansey fighting and uhhh sorry dick but DAMN adam

* ronan dreaming he's in kavinskys car and not knowing if he loved it or hated it

* blue's voice over the phone taking gansey's mind off the fight he had with adam

* gansey listing the things ronan is inside his mind so he would be angry at him

* "ronan had charm. it was just buried deep. very deep."

* blue fucking sargent being the badass feminist she is when it didnt occur to adam that maybe blue was into politics

* "you wouldnt have gone someplace without gansey. you two make a grand couple. kiss him!" blue giving zero fucks to adam being douchely sexist

* okay first fuck you adam idiot parrish: "nice blue, gansey was right. you are a raging feminist" FUCK YOU

* okay adam losing his temper and literally thinking of hitting blue this is a matter of EMERGENCY

* ADAM STOP BEING A DICK OH MY GOD HE ALMOST FORCED BLUE INTO KISSING HIM THIS ISNDHDJDHDHD

* like ok i get Mans had a rough past n that violence is the only thing he knows but stief what was ur POINT with this part

* adams enemy being his anger. someone protect him from himself

* when blue and gansey are talking in the pig about adam and ganseys just full of hatred towards adam's parents, "who has he ever had to love him? ever?"

* okay but richard campbell gansey the third is a complete and utter SUNSHINE: when he's overwhelmed by blue and gets out of the pig and starts pacing and then realizing it was rudeish and APOLOGIZING like a fucking KING

* lmao gansey saying "i think he should come to terms with his sexuality" at kavinsky gift to ronan.

* "he wondered if kavinsky was gay. he wondered if she should go to the fourth of july party. he wondered where adam had gone" someone just. keep ronan close and hydrated and healthy and LET HIM BE GAY AND REST

* okay but ronan thinks about kavinsky in a matter that is completely and utterly non platonic

* "the grey man gently threw ronan across the breakfast table" nice maggie

* prepare for dialogue:

"theres nothing here k."

"theres only us. i know what you are"

"thats not enough"

"dont say dick gansey man. hes never gonna be with you. and dont tell me you dont swing that way. im in your head"

"thats not what gansey is to me"

"you didnt say you didnt swing that way"

RONAN SAID, "no, i didnt" ..... gay bitch

* ronan calling adam "adam" when he thinks they're in a dream and just then realizing he isnt

* "i know it was you. the rent, i figured it out" adam parrish just slipping information at the WRONG time

* "he was a brother to a liar and a bother to an angel, son of a dream and son of a dreamer" still to this day the prettiest thing ever

* HIS SECOND SECRET WAS ADAM PARRISH

* "adam furrowed his brows to ronan, as if sensing ronan's eyes on him. ronan looked away"

* im shook this book is so good

#blue sargent #trc #the raven cycle #the dream thieves #bluensy #gansey #adam parrish #noah czerny #ronan lynch #pynch #richard gansey

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i-am-goblin · 5 years

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More of My Autistic Experiences

When someone asks me something i just dont have the words to answer sometimes so i will mumble and stutter. Which in arguments usually makes people think they've bested me

You know those old computer loading sounds. Thats my brain

Everyone understands something really well and im just like..uhhh? Then 5 minutes later when we're of that topic im like OH I GET IT NOW

i do math in weird ways. Ex. 76 + 28. 70 + 20 is 90. 6 + 8 is 14. Take 10 from that. So now its 90 + 10 + 4. 90 + 10 is 100 + 4 is 104.

Twitching randomly and getting weird looks

People stimming makes me stim

When you find another autistic person its like !!!!

Not being able to read people unless theyre like...how do i say it.. exaggerated? Ex. Big smile yes is happy got it. Small smile. Uh happyish?? Is that even an emotion

My voice and face just always make me seem apathetic. Im very passive in how i normally speak. Showing emotion is hard

Sometimes i get really loud. I dont know why but i cant control my voice infliction in a normal conversation

Even if i think i put emotion into words it just comes out plain

I said something similar in my last one but i realized that i also go semi-verbal when im really sad

Having to step out of situations is like a need that many people see as me storming off but im overwhelmed please let me leave

All intense emotions will most likely lead to a shut down. I dont really have blow ups. My brain just kinda goes into battery saving mode

Sometimes theres just a mental block in my brain. There are ideas and words and concepts in my head but when it needs to become physical its like it was never real

Sometimes i cant process something unless its said to me directly. Thats why lectures are so hard

Verbal directions/list are so hard for me to process

I still have to do the hand thing for left and right. I also still count on my fingers

Eye contact is hella hard

Not being able to see someone when they're talking to me freaks me out so much

#autistic culture #autistic experiences #autistic pride #being autistic #to other autistic people #actually autistic #autisim #autistic #autistic spectrum #autistic feels #autistic community #autistic memes #actuallyautistic #actually autism

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yamadcs · 5 years

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wey hey, it’s a me...a madio here at long last!!! but rlly i’m mads, i’m twenty, and i’m in pst so im almost always fashionably late to things set with est time in mind. my last meal would be chicken alfredo but that feels really wrong bc i’d really love to own a chicken someday....anYWAYS moving on to the serious stuff! this intro is probably a shit show but so am i so it fits...i tried to keep it concise but who rlly knows idk pls plot with me

( NANA KOMATSU, CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER, MUSE M ) did i just see CONSTANCE YAMADA touching down in italy ? rumor has it this 22 year old DIRECTOR is on their way to reunite with the brat pack.

so first thing’s first, as promised, constance has two moms!!! one of them is an actress and the other is an activist (specifically feminist and lgbtq+ rights if that matters) and they’re both extremely well-known within hollywood.

her activist mom is definitely outspoken on social issues and she taught constance to be too, so the family is definitely known for pushing buttons in hollywood if only because they voice their very strong opinions VERY loudly. she probably had a lot to do with herself and her wife being ostracized in hollywood, or otherwise branded as brats. her actress mom, however, is much more soft spoken and was once probably an america’s sweetheart type. she’s a classic beauty, an actress that had so much potential until her reputation began to dwindle. she still acts, though in much smaller projects, and appears to be happy simply maintaining a home life (spoiler alert, she’s cheating). she taught constance humility and self-love

her mothers are so loving to her and to each other that she’s definitely a big romantic, however she’s also extremely naive so i’m sure that will pose a lot of issues in terms of plots and whatnot. she literally grew up witnessing true love at all times and is so in awe of her mothers’ relationship that she strives to have something just like it

sPEAKING OF NAIVETE! constance’s mothers actually shielded her from the spotlight until she was about 15!! her parents were really nervous about putting her in the limelight because they didnt want her to have a fate similar to theirs (the blacklisting and public humiliation of being branded) so they kept her life as private and “normal” as possible. rather than having a private tutor, she simply attended private schools so that she could have a semi-normal social life. her parents were very cautious about who she spent time with, which led her to be a bit sheltered. she had lots of friends, but she was never allowed to go to their houses and they needed extensive screening before being allowed at hers, so it was easier to just keep her friendships at school. it wasn’t until she got to high school and made the choice to insert herself into the media that the world truly met constance, and she’s been basking in the hollywood glow ever since

being lonely is actually part of what ignited her passion for film. she had so much free time at home during her early years that she stumbled upon a tub of old movies, as well as the video recorder that was used to capture them. from then on, she was in love and it seemed that no one could pry that camera from her grasp. years 5-10 of her life feature many clips of her moms’ double chins and feet, the angles of a girl too small to see the rest of the world.

i like to think that the first real paparazzi pictures ever captured of her and published across the nation featured her at a rally with her moms, holding a sign and very proudly leading a chant for the right for her mothers to legally marry. she’d been photographed before, of course, but none of them never made as bold of a statement and those pictures are what truly began her entrance into the spotlight, which was extremely intense and trying.

since the world was so desperate to know the daughter of two notorious starlets, it only made sense that they would do nearly anything to obtain that first private interview with her, those first talk show appearances, anything that she had never been able to do before. it was super overwhelming and she very quickly became aware of what vultures the press are

uhhh so yeah basically constance has only really been in the “spotlight” for the last 7 years, but she became very notorious and admired very quickly since her existence had been so “””normal”””” and basically mysterious to the public until then. like her moms posted pictures on their socials, but all of her own were private until then and the media only got to know her on a surface level so it was a drastic change both for herself, but also for the world

i’d like to think her friends, THE BRATS, are what really got her through it like once she started working in hollywood and getting more film projects and running into these ppl and building connections i think constance really would have relied on them as mentors (even if theyre rlly just manipulation her...plot idea ?) and just....ppl who understood what this type of fame was like and understood how crazy this transition was. like she went from eating cereal in the living room w her moms and living her lowkey life to being on magazines and becoming the new “GIRL NEXT DOOR” of hollywood and that’s....a lot

she is a pretty notorious director now like a lot of jobs were kind of just,, handed to her once she started but she proved she had real talent so her entire reputation is something she really built herself bc her moms tried to detach themselves from her career to give her a fair chance to prove herself and her own prestige but like,,, she literally loves filming people and directing them and it’s her whole ass life like she almost always has a film camera and/or an old video camera on her person at all times so watch out for that in the morning ladies and gents she will make u a star

oh and if her career goes south she’s hella gonna go into the adult film industry she’s directing sexy time baby !

i feel like there is still so so much i could tell u all about her but i rlly hope that this sums it up nicely bc it’s getting so long and so ugly....bUT BEFORE I LEAVE I HAVE CONNECTION IDEAS AND ALSO i just wanna say i think she would be on??? pretty okay terms w the bratpack like i know she has select ones she doesnt get along w but theres probably a big part of her thats excited to be back with them and happy to be in milan meeting up with them all again so idk if that changes things but yeah my girl’s naive and loves almost everyone so pls,,plot with mE

CONNECTION IDEAS....just gonna drop some lame ones here rlly quick to maybe get us started

uhh like i said many times, constance is rlly naive, so she’d be super easy to take advantage of. this could be something that happened when she first introduced herself to the limelight, like maybe someone latched on to her bc of how excited the media was to finally know her and they sort of road her coattails, or maybe it’s smth that’s happening as adults. im down for literally any kind of manipulative plots like fake friends, using her for shit, idk just mess her up ig

i think unrequited crushes are cute and i’m sure constance has TONS just bc she’s such a romantic at heart and so eager to have a fairy tale love that i feel like there would be this one person who she’s had a crush on for years who she just...keeps going back to bc she thinks she loves them and maybe they use her to keep her around or maybe theyve been honest about their feelings and theyre trying to just be friends but things are rocky/she’s just repressing shit idk we could do a lot with this i think

i’d love it if she could just have a best friend bc like...idk i dont want her to have NO real friends u know? good vibes only for constance and ur muse man u feel

she was pretty innocent growing up since she was so sheltered so maybe ur muse smoked her out for the first time when she was 16 and now shes 420 friendly and theyre just smoke buddies or smth i cant believe shes gonna be a stoner now her whole personality i talked about up there? gone. it’s weed central now baby !

does ur muse need a tastefully directed sex tape? constance has their back im not kidding this is my plot idea ur all welcome

this is a novel so im ending it here but i will once again beg that u all come plot with me and love me and disregard these shitty connection ideas bc i KNOW we can come up with truly good ones okay love u all bye

#my gif resources are a little scarce rn so pls bare with me until i make my own #bratsintro #oh i talked about weed in this a little so possible drug tw love u guys <3

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yuissamidare · 5 years

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@codes i think i may have put this on my artblog but... Here

i guess ill start w ichi bc i always forget about him somehow like i always come up short when im making lists and im like 'oh wait shit yeah that guy’ bc im stupid n i only think of fishing trio + choro. I’m an Idiot. idk i never thought too hard on ichi bc i so rarely think about him but he looks so high its really funny i said this on main but he looks like my friend when he decided to try a weed gummy bear then started babbling about hentai then watched to watch porn with me but got mad all the intro scenes are a billion years long and started ranting about the industry but now that i think about it he looks like someone who used to send me weird shit when he was high like bad pick up lines about body parts i wish i didnt have

and thats so funny that its Ichimatsu who looks like that but also proof that hes high. but anyway!! hes really cute and im mad hes boutta ruin my reputation for my complete and utter lack of care and interest in him no matter what im mad. my friend gwyn said 'Sp lubing us up for the fuckening that is the reason why Ichi is sad in present day’ im really curious at the change like if hes trying a fake it till you make it type thing bc really emotionally exhausted or if hes just genuinely having a good time or hes puttin on a front since like. nails who stand get hammered down right??? just gotta do your best n Never Relax n i can relate to all that. but uhhh old hcs i guess

in kun ichi was the most serious! really smart but just as bad w school as the rest of them apparently but!! yeah so id think that!! ichis that guy who participates in class discussion constantly and is always willing to debate the readings, but turns in sloppy papers with typos and no a coherency or stucture or anything. he’s A+ in participation but has an average of 60% on most of the written assignments with points knocked bc of lateness then more bc its A Mess. you could ask about the prompts for one of his papers, he could babble about his position on it complete with paragraphs and footnotes but like the day before its due hes playing rpgs and watching horror movies.

his classmates think hes so smart n so intimidating. the family knows hes a hot mess. the teachers tell him he has a lot of potential but they don’t think hes applying himself. all are right. also he doesnt cheat or let people cheat off of him since hes always been about rules and boundaries and Rightness n he n jyushi were the only ones who Minded Themselves in kun

uhh jyushi!! let me talk about schoolwork again bc yeah i love jyushi so so so so much and thinking of him in a school environment is so weird i thought about it a lot n i thought about it him in kun n san and Woah!! i really really love delinquent jyushi, bc when i saw that i was like 'huh! that fits actually!!’ i love that like him and choro flip flopped completely from what i thought. his school must be so cold theyre too cheap to afford heating in the winter and in summer the acs Blast. he was so Shy and quiet and he cried and he liked to sing so i always thought that when he participated in chorus festivals hes always like right in front!! he hums a lot in class and also moves around alot bc he actually like school and people like primary trio are the types that make friends often. i wasnt supposed to talk about this yet whoops.

unlike ichi who relatively neat despite everything but has shit notes, jyushis notes are amazing and understandable and utterly illegible.

theyre covered in doodles, arrows and lines leading every which way, different colors but not like color coded n theyre not in order by date, but he opens to a random page every time yet somehow always seems to know where to find each lesson. he writes footnotes and caveats and corrections and criticisms of the teachers and random thoughts and just smears ink everywhere. sometimes his notes are on a completely different subject. the notebook itself is a horrifying mess, the front and back covers both covered in drawings and designs and falling apart, random papers shoved between the pages, coming apart at the seams, covered in stains of unknown origin. assignments are full of emoticons and informal language, and they always manage to make his teachers feel like hes smarter than they are (most likely). he does his projects the minute theyre assigned, and is finished a minute later so can talk to his friends. he loved school.

sophie told me once about how she thought was Like That was bc one of his main concerns is that he thought he had nothing that made him Jyushi n in kun she said he might have been the one who was the most concerned about having a distinctive personality and i talked about how that sorta carried over san and how he always blended in bc of how gentle and soft and push-overy he was. he was actually the and most gullible and weakest in kun so i was like :0 when i saw that and intentionally did stuff like only carry 14 yen in his pockets to be quirky but it always sorta fell flat and he was still invisible so i was like hmmmmm. and i can see how he couldve toughened up and thinking of this now!! i love that. oh im so happy. this is so much better than i ever couldve imagined ever.

totty…. i do not think he was very popular or good at school. i think he’s very decent at schoolwork but he never put much effort into it. just copies whats on the board but if the class runs out of allotted lesson time n he couldnt finish his work he just didnt do it like cram schools a pain in the ass. if he put effort hed be a star student but he just craps out whatever since hes was the laziest!! oh but something i noticed was that him and jyushi would play together often since sometime he felt overwhelmed by karamatsu a lot. also hes the money thief and scammer its great kun todo is so good. he gets shy and flustered easy too!!

but uhh yeah!! depending on the day im always like 'zaimoku love each other so much they are best friends and the perfect other halves!!’ then im like 'these mofos hate each other what the fuck is this trainwreck’ did you see their shitty small talk in the horse episode. what was that. like they are genuinely trying to communicate and are pretty easy with each other but they have nothing to say. its like when youre having a boring day at school and theres nothing to talk about with an acquaintance so you just look at the walls and go 'have you ever noticed how stupid these posters are’ then you both start reading posters aloud but you both know its not that funny and youre just doing it to waste time but you still enjoy their company you just dont want silence. thats their relationship. and i think they are just very similar in very different ways and like. the key things that make them both similar and different and the same fuck them up (like suiriku!! theyre both really similar even if it doesn’t seem like it at first which is why their compatibility in the relationship chart was so low in s1, but i saw a lot of improvement in both of their behaviours and their communication and honestly. s2 was worth it for that sophie was so happy to see her faves get along) like sometimes when you look in the mirror all the things you see are the things you dont like about yourself instead of what makes you wonderful and unique. also i didnt mean to talk about this but i guess i am.

but yeah. totty is bitter n resentful at kara during hs n karas more confused and upset at tottys behaviour in their twenties n thats bc like i said. theyre dumb. karamatsu!! i think was actually pretty popular in highschool n had a good amount of friends - i genuinely think theatre kids are well liked bc i literally know everyone in my department and im friends w a good amount of people and im not even That extroverted. my actual extrovert friends know everyone in the school by name and everyone in my department is so nice even though theres a lot of bitchiness and drama its not as bad as w other humanities studies (jesus christ humanity students outside of theatre are a hot mess.)

uh yeah n that ultimately makes totty feel a bit… betrayed? karamatsu is his partner! theyre supposed to be there for eachother! kara’s the first one to branch out, get friends etc etc and todomatsus left behind bc hes always the one playimg follow the leader and he breaks out of that once they graduate - he grows up resenting karamatsu slightly though he still cares. but this time Hes the one cancelling plans to hang out with friends instead. my friend katie put it best when, in response to me telling them this, they sent me:

'kara: totty you have so many friends now. We barely see you anymore.

totty, applying chapstick: well, I learned it from the best.’

when i told them about it. but at the time gwyn and i were babbling about possibilities and different storylines and how theres a possiblity the movie might break down into three manageable plotlines n she gave zaimoku 'popularity’ and this was me throwing out ideas but honestly. Good. (aha, the end of this scenario ended up with todo throwing hands and shoulder checking someone outside a window and then getting removed from the premise n hanging with atsushi all night after) why am i on this. shit what happened here.

uhh but yeah totty is Def someone with learned behaviours rather than being a natural extrovert honestly just look at him hes an introverted mess masquerading as a decent human being and i know full well how people like that are bc some of them have been my best friends for years n seein the new hs promos solidifies that fact bc look at him. Crybaby. He is Miniscule. A Child.

then its 'delinquent who looks like an honour student’ choro. i never studied him until sophie started liking choro n since i love sophie i wanted to take an interest in him too. n i started to think very hard about him! then gwyn planted this in me n its taken root and im just never not gonna think its great. yall see his shitty gokudo impression what a bossy lil shit. he pulled a whip on kara once and it was mad funny but also Gwyns Big Evidence for him just being the absolute worst not like a casually skips class type but a Choro was a legit a bully and really mean n sabatoged other classmates to make him look like he was 100% That Bitch. maybe not him being Mean and cruel but just an asshole who bums around, is something i really like that one a lot its been one of my faves since gwyn n i started talking about it but i just!! have a ton of other things too!!

hes a lot like karamatsu in that theyre both stupid and weird and embarrassing and they put on airs but they also!! dont try!! they talk so big and such high goals n expectations and they dont do shit bc they have so much hubris but i always talk about them bc suiriku is sophies Beloved so ill like. Not. but he acts like he’s better than all of them n forces the role of the straight man on himself because he wants to be seen as the responible, level headed one even if hes just. So Much.

i think the movies calling back to how touchy feely and clingy he was in kun and adding on to how jyushis a delinquent and kara… Is Like That he’ll be around them the most bc jyushi might either be really protective or push him away and then they do something to mend their relationship later on or hell cling to kara and they just. grow apart. sticking to my hc until the end bitches. oh.

for choro… personally!! i thought hed be a slacker instead of a delinquent but not in the way totty slacked - totty was lazy n knew the work but didnt want to put in effort but choro just. Doesnt. choro has so much energy all the time and choro Can Not deal with school situations. bc like… you always hear people say that studying is meant to be done at the desk, silently, no distractions what so ever!! focus on notes and nothing else!! ise a highlighter but dont use it too much!! make your notes legible but you only have five minutes before the board gets erased!! review!!! look at your notes or youll die! take breaks bit dont take too long and honestly. listen. kun choro wouldnt be able to stand that shit and id think hed just think he was doing it The Wrong Way n he just wasnt meant to do it.

he doesnt like quiet classrooms!! he cant study like that and hell get distracted. he cant sit still n thats why totoko broke up w him in the beer ad and why hes just Everywhere in kun!! hes understimulated and its just Ugh! you know??? he’ll fidget w his pens until he breaks them or hum or tap his foot and annoy everyone or leave for the bathroom at least three times a class just to get up and move.

eventually he just. gives up even though hes super smart he like, stops caring bc if you dont care to understand material then you wont have to read and read and reread and rereread something to get it! classes just make everything uncomphrehensible and makes any idea he may have sublimate into nothing. but he can work on the trains and the buses! he needs something kenetic to get him moving and trains n shit always have enough going on to work with, just like with home!! chorochoro motherfuckers. he works much better moving forward, ironic as that is. he feels sorta set apart from every thing like hes behind some big plane of glass doing everything wrong and being all set apart from everything. eventually he takes to acting like a real fussy mom to avoid his own problems and help everyone else out even though hes annoying and even when he graduates but it gets Worse bc then figures out how much!!! he fucked up!! then he kicks himself into high gear n still cant do shit. ahh.

its illegal for me to talk about choukei bc i talk about them so much and im always being annoying n typing stupid essays about them bc theyre… my faves.. But this is so long…

it actually makes me super happy that he kara acne he still can be really fighty and he cries and he still does stupid impulsive shit for others and even though hes really sweet and caring is still an utter monster and fucking mess of a person. love him. i always like to think his shittymatsu nickname came from iyami n it just morphed from there bc in 66 you can hear iyami calling him specifically garbage. ive always been glad they kept his sewing hobby too. ahh, actually from what i see hes pretty similarities to kun so i wonder when he decided to air out that teremity. idk what to say about him that i havent in tottys section. he just Feels like someone who had a good support group and nice friends bc of how hes able to move in the world. kara feels like some whos doing their growing up in their twenties bc highschool came easy to them and now theyre just really struggling with the real world. like i shouldve expected softboy hs kara and i appreciate him very much!! i talk about choukei a lot bc they were the first characters that spoke so i immediately attached myself to them n i talk about karamatsu Specifically but im not sure i ever mentioned how much i appreciated how smart and cautious hes proved himself to be time and time again, like how hes the only one to point out totokos fish shtick aint doing her favours or how he was the first one to notice osos irritation n how you can pick out his voice warning jyushi to calm down in the bg of 24 or how in the comedian episode he was ready to take Notes from iyami and a lot of other small things!!

i would think hes actually a bit more serious n calm in hs and san is him amping up traits that drew people to him in hs and it backfiring on kara spectacularly - kara is always gauging people and their reactions and acting in a way he believes will get something positive, but at the same time is utterly oblivious when it comes to actually Getting them n i talked about the girls on the bridge but this is also prevalent with ichi who kara just. Doesnt Get and can not figure out how to maneuver their relationship. like oso, kara is and elder brother!! and elder brothers have an image theyre supposed to uphold, but while kara acts the part he doesnt do the shit a big brother does and shrugs that responsibility off on oso until oso fucks up until s2, where they share the role more evenly and his relationship with ichi improves but this is another essay entirely. what im trying to get with that is that hyperfocus on what other people think of him, but his complete disregard when it comes to their actual reaction and instead what he wants their reactions to be would also greatly impact him transtioning from a teen to an adult im sorry im getting sloppy now

osomatsu… i really adore him too much and i understand how totty felt in their episode bc i also lent my phone to a friend who needed to desperately jack it before meeting new people n i talk about him a whole lot too. hes mean and an asshole and garbage n i know a lot of people find him plain n boring but idk. i dont think thats the case hes a really complexed n nuanced character n hes literally has always been way back from kun n thats expected from a main character but… hes always been mean n dumb n sly and he can get so pathetically vunerable and thats literally!! him. hes a normal dude nothing wrong with that n it can be real refreshing. n i suppose im so fond of fishing trio+choro bc they remind me of my friends. but yeah even if hes 'plain’ i dont see why thats a bad thing. n this they always have the most interesting body language like despite kara being So Much his body language was always closed off n singled him out as everything But exuberant and bright, and osos quirks like how he stands on his toes a lot had always been so cute… its relaxed and open n screams Talk To Me!!!!

ahh but i always end up thinking oso was. oso??? theres not much to say that i havent before but i do think that he was a lot more like he was in episode 2 when ranting to chibita about having shitty brothers and then actively Chose to be a good brother even if he wasnt a good person and be a stable rock and be someone they could all come back to at the end of the day. and hes good at math im never letting this die.

#now im sleepy fmxbfbc #mbbbaf #i didnt talk about oso much im ao tired

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sakurabaneku · 6 years

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anime expo was soooooooooo much and it was so hot and overwhelming (and yes, crowded) but i had so much fun! under the cut because i sure do talk a lot

i knew ax was big but WHOA OK its on a whole nother level!! i dont think i even saw the entirety of the convention center and i didnt even step into the jw! wow ok! i was really worried about it being overwhelming and everyone being too busy to.. be friendly i guess but that wasnt really a problem!! everyone was really friendly, especially at the meets!! the ff meet was on the hottest day of the weekend and it was overcrowded and difficult to get things organized but everyone was still friendly and talkative and looking out for each other in that wild heat!! SHOUT OUT TO THE ZACK FAIR PHOTOBOMBING THE SHOOT BY DOING SQUATS IN THAT HEAT!! you really are a hero, zack fair. you really are.

speaking of the heat, idk how i survived in noctis all day in.. 106 or something degree weather but i loveloveLOVED being him!! it was worth the suffering!!!! one of my favorite costumes ive done so far i think and i got so many super nice comments from people on it and waah! also got arrested by the thot patrol and shoved into the ballpit by ardyn and ik ive already posted pics but that was fun. i didnt take nearly enough shitty meme pictures honestly. smh. I DIDNT GET A PICTURE OF ME GETTING FRIENDZONED BY LUNAFREYA which happened. noctis did a heart hand luna thumbs up’d. rip noctis.

cosplaying kingdom hearts is always a really fun time and im kinda glad i didnt finish riku in time bc kairi was a godsend of a costume. so comfortable. bless. and i just love being her!! im glad i brought my pins back to give out, everyone had the CUTEST reactions!! a sora also tossed me a little paopu fruit as he walked by which was really sweet and its soft and adorable!!

it was also the first time i wore bakura which was uhhhh and experience and that costume didnt make it home in one piece lol i really didnt feel great in it but i still had some fun!! littlekuriboh complimented it lol so like, my inner 10 year old can die happy!

i think the thing that really made this con was the people!! rooming with sharon, janice and emma was like, the best, chillest hotel room and i hadnt seen any of them in EONS i miss u guys come back to cali soon!!!! and meeting angel and aj was really nice and i had a lot of fun hanging out with them and also going to dennys at midnight in cosplay. andrew and jesse are local friends so i see them a lot but it was still fun hanging out with them at the con! they braved the outdoors to meet up with me at the ff shoot. brave souls.

i met a lot of real cool new people too, and people id seen once or twice before at cons and got to spend more time with and everyone was just! really nice!! and fun to talk to!! hopefully the people i met felt the same about me and i didnt annoy anyone or talk anyones ear off.. too much cause i sure do that my apologies if i was the biggest pest in the universe!!!

ALSO SPENT A LOT OF TIME IN ARTIST ALLEY LOL.. someone was selling ffxv omanjuus so i got a prompto and a noctis!! omanjuus are my absolutest favoritest kind of merch ever. im so happy. actually i mostly just bought xv merch for myself... OOPS i got some cute sorikai tho!!! i got more stickers for my travel sketchbook :3

AND!!!!! AND I GOT TO PLAY KH3 DEMO!!!! the lines were capped for most of the weekend... except for when i walked by and one of the booth employees went “PSST HEY GUYS, WANNA PLAY KINGDOM HEARTS 3?” hells yeah. uh, i know some people dont wanna see details about kh3 until they actually play it and idk if anyones actually READING this but im gonna talk about the demo so like.. leave now if u dont wanna see any of that

the gameplay!! was so good!! it was so FAST and smooth and intuitive! but it was creative and cool and you can switch keyblades in combat and the attraction attacks are SO CUTE! theres something so emotionally satisfying about killing things with the tea cups. you could play olympus and/or toy story world if you had time to do both in the 15 minutes you got (i finished toy story and almost finished olympus!) the toy story world was so cute!! TOY SORA IS THE MOST ADORABLE and fighting in the mechs was actually really fun!! the cutscenes were included for toy story but there were 7 minutes of cutscene so i skipped it rip. there’s nothing new that hasnt been seen in trailers and stuff yet but it was super fun to actually play it!! it’s a lot like bbs/ddd gameplay but a lot better and idk, im not an expert in gamedev but it just felt like combat had a good.. flow to it and its a million lightyears away from the clunky gameplay of kh1!!!! ITS COME SO FAR!! IM PROUD! and also it just feels like its a REAL CONCRETE thing thats actually happening now that ive actually gotten a chance to play it for real. kh3 isnt fake yall. wow. wow.

ANYWAY. THAT WAS A LOT OF TALKING AND I FEEL LIKE THERES A HUNDRED MORE THINGS I WANNA SAY it was a good weekend. im very tired. im so sad its over. idk when my next con is but im hoping mayyybe ala???? maybe????????? we’ll see! other than that uhhh i really just have disneyland planned so... i guess its time to actually finish riku for the halloween party.

#maddie talks #ax2018

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thezeekrecord · 4 years

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GAGEGN ch9

[index/summary]

REPORT: Regarding the unexpected return of subject "Benry"

Benry was in his house.

After years of studying the strange hole in reality that Benry had resided in, years of hoping he would wake from his coma someday, and a video game world that made it impossible for him to question either of those things, Tommy finally had a chance to talk to Benry. As soon as he was done biting into uncooked instant ramen blocks.

“Umm, do you want that cooked?” Darnold offered hesitantly.

“Cooked?” Benry echoed before crunching loudly into it again.

Darnold didn’t reply.

Benry had gone out of his way to move one of the nice barstools Tommy and Darnold had picked out, sitting behind the bar section in their kitchen in his metal chair he’d set out again. The counter was too tall, giving Benry the effect of looking comically small as he peered over the countertop at Tommy and Darnold.

“So...where have you been all this time?” Tommy finally settled to ask him.

“Squatter’s rights, bro.” Benry replied.

“You were squatting this whole time?” Darnold questioned.

“Yeah, why didn’t you—uhh, well...” Tommy stopped, remembering the way Mr. Freeman had threatened Benry with a flaming spoon. Maybe squatting was the better alternative after all. “Never mind.”

Benry took another loud bite of his ramen block.

“Umm...Benry...” Tommy began, pausing when Benry took another bite, “can I ask you—uhh, about the Nihilanth project?”

Tommy noticed Darnold’s curious look as they waited for a response from Benry. After everything, Tommy had never even brought up the Nihilanth project with him—not intentionally, there was just so much else to discuss.

“Wha...?” Benry asked.

“The project that I was—where we met?” Tommy fumbled. “If you remember that at all, I—it’s kind of...a surprise to see you, actually.”

“I haven’t been gone that long, man, I dunno...”

Tommy bit his lower lip in frustration. He didn’t blame Benry for being confused—he was more exhausted with his own inability to articulate what he was trying to say after so long. He took a moment to grab himself a soda from the fridge, cracking it open and taking a long sip as he got his thoughts together. Finally, he tried again.

“How far back do you remember?” Tommy asked.

“I dunno, man.”

“...Do you remember before, uhh, before the game started?”

“No.” Benry answered simply, crunching on the last of the ramen block. He got up from his chair, Sunkist eagerly approaching to eat the crumbs that fell from Benry’s lap to the floor as he tore open a new one and opened the microwave. Tommy and Darnold watched Benry microwave a completely raw block of noodles with no water, not even a bowl or a plate, for about a minute as smoke began to billow up inside.

“I think it’s done.” Darnold commented.

“Oh, damn.” Benry opened the microwave, releasing a small plume of smoke and taking out the block, burnt in several places.

“So...you don’t remember when we met? At all?” Tommy asked slowly.

“Yeah, we were, uhhh...” Benry put a finger to his chin. “We used to play on uhh, whaddya call ‘em. Like a ladder, but the other way.”

“...Huh?”

“The monkey bars?” Darnold filled in helpfully.

“Yeah, that. We used to play on those when we were kids.” Benry declared before taking a massive bite out of his block of burnt ramen. Sunkist, finished with the aftermath of the first one, trotted to Benry’s feet to await more crumbs. Benry continued talking with his mouth full. “We’d hide when recess ended so the teachers wouldn’t see us. Great shit.”

Tommy frowned deeply, tapping his fingers together. “...Benry, I don’t think that’s true.”

Benry shrugged.

“You were a—you were a guard in the Lambda lab.” Tommy began to explain. “Everyone called you ‘Ben’, not Benry. We used to, uhh, talk about video games. Then...you...disappeared. Dr. Coomer said, umm, apparently, you thought you saw something in the chamber. And—and—the Nihilanth, it was...if you went in, you were teleported around a bunch, but you ended up staying—you were stuck in a void, and I pulled you out. You ended up in a coma, and the Nihilanth disappeared. I—I got transferred out of the Lambda lab, though, and I never saw you again until the game started.”

Benry nodded. “Okay.”

Tommy could only stare at Benry.

“Ummm...do you remember any of that, Benry?” Darnold asked on his behalf.

“Huh? No.”

Tommy let out a quiet sigh. “Yeah, I um, it makes sense that you don’t...that you don’t remember.” He said. “I just...well...I guess I don’t actually know all that much about you. Not really.”

Benry’s usually deadpan expression turned heartbroken in an instant. “What? Man, but we’re best friends, right? I thought we were best friends.”

“We are friends!” Tommy agreed quickly. “It’s just—I don’t know. I...why did you attack us, Benry?”

“Huh?”

Tommy wasn’t sure how to make himself any clearer in that moment, so he remained silent.

Benry finished off his second block of ramen. “Yo, can I stay here tonight? I got kicked outta the house I was squatting in.”

“Uhhh—yeah, of course. But Benry—”

“Sick. I just gotta go get my stuff.”

Tommy reached out, taking Benry’s wrist to stop him as he started to leave. “Benry, could you wait a second, please?”

Benry turned back to look at Tommy expectantly.

“I just—you’re my friend, Benry, that’s not...” Tommy stopped, frowning as it grew more difficult to speak. “I just wanna understand. We don’t need to...have a big...thing, I just wanna know why.”

Benry stared at Tommy for a long moment. “...Why I what?”

Tommy took a deep breath to steady himself. “Why you attacked us at the end.”

Benry threw his head back and let out a long groan. “I don’t know, man, what’s it matter? It was in the game, it’s not like you could’ve died or anything.”

Tommy pressed his lips into a thin line, his ability to speak officially obliterated by that. When he didn’t give a response, Benry shrugged and simply disappeared into thin air. Tommy sighed deeply, rubbing his face in his hands. Sunkist nudged her head against Tommy’s elbow comfortingly, and he relaxed a little as he knelt down and buried his face into her fur. Tommy looked to his side, watching Darnold sit down awkwardly cross-legged beside him.

“Umm—do you wanna be alone? Should I go?” Darnold asked suddenly.

Tommy smiled a little, shaking his head.

Darnold nodded. “Okay. Ummm...jeez. He’s hard to talk to, huh?”

Tommy shrugged. He turned over to lay on his back, head rested against Sunkist as he pulled out his cell phone and flipped it open to navigate to his text history with Darnold. TOMMY: im sure i probably just need another approach TOMMY: hes not the same as he used to be TOMMY: i wanna be patient w him b/c hes been thru a lot TOMMY: but TOMMY: im pretty upset about it all to be honest :(

Darnold flipped his phone open, reading over Tommy’s texts carefully.

“...Yeah, it seems like a whole complicated mess.” Darnold replied, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. “I get that you wanna be patient with him, but I mean, you deserve to have the space to be upset, Tommy. Even if you couldn’t have died, it still sucks he did that.” TOMMY: but what if there was a reason?? :( TOMMY: i dont wanna make an ass of myself if there was a good reason

“Well, to be fair, he’s kinda making an ass of himself already.” Darnold said flatly. “Also, I kinda find it hard to believe there’s some big intricate reason for him to do that. I find it pretty easy not to just attack my friends out of nowhere, personally.”

Tommy snickered a little. TOMMY: i get where ur coming from TOMMY: i still wanna hold out tho TOMMY: i feel like theres something were missing TOMMY: u know?

Darnold nodded. “Yeah, well, if that’s what you want, I support it. Just don’t overextend yourself or anything, alright?”

Tommy nodded as well. TOMMY: thanks darnold :)

****

“It’s just—I thought we were finally rid of him! I thought he’d fucked off forever, and then he just goes ahead and shows up at my house, with absolutely no warning?! Typical Benry.”

Dr. Coomer and Bubby sat together on Gordon’s couch, watching him pace back and forth in the living room.

“Well—” Dr. Coomer tried to start.

“At my house! Where my son lives! If he shows up while we’re out robbing banks or whatever, fine. I hate it, but fine, it’s not like I can stop him, right? But he could at least have the decency to let me have just one space that feels safe. Just one.” Gordon prattled on, waving his arms around furiously as he spoke.

“Gordon—” Bubby tried.

“I just want to feel like I can move on with my life! That’s all I want, I wanna forget about everything that happened with the resonance cascade! Everything could be perfect, I don’t have to worry about money anymore, I can just focus on raising Josh, but if he can just come into my house any time he fucking wants, I—”

“Gordon!” Bubby snapped.

Gordon stopped, looking at Bubby with wide eyes. Bubby turned pointedly to Dr. Coomer, leaning back and crossing his arms.

“Well, Gordon, I understand you’re upset. You have a right to be.” Dr. Coomer began, standing and placing a hand on his shoulder. “I believe you may need to sit down, though.”

“Huh? No, I’m fine.” Gordon said. It was only just now, though, as he finally stopped talking, that he noticed his heart was racing.

“Come along, Gordon, have a seat.” Dr. Coomer insisted. He practically dragged Gordon to the couch, sitting him down and plopping down beside him with a comforting arm over his shoulders. “I’m more than happy to listen if you need to vent your anger, but right now, you seem a little overwhelmed.”

“I’m not overwhelmed!” Gordon argued instinctively. “I love you guys, and I appreciate everything you’re trying to do, but I’m not fragile.”

Dr. Coomer exchanged a look with Bubby before turning back to Gordon. “...If you need space, that’s alright. I just want you to know we’re here for you if you need.”

“Thank you, Dr. Coomer, I...” Gordon forced a deep breath, in and out. “I just need you to let me handle this shit on my own. Okay?”

Dr. Coomer nodded hesitantly. “...Should we go?”

“Uhhh...” Gordon leaned forward, propping his elbows up on his knees and burying his face in his hands. “Y-yeah. I need some quiet. I-it’s not anything against you, I promise, it’s just...yeah.”

Gordon felt the couch shifting as Dr. Coomer and Bubby stood. He felt Dr. Coomer squeezing his shoulder for a moment as Bubby’s footsteps grew distant.

“You can call me any time you need me, Gordon.” Dr. Coomer said gently.

Gordon nodded. “I know. Thanks, Dr. Coomer.”

Dr. Coomer followed Bubby out of the house. Gordon dragged himself to his feet, heading up the stairs with light footsteps. He nudged Joshua’s door open just a little, relaxing as always at the sight of his son sleeping soundly, despite all the ruckus just a few minutes before. Then, he headed to his own bedroom with his freshly built bed, most of his belongings still in boxes. Leaving the hall light on and his door slightly ajar to let the light stream into his room, Gordon flopped down into his bed.

He didn’t get much sleep. How could he? Every sound outside jolted him awake, making him deeply miss the weight of a heavy shotgun in his hands. It was a comforting weight, reassuring that he wasn’t defenseless against anything that tried to get the jump on him. At the very least, with the excuse of building furniture, Gordon now had a heavy hammer to keep by his bedside table that he could reach for in his moments of panic. He held it now, close to his chest, after he’d been woken by the sound of someone talking on their phone outside.

Gordon forced out a deep breath, setting it back on the bedside table with a gentle clunk. If his friends saw him like this, they’d double down on their attempts to help, he was sure—and he wasn’t stupid, he knew this wasn’t normal. Above everything else, though, it was embarrassing. He’d been the guy who led them to a safe place, he should know better than anyone else that it was all going to be okay; and he knew it logically, but he couldn’t stop the kneejerk, gut fear reactions. And if he wasn’t alone in this, surely his friends already had enough on their plates. He couldn’t ask them to divert their energy into reassuring him it was going to be okay. This was something he was going to have to handle on his own.

For their sake.

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g0dtier · 7 years

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I actually just started my first year of art school, do you have any tips for a beginner?

uhhH. depends on what you do? if ur in illustration/animation or graphic design or something im kinda lost, since i only know fine arts

but ok, some things i learned:

do your own thing, but dont make a sport out of ignoring the teachers. one of my classmates last year made it a point to ignore every teacher’s advice bc he got really high grades up until that point and he felt like it was some kind of mind game they were playing? didnt work out so he turned around on that real quick

talk to your teachers. talk to your fellow students. talk ABOUT YOUR WORK to both. its embarrassing but my fucking god you’ll learn so much more quickly if you dont hide your work away out of embarrassment. accept criticism, ASK for criticism, work with your classmates and teachers because they’re the greatest asset you have when it comes to learning.

take your own work seriously. also, learn to look at your work in a non-personal way. obviously you’ll always have certain feelings etc with work you make, but try to distance yourself from that and look at your work in a way you feel someone else would. taking it seriously is also super important. respect your work, see what you like and dislike about it, think about WHY you like/dislike those things, and grow from it.

dont be embarrassed to make work YOU like. to work on ideas YOU like. dont get stuck in a “i have to make this or this kind of work bc its Deep and Artsy and Others are Doing It Maybe” bc thats asinine and you’ll spend months working on stuff you dont even like. i did that. do not

for gods sake TALK ABOUT YOUR WORK. i cannot stress enough how important talking is. in art school you learn to look at art and dissect it and while most people already have an eye for works are interesting, you’ll also learn WHY its an interesting work and goddd its hard. thats why you need to talk talk talk. its super important. im not even kidding its literally the best way to grow in your art. talk about your work, talk about others’ work, talk with your teachers and your fellow students and even people outside of art school. value their opinions. seriously, just walk up to people and ask em what theyre doing and why. its good for both of you.

dont desperately try to have your work show the concept of it. seriously, if you start with an idea and make work around that idea, you’ll mostly end up with work thats just the idea itself, and doesnt stand on its own. its hard to explain, but trust your audience to be able to look at your art and take their time to dissect it, your underlying concept does NOT have to be blatantly obvious right of the bat. it weakens a work.

think about whether you want to show a message to an audience or to make an audience feel something. neither are wrong, at all! but its a different way of working. for example, someone who wants to show a message of feeling trapped to an audience will draw someone in a cramped room, but someone who wants to make an audience feel trapped will create a work thats hard to look at, and is big and loud and overwhelms you. its really hard to explain, but i hope you understand what i mean. a paper drawing of a girl in a trapped room wont make an audience feel trapped. a big af painting thats the size of like 2 people and seems to be coming right at you will make the audience feel trapped, or at least like they wanna get out of there.

with that said, theres a LOT of different ways to make a viewer feel something. the material you work with, the medium you work with, what size you work with etc. dont only use one medium, and try to cross the boundaries of the medium youre using. dont constantly color in between the lines, so to speak. dont let yourself get trapped in the medium you work with, try out new and radical things.

if you have a work you really like, see what else you can do with it! have a painting you love? try projecting something over it! try making 8 more of that painting and hang em up in rows of 3 and see what it does! do not only push the boundaries of what you can do with your medium, push the boundaries of what you can do with a work you like.

kinda wanna stress that im only a 2nd year so my experience isnt that much hah. but this is what i learned from my first year. also wanna stress that it took me a full year to get good at talking about my art so honestly dont feel bad if you dont get it within 2 months ahaha. also, i still have trouble with pretty much all the thing listed, as do my classmates, but theyre still tips i wouldve found useful in my first year.

IF you wanna talk off anon in DMs or something about your work sometime, id love to! im always looking to talk to other artists and learn from each other. i wish you luck at school!

#Anonymous

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