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genderfluidlucifer · 3 years

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Response to being asked to give an opinion on Connie’s calout by residentevil-4

(Tw: CSAM, rape fic, incest fic, predatory behavior, racism, ableism, kink mention, nsfw mentions. Minors should probably dni.)

“Connie and I know each other irl and went to school together for 3 years, although they now live in a different state and have cut contact with me. We went to a private therapy school in Manhattan as we're both disabled and were deemed unable to attend public school. Even though we were pretty close, Connie didn't like having photos taken of them, so I don't have any selfies of the two of us; however, these are from our sophomore and senior yearbooks which at least confirms that we were in the same year at school. People who have seen Connie's selfies should be able to confirm that that is what they look like. First and foremost, Connie is not TMA. They are intersex and the two of us have discussed intersex issues both in person and online, but they are still decidedly CAFAB.” Ok so first off, I want to address this part of the callout. To be honest...was it really necessary to literally doxx Connie ehre? Because this textbook definition of doxxing. Yes Connie’s done some shitty things but I freally don’t think that what they’ve done warrants this level of doxxing. Or...even better, any doxxing. This feels like a really unnecessary breach of privacy, revealing sensitive information on Connie’s childhood that they choose to confide in you with. I really don’t agree with this aspect of the callout as it feels very invasive and bordering on stalkerish. Btw when I say bordering on stalkerish I’m not directly calling you a stalker Bonnie. Just so we’re clear. I am not defending Connie supposedly faking being TMA. Because faking being TMA is a very serious issue. HOWEVER since I don’t know Connie irl and to be quite frank it’s none of my business what the nature of their agab is. Were not close and I’m certainly not going to like lead Connie onto thinking we’re friends just to confirm this with them because that would be creepy. So to be honest I’m going to take this part of the callout with again of salt for now.

[ID: A cropped screenshot of a numbered list Connie posted to their blog hadrosaurs in response to an ask.

“3. I’m TMA And that’s completely irrelevant. I’m not accusing them because of their gender I didn’t even know their gender when they said that to me saying that they said that because they fucking said that and the reaction to it was incredibly alarming. Don’t fucking say that stuff to people.]

I mean I”m not a trans woman so take this with a grain of salt if you want but...I don’t see how this is really proof of Connie being deliberately transmisogynistic? Yes Connie gives iffy retellings of mistakes they’ve made in the past. I’ve seen that on their blog before and I won’t pretend it doesn’t happen. BUT here they sound genuine enough and to be honest a growing issue I’ve seen with callouts as of late is. A person confirms they in fact did not do the thing they were called out for. And then the people who make the callout choose to see it as proof of incriminating behavior anyways. To be honest it’s a big problem and it’s also incredibly unfair to the person being called out. If you’re so determined at that point to see the person as bigoted no matter what they say then of course anything they say can be seen as proof. So I’m going to have to pass on this bit of evidence. “Connie responded: “Final note: I have spoken extensively with several trans women about using TMA to describe myself. I will not be getting into discourse about that on this blog again. All that leads to is people demanding my medical records and calling me slurs. If you wanna have a thoughtful conversation about it direct message me cause it’s not happening again here.” Again this really doesn’t seem all that self incriminating. Connie mentions here that they’ve talked to rl trans woman about whether or not they can be considered TMA. Connie really doesn’t have to disclose that personal information to people for any reason. Yes even when people are e including this ask response in a callout. And considering lots of people DO get invasive about Connie’s medical history ans general personal life over matters like this? I feel their reaction is pretty understandable here. “Connie has constantly compared “exclusionists” (or anyone, really) to TERFs, even when the people in question are not transmisogynistic, trans exclusionary radfems, or are even transmisogyny affected themselves.

“ Gonna have to disagree with this part of the callout too. Lots of ace inclus blogs, even some run by trans women , have proven that the ace exclus movement was started by swerfs/terfs. But the blog that has the most evidence for this is courteousmingler on tumblr. I suggest you check out that blog’s archiving of the history of ace exclus rhetoric before rushing to call me a transmisogynist for disagreeing with this part of the callout. I looked through all of the evidence for Connie being racist and tbh as a black ndn it all feels incredibly flimsy. It’d be one thing if Connie was using their experiences to derail and invalidate the discussions about how black people are oppressed But they weren’t doing that there at all. This part of the post feels incredibly biased. And like OP is looking for things to be mad about. Going to have to pass on this list of evidence. Also uh I seem to recall that residentevil04 got called out for some questionable behavior as well. “Both me (insepsy, hi) and ezrat have had really weird spikes in activity on our Statcounters, both on the same day. (Saturday, 4/17/21) For both of us, majority of the pages looked at by these visitors have been related to or about Connie, or have been posts that Connie would find "problematic" such as the f slur untagged or something related to "panphobia"/aphobia. I’m sorry but...none of the proof of cyberstalking holds any water. Visiting someone’s blogs and rbing posts to disagree with them is not cyberstalking. Keeping tabs on urls that an abusive person who has harassed are using so you can block them (in this case with kyoshi) and warn your mutuals is not stalking. As a victim of rl stalking it’s...really weird to call this legit stalking at all. Much less claim that you have damning proof of it being stalking when no such evidence exists in the callout. Besides after Connie and nonbinarydave called out one of kyoshi’s buddies for sending a death threat hate anon to nonbinarydave’s toddler st4lker partly admitted to doing it a few times. Then other mutuals in kyoshi’s toxic social circle clearly began joining in. Making side accounts where they tried to spin a false narrative of nonbinarydave’s daughter being one of their alters (ableist as hell.) And also trying to do it in such a way that they thought would trigger nonibnarydave’s psychosis (also ableist as hell.) If you’re going to drag Connie for their mistakes and never let them move on from those mistakes then it’s only fair to do that to people you agree with who also do toxic/bigoted things. ALso the fact that your wording here suggests that you think panphobia and aphobia aren’t real makes me doubt this claim even more. Exclus and their allies are notorious for mislabeling inclus disagreeing with them as stalking. “connie said that they would release that info at a later time and the minor began to argue with them that they had a responsibility regardless of their complicated relationship with age. in this argument connie for a time kept their age ambiguous and at one point told the minor (who confirmed in a later ask that they were severely traumatized by adults) that they obviously weren’t traumatized. connie quickly deleted this ask and any mentions of it and the next post they reblogged was about how wrong it was to try and quantify or discount others’ trauma. on my old blog i @ed them in the replies and asked if they had just done that. connie admitted to it and said it was fucked up but quickly blocked + deleted my comment. i can’t remember whether or not connie apologized to the minor, they may have? but yeah. i thought that was pretty weird.”] I do agree with some of the concern here that adults shouldn’t over expose minors in discourse. I’ve been contemplating this for awhile myself. And trying to figure out how to take better steps to avoid including minors who are triggered by discourse in discourse, especially. HOWEVER I have one little issue with this addition to the callout. If that is the case then exclus and their allies need to practice this as well. You cannot ignore the fact that the reason a lot of minors are getting involved in exclus discourse is due to adult exclus and their allies forcing minors to pick a side in the discourse. Y’all are not at all exempt from this problem. I still remember an ex mutual of mine trying to convince a minor to agree that aces can’t face corrective rape. And based on how aggressive it got with me when I tried to avoid giving an opinion on the matter, I can’t imagine that it would’ve reacted better to the minor refusing to give an opinion or to the minor outright disagreed. Refusing to put these standards on exclus and their allies is both hypocritical and quite frankly very transparent. The claims about them glorifying dark topics on AO3 through their fics also seems unfortunately legit. I mean those asks of shaming people who ask their viewers to not romanticize or glorify abusive relationships in their works is very damning. I’m very disappointed to see that Connie has taken being an inclus to the point of validating antis anti culture wholeheartedly. I can’t think of much more to add to my opinion on that part of the callout. As for the issue of Connie interacting with pro shippers in the past, I do know that this claim is legit. I’ve seen it before and so has Breeze. This was why for a brief time we decided to stop following their blogs. Because it was triggering to have pro shippers put on our dash. And sometimes we just don’t feel it’s worth it to always let people we’re platforming know they’re rbing triggering stuff. So sometimes we just quietly unfollow and choose to not interact until we’re sure they’re filtering what they do and don’t rb in some way. I definitely don’t agree with that behavior. And if they’re still doing that I”ll deplatform again. “The anon asks: “A weird question but do you know any other stimboard blogs with your follow criteria? (No radfems, racists, fandom antis, etc.) I was hoping to find more through your “similar blogs” but a lot have no anti-antis for their DNI or allow truscum/transmeds and exclus. :(“

The user responds: “I know of @turtle-pond-stims, @outofangband, and @kinaesthetics! 🍂🍄" “[ID: A cropped screenshot of an ask sent by Connie from their now-deactivated blog, butch-with-a-tortoise.

Connie says: “hey anon I have safe stim blogs. dm me if you want them. And radfems/bigots aren’t allowed to interact. For my own safety (because the community is honestly terrifying) I can’t publicly say on my blogs that I’m safe for proshippers/kinky people but I try to spread word how I can.”] [ID: Screenshot of a post by evilwriter37, which reads, “I’ve been seeing posts about fandom police leaving ao3, and it’s like: Good. We don’t want you here anyway. Go find your own fanfiction site.”

The post is tagged “#Fandom #AO3 #Antis #Purity Culture” and has 87 notes. It was posted on December 21st, 2020.

There is a reply from main-to-outofangband-andothers saying: “there are Silm antis on that site who are against Russigon (Maedhros and Fingon) not because they’re cousins but because they’re both male (coded)”] [ID: A screenshot of an anonymous (though signed off as being from outofangband) ask sent to evilwriter37, which says, “Melkor and Viggo solidarity is ‘Look there’s nothing wrong with keeping my enemy chained up in my personal chambers at all times so please just focus on the war efforts and I’ll focus on the boy* in my chambers’ -@outofbangand.

*boy used figuratively @ antis”

The user responds: “Pfft!!! Hahaha! You’re absolutely right! (And Viggo does refer to Hiccup in canon as ‘my boy’).”] I can’t really say anything to refute this. Because these are all posts of Connie outright stating that they disagree with antis. And not only sympathize with anti antis but are fully against antis. Looks like very damning evidence. Although ngl I’m not entirely against kinky blogs as a whole? Just so long as they truly stay in their lane with their kink content. And don’t force it on others in any way. Or shame people who are triggered by their kinks. It is true that being entirely against kinky blogs no matter what is dipping your toes into swerf rhetoric. Tbh I’m not going to look at the rest. This is pretty much all I need to make a decision on whether or not I”ll continue platforming Connie. Though I will try to get some more perspective from people who I interact with as well. Because I feel better about making a more definitive decision after doing that. Also in general please don’t not try to get an opinion from me on how I feel about syscourse. A lot of the claims about Connie’s age weirdness and them using their alters as a shield feel like syscourse to me. Especially if this callout was written by one or several singlets. Singlets should never be trying to judge how legit someone’s system is ever. Even if their system friends encourage them to. You can call out a horrible person with a system without trying to insinuate that they’re lying about their alters in some way. Doing otherwise is ableist ESPECIALLY if you’re a singlet. Also in general the reason I stay out of discussions of judging how someone is handling their systems is because it’s syscourse and syscourse is triggering for my system and I. If this post was an attempt to get me to give an opinion on the validity of Connie’s system I don’t appreciate it. And I would appreciate not being dragged into such matters again, thank you.

In general there’s like a few parts of this callout that feel legit. Which is unfortunately cluttered with obvious bias and obsessive hatred of Connie. I’m not here to stan or coddle Connie. I know they are not a perfect person. Especially since no human being in the world is perfect. But I feel the way this callout was created was very sloppy since a lot of the evidence was messy at best. And some points were very hypocritical as well as there being some no true scotsman moments from OP. In acting like exclus never do any of the thing that they tried to call out Connie for. Which is behavior that I am not a fan of. This is why people need to be more careful about callouts and like make roughdrafts and have a more unbiased person helping them if they don’t feel they can do it on their own. I’m even trying to make a resolve to do better at that myself. So it’s not like I’m unwilling to put my money where my mouth is. Anyways those are all my thoughts on this messy callout. And tbh I’m not going to get too much more heavily involved in this. Because I need to focus on more immediately serious rl stuff more often, like doing what I can to get out of the hellish landscape of a house I currently am stuck in.

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cuddledot · 5 years

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I’m sorry for the breakdown a few hours back, today really got to me and my mental health. I'm doing okay so far, not completely okay but thanks to my significant other and your guy's kind comments, I managed to calm down and I think my mind is not in the wrong place. (hopefully) I just want to thank you all for the kind messages and concerns. Forgive if I haven’t answered all the messages, it’s very overwhelming but I really appreciate your guy’s messages. I tend to not talk about my personal life here but I have to gather everything and try to recollect myself. I guess it’s a good time to share some stuff what went down. I’m going to queue this post as well in case everyone hasn’t seen it: TW for drugs btw... and please don't reblog this

Just recently, I found out my dad got fired from his new job. (You know...anew high-paying job in hopes to help sustain the house.) He’s been out of work since Monday, yesterday and then today. HE’s been avoiding everyone and including myself, brushing it off as a stomach ache, till eventually, he complained about kidney stones and not able to eat for three days. He works at the same job my sister works at. From what she said, he got terminated from his own job after the results form the drug test. My sister just found out today and I have no idea until now. And now I’m finding out my dad has been doing cocaine before my mom passed (We’re the only two people in the house, btw) and he lied about that he’s not behind of house payments. The thing that really gets me isI’ve been paying for food and bills and I allowed him to use my money on what I thought is necessities. I’m not too sure but from I’m gathering, my dad could be just using me and lying behind my back. Technically our backs since he lied to everyone else as well. I had a talk with my brother and sister who were suspicious and concern about the situation, they told me everything about his behavior. Asking for money, missing work, avoiding everyone. Hell, my dad even asked if I have money right after I chatted with my siblings. Obvious I lied. My siblings suggested me if I can move out and live with them until my dad gets the help he needs. The problem is about my cats and I don’t want to leave them behind. My sister suggested that I should sell them or put them up for adoption but I care so much for my cats and I don’t want to give them away. Is just: 1. Both my sister and brother live in apartments and both have some pet policies. 2. My sister lives close by to me but my brother lives 2 hours away. 3. Idk if I can bring my cats up there due to the pet limit. 4. My sister’s friend an take them and take care of them until my dad gets an intervention but idk how long, considering how blunt my dad is. I don’t wanna go too further down into detail but TL Dr my dad basically lied behind my back on the house payment and about his job and I’ve been paying his shit on things he could've afforded but rather spent them on cocaine. I'm worried about my cats if he doesn't get an intervention sooner and I don't want to lose them. At All. Idk if I can move out permanently if my dad is a lost cost. I have to admit, I never liked my dad, considering how ignorant and not a good parent he is. I tried giving him a chance but right now, he’s...dead to me. I feel like I shouldn’t put trust on him and hope he’ll change but he never did. Everything is fucked over because of him and I don’t know if everything is gonna get better. I don’t want to leave everything behind and I don’t want to leave my cats behind. I think that’s all I can talk about it, I’m still shaken on what happened and idk there’s much more to talk about unless I update what’s happening on the situation. I don’t want to lose some of my stuff and I honestly feel betrayed right now. I might end up taking a huge hiatus or something. I might be active on my main blog but It’ll probably be slow. If any mutuals wanna talk to me on dms, feel free. I might be lackluster on responses but I hope you guys understand. I’ll see you guys soon and hopefully won’t lose my mind over this.

#not art #peri.txt

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kitesupportgroup · 5 years

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Be More Chill OBCR 💛💊

So the bmc obcr has been out for a bit now, (and I love it so very much) so I decided to write down all of my favourite things it- if not for other bmc fans but for myself. Enjoy reading through everything I love!!!

****This is not finished, but I ran over the character limit so I’ll be constantly updating this on reblogs! Look out for the most recent ones!!!****

(Btw It’s not all new additions to the album but just everything)

Jeremy’s Theme:

I mean. I love the be more chill band so much.

With the universal Be More Chill sound?

How could I not love this!!!!

And the amazing theremin?

(That’s what that instrument is called)

(I looked up ‘electric stick instrument’ to figure out what it was)

It’s just terrific

100000000/10

More Than Survive:

Will Roland’s voice (and Will Roland in general)

How unenthusiastic ‘good morning, time to start the day’ is

The addition of the parts part between Jeremy and mr. heere on the recording

‘Dude!’ (Weight the options)

‘Oh god!’

Will Roland’s voice (and Will Roland in general)

When the whole cast comes in on the third ‘c-c-c-come on!’

The new hallway lines (I’ve literally never noticed him before)

The dramatic music when Rich writes on Jeremy’s backpack

‘Oh! It’s a sign up for the after school play!’ *pause* ‘It’s a sign up sheet for getting called gay’

‘End scene’

‘Christiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine’ (new harmonies+notes ahhhhh!!!!!!)

‘No need to wallow, no’

Will Roland’s voice (and Will Roland in general)

MICHAEL!!!!

Just George Salazar

Just Michael Mell

‘You look like ass, what’s wrong?’

‘My mothers would be thrilled!’

‘That’s... good?’

[I was gonna say] ‘Getting atoned in my basement’

THE CHRISTINE HARMONIES YALL HAVE MY HEART

The band is so incredible I can’t

The ooooooooooooooo harmonies when Jeremy is signing up for the play

‘Gayyyyyy!’

‘I like gay people’

THE WHOLE LEAD UP TO MORE THAN SURVIVE ITS SO SOFT AND GENUINE WILL YOU WONDERFUL HUMAN

‘Whyyyy’

‘And teach me how to thrive’

THE INSTRUMENTS COMING IN AT THAT PART THEN THE NANANANANA’S

I LITERALLY LOVE THIS SO MUCH THIS PART GIVES ME CHILLS

Will’s bits AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

‘SUR VIIIIIIIIII-IIIIIIIIIII-IIIIIIIIII-IIIIIIIIII VEEE!’

‘GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GOOOOO GO!’

I Love Play Rehearsal

Stephanie Hsu. Just. She’s a queen. No- a goddess

The way she says ‘because it is fun.’

And the pause between ‘because it is fun’ and ‘...I love play rehearsal’

‘not depressed as in like’ bit

MAD GIGANTIC FEELINGS

‘I also have a touch of ADD

where was I?

Oh, right!’

‘The way it works out in the Pla-aa-y’

‘Centre of attention’

‘That was, really one of my best roles’ THAT VOICE💛

‘Do you find that? *pause that Jeremy clearly cant respond in time* Cause I totally find that!’

‘Why-y-y-y-y’

‘I *punch* LOVE *punch* PLAY REHEARSAL!’

‘Hives’

‘Why’m’

‘There’s also a part of me that wants to do this *adorable weird noises* yasss’

‘So I did it *giggles*’

‘My brain is like bzzz, my heart is like wow’

‘And it’s starrrrrting,

starrrrrting

it’s starrrrrrting,

sooooooooooooooon’

More Than Survive (Reprise)

I’m sorry. A NEW SONG?!

I LOVE IT AND THE TONE AND TUNE AND BAND AND WILL

the fact that ‘at least I didn’t have a breakdown, and have to go to the nurse’ suggest that this has happened to Jeremy before I NEED TO PROTECT HIM

Just the whole set up- it’s what touching my hand aimed to do but shorter and wonderful

The Squip Song:

I realise I’ve added this to everything but Gerard Canonico and his voice I love him

The start instrumental

The way he sings ‘girlfriend’ (idk why i just love)

‘Gross’

‘Futile quest’

‘I would trip!’

‘Then then, Then then, Then then, Then then, Then then, Then then, I got a SQUIP!’

‘You got quick?!!’ Jeremy is so excited aw

‘Not quick. SQUIP’

That entire conversation

Just the entire: It's from Japan

It's a gray, oblong pill

Quantum nano-technology CPU

The quantum computer in the pill will travel through your blood until

It implants in your brain and it tells you what to do’ part

And of course ‘so... it’s like drugs?’

*deep breath*

‘IT’S FROM JAPAAAAAAAAAAN!’

The techno ness on Rich’s voice

The band

THE HARMONIES

‘Almost hopeless’

‘Yeah, your whole life will flip’

‘Squi-I-I-p’

ALL OF THE SQUIIIIIP BITS WOAH rich GO OFF

Two-Player Game:

Can I just say- one of the cutest songs ever

The part where the intro is all slow after Jeremy and Michael are yelling so excitedly I laugh at it every time

The whole intro sequence basically

The band is amazing

Will and George’s voice’s sound so good together 💛

Michael YOU ARE SO DAMN CUTE

‘pac-man tattoo!’

‘Guys like us!’

‘Listen, bro’

Zombie! Watch out! Ah! Aoh! Awww’

Will’s voice ahhhhHH

‘Dude, I know, I get it!’

‘But we’re not in college’

‘All the same’

‘Ahh! Ohh... ZOMBIE! BLOOD! CLAWS! Pause’

YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE NY FAVOURITE PERSON IS SO CUTE

‘I’m your favworite pwerson’

JEREMY’S CUTE LIL ‘yes! *giggle*’

‘Conquer it!’

‘Two... PLAYER GAME!!!’

THE BAND IS SO AMAZING

‘Two player gammmmmme!’

THE LAST FEW HARMONIES I LOVE

The Squip Enters:

Woah it’s so short but I have so much to say

STARTING OFF BY JUST SAYING HOW GREAT THE BAND AND SOUND DESIGN FOR THIS IS I MEAN WOW

Jason Tam’s Squip voice 💛

‘What the hell?!’

Will’s screaming and yelling and noises I love

Christine is so concerned!!!!!!!

‘Mild?!?!’

Jake. That’s all. 💛

‘Oh- wait. I’m fine. I jus-‘

‘Discomfort level may increase’ *yelling intensifies*

‘Welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processer. Your SQUIP.’

Jeremy is so awestruck and cute

‘You look like Keanu Reeves!’

‘But I can see you may prefer to take instructions from Batman, Beyoncé, a sexy anime cat girl with a tail’ ‘KEANU’S FINE’

‘Can everyone see you?’ ‘I exist only in your mind. All they see is you having an animated conversation with yourself- so don’t do that.’

‘Like in X-Men?’ ‘I can see this is going to be difficult’ OH BURN OH DAMN I LOVE IT WOAHH (really tho this makes me laugh so much every time)

‘You want to be more chill?’

‘Oh, you mean cool!’

‘I do not’

Be More Chill, Pt. 1:

Okay but the Squip enters moves so smoothly into be more chill pt.1 woah

NEW INTRODUCTION ITS AMAZING

The ‘c-c-c-Come on’

THE ENTIRE KEY THAT THE BEW INTRO IS IN THO

THE WAY JASON SINGS ‘outdated’ assffhfkglsherb

‘I’ve arrived now, this is not a drill’

‘Be. More. Chill’

‘wow’ (Jeremy you’re so cute)

‘Oh but I am a masturbator’ ‘we’ll fix that’

‘I thought I was more of a... geek?’

‘Wha- stammer? N- I I I. I don’t stamme-‘

‘Non existent’

‘Buh’ ‘Uh-’ ‘Buh?’ ‘Uh!-‘ ‘No.’ ‘UH!’ ‘Stop.’ ‘DOGH!’

‘Everything about you is so terrible’ ‘Terrible?’ ‘Teribble’ ‘oh’

Jeremy sounds so dejected and sad on that ‘oh’ I need to protect him

‘....makes me wanna die’ *hyperventilating*

‘So DONT freak out’

‘It says Eminem’

‘If you’re so astute, what’d’ya need me for?’

‘I envision a future in which you wear a Eminem shirt and things turn out well’ *foreshadowing*

When the whole cast starts singing ‘everything about you sucks’ you can hear individual voices in it and at one point I swear you can hear George doing some weird voice and I love it

‘Now you try picking a shirt’ ‘That’s a girls shirt’

‘Jerry?’

‘Jerry-me’ or ‘Jerry-my’ (I always think of Jeremy being shocked about Chloe talking to him so he’s just like ‘Jerry? Me!’

‘Oh- Hi, Brooke’

‘You look sexy.’ ‘I cant say that to a hot girl- AOWWW’

‘LOOKING-PRETTY-SEXY-BROOKAHH’

‘No! Yess (????!)’

The entire round part I LOVE IT

‘Just like this HAHA’ SO ADORABLE

‘So who was this mystery girl?’

‘Oh you’ve probably never heard of (SQUIP HELP ME OUT HERE)’

‘Madeline’

‘What.’

‘She’s Fre-e-e-e-e-ench!’

‘She is not French! She just pretends to be for attention’ *radiating disdain*

Brooke is SO CUTE

‘Yeah- I mean- (????!!!!!)’

‘Because she was cheating on me-E-eeee-E-eeee-Eeeeeeh’ (YES I LOVE)

‘Hey. Hamlet. Be. More. Chill’

Leading into do you wanna ride!!!!

Do You Wanna Ride?

Okay but Lauren Marcus is literally amazing

And Brooke is amazing

The way the Squip and Jeremy day ‘Yes!’ At the sane time

‘Mich-ael’

Brooke is trying so hard to be seductive and it’s so damn cute

‘Do you wanna get inside my mothers car?’

‘Ah, hah’

‘We gotta stop for frozen yogurt first!’

When the incredible Katlyn Carson comes in GO CHLOE

Harmonies 💛💛

The band 💛💛

And, of course:

‘PII-IIINNNIN-IN-IN-IN-INK berrrrryyyyy

*giggles* ‘Au revoir’

SHE’S BEING FRENCH TO IMPRESS JEREMY

SHE’S SO CUTE

Be More Chill, Pt. 2

‘Repeat after me’

‘Everything about me is just... terrible’

‘Good.’

THE SQUIP IS SO MANIPULATIVE

‘Everything about you makes me wanna die’

‘Everything about me makes me... wanna die?’

‘Now you’ve got it.’

THE WAY THE BAND COMES IN

‘ABout you’

THE CAST

JASON TAM

‘Cool’ ‘Cool!’ ‘And powerful’ ‘wow!’ ‘And popular’ ‘*giggles* ‘incredible’ ‘woah!’

The accordion thing in the aforementioned section? Amazing

‘You wi-i-i-i-i-i-ill’

‘Be More Chilll! *giggles*’ JEREMY YOU ARE SUCH A PRECIOUS BEAN

*squip, probably face-palming* ‘be more chill’

THE CAST

Sync Up

*ahem* SCREAMING

THIS NEW SONG

IS AMAZING

LITERALLY

CANNOT

I have so much to say

Let’s go

First of all, the original more than survive reprise starts us off. I love it

‘C-c-c-Cmon, c-c-c-cmon go g-AHHH!’

‘I’m inside your brain’

I can’t write all of the lyrics as highlights but just know that all of the lyrics are highlights

‘Let’s sync up!’

‘Those facts are not mutually exclusive’

I LOVE HOW THIS SONG SHOWS EVERYONES FLAWS AND FEARS

‘I’m shook, I’m blah, I’m just-’ ‘there-there’ ‘Brooke!’ ‘I’m sorry’ ‘it’s not fair’ ‘Yeah?’ ‘I know’ ‘oh we so sync up’

That entire bit I just

‘But as soon as she shares it, they ignore her’ ‘that’s sad. What should I do?’ *pause* ‘you should ignore her*

‘Up-Up-Down-Down-Left-Right-A’

‘The only controller you need is your mind!’

‘Looks like Jeremy’s killin’’

The electronic ‘lets sync up’ bits

THE BAND IS SO AMAZING THE ELECTRONIC COMPONENTS AND THE EVERYTHING

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arokaladin · 6 years

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Hey there. I’m gonna tell the whole story of my shitty and much regretted qpr now, under the cut because I’m only really doing this to expunge it. You can read if you’re curious but it’s honestly not that dramatic. Please don’t reblog because this is all incredibly private. oh also its fucking long sorry for that.

k so, first things first, some context. My qpr was a girl I’d known since I was five. We’ll call her C. As very young children she’d sort of been the unofficial leader of our group of friends and was I think a lot more mature than the rest of us? And so our dynamic reflected that in that I was like, the cute one and she was the one I looked up to and respected a lot. We didn't speak much for a few months when we were eleven, because we’d started different schools (tho eventually she moved to mine) but apart from that we remained very very close and eventually she became the most important person in my life.

The summer holiday when we were 14 is I think when we became this important to each other. For some more context this was also when I’d just started questioning and was resonating a lot with asexuality and later aromanticism. When I first discovered the words ‘squish’ and ‘qpr’ it was her that I thought of. In November of that year I explained the latter term to her while we were cuddled up on a sofa at a sleepover. By this point our relationship was essentially already a qpr, and we were so close/affectionate that a lot of people assumed we were dating.

In early January of the next year (literally the third I remember this useless information because idk my brain wants to torture me I guess) I asked her to be my qp. Over text. Because I was too nervous to talk to her about it irl. That detail will be important later. Anyway I was very excited because I really believed at the time that qprs were the best thing for sliced bread for me personally. Looking back this was very obviously because I was mourning the loss of my romantic future and was relieved that I had a ‘replacement’ for romantic relationships on the form of qprs. I was working through a shit ton of internalised bull crap and had no idea.

If you're thinking that I just descried a situation that's not exactly ideal and that you know exactly where this is going, you’re right! However I was fourteen and a fucking idiot. A FUCKING IDIOT. Even just before initiating the relationship I realised my squish on her was a lot less strong than it had been last summer and I ignored that. because I was a fucking idiot.

Anyway when we’d been together about two weeks we kissed. Before that we’d been doing lil face kisses and were very affectionate, but this was the first time we’d kissed on the lips or like, ya know, full on snogged. I actually enjoyed this at first, I guess because ~novelty~ or ~milestones~ or whatever, and I still really like the idea of quick lip pecks and sof face kisses. Snogging was still less interesting to me than hugs though, something I communicated to C asap after we’d finished being sappy.

Now, a quick detour into unrelated stuff because I’m trying to do this somewhat chronologically: Valentines day is not something we discussed. She made me a card, complete with her own art, and I didn't get her anything. because like I said we had not discussed whether we were going to celebrate the holiday. At the time I was mainly thrilled with the card and embarrassed I hadn't thought to make one, but looking back? probably she should have asked before catapulting us into a very romantic coded activity that she had no idea whether I would enjoy or not. Maybe I’m reading into that too much but idk. idk.

Back to kissing. There were maybe two months during which I was perfectly happy kissing C, though I think we definitely thought about if differently. To me, kissing was a fun new activity to throw into the mix (like I said not as good as hugs) whereas for her I thiiink it was more of a step up. My reasoning for this is that every time I went to kiss her on the lips or even be affectionate with her in any way really, it turned into full on snogging.

Anyway remember how I had to ask this girl out by text? how I have the communication skills of a fucking gnat? yeah well I had no idea how to tell her to stop kissing me. I would just. Keep kissing her. Didn't know how to explain I was beginning to feel bored by all the snogging and more importantly if she started kissing me I p much just had to wait it out. This isn't an issue with her btw? I was kissing back and she had no reason to think I wasn’t happy (though she definitely could have checked in more? idk?) but basically I’m a fucking idiot.

Oh also at this point I was panicking because even within my Back Up Relationship(tm) I was not feeling what I’d hoped I would. So uh, a lot of the my initiating kisses was because I liked them more in theory than in practice. And also because I was essentially trying to force myself to feel something. If youre now thinking wow, that sounds fucking unhealthy, then you’re right! I’m an idiot! Who the fuck let me navigate a relationship! Anyway this is when shit starts properly getting bad lmao.

So my feelings about kissing quickly go from boredom to discomfort to repulsion. I’m still dealing with all the aforementioned issues. At this point at least subconsciously I am hoping C will break up with me. Tbh I was most likely hoping this at least subconsciously for the majority of my relationship! It’s probably late 2016 by this point. I’ve been fifteen since march. Anyway she finally notices something is off, but assumes its exam stress because I do shit with that. She and my other friends (read: just her but she roped other people in and they are visibly confused because for obvious reasons they don’t think I’ve been off recently) sit me down and tell me they’re here for me. I am uncomfortable.

Then! Finally! She sits me down to properly talk about our relationship. Unfortunately she doesn't break up with me. However she has recognised by this point that I have become more uncomfortable with affection. Probably because my method for not getting kissed is now just. Pointedly looking away when I can tell she’s trying to kiss me. I have very vivid memories of her nuzzling against me, face very close to mine, and staring intently at the movie we were watching and ignoring her and feeling sick. Anyway we agree no more kissing. In this conversation she also asks what I'd think of her having a romantic partner as well as me at some point, which is kind of a dick move if you think about it. I’m mainly happy that I don’t have to kiss her anymore.

(sidenote that I also? grew a lot as a person over the year or so we were together and she decidedly did not. Which isn't a bad thing per se, people mature at different times, but I think even had none of the qpr shit happened our intense friendship would have died down because? our dynamic just did not work anymore. She was no longer the Mature, Respected one.)

However things are not yet over!!!!! No, things are actually at their shittest!!!! Not long after this conversation I admit to myself that I want this relationship to be over. I am uh. unable to break up with her. BUT WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMING!!!!! once again I’m a fucking idiot. Oh we’re also basically not talking by this point so my plan(?) is that maybe I’m being such a bad qp that C will break up with me. because I see that as my only way out. It’s horrible. I am filled with self hatred. I am basically having to blank someone I used to love for self preservation.

Oh, and another detail. By now I am made physically uncomfortable by her presence. My romance repulsion is set off in a bad way just by her being in the same room. I am physically incapable of looking at her. We walk to and from school together every. single. day. I remember far too clearly edging towards the side of the pavement just to try and get further away from her so I wouldn't be physically uncomfortable and C not getting the message at all and edging closer to me to close the gap and me ending up pressed into people’s front walls or teetering on the edge of the road, not talking to her, looking at the ground, and repeating things like ‘don’t talk to me’ in my head. Things were not good lads!

Finally, in what I guess was early February of 2017, she stops us and she asks ‘have I done something wrong?’. Not sure if I’ve ever felt worse tbh. She was obviously fucking miserable and wracked with guilt (like myself!) and uuuuuh I felt terrible but I managed to get out that I thought we shouldn't be together. And then we finished our journey home in awkward silence. A couple weeks(?) later I texted another friend of ours asking is they hated me because I was sure I'd done something terrible and that C was the victim here. Still working through that tbh but I’m doing better than I was.

Anyway I had to spend a lot of time with C for a while, but thankfully we go to different schools now and we only see each other occasionally because of mutual friends. The time gaps are I think what have allowed me to get a lot more comfortable with her presence. The last time I had to see her I was able to feel fairly comfortable being in the same room as her, and I thiiink I was able to look at her too and even address her directly! However I have no desire to be close to her again emotionally and would rather I never saw her again.

As for emotional affects, I’m still dealing with those over a year on. I am no longer able to want a qpr, which is very sad because technically that’s still the kind of relationship I want. I have cried a Lot due to becoming closer to a new (much better) person because brain says this means I will hate her if I get too close. I’ve also had a freak out over being offered another qpr, even though! I desperately wanted it! That’s kinda why it’s so upsetting tbh. I desperately want to label my relationships and I want security but in theory I know it would not be a good move for me. Oh also I’m weirdly scared to re-watch/read/whatever stuff that were Our Things. like stuff C introduced me to. The stuff I have gone back to hasn't upset me at all but idk dude.

Anyway there’s the story of how I fucked myself over by getting in a relationship that wasn’t good for me at fourteen and have probably ruined my chances at navigating intimacy as an aromantic person forever. ya know, no biggie. I’ll probably fuck off to bed soon.

Take from this what you will.

#im so fucking sorry this is unacceptably long #misc #mine #DONT! RB1 #cw for mentions of kissing and? dubious consent I guess?#idk I wld rather not classify it that way but I wanna be sure #hhhhhhhhhhh

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jandjsalmon · 7 years

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Ok I feel like I need to point something out bc I don't know if you guys are even aware of it but I've noticed that it's a point of conflict within the fandom right now that the popular bughead blogs come across as really cliquey. Not attacking or targeting you specifically it's just one example. But it comes across as fake when you guys say you're drama free and really inclusive to put up a good front and then you go back to only interacting with each other and being exclusive and cliquey

So I’ve had some time to think on this message today, Grayface. I hope you didn’t think I was ignoring it. It was written in a super respectful way - and I really do appreciate that. That’s the main reason I felt it was important to answer. I never answer when it’s someone being a jerk in my inbox so thank you for that.

I have to admit - despite your assurances that this message wasn’t targeted specifically towards me - the point when I opened up tumblr this morning and checked MY inbox and this was the first message I got - at first I was kinda hurt. No. More than kinda. I was a lot hurt.

Well, at least my pride was hurt because I feel that I’ve done everything I can (personally) to be friendly and kind to all sorts of different people in this fandom. New people. Old people. People who sometimes don’t agree with me and those who oftentimes do. I took your message personally and that made me want to react instead of reflect - and so it’s probably a good thing that I waited until later to answer it.

I have a couple things to say - but first I want you to know that I completely validate your feelings. They’re yours and that’s okay that you feel them. It would be absolutely wrong to believe that there aren’t any problems in this fandom. There are problems in every fandom. And I always say - get three junior high girls in the same room and you’re gonna have drama. Well - though many of us (most of us?) are older than middle school - the logic is still sound. Get a bunch of passionate girls (and one guy) together and there is gonna be drama.

Some days we’re a HOT MESS. Some people are dramatic. Some people are exclusive and not as welcoming as they could be. And yes, friendships have developed between little groups. A lot of us have been in the fandom since February. It’s hardly our fault that we bonded over Anna’s or Zombiez’ or Vera’s first stories. Some of us were here when there were less than 300 Bughead stories at Ao3. That kind of familiarity is something that can’t be helped. But that’s not an excuse to make people feel unwelcome. So the fact that you aren’t feeling part of it sucks.

And maybe I’m the biggest villain in the story - because I was one of the very first people to start using the term Buggie family way back in March and I even have a damn tag on my blog that says #iadoreourbugheadfamily - so maybe it’s my insufferable positivity that irks people who don’t feel included. I tend to be this positive person - even when we’re in the midst of a drama - because I believe that despite those few who fight and argue - most of us are welcoming and supportive and just trying to have a good time here where we can all mutually squee about the stuff we love.

I’ve come to see though that as welcoming as I try to be and how much it burns my butt that you feel like I’m one of the hypocrites who “say” I’m inclusive but I’m not and basically call me out for having no integrity (which is a HUGE deal to me btw) - I understand that some people aren’t happy with their fandom experience. Not everyone is having a good time. And that sucks.

BUT (and this is a “look at her butt, Becky” sized BUT!) some of that is on the people who aren’t feeling it. I think sometimes…. people feel excluded because the moment they walk into the fandom they don’t get a parade thrown in their honour. We literally CAN’T hold a tickertape parade everyone someone new joins the fandom.

There are too many Buggies us to do a roll call and formal introduction to everyone the moment they realize that RAS was a super smart dude and was right about getting the hot blond and the hot loner weirdo together.

A lot of friendships on tumblr especially come from investing in the content, investing in following others. This isn’t livejournal (my former social media home) - where you got to know people as they told you about their lives. Here we don’t really have that luxury unless we reach out. This is all about engagement and reblogging a couple times and waiting for the rest of the fandom to come to you isn’t gonna cut it. You have to communicate. At least with that one person - who can then help you meet other people and others.

Friendship of any kind is WORK. I’ve had lots of people send me messages and asks - I’ve introduced people in posts to the fandom - and I’ve been the first to reach out before as well, sending messages and asks to new people I follow - telling them that I think their blog is cool or that their story was awesome.

And I know that must be hard for shy people… but are those of us who aren’t shy responsible for your enjoyment of the fandom? Is it only our job to grab you and pull you out of your shell? I try, dude. But I can’t do that for everyone and still have a life outside these blue walls. I think sometimes you have to do it too.

The last thing I want to address though is your comment about how we all end up going “back to only interacting with each other and being exclusive and cliquey” - and I need to say that I honestly don’t feel that the fandom is full of cliques who don’t let others interact. If I see something I want to comment on - I do. Sometimes people interact with me. Sometimes they don’t. I never take it personally because I know sometimes people don’t have anything to say - or they’re on mobile - or they’re busy. This is definitely not a place for thin-skin.

All this being said. I am sorry you feel like this isn’t a fun fandom to hang out in, Grayface. I wish you were having a better fandom experience. I hope that changes for you.

#answered #i adore the bughead fandom

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