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#i wanna say for no reason but theyre everywhere and everything is connected to them
aaaaatillathenun · 6 months
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Why do my thoughts always turn to mass shootings. Like i know why based on my personal history but like why do they even in completely unrelated situations. Of course i do in class (columbine & parkland & unc) and at the grocery store (boulder king soopers & buffalo dollar general) and at concerts (las vegas & manchester) and at bars (club q & pulse) and out shopping (the gang shootings at the mall by my house growing up) and at movie theaters (aurora) and at bowling alleys (lewiston) and when the mail people come by (personal example again) and at places of worship (charleston church & at this point several temples and several mosques)
But thats not too much and all these examples i came up with off the top of my head shouldnt be enough to ban all kinds of guns for everyone forever because were all fine right? The second ammendment protects us from so many things and is so useful
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inosukeslefttoe · 3 years
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SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??
but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.
so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro. 
oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry. 
god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE
next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.
okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either. 
so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.
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littlebabycrybtch · 4 years
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anyways, autistic adult here going out to all the autism parents out there;;; stop fucking bragging about abusing your autistic kids. i lived through my autistic childhood, you havent, you need to hear me out. stop posting your horrible ‘inspirational stories’ about how happy you are that you ‘pushed through’ and did something awful and distressing to your child in an effort to make them normal. it is so harmful and so disgusting for autistic people to have to hear about. those stories make me wanna gag. they give me physical discomfort, the way these people are so... Proud of themselves, for thinking they are ‘eradicating’ these evil autism symptoms, like the symptoms arent just an inherent fucking PART of their child they destroyed out of blind ignorant ‘care’. fucking listen to yourself. you did not help them. i dont care that they learned some new (usually unnecessary and performative) neurotypical skill you had been pushing on them for years. i dont care how fuzzy inside that makes you feel. i dont care about whatever you come up with that proves their ‘progress’. no. you were projecting your frustrations. you were pressuring them into smth they didnt need. you didnt Fucking help them. you made them Conform. you Hurt them to make them act like everyone else, bc you let yourself become that convinced that their autism is whats damaging them, and not the outside world that tries to dismantle what they are on the daily, for no fucking REASON besides irrationally projecting your own standards and ideals onto them. the ‘cure’ for autism is not ‘acting normal’, for gods sake. you Punished them for being autistic instead of accepting it and accommodating them. frankly, no matter your real intention, its selfish.
like. im sorry but im livid, i am TIRED of seeing this kind of shit encouraged everywhere. forcing your kid into meltdowns unless it is a 110% safety concern, is abuse and disability discrimination, especially when you are trying to force them to be ‘normal’ by punishing them in these awful prejudiced ways until they meet YOUR idealized standards of functioning and ‘quality of life’, which is self centered for gods sake! like! nah man actually im totally fine with some of my symptoms if you people would just leave me the fuck alone about it??? i like stimming, i like special interests, my ‘sensory issues’ can become blissful when i find the right sensory experience, my struggle to communicate has given me so many beautiful Alternatives and connected me with so many people. im fucking fine, i dont always need to bend to you, you can bend to me sometimes, okay? like. smh, neurotypicals/abled people, society revolves around you, sure, but that doesnt mean someone being Different from you makes them the wrong or unhealthy one... they can be Perfectly happy even though they dont live the way you do, and to think otherwise is again, just really self centered. why are you the default? why is YOUR HAPPINESS with YOUR LIFE the default standard??? someone being different from you doesnt always mean their existence automatically Pains them, or that its Lesser or Worse. accommodation and understanding does a hell of a lot better for somebody than trying to just force them to act how you do under the ignorant assumption that it Must be inherently better for them and their existence. “but- things would be easier for them if they were normal right! thats just how the world is!” cool. but they arent. listen to me. They Arent. just fucking accept that, and focus on fixing the obviously bigger issue, the whole ‘WORLD’ part that rejects everything abnormal, jesus christ. like honestly, thats the worst part about being ‘abnormal’, how the outside world fucking treats you. its how they wont fucking let you exist and wont get off their ass to try and understand or support you, without conditions that include ‘copy me as best as you can so its easier for me’. the worst part is that the people who ‘support’ you view that support as wittling you into something less difficult for them to ‘help’ at the expense of your fucking basic comforts or happiness, and they still think theyre doing you a noble favor by making you like themselves. ffs. guys. stop abusing your kids. stop.
“well guys, my autistic kid wouldnt stop pissing themselves so i just stopped buying diapers and made them sit on the toilet for 6 hours, and guess what, they use the toilet the Right way now! :)” “my kid wouldnt hug me or say i love you, so i held them down on the bed till they stopped fighting my affection! now we hug all the time!” “i took away my childs favorite item until they were able to verbally ask for it back. now they know how to say “please”. they must be SO much happier!” i need for you to listen to me right now. you are not fixing them. you are not HELPING THEM. you are breaking them into your neurotypical life like a pair of fucking tennis shoes. its for you. you are conditioning them, with trauma. the fact that you dont see that is a Disturbing display of how little you actually are trying to understand about your child’s life, or frankly anybody elses experiences besides yours. Leave them the fuck alone. you really wanna help your autistic kid fit into the world? dont punish them for stimming, tell ppl in public to stop fucking staring, bc it is their fucking problem. dont force your type of affection or communication, pay some fuckin attention and you’ll start noticing the ways in which THEY communicate with you, which is just as fine. and for the love of god my dude! buy diapers! they exist for a reason! just buy your fucking child their fucking diapers. ill kick your ass oh my God, 
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bittysvalentines · 5 years
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Love in the Morning
From: @ivecarvedawoodenheart
To: @amessnamedwidogast
Rating: Teen & Up
Word Count: 2461
I hope you like it!! I had a really good time with this :) Happy Valentine’s Day!!
Summary:
“Don’t you dare, you had better not, I’ll call your dad and the press, I’ll tell ‘em—” “I think ‘Jack Zimmermann helps out teammate with checking drills’ would be a good headline, actually. I give you my blessing.” “Not when you’re threatening to pour water all over me you big ole—” “‘Big ole’ what, exactly?” ___________________________
Zimbits, from Bitty’s POV. Focusing primarily on waking up in the morning.
(AO3)
Someone throws a pillow at his face. Bitty jolts upright, looking around wildly, almost falling out of bed. It better not be — oh Lord, he’s gonna murder him —
“Bon matin, Bittle.”
Bitty check his watch and screams internally.
“Jack, were you dropped as a child? Is that why you feel the need to force me out of bed at four in the morning?”
He thinks Jack raises his eyebrows. It’s hard to be sure when it’s so dark in here, but the vaguely Jack-sized blob in the doorway gives off a distinctly amused vibe.
“My uncle Wayne did, actually,” Jack says. “My parents forbade him from holding me until I could do backwards crossovers.”
“Mmph.” Bitty closes his eyes and pulls his blankets up under his chin. “Go bother Shitty, Mr. I’m-Friends-With-NHL-All-Stars. I have a test today.”
Jack says, “That was yesterday, Bittle.”
“I could have another one today, Zimmermann.”
“You, having a test and not tweeting about it? Impossible.”
Bitty cracks open an eye at that. “It’s too early for you to be chirpin’ this much,” he says, but he swings his legs out of bed and lets Jack bundle him off to the bathroom to brush his teeth and wake up somewhat. They’re on their way to the rink, Bitty in an oversized Pens sweatshirt because he couldn’t find one of his in the dark, before he realizes that means Jack reads his tweets.
____________
“I’m asleep, my eyes are closed, go away Jack, can’t you see I’m sleeping—”
“You’d be much more convincing if you weren’t talking, Bittle. You’ll have time after to take a nap, let’s get at it—”
“Oh my god . ‘Let’s get at it’? Are you actually eighty years old—”
“Yes, okay, Old Man Zimmermann, ha ha, that hasn’t been played out. If you really want to make fun of me you’ll get your butt to the rink, that’ll really show me.”
Bitty scowls at him when they get to the locker room. Jack laughs, just once, and it’s so surprised and quick a sound that Bitty almost misses it. He wants to hear it again.
____________
Midnight, and there’s a knock at his door. Bitty presses Señor Bun tighter to his chest and wipes his eyes hastily, catching his French book before it slides to the floor. “Yeah?”
“Can I … can I come in?”
The door makes it difficult to hear, but he thinks it’s Jack. He squeezes his eyes shut, biting his lip. Then he forces himself to perk up as best he can.
“Of course! Why’re you up? It’s so late.”
Jack eases the door open and shut behind him. Bitty watches him scan the room, taking in the flashcards strewn across his bedspread and his laptop. He wishes he hadn’t left it open on Google Translate.
Jack rubs the back of his neck. A little sliver of his shirt rides up, and Bitty knows this shouldn’t be anything — they’ve all seen too much of each other in the locker room — but it’s almost too much on top of everything. His hair sticks up in all directions. Bitty holds Señor Bun tighter to keep from crossing the room and making his hair even wilder.
“Your light’s still on,” Jack says. He looks so unsure of himself here. Bitty’s not sure he’s ever been in his room outside of waking him at godforsaken times in the morning. “I wanted to, euh. Make sure everything’s okay.”
“I’m fine,” Bitty says quickly. Jack shoots him an unimpressed look, first nodding to Bitty’s flashcards, then raising his eyebrows at the clock. “Well. Not quite okay, but. I will be fine, which is what matters.”
Jack still doesn’t look like he believes him, but when he crosses the room to sit on the bed, his face softens. He picks up a flashcard with le fromage written on it. “You’re learning food words?”
“Oui,” Bitty says. Even that has such a pronounced twang to it. He sighs. “I’ll be honest, it’s not going great.”
He’s fiddling with the card now, flipping it back and forth, playing with the corners. Bitty watches him gather the rest of the flashcards in a neat stack and shuffle them.
Jack says, “I can quiz you,” and Bitty’s about to cry again.
He wipes his eyes. “You don’t have to.”
It must catch in his voice, because Jack looks up then. His eyebrows crease. “I mean — I don’t want to overstep, but. I do speak French, so.”
“Oh do you?” Bitty asks, and Jack rolls his eyes. He tosses a card at him and le jus hits him in the Adam’s apple. Bitty swallows reflexively.
He doesn’t think he imagines how Jack watches him.
Jack bumps their knees together. “If you want,” Jack says softly. “I don’t mind.”
“Okay,” Bitty whispers. He clears his throat. “If you’re fine with how badly I’m going to pronounce these words, that is.”
“I’ll live,” Jack says.
Bitty smacks him with his pillow, and he laughs quietly. A little thrill runs through Bitty at the sound.
“Okay, Bittle,” Jack says. “Let’s do this.”
____________
In the morning, Jack yawns loudly in the faint morning light and says, “Up and at ‘em, let’s go—”
“You can’t be serious,” Bitty says, grumpy. “We were up the whole night doing flashcards and you took up the whole bed, I didn’t get to sleep for a second.”
“That’s a lie, you snored the whole time, I didn’t—”
“You and your big ass stole all the blankets, I couldn’t’ve snored because I have to be asleep for that—”
“Couldn’t’ve? Are you joking—”
Jack goes on a rant about how difficult it is to understand him, and then how hard it must be to understand either of them, and then segues into a scheme to confuse everyone next time they come back from a break and their accents are stronger. Bitty chimes in now and then. Mostly, though, he drinks in how this feels: Jack in his bed, flashcards still everywhere — there’s one stuck to Jack’s cheek now, he thinks it’s les fraises — and his eyes still sleep heavy.
Bitty wants this so badly he outright gasps in the middle of Jack’s sentence.
“You okay, Bitty?”
“Fine,” he says, trying to push the feeling aside. “You’re kidding though, right? About checking practice today?”
Jack holds out a hand in a may I? gesture that Bitty doesn’t understand until he pouts, glancing at Señor Bun. Bitty hands him over tentatively. Jack tucks Señor Bun neatly under his chin, cuddling him with his eyes closed, and this all but knocks the air out of Bitty.
“‘M joking,” Jack says. Beneath the covers, Bitty feels him gently nudge his side with an elbow. “‘M tired. Bonne nuit.”
“No French when I’m trying to sleep, Mr. Zimmermann,” he says softly. Jack nudges him again.
He drifts off. In his dreams, he sees Jack holding Señor Bun like he’s something precious.
____________
Bitty has Canadian bacon on the stove when Jack stumbles downstairs. He quietly pours himself some orange juice, then Bitty feels rather than sees him join him at the stove.
“There’re some eggs in the fridge,” Bitty says, “if you wanna do somethin’ with them.”
He bumps his shoulder against Jack’s chest just to touch him and prove to himself that they’re standing here, together. Jack’s golden in the dewy morning sun.
“Your checks are getting better,” he says then, and Bitty says, “Oh, shush, you.”
Jack scrambles some eggs and fries some, and it’s peaceful between them.
____________
“Don’t you dare, you had better not, I’ll call your dad and the press, I’ll tell ‘em—”
“I think ‘Jack Zimmermann helps out teammate with checking drills’ would be a good headline, actually. I give you my blessing.”
“Not when you’re threatening to pour water all over me you big ole—”
“‘Big ole’ what, exactly?”
“I — it’s early, okay? My mouth hasn’t woken up yet.”
“Seems like it has to me.”
Bitty crawls out of his blankets at that, cheeks burning. “You tryin’ to tell me I talk too much?”
Jack takes a sip of water. “No, I’m trying to tell you to get your ass out of bed so we can go to Faber before the early skate. Do you think I enjoy being up at four?”
“Yes.”
“Well.” He tilts his head to the side. “Look, it’s prime running time—”
Bitty narrows his eyes. “Jack Laurent Zimmermann, you could get mugged—”
“—not if I’m running faster than my mugger, which is what I was about to say when I was so rudely interrupted, and how else am I to outrun a mugger than to practice running?”
He looks so pleased with his logic. Bitty says, “People like you are what’s wrong with this country,” and he grins broadly.
“I’m Canadian, remember?”
Bitty beats him for the first time in their end of practice race.
____________
Bitty’s alarm wakes him for the first time in ages, which of course means Jack died or something because no way in hell would he miss an opportunity to push him into the boards for an hour and a half.
Lord. He wouldn’t mind being pushed against the boards.
He’s had enough dreams that end up against the boards, for various reasons, and … he shouldn’t be thinking this, now, but.
He checks the weather and his school email and then, shivering, pads across the hall.
“Jack?” An answering mmph gives him the okay to open the door, so he does. He blinks to adjust to the darkness. Jack peeks blearily out from his blankets. “They’ve called classes for the day, it’s too cold out.”
Jack says, “Mmph,” and Bitty connects the dots. “You knew that already, I’m sorry! I’ll just—”
“Bittle.”
Bitty stops midway to the door.
“Yeah?”
Jack jerks his head toward the bed, peeling back his blankets. “It’s cold,” he mumbles, “c’mon.”
Bitty’s heart about stops. His mouth moves wordlessly for a few seconds before his mind catches up from where it stopped on Jack’s asking me to get in bed with him .
“Are you sure?” he asks, and Jack nods.
“No point losing more body heat,” he says sleepily. “Besides. My bed’s bigger than yours, we’ll fit fine.”
“Chirp chirp.”
So Bitty does. He climbs into his bed carefully, trying not to jostle Jack too much. Jack clumsily tucks the blankets around them and when Bitty tugs on the covers himself, their hands brush. Jack squeezes his briefly, then lets go. Bitty shivers again, but not from the cold.
“Oh — here —” Jack shifts his pillow and then presses a balled up sweatshirt into Bitty’s hands. “If you want.”
It’s the Pens sweatshirt he’d borrowed months ago. It still smells like him. The fact of Jack, sleeping with this so close to his face, breaks so sweetly in Bitty’s chest. He pulls it on.
“Thanks,” he whispers.
Jack says, “Mmph,” but Bitty can see him smiling slightly.
____________
Bitty wakes up after graduation to two texts. They’re timestamped 4:02 AM.
They say,
I’m sorry if it’s too early to say this , but I’ve been wanting to tell you for awhile now
I think I fell in love with you in the morning
He touches his lips with his fingertips and wonders when it was he got so stupid lucky.
________________________
A pillow lands on his face, yanking him out of a stress dream about playoffs.
Something in their bedroom smells delicious. He opens his eyes and blinks to be sure he isn’t dreaming.
Jack’s filled their nightstands with plates and plates of food. There’s a heap of pancakes stacked high and half buried under blueberries and strawberries and what smells like 100% Canadian syrup on one of them, and toast shining beautifully with butter stacked next to eggs cooked every which way of the other. Jack himself is sitting at Bitty’s feet, wearing the Schooners shirt Bitty had gotten as a signing perk two years back. It still looks so, so good on him. Bitty’s never gotten over the thrill at seeing Jack in a shirt with his last name on it.
“Oh sweetheart,” Bitty says, yawning. “How did you—”
“I have my ways,” Jack says, handing him a plate and Bitty smiles.
“It all smells so good.”
“That’s only because you missed about an hour of me burning everything on the stove.”
Bitty throws up his hands in mock exasperation. “This boy.”
Jack crawls next to him and leans against the headboard. He rests his arm around Bitty, pulling him gently against his side, and presses a kiss to the side of his head. “Your boy, you mean,” he says, and Bitty about melts.
“For half a second there I thought you were wakin’ me up for checking practice again,” Bitty tells him, after they’ve kissed a little.
Jack says, “I still could,” and Bitty kisses him some more to distract him. From the way he huffs a laugh, he knows Jack knows what he’s doing. “Though you don’t really need it now.”
“Yeah, I had a really good, really strict captain for that.”
They’re quiet a moment while they eat. Bitty sneaks peeks at Jack now and then, liking the way the sun still loves him. Jack catches him a few times and chirps him softly.
“I don’t think I ever told you,” Bitty says, when they’ve stacked all their dishes out of the way. “It was when you said you read my tweets, for me. Or with Señor Bun that first night in my bed, when you looked at him like he was a new bucket of pucks.”
“When…” Jack starts, frowning a little. Bitty waits for him to puzzle it out, leaning fully against him now. He sees the realization before Jack says it. “Oh,” Jack says. “When you…”
“When I fell in love with you,” Bitty says simply. “That was when.”
Jack tips his chin up with two fingers and Bitty savors this kiss more than any other they’ve had, except for the one after that one, and the one after that.
“I love you,” Jack says afterward. He presses their foreheads together.
Bitty says, “I love you no matter how many eggs you burn,” and Jack laughs another quick, surprised laugh. Hearing now is even better than the first time.
Jack helps him out of bed and they wash the dishes together, stopping now and then to bump into each other and kiss softly and be at home here, together in their kitchen with the sun just coming up. Even after all this time, this feels like the start of something.
Bitty takes Jack’s hand as the radio plays. They stay like this, dancing their way through cleaning up, well past when the sun rises fully in the sky.
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wolfgangism · 4 years
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hello!! im kavi, he/they, 19, and im in the est timezone. i’m usually in class or in the lab during the day but i’ll be here in the night and i’m always accessible on discord! this is my kiddo, wolf. if you wanna plot just smash that like button and i’ll IM you here ( but i prefer discord ( so if you wanna shoot me a message instead, my username is greedling#3129 )) . ok lets get into this but before i start rambling: TRANS RIGHTS !!
APPLICATION
∽∕  [ JEON JEONGGUK, AGENDER, THEY/THEM ] hey! you must be that [ TWENTY-TWO ] year old player people were talking about! they kept saying your name is [ WOLFGANG JAEGAL ], but that you go by [ WOLF ], and that you’re a [ INTRIM ] and from [ LOS ANGELES ]. oh! and also that you’ve been working as a [ HORROR WRITER ] while you’re in here. I really hope it’s true, ‘cus i’ve also heard that you’re [ IMAGINATIVE ] & [ COURAGEOUS ], but i’m not going to lie that some say you’re [ UNORGANIZED ] & [ IRRESPONSIBLE ]. wait a second…now that I think about it, you kind of remind me of [ BLINKING NEON LIGHTS, FRUSTRATED TYPING, AND HEARTBEATS QUICKENING AT A JUMP SCARE ], which is pretty cool! see you around then!  ∕∽
TRIGGER WARNINGS: DISCUSSION OF TRANSITIONING, MENTIONS OF CHEATING, DRUG USE
STATISTICS
► basics;
birth name (f, l): daeun jaegal legal name (f, l): wolfgang jaegal age: 22 birthday: may 16 gender: agender (afab) sexual orientation: pan occupation: horror author main realm: they don’t really have a main one, they go everywhere. ► background;
place of birth: canada current residence: los angeles, california education: bachelor’s in creative writing ► physical;
faceclaim: jeon jeongguk eye color: dark brown-black  hair color & style: dark brown, that long-ish haire that jjk has rn.. yea height: 5′9 weight: 153 lb tattoos, birthmarks, scars, etc: scars on chest where they had top surgery. in game: everything is the same except they have ‘typical’ cismale anatomy. they are interested in modifications but haven’t really found anything that interests them yet.
► personality;
positive traits: imaginative, courageous, adventurous, persuasive,  negative traits: reckless, unorganized, irresponsible, stubborn alignment: chaotic good more: wolf is not one to feel regretful. they live in the moment and stand by every statement and action they make. act first, think later. willing to try anything once. will never back down from a challenge. pits themself against their own mortality. facade of being fearless. high spirited mischief maker. 
► misc;
hobbies: gaming, watching/reading horror movies favorite book: if asked directly, they would say their own first published novel, but really it’s carmilla by joseph sheridan le fanu favorite music genre: wolf is the type of person to listen to game and movie soundtracks pets: can barely take care of themself, you think they’re going to have a pet?
BIOGRAPHY
wolf was born daeun jaegal. their biological mother wasn’t prepared for children, not when she had college to finish and when her boyfriend (& wolf’s biological father) was flaky at best. she gave wolf up to her older cousin who couldn’t have biological children of her own. she took wolf in with welcoming arms and raised them as her own child. wolf grew up calling her mom and her husband dad. their biological mother visited often, and eventually told them the story.
when wolf reached the age of five, they began to feel very uncomfortable with themself. when they told this to their mom, she took it seriously and they began to discuss what was going on. around this time, she started referring to them with they/them pronouns and noticed that they were a lot happier in general.
for financial reasons, wolf was unable to go under puberty blockers. instead, when they reached 12, they went with their parents to get their first name legally changed. due to their recent fascination with classical music and wolves.... they decided on the name wolfgang. their mom only agreed to it because they would be able to shorten it to wolf (which they do. the only place their full name appears is on the cover of their books. theyre sort of embarrassed by it but much too lazy to actually go and get it changed again or to even come up with another name).
at 16, their parents surprised them with testosterone. they actually cried. 
at 18, their first boyfriend (who was filthy rich) surprised them with the money that wolf needed to get top surgery. they cried equally as much this time, if not more. 
while all this was happening, at fifteen, wolf actually began on the first draft of their first book. it was really really rough but it was a start. they had an interest in horror since they were a kid. before they started the draft, writing had been one of their only outlets in life. they’d tried singing and music but unfortunately, they were tone deaf and couldnt hold a note for their life. poetry and songwriting wasnt their calling either. what they excelled at, however, was scaring his classmates to death with their short stories.
their first book was published when they were nineteen. it got very popular very quickly and is currently being produced into a movie.
their second book was published just last year right before graduating college and was just as popular as the first. they actually had little to no inspiration for this one. they took lsd a few times at parties, which helped them come up with some ideas. they havent told anyone and they intend it to stay that way.
right after that, they ended the relationship with their boyfriend since highschool (the same one who got them top surgery). their relationship for the past few years had been on/off at best due to wolf suspecting him of cheating, which he was doing. the break up was messy and ended with wolfgang crying for the third time in their life. 
they were thrown into a pretty bad depression, and tried writing again but it was fruitless. nothing they were writing was clicking and people had high expectations that they were afraid they couldnt meet. this also influenced their dysphoria. drug use and drinking increased, and mixing with testosterone was not good at all. they ended up in the hospital after a particularly bad night.
they refused any and all treatment.
wolf decided to use utopia as an escape from life and a way to enjoy themself without worrying about real life. they are also using it to gather inspiration for a new book because they are nothing without their writing. their mom is taking care of their real body.
that’s really all i have. i can’t think of anything else but im surely missing something that i’ll add at a later point. i’ll upload a connections page later. if you made it this far then congrats! heres a gif of them thinking very hard.
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