Satoru simping for you and Suguru telling him to give up (lol)
Note : this is just crack i found in the drafts lol enjoy??
Warnings : 🔞 mdni / suggestive
Satoru grits his teeth and makes a frustrated growl. "Fuck. She's hot." he mutters under his breath.
He looks away from you, like it was just too much to handle.
Satoru turns to Suguru, "Suguru."
"Yeah?"
"Should I ask her for her number?"
"Who — her? Nahhh, she's out of your league." Suguru says.
"What the hell! you're supposed to be my supportive best friend."
"No — I'm a cunt first and foremost before anything." he jokes.
"Can't your cunty mouth manage a little pep-talk?"
"It would be disingenuous. Satoru, I don't think you should be messing around with the principle's daughter."
Satoru makes another frustrated growl.
"Fuckin' bullshit..." he grumbles under his breath. He looks away and sinks his hands into his pockets.
"Besides," suguru adds, "she's got a boyfriend."
"—and you only tell me this now?! After I've been pining after her ass for how long!!" Satoru seethes.
Satoru looks at you annoyedly, but still admiringly. Like a doting puppy.
"Fuck it! Boyfriends are temporary!"
"Calm down, Satoru. No need to let your morals degrade over some girl."
"She's not just some girl, Suguru! Fuck, just look at her."
"Give it up, man."
"Maybe you're deterring me so you can take her all for yourself."
"Oh my god, Satoru. you sound as insane as a conspiracy theorist."
"Maybe she's into conspiracy theorists! Hey, I'll go up to her and whisper all sexy into her ear; "ooh, baby you know the moon landing didn't happen~"
Satoru looks around searching for a way to make his joke funny.
"—but I'll be landing on your craters tonight for sure."
"OH MY GOD. Satoru. stop."
Satoru continues his bullshit.
""Can I rocket into your pussy, babygirl?""
"Stop."
Satoru's laughing like a seal and going red in the face. He keeps annoying his best friend with examples of his wacky pickup lines.
"Wanna know why they call me Neil Armstrong, baby?"
"Satoru, I don't know why we're friends."
"Bitch you love me!"
"This is why she's out of your league. Because you're a nutter and she's a normal person."
"How do you know! She might be a nutter too. Shit, or at least I'll make her into one... yeah... I'll make her crazyyyy for me."
"... Satoru, don't drive her nuts."
"Okay, I won't drive her nuts. I'll just let her suck on my nuts."
"What the hell (lol)?"
"Yo, listennnnn, one look from her makes my balls feel tight and full." Satoru admits unashamedly.
"Ough! Too much information!" Suguru grimaces.
"SHE MAKES MY DICK HARD SUGURU!"
"LALALA NOT LISTENING!" Suguru plugs his ears and gets up and leaves the cafeteria.
2K notes
·
View notes