i hate how i feel doing or not doing certain stuff for/because of the pain + fatigue since im a fat person :///

WAIT YOU DONT LIKE MIKAN OR KAITO HOW

thank you for asking! not sorry for the rambles!

tw mikan, kaito, chiaki, kaede, kokichi slander and spoilers for sdr2 and v3 under cut!

first of all, look. im not a terrible person and i know mikans backstory and literally everything but i STILL cannot fucking stand her. but unlike SOME PEOPLE im not gonna MAKE FUN OF HER TRAUMA and things.

i know she has her reasons but honestly her constant apologizing bothered me to no end and i know for a lot of people, once they saw her smile they fell in love or something, but instead i felt gross and wished she would stop. her voice is irritating too. ugh everyone makes me feel bad for hating her since i KNOW she has her reasons but i cannot. stand people like that shes so annoying and clingy and ughhh. also i get way too many requests for her constantly and i never liked her in the first place. too much fan service as well

kaito? fuck that dude legitimately! i dont even like maki all that much but it really irked me when he kept on downplaying her like that. and punching shuichi after he just WATCHED SOMEONE DIE? yes, i do think saimatsu went wayyyy too quickly to actually be meaningful, but she fucking died bc he pointed it out! anyone would cry why would you say he needs to man up tf?????? and also with joe being the exception, best friend bro type characters who cant take a hint fucking. i cannot deal with them at all bc i have too many irl who'll latch onto me and think im lonely when im alone on purpose.

i hate doing pushups and i hate this guys attitude and although i never played his chapter it honestly wouldnt have affected me at all. hes annoying and clingy and you can tell me how hes smart bc of his ultimate and that hes sexist and homophobic bc of who he was raised by but i literally dont care. its the way he acts for me. why is he even so liked i LITERALLY dont get it. he wasted his aesthetic too tf

anyways have some more bonus rants since youve activated me

chiaki. yes, yes i know that anime her and game her are different bc of her being an ai and stuff. guess what? i dont care. you can try and defend your favourites all you want, but seriously. chances are i know more than you. anyways i hated how we were supposed to care about her dying in game when all she did was kinda stand around and be helpful ig. she was way too bland and nice for me. i wont go as far as to call her a mary sue, but shes just. bleh. blehhh i dont care about chiaki at all i cannot connect to this sleepy gamer girl in any form. her execution and aesthetic are cool from a design pov but yeah. in anime form she was actually worse imo! bc in game she didnt really randomly be loved and adored by everyone, while she was way too nice. also once again WAY TOO MANY CHIAKI REQUESTS I SWEAR

kaede! you mightve been able to tell this by now but i do not like people who push friendship onto me and thats literally ALL kaede did. while valid and i dont really care about either of the characters involved, i have a personal vendetta against saimatsu bc it felt like a romance movie with how fucking QUICKLY it developed in a GODDAMN death game. if some blonde girl started talking about how shes gonna end a killing game id boot it out of there SO QUICk not stare lovingly into her eyes as we hold hands. her though, other than that bit, i do think she was killed off way too quick and she had a lot of potential. her story is cool from a writers perspective, as with the thing where she was trying to help by being positive but ended up making things worse. but she really severely overestimated herself. and from a fans pov? i fucking hate positive characters who try to make me positive. let me be a grumpy bastard in peace

KOKICHI mkay i like the other antags bc they have actual reasons but kokichi just exists to be a fucking clown. i do not like him i hate sharing a birthday and a height with him and i DO NOT GET. THE FANS. AT ALL? what is there to like? hes an annoying little bitch who wont stop laughing. OKAY BUT ONCE AGAIN. from a writers pov hes really underdeveloped bc while i appreciate his role in the story, and his morally grey character that is willing to do a lot for the greater good, his motivations do... not make sense? whatsoever? we dont know anything about his backstory PLEASE for the LVOE OF GOD stop calling him your uwu gay pg panta yandere boy. there is nothing to defend at all. yes he has a major impact on the plot but guess what. as a fans pov i literally couldnt care less. and for the final time PLEASE GET YOUR SOFTCORE PINK KOKICHI STUFF ELSEWHERE i am going to EXPLODE

thank you again!!!!!!!! and yeah blablabla youre valid for liking them just dont attack me or try to change my opinion. thanks.

Ignore me while I spill out some of my triggers randomly I don't know I've never actually like,, said all of them?? I'm not doing it now for any particular reason I'm just rambling a lot right now so this is adding to that I suppose, plus I guess I like getting things off my chest in random text posts you dont have to read all this if you dont want and it could have triggering elements so I'll try to tag whatever triggers I feel like I might wanna tag just in case and if theres any I missed tell me

So yeah random triggers or things I just generally dislike because of past experience or some sort of effect they have on me (by the way I'm not 100% certain of why some of these bother me they just do I dont wanna say its trauma because I dont think anything here would be considered trauma-worthy?? In my case, that is);

Anything about needles going into skin or veins,, aaaaa,,, anything with talking abt that makes me feel uncomfy and last time someone made me think I would have a needle stuck in my vein for a blood test I had a panic attack (my boyfriend kinda told me I was a pussy for getting so worked up about it :( dont do that to people pleaaase,, different people are uncomfortable abt different things even if you dont see it)

Loud noises aggravate me if its multiple people being loud and obnoxious when they shouldn't be or just don't need to but it's only bad if I'm in a space that isn't too vast and that I can't just leave like a classroom where people are being loud. I wouldnt say that itself in general is a trigger but;

Sudden loud noises and repeated ones like banging on a desk or something can be a trigger for me, loud noises like that make me jump and mess with my anxiety plus I have paranoia so if it's truly out of nowhere I might feel anxious (one of my classmates bangs on desks a lot and its loud plus he sits near me in the two classes where he does it often and it really bothers me)

People showing me too much affection or showing it in a certain way when I either don't know them well enough or they just have a totally different personality than what I'm used to/comfortable with,, it makes me feel uncomfortable if a person like that would touch me at all or do something like send me a lot of heart emojis (example of something someone has done and I felt really uncomfortable because they did it a LOT)

People pretending to hit me or making it seem like they will, this one is more of a trigger because my grandma used to hit me for no reason (idk if you would consider that abuse?? I never describe it as that because I dunno it doesnt really seem like it) so sometimes if people make sudden movements near me I get scared that they were gonna hit me and if they actively try to hit me/act like they will it can give me a panic attack (like I said with the thing about my grandma plus my sister has threatened to hit me a lot so I've always been afraid of that)

People touching me when I either tell them not to or they don't get permission and they arent someone I trust or am close to,, one hug might be okay but after that I won't feel comfortable with it (another example of something someone has done!! I told someone not to touch my hair and they did anyway, I'm only okay with my very close friends doing that!!)

In addition to the touching thing, people touching me in certain areas like I dont want people touching my face, hands, chest area, or anything like that unless they've gotten my explicit permission, someone once put their hand on my chest and tried grabbing for my binder when I told them I was trans and do I even need to say how that crosses the line??

People I'm not friends with calling me certain things, not just things that could be insulting but also pet names or calling me a child,, someone irl referred to me and Alic as "children" and yeah we basically are I guess but I dont want people calling me that, only my friends can call me that?? But other than that you would need my permission to call me certain things if we arent close or friends, you are allowed to call me stuff like kiddo or a non-threatening "kid" if you want, it wont bother me, you just cant like call me random things and expect me to be cool with absolutely anything

Drunk people,, I guess that could be a bit of a trigger because of a couple things; a) my sister and her friend were drunk once and her friend repeatedly tried kissing me and I was so damn uncomfortable with it and felt violated, I still feel that even if it was like, I think last year?? I dont remember, but b) one time my sister was drunk (again) and she picked up a knife and starting coming near me with it and I started panicking telling her to stop but she kept following me with it and I was honestly afraid she would stab me, it wasnt a big knife but I was still afraid

This one is less general but when people upset teachers,, my first period teacher Ms Hamilton has her daughter Catherine sub for her when shes out and a few students make her mad a lot by not doing what they're told and she yells really loudly, which is a bit of a trigger for me circling back to the loud noises bit, I'm really afraid of when adults yell around me even if it's not yelling AT me, partially because loud noises scare me anyway and also I think it's because my dad would yell at my sister a lot because she would argue with him and that always made me come close to breaking down because I couldn't get out of the area where it was happening

Something that makes me uncomfortable is people who will try to text you often every day because I'm so bad at socializing and barely ever have good responses so when they text me too much I feel too obligated to text back and it stresses me out, only one person has done this (they also violated my touch boundaries and did the uncomfortable affection thing) and I ended up just ghosting them after a while because it was too much for me, I know that's weak but I work differently

Trigger for my paranoia is unsettling images that are just an overly creepy visual, some things I cant even describe why they creep me out, but it easily can trigger my paranoia and I hallucinate sometimes seeing creepy shadows and those things can add to it or give me anxiety so yeah I cant be sent creepy images like that,, not like gore stuff I can look at that it's just a certain kind of unsettling

Random thing I dont like sometimes is adults telling young people to act their age because typically they say it to people who are like 13 and 14 and at that age you cant expect them to be very mature yet?? Plus some of them actually do act more mature and then other adults will try to argue that they're just kids so they dont actually understand when they're speaking logically so what the hell do you want, for them to act their probably immature age or for them to act older?? Pick one and stick with it instead of adjusting it constantly for your own arguments or instead of saying act your age just say not to act like a kindergartner or not to act like a dunce or to behave better

So long story short I was a really big fan of bts for awhile but I got bored of them when boy with luv came out, didn’t listen to it that much but it grew on me. Tonight my mom called me into her room bc bts was on James Corden and it made me realize that idk I’ve kinda felt empty without them. The point of this: I don’t really like one of the members. I don’t wanna say because I know the backlash for this member would be awful. I don’t know what to do bc I always hear Stan one of none. Plz help

holy shit i never thought that i can get an ask like this and i dont even know if im the right person or can explain properly dhdjdjdd but im gonna just say my thoughts ok? maybe they will help u maybe they wont we r all different and need different approaches right

to me personally the idea of ‘stan ot7’ is a whole realization that everything matters and without 7 members/fans/some dumb shit/whatever happened good or bad there wouldnt be bts we know and that member u may not like is also as huge part of this path as other members without this one member at some point there could not be bts at all its a short version of my thoughts

i dont wanna sound too loud or weird rn but every time people say ‘i read the lyrics and that song spoke to me oh it helped oh this song helped me to accept and love myself oh this song made me cry cuz this is the way i felt too this cured my depression this gave me strength etc’ if everything didnt happen the way it did (aka 7 members complicated path a lot of shit but also good things) there wouldnt be these comments from ppl all over the world there wouldnt be songs wouldnt be uh lets call them saved fans cuz as i saw many people discovered them when they felt really bad and their songs and lyrics and messages helped them

so about not liking one member

1 when i first discovered bts and watched my first mv (ok even before that and when i only saw one clip of bts randomly without knowing them) i had a bias already and he made me dig a little deeper and when i decided to have a blog on tumblr at first i was following only blogs about this member and no one else and thought meh i only liked him why should i follow someone else related blogs rn 🤷‍♂️ and i didnt know how the whole kpop wolrd worked at that time lol

2 after some time i got used to them but felt a little strange about couple members i just couldnt get them i was puzzled and careful

3 after some more time i watched a lot of content i read some things and oK i got a whole ass knowledge (idk how many months passed) about every member and i remember having a ‘oh my god i love him so much hes such an amazing human being and makes my heart melt’ thingy with every memberrr at some point but it happened gradually

but in ur case u were a big fan as u say before idk for how long idk how old r u idk what kind of person r u so this may be a little harder

so what do i think about not liking one member

we all r very different and our surroundings r very different and our minds too and our preferences etc etc etc and if u think about it as not a kpop situation it would be normal right dhsjdj but we r here talking about kpop and it has some rules so,,, i will continue i personally tried to get to know those members a little more and better to understand them to know what do they feel and how do they treat others or how others treat these members and what r their roles etc and even if i didnt like some idk lets say ‘habits’ after some time i just accepted these ‘habits’ like a part of their personality u know? but yeah at this point i think of them as a family hdjdjdjd after stuff they have been through and how they all supported each other,,, idk its so precious to me its huge and important maybe im a lil oversensitive or empathic but i get it a little and appreciate that they became the way they r today ( while im writing all of this somehow THE EDINGING OF WE R BULLETPROOF ETERNAL KEEPS PLAYING IN MY HEAD AND IM ALMOST A SOBBING MESS) idk how it works but with bts u r breaking ur own principles and it makes sth inside of u expand and be more open minded and mentally flexible

but yO recently in their interviews they mentioned how hard it is ( i think it was hoseok i even took a screenshot oNE SEC) here it is

cr to op

so as u see its a normal thing and even they got used to each other after some time 🤷‍♂️ (i mean not from the beginning and they needed that t i m e to learn and grow up and accept etc) and ITS REALLY PRECIOUS THAT THEY R AT THIS POINT RN THAT THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH it makes me think a lot about me and my friends and rethink some shit or the way i behave 😔

but wait was ur question ‘how do i accept the fact that everyone says love ot7 and i love ot6’ or ‘how do i love that seventh member’

ok about first question even tho i dont like solos etc even tho im ot7 i can say that people love to generalize anyway or love to attack or make assumptions so if u r not thinking anything bad about that member or not discrediting him and u r really realizing his huge role in their group and u just not a big fan of his ‘personality’ i think its not awful cuz we may not like some certain things in people and it happens esp irl with ppl 🤔 but if u r that type of ot6 like ‘ugh when will ______ quIT I H8TE HIM HES ABSOLUTELY POINTLESS’ its not good cuz well h8ing is the most self destructing thing lol and well wishing that someone should quit is also bad (and im saying this not from fans point of view) and should i even explain why

if its about second question hm u know after the beginning of this path of stanning bts and this fandom i faced many of my inner demons all of a sudden and after realizing whats the reason whats the source of those demons and after some work with them i felt a lot better and freer and relieved,, what if after accepting this seventh member and starting liking him too u will feel better too? what if its about having an inner conflict i really mean it think about ‘what do i not like about him/ why do i not like this or that/ is this that bad/ what if i liked ___ about him even tho i never liked this ever in my life/can i change the way i feel about it/ etc’ maybe u have this question in ur head rn cuz it meant to happen and u meant to work with ur inner state through this ?

i truly believe in few things 1 everything happens for the better (even tho realization can hit after many years) 2 everything happens in the best timing (for this thing! in ur life and u r ready for it) 3 if u dont like something and cant get rid of it just change ur reaction/perseption whatever that word is saying this from my own experience and there r more but dhhdhd

so at first just think about it if u need u can write it down somewhere it will help u to get to know urself better as well

ok maybe its not that deep but for quite some time whenever something bothers me i write it down to the notes starting from what happened what do i feel what exactly made me feel like this and why and what can i do to feel better

fr everyone can think of everything like ‘its not that deep’ but at the end of the day literally everything even little thing can help us with our mental state (after some work ofc) we better not underesetimate this world and things that happen to us 😔😔😔

also i wanna apologize for couple things english is not my first language so i tried my best but ofc there r typos and yes i dont have a habit of using punctuation i hope its not a big problem to u 😔

1/5/19 Happy New Year

ok im gonna be honest... I dont remember the past 5 days other than i’m sick and can barely breath and i mad the mistake of going to the movies with some friends. i wanted to see mary poppins again so me and 4 friends were gonna go, well after we already planned that, one made me really uncomfortable when he was drunk messaging me and not accepting that i did not want a relationship with him. even going so far as to say he hates my ex simply cause he got me first. so im gonna call these friends A B C (as well as D and E to explain backstory) and explain who they are with a little key so i can give the story without being revealing of identities and what not.

Me - [fem] myself. I’ve know them for a little over 20 years and they tend to be a complete child and was treated as the child of friends back in high school and cared for as such. highly susceptible to emotional manipulation especially from people they trust

A - [fem] my best friend since 5th grade who i fondly refer to as my mama bear. my amazing protector of both physical and emotional battle grounds. the very person who’s house i ran to when i needed time away from my parents to figure things out before asking for therapy.

B - [male] twat i met my junior year who i started calling dad at some point and has since become completely unstable. very egotistical and leaves arguments if he isn’t winning constantly playing the victim card.

C - [male] guy who i was randomly introduced to through his younger brother adding him to a discord server i run as an attempt to shut down my ex for daring to call the unholy texts that are The Harry Potter Series “mediocre” (i also have his phone number randomly cause i used to know his twin) and has been friends with B for a while even going so far as to have a running joke of them being in a relationship even tho they are both straight.

D - [fem] B’s ex who i refer to as step mama and who tends to be fairly motherly towards me

E - [male] dude i was friends with in highschool and who was good friends with B

My Ex - [male] still on very good terms and he is very caring towards me. he tries to make sure im doing whats best for me and not letting anyone manipulate or harm me

ok that was bigger than i expected but im sick im not thinking straight so this gonna be a bit weird and long... ok heres the story:

so im all like “hey i wanna see Mary Poppins again!” and B and C are like yeah lets go! with B immediately stating how he had planned to see it with B before they broke up, already putting a slight damper on the thing but we got past it. a day or two after i end up with me and B agreeing (timestamp 9:30) to message on discord between 11-12 as well as set up a server for us and his little sis to play on. (the wait was for him watching doctor who with his family) so i shower and puzzle and finally with no word by 11:42 i message him asking for when he thinks he will be on to which i get the message “I don’t know I’m really drunk it’s gonna be a blast “... and now a transcript of what followed next copied word for word (well privacy edits) time stamps (and spelling errors) included:

ME Last Sunday at 11:44 PM

but i guess mary poppins day discusion will wait for tomorow

me and your sister agreed on doing ftb sky adventers

B Last Sunday at 11:45 PM

Ok

Btw

Hehe

I shouldn’t say it

ME Last Sunday at 11:45 PM

say it

cant say btw then not say it

dick

B Last Sunday at 11:46 PM

Well

Uhm

ME Last Sunday at 11:46 PM

yes?

B  Last Sunday at 11:46 PM

I’m unhappy with [MY EX]

Because I was maybe going to ask you out

I can say this because I’m drunk

ME Last Sunday at 11:47 PM

omg lol (in the this is a funniy situation way, not laughing at you)

thought you were repulesed by me? yeesh [B] keep your story straight

after all i did like you a bit before i met [MY EX], but hes always nice and youre... drunk nice

so eta for server mister cassanova?

B Last Sunday at 11:51 PM

No I want to be nice to you sober too but for some reason I get scared so I hide behind lies

Idk a while

Tonight

ME Last Sunday at 11:51 PM

you dont have to be scared, im just shocking

B Last Sunday at 11:52 PM

Well if we go to Mary poppins

Even with [C], who I’d like to be there

Maybe a mini date?

ME Last Sunday at 11:52 PM

no.

B Last Sunday at 11:52 PM

Aqwww

ME Last Sunday at 11:52 PM

sorry but i cant date again not yet

B Last Sunday at 11:53 PM

I’m gonna be sad

ME Last Sunday at 11:53 PM

i told you why me and [MY EX] broke up

B Last Sunday at 11:53 PM

But when I’m sober I’m going to regret most of this

ME Last Sunday at 11:53 PM

its not good for me to be in a relationship rn

B Last Sunday at 11:53 PM

I know

Well

Actually

ME Last Sunday at 11:54 PM

look if things dont work out with [MY EX] once my brain is on the path to fixed then we will see, until then dont wait up for me

B Last Sunday at 11:54 PM

I think you do need to be with at least someone because when you are depressed and thrown out of it you need someone to relate to and talk and make you feel comforted and loved

Time alone isn’t the answer

ME Last Sunday at 11:55 PM

except i have friends for that hon

B Last Sunday at 11:55 PM

Yeah

You dooo

ME Last Sunday at 11:55 PM

you dont need a relationship relationship

i have a [A]

B Last Sunday at 11:55 PM

Well

Is she helping

Are you loved

ME Last Sunday at 11:55 PM

i talk to her about everything mental

i talk to [IRRELEVANT MALE FRIEND] about physical questions

creepy right? well this kept going with me getting more and more uncomfortable and refusing to accept that i dont want a relationship (a quote from B in reference to my ex: “ He might be your daddy, but I’m your daddy” tf? and yes he bolded) to the point that i was just sticking around so hed put a server up for the pack. then a bit before 2 o’clock i say that im gonna get off at 2 cause that when i had planned to, to which he (im not sure if intentionally) manipulated me into staying on till 3 o’clock because he would tell me about a personal thing i was curious about. finally 3 o’clock comes around, we call and i hear the story and once the server is up he tells me hes gonna go play league with some people (note random online people not irl people he supposedly likes) and will be back in 20 mins. i figure what the hay ill wait. 40 mins later he says hes not getting back on... obviously im furious. (screen shot of convo i sent to someone day of to explain without having to retype - im red)

next day comes and im uncomfortable and C ends up buying minecraft so he can play with me on the server, we get in call with a now sober B when he gets on and i confront him about the messages even sharing screens for proof (i learned its best not to 1v1 argue him cause im easy to manipulate) and he claims to not remember it but whenever C is away during the call he says things that sound slightly suggestive. at this point id like to note that i have a full recording of me scrolling through the messages as an unlisted video on my youtube channel and have sent it to people who with no prior suggestion have described it as “rapey” and warned me against him. my ex in particular warned me that i am very susceptible to an abusive relationship rn due to my mental state and that he seemed very unstable. at this i decided to invite A to go to mary poppins too since she would be a good protector of me should anything happen and to have a more familiar presence there. 

now here is the juicy part. so D was talking to C where C was complaining how clingy B was becoming and how creepy he was being towards me so she quickly messages me on snap warning me that he is a ‘manipulative possessive jerk who will see me as nothing but an object to conquer and get mad when you are unhappy’ after hearing this i rembered B’s story about D cheating on him with E before D and E got together and started to wonder how true that was. me and D had a lovely conversation following that about my singular past relationship and her current one and blah blah blah.

MOVIE DAY: (C canceled the night before so now it is just me B and A going) we get picked up by A and all seems well with everyone being friendly and B seeming kinda cautious. i think hes regretting the convo so i decide to be nice. the movie was great and we decide to hang in the mall after (i made a build a bear). so while we were hanging at one point he scared me when after he provoked me into my light face wacks (cat play pretty much, wouldnt damage the most fragile ice) he grabs my hand to stop me and me thinking “oooo game fun!” i start to dig my nail into his hand to get let go of but instead of him reacting how i expected (letting go so i can escape) he looks at me with the scariest most serious face ive ever seen and (this part still scares me) says “you dont want to go down this path” he finally lets go and i go sit by the hot topic earing displays while A and B look at buttons then when B sits next to me while A waits to pay he basically called my claw abuse. (like what? you grab my hand hard enough that it hurt when i was doing the same playful banter weve done for years and apparently im the abuser cause i do my standard get away strategy of hurting the hand thats holding me? what did you expect me to do? just comply and calmly stand there with my hand held above y head in yours?) after we leave hottopic we are in the car and somehow we get to the topic of the drunk conversation.

so im talking and trying to explain how uncomfortable he made me( and how i was afraid to be alone around him and how i had been scared remembering that he not only knows where i live but where the spare key is!!!!) and i dare use the word “rapey” ... lets see if i can get a definition for yall but first ill say how i use that word - “rapey. an adjective to describe a situation in which one party becomes uncomfortable and afraid to the point that they feel if this continues they could be raped or otherwise hurt/abused in the future” - and now the second definition from urban dictionary:  “Rapey A guy who's creepy, and hugs or kisses inappropriately. He has a rapist lure. You don't think he would do it but definitely gives off that vibe. i.e. creepy hugger at the office.” - now i apparently  made a huge error in daring to use that word to describe the conversation where he would not accept me saying no to a relationship (and at one point asked me my ex’s dick size - which i did not give) and continously stated how using words liek that could end up getting him in jail. A and i look at eachother incredulously and try to argue with him a bit but ultimately decide to just get back to the point and bring it back to how uncomfortable i was and how he needs to change his attitude and appologize but he keeps bringing it back to that word. fianlly im close to tears and mutely hugging my yoshi in the front seat and the whole car goes silent. A offers that i sleep over tonight which i decline knowing im sick and need my bed and we talk a bit about my ex and goign out for ramen with him sometime. once i was home i removed B from discord snap and steam and will remove him next time im on league as well. he was removed from my server and i left any i had in common with him. i am done trying to forgive him.

on a brighter note i got sims 4 cause C bought it for me since i couldn't refund his ticket i prepaid for and im learning how to get better from this stupid dry throat. hopefully ill be better by Tuesday so i can go back to work at the library!

thanks for reading! <3 

i know this was a long one and probably makes half sense cause of the code letters and the fact that i am writing this while very light headed <3

@circusbabys HOLEY MOLEY okay here i go!!!!! thabk u my sweet friend.. also lets hope tumblr doesnt mess up the spacing since im on mobile xD A- i have a few autie friends!!! most of them are on here (like u thwompus!!!) but otherwise i dont have many autistic friends irl. i have a friend at the b&g club but we are very different and i had 2 friends from my old school but we dont rlly talk anymore. if i do have any more autie friends irl, theyre undiagnosed i guess ? B- i love visual stimming so much!!! i have a blog dedicated to just visual stimmy videos @pokemonyello (shameless self promo lol) also i love tactile stimming even though my skin picking makes it restricting to tactile stim much. i also totally dig chewing on things from food to.. not food. i wish i had a chew necklace that i could wear in public :P i have one but its big and meant for babies so.. needless to say i dont wear it much C- i kkkkind of answered this in the last one? but more specifically i like stims like rocking when i can, rubbing silky textures like my lanyard/baby blanket (i like smooth textures like the silicone charm on my lanyard i have to stop myself from chewing on it haha) and i love rubbing my fingers together i was literally just doing it while i was trying to think of another example lol!! D. when i was rlly young just barely before i was introduced to pokemon i was really fixated on animals, specifically like insects (like satoshi tajiri!!) and dinosaurs! i looooved dinosaurs and owned lots of books on them. i also really loved steve irwin the crocodile hunter i sent a letter to him when i was 5ish :3 and of course pokemon came around eventually lol! E. four fun facts!!! hmm heck. im bad at this, i can usually come up with facts depending on random context better,, 1. did u know that the Official pokemon mascot was almost clefairy? they eventually decided pikachu was more gender neutral i gues (u kno... bc clefairy is Pink... thas for gorls only everyone knows) 2. did u know pokemon stadium in the us was actually technically the intended expansion to japanese pokemon stadium? it was meant for the nintendo 64 disc drive as an upgrade to the original game but the disc drive did not do well so they just sold it as pokemon stadium (1) in the us as a separate game. 3. super smash brothers for the 64 actually started out as just a plain ole fighting game! the liscensed characters came into the picture later because the makers thought it would make the game more appealing to have it star characters like mario, link, pikachu, and captain falcon. 4. (this one i just learned a couple days ago!) in super monkey ball 2, in the name selection before you start story mode, there is every letter in the alphabet except for lower case w! you can type a capital w but no lower case. also some levels have background things removed to compensate for space, like how the fish is removed in the level "URL" and the vegetables in the soup are gone from... the level with the multiple wormholes and the tilty small paths? i forgot the name of that level :'3 also in one of the levels one of the background assets is randomly yellow, even though that part isnt yellow anywhere else. i forgot which level this one was too haha. F. im a mixture of being loud and quiet! around people i dont know im usually quiet and avoid talking/interacting with people but if youre someone im comfortable with its hard to get me to even stop talking and i can get accidentally pretty loud xD G. usually avoider? i think? if im alone at home i seek sensory input but i avoid unexpected/uncontrolled noise or overwhelming feeling textures a lot H. lots!!!! i love big sweaters, shirts, pants, stuff like that! sometimes stuff like skinny jeans or leggings is okay but not too tight. same with shirts. i end up feeling really uncomfortable in tight clothes I. honestly i dont get many autistic related accomodations from people since im not diagnosed and im not out to most people.. but sometimes my mom will give me apples in my lunch but when she does she peel s the skins off of the slices because she knows i cant stand the texture of the skins. she is so kind :) J. https://youtu.be/rUEVjLvO6FA this video of me when i was about 11? very much me very much an autie child... if u watch it u can tell i clearly havent changed much hahaha K. usually my fav sensory outfit is about what im wearing now, except im wearing not as comfortable tightish pants also my shirt isnt as comfortable but i wore it bc its a pokemon shirt... so thats good. but my hoodie rn is a Good L. when i was little i always kinda thought they looked like hamster paws but i didnt really call them that? i used to do that with my hands bc my friend did it too but my mom stopped me lol. now i like raptor hands and kitty hands thats rlly good M. i always loved imitating animal noises, especially cats! i love meowing at my cat back when she does it :P also this isnt Animal mannerisms, but my mom said i used to try to make facial expressions and talk like i was a cartoon character which is still kinda how i see myslef haha! also i used to pretend i was pikachu even if i was just alone also one day i only talked to my mom in pikachu speak (pika pika!) N. i used to love mac and cheese but Only the kraft kind with the skinny noodles, i would not eat any other shape of noodles haha. also i went through a phase where i wouldnt eat anything with melted cheddar on it (which is weird bc now i love cheese) also one of my favorite foods in the whole world when i was in 1st grade were these little mexican chocolate cake treats they had jelly in them and my friend roberto used to give me them at lunch i wanted them all the time!! i tried looking up the name of them i found buba lubas and they were rlly similar but i dont think it was exactly those O. now i dont rlly? have "same foods" mostly because im less picky now and i will eat most things... but i think anything with dairy is kind of a comforting constant, like if we have rice and curry or soup or smth i always put sour cream/greek yogurt/ranch in it otherwise it feels like a chore to eat lmao? P. already answered!! Q. time for my own question!!! for my autie followers: did u guys ever have stuffed animals/toys you really loved or love now? u should share abt ur favorite toy in the replies!! infodumping is fun, feel free to tell me abt ur favorite pal as much as u want my dudes thank u thwomp for the ask!!! i spent so much time answering this it was a lot of fun :3