#im a liar i dont actually show ppl my room
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tagged by @darkthestars and @pearloftheorient
1. What do you prefer to be called name-wise? bia ig, by close friends. tho i like any sorts of nicknames like peaches or knight
2. When is your birthday? the 4th of dec
3. Where do you live? romania
4. Three things you are doing right now? trying to calm down coz i was the imposter lol and i always get anxious (but i won haha) - listening to a kdrama ost playlist hehe - and eating some austrian sweet i got from my sis, it's called waldviertler nusszelten.
5. Four fandoms that have piqued your interest? i haven't really followed any fandoms lately idk i got a lot on my mind. but ive been listening to day6/eaj/nive/sondia/sasha sloan a lot lately and well ive been watching kdramas (the liar and his lover, tempted, while you were sleeping) and there's this cute as heck animated tv show called "green eggs and ham" and idk man the good vibes are real and also a german show called "dark" about time travel and multiple universes.
6. How has the pandemic been treating you? i didn't suffer much from it actually, got used to the whole situation ig, so im quite fortunate.
7. A song you can’t stop listening to right now? aah, i listen to like 15 songs and 2 albums on repeat, can't choose just one, but like "pacman" and "50 proof" by eaj and "adults" and "our souls at night" by sondia and albums like "the album" by bp and "only child" by sasha sloan and "folklore" by taylor swift.
8. Recommend a movie? hmm, haven't watched any films lately but ig "the half of it"(wlw) or "hidden figures"(black women working for nasa) or "parasite"(the poor exploit the wealth and naivety of a rich family, korean)
9. How old are you? almost 18 ig
10. School, university, occupation, other? i'm in 12th grade, completely unprepared and anxious about my college choices hahah.
11. Do you prefer heat or cold? i prefer cold weather but like me in my bed, under the blankets, all warm and snuggled up, and the room's cold, also tea, rain and bg music.
12. Name one fact others may not know about you? i avoid situations and ignore ppl when scared or anxious, which is all the time hahahahahah. also overthink and self-exclude myself?? sorry to my friends but yeah, ig it's relatable for most ppl tho.
13. Are you shy? i am both intrigued and scared of human interactions. i don't think ppl view me as shy, more like uninterested or not talkative, but also carefree and random??? but idk coz i'd also blush and smile and jump around whenever id make a new friend or talk to strangers? i dont really know, it depends a lot.
14. Preferred pronouns? she/they worked for me so far and ig i feel comfortable using them but idk, i don't understand my gender identity enough yet.
15. Biggest pet peeve? when teachers or adults in general think they are surely always right and also when they switch their words w/o any warning like "oh no, you don't have to bring the textbook, it's okay" and then "you didn't bring it? are you not here to study? prepare coz imma give you a 10min lecture/scolding" like WTF MAN.
16. What is your favourite “dere” type? don't have one ig?
17. Rate your life 1-10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be: idk anywhere between 5 and 8 ig, right now it's an 8 i think (coz im ignoring all my responsibilities hahah ugh)
18. What’s your main blog? this one
19. List your side blogs and what they’re used for: uhh, they're mostly blogs for trashing, like when a post is too long for me to read right then lol.
20. Is there anything people need to know about you before becoming friends? as ive said lol, my mental health/stability is no joke so imma overthink shit and decide i don't belong in your life anymore, or think our bond isn't as strong as it used to be and just severe it, hell knows why damn.
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1. What is you middle name? Davis
2. How old are you? 26 turning 27 soon..
3. When is your birthday? Feb 4th
4. What is your zodiac sign? Not sure tbh I was told Aquarius
5. What is your favorite color? Purple
6. What’s your lucky number? Ummm 99 I think
7. Do you have any pets? No but im gonna get a dog
8. Where are you from? Scarborough Canada
9. How tall are you? 5'10/11
10. What shoe size are you? 12
11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 8 or 9
12. What was your last dream about? I dont dream but if I do its generally a nightmare. My last one though was about a girl I know and how we were playing cod and I tickled her. But thats super odd for me.
13. What talents do you have? I not sure. I like to game and sing, shoot guns and used to love jumping outta planes until my injury. But I can cook?
14. Are you psychic in any way? Nope
15. Favorite song? Right now its You Broke Me First
16. Favorite movie? I just watched a movie called The Hate U Get. That was incredible I also love Harry Potter
17. Who would be your ideal partner? Who, thats easy, but I keep fucking up good relationships. At least this past year so atm no idea.
18. Do you want children? I thought about it. And honestly not unless my wife did. I would want to be a dad maybe someday but only after I get my wife all to myself for a year lol..
19. Do you want a church wedding? Maybe. Honestly would like my wedding on my family estate
20. Are you religious? Used to be. Now I have a tenous relationship with God.. I used to believe but everytime I needed God he was no where to be found...
21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Yeah more times then I could count.
22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? When I was a kid like 5 I stole a candy bar and got caught. But no police just an ass whooping from hell
23. Have you ever met any celebrities? Yes I have. A few
24. Baths or showers? Both. I like to bath then shower
25. What color socks are you wearing? None atm
26. Have you ever been famous? I guess. Depends on how you define fame..
27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? No
28. What type of music do you like? Hip-hop, Rnb, Pop, some rap. Etc
29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Yes
30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 4
31. What position do you usually sleep in? My side. I like to cuddle and its more comfortable. Hard for me to sleep any other way
32. How big is your house? Its not huge. Its enough for now
33. What do you typically have for breakfast? Oatmeal or eggs or bagels!!!
34. Have you ever fired a gun? Yes several and often. I was military
35. Have you ever tried archery? Yes and im no Robin hood
36. Favorite clean word? Eh
37. Favorite swear word? Fuck
38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 4 days I think
39. Do you have any scars? Yes several. My biggest one is on my leg. And I got one from being stabbed
40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? Yes
41. Are you a good liar? No.. It starts eating me away. I get sad after awhile. Its easy to tell
42. Are you a good judge of character? Yes for the most part
43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? Lol no but I try anyways
44. Do you have a strong accent? I dont think so but some would say yes
45. What is your favorite accent? French
46. What is your personality type? I have no idea. I'm very domineering
47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? Umm my suits
48. Can you curl your tongue? Lol kinda?
49. Are you an innie or an outie? Ummm 🤷♂️
50. Left or right handed? Right
51. Are you scared of spiders? Not the small ones
52. Favorite food? Chicken 😂
53. Favorite foreign food? Popish
54. Are you a clean or messy person? Messy
55. Most used phrased? Get Fucked
56. Most used word? Umm
57. How long does it take for you to get ready? Not long
58. Do you have much of an ego? Yes
59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? Depends lol. Ill suck on it if I enjoy it
60. Do you talk to yourself? Yes
61. Do you sing to yourself? Yes
62. Are you a good singer? I've been told yes
63. Biggest Fear? Not being good enough. Not feeling ok
64. Are you a gossip? I tend to talk shit but im learning thats part of my bigger issues im working on 🤷♂️
65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? The Hate U Got
66. Do you like long or short hair? Both
67. Can you name all 50 states of America? Yed
68. Favorite school subject? History
69. Extrovert or Introvert? Extrovert I think. Well post covid
70. Have you ever been scuba diving? Yes
71. What makes you nervous? Large crowds. And certain ppl
72. Are you scared of the dark? Yes. Im afraid of what I cant see
73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? Sometimes
74. Are you ticklish? Yes but if you try and tickle me ill probably lose it lol
75. Have you ever started a rumor? Yes
76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? Yes alot
77. Have you ever drank underage? Yes
78. Have you ever done drugs? No except edibles
79. Who was your first real crush? Shekinah was I wanted to marry her
80. How many piercings do you have? Zero
81. Can you roll your Rs?“ lol not really
82. How fast can you type? Depends on if you want full complete sentences that makes senses or a bunch of bullshit lol..
83. How fast can you run? Pretty fast or i used to be able too
84. What color is your hair? Dark brown
85. What color is your eyes? Brown
86. What are you allergic to? Penicillin
87. Do you keep a journal? Actually I started writing on this site that allows for anonymous "stories" or just a place to express yourself. Its been really helpful. My doctor recommended writing out how I feel could help since I struggle with being honest about my struggles...
88. What do your parents do? My father passed away and my mom is retired
89. Do you like your age? No I feel old
90. What makes you angry? Depends. I dont often get angry but hurting people I care about will do it
91. Do you like your own name? Its ok. I prefer Davis over Connor but its who I am
92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? No not really.
93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? Girl
94. What are you strengths? Leadership, staying calm under pressure, being able to focus when its hard. Honestly their are a few things but right now I feel like I have alot more weakness...
95. What are your weaknesses? That would be way to long of a list and im not sure id want Tumblr to see it
96. How did you get your name? My momma named me after atv show...
97. Were your ancestors royalty? Yes
98. Do you have any scars? Yes several
99. Color of your bedspread? Grey and black
100. Color of your room? Off white
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1-65 ;)
holy heck ! thank you sophiw i lov u 🍒
1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?
i dont understand this question?? like sometimes i doubt my own existence and other times i doubt that i exist to certain ppl? ya?
2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?
2,, normal amount? like good for sleep but pitch black is scaryy but not to the point i need the escape ?? if that makes sense??
3. The person you would never want to meet?
guy fieri, i dont think i need to know if hes actually real ? like is he real and from this dimension or from flavortown (which he has a very scarily detailed description of)?? thats not something i need to know
4. What is your favorite word?
hmm, probably ‘fam’ obviously
5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?
a willow tree !!!!!!!!!! i just talked to my mom about this :-0
6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?
ngl but i dont look in the mirror anymore unless its lip syncing along to a song sung by a guy/someone w a deeper voice bc i feel like it suits me better! gotta love coping w dysphoria!
7. What shirt are you wearing?
baseball tee, gay
8. What do you label yourself as?
nb, lesbian, fool
9. Bright room or dark room?
dark room
10. What were you doing at midnight last night?
slepe
11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?
10-11 when i was in 5th grade. i still only had two friends but i was way more extroverted and everything was so carefree and i was very invested in adventure time and art. i think that was the most of a childhood i got? i honestly did not do much as a kid and i wish i had..
12. Who told you they loved you last?
sophiw ! tumblr user almightyportraits ! the loml !
13. Your worst enemy?
x
14. What is your current desktop picture?
one from apple called ‘abstract shapes’ its very orange but also blue which is my fave color pairing atm so its perfect
15. Do you like someone?
tumblr user vahilla
16. The last song you listened to?
megan played ‘marceline’ by willow in her car ! a song i suggested to her a few months ago and it makes me very happy that she likes it especially bc we bonded over adventure time in 6th grade :-)
17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
mmyy seelfff ??
18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
mmmyseyyffelllff ??
19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?
eh whats the point
20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)
n o ne ?
21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?
what is the opposite of nb,, i feel like if i was opposite of how i present id be a girl, which is a verryyy weird thought for me, pass
22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?
no :-/
23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?
uh first of all blood, like, ill pass out,, second of all,, literally everything worries me
24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.
jimmy johns #16, turkey, bacon, lettuce, tomato, NO MAYO
25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?
im a very practical person so the least boring answer i can come up w is more art supplies
26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?
denmark
27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?
fukcing , acetoNe
28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
i think a FIRST rule would have to be pretty IMPORTANT so probably smt like how ~WE THE PEOPLE~ are all EQUAL would be a pretty good start and pretty UNDENIABLE and STRAIGHT FORWARD especially if it was the FIRST thing in this,, hmm lets call it the CONSTITUTION, in the completely hypothetical society
29. What is your favorite expletive?
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuk cufck ufc kfuck
30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?
sunglasses??!!! that shit gotta be bright huh>?? gotta protect my retinas
31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
i wanna say my first relationship made me a better person but that shit was rreeeaaallyyyy fucking awful and 4 months (+recovery months) that i will never get back and i think ? maybe ?? i wouldve been ok without it ? idk just a thought
32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!
spain ?!?!? why not + i sorta know the language? thatd b cool
33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
zoey my dog :-( i miss her a lot, this month it will have been two years oh my god i miss her so much
34. What was your last dream about?
the last one i remember was a nightmare about someone tryna murder me i was very scared
36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?
i think so , when i was two i got really really sick and couldve died ?
37. Have you ever built a snowman?
ahh yes ! we gave hhimm,, fruit snack nipples, please forgive me fathr
38. What is the color of your socks?
grey w blue n orange stripes ( again i lov blue n orange together, my shirt is teal and i have an orange hat on wow)
39. What type of music do you like?
all! i had to train this new guy at work and im sooo awkward but once why started talking about music it was easy for me to talk bc it was smt we both really like !!! i felt like i could actually communicate w feeling a disconnect it was nice ! we talked mostly about rap which was cool and unexpected but i could do it ? i really love music and i love being able to know enough to talk about it ,, isk
40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?
sunrises, ive been pushing myself to wake up unreasonably early to have more time to myself and i get to watch the sunrise most days which is nice
41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?
chocolate
42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)
whom?
44. What do you want to be when you graduate?
college? god i dont even know… smt w art.. by an illustrator or art teacher or freelance artist or graphic designer ,, i really dont know
45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
one thing ?!!?!? i wish i was neurotypical
46. Are you reliable?
yes? i try hard to be? i hope so ?
47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?
u still a lil bitch ?
48. Do you hold grudges?
nope i try not to, ive had too many toxic petty people in my life that i dont need to be one myself.. now this is grudges w/o reason, but if ive given people several ‘second chances’ and theyre still (thumbs down) then ill avoid them but w/i reason?
49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?
DOG HORSES BIG DOGs
50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?
mm probably smt w my lab partner from last year. she always sends me weird quotes from a fanfiction shes reading and its weird but i really appreciate that she still talks to me or talks to me at all tbh
51. Are you a good liar?
nooo ?? i try not to lie? mb not tell the full truth but idk , i feel like id feel too guilty
52. How long could you go without talking?
uhh literally days like i already fucking do.. i m taking this as verbally but i dont get texts so like, it would not be hard
53. What has been you worst haircut/style?
before i went to short hair i used to alllwaayyys wear a tight ponytail every single day bc i wasnt girly enough to do anything w it and it was really really gross like thank god i cut it all off
54. Have you ever baked your own cake?
heck yeah
55. Can you do any accents other than your own?
*clears throat*
h-
hewwo?
56. What do you like on your toast?
butter and jam
57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?
x
58. What would be you dream car?
razor scooter
59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.
sometimes im just too physically or emotionally exhausted to stand so ill just,, lay down? ive fallen asleep in the shower before ha
60. Do you believe in aliens?
yup
61. Do you often read your horoscope?
whenever it comes up but i dont ,, seek it out
62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?
Q
63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?
dragons tf
64. What do you think about babies?
evil, ugly, dont see the appeal. open ur eyes ppl !!!! bbs are n Ot cute !!
65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.
x
#long post /#mention of dysphoria /#ask#thenk yoy sophiw#this took 4ever but worth it bc it got me to calm down?? coolc ool cool
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All odd o:
iM GONNA PUT THIS UNDER A READMORE BC ITS LONG…
1. What is you middle//full name?
i’m not gonna say my full name for privacy purposes, but my first + middle names are Tristen Mackenzie
3. What is your birthday?
May 23rd!
5. What is your favorite color?
aw man like… light pink? dark purple? cerulean blue??? all good.
7. Do you have any pets?
yes!!!! i have a cat and her name is rose and i love her
9. How tall are you?
5′3″-ish? i’m not exactly sure
11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
uh… 3 i think? 5 counting both pairs of character shoes though!
13. What talents do you have?
as a lot of ppl who follow this blog, i’m pretty good at writing! other than that, i like to think i’m pretty decent at singing and acting, and i draw a lot. other than that??? idk
15. Favorite song?
i answered this but i’ll just add more: A Soft Place to Land from Waitress
also Teen Idle and Primadonna by Marina and the Diamonds!!
17. Who would be your ideal partner?
alright so like my ideal partner is definitely someone who just loves me for who i am and doesn’t force me to change, y’know? someone supportive who’s kinda ready to take me as i am with all the baggage i have and still loves me in the end but doesn’t take any bullshit? like, they accept i have problems but won’t let said problems excuse my actions. someone who can help me improve on who i am, i guess?
also someone sweet and gentle and just understands, y’know??
idk i haven’t put much thought into a person past that, since i guess all i want is someone who actually gives a shit?
19. Do you want a church wedding?
uh personally i don’t really care even tho it’d probably piss off my family i guess??? like, it could be or it couldn’t be and it probably wouldn’t make too much of a difference for me because imo it’s a wedding either way???? idk man
21. Have you ever been to the hospital?
like, me being in the hospital? no. visiting people? yeah
23. Have you ever met any celebrities?
uhhh i met a guy off of broadway once he was cool i think his name was andrew or matthew or something and he was in pippin and actually was charlemange the night we saw the show!! i wish i could remember his name because he gave me really good advice about basically sharpening what i wasn’t good at when it came to theatre
25. What color socks are you wearing?
none
27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?
like… i mean, i wouldn’t be against it? as long as it’s for something i’m proud of, i guess???
29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?
nnnope
31. What position do you usually sleep in?
i usually lie on my stomach when i sleep!!! idk why it’s been kind of a recent thing??? like i use to sleep on my left side for years and over the last year or two i’ve started sleeping on my stomach for whatever reason
33. What do you typically have for breakfast?
i usually don’t wake up early enough to actually eat breakfast but i like to make scrambled eggs and toast!! because effort
35. Have you ever tried archery?
no but i want to :’O
37. Favorite swear word?
eh, probably just ‘fuck’ because i’m not creative
39. Do you have any scars?
i have a reaaaaaaally faint scar going up my leg from when i did something stupid and was scratched by a wire!!!
41. Are you a good liar?
depends on the lie and who i’m telling said lie to, honestly.
43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?
uh i can kinda do a russian accent like Stereotypical Russian and i can do a southern accent (which works because i’m from the south but i have no accent i swear), and i can do a kinda posh accent??? idk man i should sit around and just attempt accents one day.
i’m good at mimicking mercy from overwatch sometimes tho but only when i’m playing her because it’s more of me just sitting there echoing whatever she says i guess
45. What is your favorite accent?
idk my russian accent is at least fun to sit around and say shit in
also just??? idk what you would call it other than Stuck Up White Girl but that’s also kinda fun because i literally will sit around and say stupid shit
47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?
that’s honestly a good question and i couldn’t tell you because i barely remember anything like lemme check amazon because i have this dress??? that was probably expensive
it actually wasn’t too expensive it was only 35-ish dollars??? idk then i tend to not buy expensive clothes
49. Are you an innie or an outie?
innie
51. Are you scared of spiders?
hhholy fck yeah i nearly panicked yesterday when there was a spider in my car like i was almost gone but my brother got it
53. Favorite foreign food?
honestly that’s hard but i??? fukn???? love??? chicken enchiladas????
also does fondue count bc it’s from switzerland and i love fondue like cheese??? good. chocolate??? heaven.
55. Most used phrased?
probably like “idk man” because i just Don’t Know
57. How long does it take for you to get ready?
depends!!! sometimes it can be around 30-40, sometimes an hour, sometimes i’ll be ready in 10 minutes i don’t do makeup and throw on something decent
59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?
i tend to mostly suck???? that doesn’t sound sexual i swear why does everything have to sound sexual jfc
61. Do you sing to yourself?
i think we all know the answer to this one. it’s a definite yes and anyone who thinks otherwise doesn’t know me tbh
63. Biggest Fear?
dying young, i guess? it’s something that kinda haunts me still and idk of anything that’d be a bigger fear than that for me rn
65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?
idk i rarely watch movies????
67. Can you name all 50 states of America?
i mean i’d probably leave a few out but i can
i took a thing and i got like, 35-36 out of the 50 so that’s good i guess
69. Extrovert or Introvert?
def an introvert
71. What makes you nervous?
what doesn’t make me nervous tho
uh i guess just??? driving in silence makes me nervous
honestly any silence makes me nervous because i need at least some sort of constant noise??? tests are hell, man.
73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?
depends on the mistake??? i tend to but if it’s just something really minor i won’t bother the person.
75. Have you ever started a rumor?
nah i dont think so. if i have then??? whoops. i know a guy who started (or at least tried to?) rumors about himself tho it was weird
77. Have you ever drank underage?
not rly??? i’ve had sips of stuff but that was usually with my parents and it wasn’t enough to make me feel anything. altho next time my friend and i hang out without her parents there i might drink a little, just to be able to say ‘i did the thing’ since i kinda wanna do teenage shit while i still can i guess?????
79. Who was your first real crush?
guy i knew/know (we’re kinda friends??? like we talk but we don’t make extra effort to do so imo???) named jacob!!! he let me down gently because he was also the first person i confessed to, and altho i kinda regret it, i still had that rejection so at least i don’t have to deal with that shit with someone else being “that first rejection” or w/e
81. Can you roll your Rs?
aaaa sadly no i wish i could tho!!!
83. How fast can you run?
i don’t think i’m fast but i think i’m fast enough
85. What color is your eyes?
blue!
87. Do you keep a journal?
i kinda used to??? i stopped writing in it for a while… 89. Do you like your age?
ehh kinda??? like…? i’m still technically a “““teenager”““ (even tho i technically count until i’m 20 but legally i’m an adult at 18) but it kinda sucks because being 17 is lowkey kinda stressful because woah ur a senior in high school time for u to be forced into thinking you need to choose a good college that will get u a degree for a job you’ll always be in for the rest of ur life and just the fact i’m kinda inexperienced in shit??? i just wanna be smooched before i turn 18 man
91. Do you like your own name?
i mean??? i don’t like ‘tristen’ but i do like ‘tris’! which is why i go by it online and i try to get ppl to call me it. there was someone i know who was like “no one even calls you that” when i said something about being called “tris” to someone and i’m like… that’s because i never said anything about it before…??? no one calls me tris because i never really went by it before….???
but anyway “tristen” is fine but i will always prefer to be called “tris”
93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?
i’m gonna say i’d love to have a girl but honestly? i don’t really care? if i have a child or if i have children, i just want them to be happy and healthy and feel they can trust me with anything - or at least almost anything, since i never really had that person growing up.
95. What are your weaknesses?
uh i’m not the strongest person when it comes to physical activities but that’s also because i’m a dumb egg who sucks when it comes to shit like dancing because i kinda throw myself down a hole when other ppl get things and i don’t and i get really self deprecating over shit
also self deprecation by itself is a pretty big weakness.
other than that, i’m kinda messy?? like my room itself is a mess and there’s clothes on the floor and i really just need to take a day and clean up
97. Were your ancestors royalty?
not that i know of
99. Color of your bedspread?
uh its too hot for one rn but i have a white one that my grandma bought for me and i use it when its cold af outside
i want this galaxy one that i found tho….
(I SPENT AN HOUR ANSWERING THIS BUT IT WAS FUN OMG…)
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All 65 questions
65 Questions You Aren't Used To
Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?
No, I believe ppl when they tell me they exist
On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?
2
The person you would never want to meet?
Trump
What is your favorite word?
Flustered
If you were a type of tree, what would you be?
Cherry tree
When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?
Yikes thats me
What shirt are you wearing?
An adventure time shirt lmao someone else gave it to me i swear
What do you label yourself as?
3.99
Bright room or dark room?
Bright room,, i need the free vitamin D
What were you doing at midnight last night?
Probably playing exploding kittens lmao look it up its fun
Favorite age you’ve been so far?
Being 11 was probably pretty solid, I would say 4 but I think thats cheating bc i dont remember it
Who told you they loved you last?
My mom hell yea
Your worst enemy?
God
What is your current desktop picture?
Grunkle Stan’s floating “I eat kids” blimp across a scenic landscape
Do you like someone?
Eh, not really
The last song you listened to?
Dissolve by Absofacto
You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
I guess Jeff Bezos but I might as well just write [insert billionaire]
Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
Isaac for sending me this
If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?
Jeff Bezos, I would have him redistribute his wealth
What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)
Ppl usually say my hair
If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?
I’d probably look like a fuckin manlet if I were 5 foot. But this question implies I get to choose what I look like, in which case I would be 5′7″ and buff as shit and I would spend all day hitting on straight girls
Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?
I can make my eyes shake lmao
What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?
Sometimes when I open the toilet im like ooh i hope no ones in there
You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.
salami mustard and cucumber on baguette dont fuck with me
You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?
Guitar!!!!!
You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?
NY babeyyyy
An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?
I dnt even care abt the brand, just hard cider
You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
Be nice 2 me
What is your favorite expletive?
fuck
Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?
My bass bc im borrowing it so id be fucked lol
You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
My dad being alive rofl
You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!
hawaii,,, infinite vitamin D
The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
My moms dad, he seemed like he’d be chill and she misses him a lot
What was your last dream about?
I don’t remember lol
Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?
Im not a good anything
Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?
Yea
Have you ever built a snowman?
Ive built a shitty pile of show garbage, but i’ll say yes
What is the color of your socks?
Pink n gray!
What type of music do you like?
Folky poppy musical theatre pop rock synth guitars
Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?
Sunrises
What is your favorite milkshake flavor?
Choccy milk
What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)
I support the right to choose (for football)
Do you have any scars?
I got 1 on my cheek
What do you want to be when you graduate?
Happy
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Give myself 17 years of dance training so I’d be a god
Are you reliable?
I think so
If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?
Did you figure it out?
Do you hold grudges?
oooooh it depends. yes and no. i hold grudges in v specific situations and i give a 4 year rule where u get a second chance
If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?
puppy plus bird. sofd.
What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?
all of them. ive had multiple conversations w different ppl abt what it would be like if a guy wore a strap on for sex and he had 2 dicks but he used the strap anyways lol
Are you a good liar?
not at all
How long could you go without talking?
i am so bad at it, i can barely go on vocal rest bc i dont shut the fuck up
What has been you worst haircut/style?
I’ve had almost the same hair my whole life and its all been pretty tame. Im gonna say when i half sprayed my hair pink in middle school when i tried to cosplay fluttershy bc that was HORRID
Have you ever baked your own cake?
hell yea, i baked a 3 layer cake once
Can you do any accents other than your own?
I “do” southern, british, russian, jersey. whether i do them well is another question
What do you like on your toast?
Avocado babeyyyyyy
What is the last thing you drew a picture of?
I think it was a cat
What would be you dream car?
A BIG ASS VAN THAT FITS LIKE 13,000 PEOPLE
Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.
Yes. Define unusual ;))))) just kidding lmao
Do you believe in aliens?
Idk, it doesnt rly keep me up at night. if i saw some aliens id be like lit
Do you often read your horoscope?
v rarely
What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?
idk fuckin Q i guess
Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?
Dragons. something spicier abt them
What do you think about babies?
What do they think about me? Have they been talking about me??
Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.
haha idiot u forgot to add an end question oh wait you guys dont read these you just ask all of them blindly fuck u guys
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Do them alllllll!! 😂😜 you’ll probably need snacks for how long it takes to answer 💓
lord. LMAO okay
1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?
not really?? life is weird tho who knows man.
2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?
4.5
3. The person you would never want to meet?
HMM. never... im sure there are plenty
4. What is your favorite word?
colloquial
5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?
peach tree !
6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?
gotta brush tha teethies
7. What shirt are you wearing?
a lana del rey concert t shirt n a harvard sweatshirt over the top sksksk .. get u a girl who can do both
8. What do you label yourself as?
vegan lesbian :o ? dumbass
9. Bright room or dark room?
both for different moods... i like rooms being bright and open during the day but dimly lit at night
10. What were you doing at midnight last night?
writing fic
11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?
done
12. Who told you they loved you last?
my mum
13. Your worst enemy?
myself bitch
14. What is your current desktop picture?
miss cdp in that blue coat
15. Do you like someone?
done
16. The last song you listened to?
the rip - portishead
17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
[REDACTED]
18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
see above
19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?
sdlkfj these questions are weird. br*ttany snow can be my slave for the day just so i can play w her hair
20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)
litcherally no clue lkjsf ppl compliment me on my eyes but thats such a basic attribute ppl always comment on. we all got eyes hun.
21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?
probably ,, me but the opposite sex ,,, j*rk off :)
22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?
?? maybe ? maybe not. its a secret
23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?
unique ??? i have claustrophobia and hypochondria lkjsf. what a SHIT pot.
24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.
thats nice. is this a question? PICKLES.
25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?
clothes, or some candles,,, perfume. i want colour pencils ! nice lotion.
26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?
mexico!
27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?
sdkfj gin. hendricks or beefeater. or i mean, if its a gift just give me some BOUGIE shit.
28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
no a55h0l3s allowed
29. What is your favorite expletive?
‘cunt’ has been working its way back into my road rage repertoire lately
30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?
my laptop
31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
hmm
32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!
once again, is this a question. good i wanna move away from here anyway lkjsf
33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
my grandma
34. What was your last dream about?
i actually dont know, i know i had a weird dream last night but i cant remember it
36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?
no, knock on wood
37. Have you ever built a snowman?
yes
38. What is the color of your socks?
kljs they’re grey, cute and cozy and they look like lil woofos :’( my mum bought them for me they keep me so warm
39. What type of music do you like?
lots of different stuff tbh ! idek how to describe the genres LOL
40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?
sunrises
41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?
lime ! or caramel
42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)
i dont have any strong feelings
43. Do you have any scars?
yeah, theres one on my knee from when my friend pushed me over on bitumen in 1st grade kjsf
44. What do you want to be when you graduate?
writer/director/not poor
45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
hmm. i wish i was more open to change sometimes
46. Are you reliable?
yes i hate letting people down
47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?
is it worth it?
48. Do you hold grudges?
yes
49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?
omg. a bear and a corgi :D i just want a little cuddly bear
50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?
omg. so many. i had a really weird conversation with this guy in amsterdam who just like,, cornered me on the street and told me he wanted to hang out with me and i had to make up an excuse and say i was meeting people even though i was travelling alone because i thought he was going to murder me. i’ve travelled alone quite a bit so ive just had weird af conversations overseas kjf
51. Are you a good liar?
maybe?? i just dont like lying so i dont do it a lot. i only really lie to get out of doing things i dont want to do and to rearrange plans when im feeling mentally Unwell
52. How long could you go without talking?
a long time lmao
53. What has been you worst haircut/style?
hmmm. when i was in highschool i cut my hair really short and it just didnt look nice. i also had bright red bangs and black hair in high school, and another time i had turquiose bangs. it was a time.
54. Have you ever baked your own cake?
yes!
55. Can you do any accents other than your own?
i dont like to lol
56. What do you like on your toast?
v cream cheese and jam !! pb+j ! avocado
57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?
a little bear
58. What would be you dream car?
i dont care. something black n bougie with tinted windows so people dont Look at me
59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.
only if im in hotels, i dont like my neighbors to hear me so i sing in my car kljsf. i dont think i do anything exceptionally weird in the shower
60. Do you believe in aliens?
yes!
61. Do you often read your horoscope?
done
62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?
Z
63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?
dinosaurs
64. What do you think about babies?
... cool but i dont want it near me
thanks for the entertainment sweet pea !!!!
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Episode #9: "we're here for the messy bitch game play right" - Annabelle
Tribal was f*ckin wild. Like didnt see that coming and Nicole we literally never talked so dont come for me. 👏
So far Nicole’s attempt hasnt affected anything. And plus Sharky took more of the heat and more blood on his hand and I did for coming up with the Nicole vote. Like im scream team to the end but like it works better for me if people dont see me as a huge threat right now unlike Sharky. I think i might be in a good spot and with an advatage with this immunity hopefully i can win.
Well... I refuse to be booboo the fool right now. I have conflicting information currently about who voted me so guess what? I am not gonna trust anyone LMAO. Everyone is denying and pointing the fingers at others and its fucking pissing me off. Like just own up to voting me so i can have a clear target my fucking god. Like goodbye see you soon!
from my confessional cause i just went off in it LOL about the last tribal:
i know brian and sharky did not vote me
nate and bryce are being fishy
maynor seems non exsistant
keaton is literally opening his big mouth and getting himself in more trouble
i trust anna enough
and nick thinks he is "iconic" for an idol play
like boi
con-fucking-gratulations that you can do something many have done before you
Like, im so done with these people, just let me play my idol in peace smh
So I basically threw this challenge. I just put myself for most of the positives and I put Keaton for most of the negatives. With a few random answers sprinkled in. I get so nervous about really trying on Touchy Subjects because Im worried about revealing my alliances and stuff. This way I just look cocky. And Keaton and I are already on bad terms so me putting him for the negatives might piss him off but probably not anyone else. Ugh
ok so me snapping and voting matt is really annoying KJFHDSAKJFDHS idk why i did that! i was crazy back then... so current thinking is that me/matt/keaton voted matt. and then nicole did keaton and everyone else did nicole. i dont think anyone suspects me but like they woudlnt tell me if they do FJKASDHFKJ apparently matt thinks that nathan did it and anna thinks that it was keaton and maynor and im just like :| FSAJDHFKD. also this comp is about to ruin me like my answers are def gonna make ppl hate me and plus i wrote myself for some good ones which i never do but idk im just really feeling myself so cant wait for the crushing weight of reality to knock me down a peg or two when i get like "next voted out" "doesnt deserve to be here" AFJKSDFHKAJ but maybe not... anyways i recently got obsessed with shakira again like.. im thriving
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youtube
https://i.imgur.com/5o6sz3j.png when i tell u i screamed JKDFASHKJAD
Okay so Touchy Subjects ALWAYS blows up my game. Like I got all the ones that make people target you. Running the Game. Biggest Snake. Physical Threat. I even somehow managed to get "Trust the Most" and "Best Liar". HOW!? And now I'm super worried because if I wasn't on everybody's radar before I sure am now. And I have no idea who I can trust after those rogue Matt votes. I even feel slightly sketched out by Nick. He's acting...weird. And he keeps telling everyone there is a war between me and Keaton. Which I guess is sort of true because Keaton is throwing my name out there. And obviously I would rather him go.
everyone is so extra JKDAHSKFJ matt making a post about how the ppl who are lying and saying they didnt vote him are personally effecting him are terrible like.. ok sorry for not exposing myself get over it u got 3 votes one of which were ur own and maybe if u were more active and didnt reply with one word responses no matter how hard i tried to get u to speak i wouldnt have thrown the vote on u. im just like so over his entitledness that ppl confess to him like who do u think u are KJFHADKJFDH. i feel like maybe im being too mean so if matt reads this after the game im sure ur just in ur feelings or w/e and u did say u had personal stuff going on but like thats not an excuse to go on tirades in the tribe chat when no one but u cares.
keaton is the worst person ive ever met (and i know zach :s) weird of him to choose white ppl saying the n word as his hill to die on but um i got the cannon ready to aim and hes going :airplane: to jury.
OK, so basically Annabelle wins immunity! Good for her, but she's literally not doing enough for me to feel beyond happy for her kjHD... like she's nice and I like her, but at the end of the day, I really don't think she's doing much to propel herself and she's just getting kinda lucky... considering the first and now second immunity have been somewhat luck based... ya....
Keaton's the name being thrown into the mix already (it's only 9:11pm), and I really am fine with that this time around! I like him, but I think he's just someone who can easily go now and it not be bad for me in the future. He's already thrown out Sharky's name and basically called out Sharky to his face, so I'm kinda shaking in my booties. As long as it ain't me, I'm happy enough to listen, but I just don't want any big surprises like the Matt votes, again.
Sharky has been thrown out as the biggest threat in this game right now, and while I think it's very apparent to everyone, I can't have him going anywhere right now. No fucking way. I love the shark man. He's my favorite... he cannot go anywhere... I need him!! So buh-fucking-bye, Keaton! I may like you, but it's not enough to keep you.
Keaton is trash.
Let me elaborate on my previous confessional. So first Keaton tries to call me out for mentioning his name which I didn't do (I did admit to it to save the drama so thats partially on me) but he tries to call me out in public after the vote. Gross. Then after the challenge he starts gunning for me hard. He wants to claim I was doing the same but I wasn't gunning for him very hard. Because i didn't care if he went. He wasn't an ally but he wasn't a threat either. until he started trying to tear me down. Also let's be clear this all started because EVERYONE thinks he's rude and annoying. Then he tries to come for me in pms calling me out for spreading lies. Which again I NEVER DID. So I straightened him out on that. Then he tries to do the "If I don’t get you out now I never will and then we all lose." which is BULLSHIT. Don't get mad and angry with me just because I'm playing better than you. CHILDISH. Then in the tribe chat he says "As a player he can burn. As a person he's enjoyable." IS HE TRYING TO MAKE ME HATE HIM!? First of saying I can burn makes me want to really drag him. Also bro you and i don't talk you don't know shit about me as a person. You did that just to feed this "Feud" thats going on. STFU. Bye. Whichever one of us goes I'm glad I won't have to talk to his KIRBY LOOKING ASS anymore. I wish Marie had stayed.
Okay I can't lie I'm super nervous about this vote. I just don't trust anyone. I'm talking to Annabelle now and was like "I'm down to vote for anybody" because I'm not sure where she's at and I want her to know I am a vote for her.
Well. Good thing is that i wasnt dragged with with what Nicole said which is good with me. I didnt get any touchy subject which is also great. My two best allies Sharky and Keaton both did which means they’ll be targeted before I do. Which is awesome. Me and Nathan dont want to see Keaton go so we got Annabell and Bryce to be with us for a 5 person voting block thats going after Matt. Thats right, Matt is going home. Keaton plan was to try and distract Sharky and fight with him and have both of their names on the chopping block. This means that Matt wont see this blindside happening. And if Sharky has an idol, he’ll waste it cuz he won’t be getting any votes. Its gonna sbe wild af. Be ready.
Its been very quiet this morning. The plan has been set so im hoping that nothing else shatters the plan. The idol search doesnt like me as it likes Nick. Only thing i found was an advantage for next immunity which was an extra point butnit was touchy subject so i kinda threw it cuz said my name for the ones i felt where really bad. And i want to give a shout out for host Drew. You are an amazing and cool person.
OK, so Nathan has been going behind me and Sharky's back to target Matt... and I'm just shook to my fucking core.... bless Annabelle's big heart for telling Sharky because it gave us some room to snap hard. I know Matt has an idol, and I cannot wait for him to pull it out at tribal. I think that Nathan is thinking very short term and thinking him not telling me and Sharky is just some move he can make on his own, but as the Touchy Subjects' results showed us, Nathan thinks he's running the game but Sharky is actually doing it. Getting this info... what a fucking legend...
Annabelle doesn't want to be screwed because of this whole situation so Sharky wants to avoid voting Nathan out but I lowkey don't care. Nathan keeping me out of the conversation makes me lose all trust in him. I know I'm not the target, but it doesn't change the fact that he's trying to run the game behind my back. It's not going to work, sir. It won't.
Ok... I'm angry, but I'm going to have to control that anger and turn it into making the best decision for my game and that will be to work with Matt and Sharky till the end.
Brace yourself this is going to be a LONG ONE. So last night I basically went to Anna and tried to save my ass because I really haven't been sure how genuine our alliance was because of our history together. She basically kept saying she was in a tough spot and this and that and so I outright asked her if she was considering voting for me. And she was like absolutely not. Which is such a relief. HOWEVER! She confesses that Nathan has created a secret plan to vote out Matt. He specifically told everyone not to tell me and Brian about it. EXCUSE ME? Aren't we in an alliance dude? So thats really pisses me off. But supposedly they have the majority for this plan. So that means I don't have to worry about myself as much. But I don't want Matt to go. Especially after this proved that he's one of the only ones I trust. So I'm thinking out of 9 votes we have 3 we can maybe use the steal a vote or something to try and get a majority. CUT TO THIS MORNING. I tell Brian about this secret plan and Brian tells me Matt has a freakin idol!!! So now we can use his idol and even if there are 5 votes left Matt/Brian/Myself control that vote then. Now the tough part...I need the vote to stay on Keaton because if it goes to anybody else Anna is going to think I screwed her over. And I promised her that her telling me wouldn't bite her in the ass. I also need this to stay TOP SECRET because if anyone finds out I leaked the plan they are going to come after me and I love Matt but I don't want to destroy my game to save him. So we need to have Matt use his idol and all 3 of us need to vote for Keaton.
God these people. I am VERY sure I am getting votes tonight and it's ok. Why? Cause I have an idol fuck these cunts. If not the WOOO love a minority!
i'm playing a super dangerous game right now but it's ok hopefully it works out we're here for the messy bitch game play right and i also just like play better in chaos so let's keep it that way once the game gets boring people will think of me.
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Y'all I'm feeling real shitty about this week. I still feel super in danger. i feel like everyone is lying to my face. But I'm also worried for Matt. Luckily he has an idol so he'll be safe but the fact that he's catching votes at all is concerning. I hope it's Keaton going out but you just truly never know. This could be my time.
So it seems Matt might be an option for the vote but the questions I have are:
Do I trust Matt enough to tell him he’s getting votes?
Am I willing to make an early move?
How will this will effect me moving forward?
And when thinking between Keaton and Matt... I think I know my decision…
The shit hit the fan. Somehow Nick knows the hidden real plan that it was going to be Matt tonight. Keaton keeps lying to Bryce that he’s doing Sharky but Bryce is the number we have to have majority over Matt. Keaton is being sketchy kinda. Hopefully the plan goes according and Matt goes because last time he was doing a witch hunt for those 2 votes. Im going to be drinking at tribal tonight. Shit is too stressful.
Keaton is idoled out in a 6-3 vote.
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im bored at lunch and doing this bye
WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Elaine ******* ********* who tf puts their whole name on the internet??
2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? Laine, Lainey, Eli
3. BIRTHDAY? Feb 27
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES? Um Lady of the rivers/white queen/red queen/white princess by phillipa gregory
5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? both absolutely
6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? tom robbins and david sedaris and toni morrison. a lot more but those are top three that are drastically different
7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? the only one i listen to is a local alt rock, other than that i listen to my own perfectly curated spotify playlists
8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? uhhh lavender or salt n vinegar lmao
9. WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? abso fab
10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? deadcrush by alt j
11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? reveille
12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? cornflake girl - florence and the machine cover
13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH?
MAD MEN even tho matthew weiner die, schitts creek, the office only bc you wont get any memes if you dont, SHARP OBJECTS SHARP OBJECTS SHARP OBJECTS and also the sinner season 1
14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN? when harry met sally
15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? just the sims and when im with my friends ill play what they play
16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? a stranger breaking in to my house or like a ghost idk
17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? i dont judge anyone bc i just dont care what other people do as long as its not harming others. so ive been told im a good person to confide in
18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? for sureeeee my need to be right at all times
19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? my cat is the best living creature, but other than him, dogs
20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? summer i need to feel the sun radiating my bones to feel alive
21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? abso not
22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? my childood dog and no bills
23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? her name is hailey, my sister and i met her when i was 5 and they were 6 and we’ve been inseparable ever since
24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? blue
25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? ash blonde
26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? my sister
27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? my sister and all of my friends
28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? my 12 year old half brother
29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? get to go to baltimore this weekend for a museum trip
30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? honestly rn sims 4...its like therapy for me lmao. and my cat.
31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? i barely watched tv as a child....probs the wild thornberries
32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? my other best friends john and tyler. we’ve been friends for 16 years
33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? yeah catch me practicing all safeguards
34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? misophobia/phonia
35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT? either idc
36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? not really a hobbie but im v passionate about tarot cards. and i do yoga every morning
37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? their eyes were watching god
38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? when harry met sally
39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? used to play piano but i stopped in high school
40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? dogs
41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? thestateonmtv, theocseason4, thehauntedmansion2003....idk any more i check those 3 a lot bc theyre good comic relief
42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? invisibility
43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? i loooove my room. also a small abandoned beach called claiborne.
44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? anything my idiot cat does, tv shows, when i mreally depressed i listen to my brother my brother and me because its mindless
45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? i mean i played volleyball for 3 years BUT i did ballet and modern dance (w some jazz sometimes) for 16 years so that took up almost all of my free time
46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? water, green apple kombucha, an oatmilk latte
47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? today on a birthday card
48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? a little
49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? when ppl chew loud it makes me wanna die.
50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? omg tons are you for real lmao
51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? uhhh a weird mix of no dairy and no meat but i eat seafood? bc im on the east coast in maryland so you basically have to here
52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? a lot of things
53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN? shiiiit idk
54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? the future
55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? yep
56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? yes but im not great at it despite having like 10 years training lmao
57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? in high school i skipped like 50 days a year lmao. in college i was better but def used all of my sick days
58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? the beach, or st andrews by the sea in new brunswick
59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? summer in st andrews by the sea, somewhere warm and beachy the rest of the time
60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? my cat, and at my moms house another cat and a dog, my dad has a dog a horse and a raccoon (?) but i dont go there alot
61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? i guess early bird but i love sleep
62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER? sunsets
63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? yes
64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? earbuds
65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? for six years i hated my life
66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? alternative and classic rock. also i love jazz and blues
67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? i dont have one
68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? i loved the archie comics as a child...thats why i unabashadly love riverdale
69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? close minded people
70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? a real book
71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? art history in college, english in high school
72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? 2 step brothers, 2 ex step brothers (Were still close), a full sister, and a half brother
73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? a latte maker and hair dye
74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5’ 9″
75. CAN YOU COOK? yes but i hate cleaning pots
76. WHAT ARE THREE FOUR THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? my cat, lattes, music, my bed
77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? uhhhh idk
78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? almost an even split
79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? i dont really label myself but its definitely fluid
80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? maryland
81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? one of my group chats
82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? ugh on monday in therapy
83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? i dont really have one
84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? almost never
85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP? uhhh instagram and huji
86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE? yikes lets not lol
87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? mmmm spanish or like...portugese
88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT? mykonos
89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 86
90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? no
91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? no
92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OR THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? deep ocean bc its like... right there
93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? for like 2 years i would accept any dare anyone gave me....until i jumped off a bridge and cracked my ankle. so not anymore haha
94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? an ingredient in contacts and pink eye medication
95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? no
96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? no
97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? if im actually wrong i will
98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? Beach
99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? no one is thinking about/judging you as much as you think they are
100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? yes but i dont use it often
101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? uh idk or care tbh
102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? very infrequently
103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? god the most introverted
104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? i loosely keep a tarot journal
105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? depends on the situation but almost always, no
106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? return it
107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? sure
108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? yes
109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? yeah its so weird to me that some people have been haha
110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? SO when i turned 18 i got lik 7 extra piercings on my ears...they all closed up so now i have my OG two
111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? anna karenina i think wed be friends
112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? no
113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? staying home for a year and going to community college when my step dad was dying
114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? yes totally
115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? glasses
116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? yes 3 girls
117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? my friend kenna
118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? why the fuck would i say it here
119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? yes bc of anxiety
120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOU CLOTHES? black
121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? love ‘em
122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? yes
123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 23
124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? “unable to perceive the shape of you, i find you all around me. your presence fills my eyes with your love. it humbles my heart, for you are everywhere” from the shape of water
125. DO YOU PREFER SWEET OR SAVORY FOODS? savory but i love a good fruit
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chaha,, this is why i ended up crying on the sidewalk at 12am outside of a public event i’d brought a ticket for because i wanted....... i thought we both wanted to go........ she told me she was in the city then suddenly she says she realized she was actually in longisland and about 2hrs away from the city........ even when.
i thought were going to do something fun together again for once, since it’d been so long...... i sai d i wanted to go see it and she said she wanted to come and i told her where i was.. she has a car and i took the train which is a lot slower and; she never responded? we used to talk for hours.. then about an hour, or a little more than an hour away? maybe 2? from when the event was soupposed to start she told me she was hanging out in a lounge with some of her other friends. drinking and partying? i was nt mad she was enjoying herself but i was peevedshe didn’t even tell me she was back in the city.... even if that was the case that she ever wasn t omg... it wasso close to when the even was soupposed to start. there’s no cell service in the subway and my phone was abt to die. i texted her asking, i don’t remember? omething about the event.i think i told her i was an hr away from it and since we were both in different places and w diff. transportation situations... she took so long to respond... my phone was about to die.. im so fucking easy to fool lmao, i was curled up in the corner of a room after i finally walked in the event charging my phone for 2 hrs (the event was 3 hrs) waiting for anything... she always lets her phone die when shes out late at night. my phone was on 1% so i thought maybe hers was too so i stopped thinking about it and just sat at the bar and listened to the music. i think my last text to her was “are you coming?” i woke up in the middle of the day the next day and there was just still no response.. i should have expected this. she’s been so cold lately. she probably just realized what a fucking mess and a burden i was and that she didn’t have to do that once she saw how normal people acted towards each other. she probably didn’t want to deal with the stress......she was being nice about it and i was being an idiot. last time we hung out i pointed out that there was this function in manhattan while we were in queens after getting something to eat, we spent all day in queens until she led me into a dunking donut and sat down and we sat there for hours. she said she had to charge her phone. she had a portable charger. right before this she kept telling me how tired she was and how she wanted to go home and i protested but then i was like... ok thats fine ur tired lets go to ur car and i’ll see u off but she told me she’d parked really really far away.i didn’t mind, she was the last person whose company i enjoyed. i was so scared of the idea that she wanted nothing to do with me. we stayed in that fucking donut shop for hours. i was tired too so i got a double expresso so we could hang out like we’d sai we’d do.... like i’d traveled 2hrs for to do.... she didn’t even talk to me almost the entire time, she was jst staring at her phone. maybe complaining about how i wouldn’t take a hint. i don’t even know who those ppl r she never told me anything about them besides the fact that some of them were older than her and they went out drinking together often. she sounded like she really liked them. i didnt care that she had other friends whose company she enjoyed so much... it made me happy to see how well she was doing after hs. god im such a fool. i’m so fucking stupid im literally fucking retarded. she;d been acting weird and distant for months. i thought that was just what is was like watching your hs friends grow up when u two were in completel different situations but there were so many times where i’d toss all my plans to prepare to travel/hang out w her just to show up and suddenly she didn’t have the time bc she had something she had to do that ...just so happened to be starting like 10 minutes after i’d traveled all the way across manhattan to see her... im a fucking idiot. she probably decided she didn’t like me anymore a long time ago after nothaving to deal w me every day and was probably trying tolet me go easy by letting me chose not to make the same dumb decisions over and over but i was so desprate to hold onto her bc no one else talks to me. an y sane person wouldn’t have stood up for that... and some times i did say to her that what it wasn’t cool to call me over and say we should hang out only to tell me she’d have to bail for an interview or something she was scheduled for like a week b4 we met up or something. she never responded to those texts. i was so scared she would decide she was mad at me and done dealing with me so i never mentioned them again even though it fucking hurt. i felt like a toy being tugged around when she got bored but immediately threw away when something else, something more important than leisure of course, came up. i dont know how to make friends. looking back on it, were we even really best friends like i thought? we were only friends for a year, maybe that wasn’t enough? i enjoyed her comapny... and S’s comapny, and sometimes A’s company so much... especilly when we were all thogether even if it was just in class. maybe im just being inconsiderate and i cant see why so im jumping to conclusions bcfrom my point of view i’m?? everything hurts again. im always the fucking dummy, the crazy psycho weirdo that even the nicest ppl could see needed to be put down before it hurt anyone or them. even someone as blind as me can see it in their fucking eyes. they get wide, they back up a bit or hunch their shoulders and stop talking and my fucking dumbass just walks forward and keeps running my dumb mouth bc all i think of it is ‘oh! what happened? they wont be able to hear me from that far away i’ll walk closer and keep taling’ ad now im just afucking angry loser screaming like a fucking toddler on the floor about how unfair the world is when the truth is nobody deserves to fucking have to deal with me. mr g was right to fucking hate my entitled guts. ms garia was right to fucking hate my guts too while putting on a huge fake grinthat i just saw as proof that what i thought she was probably thinking of me was just my outlandish brain trying to make me feel like the entire world was fucking against me when in reality that wasn;t the case when in reality that was the case because they have a fucking reason to be. even though i wasbeginning to ate my uncle for basically cornering me all the time and listing off all the ways he thought i was stupid and disgusting and a pain to have around wasn’t he fucking right? it i it cant just i cant just run around being offended by everyone in the world and giving them the silent treatment-- even if i thought i was giving them space,how could they fucking know??
there probably isnt a person on this planet that would feel sympathy for my fucks. ed up situation because they suddenly have to deal with treating this entitled stupid bitch super delicately least she hurt them. i don’t even know what i do to hurt them, but i do it anyways. im 100% sure that its just by being me. my mother always fucking screamed at me since i was little how much of a curse i was on her. i can’t imagine my brother came out of nowhere with what he was thinking when he stomped upstairs and choke slammed me against my fucking bed and screamed in my face while he shook me and stepped on my laptop after i took my food back. he called me ungrateful. he yelled it to me straight in my ear as if to force it into my head. i don’t even remember being ungrateful?? he talked about brining home food he let me eatallthe time like white astle but i thought i’d always expressed my gratitute but maybe i didn’t?? i don’t remember. i always felt like id din.
there’s a fucking REASON why EVERYONE i meet thinks im a fucking liar and more than worthy of their distain and being put in my place whether it meant i’d get my feelings or my fucking face hurt. everyone wants me to apologize to my brother. and my mother. everyone thinks im being an unreasonable cunt. EVERYONE in my family has shown distain or disapointment in me. it doesnteven fucking matter that i was ableto get into one of the best schools in the country. now i just get even more people outright avoiding me or confronting me bout how much of a fucking disgrace they think i am. my fucking exsistance is always a major fucking burden on everyone around me. it just keeps happening again and againandn again and i keep trying to change but the cycle never stops. it doesnt matter how good of a persn i run into, after having to deal w me for a few weeks they’ll start pushing me out of the way if im walking too slow or step on my toes or avoid me and talk about me behind my back. i can imagine it.... i’ve always told myself i was wrong and oerthinking myself but it always turns out to be true and its always worse than i imagned they’re always way more pissed off at me for my bullshit and that hurts more than any ~over anxious thinking~ i could tell myself. they dont deserve to have to deal with a fucking demon like me but im fucking human too and it hurts so fuking bad. i an see how much they hate me or are pissed to have to put up with me. my uncle told me a few weeks ago that he wish i knew how much he wanted to fucking hurt me when he came back to his apartment and saw the mess i made... i swear to god i was letting the fucking meat defrost... it was 1am bu i was up the entire time; i was making burgers. there were two and the first one was fucking raw and frozen on the inside despite deforsting it in the microwave. he asked me over and over again when school was starting again. i wanted to cry at how obvious it was he wanted me fucking out. i thought i just had bad luck witht my mom but that made me realize it wasn’t fucking bad luck it was all my own fault. probably from the very beginning. i couldn’t help that i didn’t want towash the dishes then and did eveything i ould to get out of it with her. i couldn’t help that even though i did wash the dishes and cleaned up after myself that i let everything aroun d me get so bad before i did something about it. back then i just didnt want to do it and i thought it was unfair that i was always the one to clean the dishes all the time while tony only had to tae out th e trash once a week or so. every time she told me to get off my ass and wash the dishes it was so fucking full it made me mad that i was cleaning up after everyone else. and every time i pointed that out of course both of them were aginst me. she and he told me in their own ways they bot h thought it was only fair.
that fucking bitch. she wasn’t even anywhere close to fucking proud when i got into columbia. her voice was flat the entire time, i tried to get her excited so hard. i knew she cared about money, i told her how much money a school like this could help me make and it was basically fucking radio scilence. and i wasn’t even anywhere comfortable, i was at this place in brooklyn (fucking brooklyn, fuck brooklyn) for this other girl i’d just become friends with (that’s a lie, i dont become friends w ppl idk how she just picked me up like a dog off the dtreet. she told me she liked to do that with people once)and this new teacher that got so pissed at me when i wandered off like i wasn’t fucking 30 days off from being 18 years instead of 8 years old... my heart was singing. i’d finally gotten into my dream school and she didn’t care, and then she didn’t care either. they were both probably so fucking annoyed it hurt ind ifferent ways i didnt want to talk about it anymore. i wanted to hug everyone around me, for the first time in so long i felt like my world lit up in a billion colors and i could finally be happy iforever but it was like... no one felt the same way. i get a bigger reaction from strangers who can briefly relate to me off of some superficial shit all the time than i did. i’d lost that feeling after that. it went from winning the lottery to just another academic achievement that nobody but me and a few other poor souls that probably had to feel obligated to say something nice even gave a shit about. those types, i cant even imagine im an entire person to them. i’m just some symbol of like... society as a whole not being... fucking i dont know,? even this sounds fucking arragont and hell coming out my my mouth nowthat i type it out... lmao mr. g just gave me this fucking look after the announcement took place for the rest of the year. i wanted him to acknowledge that he was wrong about me so bad, haha, that he was wrong to hate me but of course why would being the first student in the history of our shitty fucking school to even get in shitting distance of an ivy league mean anything to him? he probably figured i got in bc i was black, and poor and using that + lies to trick the adoffiers to let me in. ms garcia too. she would hardly speak to me after that. her eyes seemed to burn whenever i met them. i... never thought that they were wrong, i couldn’t shake the enthusiasim i’d lost inside of me after the other day. i( can’t imagine they thought i was anything less than absolutely coddled and spoiled athome while my entire family stroked my ego and did my every bidding since it would probably explain why i acted the way i did in class and schooli guess. fuck i cant even remember more than half the shit i did in hs.)but wasn’t going to just so happen to speak about how great if feels to know that i was probably going to be set for life, for a great fanatastic life, when they were alwyas just barely keeping their mouths shut from calling me a a fucking retarded entitled cunt every time i opened my mouth and it pissed them off.
god no wonder they hated me. im losing my train of thought. i hate myself. i hate myself so much. i don’t even know wit when im hurting other ppl andyeti was always this self righteous bastard who claimed i only cared about others bc i did community service (that no one ever saw since i didn’t do it in school.... so it would be easy to just think that im just a lyingbitch trying to get attention and shit i dont deserve.... like w this admission offer lol)
everyone whose nice to me eventually learns it was a fucking mistake.i seethe way people look at me so clearly now, but still its neveruntil its too late i still dont fucking know what i do to piss everyone around me off all the time. everyone i figured was pretty smart around me always tended to avoid me or get angry at me for no reaosn i could explain. lmao. andr saw it too, she couldn’t stand being around me after a certainpoint. i dont have friends. ive never had friends like everyone else had friends. just fucking sympathizers (”why do you even speak to her?” just someone looking out for someone they loved when i did some dumb shit to them) i wish i had a knife so i could slit my throat right here. maybe then someone will read it and understand that i dont mean it but onestly would they?? am i getting anything less than i fucking deserve?? it doesnt matter if i don’t like it, i’m always brining fucking painful unnecessary bullshit into people’s lifes and make even the kindest people want to fucking rip my guts out for it. there’s a noose tied up to my closet right now but i please just please don’t want to suffer anymore.i dont want toknow what its like to be homeless, but idid this to myself. i’ve always fucking did this to myself. all my shit is password protected. i want to see myself as a martyr so bad but a martyr wouldn’t try and force someone to read this shit and try and make them feel bad for shit they barely had anything to do with that im just trying to drag them into bc i want to feel good about myself, and they only was i an accomplish that is by making other people feel bad?? hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
a few weeks ag i told myself i wouldn’t do it in my dorm because i didn’t want to make other people comfortable. i dont want anyone to come and see my body next to the fucking pigsty i always seem to create wherever i go. i dont want them to have to see my half naked body, but i didnt have any clean clothes. clothes... i jsut spent over 100 on some fucking jeans and a denim jaket bc i wanted it even though i can’t really afford it. me bac k on my bullshit again, of course.oh my god oh mygod. fucking hell god dammit. but isnt this nothing less than i desevre anyway? for making so many poor innocent people have to endure my fucking insane ly uncomfortable awkwardness and the natural hellfire that surrounds me and i was born with and burns everyone around me except for me. is it really so objectively terrible when they burn me back?? they don’t know that i dont have any idea what im doing. they dont know what goes on in my head. i learned to destroy my own feelingsand shut down my human reactions while i was livnngin that hell hole........the second hellhole i came from,theone here on earthnot the one ispwaned in lol.
i really dont even want to hink about the anger the peoplewhove trulygotten to know me will go through if i did die like this. everyone around them will be superifcially mourning and they wouldnt be able to say anything bad, haha~ about me because of the social pressure or w.e, they’dprobably feel terrible themselves because i know even thoughthey hate me and hurt me or want to hurt me or lie to me to hurt me or laugh ifthey make me flinch they’d probablyfeel bad about how glad they feel and should feel for having thishorriblehellcritter whipe herselfoff the face of the earth. and everyone elsewill think im pathetic, of course. so many people already know howpathetici am. theyll ust roll their eyes in annoyance and grumble how i did everything to deserve the shit i went through, and that it was pathetic how i canttake half the shiti dish out.then they;ll go on with their lives nd i’ll be dead and forgotten and the world can cheer silently that im finally gone.
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Me.trocon 2017 Saturday
diary for future me, read if you want but it’s rly only 4 myself tbh. Cosplayed: mik.an Tsumiki
OKAY so the morning was rly bad and hectic and i dont like remembering it but i woke up and got ready bc the lol.ita fashion show was at 10 am and dad n i left and dad stopped by burger king to get himself some food but my cramps flared up BADLY and i had a midol in my bag so i took it out but im afraid of pills and cant swallow them so i was shaking and then i started crying and the drive-thru girl was like “oh gosh are you okay?” and i explained what was going on but rushed and sloppily and she was like “oh this happens to my lil sis too.. it’s okay sweetie just relax” or soething and i had dad park the car in the parking lot of burger king and for me to put my midol in a BK crospy crown and take a huge bite and swallow but that backfred and i chewed some of the pill and it was Blegh but the midol didnt kick in right away and the cramps were still v bad so i had dad rive me home so i could lie down for a while and i asked mom to use the heater bc she accidentally woke up so i asked her while she was awake and she kept saying no bc she liked it but when i begged she let me use her bed and used mine and it barely helped but overtime i gradually geew okay and hadd to calm myself so the stress wouldnt make my cramps return and i left at like 11 am and i missed the BB panel too but it’s Okay and i walked in and met up w haji near the ticket place and thankfully her mom let us wander around the con
so we went to the GF panel but i was mainly distracted by a small octopus plushie on some guy’s head and haji n i kept joking abt us knocking it off his head and abt the guy playing space jam and bassboosted music outside the panel room and it being audible whenever someone opened the door to leave or come in pff... but the dipper did the lamby dance and it was cute aa and the dipper offered ppl in the audience scooby snacks to any of the audience so haji n i had one n it was rly good aa i hadnt had one of those in years theyre Yummy...
Anyway, after that, i tried to go to the DR meetup, but it was rly rly tiny?? like we held it inside w like 2 handfuls of ppl and we tried to get the junkos to step on the tsumikis (there were 3 of us, including me) w 2 junkos bc i requested it but the junkos didnt wanna accidentally pantyshot the camera so we got up from our kneeling positions haha and haji went to the dealers room for a while while this was going on and i tried to help the mikan when she said she got a cut on her face but she said it was alright and eventualy haji came back and i left w her and we decided not to go to the m.lp panel that i kind of wanted to go to and instead went to the dealers room and looked around and i showed her the idol merch table and haji said she’d buy me anything bc she didnt get to give me a birthday present earlier on in the year so i looked around for a Big hamster plushie or something but those seemed expensive so we came back to the idol table and got me the tori keychain i’d been wanting since yesterday or thirsday and haji got a tsukasa and then we ran into the ppl running the fine panel and we all joked abt “ALL WOMEN ARE QUEENS, EICHI!!”
and we walked around for a bit more before going to the rw.by panel but we could barely hear and we had to sit at the back of the room due to lack of seats so haji and i just whispered to eachother the whole time and i had haji read part of an en.stars smut fic w impregnation kink (just kink not actual mpreg) and a lil stupid thing i wrote abt rei and koga and then we watched the service dog near us near the other corner and watched it lick the carpet and Rest and enjoyed watchin it then we tried to walk around and someone asked for a pic of me but i was like “UHH WHERES MY SYRINGE PROP” so haji thought i elft it on the floor of the other panel and she left to go find it while i waited near these ppl bc they were just hanging out anyway and i kept worrying like “shes been gone for a while.. is she okay this shouldve been quick oh god” and my cramps started returning a lil but i tried to keep myself calm and the uraraka was like “are you okay i can go try n retkrkieve her if she got lost” and i was like “it’s okay” and eventually i checked deep in my bag and found it and i tried to call haji but she arrived just as i called her and i was like “i found it im sorry aa” and then we Ran to the en.stars panel
AND THE EN.STARS PANEL WAS SO SO MUCH FUN!! I have the first half recorded on video and since it’s rly late rn, i wont type too much abt that, but i asked eichi if he was anyone’s sugar daddy and, if not, would he be mine and he said he was kind of one to hajime and bought him lots of things and haji asked who was the most into minions and it was apparently Tori and i showed them the scooby doo au i made w some of haji’s assistance and showed wtaru (and the others) the Scoobkai Doonata that i drew and they all were laughing and i wa glad aa and the topic of vore came up again and i showed them shino’s ku.rochia vore post and the kiryu was like “OH MY GOD CAN I GIV U MY TWITTER SO I CAN BE SENT THAT” and the panelists were laughing and tori read the tweet aloud while laughing and i told them the ensemble vore account and eichi was like “well, theyve prob gained more followers today” and i asked if anyone in the audience wanted to see it and omeone rasied their hand so i showed them and they were laughing too and it was Wild.wataru apparently named his doves after fine members and tomoya, and i asked kiryu if he could lift rabits + fine and they nodded and i later asked if he knew that he’s a thicc bara and the fandom thirsts for him and he laughed and nodded. Haji asked them if they’d heard rainbow circus nightcore bassboosted and the eichi said they played it at practice ssometimes (i thick this was ooc not in-character answer) and someone in the audience actually KNEW the person who made that and messaged them and they messaged them that tori said they liked them and the rainbow cisurcus stuff and the person replied w “ Why” and honestly this whole panel was FUN but so someone told us where the en.stars buttons were so the fine group, their friend the kiryu, haji, and i all went to the booth and got buttons and i said goodbye to eeryone and walked around for a minute then haji n i went into the vol.tron talk panel and haji had to leave aww and after that the vol.tron panel was mostly shitty fanfic reading, swearing, and roasts and i wanted to go to vol.tronival but for reason i thought thatd be rude bc the panelists were like “we have to compete w... THAT” and so i stayed and went on my ipad most of the time.
I went to the per.sona 5 q and a and it was so full that i had to stand in the back but they sometimes kept bringing up per.sona 4 and perso.na 3 so i was confused and they said they were abt to start trivia and it might have spoilers so i took that opportunity to leave bc i dont want spoilers and it was kind of boring so i walked around the dealers room and i found a Rock and Uno and i talked to them and turns out the Rock was actually the mondo from the day before bc they said “hey, sweetie!” in a nice tone and i was confused and they were like “ah im the mondo btw!” so we talked and i talked abt how i watched both seasons of nan.baka in like.. 2 days and i was like “uno’s best boy-” and rock (as a joke) went deadpan and walked away and i was like “ROCK IS ALSO A GOOD BOY JUST.. UNO...” and rock came back and i said that uno and nico stole my heart and uno fistbumped me and rock was like “you should cosplay w us sometime~!” and i said i was considering doing uno but couldnt and i cant do most of the characters bc long sleeves and rock said i’d be cute as the chinese qi kid and i was like “i cant paint myself either but thank you!” and they had to leave but i got rock’s tumblr and they called me cute or sweet and i looked around the dealers room for a second more before scurrying to the LL panel and apparently the thing was 2 hours??
but anyway it was p funny and we all just messed around and did q and a and games like handshake killer and karaoke! i sang half of Sentimental Liars but my voice wasnt as loud as i wouldve liked it and kind of shaky bc i was cold and Nervous and the nico from the panel and another random guy clapped for me and the 2 en.stars fans in front of me said my voice sounded nice and at some point i overheard those 2 talking abt making a screamo cover of melody in the dark and i was like “omfg are yall gonna actually make a cover. go fully hardcore” and Dead girl walking and candy store got sung and it was a Fun panel. the kiryu from earlierwalked in too so when everyone was talkign to eachother near the end of the panel, i asked shino if they wanted to say anything to the kuro and shino asked them how ranking went and the kiryu said they couldnt rank and shino was just so happy and keysmashing and asked f i could say “pls lift me mr.bara” and the kiryu chuckled and the kiryu was like “do they want me to like.. do anyfin?” so i asked shino and all he said was “DAB” so i took a pic of the kiryu dabbing and shino said they hadnt been feeling well so it cheered them up so i told the kiryu that and they said to tell shino that that made them happy and when the kiryu and i swapped tumblr apparently they already follow me and im like “FGNEGN DUDE.. I KNO U IVE SEEN U IN MY FOLLOWERS LIST IM YUMENOSAKIACADEMY ROX...” n they were like “oH” and they showed me a funny post abt shu and i proposed a tri.ch shu hc and then they ahd to leave but i stayed for the vol.tron panel but i was messaging shino thru most of it but i saw lynds (as lance) get hugged by the panel’s lance and i read some en.stars doujins and messaged another friend too so i wasnt paying much attention, then istill stayed in the room for the rw.by panel, but same i was just on my ipad but i saw some of the dares and the jaune sang and stuff and evemtually it was over and i walked around taking pics before going outside to wait for dad to pick me up
and i took a pic of a pidge, lance, and keith and gav em lollipops and the pidge was like “omg ur nails.. wait, did u go to a hai.kyuu panel last year?” and i was like “ah, no i was casu.al d v a” and they were like “yea, but u went TO a hai.kyuu panel, yea?” and i said yea and they were like “aa i was the hinata u talked to. i recognized u bc the nails” and i laughed bc thats my only noticable feature, huh. pff
#U COULD TELL I RUSHED TYPING THE END OF THIS ITS ALMOST 4AND I HAVE TO SHOWER AND WAKE UP FOR THE CON TOMORROW TOO AA#diary#pill mention
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