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whimsically-ominously-auspice · 4 years

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This had to be explained to me this morning...

Okay why I don't fucking know and they won't bother because it's fucking dumb and lazy I'm quite sure.

But.

Apparently I won't be home for Christmas, Annabelle and I will be stuck out at the Uncle, Clone, Socrates Christmas Horror with probably my cousin Chris.. Maybe my brother...

And so I said "what are people supposed to think? They're supposed to be happy and experiencing new things, this is old shit and for me?! That's gonna make them feel even worse knowing I can't be with my Kidd over some stupid invalid shit that I don't even understand except it's just plain laziness, idiotic and definitely developed by a male!! A male that's lazy about his family!!"

William: let me defend myself

Me: shut up

So I was told by someone, someone i stole a gun from shortly before my faux 16th birthday in an attempt to help save the planet (Not William but an undercover CIA agent), that in his heart he was told that this Christmas when people look around think 'Sabrina is missing out on this kind of happiness with her family' that they should remember and realize that the sadness they feel for me was felt for millions of human trafficked victims world wide, every Christmas and every holiday.

Some of us didn't know about it. Or had forgotten. So let this be the last Christmas any one is sad. It will always be a serious issue in our hearts and minds and souls. But not forever should we carry the burden of sadness and fear.

This year is the eradication of the solitude of the sadness of each Holiday being sad. Now we all know why gramma would sit in the chair alone hugging herself quietly at,the end of the day or sit the camcorder in the corner and refuse to participate like a granddaughter thought she should and try to get her to interact more because she didn't seem happy enough.

This Christmas: the sadness shall be replaced with cheer. The fear with triumph and joy.

And yes you will remember I'll not be happy and my kids without their parents.

But they have my real mom and dad. My real twin brother. Their not real Uncle that loves them as much as a dad. And many more people, nearly 100 in their neat home giving them best wishes and having Christmas dinner.

No way in Hell nor God's green Earth would i allow them to miss Christmas.

So today they will open presents from Uncle Garth and tomorrow Trisha's stockings, the next day from the Dildo King who has been making new things with his family (faux Uncle Garth and real Uncle Matt) that i asked Uncle to purchase 3 years ago in preparation of taking care of my children. And on down. And hopefully I'll be able to get there while Christmas is still happening.

I'm there in spirit as i always have been and that is my Christmas Lesson to know I cared about Children i didn't know i had. And for Declan and Annabelle, too. To know they also assumed one day they would feel Christmas joy as they once had when they were little and alone, listening to little voices explain how things were different where they lived yet no matter how close they felt they knew things were too far to really feel the Christmas joy as they should. This year they will know why.

As Declan explains. Its beautiful because they never expressed unhappiness or even jealousy or loneliness, just an eagerness to understand what they were missing out on because their belief was one day they would experience it out of slavery and here with us.

And it's true. Since my divorce... The ability to do Christmas All big and strong has dwindled... Because i have too much pain, mostly physical and can't gather the strength to make it perfect in every way. And as getting older goes Declan couldn't also hide his worries from his soulmate. Although we worked together to make it best for Annabelle. For us it was more about "Thank God it's Done and everything went perfect"

So this year... Apparently William's laziness wants us to feel that before Christmas. -.- or at Christmas. -.- like i really care. We still have so much work to do! We have mental health and we have bunkers to redo so they're not bunkers and factories to move and figure out what to do with. And employ people at a rate that doesn't cause insane inflation. Like work is never over. So Idk whst the fuck hes thinking. Im All about letting those miserable souls we can't get the missle at think they can enjoy Christmas. Pay a lot of someone's an insane amount of money to miss Christmas and sit outside their house and shadow shot them when they attempt to leave. Drop down the fucking chimney at night... Now that it's raining because the world cries for us...maybe that's not the best idea but still you get the picture. See, my husband is lazy and has no defenses. But i still love him anyways although his life woild be easier if he just listened and didn't pretend he didn't ever hear whole discussions we had where he was all "oh that's so smart!!" And make new plans when he sure as Hell knew i wasn't listening and my face looked like this:

And he tells me i should take a picture of myself because hes too afraid to tell me i look mad and wants to soften things up.

Uh Yeah when you abandon me in Hell when i fully expressed that i wanted him to come back full body in our old truck and drive me to Macy's in Oklahoma So we can get the kids Christmas presents in the form of bedding and some holiday clothing like nice dresses and suits. That they can wear while playing in mud puddles because that's what life is about as stains are like scars but stains remember less pain usually, and more laughter than tears and fears. Then he could leave me at Uncle Garths while he goes back to work. So we could spend the whole drive together and shopping time and then Declan could caravan with us.

But no. Hes all about abandonment because its easy. -.-

And now he's like way way beyond scared. Well that's what a mad face is about. Its the door to truth. And truth isn't always happy or pretty.

Its scary. And it's real. And it doesn't go away. Its Not just a point of view, it is total truth. Its at least 2 points of view and a validation.

When i told him what i wanted he promised he could do it and wss very happy.

So then later he's rambling about me stsying here while im busy making gingerbread houses and I'm quite sure he inhaled too much Stevia powder we used for snow.

William: hey now I don't wanna be in control anymore i want my wife to tell me what to do!

Uncle Donald: are you trying to hide behind Uncle Donald?

William: I'm heading that way!

Uncle Donald: well you get back to body life for yourself and we will make sure you get there safe. If not we will Chinook her express. How does that sound?

William: well uhhh how does that sound to you? Im asking Uncle Donald.

Uncle Donald: well you have a period of 2 hours to decide then we are taking her and the kids and Uncle Dan, as she calls him, with respect because hes always been kind to her.

Me: sounds good to me

William: what about those other guys that have been fighting for her?

Me: Christmas comes the same time every fucking year. Like you they ain't spent it with me so they obviously don't care.

William: well uh they care, now.

Me: because they have an opportunity to and they're all taking too long. What? We put the calender on pause because they didn't make their own opportunities? No they hurry the fuck up. Maybe they will make it but not fair to my children to wait on them to finish and any husband od kine will understand that.

William: not if they always lived in a bunker

Me: well that is why we already placed human trafficking victims with their families as best and as fast as we can So that they can learn to understand. Because it's not something that can be taught, its something that's felt only when together in happiness and love in a group. Its like having a whole meal and not just a bag of chips.

William: that's all you gotta say.

Uncle Donald: Sabrina...

Me: we already have a standing plan from August. It will be easy.

Uncle Donald: that's all

Me: thank you. And Merry Christmas.

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