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iwowzumi · 3 years

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so i’ve had a few hours to process mi and i know that mstief has said it’s very much about chronic illness and while i very much agree, it’s MY coping series and i get to project onto it so i’d like to throw my hat in the ring for it’s about mental illness as well, especially the more “””destructive””” ones, and specifically how people cope with it. tw for mental illness, s/uicide, and all the stuff that comes with it.

because ronan and hennessy are undeniably destructive, either because they can’t help it (murder crabs, the lace) or because they want to be (ecoterrorism, hennessy’s orb). this applies both to their immediate surroundings AND to themselves, their relationships. and while in these cases the cause seems to be the dreaming, it would be easy to draw a parallel to mania or psychosis, maybe dissociation (though dissociation among trc/tdt characters i.e. jordan, matthew, adam is a discussion for a different day). i’m showing my hand a little but i also think ronan’s paranoia in this book is pretty significant— see his whole “everyone was in on it” spiel when it was, at its core, his loved ones trying to protect him from self-destruction. i also think mental illness here is deeply tied to creation/dreaming (as it is for many mentally ill people). ronan creates and sometimes creates destruction but when he doesn’t it destroys him (nightwash) and hennessy has a mental block, arguably due to trauma that keeps her from creating at all (the lace) but i digress.

the way i see it, ronan and hennessy are two very mentally ill people coping in very different ways. or rather, they are at different stages in their coping process. hennessy (although she very much has an individual struggle i want to emphasize that) is where ronan used to be. she’s s/uicidal— i think that’s inarguable. the lace aside, she even asks for liliana and carliana to kill her. but i think the lace speaks for itself. it hates her and it destroys, but it’s really hennessy hating herself, wanting to destroy herself. thats why she keeps dreaming doubles (though i would also argue that the doubles are an attempt to imagine a hennessy without mental illness, without trauma). that’s as much as text, and it’s nearly a direct parallel to how ronan used to view himself. he used to dream doubles as well— versions of himself to give to his self hatred and s/uicidal tendencies. hennessy is learning, she’s stopped dreaming doubles, but on some level she still hates herself enough to want to die. it invades her dreamspace and renders her unable to create. it makes sense to me that she was only able to dream the orb after encountering carmen and liliana, two supportive (and lesbian, diversity win!) women who explicitly tell hennessy that her life has value. but her solution to turn off the ley line is also interesting to me. the lace, her tendency for self-harm that tends to manifest when she creates, is so overwhelming that the only way out of it that she sees is to remove her ability to create altogether, and i wonder how this will affect her. i’m eager to see how her character develops in the third book and i hope that will come in the form of her treasuring her own life and reclaiming her ability to create from her trauma and mental illness as well as rebuilding relationships with people (jordan!) who she’s pushed away out of fear or self martyrdom.

and then there’s ronan. we’ve never seen ronan at his most s/uicidal— that was pre-trc, when he went to the hospital. idc if they were his dreams, that was a s/uicide attempt and i will not be dissuaded on this. still, a lot of trc was ronan coming to terms with himself as a dreamer, a gay man, a high school dropout, a mentally ill person, and learning that his life DOES have value! and that’s a lesson i think he’s learned by tdt, and certainly by mi. he wants to live, and he wants to create! but he feels stifled by a world that doesn’t want to accommodate that. in this world there’s no space for his murder crabs or his hay barn full of wheels— for his mania and destruction. and he feels and fears that his loved ones only want him as a diluted version of himself, which is devastating when you’ve only just learned to accept all of yourself. and it’s hard because you don’t want to hurt your loved ones! or yourself! but you also don’t want to be treated like glass, or like you’re defective, or like you have to hide the wild and sometimes ugly parts of yourself to be palatable enough for society to accept you. so he creates bryde. someone like him, but who has it all together and is in control, who can help him create a world that accommodates him, doesn’t stifle him, but also indulges ronan in his most self-isolating, paranoid compulsions. bryde is both an indulgence and a self-protective measure. i think this is why the lace is afraid of bryde because on some level, bryde IS the lace, just in a different form, evolved, a different way of coping that involves living. but it’s also why adam and all of the people who love ronan are afraid of the lace— they can see that bryde is just as destructive, just in a different way.

this is not to say that either hennessy or ronan are wrong, that one is coping “better” than the other, that they’re coping badly, or that bryde and lace are their “evil mental illness.” it’s way way more complex than that, and that’s why i find myself increasingly sympathetic to hennessy even as she becomes more destructive in the same way that i can’t find myself completely disagreeing with bryde. these parts of hennessy and ronan can be inwardly and outwardly harmful but they can also be beautiful and necessary— hence the magic that is dreaming. (this is also not to say that the people they dream aren’t autonomous, but that’s a whole other can of worms) the mental illness can’t be shunned away or eliminated entirely. it has to be radically accepted as a part of the whole that is ronan and hennessy. and that’s a lifelong process that i think every mentally ill person grapples with, and i’m very much looking forward to seeing how hennessy and ronan evolve with respect to these concepts in the third book

#this is SO long and i am clearly projecting SO much but please read this i worked so hard on it #i probably missed a lot but this is my first time publicly posting meta so iiiiiii don’t care #this is my long winded way of saying ronan and hennessy get therapy challenge <3 #hennessy #ronan lynch #tdt meta #trc meta #mi spoilers #dreamer trilogy #the raven cycle #syd text #oh also dont come at me for glorifying mental illness or using wrong terminology i will literally egg your house #tw mental illness #tw suicide

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strawberrybabydog · 3 years

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the difference between Twitter lgbt community and tumblr lgbt community is so weird

Tumblr: mspec lesbians/gays are valid, femme/butch have been used by all lgbt people for years, poc and other bisexuals are uncomfortable being referred to as the names of animals instead of just using butch and femme, the double Venus is for all wlw, gay is an umbrella term, d and f slur discourse is fucking stupid mspec people can indeed reclaim those slurs that have been used to hurt them for years even specifically against mspec people knowing they’re mspec, words are made up use whatever fits for u!!!, mlm and gay men deserve a flag that isn’t just the rainbow, flags can parallel each other like how the demiboy is similar to the demigirl, multigendered people exist and you can be both a man and a woman and shouldn’t be excluded from labels-

Twitter: THIS IS SO WRONG AND LGBTPHOBIC YOURE ALL GOING TO HELLLLLLL H E DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS THE FIRE ZONE YOURE BLOCKED AND REPORTED ITS CALLPUT TIME FOR YOUR VIOLENT LGBTPHOBIA

TWITTER IS SO GATEKEEPY (not saying if I agree or disagree with these)

honestly i stay out of queer discourse its way too confusing for me. idc how anyone identifies its none of my business. my gender is also literally dog so i have no room to judge anyone else even if i wanted to LOL

but yeah twitter has become such a strange place these past few years. a new generation of kids has joined the internet and i think the fact that tiktok came around right while they were joining the internet didnt help. twitter and tiktok are just tumblr 5 years ago all over again, with all the same shitty opinions we had when we were their age & all the same shitty discourse we were interested in then too

#idk i GET being like 14 i was once 14 too but back then i was like one of the only 14 year olds on the internet #all of my friends were older than me so it didnt breed this horrible cesspool of #whatever twitter currently is lol #i mean i did almost get sucked into the terf pipeline but thats bc of facebook not anyone around me #asks

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bisluthq · 3 years

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whew i am glad that last anon said something bc i have been feeling uncomfy for MONTHS about how you address karlie's presentation/sexuality. first things first def not a kaylor secondly i think you do generally do a deccent job of being fair/kind/objective and thirdly karlie isn't really my jam either as an object of sexual attraction. but DAMN the way you talk about kar is SO invalidating to queer womxn who are very femme. "obnoxiously hetty" ?? she's not talking about men at ALL (1/?)

I’m missing 5 and you seem to be done so like let me try reply.

Firstly thank you for sharing this and sure I’ll think more about this. You’ve brought up a number of valid points.

On the topic of the Makeout Fakeout I hard disagree because... I just wouldn’t do that with a straight friend (or any friend ever). I hear that teenagers might but this was a whole adult woman, running her own TV show, thinking of fun activities and that’s what she came up with. Like even if she were Kinsey 6 lesbian that’s... kind of offensive my dude. She literally goes “it’ll be fun for you” vibes to the audience. It’s done EXPRESSLY as a joke for attention presumably from men. It was inappropriate and shouldn’t have happened. Like idc what her sexuality or Ash’s sexuality is. The video is truly mindnumbingly IDIOTIC - like Dumb and Dumber vibes - at best and offensive af at worst.

This was a public platform featuring influential adults. Not a bunch of high school girls experimenting at a party.

She could've and should've just said no - it was her show.

If Ellen pulled that we'd still drag her.

However while I hard disagree on that video I hear some of your other points.

I think the biggest problem with Karlie for me isn't Karlie: it's fanfic Karlie. Like tbh I knew just a touch more about real world Karlie - maybe not even like probs about the same amount but I could easily recognize her - than I did about Joe when I made the blog but I'd been following Kaydom for years.

And I had this mental image of Karlie based on out of context snippets and like headcanons and made up shit. I heard she was a Gold Star lesbian (which I didn't believe really coz she was married to a man but like I figured maybe she heavily leans that way like Cara D), with dyke energy ("boyfriend Karlie"), and that she had a reputation for being a casanova type when she was young, and that she’s unbelievably sexual and sultry and like... raw unharnessed sexual energy.

NONE of that is true.

So I think like that actively annoys me.

Because I watch content of this woman who - sure - could be anywhere from Kinsey 1 to Kinsey 5 (and I have no issue speculating). And what I CANNOT imagine like even for a second is any of the shit Kays spout/spouted about her except maybe sunshine angel.

And I think I knee jerk to that. Because I’m like “are you blind do you have eyeballs how is this fucking boring ass bland vanilla cheerleader who can’t string two sentences together called Klossanova?” Which is wrong and mean of me. I know her awkwardness and STEM brain is relatable to many nerdy girls. I believe she has a strong net positive on the world. I know girls who are shy or awkward about sexuality love her content and it resonates because she’s so unlike anyone else in that industry. But then let’s talk to that?

Not “boyfriend Karlie” or to quote Voldemort “Taylor shouldn’t let her out of her sight” - anyone can let her out of her sight she is a golden retriever she will always come back for love and attention from her partner tbh (so Josh).

At the end of the day a lot of this discussion will always be rooted in stereotypes - we’re speculating about people’s personal lives and have no idea what is in their heads - but like... sure Karlie may be queer. She has never said or implied it tho tbh. She has regularly talked about Josh and boys in general. She has very much claimed a lane of allyship. And she has done so unambiguously not like Tay’s “our pride” and whatnot. She VERY MUCH presents straight - unlike say someone like Dua who probably is but who actively presents fluid or questioning - and has done fucked up shit like the video with Ashley Graham which isn’t phenomenal allyship but okay.

If someone actively presents straight by being hyper femme even in really sporty videos, talks about her boyfriend and boys in general all the time, and makes something like Makeout Fakeout I think it’s fair to seriously question the validity of that person’s gay rumors.

Because some people are straight.

Are some hyper femme people queer?

Obviously.

Is it offensive to - based on stereotypes - not assume that about them? To like... not pick them up on Gaydar because of how fucking incredibly straight they seem? Yeah I think so.

If they come out, that’s incredible and we need to ensure they’re not erased.

But like misreading them as straight isn’t a crime.

For me the Karlie stuff isn’t just that she’s girly. She just... has a straight energy much like Emma Watson and Blake Lively do. I can see Kaylor happening when I see them together but sometimes I think it’s because Taylor would flirt with a fucking tree tbh and it’d ping sexual.

I also think it’s possible Karlie is queer and on the ace spectrum and that’s what I’m picking up.

But like.

Idk.

The point is Kays have lied about her and yes I overreact to that sometimes and I’m sorry.

I’ll try be better about this.

But I also think calling someone who - by all accounts - identifies as straight and is married to a man and has never ever ever ever and will never confirm her only set of queer rumors straight isn’t erasing femme queers.

It’s literally just saying this woman is probably straight (or at best mostly straight).

I’ll think about this more tho thanks for sharing your thoughts.

#nat talks klossy

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discyours · 5 years

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(1/2) maybe i misunderstood you but "I don’t think 'gender affirmation' should even be a factor in relationships tbh but yeah.", what is gender affirmation in this context? gender affirmation as in the cringey tumblr "boy boobies" stuff or "I recognise and respect your identity and pronouns"? if the former; then yeah agree because thats cringe as fuck, but if the latter; then disagree because IDK about any of you guys but i need my identity to be respected, idc if i (ftm) am actually a

(2/2) “homosexual female” if i was in a relationship with a woman and she referred to us as “lesbians” thats like a huge no. again maybe i misunderstood you so disregard this if i have (i’m just dumb at reading) but basically im just saying you know, we all deserve (but are not owed, of course. no entitlement here.) partners who respect us fully. anyway, just incase i wanna say this isn’t an attack on you or anything. you’ll have no (on purpose, i can be bad at wording) hostilities from me.

The other anon specifically referred to “affirming gender during sex” which really doesn’t apply to saying you’re a lesbian or a straight couple unless I’m seriously misjudging how y’all fuck.

To me there’s a massive difference between accommodating for someone’s dysphoria and actually “affirming their gender”. Accommodating for dysphoria basically just comes down to not expecting your partner to use their genitalia and maybe just not like, mentioning their genitals unless they’ve specifically said that they’re okay with it (that sounds vague but I’m not gonna go into detail on a random anon). Affirmation does go into “pretending a dick’s a clit/pretending a clit’s a dick” territory IMO (possibly with some “boy boobies” thrown in) and call me old fashioned but I really just don’t think anyone should be expecting that of their partner. Not to mention that in the context of the original anon, this is specifically about dating bisexuals because other people wouldn’t be able to pretend your genitals are something they’re not (which is true but those are some pretty fucked up priorities). Obviously it’s fine if someone wants that, but if “willing to lie to me about my genitals” (again, not just avoiding them or w/e) is a genuine requirement for your relationships then that’s… not healthy.

#anon #this isn't @you btw just explaining

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poetryofyouth · 3 years

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Glad you agree! I had to unfollow so many of my favorite blogs because of this kind of dumbassery. All the "ironic" homophobic jokes when one gay person does something cringe. Idc for jokes honestly but these people do get mad at people saying that straight people should be killed because some random straight person did something stupid. Like you are doing the same exact thing that they do?????

And don't even get me started on the amount of homophobia directed at lesbians specifically that I have to see. People who say that not all het relationships are abusive but will turn around and say that all lesbaisn relationships abusive. Or people who say that everyone should express their sexualities but GOD FORBID a lesbian say she is attracted to women... Suddenly she and all other lesbians are to be blamed for how men are treated by feminists for being attracted to women.

I even saw a post where people immediately assumed a misandrist terf is a lesbian and just passed it off as "just another lesbincel" when it was a bisexual women.

And there was this other post where a (trans) woman was being pissy because she got rejected by a straight woman and not oy did people assume she was a lesbian and made homophobic jokes but someone also said that "the entitlement of lesbians rubbed off on the trans woman" which is just????? Why is everyone so insane.

yea... I've unfollowed a bunch of blogs from both sides as well. some of them I was mutuals with and I had respected them at some point but... sometimes people just kinda go off the rails. and like i know they're all strangers, but it still makes me a tiny bit sad every time I unfollow someone like that.

And also I've noticed this just severe Us vs. Them mentality with basically every possible ideology. People just so often assume that because someone disagree with them, they must be The Enemy. And they're just so often unable to see that anyone of their group could do anything bad. Like no one of Their Group could ever be a horrible person, they definitely aren't, and even if they are, then they aren't actually a member of Their Group, because a member of Their Group would never do that. Even if the person believes in everything Their Group believes in and does everything Their Group does, they can't be a member because there aren't any bad people in Their Group.

Also I've unfollowed so many people because of the whole covid thing. Like people I used to think were fairly intelligent and empathetic just started calling everyone who wore masks in public sheep with diapers on their face, and they also spread so much blatant misinformation, like that a mask noticably lowers your oxygen levels, and even said that you shouldn't wear a mask while pregnant which is just so. upsetting. because it is not just stupid, it's actually dangerous. A bunch of them had also gobe from making "unvaxxed children die early" jokes to not-even-that-low-key anti-vaxxers by the point I unfollowed them.

I know that creating opinion bubbles is bad, and the idiocy we've all seen from all sides is definite proof of that, but sometimes I wish there was like a (online) space where people are just not batshit insane all the time and we can actually have meaningful discourse without assholery or radicals of any ideology. A normal people club. Not that I want everyone to agree with me all the time, but like I just don't want to see anyone calling lesbians transphobic for not sucking dick or people who think it's totally fine to petplay in public or people who think jeans are not appropriate for women to wear because they're immodest or probably at least 25 other insane takes I see several times a week on one website or another

#rly wanna start a subreddit called normal people club now #kat answers #anon #anon messages of joy and bliss

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