#im laying in bed trying to sleep
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*foot cramps painfully*
Me: *uninterrupted cursing*
My friend: *from the living room* you good?
Me: MY FOOT IS COMMITING SUICIDE-
Mf: *laughing*
Me: GODDAMIT! 300lb OF MOTOCYCLE LANDING ON MY FOOT HURT LESS THAN THIS!
Mf: *wheezing*
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Oh fuck tomorrow I'm going to be a little birthday boy I keep almost forgetting
#it's probably bc i dont have specific plans im just playing it by ear based on how the newborn will be#(the amount of time I'll be needed w the other kids basically depends on how much sleep the parents got the night before lol)#so i dont wanna be out too late... ahh i miss the club bro i wanna go#i love kids just to be clear which is why i do this but i also think I've gotten any child rearing out of my system#so i dont want my own. in a way it's freeing bc my future will just be for me and i won't have to worry about this stuff long term lol#ah but if I'm free on the 4th theres also something else i wanna do so maybe i shouldn't get drunk anyway#maybe just wait for the next free day 🤷♂️ we'll see#I've been highover BAD though shit lasted until like 8pm the next day. and i had to take the day off w the kids#luckily there happened to be other family there that took over but dude it sucked. i remember trying to help them in the morning like#ok sorry 4 year old trying to find pants i have to lay down in your bed you can do it by yourself i believe in you#so. taking the day off was a good call for their sakes too lol#he was fine just to be clear he could've done it on his own either way. i was just unhelpful 😅 i promise im usually way more attentive
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My grandmother had a stroke . Shes lucid and out of surgery right now so i am thankful for that. Going to be staying at my grandparents place tonight. Drove a super long way to come back and im so so so tired and i have a cold n cant stop coughing and i miss my boyfriend and i dont want to drive ever again
#not doing well. my head hurts. im just exhausted and trying to sleep#but my nose is stuffed#im just glad my grandmother is doing better than the doctors expectee#i was so scared i was crying like half the drive back home#awful car crash on the high way thd blocked the roads for two hours. two cars completely totaled.#scared the shit out of me.#started raining like ive never seen before when i was on the road too. could barely see ten feet ahead of me#ive just been so on guard all day long and nos im laying in bed trying to decompress#before i pick my mom up from the airport#idk man.
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Wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife babygirl wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife love wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife princess wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife honey wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife
#im gonna kiss the mental break down out of her#i love women...#hecho con amor#wife <3#im not ready to wake up yet tho... nor to face the consequences of that message....#i wanna hug Kotoko.... gently hold her in my arms while we lay down on our bed. ill run my fingers through her hair and place little kisses#on her head 'its going to be okay. im here with you' i whisper softly 'you arent alone. you did what you could'#i just wanna hug her so gently and give her the soft treatment she deserves...#heh .... im now imagining the full fledged scene... at the very end of it just a soft#'thank you for trusting me. i know it wasn't easy. im proud of you for trying'#because she would be so hesitant to say anything...barely able to show herself like thst in front of anyone..m she truly is making an effort#heh and after s couple seconds of silence after that thank you i can see her hugging slightly tighter#burying her face on my chest/neck area and sighing 'i dont like this' as in being emotionally vulnerable#'thank you for doing it still' i would whisper back to her softly#lets see if i can still sleep for a bit more
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Oh fuck me fuckme fuck me
#I'm going to start killing people#I need SLEEPY TYLENOL NOWWWWWWW#Mfer laying in bed for 8 hours full awake 🫠 eyes shut. Brain. ACTIVE#IM TRYING SO HARD TO SLEEP JUST BE UNCONSCIOUS#Too late now#Fuck me I have to be aware enough to not kill everybody in this vehicle#Mfing murder nightmare too what the fuck#Set the scene: YouTuber wedding#The man in charge of filming is an asshole to the minimum wage people working there#Like real mean. And one meek guy tries to tell the groom but the groom is kinda a dismissive asshole about it bc he's already paid the guy#So it's too late now. Meek guy keeps getting disrespected and storms out to the parking lot to just leave#Woman who has been witnessing this apparently is gonna kill on meek guys behalf. He does not want this#Woman gets into a fucked up death machine car and drives it into the groom#But not like. Runs him over. There's a fucking saw blade on the front that starts cutting through the bottom of his torso#He was screaming a lot. I'm not sure if he survived or not. But the atmosphere was not fun#Very muddy desaturated colors. Very wet and musty feeling. It was like almost a parking garage#I don't think I'll ever have a dream as scary as the um time-looping cannibal beach dream#But this was just the delightful cherry of not being able to sleep at fucking. ALL .#Literally cried I'm so distressed about not being able to control anything about myself rn#Hhhhh :(((#3rd night in a row I've slept like shit
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#okay ive called in sick#i got less than 2 hours sleep and have popped a vein in my eye#im gonna lay in bed and try and sleep for a little bit then get my shit together
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when the gods crush you, it will not be out of disgust or fear. it will be because they were simply walking along and you were simply too small for the idea to check for your presence to even cross their mind.
when the gods crush you, you won't be a spider fallen victim to the crime of being small. you will be an ant, too irrelevant to write a poem about. too miniscule to feel bad for.
when the gods crush you, it will not be on purpose. be that a comfort or a terror.
#i havebno fucking idea what im writng#i was laying in bed trying to fuckihn sleep and thus materialized in my brain#itd. 4am.#i ahve work. i have WORK.#kays self#crime of being small#? no. crime of being AWAKE AF 4 AM#LOTERALLY AS I WAS WRITING THESE TAGS A SPIDE RKCRAWLED UP MY ARM#I SMAKCED IT WITH MY PHONE OUT OF REFLEC#ITS JUST LIKE. RHE MSGNUS ARCHIVES.#moogsin'
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i love u nighttime showers <33
#they make me feel like im in my own world#heres my little diary entry for the day !!#i did scary adult things today all on my own >:/ i was so nervous ive been up since 3 am#but i had a cute outfit picked out n i did my hair all nice !!#just faking it til i make it (ㅠ﹏ㅠ)#i got sushi for lunch too !! as a treat :)#now im laying in bed w my eye gels on n my dog n my decaf coffee <33#im so into the brothers karamazov rn i want to try to read at least a little bit before i go to sleep so ig this is goodnight <33#love u !!
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I wish someone would talk to me, everyone I know is either asleep while I'm awake, always busy, or honestly just really depressing/triggering to talk to (though I feel bad saying it)
#like its fine and i get it. people have their own lives#but i have nothing to do and im bored#ill literally clean my whole house just cause im bored and then run out of things to clean and sit and stare at a wall#or lay in bed and either sleep or just sit there awake#i can only watch stuff online so much before i feel insufferably restless#and i dont blane my friends who are depressed or trigger me either#i get that too. its just sometimes i need a break from that#i feel like boredom is a particularly vulnerable place for me and if im exposed to triggers#i tend to act in unhealthy ways or spiral mentally because of it#idk. first world problem of course but im just trying to figure out how to navigate it
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weeoo
#this is gonna be me talking in tags today#ive been rather sleep deprived lately trying to keep up with everything around me#and its been taking a toll on my health like#if i go too long like this i tend to feel more lethargic and my allergies kick in#i got a sore throat bc my room has been Freezing and then i get headaches way way easier#often times my face will flush but its just my nose and idk why#well anyways lmao i just aint feelin great due to lack of sleep#so i emailed my teachers and stayed home and others might say this wasnt it#but i can barely get to sleep at all these days and just bed ridding myself#seemed like the only way for my body to be like#'fine 🙄 u can sleep' lmao#thats actually one of the worst symptoms is im restless i just Cant grt to sleep no matter how hard i try#ive had a couple days where i was running on 2-3 hours bc i spent even longer Laying there#anyways i hope this makes a difference im tired of feeling tired and shitty#luckily my mood has weirdly been high#its just my sleep and health that are low#i think when the sleepiest soldiers are unable to get sleep thats when u know smths wrong#i think also so much is happening and me trying to keep up is taking more outta me than i expected#im a gal who gets overwhelmed easily even if im happy w whats happening lmao#tho im not Happy im more In a Good Mood lmao#side tangent but i HATE being an adult who doesnt have like idk Help lmao#like my dad was so nice to me sometimes and helped me sometimes#i could go a whole day sleeping bc id be fucking exhausted#and hed qake me up and ask me when i last ate and if i couldnt decide but itd been too long#hed make smth for the both pf us or hed make it For me and id just be able to like recover lmao#ah adulthood is hard lmao#alright im done#gata#no need to read <3 yall
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Wow I love being medicated wish life wasnt evil and kept making me have to stop cold turkey thus leading to the worst episodes I have ever had this is not good
#really glad i have poppy here demanding constant attention and im going home in two weeks#bc genuinely if i was alone rn and would be for a while i donttttt rhink that would end well#dont think Ive ever felt worse so now Im trembling in bed distracting myself any way I can until Im too exhausted#to stay awake bc laying down to try and sleep leaving me with my own thoughts sounds absolutely terrifying right now#i just really need a hug
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#hhhhh i just wanna lay in bed watching movies all day. i need some sort of wizard to turn me into a salamander so i dont have to do my job#it takes me all day to relax and for what? its Sunday and i have to grade at e#least 45 lab reports and make a presentation about photosynthesis so i can teach tomorrow so that i can barely tread water#im so behind on grading. and thats not to mention all the other bullshit i should b doing. ugh. i just wanna not do anything#i got covid vaccinated yesterday so im kinda exhausted on top of preexisting exhaustion. anf i would like my problems to stop existing#also i forgot how annoying it is to live in a place with mice. like stop scurrying around in my walls! stop trying to make mouse holes#dont make me murder u bc i will. ill buy mouse traps and thdn youll b sorry#but id rather not do that bc itll b annoying to check the traps and dispose of the bodies. bleh#i just wanna watch surreal movies abt self destruction and cosmic horror#so annihilation and maybe sunshine bc i havent watched it and oh god whats that polish movie uuuuuh#i can't remember. it starts with s i think but all i can think is susperia which is not correct. solaris? i cant remember if i watched#it or just read thr book. idk i like surreal slightly pretentious movies. under the skin is another i lov#god. i dont wanna get up. i still only got 7hrs sleep. i just wanna lay here and decompose#fuck. i have so much to write for Wednesday. and i think i have to share a paper Friday. fuck.#unrelated
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ohhh fml i was like maybe i cn stya up a bit late after all its weekend tomorrow. no it fucking isnt today was thursday i have work tmrw everything is evil always
#gonna get ready 4 bed ig.. i wanna try n wake up at ermm 545 bc ive been sleeping in far too much and ive barely been brushing my teeth in#the mornings ive mostly just been doing mouthwash#aughhh idk why my body is being so dire today my thighs r doing the incredibly weak and fatigued thing again. i feel like that tweet thats#like im probably nonbinary but i have a job so idc abt that rn but its i probably have some undiagnosed physical disorders but i live in a#garage so idc abt that rn#idk. its been going on for a couple years but its been getting worse to the point i can barely move my legs when it happens#that and then my limbs have been falling asleep very quickly even when theres nothing thyat would like. im not laying on them or anything#ill just be walking or something arms at my sides and one or both will get rly bad pins and needles#and it rly sucks and is weird. but again i live in a fucking garage so it is fr the least of my worries#like rn at my computer typing my arm isnt resting on anything or having any pressure put on it and my hand is falling asleep. UGH#it has been happening a ton with my hands i get this weirxd sensation in my wrist/palm zone that like. idk#its weird and i should prolly get it checked out but i dont have a dr rn and like. worst case scenario i chop my arms off and either surviv#and have a good story or i die and dont have to go to work anymore. so
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Shout out to my brain for randomly waking me at 4 something in the morning and refusing to let me sleep again. the sun is up. im not necessarily happy abt it rn lmao. Don't get me wrong, the sleep i got up until then was lovely, just. really wanted to continue it uninterrupted by my brain's bullshit 😭
#text post#we have shit to do today and all i wanted was a full night of sleep#still laying in bed bc i refuse to get up yet#im gonna at least try and nap a bit here before i need to be up but im setting an alarm now for sure lmao#it was literally my brain just waking me up going 'ur basically already late & unprepared for everything today fuck u'#so i showered in hopes of placating it but. here we are lmao
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#im so fucking tired and stressed and im laying in bed SO tired but also dreading closing my eyes to try to sleep#because my brain is rotating around what it’s like to live in my house#where it is ALWAYS so stressful bc my parents make it fucking miserable#we’re all on edge all the fucking time#i don’t even remember the last time i felt at peace in my house#i just fucking want peace. i want to not dread each and every time my parents are in the same room#waiting for one of them to set the other off and leave all of us dealing with the fallout#im just.#im so tired.
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Have I yelled about Margaery Tyrell, the True Queen?
Have I yelled about how she has been used by the members of her family (Mace and Olenna specifically, but even Alerie to a degree) to the point where love is a foolish dream, and she’s legit kind of a little afraid of men because she is only ever told that men only want one thing from her and to use that, to dangle it in front of them, to use it to twist power over them.
How the men she needs to control with these promises are doomed to die for her family’s power games?
And how she takes her role as queen so seriously: she is the caregiver to the realm, from every smallfolk to every high seat of power, it doesn’t matter what side you’re on, she is the Queen and therefor responsible for everyone. To make sure they are fed, have shelter and clean drinking water, to have homes and lives after the ravages of war?
And how she’s so desperately lonely and afraid under this mantle of office, how she rallies against the vines wrapped around her limbs trying to do whatever she can but she has to worry about SURVIVING and won’t anyone else get on her level. Wont anyone pick this burden up and share it with her?
And she doesn’t WANT to raise and mold a child into being a proper king, let alone some ideal husband. She wants Tommen to be safe and far away from all this horror. Give her the throne, and let her do her job. She doesn’t need anyone to rule through. She’ll do it herself.
Because frankly there’s no one In Westeros who can get on her level that she doesn’t have to fix/mold/raise to be a PARTNER for her.
Also something something your best rulers are the ones who don’t want it and you’re doing it wrong if you think Margaery Tyrell actually WANTS OR HAS EVER WANTED ANY OF THIS because she is simply been made the vessel of her father and grandmother’s ambitions so she’s going to make the best of it.
#[ margaery / headcanons ]#like legit im laying in bed after three hours of sleep going#is Jon Snow or Stannis Baratheon the only two guys in all of this#who she DOESNT have to have ‘some assembly required?’#Robb Stark might have worked but we’d never know#and she’s just like GET OUT OF MY WAY ILL DO THIS MYSELF#because she doesn’t know how to cry#she’s just gritting through trying to get these idiots out of her way#and I just have so many Margaery Tyrell Queen of Westeros feelings#and my girl has such hard thick bark around her soft and gooey center#with this crushing burden#I cry#actually scratch Stannis#she’d smother him with a pillow#but at least he’d try get things done
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