oh dude i watched reanimator the other day bc of all your posts about it and there was something specific i wanted to say but forgot but anyway

damn you werent joking. about any of it

it kills me that all the climactic bad shit happened because herbert west may be a genius but hes also a fucking idiot who injected a body with reagent and then promptly forgot he did that and turned his back on it

DFLJSADS im so glad i could convince someone to watch it because those movies are. a fucking ride. i love campy 80s gorey horror movies like these they're so fun

THAT WAS MY EXACT FUCKING REACTION i went in like "yeah people talk about how gay it is but people tend to exaggerate so im assuming its like. Saw 1 levels of queer coded" AND NO. NO THEY WERENT LYING. THAT SHIT GAY. and like its even WORSE in the sequel somehow. like holy SHIT how do you make the plot of them making a fucking build-a-girlfriend and its gayer than the original

herbert west is simultaneously the smartest guy and also a fucking idiot. he managed to create something that can restart your brain but decides its a good idea to 1. use it on the guy he just decapitated and who hates his guts 2. injects both the body and the head with reagent and proceeds to only focus on the head. dude repeatedly reanimates corpses that has been only violent and hostile towards him in particular and he is somehow surprised every time

and its even funnier cause like. hes alive in the sequel and its never explained how he got out of that shit alive. last we saw him he was getting choked to death by some guy's insides and then he's. just here. this is how its gonna be and we're just moving on. no time to waste on things like "plot holes" and "on screen character deaths being undone" we've got places to be! bodies to reanimate! women to be sexist to!

long novel about Feeling and missing my ex fp 

its honestly the first time since everything ended but idk i just. i really miss her suddenly. i havent really felt a desire to talk to much of anyone and really im just doing it out of obligation but. i also want to be angry still bc everywhere i turn there are traces of her left, like fingerprints. 

she had a huge impact on me mentally and also art wise. i know that ill always have her to thank bc shes really what helped me improve bc i could always ask her for opinions/critique or guidance. there was also a big impact like, character wise. 

my boy helk was in a ship with one of her characters as well as rook and nczek but like. ever since i can feel that helk has changed in an odd way? when he first came about he was cocky and kinda cold but over the time of interacting with her and her characters he really warmed up and like. became actually pretty decent? but now he feels cold again, its hard to explain and honestly it sounds stupid when i type it out. 

i can’t bring myself to delete the scant doodles she did for me, nor the art i did for her. maybe its me hoping that she’ll change her mind or me clinging desperately to what was. it sucks bc while i do have a few people to support me through this its not the same. the only person who im still really in contact with from the shipyard is great obviously, but having a conversation with her isnt the same. 

which brings me to my next point. the same friend was also kind of my go to vent person since my other friend was in orlando at the time. and like. she pointed out that everything that had been going on was me being abused. my other friend later said the same thing after i told him everything that had been happening over the past few months. and at first i denied it bc like, no thats stupid and i was still trying to defend her for some reason even after she had left me. but now after like. 2 months i think? i’ve been thinking on it and i’m beginning to think that maybe they’re right. I’m not going to get into the details here but it very much feels that way. 

right after everything happened, a lot of stuff followed. my great grandma passed, my pap was diagnosed with cancer, a few blowout fights with my mom over money. despite all that i never really. felt anything after the last major like. emotional crisis that her leaving me so suddenly would put me into. obviously when my grandmother passed i did cry and go through the grieving process like everyone else. even now it’s sore subject. but like... for a while i thought that she had broken me. that i was beyond friendship and that that was the end all together. granted my mind hasnt changed in that regard but i’m no longer so cynical about it and i just. kinda hope that maybe my luck will change. 

but honestly despite everything and all the heartbreak she’s caused me, i think i would take her back if she asked me. part of me hopes she reads this even though i have her blocked. part of me hopes she’ll come back. all of me knows that she’s better off without me. but i guess, on the off chance that this somehow is seen by her and she’s read this far; i miss you terribly. and i’m sorry for everything and i hope that you’ll change your mind and that you forgive me for whatever i’ve done.