the Create Mod series makes me think Zed, Tango, Keralis, Bdubs, and Scar would be the type of guys to hook up a motor to a playground merry go round just to see how fast they can make it spin

Midnight whispers - A short Thomas Barrow x Richard Ellis Oneshot

Came up with this idea yesterday after work and I just had to put it into writing. It takes place a few weeks / months after the royal visit and their relationship is still fairly new.

The servants' hall is dark and empty as Thomas and Richard tiptoe down the corridor and push open the door, hoping not to make any suspicious noises.

Not that their plan was in any way forbidden. But Richard did not carefully plot and think through his plan for nothing. He has not posed as a 'good friend' of Thomas for nothing and passed Downton 'by chance' when he was actually on his way to London.

Better safe than sorry. Especially when it comes to such… 'delicate' matters. After all, Richard wouldn't be Richard if he didn't follow his own advice.

With careful movements, Richard closes the door behind them and tells Thomas to sit down.

Thomas obeys, even though his legs feel like jelly and his heart is pounding in his chest as violently as if it were a bird in a barred cage.

After a checking glance at the closed door, Richard also sits down, his legs nonchalantly crossed and a suggestive grin on his lips.

Thomas would love to kiss him right on spot. On those red lips, which feel so soft and sweet under his. To put his hands on Richard's cheeks and just feel him.

But he resists the temptation, knowing that Richard has come here with him to discuss something 'very important'. And although Thomas cannot for the life of him imagine what was so important that it had to be discussed in the servants' hall in the middle of the night, he finally gave in with a deep sigh. He really can't refuse Richard anything.

After a short silence, Richard finally begins to shift nervously in his chair, his hands knotted together, an indecisive expression on his face.

This behaviour of Richard's only makes Thomas more anxious, slight panic overtakes him as he tries to get his breathing under control and forces himself to look Richard in the eye. He takes a few more shaky breaths in and out until he finally speaks up.

'Thomas… There's something I need to tell you.'

Thomas frowns, wondering why Richard is making such a fuss.

Normally, the valet is always composed, with a quiet grin on his face. But today that grin is blown away and Thomas' heart fills with coldness, anxious of the words to come.

Finally, after a deep breath, Richard begins to speak again.

'There's something that has been burning on my chest for a while now and I really wanted to tell you.'

Thomas feels his lower lip begin to tremble and his eyes fill with tears that threaten to overflow at any moment.

This is it now.

The end.

He has opened up to Richard, told him about his scars and his past, confessed to him about his insecurities and fears, and Richard has now realised that he can't handle it. That he can't bear the many cracks in Thomas' character on top of everything else. That it is too much for him.

And Thomas can't even judge him. Who would want to be with someone who has so many rough edges?

He wouldn't want to.

Richard exhales deeply 'I know I've hopefully shown you this in the weeks we've already spent together… but I've never said it so openly before…

But I want to tell you. I want to shout it out into the world, tell everyone, preferably announce it publicly.

I love you, Thomas Barrow. I love you as I have never loved anyone before. You make me feel safe and protected, like I'm wrapped in a warm blanket, sleeping in our small bedroom, safe and sound while the thunder is rolling out there. You make me laugh after a long day at work in the palace and take away my worries and fears.

Because I too have worries and fears. But with you by my side, they immediately feel so much lighter. As if they were just soap bubbles floating in the air, carried away by the wind, until they finally burst and make room for hope and courage.

I love you and this feeling when I look at you, so full of bliss and hope no one, not even the law, will be able to take away from me.'

With eyes glistening full of tears, Thomas stands up and takes a shaky step towards Richard until he finally almost lets himself fall into his arms. His lips automatically find Richard's and Thomas buries his fingertips in Richard's hair, playing with the short strands.

When they finally separate again, breathing heavily, Richard's gaze reflects all the emotions in Thomas.

Bliss. Hope. Love.

So much love.

'I love you too.'

Richard just gives him a loving smile.

'I know.'

I wanna join your fight in pointing out how Shannon's behavior will have left deep scars on Christopher but it still hits too close to home. My mother didn't even leave, and she even broke down once trying to apologize to me (tho I still haven't been able to fully forgive her, I just can't trust her, I am not strong enough to bride that gap on my end) so like I can't even imagine what it's like for Christopher but dear God, I wish my father was anything like Eddie because all my father did when he was confronted was confirm that he thought everything he did was right - even though, he has more than once made fun of my self harm scars, and called me crazy, while using a spinning hand gesture by his head(I have mental disorders).

So like, yeah, Eddie has fucking learned and is there for his son, while Shannon just gave up, like Buck's parents did on him. It doesn't matter the reason, it doesn't matter that they were overwhelmed. It doesn't matter that my parents were war refugees, when a child needs their parent, especially when the whole world is built against the child's needs, and they're not there... That's a pain, a scar, that can seldom fully heal

Hello, my dear. 💕 The fact that you felt comfortable sharing your story with me lets me know I'm doing the right thing by exposing my own "horror stories". We need to know we're not alone in our fight for survival. I was raised and am still "cared for" by both of my parents, but neither one was or is anything like Eddie. My mother (as most of you know) was not confident in my ability to be independent when I was growing up, and even now will make comments about me not having the skills to help myself. Unless physical and occupational therapists told her to change her ways, or taught me something themselves (tying shoes was a big one!), she did what she believed was "best for her daughter", and that usually meant retaining control over my every move, because at least she would know I was *protected*. (I genuinely think my sister's death played a part in my mother keeping me sheltered whenever possible. It was her way of KNOWING I was safe - as long as I was always with my mom, or "letting" her make decisions, the world couldn't hurt me.) My father... he's not a bad guy. He gave me slightly more freedom when my mother wasn't around - if she was at work on a Saturday and I wanted to go to a friend's house on a whim he'd let me. And he'd even let me go for "walks" with them alone (ofc by "walks" I mean they'd push my chair down the sidewalk, lol). But, for the most part, he agreed with whatever choices she made because doing otherwise would trigger an outburst from her. I was born in a different decade than Christopher (Gavin), so how my parents handled my CP two/three decades ago is a lot different than how parents of kids with CP today deal with it. Research is more complex, new "treatments" are discovered - you can't cure CP, but the things I went through in my adolescence aren't necessarily a doctor's first choice nowadays. I didn't have sit downs with my mother or father where they explained my disability, where they told me I should never stop trying new things no matter how scary it seemed. They still don't have a grasp on what ableism is, if you want the truth, so I've never heard one of them genuinely apologize for mistreating me due to my limitations (unlike Eddie, who is quick to admit when he fucks up). All this is to say that people who want to play the "Eddie left, too!" card in defense of Shannon fail to understand the importance of him CHOOSING to stay even AFTER his wife decided it was her turn to go. He could have read that note and thought, "I'm still not ready to face Christopher's CP. I gotta get out of here." Instead, he realized his son needed him more than ever and took on three jobs just to pay the bills, and also to make sure Christopher had clothes to wear, food to eat, and a bed to sleep in. Everyone who follows me/reads my posts knows how much the "I actually like Shannon" conversation irks me. Yeah, yeah, it's a tv show, and maybe you don't have a disability so you can't relate to the pain. Or maybe you DO have a disability, but you lucked out and were born to parents who did not look at your condition as a burden. (I've heard that before.) I'm sorry, but when I look at Shannon, I see nothing redeemable in her character. Even before she passed, she told Eddie "I'm still learning how to be someone's mother." She had NO CLUE if she'd ever get her shit together. Let's not twist her words into something else just to make her more likable. She doesn't even NEED to be likable. Mothers leave their children everyday IRL, disabled or not. We don't fuck with them, do we? Why are we "defending" or "stanning" a fictional character who left her child, when really we should be grown enough to say "as sad as this may be, it's good that such a sensitive topic is being addressed"? Y'all will support domestic violence storylines (hello, Maddie stans!), internalized homophobia/homophobic families (Eddie stans hoping for that religious guilt to come through), but the mother abandoning her disabled son is where the problem lies? Hmmm. Alright. I wonder why that might be?

What would Remy be like "intimately" with the main six and Anastasio? Is she a virgin in each route? What would her roles be (like is she a top, bottom, switch, etc.). If this is too spice I'm sorry lol. I'm so curious about this.

👀👀👀👀😳😳😳

This is juicy nonny!! Lol

And no you're fine! I like answering questions like this because I like telling more of Remy's relationships between them all and Anastasio! So here we go!

Warning!! ⚠️⚠️⚠️ This is very NSFW!!

So Remy's virginity was taken by Asra before the plague in all 6 routes and with Anastasio, because they were a lovey-dovey couple before the plague f*cked everything up. But unfortunately... poor Remy doesn't know this, so technically post-plague, she's a virgin... again?? I guess? Lol idk. I'm just gonna say that she hasn't been super intimate post-plague... until the events in the story lol.

Nadia

Remy's a bottom for Nadia, sometimes a switch. She's not necessarily horny on the main with Nadia but she does have her moments when she just wants some intimate times with Nadia. She's too shy to initiate it, but she'll give Nadia lingering looks, or brush up against her. "Nadi... can we?... Are you busy tonight?, Can I kiss you?". She still feels like Nadia is waayyyyy out of her league strictly because of their difference in status (royalty and average citizen lol), so she's aways unsure if she has the right to ask something of Nadia who is so important to Vesuvia. Remy has no reason to act like that though because Nadia always treats her as her equal, even more so when they're intimate. Remy's a giver too, whether she realizes it or not. Like Remy would gladly give Nadia oral while she fingers Remy.. it's stuff like that...She's unconsciously shakes her legs if Nadia hits the spot... which is every time. Nadia is usually the one with the strap-on, and Remy always likes to wrap her legs around her. Remy likes giving and receiving love bites as well. Remy accidentally ends up dragging her nails on Nadia's back, and she feels bad about it every time, but Nadia loves it. Remy does a lot of heavy sighs, panting, gripping anything close to her, throwing her head back, hip bucking, and curling toes. She tries to hide her moans by biting her lip but Nadia always encourages her to let her voice out. It's cute. She's super shy at the start of it, but Nadia always reassures her and they both end up very satisfied and worn out, more in love than before. You can bet she's flushed the entire time too. Nadia and Remy enjoy getting sexual in several areas of the palace and when they go on their outings through Vesuvia and more. They have absolutely had sex in the hallways of the palace, her contemplation tower, Lucio's wing, the baths, the veranda, Nadia's bedroom, the guest rooms (all of them), the dining hall, the red Market, the shop, the cave, the carriages... it's been quite a few 😳😂 . They also like to wear certain "items" throughout the day until they can be alone with each other. For example, Nadia will put a vibrator in Remy's panties and bra and she'll turn it up, down, on and off throughout the day, driving Remy insane as she tries to keep her composure. It's awful when Nadia does this to Remy when they have a meeting with the Courtiers or they have to greet important guests. Remy's standing there with her knees about to buckle from the pleasure, but then Nadia would turn it off. Remy's all over Nadia by the end of it all and it always amuses Nadia.

Julian

Oh boy. When I say Remy is a dominant service top for this man, I MEAN IT. Ya girl is horny af with this man, so they're always making love, sometimes f*cking lmaooo. Ya'll know how horny and dramatic Julian is, and Remy fully takes advantage of that. She's very passionate with Julian as well. She doesn't like how hard he is on himself, so she likes to make him feel good emotionally and physically. It's a lot of "I love you", "you're so amazing", "Does this feel good?", and more praising. She's not usually rough unless he wants it like that, but she always ends up being really passionate again. So ya'll know how he doesn't take good care of himself? She nips that in the bud real quick. He's not eating? Ya girl will sit on his lap and feed him herself if she has too. He won't come to bed? Okay, Remy's gonna tease him something terrible, lead him to the bed, and they can cuddle, make-out, have sex, whatever, until he's sleeping in her embrace. Can't sleep? She'll use that temperature trick and massage him until he dozes off. He's stressed? Remy will calm him down with her touch and help him. Let's say he wants to try being tied up, where he can't touch her while she teases him, she'll definitely oblige, but eventually she'll free him because she likes being in his embrace too. She'll happily peg him if that's what he wants too. She usually can hold back her moans or jagged breaths, but it's hard for her when she sees his heavy lidded eyes and blush. It drives her mad. She's a switch too because there's no way he would want to be the bottom all the time. I refuse to believe he's strictly a bottom lol. When he tops, that's when Reny loses her composure. Of course it feels amazing, but she loves the confidence he shows when he tops, and it makes her reach her orgasm faster too. I mean it's legs shaking, arched back, toes curling, heavy breaths, back scratching, name screaming good. Your girl can't handle Julian when he's a top. She's embarrassed after that 😂 and ya'll know Julian's gonna say something about it. They tend to do some serious voyagerism too, sometimes they almost get caught. They've done it at the Rowdy Raven, the palace gardens, the palace's library, palace baths, palace guestroom (So sorry Nadia), the dungeon (long story), the reading table at the shop, the south end, the marketplace, the docks, the forest... pretty much every where tbh. And they do it for all occasions: angry sex (which is rare), makeup set, morning sex, late night sex, sleepy sex, bath time sex, 'you work too hard' sex, 'I miss you' sex, unexpected sex, just because sex, 'I love you' sex... the list goes on lol.

Muriel

🥺🥺🥺 Remy's a top with Muriel, mostly a service top for very obvious reasons. Mountain man has been through SOME F*CKED UP SHIT, and he deserves the world. She knows he's hesitant to get really intimate so she always asks first, always, unless he asks or initiates it first. She gets so happy and excited when he does, and sometimes she gotta stop herself from getting too excited. She's also very patient with him too. Of course, she has her moments were she just wants to get really passionate and touchy, but she wants him to tell her when he's ready. She likes that they can kiss and make out with each other, and she lowkey notices how he more and more comfortable he gets with touching her, especially in between her legs. It's strictly vanilla sex with them and that is absolutely fine with her. But their vanilla sex is always sweet and romantic. Forehead to forehead, jagged breaths, embracing each other, slow but gradually faster paces, kisses in between thrusts and grinds, hand-holding, climaxing together. She's very encouraging and she praises him too. She always picks up on when Muriel holds back from touching her somewhere, like her breasts or butt, so she may gently grab his hands and place them there for him, quietly saying something like, "It's alright, Muri, I like that". She really only cares about loving Muriel and making him feel good. And when I say that Remy is a service top, I mean that she'll give Muriel hand/blow jobs or just massage him because she wants to, and she's perfectly fine with getting nothing in return. She'd be a little worried about letting her voice out because she wouldn't want to freak him out, so she tries to whimper and bite her lip instead, sometimes accidentally letting her moans slip out as she calls out his name. Sometimes... just sometimes, Remy gets carried away and moans really loud and they both get hella embarrassed but excited. I feel like Muriel would switch sometimes, or at least initiate it, and Remy would happily let him take charge. They don't really get intimate besides being in his hut, the magic shop, or the forrest. They have done it in the cave before, and Muriel won't admit it but it was his favorite spot. (I cannot wait for that horny Muriel sprite)

Anastasio

(Anastasio is @wingcinna 's OC, not mine, and this beatiful artwork is hers, I'm just posting it to show you his look)

Cinna said that Anastasio is a top... which is perfect because I already imagined Remy being a bottom with him 😂😂😂. Oh but she's a service bottom. They're both really competitive so I feel like it'll be ravenous kissing and touching if they're really horny. Remy is really passionate too so she'd tell him how good it feels and she'd usually want to be really close to him, like skin-to-skin. She loves playing with his hair most of the time so when they're intimate, she's gonna have at least one hand kinda massaging at his scalp. Idk she likes doing that lol. Cinna also revealed that Anastasio likes to do it on hard surfaces 😳😳😳. Remy learned very quickly why he likes that lmfao. With Anastasio she can get a little loud but most of the time it's jagged breaths, moaning his name/nicknames, praises, gasps, lip biting, body licks/bites/kisses, trailing her nails across his skin... all that good stuff 😂. Idk if he likes this but sometimes she likes to kiss on his scars, as if they'll be fixed by her kisses. He has the gift of making Remy's back arch, her legs shake, and her toes curl from his movements and she can never control it. She really, REALLY likes to tease him or play a little more attention to his sensitive spots because she loves the looks he gives her when she does it.... and what he does to her afterwards 😈😈. So he can expect her to tease him often... Sorry Anastasio (She's not sorry at all). If he's giving oral or something to her, she's going to want to do something for him at the same time, because she's just like that. It could even be as simple as ear licks or bites. She just wants him to know that it feels really good and she hopes to do the same for him in return. Sometimes... well no who am I kidding, this is all the time, Remy would just kinda stop functioning if he hits her sensitive spots, especially if he keeps at it. Like ya girl Remy will lose her voice and just sit there with her mouth agape, face completely blushed and filled with pleasure. She doesn't mind if he tugs her hair sometimes, I mean she's got a lot of it and im sure it gets in the way sometimes. Omg if he moves her hair to the side so they can gaze at each other while they're intimate??? She's done for. Eye contact in general is a turn-on for her, especially HIS eye contact.. I feel like they'd get busy a lot too, maybe not get crazy and do some voyagerism, but they'd be intimate a lot...for sometimes silly reasons too. Anastasio brought a bracelet for Remy? Cool, she's gonna treat him big time for that. She likes finding matching lingerie for them too, but her favorite part is taking it off of him. Remy likes to cuddle a lot too, so I'm sure they'd be cuddling afterwards. If she's on top, she likes to slow down her pace and enjoy the view, trailing her hands on his abs and chest because c'mon, he works really hard on his body, so of course she's gonna recognize it!!! Since they both use magic, you can bet she'll use it to tease or make the sensation even more intense for the both of them. I'm telling ya'll, she loves this man. She likes to be romantic with Anastasio too with legs wrapped around him, chest to chest, hand holding, loving looks, just passionate moments in between the fun. And if there's anytime where she may reach her orgasm before him, she always makes sure he reaches his too. She gotta take care of her man 💛💙.

So these next ones are hypothetical because Remy isn't for Asra, Portia, and definitely not Lucio (because she's with Anastasio... which is Wingcinna's Sajna and Lucio's son):

Asra

If Remy is with Asra, she's a service switch, mostly a bottom though. So Remy would be curious about their past relationship especially since they share a bed and live together so well in the shop. Of course Asra doesn't tell her at first because of those mind-numbing headaches she gets, but after all the events in the story, he finally feels comfortable enough to reveal the whole truth. It breaks her heart to know that they were such a cute couple before the plague, but that just gave her all the more reason to love him even more. She also asks about her virginity, and Asra tells her. They've been tighter than ever after that. Her first time with him pre-plague was really sweet and passionate, and it's exactly like that post-plague as well. Actually, it's really passionately and mystical every time they get intimate. I can't really describe it, but Remy shows how much she loves Asra when they get intimate. It's a ton of caresses, soft/light body kisses, hand holding, skin-to-skin, slow paced to fast paced loving. It's just always really romantic. They do a ton of teasing to each other too, especially with their magic because they know it drives each other wild. Asra is the confident praiser in the relationship, but sometimes Remy does it too and it makes Asra a blushy mess. I wouldn't say that Remy can get a little rough, but she does get carried away sometimes and take over... Asra loves it. When she takes over, she goes into a ton of foreplay, making Asra's whole body feel good. She unconsciously may use her magic to heat up her touch, which Asra finds cute, so he does it in return. Asra flusters Remy a lot but she likes it, she has a low key "Master and apprentice" kink with him. He knows this even though she doesn't admit it. Remy occasionally likes Asra to be dominant, just lightly though... like pinning down to the bed or whatever surface they're on, a little spanking, praises, hair pulling... but they always go right back to being passionate once they've both reached their teasing limit. They absolutely practice voyagerism, especially since they can manipulate their appearance with their magic. You can bet that they've done it in Nopal, the palace gardens right under Asra's tree (you know, they one you touch in the story and he blushes from that sensation... 😈), the palace gardens, the baths, Nadia's contemplation tower (I know they are terrible lmao), in Asra's realm, all of the major arcana realms (only once in the Devil's and the Hanged Man's realm), the Forrest, the cave (their favorite spot), the fields, the Rowdy Raven, the red market, the new hot springs (from the new tale 😍😍😍), the front of the shop... omg the list goes on. Remy also asks a lot of questions about her tastes when before she died, and surprisingly they aren't really different than before. Pre-plague Remy was into some more kinky stuff like shibari, whipping, orgasm denial, and more but post-plague Remy would try those things... just not make it a permanent practice between them. Asra and Remy also have a TON of sleepy, lazy sex because they're both sleepy heads lmao. They both do a ton of whispering sweet nothings to each other while they're at it, but Asra does it more. They always, ALWAYS, climax at the same time... that's how connected they are.

You know what... I take that back, Remy is for Asra too like Nadia, Julian, and Muriel, expect more Asra and Remy art 🤣🤣🤣.

Portia

Remy is a switch with Portia too (idk why but I'm picking up switch vibes when I play Portia's route). They both equally initiate it lol. They both wear strap-ons and they both really like to tease each other. Remy, however, likes to tease with lingering touches and batting her eyes at Portia. They're both curvy curly girls so Remy likes to embrace Portia's curves and play with her hair. They like to pin each other to the wall and make love. Portia's really busy with palace work so they get intimate whenever they can. Portia has a 30 minute break? Great, Remy's gonna make out with her while they finger each other. Got a little bit more time? Maybe they can do oral or even grab the strap-on. If Portia is worn out from the day, Remy's gonna give Portia a nice, calming massage before they go to sleep. They do a ton of cuddling too. They're intimacy is a really playful and cute... with a pinch of edginess. They mostly do it at the shop or in Portia's cottage, but they done it in the Palace a few times and went through the portals if they were ever close to being caught. Remy can be more of a top sometimes, because she likes to treat Portia after all the hard work she does and Portia deserves it dammit! Since Portia shows a ton of interest in magic, you can bet that Remy teases and uses it to get her riled up.

Lucio

*Don't be mad at Remy, Anastasio, this is only hypothetical and nonny asked me about it* 🤣🤣

Remy would probably be a switch with Lucio, but a dominant one. The way this man acts in the story just tells me that he wants to be wrecked 😈, and you can best believe that she'll do that for him. Their intimacy is really similar to Julian×Remy, except Remy rough with Lucio, because that's how he likes it most of the time. He likes to be teased and she does it all the time. They are really horny for each other so they would do it anytime, anywhere. It's that hot and heavy, needy, clingy, stuff. I'm talking always skin-to-skin, body praising, loud moaning, sex. That horny lip bite Lucio has is enough to make Remy take him right there. They've absolutely done it in front of the courtiers and none of them would notice because Lucio and Remy are slick like that. I'm talking about Remy sitting on his lap in a long gown, sneakily grinding on him until he almost cums, and then behaves herself until they can do it some where private. That type of stuff drives Lucio insane and Remy knows it. "Be good for me and I'll give you your present, okay Luci?", and you know she'll whisper that in his ear while playfully playing with a piece of his clothing. It's even hotter because she does this when they're in public places or at an important event, so he has to sit there and take it. Don't get me wrong though, Lucio easily can work her up too. It's when he kisses her hand or the inside of her wrist and up her arms that get her in a tizzy. If he's wearing his gauntlet, she likes it when he scratches her hips and thighs. If he just using his magic arm, he has a way of making her climax by just fingering or eating her out while he plays with her goods. Either way, they both work each other up and once they're alone, they're all over each other. They can be romantic too, sometimes it's just cuddly, loving sex and they don't want to let each other go. Gentle kisses and caresses until they fall asleep, sweet nothings in each other's ears, body worshiping, moaning each other's names... just soft, gentle love.

What if Runaan had a break down or something and Tink had to comfort him? I'm sure killing people all the time can't sit well, and bottling up emotions will often make the glass shatter. What'd'ya think?

@dargonwiter It belongs in the Defectum-verse and will turn up again later in the story but for now, have this sniplet that perfectly matched this prompt!

Warnings: trauma, implied torture (minor), Alcohol abuse, ptsd

It was the night of the lunar new year and soon every Moonshadow elf would gather on the main market place to celebrate together. Tink was currently sitting at the kitchen table of their most famed assassin and checked the Bowblade he’d just delivered for any faults that could have escaped him before. It was his final work and would hopefully only need a few adjustments before Runaan could use it in the field. Months had passed since the day they met in the woods and Tink secretly prayed to the moon every night that his subtle flirting attempts would finally get noticed by the stern soldier. The smith harboured a crush to an extend he didn’t think would be possible before meeting the tall elf. Now that their contract was almost fulfilled, he had the irrational fear to loose the friendship they built and be alone again. “NAAN?” he shouted, looking impatiently at the staircase in the corner “Come on, we are going to be late for the fireworks.” A good twenty minutes prior, the Assassin had excused himself to change into something ‘more fitting’ and hand been gone since.

“Why are you in such a hurry?” Tink shrieked a little as the other suddenly appeared beside him. He still hadn’t gotten accustomed to the numerous hidden grips that could be used to get up or down instead of the staircase. “I’m not but we are going to be late.” He smirked at his friend who was now dressed in his full parade uniform, rank pauldron and all. “Fancy” Runaan grimaced immediately. “We could also just stay here and avoid all the people.” He filled two glasses with the Whisky Tink had come to know as his favourite and offered one to him while downing the other in one go. “Why do I get the feeling you don’t want to go?” he asked, pushing his glass back. The wine from before already did enough to make him feel warm and slightly bolder than usual. Runaan eyed the glass before tipping it back, too. “Because I don’t want to? Too many curious people that I have no intention to meet nor talk to.”

Early on, the smith had noticed the other’s aversion of strangers and big crowds in general. He’d said they made him nervous because he wasn’t able to calculate threats properly when Tink asked him about it. “We can stay at the edge of the crowds if they bother you, come on.” He stood and opened the door in order to get the Assassin to finally leave that precious house of his. “Alright, alright.” Runaan waved him off and obediently followed outside. He didn’t even get the chance to close the door behind him when the first banging sounds of fireworks sounded through the night. A couple of kids must have found some of them since it was still way before midnight. Tink wanted to make a joke about them getting punished for that afterwards when he noticed that Runaan was frozen into place next to him. “Naan?” he asked carefully taking a step towards him. The Assassin was eerily pale, and his eyes were opened wide in shock. He made no move to respond so Tink tried again, touching his shoulder this time. “Runaan.” Again, no reaction. Now concerned, he gently shook the other “Runaan? Are you okay?”

“Run” no more than a whisper passed the Assassin’s lips just a second before his hand shot up and tightened around Tinks neck with alarming intensity. He gasped for air, now looking into narrowed eyes that were darker and didn’t look like his friend at all. “R- Ru- naan.” He managed to choke out before the air completely left his lungs. He could feel his vision blacking out already as the pressure on his throat suddenly eased, sending him to the floor, violently gasping for air.

When he looked up, Runaan was staring at the hand that had pushed him up the wall just a second ago in utter shock. “naan?” his voice was still raspy but at least he could breathe again. The Assassin’s gaze snapped to him, fixing on the spots of his neck where most likely bruises could be seen. “I’m sorry. So sorry. Oh god. Tink, I-I’m so sorry.” He rambled, backing away through the entry and inside his house. In the distance, Tinker could hear more fireworks. Now that he thought about it, they reminded him a lot of the canons the humans used to defend their castles. He’d only ever heard them once during his time on the border, but it was a sound one didn’t forget that easily.

“Runaan? Are you okay?” he quickly followed the other inside, seeing him lean against the wall that separated his kitchen from the rest of the floor, breathing heavily. This time, the smith was sure to approach more carefully. “Can you hear me?” a nod, good. “What happened?” but Runaan only shook his head and dragged a shaking hand through his hair, messing with the tidy braids. His gaze travelled between Tink and the bottle on the table a few times before he finally replied. “The-the s-sounds. I’m s-sorry.” The smith nodded and forced a smile on his face. “I’m okay; see? Nothing happened.” He tried to get a little closer, but the Assassin immediately took a step backwards, his feet hitting the wall. “Stay away from me!” it sounded so much more afraid than he’d ever heard his friend and something in his gut twisted in return. “Runaan..” he began but was cut off before he could say something. “P-please. I-I don’t want to-to hurt you.”

“okay” Tink agreed and took a few steps back until the other had relaxed a little. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked carefully and pulled one of the chairs over to sit down. The soldier shook his head but also took a seat. On the opposite side of the table as far away as he possibly could. His hands were still trembling as he reached for the liquor and poured some of it in one of the glasses. Tinker watched patiently as he emptied it, repeated the process and suddenly stood, walking into the training room to get more distance between them. “It’s the sounds, right?” he asked and slowly followed in the large room. A nod in approval. “Tink, please don’t follow me.” Again, the fear in his voice.

“It’s okay, you are not going to hurt me.” The smith tried to soothe but while he was speaking more fireworks sounded in the distance. Midnight. Runaan’s eyes widened again and he backed into a corner, sinking to the ground his back to the relatively safe wall. “I’ve already hurt you.” He exclaimed, staring at his right hand as if it was somehow to blame for that. “Just go, please, It’s not safe. I’m not safe.” The assassin mumbled, drawing his legs up. “I won’t just leave you here.” Tink advanced step by step, praying the other wouldn’t bolt again. When he reached the cowering figure and spoke again, Runaan looked at him in shock seemingly lost in his own world. “Come here.” He coaxed and pulled him in a tight embrace. Under his hands, he could feel the usually composed elf tremble. “They died, Tink. All of them. I couldn’t-“ his friend whispered, voice now hoarse. “Shhh, it’s okay. We are safe. Tell me about them.” He reassured as calmly as he could and rubbed circles across the other’s back. “We were s-seven. M-my fourth mission. Hostage retrieval. The humans, they-they-“ Runaan broke off again and took a few deep breaths. “It’s alright, I’m here.” The smith repeated, sitting down next to him while still keeping an arm around his shoulders for comfort. “-they fired at us. E-everybody died. I-I could see them get hit b-because I was behind them, carrying the hostage. I still d-don’t know h-how, but we m-made it. M-my whole quad dead. J-just like that.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” Tink assured and continued to comfort the other. “There was nothing you could have done.” “S-still.” The assassin argued, now with a little of that stubbornness that was so distinctly him. “I-I don’t know.” He took another shuddering breath before closing his eyes for a few seconds. When he spoke again, his voice was even, if still hoarse, and sounded much more like it usually did. “I feel like I could have done more to save them. The fireworks, they-they remind me of the canons.”

Tink nodded but kept his arm still around the other’s shoulder, pulling him close. “How often do you get those flashbacks?” he asked quietly. For someone usually so composed, the huge loss of control must be devastating. He himself often had nightmares from his time at border and could only imagine how horrible the Assassin’s were. It took a couple of minutes before Runaan finally replied but the smith waited patiently, hugging him a little tighter. “I haven’t had this one for three years, but it occurs sometimes when I hear those sounds. Thankfully it never happened to this extent on a mission.”

“So, there are others? Do you know what they are triggered by?” the general nodded, staring ahead to something only he could see. “Narrow spaces, huge, dense crowds, fire and generally loud noises. But not all of them necessarily have to cause a panic attack. If I can mentally prepare for it, I can block it out. Fire is also not that problematic, just-just if it’s very near to my skin.” Torture was the first thing that crossed Tink’s mind, but he decided not to touch that topic today. Now that he thought about it, he’d seen a few strange scars on the other’s body back when they were sparring that looked a lot like the marks his mentor bore on his arms from handling the hot iron all day for decades.

“You said the one today was the first in three years. What did you do before that helped? So I know what to do next time?” a helpless laugh was the response he got and he could feel Runaan relaxing a little until his back leaned against the wall and one of his legs was stretched out again. “I left. Two times, I had missions that I took because they spanned the new year’s celebration and once, I just walked until I couldn’t hear them anymore.” He left out that he’d not only sprinted through the woods as fast as he could but also spent Midnight in an equally high tree branch equally drunk as the day they met.

“And for the other occasions is there something that helps?” Runaan shook his head “Not completely, no. Though training helps sometimes, it makes me feel in control again, and-“ he broke off, burying his head in his hands to avoid Tink’s assessing look. The smith squeezed him again, sitting as close as possible before gently prodding further. “And?” the look he got in return was equally devastated as it was shameful. “And-“ the assassin finally continued “-drinking… helps.” At Tinkers speechless expression, he seemed to feel the need to explain himself. “It dulls my senses so that I don’t react to those events that sensitive. I tried the sleep medication from the healers one time and it also worked quite well but I don’t really have access to it that frequently.”

The smith nodded, placing his free hand over Runaan’s to show him he didn’t judge the other. “So you have them a lot?”

A tiny nod.

“Most nights, yes but they, ah-well, they got better since we’ve been working together. Diversion usually manages to occupy me enough to forget about them. You once asked me why I train so much and sleep so little, well now you’ve got the answer. I bet it’s not the one you’ve anticipated.”

They sat in silence after that, neither of them willing to break the fragile clam that had settled around them. Finally, Runaan turned towards him, looking into his eyes intently. “I didn’t mean to hurt you and I am sorry you had to witness that. I hope you can forgive me.” Immediately, the short haired elf smiled, genuinely this time. “There was no harm done and it was hardly your fault. Nothing to forgive.” The relief that washed over the Assassin’s face was so evident, Tink had to chuckle. “Thank you.” He said and it sounded like the other didn’t only mean today but all the moments they had spent together since that night in the forest.