#im just legit not. a good person
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Vent.
Its. Not been a great night. I was healed. I was. And a little while ago, i reversed that, and now again and i am. Trying so hard to feel better now. Its over, right? I stopped. I stopped... past tense. Maybe i started again too. Maybe again the night felt terrible, and worse and bad. And maybe it wont even matter, because does it really? And maybe ill feel better and scars will fade and my old scabs will close, finally. After being away from the bugs. Finally. But the cortisol will still flow. And ill remember tonight. And the other night. And when i was 12 and 17 and 19 and 21 and 23. Maybe it cant get better right now. Maybe i cant get better. Maybe ill keep going back to trauma, and ill do this night again. Ill pick back up the push pin. Again. AgAin.
#im actually fucking sick of myself#kinda sick of this wish people would decide they're done with me faster.#bc no wayyyy the people im around actually dont wanna cut me off bc im negative and toxic and anti recovery#everything they said. bc do i respect boundaries? i have been told i dont. which is what matte4s#not what i think. not my intention. what matters is all the shit I've brought onto people i loved#and ruined.#system babbles#im just legit not. a good person#idk man i wont spend time arguing. im literally disgusting and cruel and selfish#im hateful and impatient and mean. im so FUCKING mean like literally i need to fucking actually be stopped#because no what is actually wrong with me#ohhh my misophonia makes me want to attack my bestie bc she can't. breathe quietly?? hey man like actually fuck you she has a disability.#i literally cant fucking stand this about myself like ohhhh oh you're suffering so much ohhh poor bitch!!! shes the one that cant BREATHE an#d i sit there and ahake from rage.#vent#do not rb#inthrum
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jinkies! (in official lesbian)
#its equally both refreshing and unbelievable like#and by god the way they went about it legit girl crushes (at least for me personally) they bring out the grossest giddiness and like#just its so cute and funny to me the fact that velma is this brilliant investigator with years of successful mysteries debunked and#smokin coco comes in and iM SORRY BUT HER GLASSES LIKE ARE YOU KIDDING ME AAHHHHHHH#THAT IS SO GOOD I LOVE IT AND ALSO GLAD THAT CANT HAPPEN IRL AAHAHHAHAHHHHHAHAHAHAAAAAAA#velma dinkley#velma#scooby doo#lesbian#wlw#also i cannot believe that this pose was freehand legit the only thing i referenced was her clothes from like the first google image search#holy hell#trick or treat scooby doo#and boy was this a treat!
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i'm genuinely so proud of ant he's literally never met these people before he did almost no training for this mcc but they called him in and he's doing so fantastic his synergy is great he's being a good leader and he generally gets very hyped and talks too fast when he's with his friends but he's definitely keeping himself calm and trying to keep the vibes up while also giving directions and YEAH!! THAT'S MY STREAMER!!! THEY'RE DOING SO FUCKING GOOD
#antfrost#mello liveblogs#im legit so proud of him also i dont think he's sworn yet#he's just a very good and nice person
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the sea beneath your wings
btw pretty please use my referral code: here
#path of titans#pot#rhamphorhynchus#paleoart#pot making a good design decision is legit once every 2 years im sorry but i've been so dissapointed w the designs of their recent playable#expect for rhamp rhamp is perfect il it's design#i just HATED hateg and achillo + ouugh whatever the playable they dropped before them im sorry they had been just kinda.. boring....#il pot's rhamp it has a lot of personality in it's design and animations compared to hateg n achillo. hes a ugly diseased rat thing.#paleo art#paleontology#paleoblr#pterosaur#my art#art test#art study
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ak hee is so????????? sorry the girl u kidnapped and erased the memory of might not like you. when did u guys even have an iota of a romantic relationship.
#the jealousy w the guys in the same body is so weird lmfao#like she barely figured out that there legit are two personalities#and personally. im still not convinced ak hee isnt just sajo hyeons alter#love song for illusion#you were sweet when u saved her snd everything but that was like the only good interaction u had
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Dumb ramble but I hate that you can't critique The Thing you love within a fandom space without some dude breathing down your neck like "Well actually that means you hate The Author and The Thing! And what about all the times The Author did this Good Thing? Checkmate, liberal." as if you can't be critical of something because you love it and want it to be better.
#just. i'm in a rush rn so i'm probably not articulating myself well and i could go more in-depth with my thoughts#at the risk of someone spinning my words into “cringe blue hair pronoun wants to cancel araki!” which... will happen inevitably#even though i don't know how many times i can repeat “i do not hate araki#this is specifcally about jjba btw because like.#look i love it and araki has done some good things (or at least had good intentions in most cases)#but i'm so over the fact he constantly has to reach for some form of traumatizing women in his writing#and I already hear “well it shows they're a villain!”#but does he HAVE to use assault? why does he have to use that instead of demonstrating their villainy in other ways#that don't need to use it as a crutch#i'm not even saying you can't ever write about assault#that's not my argument either.#I'm not even accusing him of being a bad writer or person but just. Can we please retire the overusage of assault for shock value?#i obviously don't hate people who enjoy the series regardless#i'd be a massive fucking hypocrite#i mean i've literally been in this damn fandom for 6 years and just now decided to post my art.#but i'm tired of any time someone brings up legit criticisms of the misogyny in his writing#it's met with “but araki did this-” like it changes anything.#i'm glad he did somewhat improve writing women over time compared to the earlier parts#that said. that doesn't cancel out the blunders he did make or will make in the future#even if he has good intent.#or really any criticism of the writing being hit with “but its not supposed to make sense#anyways rant over. probably going to delete later bc im tired.#tw assault#assault tw
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what did i do right
#like how did i get into this program lmao#ive reread my application like 15 times since i got in#and i dont get it#the overdue asteroid strikes again#liek everyone who goes there is so good and im literally just a person on tumblr#im so scared legit bc i haven’t written anything i liked since recto verso and that was in january#and like what if summer comes around and i still cant write and then ive gotten in but im a fraud and i dont write anything good#ugh#and i cant find anything abt it online so that means there will be zero gay ppl.
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and the worst thing is that vergil DOES sucks. genuinely
#BUT its in the same that dante sucks. that nero sucks. that dmc as a whole is kinda cringe#but it is also extremely genuine. which cancels the cringe factor entirely.#as STUPID as the characters are theyre ALWAYS treated with respect in the story's theyre in. or if they arent its not at their expense#its cool. its just cool. as its core dmc is cool even if its inherently so fucking stupid#anyway this has been my ''you have to ENGAGE with the story. YES the character's actions are stupid NO theyre NOT a loser.''#as for vergil: hes never been a master planner nor a mastermind. hes just reserved in his words and (shut up) self-motivated#vergil doesnt want to change the world or society. he *doesnt fucking care*. he just wants power for deeply personal reasons#HES ALSO BEEN SHOWN TO BE WRONG IN THE TWO (2) GAMES HES BEEN IN. BC DANTE WON. AND LATER NERO#also hes wrong but NOT a villain. hes legit just dante under different circumstances and with different tastes. THEY ADRESSED THIS IN DMC5#''but dam he needs to atone for the two cities'' nobody cares about the humans in dmc. theyre plot points#theyre not cool enough to be focused on on their own. if they do they need to be as off the balls bonker as the half demons#as far as dmc is concerned. vergil's only crime is being wrong.#and hes so fucking strong. hes sooo strong. hes good looking. he has a well written story and character arc imo. hes extremely iconic#and I love him very much. anyway this has been dam ''vergil is my favorite character of all time'' scalproie thank you all#im gonna go listen to bury the light#tagging later
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I stopped right before the start of the Culling Game Arc, but I've heard that Sukuna is just ruining everything for everyone and I think that's great
Love that for him
#it's enrichment#have i clearly stated that#at this point#im only reading for Sukuna?#bc i legit dont give a shit about anything else in this series#the fights are cool and all but idk i think you need more than that to be a good series lol#there's just no downtime inbetween fights#we just keep moving on to the next thing and im sorry man but i thrive on character interaction#are these characters with personalities or did the fans just fill things in the gaps the author left?
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made the mistake of listening to boygenius' new album while I was at work earlier and it literally hurt my feelings so bad I mentally blocked it out until like. 30 seconds ago. like fr they didn't have to say all that.
#and by mistake I mean that I should NOT have made the first time I listened to it be AT WORK. IN PUBLIC.#where I literally couldn't cry or I would have had to forcefully eject myself from the building.#via. window. 3 floors up.#I'm talking. lower lip trembling type shit I was holding those goddamn tears back so hard.#like they did. NOT. have to do all of that.#fam I haven't even gone to actually IN DEPTH look at the lyrics yet I'm *SCARED*.#those three just. really know how fuck me up.#WHO WROTE THIS. WHO DID. IT. PHOEBE??? I'M LOOKIN AT YOU.#like. for all my fellow mitski girlies (gender neutral) this album legitimately hurt me worse than like.#puberty 2.#it's still so incredibly funny to me how I legit BLOCKED IT OUT ENTIRELY. until fuckin 3 minutes ago. GOD.#okay im done. for now. jfc.#jules.intothevoid✨#jules.songrec✨#I GUESS. TECHNICALLY. go ahead like it's so fuckin good but the EMOTIONAL DAMAGE.#the opening track? like what the fuck. that felt personal. like. the typa shit I been on recently?? & they open with that??? hello??#boygenius
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THE PEOPLES LIKE MINE ARTTTTT AAAAAAA
#i legit screamed a lil#which is bad cause really gotta sleep#but golly golly golly#wish i could just make a buncha fanarts rn#have at least 3 really good fics/poem thingies asked and have permission to make art for#so gonna do that hopefully soon#i just need to get school work done then work on the other stuffs yes#golly geebers glob heckers am so happy constantly now what#the beuty of humanity and connection never ceases to amaze me#asked in la class for a discussion if peopkes would give the housing to people with alergies or guide dogs and insted of choosing a side#they asked questions and proposed actually really really good ideas for how to find a semi sutible middle ground#and like so many really good artists and writers and just amazing people so much more all of sudden im getting to talk to a lil#and the mutuals/artists ive loved for a wile have been getting even better at arts and im wufbsudbsh#gosh i need to find the person again cause remember they felt down about their art but its just so so stunninggggg#like is so amazing i love art i love others creations i love how can just see so much positivity in world#being a sap but i dont care people can be so good!! people want to be good!!!!!! even if horid things are happening and some people are ick#the majority will try to be good in own ways and thats smth#thats all can hope for#i may just only be looking for positives but heck it im a lil positive thinker now abd the world has such beuty in small and big thingies
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@randommindedfandom I blame you for my sudden new simp interest
#like seriously#WHY DID YOU MAKE THE FUNNY TIC TAC DUDE SO HOT???#Im going to personally go up to your porch and sit there until you apologize for making him this fine#anyway I love love love your art they all are so GOOD like askfkhsafkhaskhfaf#legit you make DM so entertaining and fun tbh#I just eat up everything whether it'd be the human designs#the younger nefario art#or anything with your ocs in it#like it's so good#I will watch your career with great interest#the minions#the minions fanart#pissing and shidding
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guys..... i want him back :(
#p#i wish we could have fucked one last time too...#he would have loved to see me again..... i fucking CANNOT#WHY did i confess i should have just asked to hang out one last time.....#like legit after my whole thing saying how he hurt me and bc i like him so much im letting him go... he told me he really enjoyed my compan#and that im a really great person... and would have LOVED TO SEE ME AGAIN#but understands the whole feelings thing is dangerous...#bc HE WANTS TO IGNORE HIS FEELINGS#why is it whenever i have a good connection it NEVER works out!!!#tbf tho i cant say never bc idk i feel like hell be back tbh...#ive just never been this into someone emotionally or physically befor
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Accidentally been isolating myself for like 2 yrs now so my goal this yr is to be more social and basically almost went into cardiac arrest inviting a rando to queue up with me on ovw
#vark posts#they said yes and we've been playing for like 3 days now :^)#its been perfect actually#ive gotten to the point where i just legit dont know how to talk to ppl#legitimately i feel like i just copy other ppls words everytime i have a convo or type up a post#cause it feels impossible to string words together#this person & i dont talk much but we mess around a lot in game#and its been doing wonders to fill that socialization need without stressing me tf out#ik i need to go more out of my comfort zone and have conversations but im proud of myself for even just initiaing it#also dont diss me for playing ovw again lol#its unfortunately good for interacting with ppl lol
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They should invent a me that feels real and doesn't self sabotage
#sky vents like amogus#im sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo normal (lying)#legit i dont know what im supposed to do with myself. i dont see a future for me but i dont want to die. i just exist#i think about this one sci fi story a lot where the guy finds out everyone in the world is him and he is everyone in the world#reincarnated across timelines and bodies and every single person ever from good to evil has always. been. him.#i wonder if im that guy. why do i treat my current body and my past and future bodies so bad. do i even deserve to since so many of them#have the capacity to hurt themselves across history too. do i even try to break the cycle at this point.#or sometimes its like. im not real but everyone else is. i just inserted myself into this world and one day ill wake up and theyre all gone#if i found out that was true would i even do anything about it? could i get the courage to live knowing that it doesnt matter in the end#because i dont fucking exist. or would i just keep existing as i am now miserable because it doesnt matter in the end im not real#i feel like im gonna cry now. i thought too much#i dont wanna be needy and bothersome but. augh
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Do you ever just see some people and wonder to yourself "how?"
#i stg#there's this one person i crossed paths with once#and since august legit she got rep'd by an agent and got a funded film mentorship bc she can speak irish apparently#like...how does one person get so much seemingly good shit all at once#mind you i want to leave the country and idk if that's her plan so 🤷🏻♀️#either way she seems to be on fire atm#and I'm here like 👁👄👁🥖#listen ik ik everyone's journey is different#but i stg im pretry sure she's younger than me and I'm just like 😭😭😭#good for her! but also how
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