#idk it was just funny like I was thinking this was a place where you weren't forced to socialize and a lot of people out there are like
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What is that people don't understand about Barky?
eh i think it's less that he's misunderstood as it's.... idk. that he flies very under the radar by choice and tends to be overshadowed by flashier personalities. on purpose. i guess if there's one thing i'd say — with the caveat that none of us know the guy personally! — i don't really think he's shy at all, which is how he was described a TON when he was younger. he speaks when he has something to say and has always had yappers in the leadership group to balance things out lmao. but he's so funny!!! and tbh the older he gets the more he lets his personality show on camera i think lol
i, a longtime nicke enthusiast, am used to basically all of this and even drawn to these traits, and therefore voraciously consume every longform sasha interview/piece that is available to me in order to kind of get a grasp on what makes the guy tick. here are a few of my favorites + a few highlight videos for fun!
SASHA MINI PRIMER ⬇️ aka an incomplete but lovingly curated collection of required reading/videos/essential moments below the cut!!!
📰 Sushi With Sasha: Barkov jests that all being captain really means is, “I have to open my mouth sometimes.” [...] The fact Barkov cracks wise about his quiet ways, though, is in line with a defining characteristic — knowing how to pick your spots, both with the puck and one-liners. “Yeah, that’s exactly it,” says Pittsburgh Penguins defenceman and fellow Finn Olli Maatta. “Definitely not the loudest guy in the room, but when you get to know him he has almost like a sneaky sense of humour.”
🎥 32 Thoughts: Barkov Reminisces About Panthers Magical Playoff Run (he is so cute in this. hair fluffy. smiley. sweet.)
📰 Q&A: Sasha Barkov is home in Finland and discusses his love of chicken wings, Jaromir Jagr and the Miami Heat: How fast does that car go? Well, 65 is the speed limit, right? So, 66. But I think it would hit 200 if you really pushed it.
🎥 Aleksander Barkov Shootout Goals But They Get Increasingly More Impressive (what it says on the tin)
📰 The NHL’s new Patrice Bergeron? Panthers’ Aleksander Barkov fits the bill — ‘He does everything right: Affable as always, Barkov, despite his short offseason, looked noticeably more jacked than he’d even been during the Panthers’ tremendous playoff run. He smiled and extended his hand before discussing his motivation to captain the Panthers back to the spot that had been so grueling to get to in the first place.
📰 Barkov Keeps His Cool: It’s right after one of those long days of work at the rink in November that Barkov, known better around the locker room as “Sasha,” has me on his car’s speakerphone as he works to traverse through a bit of traffic around rush hour. In the background, vehicles can be heard zooming and honking around him. But just like he does on the ice, the Panthers captain is keeping his cool. As he maneuvers through congestion with his foot tap dancing on the pedal, he doesn’t talk much about his extension, but rather of the first time he attempted to traverse the highways of South Florida as a fresh-faced, 18-year-old hockey prodigy during his rookie season in 2013.
🎙️/ 🎥 The Hockey PDOcast Episode: Aleksander Barkov's Defensive Impact and How He Does It (analysis of barkov as a player with accompanying video clips)
🎥 Panthers Celebrate Captain Aleksander Barkov (this video is so fucking funny to me because joe t.hornton just talks for ten seconds about how big sasha is. which. yeah real.)
📰 Dwyane Wade crashes into fan at Heat game -- Panthers star Aleksander Barkov: Barkov said he would like to see Wade at a Panthers game this season. The Panthers play at BB&T Center in Sunrise, which is 35 miles north of AmericanAirlines Arena, where the Heat play. Barkov predicted Wade would get a standing ovation from Panthers fans and said he wouldn't let boards stop him from trying to see Wade during that game. "I'll try my best to fly over him," Barkov said.
🎥 Ask Me Anything | Aleksander Barkov (this is where he says his dream golf quartet is his ex bf his current work wife and his dilf mentor)
📰 Q&A with Sasha Barkov: Fast cars, Miami sports and his first move as NHL commish: Yeah, the palm trees were cool and he really liked the ocean. But he also liked to drive. To do that, he needed to head to the DMV and get himself a Florida driver’s license. “I don’t have a car but I have the license,” Barkov said during his first training camp with the Panthers in 2013. “I failed the first time because I didn’t understand the questions.”
🎥 Laine and Barkov go to town on Finnish chicken wings (literally just a minute long video of them eating chicken wings LOL)
🎥 ALEKSANDER BARKOV VS. PAVEL BARBER | HockeyShot Shootout Challenge! (silly trickshot video... fans throw rats at sasha and he's like thank you :D... it's like an artificial sheet on the beach, sasha is very cute)
#meg.askbox#meg.recs#aleksander barkov#sasha barkov#panthers#btw nicke enjoyers are sasha enjoyers the venn diagram is a circle
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Hopefully you can find it, I dont think there's many playlists on spotify called "Bard Scar". I hope you don't mind me using your art for the cover, I'll change it immediately if you do mind!
And please let me know what you think of the song selection 0v0
I FOUND IT. AND LISTENED TO THEM ALL (and using the art is fine!!!!!!!!!! <3)
gfjdkgjfdkg ok hmmmmmm
i really like "burn butcher burn" on this. because at the start i was like "this is to the secret keeper". but it's not. it's to his former self. he wants to burn that "persona" because he's someone different now. and if that person ever comes back he'll ruin everything. that's what i think now and it gave me chills hehe
"city of stars" but it's the city of boatem gkfdjgkf some place where they all wanted to make it big, but it just didn't work out that way... and they found home in each other instead. and maybe they can work with that!!!!! for a while...
"don't you dare" is so interesting because. objectively this should be a thing. but i don't think he sees grian this way!!!! he genuinely wants to get closer to this lit fuse of a guy kgjfdkgjf he doesn't care about getting hurt very much. though this could be a thing after he's spilled his secrets and thinks he's lost his partner because of it kgjfdkgj anyway i like it hehe
"noel's lament" is interesting because i like the over-all sentiment kgjfdkgj "i choose to burn out rather than fade away" nods nods nods this bard desperately wants to mean something
"everything i ever thought" is so GOOD gfdkjgkfdg "i wonder who i am" nfgdskjjsfkg baaaaaaaah idk what to say very very good also a good bard song in general i think hehe
BATTLE CRYYYYY,,,,,,, shakes you!!!!!!!! this is the answer to "i wonder who i am", the "i choose to burn out rather than fade away"!!!!!! it's all coming together!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he's going to give it his all because that's who he is!!!!!! i keep thinking about laudna from critical role campaign 3 saying something like "the worst thing that'll ever happen to me has already happened" and i think scar has a similar mindset to that. his world has already fallen apart in the strangest way so he'd better try his best as a whole new person!!!!! and he loves his guys very very much
"allies or enemies" hehe are we fighting i guess we're fighting gkfjdgkf it's honestly just a matter of time before things fall apart between all of them (not just with grian) gkfjdkg they have very different goals and mindsets and backgrounds and even though they all care about each other they are very guarded. so i. i really like this one mhm
i'm not entirely sure why pike trickfoot is there but i super love pike so YAY
"ashes" is such a good tavern song i can totally see him performing it in between his merry repertoire and the whole tavern going quiet for it... because yeah... there's more to this free-spirited bard than meets the eye huh fjdkgjfd it's so interesting i really like it
TAVERN BRAWL GJFDKGJFDK YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES i wanna say this one is just for me i love vox machina gfjdkgjkf but YO this is such a good bard battle song in particular yes i love it
also i wanna say the amount of "can't help falling in love" is really funny because yes to me this man is a hopeless romantic in every sense of the word, not just romantic love. he has a romantic sentiment towards the world in general!!!!
SO YEAH. WHAT AN ESSAY I APOLOGIZE KGJFKDJG I HOPE YOU CAN SEE THAT I LOVE IT???? :D :D :D THANK YOU FOR THIS PLAYLIST AHHH IT'S SO FUN THANK YOU I HOPE YOU LIKE MY THOUGHTS TOO /sweats
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There's a lot of validity in the idea that older Bakugo is a traumatized pro-hero with major PTSD... but you know what's kinda fucked up to think about? The fact that Bakugo is also a 22-year-old pro-hero with major PTSD even before that, too.
It's almost easy to imagine that things are actually better when he's older (the therapy finally a routine, the trauma long set and on the path to being healed)... and that it's his whole 20s that are spent as a pool of disaster trying to recover from the war(s).
He looks back and barely even remembers being twenty, much less twenty-five or twenty-seven. Barely remembers how little he slept, not at the hands of trying to balance hero work and getting a degree at the same time, but just out of the pure insomnia that came from trying to move on and every nightmare attached.
Hardly ever showering, never shaving (not that he ever grew much of a beard, but the facial hair was definitely there. There's pictures of him on the news with an awkward, grown out haircut and patches on facial hair that make him look positively... immature), barely even eating more than a few protein bars or an energy jelly drink-a day. It's a blur, and his friends are hardly there to pick him up out of it because they're all going through it, too. Somewhat.
It's definitely weird if you meet him during this period. He's not all there, at least, not all of the time. He doesn't really register your interactions, the friendship you extend to him (a younger, or ever older, version of him would've shown you that deep seeded ferocity in response, tried to bite the hand that fed him, even if it were love... but 20s Bakugo... doesn't seem to notice). Even though only one of his eyes is clouded over, the good one never seems to brighten up.
There's definitely moments when the old him shines through: when he's with Deku, when he's in the midst of battle, when he finds out that Todoroki still does a shitty job at chopping scallions. But it's a long time before he's even close to the same, able to step out from underneath the fog of simply surviving and into the sunshine of recovering.
But I think sticking through it with him is worth it.
(It's a weird moment, a happy moment, the first time you realize that Bakugo has changed. That the pouring rain outside hasn't bothered him since he showed up at your apartment. He forgot his umbrella, he's been quite careless ever since the war—wet and shaggy hair frizzed up, cheeks red from cold—but he doesn't seem to mind, with his bare feet up on your coffee table, his eyes gazing out the window. You hand his tea, and instead of gulping it down in one go, letting it burn in his throat, he winces at the heat.
"Tastes like shit," he says, and you laugh because it always does. Just this time, he noticed.)
#bakugou x reader#bakugo#this is what crocheting a baby hat does to u#no im jk i was just thinking abt bakugo being like 22 and awkward as h*ck bc he still hasnt recovered from the war#i wanna talk abt what he's like more but this is what came out instead LOL#like i think he's really stubborn abt ... coping with after effects of dying#and then before he knows it he has major depression LMFAOO#and he can like go to work get his degree do all he needs to do as a 20-something year guy#but he's not like. *there*. you know#and you meet him and he's a binch but he's not hard to get along with#and u just sorta take him in and drag him places like idk#your school's halloween night.. or even just a night out with ur friend (he doesn't even know how to order a drink)#and he doesnt even process it all until one day he's like 'dang it feels like ive been asleep for years'#and he kinda was#but he knows youre the one who helped him and now he wants to fix himself for you bc he remembers u being there for him#but he's so funny im imagining him with like. frat boy facial hair and a really outgrown ugly mullet type haircut#and lowkey with like. greasy skin (ik he's perfect but he's in a bad state and it shows) and he eats instant noodles ever day#and only watches japanese top gear#and goes on patrols where he beats the crap outta ppl and then doesnt remember it#DREAM BOY#and then he's big hero later#anyway#caitie post#gen
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Please tell me about art and media you know of that accurately captures the weirdness of dream logic and atmosphere and emotions... books and movies and video games and art and comics and YouTube stuff, whatever you want... you know, where it only makes sense on an intuitive level and falls apart when you try to explain it...
#im trying to think of examples#a great one is mullholland drive by david lynch#also actually some of david firth's (salad fingers guy's) sock series animations did that so well for me back in the day#like you know where something or someone or a place can be two things at the same time in the dream?#and how something weird and silly can have the strongest serious emotions attached to it#and how stories within stories happen#eternal sunshine of the spotless mind#was good w these vibes#silent hill 2 as well and sort of majora's mask#the book orlando#actually you know what i just rewatched a bunch of david firth's cartoons and Pulch: The Good Times is actually a better dreamlike one#than some of his dream series to me somehow#the way it has this wistful tragic nostalgic nonsense vibe that like you'd probably find deep and sad while having the dream#but upon waking it both makes no sense and seems stupid and funny instead if you were to try to explain it#also the nightmarish one about soup or wtv#when the little person gets all upset about her soup being stolen hahaha and then the creepy guy goes 'you forgot your hammer'#anywayssss#many of these things have stuck in my head since like 2007 or wtv idk theyre just fun#Sock 4: Sock Lops is good for the weird narrative jumping dream logic vibes#if you can stand to watch that much 2000s newgrounds edgy animation in this day and age...#p
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sonadow (hands u the hornet nest)
i think its whatever but fanon has destroyed it for me
#im srry but at the end of the day sonic would never settle down and date i think#hes too aroace in most universes for me#except fleet that one is a closeted gay#but even on top of that dating just isnt him#hes too busy being a hero or wtv#and shadow well#i dont think its really him either#hes too complicated for that too#idk man you have to either butcher their personalities#or jump through unprecedented hoops to get to a place where they would even consider dating eachother#which is why fanon kinda rauined for me#plus people can get reaaaaaaaaly annoying about it#im brancing for impact for the new sowic prime s3 drop#they both have too much aroace swag for me honestly#i actually used to like it casually#but idk man just doesnt click in my head#i like them having a rivarily flirting thing thats funny#but mostly platonic
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DIANA x ALBERT WESKER / template.
#mine.#pair: ewskers#oc: diana#click for better quality ♡#posting this before i start changing more things lmao but yes i went nuts and made my own psd from scratch... don't look at me#changed ages to birth years cause of how much time passes in the story!! and also gives cheeky fc for you hehe runs away#the checkboxes make me scream like he almost had a clean sweep it's so funny. and he could've had one more i'm not even joking. cause their#first kiss was technically both of them... like idk how to explain this but they were already standing close then diana moved even closer#and was tracing his jaw and such and they were just lingering while holding eye contact but he was the one who actually closed the distance#so i mean... yeah. she was just about to and he beat her to it!! but diana made the move to get them into that position in the first place#is what i mean. i just couldn't give him more it was already too hilarious lmao#can't tell if i like the lil icons but i can't doodle so peace and love on planet earth but yes i'm happy with how this came out hehe#clueless levels are cause they are clowns <3 i have a lot of thoughts about all that but yes they both take hints in some aspects but i#think they both have trouble telling if they are genuine or not or if they are misreading the situation or whether something is romantic or#not (unless ofc it's over the top and ridiculous. ahem. excella. cough. explodes her with my mind) but yeah hit him with the tism so he's#learnt how to read people very well as he's gotten older but i think when it comes to actual just genuine like wanting to get to know#someone and not just someone wanting to get in his pants he seconds guesses it a lot. and diana's all stems from being rattled by her past#experiences oughguhh and i mean her not actually having experienced proper feelings for someone until him lmao but she's got trust issues#also there were so many tropes i could use (thank you to bestie elliot for helping me finds names of things) but i had to do i got you a#drawer specifically because that moment has such a special place in my heart!! like i need to finish the wip where i talk about that cause#it makes me so silly i'm not even joking#anyway omg i hope the mentions work because doing this on the legacy editor after copying the html for beta one because the image just#didn't want to work in the beta image for some reason rip
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still reeling from the one agent saying they want "subtle" fairy tale retellings like Cinder, and idk if we're thinking about the same Cinder there are literally quotes from the og fairy tale before the corresponding chapters?????? so you know exactly where we are in the plot??????
#rose and rambles#i will probably delete this one later but like??????????#like??????????????????????#i would not describe that one as subtle#it is different and imaginative because it takes place in a sci-fi dystopian future BUT IT IS LITERALLY#A CINDERELLA STORY?!?! AND DOES NOT LET YOU FORGET IT FOR ONE MOMENT????#im pretty sure it has the quotes from the fairy tale i might be misremembering but the Cress one does for sure#like the chemical makeup is just full on the fairy tales i feel like if you want subtle it would have to be like#less obvious that it's a retelling? like just echoes of the key moments or imagery#but Cinder by Marissa Meyer is so fully cinderella even in the different genre#im going to be so stupidly bitter about this BUT IM RIGHT#whats also funny is the agent could be talking about a different cinder idk#she diDN'T PUT THE AUTHOR but the one by Marissa Meyer is popular and the only one i know at the top of my head#subtle#that was not the word you were looking for i think#just to be clear i love cinder and the lunar chronicles so so so so much#but THEY ARE WHOLE-HEARTEDLY FAIRY TALES#EMBRACE IT????? PLEASE?????#the only subtle retelling example i can think of is Ella Enchanted or Fairest#both by Gail Carson Levine. More so Fairest because it's like one specific moment where the apple comes in that you're like oooooooooooh#this is snow white#but Ella Enchanted is more like Cinderella i think it would be hard to not see the parallels#Cinderella is hard because you just need a mean stepmom and two stepsister and that's an instant give away#but Ella Enchanted has its own Vibes that it comes off as its own thing ya know ya know?
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It's lovely when I read a book and some random paragraph in it hits me in the face like a train at mach speed
#◜✧ . ❪ muse. tobias. ❫#ask to tag#Before this I was catching up with the Doctors are Out webtoon too and atm it's an arc where an abuser#got back to his victim bc he and the authorities dgaf about upholding his restraining order like bro I GET it. I get it. I KNOW#Tobias showing up like that one surprise 'heyyy' girl meme gif bc he's the solution (<- getting rid of them Permanently): >:)#No matter where I look this guy manages to weasel his way in. I cannot escape#Now I'm thinking about how Wammy's orphans have such different perspectives on what they should do and what justice means...#to some of them (ex Near) it means catching sb legally by mostly lawful means and yeeting them into prison#to others (ex Mello) it means catching sb by any means necessary but still trying his best to avoid murder#and then to others (ex Tobias) murdering these people who he knows will escape sooner or later anyway is justice in itself#You try to put Wammy orphans down at a table to come to a collective agreement on how they should operate and they simply Cannot#Watari mildly fucked up when he made them ALL headstrong and under the belief that they're always the right one in the room#I bet any of them comes up w a cohesive plan and there's sb in the room IMMEDIATELY pointing out why that plan isn't it 😭#Obviously they'd still synch with each other if need be (ex Mello & Near) but forbid they work TOGETHER together as more than ~2 people#Tobias and Near would be such a funny duo esp. bc Near sees people resorting to murder as wrong and disgusting no matter if it's valid#meanwhile Tobias sees lawful justice as nothing but a farce because 99% of the time it does nothing besides giving a momentary#ego boost to the person who caught the criminal. and then beyond that it's no longer their business if the criminal escapes or not#but it IS very much everyone else's business; and why many live in terror daily wondering if their nightmare will return tomorrow#to be fair Tobias couldn't care less about their feelings 99% of the time either but Watari DID teach him to enact justice. and to him#getting rid of the root of the problem rather than locking it up IS justice. He perceives the problems from much closer than#other Wammy orphans ever have. He's RIGHT THERE in the middle of it whereas they're in some safe place far away from the victims#plus their backgrounds are far too different from his own to reach a consensus too... you can't make him believe prison = justice#just as you can't make them believe murder = justice. But I do think people would prefer Tobias' approach far more than idk Near's#again it's not like Tobias cares about how he's perceived by the people he saves! (or if he's even perceived at all) but I can imagine#going to sleep knowing the person/people/group/etc having it out for you no longer exists is a much more heartening sentiment than#hearing they've been sent to prison; from where they can send sb else after you or from where they can escape in due time
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Actually cry so goddamn hard when I think about Shinjiro Aragaki healing and being loved and having to learn to be okay with himself and being taken care of
#writing him has just been like. OOOOWOEOEOEOOE i piss tears i cant handle this shit this gay ass shit#i came up with an idea for just like a cute short one shot i wanna do soon and hnnnghh im so emo about it#very healing its like very hard to write some of the shit im gonna be writing cuz basically#some of it is just a little too real man and while i crave the angst and the drama i am just like#AND THEN EVERYONE HOLDS HANDS AND ITS OKAY PLEASE DONT CRY PLEASE#and ive mentioned how shinji has accidentally become nb to me now because i just kinda happened to write him that way without meaning to#and now another thing im noticing is that in my fic hes kinda bpd coded#it definitely wasnt intentional but now im accepting it as truth no one can stop me#i just really need him to be happy its more important to me than anything else man i need it for me#and he needs to be gay with aki they need to kissy and i think its funny cuz even in the parts where shinji is mad at aki and pushing him#away its like. he kinda has it bad lol and its clear he feels no actual hatred towards aki but more just self deprecation because he doesnt#feel good enough and like idk i just think about their respective roles in society like#aki is an honor student star boxer hero very attractive very kind very popular got adopted by a rich family#hes going places you know meanwhile shinji is a drop out who never had a family ever hes homeless hes sketchy hes on drugs#his reputation couldnt be any worse and he just leans into it and feels he has no future and hes worthless garbage#and aki could literally have anyone he wants you know he has an army of girls pining over him but he doesnt want them#HE WANTS SHINJI AND NO ONE ELSE HE SPENDS YEARS CHASING AFTER HIM#and shinji HATES it hes trying so hard to push him away and be the crusty delinquent and make aki see how worthless he really is#but aki just doesnt stop he loves him so much makes me sick SICK#and shinji really loves him back hes like not gonna shut up ever about aki hes like either doing it in a gay ass annoyed way#or hes like ‘haha omg aki is so cute though hes always trying so hard to be tough but hes just so sweet and gentle you know i hope he#doesnt push himself too hard if he got hurt id fall apart hes so silly i hope hes eating good i desire him carnally’#yeah sorry gamers this is just a pairing i cant be normal about they mean so much to me personally the fate of the world rests upon them
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you know what actually i do think garth and jackson should have a brother like relationship with each other
something something atlantean brother curse something something they choose to be brothers something something found family something something love conquers all blahblahblah
#i just think its so shitty that dc gave jackson the aqualad title and then didnt do anything with that#like its a bad decision in the first place but if youre going to do it at least make it good?#at least have them talk to each other and bond outside of aquafam mission duties#like im sorry but you Cannot convince me that garth wouldnt care about jackson#or wouldnt at least try to be in his life after literally giving him his name#anyway dont get me wrong i do love the atlantean brother curse its tragic and also very funny to me#but i do think they could do something really sweet and meaningful with two people Choosing to be brothers#thats ideally how i wanted the garth koryak situation to go but yknow. whatever !!!#but depending on how its written it could be even more powerful with garth and jackson#idk man just let them be a proper family#jacksons in such a weird spot where he's clearly In the family but he's also not#and its like#cringe
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mannnn ok i've been waiting for the yyh fixation cycle to put me back on (!!!!!!!) rather than (thing i am so normal about but it's dormant) and it's taken a little longer than i expected and i was worried it was going away but i am happy to announce that WE ARE SO BACK BABYYY
#like giggling in The most girly lovestruck unbecoming way at eeevery line outta Anyone's mouth it's soooo sickening#god i love this show. oh my god it's so. jdgdhsmbssjjdhdkvbjbvvdn#im such a sucker for the four saint beasts arc. did you know that? it's so good to me#love to see my boys together at last#and the rando arc is always better than i think until it gets to the rando fight and then it kinda blows#x2 speed privileges unlocked by having seen this pt of the show like 7 times#same with the suzaku fight. you slow down when it cuts to botan/keiko or kurama/hiei/kuwabara but the rest is x2. begone with ye#and it's soooo fucking funny and the voice acting mmmmwah i keep replaying lines and giggling bc like the choices are so scrunchy#starting to think i might just have a thing for voices or something#sighing longingly as we speak#i think yyh is my comfort show if i had to pick one it's just so..... <33#ptutu is probably up there as well but it's a very different vibe and has its place on the fixation track#yyh is the show i want to pick me up and spin me around in a flowery meadow. if that makes sense#like it's not just that i love it it's that im in love with it. i guess? idk why. kinda besotted atm though#a bit worried bc the transition from yukina to dark tournament is always a little bumpy for me and it's where im most likely to drop off#historically speaking. i think it's the shift in pacing? going from 3-5 ep arcs to a 40 ep arc is like. whoof#(thats part of why i prefer chapter black to dark tournament tbh <3 BUT i love dark tourny i get it believe me)#but i think this round's pretty secure bc the spell this shit has me under. wheewwwww#nyarla dni#just realized that i mightve kept snappy kuwabara as my banner for so long not just bc it's fun and cute#but also as a way of holding on to yyh as part of my online presence and identity. like the yyh pt of my heart saying im still here!! :D#esp after i changed my pfp from hiei. snappy kuwabara + yukina was my last holdout OMG MY DOG'S HOWLING#SHE NEVER DOES THAT HOLD ON
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guys. guys !!!!
#vanu is rambling#ok idk this is gonna b a happy post but i think there are lots of people who love me in this world. or at least enjoy my presence.#like i always always always ALWAYS doubt if my friends or family like me and in my head they all secretly hate me#but like for these past couple months things have been different.#i don’t feel so left out (like i usually do in groups) or alone.#like my friends genuinely want me there like they always ask me to go places with them. and i almost always say no because im so busy or#i just cant but they still ask me everytime. yesterday the whole group was calling and playing a game and i got a bunch of texts like hey#where are you u shud join the call it’s rly fun ! but i just couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone at that moment.#today they were rly happy when i joined the call and idk it made me feel like. oh. maybe my friends do like me#and also i have two moods: i’m either super talkative or i go into my little shell and don’t say anything/add to a convo. and like during#those moments they’ll be like hey u ok? or they’ll just listen to me talk about ceramics and how fun it is or how much i hate eating pears#and like. we laugh so much together. like i have so much fun with all of them i love every single one of them omg#and scary thing is we might not even be friends after we start college. but yk what? that’s okay i don’t wanna think about that.#because like who cares? i’m not gonna let my fears ab the future ruin my friendships. i’ll always love them anyways. and we’ll always call.#i’m glad i met them. they’re all such beautiful and funny and amazing strong willed-people. they are my friends.#it’s just so crazy to me that they willingly want to spend time w me and are sad when i can’t. and they’re so understanding at the same time#they don’t get mad about it. and like they have mad eng last year in high school so much more enjoyable.#someone told me that this is ur last year do things so when you look back you don’t regret anything- so you can be proud of what you did#and my friends helped me with that. and like i still feel lonely the majority of the class because despite this there’s like a permanent#stain of sadness right there at the bottom of my heart. but they make the hard days more manageable.#like i’ve been on call with these people until ungodly hours at night just laughing and i go to sleep feeling a bit lighter.#they introduced me to the tech side of theater which i never thought i’d get into but here i am. they teach me silly facts and words in asl.#they taught me dances- knowing full well i SUCK at it- because we all had fun with it. theyve taught me it’s OKAY to be vulnerable in#friendships and that sometimes being open/yourself is quite literally the best thing you can do for your own soul and others. they’re cool#people really. really cool people
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Now I'm not saying I'm making a dst roleswap au. But I am saying that I thought of an idea for a sort of take of Walter as Wanda and it's making me spin him a bit in my mind
#rat rambles#puts ur lil guy in a timeloop where he repeatedly inevitably succomes to the same curse (cutely)#and ok maybe I do have a few other ideas but whos to say if Ill act on them#on the one hand; wanda walter and wagstaff webber#on the other hand: you could not pay me to have a single idea abt wolfgang Im sorry#Id say wortox to but I already have the perfect plan to get him out of the picture and wilba in#sends him to hamlet land never to be seen again anyways wormwood and wurt swap also#oh and if I do elaborate on this this wont necesarily mean wanda is walter idk how Id make that work lol#Id probably do like a triangle sitch that allows her to keep some light elements of her og character#Im mostly thinking maybe abby can be the third character there? she gets to be the lil trail mix guy wanda gets to be haunted by her past#and future but literally this time and walter gets to experience the horrors#and wendy is probably like dead or smth lol#not necesarily tho if I can find another place for him#wait#wait wait wait#Id probably have to pull some real bullshit to make this work but what if wendy as wx#but ya this au is very theoretical rn as for it to rly become anything Id need to figure out wholl be charlie and maxwell and idk man#like what are my options like I could put wx there but then whos the other person fucking wagstaff?? no I didnt think so#idk itd be like. funny to make them maxwell and wilson charlie but idk if Id be satisfied with that#Im just imagining wx doing freak science and wilson being the kid they hand the unplugged controller to (metaphorically)#they have him there as an ego booster but then they get attatched and theyre just like fuck. ythink I can send him back or is it too late#but also then wilson would have to be charlie. and ppl might think I ship them. all in all not ideal#anyways I need to sleep gn
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No disrespect I get where those posts are coming from, but a bit of self deprecating humor can be good for you actually. It can help you not take yourself too seriously or help deflect from awkward situations. It's a good idea not to like, believe it very hard or anything, and it definitely can't be the centerpiece of your joke-telling, but it's a delightful spice to sometimes tell your friends "I do not think" when they all know you're lying.
It's hard to do like, a prescriptive rule about it, which is why it's probably easier to start from the position of "Don't" and work backwards, but I think a better place to end up in than never being able to poke fun at yourself is where you can tell some self-depreciating jokes about yourself without believing them, and you have to figure out for yourself what the best way to get there is.
#IDK like for me a lot my life has been about the expectation of being 'smart'#in the sense that I've got a strong intuition for math and physical processes#so being able to sometimes relieve that pressure by saying 'haha I'm a dumb dumb' is great#It doesn't make me believe it but it does help me in managing my own expectations#It opens the doorway for failing to be okay if that makes sense#Anyhow just see those posts going around all the time#And I think they're a good starting point but a bad ending point as it were#Be nice to yourself but that can include poking fun at yourself if you do it responsibly I guess?#IDK my dad's side of the family had a lot of very playful teasing that was mixed in with lots of real love#And in my opinion that worked better than never being able to joke about yourself or family members#The love's important tho#Like in a family context it meant 'their love is not conditional on my successes' as much as it meant 'we know what won't actually hurt'#It's the same reason playful friend dickishness is cool but only if you've got the relationship where it works first#Gotta get to a place where you can be playfully dickish towards yourself if you find a spot it'll be funny in#But only where it won't actually affect your relationship with yourself as it were
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Lmao on that post where the person is like "europeans need to admit they can suck too without joking about children dying in america" a bunch of people are like "yeah maybe i suck sometimes but americans shoot each other so ha ha!"
I think they think OP is an American but they aren't. They're from south asia so like. People directly harmed by ALL of our countries fucking meddling. And they're essentially saying "if you guys can't take a joke without laughing about the death of children how tf are you gonna confront the actual problems in your country"
And the answer all these europeans gave was "we won't". Like I'm not surprised bc we are all white people here (not seen a single poc pull this shit) and we all know how fucking defensive we get when faced with a single ounce of not being treated like the Perfect Specialest Winners. Americans do this ra ra usa shit all the time too. But I think their is a higher number of white americans who like. Pay attention to the effects of colonialism bc we have to face more people affected by it in our day to day (in general) than a swede who only remembered Syria existed starting like 2014. There are studies that simply being around more people different than you can make it easier to relate to them, so no one's surprised when a white American from a small town filled w only white people is ignorant or racist.
The only thing here is that same white person from a similarly diverse area in Northern Europe points and titters at the white American like "oh ho ho racism! Look at what those stupid americans are doing!" As if there aren't Romani people living in their own country them actively being discriminated against and losing their rights. As if there is no anti black racism in their community when they have a little blackface parade with the local blackface character.
And if you call them on it they're like "ha ha children are dying in your country!"
#krogans thoughts#idk i guess my thoughts are. when i learn about racism in europe im like damn they gotta work on it just like us#and uh white europeans just. dont learn about racism in the place they live#instead they get angry someone made a joke about their food (after centuries of them oppressing the world)#and immediately jump to 'well at least we dont have mass death! i think its funny when children die in ur country'#like i always want to respond to those with just pages of the vilest shit their country has done historically and is doing today.#bc it seems like theyre resting on their laurels (which they only got from profitting off of slavery and genocide too much)#but you cant. bc if you do you play into what they think is going on#they think its some little popularity contest with like the same importance as eurovision#something to get nationalistic over and complain about.#and they have a fundamental privilege of their children not regularly dying in mass shootings so to them its not real in the same way.#its just part of the nationalistic gamr#so if you try to take it srsly and be like 'true but you also have these problems the same way as we do'#they will just be like 'well racism is worse in the us' bc they are still thinking this is a fucking competition.#the northern europeans get to dictate this conversation the same way as usual. by refusing to engage in these things as they are#instead making it this fun lil nationalism game.#they never have to think about where their wealth comes from#which... is not unique. my southern us white grandma does the same thing all the time#but i think this is an interesting way to see it function.#the people who created the problems (racism imperialism colonialism) get to control the conversation about it entirely#and in new inventive ways like changing it into a fucking body count game where the one with the least can still be nationalistic#instead of just saying 'haha yeah my ancestors DIDNT use all the spice they stole from the world' they get it more serious#bring out child death. and if you respond in kind. well now we are all playing the body count game#and the european is still not owning up to the legacy they were given by their ancestors#no winning. just an endless squabble that treats anything srs as as important as whether or not u feed guests
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i sometimes forget some stuff i’m into that i didn’t put them in my fandoms list oops ... i have a lot more i have yet to add
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#rn mainly dragon age and metal gear that i can think of :] and mass effect!#only ever played a bit of mass effect. like. i remember a hill. and. yeah i barely played... maybe 30 minutes#dragon age was longer bcs i did that whole castle but i need a mage so i went to that mage place but i stopped and haven't played since#bcs i'm stuck. SOBS. AND IDK WTF TO DO ABOUT IT. but yes i've played quite a bit of origins!!!#metal gear ik the memes and music and LOVE them. also read up on raiden stuff bcs he's cool. yeah. but haven't played at all yet ...#god of war is part of my childhood tbh bcs i rmbr my dad/tita playing that game where you go up a huge statue... i think#one of the early games and i don't think kratos and ares bad stuff happened yet ?? qwq anyways i will play gow b4 ragnarok comes out hehe#WHAT ELSE. WHAT ELSE. tbh idk. uhm. but yeah there's more#bcs of my tita i was able to read most of fma in MANGA!!!! HARDCOPY !!!! i am happy abt that still wah#have not finished the anime but we're close... will prolly rewatch tho bcs it's been YEARS. fma is very good though#not a big fan of winry tho :') i personally don't find how she hits ed even when he's really hurt funny ... just a personal opinion#i've warmed up to her more tho ^___^ but yeah!! really grateful to fma tbh bcs it's why i became friends w my bestie hehe#ARGHHHH. YEAH. i can't think rn but yeah ^^
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