trying out pixel art for the first time! here's the boys in the style of four swords/minish cap!

OOC; To Mod - hello! I’m doing a fun thing where I hop into the askboxes of different writers and ask them about their favorite works! This specific blog is like. A huge undertaking, so if you wanna geek out about it, go for it! This can include anything, from arc development shit to fun facts about the blog and how it operates. This is such a cool idea anyways, and I’m sure people would love to hear about it. :)

I am going to geek out about this so hard that you’ll regret ever talking to me.

Hmm...What to talk about that won’t spoil the future of HKU...Oh I know! How about I ramble about

HKU and the Long and Arduous Process of Making Characters and Themes

I will try to avoid details when I can, but I will be discussing the latest developments with Siv, Larc, and Astor, so consider yourself warned for spoilers and catch up if you haven't yet! :3

Waste not, want not: Why I find it important to not waste characters and time

In Hyrule Kingdom Updates, Asivus "Siv" Hartell is the protagonist. Zelda(Mallory) is the deuteragonist. Then finally, LinkLink is the tritagonist. They are the perspectives that I would find most important. However, all in all, I would consider there to be six really important characters in order for HKU to work, that being: Siv, Zelda, Link, Larc, Astor, and Zavis.

Now, I say "really" important for demonstrative purposes because really, all characters are important. Every single one of them. Characters are the lifeblood of HKU, and I spend a lot of time making sure that they don't give off the impression of being self-inserts or just there for fun. I mean they are, but I spend a lot of time making sure they don't seem like that *wink wink*

This is what I define as the essentials for any "good" character:

Someone who provides an interesting/new perspective on the themes of the story

Someone whose wants and needs enhance the plot

Someone that can be understood as an individual

Yet someone that wouldn't be important to the story, without their bonds and relationships to the other characters

I don't really care about how likable a character is, or relatable, or how funny or badass they are; that's all secondary. Third-endary, even. If a character doesn't do enough to serve my story, I cut them, and merge their ideas with an existing characters. Caricautures are for comic relief, and in order to maintain a reader's interest an immersion into my story, I want to consistently give them characters that are well thought out and important. Whenever there's a new face, or an unexpected appearance, I want it to be wordlessly understood that I'm not wasting their time, that there is something this character has to offer.

A reader finding value in something/someone is one of the most important things a writer can have, because it is that particular investment that drives the story, or at least, my story. I cannot stress enough how vital characters are to HKU because this quite literally wouldn't work if you removed even one person from the plot. If you don't find these people important and interesting then EVERYTHING'S ruined. Everything. Every post is a battle for your attention and time, every piece of dialogue is a line I cast into the sea just hoping that there's someone swimming in the ocean because at any MOMENT you could click away, and I know this because I AM a reader, and I WOULD click away if I found something boring. So every plot point is just a battle between the writer me, wanting to spew everything, and reader me, who knows what the essentials are, and what to do to keep a person's investment.

This cycle of writing the story and characters, and understand what is essential and interesting to a reader is what led to me cutting over 20 characters and arcs from HKU.

That's how much time I spend on these fictional fuckers, no one is wasted or expendable. I think the only character that I could write out if I wanted to would be Hestu, and that's mainly because I did actually forget they existed until the Lost Wood's arc rolled around.

So with those points in mind, let's look at some of the characters that I spent a lot of time writing for, that is Siv, Larc, and Astor.

Welcome to the shitpost blog: First Impressions and Establishing...Everything

Welcome to @hyrule-kingdom-updates, and thank you for following! This is just a little comedic blog featuring funny posts from characters who live within Breath of the Wild Hyrule.

Hook, line, and sinker.

There's a lot of reasons why I started HKU this way, (one of them mainly being that I knew no one would read it if I opened immediately with the plot) but the main reason being I believe it was the fastest way to get you interested in the world and the protagonist.

The theme of HKU centers around trauma, and asking the question of what's the right way to deal with the malice(not the goop but like, real-life malicious things) of the world.

So if you want to move a story into a direction that plunges a fictional fairytale kingdom into the realities of life, you first have to establish that fictional fairytale kingdom and it's characters,

Even from the very first post I am working to establish character.

Now, it might seem silly, but there's actually a lot of information that you automatically take in from these two posts alone.

The diction and lack of proper punctuation implies that the narrator is more casual and down to earth

The narrator is aware that people are reading these "updates"

The immediate contrast between the "professional" introduction and humerous shitpost provides insight as to the sense of humour present

The orator is new at their job, and perhaps wants to keep their position

The narrators updates are under the influence of the Royal Family, perhaps more specifically, King Rhoam.

The establishment of Rhoam being in power and Urbosa being alive tells as to when in the timeline of Hyrule we are

Addressments like "don't worry" and "wish me luck" imply that there is value in the reader's opinion and perspective

The goal of the shit post says was basically to establish the world, and what kind of person Siv is. On a meta level, I want you to laugh at the shit posts because that's what Siv is doing. I KNOW you're enjoying the shitposts, therefore it more believable for you to understand that this is something Siv does as well. There's an unspoken distance between you and the world, even if your asks impact it. For you, this is just another funny day in the life, and the same can be said for Siv, but the difference is that for him, it actually IS a reality.

That's why I really enjoyed these days because I was just schemeing behind the scenes, knowing how I was going to turn this all over your heads.

So, you know how he is at the start. Siv is an apathetic individual, he laughs off whatever shit comes his way, and cares only for himself. His view of the world of Hyrule is through the lens of someone who seems to have accept that he has no control over his life, his very job is dictated by royals.

And though he has no respect for authority, and has been deemed a lowly criminal by most people, he still seems like a pretty decent guy. Human. It seems pretty apparant that even though he pretends to not care about the world, he obviously has human morals and wants, and would more than anything like to have control over his life, but he seems to have accepted that's not going to happen.

Siv isn't just sarcastic, or just apathetic to everything, or just a rebellious person. There's a subtle layer to everything, but it's all wrapped in a clearly understandable line of logic. Therefore he is

Someone that can be understood as an individual

At this point in time, if you asked him how to deal with the woes of the world, he would probably shrug his shoulders and say, "laugh it off. Sometimes that's how it is." Whether this idea is something he will main remains to be seen. Therefore as our protagonist, he is

Someone who provides an interesting/new perspective on the themes of the story

Oh brother, it's time to go on a journey: Change and motivation

Now, another way that I break down characters is like this

Want - what they want on the surface

Lie - the belief that they have that prevents them from obtaining their need

Need - what they need to do in order to become better

So, let's break down Siv at this point.

Want: Siv wants to have control over his life, and to do what he wants in order to be happy

Lie: Siv tells himself that there's nothing he can do about his situation, and to just accept the world as it is

Need: Siv needs to learn to give a shit. About himself, and others. He needs to understand that while not everything in life can be controlled, the aspects that we do have power over, like our actions and relationships with others, are important.

Now, Siv doesn't actually go our searching or acting towards his want OR his need, as his lie tells him that he should just take what he can get, and dig in. So far in the story, there is still a distance between him and the reader and the world, because he can choose when to answer asks. He can choose when to confront questions.

So in order to really kick off the story, we have to take that choice away from him.

Enter: The Quill of Roost. Well, more like the quill enters Siv, as he eats it, and we soon discover that now, he can't really escape the questioning voices. Notice that Siv only did this in an effort to do something good, to be a hero. Maybe we'll come back to that later.

So now that we've forced Siv to leave his comfortable apathetic lifestyle, we can start to poke and probe him into a new person. He now has to listen to people more, both literally and metaphorically.

Siv's brother, Arcadius (also known as Larc, by Siv) is a foil, in that he's his opposite. He's not a criminal, he's the respected Captain of the Royal Guard. He's the golden boy, a hero in his own right. He generally respects authority and likes order. I mean, the first time you meet him, he talks like a "how do you do fellow kids" school teacher.

AHe's adored (and simped over) and has a loving family, and lives society's definition of a perfect life.

Yet, despite all of this, there is a deep saddness to Larc that is ever present. He seems to greatly sympathize with Asivus, and has a lot of (yet unseen) regret and guilt. Simiarlly to Siv, he constantly thinks about the unfairness/malice of life, but since Larc seems to have gotten the good end of the stick in life, Larc just convinces himself that any malice or negative emotions he might feel are unjustified, that they don't exist. That he's pathetic to think as such.

But of course, ignoring it doesn't make it go away, Larc still has these emotions, he's still not happy, but he's become to accustomed to them being there and not dealing with them, that's he's almost apathetic about it, similarlly to Siv.

He attempts to find happiness and satisfaction in authority, the the order the kingdom has to offer. He believes that the best thing he can do is be autonomous to whatever the world hands you, whether orders from a king or a father.

But despite this, he understands that deep down, this isn't making him happy. He still hasn't directly dealt with the regrets and guilts he has, even though he tries to hide it under "orders" and the like. He's too much of a coward to do so. Thus, he just concludes that he doesn't deserve to be happy.

Want: Larc wants someone to tell him what to do to be happy. He doesn't want conflict or confrontation, just peace.

Lie: When the life Larc lives doesn't clear his regrets, Larc tells himself that it's because he doesn't deserve to be happy. Thus the very least he could do is do as he's told, and someone like him doesn't deserve to talk back

Need: Larc needs to learn that he does deserve to be happy, but the road to doing so isn't smooth. He needs to learn to care about himself, and actually confront and deal with the problems in his life, instead of running away and being autonomous.

Therefore, Siv and Larc's outlooks on life have contridictions, theirfore their actions also oppose each other at times, and that conflict helps move the story, and make things more fun to watch.

Overtime, we can see their lies start to break down, based on their interactions with other characters, and in their attempt to even help themselves and each other. The autonomous nature and apathy they have starts to break down, whether despite, or because, of their wants and desires.

Now, Siv and Larc just on their own are cool, but with the way they're designed to highlight the theme, and affect the story based on their character driven actions, it makes them both interesting and perhaps even relatable characters, as they are

Someone whose wants and needs enhance the plot

And of course, this pattern isn't just present in the Hartell bros, but in pretty much every character (Except Hestu)

Hey what's that?/We have an older brother/You thought there were two but there is another: Character interaction is pretty cool

So. Siv has allowed himself to open up a little. He dares to be vulnerable for the sake of being happy. He's actually started to rekindle and create bonds, with characters like Larc, Zelda, Link, and Zavis.

But the thing about being open to change and love, can inevitably lead to pain. It's just a reality of life.

Enter: Didymos Astor. Just as the Champion gang comes together, Astor comes along to fuck things up.

On a meta level, Astor is an intriguing character simply because the expectation for him didn't amount to much to begin with. Age of Calamity Astor was just evil for....unstated evil reasons. Therefore writing him was practically just creating an entirely new oc.

So playing with the meta-ness of Astor, there's a lot of mystery to him that I maintained, but in such a way were I actually made sure to eventually answer those mysteries.

At first you don't know why he does what he does, but you do understand that his goal is to help Calamity Ganon rise. He also seemed absolutely confident in his decisions, he believes that his path is the best one.

Then slowly, information is revealed that allows you to understand Astor. And you can bet your bottom dollar that I purposefully did this in parallel with Siv slowly being hurt and betrayed by the people he once let himself be vulnerable with. The understanding of Astor comes with Siv's lack of understanding of the world around him.

Astor at this point in time, is basically a representation of listening to that little voice in your head. Both metaphorically, and quite literally. An "if you can't beat them, join them" attitude.

And of course, because this is HKU, he's not purely an evil villain, and he has an understandble line of logic in his actions, and even morals, as...different as they may be. I try to be very precise with my characters as I don't want to use backstory as an excuse for their actions, I fully intend to let their consequences play out, but at the same time I do want you to understand why someone does something besides just "he evil."

Astor used to have a close relationship with the old Queen of Hyrule, a literal symbol of hope for the kingdom given she possessed the power of Hylia. He himself wasn't a very important person, just some random orphan that probably only got a place at the castle because he was friends with the queen. But when she died, and the fate of Hyrule was apparantly sealed, so too did his hope. A much more depressing outcome of the "you can't control life so be apathetic" view that Astor shares with his brother.

He tried to apply logic to his situation, whether by trying to justify the end by saying that everyone in Hyrule is a fool, or a bad person, or by twisting the memories of his better days into something worse so that he doesn't have to feel as bad.

But of course, the TRUE and absolute reason he does all this, is to save Zelda, because as much as he would loathe to admit it, there's a part of him that still cares. If siding with the Calamity is the only way to save the last connection to the light of your life, then so be it. In a cruel world like Hyrule, why should he be able to enact just a sliver of justice in it.

And honestly he might be right. In the hundreds and thousands of timelines out there, I think there's only two were Zelda actually survives. Not very good chances *wink wink*

He couldn't care less if he looks like a villain as he does this. In fact, he would probably want to. He's been ignored his whole life, so some dramatic time in the spotlight to prove everyone wrong would be euphoric.

Want: Astor wants power over his life, even just a little bit. Just enough to rid the world's vermin, and save Zelda.

Lie: Hope is a lie and everything is doomed. We deserve to lose

Need: If Astor wants to be an actually good person, he needs to learn there are aspects and realities of life that you can't predict or control or assign logic to, yet despite that life is good anyways. Hope isn't always about winning, but about letting yourself live as best you can, and persevere.

Astor is a blast to write, because sometimes he's a stupid emo teen that you can bully for being called "Didymos," and then two minutes later he's a genuinely terrifying villain, and then two minutes after that you're feeling just even the slightest bit of sympathy for him. He's a cunning, cucking, emo bastard and if Larc didn't exist he might just be my favourtie character.

But another thing I love about writing Astor has to do with my fourth point on how I craft characters:

Someone that wouldn't be important to the story, without their bonds and relationships to the other characters

People being enjoyable on their own is great, but I think the best part about writing different characters is seeing how they fit together, like puzzle pieces. This again goes to my point about how no character is wasted, because a complete puzzle doesn't have extra pieces (except Hestu)

So let me just talk about my themes of trauma and how I use malice in HKU

I made this venn diagram awhile ago, but it's kinda....bad. Lmao. So let me summarize in a way that's coherant.

When you get traumatized by something, or something terrible happens to you, even if that experience gets solved, you will probably still have that memory for the rest of your life. That experience, and the consequences that it had, will be something you have with you for a long, long time, and the reality is that sometimes there's nothing you can do about it.

And so the question of HKU becomes...well what exactly do you do with it? Is it a strength, or a weakness, or do you pretend it doesn't exist?

Asivus is the protagonist of the story because it is from his perspective that we explore the most viewpoints and angles of the stories theme, not just through Siv himself, but from his perspective of those around him, and his relationships with them. Again, per the "no character wasted," because quite literally everyone has an opinion on the subject.

For now, let's just focus on Siv, Larc, and Astor.

Hartell Bros and using pictures to appeal to the neurodivergent asshat (AKA myself): The Journey to find your need

This is pretty much where these characters stand at the start of HKU.

Through the beginning arc, Siv becomes less apathetic and actually starts to care, about others, and himself. And eventually, he even follows the hope (ambition) to help Zelda save Hyrule. Now, at this point, Siv doesn't respect Astor, and he envies Larc, so he moves further away from their respective "places" and values. He allows himself to be vulnerable.

Meanwhile, circumstances threaten the most important thing in Larc's life, his family. These circimstances force Larc to go against his usually autonomous lifestyle, and actually act out of personal ambition, and try to take the helm on his life.

Finally, Astor has been in his spot for awhile, ever since he became set on helping to revive the Calamity. And over the first few arcs, nothing happens to him that forces him to change. He stays in his place, because his brother's relationships to him basically make him a moral compass of what they DON'T want to be. (Almost like...getting bad advice, and not taking it.) Astor at the moment is a stationary catalyst who tries to convince Siv to share his viewpoint. And this doesn't happen yet.

So its because of their interactions and relationships that their characters move to here:

HBut the thing about letting yourself be more autonomous, or vulnerable to other people, is that while it does have great benefits, you still might get hurt by other people, so you need to learn how to handle these situations properly.

Asivus does not handle this properly.

When Zavis betrays him, and makes him look like a fool, Siv books it out of the vulnerability department as fast as he can. When Link seemingly shows Siv that the future is broken, and that the world is unfair and out to get him, Siv detaches himself completely from being content (apathetic) and when Siv see he can't rely on anyone to save him, even Zelda, then he moves further into control.

So yeah, Siv's character quite literally wouldn't exist without his relationship to others, and they, him.

Meanwhile, Larc is forces even further into the control and ambition department by being turned into the literal emodiment of ambition and power: a Hollow. Thanks Astor! So for a brief amount of time, he lives at the extreme ends of purple and red, and once he recovers, he desperately wants to move back towards the blue and yellow areas because it wasn't exactly the best of experiences for him.

So now Larc is no longer autonomous to the world around him, and after he is truly revealed as a traitor thanks to being kidnapped and almost dying and the world finding out about everything the gang's been up to, Larc really cannot return to his "following orders" lifestyle. He's on the edge of being where he needs to be, but he still is of the mindset that he doesn't deserve to be happy. So while he allows himself to be in control of his choices, and to follow and protect his family, he rejects hope for himself, and dips into just not caring about himself.

Finally, Astor. His change starts small, but the fact they he shifted at all when he's spent so much of the story as immovable is significant. In a combination of not liking Siv's extremes, and actually expressing hesitation the more he interacts with Zelda, Astor moves out of the yellow and just barely dips into the side of ambition, and the desire to actually change a seemingly unchangeable situation. But it's just barely, and he still sides with Ganon.

So thus, after all those interactions, the Hartell Bros stand around here:

And where will they go from here? Who knows! I'll give you a hint thought...things are really looking Up for Siv (wink wink).

The beauty is that you don't even know if anyone will ever truly live in that perfect harmony that the middle offers, because let me assure you, the people that DO live in that perfect middle, are currently dead. The movement toward that center is a positive character arc, but will everyone achieve a positive character arc? People can enter there sure, but the hard part is staying, of keeping those ideals. And Hylia...don't even get me start on how Link, Zelda, Zavis, and everyone else fits into this, I'd be at here for another six hours.

And also, I think my little graph is a good example of my other themes on mortality and how it's not black and white. There's no extreme good end, and extreme bad end; being a good person is a harmony of the different difficulties every day has to offer.

And then ALL OF THIS, I hide under the guise of mystery, and plot, and humour, and shitposts; evil soup, hot sword people, disaster gays, giant robots, cucking, ninjas, knights, musicians and seers...Just a constantly battle between not being too preachy and not going too off the rails, I myself am constantly trying to find that center harmony as I write HKU.

But make no mistake, this is probably the most fun thing I've written...ever. It kicks my ass sometimes, but it's so....I don't even know how to describe it, it's just great. There just so many things that I have to think about to deal with the story and the characters and it's work but I'm really passionate about it so it's FUN and I love it and I will ramble about it again one day because, fuck man...

Writing is badass.

Winter's Moon - Director's Commentary

chapter two, here we go!

“Wh-what?” Her breath growing short, Mipha yanked the key out to make sure it was the right one. It was. Her hand shaking, she shoved it in again and turned it. Still nothing. “No, no... no, no, no...” She tried it again. And again. “No, come on, please... not now, not now...” Tears built in her eyes as she kept trying, her heart thudding in her chest and her stomach roiling with nausea. But no matter what she did, it simply refused to start. “Oh Goddess, no... no, why, why now...” Mipha's head dropped to the steering wheel, and she let out a sob. “Why...”

I can't call Impa, she's in class right now... and so is Zelda... Father is at work... and Goddess only knows how much it will cost to fix whatever is wrong, or worse, buy a new car if it's beyond repair... oh why, why? I do not need this...

I've never had a car break down on me like this, but I have had multiple computers just stop working. Just... shut down while I was right there doing something, or when I left to go to the bathroom or something. It was devastating every time, and my reaction was exactly this, thinking why, no, I don't need this, with that exact physical reaction too. So this was all too painfully real to write.

more than that, though, it adds another layer of motivation to the decision Mipha's going to make when she gets that life-changing offer. it hurts to put her through this, but her life has to get worse before it can get better, so it's believable that she decides to take a chance and go live with a giant talking wolf for a year in exchange for unimaginable wealth. so what has to happen in this chapter, is her having one hell of a fucking awful day, breaking her down enough that when Link shows up later it's at exactly the right time. step one of this process is her car breaking down, when she's already late, and adding another financial burden to her. so she's already stressed as hell when it happens, and then this piles onto it.

She'd only just finished putting her purse in her locker when someone called her name. Mipha turned. It was Malon, one of her coworkers, an equally nervous look on her face. “Yes? What is it?”

“Well, you're late. And...” Malon twisted her apron in her hands. “Ingo said to send you to his office as soon as you got here...”

I chose Ingo to be her asshole boss because, well... he's an asshole. Seriously. Hate that guy. Having him be in charge of the Milk Bar and being horrible to his employees, including poor Malon here, is just such an easy leap from how he is in Ocarina of Time after the timeskip.

“Well...” He finally looked up. They watched each other for a few seconds, Mipha barely daring to breathe, and Ingo chewing idly on something. Then he shrugged. “Eh, why sugarcoat it. Gotta let you go. Sorry,” he added, not sounding apologetic at all.

Mipha's heart seemed to stumble before pounding so hard it felt like it would burst out of her chest. “Wh-what? I...” She shook her head, her eyes wide. “No, I...” She couldn't breathe. “Please... please give me another chance, I...”

and the shit sundae gets another scoop of crap. ;~; first she's late, then her car breaks down, and now she's lost her job, just when she badly needs whatever money she can get to repair or replace the car.

“What?” Ingo blinked, and finally looked back at her. “You kidding? I'd have to pay you for that, and you no longer work for me! Malon can pick up the slack, just drop off that apron in the laundry bag. If you were anyone else I'd have you just hang it up somewhere, but, well...” He grimaced. “I don't think the others wanna wear something that's been on slimy scales.”

Mipha's spine stiffened, her damp eyes now alight with a cold fury. “They're not.”

“Huh?” Ingo scratched his head. “Who's—”

“My scales. They are not slimy. I am not slimy.” Breathing hard, Mipha undid her apron with shaking fingers and threw it onto his desk; he recoiled as if she'd hurled a live spider at him. “Reserve that word for your own behavior. If nothing else, I am glad I shall never have to hear your disgusting and utterly wrong remarks about me again.” She'd endured them in silence before, but not anymore. Not now that she no longer had to.

and then Ingo adds literal insult to injury, by making what is far from his first disparaging remark about her Zora traits, but what will be the last. Mipha's had enough, and she finally gets the chance to stand up to him, in a moment that'll come up in conversation later, and is the first glimpse we see in this story of just how fierce she can be when something or someone angers her enough. it's also a taste of what she's had to put up with from ignorant, prejudiced Hylians, in contrast with the caring she receives from her friends and especially Link. he's always treated her with kindness, but this kind of thing nevertheless contributes to her insecurities and belief that he wouldn't find her attractive (when in fact the opposite is true and he's intensely attracted to and in love with her).

And until it could be seen to, she'd have to rely on Impa and Zelda for rides to school. She knew they wouldn't mind, but she hated imposing on them, hated having to ask them for things that she felt would bother and inconvenience them. No matter how much they told her it wasn't any trouble, she still agonized over it.

I know this feeling. All too well. It's really, really hard for me to ask people for things, and I always end up feeling guilty about it and apologizing and saying "you don't have to do this, really", to the point of sometimes frustrating others. I felt like Mipha might have this problem too, so I put that in here. it becomes a key part of her arc in the long term: her difficulty in asking for help, in asking for anything she wants, even thinking about what she wants instead of trying to subsume her own needs and focus on others, and how she needs to try and be better about that. and in the short term, it adds even more of a weight to her at the moment, just thinking about the fact that she'll have to rely on her friends for transportation and all the guilt that that's gonna cause her. she, like me, hates feeling like she's a burden, like she's bothering other people. and now there's no way around it, intensifying her despair.

As she waited for the water to warm up sufficiently, Mipha caught sight of herself in the mirror. She couldn't explain it to herself, but something about seeing her own reflection triggered another torrent of tears, her face crumpling as she turned away from the glass and stepped into the shower. Hot tears mingled with hot water as she stood there, and she let herself scream as she cried.

I've had those moments, where something as innocuous as your own reflection can just snap you in two when you're already feeling like shit, and you just start crying. And when it's really bad, it's hard to keep your tears quiet so that other people won't hear, and freeing to be able to do it in total privacy the way you really need. Mipha is pretty much at a breaking point after everything that's happened today, on top of the exhausting hell that her life has been for a while, so she needs to be able to let it all out in a really primal, cathartic way like this. everything is just... going so horribly wrong and downhill for her, and she has no idea things are going to be looking up soon, or at all. from her point of view right now, everything is just going to keep getting worse, and she's not sure at all how she's going to get through it. she needs the drastic change that's about to come to her, and in her current state she's more than ready to accept an offer that sounds fucking bonkers.

which is the point of all this misery I'm inflicting on her--I don't torture characters for the hell of it, there has to be a good solid reason, and a payoff that will make it worth it. here, the reasoning behind breaking her down so much is, again, to make it believable that she'd take the chance on living with a giant talking wolf she's never met (or so she thinks) for a year in a remote location, in exchange for financial stability for herself and her loved ones. which of course ultimately leads to the happy ending she gets with Link after it's all over, saving him and giving them the ability to finally be together as they've wanted for years. if she had a hunky-dory life with little strife in it, it'd stretch credibility, so the circumstances have to be established so that anyone reading would understand her choices.

this is something really, really important to me. everyone hates it when characters make choices in a story that are obviously Because The Plot Says So, right? yeah!!! me too!!! that shit sucks! the plot, in my opinion, should move along thanks to the choices the characters would organically make, plot and character arcs should be intertwined and working together to build something special. which I know can be a challenge, of course--crafting something like that is never an easy thing. and doing adaptations like this makes it even more challenging.

because, you see, I'm not just taking this old fairy tale plot and tossing new original characters I can mold into being what I need them to be into it. I'm taking someone else's established characters, putting them in an old fairy tale (where people usually don't really question the bizarre shit that's being thrown at them), and making it a setting similar to modern day Earth. whew. So I have to have Mipha and Link, and all the other characters I pulled in, take actions that move this along in my version of this basic plot, and I have to do so in a way that feels organic and believable to them, in this setting, with the information they have and their own personalities and motivations. and there's some really weird stuff coming up that Mipha's gonna have to deal with, and make choices about that would--and do--seem bizarre to those on the outside, but would make internal sense to her, and anyone reading this story and seeing it through her perspective. Hell, just the offer she's about to get in this chapter is super weird! her taking it is in itself one of those choices that others in her life wouldn't necessarily understand, but anyone reading it does have to get it, or the story falls apart. needless to say, I had to put a lot of thought and work into crafting all these elements and bringing it together, writing it, and you'll get to see my thought process on all these as we go along in this commentary series.

Fresh tears built as she pulled out the beach photo, her blurring eyes focused on Link.

“Why aren't you here with me?” she whispered, beginning to cry again. “You were always so good at comforting me when I needed you... and now you're gone, and I...”

This, of course, is to drive home just how much she misses Link, how good a friend he was for her, and how much his absence from her life still hurts her so much. she got a fresh reminder of him right before her life started crumbling down all over again, and it's like a knife in the heart, remembering what they had and how much of a comfort it always was. in a time when she's suffering so much, it's little wonder she's clinging once more to her memories of when things were good, wishing she had those times and those people back again.

little does she know, that he's about to come back to her right when she needs him most.

Her own stomach was terribly empty, and she needed something for her headache, but she couldn't bring herself to go out there and face them. Not now. She needed more time. Time to calm herself down and construct a mask so that she wouldn't worry them and wouldn't have to relive her awful day by telling them about it. It couldn't be avoided forever, of course, but... even a little delay would be a kindness.

Sure enough, she soon heard the sounds of pots and pans clanging in the distance. Mipha's stomach growled, and she pressed a hand to it. Frustration rose. Why, why couldn't she just get it together and go out there? They were her friends, she shouldn't be avoiding them. So why? Ugh.

I've been there. Haven't we all? You're so upset about something, and you know you need comforting, but all the same you can't face talking about it. can't face seeing another person, not when they'll ask you questions that'll break through any facade you put up and expose your weakness. you're just not ready for that. and yet, they're out there, and there's something you need in that area, whether it's food or drink or... whatever. so you just sit and wait, getting more and more frustrated and not knowing what to do. frozen. and it sucks.

Illuminated by the glow of the porch light was an enormous wolf with deep gray fur, far bigger than it had any right to be. Far bigger than any normal wolf should be, at least the size of a horse, if not larger. Strange white markings stood out on its forehead, and as Mipha stared at it, its eyes seemed to meet hers through the window. Her breath caught. “What... what is that...?”

In the original fairy tale, the prince is cursed to be in the shape of a huge white bear. which would work just fine for any other adaptation of the story, but we're working with Legend of Zelda canon here. which has the perfect transformation for the poor guy to be cursed with. and no, I don't mean the pink bunny. :P I'm talking, obviously, about his transformation into Wolf Link in Twilight Princess. this works so well for multiple reasons:

1) the size thing. obviously he is not that big in TP, but here I need something Mipha can ride on, and that's only possible and somewhat safe for him if I make him huuuuuuuuge. as fucked up as horses are in other ways, they at least have the kind of spines necessary for people to ride them. wolves... do not. I gathered from a little research into this matter that it might be possible if they were big enough, but seeing as we don't have megafauna anymore (aside from the horror that is the moose), that ain't gonna happen in our world. this is fantasy, though, so I just made him bigger and called it a fucking day. MAGIC.

2) as a wolf he would, also, be suited to the climate he's about to take Mipha to very soon. fur, feet that won't slip in the snow, etc.

3) it was a forced transformation at first in the game, and it's a forced one here too.

4) this is more meta, but... remember how scared people would get of Link in his wolf form? especially in Ordon, where it was to the point that they tried to kill him? I can't blame them for being on edge, but from Link's perspective that had to hurt, particularly when it was people he knew and had grown up around. it would've been very isolating, and during those early sequences Midna wasn't being very friendly to him either (I love her, she has fantastic growth and that evolution is why she's such a great character... but for Link at that point in time he wouldn't have been too happy, I can look at this from both angles). how does that relate to this Link? simple. he too is very isolated, has been for a few years, and now it's continuing, because that wolf form is scary to most people and thus makes it difficult or impossible to go into towns and cities. not only that, but it puts up a wall between him and Mipha, because she doesn't know it's him and he has to pretend to be someone else. so the feelings of sorrow, pain, and isolation I headcanoned TP Link as experiencing during those early portions, now go to this Link, as part of his ongoing trauma.

5) plus, it helps clue the reader in that this is Link, setting up that dramatic irony where we're aware of his true identity but Mipha isn't.

She gestured at the backyard, where the wolf was still staring at them. Staring at her, unless she was imagining things.

He very much is staring at her. This is the first time Link's seen Mipha in person in four years, he'll soon be speaking to her for the first time in three years... no wonder he can't take his eyes off her, when he's missed her so badly and still loves her so much. Right now he's getting himself ready for that conversation, so that he doesn't break down and give himself away somehow. Constructing as stoic a mask as he can so he can hold himself together when talking to the best friend he's in love with that he hasn't seen in so long.

Mipha lifted her head and opened her eyes just as the back door creaked open and Impa reappeared. She looked vaguely dazed, and all the blood had drained from her face. “Um...”

“Impa?” Zelda frowned as her girlfriend closed the door. “What's wrong? You look like you've seen a Poe.”

“I think I might prefer that...” Impa rubbed her forehead. “This is... okay. I'd ask you to promise that you won't accuse me of being crazy, but to be honest even I'm not sure that I'm not.”

Mipha glanced over her shoulder at the window. The wolf was still out there, but now it had settled down on the ground, its head resting on its massive paws. “Just tell us. I will not laugh or doubt your sanity.”

“Appreciate it.” Impa took a deep breath. “Okay, so... as nuts as this sounds, that's not just a regular wolf. Yes, I know we knew that already, going by the size,” she said quickly as Zelda opened her mouth to say something. “But I mean, more than that. It...” She swallowed. “It talked to me.”

in the original fairy tale, when the father goes outside to see what's going on and sees a giant bear, he doesn't bat an eye when said bear says "good evening". he just says "good evening" right back. LIKE. I know this is a fairy tale, suspension of disbelief and all, but it's still kinda hilarious to think about the fact that these people live in a world where you can see a giant fucking bear in your backyard, hear it TALK, and not lose your shit over how goddamn weird this is. how often do other animals talk to these people???

once again, this is not gonna fly in a modern setting where most animals don't talk. this isn't Animal Crossing, this is Legend of Zelda, and even in TP Link couldn't talk while in wolf form. suffice to say, this is not something that the characters can reasonably expect to have happen when they approach a wild animal (or what they think is one, anyway).

“What?” The shock on Zelda's face mirrored what Mipha felt. “But—but that shouldn't be possible, wolves don't have—”

and in the next line, Zelda drives home that point. wolves, like most animals, do not have the equipment necessary for speech. like vocal cords, for instance. I was also inspired by a line in the show Wonderfalls, in which the protagonist starts getting talked to by various animal figures, and in the first episode she protests against this by declaring that the particular animal doesn't have a larynx.

The wolf lifted its head only a little as she approached, regarding her quietly with eyes that she could now see were the bright blue of a clear summer sky. She stopped short a few feet from its huge snout, hands clasped in front of her. For a long moment they just stared at each other. Then she delicately cleared her throat. “Um... hello?”

“Hello, Mipha.” The wolf's voice was low and rough, exactly what she would've expected him to sound like, but there was also a gentleness to it that caught her by surprise. “I'm sorry for scaring you and your friends.”

1) obviously Link wants to get a better look at her. and just like in TP, he retains those signature blue eyes in wolf form, giving another blaring sign as to who he is. he's also at a loss for words at first, a little, which is why she speaks first.

2) his first thought is to apologize for scaring her and her friends, because Link is kind and would never want to frighten them (especially her), and hates that the form he's in is doing that without him trying. it doesn't help that he's not at all used to being intimidating--in his true form, he's short and slender, with soft, pretty features, very non-threatening looking overall. and he doesn't want to be threatening, he's brave and will stand up for those he cares about, but he's not a bully who likes to push people around, he just wants to protect and help others. to suddenly be a huge creature with claws and fangs that everyone is afraid of is a huge adjustment, to put it mildly.

3) being in the body of a wolf has changed his voice, which helps him hide his identity from her. naturally, it's going to be a rougher, more... growly? kind of voice, befitting the beastly form he's in. even so, he can't hide his true personality, which softens it with that gentleness that surprised Mipha, that helps set her at ease around him. even if she doesn't know who he is, the person he is at heart comes through loud and clear, which makes her instinctively trust and like him pretty quickly.

“Why would you have cause to look into me?”

“I know how that sounds, and I'm sorry.” His gaze darted away. “But I needed to find—I need someone to help me with something, and so I had to find the right person.”

“And you... settled on me, of all people?” Mipha tilted her head slightly. “Why?”

“Because I need—I need someone who's kind. Kinder than most. And dedicated to helping others. That describes you, doesn't it?” He looked straight at her again with those piercing blue eyes. “Am I wrong?”

“I...” Mipha felt heat rise to her face. “I wouldn't... I wouldn't say you're wrong, necessarily, but I... oh, I would never put myself above anyone like that. I simply try my best to do well by others, that's all anyone can do. I'm not special...”

He was silent for a moment. “Based on what I've heard, I'd disagree.”

1) LIE QUICKLY, LINK, LOL. He really just had to look into where she was after all the moves, and now he has to make it sound plausible that he was just looking for someone like her, not her specifically. It does have to be her specifically, because his love for her and desire to be with her is a thorn in the side of Twinrova and Veran, so they decided to punish his failed escape attempt (and thus his utter rejection of Veran) by setting up this situation to hurt him further.

2) it really does describe her perfectly, and as someone who's known her since they were both in preschool, Link would obviously know that. and she is special, he knows that too (but has to pretend it's hearsay), just as we all do. Mipha can deny it all she wants, but she is truly wonderful. ;~;

3) he pretty much has to get her to agree to this, because he genuinely thinks this could be his way out to freedom and being with Mipha again, so the angle he approaches this from is to ask her for help. which he does need, and knows will get her interest, since he's well aware of how selfless she is and her desire to help those in need (a trait they share). there's some guilt deep down, but it's overridden by the urgency of the situation, to free himself and get back to her.

“I...” He looked down again, something changing in his eyes. “There's not a whole lot I can tell you, and I'm sorry about that.”

“Why?” Mipha's frown deepened. “Why can you not tell me? I think it will be hard for me to help you if I don't know what the problem is...”

“Believe me, I wish I could. But...” He sighed. “Part of the problem, as you put it, is that I'm bound from speaking too much about it. I physically can't say certain things. I'm sorry.”

“Did you have a choice in the matter?” He shook his head. “Then do not apologize, for it isn't your fault. Just tell me what you can, and I'll see what I can do for you.”

this establishes the other part of the curse he's under: his inability to speak honestly about what's going on and who he really is. the reason Twinrova did this is simple: to ensure that it's not too easy for him to break out of her grasp. think about it--if he went to Mipha, told her it's him and that he needs her to do x because of y, she would readily agree, and not do anything to fuck things up, and they could enjoy being reunited and it'd be fun to some degree. but because this is a rigged game designed to punish and hurt him, there has to be that wall of separation from her, continuing to isolate him even as he gets to be around her for the first time in so long, and make him fear that she'll turn him down. fortunately, Mipha's compassion inclines her to be sympathetic and understanding towards this predicament, which touches him deeply. he'd figured she would be, hoped she would be, but to have her already showing him such kindness is a bit overwhelming.

“I can't tell you exactly what you'd be helping me with, but I can tell you what you'd have to do. It's pretty simple: just come and live with me for a year and a day.”

“Live... with you?” Mipha's mind immediately conjured up the image of herself in a huge cave, beside this giant wolf. As if sensing what she was thinking, he laughed slightly.

“It's not what you're probably picturing, trust me—it's in a manor house, and you'd have every comfort you could ask for. I'd also give you more money than you'd know what to do with, as compensation for uprooting your life like this.”

“You would...” Mipha stopped breathing for a moment. Her head spun. More money than she'd...? Oh no, that wasn't quite true. She did know what to do with it, at least partially. Father... I could help Father and Sidon... give Impa some stability as well... and then use the rest to settle myself somewhere... oh, I... “That... that is... very kind of you, of course,” she managed. “But... but what would you get out of such generosity? I cannot imagine how my residing with you and taking such wealth would help you...”

1) "a year and a day" is a time period that turns up in mythology, fairy tales, literature, and other media, and has been used in real life legal situations. hell, some forms of neopaganism use "year and a day" handfastings as a form of trial marriage. tons of examples of this trope out there!

2) Mipha's wild imagination gives Link the first real laugh he's had in literal years at this point. let that sink in.

3) and here we are, the offer that changes everything, that I've been building towards her getting. on the day that she lost her job after her car breaking down, when she's at what feels like rock bottom, she gets offered unimaginable wealth in exchange for helping someone by living in a comfortable manor. wealth she could use to help her father and brother, and her friend too. also, the fact that her mind instantly goes to how she could help someone else with what she'll get for helping someone... is more proof that she truly is special, despite her denials.

“Look, just... take a week to think about it, okay? I know it's a huge thing to ask, and you should have time to consider. So I'll come back in a week for your decision. If that's alright?”

“Yes, I... that's fine.” Mipha nodded. “Thank you. You're right. It is quite an offer. I promise I will have an answer for you when the week is out.”

“Thanks.” He rose up onto his feet. Slowly, as if he didn't want to frighten her. “I'll see you next week, then... sorry again for scaring you all.”

“Don't worry about it.” Mipha offered him a small smile, and he seemed to go very still for a moment. “I know now that you meant us no harm. I'm not scared anymore.”

1) he wants so badly for her to agree, for them to have this chance at being reunited, for himself to have a chance to be free, but his conscience won't let him try to push her too hard or coerce her. so he gives her a week to consider. we know it's a foregone conclusion, of course, or else there wouldn't be a story, but Link doesn't, and he wouldn't be a sympathetic lead (or in character) if he got overbearing about it. hence his consideration for her feelings.

2) he is indeed trying not to scare her again, and all too painfully aware of just how big he is right now. he's not used to towering over her.

3) this is the first time he's seen her smile in years, of course he freezes up. for three years he's had only the memory of her face, her smile, to comfort himself with, robbed not only of the ability to talk to her, but of all his pictures of her. to finally see her smile again hits hard. and then she follows it up by assuring him she's not scared of him... no wonder his emotions are so strong that even while trying to hide it, she can still sense it enough that it puts a lump in her throat as she watches him walk away. and the more she gets to know him, the more she can kind of sense him, even if she doesn't consciously know it.

“You didn't already say no? Are you losing it too?” Impa shook her head too. “Mipha, this is nuts. Completely insane. There's nothing to think about, because it's crazy.”

“She's right.” Zelda stepped forward. “No amount of money is worth—”

“What would you know about it?” Zelda's eyes widened, hurt flashing in them, but Mipha pressed on. “You don't have to struggle like I have been, you have never known what it's like to...” She drew a deep breath as she started to tremble. “I lost my job today. My car won't start. My father is still overworking himself trying to keep everything together, probably into an early grave, and Sidon doesn't have a college fund anymore, let alone the chance to do all the fun things he wants and deserves to do. If I took that money, I...” She dashed at her eyes with a shaking hand, hating that she was near tears again. “I could make such a difference for them. For you too.” Mipha gestured at Impa. “Don't tell me it's insane to want to help the people I care about. Don't you dare. Either of you.”

“I'm sorry.” Zelda bit her lip and looked away. “I didn't know... I'm sorry, I just...”

“We just want you to be safe,” Impa said quietly. “That's all. You have to admit it sounds pretty sketchy. I understand why you're tempted, don't get me wrong, but...”

“Then you should understand why I'm going to consider it.” Mipha looked down at the floor. “I know you two care about me and want me to be safe, and I do appreciate it, but this is my decision to make. And it is so much bigger than just myself.”

And here begins a conflict I worked hard to carefully set up: Mipha's choices based on her own experiences, vs. the misgivings of Impa and Zelda as people on the outside looking in. Look, they do have a point, from an outsider's perspective, it would sound like a terrible and reckless idea. Seeing it through their eyes, they have perfectly valid objections to the idea of Mipha running off to live for a year with a giant talking wolf she's never met before on the promise that she'll be given a fuckton of money. Which DOES sound bizarre! I can't blame them for being weirded out, can you? I wanted this to come across as a situation where both parties have equally valid positions.

Because... from Mipha's POV, her decisions are understandable too. We've just seen her have one of the worst days of her life, when she's already struggling just to keep surviving and has very little real joy in her life, and the implication here with what she says when she snaps at Zelda, is that Zelda doesn't know what it's like to be poor, because her life has always been comfortable. And that's true! So she doesn't really comprehend the desperation and pain Mipha's dealing with over her financial situation. She can't. And neither she nor Impa was out in the backyard with Mipha while she was speaking with Link, to see how he treated her and how he set her at ease. It's a carefully balanced conflict, where they all have their reasons to feel as they do and no one is just being two-dimensionally antagonistic about it, it all comes from a place organic to their characters. Mipha wants to help out this person she thinks is a stranger and help her family and friend, and Impa and Zelda just want the best for her because they care about her and worry about her. so this sets the stage for conflicts to come as things progress in her adventure.

I have a week to decide what to do about his offer. But I think I already know my answer, if I am honest with myself.

I chose to end the chapter on this line because... I just didn't see a point in putting in artificial suspense. We all know she's going to say yes, there wouldn't be a story otherwise. So why not end it on this note, where she's pretty much already made her choice because of her circumstances and desire to help those around her? Adventure calls, and Mipha is answering it with a firm yes. She just doesn't know exactly what's in store for her at this point...

I'm sorry you're having such an awful time of it lately with people's assumptions/projections!! You don't deserve that, nobody does!! There's certainly nothing about you I can see that would invite that kind of behaviour!!

Here's some questions for you to hopefully take your mind off it all for a while 💖

• I know you planned Down as a multichapter, so it was always going to be long, but did you ever foresee it taking off the way that it has?

• Which starter are you taking in BDSP and do you plan on keeping them for the whole run?

• Which legendary/mythical pokémon would you assign to the goddesses of Hyrule?

• Which boss fight in Minish Cap was your favourite? Which was your least favourite?

• Maybe an odd question, but we've been having an unnaturally cold Spring down here in Australia - have you guys gotten the flipside and it's weirdly warm for this time of year??

• What's your current pumpkin soup recipe?

• What villagers do you currently have living on Venomvale? Are there any of the new ones from the update you're excited to try and find to move in?

If I can think of anything else I'll send those too! Hope your day improves 💖💖💖

thanks for always sending me such nice questions, especially when i never get to them until weeks later?? i dont know why i'm like this dean but i love u flghfshgf

ended up just losing myself in video games the day you sent these, so day did improve dramatically. but! still wanna answer em~

• I know you planned Down as a multichapter, so it was always going to be long, but did you ever foresee it taking off the way that it has?

NOT AT ALL. i didn't realize the linked universe fandom was Like That RE: engagement and feedback. i've written for zelda before, and the fandom was pretty average in terms of reviews/reblogs/enthusiasm--people left a few nice comments/kudos/bookmarks in the days following and then i'd move onto my next project.

the lu fandom are VORACIOUS. you can walk in a room and be like 'hey, what was that fic where [specific thing] happened' and ten people will have the exact fic in minutes because the LU fandom READ EVERY FIC, and not only do they read every fic, they comment and circulate their favourites NONSTOP, they're incredibly passionate and enthusiastic and they write these long, excited comments, and they comment on EVERY CHAPTER, and they go out of their way to make recc lists and add to each other's recc lists and. it's. it's fucking INCREDIBLE, it's creative EUPHORIA.

i foresaw each chapter of Down being kind of self-contained and succinct, especially for Links I had Less Thoughts about (like Four, and Hyrule, and Legend, and Twilight most of all--) but because of the feedback I was receiving I was incredibly motivated to work harder and give more, I didn't have this cloud hanging over me that my writing had to live up to any standard of perfection. i just wrote and let the words flow through me, and it kicked ASS.

i never anticipated each chapter would be 8k+. i never anticipated the chapter about my least favourite link being THE LONGEST OF ALL at FUCKIGN 16K??? Down grabbed me by the shoulders and wrenched all the best out of me, and i fully blame the LU fandom for being so generous with their love. i have NEVER been in a fandom like this before. i want to fucking live here. i want to die here. i want to stay here forever.

i have no fucking clue what makes Down so special to so many people but i do not CARE. i believe them, i trust them, i fucking adore them. if you're reading this i adore you.

• Which starter are you taking in BDSP and do you plan on keeping them for the whole run?

my monferno is named hiro and i love him so much he will turn all my enemies to ash <3

• Which legendary/mythical pokémon would you assign to the goddesses of Hyrule?

oh the lake trio for the golden three easily! uxie as nayru, mesprit as farore, azelf as din.

hylia...... my impulse is honestly to say jirachi but i could also see cresselia, xerneas, or even arceus for her.

• Which boss fight in Minish Cap was your favourite? Which was your least favourite?

mazaal was a lot of fun. fuck that octorok and the whole temple of droplets <3

• Maybe an odd question, but we've been having an unnaturally cold Spring down here in Australia - have you guys gotten the flipside and it's weirdly warm for this time of year??

...you know now that you mention it, yeah? feels like it hasnt dipped below 40f much gffghf. i want some gosh dang snow!!!

• What's your current pumpkin soup recipe?

right here!

• What villagers do you currently have living on Venomvale? Are there any of the new ones from the update you're excited to try and find to move in?

fjklgsfgfs i haven't touched ac in over a year i suck.... i want to move cephalobot in so bad tho sfdgsfd

i love hilda... she has more nuance than ganondorf and yuga. in 3-D titles i’d say the nuanced villains were zant and ghirahim, or at least memorable enough that might be a better word. while people always cite ww ganondorf as being good writing, i don’t think its as good as it can be. there was only a peek into his motivations that’s thrown out the window in TP and BO//TW. plus, later after he monologues he beats up a freaking child. i don’t think what he says is meant to make him more sympathetic, but as a way to explain how the triforce drew out the greed in his heart. he wanted to covet both the lands and the power of the gods. dude just wanted more power for himself rather than his people. it’s kinda why nanbooru peaced out to try and stop him, gerudo cutting ties with him in FSA and other points of time where they still live in a desert despite how harsh ww ganon said it was (when it’s livable to live in a desert hweoh), and again in bot//w. (it makes me wish the dev team of ww did more research on desert living because... ppl do live in them just fine. it may be dry and hot but its still easy to live in. animals adapt to it, humans did too. it’s not a harsh wasteland like everyone believes it to be, it can be a beautiful place too. i mean, certain states in the us, anyone? to name a few examples, that’s not even covering our friends from the other side of the world) 

now... why din allowed for ganon to have the triforce of power before taking it away, is a mystery to me but it only reinforces my headcanon that most of the gods are as morally grey as the triforce. they seem merciful, but their actions suggest otherwise see windwaker where they drown an entire kingdom just to stop one guy HDFJAKVBFS.  

I DON’T WANNA PISS ANYONE OFF WITH THIS, By the way... i just think it’s inch resting how hilda wanted the triforce more for her people rather than wanting the power for herself or even the kingdom of hyrule. she could’ve had the desire to take the entire kingdom over, but she didn’t. she just manipulates link to draw out his triforce of courage. and was misled by an advisor. very desperate after failing time and time again and being pressed for time. thankfully after snapping out of the madness she does try to make up for it. all at the cost of destruction of her own world, which she resigned to before link and zelda shows her mercy and save lorule. that is so very cool of her because my god, she did love her kingdom and wanted the best for her people. she wanted to prevent lorule’s destruction by any means, and clear her family’s name because her ancestors did break the triforce if only to stop the bloodshed. it was a mistake on their part but a mistake she wanted to fix because she understood what they were trying to do. but she knew that the right thing to do at that moment was to not steal a power that didn’t belong to her or her world. that takes guts for her to come to that resolve. she did good at the cost of her world crumbling to nothing. but she redeems herself in the end. i’ve said it once, i’ll say it again: she’s more of an anti-villain who had well-intentions, however she was pushed into taking the triforce, therefore making her a tragic villain who then becomes redeemable. i don’t believe we see this with ganondorf because again, the writing for him isn’t the best and can be better. i’m a faithful hilda stannie, what can i say.

gillian jacobs, joel mchale, and any other community cast of interest + 👥

SEND ME AN FC + 👥 TO SEE A CHARACTER I’D etc etc

gillian jacobs

I rly love the idea of her in a Pagliacci role!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like her vibes during her depressive episodes in Love really radiate that suicidal clown energy and I would def play her as a small time comedian who tells herself that she’s constantly chasing near-death situations in search for material and not in search for oblivion.

also she’s been in so many raunchy movies that i feel like she could definitely play a nymphomaniac. and this is maybe an unrelated tangent but,,,  you see a lot of promiscuous female characters in the rpc, but i’ve never seen one who’s actually interested in sex..? usually the trend is female characters who feel unloved and use sex as a fill-in or gateway to a sense of intimacy. and this isn’t any shade at, like, nina’s character zelda or yam’s character nikki (especially because i use the same trope with my character genie), but when you combine all of the muses with this characterization together, i feel like we as a community accidentally enforce the idea that women don’t get titillated and just use romance as a bargaining chip for love?? 🤪 

idk maybe it’s just my experience but i always see the love-starved harlot more than any legit horny girls so lets get more of those and lets use gillian jacobs for the roles because thinking about it now i’m pretty sure that even her character on Love has that same characterization. damn

joel mchale

I’m determined!!!!!! to use him for something!!!!! 

my first priority is gwen’s rp americana; originally i thought he would be good for The Professor bt i haven’t had any rly novel ideas to bring to the table for that skeleton yet and i wanna avoid using him in the same career as his Community character. plus i think i’d want to play him in a skeleton that compliments him being like 6′5″ and jacked. hes also rly.. aryan looking… so he could make a perfect Detective if i can get over my hang-ups and play a cop in remotely good faith. but failing that i might end up applying for The Suspect w/ him.

on the flipside, I feel like he’d be rly good for a p.i. character that’s been floating around my head for a long time but whom I haven’t rly had the chance to develop bc I’ve pretty much just been in college rps for the last half a decade. woulda considered this muse for MW if i wasn’t already planning to bring in tom/sal.

that character is a Hunter S Thompson type— tragically optimistic and repeatedly outraged every time mankind disappoints him; constantly trying to believe in the best of people in an industry where he’s dealing with the most depraved individuals. tried to unionize his private investigation firm (love the futility of trying to organize behind the back of the boss of a band of snoops) and wound up getting underhandedly fired so he had to go independent. hardened more in demeanor than heart; numbs the hell of being repeatedly let down with a rock & roll lifestyle that he should’ve outgrown in his thirties. still clinging onto a Gen X obsession with authenticity that obnoxiously makes him roll his eyes at any cashier who smiles and tells him to have a great day. comes across as crass and tactless, desensitized to vulgarity and clumsy when it comes to tenderness despite perpetually yearning for it. compulsively anti-authority to the point of impairing his judgment at times; easily manipulated by anyone who portrays themselves as an underdog. probably comes from a family without a nurturing female presence; could definitely picture him with a businessman younger sibling whom he resents because they’ve “sold out” (read: they’re flourishing financially) while he’s 48 years old and has no sheets on his bed because it’s been a week and he still hasn’t taken them out of the dryer and he keeps passing out on the couch anyway so he’s not really thinking about it.

The biggest struggle in using McHale for this character is that he’s a little too fratty and it’s hard to picture him as this chainsmoking gonzo. but i try to play fcs against type and i feel like he always gets cast as characters who are wealthy/charming/two-faced/detached/nihilistic, and this is definitely as far away from that as i can get. maybe ill do a deep dive into his filmography and find something where he wasnt playing a white collar hunk or douchebag. idk…,,we’ll see. maybe ill use a completely different fc for that character and use mchale for one of the americana skeletons instead?? idk i havent gotten that far yet but i cant stop making gifs of him i’m having so much fun i want to use him so bad idk

one last option is like… ever since those reddit stories got popular, ive always wanted to play a search-and-rescue officer for a national park? and i feel like he almost has forest ranger vibes in the later seasons of community when he has the beard. i dont know where i would play this character but to be fair i have literally no clue where i would play a private investigator either so it’s. yeah

donald glover

i played him back when i used to write in rly wild and campy/comedic supernatural/genre plots!! the original conceit of that character was a law school dropout who swindled an eldritch demon out of his almighty powers, but had such low motivation in life and such a one-track mind that he never thought to use it for any kind of world domination, and instead tried to use it to win back and impress her by giving himself a promotion to manager of the bowling alley he worked at, or make her life without him seem subconsciously bleaker by doing innocuous bullshit like making her breakfast cereal have less marshmallows in it than usual. i don’t know if i would revisit him, but if i did it might be fun to have him have a jackass genie type of relationship with another character in a 1x1, or drop the supernatural aspect entirely and reimagine him as a burnout who suddenly inherited a huge amount of money, only for it to gradually be revealed that it came from some shady means, or something. i don’t know. fucking love his tag on my blog though

alison brie

I think one of the reasons I resent Annie Edison so much is because you can tell Dan Harmon was too obsessed with her to let her be the butt of any jokes or make her look bad in any way, and so even though Alison Brie is an extremely charming and funny actress, she never got to portray any really human or interesting flaws, because all of Annie’s negative traits were just the kind of corny weaknesses you list in a job interview (she’s just too driven!!! a perfectionist to a fault!!~~) and I think that by season 3 she became the thing every viewer was worried Britta would be in the pilot (boring moral compass of a carrot dangling in front of the male protagonist to motivate his character growth). And it just feels like a waste of an actress who could easily find humor in an uglier character and make them sympathetic. So I genuinely want to do something like that with her, like make her a former activist who completely sold out her morals for a gig as a commentator on a corporate news outlet or working on softening PR for some Raytheon or Lockheed Martin type of company. I also love villains with her mousy-petite-big-blue-eyed disney-faced look who are more perniciously manipulative and unsuspecting, so I’d love to do that. 

on an unrelated note: she looks sm like natalia dyer and especially after she got really skinny circa 2016, she would be a rly good timeskip cast for the older, strung-out version of my character max? 

wld definitely gif brie in Sleeping With Other People & How to Be Single & Community s5 + s6 if sage and i ever went through with that timekip plot or if i ever found a place to play a conniving daffodil.

control [jeremy h. x squipped!reader] pt.3

did you know that tumblr no longer has those lil.. lines that i liked to separate my notes from my fic with? i didnt. until now. unbelievable.

SO NOW I HAVE TO SUPPLY MY OWN and hopefully this is fine

anyway. ive been... dead for a while. summer destroyed all motivation to do Anything, but ive been forcing myself to write on and off and this part feels... shorter than it should be, but

anyway! i am alive! i have plans! i have things to write! some of them are never going to be on this blog bc theyre original works, but im always open to talk abt them skdfhdsfh

warnings: uhhhhhhh vague manipulation, and i think thats it? just general. squip. yea.

         The last time you had seen Michael Mell as a friend had been the beginning of sophomore year. He and Jeremy sat on either side of you in his basement, clutching controllers and halfheartedly playing video games. Soda went untouched and unopened, snacks left alone, and too many times had Jeremy lost on games he knew like the back of his hand. The air had been stiff and uncomfortable, and the feeling had seeped into your nerves and bones to make your stomach turn at the thought of staying longer. Jeremy wasn’t quite there, and Michael was trying too hard to be extra present to make up for it. He became doting on the two of you - quick to refill a snack bowl that had barely been touched with Jeremy following him out of the basement. That was when you found your phone and called your parents, asking if they could come pick you up - bullshitting some excuse about how you felt sick. When Michael came down, he saw you packing up your things with a half-assed apology and a shitty acting job before you tore up the stairs and nearly rammed into Jeremy in the process. Your chest had tightened as you pushed past him with a quick apology and went to wait on the front steps outside for your mom to come get you.

          That had been the beginning of the end. After that day, Jeremy had slowly stopped talking to you almost completely. Michael had tried to patch things up, to keep things going, and then he just stopped abruptly. To make things worse, you had broken down at school a few weeks after everything went silent, because you’d been alone. You wiped at your face roughly with the sleeve of your hoodie, and left the bathroom. Barely seconds after you had turned the corner to head to class, you ran straight into him - headphones on and head down - only for his gaze to find yours the moment you stumbled back. He opened his mouth to speak, and you stumbled through a rough, shitty apology before you pushed past him and onward to your class. And then you avoided him purposefully, not wanting to address that little moment of weakness you had.

          And now you were sitting in front of him, eyes red and tears streaming down your cheeks as you struggled to find your voice. Your back pressed into cold metal, the lockers clanging behind you as you pulled away and tried to say something, anything to explain yourself. But Michael just stared at you, uncertain about what to say to you. Your legs were like stone, almost as if something was keeping you from darting away, from finding a safer place to land and cry and get over the tears forced from your body.

          “[y/n]?” Michael finally said, still staring at you. The lights overhead gleamed off his glasses and headphones as he pulled them down and around his neck, music loud enough for you to hear. He gave you a quick once-over, his attention now fully on you. “You okay?”

          You went to nod only for another sob to overtake you instead. “I don’t know why I’m crying,” you admitted after a moment, voice shaking and broken. And it was sort-of true.

          “Are you sure?” He said, “hey, I, uh, I know I sorta stopped talking to you and that was kinda shitty but... I’m still here if you need someone to talk to, alright?” After a moment, he tacked on another thought, “do you need a ride home?”

         Immediately, you didn’t want to say yes. It didn’t feel right to. But you’re already nodding before you can debate anything further. “Yeah,” you said slowly at first, reaching up and wiping at your eyes. Realization hit you quick. Your bag. “Shit.”

         “What’s wrong?”

         “I, uh, kinda left my bag in the auditorium.” You hesitated to step away - you didn’t really want to go back and make an excuse to leave, to let anyone see you with puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks. “Michael... can you-”

         “On it,” he gave you a small, two-finger salute, “I’ll be back in a sec!”

         As Michael took off down the hallway, you felt a pit develop in your stomach while he disappeared around the corner. Nothing felt right. You looked around for a moment, acutely aware of how silent everything had gone. When your SQUIP materialized in front of you, you avoided its gaze as you wrapped your arms tighter around yourself for a moment. The world felt a little colder, a little dimmer, and everything was off. The sound of Michael’s approaching footsteps minutes later played the steady beat for your incoming guilt-induced breakdown, and yet the boy smiled at you - as if nothing was wrong. Maybe that was because it looked like nothing was wrong. The strap of your bag was tossed over his shoulder, bouncing against his own backpack, and yet he looked at you like you were still friends.

        “Thanks,” you finally said as you reached for your bag.

        Michael stepped back, “I’ve got it,” he said with a smile, “don’t worry.”

       You let your arm fall back to your side, only to then shove your hands into your pockets. “Thanks,” you said, avoiding eye contact for a moment.

       The walk to Michael’s car was mostly quiet, with concerned glances thrown your way every now and then - that, when you caught then, were met with insecure smiles at the situation he’d been pulled into. Which.... frankly, threw you off a bit. Michael had always been the one who was better with all this feelings shit - you and Jeremy had the unhealthy habit of bottling everything up. And now Michael walked in step with you, still warm as ever - and still wearing that damn red hoodie you swore he showered in, but it still made you smile because of course Michael still took good care of it. When you hesitated for half a step upon seeing his P.T. Cruiser, he looked back at you before you shot him an uneasy smile and continued towards the passenger side. One of his moms must have given it to him - whether for his birthday or as a gift for passing his driver’s test, you weren’t sure. But the seats were still well-worn, a Pac-Man sticker stuck on the head-rest of the driver’s seat that Michael had stuck there when bored out of his mind. It was worn with age, like you’d expect it to be, but you suppressed a small smile at the fact it was still there.

      If the walk to Michael’s car had been quiet (with the occasional snippit of Michael saying something about how he still feels bad about what happened between the three of you, or about how he’s kinda sorry about the walk to the back of the parking lot) then the ride to your house was dead silent. Music flooded through the car speakers, Michael’s phone resting in your lap due to him pushing it in your direction and telling you to play whatever you want, and his attention was fully on the road - the sound of his phone’s GPS spitting out directions every so often to guide him. You watched out the window, a small sense of dread resting in your stomach the entire way, and for some reason... you felt sick.

      When the car started to roll to a stop, Michael reached up and turned the music down. “Hey, uh, you still have my number, right?”

      You blinked at him for a moment, before pulling out your phone. “I, uh, think so?” You opened your contacts, flipping through them, “I don’t think I deleted it or anything-”

      “Good,” he smiled at you, “if you ever wanna hang out, I’m, uh, pretty free since Jeremy’s busy with this whole.. play... thing.” He paused for a moment, only to follow it up quickly with “I mean if you aren’t doing anything, since - I dunno, you aren’t apart of the cast so-”

      “Okay,” you cut him off, “yeah, sure - I’m only painting the set for it, so... I’ll probably try to do that during lunch.”

      “I, uh,” he began, nodding towards your jacket, “I like your pin. Have you ever played the old shit?” When you shook your head, he was filled with excitement. “Dude. You have to come over then. I’ve got the classic Zelda stuff if you wanna play.”

      Running a hand through your hair, you just sort-of nodded in response as you opened the car door, swinging your bag over your shoulder. “Thanks for the ride, Michael.”

      You closed the car door, taking a few steps back as he pulled off and drove away, before you turned and head up to your house - pausing to notice your parent’s cars were missing. Right. Letting your bag fall down to your elbow, you began to fish through it to find your keys tucked away in the bottom of your bag, and you nearly sent the contents of your bag spilling when you went to pull it back to your shoulder. But with lightning reflexes that weren’t your own, you managed to snap into action and pull it shut before anything could spill - and when you looked up, your SQUIP was standing before you.

      Huh. “... Thank you?” You zipped your bag back up, letting yourself into your house.

      “You should stick to hanging out with Michael,” your SQUIP said, watching you head into your bedroom

      Dropping your backpack onto your bed, you shrugged at the idea as you began to search for your homework. “I mean, sure, he’s still a cool guy-”

      “Michael is close to Jeremy,” it said, as if the fact wasn’t obvious, “therefore, if you get closer to Michael, you’ll get closer to Jeremy.”

      You stopped. “Isn’t that using Michael?”

      “You were friends with him before. It’s rekindling your friendship that just so happens to mean you’ll rekindle something with Jeremy.” It said, “you aren’t manipulating him.”

      You shook your head, setting one binder down and searching for another. “I don’t really like this,” you said, “I don’t want do hurt Michael or anything-”

      “Why would you be hurting him by being friends with him?”

      Thinking it over, you finally nod a little. “... I guess you’re right,” you looked down at the textbook in your hands. “It just feels wrong-”

      “Don’t feel, [y/n],” it stepped beside you, turning your head to meet it’s steely gaze. “Just listen. I’m here to help you.”

      Reluctantly, you nod. “... Right.”

      So you did. The next day, Rich fell into step beside you - inviting you to stop acting like a loner and to sit with him and Jake and the rest of his friends. You debated taking him up on the offer for a moment, only to spot Michael sitting alone in a corner of the cafeteria. You declined immediately, not looking back as you crossed the room to join Michael. That became your routine - sliding into a seat near Michael, talking about video games and whatnot, and occasionally letting the topic slip to Jeremy as Michael had the habit of occasionally venting about the boy.

       “I mean,” he started one day, pointing a fork in your direction, “you remember how he is. He’s just... so in love with her,” he shook his head, “and, I mean, yeah, it’s Christine, but he could, y’know... not abandon me every day.”

      You nodded, “I’m sure he’s just blinded by his crush, Michael.”

      He nodded, stabbing into his burrito bowl, “I know...” He trailed off, looking away for a moment, “I just... he’s excited about this and - and that’s great! He’s actually sort-of talking to Christine!” He smiled back at you, “every time he talks about her, he gets that stupid look on his face. He practically has heart eyes, [y/n].” He paused for half a beat, “but... y’know, I can’t blame him. He keeps talking about how she’s been helping him with his lines, and that she’s so passionate about theatre...”

      You couldn’t help but smile a little at that. From your limited interactions with Christine, she seemed to be a complete sweetheart. No wonder Jeremy liked her.

      “In time, he’ll like you more.” It nudged it’s way in between your thoughts, “as long as you do what I tell you to. I’ve got a plan-”

      Resisting the urge to roll your eyes, you busied yourself with your lunch. “Sure, buddy.”

      The stern silence that responded to your tone spoke volumes. But like a knife through butter, Michael’s voice washed away the slight tension you’d begun to feel: “hey, do you still draw?”

      You perked up at the question, turning your full attention back to Michael, answering with a far-too chipper “yes!” You immediately forced yourself to calm down, “yeah, I, uh, I still do. My art’s changed a lot, though,” you kind-of smiled, “I have a, uh, pretty decent following online now. I’m just glad I get to do what I love.”

      Snagging his phone from his pocket, Michael went silent for a moment as he opened up his tumblr app. “There’s this artist that Jeremy and I discovered - they seem really fucking cool, dude, and they seem like someone you’d like-”

      And then you were met with your own artwork, tagged with your online alias, and you had to resist the urge to immediately spill that he’d found you online after you remade your account. You could feel your SQUIP’s fingers gripping your shoulder, and you bit your tongue as you nodded, giving some half-hearted answer about how they seem cool, sure, before wondering why it had stopped you from saying anything.

      You didn’t address it until later. Halfway through your homework, you looked up and pushed yourself away from your desk. “Hey.” You spoke aloud. 

      Within seconds, your SQUIP proceeded to materialize in front of you. “You’re speaking aloud-”

      “I know,” you said with a hand wave, “my parents are still out. What was up with that earlier?”

      “You shouldn’t go around saying things-”

      “But it’s Michael,” you refuted, “I trust him. Besides - wouldn’t telling him that get me closer to Jeremy?”

      It’s cold gaze made you shrink under pressure. “I have a plan. [y/n]. If you want to get Jeremy, you have to obey.”

      “What about what I want?” You forced yourself to stand your ground, staring at the figure before you, “what if I want to do things differently?”

      “You bought me for a reason.” It crossed its arms, watching you, “this is what you want, though. That’s why I’m here: to help you get what you want. And what you want is Jeremy. I’m going to help you get Jeremy, but I can’t do that if you don’t trust me, [y/n].”

      Pressing your lips together, you mustered up a weak nod. Right. “Sorry,” you finally said, “I just - I’m scared it’s not going to work.”

       “It will.” 

        When Michael invited you over the next day, you were more than happy to take him up on the offer. He began to reason it as well, Jeremy’s at play practice, before he ended up dropping the facade and admitting he still kind-of missed you and that it’d been a while since he’d kicked your ass at video games (and, fuck, the glimmer in his eyes when he said that was enough to make you agree, and you realized in that moment just how much you actually missed Michael). So he drove you to his house, letting you take complete control of the music, and then he left you in the basement to find any games you’d be interested in while he grabbed some snacks from the kitchen.

       While the two of you played, you talked idly when the situation would allow it. About anything. About everything. About trips Michael had taken with his moms, about his and Jeremy’s brand new Halloween tradition of watching horror movies - usually the shittier ones - and gorging on candy, about how your parents always seemed so busy (and almost immediately Michael offered up his house for whenever you didn’t want to be alone, and you melted a little at the offer). The entire time, the room felt too quiet, even among the conversation and the music of each game. At first, you thought it was because Jeremy was missing. Things didn’t feel right without him. But it hit you, right as you were laughing at something Michael said.

       “Hey!” Michael brightened up at his idea, “you should join us.” When you looked over, slightly confused, he continued, “the, uh, Halloween thing? You should join our marathon.” 

       You faltered for a moment, looking down at your controller. Your voice isn’t your own as you speak, saying some sort of confirmation that felt too distant for it to be you. The guilt built within you, as you pushed yourself to hide the feeling while turning your attention back to the game, back to beating Michael this round. But the thought lingered.

       You were using Michael Mell.

Tagged (by vague gesture of “if you wanna do it, TAG!”) by @biophilie like, 2 years ago, so I’m finally doing it. Rules: Choose any three fandoms and answer the questions, then tag 10 people you want to know better.

My Three Fandoms: Legend of Zelda, Tales of Symphonia DotNW, and One Piece since those 3 have taken up big chunks of my attention over the years. Would do Darkwood since it’s a current interest but since there are so few characters, it would make the meme here harder so... Darkwood will have to wait.

The first character you loved: LoZ: I was a slut for Link as a kid, TBF I liked most protagonists, but I liked Link a LOT. DotNW: I actually liked Ratatosk a lot at first because he was cool and mysterious and tough! My first impulse was really liking Richter’s design but the first character I loved/really liked based on gameplay and actual characterization was Ratatosk. One Piece: I really liked Red Haired Shanks and was sad when he didn’t really show up again for a LONG time.

The character you never expected to love so much: Loz: There’s a few so I’m gonna cheat a bit. In OoT and MM, Ruto and Skull Kid were just kind of characters that existed but I didn’t like much. Didn’t actively dislike them but didn’t really bother taking an interest in them. But I like them a lot more now, especially with how they’re characterized in “non-canon” material like the Manga and Hyrule Warriors. The only other character I can recall from the game series that I was surprised that I liked was Peatrice from Skyward Sword. At first it was just like “Oh, yeah, she’s just the girl who stores your items, whatever. She’s neat I guess.” But then she started changing. She got more cheerful when Link came around more and showed an interest in him and when she asked if he liked her I just couldn’t say no! And then she just became so obnoxiously bubbly and happy about it and I LOVED THAT SO MUCH. Unironically I ship Peatrice and SS Link because, like, Link and Zelda are great friends but they don’t interact much since Link has to try to save her and Zelda has goddess things to worry about. Peatrice is just always there and unlike Zelda who already has a good rapport with Link at the start of the game, you get to SEE Peatrice warming up to him and I am SO soft for that! SO SOFT! Actually, one more also from SS. Groose. He’s an obnoxious, selfish, gloating bastard man, but by the end of the game with all the changes he went through, he totally grew on me as a cool dude. Especially with how he and Impa got along.  DotNW: Slight cheat here too since the character didn’t debut in the game but... Colette. I honestly didn’t like her that much in Symphonia. I just kind of viewed her as an object that motivated Lloyd for a while and the impetus for everything happening in the game and it wasn’t until the end of Symphonia that I really started thinking of her as more than just a ditz that Lloyd happens to like. I’m not really sure when it happened but I started really appreciating her after DotNW, and not really because of anything she did. I guess I just eventually noticed a lot of her finer points and all the ways she contributed and how her kindness is actually super refreshing and hopeful and how soft that is considering what she’d gone through. See also my next point on Nami because hooo boy I was kind of a shitlord kid and needed to get through some things... One Piece: Nami. I HAAAATED her when I was young. Partially because of internalized sexism (probably shit I learned from sexist media, my dad, and just the lack of trust I had for any girl that wasn’t my friend because of massive bullying as a kid, but I digress.) and partially because one of the biggest parts of Nami’s arc early on was her utter betrayal of the crew. Like, we find out WHY later, and obviously I TOTALLY get where she was coming from now and all but as a kid that was just UNCALLED FOR. I also HEAVILY viewed her as the “no fun allowed” type that was actively impeding my new fave, Luffy, from having all the fun he could want because that shit costs money and the money is HERS. As a broke Millenial, I now 10000000% get where Nami is coming from and her financial responsibility is honestly hella impressive because she absolutely DOES NOT withhold the treasure from the rest of the crew, she fucking BUDGETS it. In general, I tended to dislike a lot of leading females for being catty or killjoys or a lot of other things when honestly, they were just being completely normal humans. Glad I grew out of that shit because while Nami still isn’t my fave, she’s fucking amazing.

The character you relate to the most: Loz: It’s changed over the years. I relate to Ruto a lot more now because yo, I would also just fuck off into the gut of my people’s patron Deity if my dad was being a pain and trying to marry me off (okay, so this is Manga exclusive, sue me) and 10/10 would give a precious family heirloom to a cute boy that rescued me. But more than that, IDK, she’s just... a lil’ spoiled but in a cute way, a lil’ tomboyish, but overall, for a Princess, she’s just kind of doing her thing, she’s responsible when it matters. But for OoT, y’all KNOW Darunia is my patronus because DAYUM. Chunky but strong (I’m a wuss but shut up), Grumpy butt but cares about his people, actually totes a fun dude when he’s not stressed about a food crisis, says “fuck you” directly to a fucking evil asshole despite the consequences, treats a fucking 11 year old kid like a full human being (I do not agree with leveraging a kid to fucking fight a dragon but... Link could handle it so...) names his own kid after Link because why the fuck not, befriends anyone that does him a favor and treats them like family. Dude’s just got chill old man vibes and I dig that shit. 10/10 relate to just being a fat dude that is grumpy but also wants to befriend everyone. HOWEVER, I think my top tier relatable character is Midna from Twilight Princess because that bitch is just me. Cursed to be a hot bitch trapped in a cute chunky body (I am working on myself. XD) 10/10 spoiled and bitchy as fuck, cheeky lil’ asshole who’s actually very sweet, think’s Link is dumb but also cute, cares about her world but ALSO cares about Link’s world, a lil’ selfish but also HELLA selfless because she cared more about Link and Zelda than her own life and cared more about her people than her own safety because she just fucking WENT TO FIX THAT SHIT when Zant started causing trouble, even though she didn’t have to. She’s everything I am or aspire to be. 10/10 one of the best Zelda characters. DotNW: Hard to say. I identify a lot with aspects of Richter, Aster, and Emil. I don’t have a lot of self confidence and am a bit of a shy bean, lil’ grumpy, but also a complete goober and an idealist, 10/10 would walk into hell for someone I love without thinking twice and would make deals with demons to try to save someone I care about because I am a dumbass. I love the DotNW boys because the DotNW boys are me. One Piece: Chopper. I just really fucking vibe with the whole “nobody likes me EXCEPT HOLY SHIT SOME PEOPLE SOMEHOW LIKE ME, WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO DESERVE THAT?” thing he has going on, as well as the whole glutton for praise but telling people to shut up when they praise me thing he has. I for real wanted to be a doctor when I was younger BECAUSE of Chopper. I’m just a weird little bean that doesn’t fit in anywhere very well while also being a slut for praise and wanting to take care of others and help them because other people have cared for me. Low key also vibe with Usopp because dude absolutely gels with kids, is a huge fucking wuss but deals with it anyway, will literally fight someone over petty shit and then come back and fight side by side with his bud’s again.

The character you’d slap: LoZ: Mmmmm. Hard to say. Like, obvs the villains but IDK who else I’d really want to slap? Does it count if I want to slap Anjuu/the Cucco Lady but, like... gentle and on the butt and in a sexy way? IDK, man. I’d feel bad but maybe Slap Mido? He looks like a kid so I’d feel REALLY bad for it, but aren’t Kokiri literally just kids forever? Asshole could be 100 years old, man... Either way he’s kinda a brat. 10/10 would slap early-game Groose from Skyward Sword also, but I’d feel bad about it because he ends up being a decen guy later. Also would slap Ghirahim for being both sexy and evil. DotNW: Alice for deciding that “never being weak again” means treating everyone else like garbage, even though I 1000% get where she’s coming from. Richter for being a fucking dumbass and not asking for help and deciding that demons were a good option and manipulating a child older dude with a magic core was a great idea even though I would do the exact same thing in his shoes. Ratatosk for being a murderous prick and starting the whole thing even though I absolutely understand where he’s coming from and I would also probably accidentally smite someone if I was a fucking spirit and in a shit mood because the only thing I really cared about was fucking ripped away from me. Honestly, mostly just me slapping people that remind me of me for doing exactly what I would do. Sensible me slapping actual me because actual me is a fucking dumbass emotional bitch with violent tendencies. One Piece: The fucking villains, obviously, Dr. Hililuck/Hiriluck for being a fucking bastard in the manga, holy shit was he an asshole! And also FUCKING SANJI. Jesus fuck, I am not over the pervy shit he does, what a creep.

Three favourite characters (in order of preference): LoZ: This is gonna be REAL hard because I love a lot of characters so... Midna, Link, and Darunia? It’s hard man. I love a lot of characters SO MUCH and it’s really hard to pick faves! DotNW: Richter, Emil, Aster. Emil and Aster share the same level of favoritism, but Richter is my number one. One Piece: Chopper, Zoro, Luffy. I used to like Luffy way more than I do now, but he’s still a fucking dork and I still like him tons.

A character you liked at first but don’t anymore: LoZ: I can’t really think of any, but I guess the character I waffle on a bit is Malon. Sometimes she’s like “Heck yeah! FAVE!” and sometimes I’m like “Eh, she exists...” IDK, I really like most of the characters. DotNW: I used to like Zelos a lot, but not anymore. Yeah this is kinda cheating since he ALSO didn’t debut in DotNW, but he’s in it so... TBF I like him in DotNW BETTER than in the first Symphonia, but not as much as I used to like him overall. One Piece: Fucking Sanji. I used to like him before the creepy factor set in. What really hit home for me was the Thriller Bark arc where he outright says he wanted the power of invisibility to creep on girls. Fucking nasty. The womanizing thing was just a quirk before that. I don’t think I’m ever gonna be over it. So gross and creepy now knowing he actively thought about creeping on girls using a special power. I know guys say this is a common thing and just how dudes are but no. That’s fucking sick. It’s one thing to say “yeah, I want to oggle women because tiddies are sexy” or whatever. It’s another thing to say “I WANT TO SPY ON WOMEN WITHOUT THEM KNOWING SO I CAN SEE TIDDY.” and it’s a third thing to say that IN A WORLD WHERE IT IS PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE TO BE INVISIBLE that you WOULD USE THAT POWER TO STARE AT WOMEN WITHOUT THEM KNOWING.

Three otps: LoZ: Link and basically everyone, but let’s narrow that. Link and Zelda is a classic, Link and Ruto is a guilty pleasure, Link and Peatrice is the underdog ship that I dig a lot. DotNW: Every combo of Richter, Emil, and Aster, enough said. One Piece: Luffy and food because he’s Ace, just let him fucking eat. Zoro and whoever he ends up liking. Tashigi maybe. Chopper and Milky.

Tagging: Anyone that wants to do it~

Fig chatter! (Q/A)

First off, i just wanna say thank you so much to everyone for all the super nice and encouraging notes! It always makes me to happy to see that my work is making people happy and your notes really help to motivate me to do my best at this comic!

Yep!!! That manga is one of my favorite things in the whole world so it really really influenced my comic.

All is well! Thanks for asking! I just renamed it “Figmentforms-the-human” because I plan to do more with it than just reblog now. It’s gonna be where I post random stuff about my life and other ramblings as well! https://figmentforms-the-human.tumblr.com/

I really should but I mostly just look back to previous comic pages to keep the designs consistent. Don’t be like me. Be better and more organized. XD

I did! I hate to revise big stuff like that, but after the script re-write i realized that I needed to be able to give Skull Kid more expressions since he now plays such a bigger role in the story, so i decided to go with something more rendered out.

LOOOOL XD *feels proud*

They may be in flashbacks or something, but at this point i don’t think they’re gonna really be a part of the story! Too bad too because I really adore Midna especially. And thanks so much! :D

LOL not sure if that would count as a prank or as cold-blooded MURDER. XD Those birds are NOT to be messed with! 

Aw! Thank you so much! Sadly I don’t think I will be doing too many more conventions. I hope to go to ShutoCon again next year, but that’s really it! I always get super sick after every single convention I go to, so for the sake of my health, I’m gonna do much much less of them. 

Lol, thanks! As for time, i wouldn’t put much value on that! I’ve been drawing since I was a little kid, but I’ve seen people go from struggling to draw a stick figure to making beautiful illustrations that are much Much better than i currently can do after about two years of hard training. It all depends on your drive and focus. If you put in the time and effort you can be a master in no time. If anyone wants to get good at drawing, it’s never ever too late! Take some lessons and practice every day and you will be AMAZING in no time!

I love this idea! XD

Indeed! How many people think he should keep it? I’m on the fence!

The first chance i get i’m totally gonna put the bird people in the comic. I adore bird people.

I love supportive shark boyfriend Prince Sidon so much! I will totally draw him later! :D I did a couple drawings of him while i was at my booth for Shutocon but i forgot to take photos before they went off to their new homes! 

Thanks so much! :D I will have to put a part in the comic where Zelda explains this later, but how it works is that Zelda can sense the triforce pieces super accurately. Even before they awaken inside the bearer. She knew her daughter was Link the moment that she was born. The others can’t do that. Rinku not at all, and Ganondorf can only sense the pieces when they’ve awoken and are in the same room as him. 

0_0′ LOL OH MY!!! You are correct!!!! XD Behold me and my total inability to do basic math! XD But omg thank you so much for pointing this out!!! I really appreciate it! And please, if anyone else notices stuff like this, or spelling errors, or like, i messed up drawing something, please don’t hesitate to tell me because it’s a huge help!!!

I‘ve been too busy and broke, so sadly no. But after the wedding i think I’ll have the necessary time/money! I was so pleasantly surprised that the game turned out to be good! I was honestly expecting a train wreck after all the delays Nintendo had for putting it out! 

Gan will totally mellow and turn out ok, but he will always be at least a bit cranky. If nothing else than to keep up his “style”. As for writing, ooooomg. a very long time. I have the major outline that took me a few weeks to decide on everything, then i have specific events, another couple weeks, then revisions, a few more MONTHS, then for each individual comic i often stare at the screen for like 3 hours trying to decide on the specific dialogue. I’m really not a strong writer, so it’s never easy! XD I’m just glad that people seem pleased with what I’ve managed to do so far! 

Totally will! You’re safe! XD

He still has all that to deal with, but he’s also been through such an emotionally devastating time in his early life in this incarnation that it’s given him a bit more reflection and empathy this time around. Juuust enough to make him give this marriage thing a legit honest try.

I love Ghirahim with all my heart but I still find myself genuinely considering this >.>

YES. I love theme parks and things, Especially roller coasters and those impossible games! (but what I really really wanna do is awkwardly walk up to a Ganondorf actor and buy him a cookie. Hopefully they won’t be creeped out.)

 This is a really cool idea!!!

I totally didn’t know that!!!! Thank you so much for telling me! I’ll fix that later!! :D

When I first wrote the story I planned to explore it better, but with the re-write there isn’t proper room for it. I may do an epilogue bonus comic where this is given the attention it deserves. (I grew up in a home that was completely destroyed by alcoholism, so yeah, this is close to my heart and I want to do more with it.)

LOOOOL OMG I can just imagine her getting so mad every time someone brings up this pun. “I’M NOT A NURSE, DAMN IT! I’M A DOCTOR! AND THE BEST ONE IN THE WORLD!!” *angry shark teeth are showin’*

OMG *suddenly starts to imagine the cuteness of Rinku’s wedding and how much Ganondorf would be just a SUPER picky father-in-law-Zilla about all the details of the ceremony.*

Sadly I just don’t have the time to take on commissions right now! I’m going to be finishing up my current commitments with a couple game companies and then putting 100% focus on my comics (A Tale of Two Rulers and another relatively soon-to-be released original comic about the romance between a sweet-natured orc and a little power-crazy pixie) later this fall. Noooo idea when I’ll open up commissions again.

LOOOL poor Ghirahim! He’s honestly doing what he thinks he has to to save Ganondorf! But... well... it’s not working out. XD

Megaman Legends Review - 1

Megaman Legends Review

Megaman was always a series that no matter what year it was, it stayed in 2D, with the exception of the Megaman X series. Even powerful consoles like the PS4, Xbox One X and Nintendo Switch, Classic Megaman refuses to go 3D and it should stay that way. However if we go back to the PS1 we see two attempts of 3D Megaman under the name of Megaman Legends. Now on my quest to play every Megaman Game I came across a small retro store that sells...well retro games. And I saw Megaman Legends there, I didn’t know what was so special about it but I just needed it..I didn’t buy it, I didn’t have a PS1. A week later I came back and got an N64 along with Megaman 64 and Pokemon Snap. This was the first time I ever had an experience with the N64 other than emulation. Since this is my first N64 Game I figured that I’d give my thoughts on it while I play it. Just a reminder that I’m playing Megaman 64 however I’m going to be calling it Megaman Legends from now on, it just sounds better than the 64 Disease that spread to every N64 Game. (Super Mario 64, Mario Kart 64, Starfox 64, Kirby 64 The Crystal Shards, Donkey Kong 64, Harvest Moon 64 and Wave Race 64 to name some.)

The Beginning

We start off with a narration of the world we’re in right now, it tells us that the world is basically covered in water, people are forced to search the vast ocean to find ancient technology, Quantum Refractors. These refractors are in ruins underground patches of land. The people who look and search for the refractors are called ‘Diggers.’ Originally the only jobs for the Diggers were to find refractors for civilization but legends were told of a legendary treasure known as ‘Mother Lode.’ The Mother Lode is supposedly extremely powerful, so powerful that it can get rid of the fear of running out of regular refractors and provide so much power the world will never run out of energy. Then the narrator for some reason asks what the true motives of the Diggers really are.

Then we’re greeted with the most ominous music of all time with someone from a radio talking to Megaman, seemingly with the transmission cutting out. Megaman actually finds a refractor with the person over the radio saying that they’ll finally be able to make some money for the refractor? Seems a bit..Greedy, I guess that’s the smallest hunch to what the narrator said about the motives of Diggers. After taking the refractor the pedestal it was on starts to sink with everything shaking with three weird eyeball things being forced out of the wall. Seeing the doors starting to close Megaman books it out of there and barely making it out. Megaman tells the girl that he’s alright however she says that she’s picking up some readings of a ‘Reaverbot’ and to get out of there. Already? Seems kinda funny to start us where the mission ends and with some powerful bot around us. HM, It’s almost like that bot isn’t going to be a big threat or something. And before we end up moving more than 2 feet Ms.Tutorial stops us dead in our tracks to tell us that there’s...a reaverbot somewhere and if we can see it? I beg your pardon, WOMAN? And why is the scariest music playing at the beginning of a Megaman Game? It’s alright cause the game tells us that we fire with the Button and press Z+R to lock onto enemies. We can also use L+R to lock onto enemies along with moving with the D-Pad, but I’ll get into that later. One nitpick is that when you finish reading Instructions and asks if you wanna read them again, they put Yes as the first option. Why? Why should I have to read more then once? It’s nothing huge but it annoys me a bit. Some enemy’s shoot out of a wall but they’re really weak so like 3 shots can kill them. Megaman, Link called he wants his rupees back. And weird ass squares that have a glowy thing inside.

The Controls

To put it simply Megaman controls just the way you think Classic Megaman would control in 3D. The Camera is very janky at the first parts though, however after leaving the ruins I found the Camera Controls to be alright. However it isn’t controlled by the C-Buttons, it’s controlled by L, R & Z with L & R both going left. This concept works fine on N64 but I’d hate to see it being played on a PS1, Since the PS1 Controller doesn’t have an analog stick and just the D-Pad. Tutorial Woman tells us to go right and well, I dunno where else to go. Woman asks us if we see a door anywhere and I’m stuck. Why am I stuck? Now we’re told that to open doors we use the Down C-Button to open doors and investigate items. Basically it’s our interact button, a bit strange. The game has its own strange auto-lock feature but sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. We continue and already know how to jump with A, however it’s a bit weird. Megaman’s normal jump doesn’t go that high up so for even basic platforms we hold onto the edge of them and have to jump on them.

The Reaverbot

Woman tells us that she found a Reaverbot real close by and tells us it’s above us. It’s a total joke as long as you stay far away it can’t hurt you.

The Beginning (Continuation)

We go on a bit further and find some chests, damn this game is a bit similar to another game, I can’t put my finger on it though. In one chest there’s a Power Raiser that’s simple enough, a part for our buster gun that makes it more powerful. However in the other one we’re given some ‘Zenny.’ Zenny is basically this game's version of currency, think of Bolts from the Classic Megaman Games or Rupees from Legend of Zelda. After getting those Woman tells us that she found a huge blip in front of us. What is a Blip? A Blip is an unexpected, minor, and typically temporary deviation from a general trend or a short high-pitched sound made by an electronic device, well I don’t hear anything and the first definition doesn’t make sense so….-Woman starts to cut off and we learn that her name was Roll the entire time. Wow, like Roll from Classic Megaman? Not some fake out like Alia from X? Actual Roll? Sounds cool, but we gotta get outta here if we want to see or even hear her cause she’s losing us from the horrible transmission. Then we fight some big robot that’s also supposed to be a Reaverbot? I guess? How many Reaverbot models are there? So far all of them look different and vary in strength. Well we actually fight a somewhat difficult boss..is what I would be saying if Megaman dies in 3 Hits. This boss is piss easy, I just ran around him over and over again while he would try to hit me and miss by 5 miles. After Megaman gives the bot the mean look the bot powers down and Megaman leaves, bUt Uh Oh LoOkS LiKe ThE BoT hAs OtHeR pLaNs!1  However, before the bot can do anything Megaman pulls a suicide squad and jumps off the buliding saying sayonara to the Reaverbot, but Roll with quite a large ship actually catches Megaman and they go off.

The Voice Acting & Sound Quality

Hear me out, I’m not one to complain about Voice Acting and Sound Quality on such an Old Console like the N64 but jesus christ, even when I’m in a dead quiet room I just can’t understand what these characters say, I have to go on Youtube to find a Longplay of Megaman Legends (PS1) to understand what they’re saying. Everything just sounds too..pixelated? I don’t know how to describe it but on PS1 it sounds great and I can understand what they’re saying but why? The N64 version came after the PS1 version, is it because Megaman 64 is on a cartridge and not a CD? That is the reason isn’t it? God damn it

The First Cutscene Alright, after panning over a 2D image with a 3D Model of a Ship Megaman thanks Roll, and jesus christ Roll in this game is just so sweet. She’s easily one of the best characters, after telling Megaman she had engine problems he replies saying that it’s alright and then winks? What are you doing Megaman, what does that mean? She’s your sister for christ sake. Then Megaman says one of the best lines I ever heard in Gaming History “Don’t worry we’ll find it someday (The Mother Lode)..And your parents too.”

Now we’re introduced to some old guy in our ship, who is our grandfather. But we aren’t told who he is in the game until way later. Happened with Roll and now our own Grandfather? I don’t even know what his name is. They never say it, Megaman and Roll just call him Gramps. But this brings up the question, whose Grandfather is this? Roll is still looking for her parents so that means Megaman isn’t related to Roll, from the way Megaman said “Find your parents” then who is this guy? I might be looking too deep into it, but it still confuses me. Oh yea and the ship is crashing, that’s a thing too. We crash into some patch of land somewhere with the ship all busted up. Not by mentioning his name but by reading the text boxes myself, with voices over it, I’ve learned that the  grandfathers’ name is Barrel. Barrel tells us to look around for some kind of town or city somewhere. There’s also some monkey called Data that acts as a saving point, recharge health and I assume recharge weapon energy if the game even has them. I’m sure they do, it is a Megaman Game after all. How convenient, there’s a sign saying “To Town” with an arrow pointing up. But before we go further we see a police car go to our ship! Here if you don’t talk to the right person first, dialogue repeats. We can also kick when we can’t shoot our buster. After walking a bit we see the city with a huge broken border that I know we didn’t do, what the hell happened there?

KattleLox

Now we enter the Shopping Center of Kattlelox called the Apple Market, and yes. This is infact where AVGN found Megaman reading some “Dirty Magazines” and yes, Megaman reads porn. The absolute mad lad, there’s also ‘Jetlag Bakery.’ After pissing around the Market we enter the Junk Store with a woman saying that her husband went into some ruins in front of the Border. After going there and killing some enemies we find the guy and he books it out of there. We can keep on going but why would we? I have no reason to, let’s just go back to the Junk Store, the woman thanks us by giving us her broken down support car, lame. But not so lame because it’s very helpful later on. And we see some really cute looking Lego guys who say they’re waiting for Ms. Tron. Oh, you mean the Smash Bros Spirit? Also it’s only now that I realize that Megaman sounds like a woman, didn’t know if they’d actually do that for the American release: I know in Japan it’s actually really common for women to voice young boys in things like anime. Think of Ash from Pokemon, in his earlier regions. Now with the support car we can now change our weapons, save, recharge our life, our energy, and enhance and make our weapons even better. However I didn’t know this my first time around it actually took me 4 hours to realize that. With the support car finished Roll gives us our first special weapon in the name of Splash Mines, what are they? Exactly what they sound like. After leaving the car we’re given our own pass to walk around Kattletox however not one that allows us to go anywhere because of a security risk. Apparently there’s some pirates coming to Kattletox. Roll is worried for Barrel so we go to see if he’s safe. Some kids, that we have to sneak up on, say that some girl is actually a pirate in the city. Here we meet a woman talking to the little lego bots which are called Servbots. One funny thing I found out about the city is that you can actually get hit by cars and lose some heath but you can get some health back from some vending machines everywhere. The actual city is pretty small but not small enough where you can’t not get lost. We enter city hall where Barrel is talking to the mayor of Kattlelox, Amelia. She tells us that she knows the reports of the pirates. After leaving City Hall we see the same woman who was talking to the Servbots being chased by a dog, which is kinda funny cause she was a bit rude earlier.

The Game’s Comedy

The game is filled with tiny funny jokes like this, so many little things that would make a 5 year old shit their pants laughing just makes me feel all giddy inside. Also don’t forget you can get hit by cars.

Pirates!

After going after the woman and the dog we politely tell the dog to go off itself and it just gives up. After helping the woman she just runs away telling us to mind our own business. We go back to roll to tell her Barrel is fine. But she points out that there were strange looking ships flying by. Then some go to the city with some things sounding like they’re being blasted. This worries Roll imessly and she figures out that the pirates are actually terrorizing the city, the pirates are actual terrorists. Roll runs into the city to make sure barrel is alright. The police tells Roll that we can’t go through cause it’s really dangerous, and us being Heroic Megaman we say we gotta stop the pirates. And the police just lets us go without even moving their hands. We see some giant mechs look at a door with all of them staring at us one at a time. And it turns out the Servbots are apart of the Pirates with 3 of them right in front of us. And I think it’s safe to assume that the woman we saved from the dog is actually the Miss Tron the Servebots are talking about. And here we start with our first mission!

We are the 3 Bonnes Brothers!

For this fight we’re supposed to get a key from the 3 Brothers and their mechs. They each go around the city passing it to each other and each mech has their own little perk. The red one is the most powerful out of all, the yellow one is one of endurance so it has more health and the blue one is the fastest. This boss fight is pretty hard for my first time so I died every now and then. Since I didn’t know that upgrade were a thing in this game. And ahh, it’s so nice to beat them. Oh, what’s this? The Servbots run somewhere screaming “Miss Troooon!” and I was right! Woman is Tron! And she’s gonna teach us? Oh..wait no! I barely have any health Tron! HAVE MERCY! SPARE ME, SPARE ME!

This is a long story so I'll try to make it short. Awhile ago when I was 17 years old (I'm M 21 now) I met someone who truly changed me as a person but she wasn't the only one and I'll get into that later. But the story that I still don't know if I'm grateful for begins with me meeting this girl through the internet, specifically a fighting game. I was looking to get better and learn more about the game and someone wanted me to fight her. From here on out I'm gonna call this girl "Zelda" because things will get more complicated down the line and plus you should probably get a idea of what game I play competitively as a hobby lol. Anyways, Zelda and I played for the 1st time together for probably 1 hour, after that we said ggs and called it a night. 3 days later I decided to ask to play with her again because tbh she was taking games off me and she was just good so I wanted to learn from her. But I also ended up talking to her more and getting to know her better and something about her was so...Mysterious and interesting and before I knew it I was developing feelings for her in months or 2. My luck with relationships are awful tbh and I really didn't want to get into another one but something about her was breath taking. So my ex friend told me to just confess that I liked her, so I did and got rejected lol. I didn't expect much so I was cool with that I liked her so much at the time I would love nothing more than to be good friends with her. End of story right? unfortunately (or fortunately still don't know) it wasn't completely over, 3 months later she told me she had feelings for me. I was dumbfounded but extremely happy but the issue was we weren't living in the same state. But we still flirted with each other I guess and things were alright but she never wanted to commit to an online relationship. I was willing to do it and work hard to go visit her often but it was going to be difficult. But the more I got to know this person my feelings just increased but I was feeling that it's not what she wanted I guess. During all this there was another girl, we'll call her "Lucina". Lucina was a friend of mine but she ended up confessing to me, Lucina was actually extremely nice and sweet and she seemed like I could give all of my affection to her without feeling like she disregarded it. The issue with Zelda was she was kind of hard to read she said things like "I don't know if I have feelings for you anymore" she said sometimes she does have those feelings and sometimes not. I cared so much for her that I was willing to just be patient but in exchange I got depressed, at the time I felt like Lucina would be better for me but my feelings weren't as strong for her as Zelda but I felt like I could learn more about Lucina and end up liking her more. But Zelda found out about Lucina and got mad at me and said things like "Oh okay I guess you found better I'm just not gonna get in the way so I'll just leave, bye" both girls were hurting and I really didn't want that at all. Man that was a crazy week now looking back on it LMAO. Anyways, things got sorted out kind of and I decided to keep pushing for Zelda. She motivated me to do so many things I never knew how hard someone else can impact your life but unfortunately I felt worthless to her for some reason. But she still made me happy but i was afraid to tell her how I feel so i would write about her and explain how happy she made me everyday. She always told me that she thought I could find better than her and she's not as good as I think she is...But I felt like deep down inside she was the sweetest, softest, coolest girl I have ever met. But she never believed me so I showed her what I write about her hoping that she would feel better about herself. But instead she told me a few days later that it was really weird and that I was obsessed with her. I was extremely depressed after hearing that and scared of myself at the time I felt like a creep and just extremely awful so I stopped talking to her for a week because I didn't want to do that to her. She ended up messaging me again saying I'm sorry and she understood how I felt. Now looking back on it i just had a ton of passion for her. I ended up needing to talk to another girl about this situation. So last but definitely not least we'll call this girl "Peach". It's been theorized that she liked me around the same time Zelda and Lucina liked me but decided to stay quiet which is respectable by a large amount. Peach was actually pretty up there with Zelda tbh she was amazing everything Zelda was but more peaceful for me actually. But before I continue with Peach I wanna finish up Zelda's chapter. So at the end of all of this because this was going on for about 3 years. Zelda all the sudden was extremely affectionate and she told me that I have been making her extremely happy and tbh I have never been so at peace and happy hearing that from her. She's had a hard life and just a very sad person so seeing her really happy because of me was like winning a million dollars. One quote I'll never forget from her is "believe what I'm about to tell you, you're special to me". Still to this day I never really knew what she meant like....Was I a special stupid? Or like...Did she love me...Or something entirely different? But moving on around that time we did...."Things" over the internet that's all I'm gonna say lol. She suggested it and I said only if you want to. But she said I want you here with me and because of that we can't be in a relationship. After that a week later we stopped talking to each other and a month later she found someone else. Long story short metaphorically I stroked out and got really depressed again. I no longer felt worth something. 1 month later Peach messages me wanting to hangout so I do for like 2 hours. And then the next day she wants to hangout more so sure why not. She keeps asking me to talk more with her and do stuff and eventually I feel like she flirting with me so I ask her what's her game here and she tells me she likes me. NOW IF YOU HAVE SOME HOW READ THIS FAR DOWN CONGRATULATIONS BECAUSE WE'RE ABOUT TO GET TO THE BIG ISSUE! So I tell her "yeah I'm interested in you as well".Now I was starting to really like her and she was really into me as well. And she wanted to actually move in with me but I didn't know this until recently like 3 months ago. The issue was with this girl though was she had a boyfriend at the time and I really don't like cheating so I just stopped but I didn't want to stop talking to her but I had to sadly. Around 4 months later she broke up with her boyfriend and was starting to talk to me again. But this time for some reason I didn't feel like a could please her so I pushed her away by not talking. Now fast forward to today, there's more but hot damn this is long. Now the big issue here is because of all this I'm extremely philophobic I'm afraid of falling in love and now tbh I'm in a very, very bad habit of pushing any girl who tries to get close to me. Either it's online or offline I try to hurt them so they leave me, by doing this they'll find someone better than me.So my 1st question is my philosophy stupid? And it's just me being insecure about myself. To be honest I'm actually confident in my looks and personality and I think everyone should feel the same because no one I think is higher or lower then you and there's always something unique about every individual. But when it comes to me I just feel like any girl would be happier without me.2nd question. About Zelda, I was thinking this time around I should just 100% stop talking to her. We only ever message each other on our birthdays so in the beginning of next year I would be talking to her again. This cycle as been going on ever since we stopped talking to each other every day which I think was when I was 19. She only message on my birthday and I really wanted to know why. I only do the same because...Well I actually don't know but I guess I want to be nice lol.3rd and last question. Can I really find someone out there for me? The obvious question is yeah but for some reason I can't really imagine being in a relationship anymore. Like (this is stupid but bare with me) I used to dream about my dream girl but now I'm just like....Lost lol. I don't know what I want anymore and I feel like it's gonna cause issues in the future if I decide to just try to get back into that relationship game again. On top of that girls are so complicated but so are guys lol. But as a guy girls are really complicated for me, but I suppose that what's makes them so interesting.That's all I have to say lol. If you have read all of this college essay I'm sorry LMAO! I guess "keeping it short" was not the right saying. But thanks for reading and getting through the cringeworthy paragraphs. And I apologize if there's any issues I was kind of tired but couldn't sleep because I was thinking of this stupid situation and I just wanted help I guess. via /r/dating_advice