Gap the Series deleted scene from the trailer

Okay, if it’ll stop the Anons, the following is why Dev Finn was fired at the start of september. This is the last thing I will be saying on the matter, as several people are now getting messages from them or asking what’s going on.

We had set up a schedule as a team to have certain things done by the end of July. This is a screenshot from the programmer-only channel in our dev server where I had given them the list of things they needed to do.

A couple days later they sent this, which at the time made I and the other programmer laugh. 

And then the day after I asked them if they could send the files back to me.

I was at this point entirely understanding, the majority of the team has classes, mental health issues, physical health issues, busy work schedules, etc. All I asked for was that these things be communicated to me when there were weeks Finn couldnt work, so that someone else could be using the files. At this point we were already going to be behind schedule on programming, so I decided I would just do most of their list for them and give them an easier, faster task that shouldn’t take them too long so when they had time to do it they could.

This was the message I sent asking for this job to be finished before September. Now in that time, I had been told by Finn they were having internet issues, and I was willing to work with that. This was the response to the above message:

And then a few days later:

In that last image you see me multiple times trying to offer help to get them on GitHub where the current files were located. In at least one of these I was *in call in that server* and willing to help them right then. During this time period they had also tried out for TGS and posted a ton of art in the public server, so I knew they had time and wifi to do it. In that last message there we were also nearing the end of that month and none of this task had been done. They finally logged into GitHub and the following conversation happened:

Again, I was willing to work this out. Now that I knew they were actually getting into the files I wanted to help them get it done. We were now almost a month past when this should have been done. The following conversation was the first time I started actually getting after them for this:

Let me show you that last part again.

Finn was aware I would remove them from the team if this wasn’t done. Any job would have. We were a month away from release and they hadn’t done this job yet. I then gave them this final week to make up for it- with a job that literally takes 3-5 hours to do in total.

With this by the way, none of us that have looked through the files since have found any of these interactions. If they were ever there, they aren’t now. Finn uploaded in such a way that I can’t see what the changes were. Here is the github page for that upload:

This was the last time he spoke in that channel. As was the deal, I removed him from the team for not finishing the task in the agreed time and gave the job over to one of my artists who happened to have the program, and they finished it in one all-nighter. At this point we had agreed as the remaining devs that if Finn’s situation improved they would be added back to the team for Meridian. 

And then thats when the messages started.

At first they were fine, I found out they had been grounded but, since it was still the deal and it was a job that should have been done months earlier, I still stand by my decision. 

I wasn’t fully responding due to being busy irl, anyone that’s friends with me knows im bad at responding to DMs anyway. 

This wasn’t responded to because again, I was busy and also it came across as a little guilty. Besides, I had again told them I was removing them from the team, and the team had decided they could come back *for Meridian* if their situation had improved. 

As you can see, I was still responding when I had the ability to, and I tried explaining that the status of the search for a new programmer was really no ones business that wasn’t on the team. This is akin to getting fired from Walmart and then walking up to the manager a week later to ask if they had gotten a new cashier yet like. You don’t do this.

This was the last time they spoke to me on discord, there was a brief message when I had reblogged a couple of their pieces that hadn’t been reblogged onto there that I cannot get as they are now blocked as of last night but that went along the lines of “Are you trying to tell me something”

The following is the actual conversation in our public server’s moderator chat upon the announcement that they were off the team:

We had decided as a group to leave Finn alone long ago. In fact, none of us planned to publicly talk about Finn. I even stayed quiet about them posting an Endscape spoiler as a Wiki page ((mostly because I deleted it as soon as I found out)) and told everyone in the team and mod team not to harass them or send them any ill will. Until I got this message:

This is what prompted yesterday’s post. And what followed it. 

So let me be very clear. None of the team has anything truly against Finn other then the fact that they continue to not let this drop. And until the guilty messages and this current development, we were more then willing to let them come back. But due to several anons in our inbox, a team member being messaged this morning with a “Blake is a liar” rant DM that I haven’t seen nor will I expose the team member due to privacy, and the fact that even though they joined the team promising to not leak info they still managed to leak a massive Endscape spoiler onto their Wiki, it’s very unlikely we will actually let them come back anymore.

Now that this rant is done, I will no longer be discussing the issue. Do NOT send hate or harassment of any kind to Finn, as they are a minor and deserve to learn and grow from their mistakes as all of us did when we were younger. All of their art, dialogue, mentions, and the special event they programmed for one of the boss’ attacks have all been removed from the final version of the game. And no one in team plans to talk about them. 

Now if you will excuse me, I have a game to release in ten days. 

-Dev Blake

Are you in the official King Falls server at all? Just trying to get an idea of what's going on and who knows what's going on

Hoooooo BOISE.

So, long story short, yes. Yes I’m in the discord, yes I know what’s going on, and it’s all really, really stupid. I think that there were mistakes made on a lot of fronts, but I also think that the end result is, in a lot of ways, a long time coming.

I haven’t been responding to things I’ve seen on social media for the most part, and wasn’t REALLY keen to respond to this, but there’s also a lot of misinformation happening due to hurt feelings. There’s plenty of abridged accounts of what’s going on, and I’m pretty sure you know that. I’m taking this question on good faith that it’s genuinely asking and not setting me up to get torn down but...honestly, either way, I don’t care. I’m not on tumblr much these days anyway so it doesn’t really matter, and internet drama is just….it’s always dumb. But there’s a lot of “evidence” being put forth that is out of context or in bad faith, and the people who are being the loudest are a whole lot of the problem, so I’ll put in my account and opinions.

Anyway, I’m putting everything under a cut because it’s...a lot.

So first off, full disclosure, I used to be a mod on the discord. I left the team at the beginning of the year of my own volition because I’m an adult with a job and a life and things to take care of that aren’t that and needed a break. I’m still friends with all the current mods, and talk to them regularly, as well as being on good terms with the cast and creators. Just in case you’re dead set on hating any of them, you should know that. I try to keep a pretty good perspective, and I’m a little more removed than I was a few months ago, but I won’t say I’m totally free of bias either. If that’s what you’re into, just go ahead and skip this.

This all started with a piece of fan art, which honestly should be a clue as to how petty this all is. The fanart included The Dirt in a BDSM outfit as part of a larger work, and it was posted in the fanart section of the discord. It was bordering on NSFW, and the artist maybe should have asked the mods and/or put it behind a spoiler tag--which is probably as far as the mods would have gone had they been consulted, because it was 1) part of a larger thing and 2) canon compliant (it’s Jacob Williams, what do you want?). Neither of those things happened, people complained, the art was taken down. Then Kyle Brown, one of the writers, retweeted the copy that had been uploaded to twitter on his personal account--his account, not KFAM official--and someone complained that it made them uncomfortable and was not safe for work. Another cast member, Trent Shumway, replied that twitter isn’t a safe for work site, which it’s not. Which then led to both Kyle and Trent being socially crucified for not taking more care in what their followers see on their personal accounts on an open social media platform that is not dedicated to any single person or work.

It was already stupid. Really, really stupid. Especially since this is not a SFW podcast. It never has been. Everyone remember the third episode with Archie’s pomchies? And I know that certain aspects of that make people uncomfortable but if you are choosing to listen to the show regardless of that, it’s on you. An artist isn’t going to repaint something because you’re not a fan of green. And the SFW rule on the server has always been “within the guidelines of the show”.

So then, someone made this post that has since been deleted but I’m including mostly because if other people want to go ahead and pull receipts, I’m also going to.

Before I go ANY further with this, I want to say this: this person has been a problem for a LONG TIME. Months, at least, since before I left the mod team, and is honestly part of the reason being a mod became so difficult for me. They have displayed a pattern of abuse of the mods, the creators, and other members of the community on both twitter and tumblr, and have made people on the discord server uncomfortable enough that they either don’t participate or have left completely. This one person. And they have a bully squad behind them. And it sucks. But in the end, it was always decided that we couldn’t police what people did on their individual accounts or single someone out who hadn’t technically broken guidelines in the server, despite numerous complaints, because the mods and creators want to make everyone feel that they’re included. This decision was made...numerous times. After multiple incidents. For months.

I had my own issues with this decision, but that’s neither here nor there, and doesn’t really matter anymore. Because that post was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Kyle, misunderstanding the term, took it as a threat. Not hard to do, given the already heightened emotions, the tags, and this person’s history. So the person was immediately banned. The fact is, even without misunderstanding, that’s a really shitty post. That’s hating one a writer and a cast member and still wanting to pretend they have nothing to do with the THING THEY CREATE because this person doesn’t like what they said on twitter.

Following that, one of their friends--who had also been a longstanding problem--attempted to start a knockdown dragout in the general chat with one of the mods over this, and was upset when the mod in question first said they’d be happy to talk on DM but not on the server, and then ignored them when they repeatedly tried to carry on the argument.

Then they lit a candle in the channel the banned person had pitched a fit in order to form, as if the person was dead and not just a jerk. And then they made this post:

They also got banned, because OBVIOUSLY. Again, misunderstanding or not, that’s a horrible way to deal with it. You can’t possibly expect to call someone an illiterate fuckwad and still want to be included in spaces they created, much less EXPECT to be. 

And then several other people who were attempting the same nonsense publicly. And then invites were taken away when the mods got word that there was a possible plan in the works to spam the server. And there’s a weird campaign to EXPOSE THE CREATORS FOR THE ASSHOLES THEY ARE.

And that’s...about where things are at now. A lot of people are upset and hurt across the board. And it sucks.

Here’s the thing. Mistakes were made. Kyle misunderstood Death of the Author, and has a tendency toward knee-jerk, unedited reactions. The mods should have been more on top of the problem and not let it fester. There were ways that this could have been mitigated and done better. There always are.

But this was always going to happen in some fashion.

Podcasts and podcast communities are not new anymore, folks. But it still seems like people have a hard time grasping their actual level of involvement in the creation because of how active some creators are. You’re free to say whatever you want, but you are not free from consequence. And you’re not exempt from being wrong. This isn’t just a matter of the creators of KFAM--or any work, to be honest--not being able to take criticism, this is a matter of people thinking that their criticism is 100% correct 100% of the time, and the entitled attitude that comes with that. KFAM isn’t perfect, I have my own criticisms of it, because I have criticisms about basically everything under the sun, so it’s not just blind following. But it is trust in the creators and the people around them to find the best way to tell their story, to the see their problems and strive for better. And we’ve literally seen that happen in KFAM, in changes made to Walt, in Emily’s storyline, in Lily’s...everything. In the addition of “guys, gals, and non-binary pals”. They’re trying. They’re not perfect, but they’re not deaf. They’re also not obligated or beholden to everything their audience says regarding their story.

The whole argument that they can’t take criticism is undercut when it’s being made by people who think that everything they say should be taken as gospel, and treat every instance where someone disagrees with them as a personal attack. The scope of hypocrisy here is just...breathtaking.

Also, when not withstanding some nonsense attacks, they’re all genuinely kind and friendly. I already admitted some bias here, but seriously, they go out of their way to check on people and respond to people and lift people up. It’s total horse dookie to act like they don’t care about their fans.

And as for the discord--god, just get a life. The mods there work SO HARD to make everyone feel included, to encourage participation, the create a positive environment for people to talk about the things they love and make friends. They have meetings and spreadsheets and calendars and work together as a team and with Kyle to keep the place working smoothly even though there’s FIVE of them running a HUGE server. The person who was initially banned was forever complaining about the discord and how the mods ran it, even while some suggestions they had were implemented. But that discord has like 1500 people in it, gang, it’s not about what one person wants all the time. And that person has their own server anyway so just go be unhappy there and leave everyone else alone. It’s what you were doing anyway.

TL;DR: There was a lot of manufactured outrage over something incredibly dumb, and some misunderstandings, and resulted in actions that had been looming for a long time and just finally popped off. Kyle and the mods aren’t perfect, but they aren’t the villains. The people who were banned have a history of negativity and bullying that led to the decision to remove them.

If anyone takes anything from this, please let it be that it’s a GODDAMN PODCAST. If it makes you angry, if you don’t like it, go watch a movie. Eat a snack. Knit a sweater. Take a nap. Listen to a new music album. Literally anything. There’s so many things to do in this life that aren’t LOOKING for things to be upset about.

Remember the golden rule, and don’t be a dick.

I’ve got people asking what the hell is going on, since it seems this shit is getting twisted somewhere along the line and because I do not have the time or energy to engage with squabbling over this any longer, I’m gonna to take some time to state the facts from the get go (since some people apparently can’t keep track) and explain how I see all this one last time, and then I’m done with this shit. Let me be clear - I am not, and never have been, claiming to “own tropes”, as so many have accused me of. I have absolutely no issue with anyone using time-travel and the associated themes in their Red Dead fan fics. This is not entirely about that, I’m sorry so many of you can’t see the bigger picture. My primary issue with this is that someone mentioning me by name (without a tag) and saying I’d approved the content of their story when I was completely unaware of the changes they’d chosen to make to it until after it had been seen by dozens of people here. I do also have an issue with someone telling me they’re going to remove something to avoid drama going forward, only to then upload it to a second site a week later with the additional changes and mention of my name/approval. Changes which stem from someone claiming that they’ve never heard of my story one day, and then a week after discovering it, going ahead and changing their story to include a necklace/stone too. Which is the same plot device that is the very foundation of my entire fic! Coincidence? Maybe. You be the judge on that.  Now for everyone who’s jumped on the bandwagon while missing the start of this drama, this is what actually happened....

On September 8th - I was alerted to a story written by Charlee (previously @the-charlee-monstah) under the pen name GracelessTevy that was posted on AO3, called Fast Forward To Redemption. The story was about Arthur jumping through time into 2020, which is the same loose premise as my story Wish Upon. So what? Right? Right! There were enough differences for me to have zero concerns about this story existing. The main female character in FFTR was completely unaware of who Arthur was in relation to Red Dead, unlike my story where both the OC and Arthur know he’s a fictional character in modern reality. While the plot of FFTR appeared to follow the same path as my story with the OC helping Arthur find his feet in the twenty-first century and such, I didn’t feel it was that notably similar in any other sense. Now, this all came to my attention because apparently someone had commented on FFTR claiming that it was the same as my story Wish Upon. Due these comments on AO3 Charlee came forward, commented on WU, and the @’d me in a tagged post on here about the messages she’d received, and asked for my thoughts on what had been commented, because it appeared these comments were in defence of me. (There were a couple of other comments on the story that didn’t mention my story specifically but cried copying on some level. I’m unsure if that was in regard to my story or something else, since Charlee’s camp have repeatedly told me my idea is unoriginal and “been done” already....) At that time Charlee claimed she had never even heard of my story Wish Upon that random people were accusing her of copying. Concerned by this, for both my story and Charlee potentially being dragged unnecessarily by random strangers - I took some time out of my day to find her story, read what was posted. At that time I did not see any similarities beyond the element of Arthur existing in the modern day. There were some vague similarities, in the sense that Arthur arrived during a storm, and that the chapter began with the female character speaking to her friend about cowboys in a novel, but nothing that concerned me in any significant way. I responded to Charlee publicly and via DM’s and told her that what I saw was fine, and that I had no issue with anything she’d written at that point. Charlee repeatedly claimed to have no prior knowledge of my story but must have found it on AO3 in order to get my contact information from my profile to bring the matter to my attention on here. (Since AO3 still doesn’t have a Goddamned private messaging feature!) Charlee said in a comment she left on Wish Upon, that she would delete her story to avoid any further confusion or drama over it.

I thought that was the end of it, but since this began on AO3 I deleted the comment from my story because I wanted to avoid encouraging drama in the comments on my end, and I went on with my life.   Skip to last night (Sept 14th) a week later, and someone comes to my inbox here and tells me that Charlee has decided to completely change the name of her story, to reference a stone, and had also made changes to include a mention of a necklace that would obviously be relevant to the plot going forward. (For those of you who don’t follow WU, the concept is that Arthur is bought out of the game and transported to 2019 into the life of a young woman who made a off-the-cuff wish about him being a real person, while wearing a magical necklace her aunt had given her for Christmas.) More surprisingly was that Charlee had also posted the story on here in the Red Dead tag, under the new title of Tempest’s Stone. Despite not having posted it here as FFTR. In the posted chapter on here and AO3 she included a mention of what had happened last week, including my Tumblr username (which is different to my AO3 ID) but didn’t actually tag me so I could see it in my notifs. Despite tagging me last week when coming at me for comment over the responses she’d received. She mentioned that I had given my approval for the story and that I saw no similarities to my (unnamed) work, and that any similarities were coincidental.

Seeing the anon message coming in to my inbox, about a necklace made me think I was going crazy, because I hadn’t seen any mention of any stone/necklace in what I read last week. I initially wrote all this off as just someone trying to start shit here again, so I approached Charlee to politely via DM’s to query if there had been a change or if this was just more of the same trouble making from nameless individuals. I was concerned about all this, because if I had seen any mention of a stone/necklace in what I read last week, I would have raised concerns with it right away to avoid drama falling on her going forward. The initial response I get is Charlee denying any copying.

While waiting for further elaboration from Charlee, I get a few anon messages. One of which offers to provided me with a PDF version of what was originally posted by as FFTR last week, which showed there was no mention of a necklace or stone. It was late, I’m constantly tired at the moment, I’m going through some serious shit in real life, so I wasn’t going to sit up waiting for another reply from Charlee, I accepted her response, put the rest down to being anon drama nonsense, decided I’d deal with it when I saw the PDF, logged off and went to bed. Next thing I know I get woken at 5am by my phone blowing the fuck up with responses to this issue, from Charlee and people from her side/hateful anons attacking me for daring to question the new addition to Charlee’s work.

Then I am inundated with friends of Charlee’s (on and off anon) attacking me in asks and DM’s, saying I have no right to be questioning any of this because my idea has been done before and time-travel stores are common and anyone is entitled to use the concept of a magic necklace, no one owns tropes etc etc etc. I never once claimed or implied that I “own” any tropes. Again, for the peanut gallery, I have no issue with people writing Red Dead timetravel stories! I do however, think it’s highly questionable that someone who apparently had “never heard of” my story a week ago, suddenly changes her story to include a necklace after publicly discovering my work. Also, I’m not claiming any ownership of tropes, but I do not think it’s unreasonable for me to claim ownership of a very specific alternative universe. My fic is an AU, tropes are just something that occur in a chapter but the over all fic is very much an AU, which has very specific elements. But whatever... Unfortunately there is no arguing the morals of this turn of events with these people attacking me in Charlee’s name, because when you try to question their angle of defence they just block you. (Then unblock you later on to continue telling you how wrong it is to have an opinion on your own work!) To elaborate a little on my concerns, I’ll say this... YES! Mother fuckers! I know I did not invent timetravel, or any devices used to facilitate that! Change the Goddamned record! I do however feel it is not unreasonable to have an issue with someone claiming not to know of my story one second, then just so happening to add in a plot point to their work that is the very cornerstone of my entire story, a week after admitting to learning of my work. Then on top of that, going ahead and changing the title, and posting it here -after having said they’d delete- AND claiming that I’d seen the story and approved it AFTER the changes have been made. Changes that I was COMPLETELY unaware of! Changes that would have continued to go unknown to me without an anon tipping me off! Because I was not tagged in the post that Charlee made with her story either on here or AO3, and I made it clear in my first response to Charlee last week that I do not read any fics or following the RDR fandom. The biggest issue in all this for me is that Charlee claimed I was okay with the stories content, when I was completely unaware of the changes she’d made. In the bigger picture it is also somewhat concerning to me that Charlee’s story is a reader insert, which predominantly gain more attention (especially on Tumblr) than original character fictions. Which, for the record, I have no issue with in general, we’re all just trying to enjoy ourselves with words. However, I’ll admit, I was concerned about Charlee continuing with her story in its revised form since we’re both playing to the same audience, and Charlee would have potentially been attracting a different/wider viewership on a reader insert (posting both on AO3 and Tumblr) and how that would potentially lead to people to accuse me of copying at some point down the line. For a bit of context... I have over two hundred thousand words of Wish Upon in first draft, waiting to be edited and posted. I have over one hundred and fifty thousand words already shared on AO3. There’s plenty of eyes out there to read both our work, it’s not an issue of who gets more attention or any other shit you lot would like to throw. I’d take one kudos and heartfelt comment over a 100 likes any day.  The issue is that there’s a good chance that by the time I get to publish, let’s say, chapter thirty, that Charlee could have already explored the events of that chapter of my story. Which would then potentially cause her readers to come for me, claiming my work is a derivative of hers, when in fact the story I’ve spent two years writing is already finished in first draft, and is just awaiting final editing - which I cannot do quickly enough due to real life pressures! Is it wrong of me to be concerned about and want to avoid that kind of finger pointing bullshit, after having put so much time and effort into this story? Yes, it’s possible that it was a coincidence that Charlee decided to add a stone/necklace to her story, no one can prove it one way or the other beyond reasonable doubt. However, I am not going to pull punches on this one, and I’ll say I find it extremely questionable that this change to her story occurred AFTER finding Wish Upon, and AFTER the story views on AO3 went from 1042 to 1158 (with no new kudos/comments added) between this drama starting and as I type this. Someone was obviously reading my work over the past week, and with no update/bumps on it, I have to question who it actually was and how my work was discovered since it’s way down on the recent updates on AO3.... Anyway, the bottom line is Charlee claims she didn’t copy, I claim it’s a possibility that she may have, either consciously or unconsciously. BUT I gave her the benefit of the doubt on the vague similarities last week. But like I said, this isn’t just about copying ideas. It’s about claiming I’m okay with something that I was completely unaware of, and did not give my approval to. Whatever the case, I do not think it’s unreasonable for me to have issues with what’s occurred in regard to how Charlee has handled this matter. As a result of this drama being bought to Tumblr, I have been inundated with messages. Some from strangers showing support and raising concerns for my story and welfare, which I appreciate. Unfortunately, however, I have had even more people sending me increasingly hateful and combative messages. Attacking me for daring to question Charlee (who’s apparently been in the RDR2 fandom since August) and paint me as the bad guy over the issue of these changes Charlee made of her own freewill.  My blog is now getting likes/reblogs from a bunch of people who I do not know, do not follow me, and have no reason to find my blog other than because of this drama! So it seems obvious to me that links to my page are being shared around somewhere out there and hate is being encouraged in my direction. Back to the matter at hand... Early this morning I politely suggested that Charlee come forward and make a post on her own blog, for her followers, to explain what had happened with adding the necklace and changing the title etc. While I waited for her to do that, I made a post of my own to address anyone following me who may have been involved provoking drama. Charlee decided not to make a post explaining the introduction of the necklace in her story, giving me a bunch of excuses as to why she didn’t want to, and some point today she decided to delete her account entirely instead.  I’m now getting blamed for that, with people saying I had a hand in chasing Charlee off this site. When you can count the amount of messages (all civil and even toned) I sent her/regarding her on both hands and have still have free fingers. When I logged off early this morning her blog still existed. The first I heard of her deleting was an hour ago when I came on to find yet more drama had graced my inbox/DM’s in the wake of her flouncing. I couldn’t even interact with her if I wanted to, because she blocked me last night for reasons I do not understand, after I requested she explain the situation on her blog to square all this away once and for all. (I’m happy to share the full DM’s she sent me which are not polite and seem slightly combative from her end.) If the court of Tumblr want to come hang me for being concerned and questioning someone using my story concept AFTER being made aware of my story’s content - then go ahead, because I did that directly with Charlee in private. I did not bring this matter to Tumblr. It could have been dealt with privately or just on AO3. Charlee chose to highlight this for other people to see on here, why I do not know. But she tagged her original post last week so the entire fandom could see and jump on it. I didn’t have anything to do with that, so don’t any of you faceless haters fuckin’ dare come at me saying I encouraged or orchestrated harassment over this because I had absolutely fuck all to do with it at any point!!!! I’m wise enough to know attacking someone over plagiarism is pathetic, because plagiarism is solely an academic standard. This issue would be a matter of copyright. And you cannot copyright a fan fic, because by definition fan fic is copyright infringement. You cannot copyright tropes and I have never claimed dominion over any tropes in my story. This is fundamentally a moral issue, and I do not think it is unreasonable to have concerns about someone changing their story to use the exact same elements of a story to the one I’ve been writing for nearly two years. Especially in a fanom as new and as small as Red Dead is. And THEN claiming that I’m perfectly fine with the changes they made that I was TOTALLY unaware of! But if it makes me the bad guy for not being supportive of someone who for all I know saw my idea and ran with it, then fuck it - What can I say? I’m obviously the bad guy! Go get your guns! If you can’t accept it’s an appropriate response to be concerned by seeing someone do that to your ideas (and going on to add more of them to their work after you’d  written the first concerns off as a non-issue) then it’s not my place to convince you. To the best of my knowledge I am “persona non grata” in the Red Dead fandom. I have thousands of followers, from various older fandoms since I’ve been here since 2012, but I do not interact with anyone with an interest in Red Dead beyond responding to comments on my work on AO3 and the occasional ask on my story blog. I do not have a support network on here. I do not post my work here, because every time I have it’s been ignored. I do not have fandom or followings that I can call upon to defend me, or people I can tag to come to my aid. However, I do truly appreciate that strangers out there have taken it upon themselves to alert me to what’s going on, since I do not follow fandom in any respect. However, I ask that they take a moment to consider HOW they go about addressing matters like this now, and at any point in the future, and that if anyone is still sending messages to other people on my behalf about this issue then I ask them to stop now.  It’s between Charlee and I. Not Charlee, me, five of her friends, and twenty trolling anons showing their asses! Yes, Charlee also chose to add a necklace/stone into her story after admitting to finding my work. That could have been an innocent mistake, it could have been deliberate, who knows! I gave the benefit of the doubt once, only to wind up getting shit on and attacked by people defending her actions! Yes, maybe Charlee didn’t have any ill intent with saying I’d approved changes I didn’t know about. All we have is her word, and I don’t know her from Adam. I gave a pass the first time round, only for this to end up happening. Whatever the case really is, it’s not my fault that Charlee chose to include a necklace/stone in her story after discovering my story. She claimed to never have read my work, even after being made aware of it, but perhaps if she had made that effort to read it this could have been completely avoided. It’s also not my fault that Charlee decided to publically post about the drama that kicked all this off last week. Calling her dogs to come and attack me over comments people I do not know made on her story. And finally - for all the anon’s from Charlee’s camp, or any other, sending me actual hate and shitting on my writing, and pulling the old Tumblr classic of bravely telling me on anon that I should kill myself because Charlee deleted - fuck the lot of you! This is the last I’m going to say on this matter, I am fuckin’ done with this shit. I will not be deleting my blog, I will not stop writing my story, and I will not be engaging in anyone else who wants to keep prolonging the life of this particular unnecessary bullshit drama! The facts are there. It’s up to you to interpret them however you wish, but let’s be grown-ups about it, please? We’re all just here to try and show some love to a virtual cowboy who hates himself. There’s enough shit in the world right now, we don’t need to be adding to it over a Goddamn fan-fic!

Serendipity (C.B) | Chapter 2

Summary: Serendipity: (n) the chance occurrence of events in a beneficial way

Popular youtuber Isabella Hart, known as Bella to her audience, bends over backwards to separate her youtube life from her private life. Known for her overall clean content and her bubbly attitude, Isabella has a wild side to her that only those inside the youtube community know about. When Bella meets Colby during one of the trap house parties she finally meets someone she can be her genuine self with. When trouble arises after their meeting, will Bella be able to hand the pressure or will she destroy her relationship with Colby as well as herself in the process. [This starts in 2018]

Written: 2019

Word Count: 2,902

Warnings: swearing

Serendipity Masterlist

The day after the party, Sam and Colby left LA to go shoot a few videos for a week. The whole time they were away, I've been talking to Colby. Whenever one of us had free time we would text the other. Whoever ended the conversation the night before started the conversation the night after. My phone was going off more than ever. Normally I would only get youtube/ work related notifications and the occasional booty call from an annoying "big" youtuber on my Twitter DMs. Now, all my messages are texts from Colby.

I don't know what to label this feeling. I set a different ringtone for Colby so whenever I hear that tone my stomach somersaults. It can't be a crush, despite the fact that we've been talking nonstop I hardly know Colby. We planned on leaving the getting to know you questions for the date. That's not saying that I'm not into him. I definitely am. From the conversations I've had with him, I can tell he's more than just a pretty face. And for someone who's lived in L.A her whole life, I can attest that, that doesn't happen often.

But I still don't know how to label what I'm feeling? The nervousness that I'll somehow find a way to mess this up? Even if this doesn't work out as a romantic relationship with Colby, I hope that I can at least make a friend out of this whole situation. I don't have very many friends. If anything, I have one and everyone else I know is either an acquaintance, an old hookup, or someone that I collaborated with. Making friends in this industry is hard. You never know who's using you for views or to leech off subscribers.

One thing I know that I'm feeling for a fact is nervous for this date. Colby never told me where we were going. He insisted on keeping it a surprise. I did manage to get him to tell me what type of clothes I should wear. All he told me was "Olive Garden casual" but also being beach things just in case. I changed my clothes at least three times. I finally decided to stick with a white and floral romper with some sandals. I put my but length curly hair into a fishtail braid and called it a day. He also insisted on picking me up. So I spent all morning over cleaning my already clean apartment. I finally got myself to calm down enough to sit down and finish editing my video and thumbnail for Saturday.

****

I finish putting the final details on my video when I hear a knock on the front door. I jump so high that I nearly deleted the video upload. I put my laptop on my couch before going to answer the door. I open the door to reveal Colby wearing a white long-sleeved shirt with the sleeves rolled up and black jeans.

"Hi, come in. I'm just finishing uploading my video for this weekend. It'll only be a second more." I move so that Colby can walk in. I close the door and quickly grab my laptop and move it to the coffee table so Colby can sit

"Wow, nice apartment you got here. It's very homely." Colby says looking around. I finish the upload and close my laptop and see Colby wondering around.

"Thank you. The front area is just for show mostly, you know for the off chance I get guest. I can give you a small tour if you want."

"Sure. It's only fair, you saw basically the entirety of my house."

"Very true. So, over there is the kitchen. There are no guys there that show their id instead of carding you though. I hear that's one of a kind. We're standing in the living room slash tv room where I spend a lot of time when I'm not working or partying." I pick up my laptop and walk with Colby to the back of my apartment.

"I hear they fired the id guy. To be fair, he didn't know what he was doing but he was glad he did it." Colby mentions.

"To be fairer, I hear the girl who ratted herself out as underage felt the exact same." I turn to see Colby smirk. I turn back around and blush before opening the door on my right.

"This is my office and youtube room. I spend a lot of time working here." I place my laptop on my desk and plug it in before walking out with Colby.

"What do you keep in the closet?"

"Equipment for my hobbies that are not youtube related. In between both rooms is the guest bathroom. And the door right here leads to my bedroom. Complete with its own master bathroom and walk-in type of closet." I grab my bag from my bed and watch as Colby looks around.

Eventually, we leave and walk to his car. When we get in, Colby pulls out a blindfold.

"I know you don't know me that well but trust me when I say put this on." He holds the blindfold in front of me.

"Somehow, I knew this happen. Good thing I didn't put on makeup today." I take the blindfold and put it on.

"Wow, you're just going to do it. No questions or anything?"

"You haven't told me a single thing about this date all week. For all I know, you can be taking me somewhere to murder me for all I know."

"Very true. But that's not going to happen. I promise. Anyway, how long have you lived in that apartment?"

Even though I willingly put on the blindfold on, I'm still a little nervous. Colby senses this and slips his hand in mine.

"Uh, I moved in officially moved in on my birthday last year. I started moving my stuff in the month before."

"You're parents let you start moving out at 17?"

"That's a story for a later time. Um... why did you and Sam start in youtube?"

"Back then it was a way to reach out to our fans and get different content out their aside from our vines. Flash forward to now where we break into abandoned places or do overnights. I glad we started youtube though."

"Isn't that kind of dangerous or scary?"

"Yeah, but here's the thing..."

****

For the rest of the car ride, we kept talking about our channels and ourselves. There was a brief moment where we stopped somewhere and Colby left me in the car to grab something. When we finally reached where we are supposed to be, Colby placed my bag on my lap went to get the things out of the trunk before helping me out. We walk a few feet before Colby tells me I can take my blindfold off. It takes my eyes a few seconds to adjust to the light.

"Are we at the Santa Monica beach?" I ask after seeing the infamous ferries wheel on the pier.

"Yeah, I thought we could have a picnic on the beach and try to look at the stars?" I looked at Colby who was blushing a bit.

"Why did you phrase that as a question? Why do I feel like you aren't 100 percent sure about this date? I think it's a great date."

"I was just worried that you would think that it was too cheesy?"

"What part of me makes you think that I'd find this cheesy? Let's go, the sun is setting." I drag Colby closer to the water so we could set up the picnic.

****

Maybe it's because it's the beginning of February or maybe it's because it's Monday but there are hardly any people on the beach. It's vitally empty and it kind of feels like Colby and I are alone. Colby has actual picnic food, complete with chocolate covered strawberries. We spend the whole time talking and eating. Before the sun completely set we took pictures of each other. My favorites are the candids that I took of Colby when he wasn't paying attention. All the conversation and small talk that we avoided for the past week came out today. Colby had a speaker playing soft music in the background. It felt like every romance movie I've ever seen.

"Can I tell you a secret?" I asked while we looked at the sky. We had pretty much finished eating and the sun is completely set.

"Definitely."

"Well, it's not really a secret. I used to live near here before I moved out of my parents' house. Whenever I felt like life was getting to suffocating or the drama was too much I would sneak out here and just look out at the sky and listen to the ocean. I've actually forgotten how calming this was. I miss it." I adjust myself so my head is no longer supporting my head.

"I kind of know what you mean. Moments like this make me miss Kansas. I like nature and being submerged in it in a way." I turn my head and look at Colby who was already looking at me.

"What do you miss most about Kansas?" I adjust my body so I'm completely facing Colby.

"If I'm being honest? I just miss being around my family all the time. I can explore or find my own piece of nature anywhere in the world. I can't always be with them." Colby faces me completely too.

"Wow, you guys sound close."

"We are, in a weird way. What about you? Are you close with your family?"

"Um... to make an incredibly long and depressing story short, I am the black sheep of the family. Completely shunned and unwelcome. I could tell you the whole story but that probably wouldn't be first date appropriate."

"I get it. You can tell me anything though. When you're ready obviously. You probably can't tell but I can tell that we're going to be really important to each other."

"Really? You can tell that from one date and our super long talk at your party that I probably shouldn't have been at?"

"I know it sounds like I'm just trying to get into your pants or something, but I'm being 100 percent serious. There's something about us, we just click. Like we were made for each other."

I examine every part of Colby's face that I can. For once I feel like I actually met someone genuine. He doesn't sound like every guy that I've met who actually want to just hook up. He definitely doesn't sound like someone who would hurt someone or use them. I feel safe with Colby, something I don't think I've ever felt.

"Isabella?" Colby says breaking my concentration.

"Yes, Colby?"

"Do you mind if I kiss you for real this time?"

"Yes— I mean, I don't mind. You can kiss me for real."

We both sit up and I close my eyes and slowly lean in and only stop when my lips meet his. The kiss starts off soft but quickly gets more and more intense. We both pull away before things got too heated.

"Whoa..." we both said in unison. We were both quiet for a few seconds, trying to process what had just happened.

It was a perfect moment. At that moment I realized that I've never kissed anyone like that. Not sober, anyway. It sent a tingle down my spine and caused a wave of calm to wash over me. This kiss was real and I wanted more. Not just to kiss Colby more, but to feel more real things with him.

****

Colby takes me home about an hour after the kiss. We talked a bit more to get to know each other. The more we talked, the more I wanted to know Colby on a deeper level. I wanted Colby to know me more too, something I've never felt with anyone.

When Colby dropped me off I let him know that I would plan our next date, if he wanted there to be. He responded by kissing me again. When he left I lay on the couch and replayed the past few hours in my head. After that, I went into my bedroom and grab one of my empty notebooks. I choose the one with a tree carved into it and open to the second blank page. I write down everything from what happened and how I'm feeling. I even write about the events from the week before. As I write I set my photo printer to print out the photos from tonight. Even if things don't work out with Colby, I want to remember the first time I ever felt like this.

After I finish writing and taping the photos I take a shower and try to calm down. I place the notebook on my bedside table and go to take a shower. I climb into bed and try to decompress so I can sleep and wake up for my lectures tomorrow. I can't let my feelings for Colby make me late for classes. To help me calm down I go on my phone and scroll on my Instagram accounts. I have two, one for my fans and all business that is very public and a private one where I only let a few people follow. Right now, I'm only following Colby's private account. He has three: his public account, his fan appreciation account, and his private account. I check my public one and make a few comments and watch as people post about parties and birthdays. I get a few DMs from people asking where I wasn't at some party. I gave the same excuses of working on videos and switch over to my private account. On my feed a picture of me that I don't remember taking shows up. It's a candid of me from the beach. I'm laughing about something and the fading sun is hitting my face with my messy hair blowing in the wind. I see that Colby posted it and scroll to the caption. It reads: I can already tell my life is going to be better with you in it. Can't wait until next week.

I like the picture and quickly post my own picture of Colby with a cheesy caption. I switch back to my main account and see that I have a message from Brennen Taylor.

BT: Where were u tonite? Hooking up with some other insta-model?

Me: Actually, I was busy working tonight.

BT: Well, if you're not busy anymore do you want to hang out? The party was lame, I was hoping for sum fwb time.

Me: We're not friends and the benefits haven't been a thing for a while. Plus I'm seeing someone right now so the benefits are never going to happen again.

BT: We both know that that's not going to last long. Just come over right now and we can "talk" about it

Me: ...Night Brennen. Stop messaging me before I block you again.

BT: Goodnight sweet cheeks, I'll dream of the time we'll have a face to face convo again.

I close out of Instagram and plug my phone in. I make sure that my phone is charging before staring at the ceiling. At a party a few months ago, before I turned 18, I made the mistake of hooking up with Brennen. Ever since we've had an on again, off again hook up relationship. We were both in the same party scene. We would drunkenly hook up at parties, sometimes after I had just finished with someone else. After our first encounter, he found me on Instagram and would hit me up whenever he wanted to sleep with me, no strings attached. I would go only because he offered alcohol, sometimes weed. I would use him to get drunk or high and he would use me to get a quick lay. I didn't need him as much when I got my fake id but he did, even when he had a girlfriend. When I found out he was dating someone new I terminated our unspoken agreement. I wasn't going to be the reason his relationships failed. Still, he would hit me up every few days. If I'm being honest, he makes me feel uncomfortable and I try to avoid him at all cost. I never block him or expose him out of fear of being exposed myself. So I deal with it and I just tell him I'm busy or I was with someone else. It only works sometimes.

But now I met Colby and I really don't want to screw this up. I'm hoping Brennen won't screw it up for me. That sometimes happens at parties. I know that Colby and Brennen are friends. So I'm betting on the fact that Brennen wouldn't get in the way of his best friend's relationships, in every aspect of the word.

My phone lights up the room and I check to see a notification from Colby. He tells me that he got home safe and how much he enjoyed tonight. He also mentions that he's looking forward to next week. He ends with a good night. I type back a response with a huge grin on my face. I put away my phone and dream about the date over and over again.

Blog FAQ

Figured I would set one of these up this time around! If I make any additions or edits to this I’ll make a post letting you guys know! 

You’ve said “Terra” is just the name you go by online, so can we know your real name?

Simply put? No. My real name is incredibly unique and I would rather keep my online life and real life as separate as I can since where I live, fic writing is largely frowned upon. Also, I’m probably going to explain this bad, but I was told if I wanted to get published I’d have to delete all my fics or write under a different name so there was no crossover between the two. I choose instead to write my fic under a different name to save myself some trouble later on. To those that have learned my real name, I ask that you please don’t spread it around.

What is your general activity like on this blog?

Well last November I started a job where I work a standard 40 hour week. I’m generally away from home from 11am to about 9pm 5 days a week. I do have a pretty set schedule, so for now I’m always off Mondays and Fridays. This blog isn’t my main one, so the only times I’m online and able to check it, is when I’m at home and on my laptop. So except for the days that I’m off, I’ll likely only ever be online in the evenings. If I go to post a work, I’ll likely always schedule it to post between 12 and 1pm the following day.

What is your timezone?

I live in, and operate out of US Central Time. If you don’t quite know how much to add/subtract, the United states is divided into 4 timezones: Eastern time is one hour ahead of me, Mountain Time is one hour behind, and Pacific Time is 2 hours behind me. I don’t quite know how to calculate it for overseas timezones but if people send in the calculations for their timezone I can always edit them in here.

What is your uploading schedule like?

I can’t really say I have one. Every time I’ve tried to keep to one It hasn’t always worked out for me for some reason or another. 

How does your tagging system operate?

I always try to keep the tags as relevant and to the point as possible, since tumblr has a limited amount of tags you can add to a post. Here is a small list of what I will tag:

Characters with a significant relevance/presence to the current plot. I might not tag certain characters if they show up in a work if their plot relevance was minor/they only spoke like once in the entire thing to save space.

The fandom

The type of work (Headcanon, ask game, etc. This might be combined with he above bullet point ex: “mha headcanons”)

if the work is fluff, angst, nsfw. Side note, my nsfw tag for this blog will be the word “sin” so works would be tagged with “mha sin” or “haikyuu sin” and things like that.

If the work is part of a series, I will tag the name of it.

If the work involves any oc’s of mine, I will tag their name like I would any other character.

If I reblog a work from someone else, I will try to include all the tags they used as well as what type of work it is, such as “AU,” “reader insert,” “oc story,” etc. Reblogged works will always contain the tag “other people’s writing”

I will always try to tag trigger warnings/any potential triggering content. However, if I run out of space in the tags, all potentially triggering content will always be listed at the top of the work in bold. And all content of the work will always be below a “read more.” If there is anything you want me to tag/list at the top of my work. Please DM or send in an ask letting me know what content you want me to provide additional warnings for. I will never purposefully not tag a trigger, so if a work I’ve posted is missing a tag, please notify me as soon as you notice it so I can add it!

Writing will always be tagged with “terra writes” while almost every other kind of post will be tagged with “terra says.” This includes asks, announcements, updates, etc. I don’t recommend blacklisting the “terra says” tag, but most of the time other types of posts will be tagged with an additional secondary tag (update time, answered asks, poll time) So if you don’t want to see specific types of posts like polls, I would recommend blacklisting the “poll time” tag instead of the “terra says” tag.

You didn’t tag x trigger in your story/Can you please tag x in stories going forward?

Of course! If I forgot to tag something/tagged something wrong, please notify me! I often use the New X-Kit tag bundle extension and don’t always remember to delete a tag or include one. I’m only human and am prone to making mistakes even when trying to be as diligent as possible! I am also aware that people can have very different triggers, and I’m not always aware of what may or may not be a trigger. So if there’s something you want me to tag, send me an ask! I’ll always tag thins as “cw: <insert trigger>” 

Also please don’t ever assume I’m purposefully not tagging a trigger. Sometimes I genuinely miss putting the tag in/didn’t know the story needed it included.

Do you have a tag list?

Not currently! If you’re interested in being added please feel free to send me an ask or IM letting me know if you just wanted to be tagged in stuff involving a certain character, fandom, type of writing (drabble/headcanon), or series or any combination. I’ll keep a list in my drafts of the usernames and what you want to be tagged in. If you ever want to be removed, you’ll have to send me an ask letting me know.

What fandoms are you in?/What fandoms will you write for?

You can find a complete list of fandoms that I will write for here!

However, there are a few other fandoms I’m in that I just don’t feel like writing for. Those include: DC comics (mainly Young Justice), Pokemon, and Attack on Titan. I’m probably forgetting some, so I’ll update this list as I remember them. If you want to know if I’m in a fandom/will write for one, please send me an ask!

Do you write m/m, w/w, nonbinary, different ethnicities, etc?

Yes! If I’m writing a reader-insert story, I always try to keep the reader as gender-neutral and vague as possible unless something is specifically ask of me in the request itself. However to some degree I take liberties with the background of the reader. I will often make up a family situation, living arrangement etc. Again if there is anything specific about the reader you want me to include, please let me know. 

In the case of sin, I always default to a female gender/parts since that is what I am most familiar with. If you would like it to be non-specified/male parts/etc. you will need to tell me in the request itself.

Can I get a shout out?

You can! There’s absolutely 0 things wrong with asking for one and don’t let other people make you feel like shit for it. I know it can be hard starting a blog and getting your name out there, especially after the most recent updates which make it even harder for works to show up in the tumblr search function. This is why reblogging people’s works is even more important now than it had been in the past. I’m more than willing to give your blog a shout out if you need it! Feel free to send me an ask off anon from the blog, send an IM so I can make a post with the blog’s name, or even just ask me to reblog a story I liked from your blog. 

Do you have any Fic/Blog recs?

I’m pretty terrible about having the time to go and read as much fic as I used to be able to do, so I can’t really promote many other blogs than one’s I’ve already been following for a while/blogs of friends. Maybe one day that will change and I hope it does but as of right now I don’t think I’d be able to put together a very good list for people.

Do you write Dark Content?

I do not! However, this doesn’t mean I’m on a crusade against writers that do. As long as the people who write content like that keep everything tagged so that people who don’t want to read it, can skip over it, I literally do not care what they write about. But on a personal level, I do not want to write content like that, so I will not write or reblog dark content works on this blog.

If any dark content blog want to interact with my blog/works, they can do so. Just because I choose not to engage in dark content does not mean I am going to bar people that do from reading/interacting with my works if they enjoy it. I do ask that any dark content writers don’t reblog/reply to any nsfw posts of mine and add dark content to them.

Yet another post I did NOT want to be posting today. I had a book review scheduled that I’ve had to push because I just couldn’t believe what I saw this morning.

Maybe it’s my emotionally, exhausted state of mind, or maybe it’s my own personal situation (that my friends who read my blog know of), but this bugged me to the point I called the girl out on Instagram.

Should I have done that? Probably, not. She’s got 1.4 million followers and who am I to repost her screenshots from an Instagram makeup video she did (does anyone else fucking absolutely hate those? THEY ARE SO FAKE!)

What Happened

For those of you who don’t know who this lady is, her name is Sadia and she is a beauty influencer on Instagram.

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I’m not linking the Instagram account, nor am I linking the video merely because I’m already giving her enough publicity by even writing this up.

Balenciaga

They were originally produced in Italy and they’ve now moved to China. I know I’ve said to assume is to make an ass out of u and me, but 90% of companies that move their production to China do so for the very low price of producing. I’m not wanting to get sued, here, but do your own homework and you’ll see what I mean.

Balenciaga sneakers/trainers like those go for $780 or £540 if I was looking at the right ones.

Photo Credit: Balenciaga

Calling Her Out

Well, you can see what I said from my Instagram post, the screenshot is below. I’m not trying to be a gobshite, gain any kind of publicity or be a bitch. I’m genuinely really annoyed and upset about this, it’s really not okay.

Offering Money to Unhappy Followers

I couldn’t help but feel like this was hush money. I know it’s maybe her trying to rescue the situation, but there isn’t enough money in the world that would make what she did okay. I’m sure Balcengia as a company wouldn’t be too happy with someone cutting up their products in front of 1.4 million+ people that’ll view that video.

I didn’t screenshot this because it wasn’t appropriate to do so, but there was a comment on the video that was getting a lot of attention. A lady made the same point as me, that it was insensitive and inappropriate to post a video like that when there are so many people struggling, especially with the constant trends and marketing ploys. 

She asked the lady to DM her with her Paypal information as she wanted to send some money to, “help you guys out. No questions asked.” The lady made it clear it wasn’t a ploy to get a quick buck, others then jumped on the comment that this particular lady had made, sharing their Paypal.Me handles and asking for money, too.

Again, I joke all the time about Jeffree Star adopting me, or just leaving me money in his will. This is all in good fun, and making fun of the situation I am in. I would never, ever go on a website and hand out my Paypal or bank information for anyone to send me money.

I was cringing between bouts of tears at these people, people can not only see your Paypal information that isn’t as “safe” as Paypal allows you to think it is, but they can see your profile picture and if your profile is public, your personal images which can then be used to find your Facebook, or hack your information. I’m not here to scaremonger, I’m here to be truthful and tell people the reality of the situation. Regardless of how poor I am, I would never be this moronic. People should be ashamed of themselves.

Think of the Kids

I’m pretty sure this lady is a mother herself, I only recently started following her after seeing a makeup look she did (that wasn’t one of those dumb Instagram videos). I made a point of mentioning the children watching because there will be children watching. I can count on one hand friend’s kids’, family members and kid acquaintances I know that would watch that and think, “Oh, that’s a good idea. Let me go get my trainers and try this.” 

I’m just sad this is what it’s coming to, what happened to sitting doing makeup tutorials? That was never boring to me, there is no need for these stupid videos of people dancing around and making stupid faces while doing makeup. then again, maybe that’s why they’ve millions of followers and I’ve only a few thousand.

Rather Have a Few Thou…

I’d rather have a few thousand followers than have millions based on fakery. I try my very hardest to be a good person, I try even harder to never, ever judge a book by its cover, but when the cover is cutting up thousands of dollars worth of shoes while people like myself in a dire financial situation are crying because they have no idea what they’ll do money wise it really sucks.

I keep saying I’m not a crier and that I don’t cry often, and I honestly really don’t. However, I cried at this, again could be my exhausted state or the fact it hit a nerve, either way, I cried for a good ten minutes before I posted it on Instagram.

I won’t ask you to stop following people like her, as that’s hypocritical. 

If you are an influencer reading this, please think about the type of posts you do, think of how it can impact people. I get it, everyone is a critic, everyone has a comment to make, and there will always be someone that’s unhappy with what you do. However, don’t make it easy for the trolls to call you out by doing stuff like this.

I’m so sad, I debated deleting all my social media accounts because I just couldn’t take seeing this stuff anymore. However, social media saved me when I was super low, so I’m stuck in a situation where I want my blog to do well, reach people, but I don’t want to be around social media anymore. So what do I do?

Sorry for the negative post, I just had to get this off my chest. I’m off to pick up my dog’s poop from the back garden for the 50th time this week.

Enjoy your Sunday.

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New post @LaureltonStudio #TheClqRT #bloggingtribe @TheBloggersPost @wetweetblogs @sincerelyessie @UKBloggers1 #bloggingbeesrt @BloggingBabesRT @bloglove2018 @womenwithgifts @ablogshare #GoldenBloggerz #bblogger #beautycommunity Yet another post I did NOT want to be posting today. I had a book review scheduled that I've had to push because I just couldn't believe what I saw this morning.

Why I deleted social media

As an artist in today’s industry, being a content creator on social media is super important. What is not important, however, is the consumption of information on social media. This can lead to countless hours of mindless scrolling, meaningless content in the chase to keep up, and worst of all, the dreaded comparison complex. 

Obviously the title comes with a little skepticism, considering this blog post is on a social media platform, and will be shared to my social pages, so I will be clear with what I mean by “deleting” social media.

Yes, you should aim to be present on social media as a creator, but this should be an illusion. Actually being on the platform is not as productive as sharing to your social pages from a third party program. Before I go deeper into this, let’s break down my personal observation from my own social media consumption. 

One of Apple’s greatest updates has been the introduction of “Screen Time” (apps are also available for Samsung & other devices) where you can keep track of how much time you spend on your device, and in what specific apps you spend most of your attention. I noticed that on instagram alone, I was spending 8 hours of my week within the feed. And estimates show that it is now common for someone of my age to spend up to 5-7 hours on their devices every day! 

But for this, I just want to focus on my own consumption. If I was to cut out instagram alone, I would have one full work day of spare time each week to pursue whatever I am interested in.

So here is what I did. I deleted all apps off my phone. I took Facebook off my bookmarks in my browser, so I couldn’t just click that little blue button. This had an immediate effect on my ability to stay on task. On top of this, I caught myself countless times in the first week mindlessly swiping through my home screen looking for the apps. After a week, I found that I could consciously catch myself in these impulses, and it brought me a sense of peace to know I was in control of how I spent my attention. 

Sharing to Facebook and Twitter from the browser is easy, but instagram makes that a little harder. So I started using a social media scheduler called Later.com. This allowed me to spend one day a week to upload all the content to instagram and Facebook, and allow it to slowly drip feed to my platforms. Boom. Already the whole reason I made the social profiles in the beginning is fulfilled in one eighth of the time. This is a free service, and I couldn’t recommend it more to anyone who shares content to the internet. I on the other hand, decided to get the “Pro Version” for $19 per month, which got me access to extra features - but that wasn’t entirely why I decided to spend money on the service. 

I weighed it up. How much is an 8 hour day worth to me? How much value do I put on my time? It turns out, that I value those hours a lot more than $4.80 per week, and so for me spending the money was symbolic of how important I thought my attention really was. I don’t recommend you spend your money until you have tried the app, and think that this is the right move for you. Depending on your creative outlet, this may not be necessary for you.

If you get a lot of DMs on instagram you feel you need to keep up with, don’t worry. There is a solution for that too. I found a third party messenger app called igDM  which allows you to have all of those conversations from the desktop. 

Believe me, the anxiety is real in that first week - you feel like you are missing out on so much, that it is super important for you to engage with people and constantly “stay relevant” - but the reality is that no one will even notice. Things will continue to move on.

And from my personal experience, my follower count and engagement is growing more since I decided to take a step back. I have found so much more clarity, mental health and free time since making this small (and fairly inexpensive) step. I hope some of you can find that same clarity. 

I want to explore more into the “Comparison Complex” in the future. If you like the social media topic, please reach out and let me know, I would love to start a conversation with you.

S