i think my body is falling in pieces i think my blood is passing me by
Micah Nemerever These Violent Delights / I.B. Vyache Excerpt 07.01.21 / Silas Denver Melvin excerpt from Grit: A Poetry Collection / Christa Wolf excerpt from Cassandra: A Novel and Four Essays / Ethel Cain Family Tree (Intro) / unknown / Fiona Apple Left Alone / Richard Siken The Worm King's Lullaby / Gwen Benaway Holy Wild
i. Micah Nemerever, These Violent Nights
[ "I don't think you've ever felt anything that didn't hurt you. / We've found each other, out of everyone else in the world. Does that hurt, too?" ]
ii. I.B. Vyache, Excerpt 07.01.21
[ "It's time to forgive my hands for being hands. I'm going to hate myself a little less tomorrow. I'm going to hate myself a little less tomorrow." ]
iii. unknown
[ "have you shot a gun? is your blood authentic? is your blood authentic? is your blood authentic? can you prove it to me?" ]
iv. Christa Wolf, Cassandra: A Novel and Four Essays
[ "You looked at me / (did you still see me?)" ]
v. Ethel Cain, Family Tree (Intro)
[ "The fate's already fucked me sideways / Swinging by my neck from the family tree / He'll laugh and say, 'You know I raised you better than this' / Then leave me hanging so they all can laugh at me" ]
vi. unknown
[ "I fight. I resist. It doesn't even matter what I resist; there is simply something in me that tends to resist things as they are. I have been fighting since I was very small." ]
vii. Fiona Apple, Left Alone
[ "[Chorus] / How can I ask anyone to love me / When all I do is beg to be left alone?" ]
viii. Richard Siken, The Worm King's Lullaby
[ "Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story." ]
ix. Gwen Benaway, Holy Wild
[ "I am tired of explaining the fire, / it burns because it must." ]
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“I am trying to make myself digestible. I am trying to make myself easy to love.”
-I.B. Vyache, from Conversations Over Sanguinaccio Dolce
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LIST 5 SONGS THAT INSPIRE YOU TO WRITE YOUR MUSE.
1. it’s only sex -- car seat headrest
the other night i cried while thinking of having sex with you / not out of desire or shame but some subconscious impulse to feel pain / i wiped my tears on my face and neck and the backs of my ears / and said, "now it's sweat, now it's sweat, it's sweat now"
2. existential crisis hour! -- kilo kish
if i'm in my body and you're in yours (yes) with no way to swap / how can we ever truly be together? (can't) / no matter how hard i press my face into yours / a space remains, so am i alone? (yep, nope, god, no)
3. sour breath -- julien baker
and i thought that if i tried a little bit harder you'd change your mind / i've still got nowhere to be, and i don't do too well; nobody's worried/ when nobody's worried about me
4. real men -- mitski
real men don't need other people / and real men suck it in / real men don't flinch or bleed in public / oh, i think i'm a real man
5. tonight, tonight -- the smashing pumpkins
and you know you're never sure / but you're sure you could be right / if you held yourself up to the light
LIST 5 QUOTES THAT INSPIRE YOU TO WRITE YOUR MUSE.
1. when your name is antigone, there is only one part you can play; and she will have to play hers through to the end. -- antigone, jean anouilh (trans. lewis galantiere)
2. i am trying to make myself digestible. i am trying to make myself easy to love. -- conversations over sanguinaccio dolce, ib vyache.
3. a death-ridden woman, haunted by dreams. -- the crucible, arthur miller.
4. the most common causal factor in female self-abuse is that women have been taught that it is ‘unfeminine’ to voice anxiety in an assertive way, so they tend to internalise it - and when it needs to find expression it tends to take the shape of self-directed violence. -- house of psychotic women, kier-la janisse.
5. i tried to copy other children but lacked their tough skin. i was a glove turned inside-out, softness showing. -- gut symmetries, jeanette winterson.
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