#i'll tag within reason
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qsmp ghost investigator au dump
here is everything i spitballed into my sibling's texts. apparently their discord was "thriving on it". i'll divide this into categories and attempt to format it as reader friendly as possible. god almighty i hope the keep reading below this paragraph works
CHARACTER HEADCANONS:
there's a main investigative squad formed by roier, cellbit, fic, pac, and tubbo
roier is in charge of their social media accounts
mike is their former college roommate who they constantly bring up and declare has died, except every time he comes up the way he died was different. he's actually a really successful movie producer (or something) so one time they do a live stream for a milestone celebration and in the last ten seconds mike comes flying out of the left side with ghost stage makeup and tackles pac off the side of the screen and they never address this publicly.
any time someone asks what happened to pac they answer "who's pac" including pac
cellbit gets extremely disappointed when the perp isn't supernatural
roier is thrilled when the perp isn't supernatural because the peter parker in him loves taking the piss on a billionaire publicly
fit has photographic memory (à la canon screenshots)
pac is extremely good at breaking and entering
cellbit is an old fashioned polaroid kind of guy bc digital cameras don't capture ghost evidence as clearly
roier swears by digital photos bc he likes photoshop (he carries rolls of film with him in case cellbit runs out)
fit has an auto shop. tubbo and ramón work in this auto shop. this is a headache for everyone involved but at least the auto shop was already a thin disguise for experimenting with homemade pyrotechnics so things exploding isn't a big deal
whenever the team has to do a distraction, the only two options are 1) manipulation 2) explosion
when they get caught in a bad spot, pac plays on sympathy, roier plays dumb, tubbo plays along, cellbit pretends to belong, and fit uno reverses
they commissioned jaiden for their logo. she also beta reads the scripts
richarlyson works for mike. sometimes he joins the investigation crew as a cameraman on loan. fans have learned to recognize when richas is behind the camera because the camera doesn't shake when the monster of the week appears because homeboy does not fear death. cellbit knows mike will end his bloodline if anything happens to richas (and would probably end his OWN bloodline) so he tends to be double stressed when richas is behind the camera
the team has a house, courtesy of mike, because god knows a ghost hunter's salary probably can't pay for one
bagi belongs to a "rival" investigation group. she and cellbit talk MAD shit every time they're in the same room. they are also both incredibly fucking smart and often end up working together to crack the tough cases while continuing to smack talk each other
bad is also in the rival investigative group. he is very clearly a demon. this is never commented on.
skeppy is a ghost except bad is the only one who can see him. anyone who calls skeppy imaginary is shouted down by bagi. bagi also believes skeppy is imaginary
tina is the safety net / brawn for bagi's team. she trains in hand to ghost hand combat with etoiles because she is Not Human and can punch ghosts. bagi does not know this and she just thinks tina's super cool and super talented and super badass. tina definitely thinks bagi has realized she is Not Human but they haven't like had a conversation about it but bagi's super smart sooooo
dapper is the "guy in the chair" for the rival investigation team. bad tends to ask a question into a radio (or seemingly to thin air) and immediately get the answer via text. sometimes cellbit will wonder something aloud about various ghost types or signs ("they heard scratching in the attic, so that could be caused by--") and almost immediately get cut off by bad's text tone as bad reads aloud dapper listing off three paranormal options as well as potential structural problems and rodents having an extremely fun night, at which point bad cuts himself off with "LANGUAGE" or "OUT OF POCKET"
the main team thinks dapper is just short until they realize that no, dapper is actually like 14. bad's like WHY DO YOU THINK THEY STAY IN THE VAN???
baghera makes and posts music and consults for bagi's team. cellbit is scared of her and also desperately wishes he could poach her for his own team but she only answers jaiden's calls
pomme has a ghost gun. it was a gift from etoiles. she accidentally took foolish's head off with it one time. his head grew back and that was how they learned he was Not Made of Meat. this was not particularly surprising, because bad is still her part time dad. it still scared the crap out of pomme the first time it happened because the ghost gun SHOULD only work on ghosts but foolish is in a weird enough state of undead that he qualified.
foolish was thrilled to have a spare head, hence "the first time"
vegetta is a famous architect. he calls foolish to ask which paranormal team he should consult on whether a property is haunted, because vegetta trusts his partner of unspecific relationship's judgement, considering foolish is Not Human. foolish's answer usually depends on how spiteful he feels towards tina and bad at the time of the call
bonus, i really want maximus involved in one team or the other but since he hasn't interacted with bagi yet i can't decide his role or anything concrete. but just know that's in my brain.
EPISODES (in no particular order:
foolish summons bad during a sleepover with tina and then thinks it'll be funny to summon paranormal investigators (bad also thinks it's funny). they decide to play a game of "can the investigators figure out who's the immortal". it is revealed to the audience in the end of the ""episode"" once all the investigators have left that all three of them are immortal. bad and foolish devolve into yet another argument over which one of them won based on a win condition they somehow came up with and agreed on without ever consulting each other. tina was actually the winner. roll credits.
NEXT:
quackity owns a casino. he hires the team to look into some demonic activity his patrons have been reporting. he spends the entire investigation and episode demanding they find the demon and exorcise the demon and generally shittalking the demon. they spend the entire episode questioning more and more how quackity's casino stays in business as everything they learn about it and him does not inspire confidence. it is revealed that ironmouse is the demon and is also singlehandedly keeping the casino in business because she fucking loves gambling. quackity immediately changes his tune.
NEXT:
antoine calls the team because he's KINDA worried by the latitude and longitude he keeps finding on the walls at the company he works at, written in what looks suspiciously like blood. unbeknownst to them, bagi's team was ALSO contacted, by baghera. they eventually discover the recipient of the messages is etoiles. after an incident at his previous employment he is half ghost and can now fight ghosts. the messages were from an entity that attacks things when it gets bored and it may as well fight etoiles because etoiles is the only one who has beat it so far. they meet in various back alleys and restaurant parking lots to go at it and get drinks afterward. the entity has no idea how to speak any modern languages but Fighting is Universal.
NEXT:
pierre is a wine baron and claims there's a unicorn who watches over his family's vineyard. it's been part of the brand since inception and it's taken mostly as propaganda and old legend until people start actually catching glimpses of a unicorn around the vineyard and the rumor starts to spread until roier "investigative journalist and old money hater" drags the team to go on a tour of the production line in hopes of blowing the case wide open. fit, pac, and tubbo are in charge of distractions while cellbit and roier sneak away to explore the vineyard and track the unicorn.
the unicorn is pierre. roier ends up finding this hilarious and while his journalistic spirit cannot allow him to NOT expose that the unicorn is fake, he ends up calling it "a white horse with a taped-on horn" instead of the face of the company in a fursuit. pierre sends the team wine periodically as thanks and also because roier still has a picture of him in a unicorn costume in the woods.
fit and pac do a wine tasting together.
NEXT:
wilbur contacts them because ghost slime has taken up residence in the guest bathroom and while his daughter insists slime is part of the family, phil is coming with his son (chayanne) to stay with them for a festival or something and wilbur doesn't feel like getting roasted by the middle schooler who is his brother because the bathroom smells like algae and wet dog so he needs the team to babysit slime until phil leaves town. slime spends the entire time going through windows and walls with no warning and scaring the piss out of everyone. one time he was in the cabinet when cellbit was going in to make his midnight coffee and his scream sent everyone in the house into emergency mode. roier would have FULLY put slime through the wall if slime were corporeal. lucky for slime, and their wall, slime is not.
NEXT:
jaiden works at an escape room and her boss reaches out to the team because he is FED UP with some paranormal entity that keeps drawing on walls and moving shit around and throwing things and tripping him and he wants it GONE. jaiden is extremely fond of bobby and bobby is extremely fond of HER, so she reaches out to the team and asks them to NOT do that and just pretend or something. so the team goes in and pretends to investigate and stuff. roier and bobby feud in the background. by the end of the episode they're besties.
the episode concludes, shockingly, with the boss and bobby gaining grudging respect for each other. somehow. the boss threatens to reveal bobby's existence to the internet at large as a publicity stunt every time bobby trips him in the hallway but never actually does. bobby stops throwing things at him (as much). the themeing of the rooms shift so the drawings and moving objects fit in. the boss is mariana.
from this episode on bobby periodically appears in the team's house, because it's my au and i make the ghost rules
END OF SEASON:
the end season villain is a guy who ran the biggest corporation in the world who died under mysterious circumstances. the corporation has a duck mascot for no reason in particular hahahaha. they're a company like nesquick or aquafina or amazon or something yknow REAL assholes.
the team is contracted by the billionaire's nephew (forever) who took over the business when he died and is extremely overwhelmed by 1) running a business on this scale and 2) all the paranormal bs happening in his office (which is where the former CEO died). he also happens to be cellbit's ex. this is highly awkward.
because i hate billionaires but like forever, let's say forever was contacted by the villain solely because the CEO does NOT want any of his immediate underlings to get the company and thus only reveals his blood relation to forever IN HIS WILL. except forever is A Good Dude and is trying to grasp the full scope of the company's corruption and dismantle the shitty practices while still keeping the employees paid, despite his only business experience being his current position of running a boardwalk/beach. this ends up being the cause of the paranormal activity: the CEO is panicking now that forever is trying to 'ruin his company'.
the episode ends with the CEO briefly succeeding in possessing forever, and the combined forces of the ghost teams bring him back and send the CEO to hell.
somehow the billionaire is involved in or mentioned during previous episodes.
#qsmp#qsmp au#qsmp paranormal investigators au#shut up vic#block game brainrot#do i tag every person who appears in this#i'll tag within reason#qsmp cellbit#qsmp roier#qsmp fit#qsmp pac#qsmp bagi#i think those are the people whose names i mentioned the most#i can think of a couple people who i'd want to spotlight in an episode (antoine) but i can't think of anything concrete in terms of plot lo#i'm setting this au free go wild#like i said earlier i can cook but i can't plate the meal#this will not be made a full length fic by my hand you must be the change you want to see#(please i ask you put my user in a note somewhere if you directly use the concepts here lol and also give me a link to it i want it gimme)#god i hope the formatting is legible i can't really send this to be beta read
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i can't believe there's still people out there who genuinely think Ochako would "kill Toga on sight" at this point
like, okay, there's the anime-only people who aren't aware of manga developments or are actively avoiding spoilers, and of course there's all the people who clearly stopped giving a shit ages ago (yet somehow still feel completely secure making blanket declarations about a franchise they no longer keep up with???)
but even then, and even if you're not a shipper or just don't like the characters-- how can anyone have ever believed that makes any sense ever? like we're not even talking self-defense apparently? just "on sight"? who do you think Ochako is, the Punisher in pink?
like i don't think i'm especially media literate myself, but-- how is it possible for people to be this bad at reading where a narrative is going?
because of course that's exactly what the Togachako plotline was leading up to, clearly the ultimate endpoint of developing Toga Himiko as a sympathetic villain important to Ochako's heroic actualization was a teenager unquestioningly enacting the extrajudicial murder of another teenager
that's exactly what MHA is all about, right? that's the sort of person Ochako is, the kind of hero that she wants to be? that's definitely good storytelling and not at all inane or grotesque? ugh
#don't want to cause/deal with any drama and it'd be doubly not worth it on a post that wasn't even about togachako#i just need to vent somewhere or i'll stew on it for ages#an offhanded comment in tags is so not worth this amount of anger and yet ohhhh i am mad#honestly this is probably less about that post and more about all the similar shit i saw on That Hellsite when the 391+ spoilers dropped#bakugou stans i have so much respect for you all i would be dead within a day if i had to deal with this BS as often as you do#mha spoilers#bnha spoilers#not really any actual spoilers but ig the vague allusions are still worth tagging for the previously-mentioned anime people#rest of the post sounded like shit opinions too but i didn't really get the whole context and not interested in looking further#this shit has already lived in my head rent-free long enough#no but seriously as a togachako OTP shipper there are in fact a lot of rational reasons for why the ship shouldn't work#canon is currently laughing maniacally in the face of your rationality but at least those reasons do make sense#why would you choose this goddamn Ochako slander as your reasoning instead
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ghostwriter (their grandma would tell them she'd lose half her soul)
#or smth smth. having a lot of Thoughts. anyways here's the piece i've been working on and sometimes u have to just say Done#there's a lot of thinks but i am maybe a bit tired and so tmr i'll come in and add all the Tags that i'd personally want to get from myself#maybe i'll reblog the extras tmr too. this is an incredibly self indulgent piece + it probably deserves a tag ramble essay or smth#ig for now we see how it stands for itself + in the meantime:#adamandi#beatrix valeria campbell#hello!! i'm back with belated tags yippee!! alright so for funsies i'm going to make it sound like i'm going bonkers over this :3#the eye shine... the glowy eye... it's like phaethon shine but also smth about eyes to windows to the soul and like#there's two beatrixes here! half the soul. lost part doing things specific to the phaethon and here it's portrayed as tearing off her name#because that's really; truly; when it all starts!! also notable for the ghostly beatrix is i did it more painterly and cloaked in shadow and#fading into the bg. i think i was super duper specificish about where the glow comes from! front lighting back lighting beloved!!! like help#let's put it this way- beatrix face always glowy. important parts of paper also glowy. it's just that different elements are turned away#from the viewer by each beatrix!! also also. let's talk about the very gently implied blood and red etcetera#like the red string is canonical and i love personally the whole red strings of fate thing even though it's not Here Applicable exactly but#that definitely was an influence! and also the blood in the bg... i'm starting to think this is a recurring trend. but anyway shadowy bea#the other strings hang while the red string loops!! so like that one string feels almost alive. it's a sort of whimsical i put on the same#as metaphorical glowy eye!! also also the eye is lowkey influenced by the whole idea of Eyes and Spotlights within the show and also glow#as in power as in heyyy you ever think about writing as a visual medium huh#speaking of writing!! there is no beatrix thingy complete in my head without text sorrry but the black text overlays are always so >>> to me#and in the sense of art styles and overlays shoutout to all the black crosshatching outline thingys because For Some Reason in my mind#of all the characters beatrix feels like the bnw ink printed illustrations you get in books idk#fun fact! i spent so long rendering this and that was fine i liked it! but then trying to figure out text to go on the papers was a Thing#i tried to do. but then gave up on! sometimes i have to pick my battles and graphic design is indubitably Not my passion bc Fonts#fun facts about this is i Actually did start with a quick sketch in mind and there's been so many changed elements. in the og the front#paper for instance had 'ardess murders' written on it and the back one said phaethon interviews.. i like the nominee list better it feels#more narrative-esque and less passive than her just holding her writing.! other elements that got discontinued were that#front beatrix was supposed to blur into the other ghostly beatrix but i couldn't do it without sacrificing clarity so... no... no blurry#oh and the red string morphing at the ends to smth more abstract was always there from the start!! og had more floating papers#and also a silhouette of vincent and a scalpel bc 'one who pulls the strings' but that (pun intended)! got cut (hahahahahahaha) (sorry)#used also to be a lot of print room clutter but that got cut to bc compositionally i made beatrix larger (learned lesson from last art)
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freeze
#more old#vent art#so I can have something on this blog lol#I think I'm going to start posting more stuff like this... Not my more intense gory pieces but the moody/symbolic stuff#I don't think I'll ever get to the point where I can post venty stuff right after/days after I've made it or WHILE I'm feeling bad#But I'm trying to challenge myself to not hide it completely? I'm allowed to feel bad and it's my blog and I can post what I want#(within reason I mean... I feel like some stuff would get my blog reported bc society hates the mentally ill LOL)#And I genuinely like the look of my more raw emotional shit and I'm trying not to be ashamed of making it or showing it#HELLLOOOO THERAPY SESSION IN THE TAGS 👍#furry#CJ#my ocs
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Why don't you draw Gwen Stacy's Spiderverse design? /Genq
can i be emotionally vulnerable for a second i dont really like sony spiderverse + i'll be so real the astv fandom has ruined my ability to look at spiderverse gwen unmasked without feeling ill
#across the spiderverse especially i really was not a fan#i think its primarily just the fandom#i tend to avoid sony spiderverse content because of the fandom#i think it probably has something to do with how mainstream the franchise became#but theres such an onslot of godawful people ive interacted with within the fandom#ive gotten death threats for saying gwen was trans#have seen people get doxxed for it#there was all the whitewashing after atsv came out#the rampant sexualization that makes me feel fucking nauseated even looking in the spider-gwen tags#plus i'll be so honest astv was not that good!! to me#if u like spiderverse thats cool idm just pls dont be a freaky weirdo abt it 👍#oh my god the media illiteracy too#sorry ok anyways#not a huge fan thats the reason#overall i just like the comics more and i prefer gwen's comic design/my fanon design over the sony one#rant over! sorry for yapping i need to go to bed
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i don't think this quote is supposed to make me feel things yet somehow it does. thank you 17776 for putting my emotions in a food processor and setting it to "pulverize"
#melonposting#shoot i don't have a general picture tag anymore. oh well#17776#20020#17776 nine#17776 juice#CHUCK IT YOU LOSER#DESTROY YOURSELF#I LOVE YOU#this line is just seared into my brain for some reason#also yes at some point i'll need to draw these satellites cuz i love them so much#oh my god i love them so much#there's just something about 17776 and being a satellite floating alone in space watching earth from afar#communicating with other satellites who are so far from you#it just makes me feel so lonely. but so at home#it's a comforting feeling? i think? but it's so hard to make out#it's one of those emotions buried deep within you i think. a desire for family... like knowledge that you'll never truly be alone#like these satellites are just adrift in the oblivion of space and yet they have each other#and they love each other#they're also adrift in the oblivion of time#and they love each other. and that almost makes me want to cry#sorry i never knew football could make me so emotional#goodnight you loser. destroy yourself. i love you <3
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"You've got thousand of lives riding on your decisions. You bear that weight all day."
#thinking about them#chronos is so not the right man to be an inquisitor#he triessss not to let events get to him but bull Knows#reason 928109 why chronos disbands the inquisition in trespasser#i care them so much.#i'll make fluff sometime soon i was just feeling my 'chronos is doomed and barely his own person within the inquisition'#im stopping there otherwise im gonna ramble these tags to hell#my art#dai#oc: chronos adaar#iron bull#dragon age
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At one point not even all that long ago, I said somewhere about how I can end up feeling jealous of authors who are more successful; I don't mean "who write better than I do," I mean more like... "by a stroke of fate and knowing the right people, and how to self-promote as well, they get popular and recommended each time someone asks for something to read in the fandom."
Every time this sort of thing comes up, I worry that people think I'm being bitter and resentful of them, when the fact is, I'm honestly more resentful of how up to luck it all is.
If anything, I resent how there are always going to be smaller artists and writers who don't get that big break of people noticing them, so their works go undetected, unnoticed. How just because they aren't in the right "in-crowd" of friends, they'll not have the same amount of word-of-mouth publicity, because if a big name fan talks about something, or if a big name artist draws for it, then that blows up the attention they'll get exponentially - in ways that those who don't have those privileges won't get.
So it's really less about me and my own (human, fallible) need for attention and to know that the work I've put into things was worth it, but the bigger problem and the fact that I'm sure a lot of people feel the same frustration at some point, sooner or later.
Then again, even the "popular" creators likely get wondering if they can make something that lives up to the hype, don't they?
Which I suppose is just to say - if something is new, or if the author isn't well known, or if the work doesn't have that many kudos or hits or comments, don't judge it on that. If it looks interesting, give it a try. If you don't like it, you can back out. If you do, you can tell the author - and you can also tell other people you liked it, too.
#and some of this is partly why when I'm feeling like I have the energy#I'll just scroll the entire tag of a series within reason#allowing for filters#and just click on random things#I have anxiety myself so commenting is sometimes hard#but I do try to practice what I preach
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Just had the idea of doing a Roxy askblog that's based on it being a secret blog she's not allowed to have and every so often if someone asks her something she just says stuff like "To the Fazspy reading this, I'm not the real Roxy." to try and throw the staff off her trail lmao
Will probably never make a blog like that, but it could be kinda funny. Maybe I bring the idea of an 'ask Roxy anything' game back where I draw the answers for it instead so it's not a whole ass blog dedicated to Roxy being a sneaky lil shit on the internet
#there's several reasons I probably won't do it but it's a fun spin on stuff#roxy exploring the closed off parts of the plex in first person lmao#taking pictures like 'look see? its right there!' and she's pointing at literally nothing because the camera doesn't see what her eyes see#could be funny!#but doing things is... I would say it's improving but not really#it's improving in a maybe it is maybe it isn't sort of way so who knows if I'll ever get to do it anyway#ANYWAY yeah I'll probs not do this. literally no one would interact with it#the people are bored of my plex history stuff anyway so like... yeah it's cool I know when something won't work#an askblog only works if it gets asks and uh yeah the amount of askblogs I've seen die off within a week here because of that is crazy#no thank you to that I think!#I'm not putting the effort into something like that just to have it die so fast#hi if you read this far go find an askblog and pester the shit out of them it's fun#I haven't seen any around for a while but I also can't view half of tumblr on my phone#so it's really fucking hard to see them even if I follow them :(#but yeah if there's any sb askblogs out there or anyone that wants to have a go at it tag me in a post.#I WILL show up to be silly in your inbox though I may not always remember the plot if there is one#again. I can't see half of tumblr on mobile and that includes blogs but I'll do my best man#askblogs are fun! they're goofy and chaotic!#highly recommend!! I haven't ran one in years but they were very fun!!#ANYWAY Roxy just making posts like 'Jerry. Sandy. I know what you two keep doing in the Gator Golf caravan. :)'#just name dropping random plex guests to be like 'I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE' for shits and giggles#'who are they?' 'oh just two morons that dont know I know Everything Ever. Don't worry about it.'#ya know?? fun! goofy shit! could be funny!#random pictures from inside the plex like 'lmao they think I cant see them' and its just a fucking wall like yeah I wonder why#maybe it's the fucking wall in the way who knows? it's a mystery sdfdsf#pop rox talks
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okay but what IF Aiden died in Lamberts arms? What then? (dw they’re fine trust me bro)
#the witcher#lambert#aiden#lambden#laiden#i cry thats what#do not make a fic like this i will have to read it eventually and be sad again#Aidens death is greatly exaggerated#he's fine look at my other art where he is fine -1eye bc eyepatches are cool#yea thats the whole reason#that and god imagine the tender care#or read about it i have no fic names rn but i remember they exist#she-who-drank-vodka-with-cats if you're looking at this with these tags-i still am thinking about your fic specifically when its about that#idk why but it just stays with me so...do with that what you will#also i wanted to do more with this but the main bit is done and its again almost 3am and i suffer from chronic#if its not done within x time i wont do more on it#i could never make a comic#but also this is a good old case of 'yeah thats good' so its now done and out there#i have drawn at least 1 expression today so: is good enough for me#and now: enjoy while i'll go to sleep in a couple minutes#zkretchy#art
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something that's commonplace in things i experience is that i never really get nightmares but just the most inexplicable acid trips of dreams possible
#case in point: the dream i just woke up from#i had this dream that i was on a trip to some european country (i don't recall the name of it. it was definitely somewhere in europe though)#and i alternated between using my parents' car and something that was a mix of a train and a washing machine (?)#and the catch was that i had to keep the washing machine mechanism ON in order for the train to start#oddly enough the trip to the unspecified country only took an hour although it felt like six#when i'd arrived i'd stopped at a movie theatre that was empty save for about three people who spoke dutch#i felt defeated after my one-hour trip#i think i was carrying a large slice of bread as well (what???). it was a bread plushie (yeah i'm as confused as you are)#for some odd reason i was able to understand the people speaking dutch although the only language i knew was english#i told them about my trip and we collectively had a good chuckle#they explained that it's commonplace for tourists to experience the exact same thing#after i talked to them and left the theatre somehow i ended up in slovenia#that was the most i could remember after waking up#i know symbolism within your dreams speaks to what you experience while conscious but how in the HELL am i supposed to explain this#what's cookin' in hell's kitchen?#should i make a seperate tag for my eldritch entities of dreams? i think i will.#i feel like labeling it as a 'dream diary' seems way too predictable#i'll call it 'adventures within my amygdala'#adventures within my amygdala
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Hey guys, I'm thinking of making a master post directory for the tags so things are easier to find - is there anything for me to consider that may make things easier?
#all the fanart with characters is pretty easy to find (for me) but I'm thinking of re tagging a few of the screenshots#and tagging by time period because some specific places aren't really the most helpful tags#I'm not a whiz at this kind of thing but within reason I'll see what i can do^^#rads talks
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Just wanted to say I've read through a lot of your posts, and you are amazingly well-spoken and thoughtful, particularly in regards to LGBTQ issues in society. I am a follower and a fan. You rock!🏳️🌈❤️
Thank you so much, this made my day. I pride myself on being nuanced and thorough but sometimes on the Worst Faith Approach website it's easy for me to feel like I explain myself poorly. It means a lot to hear that other people understand what I mean and that I actually do explain myself well - some people just love getting angry and that's not my problem
#m/cc#seriously though#this ask is going to brighten my mind for a while#I'm glad the purposeful worst faith approaches are very much in the minority but when a post blows up...#love that my posts resonate with people and get wide reach#but they're not lying when they say being Tumblr famous just gets you death threats /lighthearted /half-joking#'wOw privileged OP has a gender clinic within 50 miles try 100'#okay I looked it up my closest is 124. am I a real oppressed trans now? are my issues relevant now that they're worse than yours?#do you want me to kowtow at your feet because the random number I pulled in a two minute post wasn't as oppressed as you?#I swear that's the only post I've made where the responses have made my blood boil like that#being told for baseless reasons that I can't possibly have any knowledge about my own community that I am TELLING YOU about#sorry me and my gang of oppressed folks disagree with what you think we look like. I'll hand over representative status to you#tell me what we Actually think please and keep telling me how I have no idea what I'm talking about (on a post about my experiences)#I'M the one oppressing my group. obviously. that's how it works#I did Not mean to get this long in the tags but if you follow me you'd better get used to that haha#for real though this means a lot. thank you#asks
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on that note, 1985'S IN TROU IS SO LONG????
it's nearly double the 1979 version of In Trou - which is the only one I've heard - and longer than both, March of the Falsettos and Falsettoland as well.
(I closed the tabs but 1979 had 5,500-something and 1985 had 9000-something, while each act of falsettos is about 7000 words long.)
#I don't think i ever mentioned this but the reason i italicise all show titles is that it's a habit left over#from the time i had a particular prof who was VERY insistent#on it*#it makes sense - esp if you need to differentiate between Hamlet the character and Hamlet the play for instance#it's an academic thing iirc and it definitely doesn't matter in the case of falsettos posting on tumble dot com but the habit remained#heh so#she was an incredible teacher but absolutely terrified me#like she was really good and i had no reason to get so freaked out by her#heck she took me out for a meal once and loaded me up with SO many teas and stuff when i told her i was experimenting with teas#OH and she gifted me a lovely book too#she was wonderful#and sweet tardis i'd get so freaked out for every mail and text i had to send her#anxiety can be a real bitch#also she legit taught really well#she got me to go from being staunchly anti-shakespeare to now actually enjoying his dick jokes in plays within a single sem#she good#okay i've gone completely off-track so stopping now#also oh fuck i'll have to meet her when i head back for my convocation oof#placeholder tag
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need to download the pw rom (not make a new save on the HD collection) so that i can upscale this and make it a wallpaper
#i fucking love the pw logo man i love how the lines within the circle that make up the peace sign are actually the b-36 peacemaker‚ the#first airplane made to carry nuclear weapons. i've known this for a very long time but i'll never get over it it's so good and in your face#oh yeah and first and foremost: gotta try to take a picture without the text‚ if possible#perhaps capturing the whole thing as a video would be beneficial. obs is a powerful tool‚ if i can upscale the game using emulation tools#like i did with the hd collection it can easily capture videos (and therefore frames) in 1440p#also please forgive me if this is common knowledge but today i learned that the peace symbol was actually designed for the british campaign#for nuclear disarmament in the fifties‚ and only got adopted and then recontextualized as a symbol of peace later on#i also learned about the existence of another anti-nuclear logo called the smiling sun‚ danish in origin#i feel like a complete idiot learning things like these this late but i try to focus on the fact that i learned something new. it's the only#thing that works. and i will deflect any accusations of previous disinterest‚ should they come my way. because that's not the reason why i#am so far behind‚ both on learning and on living. shame you can't put images in the tags because this'd be the perfect place to put that one#image of a scientist from... futurama‚ i think that's the show? who says ''i don't know you well enough to get into that''#logs#to-do
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Not Meant for the World
Kamisato Ayato x Fem!Servant!Reader
Summary: You fell for him, he fell for you, it was the typical start of a relationship, only problem is… well, he's him and you're you. A Commissioner who holds power over the nation, and a servant that basically amounts to nothing in the whole scheme of things. It was a mutual decision to keep your relationship a secret, only to be kept within the dead of night in his bedroom, evaporating before the sun could even rise for another day. But then… Ayato seems so keen keeping it a secret forever, letting the stream of wedding proposals and love letters flood in, going through great lengths to make sure the information doesn't leak out, almost like he's ashamed of being with someone like you. You could only take so much of that.
Tags: Angst no Comfort, Hidden Relationship
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~
"You should probably go back to your quarters." As you were snuggled up to your lover's chest, enjoying his warmth under the covers of his bed, he spoke.
"But it's barely time." You whined, pressing your body closer to his and rubbing your face on his chest.
Back then, he would cave, he would chuckle and wrap his arms tighter around you, saying that you could stay for a little bit more and that he didn't really want you to leave anyway.
Now… he pulls away from your embrace, sighing as he looks you in the eye.
"It would be best to elliminate all the chances of us being caught, and I believe that some of the servants have been getting up early to start their shifts." He reasoned, his hold faltering as you feel his arms slip off you.
You felt a clenching pain in your chest as you slowly get up, looking around his room, you didn't want to leave, and yet when you looked at him, you felt like you were being pushed away.
"Okay… I guess I'll get going now…"
This is the part where he would usually kiss you and remind you that he loves you…
It never came…
You left his room without another word.
…
"Is it perhaps too much to visit a festival together?" You asked, not expecting a pleasurable answer from the Yashiro Commissioner sat on his office chair and drinking a cup of tea you prepared for him.
"I believe it is, being seen in public in a non-professional setting would be rather suspicious if it's just the two of us." Ayato responds firmly, oblivious to (or perhaps just ignoring) the frown that formed on your face.
"We've been out together multiple times…" You reasoned, though you sounded unsure, not wanting to sour his mood and lessen your chances of getting him to agree to your proposal. "We haven't been on a date in a while."
"The families offering up their daughters to me are very vigilant of my public movements, suspicions will arise if they were to see me with any lady for no particular reason." He did not even spare you a glance, answering swiftly as he always does.
Yet again, you fail to persuade him to be with you. You prepared to say more, but a knock came before your words.
A guest came to the estate, a father of one of the many noble ladies offering their hand in marriage.
Long story short, he's here to talk marriage business, as these fathers always do.
When the guest left for a moment, "My lord, I just need a few more minutes to talk to you." Many times, you have tried to intervene, not satisfied with how your conversation earlier abruptly ended.
"Y/N, there are matters more important than this. Wait a moment." He pays you no mind, but you have had enough. "You are being too obv-"
"Ayato, stop." You spoke firmly, freezing him in his place. "I'm still talking to you." You approached him, his back still turned to you.
Slowly, he turned around to face you, his eyes held an unfit expression for him, almost like nervousness. "Y/N, let's not do this now…"
"Do you still want to be with me?" You asked impulsively, stripping the formalities and simply talking to the man you knew as your lover. Your eyes fill with tears, looking at him being lost for words. You hoped his answer would be immediate, that he would exclaim that why would you even ask such a question.
As you stood there, "Lord Kamisato, come along, don't let the servant keep all of our time." The guest came back, standing beside Ayato, who had yet to say anything.
No words were spoken, but the Commissioner knew that right there, right in front of the unknowing guest, in your watery gaze, he had a choice to make.
"Why don't you get us some tea in the meantime?" The guest spoke up again referring to you, but you have no intention of moving until your lover finally speaks up.
With a gulp, Ayato stood his ground. "Yes, please prepare us some tea, Y/N. No more of your nonsense."
A single tear, that's what you allowed for him to see as you nodded silently. But as you prepared the tea, your vision was blurry from the neverending tears, your sobs couldn't be controlled as you struggle to catch your breath.
But you needed that, you needed that to remind yourself that you are merely a servant.
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~
The Yashiro Commissioner sat on his bed that night, looking at the door to his room. His heart was beating fast, hoping for it to open and show the figure of his lover, though the odds are against his desires.
He hoped that maybe you'd spare him a chance, that you'd walk into the room and tell him that you'll allow him to show you how you much he truly loves you.
The door remains close. And so does his heart begin to ache. Ayato didn't sleep that night, he merely lied down and looked up at the ceiling, trying to imagine your warmth embracing him, trying to make it seem like your side of the bed wasn't left cold.
…
"My Lord…" His eyes looked up from the document he's been staring it for the past hour when he heard your voice… calling him in such a cold manner. You said nothing more, placing a tray of tea and pastries on an empty spot on his desk.
"Ahh, thank you…" Ayato looked at your face, hoping to see your usual smile whenever you served him his afternoon tea, yet your face held nothing but a blank expression. You merely bowed at him, before leaving without another word.
Your name was at the tip of his tongue, and his entire being screamed at him to just say it. He wanted desperately to call for your attention, but, though he did not want to admit it… he was scared…
You stopped in your tracks, remembering something that you had to discuss with him. Ayato, ever so perceptive of your actions, perked up.
"You have a meeting with the head of the Tenryou Commission later at noon, something about an agreement with regards to your relation with his daughter." You did not bother to face him to give him the reminder, opting to walk away once you finished your sentence.
The Yashiro Commissioner's face fell as he watched you leave the room, his heart still heavy, and his mind cursing at him for not having the guts to talk to you properly.
…
The pain felt more real once he entered his room for the night.
The place has been wiped clean of your existence, the covers have been changed so not even your scent lingered, some of the clothes you kept in his closet are gone, the vase of flowers you like to decorate his nightstand with is gone…
The framed picture of the two of you that sat on his nightstand is gone…
It felt suffocating…
With a sigh, Ayato closed the door, not wanting to see such a sad space, he instead went back to his office.
As he sat on his chair, he opened one of the drawers of his desk…
A smiled couldn't help but form on his face, a bittersweet one, when he saw the picture of you that he kept there a long time ago.
He laid his head on his arms on the desk, your picture next to his face. He figures that it was the only way he can sleep without feeling the suffocating emptiness of his room weighing upon him.
…
Today is the day the festival you were so excited about starts, and it's already been arranged for quite a while that today is your day-off. "…Y/N was really hoping that I'd join her at the festival." Half of
Thoma's words were muffled, but he could make out your name and the festival.
The blond retainer was asking for a day-off as well, to go with you.
Something uncomfortable boiled in Ayato's core, you asked him to join you back then, and he said that he couldn't. Yet, all he wishes now was to accompany you, to be by your side and not have to think about keeping your relationship a secret.
"With Y/N…?" Ayato asked, his voice laced with disappointment that did not escape his retainer's ears.
"Is something the matter, my Lord?"
Truly did his entire being want to disapprove of Thoma's request, he wants to go to you and offer to go with you himself.
"No, I'm quite alright, Thoma…" The Yashiro Commissioner heaved a sigh. "I'll allow your request."
You spent your day at the festival with Thoma, and it was obvious that you enjoyed it given the large smile that was plastered when you got back to the estate.
Meanwhile, Ayato spent his day at his desk, looking at meaningless paperwork while dreaming of being hand-in-hand with you at the festival, imagining that you would eat your heart out with all the streetfood available, watch the firework show when nighttime falls, and dance slowly at the festival music at midnight when everyone else already left.
That night though, he approaches you, his heart pounding when he caught your attention. "May I… ask you to sleep next to me again?"
He was tired, he could only take a week of sleeping in his office because his room haunted him too much. Unfortunately for him, he doesn't know how to even start explaining himself, doesn't know how to win you back, to say that he does choose you over any form of nobility that he has.
You smiled at him… emptily.
"I'm your servant, my lord. If you wish for me to, I will."
So you did, you slept next to him, he hugged you tightly, snuggling you up to his chest, yet you refused to hug back, to nuzzle in his embrace like you used to. You merely did as you were requested.
Ayato tried to ignore the tightening of his heart just before sleep and exhausted took over him.
But he couldn't ignore the chill he felt when he woke up hugging nothing. It's just as it should be, the servant listened to her lord, and now she left to do her other tasks.
It was crazy to hope a relationship like yours could work out. Kamisato Ayato felt a few tears fall from his eyes, now, he wished for you to stay.
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~
Yo, it's 3am and I'm gonna sleep now.
#genshin impact x reader#genshin impact imagines#genshin impact#genshin impact angst#genshin angst#genshin imagines#genshin impact ayato#kamisato ayato x reader#ayato angst#genshin ayato
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