#i was going up and down on the couch like fucking Tom cruise at Oprah’s
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The way they gave us these 3 first episodes is actually so satisfying because I feel like I got a whole season already with all this shit happening (especially with this ending) and now I’ll have to wait several months (or a year or more) in a brain rot to know/see what’s next. But, wait ! Actually NO, that’s next week and I just SQUEEEEEEE !
#ofmd#our flag means death#ofmd s2#ofmd season 2#ofmd spoilers#our flag means death season 2#there was SO MUCH going on#i was going up and down on the couch like fucking Tom cruise at Oprah’s#my husband was silently judging me#he was also loving this don’t get me wrong#but the level I was at was unprecedented#i mean I had to pause and rewind several times because I didn’t hear or saw something properly#or because I was talking#or SCREAMING#like Ed’s fever dream and stede talking to him to make him come back I was shouting THAT WAS MY THEORY OMAGAD#and the whole ass beginning dream sequence when I was THEY’RE GUVING US FANFICTION THEY’RE FUCKING TROLLING US#but it was the good trolling because they gave us EVERYTHING instead of mocking us and giving us nothing#i need to rewatch this at least 50 times for the next days to come#fucking mermaid#he IS a fucking mermaid
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the thing is that like, mission impossible 3 was released almost exactly a year after tom cruise jumped on oprah's couch. so a part of me does think that jj abrams may not hold sole responsibility for the inanity of Domesticated Guy With A Wife Ethan Hunt, because i can ABSOLUTELY see tom's PR team being like "okay. what we need is a movie to make you look as Normal as humanly possible." (one of the last YWA episodes i actually listened to was the couch-jumping moment where the cohost pointed out that tom's roles get a lot dudelier after the incident, which... is hard to call a coincidence, although it's also possible of course that he just discovered his punishing his body on camera kink and decided to lean the fuck in.) like 100% i can see tom cruise, who acts as a producer on all of these movies, in 2005 as the movie was in development, being like, "i personally need this to kick off with some scenes that make me seem more Normal than i have ever been, which of course includes maximum settled down heterosexuality, because i am going to beat those allegations once and for all." but it's definitely jabrams's fault that ethan hunt's wife is like the most Sexy Lamp female character i have ever seen in a film. he tries to pretend she isn't by having her take out the bad guy at the end, but it's too little too late and also stupid as hell. up to that point she has no discernible characteristics beyond Skydiving, Nurse, and Loves Tom Cruise, and her job in the movie is to make tom cruise seem normal and then be kidnapped and freak out a lot. also to kick off the movie by being strapped to a chair and seemingly shot in the head because when jj was like "how can i introduce tension and excitement into an action movie about tom cruise doing cool shit" he immediately jumped to "hot lady screaming with a gun to her head." god he sucks so bad
#we get another dead hot lady like 25 minutes into the movie too#he's the worst!!!!!!#missions impossible
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One of the things I like about the Mission Impossible movies when I watch them is to read in a large meta-narrative about the filmmakers playing to and/or having to cope with the public’s relationship with Tom Cruise in some way or another...?
First movie-- Tom Cruise plays the callow smirky jerk from early Tom Cruise movies, until he took that character as far as it could go with Eyes Wide Shut and Magnolia. That movie’s about saying that guy can be the hero of action movies, which hadn’t really been his career before that in a big way...
Second movie-- the worst one because it’s just a movie-length version of Tom Cruise’s laugh. “HAAAAAAAA I’m Tom Cruise you love me.” Off-putting to watch in real life; off-putting movie; almost ruined the franchise. Arrogant movie; humiliation and humbling ahead.
Third movie-- his public image had gone wrong around here-ish. This is post-Oprah-couch-jump and feuding with that sex-creep Matt Lauer. So the movie has two threads to it: (1) the filmmakers going “he’s normal-- he likes girls and being married-- he can do a buncha crazy stuff but he’s fundamentally normal” in all the Michelle Monaghan scenes, and (2) the movie’s more than any of the other ones about IMF going “can we trust this guy? I don’t think we can trust this guy” and then him winning them back, with a little help from his old friend, vanilla-heterosexuality.
Fourth movie-- I remember people being pretty done with Cruise before this came out, and that movie... “Okay, fine, Tom Cruise has nobody he can count on, the public has rejected him, movie starts with him in jail... but when the chips are down, do you want to watch a movie about him ... or Jeremy Renner?” Only question he had to ask; wins everybody back on his side; confetti rains down from ceiling. And then at the end, it’s got that scene of “if Tom Cruise has issues with girls, that’s because he’s gotta protect ‘em by not getting too close.” The climax of the movie is Tom Cruise just explaining to Jeremy Renner that Renner doesn’t have any idea who Tom Cruise is...
Fifth movie-- This one’s just in “nothing you say matters -- he’s a legend” mode the whole time, and it’s great, utterly confident, ludicrously star-worshipping. This one, everyone just talks about Tom Cruise instead of him really talking about himself much at all. Simon Pegg in Casablanca going “Oh it’s an impossible mission who care we got a Tom Cruise” or Alec Baldwin talking about “Tom Cruise is destiny’s whirlwind and Fortuna’s dildo” or whatever. The best scene in the movie (and top 5 for franchise, generally)-- Rebecca Ferguson just going “The public doesn’t fucking deserve you-- they never deserved you-- retire with me.” Cut to Ving Rhames going “Oh shit.” Ving Rhames gotta eat!
Sixth movie-- all about Tom Cruise going “I regret what having this awesome career’s done with my relationships.” Before it came out, people were groping around for comparisons, none of which made much sense (Fury Road? Dark Knight? what??). But it’s not trying to be some stupid-serious thing about terrorism, like Dark Knight was-- nothing in the sixth movie is yelling at you about how important what’s happening is like in some Chris Nolan bullshit. Like, the bad guys, the movie’s just like “uhhh, they hate religion and ice cream and uh you know, they suck.” The core of that movie is just the filmmakers being like “aaah the exquisite price Tom Cruise had to pay for us” and then justifying his (pretty-dark-in-real-life-sounding) personal life by having Michelle Monaghan pop up and be like “it was all worth it tho.” Sort of awesomely self-pitying and again movie-star-burnishing.
I sort of genuinely assume this is how everybody reads these movies, but I’m having a long day at work and felt like typing that all out during my lunch...
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GD x Reader - Family (Fluff) (Series #1)
You awoke from your nap to hear arguing and dramatic music. You leaned up from the couch and looked for the source. You must have fallen asleep on the couch watching your favorite drama, Pinocchio. You chuckled to yourself wondering what your husband would say if he saw you asleep on the couch in your condition.
What’s your condition? Nothing much other than the fact you’re 5 months pregnant. You remember when you first announced this information. The look on his face, the screams, and how he effortlessly picked up and spun you around like a child.
---
You took another deep breath and tried to settle your stomach. The anxiety along with onset morning sickness was making your stomach feel like a circus was happening in it. You looked down at the pregnancy test in your sweaty palms.
You are pregnant.
You felt your stomach lurched and you force your contents to stay inside. How were you going to explain this to your husband. Sure, you guys have been married for 3 years, but would this be too soon for him. Your husband is a very busy man after all. Plus, some of his fans can be too much to handle. How would he handle this news? Would he have time for this child? Would he force you to--
You slapped yourself. Jiyong would never do something like that.
“Jagi! I’m home!”
Speak of the devil and he shall appear. You stared at yourself in the mirror for a while. You had to tell him. You couldn’t keep this from him. That would look like you didn't trust him. Which you did obviously.
“Babe?” Jiyong called. You snapped out of your trance and took a deep breath.
“I’m in the bathroom! I’ll be down in a sec!” you called back, trying hard to make your voice not waver.
“Umm.. okay.”
You splashed some water on your face and took the biggest breath of your life. It was now or never. You picked up the pregnancy test and held it behind your back.
You walked downstairs to see your boyfriend on the couch. He looked up at you and smiled. “Hey Jagi! How was your day?”
You smiled back nervously and clutched the test tightly. Jiyong must’ve sensed your nervousness and shot you a concerned look. “Is… Is everything alright?”
You sat on the other side of the couch and look Jiyong in his eyes. “GD--”
“Oh God.” he whimpered and you raised your eyebrow. “You only use my stage name when it’s something bad. Did something happen?”
You nodded. “You remember how I’ve been feeling sick these past few weeks?” He nodded. “Well, after some tests and internet research I know what it is.”
He looked at you confused before his eyes widened. “Oh God. Oh God oh god oh god! Are you sick?! Do you have something?! What do you have?! Is it curable?! Is it contagious?! Are you gonna die?! (Y/N)! Please answer me! I can’t take it if you try to guard my feelings!”
You stayed silent in shock as he shook your shoulders erratically and shooting questions faster than you could process them. You grabbed his cheek and put your thumb on his mouth, politely telling him to shut his cute pink trap.
“GD, I’m not sick. I don’t have any type of diseases. Trust me, I’m not going anywhere.” You said calmly, smiling lightly with a slight chuckle. He took a deep breathe of relief and sat back down in his seat, letting go of your shoulders.
“Don’t scare me like that? Anyway, what did you find? What’s the reason you’ve been so sick?” he asked.
You sighed and braced yourself. You grabbed his hand and handed him the test. The look on his face was enough to make you laugh. At first it was confusion then skepticism and then…
He gasped and jumped up. He looked at you and pointed at the test. You nodded your head. He looked at the test and back at you several times with his mouth agape. All of a sudden, he let a roaring shout causing you to jump. He began to jump and hop all around the room. The scene reminded you oddly enough of Tom Cruise on the Oprah show when he jumped all over the couch.
You were surprised when you felt strong arms wrap around you and twirl you around the living room. You laughed and felt the heaviness of your chest lift up but you felt the unsettling queasiness churn in your stomach. But you didn’t care. You husband was happy. And a little loud.
“Babe, calm down! I live in a apartment! The neighbors are gonna be really upset and complain!” you scolded lightly.
Jiyong soon stopped his spinning and grinned up at you widely. “Not anymore you’re not!”
He put you down and you quirked your eyebrow at him. “What do you mean?”
“This is no place to raise a growing child. It’s WAY too small--”
“Hey!” you yelled jokingly.
“I mean it’s great for one person, but our child needs space! I know you wanted to stay here and be close to friends and stay out of the luxury life, but I really want our family to grow up with both of us living together. I wanted him to grow up with a backyard and have free space to be whatever he wants surrounded by the things easily. Please Jagi. Come live with me. I want us to be a real family that lives together, wakes up together, eats together, and falls asleep together. I’ll take of you and this family.”
Your cheeks were soaked with tears. You choked out a sob and nodded your head. “I would love to move in with you.”
Jiyong hugged you tightly and rubbed your back softly.
“Plus, it gets lonely and depressing knowing I can’t wake up to your face every morning.”
You let out a hearty laugh and gave your husband a passionate kiss. You guys were finally going to be family.
--
You snapped out of your thoughts when you felt tears roll down your face. You laughed at yourself and wiped the tears from your eyes. Your hormones made everything you thought about angry or sad. You soon felt your stomach rumble. You rubbed your bulging stomach and smiled.
“What’re you feeling today, baby bun?”
Another rumble.
“Raw cookie dough it is.”
You got up and walked to the fridge. Jiyong’s fridge always seemed to have everything you were craving. Like one time, you were oddly craving a truffles and caviar mix. You found both just sitting in his fridge, unopened. As disgusting as he found it, he was proud that his unborn child had good taste.
You opened the fridge and grabbed a tube of raw chocolate chip cookie dough. You also grabbed a spoon and skipped merrily back to the couch. You enjoyed your cookie dough as you continued watching your drama.
You soon heard the doorknob jiggle and multiple footsteps signalling that your husband was back and he brought his members. “Jagi! I’m home!”
“In the living room!”
Jiyong smiled as he saw you but it quickly turned into a frown. “What’re you eating this time?”
“Raw cookie dough.” you answered simply.
Taeyang crinkled his nose. “Are you sure that’s healthy?” he asked as he sat next to you.
“Yeah. As long as you don’t eat too much of it. Plus, I’ve only had a couple of scoops.” You took another scoop and shove it into your mouth.
“Babe,” Jiyong lightly grabbed your wrist. “I seriously don’t think you should be eating that. It could make you sick. Please put it down.”
Uh-oh. He was giving you his GDragon eyes. The eyes that make you want to choke someone out because of how cute he is. You sometimes swear he could take over politics with that look. You tried not to give in. You put on your best aegyo face.
“B-But… the baby wanted it…” you pouted.
“Jagi please.” It wasn’t effective. You sighed and handed him the contraband with a huff.
“Sorry babe, but it’s for your own good.” He said with kiss on your forehead as he went to throw away your joy.
“Ugghhh… these cravings are the worst. I was really enjoying that specific craving too.” you pouted like sour child that got it’s secret stash of ice cream taken away.
“Ah! That reminds me!” Taeyang reached into his bag and got out a bag of what looked like candy.
“Here you go, (Y/N)! I found this online and ordered it for you.” You grabbed the bag and eyed it. You didn’t recognize the brand and neither did Jiyong from the way he speedily came back to you and eyed the questionable bag.
“What is it?” you asked opening the bag and picking up one of the wrapped candies.
“It’s a pregnancy candy. According to the article I found, it’s supposed to settle any cravings you have.” Taeyang explained.
“Like some Willy Wonka shit?” you asked.
“Yeah, I guess.”
Jiyong eyed and sniffed the candy. “What website did this come from? Is it legit? How do you know this isn’t poisonous?”
You and the members laughed at Jiyong’s protectiveness, but his stern face never wavered.
“Don’t worry, Jiyong. It’s definitely legit. I did my research and asked around if people knew of the product and how they reacted to it. I’ve gotten nothing but good reviews from it.”
You unwrapped the candy and sniffed it. It smelled like… chocolate! Without thinking, you shoved the candy into your mouth and let out a squeal as the flavor hit your taste buds.
“Hey! Are you alright?” Jiyong asked worriedly and gripping your shoulders.
“I’m better than okay! This shit is the FUCKING BOMB!! IT TASTES BETTER THAN THAT CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE DOUGH!!” You shouted. You shot up and ran up to hug Taeyang.
“Thank you thank you thank you!!” you shouted, peppering the dancer with light kisses. Taeyang’s face turned red as he welcomed you gracefully.
“Yah! Lips only on your husband please!” Jiyong shouted pulling you from Taeyang.
You all laughed and the hours flew by talking and joking. It soon began to get late and the guys all said their goodbyes as the guys left. You were cleaning up the living room when Jiyong stopped you. “Jagi, sit. I’ll clean up!”
You giggled. “Jiyong, I’m fine. No need to worry.”
“But I will worry. So please…” The look again. You sighed.
“Alright alright.” You sat down on the couch and watched your husband pick up after his members, mumbling about how messy Daesung and Seungri can be.
After that was all said and done, Jiyong took a seat next to you and yawned. “So, what did you do today?”
“Well, I did some light cleaning--” Jiyong looked at you. “Meaning, that I washed a few dishes from breakfast this morning and sweeped in the kitchen.” Jiyong huffed but let you continue. “Then, after a hearty breakfast -- thank you for leaving the 200 page recipe book about eating pregnant by the way -- I watched some dramas and took a unplanned quick cat nap.”
Jiyong sighed. “You know I don’t like you sleeping on the couch. You could catch a cold or tense up your muscles. Then you’d really be uncomfortable.”
You giggled as you felt Jiyong’s hand rub up and down your stomach. “I know hun, but I really didn’t mean to. It just snuck up on me.”
“Well, if you feel it sneaking up on you again, can you please go into the bedroom? That’ll make me worry less.”
You nodded. “Of course hun.”
There was a comforting silence of you guys watching some tv show and Jiyong rubbing your stomach. It got later in the day and you guys decide to head to bed. You snuggled into Jiyong’s chest and he put a comforting hand on your stomach.
“I can’t believe that in 4 more months we’ll finally get to be a full family.” he noted. You heard slight sniffles.
“Ji, are you crying?” you asked. Jiyong let out a breath.
“I’m just so happy.”
You smiled and felt tears budding in the corner of your eyes. “I know Ji. I’m happy too. You’re going to make a great father.”
“You know, sometimes I worry about that. About touring. About fan meets and going out of the country. What if I miss the birth of my first child. You can’t get that back. And I also worry about sasaeng fans. Who knows what those lunatics would do to you or our child? I want to be here for my child but I have a career to uphold and sometimes I think that’s selfish to even think about because you’re always here and depending on my schedule I might not be here to see the important things in a parents’ life and I just--”
You hushed your panicking teary eyed husband with a soft kiss which he happily returned. You pulled away and smiled.
“Of course you’re not always going to be here Jiyong. I knew that when I asked you out. And I knew that when you asked me to marry you I was also going to be marrying G-Dragon. You come as a package and sometimes I have to share that package. Our child won’t understand at first and might be a little frustrated, but they will soon understand that they have a loving, wonderful, caring, fashionable daddy that loves them very much and wants them to have every opportunity to stride to become whatever they want to be. As for the sasaeng fans. Yeah, they’re threatening, but that doesn’t mean that since I’m pregnant I won’t fight back. I keep myself in shape and I have years worth of taekwondo under my belt. They can come after to me, but this child is also my priority. As long as we come together as a family, we can raise this child with no worries. And who knows, maybe after this we can have another so when you go on tour for months on end, little one here will have someone to play with.”
Jiyong looked speechless and his mouth was agape. You giggled and closed with mouth and gave him a big smooch. “Now, does that answer your doubts?”
He sheepishly nodded his head. You gave him a final kiss on the forehead and snuggled up against him again.
“Goodnight Ji.”
“Goodnight Jagi. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
And with that, the room was quiet in peaceful silence. A nice smile on your lips as you drifted off into your husbands arms. You two were finally a family.
holy shit this is long! sorry for the long scenario! But i just got so caught up in the family moment and shazz that i didn’t feel like it would be complete if i stopped short. wow. i’ve been popping out a lot of sceanrios lately and your guys seem to like them. that’s great! that just gives me more inspo to write more! college is almost starting up again so i might not be able to update as freely as i am now. anyways, this is really long winded. thanks for reading and enjoy this sappy family scenario!
#gdragon#big bang#kwonjiyong#kwon jiyong#kpop scenarios#gdragon scenarios#big bang fluff#gdragon fluff#fluff#fluff scenarios#kpop big bang
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ALEX PETTYFER
29 // talented // regretful
this handsome devil is my emma roberts’ ex-fiancee, and one of her closest friends. the chris klein to her katie holmes (the inspiration for my girl’s character), they were young and fell in love, but his drinking and partying came between them. now she is married to a much older industry big shot, and alex here is making a name for himself as one of the best and brightest stars in hollywood these days. but there is still much love there between him and skye. potential love triangle? that’s up to us! READ THE FULL REQUEST HERE.
DIANNA AGRON
20s // ambitious // scorned
this gorgeous lady is an ambitious entertainment reporter, who happens to specialize in celebrity splits! she should know the ins and outs, after all, she’s gone through a few herself! she is currently set out to destroy her former fiancee, after he left her at the altar. while she was not in love with him, the humiliation he brought upon her is causing her to set out to take him down in any means necessary… even if using their young daughter to do it! READ THE FULL DUAL REQUEST HERE.
BRADLEY COOPER
42 // mega star // insecure
so as mentioned above, i play an emma roberts who’s inspiration is katie holmes, which makes her husband bradley here the tom cruise to my katie holmes. while many of the elements of the real tomkat relationship are gone (no scientology, no jumping on oprah’s couch) there is still much that remains. and with his lack of a successful track record in his past marriages, he isn’t entirely comfortable with the friendship she maintains with her ex-fiancee (the alex requested above) but this man has that tom cruise fame and success to him, and a hot wife, and the tabloids cannot get enough of them. READ THE FULL REQUEST HERE.
LILY COLLINS
late 20s // manipulative // pregnant
so this lady here is a handful… she intentionally got knocked up by my zac efron nfl player, and now is sitting pretty figuring she and the baby will be set for life. meanwhile, my guy is resentful as fuck that this ONS / few nights of hot sex / random woman from his life is trying to act like they are together and going to be some happy family. she manipulated him into getting herself pregnant, and now he’s paying the price. but deep down, part of him is starting to enjoy the idea of being a dad, even if he is also scared shitless. but let’s just say things are not great between him and lily, and that should be fun as shit to play out! she’s ready to pop soon, so make her and let’s get the drama going!!! READ THE FULL REQUEST HERE.
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