#i've been wanting to write this one since december 11 2020
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I Still See You
summary: In the aftermath of the Morak mission, Din’s faced with a crisis you only hope you can help to resolve somehow.
pairing: din djarin (the mandalorian) x reader
tags: angst, trauma, religious guilt, emotional hurt/comfort, fluff
rating: T
word count: 3.582k
main masterlist • din djarin masterlist
You could only take your first deep breath when Din was finally back in your sight. He trudged down the boarding ramp of Boba Fett’s vessel, a stark contrast to the confidence with which he carried himself on Karthon upon facing Mayfeld. The Imperial armor he wore was no doubt responsible for that.
These thoughts were shoved to the back of your mind as you closed the gap between you with hurried steps. Your greeting was breathless in your hardly concealed desperation. “Hey.” You set your hand on his shoulder that was down a pauldron, a substitution for the embrace you so badly wished to give him. You knew better with the eyes of others watching you. “How’d it go?”
Din took a gentle grasp on your wrist and subverted your expectations in a way that made your eyes go wide. He dropped your hand from his shoulder and, despite the watching eyes, wrapped his arms around you, his gloved palms splayed upon your back. He was tense with a breath you could feel in the heaviness of his shoulders as you held him back, but he released the tension with a sigh of relief as his fists gently closed around the material of your tunic.
He was grounding himself back to you, and as sweet as that feeling was, it was also harrowing. Something had gone wrong. Your heart sunk into the depths of your stomach. Have we lost all hope of getting Grogu back?
“We got the coordinates.” Din spoke as if he had just read your mind. His voice was quiet, but not enough to give anything away.
You exhaled in your own relief, your eyes closing as you held him tighter. “Thank the stars.” You paused to see if he would reveal what was behind the invisible weight on his shoulders, and when he didn’t, you spoke once again. “What else?”
Din’s chest inflated with a breath. “That’s it. The mission’s done.” He pulled away from you but kept you close, gesturing with his helmeted head back to the ship behind him. “I’m letting Mayfeld change before I do the same.” His rasp slightly gave out as he said the words, a tell only you could identify.
You gave him another once-over and moved closer to him. “Are you hurt?”
“No.” Din looked away from you, one of his gloved hands holding his fist as he let out a gentle exhale. “Just… had a run-in with some pirates.” He rolled his shoulders and tapped the armorless one you had been holding earlier. “This armor isn’t as strong as beskar.”
You weren’t fully convinced, but his logic tracked. There was no doubt a fight without his beskar would leave him sore, especially if he had forgotten about the fact he wasn’t wearing it. “How many pirates?”
Din huffed, his hands falling back to his sides. “Let’s just say it was more than one.”
You managed to chuckle with him as you nudged his bare shoulder with your own. “That explains all those explosions.”
The visor of Din’s Imperial helmet gave you an evident once-over. “You weren’t near them, were you?”
“No, not at all.” You couldn’t help smiling at his concern for you. “The three of us were just surprised by them at the lookout.”
Din nodded. “Good.”
Something still wasn’t right, and it hung between you like a dense storm cloud. Even as Din’s visor looked beyond you, his gloved hand found yours, and he held your fingers in his grasp. The move was subconscious, another act of grounding that he had to do.
Yet, he still wouldn’t tell you why.
You wanted to believe, and could truly believe, that it was just the longing for Grogu, and the guilt that had been eating away at him ever since Tython. That was what had kept him up at night whenever you attempted rest before this mission. In his eyes, it was his own failure, and it always would be until he could make things right.
Now, he had the coordinates. You all did. You had the chance to help him make things right, but that darkness didn’t disappear from him. In fact, it was more intense than before.
“How was Mayfeld?” You hoped the question would ease the tension somehow, or at least help you get to the root of whatever Din was hiding from you. “I almost thought he wouldn’t make it back with the way he was talking before you left.”
Din tensed. So, it had something to do with Mayfeld. That didn’t surprise you; it only made you kick yourself for not thinking of it earlier. “It was… better than expected.” Din nodded and looked at you again. “He wasn’t as bad as I thought he’d be.” He gave his head a quick tilt to the side. “Most of the time, at least.”
“Yeah?” You offered him a small smile, hoping it would either dispel or reveal the invisible weight he held upon his shoulders. “I bet that bonding time spent inside the juggernaut wasn’t awkward at all.”
That at least got a chuckle out of Din. “Yeah. It was…” He trailed off, his visor looking into the distance again. His grasp on your hand pulsated, as if he couldn’t decide whether to hold on or let go.
You gave him time, but soon, your concern got the best of you. Your voice was a whisper as you called for him. “Din?”
Din’s visor found your gaze, though he couldn’t speak before someone else did. “Good work back there,” Cara’s voice announced from behind you. You closed your eyes and took a breath, forcing yourself to mask your worry for now as you turned to face her. She nodded at Din. “Destroying the facility was a good call.”
“It wasn’t mine.” Din gestured to the ship behind him. “It was Mayfeld’s.”
Cara raised an eyebrow. “Huh.” Her tone revealed her genuine surprise. “Well, he really has some sharpshooter in him, I’ll give him that. It was a nice shot.”
“It was.”
“You made it easy for us.” It was Fennec who now joined the group, and she rested the end of her rifle against the ground to lean on it as she offered Din a nod of her own. “The three of us didn’t have to do much.”
“I saw your shots when we made our exit.” Din’s hand had dropped yours when Cara approached, but it remained busy at his side, pulling tight into a fist before relaxing again. “We couldn’t have made it without them.”
Your jaw tightened at that. The same thought had run through your mind whilst you were helping Cara and Fennec shoot down the Imperials. It’s what made your shots even more lethal.
“Mando!” Mayfeld’s voice was the one that grabbed everyone’s attention that time. Din practically whipped over his shoulder to face Mayfeld, who had changed back into the clothes he had been given at the beginning of the mission. “You’re good to go.”
Din tilted his helmet. “That was fast.”
Mayfeld huffed. “Yeah, that’s ‘cause I don’t have a thousand layers of armor to exchange.” He patted Din’s shoulder as he passed him by, and you were shocked to see that Din wasn’t bothered by it. “Good luck getting that off. It’s harder than it was to put on, and I didn’t think that was possible.”
Din snorted, and after a moment’s hesitation in which you were certain he shuffled towards you, he walked back towards the ship. You watched him the whole way, your jaw circling as you read him the best you could. Based on his interaction with Mayfeld, that wasn’t the key, after all. There was something far, far worse he was hiding, but you couldn’t think of what it would be.
There was a gentle hand on your shoulder, and as you turned to face it, you met Cara’s comforting glance. “So,” she began, clearly trying to get your mind off Din for the time being, “I heard the mission was a success.”
You cracked a genuine smile at that. “Yes. We have the coordinates.” Your gaze found Mayfeld’s and you nodded at him. “Thank you for your help.”
Mayfeld held up his hands in surrender. “Hey, it wasn’t really my choice.” Cara rolled her eyes as you lifted an eyebrow in warning. “But, really, it was mostly Mando. I just…” he paused, stalling as his gaze looked off to the side, “supported him.”
Your brow furrowed. Before you could interrogate him, Cara continued the conversation, remaining curt with him so as to not give him any true authority—despite how well the mission went. You were too lost inside your own mind to pay any attention to what they were saying. Mayfeld’s behavior was almost as odd as Din’s.
There was something you weren’t being told, and Din wasn’t the only one keeping it a secret.
Only the chiming of the comm link on your belt could pull you from your worried reverie. You stepped out of the circle the group had made and held the comm close to your lips. “Din?” Your gaze pierced through the open hatch of Boba’s ship. “Is everything okay?”
There was a pause before Din spoke. “Can you come help me?” Your heart shattered at the way his voice shook even through the comm link. “I… need help re-suiting.”
That was fair. You had been a part of the routine in helping Din remove and re-suit his beskar for so long that it was no surprise he needed your help to do it now—but something about it still felt different. That wasn’t a request. It was a plea. “Of course. I’m on my way.” You hung the comm link back on your belt and turned your head towards the group. “I’ll be back.”
As you started to walk towards the ship, Cara shot a lighthearted joke towards you. “You two better not take long! We’ve got an Imp to hunt!”
You lifted your middle finger without looking back at her, even if the joke managed to temporarily dispel the darkness from your racing thoughts. You smiled and shook your head as you lowered your hand, but as soon as you stepped into Boba’s ship and caught sight of Din within its depths, every sensation of warmth within you died.
For the first time since you met him many years ago, you were looking upon a pair of brown eyes instead of a dark visor.
You wanted to cover your eyes, turn your back on him, do anything to keep yourself from breaking Din’s Creed, but there was no point. The damage had been done. All you could do was stare, your gaze no doubt leaving a fiery trail across the skin of his face as you observed every inch of it.
One thousand emotions hit you all at once; the grief of knowing what Din had lost in doing this, the elation of finally getting to put a face to your heart, the concern of looking into an empty gaze, the blazing warmth of realizing he was even more handsome than you had imagined. It was dizzying.
The only thing that could cut through the noise of your own mind and heart was Din’s shattered statement. “I can’t do it.”
You frowned, then looked at what he was holding. His helmet sat between his gloved hands, the empty visor facing you. Din’s own gaze was studying it, watching as the metal rocked between his trembling hands. Your furrowed brow loosened.
Din thought he had already broken his Creed before you even stepped inside the ship.
You took a cautious step towards him. “Din…”
“The Creed says I can’t put this back on again.” You watched the corner of Din’s mouth pull tight before it relaxed again. There was a place under his eye that began to twitch, and you wished more than anything that you knew the tells of his face just as you knew them on the rest of his body. “I’ve made my sacrifice.”
You continued to close the gap between you with careful steps. “All you did was exchange one helmet for another, Din. And not for long, either. You did what you had to for the foundling in your charge.”
Din shook his head, his jaw pulled tight as his gaze rose to meet yours again. You froze, the electricity of it shocking you whole, despite the devastation you found there in the depths of his brown eyes. “No.” He paused, swallowing hard as he focused on his helmet again. “They saw me.”
You kept your voice soft as you pressed on. “Who saw you?”
Din slowly fell back onto the chair that was behind him. His gaze never once left the helmet, as if looking anywhere else would sever his sole tether to the galaxy. “Everyone in that room saw me.”
You were finally close enough to touch him, but you knew better than to reach for his face, as badly as you wanted to. Instead, your hand covered one of his on his helmet, and you knelt down to get closer to his level. Your quiet comfort allowed Din to explain himself.
“There was a terminal that held the coordinates to Gideon’s cruiser. It required a facial scan.” Din lifted his thumb to caress one of your fingers the best he could. “I had no other choice. It was either that or…” He couldn’t even bring the thought to life.
“You made the right one.” You nodded at Din, pleased to at least earn his gaze once again.
“I know.” Din’s voice lowered to an empty whisper as that place beneath his eye twitched again. “But that doesn’t make it any easier.”
You took a deep breath to keep yourself composed for his sake. “I understand.” Your free hand ran over the top of his helmet that continued to sit in his lap. “Removing your helmet to save a foundling, though… is that not the highest honor of your people?”
Din hesitated, and he blinked a few times before nodding. You smiled in encouragement.
“This wasn’t you removing your helmet for a simple pleasure or for an escape from who you are, Din.” You took his hand from his helmet and held it between both of yours. “This was you doing everything you could to save someone in your care.” You gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “Someone you love.”
Din’s eyes closed at that, and he squeezed them shut more and more as he tucked his head towards the shoulder that bore his mudhorn pauldron. His voice shook again as he spoke. “I hope he’s okay.”
“It won’t be long now until we have him back.” You ran your thumbs over his hand. “Thanks to you.”
Din reopened his eyes and found your gaze again. For a moment, his lips curled up in a small smile, one that was notable enough to make your stomach fill with butterflies as you witnessed it for the first time. It was short-lived, however, as he soon began to frown and lose himself in the depths of your own gaze. His voice was a pained whisper. “I’m sorry.”
You shook your head at that. “For what? You’ve done nothing wrong.”
Din took a hold of one of your wrists and guided your hand to the side of his face. As soon as you touched the warmth of his skin, he leaned into your palm, his eyes closing for a moment before he faced you with what felt like tangible despair. “I wanted it to be you.”
He didn’t have to explain it. He had told you enough times over the years for you to know. He had always wanted you to be the first to see him again, and he was intent on making that happen after this quest was over.
You pieced your own shattered heart together and smiled at him. “And here I am.” Your thumb ran over the skin under his eye that had twitched before, and based on the way his eyes welled with tears he no doubt refused to shed, you were able to determine what that tell of his meant. “I’m still seeing you.”
Din’s gaze gave you a nervous once-over. The warmth returned to your body upon getting to see it, rather than having to rely on the movement of his helmet. “What do you think?”
You smiled more and gently set aside his helmet with your free hand. “Can I show you?”
His gaze flickered to your lips before he nodded with another small smile of his own. You rose and took your place upon him, one that was as familiar as his lips were—only this time, it would finally be different. There would be no dent across his nose from the lip of his helmet, and no wrinkles in the skin around your eyes from a cloth pulled tight across them. Instead, it would be you and him, as pure and as perfect as you were meant to be.
You held onto him with all the same desperation he had just shown you, one of your hands cupping the side of his jaw and neck as the other wound itself tight in the hair that flowed freely from his head. Your mouth slotted over his time and time again and with each breath you shared, you intended to pull the darkness from within him, as if you could make a sacrifice as great as his own by taking away all his pain. You tilted his head back further to deepen it, intensifying every feeling until it could overwhelm whatever lies and harsh truths tore at his mind.
You only pulled away from each other when your lungs demanded it, your lips lingering as you relished in the last bit of sweet intoxication you could get. You opened your eyes to see Din’s still closed, as if he too was savoring the moment. His eyes began to flutter open when you ran your nails over the skin of his neck, guiding your hand to his cuirass.
“What did that tell you?” Your voice was breathy from both your lack of air and your sweet desire.
The corner of Din’s mouth rose before he answered in the same tone. “That I made a mistake making you wait this long for me.”
You returned his smile. “You haven’t made a single mistake.” You leaned down to pick his helmet up and tucked it under your arm. “Especially not today.”
Din’s gaze clouded with a brief spell of darkness that faded the moment you lifted your free hand to brush his hair away from his face.
“You’re everything I dreamed of and more, Din.” You kissed his forehead, smiling against his skin when he physically relaxed underneath your touch. When you pulled away, you faced him with sweet severity. “You will always be worth the wait.”
Din smiled, a sight so breathtakingly beautiful you never wanted to let it go—but Din was eager to share in your love again as his hand cupped the back of your neck and pulled you back to him. This time, he was the one who devoured you, his lips remaining on yours while his hands explored places that left you flustered.
You only broke apart when you heard a familiar voice yell from outside the ship. “Hey, kids! I said don’t take long!” Cara’s words made the two of you pull away instantly, and once you were sure she wasn’t looking inside the ship, you laughed with one another. “We’ve got other things to do!”
“We’ll be right out!” You managed to compose your laughter enough to get the words out, and with a deep breath, you fell back into severity. You took the helmet from under your arm and held it between your hands. “You may not be able to do this, but…” you paused and lowered the helmet over Din’s head, “I can do it for you.”
Din rested his helmet against your forehead, his hands holding your wrists to bring your hands to his chest. After a long pause, he spoke with a voice that was strained with meaning. “Thank you.” He gave your wrists a gentle squeeze. “I love you.”
You beamed at him. “I love you, too.” You added a kiss to his visor and sat up more. “I’ll always be here for you, Din. You know that.”
“I do.” Din eased his hands upon your waist and lifted the two of you from the chair. “That’s why I commed you.”
You only smiled wider at his words, your gaze searching the depths of his visor for the brown warmth hidden beneath it as he ran his hand over your back. Not everything was resolved; it was never that easy. Din would be wrestling with this day for a long time. But that wasn’t the point.
The point was that his sacrifice was given even more meaning, and he understood that you saw him in a way that went beyond mere sight. For now, that would be enough, just as he would always be enough for you.
main masterlist • din djarin masterlist
#i've been wanting to write this one since december 11 2020#din djarin#the mandalorian#din djarin x reader#din djarin fanfiction#din djarin fic#din djarin angst#din djarin fluff#the mandalorian fanfiction#the mandalorian fic#dindjarindiaries
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here is a weird little ramble about how weird and obsessive I am about this damn videogame.
You know that quote from Laguna at the beginning of disk 2 where he is like, "Oh, please let it be this room when I wake up! Please let me be in this puny bed when I wake up!"*?
I get that feeling sometimes. When you finally feel safe and happy and loved, it's hard to believe it will stay. Sometimes it's hard to believe I even deserve for it to stay. So I start and end each day with the fear of it all disappearing, and it's hard to hang on to gratefulness when you're doing that.
Right now I have so much joy and fun and creativity in my life. I spent so many years in a deep depression that I forgot I could be excited like this. I didn't know I could still feel so strongly about things. And while I spent a lot of 2023 seeing all of my mental health treatments/work paying off, I didn't feel truly whole until I rediscovered Final Fantasy VIII in July.
And my "puny bed" is just that - being engaged with Final Fantasy VIII. I get scared that one day I will be uninterested. But I never want to be unobsessed again.
I have loved Final Fantasy VIII at least since I was about 11, but I think I loved it since the first time I watched my brothers play the demo. It has been an important part of my life - playing the game influenced all my interests going forward; making fanfiction taught me how to write; going on forums to discuss the game helped me learn how to socialize online; and honestly I could go on.
But I've gone through cycles. I was very obsessed from 11 to 13, then someone made me a cake with the Griever necklace on it for my 16th birthday (WHICH WAS SO COOL) and all I could feel was embarrassment. My interest had gone completely dormant. It reemerged at 19 with the help of my Final Fantasy XIII roommate in college and went on long enough for us to go to see a Distant Worlds concert together, but faded again when she left for Amsterdam.
The first five years of my young professional life I am not sure I had any interests at all, being so busy and detached from myself, so Final Fantasy VIII was nowhere in my vocabularly. Which meant my wedding had not a drop of FFVIII in it. Even though my husband suggested it. Even though we learned how to dance for it, and could have done the waltz for the moon.
Strangely enough, about two days before the remaster dropped, I was inspired to look up FFVIII for some unknown reason. It was as if I felt the new opportunity to play in the force and when I found out a remaster was coming out, I absolutely had to play it.
And I did. And I enjoyed it. But that was when I started to fall down a dark spiral. The love was very quickly strangled.
When I was at my very worst, I kid you not, I could not even bring myself to think of FFVIII. I very clearly remember one December night in 2020 I spent manic in a psych ward, scared and uncomfortable and unable to fall asleep. I tried to focus on fanfiction ideas so I could maybe be relaxed enough to doze, instead of spending hours in the darkness wondering if my meds would ever work, if my heart was going to explode, if I would ever be "normal" again, while people opened my door at random intervals to shine a flashlight on my face. I tried to conjure Squall's face, or quotes from the game, and it all collapsed into nothingness.
And that was how it was. From then until mid-2023, FFVIII was shut away from me by the tomb of my own illness.
Then, I think it was March or April, my therapist and I were talking about ways to tackle my insomnia that didn't involve additional medication. It came up that I used to make "fake bedtime scenarios" about characters in this videogame I liked and that would not only help me fall asleep, but make me excited to go to bed.
"Why don't you play the game again?" She asked. I know I said "I can't" but I don't remember why. But it was enough to plant a seed (SeeD?).
As the spring continued, I started listening to the music from Final Fantasy VIII. Then I started going on the Reddit. I found this "State of the Arc" podcast that reviewed FFVIII. I listened to it on a roadtrip and, while I enjoyed it, I also found myself yelling at the dashboard because I disagreed with the hosts about something.
When I reached my destination, I found I could not fall asleep. I turned over a lot of things in my brain. I thought about Squall being a high-functioning depressed person with a lot of repressed feelings, like I once was. And how as your brain develops and you have issues like that, especially with CPTSD, it sometimes doesn't matter if your life is good now - the pain demands to be felt and the body remembers what you thought you forgot. And then I wondered, what if he was happy and with Rinoa after FFVIII but had a massive mental breakdown in his late 20s? And so, for the first time in three years, I could think about Final Fantasy VIII to fall asleep again.
After that, I was hooked again, and in a big way. I played the game again and found Reddit wasn't enough anymore. I may be even more obsessed with the game now than I ever was. So I joined Tumblr, and I guess you guys know the rest.
Since bringing this amazing videogame back into my life, I've been happier, more easy-going, and just... able to sit with myself. It makes me want to write, and draw, and sing, and play card games. I find that when my anxiety gets the best of me, I can shift to thinking about Final Fantasy VIII as a way of thought-stopping. And then I've met some amazing people on here that are so interesting and talented and supportive. I literally look forward to coming on Tumblr.
Today I was out and about a lot because I am with my in-laws and I am sort of on vacation. Because of that, I wasn't on Tumblr all day, and, more significantly, I didn't think/talk about Final Fantasy VIII. I mean, it wasn't completely absent from my day as I wore my "Compression of Time" tanktop and Squaket... but irrationally I feared I was somehow "not doing enough FFVIII" today.
And that is silly, of course. And I think in the big picture I am most afraid of being that disconnected and lost again. I could probably find joy in another fandom... maybe.
I just want to keep waking up here, in this cozy place that makes me feel connected and at home.
*btw in google this quote I found out Laguna is a brand of bed frame???
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⭐️ Annual Writing Self-Evaluation 2022 ⭐️
Thank you to @larrysballetslippers @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed @daggerandrose @jaerie @louandhazaf @loveislarryislove @beelou @jacaranda-bloom for tagging me! I’ve done this for the past few years and I love seeing how much I’ve grown as a writer each year! (2018, 2019, 2020, 2021)
1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 14
2. Word count posted for the year: 52,141
3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction, Music RPF (Lil Nas X, Orville Peck), Ted Lasso
4. Pairings: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, girl!Harry Styles/girl!Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles/Ted Lasso, Harry Styles/Lil Nas X, Louis Tomlinson/Orville Peck, Niall Horan & Harry Styles
5. Story with the most:
Kudos: Not Another Lonely Christmas
Bookmarks: Not Another Lonely Christmas
Comments: More Than a Mic Drop
6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): We're Getting Better With Time, I feel like this fic showcases how much I've grown since I've started writing. I learned a lot about pacing and adding relevant details while writing this one, and I've received so many wonderful comments on it.
7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): Good Dogs Don’t Bark, it was fun in the moment to share something inspired by Harry barking on tour, but it isn't something I put a lot of time and effort into, so it isn't very memorable to me compared to other things I posted this year.
8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: There were so many lovely comments all around this year, but one of the funniest was a tweet of someone complaining about my Harry/Ted Lasso fic Premier Fantasies that started off with "MY EYES MY EYES MY EYES OH GOOD LORD MY TIME HERE ON EARTH IS DONE." I feel like I've finally made it to a new tier of fic writer by writing something so unhinged that someone broke into all caps.
9. A time when writing was really, really hard: I don't remember a particularly hard time this year, but November and December were difficult just from the number of deadlines I had. I was luckily able to finish everything by their posting dates, but it was very stressful. I posted the Louis Rare Pair, 1D Christmas Fest, art for Reverse Bang, and a secret santa fic all in December.
10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: The entire plot of That's What I Want. I wanted to write a rare pair that hadn't been done before. I picked Harry/Lil Nas X and thought it would be fun to do an Mpreg fic. I couldn’t decide which one in the pair should be pregnant. I laughed so hard when I finally figured out a plot with both of them pregnant.
More under the cut.
11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: From We're Getting Better With Time
He turns out the light, leaving his tired reflection behind as he return to the bedroom to finish unpacking. It’s strange, trying to put back pieces of his life into this room that they’ve never fit into. Everything reminds him how little this house feels like a home. The half-filled closet, the dresser without any knickknacks on top, the bare walls. Even the bedding he’d bought was a boring striped pattern.
He was never meant to stay at this rental house long term. But it’s been eight months since his wife asked for a separation, eight months since he signed the lease on the first available furnished rental unit he could afford. The rental has standard beige walls, beige carpet, beige everything. It is a beige purgatory where he’d planned to wait out the final judgement on his thirty-three years of marriage.
The ink on the divorce papers has been dry for six weeks now, and yet he hasn’t thought about buying a house of his own once.
12. How did you grow as a writer this year: My descriptions and details have improved a lot. While writing We're Getting Better With Time, I had sort of an ah-ha moment. I got frustrated because I kept thinking that the story would be told better if I could write a long slowburn fic, but I didn't have time for that because it was for a fest. Instead, I thought about all the elements I'd want if I were writing the long fic, like Harry's relationships with his ex-wife and children, or to show the difference between the home his ex-wife kept and the house Harry was renting temporarily. I got creative and found new ways to slip those details into the story without adding chapters of backstory or filler.
13. How do you hope to grow next year: My goal last year was to finish some of my longer wips. I definitely didn't do that this year, and the longest fic I posted was under 8k. Longer works are a bit intimidating for me, but I still want to finish the bigger ideas I have in my wip folder.
14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): The 1D Rare Pair group chat is always so encouraging for trying out new pairings! I branched out with some brand new pairs this year, with Harry/Ted Lasso in Premier Fantasies, Harry/Lil Nas X in That's What I Want, and Louis/Orville Peck in It's All Come and Go.
15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: Oddly, I wrote three fics this year that mention pancakes/waffles, and they were never eaten at breakfast. This was completely unintentional, but makes a lot of sense, as pancakes at dinnertime is one of my favorite meals.
16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: Stop editing your first draft. It is a lot harder to edit properly when you don't have the full picture. Try getting your idea onto the page first, then perfect it later.
17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: I have a the start of a prequel for Hex Appeal that I'm hoping to post for @wankersday. I also want to work on my Girl Direction Covid Island fic and my Zouis spy fic.
18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read. @zanniscaramouche @kingsofeverything @quelsentiment @ladyaj-13 @littleroverlouis @uhoh-but-yeah-alright @beelou @allwaswell16 @fallinglikethis @reminiscingintherain @lululawrence @disgruntledkittenface @justanothershadeofblue
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Writer Ask Game: 4, 8, and 11
Thanks for the questions, peep!
4. When did you start writing? How?
December 2011. So I've been writing for about 12.5 years at this point. In the summer of 2017, I started writing more consistently. I believe in the summer of 2020, I had a personal challenge of completing a story from start to finish in one month so I could get used to sharing my works and how to finish things. In April 2022, I switched my posting schedule and made it a free-for-all; this gave me the opportunity to work on longer, more ambitious projects without me trying to kill myself to get so much done in one month. And well, I'm a slow writer - so this change was such a big help for my physical and mental well-being.
Publicly, I've shared over 200 stories across fandoms in my writing life. There are some original poetry here and there, but all of that energy goes into fanworks because I feel more of a connection there.
I started writing in December 2011 because when you're a young Asian who is not good at math and can barely draw and feel like you're a black sheep amongst the Asian kids, there's writing. Writing was the one endeavor I never heard any of the other Asians around me doing. Essentially, I pioneered this hobby in my early grade school life because I wanted to do something that I could do and know that no one else I knew did it, so that translates to being cool. (It doesn't work like that, but kid!me was convinced)
I liked telling stories already, so I just had to put it down onto paper or something. And that's how I started. I basically felt like a failure Asian child for being so average, which I didn't have a name for at the time but it was something I could tell because of the people around me, so I went out to do a thing. And while the thing is hard and ugly and has tried to murder me, writing is stuck with me. It's just how it is.
8. What do you love about your writing style?
This sounds cliche, but my style is unique.
I come from a literary fiction background. Or let me rephrase that: I'm inspired by the old-school classics and the pre-WWII British and American writing styles. Francis Scott Fitzgerald, John Steinbeck, Mark Twain, Oscar Wilde, and the such. And I'm inspired by the Beat Poets of the 1940s and 50s. So that cheddar cheese potluck of queer and strange things did a doozy on my writing style.
The best way I can describe my writing is that it's indulgent, in that I've been force fed writing rules from the internet and stopped giving a fuck in my 20s so I could tell the stories I wanted to tell. And my writing is a love letter to the things I love about writing - it's pretty much poetry disguised as a narrative: you have the meter, you have the rhythm, you have the techniques more commonly see in poetry than prose writing, but in the format of a story with characters and arcs and tragedy.
Somewhere about that isn't typically seen in the fandom scene, unless you're in a fandom that pulls on that through the canon material. And that's what my writing style is. Granted, I didn't start with this style. It was one I started developing in 2020 and have matured it like a rich wine since then, and will continue still with every story I try.
I've only ever found one other fanfic writer whose style was really similar to mine. So I guess that's a bonus.
11. Character/WIP Lore! (blabber about character/ WIP of choice)
I think I'm at the skill level I want to be to fulfill a writing bucket list item that I've had since 2020 or 2021. I've been wanting to write a story that features the critiques I have about the Christian religion and more openly, write about a story of why people are gravitated towards having a faith even if it makes them do things they don't normally do and how they grapple with that and eventually, if they choose, deconstruct from those ideals.
And Black Polish, my current WIP, is a culmination of personal projects in the past that had to fail before I could get here. And in its own way, it is finding closure and closing a door on something I'd rather choose for myself than be nudged into just because I was a kid at the time.
It's all about finding the right fandom for the project you want to do. I'd say I struck the land mine with Trigun.
Writer Ask Thingies
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No Not Nolan's Year in Review
I thought about doing a top ten list, but... given that I average one story per month, I figure-- why not rank all of my stories from this year? And so, here we are.
13) Auld Lang Slime - 122 notes - December 2021
It's a little unfair to judge this one so early, since it hasn't even been out for a full week. Nevertheless, it's a great story about a New Year's Resolution, and a guy who just needs an otherworldly nudge.
12) Fiverr Warlock: Freed from Master - 140 notes - November 2021
It's the weakest entry in the Fiverr Warlock series, but it's one of my favorites for the amount of lore building that it establishes. The world does have other magic users, after all.
11) Swappiversary - 141 notes - January 2021
This story is one of my favorites; I love the thought of exploring what happens to people months or years after a body swap. A married couple celebrates 10 years of being together.
10) Fiverr Warlock: On the House - 183 notes - April 2021
The second entry in the Fiverr Warlock series, this story focuses on a client who wants to kick his bully down a notch or two.
9) Setting Boundaries - 194 notes - June 2021
Having roommates can be rough. When you're stuck with a roommate who steals your body without asking permission, you have to make a stand.
8) Post-Exam Karma - 195 notes - December 2021
The head man on campus learns a hard lesson in treating people kindly, especially people who you trust with valuable things. Or perhaps it's a lesson in making sure you have leverage over the other person. Or maybe he just doesn't learn a lesson at all.
7) Here's to the Future - 218 notes - February 2021
I wrote this story as a Valentine's Day gift exchange with my boyfriend, and it's one of the few merging stories that I've ever written. It is every bit as sappy as you would expect a Valentine's story to be.
6) Fiverr Warlock: Professional Courtesy - 230 notes - September 2021
The highest scoring Fiverr Warlock story on the list, this one features a novice magic user who doesn't quite understand how to avoid detection while casting possession spells.
5) Information Overload - 265 notes - August 2021
Doctor Parker has been trying to pioneer a method of implanting knowledge directly into someone's brain. His lab assistants have a different plan in mind.
4) Having the Money - 285 notes - January 2021
When you have money, you can get anything you want for the right price. Anyone who says you can't buy health just isn't willing to pay enough for it.
3) One Week - 294 notes - October 2021
I don't often write alien possession stories, but when the right idea strikes my fancy, I'll try almost anything once. This isn't an alien who's trying to learn Earth Culture-- this is an alien who just wants to stay hidden. Despite his crewmate's best efforts.
2) Could be Worse, Right? - 323 notes - March 2021
Greg and Caleb find themselves in each others' bodies. Naturally, Greg wants to reverse the swap as soon as possible. Caleb, however, is a lot more relaxed about the entire situation.
1) Final's Week - 430 notes - May 2021
This story is by far one of my favorites, so I'm glad other people have enjoyed it, too. In a world where people can easily switch bodies for short periods of time, teachers have it rough. Coach Phillips tries to make it through his day without losing his sanity.
Special Mentions:
Fiverr Warlock: Swap and Servitude - 215 notes - December 2020
So, it's not technically a 2021 story, but I wrote it on Dec 27th, and it's the only Fiverr Warlock story that doesn't appear on this list. It seems fair to give it a shout-out. Fun fact-- I didn't know it was going to be a series at the time, so the first post of this story didn't have the sub-title.
Cupid's Valentine - 226 notes - February 2021 by @mergeman
I would be remiss if I did not mention the story that my wonderful boyfriend wrote for me during our Valentine's Day exchange. I'm not always the best at sharing emotions, but it would not be an exaggeration to say that our growing relationship has been the best part of 2021. I look forward to seeing it develop in the many years to come.
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Tag List Update
It’s that time again - it’s been almost a year since I updated my lists, and seeing as I’m wrapping up one series (Kairos), prepping for RODAW, picking up old series, and deciding what new thing I want to work on next, I want you to be able to read the things you want to 💙
Comments and/or reblogs are good (and I appreciate every single one of them!), but I've made up a form that will hopefully make things easier. Listing perma/book tags below the cut; to avoid repeating names by listing every series, I'm mentioning everyone that's been tagged for at least one book/series to opt in on what you want.
If you're seeing this post but you weren't tagged and you want to be on a taglist, hello! and click the link below 😊
If you've been tagged but you're no longer into my writing, ignore this post and the form; I'll remove you from tags once I close submissions. There won't be any hard feelings - I know tastes change over time, and I don't want to annoy you with a story you no longer wish to read
You can always hop on or off a list later, this is just my attempt to stay organized
Form will stay open until Sunday, 25 July, 11:59 EDT. After that time, I'll update lists accordingly.
These are included on the form, but here are 50 words or less "snapshots" of my WIPs and upcoming series:
Non-Choices
(last updated November 2020) The Exchange: Daniel Henney x Reader thing where you meet Daniel Henney at an informal gathering
(last updated June 2021) To Ruined Friendships: Logan Delos x Reader potential miniseries where you set aside years of friendship with Logan to see the side of himself he rarely shows the world
Ride or Die
(last updated July 2019) Mixtapes & Milkshakes, Side A: through a series of flashbacks via mixtape, Jin recounts her time with the Mercy Park Crew and the two boys she fell for (Logan x MC, Colt x MC)
(TBD) Mixtapes & Milkshakes, Side B: AU where Logan recounts his summer with MC (Lana) while he listens to an album
(last updated February 2020) Mixtapes Hidden Track: open series of one shots between Logan and Jin as they repair their relationship
(last updated July 2019) Prologue to Breathe Hope Love Live: 3-part introduction to an AU where Ellie tries to start a new life on the East Coast, but she’s still in love with Logan and Colt
(TBD, August 2021) RODAW 3.0: fic, edits, crafts, and other submissions for ROD Appreciation Week
(TBD, August 2021) Untitled AU: series adjacent to Mixtapes (Hidden Track) where Logan learns how to love & be loved as he and Jin rebuild their relationship and start a family
The Royal Romance/Royal Heir
(last updated November 2018) Crimson Snow: gangster AU where Liam is part of the Yakuza. IDK when this series will actually begin
(last updated February 2020) Deja Brew: prologue posted; coffeeshop-esque AU that will incorporate Friends quotes/prompts that will loosely follow events from TRR Book 1, if everything had taken place in New York
(last updated August 2020) Elpida: TRH AU set 20+ years in the future, where Eleanor “Teddy” Rys returns to Cordonia to be crowned Queen. Technically complete but I've been asked to write more
(last updated July 2021) Kairos: nearly completed Wacky Drabbles series/AU where Riley asked Liam about the one that got away. Liam recalls his time with a woman named Elia, and their time together one summer
(last updated July 2021) Love is Patient: possible Wacky Drabble AU/miniseries where Liam and Trina had a chance meeting as kids and pretended to get married. 20 years later, Trina’s summoned to Cordonia because Liam can’t be crowned king without a wife. Can two relative strangers fall in love and prove their love is real in time?
(last updated October 2020) Morpheus Dreams: snippet posted; soulmate AU set in a post-apocalyptic world where dreams only occur when you fall asleep in the arms of your soulmate. burnsoslow’s Alyssa Devereaux from Remember Two Things will be on loan
(last updated October 2019) Morsels: miscellaneous one shots following You Are the Reason series, where Liam and Trina navigate married life in between ruling as monarchs, raising kids, and finding moments of time for themselves
(last updated September 2019) Serendipity: college AU where TRR characters exist, but Cordonia doesn’t and they don’t have noble titles. Liam shares a kiss with Trina within minutes of meeting her, and spends the rest of the semester getting to know her
(last updated December 2020) Sojourn: AU comprised of one shots after TRR Book 2 events, where Trina accepted Liam’s proposal on the condition that she goes to law school before they marry. Drake becomes her roommate/extension of the Kings Guard for protection while he also finishes his degree. Chaos sometimes ensues; precursor to You Are the Reason
(last updated April 2019) You Are the Reason: series occurs after Sojourn, where recent graduates Trina and Drake officially return to Cordonia. However, unknown forces try to keep Trina from marrying Liam. Some parts of TRR Book 3 will be included
(TBD 2021) Untitled Summer Love/Wacky Drabbles series: AU where Cordonia doesn’t exist/no one has noble titles. Liam and Drake take a long overdue summer vacation, where they meet an interesting pair of ladies, under odd circumstances. Will there be more than one summertime spark?
FYI I don't post anything on a schedule 🙈also tags max out in a post so I'll reblog in a minute. Thanks for reading this mess, and reading in general 💙
Permatag All Stories: @ao719 @blackcatkita @debramcg1106 @neotericthemis @ofpixelsandscribbles @smalltalk88 @the-soot-sprite
BLADES: @choicesarehard @princess-geek @saivilo @storyofmychoices @walkerswhiskeygirl
MOTY: @justbeingmyself21 @pirateofprose /princess-geek /saivilo @siegrrun
ROD: @burnsoslow /choicesarehard /pirateofprose
TRR/TRH: @aestheticartsx @bbrandy2002 /burnsoslow @choiceskatie @darley1101 @dcbbw @gardeningourmet @iplaydrake @kingliam2019 @liamxs-world @rainbowsinthestorm @riseandshinelittleblossom @superharriet @texaskitten30 @theroyalheirshadowhunter
melee tag for anyone that was tagged for a ROD or TRR series but I have too many to post lists one by one so you need to check off what you wanna read *points to snapshot descriptions above*: @alexpottrechoices @blznbaby @brightpinkpeppercorn @choices97 @clairexoxo100 @client-327 @cocomaxley @cordonianroyalty @cordonian-literature @everythingchoices @forallthatitsworth @gibbles82 @gkittylove99 @gnatbrain @h3llostrang3r @hustacks
#tag list update#cleaning up my lists#could this post BE any longer?#does this count as my WIP Wednesday post?
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I am finally writing(!!) - A Short Story Collection “Overture”
I've writing stories for almost all my life, since I learned how to string words together and form a sentence. My first ever memory is crying on the floor of my childhood home, complaining to my mother that I can’t write in the notebook she gave me because it’s not lined (I wasn’t old enough to write in blank paper yet)
And yet, if you asked me to produce a body of my work, all I’d have to show for the years of my writing is one(1) novella I wrote when I was 14 and a thousand unfinished novels that I abandoned after 10 pages.
I had resolved in 2020 that I would commit to finishing things as Neil Gaiman had so wisely adviced. But the only thing I finished in 2020 was a 10k word short story called “Nathaniel O’Neal and the Death of Jenny” I started that story on March 9, 2020 and finished on December 6, 2020. Stephan would’ve had written three whole novels in that timeframe
In 2021, I did not finish anything. I did write parts of short story. In my defence, I had a pretty bad year. (So did everyone, get over yourself)
But... (!!!)... at the end of 2021, I saw this video from Rachel
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And this was literally godsend.
I had so many short story ideas just whirling in my mind, I had them scattered between my notion and my google keeps notes. But after watching Rachel's video I decided to finally, actually, dedicate myself to writing something I think I can actually finish.
Writing a novel is a monumental task, and I shall never again dunk on Stephanie Meyer cause she at least finished the Twilight books. I really don't think I have it in me to finish any work of fiction over 20k words.
But short stories I can do.
And I have decided to do it. Below is my notion page of short story ideas that I had accumulated over the last two years. The 2 shorts that I actually did finish, I've choses not to include in this post. These are 11 shorts that I currently think are workable. I have more ideas stored in google keeps - I will only touch that pile once I've finished all these. And and the end of the year, hopefully, we will have a short story collection
Why "Overture"?
Well, my go to mental breakdown song is "Achilles Come Down" by gangs of youth and there is a line there "Overture bold and beyond" and I just like the melody of that line. It's kinda stuck in my head
"Overture" also means "an introduction to something more substantial"
And I would like to imagine, rather arrogantly, that after I've finished this collection - I would emerge out of the other end a better writer and perhaps go on to write more substantial work. Amen.
I would like to just briefly talk about each story and what they're about. I would make individual writing updates in the future. Just to capture my thoughts and process, more like a journal.
1. I See You in every shard of glass
A 19 year old girl who stayed home after high school while all of her cool friends went to fancy east coast school goes on a long drive at midnight with her high school on-again-off-again, currently ex-boyfriend - and realises she might have overly romanticised her entire relationship with him
Originally inspired by Taylor Swift's iconic song "Style". The opening image to me was that of a dreamy James Dean-y boy stopping outside of her house at midnight and from then on I was just gonna write down the plot of the song in fiction. But as I went on writing it kinda got out of hand and became reaally fucked up
I would really love to tell you this has a flimsy, dreamy vibe because I really wanted this piece to have flimsy-dreamy vibes - but girl the vibes are off
CW: Date rape (??!!)
I really don't know if I can write it as respectfully as the subject material demands. I'm really afraid of giving off the wrong message or accidentally ending up victim blaming but there's a lot of nuance to the events that I'm just not a good enough writer to do justice
I've been struggling to write this story for a whole year now (2021 was baaaad). The prose doesn't have the dreamy quality I wanted it to have. The subject matter seems too heavy on my chest like a boulder from hell. But I've decided to just finish in before January 31st. Things could be changed to my liking in edits (hopefully 🤞)
2. Work Song (Working Title)
I don't have a title for it yet, but as you can clearly see - it was inspired by Hozier's work song.
I was just gonna follow the plot beats of the song but again, as I went on the story got progressively fucked up.
The vague foggy image of the story now in my head is this:
A very beautiful young man in his early to mid 20s is rescued by a woman who had very recently lost a child (the child's father never mentioned)
The first few paragraphs is just basically the protagonist telling his buddies (who he now works on a farm/field with) about the hazy fever dreams through which he saw her caring for him after. She never asks him about the drunken state she found him in or how he had gotten there, she never asks him about his past and all that Hozier Work song stuff
But then the plot deviates from the song - he starts to internally think about things that he doesn't say to the audience
There's the church, and she's church going though not strictly a believer so he goes to church with him. Big Shaelin-Hold-Me-Under-Till-I-See-The-Light Vibes
The church talks about the sins of adultery and homosexuality, talks about Soddom and Gomorrah and he clearly gets super agitated
So, Spoiler Alert: the past that his "baby" never asks him about is that he used to be a street hustler. (Trying to channel My Own Private Idaho but can we ever)
Kinda gothic????
The story basically ends on
If the Lord don't forgive me
I'd still have my baby and my babe would have me
When I was kissing on my baby
And she put her love down soft and sweet
In the low lamp light I was free
Heaven and hell were words to me
3. Drown my woes in a lake of fire
Title borrowed from that one Elle King song
I don't know much plot wise - but I want to achieve that History of Wolves vibes
The protagonist is a tween girl, the youngest in her family of 7. Her parents. Her oldest sister, then a brother one year junior, then the twin girls and finally her
She is hella lonely because the twins always gang up on her and exclude her, her olderst sister and brother are close too. But she has no one and nothing but her siblings hand me downs.
I don't know what the catalyst is yet but she drowns her family's pack of dogs, all 5 of them, in a lake that's turned into ice. But she knows where the ice is thin.
4. A girl accidentally kills her parents and her addict older brother gets framed, also accidentally
It's probably gonna be an accidental gas leak. Like she forgets to turn the stove off or something
Her older brother becomes a suspect in the investigation and gets convicted on double homicide
She feels guilty for not speaking up, but she's also unhinged so there's that
5. A PhD student goes to meet a homeless person
I don't have a title for this. Can you tell?
This one came to me in a dream.
I'm not kidding.
There's was a 2nd person narration going on inside my head and I wrote down as much as I remembered upon waking up.
But the material I got was so scattered and meaningless that I had to keep digging at it - like I didn't even brush my teeth, just kept typing on my phone like a maniac
Logline: The story starts with a PhD student taking a cng towards an impoverish area - he struggles with the power hierarchy of his highly beaurocratic world, the mindless selfishness of his fellows and superiors and reaches out to find a human connection
It is the tamest of all my stories. So much so that it feels like it doesn't belong with the rest
6. A 20 something boy goes to a whorehouse and pays a prostitute to pretend to be his sister for one night
Shaelin's Zugzwang meets George Martin's Meathouse man
I only have vibes no plot
7. Let me drown slowly
Another song inspired story. (Thank Dionysius for Alec Benjamin)
I've written like the beginning of it in Google Keeps
Basically the inner monologue of a guy who knows his girlfriend is about to break up with him waiting for it to happen
I haven't started writing yet but I can't wait to see how this innocent song turns into something extremely fucked up, yet again
8. Grave of Bird
A girl has been burying the birds that her cat catches under a tree for years
The tree was a little sapling the same height as her when she was 6, now that she's 16 the tree has far outgrown her
The catch is.... it's not only the birds that are being buried there.
9. Dear Charlotte
I've actually written some parts of it
2nd person, accusatory
Basically Isabel is writing an apology letter to her older sister Charlotte but instead of an apology the letter is bloated with why everything was Charlotte's fault and Charlotte is a horrible human being
18th century Feudal Europe
A Gothic Manor, a pausible ghost of a dead brother
Scandals (!!!)
Painters and Scuptors and rumors of incest
Isabel is jealous and bitter but god is Charlotte unreadable
10. My Immortal
I'm gonna write this in October. (Halloween!!)
Gothic. Supernatural
A human being (pet?) is in love with their vampire but not in a twilight way
More like the vampire needs a human to run their errands through the day until they come alive at midnight
The errand boy/girl serves the vampire in exchange of their supernatural favors and a dim, dim hope that maybe someday the vampire would turn them into a vampire too (A bit like a witch's familiar??)
Again, just vibes, no plot
11.
12. Children in Snow (Working Title)
I was trying to write that half heartedly in 2019. But then last year in 2021 I tried to actually finish it but lol
Sci-fi
A heavily beaurocratic world sends off their unwanted children to be raised by 18-20 year olds (Basically other childrens) in government funded facilities
They have robotic doctors at their disposal, a mechanic robot to repair heaters and stuff like that, a vast physical and digital library, a curriculum to study and artificial robotc teachers, so that when they finally get out into the world world at age 21 they have enough marketable skills to earn a living- everything except human contant
Those who want to persue a University education can sit for a test at 18 and if they pass can then be admitted public unis
Once a month, their supplies are dropped of at a watchtower that is directly in the middle of all 10 such facilities in the area (each facility housing about 50 children)
The oldest in Garfield's facility who chose to stay instead of go to uni go out to gather their monthly supply as usual, but get stuck in a snow storm
Low magic
The characters are ✨ immaculate ✨
But alas no plot- so every time I attempt to write it, it keeps on stretching and stretching but there isn't enough material here for it to be a novel
I want to write this in December. So I'll have to find a new short story idea to write in November
That is All!
I would post writing updates as I write and hopefully, finish stories. If you made it this far, then Thank You Very Much for your time!! I'm really happy you're here..
#unhinged#fucked up#please send help#author#writers#writing#wip#writeblr#wip intro#current wip#short story#prelude
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For Women's History Month 2021, GRAMMY.com is celebrating some of the women artists nominated at the 2021 GRAMMY Awards show. Today, we honor Taylor Swift, who's currently nominated for six GRAMMYs.
When we met Taylor Swift in 2006, it was immediately apparent that her songwriting approach was like ripping a page out of her diary.
"Just a boy in a Chevy truck/ That had a tendency of gettin' stuck/ On backroads at night/ And I was right there beside him all summer long/ And then the time we woke up to find that summer gone," she lamented in the first verse of her debut single, "Tim McGraw(opens in a new tab)." The way the then-16-year-old Swift could turn personal anecdotes into instantly memorable hooks mirrored the prowess of an industry veteran, appealing to more than just the teenage girls that could relate to a short-lived high school romance.
Now, nearly 15 years later, Swift has introduced another layer of intrigue with a foray into indie folk, unveiling a pair of albums, folklore and evermore, last year. Recorded entirely in isolation after the COVID-19 pandemic hit in March 2020, folklore has been widely acclaimed(opens in a new tab) as Swift's best album, touted for its intimate songwriting and cinematic dynamics; evermore has received similarly glowing reviews(opens in a new tab).
folklore was 2020's best-selling album(opens in a new tab) and earned Swift five GRAMMY nominations at the 2021 GRAMMY Awards show, including her fourth Album Of The Year nod. (evermore will be eligible for the 64th GRAMMY Awards in 2022.) As her 10 previous GRAMMY wins suggest, though, this new chapter isn't an abrupt departure for the star—it's a masterful continuation of her evolution as a singer/songwriter.
If there's one thing that Swift has proven throughout her career, it's that she refuses to be put in a box. Her ever-evolving sound took her from country darling to pop phenom to folk's newest raconteur—a transition that, on paper, seems arduous. But for Swift, it was seamless and resulted in perhaps her most defining work yet. And folklore’s radiance relies on three of Swift’s songwriting tools: heartfelt balladeering, autobiographical writing, and character-driven storytelling.
While there was always a crossover element to Swift's pop-leaning country tunes, her transition from country starlet to pop queen began with Red. The album’s lead single, the feisty breakup anthem "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together(opens in a new tab)," was Swift's first release to reach No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 (and, ironically, scoffed "indie records much cooler than mine"). She declared a full pop makeover with 2014's 1989, but the response proved that her bold move was the right one: Along with spawning three more No. 1 hits, the project won Swift her second GRAMMY for Album of the Year.
From there, 2017’s Reputation, a response to media scrutiny, and 2019’s Lover, an often bubbly exploration of all facets of affection, followed. Although they shared similarly grandiose production, Lover featured a handful of poetic ballads, including "The Archer(opens in a new tab)," a self-reflective love song that teased Swift's folk sensibilities through storybook lyrics and ambient textures.
Swift’s ballads are key in understanding the full essence of folklore. They’ve regularly marked standout moments on each of her albums, both thanks to her poignant vulnerability and rich tone. Fearless standout "White Horse" earned Swift two GRAMMYs in 2009; Red's painstaking "All Too Well" was an instant fan favorite; 1989's "This Love" and Reputation's "New Years Day" provided tenderness amid otherwise synth-heavy sounds.
The raw emotion she puts into her downtempo songs comes alive on folklore, introducing a new wave of neo-classical sonics that elevate her fanciful penmanship to an ethereal level. Whether or not Swifties saw a full indie-pop record coming—at least not yet—the shift isn't all that surprising. Folklore’s romanticized lyrics and relatively lo-fi production are arguably what many fans have been patiently waiting on.
Lyrically, the super-personal nature of Swift’s music has always captivated fans and naysayers alike; diehards and critics dissected each of her albums for its real-life subjects and hidden meanings. While she played into those conspiracies at the time—whether she was revealing names in titles like "Hey Stephen(opens in a new tab)" and "Dear John(opens in a new tab)" or scathing the other girl on "Better Than Revenge(opens in a new tab)"—even Swift herself admits that her teenage method had an expiration date.
"There was a point that I got to as a writer who only wrote very diaristic songs that [it] felt unsustainable for my future moving forward," she told Apple Music's(opens in a new tab) Zane Lowe in December of 2020. "It felt like too hot of a microscope ... On my bad days, I would feel like I was loading a cannon of clickbait when that's not what I want for my life."
That realization is what helped make folklore so memorable: Swift stripped away the drama to let her artful storytelling shine. Sure, there are occasional callbacks to personal happenings ("invisible string(opens in a new tab)" references sending her exes baby gifts and "mad woman(opens in a new tab)" alludes to her legal battle with Scott Borchetta and Scooter Braun). Still, she largely shies away from her autobiographical narratives to make way for her imagination.
"I found myself not only writing my own stories, but also writing about or from the perspective of people I've never met, people I've known, or those I wish I hadn't," Swift wrote in a letter to fans(opens in a new tab) on social media the day folklore arrived. "The lines between fantasy and reality blur and the boundaries between truth and fiction become almost indiscernible."
folklore might be her first full project dedicated to creating characters and projecting storylines, but Swift has shown a knack for fantasy from the start. Tracks like "Mary's Song (Oh My My)(opens in a new tab)" on her self-titled debut and "Starlight(opens in a new tab)" on Red saw Swift craft stories for real-life muses ("Mary's Song" was inspired by an old couple who lived next door to Swift in her childhood; "Starlight" was sparked from seeing a picture of Ethel and Bobby Kennedy as teens). Even when songs did pertain to her real life, Swift often had a way of flipping memories into whimsical metaphors, like the clever clap-back to a critic on Speak Now's "Mean(opens in a new tab)" or the rebound relationship in Reputation's "Getaway Car(opens in a new tab)."
To think that we wouldn't have folklore without a pandemic is almost surreal; it's already become such a fundamental piece of Swift’s artistic puzzle. There was no telling what may have come after the glittering "love letter to love itself” that was Lover, but it seems isolation made the singer rethink any plans she may have had.
"I just thought there are no rules anymore because I used to put all these parameters on myself, like, 'How will this song sound in a stadium? How will this song sound on radio?' If you take away all the parameters, what do you make?" she told Paul McCartney in a November (opens in a new tab)Rolling Stone(opens in a new tab) interview(opens in a new tab). "And I guess the answer is folklore."
Even if she hasn’t been making indie music herself, Swift has shown an affinity for the genre over the years through curated digital playlists(opens in a new tab). Those included four songs by The National including "Dark Side of the Gym," which she references on folklore single "betty(opens in a new tab)," and "8 (Circle)" by Bon Iver, Swift's collaborator on folklore's gut-wrenching "exile(opens in a new tab)" as well as evermore’s title track. (“Exile” is one of folklore’s GRAMMY-nominated cuts, up for Best Pop Duo/Group Performance.)
The National’s guitarist Aaron Dessner co-wrote nine and produced 11 of folklore's 16 tracks, soundtracking Swift's imaginative tales with sweeping orchestration and delicate piano. Their partnership started with "cardigan(opens in a new tab)," a melancholy take on teenage love(opens in a new tab) that's up for Best Pop Solo Performance and the coveted Song of the Year. The team-up was a dream come true for Swift, a self-proclaimed National superfan and a career highlight for Dessner, who shared in an Instagram post(opens in a new tab) about folklore that he's "rarely been so inspired by someone." He sees the album as a pivotal moment for both Swift's career and pop music.
"Taylor has opened the door for artists to not feel pressure to have 'the bop,'" Dessner shared with (opens in a new tab)Billboard(opens in a new tab) in September. "To make the record that she made, while running against what is programmed in radio at the highest levels of pop music—she has kind of made an anti-pop record. And to have it be one of the most, if not the most, successful commercial releases of the year that throws the playbook out.
"I hope it gives other artists, especially lesser-known or more independent artists, a chance at the mainstream," he continued. "Maybe radio will realize that music doesn't have to sound as pushed as it has. Nobody was trying to design anything to be a hit. Obviously, Taylor has the privilege of already having a very large and dedicated audience, but I do feel like it's having a resonance beyond that."
Swift's other primary folklore collaborator was Jack Antonoff. He has been her right-hand man since they first paired up on 2013's promotional single "Sweeter Than Fiction(opens in a new tab)" (Swift referred to him as "musical family" in her folklore announcement(opens in a new tab)). Even after years of creating stadium-ready pop smashes, Antonoff said in his own folklore Instagram post(opens in a new tab), "I've never heard Taylor sing better in my life / write better."
As Swift recognizes herself, folklore ushered in a new way of thinking for the superstar that not only brings out her best, but sets a promising precedent for what's to come. "What I felt after we put out folklore was, 'Oh wow, people are into this too, this thing that feels really good for my life and my creativity,'" Swift added in her interview with Lowe. "I saw a lane for my future that was a real breakthrough moment of excitement and happiness."
Her enthusiasm is tangible on both folklore and evermore. Dubbed folklore’s sister record, evermore further expands Swift’s newfound mystical atmosphere. Much to the delight of many Swifties, the follow-up also calls back to her country beginnings on tracks like the HAIM-assisted “no body, no crime(opens in a new tab),” as well as her pop expertise on more uptempo cuts like “long story short(opens in a new tab).”
Together, the albums are a momentous reminder that Swift is a singer/songwriter first. Her wordcraft is some of the most alluring of her generation, and that’s never been lost on her music, regardless of the genre she’s exploring. But now that Swift also feels she's at her best, it’s evident folklore was just the beginning of Taylor Swift in her finest form.
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Tumblr Writer Q&A
Thanks so much for the tag @grogusmum ! Let's get comfy and do this thing!
1) How many complete fics/one-shots do you have that you have not published (yet)? None. As soon as I do the final read through I publish.
2) How many WIPS do you have right now? I have 3. Two are open series (Grogu's Teacher and The Royal Diaries) and one is the first chapter of a fic I have been dying to write ever since last summer.
3) Do you take writing requests or write original ideas, or both? My true fics have been original ideas and one collaboration that came from a conversation with another writer (@imabeautifulbutterfly ). I have also received several fantastic asks from my bestie @boomtowngirl that resulted in some great drabbles. I would gladly take requests but no one has sent one in.
4) If you do take requests, how many do you currently have? None
5) How many fandoms do you write for? Just Star Wars, although I have been toying with the idea of a Star Wars and Star Trek crossover.
6) Are there any fandoms you wrote for in the past that you no longer write for? Nope
7) Do you write for ships, reader inserts or other? I mostly do reader inserts and I have one fic with OCs.
8) Niche fandoms/characters you write for? Not really, I suppose within the greater Star Wars fandom the one fic I have for Paz Vizla is niche since we really don't know much about him.
9) Do you read fics as well as write them? Absolutely!
10) What is your favorite genre to write for? Romance, fluff, romantic smut
11) What is your favorite trope (to read/write)? To read my favorite trope is "Oh no there's only one bed" even though it’s completely predictable, I love it.
To write, my favorite is mutual pining/not realizing the love is requited. Although I do not have much patience for a long slow burn and my characters tend to get together fairly quick. (Look I blame Mulder and Scully from the X-Files for that because those two dragged it out for frickin' ever and my heart cannot do that to my characters.)
12) What do you do to get motivated to write? I'm really motivated all the time to write, I have many ideas, but I just don't get as much time to write as I wish I did.
13) Is there a trope/genre you like to read, but not write? Occasionally I read angst but I don't think I'll ever write it. I've also stumbled into the a/b/o fics recently and I've been intrigued but I don't think I'll ever write one.
14) Any characters/fandoms you want to write for that are never requested? I don't get requests but I would really like to write for Obi-Wan. I have a feeling the new series might spark something.
15) How long have you been writing fan fiction? Since December 2020
16) Did you read fan fiction before you started writing? So much fanfic, I've been reading it for years, but it was always ships and OCs. It wasn't until I discovered reader inserts in 2020 that I felt that I found what I wanted to write.
17) Do you only post on Tumblr, or any other sites as well? I post on Tumblr and AO3
18) What do you personally consider the word counts of "Drabble", "One shots" and "fics"? Drabbles are under 1000 words, one shots are stand alone fics with only one chapter. I consider it all fic.
19) Which do you prefer to write more? HC, drabbles, oneshots/fics, multi chapter stories, other? Multi chapter stories are my favorites. I have a lot to say 😂
20) Are there any stories you have discontinued? If so, why? I have a fic with Wrecker that I thought about continuing but haven't yet. I think it's because I'm torn because I want to make it spicy, but Wrecker’s such an innocent soul that I'm not sure I can do it.
21) What is one of your main "pet-peeves" as a writer on Tumblr? Seeing people receive anon hate. I don't understand being mean to someone who's creating something out of love for their favorite characters. If you don't like what someone has written just ignore it and stop reading.
22) Do you write a particular time of day? Anytime I can get the time to write. My job is pretty demanding so I write whenever I can.
23) Do you listen to music, ambiance/noise, etc to write or do you need silence? I prefer silence so I can focus.
24) Do you outline your fics at all before writing? Yes, extensively. I'm an academic and some writing habits just stick with you.
25) Do you post your writing as soon as you finish it, or do you schedule it to come out at a specific time/day? I publish as soon as I think it's ready.
This was fun and I'm excited to hear from other writers! No pressure though: @imabeautifulbutterfly @writeforfandoms @moonstrider9904 @thefact0rygirl @mandosmistress or anyone else who wants to answer
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HOME FOR CHRISTMAS
Book : Open Heart
Pairing : Ethan Ramsey x Diana Ramirez(mc)
Summary : Ethan and Diana celebrate Christmas their way.
Warnings : None just my poor attempt at fluff
Rating : General
A/N : I wasn't supposed to write this, but the damn idea would not leave my head. So I gave in and wrote this short Christmasy piece.
24th December, 2020, 8:30p.m.
"You should have taken the morning shift today and spent the night and Christmas morning with your friends", an exasperated Dr. Ramsey could be heard from the corridors of the 5th floor of Edenbrook Hospital. "And leave you alone to handle the rush of Christmas eve accidents? Never, moreover I am not that big on Christmas like the rest of them", an equally exasperated Dr. Ramirez could be heard arguing with her boyfriend.
"But you are excited about all holidays and last year you took the day off on Christmas", said a visibly surprised Ethan, "That was because I didn't want to miss out on any experience after such a close brush with death",said Diana softly and just like that Ethan's scowl gave way to something softer, their eyes met, blue gazing into brown and none of them could look away, eyes holding onto each other as if fearing that letting go would lead to something terrible...... Suddenly Diana's pager went off and with a tremendous strain they broke off, each going their separate ways but hearts beating with the promise of holding onto each other forever......
24th December, 2020, 10:20 p.m.
The rush in the free clinic had reduced after 10 and Diana found herself trudging towards the paedeatrics ward but she stopped abruptly at the door noticing that someone was already there, surrounded by kids....
"Ethan, what are you doing here?", she asked. Excusing himself from the gaggle of over enthused kids, he made his way towards a befuddled Diana at the door." Every Christmas Eve I like spending some time with the kids, decorating and making sure they dont have too much sugar, these kids cannot go home and I just–", Ethan shrugged, trying to explain himself.
Diana knew exactly what he wanted to say, without him even speaking even a single word.
She knew that Ethan hadn't celebrated a single Christmas since his mother left them all those years ago.
She knew that he sympathised with these kids, he didn't want them to spend Christmas alone.
She knew that although he would never admit it, he still cared about others, inspite of repeatedly calling himself a cynic.
She knew that Ethan secretly ached for having meaningful traditions and having people to celebrate those with.
And she also knew that if this was what he wanted, she would stay with him, even if that meant spending the night in the hospital.
Her train of thoughts were broken when an excited voice exclaimed, "Dr. Ramsey, Freddie is saying that we should hang the red bauble but I think that the gold bauble would be prettier, which one should we put up then?" and before Ethan could answer Diana spoke up, "How about we put up both, Elena? Red and Gold makes a beautiful combination don't you think?"she said while taking the kid's hand and entering the ward, immediately busying herself with Christmas decorations and entertaining the kids.....
In the meanwhile, she completely missed the lovestruck expression on Ethan's face as he gazed at his girlfriend, enamoured by her childlike innocence and the wonderful beauty of her heart.....
24th December, 2020, 11:40p.m.
The Christmas tree had been finally decorated, the kids were asleep and the doctors had managed to discreetly place the gifts under the tree and now they sat together underneath the tree, in comfortable silence, shoulders touching.
When Ethan cleared his throat,"Thank you, for being here, it means more than you know" "I'll always be there for you Ethan, I just hope I am doing things right, I've never really had any Christmas traditions, my father had practically grown like an Indian, back in Dehradoon and Kolkata as a boy and mom is from India aswell so we never really had big Christmas traditions like other families.", She concluded, her voice hesitant.
"Your father was from India?"
" Well actually his side of the family are Americans but my father spent his first 19 years in India with his uncle and aunt in Dehradoon and later he spent 5 more years in Kolkata at his first job, where he met mom. He later moved back to Chicago with mom, when Grandpa fell ill." Diana explained.
"You know I hardly remember any traditions of my family either, we stopped celebrating when Louise left and to be honest this is the first time after so many years that I have come close to celebrating."
"Today decorating the tree, wrapping gifts with you and these kids, it feels so right, perhaps this could be our Christmas tradition", Diana said, her eyes glinting from the Christmas lights, her voice fervent, hardly restraining her happiness.
"I like the sound of that", smiled Ethan.
"Our Christmas Traditions".....
25th December,2020, 12:01a.m.
The minutes of waiting had passed and the hour of the birth of Christ had arrived. Completely to the unawared state of the two doctors so in love.....
They sat under the gleam of the Yuletide lights, enraptured by the wonder of the other, their love intoxicating them more than any alcohol ever could, when all of a sudden Diana broke out of the revery with a gasp. "Merry Christmas Ethan", she said as she handed him something square, wrapped with red paper with white snow flakes, "Open it", she said. With a chuckle at her excited tone Ethan tore the paper to reveal a leather bound note book. As he quizzically looked at Diana, she explained, "It's been ten years since you wrote Diagnostic Principles and since then we have encountered so many cases that had been previously deemed incurable but we found cures for them. I thought it was a good enough time for you to write another book to inspire another generation of diagnosticians, I have already stored documents of Naveen's sepsis, Maitotoxin cure and Caroline's case. I just thought you would appreciate it. Afterall I would never have met you if I hadn't read your book....". "Rookie, this is amazing", he pulled her towards him by the lapels of her coat and kissed her, trying to convey all his thoughts with that one kiss. As they broke apart Ethan took out a box from his pocket and set it before her. With thinly veiled excitement she opened the box to find a silver charm bracelet with three charms hanging from it. Ethan took out the bracelet and put it around her wrist, while saying, "Each charm symbolizes a step in our relationship, the stethoscope charm is for our first meeting when you shouted that you are a doctor, the Miami charm is for the time when I first realised how far I had fallen for you and the skiing charm marks the time we spent at the ski lodge, when I realised that I wanted this, I wanted us and I'll keep adding a charm for every step we take for us, Merry Christmas Rookie, I love you"
Perhaps for the first time in her life of almost twenty nine years, Diana Ramirez had been rendered speechless.
That a person can do something for her was beyond her imagination.
That Ethan Ramsey had finally moved past his insecurities was beyond her imagination.
That Ethan Ramsey loved her was beyond her imagination....
Diana dropped the empty jewellery box and threw her arms around his neck, capturing his lips in an all consuming kiss, the world faded around them, they were transferred from the sterile halls of Edenbrook, away from the smell of antiseptics, away from the constant sense of life and death urgency, away from all the things that had ever defined them, the feel of their lips on each other, the feel of his hands in her hair, the feel of her hands around his necks, the pounding of their hearts beating as one, were the only real things. The two lost souls had found their home in each other's embrace and some where far far away the tunes of a distant melody could be heard, "Christmas eve will find me, where the lovelight gleams. I'll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams".............
A/N: I added some of Diana's background in the fic. I didn't want her to stray far from my background and I wanted her to be part Indian because her FC is me. This is how I imagine Ethan and Diana's first Christmas as a couple, to be like. Please tell me if you liked it in the comments and here's wishing y'all a very Merry and safe Christmas🌲🎅🦌
–Dri
Please tell me if you want to be tagged or removed in the comments.
Tagging: @caseyvalentineramsey @dl-thewriterperson @jamespotterthefirst @drariellevalentine @rookie-ramsey @openheartfanfics @miss-smrxtiee @poudredevie @whimsicallywayward15
@terrm9 @genevievemd @aestheticartsx @justanotherrookie @fireycookie @maurine07 @starrystarrytrouble @schnitzelbutterfingers @tsrookie
#open heart#choices#choices stories we play#open heart second year#ethan ramsey#ethan ramsey x mc#dr ethan ramsey x mc#dr. diana ramirez#christmas#christmas fics#edenbrook#fluff#dri original post
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