#idk man i'm doing my best lol
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When in depression doubt, build temples (ft. what I've built so far for Zeus, Hermes, Aphrodite, Hera, and Poseidon)
#ghost mumbles#the worse my depression's got the more i've added to the build#i plan to make temples for as many gods as i fancy#Hermes was the most important to build#and Zeus and Hera too who share the biggest temple on the hill#idk man i'm doing my best lol#pop magic#pop culture paganism#mc#minecraft#Hermes#Zeus#Hera#Aphrodite#Poseidon#Hermes deity#Hermes devotee#gods this is a lot of tags
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shirahama-sensei reminded me she has a thing for the teacher from pokemon s/v so i randomly went off on an au where qifrey is the professor. etc
#witch hat tag#orufrey#the first image is qifrey dressed as that guy. i'm glad she has an inexplicable attachment to some dorky pokemon man like i do#someone was like 'wouldn't it make more sense for deanreldea to be the champion' .... well no. not in my world .#it maps onto magic skill. champions aren't like the Rulers of the land they're just the most skilled at this thing#oru as a burnt out champion who's gently encouraging a kid like coco to reach him one day means a lot to me. i like pokemon narratives#agott went shiny hunting for the same thing coco had but cooler - just to impress her. she really is a pokemon rival type girl#pushing myself to the limit to prove my worth to you - to get to the summit first so i'm waiting for you..#and then realising it wasn't just to be strong - i realised i started wanting to see your smile. i wanted you to have fun.#i think coco would defeat agott at the end of victory road and then defeat oru & i'll probably draw one last thing abt that at least..#the image is very cinematic..the dialogue and music in my mind..I WANT TO FACE ORU!!!!!!!!!!#the super cool insanely powerful awesome champion is the spouse of my professor and he gave me advice at the beginning...no way....#btw the elite four would be the sages which is perfect (and maybe easthies as the first guy?) evil Team Brimhats#coustas as their renegade gladion-type figure. the gym leaders would be like sun/moon and s/v combined#travelling around facing the best students from different classes - so jujy and eunie etc.#i've barely thought about 'teams' or anything bc i care amore about the narrative side of things always lol#but idk. tetia with a swirlix - eunie would be ghost type boy - riche with small things but also a ceruledge or a steelix something massiv#and brushbug would have a final form which is really long like an eastern dragon- fluffy and with wings like a fairy. It's beautiful to me#well anyway *tries to move on to the rest of life now the brief obsession has passed*#obviously oru would be fire-type tho and qifrey would be water-type and they set off together and traded their starters etc.....it goes on
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Oh.
#according to facebook memories (why do i even have that still??) 12 years ago today i saw Linkin Park for the first time 🥺#in a few days it'll be 10 years since the last time i saw them#and. hm. there's a lot that surfaced this days since clancy dropped and i'm a bit more emotional / sensitive than usual#and this is. well. making me extremely sad.#12 years ago. i remember as if it was yesterday. i cling to that day so much and i'm scared of forgetting about it#i wonder how 14 yo me would've reacted if she knew.#they were my first gig ever! i remember the 2nd song was given up and the people around us started moshing pretty hard.#so much that my shoe came off and my dad had to shield me while i crawled and looked for it hahaha#it was so fun! i didn't really know that was a thing#that day was the first time they played Lies Greed Misery - it had been released just the day before#my videos are SO blurry but i still have them all saved 🥹#idk i've been in some typa mood these past days. not necessarily bad at all but.#me and a couple friends had a very important conversation 2 nights ago which was GOOD but. the bad thing about letting everything bottle up#is that once you spill it's hard to deal with. and yeah this is. idk. i'm just venting here like. ignore me.#it's just really hard for me. i miss him terribly and i'm really scared for myself because i *know* i'm back in the loop#and it feels so hopeless sometimes. maybe this is super silly but i'm so thankful that Clancy came out now because OH BOY i need it#maybe it's not the best strategy to put so much faith? importance? in like. music and other people but#man. i genuinely don't know if i'd be here if not for certain songs/artists etc#idk I'm rambling lol. i might delete this later#probably. maybe. i try not to talk too much about this here because i tend to deal alone but. sometimes it's nice to send things to the void#anyways. support your favs. talk to your friends - even if you much rather not. don't be like me and let things rot inside.#🤍#darya talks to herself
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losers playing ttrpgs... losers playing ttrpgs save me...
mike is running a multi-year homebrew ttrpg campaign that is basically just a combination of any rulebook the losers can get their hands on + anything they come up with. i know it to be true. the campaign started as a call of cuthulu campaign but it is now a terrifying mix of call of cuthulu, dungeons & dragons, and cyberpunk with elements from a dozen other games including star wars: the roleplaying game, warhammer, harnmaster and somehow alma mater(??? idk how. but i know this happened). richie was like. "mike man, i love you forever, you're great at this. but why don't i have magic powers?" and he pointed at ben's collection of d&d rulebooks he'd been browsing through and he sounded so earnest and excited that mike knew in that moment he was going to sacrifice the integrity of his cool mystery campaign so richie could cast vicious mockery (99% sure vicious mockery didn't exist yet... don't quote me on that but it doesn't matter because the idea of richie using it constantly is hilarious)
they've all been playing the same characters for years and they keep convincing mike to add more stuff so they're all like super powerful and mike keeps having to come up with more and more powerful enemies.
mike's dice collection is so so so cool he has so many dice, and whenever he introduces a new important character he goes out and gets dice that fit their theme and it is such a moneysink but it's worth it because ooooh pretty dice
after four occasions where the losers decided to adopt a random npc mike hadn't planned anything for, mike has started planning every single npc out down to the specifics of their childhood education. he has endless character sheets hanging out in his room with characters he's created that populate his game world.
okay hanbrough agenda time: bill is the most oblivious guy in the entire world. i know this. (he is the guy who looks at brokeback mountain and goes "what do you mean it was gay? why can't men be friends anymore?" this is based on that one passage at the beginning of the book where he goes on one of those "why can't the curtains just be blue because they're fucking blue" rants lol. he does not know what media literacy is. to me) and mike is. increasingly frustrated and feels like he's losing his mind. he is like head in hands because he asked bill to go to prom with him and bill was like "yeah sure man! sounds great, you're my bestie forever!", and he has no idea what to do, because how is this man this dense, so he just starts having all of his NPCs fall head over heels for bill's character and flirt like madmen. it is painful for everyone involved. except bill. who still has no idea what is going on. that is a very unfortunate month.
mike and ben hang out a lot and ben helps mike brainstorm for the campaign so ben has all this insider knowledge and mike will just look at him before something insane happens in the campaign. they'll like make eye contact and ben will be like holy shit holy shit holy shit :0 and mike just drops some insane new lore. it's very special to me.
#i know it might be like. why isn't ben or bill GM? they're the writers!#but like. idk it just fits. watching mike in it chapter 2 gave me so much unhinged GM energy#that man can spin a TALE. i know it. i also know he can improvise like crazy#they finish a session and he's like. btw guys everything after like the first hour was improvised i hope it didn't feel to awkward#and the losers are like... wdym you didn't perfectly plan all of that?????#bill could not run a campaign to save his life. he does not know what chekhov's gun is. he does not know what nuance is.#he would be trying to run a campaign and the losers would do ANYTHING even slightly off the hyperspecific plan he made#and he'd start trying to railroad everyone and everyones just getting increasingly stressed#basically it would be a bad time#that man can't do improv i know it in my heart#ben on the other hand is a massive ttrpg nerd and has run multiple one shots with the losers#he's not big into long campaigns like mike is but he loves coming up with new campaign ideas#he also collects ttrpg rulebooks and is always looking for weird ones to try out with his friends <3#they all have so much fun doing character creation with ben too. it's great.#i'm not done with this btw. i have so much more to say#i love ttrpgs and a party is the highest level of friendship. this is true#my high school best friends were literally just my d&d party#and cyberpunk (the ttrpg) is how i made friends in college lol#posts afflicted with a strange sickness#it stephen king#it 2019#it 2017#mike hanlon#bill denbrough#ben hanscom#hanbrough#richie tozier
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TBH the best case scenarios in my mind for Fit's lore ending on Thursday are either:
Madagio has mercy. They know what it's like to lose everyone they love, and seeing what's happening on Quesadilla Island is just a reminder of everything they loved and lost. Madagio releases Fit, and he reunites with Pac e Mike and Richarlyson, and they're all able to leave Quesadilla Island.
Or:
Madagio and Fit destroy the Federation together. Fit goes full 2B2T mode and there's nothing left of the Federation once they're finished. Madagio and Fit finally have their revenge. (And then maybe Fit can reunite with Pac + all his loved ones and they escape the Island, or reclaim the island for their own since the Federation no longer has any power over them).
Bonus: A very unlikely but "Wouldn't it be fun?" scenario would be Pac and Mike flying down on a fully-grown dragon Richas and rescuing Fit from Vacuus Island and they fly away and live happily ever after.
#i talk#qsmp talk#Genuinely need a vacation after the past two weeks (or however long it's been)#I keep seeing people say ''the best case scenario is Fit dying lol'' and I clearly care WAY too much because seeing that made me legit mad#Did my whole ''lmao ok let's calm down and take a walk'' and went out for a few hours only to come back and be like#''no actually I'm still mad. This entire situation sucks.''#I think this will probably be the last mcyt type series I let myself get invested in. I'm so exhausted of being disappointed#and the constant angst the fandom churns out#I wanna be able to love things without getting burned#I've got enough things to be sad over irl I don't want my escapism series making me sad too#Worst case scenario for me is Fit dying or him getting trapped in 2b2t again#and/or him saying q!Pac is dead#I'll be honest: CCs killing off their character feels like a betrayal to the people who have spent so much time loving them#and like yeah there probably ARE ways to do it well#but it's like. why would you choose that option there are so many better options#negative#idk man I'm just frustrated by this whole thing#all the untagged suicide jokes are making me frustrated too
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Imagine: the core 4 is out on a hot day and they are just having fun around town
Mindy and chad are debating over something and sam doesn’t see tara anymore
She cant find her and eventually she hears crying
She finds tara crying and someone had made fun of taras scars since she was wearing a cropped shirt because of the weather. Her eyes look so sad
😟
Sam feels like she only turned around for a second, and then Tara was gone. That girl, she sighs. Maybe she should get the leash out after all. Tara likes crowds as little as she does, and she knows how anxious it makes her when she disappears like this, so she doesn't understand why she still does it.
She wanders back to The Twins splashing each other in the fountain, alongside several children, to let them know she's going off to search for their wayward companion. They wave her off, too busy in their water-based war. She hopes Chad will reign Mindy's competitiveness in. She's not getting involved if Mindy's caught publically feuding with a child again.
The sun beats down harshly, skin prickling under the heat. It's the kind of sensation Tara loves, but Sam can't stand it. She'd rather be inside lying in the dark, than out here, tanktop soaked with sweat and eyes burning even behind her sunglasses.
But she'd seen the way Tara looked longingly at the crowds outside enjoying the sun, and just known her plans for the day were ruined. So here she is, outside for Tara, and the girl is nowhere to be found.
If she went to get ice cream and didn't get one for Sam, she's going to be pretty upset.
She wanders past a couple of teenagers sniggering about... a girl with scars? She spins on her heel in an instant, slamming one of them against the tree they're leaning on. Turns out she doesn't have to worry about Mindy making a scene after all.
"The fuck did you just say," she growls at the kid, their feet barely touching the ground as she holds them aloft.
"Woah, hey-"
She ignores their companion.
"You think there's something ugly about scars? How about I give you a few of your own?!"
The boy is shaking like a leaf in her grip, spluttering.
"She got them fighting for her life, which is more than you'll ever achieve!"
She drops him to the floor, stepping her booted foot between his legs, a silent threat.
"Where the fuck is she?"
The boy points a quivering finger to the benches by the pond. Sam side-eyes the boys companion, a pathetic excuse for a friend given how easily he stood back with nary a word of protest. She makes a small lunge at him, enjoying the way he trips over his feet as he jumps backwards.
She finds her sister curled up on a bench, body hidden behind her legs and watching the ducks.
"I've been looking for you," she murmurs, plonking herself down beside her sister and throwing a sweaty arm over her shoulder.
Tara wrinkles her nose, trying to shake the arm off. "Sorry," she mutters, not looking her way.
"So, what're we doing over here? If you wanted to see the ducks, you could have just told me."
"I-" Tara bites her lip, glancing at Sam's feet. "It was just... a lot. More than I expected. Being..."
"Seen?"
Tara looks up, meeting Sam's eyes. She swallows.
"Some losers said something, huh?" Sam asks, the answer already known to her. She watches her sister blink back some tears, her head jolting forward in a nod.
Sam pulls her into her side. "They're just jealous they're not as pretty as you." Tara snorts, sniffling into Sam's shoulder.
"That's not-"
"True? Mmm, that's not an argument you're gonna win babygirl, don't try me." When Tara doesn't respond, Sam continues. "I set them straight anyway, and I'll beat up anyone who has something to say about your scars."
Tara sits up. "Wait, Sam, what did you-"
"So let's go get some ice cream," Sam says, loudly, speaking over her sister. She stands up, holding out a hand for her.
"Ice cream," she reiterates, brow twitching at Tara as if daring her to question her.
Tara squints at her, considering her options, but eventually, she reaches out and lets herself be pulled up from the bench.
Sam doesn't let go of her hand as she pulls them in the direction of the van.
"Should we get some for Mindy and Chad?"
"Nah, what they don't know won't hurt them," Sam jokes, knocking her shoulder against Tara's. The laugh she gets back makes braving the sun worth it. She'll do anything to keep hearing it.
#/mp#ask box#Scream#Sam Carpenter#Tara Carpenter#i know what ya'll are gonna zero on in and i'm telling you right now i'm not expanding on it lol. a little mystery is good for the soul.#dear god June 6th#anyway where are they? idk man. some place like this exists in NY now I guess#i did not like this but my head hurts now. im dehydrated. and i gotta go drinking and dinner with the family in a little while#so this is the best i can do
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dunno if you’re reading this but i hope you are enjoying your break and hope you are doing so well🩷 -🫶🏻
heeeyy 🥹 thank you so much you're so sweet, I hope you're doing well too!! 💓
#and thank you for the valentine's wish oof it's been a while 🥹 didn't realize how long i was gone for#i'm semi back now - i think? i def managed to get some things done in my social media break but my mental health is still meh#and i really don't care enough about hockey rn to make a full comeback 🔥🔥#BUT music is alive !! so much is coming up !!!! my fav band has finally returned and i am so excited !!!!!!!!#i also took a break from dating apps and just got back on them and it's dry afffff rn#but i do have crumbs of uninteresting information ☕#idk if you remember the guy from instagram i wrote about?? who i ran into at the drug store and liked my stories#my dumbass was aggressively swiping left on bumble on everyone and i saw him on it#but my finger was faster than my brain so i swiped left before i could register it was him 😭#i immediately gasped cause i saw his name and the same age as me and a blonde guy and was like NO F'ING WAY#i mean i don't think i would've swiped right anyway cause that's so AWKWARDDDD he knew me when i was a child pls#we already know each other and have each other's instagram... feels like it'd be moving backwards LOL#but it's also like... if i saw him on there... what are the chances he found my profile first... makes me wanna puke tbh#i hope i run into him again soon 🙏 (this time when i actually have makeup on... and i'm by myself)#i've also started talking to another guy who quite frankly seems exactly like sens guy but with better values so 🔥 we move#i fully meant that as a diss i'm still pissed and still not over him (moving on? never heard of her)#best way to get over someone is to get under someone else amirite;)))) (no)#anyway i kinda like dating around and not committing tbh bc no man deserves me#until i find one that is solid af i refuse to settle for just anyone for the sake of not being alone#which i'm worried is something some of my friends are doing but i've already tried talking to them and no one listens to me#so i'm just gonna be quiet now 🤷♀️ we're grooving#..i forgot what my tags were#oh yeah#answered#🫶🏻#brunch anecdotes w the girlies
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reminder: stop asking SO their opinion on my art.
spoiler: it's always disappointing.
#like idk man. i think i'm getting a little better (disregarding SebbyQUEST obviously) but their reaction is always disheartening#like.. i dunno man.. if i seem a little excited about it maybe don't go 'nice..?' with an audible/unsure question mark#a solid 'nice' would be appreciated#my favorite is still 'ehhhh...... mehh...' ouch#fucks sake mate#and you know what? those reactions would be perfectly fine if they at least had some constructive criticism#or said anything to accompany that#but they don't. so it only feels shitty. (thanks.)#i don't want to feel like the kid whose crappy drawing you put up on the fridge only because you feel bad about it. but that does it.#i am very well aware that i'm.. not great/mediocre at these things. i don't expect more than a lukewarm reaction.#and i know that. and at the end of the day. i'm doing/making these things because i want to. because it brings me some form of joy.#and because i hope to get better with time. but i.. don't think a little encouragement is too much to ask for.#actually i think the best reaction i've gotten from them so far was actually SebbyQUEST. lol. yikes.#sighs. here i go being a whiny lil' bug about it.#bug.txt
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i am making little clay hamsa shapes to put on this picture frame because i had a ✨vision✨i'm almost to the point i can cook them and see if i have enough (i don't think so) very excited to see how this project turns out (maybe i share pictures once they are cooked)
but also while i am sitting here just rolling out polymer clay and turning my hands a very muddy blue-purple my brain decided to fall over
did you know that when you have a stroke (and maybe over various maladies i don't fucking know) you can have a recrudence of the initial symptoms or overall symptoms or just symptoms i don't know. my doctor told me sometimes people just have a recrudence and these things just happen. i dunno if i'm having another recrudence or if like. i'm having a bad week and my symptoms are just being complete bitches
but i am very frustrated right now and would like!!!!!!! for the world!!!! not to be moving!!!!!!! fuck!
#stroke posting#i think!!! i am allergic to winter now#it was worse last winter too#goddamn i'm losing awareness of my hands fuck#why is it a fancy word for return? idk man#this is what the specialist at the best fucking stroke hospital in the province told me#i just go with what he says#i was gonna shower but i am not doing that now lol i will just be dirty
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tbh i can’t wait to play royal... i never got around to watching a playthrough of it since i wasn’t particularly into persona when it came out. and while i know pretty much all the details + twists about it, actually seeing how it plays out is going to hit different i think...
it wouldn’t surprise me if i ended up picking up maruki as a muse, too. we will see...
#ooc#HONESTLY SOMETIMES I'M LIKE#DID MARUKI EVEN DO ANYTHING WRONG.................#but i haven't played the game so i don't know all the details of what he did yet#therefore i will reserve judgement for now#i do think that it was wrong in that like; /he/ was the one deciding what everyone's best lives were and he's only one (flawed) human#plus the logistic issues of it though idk if they're addressed in canon#and rewriting reality for those who don't want it changed is wrong too#but like.......... man....................#i don't see it as a ''fake happiness'' he was creating either#some people would genuinely want his reality and i don't think they're in the wrong for that#i guess it's more the execution i think is wrong than the idea??#but again i haven't played the game yet so I COULD BE WAY OFF BASE HERE LOL#i have more thoughts but i'll leave it for now haha#if anyone ever wants to debate maruki then hmu in my ims tbh. i love it >:)#p5r spoilers //
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so today was the welcoming session for all freshmen and I hadn't been around that many people in months. I made it through the day but my poor nerves are shot to hell. Won't anyone consider my nerves?
#On monday there's another session specific to my major#I'm about ready to start classes tho#I can already tell commuting every day is gonna be exhausting too#everyone that I met was nice tho#but sooo young#idk man I just want these three years to go by fast so I can find a remote job and hibernate#I'm joking#That's not the best mindset lol#god#just been a long day I guess#do i even want this?
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emet is so wow for being kind of a mix of sephiroth + ardyn but much better
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#idk. emet and shb thoughts. they did that expac SO fucking good.#i barely have any gripes about shadowbingers tbh... i can't think of any rn >.< in terms of story at least!#he's SUCH a compelling and amazingly written character. defo one of the best out there ( may be a bit biased but yeah )#ffxiv in general for sure has one of the best stories out there >.<#at least especially with my preferences! but emet for sure is a no brainer. he's such an amazing character#i don't want to delve into spoilers bcs not all of my followers play ffxiv ^^; the opposite tbh. most of y'all don't lol but dwdw#i will never stop advertising for ffxiv tho <3 it's not a perfect game but it truly tries it's best ( bless the devs )#i'd say he's much better written than seph and ardyn both & has done more in damage too! also has the best reason for being the antag#also. his character is like ardyn but more ??? yeah. he's canonically even a theater guy so yeah#wait did i say this yet. but yeah for sephiroth... tbh the biggest reference i'd make there id that emet has a similar scene#but there's more meaning in it. like uhh... what do you call it? oh yeah. his hunched back#idk the details in the characters of ffxiv really amaze me tbh#euwufsijdodnskdnksjs still not over shadowbringers. oh MAN. it's been more than a year#then again i still think abt all the expacs kind of daily so :') <3#don't bully me or anything btw LMAO i don't hate sephiroth or ardyn + emet isn't perfect still ^^ but yeah. yeah.#also i nerd a lot abt these stuff and think a lot abt them so ... >.< <33 it makes me happy hehe#tag later#??? tbh these are just my random thoughts while i'm sitting in my seat at 2 am and listening to pop music LOL#but yeah. wld love to expand on this more in my notes or whatever even if i'm unorganised hehehe
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@ethicsbutcher asked: ❛ do you ever think about the future? ❜
it wasn't often that misao found herself drifting off while she was spending time with someone she wasn't very familiar with. and this was because, deep down, misao seemingly had a slight distrust towards humanity in general — what with the fact that one was responsible for the very grievous event that claimed her mother's life all those years ago being at the head of it. well, that, and what she'd been taught to believe as a child: to never let your guard down around one because they could easily stab you in the back. but they were not all bad, she'd discovered, and that was a rather black-and-white way of looking at them. regardless, this belief had still managed to dig it's claws into her. so misao remained hypervigilant around humans albeit much less than she used to be. which made it all the more confusing that all she could find herself doing was looking into the wine that doctor lecter had provided her with before one of his infamous 'ceremonial' dinners.
misao had barely touched it and she'd already had too much in her mind. it was a bit of a bummer that she couldn't indulge in it as freely as he could, but as the saying goes: c'est la vie, right? misao soon found herself being snapped back to reality by the sound of hannibal's voice. 'oh, god,' she thought. how long had he been talking to her? misao put on a small, apologetic smile as her eyes met the others, ❝ ahh, forgive me if it seems like i wasn't paying attention, doctor lecter. i was listening, but i guess you could say i have a lot on my mind, ❞ that wasn't exactly completely true but it wasn't a lie either. for, misao only really had one thing on her mind, but it had been plaguing her mind ever since she got here: what could've been his motives behind why he invited her here. they had only talked in passing when they were both within the walls of arkham, after all, hadn't they?
misao squinted her eyes at the other as if she was trying to read hannibal then. but he was not a particularly easy person to be read, even with everything she knew about body language, and how people's minds worked. winging it seemed like the best option from there as a result as misao eyed the food he was preparing, ❝ oh? that's an interesting question, though i hope you aren't asking it out of some attempt to psychoanalyze me. i already do enough of that to myself, ❞ a light snort left her nostrils then before her eyes flitted up to meet the other's once more. misao wasn't afraid of him, but what was his objective here, hmm? ❝ but if you want the truth, i think i have been mainly focusing on what's been happening around me in the present for a while. i suppose because although the future does matter, we could all die tomorrow. and because of that, i feel as if it's only right to consider the present first. ❞
misao shrugged slightly and made sure hannibal saw her take another swig of the liquor he'd given her even though she really shouldn't have. she resisted the urge to grimace at the acidity of it by closing her eyes momentarily, before speaking up again, ❝ that's just my opinion though. is there any reason why you have been thinking about what's to come, doctor? maybe something... or someone? ❞ misao's voice rose an octave whenever she'd said that last part, trying to convey that she was interested in his life. though misao just asked him this out of 'politeness' so that she could more smoothly question him down the road about why he'd chosen her to invite to his home out of all of the arkham staff. misao didn't actually care much about it. however, she was a good liar. or she thought she was anyway.
#ethicsbutcher#AHH i'm so sorry for how long it took for me to get this out but here is my response to your one-liner! i hope it is to your liking (:#misao really is crafty whenever it comes to her way of lying / manipulation bc i feel as if half of the time it may be so subtle that even-#she doesn't pick up on it y'know? though misao did here as i mentioned up there LOL it's just that i think she is pretty-#perceptive of people and so she'll like sometimes subconsciously guide a conversation / guide someone to doing something without-#having to think much about it by taking advantage of what she views to be their 'soft spots' i guess you could say or by trying to-#use wording that is kind of sneaky. but in this case misao is putting on a front here to try to get more out of hannibal later. though with#how he is i reallyyy don't know if it's going to work the way she wants it to LMAO bc the man is quite manipulative himself and#informed isn't he? i don't want to assume anything about your portrayal ofc bc you know him the best but that's just what i gathered from-#reading your carrd so feel free to correct me if i'm wrong (': buttt yeah she really thinks she's being slick here though IDK if that is-#really the case so yeahhh#tw: mentions of murder.#tw: slight manipulation.#tw: alcohol.
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Oh yeah..... midnight gospel be hitting.... sitting in my bed fuckin. Crying. Get a grip girl
#Its the trudy ep which is actually the episode that made me keep watching#I love love love this episode.....#Something about how.......... idk.... its a very profound ep that I can't explain and it's a nice cry#This ep kind of shaped my outlook on life especially after finding out about my friend dying#All the regrets and things left unsaid.... I make my peace daily by being really straight up#If I love and care about ppl I tell them... I say they are appreciated and cared for man#I am always thankful for people and I *love* people as a whole#And as long as the people around me intrinsically know that they are loved and cared for and cherished.... like that's it#That's the end game truly#I will never ever be sorry for that. This was THEEEE episode.#There's a lot of nuance behind my feelings best described by revolutionary girl utena#But still. I'm deep enough in my tags bc I'm crying over my s/o but not in a bad way#Fml I am so grateful to him as just an entity. As a person in my life even if our lives only intersect for this brief period of time#He hasn't been texting me much and we didn't talk much at work and I didn't even get a goodbye (rude lol)#But I know he was having a rough day. I know he needs a bit of tlc.#He could be on a downswing because I am certainly on an upswing#So I'm kind of like trying to focus on doing my own thing rn without worrying about it#Because I can't do anything about it so I might as well continue My Thang#But as I sometimes come to terms with us never talking again (gotta be prepared at all times to be ghosted)#I also come back to terms with needing him to really understand#how many people in his life depend on love cherish and admire him#And im not just talking about me... he has a lot of siblings and a not great mom. Two kids he loves.#He has always taken care of everyone else in his life#He deserves to really know and idk. It makes me think of this moment.#Realizing how much I dont ever want to question if he knows#I don't want to question if I could've done more or tried harder etc. I did my very best and didn't lie cheat steal or whatever#I am so grateful to him for letting me have that. Even if nothing can come from it in the end#Even if we should be torn apart!!!! Take my revolution!!!#Anyways. Here's wonderwall#Banger of an episode. Worth the rewatch
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@ my ex ay yo get ur shit off my calendar lmao
#/j lol#idek if he knows my current url. but if he does: boy shoo. scram. skedaddle. i'm done w/ u. i been done w/ u.#last i checked his friends were dinks who said they wouldnt care if i died. 🥴 (that was 3 yrs ago or smth @ this point but still.)#like ik i was shitty as fuck. but like. i was 18-20 & freshly out of a shitty situation. idk if 3 yrs is gonna fix my bullshit.#yeah i can only imagine how horrifically exhausting i was to be around. but like. lbr. what did u expect.#did u honestly expect me to be perfect & normal as soon as we moved out#ur trauma might have made u soft (which is fine). but mine made me callous and mean. that's just a fact.#i'm not shit talkin his decisions; he had to do what was best for him. and i respect that.#i'm mostly miffed @ his friends LOL#his friends wre basically like: ''once an abuser always an abuser. no exceptions. only fictional abusers are ok.'' like. hello. what.#idgaf if im misinterpreting what they said lmao. they still said. verbatim. ''i wouldn't care if you lived or died.''#the Eldest of his friends said that as well. (i think they were 25 or 27??)#is a scared and injured dog not worthy of life? hello? and what is the difference between a man and a dog?#i've said it before & i'll say it again: i just needed more time to get better. but he didn't have to give me that time. and that's fine.#i didn't have enough time to grow out of my shit. nor did i have the best resources. it took my mom like 5-6 yrs to get better.#but she still fucks up sometimes. and she's still unintentionally mean. and she's in her 50s#gave me a wake-up call like no other tho i'll tell u what lmao#orignaletti
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Bored out of my mind at work and I've decided I'm not paying big money to print cheat sheets for my upcoming BitD game so. uh. Yeah. Ignore the funky R please
#I'm definitely not doing everything in the font bc it is not in my best interest to break my hand lmao#but maybe some titles??#Idk man#anyway#in the end I didn't message my dead BitD group like a drunk ex#I instead tricked my friends with no idea of ttrpgs into playing with me#in exchange of homemade brownies with pecan nuts in it lol#BitD#blades in the dark#I can't afford the printing due to buying said brownies' ingredients#“but Ans printing is like a cent the page” NOT HERE#here is like $200 the page#and yeah that's technically 25 cents but I got many pages to do and I ain't spending a dollar every four pages when my daily wage is $15 sns
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