#i should have not made a deal out of it
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do me friends hate me? what are the signs? i feel like they are avoiding me.......
#some of them haven't messaged me in over 2 weeks#and they have only talked to me when we were in group voice chats#i'm going crazyyyy#like i know they hate texting and going out and need a lot of resting days but i feel like they do find time for other ppl#and i tried to cut it back... to not annoy them every second day but now no one talks to me anymore#and if i DO ask them to hang out then answer is always either no or: maybe but i dont wanna commit#i know i go through this exact phase at least every second month but honestly it gets harder and harder to convince myself they like me#like actually like me and not just them being nice#and yes i talked about it with one of them but then 2 weeks later i fucked it up by being sad when they stood me up#like it really was just a regular hang out... why was i mad#i should have not made a deal out of it#p#should i just leave it be?#look for new friends?#spare me the heartbreak of investing more energy into it?#releasing them of the burden of having to put up with me?#maybe we're just not compatible.... there's probably someone out there who is tho. (-:#with me. (-:
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Freeing myself from the shackles of an organized comic format to get this idea out of my head!! Also, just follow the numbers if the layout is too confusing otherwise, but basically I want Spectra to be Jazz's Nemesis so bad. It just makes sense.
SO: the hypothetical episode's showdown would be them battling, and no Danny, he's already got beef with a packers obsessed billionaire. Now, Spectra's got the high ground with overwhelming power, but she's sloppier and easily irritated because of it! Jazz then outsmarts her, getting her angry enough to make enough mistakes to be corned and canned by the thermos.
Also minor spelling error ugh, meant to put "no one could", not "no could".
#also mad kudos to ectoblastic for the idea of jazz and penni being friends (but particarly penni using her) !! i saw the tags and GASPED#also i will never draw danny the same way but i've selected the colors i will use for him until i die#first and last panel of spectra were my fav to draw because she looks feral and unhinged. as she should always be.#jazz: figures out “penni” spectra and her whole deal#spectra: and i took that personally#she fully means killing jazz btw she has SO much power right now and she is READY to use it#the brainrotsreal's art tag ✧˖°:*♡#digital art#dp spectra#penelope spectra#spectra phantom#danny phantom fanart#jazz fenton#danny fenton fanart#danny fenton#LET SPECTRA AND JAZZ HAVE ETERNAL BEEF#THEY WERE MADE TO BE EACH OTHER'S NEMESIS#the way vlad is like a stronger/smarter/older verison of danny in terms of physical ghostly capabilities but selfish#and thus the way spectra is a stronger/smarter/older verison of jazz in terms of manipulation and pysch but selfish#DO YOU SEE THE VISION???????#if anyone's reading the tags feel free to ask me about this idea PLEASE#I CAN RAMBLE FOR HOURS
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holy shit I did NOT realize how popular my "I will remove my teeth, for I want to remain kind despite my anger" quote is. I just googled it for fun to see what would come up, a bunch of people are quoting it not knowing who its from, an artist called Kuma made an album titled that, so bizzare
#also people are misatributing the quote to kuma and the first google result for the quote attributes it to them#which is kind of upsetting but not a huge deal whatever#its cool it seems to have entered culture like that#i get very mixed feelings about those instances where something I made got WAY more popular than i expected and#people are reposting it or using it without attributing it to me#i both feel bad when stuff isnt credited to me but also good that my art has expanded beyond my reach#its out of my control kind of and other people have it now#which IS what i want for my art and how i generally think art should be#but it is also obviously causes some anxiety to lose control and really full ownership of something that is yours#i think also there is anxiety about something of mine being taken by someone bigger than me#since they can just claim it as their own and most people will know them as the origin#not talking specifically about this quote btw just any of my work#ive definetly been thinking about that hbomberguy vid lol#i hope any of this made sense im a little high rn
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Magolor poor little meow meow
Day 5 of drawing kirby shitpost for every day of October
#kirby#kots#kirby of the stars#kirby fanart#hoshi no kirby#magolor#he's just a little guy are you having beef with a silly little guy? for shame#it occurred to me I should have made it with the interdimensional traveler model#but it was too late...#do you think Magolor brings out he died every time someone gets mad at him#meta knight is so pissed because everyone keeps falling for it#he's like 'i died too it's not that big a deal' and Magolor tells him he's just jealous he can't use his death as leverage#there's not a single second meta knight doesn't want to strangle magolor#but common he's a silly little dude it's his birthday common don't me mad
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care. reassurance.
#cross!sans#self insert#mblue art#yeah im. soff#may or may not have been fueled by that tender forehead kiss post#(this started as a vent art kinda but!! feeling better now. hopefully. i jst wanna yearn)#(been dealing w irl stuff n fighting the brain around the time i made this. nnn. wahoo. yippee.)#(also havent had the spoons to scroll thru tumblr/twt feeds so i feel out of the loop ;w; but thas oke i'll live;;)#(simping for him makes me mentally ill /j/pos (but also /neg bc. mmm. blaming my brain for that lol))#(ANYWAY i think he's been hogging too much of my brainspace lately and i think he should make way for lust too wth man 😤😤😤 smh /lh)#CM
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when are we as a society going to be able to understand that "everyone is allowed to have fun in fandom in however way they want even if the end result looks nothing like the original media" and "canon compliance is the highest standard in fandom and is not at all equivalent to fanon" are both two ideas that can and should exist concurrently with each other
#there's a trend of people getting so lost in their own sauce that they come out of it arguing the realism of completely made up traits#it's ok to enjoy characters in ways that aren't canon! you don't have to lie and say it's canon in order to feel validated in your enjoymen#i feel like i'm in the twilight zone 24/7#i would say it's not a big deal but it's a direct result of the major drop in media literacy. which is a huge deal to me!#and should be to you too!#like i'm not talking about having fun with your blorbos i'm talking about people literally convincing themselves of a different reality
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Hot take of the day is that I think sanderson not letting adolin murdering sadeas have any real consequences killed like 95% of interesting debate on the morality of it
#it serves some narrative point on some character arcs#but it could have been so much more interesting than sanderson made it#like right now it’s just kinda pointless#to talk about#nobody cares about sadeas so it’s not emotional#and the closest we can get to a philosophical debate is adolin and dalinar being kinda awkward about it#which again would have been interesting if anything actually came out of it#but it didn’t#now it’s just a question of whether you should be allowed to take the law into your own hands like that#which I think could be very interesting if we took a look at the power position adolin holds#as highprince and heir etc.#should he be allowed to make that type of decisions#sadeas was an asshole but how does this play into how he solves other conflicts#if not for his dad and cousin being the ones in charge would someone else be treated differently#this type of thing was exactly why people didn’t want to work with the alethi to begin with#what are the political implications#blah blah#even if saying ‘yeah it was right it was necessary and sadeas sucked’#it would have been more interesting if there was anything to compare it to rather than just#‘well now we don’t have to deal with sadeas anymore that’s convenient’
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moodboard for this past week ❤️
#they should invent a grad school thats not fucking insane#i'm hanging in there but im the most unwell i've been in AWhile#this week was just horrible#there was already the freezer food incident but it also started off with a very severe pain episode thats putting me in constant woe#even mundane motion has been agonizing which is McAwesome bc we had a lab inspection which involved moving hundreds of pounds of equipment#during which we found a blackwidow and rats which we had to deal with and was a whole thing psychologically on top of the physical toll#the new class fiasco is still popping off and i had to respond to at this point over 400 emails in the fleeting moments outside of lab#AND A STUDENT TRIED TO FINANCIALLY BRIBE THEIR WAY INTO THE CLASS ? ?? ?? ?????#then the instructor wanted to use me as a guinea pig and i had to test new circuit boards but I wasnt given any time to do so properly#i had to test them plus get them operational and deal with my incoming students all in a frantic 10 minute window#im in charge of running our meetings too but the instructor was interrupting and having side conversations that made it really hard-#to train the other people on the new equipment in a smooth manner#which meant that a bunch of people had to keep me after to ask questions which made me late for my drs appointment#where i found out i cant get the new covid vaccine bc my heart and blood levels arnt stable enough#and joanns lost an expensive+critical fabric order of mine+i had to give a big presentation this week on my research that was stressful#and my inbox is still blowing up from being needed all over the place between teaching lab and classes and yall i am. so so tired.#im in so much pain and so stressed out#debating the ethics of turning into a pile of lint to escape my responsibilities and mortal frame
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formerly an essay in tags but - billie lurk. half-nameless, misremembered woman. her powers derived from the things taken from her, without any catharsis or empowerment. the rat charm, tied with deidre's hair, her lover's voice in the mouth of rats. her arm and eye, taken, given back only to cause her chronic pain, then lost again. foresight seems a cruel gift for a woman who botched the timing of her takeover of the whalers, and bet wrong when it came to delilah.
she never bore the outsider's blessing; his first visit to her was more like an assault. every other dishonored POV character gets the choice to be selfish, and for that selfishness to mean something, but billie's actions have no effect on the world at large, either, in a game without a chaos system.
some say that corvo is the ghost, but he can reach out and change things. billie's buried herself twice and come back and nothing she does seems to matter - she is less a protagonist, more a convenient full stop in the narrative.
try this: open doto, start a new game. sit in her cabin. notice how little of billie there is. even the woman she loved more than anyone has the face of another named character.
she sits amongst the assets of other games: empty canvases and a dressmaker's mannequin that wears nothing.
#billie lurk#even the wiki is wrong about her its infuriating#pulled this out of tags because fuck it#in daud's DLCs even the stories that weren't about him were about him#but billie's stories are the scrapheap. they're the stuff they couldn't squeeze in elsewhere. cheap jokes and macguffins#i'm not even roasting the devs for this i think releasing dishonored in 2016 then DotO in 2017 was a feat (derogatory)#games should be made slowly and with love#and i know that everyones talked about this endlessly#but billie is my fav and it sucks that she got a game that only causes me to grieve for her as a character#not FOR her as a person#only the potential story that never was. that she never got.#you can have your strong black woman and not turn her into a trope. give her depth and range and heartache and agency. yes there was traged#but how did it SHAPE her?#dont get me started on her being designated caretaker of a former god and dying assassin. what the fuck#some of this i'd be more okay with if she was younger - i mean. the blank canvases? really?#this game could have been about wyman and there's not that much that would have changed in terms of the core story#“found out the asshole that killed your mother is still around. gonna go deal with that.”#emily who is stoned: “cool.bring me snacks on the way back”#wyman: “oh he's saying actually it was gods fault and that its possible to kill him. well i have literally nothing in my schedule”#billie's not surprised by anything anymore but maybe wyman would freak out over most of it. could have been a lot of fun#also you cant fuck up wymans characterisation. they barely exist.#local empress sends her enby girlboyfriend to kill god#pres writes increasingly deranged essays in the tags#death of the outsider spoilers#i have to complain about doto once every year or so or i die#but i'm not really gonna let arkane hide behind dev excuses when it comes to racism like. its not enough
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i am confusing kali and durga but you did make design of fgo her right? can i ask you to repost it bc i scoured your archive and i still cant find it
It was kali! The actual post is here but I’ll post some of the pictures here as well
I’ve been planing on doing proper ascension-like art for her for a while now, just haven’t found the time between work and making my normal content for the blog ;v;
#tbh she is pulling from multiple versions of k/ali#more in line with a specific interpretation of her through shaktism#as a form of adi sha/kti#/mahadevi-which if I understand correctly in shakti/sm specifically puts her more at the level of Bra/hman#as the supreme ultimate reality of existence (bra/hman the principle not the god)#so she’s the source of all creation/it’s embodiment/the energy that animates it/and that which it dissolves into#and yeah I went with this in part bc I was so annoyed w how they made par/vati -_-#look if we can have characters be the personification of planets then the personification of the cosmic force of the universe should be doom#I’ve like. thought abt how to work it into nasuverse#it’s like ka/li is one form of the main goddess who’s like the universe#similar to how ameratsu can send out bunreis on a larger scale#except in this case it’s more like ort w the planet thing only on this case it’s the universe#I’m not explaining this well but it made sense to me lmao#basically#the servant form is an avatar of kali in that it’s less powerful than her#and kali is also mahadevi#who is the universe#‘what’s par/vatis deal then?’ she got overzealous making her servant vessel and overcorrected#ik I’m not explaining this well I attempted to write lore for her ONCE and exploded#she’s interesting tho. she tends to be impartial (except w kids) but represents change and destruction#and is constantly updating and changing her views based on her children (followers) world#(like with the sacrifice thing which is interesting bc I’ve seen things saying she never wanted human sacrifice but it DID still happen)#she requires sacrifice which often nowadays is interpreted to mean things like negative energy and the like#or like the sacrifice of your ‘ego’#she’s also a goddess associated with anger#idk I’m getting all over the place again which happens when I start#getting into it lmao#my asks
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yall mfers need to stop
#gay characters written with a straight audience in mind are a thing im not denying that#like 95% of one-off queer storylines in the early 2000s were just#''hello i am a gay. i have just enough personality to pass as human in the eyes of the audience.#now let me explain why you should treat me like a person''#but my god have people taken this phrase and run all the way into hell with it#if i see one more person saying heartstopper is for straight people im gonna start biting throats out#it was created by a queer person first of all#and second of all they did not write an entire subplot about there being no age limit on discovering who you are#for STRAIGHT PEOPLE#that wasn't for them!! it was for all the people in their 30s who watched the first season#and cried their eyes out because they were seeing all the things they never got to have#im so tired yall#i stg any queer media that's even remotely lighthearted or optimistic#is immediately called ''sanitized'' or rejected as some fantasy aimed at straight ppl who dont want to deal with harsh realities#when that just isnt fair at all#also side note the post i saw that prompted me to make this also put ''pretty much all queer media made in asia'' on the list#of queer media for straights#which. feels racist.#i really dont have much of a frame of reference for queer anime/kdramas/cdramas etc. but the generalization feels sketchy#idk man i feel like there's a certain segment of the community who will just say anything they dont like is not For Us#like just because it isn't for YOU doesnt meant no one in the community can relate to/enjoy it ffs
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Still thinking about the end of SotO and I have to ask...
Did anyone else not realize Zojja showed up for the final fight with Eparch until everyone was talking about it afterwards? Was there some dialogue I missed that acknowledged her presence during the fight? Or was I just supposed to notice her tiny model running around among the massive kryptis while everything else was happening?
#SotO spoilers#gw2 spoilers#I am fully willing to accept that I was distracted by the fight and missed it#But it still feels like there should have been a much bigger deal made about Zojja being there#especially considering what a big deal they make out of it afterwards
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Please pray that a complicated billing situation will be sorted out and covered by my insurance. It's for an ambulance ride I had in June for a panic attack. Some of you might remember me panicking about it a few months ago when I got the statement.
#it's a giant bill and my mom's insurance which is my primary only covered a tiny portion of it#and the ambulance service tried only once to contact my secondary insurance and they never even got it#so they never covered anything#but they were never contacted#so then i made them contact each other when it was made apparent that otherwise i would owe $2020.#yes two thousand and twenty dollars#and then i was waiting for them to deal with it#and today i just received another statement still showing that they never contacted that insurance and that i owe them the money by the 30th#so i panicked a little bit#then called the insurance and they said they had just recieved the claim on the first#so then i called the ambulance service and told them so and asked if the due date of the 30th was still in place#and she said no it's on hold and the insurance lady said most likely some of it would be covered#so hopefully it will go down drastically#and man this whole situation is like.... why did i have to do all the contacting back and forth#i thought that was y'all's job#but whatever#so now i am waiting again :)#fully aware that i may still owe a large chunk of that#but it's okay bc i am starting a new job and all will be well :)))))))#right???????#all will be well??????#and it was a dang panic attack that started all this#so i feel somewhat like this is all my fault#if i had never taken that thc gummy and greened out so bad and worked myself up none of this would be happening :)#but that's not healthy for me to think#it's in the past and i truly thought i needed to go in so in that moment i was doing what i thought i needed to do to take care of myself#i should be proud of myself for that#i just wish healthcare was different in this country
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not to beat a dead horse but jesus christ can you just leave people alone in public bathrooms i just want to fucking piss girl i'm so tired of feeling anxious and trying to avoid using public bathrooms because of how fucking weird cis people are about it. i tried to go into the bathroom at work today (i have worked here for years) and this woman who has worked here for two weeks and doesn't know me laughed and tried to like. steer me in the direction of the men's toilet instead and was like "wrong way!" are you fucking kidding me fuck off
#i have worked in this building for years. i know where the fucking bathroom is#like i'm sorry but cis people just don't want me in any bathroom at this point. i can't fucking win#i'm not kidding you i didn't really think that people in real life would actually make a fuss over who is in the bathroom#but at uni specifically i have had A LOT of people in the womens bathroom awkwardly tell me “uh i think you're in the wrong bathroom haha”#they're not even doing it in an antagonistic way it's like they genuinely think i've walked into the wrong one#and it makes ME feel like a creep or like i've done something wrong#like you guys are the ones that insist i should be in this bathroom !!!! but then i go in there and get told i'm in the wrong one !!!!#it's one of the few things that never fails to make me feel anxious and sad because it's a fucking bathroom it shouldn't be a big deal#why am i being made to feel like i've done something wrong when i'm just trying to exist here like everyone else#and you know what. it doesn't matter how i identify right. because i've actually done nothing to intentionally masculanise my appearance#like the entire time i've been out. i had short hair before i came out and i dressed this way before i came out#i have not done anything to try and Look Like A Man or Look Cis. i just have masc bone structure NATURALLY#so for all you know i could just be a woman with short hair ????? and you're telling me i don't belong in here because of that ??#like sure i'm NOT a woman with short hair but my point is you literally cannot tell the difference#so just leave people alone
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i love how i come back to twst post about how much i hate idia for a few days and then leave again it's such a cycle
#auburn's rambles <3#i think about that time when people were shipping me w him a lot#and i don't think i ever really addressed how bad it made me feel#like i told people to stop yeah but now whenever i see idia i think about how upset and frustrated i was#like it keeps coming BACK i can't get it out of my HEAD#THIS GOT KINDA VENTISH WAIT#idk man it's late i should be asleep but Fuck i cannot stop thinking about how that got so out of hand#my poor lab partner had to deal w me that day LMAO i like. cried in front of her#and i don't know why my brain keeps coming back to it because nobody makes jokes like that anymore#and everyone who did sent me apologies which was so sweet#anyways hello ygys i think i just needed to get this off my chest goodnight#FOR CLARIFICATION I AM OK!!!! i think im just emotional rn and i did not expect to dump a whole ass essay here#muah muah love ygys thank u for being on my side i hope all of your pillows are cold and you have sweet dreams
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Regarding the previous post, I think the way I approach trying to evaluate a piece of art is asking "Do I think the positive things I get out of it outweigh the parts of it that I don't like?" And when I call something a "guilty pleasure" song/show/book/piece of media/etc. it's really more in the sense of, "Given who I am as a person, the flaws I've found in this should be complete dealbreakers for me, but somehow they aren't, and it makes me feel like I'm having an identity crisis."
#like. I think something like...idk shiki or cxgf excels on multiple levels. I understand why I like them. given the things I look for in art#it makes sense that these shows would speak to me because they make the effort to showcase those things I look for. because the people#in charge of those works clearly valued the same kinds of things and cared about seriously exploring them.#but with something like. uh. ctrlz. that is NOT the case and I frequently found myself going 'why would anyone make this writing#decision?' but I still sat through all 3 seasons of it! I still really enjoyed it! those flaws SHOULD have made me give up according to#personal history but they never did. and I very very much genuinely question why. I have NO IDEA why I still care about this#silly convoluted teen drama show so much. but I do. I wrote SO MANY FUCKING POSTS ABOUT IT.#I really love wicked the musical. I've heard many people call it 'hokey' or 'cheesy' or 'objectively bad' but here's the thing! I DON'T#think it's bad!!! like literally at all!!!!!! and it does do some genuinely cool things in regard to the music and the way the characters#develop and what the show says about the nature of prejudice and human connection. is it like. idk Serious™ the way that something like#Parade is? no. but it doesn't have to be. it does what it sets out to do and it does it well and this is why the whole '''objective#evaluation''' thing doesn't actually mean anything. I value thoughtfully-constructed music and dynamic female characters#(which this musical has). I value stories that deal with the complex and messy feelings that come with being a human (which this musical#has). I value stories about 'other'ness and romantic subplots that aren't just built on 'This Girl Is Pretty' (which this musical has).#and I value professional displays of technical vocal ability because I know how fucking DIFFICULT that is (which this musical...if you cast#it well...has).#if you value something else in a musical then yeah you will probably think THIS one is '''objectively bad'''#if you don't see the point of musicals as an art form you will probably think wicked is '''objectively bad'''#do you see where the problem with categorizing analysis like this is??
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