HAPPY RIDOACE NEW YEAR EVERYONEEE!! i love them so much they're gna be my first art of this year :D may 2024 be the year of ridoace <33

Hello! This is my first ff, so I hope you like it! It’s complete Jin fluff, maybe a bit of angst? If you squint really hard, you may see it. I did give it a title image, but the photograph itself is not mine. Also, any feedback would be welcome! Enjoy!

Jin x reader (Oneshot) Fluff 3K word count

   The chill of September had just started to settle in, leaves had begun to alter their hues just a week or two ago, and new winds blew the blazing canopies from their lofty perches. You had just got off work three hours ago. You washed away the day’s stress and changed into full fall cozy attire. A soft, dense burnt orange sweater, brown leggings and thick, fluffy fox socks to top it off. Indulging in the clean autumn vibes, you make yourself a cup of your favorite tea, grab your favorite book, and the most fitting blanket. You’ve barely settled in when you hear an unfamiliar engine roar outside.                        

    Typically, your neighborhood is very quiet, and most residents opt for public transportation rather than a vehicle of their own. Highly curious, you peek out of the window to peek at the machine. A G-Wagon was parked outside your door, its light pink paint being just as loud as the engine, highly contrasting the old, traditional Korean architecture that surrounds it.  A corresponding pink hat came bobbing out the car and towards your door. Rolling your eyes, you strode over to the door, opening it just before your star-eyed lover could knock on the door. His pink sweater paw hung in the air as he looked at you in slight bewilderment.

    “So, are you keeping things color-themed today?” You teased. He looked you up and down before cocking an eyebrow.

    “Yeah, but I’m not alone, “he playfully retorted. You chortled before reaching up and wrapping your arms around his neck, giving him a little peck on his soft lips before sinking back down on your heels. You pulled back confused though, there were so many strange elements to this sudden event.

    “What brings you here, Jinnie? You didn’t call or anything. And what’s with-”

    “Surprise!” He exclaimed, “We’re going on a date! Go grab warmer clothes and as many blankets as you can, ok?”

    “Wait, wait, wait! What’s with the car? What happened to the Lamborghini?!?”

    “The Lamborghini wouldn’t work for what I’ve got planned, so I bought this.”

    “What?!? Jin, real-“

     “Yes, really. Trust me, it’ll be perfect. Perfect for my princess <3 Now go grab your stuff!” With that, he placed a warm kiss on your head and turned to the car. You stood there for a moment, in a daze, when you heard him call out, “Warm clothes! I mean it!”

       You turned with a huff, finding his extravagance annoying and amusing at the same time. But once he has his mind set on something, whether it’s a goal, an aesthetic, or anything, he’ll stop at nothing to see it executed perfectly. Sometimes the most you could do was shake your head and hang on for the ride. You slipped a pair of jeans over your leggings, grabbed a coat, grabbed several blankets, and put on a pair of boots. Considering the weather hasn’t reached full winter, you thought you might be overdressed, but then again, Jin warned you to dress warmly and he usually says exactly what he means. You poured your tea into a travel mug and waddled your way towards the door, the big load making you clumsier than ever. Getting impatient, Jin made his way back to the door and was greeted by the sight of you trying to balance several blankets, your coat, and a hot cup of tea. He broke out into a grin and leaned his tall frame on the doorway.

     “Need some help, love?” he taunted. You barely managed to give him a pout over the blankets in response. He laughed before taking several blankets from you, as well as a firm kiss.

     “This date better be damn good,” you huffed.

     “Trust me, my love, it’ll be worth it,” he promised, the look in his eye warming as he took in your bundled-up figure.

      You throw the blankets in the backseat and tried to peer around to see what he was up to. Before you could make out anything besides the massive pile of blankets and pillows he pulled you back by your waist with a tut. He threw the blankets past you and pulled you closer.

      “Don’t ruin the surprise, sweetie! Upfront you go!” He said as he steered you to the passenger side, landing a little smack on your butt. You turned at him indignantly, only to feel his lush lips crash into yours. He pressed you against the cool car door, his lips softening and deepening the kiss till your lungs burned for air. When he finally broke free he buried his face in your neck and inhaled deeply. Pulling back, you could see a flame in his dark eyes as well as a satisfied smile on his flushed lips.

       “Been thinking of that all day,” he said with a dark chuckle. Walking away towards the driver’s side, leaving you stunned, you heard him call out,

       “Ah, aren’t you lucky?!? Having such a handsome and romantic man by your side?!?”

       You both climbed into the car, giggling. Just before you clicked your seatbelt in you leaned forward to press a kiss to his cheek. He poured out all his sweet affection as he gazed back at you.

       “I am so, so, lucky. I love you, my handsome man,” you admitted once more. No matter how many times you say it, you mean it fully every time. The raw tenderness of the moment thickened the air, till it was nearly suffocating.

      “You forgot “romantic”, love,” he prodded with a taunting smile, cutting the tension in half. You shoved him back, laughing. His smirk grew into a cheeky grin, wide and heartfelt. He settled into the driver’s seat and pulled the car out of park.

       “I can’t wait to show you what I have planned.”

         The drive stretched into the evening. The sun was lowering itself towards the horizon, staining the clouds overhead, and a sweet chill settled throughout the air. The ride was peaceful with gentle music and contentment filling up the car. You watched as the suburbs waned into rural areas, till finally, you were in the palms of nature. The road you had taken stretched up and over the expanse of the mountains. You understood why Jin wanted the G Wagon now. The Lamborghini wouldn’t have been able to handle these overgrown dirt roads.

        Despite the slight jarring of the road, the scenery was absolutely breathtaking. Every turn had the sun shifting between the flushed crowns of the towering trees, casting a new perspective throughout the expansive woods. The road wound up and down, around and between the folds of the mountains. Eventually, the road passed between two peaks and descended into a deep valley, free from the touch of humanity. Still, Jin drove further before pulling off the main path. You were slightly alarmed but too curious to question him. Not far from the road was a small clearing, filled with tall grass and resistant flowers, encircled by a ring of fiery trees. Jin pulled the car around so that the back of the car was facing the clearing.

       “Stay right here, and no peeking!” Jin said as he began grabbing things and clamoring out of the car.

       “What happens if I peek?” you asked with feigned innocence. His head popped around the corner, his eyes were dark and ominous. Altogether, the image was an adorable collage of contradictions. His serious glare contrasting the tufts of dark hair that peaked out if his pink hat, his strong athletic figure hidden under a corresponding large pink hoodie, and the brightness of the pink against the dim and withering outdoors. He reached over grabbed your chin and pulled you towards him.

       “If you peek, I will not share the wine I bought for us,” he threatened in a low voice. Your eyes lit up.

       “You got us wine?!?” You exclaimed. Jin always knew where to find the best wine. Never once has his taste failed you! It seemed he always knew what you were craving and what paired with the meal best. He dropped his head with a sigh, mentally kicking himself for giving you too much information. But when he lifted his head and looked into your shimmering, anticipating eyes, he lost any sense of negativity.

        “Of course I got us wine! I’m the most romantic man in this country, if not the world! How could you forget my virtues so easily?” He whined. Laughing at his antics you asked, “Did you bring roses as well?” with a tease. He looked you dead in the eye before grabbing a rose bouquet from the back. With a cock of his eyebrow, he handed them to you as you stared back in delighted shock.

        “It would be unforgivable if I didn’t, beautiful. Can you even imagine it? Me? Forgetting to bring roses? Absurd! Did my princess forget who she’s with?” His rambling left you in a fit of laughter as you took the roses from him. He smiled softly before pinching your cheek. “It’ll be just a second, love.”

                     You sat back and listened to him positioning things and rustling around, fighting the increasing need to give just one backward glance. Instead, you finished off your tea and focused on the sickly-sweet scent of the roses. A minute or two later Jin opens your door and offers you his hand. You take it with a smile that causes his heart to flutter. Hopping out of the car, he guides you towards the trunk, presenting the most beautiful and endearing sight.

        The backseats had been removed, giving enough room to lounge comfortably together. The bed of the car had a thick pillow-like blanket over it, and the sides were lined with pillows. The trunk door hung over you with fairy light strewn all over it, reaching all around the upper interior of the car. An open picnic basket filled with hot food and thermostats sat in the middle with a bottle of your favorite wine placed strategically in front. You gasp, unable to close your mouth and unable to stop smiling. Tears welled up in your eyes as you drank it all in. Meanwhile, Jin was eagerly drinking in your reaction, heart-swelling at your glistening eyes. He turned you towards him by your waist, your eyes a little slower to follow. But once they’re on him the whole world seems to pale in comparison.  He leaned in and kissed you affectionately, engulfing your lips with his. His arms coiled tightly around the curve of your waist as you reached up and over his broad shoulders, wrapping your arms around his neck. You both stayed like this for a minute, completely satisfied to just hold one another for a little while. When he pulled away you breathed out, “Jin this is perfect.”

       “Did you expect anything less from me, princess? “he said with a breathy laugh, “Go ahead. Get comfortable,” he said as he nudged you towards the trunk, following in close pursuit. He laughed as you excitedly hopped into the back like a child.

       Time streaked by as you two dined on Jin’s homemade dishes and slowly emptied the wine bottle. You talked in between bites, sharing secrets and small proclamations of love. The sun had all but entirely disappeared over the horizon before Jin pushed the basket away, grabbing a case of fresh cookies and thermostats of hot chocolate. The two of you snuggled, nibbled, and sipped as you watched the stars come out of hiding. Eventually, time was lost on you two. An endless sea of stars stretched overhead as you two discussed the wonders and possibilities of the universe.

        “Jin, do you think we knew each other in a past life?” You questioned dreamingly. He turned towards you, drinking in your image and your presence, wondering how he could’ve survived any life without you.

        “I’m not sure. If we did, I don’t think you could ever forget me” he said bluntly, causing you to scoff before he could finish, “I know I sure as hell could never forget you.”

        You froze slightly before looking up into his eyes, with your own resembling an owl. They bore down on you, dark, strong, intense, and completely certain. The next thing you knew, you were bound in his arms, seeing nothing but fireworks as he pressed his lips further than before. His tongue gently worked its way into your mouth, hypnotizing you completely as you melt into his arms. The make-out session intensifies, till you’re both tired and out of breath. Tipsy from the wine and each other, you both opt to snuggle close to each other for a cozy nap under the stars.

                     Hours had passed before the extreme cold woke both of your shivering figures. Jin sat up, wincing at the soreness over his body. You followed with a similar grimace, trying to comprehend your surroundings. You both had fallen asleep in each other embrace, but as the night stretched on and the temperatures dropped, not even your body heat could fight off the bitter cold. The blankets were stiff too. In fact, upon closer examination, you could plainly see the frost that coated the blankets and matted your hair as well as Jin’s.            

        Had the cold not turned you miserable, the scene would have been breathtaking. It was the first frost of the season, and it had certainly set a standard for the approaching winter. The frost had taken hold over the clearing, claiming the last few standing flowers and weighing down the tall grass. Your combined breath hung like clouds in the still air, the silvery full moon casting an ethereal glow over the motionless woods.

        Jin pulled himself out of the trunk with a mumbled curse. He unfolded his height and tried to stretch the stiffness from his muscles, earning and even deeper contortion of pain. He turned and pulled you out of the trunk, your muscles refusing to cooperate. Once you finally stood up, he shook out a blanket and wrapped it around you. He guided your sleepy figure towards the passenger seat and tucked you in. He made sure everything was packed up and then carefully drove out of the valley.

           You woke up in your bed with Jin snuggled close beside you. You could barely recall getting home. Your throat was tight, your head was throbbing, and your lungs were burning. Soon you began to notice that Jin’s breathing was uneven, and his skin was flaring. Sweat was clinging to the both of you, and your body trembled in protest as you made a slow effort to get up. You gingerly walked towards the kitchen, making a hot porridge and honey-heavy tea for both of you. When you came back, JIn was tossing and turning with his fever. You set the breakfast down, hurrying to grab a cold rag for him. As soon as you placed it on his head he began to calm down. You slowly ate your breakfast, trying not to push your stomach too far. The tea helped immensely.

          You were just about finished when Jin woke up. His breath grew shorter as he pulled himself up, looking around confusedly with the cool rag dropped into his lap. He was still horribly stiff and aching. You rushed over to him, gently cupping his cheeks. His frown deepening in your palms as he took in your own fevered expression.

          “Jinnie, baby, how are you feeling?” You asked worriedly. He lowered his face into your palms, hiding his face before mumbling, “I ruined everything, didn’t I?”

          You looked at him confused. Your hands drifted to the back of his neck and over his thigh as you lowered your head, trying to catch his eye.

          “No, no, no, my love! Mi amore, how could you even think that?!?” You dotingly exclaimed. His head snapped up in an irate response.

          “I should’ve taken you home!” He said as loud as his raspy voice would allow. It caused you to flinch. Upon seeing that he lowered his head and voice again, “Instead, I let us sleep in the freezing cold. And now, you’re sick. Because of me.” He bemoaned. You tutted before pulling his large frame against you.

         “Jin, last night was perfect. I wouldn’t change one second of it,” you reassured him as you caressed his hair and rubbed out one of his shoulders, “We were both tired and tipsy. It’s ok,” before he could defend his guilt you added, “Plus, I’m already feeling better! Eat your breakfast and drink your tea, it’ll help. And when you’re ready, we’ll soak in the bath together, mmk?”

          A pair of deep dark puppy eyes looked up at you before a mumbled “ok” passed his swollen lips. You pressed a kiss to his head and squeezed his shoulder before getting up to draw your bath. In a couple of minutes, he had finished his breakfast, feeling better as promised, and you had a steaming aromatic bath ready for the both of you.

         He slowly entered the bathroom, guilt still evident on his face. You smiled at him lovingly, pretending to lean in for a kiss before pulling his shirt over his head. He became less tense with your antics and pressed you to the wall, reclaiming the kiss with a smile. You returned the smiley kiss with one hand pressed on his firm chest and the other sliding up to cup the nape of his neck. Your grin widened as he pulled back.

         “You know, even when sick you’re still my Mr. Worldwide Handsome.”

          “I thought I was the Dorito Man?” He said with a quirk of his eyebrow and a small crooked smile. You hummed with a gentle smile and gave a small nod.

           “Yeah, that too.” You said matter of fact-ly.

            He laughed softly before he began stripping you down. Before long, the bathroom floor was covered in scattered clothes. The two of you were snuggled against each other in the bath, tracing images on each other’s skin while exchanging jokes and kisses.

Friday 3rd April 2020

Garden Bird Watch - Popular Birds

As always links to external sites are shown in bold 

I have no affiliation with external sites

Typos are inevitable, sorry about that. I do try.

The BTO Big Garden Birdwatch 2020 took place in January and the results are out

It was interesting timing for me, as yesterday I wrote about unusual visitors to our garden and now I can focus on the more regular and numerous ones.  It’s also worth noting that two species currently regarded as in decline are also in the Top Ten sightings.

1.House sparrow 

Not in decline at all in our garden, doing very well in fact.  Noisy and entertaining and seen in flocks as they’re so gregarious. They’re not territorial and will nest close together. The RSPB suggest creating a Sparrow Street to help encourage them. On that link are various ideas for projects if you’re handy, not all of them involving carpentry skills.

2.Starling

You can always tell when the Starlings have descended. The fat balls disappear as if by magic and so does the water in the bird bath. Noisy and quarrelsome their pantomime performances are very amusing. Globally threatened they’re also Red Listed but as per the Garden Watch, they seem to do very well here. I love the markings and the change from juvenile to adult plumage - we nickname them The Peaky Blinders after the recent TV series’ gangs and their distinctive hair styles, sharp cut waistcoats and generally smart attire.

3.Blue Tit

Charming little birds, also visit in flocks and families and mix well with Great Tit and Marsh Tit although the Marsh is normally a lone visitor. No other UK Tit has blue in its plummage. These Juveniles were anticipating food and it looks very much like the one on our right was rather displeased at the wait time. Blue Tits like broad leaved woodland but are also happy in gardens with something like 98% of gardens seeing Winters visitors. Although they suffer a very high mortality rate in the young, this bird is doing well and strongly on the increase.

4.Woodpigeon 

A pleasant bird but, dare I say, a bit dim and ponderous, despite looking quite stately here. We see them on their own, in pairs and sometimes in number when their plodding march around the lawns, pecking away as they go has lead us to nickname them ‘The Pitch Inspectors’. It has to be said that Farmers aren’t so keen because this methodical behaviour causes untold damage to crops,  ranging from low hundreds to around £1,200 per hectare in losses. The RSPB estimates there to be something like 5.4 million breeding pairs in the UK.

Woodpigeon are very different from the urban feral pigeons and are an entertaining watch in our garden...especially when nest building when we nickname them One Twig. Despite our garden being choc a block with twigs they’ll often fly away and return with something they deem much more satisfactory. Their soft cooing call is synonymous with the countryside.

5.Blackbird

I have such a soft spot for the Blackbird with its beautiful song and its striking golden beak and eye ring - that’s the Male of course. The Female isn’t black at all and neither are their young, instead having a duller beak with brown stripes and a brown plumage. The oldest recorded Blackbird according to the RSPB was over 20 years old, although the average lifespan is getting on for just three and a half. We had a resident Blackbird who made its prime location for the dawn chorus right underneath our bedroom window and although it woke me every morning, I found it quite companionable to hear. Their song is very clear and melodic and carries well in the still morning air. It’s no longer with us but we seem to have a Song Thrush in almost the same location now as a personal early doors alarm clock.

And here’s a Juvenile

6.Goldfinch

It won’t surprise anyone to know that the collective noun for Goldfinch is a ‘Charm’ how very apt. Despite the fact that we buy Sunflower Seeds which are a particular favourite, they’re rather shy in our garden and so it’s always a delight to spot them. The most I’ve ever seen together was when driving along a local country lane when something set them off and a cloud of them rose from the hedgerow like a beautiful collage. A sight like that you never forget and definitely deserving of the term Charm.

7.Great Tit

Black heads and a broad black stripe down the breast, Great Tit are a small bird but significantly bigger than the Blue Tit and is in fact the UK’s largest type of Tit. Here’s a very young one who’s learned to feed itself and is enjoying Sunflower Seed. Generally they live in gardens, parks and woodland and will eat insects and spiders.

8. Robin

The Robin is also known as The Gardener’s Friend. Not fearful of us at all, but using our labour to provide their food, particularly once a garden bed has been dug over and exposed some worms. They also like to be fed live or dried mealworms (soak first) 

Known for building in unlikely places, old abandoned tea pots outside, watering cans and we once even saw one inside a Garden Centre (they’d isolated the shelves with hazard tape so the nest was undisturbed) the Robin really does have a special place in our hearts. They have their own Day and have been voted the UK’s favourite Bird.

We’ve had them use the open fronted nest box in our covered front porch which has also been home for breeding Pied Wagtails and Swallows too. No one took it last year and no interest so far this season, but we live in hope. When Robin nested there they went about their business quite confidently. When Swallows used it we had to plan our exits and entrances through the front door very carefully as the adults would dive bomb us by way of a warning to protect their young.

9.Long-tailed Tit

I think we lived here for 16-17 years before we started getting Long Tailed Tit in the garden. We’d seen them in shrubbery close by but never in our very own patch...and then they discovered our supply of fat balls.  Again they’re very sociable little birds and visit in flocks, usually sending along one singular Scout first. They really are the cutest birds with fairytale dream good looks guaranteed to raise a smile.  The only thing sweeter than a LTT is a group of them huddled together along a branch - it’s both sociable and helps the tiny creatures conserve warmth.

Watch this You Tube video and I defy you not to smile along. There’s a surprise audio in the background too, see who else you can hear, especially around 35 seconds in.

10.Magpie

One for sorrow, Two for joy, Three for a girl, Four for a boy, Five for silver, Six for gold, Seven for a secret, Never to be told! Eight for a wish, Nine for a kiss, Ten for a bird, You must not miss

A common visitor to our garden but not in great numbers. We did have one resident that was prone to stealing small items left outside and creating a stash underneath the large palm in the top flower bed. We nicknamed him D.J. after DJ Spoony - a tenuous link as he took a plastic tea spoon that I’d been using as a dibber and added it to his pile of junk treasures .

The most Magpies we’ve ever seen at one time was a huge gathering on Tunbridge Wells Common, which is apparently a known occurrence as this blog recorded.

I saw two Magpies tonight and think it was a pair looking for nesting materials. They were in the front garden and crossed the lane looking in the verges and hedgerow.

Long range shot at the end of the garden.

My Magpie photo is very disappointing so when I get chance I’ll replace it - as usual the birds I really want to capture seem to be either in hiding right now, or far too quick for me.

lily | #1

“Yes,” I sighed in complete and utter exasperation, “I will call you the second the plane lands…” I threw a few more haphazardly rolled shirts into the large suitcase where a month’s worth of clothing and necessities laid. I balance the phone between my shoulder and my ear, much like a stressed out businesswoman trying to handle her own affairs- except in this case, I’m just a stressed out college student simultaneously trying to pack at the last minute for winter break, while also listening to my mother drone on and on. “Listen, I have to go, I’m finishing up packing.” And with this ending statement came the nagging that surprisingly, I had missed while away at college. Funny how the annoyances I previously complained about became something I missed, a small, yet important, detail in my definition of “home.” She finally lets me go and I throw the phone down, sneaking a peek at the time. I wasn’t terribly late, in fact, I wasn’t late at all by anyone else’s standards. But according to my own, I should’ve been out the door and in an Uber on my way to LAX approximately fifteen minutes ago. Yet here I was, throwing items into my suitcase at random and hoping that my ill-preparation would be enough to sustain me for a month away from my dorm, my second home, where most of my belongings were. After a few more small adjustments, I was out the door and on my way to LAX. Once there I checked in, went through security, and sat at my plane’s gate with more than enough time to spare, awaiting the next flight back home. I had successfully finished the first semester of my second year of college at Occidental College, approximately 441 miles south of my beloved Healdsburg. Over the last year, Los Angeles had become my safe haven. For as much as I loved the teeny tiny town of Healdsburg, nestled in the safety of northern California, when it came to applying for colleges the summer after junior year, I knew I wanted to get the hell out of there. Naturally, my mind wandered south and I took as many road trips as necessary to find the place I would call home for the next four (or maybe five… or more) years. Through my travels back and forth, up and down the coast, I did a lot of thinking about my life the past four years of high school and what exactly I wanted the next four years and beyond that. College would be the clean canvas I had been waiting for after so messily painting the one originally given to me. I would once again have an opportunity to start again, regain my sense of self, and enter a new world within my own created, with no hindrance from the past. To me, moving south, far away from everyone was exactly what I was looking for. The difficulty was the amount of colleges within LA and surrounding areas. Did I want to go to UCLA and welcome myself to a culture shock of a huge college? Did I want to go to Chapman and see what life was like there? Did I even really want to go to college? There were so many questions orbiting around my brain, but luckily, the six and a half hour drive and the endless stretches of road provided answers. Acceptance letters from various colleges found their way floating into my mailbox and the fall after senior year, I set foot on Occidental’s campus and never looked back. There was a sliver of hesitation when I saw my mother’s eyes well up with tears once she had finished unpacking my dorm with me, and even more hesitation as I walked her to the car to say the final goodbyes. Our relationship was as strong as ever, it was in a position I truly never thought would be possible. The history between us had been rocky and bumpy and at one point, I convinced myself it would never smooth itself out. With the help of time apart from one another and a whole lot of soul searching for the both of us, we grew closer and closer as the months passed. Before I knew it, she was the one I would miss the most when moving away. I finally understood why most girls considered their mother to be their best friend- I finally had my best friend. It was hard to walk away from her that day, but surprisingly easy to walk away from everything else that had created the collage of my life. I never imagined moving into this next stage of my life without Belle. In the time I had known her and been with her, my thoughts of the future revolved around her. Wherever she would go, I would surely go, and I hoped that scenario would apply vice versa. Sixteen-year old Lily vividly dreamt of rooming with Belle, sharing an apartment with Belle, graduating with Belle, marrying Belle, starting a family with Belle- every milestone in my life, Belle would be at my side and a key part of. To me, there was no other option, and frankly, I didn’t want some sort of alternative. Belle was my future and the future of us looked heavenly. Then, the unexpected occurred and after our breakup I found myself lost and confused as to what to do with myself. Initially, I convinced myself that we would get back together, that it was just a rough patch, surely we could work it out. But months and months passed, soon over a year had passed, and my candlelight of hope had been blown out. Then, I chose to create a new kind of hope, one that would not depend on anyone else except for myself. I decided I didn’t need anyone, I had myself, and that was enough. It was an independence I had no clue I previously lacked, but suddenly, my world revolved around myself and everything else in the universe fell into place. A few years ago I was sitting in a similar seat- waiting at a plane’s gate, cuddled up to Belle as we awaited our vacation to Bora Bora. We saved up so much money to go there, we just wanted to explore somewhere beautiful with each other, no matter what the cost. I remembered the feeling of anticipation as we sat there, watching the planes coming in and taking off, the herd of travelers migrating through the airport hallways, the pure, unfiltered love I felt for her, as palpable and tangible as my hand felt holding hers. At the time, that was perfection, plain and simple. Now I can’t imagine feeling that for someone else ever again. I don’t want to think that losing Belle had made me cynical about love, but maybe it had. I believed in love so strongly prior to meeting Belle, and believed in it ever more so whilst loving her. After the breakup, I didn’t know what to believe. Perhaps I still don’t. Sure, there have been girlfriends here and there since her, but they don’t stay for long. There have been meaningless hookups, as well as week-long or month-long flings. They come and go and I readily allow them to. I refuse to get so attached to somebody, to let another girl break my heart once again. Some may consider this cynicism, but to me, it was just reality. The years had changed me; I was older, more mature, a messy combination of everything I never thought I would be. My life at college was filled with a lot of drinking, a lot of studying, a lot of killing time in any way I could. I wasn’t the same girl that I was when Belle left, I’m not sure I ever would be again- after all these years, I still can’t tell whether that’s a good or a bad thing. “Flight 208 to Santa Rosa is now boarding all economy passengers at gate C20.” There was my cue to leave. I stood up, made sure I had my boarding pass pulled up on my phone and all of my belongings with me. I was ready to go. For as much as I liked being away at college, there was something refreshing about coming home. I smiled graciously at the attendant who scanned my boarding pass and then headed through the tunnel into the small plane. I sat down in my seat, secured my seatbelt and immediately kicked off my white Vans. Despite the fact that it was a very short flight, I wanted to be comfortable. The people paraded onboard, shoving their bags in overhead compartments, cooing at their crying babies, sitting down next to their assigned stranger. So little people, yet we all have different stories, different origins, different destinations. This single flight back home is just that for me- going home. To others, this hour long flight could mean so much more, so many different things. For now, I nestled into my space, rested my head against the window, and prepared for takeoff, eager to return home with so much of my new life ahead of me.