#i wanna quit my job and work here
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good morning
#live a live#the sundown kid#live a live mad dog#mad dog live a live#sundown live a live#live a live sundown#sketchbook#traditional art#i'm sorry i haven't been posting much#all i've been drawing is self indulgent au garbage that i don't wanna share here lmao#i've got other stuff in the works i promise#it's just been an Entire Fuckin Month#i'm taking care of my senior parents (one of which will need surgery soon) and i had to quit my job of 3 years#so uh. still recovering form that haha#anyways i gotta get my ass ready for hourly comics day bye
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i'm going home tomorrow & i'm so excited to see my family, i really missed them
#also my mom told me some time ago that i'm really brave & i shouldn't give up#but i don't feel brave i feel tired#so basically i had three different jobs this year#first one i quit because i hated it & it was too chaotic#i got fired from the second one after over a month because apparently i was too nice#now the third one i know is just temporary because it's similar to the one i quit last year#and it's only because i need money so i can't stay jobless#my situation is kinda fucked up because i live here alone so i have to pay rent#and i really don't want to go back to my parents#i know i can but i wanna stay here#i've been working so hard to move to my favourite city and i want to start studies here this year i just can't give up#so i just took the job i didn't want#and i keep looking for something i might actually like#but god i'm tired#i feel like the biggest fucking failure#i just need a normal fucking job jesus why is it so hard#i don't want to work with customers anymore i hate people#and i also want to earn a little more money because trust me it's not that easy to live fucking alone#i mostly spend my money on food cause unfortunately i have to eat#but i'm not interested in just surviving i really want to start feeling alive again#ugh#talking shit for the hell of it*
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being at work makes me so miserable
#its not even that bad#but my anxiety is at an all time high here#im just uncomfortable#retail isnt for me i don't like talking to strangers im tired of most of my coworkers I'm just kind of waiting for this place to shut down#i don't want a job at all honestly#i wish i could just perform live music and do art commissions and sell clothes for money#but alas this economy and my depression won't allow that#nothing seems worth doing#i have no motivation and give up on something as soon as i start#i watch too much tv and get depressed i listen to too much music and get overstimulated and i never feel at peace or fulfilled anymore#and capitalism is one of the main roots of that. i just know it#we could all be so much happier. there is so much more to life than this#i want to travel#i want to spontaneously quit my job and take a cross country road trip but my car is not in road trip condition#i need to put new rear tires on before i should be driving it anymore at all#i want to be w my boyfriend cuddling & laughing & i wanna see cool things & see my favorite band in all the cities I haven't been to yet#i dont want... this#whatever this society is#working the day away not being able to be my own person 5 days a week and being too exhausted & depressed to leave home the rest of the day#i want to be able to live#i want my brain to let me function and my body to be at full health#i want to run through the woods on a cloudy crisp fall day#ive become so sensitive to temperature and numb to everything that i don't even get the same joy from being outside that i used to#also global warming lmao#ok vent over
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“I’ll be fine i just need to uhhhhhhh idk kill” but like…what if i did haha
#my stuff#dear diary and the several thousand mfs who can see it. Despite arguably good academic performance today feels like a bad day#bc i skipped lab to take a nap#and i feel lonely and incapable of connecting more than superficially with my classmates#like i can talk to them and i do and we get along well but i never…hang out w em#or at least not as much as they seem to without me#it’s not a malicious thing i think a huge part of it is groups of ppl living or working in the same space#and i’m in a different lab building than a lot of ppl#idk…struggling to find anything that sparks joy. unable to see the future with optimism#it’s just day after day of Job where i’ll beat myself up on weekends if i don’t do Even More Work#bc that’s the nature of grad school. always homework or literature review to do like i give a shit abt the latter#i don’t care what other people are doing i don’t wanna obsessively comb through journals to make sure i’m doing Brand New Shit#i want it to stop#i don’t want to read anymore. i don’t wanna have to worry about my job outside of work.#i want to cry and scream and#like i don’t wanna quit after i worked so hard to get here#i don’t wanna wuss out#but i’m always tired. i’m never rested or relaxed or truly enjoying myself#why is this only hard for me…how tf is everyone else able to read and remember and understand this much??#like yeah maybe i should be on adhd meds but those are fuckin spensive and a pain in the ass to get#i’m tired of being tough#i want to curl into a ball and be told it’s going to be okay and that i can rest and have it not be a lie or a half measure
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The urge of me handing in my resignation grows stronger with every passing day istg
#I'm super tempted to do it on my next shift#cause fuck this place#I'm just so done#do I have another job lined up? no.#am I making semi-decent money here? yeah kinda.#but fuck every person here#and I especially don't wanna be here in september when it would just be me and That Bitch working full time.#so guys I think I'm gonna quit#haha#God please guide me and help me find purpose as I make a rash decision 🙏
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me applying for a job at a bookstore: omg! ❤️ i can't wait to be working my dream job! 😍 i'd be surrounded by books and find new interesting titles to browse,, hell yea stress free job!! 😄🙏🏽💯
me now: work drama. work drama. everybody's got something to complain and would confide SPECIFICALLY to ME AND ME ONLY about their fucking tension with the other co-workers. work drama. work drama. JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE AND LET ME DO MY SILLY STUPID TASKS THATS IN MY JOB SCOPE HOLY SHIITTTT IM NOT YOUR FUCKING THERAPIST
#hi im here with another work rant#i wont bother to stress about customers too much bcs i've known how hell customers can be when i signed up for this job#but having to be some sort of a moderator between 2 co-workers makes me wanna fucking quit#LIKE THAT IS NOT IN MY JOB SCOPE#YOU HANDLE THE FUCKING PROBLEM YOU HAVE WITH THE OTHERS YOURSELF!!!!#WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE MIDDLE MAN WHYYYEDIUYUEIDUJS#personal
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[|87
#been burdening my friends and partner too much with bitching about life but talking abt it makes me feel better so. i’m here.#new job is awful. but in a weird way.#i’m learning things and love my coworkers and the location and clients and work itself#but my boss is. my god.#it’s a little local place owned by one woman operated from inside her extra home on her property#she runs everything#and she is nice but she is??? loud ig. abusively loud#she screams and cusses and berates and belittles everyone and like#they all think it’s silly. it’s just her personality. they laugh or shrug it off. it’s just how she is. but i can’t do it#every day i tear up or cry on the way home cus she raises her voice at me or i hear her cussing and screaming in the back about like#me fucking up. over silly things. like i took a message for her but didnt say it was urgent.#then i hear her in the back HOW COULD SHE FUCK UP LIKE THIS SHE SHOULD KNOW THIS SHIT THIS IS SUCH SIMPLE SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH HER#and i just cant handle it man!!!#and she is so nice and supportive and texts me almost every night to ask how i am and if i’m okay#and like fuck dude i guess?????? but im also!!!!! not!!!!!!!!#my partner and mom both said i should quit and i think im. gonna.#the other place that wanted me is still hiring. i’m gonna talk to them monday and see if i can take that job still#but fuck dude. i dont wanna tell my boss im leaving. i dont think she’ll blow up but if she does?????#idk#i just hate that things aren’t getting better. i dunno. i just wanna cry and sleep all day#hopefully i get the other job and my boss understands. we’ll see.#thanks for reading
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me: wow its summer im going to do so much stuff and draw tons!!!!!!
also me: has both work and community service therefore zero (0) time
#why do i do this to myself#i was actually so stocked for this summer#i had Plans#and ik its just starting but i rlly doubt ill have much time for thingss#but oh well#heres a secret tho im probs quitting my job before next semester#cuz working And studying sucked i dont wanna do that again#blabbering
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also GOD my BOSS wants me to PRESENT SOMETHING during a MEETING as a stupid STRETCH GOAL. like ma'am. please. i'm dying here
#also she's continued her longstanding habit of telling me what she thinks my face has just done#she thought i rolled my eyes when she said i should do that. and i was like i didn't! i wouldn't do that!#she was like well your eyes went here then here then there#and i'm like. boss. i was looking away not in annoyed exasperation but in mild panic#it's fucking stupid like#my job does NOT require verbal communication skills. or presentation skills. or leadership skills#i'm not in a management position i'm not in a client-facing position i am JUST a little monkey banging on a keyboard that's it#i wasnt hired for my social skills i was hired for my fucking attention to detail#let me fucking play around with google sheets all day and leave me ALONE#thats what you pay me for why are you so OBSESSED with my social skills & lack thereof like christ#she saw me get embarrassed & panic & lose my words in ONE meeting when i was addressed unexpectedly and she keeps bringing it up#and it makes me want to scream#and now she wants me to do what would be - for me - basically a therapy exercise#this woman is not my therapist shes my BOSS#and again theres no fucking reason i should have to work on Speaking To People bc my job doesnt REQUIRE it#it's STUPID#i hate it here it makes me wanna quit
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heehee my work is pulling a prank on me🙈 theyre like haha lets not schedule kat for a week and a half and not tell her why🤣🤣
#idk im just thinking if u dont have enough money to keep scheduling people that alr work here maybe sTOP HIRING MORE PEOPLE#do u think if i email them like ‘hey i literally have 53$ in my account rn what the fuck’ would theyll give me a raise#btw i get paid bi weekly so im only gonna get like 60$ (IN FIVE DAYS) this is bs#and everytime i try to pickup unassigned shifts the requests get denied bc ‘the schedule changed’ OKAY ?? WHY WERE THEY THERE THEN BRO#trials and tribulations of kats work like#considering quitting but i despise job searching i dont wanna do that ever again UGHHHH
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#some reflections on 2022 as a year bc im bored and tired mostly prob bc my hormones r fucked up#ill b real. it was not a great one. not the worst i guess. that award goes to 2016 when i was a junior in undergrad and i was spiraling#and i did kno y it was happening so it was scary. now at least i kno why mostly but i think ive experienced the most soul rattling cosmic#despair in this year just bc i pushed and pushed to the point of destruction and i mean i have a history of doing that but i never wanted#to like quit before like as in fucking quit my job and just fucking break things. its weird. and ive got that panic feeling now#its the same one i get when ive been in therapy for a while and nothings helping. and i keep thinking: help me help me someone make this#stop bc i dont want to b like this anymore and i dont kno what to do. bc i was hoping a break would heal me and that would b enough but#the fears been creaping in the past few days bc deadlines and projects snd i havent done anything i need to and i still just want to give#up. ugh. im probably just feeling melodramatic bc i overextended socially yesterday. but idk what to do. hope for a better year i guess#at least i kno i wont b living where i am in 8 to 10 months. so change is coming but things r still up in the air#and i mean 2023 wont b off to a great start bc i have to go to lunch with my grandparents and i dont want to#why? bc i think theyre bad ppl. and itll just b me. and i dont kno for how long ill b there.#my last day home and i have to spend time with them. i shoulf b working on a manuscript. i should b doing that now#but instead im laying here trying not to cry. i just wanna go to sleep. less than 48hrs and ill b back to the desert#feeling a little better maybe but idk all is not well#so yea hopefully 2023 will b a bit better#unrelated
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Microdosing on having money by looking at virtual tours of apartments I can’t afford
#literally so annoying i won't be able to move out and get my own place for like at least a year give or take#i might finally be working full-time soon though#like currently i'm just working tuesdays and thursdays at my mom's work scanning medical records#but gamestop is having open interviews so i'm gonna go in monday#i don't actually know if gamestop is hiring full-time though#so if they're only hiring part-time i guess i'll just have to work two jobs#like maybe scan records two days a week and do gamestop the other three#so i'd be making money as if i were working full-time#and that'd hold me over for a while at least until i find an actual full-time job#but yeah even then it's gonna be quite a while before i can move out which is annoying#i just want a fucking place to myself#i've also thought about selling some of my old shit that i don't need anymore to make some extra cash on the side#like old dvds and action figures and whatnot that are still in decent condition#i could sell them on ebay or like trade em in at vintage stock or whatever#my mom always insists that we never sell that stuff cause she and dad spent so much money on them when i was a kid#and i get that. but frankly i don't care.#they bought them for me and i'm an adult and can do what i want with them so if i wanna sell em i can#and if they help me get out of here sooner then it's worth it#shut up tristan
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fuck dude i have got to find a job where i can be self-employed and creative. i cannot be in fucking retail hell anymore
#she bork#tbd#like now i don't deal w customers which is cool but now that i work at like a big retail store and not a little mall outlet the pressure is#insane. and i have bosses who never say good job or thank you and who have set me up to fail by throwing a department on me that i was not#hired to run or trained for and frankly don't have time to run properly either. so every week just starts w me in our weekly meeting being a#fucking piñata like 'why didn't you get this done 🤨 you need to manage your time better 🤨 you're losing sales 🤨' and i'm like i'm trying!!!!#what more can i do!!!!!! and then the side of it i actually kind of enjoy (which is what i was originally hired to do) is very very hard on#my body bc it's a very physical job (i run the team that unloads the trucks every day and like i'm usually helping unload bc i'm not just#gonna stand there and watch while my team busts their asses lol) and now i'm finding out that it's actually not normal to wake up every day#w your joints screaming and stiff and that i might have a chronic condition (doctor is thinking some sort of chronic inflammatory arthritis#but i won't know if my imaging and blood tests showed anything until like mid-june) and i'm like. so even the part of my job that i don't#mind as much is not good bc it's like actively destroying my body. okay sick 🤠 and i don't wanna quit bc i've only been there for like#eight months and this job would be really valuable on a resume but i don't want it to look like i'm a job hopper or like i'm fickle or#unreliable. so i'm stuck here for a while i think. but the pressure is destroying me mentally and i know i need to find a position somewhere#else that is 1. not fucking goddamn retail bc retail will always be hell and 2. not management bc i don't see myself ever really getting#into upper management but lower/middle management gets shit on the most so if i go somewhere else and end up in middle management i'll be#right back to wanting to kill myself in a matter of months. basically i'm tired of expectations and pressure and stress and i'm tired of#waking up at fucking 2:30 every morning just to go in and get shit on and destroy my body all over something that in the end i do not fuckin#care about. i need to make art and be held accountable by only myself. idk i've been toying w the idea of learning how to tattoo and trying#to start establishing some artistic skill so maybe eventually i can do that? not now bc the economy sucks and that's scary lol and anyway i#have to give myself some time to actually learn the skill and perfect a style. but it makes decent money (at least before the expense of#supplies and taxes) and allows you to travel and still work and also it would be fun. and i could tattoo myself so it would cut some#expenses for me since i cannot stay away from the damn needle. idk lol i need to save some money before i buy a tattoo gun or anything but#i'm considering it bc i am going fucking crazy rn and ik this feeling will leave me eventually but i also know it will come back bc it#always does. and i'm tired of just surviving and just making it through every day and every week like i want to be happy and this is just#not doing it for me anymore#ugh fuck why couldn't i have been born w a brain that likes numbers and code and technology. i love being an artist but it makes finding a#sustainable career really difficult bc i feel so restless and miserable when i'm stuck in a passionless job but my passions are not#particularly profitable. hate it here why wasn't i born a capybara no job no responsibility just squint and squeak and sun
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I’m at a work luncheon thing where if you work 5+ years you all get to sit in a fancy yacht club for 5 hours and oogh. I know nobody else here, I am the youngest person here, I never wanted to work here this long, I am the only person not eating anything. I wanna leave but we all carpool so I can’t go until 3:30. I wanna explode
#vent#I wanted to quit this year but it doesn’t seem like that’s happening#I don’t wanna be here for the 10 year gathering. I never wanted to be here for 5#I can’t work at this store my entire life 😓😓 I don’t want this to be the only job I ever have
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*lies down* Sorry am mostly ded. Will revive soon, I promise.
#work’s been a bit rough life’s been a bit tough#goodness I think I need to schedule another vacation#It’s only been like 4 months since my last one u_u#I think I’ll request far in advance and take two weeks this time#Might last here another year might not guess we’ll see#Always think I wanna quit but I hate job hunting u_u#On the bright side I now have *JOB EXPERIENCE*#So it should be less worse than before! When I get to it!#Current plan is one more year of deli and then when next year’s vacation hours drop I take them all then turn in my notice
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Friends, ya girl is anemic. I got my blood tested yesterday and just got the results in today. Now I'm looking back over all the symptoms I had before, and everything is making so much sense. I just never realized that they were connected because I was chalking it up to hormones and ADHD related issues (and I did think I has anemia a few years ago, but that time I went to the doctor and tested negative). Anemia being behind it all never even occurred to me.
So anyways, I'm on iron now. And hopefully this will help me kick my ice eating habit, because it's been unreasonably difficult to quit.
#I used to eat ice all the time as a kid but I quit when I got braces because I didn't want to break them#I didn't start up again till I got my first job#because we weren't allowed to keep drinks on the counter#we just had to get as much water or tea as we were gonna drink in the moment and then put the cup in the sink when we were done#and then repeat with a new cup the next time we wanted a drink#I didn't wanna do that because we had enough of a shortage on dine-in cups as it was#(plus all the ones I sent back because they hadn't been washed properly)#and we couldn't use the to-go cups unless you wanted to pay the price of a to-go drink#so I would just eat ice throughout the day so I'd get my water intake without wasting cups#YES it's insane there's several reasons I don't work there anymore#but anyway it got me craving ice even when I wasn't at work#which was part of the reason I thought I was anemic that time but I wasn't#so when I continued the habit after moving jobs I didn't think too much of it#honestly the dizzy spells should have tipped me off#and the increased need for coffee in the mornings in order to not be a sleepy fatigued mess#and the legs falling asleep more frequently#but I thought if anything that would be a blood PRESSURE issue and every time I get that tested it's normal#so yeah I've just been out here being anemic and not knowing it#despite being aware of all these issues individually and wishing I knew what to do about it#well now I know#this is like discovering I had astigmatism all over again#once you've gotten used to seeing grass as a big green blur it is DELIGHTFUL getting to see all the many individual blades again
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