Idk if this is funnier or ruder coming from Zayne when he's in this outfit.

Like, okay, man, are you suggesting death or...? Because I'm all ears, but I just wanna know how extreme the treatment plan is.

School stress and scary kid update for those who know whats going on:

straight up i think period-induced anxiety is the worst. like i have gad so im already anxious constantly but it normally settles at a not-great-but-manageable background hum if that makes sense? but when im on my period that shit goes from like a casual 4/10 to a fucking 14/10 sometimes.

ill be already a lil spooked about x or y thing on a normal day but when im on my period? i cant fucking sleep because im thinking about it and my chest is getting tight and i can feel my heart rate kick up and i roll over and get on my phone to distract myself and yet i know im distracting myself so the distraction doesnt really work and on and on until its three am and i pass tf out

its more manageable when im at work, right, because theres Stuff To Do at work. there a Job Tasks and then Job Distractions which are, in their own way, a different form of job task to me. is it the same fanfic i opened the night before to read but couldnt get through because my stupid, chemical deficient, hormone-addled brain wont let me focus on it? yes. is it different now because im at work and work is an entirely different vibe so now i can get through that story (and maybe a few others depending on length)? also yes!

anxiety example: my boss texted me last night, or i guess now that its gone past midnight would it be the night before last?, and said (frankly very ominously? like even without the anxiety disorder it would be spooky methinks) “call me before you go in tomorrow” and i was like “oh shit oh fuck what did i do i dont think i did anything i mean i had a weird hiccup with counting the drawer out at the end of the shift because i was doing 18.50 in my head instead if 17.50 so i had an overhang of a dollar and so maybe me messing with the dollar while i was trying to figure out what happened showed up and looked weird on the cameras and she saw it and she wants to talk to me about it???” and so that morning i did all my get-ready things and went back into my room, grabbed one of my stuffies for emotional support in the same way i do to make dentist appoints and shit, and bravely called my boss

and then. she said she just wanted to check on if it would be safe to have us open the store because of the snow that night. she lives in the next town over where it snowed a lot (7.5 inches. she stuck a ruler in it and sent me a picture later lol) and wanted to check on road conditions and just a general vibe on it f whether people would be out and about (it snowed in my town 3 inches. if im being generous. most of it melted off before noon. according to my boss, it continued to try and snow where she was on and off all day. what a wild difference like ten miles does to the weather!).

i got so so so scared over like a dollar worth of figured out before i left the building confusion that my boss wanting to just. be a good person. was like nowhere in my thought process.

related but only slightly: i got freaked tf out over one singular dollar and had that shit figured out before i went home for the day, whereas my stupid fucking coworker who is like technically my manager (i think if i had to put a title on her it would be like assistant manager but idk she doesnt have a title on our work schedule but shes above all the team lead kids but i also am that but i know technically shes my boss and she makes ~a dollar/hour more~ than i do so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ) ALWAYS fucks up the drawers somehow. like our manager wants the end count on the drawer to be between $149.50-150.50. Why there is dont know but thats how it goes right? WRONG. every single time i come in and have to open a drawer after this lunatic has closed the night before, the drawers are over $150.50. it is not hard to stick another dollar into your bundle. drop the extra dollar. the drawer should not be at $150.75. drop the dollar. put it at $149.75 please god. this happened today on both drawers (small store; we only have two registers and only have shift overlaps on weekends and evenings so it works).

what Also happened today was that we have little paper slips that go into the drawers so you know what amount theyre supposed to be tallying out to when you count them next to know if everything is good or not. the paper said $150.65. i counted that fucker like six times, did the math on two different calculators three times to make sure it wasn’t me mis-hitting a decimal or something, and discovered it was actually at $155.65. five whole dollars. like im sure for a target thats not a big deal — still noticeable and youd absolutely get yelled at but like big picture and all — but for us thats a decent chunk! this woman simply does not double check anything she does regarding the cash drawers and it outrages me.

ALSO ALSO yesterday i counted out my drawer and it ended on like $150.30. within the boundaries. she put it in for the when the other closer came in. i left at 2:30, this other girl came in at 6:30, so somewhere in that four hours she recounted the drawer. we have a binder we write our numbers in for ~Accountability~. she wrote and initialed that it was at the $150.30 i counted it out to. this drawer, for the three or so hours its running that evening, handles no cash. written in the binder it has a big ol NO CASH written through in the Cash In and Deposited sections. the drawer closed at $150.75. where??? did that extra??? .45¢ come from??? and like what a weird amount too! thats not a two-quarter whoopsie, thats a whole mess of coins. four dimes and a nickel. a quarter and two dimes. other combinations im too tired to list. and like when i counted it that next morning it was at that $150.75. which is impressive, as the last time a NO CASH she wrote that had different starting and ending numbers, it turned out that there wasnt actually a difference, and that the original starting number was in fact still the amount in there. her ending number was also off by like .37¢ or something that time so like.

man. tell me you dont count out the registers properly without telling me you dont count them out properly.

anyway all of this is to say: periods suck and i hate them and i fucking wish i could sleep instead of worrying about what im currently worried about.

I’m Crazy...

I’m insane...

I've lost the plot..

I'm hopeless..

I'm worthless..

I'm unloveable..

I'm pathetic..

I'm weird..

I'm strange..

I'm not okay...

I'm a psycho... (ok this one for me might be true... question it, go on try it! i dare you! ;0 lol)

BUT...

I AM!!!

Those are just some of the things my own mind tells me on a daily basis ... yes here it comes a blog about anxiety and depression... omg!! i know right the cliche of it all. like who hasnt written a blog about depression before ...

oh woe is me! am i right?

well... thats where you're wrong!

(before i start i want no sympathy im not writing this for the "aww's" and the "bless her" comments, i dont want sympathy or empathy ... this is simply because ive experienced and lived with depression for about 14 years and if i can help one person feel better about themselves by reading this or help someone realise that they are not alone then, well, i can rest easy tonight. If anything i want to empower people)

I lived for so many years in the dark, keeping all of this too myself and you know what it did? absolutely sweet FA apart from making me so much worse, it gave ammunition to those little voices, telling me all of the above, making them win!

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago that talking about my experiences and how im feeling would help.

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago how many other people around me were going through the EXACT same thing.

Two and a half years ago i was a completely different person, i was sheltered, i was in a very toxic relationship ... with myself. Most people would disagree, they'd say i was actually in a toxic relationship with my ex partner; but i cant blame him. Dont get me wrong he was toxic and looking back i was lucky to get out when i did, however i am also grateful too him, because he showed me exactly what i dont want in my life. and being fair to him i'd lived with my own toxicity in my mind for a good 10 years before him, so god forbid i'd give him the satisfaction of all that praise coz by god did i do a damned good number on myself without any of his help. ;)

In all honestly though, i do blame myself and my own mind, because 2 and a half years ago those little voices in my own head were the only thing i was listening to, they were winning. I wasnt listening to my family who were worried sick about me, who were practically begging me to tell them what was going on in my head, who i shut out, ignored and pushed away because i couldnt cope and you know what? they didnt deserve that at all. i live everyday regretting that i put them through that, So i now live everyday hoping to make them proud of me and live each and everyday with a promise. I do however live every day regretting that i didnt let them in earlier because if i had of i wouldnt have gone through the hell i did and i wouldnt have genuinely believed "this is what i deserve" "no-one else will love you" "no-one else wants you" "no-one cares"... i wouldnt have had too live a LIE.

The lie was people did love me, i just couldnt see it, people did care about me, i just wouldnt hear it, i needed their help, i just wouldnt speak it; because at that point in time my own mind was telling me that i didnt deserve any of that, and that nobody would ever want to do that for me. So i found sactuary in a toxic person who in the long run made me the strong person i am today because if it werent for him i'd never have the confidence in myself knowing what i overcame, and if it werent for him i wouldnt have seen my family and loved ones take charge and say "Leanne enough is enough" .. they gave me the metaphorical slap across the face i damned well needed and brought me back to reality, they categorically wouldnt allow that behaviour to carry on anymore and for that i will forever be grateful!

i made a promise to them that day that i would always tell them when i was getting low again and i made a promise to myself that day that i would keep them in the forefront of my mind in all of my decisions and i would also promise to try and help anyone else who was ever in the same position i was in.

depression is a funny old thing, everyone will experience some form of depression throughout their life, some people are genetically wired to experience it, some people will experience it from a young age, some dont experience it until very late on in life, some experience it from sad/happy/overwhelming life events, some unlucky souls just never find happiness. but no matter what EVERYONE will, at somepoint experience depression. in this blog im going to try and explain how i've learned to manage and cope with mine.

A bit of a backstory of my depression, it started around the age of 14-15, my depression. I dont know where it came from but it was right around the time of my GCSE's, college, boys, hormones, and being diagnosed with PCOS (for those of you who dont know what that is its Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) i was told at a young age of 14 that i had some sort of syndrome which "would only matter when i got older", and that i had some of the prettiest ovaries the sonographer and gyneacologist had ever seen... in hindsight that wasnt going to be the compliment i first thought it was or the dismissive statement they portrayed it and brushed it off as, at all! THAT diagnosis changed alot of my life, however i will get back to that.

As most teens do around here I started studying for my GCSE's at just 15 years old. i was so stressed out i started actually hearing a screaming voice in my head. i suffered panic attacks daily, sometimes a few attacks a day, and that is where my anxiety started and then, good old depression smashed me in the face. i found the more stressed i became, the more id hear that screaming inside my head which then lead me to thinking " holy fucking shitballs im hearing voices im actually insane" therefore leading to more anxiety and panic attacks. so much so i would come home exhausted at 4pm everyday crawl into my pyjamas and climb into bed ready to do it all again the following day. (dont get me wrong i sat most nights on msn using the latest flashing emojis for EACH and EVERY letter of the alphabet, to the point it looked more like hyroglyphics and obviously getting the colours just right with the codes to make your name and status show in a rainbow. but that was all done in pj's curled up in bed because i couldnt manage much else ... however, if my mam asks i was revising and doing my homework THE. WHOLE. TIME, not talking to my friends about how hot a certain crush's bum looked that day ha! am i right! :P xoxo)

This was all a massive thing for me to go through aswell, due to the fact my dad has mental health issues and lives with schizophrenia, so, naturally at this point, you can imagine i was picturing myself in padlocked straight jackets and padded cells, talking away to the screaming voice in my head. the funniest thing was this screaming voice wasnt saying anything nasty or bad it was just my thoughts screaming at me like everything was angry, so genuinely just everyday life thoughts but those screaming at me, like, imagine thinking "leanne dont forget to pack your PE kit" but in the voice of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket... it. was. TERRIFYING!

Anyways, so yes high school was a massive contributor, then i made the choice to leave college at 17 because i, like many others, didnt have the faintest clue what i wanted to be when i grew up (little did i know id live the life of peter pan and neverland would be my sesh house OIOI!!!) In leaving college i went into full time work, as a 'temp job' until i decided what i was going to do... unfortunately, 8 and a half years later i was still their prisoner! haha, Nah, dont get me wrong i met some absolutely amazing people in that job and i did love it but i knew at the end, if i didnt get out it was going to kill me off. I'd gotten to the point in that job that i cried myself to sleep knowing i had to go back in the next day. that place contributed alot to my depression not because it was a bad job but because id made a wrong decision and was stuck there. i had to leave.

my next massive contributor, and this is where i divulge some of my REAL heartbreaks. PCOS - Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome or what i like to call Poly fucking Cystic fucking Ovary fucking Syndrome or "lets just fuck shit up!" (no im not bitter about it at all lol) because of this shit, from the very young age of 14 (like puberty isnt hard enough - spots, hair in places you never wanted boobs growing overnight, bleeding once a month being the biggest inconvenience) i have also had to deal with weight issues, hersuitism, depression, anxiety, hormones that sent me bat shit crazy, pain, headaches, fatigue, you name it i had it. but the biggest heartbreak, being told that id always have difficulty concieving and carrying a child. Anyone who knows me, and knows me well, knows i have always wanted to be a mam. (and not the sesh mam who looks after all my drunken idiotic friends on a night out ... coz i swear thats all they ever think i do lol) I mean a real mam, to a real baby. and being told at a young age that i had the prettiest ovaries the gyneacologist had ever seen wasnt the compliment i thought it was because it turned out my ovaries were absolutely covered in cysts. And for years i have tried to have a baby but alas nothing ever happens. i've had a few close calls and ive miscarried, or at least i think i did, the test came back positive but then about 3 days after that pretty pink second line, i had the heaviest period i had ever had for around 4 hours and then my body went back to normal as if nothing happened. it broke my heart.

They say the human body is delicate and intricate and should be treated with respect... i say its a machine and its a absolute twat at times, and why should i respect what in essence has caused me heartbreak from a young age FOR NO FUCKING REASON. but hey ho... life. goes. on.

so... thats my life story or just a snippet of it. and some of the reasons why i have depression.

heres how i cope...

Well, for a long time.. and i mean a VERY LONG time i didnt. i hid it, i hid away from the world. i drank alot. i avoided family, i avoided my best friends, i avoided anything that would have brought me back to reality.

For a long time though, thats what i needed. now im not saying running away from your issues is easy and thats what you should do because its definitely not. im saying i NEEDED to do it at the time because i had no other way of coping and i NEEDED too to learn what not to do in the future. So masking, for me, was better than facing things 'alone'. In that time though, i made my issues alot worse and in fact caused more issues. it hurt my family, my friends and well hurt myself too, because in the long run i still had to sober up and i still had to deal with the same issues that got me down in the first place, i ended up in debt which contributed further too my issues. I did some very silly things which when i look back on them now i could have hurt so many people. i took an overdose of painkillers at one point around 2 and a half years ago. I felt so weak i saw no other outcome but instantly regretted doing it and made myself sick so that they came back up. i've told my mother and close friends about this previously but i think to really show how much i've learned and to reach out to anyone who is feeling the same way i did, to tell them IT REALLY DOES GET BETTER AND EASIER. i think saying that, shows my honesty throughout this post and allows for my experience and honesty really show that i want to help anyone going through the same thing.

Masking just makes the pain go away for a short period of time. learning from your pain and making it your strength is how you really overcome your own mind and depression.

It wasnt until i realised i was never alone, just how selfish and stupid id been all that time, because in masking, hiding and running away, id stupidly stopped myself from a faster recovery, less heartache, less pain and mental and physical torture. and really i stopped myself from helping others in the same position as me.

it wasnt until i learned to make my pain my strength that i truly found peace in who i am.

i still have days where those voices wont shut up, and they win and thats ok.

i still have days where i cannot climb out of bed and thats ok.

i still have days where i cry and the pain is too much and thats ok.

because i learned all of it really is ok! everyone has those same thoughts the same feelings the same illnesses. and i know that tomorrow WILL be a better day.

you just need to learn how to make it and own it as your own!

nothing has changed for me, all of those things are still true they're still real, my body hasnt miraculously healed itself, i still made poor life choices, it hasnt changed my hormonal imbalances but it has changed my mindset. it has changed my life. i made a choice to change my mindset and not let it beat me i decided to let people in. my family are my guardian angels because they never gave up on me, they dragged it out of me and frogmarched me to the doctors for the help i needed but some people dont have that support in their lives.

i'm lucky enough now, to have lived with this for long enough to know my signs, and when i know what i call, "going dark" is coming. basically when i start slipping and losing control of it again, i identify it and know how to manage it head on. unfortunately my body because of the stupid "intricate machine" i have and how broken it is (believe me the day i can swap out into an AI robot body imma sign straight up for that shit imma have me a body like Jennifer Anniston) my body however tends to go into a meltdown, i end up with more migraines, pain and infections. i also get extremely tired to the point i can sleep for a good 15-20 hours a day and thats not me being lazy (although if sleeping were an olympic sport i'd be the universal champion of it BED=LIFE) thats really me needing to reset. at that point in time when i know this is coming, thats when i reach out; i tell my friends and my family "I'm not okay" because i know now i can do that, i can talk to them.

i, personally, take medication daily, and for some reason we live in a society where people are actually shamed for doing so. i know if i dont take those 2 little tablets every day i will lose control and become a shell of who i really am. my seratonin levels drop and i practically become a robot barely functioning. so why should i be ashamed of those 2 little 'happy pills' which make me the person i want to be and know i truly am! no chemical imbalance is going to get the better of me! if i can have the help, im damned sure going to take it. along with the happy pills, aswell as alot of sleep, sunbeds, spending time with family and friends whenever i possibly can, i now have a job that i love, i also retrained as a beautician, and i love going to the gym and swimming whenever i can, ive found i can manage mine alot better. one thing that massively changed my life was limitting when i drink. i rarely go out drinking anymore and the reason is because i know deep down i will end up in a very low state afterwards. alcohol is a depressant and i wont allow that kind of thing to get me down. so now instead i choose to drink once a month if not less. i havent cut out the drink completely i just know if i want to get blinding drunk i need to be in a very happy place to do so. so i am careful where i drink, who i drink with and what i do whilst im drinking and unfortunately much to my neighbours disgust that tends to be in the house whilst singing along to whitney houston or disney songs at the top of my lungs, but thats how i know i'll not plummet the day after, and lets face it anyone whose heard me singing knows whitney had nothing on me ;)

In all seriousness though, the best advice i can give anyone living with depression is talk to someone, talk to your family, talk to your neighbour, talk to your friends, talk to your doctor, talk to your dog, your cat, the postman, the man on the bus who sits oddly close too you... just talk to anyone. tell them how you are feeling tell them your experiences. tell them what is getting to you. Find someone who you can trust, find a stranger. write it all down in a blog. video it. GET IT ALL OFF YOUR CHEST! SAY IT OUT LOUD! Just. Bloody. Talk! please!

everyones experiences with depression are different some people mask it, some people show it, some people (like me now) shout it from the fucking rooftops because im not afraid of my emotions anymore.

everyones ways of coping are different too, some people find the gym helps, some rely on medication, some rely on talking therapies... there are so many different ways of coping out there now... the only way that doesnt work is not admitting something is wrong and fighting your own mind without help, knowing something isnt right but still doing nothing about it. The only way of not coping is living a lie, you dont have to do this alone!

Basically do those things just for you, the ones you've always wanted to do! get that tattoo you wanted, quit your job, retrain, change your hair colour, buy that car, buy that dog, book that holiday.

do what makes YOU happy!

live for you and open up, people would rather know how you are feeling than see you struggle or ultimately not be here.

open up you never know someone might be feeling the exact same way you are and it could bring you closer.

but remember most importantly:

You ARE NOT Alone..

You ARE NOT Crazy..

You ARE NOT insane..

You HAVE NOT lost the plot..

You ARE NOT hopeless..

You ARE NOT worthless..

You ARE NOT unloveable..

You ARE NOT pathetic..

You ARE NOT weird..

You ARE NOT a psycho..

You ARE NOT strange..

And..

You ARE okay...

You ARE Beautiful..

You ARE Worth it..

YOU ARE Loved

i hope this helps...

thank you ☺

A new low point

I just had to buy fucking adult diapers. My glow is so damn heavy.

I've always had irregular periods. I would not get it for months and then basically I would spot for a while or have a light flow for too long and then it was over. I didnt have cramps or any of that.

I finally being my ass to the obgyn for this and they put me on birthcontrol to help control my cycle. Cut to me finishing the first pack of hormones, and then I start bleeding pretty heavy. I'm also now back in school, I think it's just bc I stopped but then it continues into the next week. Then i move back to school. I have to call my gyno office on the phone and a doctor I had never met changes my prescription to a higher dose pill 3 times a day for 4 days then 2 times a day for 4 days and then once again. After the first four days the bleeding stops, it continues to be stopped with the 2x a day but the second im.back down to 1 a day I bleed again.

Then its labor day and my flow is back to being so heavy that I cant get ot the bathroom quickly enough to change my pad and my tampon.

So I go to the ER beciase something needs to be done. I get put on provera and then an progesterone based birthcontrol. I ask the doc when she though the progesterone would stop the bleeding, and she said probably 48 hours.

Well it's been t days and the bleeding doesnt seem to he slowing down at all. And I'm fucking sick if it. I have ruined every pair of my underwear, I had to wash my sheets this morning. I have to leave all of my classes at least once if not 4 times based on how long it is.

I cant sleep well at night beciase I'm worried about leaking. And I have so much anxiety about the whole situation that its also making me not sleep.

Im. So. Tired. I'm tired of bleeding. I'm tired of being tied to the bathroom. I'm tired if cramps that make me nearly sqeeze stressballs in half. I'm tired if everyone having to worry about me.

At this point I wish I would get dizzy from the bloodloss so I could go back to the ER and maybe have something change.

7/1/21

It is almost 2 am and I am facing another sleepless night. A week ago i was sleeping at this time and since we entered this new year my head has been restless. 

Today Noam faced a crisis wtihin his family, he came here in a rush crying and so overwhelmed, it was so hard to see him so distressed and upset. It broke my heart into pieces but He left then we went ot the ngv on a whim and it was lovely, but it didnt stop my worry for him or maybe even my own stress from being in such large crowds again.

I don’t know why i’m so overwhelmed. I feel overwhelmed by the fact that Rebecca want’s to catch up again. ANd i need to drive to her. I want to get on top of my sleep. I want to get on top of my anxiety and I want the feelings of the hormonal contraceptive pill to leave my body. I feel like our relationship also requires me to bend to her needs more. It’s fine for her to cancel. It’s fine for her to call and want to hang out. BUt i feel worse if i cancel. I feel bad that she is stressed when I am feeling stressed. 

I’m back at work and it’s a weird concept. I don’t know how to adjust to both being busy and not being busy at all. I don’t know why i feel calmer when I sleep next to Noam or when I know he’s there. Maybe i’m still adjusting to feeling safe here. It’s been a month in the new place. The freedom and calm and having my own space feels much better, but maybe my lack of sleep and heightened mood is the fact that my body is adjusting.

I need to stop watching pilates movement videos before bed and adjusting my programs right before bed. That does not help me. I need to stop obsessing about who’s in my class. I don’t know why i still feel so much dread or discomfort or unease. I feel like i cant relax with covid, because everytime I allow myself to feel like things are normal things change again. I haven’t seen Saphta in a year.  Iwas supposed to see my family and i have only seen my dad for the longest time in the last year.

I just want to feel calmer. I made a list of goals with Noam of things to impelement and ive been trying really hard to implement them. I meditate before bed, i try read for a long time but I don’t know how to trick my brain into allowing me to rest and sleep.

I feel like I’m in mourning. I’m in mourning for my theatrical career. I’m in mourning for my uterus which feels like a forever unresolved journey. I have felt disheartened about it since I had the ultrasound, and I feel like it’s been made worse due to the lack of sleep and the pill. Today was the first time I went into the city properly since March last year. It did something weird to me. Felt kinda normal, kind not. It’s like i cant reconcile within my head that this is a new normal and that i can feel at ease with that. 

I keep getting frustrated that im not asleep right now. Because i have a class tomorrow. I wish of all things that disappeared that my sleeping pattern wasnt one of them. I was a good sleeper until the last year. Now it really messes with my head. I would like my uterus and my period drams to subside this year. I don’t know how that will be possible but i just want a break. I want to stop feeling like there is nothing I can do to fix my body and I wish i’d never tried this mini pill. It’s fucked with my head. 

I guess I better try go back to sleep, maybe ill crack open a book or do another random lap of the apartment. 

i didnt want to say this before but man.. Danny kind of.. sucks, at least in the heart of canon. i get that he's young and learns "Those Valuable Lessons" and but people dont acknowledge most of this douchebag's shitty antics cause he's a cute boy or whatever. although Danny has a very excellent premise for a character, he is sincere sometimes, but overall its not executed well. he falls into too many awful high school tropes

i guess im glad people are making use of his character premise by reading too closely than the show intended, or by making content of their own interpretations. but we cant ignore that he is quite a goddamned piece of hell shit who i fucking hate in the real show sometimes. i feel there’s just too much emphasis on a character and show that wasn’t well crafted and well managed to begin with. its kinda sad when all the hate is somehow directed towards other characters like Sam.

it feels like most people are praising him and the overall show for what they imagine it to be instead of what it actually is. srsly this awful goddamned fuckboy sells stuff garage lab items he aint supposed to just to buy some fucking clothes??? uses ghost powers to spy girls in their locker room?? he fuckin destroys ghost writer’s writing and then doesnt feel sorry about it just cause it’s christmas-related and he’s so pissy about it.

so.. yeah. i dont get why people think he’s literal kid Jesus and always wants to protect this little fucker. he puts himself in alot of mess. the “D” on his suit stands for “dick”, bc that’s what he is.  i want to beat him up sometimes

Okay.

Normally, I delete all character hate on sight, because the point of my blog is to focus on the show’s strengths and how the weaknesses could’ve been done better. I get critical sometimes, but I like focusing on a characters’ strengths rather than their poor writing and garbage like that.

This was so long, detailed, and harsh that it’s really hard to ignore. Maybe I should. Stick to my guns and not let some anonymous rant change how I work. You came to me, though, so if you want to debate this, then alright. I’ll bite.

First off, who in the fandom is portraying Danny as a kid Jesus? Maybe it’s just the circles I’m familiar with, but one of the most reblogged posts that pops up in my notifications is one with a ton of additions arguing why Danny totally deserves to suffer. The majority of the fandom loves tormenting this kid. Even those that do say he needs to be protected never claim he has no flaws. Far from it. They just acknowledge he has it hard for a kid and he deserves a break sometimes.

Second, have you ever…met a 14 year old? As someone who spent most of his career life working with kids and who is the oldest of 5 (with one brother who’s turning 14 this November), lemme tell you that the main trio are saints for their age.

People talk about the terrible twos, but 14 year olds are so much worse. I’m not slamming them, because it makes sense. They’re in a tough transition period between childhood and adulthood. Adults tell them to act more mature, but refuse to acknowledge their voices in serious situations. Middle school and high school are cutthroat places, and one mistake can ruin the entirety of the four-six years you spend there. They’re pressured to get good grades or they’ll fail, they have to be part of the cool crowd or they’ll fail, and people are more likely to blame them for whatever goes wrong in their lives than anything that goes on around them.

Doesn’t change the fact that they can be little demons sometimes. With all the hormones and drama, young teenagers can be really emotional and make problems bigger than they seem. They can be harsh and judgmental, because that’s the environment they’re being exposed to. They need guidance, but they don’t want it. They argue with adults and to some, it seems like they want to make their own lives miserable. They can be tough to work with unless you’re willing to take them as seriously as they take themselves, and most people don’t want to bother.

There are shitty things Danny does in canon, but that’s true for literally every fourteen year old. And heck, are you telling me you didn’t do some ridiculously stupid stuff at that age? I actually stole money from my folks to buy something I wanted. My group of friends frequently set stuff on fire in their backyards. And fuck, nobody can prove Danny was spying on girls in the locker room. While I think the scene is shit and refuse to accept it as canon, all we see is Danny coming out of the locker room. He could’ve been just looking to see what it was like in there. Nothing says there were actually girls in there. But I’m so sick of talking about that shit scene, so I’m gonna leave it at that.

Danny has flaws. He can be selfish and petty and inconsiderate. But really? You wanna beat him up for that?

Are you forgetting that he canonically already does get beaten up every single episode? Whether it’s by ghosts, bullies, his own goddam parents, or whatever, getting beat up is something he’s familiar with.

The reason some fans cut him some slack is because, hey, yeah. He is a kid, and you know what? He’s entitled to be a dick sometimes. He loses sleep every night, almost dies on a daily basis, has his dreams ripped away from him often, and is picked on at school. Despite all of that, he still fights ghosts to keep his town safe, and he’s under no obligation to do that. He saves lives, even when people hate him for it. He puts himself in danger, even for those who are cruel to him. He tries to use his powers for the right reason more often than not, and he’ll take the high road against his bully because he feels like he shouldn’t stoop to his level.

We acknowledge that canon can be shit. We acknowledge that sometimes, Danny’s writing makes him out to be a dick. At the “heart of canon,” though, as you so eloquently put it, he’s the kid who risked his life for a little girl he barely knew that nobody else would miss. He’s the one who saves the lives of his own bully, the teacher who used to be so hard on him, and the parents he fully believes would cut him open if they knew what he was. He’s the one who could so easily be Vlad, but instead he tries his best to be a hero.

You’re under no obligation to like him, and you don’t have to ignore the shitty parts of canon like some of us do. I do it just because I enjoy thinking about what the show could’ve been, not what it was. You don’t have to do that, though.

But really, are you going to march into your nearest high school and beat the shit out of the first kid you see messing up? Seriously? You honestly think that the mistakes Danny makes outweigh the good he’s constantly trying to do enough that he deserves that? Even when he already gets beat up in every single episode already?

Well, fine. That’s your pessimistic opinion. It’s not fact, though. How many cartoons do you watch? You gonna beat up Timmy Turner and Jimmy Neutron, too? They can be right assholes. What about Jake Long? He’s a shallow, obnoxious, irresponsible kid a lot of the time. Sure, he’s just 13, but why should we show mercy to kids who mess up? Serena/Usagi from Sailor Moon? Yeah, let’s ignore all the people defending her and just focus on the fact that the show makes her a dumb kid who doesn’t have enough backbone to immediately become the savior of the galaxy. Come to think of it, where’s your rant about Dash Baxter? Or is he not popular enough for you to rag on?

Perfect characters aren’t the ones who are the most upstanding. They’re the ones who are realistic and flawed. So Danny sells his parents stuff. So he sneaked into the girls’ locker room. So he took out his anger on an innocent person.

I’m not saying any of those things weren’t wrong, what I’m saying is that kids make fucking mistakes. And sometimes, they’re huge ones. Sometimes, kids get curious and break into a house. Sometimes they get hungry at the store and shoplift. Sometimes they lie and cheat and make fun of each other. Sometimes they can be perverted little leaches.

So fucking what? We’ve all been there. We all need to learn and grow.

And seriously, if you’re going to be one of those people who gives Sam a break, don’t turn around and start criticizing Danny for the same shitty writing he sometimes gets. That hypocrisy is exactly why I so adamantly defend Sam.

I don’t know what you wanted to accomplish with these asks. Maybe you just wanted to vent. Maybe you were looking to stir up drama. Maybe you don’t know what you wanted and you just sent these asks randomly without any real reason.

Regardless of what you think, I’m still gonna enjoy my fucking fictional character, even if I don’t always agree with how he’s written. I relate to him, his struggles, and even his mistakes. You have fun ripping on characters people like because you don’t think they should be allowed to make mistakes, but let the rest of us have our fun, too. You’re not helping anyone with this, so maybe just fuck off, m’kay?

Being stupidly nice is kind of my thing, but I’m tired of putting up with this self righteous crap. Let characters fuck up. Let fans rewrite things they don’t like. Let people enjoy their fucking cartoon, because they aren’t hurting anyone. I’ve yet to find a single phan who considers the DP cartoon to be completely canon anyway. They enjoy it for the fan content or the few really spot on episodes. We’re already aware that there’s shitty stuff in there, and we don’t need you to tell us.

If I ever get any asks like this that rip on characters for stupid, petty reasons again, I’m deleting them on sight. That was my initial plan anyway, but I really needed to say my piece here.

Tumblr, maybe stop being such judgmental pieces of fucking shit, okay? You’ll accomplish nothing good by being so harsh toward anything that doesn’t fit your standard of “perfect.”

I really wish I wasn't so alone. I wish when I talked about my problems people could do more than just stare in silent pity. They're trying their best, I really am grateful they try, I don't mean they aren't doing enough. I just... Wish I had someone to talk WITH, not TO. Not a therapist paid to. But just... A real human connection over the depths of shittiness life can involve. I don't want anyone to fix me, I can fix me. But someone who understands, who can commiserate, hold a conversation even when I'm upset. Someone who lives in the dark places like I do I guess. Someone who's been here long enough to not be shocked silent by the pain, but who can make morbid jokes with me, like a comrade in war. Someone to be my friend. Someone who gets it. Idk. I'm just sad and alone and screaming into the void like I have been for 13 years. At least when the internet doesn't answer you don't have to look anyone in the eye while they pity you...

tbh im just so frustrated. logically I understand that mental health isnt a linear thing, it’s not a graph that goes exponentially up. It’s normal to take a couple of steps forward and then end up having to take a couple back. ive been thru this rodeo a million times.

But its been a month and I’m just back in a really not fun headspace, and you just dont notice yourself slipping into bad habits until theyre there. My sleep schedule is fucked up. My laundry schedule is fucked up. I isolated myself for like 3 weeks. I was in the ‘no’ mentality a lot. And feeling fucked up makes these things happen, and then these things create an unending cycle. Not sleeping well fucks with your hormones and your head and your body. a messy house and badly organised cleaning schedule make your head feel full. lack of comfortable and decent clothing puts you in slouch mode even outside the house and makes me feel incompetent and ugly. Isolation rewards bad thoughts and rewards not dealing with them. the no mentality continues all of these cycles. and like... i know that. ive worked so hard on healthy sleeping habits even when everything else is a mess. i’ve worked so hard on regularly cleaning my house bc i know not doing so fucks me up. i say yes a lot and hang out when i dont want to bc i know that puts me in a better place mentally.

and im clawing my way back out, im hanging out w people a lot and had a busy week, just cleared all my laundry for the first time in a month and just need to keep it that way (and it is easier to do one laundry every week then 3 weeks worth of laundry in a short amount of time, esp w my washing machine and schedule), ive cleaned bits of my house and while i didnt manage everything its still better than nothing. ive started eating a bit again for dinner and should start on breakfast again instead of on my chocolate milk diet or whatever.

but im just so fucking frustrated. i still cant get myself to work on my research proposal, i didnt clean everything i shouldve and its too late to vacuum, my sleep schedule needs serious work, I DIDNT WORK ON MY RESEARCH PROPOSAL AT ALL IM GONNA FUCKING lose my mind tbh. like at least im not isolated anymore which is a huge good step but... idk.

i was doing so well. i was doing so fucking well. ive taken so many steps forward and so little steps back since I began therapy, and esp since my parents’ divorce and my internship ive just changed so much and like every week i was focussed on so many aspects of my life. i was tired, drained and dying, but i was moving forward. and ive always known its going to my reality to work fucking hard to be functional, let alone happy, bc of how my brain has been wired and bc of my parents but. but jesus christ. i got so far. i got so much better. i dont fucking want to take a step or two back when ive taken so many forward, especially not at the exact same time as last year, during my fucking thesis period. i worked so fucking hard and its just not fair that i take these steps backwards, its not fair that i keep falling back into the same patterns when i finally got out of so many of them for such an extended amount of time. its not fair this happens right during a thing i NEED, a thing i already failed, a thing i just want to pass so i can get my bachelors, a thing that i cant drop out of. its not a class its not an internship its not a path for the future, its THE path.

like i knew i wasnt fixed but like... another 2 months woulve been appreciated. i projected some stuff onto my therapist last session and... i just hate it. i never did that before. and i know it was probably projection and he wasnt angry at me bc it would make NO SENSE for him to be angry at me, it makes no fucking sense and thered be no reason, i didnt say or do anything, i wasnt as focused as i usually am when im there bc i want to get better and last time i just wasnt in that headspace but idk. idk. 

im just so frustrated. im excited for tomorrow and shit and hopefully thats gonna be the awesome boost i need to get my shit together next week so that that week can be the stepping stone into moving forward again but im just so fucking frustrated with myself

1:52: 3 hours

1:59forrest please

1:59: I hit my post limit. 250. I love you i miss you please come back

2:08 Forrest Forrest please

2:09 I love you so much please get ahold of me I love you so much I love you so much

2:10 I need you

2;15 forrest

2:17-18 it hurts Forrest. I miss you. I want to talk to you. I want to tell you my plans. I want to reassure you. I want you to be confident in me again. I want to move away with you

2:21 please. Please. I'm scared in scared I'm scared please call me please talk to me Forrest I need you

2:24 please Forrest please. I need you i miss you. I want you back. I want you back so badly. I want you back as soon as possible. How's tomorrow? I know that's unrealistic but. Best case scenario? I love you forrest

3:34 an hour. Oh god I don't like being away from my phone too long. What if you message? I love you Forrest. Please contact me soon. Please please please. I'm so scarws. I'm so scared and my stomach hurts so much. Nausea

3:37 my eyes are bloodshot but I haven't cried. Not in public not in front of ama. But I'm going to mama. I'm going to cry I know I am

3:40 please contact me. I want to know you're okay. Where are you? How are you?

5:03 Forrest Forrest please. It's been three hours since 2 and almost (?) Two hours since I've had internet. Where are you? Are you okay?Please contact me I miss you so much. Please come back. I want to get better with you in my life not out of it.

5:10-3 remembered my haircut. I hope you like it. I'm staring in the mirror and forcefully noticing, which I hate. My double chin. How red my eyes are. My red nose. Red lips. Big cheek pores (I hear Elvis stressed heavily about his own), and plenty of jaw acne. I had a lot of that all during puberty (and after during any menstrual periods). I guess I'm trying to say they're with me during hormonal periods. Which I guess means the T is working. I'm noticing a difference in my arms and my voice. I force a smile at myself and hate what I see. I hate it. I hate myself.

5:18 I look like I've been crying all day. Yesterday last night yeah but now? I don't want to think of tonight. I don't want to be without you again i really really dont. I wish I could hear from you. I want you to come back please

5:22 god forrest. I don't know how you ever loved me. But I want that again.

5:24 I don't want to sleep tonight. I don't want to miss a second. I don't want to miss a thing.

5: 25-7 eyes so red. I stare at my reflection and move around my mouth, fuck around, yawn at myself. I watch my eyes get wetter. I have wanted to cry all day. I've been busying myself (it'll be worse if I don't) but I keep thinking of you. I just keep thinking of you. Just you. Only you

5:31 so many red blood vessels

5:39 my pen won't hit? Please hit please hit please hit. I want it. I want forrest

5:42 I want to hear from you so bad. What are you doing? Are you okay?Please will you come back?

5:46 please come back I need you. I want to cry I want to cry I want to bawl. I want you back Forrest please come back. I want you near again

5:57 forrest. Forrest Forrest Forrest my love I miss you i hate. This. I hate being without you

600 forrest

6:02 big bad feeling started at 2 and won't go away

6:12 it hurts so much. Forrest please

6:16 no please Forrest it hurts so fucking much forrest please Forrest

6:39 it's so nice. Bittersweet. To hear your voice. First time in over 24 hours. Thank god. I love you. I miss you. "He sounds like he just woke up," my mother says. She's wrong. It's your miserable voice. I've never heard it so negative ever before

6:42 I miss you so much. I miss you Forrest

6:43 I want you back tonight. Please come back tonight. I want you as soon as possible please please Forrest please I love you

6:46 I think I see your car in the side mirror. I twist around to see, but you disappear behind cars. A similarly dusty small four door comes out next. I want you back. Please forrest

6:47 I realise I said "you" about the car

6:53-4 I think about when I was holding you and you said you didn't know I was "this" strong with a smile. I loved that smile. I love your smile. That one was so nice. I couldn't let that distract me. I was losing that smile. I want to hold you

7:20 the worst part is I can't contact you. I want to talk to you and love your voice and what you're saying and I want you to come here and I want to beg and plead and ask to see you tonight please make the drive back tonight. But I can't do that. I need to let you figure this out yourself. Just please don't give up pleade. Pleas don't give up on me Forrest please

7:23-5 I know not sleeping last night when waking up yesterday at ~6 will knock me out soon but. I'm going to fight it as best I can. I don't want to sleep I don't want to miss you if you contact me. Part of me thinks I'm too stressed to sleep, which is probably true too. I really thought I would sleep the rest of the day and all yesterday too. No I slept a bit. I slept on your drive. I thought most but if you got there at nine then. I slept the whole drive. I'm scared about those two hours- where were you? What were you doing?

7:32-3 I want to send you a message. A beacon saying "i want you to contact me," even if it's a seemingly (and possibly) unrelated image reblog. Something that says I'm around. Something that says I'm listening

Thiis, of course, fringes on if you want to talk to me

7:34-5 really thought I got passt the max number of posts with the dreaming cat going "bwuh" when he wakes up

7:37 all I can do is wait. That's it. I'm waiting on you

7:47 I'll be up here all night. I'll be ready

I want to delete a post. Just one useless post and then get on stonvervent and say "beacon." But I cant. It's contact. I need to let you think. Would you even respond? Would you understand?

7:52 I got Kurt Angle's autobiography earlier. I'm really looking forward to reading it. I like to think you would be interested in it too. Would you?

7:54 I don't know what I'll do if you don't message me tonight. I'm so scared I won't hear from you. I love you. I want to talk to you. Please talk to me. Please talk to me

7:54 I sneezed three times. Does this mean anything?

7:56 ama got me that peach coloured letter board from five below. I love it. I want to write your name on it. Something about you

8:07 I love you

8:29 Forrest

8:33 21hours ago I started this blog

8:36 can't rest. too wicked

8:42-3 I am. So tired. Can't sleep right. Haven't had my phone on any sound since you left. I don't want to turn it back on (it's helped the worry of you messaging) but I'm getting so weak and tired. Please call me forrest. Please call me. Please come back tonight

8:45 what are you up to?

8:48 no. Forrest. Please. I'm so fidgety and I just. I want to hear from you so badly

8:50-1 I turned on notification sounds, and some ringtone sound. If you reach out I'll know. I'll wake up routinely (trouble sleeping, alternatively). I'm scared you won't contact me. If midnight comes I'm going to. Really be struggling with not sending out some post. Some beacon.

10;05 Forrest please. PLEASE

11:07 Forrest PEASE please reach out to me i love you please talk to me why won't you talk to me

11:08 no please fucking help I can't do two night splease Forrest please

11:10 fuck forrest. Fuck

1111 why are you doing this to me Forrest please forest pleaze why are you doing thsi

Why is it 11:12 and I haven't heard a WORD from you. Why are you doing this. You know I fucking hate this why

11:18 im so fucking mad I can't fucking stand this and fuck you for doing it

11:20 and this fucking post limit bullshit is making it worse. I'm going to fucking post on stone i don't give a fuck what you goddamn do with it. Fuck you fuck you what the fuck

11:23 two goddamn nights you don't give a fuck to leave me like this

11:28 this is what stupid fucking loyalty will get me

11:39 I fucking hate you for this

new year new me

Lol. what a joke. ive already started this “new year” off wrong. i dont even know where to start. i just know i need to get these thoughts out and gone so i can reset. 

i started cleaning my apartment today. which i knew would help. 

last night was disgusting. i think i woke up like 4 times to get food. and in a sleepy state stuffed my face with sweets. i didnt even enjoy the taste i just convinced myself that i needed food and was hungry. i hate that i did that. and then went right back to sleep. like youuuu are disgusting. i also hate that i can notice a difference. im significantly more bloated, and chubby then i was. i got this stupid cold that i’ve literally had for 3 weeks almost and i really havent worked out. everytime i workout i feel like shit. 

part of that i want to blame on that i’ve been seeing donald so much. but what does that have to do with me. i should be able to say no to bad behavior despite the company i keep. i went almost 6-8 months without having toxic food in my body. i did that crazy cleanse and was stupid successful. i cant start treding backwards now. i got on the scale today which was a mistake and i was almost 3 pounds heavier. not only am i disappointed in myself. but i know that charlie would be disappointed. i specifically chose him over the instagram girl because i knew i would feel like i didn't want to let him down. maybe because i knew his before. maybe because i saw how much progress he was able to accomplish in a year. but im definitely disappointed in myself. i really cant let this behavior continue, or affect my progress. i need to be okay with the fact that there are bumps in the road, and get back to business. change my fucking tired and get to skippin because i’ve already lost time. 

NOT TO MENTION MY SCHHOOOL WORK. god has that taken a backseat on every single thing. donald, working out, eating right, hanging out with people, smoking, sleeping, tv, relaxing... everything seems more important then school work lately. i still have webinar hours i need to complete. and several exams.... im so close but so far and i cant find the motivation to finish. there are still so many things i dont know. and so much studying for this stupid VTNE i need to get done.

i remember writing a post a while back about how i start things and can never finish them. here i am...

halfway through my weightloss progress. stuck

halfway through school, stuck.

in this lul with donald, stuck. 

trying to make work a better place, STUCK.

why cant i finish anything i start. its fucking wack. 

should we even talk about my acid trip? sure why not. 

i took the fucking acid... against my better judgement. and it was cool. it was honestly pretty cool. i didnt take too much because i was nervous. BUT AS EXPECTED the next day was crazy. i was WILD emotion. as if i had just done a bunch of molly. and i didnt want to be alone. i felt like i needed to be in somebody’s company. so i tried talking to my druggie community about it, and the consensus was that i have my period and my hormones are all crazy, so when i was on acid i was my most emotional self and may have brought out realizations and am dealing with them now... dude. when they told me that i was like WHAT THE FUCK. so i’m actually feeling alone inside? 

un-related... donald mentioned that ALL OF A SUDDEN he doesnt want kids “i realize i dont need them” WELL ISN’T THAT FANTASTIC. what is happening? 

meanwhile i damn near have baby fever. fucking gina was showing me all these crazy family pictures and the boys and it just looks like they were happy. i dont know sometimes im like maybe i could create the family i’ve always wanted. and be happy. WHICH IS JUST BANNANAS. 

sometimes i’m like.... damn, i love this man and he is my best friend in the whole wide world. and sometimes i’m like.... damn, maybe were so toxic for each other we can never be together. 

^^ ya know either or. 

What To Eat For Clear Skin& What Foods Will Wreak Havoc On Your Face

If youre anything like me, someone who is a mature adult treats their body like a trashcan, then you recognise the daily skirmish that is doing whatever the fuck off want while also wanting to have a great body and enormous surface. Lifes hard when you want to get fucked up at Heads Ball but likewise gaze 100 years old in your Instagram story. Not that I would know. I did not go to Gov Ball, though I did waste the weekend going through mimosas like water and chewing enough food to get me my own TLC reality show. That being said, I want to change. I want to be a new me. A better me. A me who sets actual vitamins and minerals into her system so her scalp doesnt resemble the entire slice of pizza she ingested last darknes. So heres a register of nutrients you should avoid like an ex-boyfriend slipping into your DMs and foods you should embrace because theyll define your fucking heads. Damn, Ive got bars. DONT: Feed Canned Food/ Meats Gross. As if. Like, who even devours canned meat anymore? Other than my ex from college who had this weird preoccupation with eating vienna sausages( which, in hindsight, should have been a ruby-red fucking pennant that this minor was a sociopath. That and his Belk credit card that he was always boasting about ). Canned and/ or highly processed foods have a shit ton of sodium in them and causes your person to hold on to water, which is why your look is always puffy or you have pocketed under your eyes that can be seen from seat, and your acne is at World War III proportions. DO: Eat Salmon Aside from giving you a reason to pretend to be a foodie and too be obnoxious on Instagram, eating salmon is a sure space to get better gazing skin. Salmon is rich with omega-3 fatty battery-acids and healthy paunches. These paunches strengthen cell layers and nourish the skin to deter you ogling fresh AF. DONT: Drink Green Juice Lol exactly because you often do shit like #FitLife and #CleanEating on your IG does not mean you know wtf is good for you, because SURPRISE all those juices youre boozing to cleanse your mas are actually certainly fucking bad for you. Juices are sugary as hell, specially the dark-green juices which can have up to 50 grams of sugar in them, which is actual sabotage when it comes to having clear scalp. ^ I envisage every fitstagrammer when the catch out they’ve been pumping liquid carbohydrate into their temples bodies DO: Suck A Protein Smoothie Aside from having something to talk about with the hot manager at your gym, protein smoothies can actually be beneficial for your surface. The more you know. Abide away from the juicer smoothies and opt for one with some protein in it. These types of smoothies are high in healthy paunches and wont leave your surface examining more ratchet than your Snap story last weekend. DONT: Eat Ice Cream Okay, this one I verified entering. Good-for-nothing that savor this good can be anything but destruction on your figure. And since Im not on my interval rn in control of my torso I guess Im open to suggestions here. Ice cream is chock-full of sugar who are capable of pattern this fun event called advanced glycation end products which fucks up the protein in your person. Why is that important you may ask? Because the proteins it fucks with “the worlds largest” are the ones that keep your skin plump and springy examining. So basically gobbling ice cream is aging you.* gradations into oncoming transaction* DO: Eat Dark Chocolate Dark chocolate aka the DUD of chocolates has a fuck ton of antioxidants in it, which is v good for your scalp. So although it is penchants healthy and the whole occasion youll be wishing you two are snacking real chocolate with real flavor at the least your scalp will examine good AF and be protected against wrinkles and other bad shit. DONT: Drink Coffee HA HA HA HA this has to be some sort of sick pun. You want me to give up my will to live caffeine? Do you too want me to commit homicide the next time person responds all to ministries and departments email chain? DO YOU? This one is tough for me to wrap my psyche around because coffee is literally one of the only intellects I get out of bed in the morning, and consequently, the same reasons you get to experience this sparkling temperament. That being said, coffee is a diuretic( phony news Im sure !) which causes your organization to lose ocean and your surface to get v dehydrated. Stay away from this shit if you require glowy AF skin. DO: Drink Hot Lemon Water This replacement sounds about as good as the Republicans plan for health care but thats neither here nor there. Even though the prospect of drinking hot lemon ocean know it sounds as enticing as sleeping with Jonathan The Tickle Monster, its actually super are you all right. Its hydrating, full of antioxidants, and throws some much needed support to your liver. Apparently, the liver is the main organ that detoxifies the body and if youre full of toxins boozing on dates that dissolve in Y, youre more likely to break out. Sighs. And this is why we cant have neat things. DONT: Eat Bagels Okay, Im starting to feel personally was well received by such lists. Like, is person looking at my bank announcement and be careful to ensure that I waste a large amount of my down time in coffee shops and/ or bagel stores? Because Im seeming genuinely assaulted rn. Apparently, bagels are the worst for your scalp and can lead to a cascade of hormones aka acne breakouts for periods.* prays this is imitation bulletin* DO: Eat Non-Processed Carbs or Oats Tbh Id rather deprived than eat something that resembles animal feed but I guess thats the toll we pay to look like the “after” girl in an acne commercial. Oats are the right kind of carbs probs because it ogles miserable to eat and too because its high in antioxidants which weve installed will not only give you clear/ glowy scalp but likewise engages against anti-aging. DONT: Drink Soda To absolutely no ones bombshell except my own because I refuse to read labels written by health professionals people who are out to destroy my prosperity, soda is poor for you. And just because you booze diet soda doesnt mean youre safe. Because diet soda especially disrupts the necessary and healthy bacteria found in your intestine. Also boozing any sort of soda are actually fuck with your surface. Like, make rosacea, eczema, and acne fuck with your scalp. K. Just fuck me up rn then. Also, wtf am I supposed to order at the bar to go along with my vodka then? I cant just suck vodka straight-shooting. I want to have clearer skin , not succumb. DO: Drink Kombucha Finally something that looks good on my Instagram story and isnt going to fuck up my skin. About damn era. Basically Kombucha is good for you because its fermented, and therefore full of probiotics, which will solve all their own lives problems. Im paraphrasing, but still. If you require clear scalp by the time this weekend’s brunch buns around then chug some of this and profes like its alcohol something you experience drinking. So, in conclusion, anything that brings you rejoice is perhaps fucking up your skin and you should cut it from your diet ASAP. I am feeling #blessed rn that alcohol did not stir the inventory, but thats predominantly because I refused to do any actual research that would prove otherwise. Who says you cant see your own destiny? Listen, if all else flunks and you have no self control dont want to relinquish your prosperity theres always Facetune. Read more: www.betches.com http://selfhelpantiagingtips.com/what-to-eat-for-clear-skin-what-foods-will-wreak-havoc-on-your-face-36/

so its been a year since ive been with my bf and this is the longest relationship i have ever been in and i dont see it stopping anytime soon. i think this is good.

however fairly recently i have been going through this weird time where i dont want to do anything and everything kind of makes me feel sad or mad. it could be because i should be starting my period soon. but i dont know.i hope so. i feel like this happens often and i think it is due to that, like the hormones just make me feel weird and act strange.

overall ive been pretty good i recently got like a job, like they said i have been hired but like they haven’t given me a start date. idk. like ive been super pissed about my parents recently. they are only acting this way because i have a bf and me and him go out or just are happy together unlike them and their lame asses. and its like they just get pissy. my mother kind of has been acting like a bitch to be honest and its like she gets really bitter about things. i feel like its not as much as before but its not completely gone yet.

on top of my mothers irrational behavior is my fathers rational behavior. he thinks if i have enough time to go out then i have enough time to clean around the house since i dont have a job, which is completely reasonable. all he really wanted was like the house to be picked up and occasionally vacuumed but what he really cared about was the yard, the pool, and making sure my room is clean. he said once a week he wants to see my room clean and the yard picked up(weeds,leaves,trash) and twice a week to empty the pool traps so the leaves dont clog the pool. completely reason to be honest.

but then my mother goes in and says she wants to add to the list because she is “working so hard at work” and im doing nothing. i think its screwey when people say that and they aren’t like lawyers or something. its like 99% of jobs require that you only have to think about work WHEN AT WORK while school makes a point of students having to think about school WHEN NOT AT SCHOOL. i dont know, its like she literally doesnt do shit and she acts like her job is so fucking hard. meanwhile my father is working full time plus overtime, multiple 24 hour shifts and having to go to mandatory meetings right after the 24 hour shifts where sometimes he gets no sleep. it is insane. and then on top of that he goes to school full time. its like i get father telling me what to do, or getting upset that i need a job. but its like my mother has no room to talk.

anyway, so she goes and butts into this arrangement me and my father have made. she says i have to:

once a month- clean all the fans and windows

twice a month-wash all four dogs, clean the washroom (wash all the clothes and throw stuff away)

once a week-clean the bathrooms and her room

twice a week- vacuum, dust, mop up and downstairs

everyday-pick up and clean everyones stuff that they leave lying around the house

on top of that i have to do the yard work and the pool and make sure my room is spotless once a week.

its fucking ridiculous. nevermind that but i also have to be the source of transportation for my sister and her friend for whenever they get out of practice evn though that varies from day to day to a point where i cant make any definite plans after 5pm. considering mon-thurs i get out of school and back to my house by about 4:15 this leaves me little time for myself. and then i have to clean everything all the time. its just stupid and it makes me angry that they have given me so much work. its like, why? thats fucking stupid.

so i applied to get a job because im fucking tired of my mother and i think i should get away from her. oh my gosh today i spent the day with my bf and his family and my mother was off today....so instead of being productive or like cleaning or doing anything like that she complained to me all day about how she is home alone and there is no one to keep her company and that she is bored and what am i doing and all this stuff. and its like i got out of school around 5 today and my bf’s family had some food so i went to his familys house because im so fucking tired of my mother and also i forgot my food at home so i was super hungry. and my mother was jus trying to make me feel guilty about it. but hell no. im so fucking tired of them trying to make me feel guilty just so they can get their way. my scorpio friend is right i cant be letting them do that to me, they are using me and thats not right.

What To Eat For Clear Skin& What Foods Will Wreak Havoc On Your Face

If youre anything like me, someone who is a mature adult treats their body like a trashcan, then you recognize the daily struggle that is doing whatever the fuck you want while also wanting to have a great body and great skin. Lifes hard when you want to get fucked up at Governors Ball but also look 100 years old in your Instagram story. Not that I would know. I did not go to Gov Ball, though I did spend the weekend going through mimosas like water and eating enough food to get me my own TLC reality show. That being said, I want to change. I want to be a new me. A better me. A me who puts actual vitamins and minerals into her system so her skin doesnt resemble the entire slice of pizza she ate last night. So heres a list of foods you should avoid like an ex-boyfriend sliding into your DMs and foods you should embrace because theyll fix your fucking face. Damn, Ive got bars. DONT: Eat Canned Food/Meats Gross. As if. Like, who even eats canned meats anymore? Other than my ex from college who had this weird obsession with eating vienna sausages (which, in hindsight, should have been a red fucking flag that this kid was a sociopath. That and his Belk credit card that he was always bragging about). Canned and/or highly processed foods have a shit ton of sodium in them and causes your body to hold on to water, which is why your face is always puffy or you have bags under your eyes that can be seen from space, and your acne is at World War III proportions. DO: Eat Salmon Aside from giving you a reason to pretend to be a foodie and also be obnoxious on Instagram, eating salmon is a sure way to get better looking skin. Salmon is rich with omega-3 fatty acids and healthy fats. These fats reinforce cell membranes and nourish the skin to keep you looking fresh AF. DONT: Drink Green Juice Lol just because you frequently say shit like #FitLife and #CleanEating on your IG does not mean you know wtf is good for you, because SURPRISE all those juices youre drinking to cleanse your body are actually really fucking bad for you. Juices are sugary as hell, especially the green juices which can have up to 50 grams of sugar in them, which is actual sabotage when it comes to having clear skin.  ^I imagine every fitstagrammer when the find out they’ve been pumping liquid sugar into their temples bodies DO: Drink A Protein Smoothie Aside from having something to talk about with the hot trainer at your gym, protein smoothies can actually be beneficial for your skin. The more you know. Stay away from the juicer smoothies and opt for one with some protein in it. These types of smoothies are high in healthy fats and wont leave your skin looking more ratchet than your Snap story last weekend. DONT: Eat Ice Cream Okay, this one I saw coming. Nothing that tastes this good can be anything but sabotage on your body. And since Im not on my period rn in control of my body I guess Im open to suggestions here. Ice cream is chock-full of sugar which can form this fun thing called advanced glycation end products which fucks up the protein in your body. Why is that important you may ask? Because the proteins it fucks with the most are the ones that keep your skin plump and springy looking. So basically eating ice cream is aging you. *steps into oncoming traffic* DO: Eat Dark Chocolate Dark chocolate aka the DUD of chocolates has a fuck ton of antioxidants in it, which is v good for your skin. So even though it tastes healthy and the whole time youll be wishing you were eating real chocolate with real flavor at least your skin will look good AF and be protected against wrinkles and other bad shit. DONT: Drink Coffee HA HA HA HA this has to be some sort of sick joke. You want me to give up my will to live caffeine? Do you also want me to commit homicide the next time someone replies all to a department email chain? DO YOU? This one is tough for me to wrap my brain around because coffee is literally one of the only reasons I get out of bed in the morning, and consequently, the reason you get to experience this sparkling personality. That being said, coffee is a diuretic (fake news Im sure!) which causes your body to lose water and your skin to get v dehydrated. Stay away from this shit if you want glowy AF skin.  DO: Drink Hot Lemon Water This replacement sounds about as good as the Republicans plan for health care but thats neither here nor there. Even though the prospect of drinking hot lemon water sounds about as enticing as sleeping with Jonathan The Tickle Monster, its actually super good for you. Its hydrating, full of antioxidants, and gives some much needed support to your liver. Apparently, the liver is the main organ that detoxifies the body and if youre full of toxins drinking on days that end in Y, youre more likely to break out. Sighs. And this is why we cant have nice things. DONT: Eat Bagels Okay, Im starting to feel personally victimized by this list. Like, is someone looking at my bank statement and seeing that I spend a large amount of my down time in coffee shops and/or bagel shops? Because Im feeling really attacked rn. Apparently, bagels are the worst for your skin and can lead to a cascade of hormones aka acne breakouts for days. *prays this is fake news* DO: Eat Non-Processed Carbs or Oats Tbh Id rather starve than eat something that resembles animal feed but I guess thats the price we pay to look like the “after” girl in an acne commercial. Oats are the right kind of carbs probs because it looks miserable to eat and also because its high in antioxidants which weve established will not only give you clear/glowy skin but also fights against anti-aging. DONT: Drink Soda To absolutely no ones surprise except my own because I refuse to read labels written by health professionals people who are out to destroy my happiness, soda is bad for you. And just because you drink diet soda doesnt mean youre safe. Because diet soda especially disrupts the necessary and healthy bacteria found in your gut. Also drinking any kind of soda can really fuck with your skin. Like, cause rosacea, eczema, and acne fuck with your skin. K. Just fuck me up rn then. Also, wtf am I supposed to order at the bar to go along with my vodka then? I cant just drink vodka straight. I want to have clearer skin, not die.  DO: Drink Kombucha Finally something that looks good on my Instagram story and isnt going to fuck up my skin. About damn time. Basically Kombucha is good for you because its fermented, and therefore full of probiotics, which will solve all your life problems. Im paraphrasing, but still. If you want clear skin by the time this weekend’s brunch rolls around then chug some of this and pretend like its alcohol something you enjoy drinking. So, in conclusion, anything that brings you joy is probably fucking up your skin and you should cut it from your diet ASAP. I am feeling #blessed rn that alcohol did not make the list, but thats mostly because I refused to do any actual research that would prove otherwise. Who says you cant make your own destiny? Listen, if all else fails and you have no self control dont want to sacrifice your happiness theres always Facetune. Read more: www.betches.com The post What To Eat For Clear Skin& What Foods Will Wreak Havoc On Your Face appeared first on Anti Aging Tips. http://selfhelpantiagingtips.com/what-to-eat-for-clear-skin-what-foods-will-wreak-havoc-on-your-face-29/