#i tried once and the app only allowed my main blog | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gallickingun · 3 years

Text

ding, dong, the witch is dead!

honestly, who didn’t see this coming? lol. but, anyway. i guess this is goodbye! i’ll ramble more below the cut, but just know that over the next couple of days, i’ll be exporting my blog so i can keep what i want, and then this will be the only post left here.

thank you to everyone who i’ve had the privilege of meeting, and those of you who have been so kind as to leave lovely notes on my works, and interact with me over our silly anime crushes. i really appreciate all the kindness i’ve been shown in the anime fandom. some of my best friends i’ve met through this stupid app, but overall, it’s just not a healthy space for me. i’m not blaming anyone else for what this has become, at the end of the day, i created a hell for myself. i’m just tired of trying to rebuild, rebrand, whatever. i’m just tired.

that being said, obviously not everything can always be so lovely. i don’t care about the discourse or the drama or the whatever, but i’m just hoping this post will bring me some closure, and maybe some for those i’ve hurt, whether accidentally or intentionally. if you click read more and you’re upset with what you see, well, idk what to tell you, friend.

i hate that tumblr can be so insignificant, and yet so all encompassing all at once. yes, it’s “just tumblr” and “it’s not that deep” because at the end of the day, it’s just an app. but, unfortunately, behind this app and these blogs are human beings. which means you create real bonds and real friendships, and real feelings get hurt.

i came back to tumblr during a really sad, dark time in my life. and that was honestly my first mistake. i latched on to whoever would pay attention to me, craving some sort of friendship that i never needed before because i always had someone in real life. but i had just moved away from my family, and was starting the process of what would end up being a notsogreat divorce. i felt alone, and was struggling a lot with my self worth, so instead of choosing to be kind, i chose to lash out. regardless of whether or not that was in private dm’s of those whom, at the time, i’d considered friends, it was still inconsiderate and childish of me. i thought i had to be some hateful version of myself in order to prove to other people that i wasn’t as sad about myself as i truly was. the words i said in private were rude, nasty, and just... not who i want to be? and, without going into immense detail, some of those things i wanted to move on from and no longer felt, were then used as weapons and spread around to others who i never intended to see what i’d said.

please, please, PLEASE — be careful what you say. you really never know who is watching, who is going to manipulate you, etc. what you say holds weight, and even if you don’t intend for it to hurt anyone, even if it’s just venting.. i dunno. just, be careful, okay? check yourself from time to time, friend. make sure that you’re not allowing the overall negativity of the world, of your own mind, of others, to affect you to the point that you don’t recognize yourself.

if you don’t know about my lovely little exposed blog, well, you’d probably be the last to know. at least, it feels that way. although in the beginning maybe it was justified? in some right? i’m not sure anymore, really, but regardless—it turned into some sort of stalking experience. at one point in time, i received 35+ messages telling me how horrible i was, telling me to off myself, telling me that my ex did the right thing by leaving me “on the curb”, etc. my full legal name was being released, with the intent to doxx me i’m assuming? i was being told i was “being watched”, which i fully believe was happening, with the consistency of the updates. people who claim to hate me, still followed me with the intent of watching my every move to “see if i’d changed”. i only have received updates through friends, because to be perfectly honest with you, seeing your worst mistakes splayed on the internet and turning you into some shounen villain is NOT the best thing for your mental health. that, and some of the “truths” were half-honesties twisted because i’d be a hypocrite to post private dm’s debunking these things when i was upset with the very same people for posting such things. i’ve addressed some things, such as the racism, so i won’t go into that again, but some of these other instances are stretches, to say the least.

the irony of the whole thing is not lost on me. the very same people who say i only do things for notes/recognition, are doing those very things. those who say i only care about tumblr, are proving that by running a blog dedicated to exposing some twenty three year old idiot on the internet. those who say i use my friends are the same ones who literally lied to my face so they could collect receipts behind my back and then leave me when it got convenient. those who say i talk to “insignificant” blogs to appear invested are the ones calling those blogs insignificant, i never once believed anyone i’ve interacted with was insignificant, contrary to popular belief. everything they focus on ends up being nothing but hypocrisy in the end.

that being said, obviously i truly hurt whoever all is behind this blog. intentionally, or otherwise. and i know that sometimes what you do/say isn’t meant to hurt anyone, however, you don’t get to control how what you’ve done effects others. all you can do is apologize. but, i know a few of them, because based on the “receipts” they’ve pulled together, the stories are too specific to be anything but those people i’m thinking of. i don’t enjoy blanket apologies, but i’m leaving this hellsite, so it’s all i’ve got left.

i’m sorry for giving you the fuel to your fire for this petty agenda, i’m sorry for creating the monster of myself that allowed you to string along this storyline for what seems to be the better part of a year. i’m sorry that i gave you material to fixate upon, rather than providing you with friendship and something better to focus on. i truly hope you can move on now that i’m gone from tumblr, and honestly i don’t plan on coming back, lol. i genuinely, truly, deeply feel sorry for you, and pray that you can turn this obsessive focus from me to something more productive, something healthier.

the angry part of me wants everyone to realize that the start of this, the matchups/refunds situation, was born from this stalkerish behavior. it has taken me months to put the pieces together, because i truly didn’t think someone who i’d called my friend once would ever string together such a lie, or rather an exaggerated, adulterated truth, but i guess it’s what happened, in the end.

there are a lot of, uh, conveniently timed “releases” of receipts even though they were months after the initial occurrence of the offense. i can’t go into each one, because, frankly, there are too many. i just hope that in the wake of all of these horrible exposes of things i’ve done, others are able to reflect on their actions. telling me one thing while currently speaking to another individual and telling them another, blatantly LYING, etc. are all things that i’ve been accused of, and yet they’ve also been done to me. doesn’t justify what i’ve done, nor am i seeking some sort of absolution, however i just hope that these individuals can see their hypocrisy and move forward.

which leads me to my final point — regardless of how shitty someone is, disallowing them the room to grow, stunting their moral/mental growth, is truly the issue. i am not going to sit here and play holier than thou. i know i fucked up. i was a nasty bitch because i was angry at the world, and then that anger was fueled further by consistent situations where i made the wrong friends at the wrong times in my life. but the fact that this exposed nonsense has been dragging on since... july? august? i’m not really sure, but whatever. since it’s been going on, i have been battling with myself and my ability to do the things i love, talk to those i care about, etc. all because i’m afraid of saying the wrong thing, hurting the wrong person, etc. and in trying to avoid it, i’ve been doing the very same thing i hoped to keep from doing.

i never felt like i could apologize to those i wanted to apologize to because it might be received as disingenuous due to the nature of the exposed blog’s very existence “forcing” me to apologize. don’t get me wrong, some of those who the blog tried to coerce me into apologizing to can suck a dick, because there are people that i truly do not feel deserve my apologies, and therefore, will never get them. but, i do feel bad for those i didn’t get the chance to apologize to that i really wanted to. the last thing i’d want is for my apology to be turned into something it’s not, but hopefully everyone who has been affected by my actions can move on with my absence.

and to those of you who feel the need to make public denounces of my name, i hope it provides you the closure you’ve been seeking. truly, i do. but know that i never did anything i’ve ever done with the intent to get ahead or buy someone’s friendship or take advantage of anyone else. if i truly only cared about the things people say i cared about, i would have never made this blog in the first place. i would have leeched off the popularity of my main blog if popularity was all i cared about. i was searching for a home, which, in the end, i burned down myself. me, joking around about follower count and notes, was literally nothing but sarcastic banter that’s been taken out of context. but, i digress.

i am very thankful for those who i can still call my friends, who are willing and ready to have honest discussions with me about the things i’ve said/done and analyze them and help me move forward. therapy, medication, life choices, etc. all have been rolled into me deciding that i’m done letting a silly little app stunt my growth. if the internet was unplugged tomorrow, i know who i’d have and what would matter. i have REAL LIFE to focus on. i am in love and i have beautiful friendships that i want to foster with honesty and kindness. i can only hope that you all have the opportunity to have those very same things.

will i stop writing? nah, dude. no way. i’m just getting started. in my absence, in choosing to stay away from a place that makes me sick to my stomach with anxiety, i’ve delved into my original characters and i’ve written thousands of words that i haven’t felt the pressure to post about. i’ve learned that just because i’m doing something i love, i don’t have to do it for anyone else.

the internet is a funky place, folks. just be careful who your friends are, okay?

anyway. peace out, girl scouts. i wish you all the best 💖

#morgan.txt #tw mental health #tw suicide mention #tw discourse #tw drama #THAT’S ALL FOLKS! signing off xx

65 notes · View notes

wiypt-writes · 3 years

Text

Stark Spangled Banner

Ch 1. Back Into The Field

Intro: Picking up a few months on from the events of Stark Spangled Man, Katie finds herself on desk bound duty following a disciplinary for ignoring Fury’s orders. But when she’s finally released, and disaster strikes on the first mission she’s run in months, she kinda wishes she’d stayed there.

Warnings: Bad language, mentions of blood, injury, angst and a minor character death.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Katie Stark

A/N: So here we go. A relaunch of SSB thanks to my other blog being flagged. For those of you who are new, welcome! I hope you enjoy. And to all you current Stark Spangled Readers, welcome back, You might spot a few subtle differences as we go through, as things I’m not happy with have been rewritten but don’t worry, nothing will impact the mine lines in the hot mess that is Stark and Rogers.

As always, please leave your comments or send me messages, asks, anything. I love you all!

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist

March 2013.

Any doctor would cry if they visited SHIELD; the caffeine and alcohol intake of pretty much every worker there would way exceed a dose construed to be healthy. Mind you, if you asked any agent whether they’d give up coffee or alcohol, they’d say alcohol in a heartbeat.

Well, most of them.

Katie couldn’t imagine surviving without an ice cold beer on a hot summer’s day, but she also didn’t function until she had her morning cup of Joe. It was a tough choice to make.

Not today though, she needed coffee. And lots of it. After ‘going rogue’ to chase the Mandarin with her brother, month’s later Fury was still pissed and as such was basically giving her the most boring thing he could think of- working through piles of mission reports to analyse and cross reference with others to pick up on common threads .To be honest, she didn’t mind it too much. After the excitement of the festive period she had welcomed a relatively quiet return to work, and didn’t particularly give a shit what Fury thought about her either.

She circling a part of the hard copy of the report she was working on with highlighter pen, before glancing back at her computer screen to cut and paste it into the Scrapbook App she used to trace trends with, letting out a groan. Who was she kidding? Desk duty sucked ass.

*****

Steve’s morning wasn’t going much better.

Whilst he wasn’t desk bound, after a particularly gruelling Ops Training session during which one of the newest kids suffered a broken nose after colliding painfully with a stray shock baton, he was almost wishing he was. Following a quick debrief, he checked his schedule on his phone and found he was free now for the rest of the day so he showered and headed up to find Katie. He found her in her office, paper in her hand as she stared at her computer screen, eyes narrowed. Steve watched her for a moment, taking in the way her nose crinkled as she read something, her bottom lip being dragged under her top teeth as she continued her work, completely unaware he was there. With a groan she dropped the notes she’d been holding to the desk and ran her hand through her dark hair.

Steve felt he was interrupting something, even though he knew he wasn’t, but he also didn’t want to appear like he’d been watching her either, which he totally had. So he gave a little cough and, as she turned round, her pretty face cracking into a smile which he returned.

“Hey! How was training?”

“Don’t ask.” He let out a snort.

“That bad huh?”

“In a fashion.” He nodded, leaning on the door frame. “You had lunch?”

“Nope.”

“Wanna come get some?”

She nodded instantly “God yes. Can we get FroYo after?”

“Yeah but don’t let me pile it with all that crap this time!” he shot her his best playfully disapproving look as he remembered his first trip the Frozen Yoghurt stall. He had loaded his with all sorts of different things and the result had been beyond foul.

Katie gave a laugh and picked up her jacket, shrugging it on. Standing up straight, he moved to allow her to step through the door and followed her to the elevator.

“Stick to chocolate chip, mint and cookie dough.” She said, stepping into it. “Trust me.”

They strode across the foyer and into the early spring sun. Katie pulled her jacket tighter around herself as they crossed the street, shivering a little in the cool breeze.

“How are you just wearing a shirt?” she looked at Steve as he fell into step besides her, making sure he was on the side nearest the road. He noticed that she’d long since given up chiding him on this old fashioned habit after he had revealed it was something he used to do for his mom too, and Bucky’s younger sister. In fact, today, he swore he saw something that looked like a soft smile flicker on her lips when he positioned himself on her left, but as quick as he noticed it, it was gone.

“It’s not too bad.” He grinned. “I’ve been through worse.” He opened the door to the Deli for her and followed her in as they took their place in the queue. After a moment or two he became aware that she was looking at him.

“What?” he asked, turning to her exasperatedly. Katie couldn’t help but grin, she enjoyed winding the usually mild mannered man up

“I’m trying to imagine how you would look with a beard. And with shorter hair.” she mused, causing the Captain to roll his eyes.

“Not gonna happen.”

“What the hair cut or the beard?”

“Neither.”

“Spoil sport.”

“Captain America doesn’t have a beard.” he shook his head.

“No but, Steve Rogers could…”

She was impossible, but Steve couldn’t help but want to laugh. This playfulness was the thing that he enjoyed the most, how she could just treat him like any other punk she knew.

“Did anyone ever tell you you’re exhausting?” he rolled his eyes, a smirk playing on his face as she stepped forward in the queue.

“Yeah, you.” she spun round to face him, grinning “Several times. But you still come back for more.”

“Well I have the distinct impression if I didn’t you’d hunt me down anyway”

They ordered and ate their lunch, Steve filling her in on the ops drill and after Fro-Yo they made arrangements to slob out that evening at his with a film. They walked back to the Triskellion where Katie headed back to her office to continue sifting through the Mount Everest of reports she had to do. As with anything, once she got the bit between her teeth, she completely zoned out. It was only when she heard a gabble of voices all bidding each other goodbye that she looked up from her work. It was dark outside, and past six.

“Shit.” she groaned as the realisation washed over her. She was supposed to be at Steve’s for half past. She clicked to save her work whilst calling him at the same time, phone sandwiched between her cheek and shoulder.

“So…I’m running late.” She apologised the instant he answered. He chuckled.

“I thought that you said the one good thing about being confined to desk duties was that you set the hours.”

“Yeah, well I got caught up in something, but I’m leaving now. Do you want me to grab pizza on the way?”

“Sounds good, not Chicago Style though. I’m hankering for a proper piece of pie.”

“God you’re such a New Yorker.” She rolled her eyes.

“You say it like it’s a bad thing.” His voice took on a mock hurt tone and she could imagine him pouting on the other end of the phone.

“Hmmm, I’m undecided. Right, I’m leaving now. See you soon.”

“Drive safe.”

“What are you my dad?” she snorted at his stern instruction.

“Old enough to be.” he shot back.

“Touche.” she sniggered, cutting the call

*******

“Boring New York style for Mr S Rogers…” she spoke into the intercom at the main door to Steve’s apartment complex and he buzzed her in. By the time she’d climbed the stairs to his floor he was waiting, leaning on the door frame.

“Bout time.” He muttered, taking the boxes off her “Was about to send a search party.”

“Mario’s was packed.” Katie said, kicking off her sneakers and heading straight through to his kitchen to grab a beer out of his fridge without waiting for him to offer, knowing he wouldn’t. He didn’t need to.

Steve headed into the living room, depositing the thee boxes on the coffee table before he sank onto the couch and reached straight in for one of the pepperoni slices. A few moments later Katie flopped down next to him, handing him a beer.

“What we ticking off the list tonight?” she asked.

“A Few Good Men.” he said, nodding at the TV where he had queued the movie up ready.

“Wait, did you manage to navigate that Android box all by yourself?” She looked at him and he sighed.

“I’m not completely useless ya know.”

“Jury’s out.” she teased, curling her legs up onto the sofa next to her.

They watched the movie. Steve got most of the references within it. He chuckled in the right places, and laughed out loud when Katie was unable to stop herself uttering the immortal line You can’t handle the truth. When the credits began to roll, Katie unfolded herself from where she had been sat and they launched into Steve’s favourite part of Movie Nights- the post film analysis.

“Who was the guy who played the colonel, Jessup?” he looked at her.

“Jack Nicholson. Amazing actor. He’s in a few on your list.”

“He was good. And I know he was supposed to be the good guy so to speak but Kaffee annoyed me a little. He was so arrogant.”

“He reminds me of Tony” Katie sniggered.

“Well, I didn’t want to say anything” Steve gave a little smirk and Katie shrugged.

“I get what you mean though. He is an ass, and it pisses me off a little the romance angle they take with him and Galloway. I mean, she’s portrayed as this strong woman, in the male dominated military woman and they still have to go there.”

“It does seem to be a tried and tested format.” Steve nodded, leaning back against the cushions on his couch “Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy wins girl over…even the movies I saw back in before I took a sub-zero nap were the same.”

“I suppose it appeals to the hopeless romantic in all of us.” Katie shrugged.

They continued to chat for a bit longer until Katie glanced at her watch, and seeing the time, decided to call it a night. Steve walked her down to her car, he always did without fail, another thing she had given up chiding him for and when he came back upstairs and got in the shower, he found himself straying back to the first time he had seen her, the minute she had stepped into the light in the boxing gym and he’d found himself looking into the greenest eyes he had ever seen in his life.

The more he stood there in the stream of hot water, thinking about her, the more he started to feel something…well…different. And he couldn’t put his finger on it. Was it that he found her attractive? Well of course he did. To be honest, he reckoned you’d have to be blind not to. And if he was totally honest, since he’d seen her the first time in that little boxing gym in New York he had noticed how pretty she was. She had the figure of the stars of his time. Hour glass waist, brunette hair, shapely ass and legs and quite large breasts considering she was so slim. But what did it for him were her eyes. Deep, sparkling emeralds that he could lose himself in quite happily. And that smile, that fucking smile that could make him stop in his tracks when she flashed it.

But it was more than just that, she was…well…just Katie.

It was strange, really, she reminded him so much of Peggy in some ways, but in others she was so different. Both were vivacious, smart, strong willed and beautiful. But where Peggy had been harsh, after a military upbringing, Katie had a softer edge to her. She was still ferocious at times, but she was a people person, and somehow knew exactly how to explain and understand what he was trying to say even when he struggled to himself. She made him feel at ease. With that in mind it wasn’t surprising they had grown so close. He could trust her and knew that she would do anything for him because she was a good person. And she made it so easy to be around, he didn’t feel a shred of awkwardness around her.

He hadn’t thought he’d ever find himself a friend he could be as honest and open with again, one he would happily lay his life on the line for, not just out of a sense of duty but out of a sense of love and friendship.

Who you trying to kid, Rogers?

He knew his feelings went deeper than that. All those times he’d felt irritation at other men looking at her or touching her, all those times he’d looked at her and just wanted to smile because she was just her… the fear he had felt when he had known she was off chasing the Mandarin and he wasn’t able to help…none of that was anything to do with mere friendship.

He leaned his forehead against the tiles of the shower cubicle and groaned. He was crushing on his best friend.

He was so fucked. *******

Katie’s desk arrest didn’t last much longer. Two weeks later she was catapulted back into the field, on what was supposed to be a simple op, simple by SHIELD standards, anyway. They had a request from the Cuban government – all very hush, hush, of course –to take down a drug lord who ran a cartel SHIELD had tangled with last year.

Katie, in her role as Mission Analyst, read the files and all the intel, pulled together a briefing and delivered it, answering questions that came her way from the team and then handed over to Steve when it was his turn to take the floor. He started issuing out his orders, and informed everyone that the three newest recruits would be joining them as it would be a fairly straight forward op to ease them into.

And it had been, for the most part, until one of those new recruits, Jack Adams, had frozen mid fire fight and as a consequence he’d taken three bullets to the chest. Which shouldn’t have been an issue given the armour they all wore. But when the man failed to get up, Katie knew there was something very, very wrong.

“Adams is down!” she loudly spoke into her radio as she took aim at the hostile responsible. As soon as she was sure the round she had let off had hit her target, she broke cover to get to Adams, as she was closest to him. She skidded to the floor, pressing her hand to his chest and her other reached to his face, turning it to look at her.

“I got you, Adams, look at me.” she urged gently, her hand warm, wet and slick with the young man’s blood. Steve dropped besides her and she turned to face him.

“Armour piercing rounds.” She shook her head. “Steve, I can’t stop the bleeding.” Her tone left the Captain in no doubt as to how worried she was and he looked around frantically for help.

“Medic, NOW! We need emergency evac…”

“Stay with us, Jack.” Katie reached into her belt and retrieved a tab of morphine as he young man’s hand gripped her other whilst she administered the pain relief.

“Son, you’re gonna be fine.” Steve spoke and Adams’ horrified eyes turned to Steve. The soldier swallowed, fighting to keep his face calm. He’d seen that expression so many times on the battle field, the one that told him the man who lay injured knew he was injured beyond repair, that there was nothing to be done for him. But this was now seventy years into the future, medical science had worked so many wonders since then, they had to be able to do something, right?

“RUMLOW WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT MEDIC?” Katie screamed, her tone frantic.

“Still got hostiles on us!” Rumlow replied over the coms. “Evans has taken four down but they’re approaching from the right! We need to cover the medics in and now you’re down there…”

Steve instantly looked round before he looked back at Katie “We’ll have to take him ourselves”

She bit her lip, looking at the young man, then up to Steve again. Everything in their training told them not to move casualties, but Steve knew if they stayed here he was going to bleed out. Katie seemed to come to the same conclusion and she nodded.

“Alright. Brock, we’re coming to you. Have the medics prep the bay on the jet.. Evans, we need top cover.”

“Roger, Cap…”

“Jack, we’re gonna move you now.” Katie looked at him, her voice calm and level as besides her, Steve moved to take the injured man into a lift over his shoulder. Once he had him positioned, he gave a small jerk of his head and Katie picked up his shield in one hand, and her pistol in the other as they broke cover, sprinting across the front of the industrial yard towards the jet. In the corner of his eye, Steve spotted two hostiles moving but before he could shout a warning, Katie had fired off two shots, the thumps and lack of returning fire meaning each bullet had hit its target. Soon they were joined by Rumlow and Rollins who flanked them up the ramp where Katie dropped Steve’s shield to the floor with a clang and offered her hand back to Adams as Steve placed him gently on the stretcher.

“It’s gonna be ok.” Katie soothed him as the medics bustled around, her eyes glancing up every so often to watch what they were doing.

“Can you tell my mom I love her and, and my dad.” Adams was mumbling now and Katie shook her head.

“You can tell them yourself.” She told him fiercely. “You’ll be fine, I promise.”

“We’re locked down outside, local authorities are handling it now.” Rumlow informed Steve who had stepped back from where Katie was knelt by the injured man. “How is he?”

Steve turned to Rumlow, shaking his head sadly. “Not good. He lost a lot of blood.”

At that point Katie suddenly drew back slightly, looking at the hand held in hers, before she glanced at the medic who was sadly shaking his head. Katie’s shoulders slumped as her eyes closed, face screwing up into a pained expression and Steve pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and middle finger as he realised that the young man had lost his final fight.

“Shit.” Rumlow muttered.

“Radio base” Steve turned to Rumlow his voice soft “Let’s get him home.”

*******

Writing mission reports wasn’t Katie’s favourite thing to do, but this one was awful. So she’d treated it like ripping off a band aid, and after a horrific night’s sleep, she’d been at the Triskelion early to get it done. As a result it was little after ten am, she was done for the day and was about to head home until she heard a familiar voice.

“Eat me…eat me…” The voice was accompanied by a bag from her favourite bakery, which was hovering in the space between the door to the office and the frame, before Clint Barton’s head poked round the side, a grin plastered on his face.

“Hey!” She beamed at her friend as he dropped a cup holder containing two coffees and the bag onto her desk before taking a seat, scooting the wheeled chair over the floor towards her.

“Heard you had a rough time of it yesterday so I brought donuts and almond croissants. And coffee.”

“Hawkeye, you are a godsend.” Katie smiled, taking a large drink and leaning back, closing her eyes.

“That the first time you’ve lost a man on a mission?” Clint asked.

“Other than Coulson.” she shrugged. “Shit, Adams was twenty-three Clint. He had his whole life ahead of him.”

Clint watched as she rubbed at her temple before reaching into the bag and pulling out an almond croissant. She couldn’t remember when she had last eaten, it must have at least been before the mission.

“How’s Cap taken it?”

“On the outside he seems okay, but I know he blames himself. Keeps saying he shouldn’t have taken him.” Katie shrugged “He’s gone with Fury to see Adams’ parents. Rather him than me.”

“This job is hard.” Clint said after a moment or two pause. “We fight to keep everyone safe, but y’know, sometimes not everyone makes it. Thing is, if we can’t find a way to deal with that, then maybe next time no one gets saved at all.”

“You mean like Collateral damage?” she snorted, shaking her head.

“No, I mean that everyone one of us that are out in the field know the risks Nova, hell last year 7 of us took on a horde of Aliens in New York. For hours we fought them, and did any of us give a second thought to our own safety? No, because that’s what we do.”

His words made sense. She knew they did, but that didn’t stop the feeling in her stomach that if she had done her research more, maybe she could have spotted something that would have told them about the armour piercing rounds.

*******

Adams’ parents already knew he was dead. Fury had the local authorities call ahead, common practice now, but still, Steve found himself sat on their couch, talking, informing them all about their son’s last moments. They hadn’t shouted, hadn’t screamed or blamed him. Instead, they’d thanked him for what he had done and for bringing him back so they could hold a proper burial.

By the time he got back to base, he was exhausted.

“Here.” Fury handed him a glass of scotch from the bottle he had pulled out of his desk. Steve took it, dropping onto one of the sofas at the side of the large office, Fury settling into the other. Steve knew the drink couldn’t get him drunk, but he liked the momentary buzz he got that lasted all of sixty seconds post sip, and the comforting burn it gave when he swallowed.

The pair of them sat in silence for a few moments before Fury sat forward, his eye fixed on Steve.

“Ever done that before, a death message?” he asked.

“Can’t say I have. Wasn’t really my job back in the day.” Steve shrugged, undoing his tie and popping the top button of his dress shirt.

“Worst part of the job. Doesn’t matter how many times you do it, never gets any easier.” Fury ran his hand over his face, and it struck Steve how tired his boss actually looked.

“Yeah, it isn’t exactly up there with my favourite thing to do.” Steve rolled his tie up and shoved it into the pocket of his old Army uniform pants.

“How’s Nova?” Fury asked.

“She’s upset.” Steve sighed “But she’s strong, she’ll be okay. I’m gonna head over and see how she is later.”

“You two spend a lot of time together outside of work.” Fury commented, innocently enough but there was something in his tone, something that was almost good natured accusation.

“Not a problem is it, Sir?” Steve asked, keeping his face straight.

“No, not at all.” Fury said “Why do you think I partnered you up in the first place? She’s a people person…”

“She’s a good friend.” Steve nodded “We get on.”

“Glad to hear it.” Fury nodded. There was another moment’s pause before he spoke again. “There’s going to be a debrief with the Secretary of Defense tomorrow.”

Steve sighed “If they’re looking to blame someone, the buck stops with me. I should never have taken the kid.”

“Bullshit.” Fury said simply “I’ve read the reports. From what they say, he just froze.”

“He wasn’t experienced enough.”

“Taking risks is part of this job. It’s a dangerous gig.” Fury held his gaze. “It was a straight forward in and out job Captain. What happened was an accident. A tragic one, but an accident none the less. From the reports, neither you nor Stark could have done any more to save his life.”

Steve shrugged, the words were kind but didn’t help him feel any better.

Three glasses of scotch later, Steve shook the director’s hand and left the office, pulling out his phone. He didn’t want to appear like he was checking up on Katie, so he pinged her a text, dressing it up like it was him who needed to see her, which wasn’t a complete lie. He did. He was craving the normality she gave him.

Can I come over? I could do with seeing a friendly face

He read it a few times, before deciding it was casual enough before he sent it. The reply was almost instantaneous.

My door is always open for you. And I made Mac and Cheese. Plenty left.

He couldn’t help but smile. One of the best things about this new life was the food, and her Mac and Cheese was frankly his favourite thing to eat on the planet.

He changed into a pair of sweats and a hoody, hastily making his way to Katie’s penthouse and the smile she gave him when he walked into her place instantly made him feel at ease.

“Hey.” she crossed the space towards him and gave him a hug which he happily melted into, a hug they both needed.

“How did it go?” she asked, pulling away.

“As well as can be expected.” He sighed as he followed her into the kitchen, dropping into the stool on the other side of the breakfast bar. “His mom broke down but they didn’t shout or yell.”

Katie flipped the lid off a beer and handed it to him. He took it, with a nod of thanks and pulled a large swig before he rest his hands on the counter, staring at the bottle.

He was brooding and blaming himself, Katie could tell, so she gently lay her hand on his, reaching over the counter.

“It wasn’t your fault Steve.” she spoke softly and he looked at her.

God, she did that all the time, knew what he was thinking. It gave him the unnerving impression that sometimes she could read his mind.

“I should have spotted that shooter.” he shook his head.

“I’m the fucking mission analyst.” she sighed. “I knew from last time those guys were packing, if I’d done more research, maybe I would have found out about the armour piercing rounds.”

“You can’t seriously blame yourself?” Steve’s frowned.

“Why not?” she shrugged sadly. She’d been over it a million times in her head that day and had come to the same conclusion every time. She should have spotted something, dug further. “I didn’t do my job.”

“Yes, you did.” he implored, his eyes locking onto hers “Your report clearly set out the layout, the learning from previous missions…Adams was just too inexperienced, I should never have taken him.”

There was a pause as the microwave pinged and Katie turned to look at it.

“You know, Clint made a good point before.” she reached in for the plate and the smell of the food made his stomach grumble again as she continued “This job, it’s hard. We fight to keep people safe but not everyone makes it back all the time…and if we can’t learn to live with that then maybe next time no one gets saved.”

“It feels like trading lives.” He took a deep breath as she placed the plate down in front of him “It’s just wrong.”

“I know.” She said, handing him some cutlery and sat down next to him.

“You eaten?” he asked, looking at her, suddenly aware she didn’t have a plate. She nodded.

“Couldn’t have waited until now, I’d have starved to death.” she said, shrugging.

“Hardly.” he replied, mouth full, instantly realising he had said the wrong thing as she narrowed her eyes at him.

“Is that a fat joke?” she asked, making him roll his eyes as he swallowed. That hadn’t been it at all, he was referring to the fact that she never actually stopped eating, despite her tiny frame she gave him a run for his money.

“No, that’s not what I meant. You’re tiny.” he said, almost choking on his food through his protests.

“So now you’re making short jokes?” She shot back. Steve looked at her, dismayed she thought he was being mean to her but then he spotted the look in her eyes and rolled his own.

“Punk.”

“Jerk” she shot back.

It was the perfect way to escape the trauma and stress of the last few days. Once they had finished eating the two of them flopped down on her large L shape sofa, Steve’s legs extended along one side of the L shape, her legs tucked underneath her as she leaned against his shoulder. He couldn’t help but notice the smell of her shampoo…apple, he thought, along with her perfume. Her proximity was making his head buzz but he wasn’t about to move her, the contact was comforting. And it clearly was for her too as about an hour or so into the film- the first in the Lord of The Rings trilogy- he felt her head growing heavy. He glanced down and saw that her eyes were closed and, as he watched, her head slipped slightly. He shifted so that he could catch her gently, and grabbed a cushion from behind him, placing it against his leg. He manoeuvred her head so that she was lay down, gently brushing her hair off her face. She stirred slightly, snuggling down further into the cushion as he absentmindedly rubbed between her shoulder blades as her breathing grew gentle and even.

Steve stayed like that, engrossed in the film right to the end, surprisingly. He had enjoyed it. Katie hadn’t woken up, and he looked down debating whether or not to wake her or simply carry her through to her bedroom. In the end he decided to do neither, instead he reached for the remote as he sifted through to find something else to watch. He didn’t want to leave just yet, he was too comfy and too at ease. Picking one of his favourites, Casablanca, he settled down, getting himself comfy as he immersed himself in the familiar world of Rick’s Café Americain. At one point he felt his eyes growing heavy and he lay his head back, deciding to rest them for just a little while…

**** Katie was jolted awake, quite violently, and as she jerked into an upright position she saw exactly why. Steve was thrashing in his sleep, his face contorted in horror, small murmurs and whimpers slipping from his plump lips. She placed both her hands on his shoulder and shook him. Softly at first, then a bit stronger, trying to rouse him.

“Steve…” she gave him a harsher shake and his eyes flew open, wide in panic and she reached up to cup his face in her hands. “Hey, it’s okay. It was just a dream.”

Her soft voice filled Steve’s senses and, as he realised where he was and whose eyes were looking at him, he took a shaky breath and lay his head back.

Damned it, he’d fallen asleep and had a nightmare. On her sofa.

“Sorry,” he said, his voice croaky, “I err…”

“Don’t apologise, it’s fine.” Katie shook her head gently “I’ll get you a glass of water.”

Whilst she was gone he leaned forward, swinging his legs off the couch so his feet touched the floor, wiping his clammy head with his hands, the memory still flashing through his dream.

Cold air was blasting his hair back…there was a hole in the side of the train…then a flash of light and Bucky flew straight through the hole. “BUCKY…” he yelled, grabbing onto the side of the train, the bar in one hand as he stretched to reach his friend with the other.

“Steve…” The voice was louder, but not loud enough. No, he had to get to Bucky…

But he was gone, Steve was grasping at nothing but air.

Just a dream, Katie had said. It was anything but…

She appeared back in the room with a glass of water and he thanked her as she passed it to him. He took a large gulp, swallowing and was relieved when his breathing began returning to normal.

“You ok?” she asked, kindly as her hand gently knotted into his, her concern evident.

“Yeah, just a nightmare.” he nodded softly “I’ve not had one for a while.”

“Understandable with what’s happened. Wanna tell me what it was about?”

“It was Bucky.” he swallowed thickly “I was replaying the moment he fell. The moment he plummeted to his death from that Hydra train and I didn’t save him.”

Katie stayed silent for a moment before her hand curled round Steve’s shoulder and she pulled him to her, causing him to lay his head on her shoulder. “You know it wasn’t your fault.”

“I should have done more” The guilt ate Steve up every day, that he had survived. Why had he deserved that any more than Bucky?

“How?” she said again. “How could you have done anymore?”

"I should have gone after him.” he said quietly.

“What would’ve changed if you had?” Katie asked. “There’s no way he could have survived that fall.”

“He wouldn’t have been there if it wasn’t for me.“ He replied, "I should have gone after him, brought him home, done something.”

Katie remained quiet, her hand gently running through his hair which was nice, far too nice. He took a deep breath and sat up moving away from her touch.

"What time is it?”

“Nearly six in the morning” Katie glanced at her watch.

“You’re kidding?” Steve snorted.

“Nope. You want some coffee?” she stood up, stretching her arms above her head.

“Yeah if that’s ok.” he replied, following her to the kitchen. From her body language he could tell she was rolling her eyes, even if she wasn’t facing him.

“I don’t know if your Ma ever told you, but it’s rude to run out on a girl after you spend the night with her.”

“And as you know, I’m useless with women.” he sat down at the barstool on the breakfast bar. He watched her, but he didn’t say anything as she bustled about, throwing some bread in the toaster and then went to the fridge for the butter, marmalade and jam, sliding them onto the island. At that point Steve held his hands up.

“You don’t have to-” he started to say, but she silenced him with a glare, similar to the ones Peggy used to give him, the look that could stop him in his tracks it was that stern.

“Shut up.” she poured them both a cup of the coffee before adding milk and a spoon of sugar to each, passing one to him. The bread popped up from the toaster, and she put it on a plate before sliding it over to him and adding more bread to the machine.

His stomach rumbled and he gave in, smearing butter over his toast. He eyed the jam curiously. He’d had marmalade before but…

He looked at Katie and she nodded. “It’s good.”

So he added some, and after a bite he concluded she was right, and nodded in agreement. Once the next round of toast was done she sat next to him.

“So, when did I fall asleep.” she asked, swallowing her food.

“About an hour into the film.”

She shook her head “What an ass…”

“It wasn’t a problem.” He replied honestly as he took a bite of his breakfast. “To be honest I enjoyed it.”

“What, me drooling on your leg?”

He swallowed, his eyes wide “I meant the film.”

“I know.” she smirked.

***** Chapter 2

**Original Posting**

#stark spangled banner #relaunch #steve rogers #steve rogers fanfiction #katie stark #steve rogers x ofc #steve rogers x original female character

143 notes · View notes

tickle-her-senseless · 4 years

Text

Important

Hey all. Just wanted to respond to questions from members of a couple of Discord servers run by the same person following a chaotic couple of days. I’m putting all the info and screenshots (minus names, pics and locations) here, so I can just direct people to this post if they have questions.

I had been intending to just head back here to Tumblr and let the situation lie, but unfortunately the reason given by the automated bot for my ban mentioned “crossing consent multiple times”. Today, friends have been sending me worried questions relating to this, so I’m concerned that the server owner may have made a similar claim in public. Now I pretty much have to say something as that’s such a serious thing to say about someone, particularly on any kind of kink scene.

The mention of consent actually relates to the server owner. Near the beginning of the lockdown, she and I were speaking a lot, she began to tease me in DMs, I responded with a piece of writing dedicated to her, we exchanged pictures - and eventually confessed a mutual attraction. We made plans for the end of lockdown, she talked about driving through Europe and showing me her favourite places. Although her English is perfect, I began learning her language through an app as I wanted to make the effort (Brits are renowned for being lazy with languages), and kept it up every day for months, amusing her with my clumsy pronunciation on calls. Sometimes she would send me explicit comments/thoughts, although I was always nervous to initiate that kind of thing.

One day she sent a message saying that she was still coming to terms with the end of her last relationship and would need to take things more slowly, as she was finding romantic sentiments (as opposed to kinky ones) hard to deal with. Naturally I replied “Of course, in that case I’ll wait for you to initiate that stuff once you’re ready”. At some point afterwards, she sent me a message out of the blue saying “I want cuddles ❤️” and I thought “oh, this is a level she’s OK with” and responded. I think it was the following day when I tried to pick up where we’d left off (without going any further, just cuddling in bed type stuff). She reciprocated and we continued. I also (in an attempt to consider her feelings) asked her if the idea of me posting an old session video on my blog for an American friend would upset her at all. Intending to reassure her about my intentions, I mentioned ”...not wanting to tickle anyone except you and saying no to all of the other UK people on the servers who are asking about post-lockdown sessions”. I also said “I do feel a commitment to you”, which (with hindsight) was probably a foolish or misleading word to use in a purely ler/lee sense.

A week later she sent a message I didn’t immediately understand along the lines of “I thought you were going to let me initiate romantic stuff, you don’t seem to have understood me at all”. I wasn’t sure what she was referring to - the recent story I’d written for her? Use of the word “commitment”? Something else? I tried to talk with her on the phone as some wires had clearly become crossed via text, but she refused for five weeks (citing not being in the right headspace), before finally calling when I sent a message explaining that anxiously waiting to mend the friendship in lockdown by myself for over a month was having a terrible effect on me mentally, and I was going to have to “throw in the towel”, wishing her luck and every happiness.

During our phone call, she claimed that the main issue had been the fluffy cuddle messages which she took to be a serious and repeated boundary/consent violation (citing her wish to avoid romantic talk). This was the last thing I expected and really shocked me. Of course I apologised frantically, repeatedly and profusely. I also said I hoped she could see how I’d made the mistake innocently and honestly when:

- she initiated it the first time, so I assumed it was something she was happy to talk about.

- when I picked up where we left off, she didn’t say “Actually, d’you mind if we don’t today?” and continued the cuddle talk instead.

She said that because she initiated it one day didn’t mean that she wanted to continue the day after - fair enough. The difficult thing to accept was the idea that she felt so violated by the attempt to carry on the next day that she found herself frozen to the point of not being able to say “actually I’m not in the mood just now” and carried on with it, and that I was at fault regardless. She even used the word “harassing” to describe it, which I found very harsh considering my inability to read minds over hundreds of miles. Especially when I couldn’t see or hear her to pick up on body language, tone of voice etc to guess that she was saying one thing but feeling a different way. She said, word for word, “It’s like when someone’s choking you and you can’t speak, you’re literally choking me!” As someone who, as a teenager, was once choked on the ground by my own father until I blacked out and lost bladder control, I did see that as a stretch at best, but chose not to challenge it as she was upset.

I also suggested that, looking back, we probably should’ve clarified exactly what was meant by “romantic stuff” when we almost certainly had different takes on it eg. I’ve cuddled after every 1:1 session I’ve ever had, even platonic ones, purely from the angle of aftercare and a sense of having shared an experience. I was told that despite our different ages and experiences of romantic love, there was only one objectively correct definition of “romantic” - hers.

We went around in circles for over four hours - I apologised over and over while explaining how I got the wrong idea and asking her to understand and forgive, while she tearfully called me a gaslighter, a consent violator, an excuse-maker, a harasser ... eventually I collapsed into tears myself (I’m ashamed to admit), totally worn down, and she softened a bit. She finally said she didn’t believe I’d done anything intentionally, and she still wanted to spend time together in the real world. We made up, spoke warmly as friends for an hour, and I left the call exhausted but relieved. After a few days’ reflection, though, I decided against ever travelling to meet her for real, as the experience had shaken me considerably - and I figured it’d be risky to meet someone in real life when I didn’t trust her completely not to accuse me over either nothing or an innocent misunderstanding. I was still wondering how to explain this to her when things got wild on the server.

A few days ago, a Tumblr user with a stated age of 18 contacted me to say nice things about my blog, which (I hope this doesn’t sound conceited) isn’t out of the ordinary. When she told me she was English and totally new to the scene, I suggested the Discord server as a place where she might make some friends (given the large UK membership) and sent her an invite link. The rest is set out in the mega screenshot saga below, which begins in the staff chat. I’m “SwiftX”, my real name is in teal, the server owner is in blue and her friend and co-moderator is in purple. All other names and locations are in black:

Before sending the last message, I actually typed out five different versions of a counter-argument before eventually deciding to step back. Being totally dismissed and lectured by two people about British labour laws and pub ID measures by two non-Brits nearly a decade my junior was irritating, yes, but the baseless suggestion that maybe I’d done something in private with the new member and was somehow “arguing against” ensuring she wasn’t a child because of that horrified me. As if I’d allow a child access to explicit content to cover my own discomfort - and anyway, I’d done no more than exchange greetings with the girl and point her towards the server, where she was actually verified and granted access to all channels by the guy in purple, not me! After a couple of hours’ contemplation, I politely asked to be removed from the moderator staff, but a disdainful response to my request prompted me to explain it, and why I was upset. Not all of what I said was necessary to say, but all of it was true:

She immediately muted me for 48 hours - “staff disrespect and degrading comments”. Not a problem, I had work to be getting on with. Late that evening, however, her friend arrived in my DMs:

Him: ...it’s creepy that a 32 year old man is potentially teasing a minor

Me: Well I can prove I haven’t teased her, her profile says she’s 18, and the person who exposed her to explicit content was you when you verified her - despite admitting to having had doubts about her age.

Him: ...I’ll drop that subject

Moderator of the year, ladies and gentlemen 🙄 Anyhoo, later that day I received a ban notification from both servers run by this owner, citing “crossing consent multiple times, guilting and being degrading along with causing several conflicts”. I was surprised to feel a flood of relief, but the consent mention really disturbed and worried me, as I’d been under the impression that the server owner had fully accepted that the earlier stuff had been an innocent misunderstanding. Later that day, good friends of mine began sending me worried DMs questioning my record and asking if I’d been inappropriate with a bunch of people, so I’m concerned that the staff may have said something that (deliberately or not) has encouraged speculation. This post is intended to be a landing page to which I can direct anyone concerned about my character so that they they can form their own opinions.

When my follower count began to take off, I became determined to avoid any kind of rift with another prominent member of the community. It’s so frustrating to watch an already niche subculture splinter into factions over needless disputes. This is why I’ve kept names etc. out of this post. If anyone suspects they might know who the server owner is, or actually knows who she is because they’re here from Discord, I would implore them not to out or target her in any way. There are two reasons:

- I don’t want to start a flaming war, I’m desperate to move on and begin improving my mental health after an awful couple of months ... I just need to protect my reputation first.

- I don’t actually think she wanted drama ... I think her genuine perception is that I’ve said something horrible to her. That’s more upsetting than the idea of her trying to smear me, to be honest. I suspect she feels like crap too, and I don’t want to add to her mental load. I honestly hope she’s OK.

Hopefully this will reassure my friends and anyone else questioning my character because of whatever’s been said in that server. I’d also hope that my history of positive interaction here, including being on great terms with everyone I’ve ever had a session with, supports what I’m saying further. It’s a shame this had to happen, but I’m trying to think positively about what lies ahead and trust in my real friends. I’d also like to thank the other members of the server staff who’ve privately sent me messages of support and sympathy having already seen the entire exchange.

20 notes · View notes

wolfpawn · 4 years

Text

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 148

Chapter Summary - Tom realises something is slightly off with Danielle but it seems even she is not focusing on it.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long. This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

So the spoons story Tom revealed before on a chat show.

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe @wolfsmom1 @black-ninja-blade

Tom knew within a few minutes of Danielle's company on his return that his suspicions were correct. Something was bothering her and she did not seem set to share it. It was peculiar, it was as though whatever it was, she was actively seeking to avoid and work around it herself. He watched as she tried to force herself to speak to him as she usually did but there was also a peculiar sense to her too. He tried to make her feel like she could speak to him but she continued to say nothing. She smiled and spoke as close to normal as she could muster, but there was a strain in it for her.

She told him of everything she had to do for the documentation, she showed him who was involved, several of the names were world-leading experts apparently. She mentioned that if she had thought Waters and Safeguard were something to note, this was several times more impressive. When he asked her if there was a possibility of her getting her name in with bigger companies, perhaps set the groundwork for when she would be done with her contract with Safeguard, she nodded and said that if it went well, she could get a job with anyone she wanted and name her price.

Then she explained her triathlon training. To say it was going to be intense was an understatement. Tom stared open-mouthed at the sheer amount of hours a week she was now going to dedicate to training after months of her barely even getting a jog some weeks. She told him of the races she would be doing as a build-up to the main event and that she had already booked her room for the weekend in the small and apparently, going by the pictures she showed him on her phone, beautiful Welsh seaside town. She informed him it was a double room and booked for two and that she hoped he could make it but she understood if he would have work commitments. Whatever it was that was bothering her, he was relieved to see that it did not concern her in a way that meant she foresaw a situation of them not being together in September.

What he noticed more than anything was that Danielle refused to sit still and simply relax. Even when he was not around her and walked into a room she was in, she had the radio on. That was noteworthy in itself, usually, she just chose some album or shuffle to listen to but by actively seeking the radio, she was avoiding her own music. He noted that the radio channels of choice were Irish, or what he assumed to be Irish at least as it was in a language he did not know and the music all seemed to be traditional Irish music, which he knew from his lock-in in Camden where he was forced to learn the spoons to be allowed stay drinking with his friends, or more often, Irish bands and singers. He listened and attempted to at least figure out the gist what was being said, but it was impossible, Irish was not even derived from Latin like a large number of European languages, so nothing made an ounce of sense.

He walked into the kitchen three days after his return with Luke to discuss more work to see Danielle's phone on the worktop and hearing the peculiar language before spotting Danielle filling the bird feeders in the garden.

'What is that?’ Luke asked pointing to Danielle's phone.

'Did you know that when Danielle was small, she never spoke English in her home, that she only started learning it when she was five-years-old in school?’ Tom stated.

'But Ireland speaks English? That's its language.’

'Yes and no. The first language of most Irish people is English but in small pockets of Ireland, such as Connemara, Elle's area, Irish is the first and often the only language spoken.’ Tom beamed.

'So she knows what's being said?’ Luke pointed to the phone and Tom nodded. 'Do you know any of it?’

'Not really, I figured out a word that more than likely means hospital and I know that the HSE was the Irish equivalent of the NHS, so them being so close together was something I was able to work out. Some of the reports are in English, though some of the politicians seem to know a lot of Irish too so I don't always know what's going on. Apparently, they have a huge referendum this month.’ Tom rambled.

Luke just looked at him blankly with no idea as to how to respond to such a statement. Before he could retort in any manner, the dogs and Danielle came back inside. 'Hey.’ She smiled as she walked over and turned off the radio app on her phone. 'How are you gentlemen today? Tea?’

‘I have it there.’ Tom smiled back at her. 'How was the run?’

'Fine, our friend was out to annoy us again.’ She informed him, referencing the photographer that seemed to all but live in Belsize to irritate the celebrities who called the area home. ‘Bobby needs a walk later, I brought Mac with me for the run, could you do it?’

'Sure.’ Tom was slightly startled by her request. It often happened that if one of them was going for a run, they would take Mac with them and the other would walk Bobby later as the pup was not old enough yet to jog with them, but the way she asked him confused him slightly. 'Are you busy, we could do it together?’

'I am going to the office in a minute, I want to sort something.’ She explained. 'I want to get some files, I plan on a solid four hours tomorrow after the pool.’

'Should you be going this intensely already?’

'Tom, I am late getting started and I have not even gotten my bike yet. I will have to see about fitting in some bike time then too and then all three together. I guess that's a good thing about the summer on the coast, I can put all three together there.’

‘What’s this then?’ Luke asked curiously, noting Tom's downtrodden demeanour and Danielle's seemingly mad training schedule.

'I am doing an Ironman in September, so I have to start my training now to be ready.’ She explained.

'Ironman?’

'A swim, then bike, then running competition.’ Danielle explained.

'Sounds exhausting. Rather you than me.’ He retorted. 'Tom told me about your other work also, congratulations, you will be incredibly busy.’

'Yes, it'll be balls to the wall for a while but it's a good way to be. I like being busy when possible.’

'Just as long as you look after yourself, I read injuries are commonplace in training from overdoing it.’ Tom warned.

'I know, Love. Plenty of rest is a big part, thankfully it exhausts you so as soon as I hit the pillows at night, I will more than likely conk.’ She smiled and grabbed her phone. 'I better head to the office, I'll leave the car here and talk to you later, okay?’ She leant up and kissed Tom's cheek. 'There is dinner in the fridge, easy to heat up and sort.’

'Won't you be home for it?’ He asked. 'I can hold off?’

'Don't worry yourself. I'll heat mine when I get back.’ She turned to Luke. 'Thanks for everything at the premiere, I forgot to say. It helped.’

'Of course, that's what I'm here for.’

'I am fairly sure your mother didn't bring you into the world to be Tom's babysitter and to console his girlfriend at an event but okay.’ She joked. 'But, in all seriousness, thank you. I hope I didn't cause you any trouble.’

'No, you didn't. Nothing of the sort, as usual with reference to you, you were nothing short of a dream to deal with. Bar the angry few that still have not realised Tom is a living breathing human being with his own life, once again, you have unanimous praise.’

‘Good, I will endeavour to keep it that way.’ She walked over to Tom. 'Almost forgot.’ She leant up and gave him a kiss. 'Don't go mad in my absence.’

‘Don’t worry, I'll clean it if we do.’

'Oh, I know you will, that's not the reason for my statement.’ Danielle laughed.

'Then what is?’ He questioned curiously.

'I just don't want to miss the fun.’ She smiled as she left the room.

Luke chuckled at her statement before looking at Tom. 'Is everything okay?’

'I don't know. I think something is going on with Danielle.’

'She seems her usual witty self to me but I don't live with her, so I can't say for sure. When did you seem to notice?’

'The premiere.’

'In what way?’

'She's stacking her schedule with work again, making sure she has so much to do all the time and she seems just...off. I can't explain it. She seems like something is bothering her and she is trying to ignore it.’

‘Does she often listen to Irish radio?’

'Apparently, she's been doing it all along and I never knew.’

'Parents birthdays or death anniversaries?’

‘Her mum's was back in January, her father's is next month and birthdays are a little off yet.’ He scanned his mind for the dates he knew meant something more to Danielle.

'I don't know what to say, maybe she is homesick or perhaps she is town weary. A few days in Suffolk will do her good, as will the summer by the sea.’

‘Am I thinking too much into it?’ Tom asked.

'Honestly, I can't stay, but I will say that the best thing to do is air your worries. You two work well together, don't hold that in but also respect that Danielle is not some dependent woman, she is very much her own, driven person. Career advancement and personal goals for her have to be done at a time that suits her, not anyone else. The career thing, she cannot help, that is being steamrolled from elsewhere and regarding her sports thing, it is in the statement you released last year, in papers, online, that she is accomplished at it so this is not completely out of place and at thirty-one, she has to think of her age, her health and the very real possibility that if you two continue as you do, there is going to be a time soon that she will have to forego such goals if you decide to get married and have children. If this is something wants and it will all be done and dusted come September, personally I see it as unreasonable to be irked by it. You both have things you like.’

'She is training several times a week. She went from barely time for a jog to several times a week.’ Tom argued. 'Ten hours rising to fifteen closer the time, it's madness.’

'I agree it's probably a form of madness, as well as a level of dedication that most would never have but in all fairness, she is ambitious in her personal goals, that is something that you have said many times appeals to you about her.’ Tom said nothing back. 'You're concerned that there is no place for you in this, aren't you?’

'She seems to be making little time for us.’

'Have you asked to join her for some of this training, you run, she'll be running, that's something. You could get a bike or swim also.’

'You have no idea what an Ironman is, do you?’

'No why?’

'Google it, Google Ironman distances.’ Luke did as Tom suggested and his eyes widened as his mind computed the words in front of him. 'Bar asking if she has received a sharp blow to the head recently to willingly choose to do this, I don't know what to say.’

Tom did not know how to respond either.

#i hate you i love you #chapter 148 #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fic #wolfpawn

12 notes · View notes

audreycj-things · 3 years

Text

[𝓫𝓵𝓸𝓰 𝓽𝔀𝓸] My Top Five I.T. Career Choices

Are you a current or aspiring student of the information technology department? Are you having trouble with what job to take once you’ve completed your four years of torture college? If that’s two yeses, you’re in luck because in this blog post, I’ll be sharing with you the possible careers I’m considering on taking after I graduate.

But before that, let me share with you how I became a part of the Computer Studies department in the first place!

A Back Story of My Career Dilemmas

Roughly three years ago, upon approaching my senior high school years, I was dead set on taking the path towards becoming a lawyer. Hence, I enrolled under the Humanities and Social Sciences strand. (I no longer remember why I wanted to take up law though.) A few self-evaluations later, I realized I wanted to become a medical professional, specifically a neurosurgeon. I can attribute this to familial expectations, the many Korean dramas I watched, and my desire to improve the country’s healthcare system, to help people, and to be one of the few doctors with nice handwriting. And so, I shifted to the STEM strand up until I graduated.

During my last few months in senior high, I underwent personal dilemmas on what I really wanted. Amidst my extended family’s career expectations for me, my wise mother constantly reminded me the reality of medical professionals’ work. She emphasized the importance of your college program being a product of your own choice rather than everyone else’s expectations. And so, I was no longer sure of what program to take in college. At this point, I was already panicking, especially after seeing how confident my peers were with what career they had in mind. All I knew is that I was completely clueless of what to become and that I am a fairly versatile individual who always tries her best in whatever situation and opportunity she’s thrown in. (I’m known to be a jack-of-all-trades type of person.)

Seeing my struggle, my mom recommended me to consider the I.T. field. As a college professor and her university’s official representative to local and international seminars, she has witnessed and understood the potential and significance of professions under this field. Although hesitant at first—mostly because I haven’t been too exposed to opportunities that allow me to acquire advanced computer-related skills (not including the ones I learned in my basic education’s computer classes)— I gave her suggestion some thought and decided that I shall take up the challenge.

And so, here I am, enrolled as a Computer Science student in the tech savvy Malayan Colleges Mindanao.

My Top Five I.T. Career Choices

Before anything else, allow me to explain briefly about the I.T. field that I plan to be a part of. This is for you to be able to catch up with what I’m trying to say, especially since there are going to be various technical terms from here on. And who knows? I might spark your interest in giving this career path a try!

According to Computer Science Online, the information technology industry operates across a range of industries, such as healthcare, finance, education, and entertainment. Broadly, information technology can be defined as the use of computing via various components (e.g. hardware, services, software) to develop, manage, transform, share and store information in different forms. Careers in information technology deal with the design, creation, management, and maintenance of the varied components of the system, including software, hardware, networks, systems integration, and multimedia.

[1] COMPUTER PROGRAMMER

The number one thing that I absolutely want to become is to be a computer programmer.

Following Technopedia’s definition, a computer programmer is a skilled professional who codes, tests, debugs, and maintains the comprehensive instructions known as computer programs that devices should follow to execute their functions. Computer programmers also conceptualize, design, and test logical structures to solve computer issues. Programmers make use of specific computer languages like C, C++, Java, PHP, .NET, etc. to convert the program designs developed by software developers or system architects into instructions that the computer could follow. They often refer to code libraries for simplifying their coding and might build or make use of computer-aided software tools to automate the coding.

I’ve always been awestruck of how coding works. It amazes me how a series of words and symbols arranged in a definite order will result to apps, websites, and other various software—even this word document I’m using under Microsoft Office! It’s surreal how each element of this software functions in such a smart and creative manner, especially when you know it as merely words and symbols in its raw form. I want to be able to do this by developing and learning all the knowledge and skills a good programmer should possess. Afterall, one should aim for excellence first; success will follow.

[2] SOFTWARE DEVELOPER

Another career that I would love to have is to be a software developer.

According to CollegeGrad, software developers are the creative minds behind computer programs. Some develop the applications that allow people to do specific tasks on a computer or another device. Others develop the underlying systems that run the devices or that control networks. Software developers oversee the entire development process for a software program, including testing and maintenance. They design the program and then give instructions to programmers, who write computer code and test it.

Admittedly, I prefer doing the back-end job of a programmer. I don’t really love leading a team in a somewhat creativity-based project. However, the idea of initiating and facilitating the coming-to-life process of a computer program seems incredibly fulfilling. If ever I do become a software developer, I would probably create a computer program that will be of use to hospitals and schools. In fact, my mother encourages me to consider developing an enrollment system someday. No pressure.

[3] DATABASE ADMINISTRATOR

My third option is to become a database administrator.

According to Learn How to Become and Wikipedia, database administrators are responsible for establishing databases for organizations in all sectors of the economy in accordance with their specific needs in order to ensure that data is readily accessible for efficient and effective use by anyone with permission to use it. They use specialized software to store and organize data. Their role may include capacity planning, installation, configuration, database design, migration, performance monitoring, security, troubleshooting, as well as backup and data recovery.

A database administrator’s job appeals to my perfectionism. The idea of being in-charge of keeping everything organized is a huge but ultimately fulfilling challenge.

[4] CYBER SECURITY CONSULTANT

Another career I have in mind is to be a cyber security consultant.

Top Universities emphasizes that maintaining cyber security in the modern world has become increasingly important, so a cyber security consultant’s role focuses on understanding the risks to the security of information or data. I would have to analyze where security breaches may occur or have occurred, and restore or reinforce systems against such breaches, to ensure that confidential data is protected. This role could include ‘ethical hacking’, meaning deliberately attempting to hack into my employer’s network to expose any weaknesses. Alternatively, I could work as a computer forensics analyst or investigator to combat the increasing phenomenon of cyber-crime.

I can attribute my attractions towards this career to the movies I’ve watched that portray hacking (or anything of the sort) to be cool. In several action movies, I always felt excited when seeing characters getting out of a tight, life-and-death situation with their cyber security-related skills. Although now I know that there’s more to this job than hacking—which they only do for testing reasons, otherwise it would be a crime—it still appeals to that part of my self that craves for thrill. In hindsight, the chances of coming across serious cyber security situations (like a government cyber security breach) here in the Philippines is quite low compared to other countries, so I guess my thrill-seeking self won’t be too satisfied if I work locally.

[5] GAME DEVELOPER

My last and fifth career choice is to become a game developer.

According to Top Universities, game developers produce games for personal computers, games consoles, social/online games, arcade games, tablets, mobile phones, and other handheld devices. This role splits into two main parts. First, there’s the creative side of designing a game and dealing with the art, animation, and storyboarding. Second, there’s the programming side, using programming languages such as C++.

I fit into the second part of developing game—the programming part. Although I’d rather invest on computer programs that are of use to the community, helping create a game seems like a fun way to apply coding. In hindsight, games are not just limited to the “fun” aspect because they offer more benefits than entertainment, so I guess I’m still helping the community in a way. I play games myself, especially the MOBA (Multiplayer Online Battle Arena) game called League of Legends. I understand and have experienced that one can learn, acquire, and hone skills (like strategy planning, enhanced reflexes, analysis) from playing games, especially complex ones. Furthermore, one can create and maintain friendships with games, as well as improve their self-confidence.

OVERALL...

Computer programmer, software developer, database administrator, cyber security consultant, game developer… whatever my career will be, I hope I’ll love what I’ll do and contribute something to the betterment of the community.

I also hope to prove some family members wrong about IT-related jobs being insignificant, that graduates under this program just “end up in computer shops.” While managing and maintaining a computer shop is a noble job, there’s so much more to the professions under I.T. that are constantly being overlooked and taken for granted. We are literally living in the digital age, yet many people still don’t appreciate this field enough. Hopefully, I’ll be able to enlighten and inspire people to try this career path and be a part of the tech savvy community.

Wish me luck in my journey!

#career #computer science #information technology #blog post

1 note · View note

recentanimenews · 4 years

Text

FEATURE: 5 WEBTOON Series We’d Love to See Animated!

With Tower of God over and The God of High School hitting the midway point, it’s pretty obvious that WEBTOON Series adaptations are a hit, but what will come after Noblesse later this year? While we don’t have any real answers to that question, we do have five titles we think would be fantastic adaptations to see animated on our screens. The WEBTOON library is frankly huge and filled with tons of great possibilities, so we decided to try and narrow it down to five different genre titles we think would really shake things up on the “big screen!” If you want to learn about even more WEBTOON Series we think are great (some of which definitely deserve an anime), check out our previous article here.

When deciding what would make a good anime, though, there’s more to it than just, “Wow, I really love this series, so it should totally get an anime!” It’s also worth asking the question: “Would this benefit from being animated?” What would they be able to do with it that they couldn’t do as a WEBTOON Series? What sort of changes might they have to make? As we’ve seen with Tower of God and The God of High School, action series benefit from animation greatly, but that doesn’t mean only action series deserve some lovin’. So with that in mind, I tried to grab a few different genres and styles of WEBTOON Series. But, of course, this is by no means an exhaustive list, and we highly recommend you go check out the WEBTOON website or app (available on Google Play and on the App Store) and see what types of amazing series you can find!

Love Advice from the Great Duke of Hell

I’m a huge comedy fan, some of my favorite series of all time are comedies. So when I started reading WEBTOON Series, I really wanted to find something that would make me laugh. I didn’t have to look too hard, but perhaps no series has been as funny so consistently than Love Advice from the Great Duke of Hell. The main character, Paul, just can’t seem to get the attention of the woman he thinks he loves. So he chooses the best possible course of action: learning black magic and summoning Astaroth, one of the Great Dukes of Hell!

The comic routinely features amazing, understated visual gags and humor while building an interesting and deep storyline over the course of its run. In fact, I really didn’t expect the characters and world that Duke of Hell creates to really suck me in as much as it did, but that just lends to its overall strengths. As far as an adaptation goes, I could see this as a fantastic comedy hit that either focuses on extensive, gorgeous animation for gags like HINAMATSURI, or a muted and simplistic animation style like Skull-face Bookseller Honda-san that lets the art and jokes combine without getting too big. Either way, just thinking about voice actors for the various characters, especially Astaroth, is perhaps one of the most fun fantasies to have—after all, it would need to be someone with enough gravity to play such an amazing Duke of Hell!

Purple Hyacinth

Purple Hyacinth has long been on my read list and was actually one of the series that got me started on the idea of seeing WEBTOON Series animated. Unlike other series, Purple Hyacinth routinely asks readers to turn their audio on, playing ambient and specific music throughout the series to create a multimedia experience. Of course, that isn’t the only reason for it being on this list. No, Purple Hyacinth is here because it’s a type of story that, frankly, isn’t told very often in anime lately: a gritty crime mystery thriller!

Lauren, the protagonist, has dedicated her life to avenging the death of her childhood friend and the elimination of Phantom Scythe, a terrorist organization responsible for the events that would alter her life forever. Lauren meets the assassin “Purple Hyacinth,” who just so happens to share similar goals as her. This series really just gets how to build a complex and deep mystery and the fact that you need excellent character drama to make people care about what happens next, especially when big twists and turns come! Lauren possesses the ability to detect lies, “seeing” them in red whenever people tell them. Just imagining the creative ways this could be animated alone makes me giddy at the idea of a Purple Hyacinth adaptation. But beyond that, the character drama and intrigue of the twisting mysteries here would turn this into a killer multi-season anime. I can just imagine the gleeful frustration waiting for the next season after the first one ends on a cliffhanger! If any of these series were worthy of being dubbed “binge-worthy” as an anime, I’m convinced it would be Purple Hyacinth.

Lookism

Readers of our first article on WEBTOON Series pointed out Lookism as a favorite of theirs, and with good reason. This long-running ugly-duckling story packs a lot of punch, both literally and figuratively, as the story threads of school bullying, the ugly side of society, delinquent fights, and more together into a fascinating tapestry. Daniel is poor, overweight, and bullied to such a degree that his mother scrapes all the money together that she can to send him to a new school. However, his life takes a huge change upon arrival to his new school home when he wakes up in a different body: gorgeous, tall, and super-strong! The “new” Daniel gives him the ability to pursue the life he thought he wanted, but it comes with a lot more than he bargained for!

One thing about Lookism that caught me off-guard is that it seems, at first, to be a sort of traditional ugly-duckling story where Daniel learns to love his original self while teaching those around him to be better people. But it also features heavy delinquent style fights and action. While this might sound a little dissonant, it’s fair to say that Lookism would provide tons of great material for high school delinquent action and social drama—and the fight scenes in later storylines are truly amazing to behold on the page. Lookism also features an amazing supporting cast of unique and weird characters that tend to steal the spotlight from Daniel as they get introduced, meaning there are tons of characters to fall in love with here (I’m a big Vasco and Jay fan, myself!). With a unique mix of action, comedy, and heavy drama, Lookism really has a lot to bring to the table, and when animated, would surely take advantage of its mixed genre-typing to be a big hit.

Let’s Play

While many of the series we’ve talked about have a tinge of supernatural action or combat to them, Let’s Play is quite a bit different—just regular people here! Of course, these regular people are involved in all sorts of turmoil and romantic drama, but that’s to be expected. Let’s Play follows game dev Samara “Sam” Young, creator of the game Ruminate, and the trouble she runs into when her game’s biggest critic, Marshall Law, becomes her neighbor. Let’s Play is a fairly interesting drama due to the combination of game dev discussion—which veers into similar territory as shows like Shirobako that delve into making things—and the personal drama of the main cast.

Although it is indeed a romance, the most striking part of the series is Sam’s struggles with anxiety; her internal monologues and issues make her an incredibly relatable and fresh character. Let’s Play would make an amazing romantic comedy with a woman lead, which we really need more of these days! The video game elements of the story add that extra touch that, in all honesty, feel like they would be amazing to see animated and played with using various graphical touches, allowing animators to play with the adaptation in ways that don’t rely solely on action sequences.

unOrdinary

If you’re an avid WEBTOON Series reader, then it’s very likely you came to this list expecting to see this exact series, so don’t worry: we agree! UnOrdinary would be an amazing anime adaptation, likely to find a huge audience of new fans who would gobble up the series premise: a world in which some people are born with powers, or Abilities, and those who don’t find themselves treated as lessers and outcasts. John, unfortunately for him, is the latter, and as a result, he is relentlessly bullied by his classmates for his powerless nature.

In a lot of ways, unOrdinary is almost like a darker My Hero Academia, except instead of a world of superheroes and villains, it's a world of the “haves” and “have nots,” where people without abilities are treated extremely poorly. Like quite a few WEBTOON Series, social class, status, and bullying are a big part of unOrdinary, which gives it a sharp, dark edge to its narrative at times. Similarly, John is a fairly interesting protagonist and, without spoiling things, certainly makes unOrdinary, well, unordinary! Given the popularity of My Hero Academia and Tower of God, unOrdinary would probably be the best possible candidate to get the anime treatment next, likely becoming a smash hit in no time—especially once the superpowers start showing up!

With the continued success of shows like The God of High School and Tower of God, it’s only a matter of time before we see more and more WEBTOON Series adapted to anime. Of course, there’s no real plans or releases yet, but we think our list is pretty solid. No matter what, it seems like an exciting time to get into WEBTOON Series and keep an eye out for the next big hit title that might be showing up on your screens in animated form!

Which WEBTOON Series titles do you want to see animated? Do you agree with our list? Let us know what series you like and what you think in the comments!

➡️ Watch The God of High School today! ⬅️

Nicole is a frequent wordsmith for Crunchyroll. Known for punching dudes in Yakuza games on her Twitch channel while professing her love for Majima. She also has a blog, Figuratively Speaking. Follow her on Twitter: @ellyberries

Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: [email protected]

#Anime #News #Latest in Anime News by Crunchyroll!

2 notes · View notes

cole-grey-writes · 5 years

Text

Into Dudes

Universe: Marvel Cinematic Universe

Timeline: Pre-Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Character(s): Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanov

Pairing(s): Steve Rogers x Male Reader

Warning(s): none

Request: Hi :D Idk if this is how to request things but do you think you could write a story about Steve just finding out about his feelings for the male reader and is really scared about being gay but still asks him out for a date? That would be awesome.

A/n: my first request!! so sorry it took so long to get out. My finals are coming up in the next week that I have to study for and all my teachers think it’s a good time to start assigning projects every other day. Anyway, thank you to anon, I really enjoyed writing this for you : )

Growing up, Steve always thought there was something wrong with him. He’s always wondered why his gaze lingered on fellas the same way it lingered on dames. It wasn’t until Steve was eighteen that he figured out why.

It was fall of 1936. Steve’s ma had just recently passed away, which left Steve on his own most of the time, if Bucky wasn’t there because Steve shoved him away when he wanted to be left alone. Steve tried to distract himself from the pain and often went to bars in all the wrong parts of town. Steve met a real nice fella one night that seemed to like spoiling him with compliments and as many drinks as he could take. At the end of their night, the guy laid one on him, telling Steve it was a farewell gift before leaving. Steve’s feelings towards other fellas made so much sense as soon as his lips touched Steve’s.

Steve had never feared much in his life, but he wasn’t able to forget the feeling of another man’s lips on his. The memory was stuck with Steve for almost a week, swirling around inside his head. Steve liked kissing fellas a lot. Too much for his time, in fact, so much so that it scared Steve so far back into the closet that he never allowed himself to feel anything for anyone until the 21st century; until you.

“Why don’t you just go talk to him?” Natasha wonders as she sits beside Steve, not looking up from her phone screen. Steve blushes and looks away from where you sit at your desk, writing reports for Director Fury.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Natasha scoffs. “Right,” she says sarcastically, “and I haven’t been watching you make heart eyes at Agent L/n for an hour.”

Steve sighs and goes back to looking at you.

Steve remembers the first time he met you, after the Battle of New York when he came to work for SHIELD, per Natasha’s suggestion. You were sweet, offering him any help he may need around headquarters even if it was just directions in case he got lost or something. Eventually, you and Steve spent lunch together whenever you were both free from missions.

Honestly, Steve never stood a chance.

Steve had discovered his feelings for you only a few weeks prior to his current lunch break with Natasha. He’d come home from a long and exhausting mission with the Avengers in Europe to find you asleep at your desk, drooling all over your papers. The fear of falling for another fella came hurtling back into Steve all over again, and it caused him to start avoiding you. You haven’t spoken to each other since that night.

“If, hypothetically, I did like him,” Steve says cautiously, “how, hypothetically, would I… go about telling him that?”

For once in the last hour, Natasha looks away from her phone. She smiles and sets it facedown on the table. She looks Steve in the eyes and tells him, “Maybe you should think about coming out first.”

Steve sighs immediately and begins picking at his nails. Just the idea of coming out to anyone is so unbelievably terrifying, it gets adrenaline pumping through his body.

Natasha suddenly puts her hand over Steve’s. “I’m not going to force you to come out, no one will, and you shouldn’t feel pressured to,” Natasha lets go of Steve and sits back in her seat, but doesn’t pick up her phone. “It just might be the first step to asking Agent L/n on a date,” she smirks, and then adds, “if that’s really what you want to do,” Steve nods.

“But, you shouldn’t rush it,” Natasha says, suggesting, “Maybe taking some time to prepare yourself would be a good idea,” and then she picks up her phone and is back to swiping left and right on whatever app she’s on.

Steve does end up following Natasha’s advice. He takes some time to ready himself for his confessions, mostly spending the weekend in bed, on his phone, watching as many coming out videos as he possibly can, in between several stress naps, of course. Steve wakes up monday morning finally feeling slightly ready to come out to you (and hopefully manage to get a date with you, but, you know, one step at a time).

Steve waits nervously outside your cubicle, fiddling with the edges of his suit gloves. He’d wanted to do this in his civilian clothes, but he has a mission briefing with his team in thirty minutes that he can’t be late for.

You get off the elevator and make your way over to your cubicle, texting leisurely. You catch Steve’s attention when you get closer, laughing softly at something on your screen before looking up and noticing Steve standing there. You manage a smile, as small and strained as it may be.

“Long time, no see,” you say, muttered for just your and Steve’s ears. “Haven’t seen you around in a while, Captain,” Steve frowns, taken aback by the name.

You almost never call Steve ‘Captain’ like everyone else does because you thought it was rude to only see Steve as Captain America and not Steve Rogers. Steve would know, because you told him yourself. The only time you do call Steve by his title is when you’re around other agents or your superiors. But, when it was just you two, it was always ‘Steve’ or even ‘Steven’ when you reprimand him for stealing your food.

“Hey, Y/n,” Steve greets back, now completely unsure of what he’s about to do.

Steve watches as you settle into your office, sliding into your chair and giving all of your attention to your computer screen as you log in. “Well, what do you want?” your cool tone causes Steve to stutter, which causes you to look over and furrow your brows at him.

“Um,” Steve tries again and fails, “I, uh, wanted to talk to you.”

“Yeah? And what do you wanna talk about?”

Steve’s face flushes with adrenaline. “It’s, um, really hard for me to say…” this grabs your attention and you face him fully. “Well, first, I wanna apologize for avoiding you for two weeks.”

“I get it,” You shrug, playing it cool even though it did really hurt and confuse you, “sometimes people just need some space.”

Steve grumbles. “... still.”

“Apology accepted, then.”

Steve feels better after that, but still stumbles into his next sentence. You give him his time, but it doesn’t stop the curiosity from wondering what’s turned Steve Rogers into a mess of unintelligible mumbles.

Finally, Steve sighs, frustrated, and steps fully into your office. He starts playing with his hands again.

Its surprising, seeing Steve pouting at his feet like this. You’ve always seen either Captain America, the living legend, or Steve Rogers, the little shit from brooklyn that has no problem stealing from your lunch tray. You’ve never seen him so vulnerable before, and it hits you especially hard with him sporting his Cap uniform.

Steve takes a deep breath, and begins stuttering out, “So, uh… I’m sorta, maybe… into…” Steve makes some vague hand gestures and continues, “... dudes…”

“Mmm,” you hum, understanding all of a sudden. You lean forward so your elbows are on the desk, resting your head in your hands, and taking in Steve not for the first time.

He looks incredibly young, with his eyes as big as saucers and his face completely flushed. And it dawns on you that he really is young, barely twenty six when he came out of the ice and not even thirty now. And his eyes are a very blue… You can’t hold back your smile anymore. You say slowly, “That is really amazing, Steve.”

Steve lets out a heavy breath, almost sounding wet. “Really?”

“Really,” you tell him. “And, I am also... really into dudes.”

Steve seems relieved as he asks, “You really are?” and you hum, nodding while still smiling. Steve’s hearts does the little fluttering thing when he hears you confirm it, the same way it did back in ‘36 when that fella gave him his first kiss.

“Um, so,” Steve stutters some more, “I also might… be into.. one particular dude.” You nod, encouraging him to continue. “Yeah,” Steve says, gaining more confidence, “and this particular dude has been real sweet to me ever since I came to work for SHIELD.”

“Oh yeah?” you wonder, feigning innocence while you continue to smile. “And who might this particular dude be, I wonder?” you might already suspect which direction Steve is headed in, but you didn’t want to jump to conclusions and end up being disappointed, even if the chances of that happening at this point are rather low.

“It’s you,” Steve blurts adorably, a hopeful smile ghosting his lips as he looks down at you smiling like a maniac. It’s a huge weight lifted off of steve’s shoulders, saying it out loud. He hadn’t known it would feel this good to let it all out.

It’s your turn to blush, it seems. Your face darkens with blood rushing through your cheeks. You don’t stop smiling.

“And, uh, I was wondering,” Steve wonders optimistically, with a slight bounce in his step as he moves closer to you. “since, you know, we’re both into dudes… if, maybe, you’d like to go on a date with me?”

You giggle. “Well… since we’re both into dudes,” you say coyly, “I would love to go on a date with you, Steve.”

Steve smiles, really proud of himself.

(NOT MY GIF)

Main Blog // Other Side Blog

((NO ONE HAS MY PERMISSION TO REPOST MY WORK ANYWHERE EVEN WITH CREDIT))

#steve rogers x male reader #steve rogers x reader #reader insert #marvel cinematic universe

297 notes · View notes

witchythingscore · 4 years

Text

Secondary tumblrs

My main tumblr : https://lady-knight-.tumblr.com/

had, in 8 years, less subscribers than posts.

Others are three months old, and two have less subscribers (normal), the Dark academia one is the ugly duckling, but only recently.

Prior to that (but it have more posts, to be fair) it was the Princess one. I was a bit disappointed in that, thinking the princess aesthetics were liked a lot more. But it gained more subscribers recently.

The mermaid centered one have way more subscribers than my eight years old blog, in three months. But it did not the best score.

The fairy one does slightly better still. I’ve just launched blogs on aesthetics I like, but apparently it’s this format that works best, here.

Witches, however, seems to interest way more people than fairies.

My cottage core blog is far ahead of them all, still. Maybe because it has the most posts, but I simply reblogged what I liked and photos are numerous on the subject.

Guess it’s because the topic is currently popular. I had no idea-when I launched it, it was simply to celebrate aesthetics that I just discovered they had a name. But my pinterest was full of them already.

With exposure came a problem I’ve never met before. Some persons tried to talk to me, but I must admit I’m not good on online conversations with persons I don’t know IRL. No problem to comment an article or a video, or on a forum (it’s about a precise topic), but don’t be offended if I’m not keen about small talks on line.

The messages or comments I get the most, still, were just to say “Hello, [put an adjective related to physique]” or asking if I accepted money in exchange of...well, let’s say, it looked like messages from a dating app. I even get messages (and once,a photo) from persons apparently into ageplay? Well I don’t see the connection with the topics there-but I’m aroace and not interested.

Say it politely once is not enough, as users (maybe the same I had to block, under a new name) were going on. So I had to close the ask box and only allow comment from users I’ve subscribed to, on three blogs (cottagecore, princesses and witches) so far. I’m terribly sorry, but such messages really spoiled the fun.

#witchcore #cottagecore #tumblr #dark academia #princesscore #mermaidcore #fairycore

3 notes · View notes

steveramsdale · 4 years

Text

10.11 MyLastEverBlog(?)Blog?

Think back to November or December in 2015. You’d never heard of Tashkent and your Saturday mornings were your own. If you had heard of Tashkent, you probably knew little about it and could not imagine what daily life there might be like. Those things were about to change. I was about to find out about daily like in Tashkent and, through me, so were you. I think I’ve said before, I didn’t expect to be writing a blog every week. I didn’t think anyone would be interested in reading such a document. But here we are. It is not ending how I expected, this year has not turned out in a way anyone expected. This will be, almost certainly (!!!) my last Saturday as a economic migrant in Uzbekistan. So, find a comfortable seat. Grab your favourite Saturday morning beverage. Settle for the final edition of the blog no-one needed! Therefore, this is (almost certainly) the last blog from Teaching on the Naughty Steppe. By the way, that blog title is made of the five best words I have ever written, probably the only good, clever, interesting words over the four and a half years. Anyway, you will be getting back your Saturday mornings, so start planning for what that freedom could mean to you.

On Saturday, I went out for tea, back with Wendy, Malek and Maya, and it was hot. Just as I arrived back at NBU, the theme of the week emerged - The Ticket Crisis. I received at text message telling me that my flight on 1st July had been cancelled. It advised that I could change the ticket. This was in the context of news that Turkish Airlines had not been given permission to resume operations to and from Tashkent. There was also news of additional repatriation flights operated by Uzbekistan Airways to various locations, including Istanbul. I tried using my phone to re-book the ticket. I tried using a laptop at Wendy’s house. I kept getting an error message at the same stage. I downloaded the Turkish app. It worked. I was able to rebook for the 2nd July and was able to relax and enjoy the evening (for a while). Various colleagues said ‘hi’ as they left the compound and when a group of three returned, they came into the garden. They came to let us know that they had just been to the main office of Uzbekistan Airways as they had been told that the last 5 tickets out of the city were available. They had bought them for a flight the next day. They had all sorts of rumours available to share. There would be a few more flights but commercial flights were shut down until August. The whole of Central Asia was shutting down until October (because a Kazakh government minister contracted the virus). There were, however, more tickets on the flight than the five they had told me about. It was a wild ride. I had my tickets. There were three more days of school. I had things I needed to do. I was sceptical about the stories. That was not the end, however.

On Sunday, I had my last Russian lesson(?). I had managed to ‘sell’ most of my spare Uzbek currency via UK bank transfers, which was good. Then I realized I owed for one Russian lesson and had this last one so I didn’t now have enough money - maybe. I can use a Visa card if I really have to.

On Sunday morning, I got another text message about the flight. At first I thought it was another cancellation and thought: ‘Is this going to keep happening for the rest of my life?’. It was, in fact, just a change -10 minutes earlier. By about 10:30am on Sunday, I was organised to such an extent that I could have been out of the flat, on my way to an airport, in m 15 minutes. This was my intended state of readiness for the next 11 days or so.

I made my last ever bus journey. Early Monday I walked to school - or I set off walking. I saw a couple of almost empty buses go past and decided I should take one last ride. Early adopters of the blog will remember our fun getting on different buses when we first came to Tashkent. It was the 24, fittingly.

By the end of Monday afternoon, the classroom was almost packed up. I would go in again on Wednesday for a final check - but it was almost the end. On Monday I also received another text message about the flight - again just a ten minute change to the the departure - the second flight this time.

Tuesday morning saw no changes to my ticket. Unusual times. Discussions were still ongoing in the message group. I was, once more, working from home. Between lessons, I decided to go and get some different drinks, via the bin to Ben’s little shop. I went downstairs and got to the corner, only to realise I had forgotten a face mask. I went back and got one. When I got back to the exact same point, I noticed something strange in the rubbish bag. It was a kitchen knife. I stopped and thought about going back again. I could not bear the thought of that. I put the knife in my little bag and went down to the bins. As I headed towards the shop, I thought about the fact that they sometimes check bags. I did not want to try to explain why I was carrying a knife, so I went home!

Wednesday morning saw the arrival of an email saying that Turkish Airlines resumption of flights had not, in fact, yet received official Uzbek government approval. So, the date of 2nd July was still ‘up in the air’. I genuinely apologise for that phrase. Would I be flying on the following Thursday?

All of this uncertainly (keep reading) may mean, there may need to be at least one more blog to resolve this part of the story. I cannot tell you that I will definitely not be here next Saturday. I think you might want to know how (and even if) this ends! Anyway, if I’m going to suffer, you can, too.

Here’s a strange little story to change the mood for a moment. As I was drifting off to sleep on Tuesday evening, I thought about someone and decided I would ask Mairi, the next day, if she had heard from this person. I was awake in the middle of the night and knew that I would not be getting straight back to sleep. So, I got up and checked my messages and there was a message from this person. I know that is a coincidence, but still slightly cool and spooky.

Wednesday was our last day. I saw one of my students in person as she came to return her iPad and collect her belongings. That was really nice. She was the only one I saw. It was a very strange end to then year but I think it was ‘easier’ for me that a proper end would have been.

A few staff arranged to have a get-together on Wednesday evening and I decided to go. It was not too far from me so I walked round and it was very pleasant. I made this note - ‘The girl selling tissues who took the money but didn’t give the tissues.’ It was Mark who was persuaded to buy them. I think she just forgot to hand them over, but it was funny. I then saw her again later as I walked home . She was walking along counting her money.

On Thursday I had my flat inspection, a ‘hospital appointment’ my telephone with my consultant and an interview with a supply agency.

Friday was also an unexpectedly busy/exciting day. The next flight chaos arrived. A message saying my flight from Tashkent to Istanbul had been cancelled. It was time to see if the Uzbek repatriation flights were on. As I set off, Dave got in touch and I told him to join me. It was quite early, but there was already quite a gathering outside the office. I won’t say queue because this is Tashkent. I stood at the back of the scrum. A man asked me if I needed help. I said I was here for a ticket to England. He said I could go straight in. I was unsure, but others waved me forward. I was allowed in and soon after, Dave arrived. Within about 20 minutes, we both had tickets to Istanbul and a reasonable price. Now to check the UK leg.

When I got home, I called Turkish airlines. The app was not letting me do anything. I explained the situation and said that I now had an alternative flight to Istanbul. I wanted to know if I could still use the Manchester ticket. He said I could not. After some back and forth, he told me I could cancel the whole ticket and book a new flight. He told me about the one at 13:40, I pointed out that I knew about that flight as I HAD A TICKET FOR IT. We cancelled and re-booked. He also told me I could only arrange a refund via email. I sent the email. I also filled in a claim on the website. A little while later, a call came to my phone from an Uzbek number. It was a woman ringing to give me a number to call to claim my refund. I wrote the number down and then called it. I got in to a hold queue and decided not to wait. When I looked at the number of the incoming call it was the same as the one the woman had given me. So she called to give me the number she was calling from for me to call to get the refund! A little while later, someone else called and they sorted the refund. The outstanding one from Emirates is still outstanding. But, I (hopefully) have a route home with only 24 hours at Istanbul airport.

My final activity on Friday was to meet two wonderful people at Ecorn. We made a video call to Mairi, too, so she was ‘there’ as well.

The government here is trying to encourage people to continue to be vigilant and sensible. They have sent out police and national guards to check hygiene methods are being observed at shops and markets. Also, the cars making announcements are back out.

And that is my last week (probably). It has been quite a ride. By next Saturday, I should be home home! I will let you know either way! Good Bye.

3 notes · View notes

artificialqueens · 5 years

Text

Not Nineteen Forever (2) (Branjie/Scyvie)- Ortega

a/n: first off thank you to everyone who’s liked, reblogged, put something cute in their tags, dm’d or sent feedback to me/to AQ about this! it completely warms my heart and motivates me SO MUCH so thank you. in this chapter Scarlet gets a shock, someone gets a new groupchat nickname, and things are revealed during pres. as always send lovely things here or to my blog @artificialortega, and enjoy the quick updates while i’m still not at work!

Trigger Warning: alcohol. standard procedure xo

Summary: Brooke, Yvie and Nina are three flatmates who forged a friendship in their first year of university and picked up some other waifs and strays along the way. Now in their final year, there are feelings that need to be unravelled and confessions to be made whilst navigating drunk nights, hungover mornings, takeaways, group chats, library meetups, cafe gossiping, and the small matter of getting a degree.

***

Scarlet stood in the street, silent, breathing heavily, and absolutely frozen to the spot. She had felt the coin drop from her hand and hit the pavement, but whether that had been seconds ago or minutes ago she couldn’t tell. All that was running through her mind was one single thought, one single number, and no matter how much her eyes darted across the small rectangle of paper it didn’t seem to change.

Five thousand.

She looked again- top left hand corner, top middle, dead middle.

Five thousand.

Scarlet took one deep breath in then held it tightly in her chest before releasing it. Selfishly, she reminded herself that it wasn’t that much money, in the grand scheme of things. Some people would get paid that a month eventually in life. But Scarlet was a student- a philosophy student at that, who wouldn’t get paid shit when she graduated and had absolutely zero job prospects.

Five thousand was big.

She never bought scratchcards. It was a whimsical purchase, along with a granola bar and a bottle of chocolate milk on her way to a lecture, but there was no fucking way that was happening now, not while she had a card in her hand that entitled her to be the proud owner of five thousand whole pounds.

Part of her panicked. Part of her didn’t know what the hell to do with all this money. She completely and utterly was not in any way used to it. She was still thinking and in a complete daze when she walked back into the shop and handed the shopkeeper the card wordlessly. Confused, the man looked at it for a moment then laughed.

“I can’t cash that here,” he chuckled, handing it back to Scarlet. “Can only give you up to one hundred. You need to phone them.”

“Oh,” she laughed, uncomfortable and embarrassed, thanking the man as she took the card and left. Once outside, she turned it over, found the phone number she needed to call, and in a matter of minutes, her NatWest banking app now read: £4985.55 (she had previously been in her overdraft).

So what the hell did she do now?

As if on cue, her phone hummed in her jacket pocket. Bringing it out to look at, she saw the group chat already exploding with messages.

Dave the Laugh: anyone down for lunch near the lib in 5?

Cananana Canadada hey hey hey bingo: Yes please. Can we go Liezen?

Kim Kardashian-West: i’m eating the most disappointing sandwich of my life in a staffroom where no other teacher is talking to me! i <3 placement!

Plastique Bague: Nina :(

Plastique Bague: I’d be down for Liezen in 5! Me n Brooke will be there after this lecture

FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: Biiiiiitch so sad i’m missing this!!!!!! don’t have too much fun without me xo

Scarlet paused for a moment, her thumbs hovering over the phone screen. It would probably make her feel better, going to see the girls, and Yvie would be there too. Her heart gave a little jolt as she typed her own reply.

used Tampon: Can I come too??

There was a small pause in the chat, as if everybody was looking at each other with concern despite all being in separate places. Squeezing her eyes shut, Scarlet tried to push out the spiral of her thoughts to a secret, Scarlet-less group chat the girls had without her. It wasn’t that she felt insecure in her friendship group, it was just that sometimes she felt like the odd one out, that sometimes they were only friends with her for pity, that they secretly joked about her behind her back.

That was insecurity. She’d just defined insecurity.

Sighing, she looked down at her phone again and her heart soared.

Cananana Canadada hey hey hey bingo: No sorry it’s a No Scarlet Allowed event xo

Dave the Laugh: Brooke i’m evicting u

Dave the Laugh: ofc u can join, u don’t need to ask bitch!!

Brooke’s comment completely ignored, Scarlet cheerfully made her way through the park that separated all the city’s student-land flats and the main campus, where the cafe they visited so often lay just on the outside of. She didn’t care even if the others hadn’t wanted her to join- Yvie had, and that was what mattered.

Scarlet had a weird relationship with Yvie, different to ones that she had with the rest of her friends. Whenever she saw her, she always felt like she needed to look her best or be acting nonchalant and cool, despite the fact Scarlet couldn’t be either of those things to save herself. If Yvie’s body was having a rough day and was being particularly unkind to her, Scarlet would worry and fuss, and ask Yvie if she needed anything to the point where the other girl sometimes got annoyed at her. She couldn’t help herself- the thought of Yvie being in pain was so horrible to her, cutting through her and making her fret. Sometimes Scarlet felt she couldn’t respond to or take part in any of the friendly shade or roastings that Yvie threw her way, because maybe Yvie would see that as flirting, and that would be weird. They were just friends, after all, Scarlet reminded herself with a nod. It was just…a different type of friendship than the ones she had with the others. But it was still a friendship.

Arriving at the cafe, she scanned the room and found Yvie, Plastique and Brooke Lynn sitting around a booth. Scarlet found her heart giving a jump when she saw the seat next to Yvie was free and she walked towards the table happily, sliding into the free seat and greeting everyone.

“Hey, boo,” Yvie smiled, scooting up so that Scarlet had more room.

“Oh she’s here, guys. We need to stop talking about her now,” Brooke said dryly and sipped her coffee, her tone of voice giving absolutely nothing away. Scarlet’s mouth fell open, confused.

Plastique burst out laughing as Brooke winced in pain, Scarlet feeling the motion of a leg kicking out from beside her.

“She’s fucking with you, Scarlet, don’t worry,” Plastique smiled sweetly, Scarlet grateful for the sympathy. Brooke and Yvie appeared to be locked in an aggressive staring contest, so Scarlet spoke in an effort to break it.

“How’ve your days all been?” she asked lightly, picking up the menu and giving it a flippant scan before deciding she’d order what she always did.

“Boring. I got up and went to the gym, we had a 9am-” Plastique gestured between herself and Brooke. “- and then a tutorial, and now we’re here. We made a really good effort to get some work done in the library though. We spent a whole…what was it, ten? Five minutes in there?”

“Um sorry, I would’ve happily stayed and done work but Miss I-Need-Food-Or-I’ll-Die dragged me out here,” Brooke cast an incredulous glance at her friend. Plastique shrugged.

“Guilty,” she said, before sipping at an orange juice she had in front of her.

“How’s your day been, Scarlet?” Yvie asked, her head leaning on her hand in an effort to face her.

Scarlet considered her options as quickly as she could in the two second time gap she had in which to answer. She could tell the girls about the scratchcard, or she could just…not. As mean as it sounded, she’d heard about people’s friends changing when they’d had a lottery win, and not necessarily for the better. Okay, it was only five thousand (only? ONLY?) but it was still probably more money than any of them had ever had at uni, and Scarlet still didn’t really know what she was going to do with it all. Looking in Yvie’s eyes, she was struck with a pang of guilt for what she was about to say.

“Uh, alright. I got up kinda late. I’m actually supposed to have a lecture just now, but I blew it off. Balsamic tomatoes were calling me,” she shrugged, pleased when both Yvie and Brooke laughed. As the waiter arrived to take their order, Scarlet let out a sigh of relief she didn’t know she’d been holding. She hadn’t known lying would come this easily to her. Well- technically she hadn’t lied. She hadn’t not told them about the scratchcard. She just…happened to omit it from the recount of her day.

As the waiter moved away from their table, the conversation turned to a night out that Vanessa’s flat was apparently hosting pres for this evening. Scarlet felt a pang of envy. She wished she had the sort of flatmates that were all so close and hosted things together, but instead she was stuck in a two bed with a girl she’d found on SpareRooms who inexplicably hated her. She longed to be the flat that everyone would come to for chilled times, like Brooke, Yvie and Nina, or the flat that hosted crazy parties like Vanessa, Silky and Akeria. At the very least, she wished she had Plastique’s excuse to not host anything- her incredibly rich and successful Mum had simply bought her a beautiful flat in the nicest part of town, which she shared with her friend from school. Scarlet’s mouse-infested two bed was a million miles away.

“I don’t know, Yvie, we’ve only got three weeks until showcase,” Brooke sighed, hands around her cup of coffee. Yvie waved a dismissive hand.

“Shut up with these excuses already. Plastique, you’ll come because you can’t stop yourself from drinking anything with an alcohol content higher than 3% and Brooke, you’ll come because it’s Vanjie.”

“And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Brooke asked pointedly, fixing her gaze on Yvie. The other girl laughed.

“It means you want to bone,” Yvie explained, scrunching up her face with a laugh as she made a snipping motion with her fingers.

“BOOOOOOONE?!” Plastique impersonated, causing Scarlet and Yvie to burst out laughing.

“Fuck you all. It’s not like that at all,” Brooke rolled her eyes, unamused. Scarlet felt for the girl. In the time she’d been part of the friendship group, she knew that Brooke pined for Vanessa but also that Vanessa crushed on Brooke with exactly the same intensity, Vanessa often confiding things to Scarlet in the Philosophy lectures they were in together. Scarlet had told Yvie all of this, and Yvie, naturally, told Brooke time and time again how much Vanessa liked her, but never told Brooke how she knew (a gesture, Scarlet always thought, that was sweet of her as it protected her from any fallout of Vanessa finding out that Scarlet had told Yvie).

“I think it’s sweet,” Scarlet chimed in, her stomach spasming as Brooke fixed her with an unimpressed gaze. “You know. That you’re waiting to tell her until you’re sure she likes you too. I feel like I would do the same.”

To Scarlet’s relief, Brooke pulled a smug smile and gestured across the table to Scarlet. “See? She knows.”

Yvie frowned at Scarlet, drumming her fingers against the table. “So you would wait as long as she has to tell someone you liked them?”

Scarlet found her words catching in her throat. For some reason, Brooke laughed.

“Girl. Shut up.”

“What?!” Yvie exclaimed. “It’s just interesting!”

“Interesting in what way?” Plastique asked, her face expressionless and a quick knowing look passing between her and Brooke before the waiter arrived with their food (scrambled eggs, avocado and tomatoes with balsamic on sourdough for Scarlet, bacon roll for Yvie, raisin granola with strawberry jam for Plastique and a chocolate and hazelnut croissant for Brooke) and the conversation was forgotten about. The chat then turned into uni moaning, deadline stressing and tutor bitching, something Scarlet was glad about. She’d just completed her first Philosophy essay of the year and she desperately wanted to impress her tutor after achieving good marks last year, so she vented to the girls about her worries.

“None of you will believe the conversation we had with Silky when we were at the pub the other night,” Yvie began, Scarlet already laughing as she’d heard this story before. “So she got this essay back and her tutor gave her like…52 or fifty something, it was a low mark at least. And Silk starts going off like ‘Well! I know it was a good essay! It don’t matter! I’ll just do another one!’. Like…! I had to be like 'Well it kinda does matter, bitch, it’s your whole fucking degree!’”

The girls at the table howled with laughter, glad of a cautionary tale and a distraction from their own performance at uni.

“I worry about Silky sometimes,” Brooke frowned, peeling off a small bit of her croissant and eating it.

“Silky will be fine,” Plastique reassured her through her last mouthful of granola. “At the very least she’ll get a job for a local paper and she’ll get paid to write controversial opinion pieces all day.”

“Ugh, let’s not talk about grad jobs,” Scarlet sighed, the thought of having to find something to do once she finished uni making her heart palpitate. Yvie smiled, reaching out and taking Scarlet’s hand.

“You’ll be fine. It’s these two you’ve gotta worry about.”

“Oh, thanks so much,” Brooke Lynn folded her arms together and narrowed her eyes at her flatmate.

“Well. More Brooke than Plastique. She’s always got the option of living at home and getting spoiled for the rest of her life.”

“Getting suffocated, you mean,” Plastique pouted, leaning back in her seat.

“What are you going to do after you graduate?” Scarlet asked Yvie, at once interested. Yvie tilted her head and thought.

“Forensics. Or actually, I’d quite like to work at a mortuary. Something with dead bodies,” she shrugged, Plastique wrinkling her nose.

“You’re a spooky bitch,” she recoiled, Yvie laughing in that deep, Disney-Villan way that Scarlet secretly loved.

“And what, bitch? And what? Anyway,” she took a sip of her diet coke. “I don’t need to worry about jobs yet. That goes for all of us. We don’t need to think about that shit til January.”

“It’s already October!” Scarlet cried, her eyes wide and fearful. Yvie, she noted, had still not let go of her hand, as she gave it a squeeze and laughed.

“Guys, let’s not be dramatic, we will all be fine,” Brooke shook her head, finishing the last of her croissant. Her comment stung Scarlet a little and she shrank back in her chair, suddenly inhibited and self-conscious.

“Well, this was lovely but we’d better get to the lib,” Plastique shrugged, pulling out her purse. Scarlet had a sudden thought. Maybe the others would start to warm up to her if she took care of the financial aspect of friendship every now and then. A lunch here, a round of drinks there. If she started to show some generosity, then maybe the girls would start to like her more.

“Hey, I’ll treat us!” she smiled, causing all three girls to whip round and stare at Scarlet as if she had sprouted an extra head. She immediately regretted her decision. Was this too suspicious? She gave a fake laugh. “My Mum sent me some money earlier this week and said to treat me and some friends to dinner. It’s not dinner, but it’s close enough?”

To her relief, Brooke and Plastique raised their eyebrows and shrugged. Brooke sent her a warm smile from across the table. “Well lucky us! Thanks, Scarlet. That’s cute.”

Scarlet cast a glance to the girl beside her and saw Yvie looking at her with intrigue, her face deep in thought. Buoyed by Plastique and Brooke’s kindness, she stuck her tongue out at her.

“Well am I going halfers with you, then?”

Yvie relaxed, giving a laugh and pushing Scarlet a little. “Oh my God, no, I’ll take what I can get of course. Thanks, baby.”

Scarlet’s heart gave a little explosion. This was a pet name she hadn’t heard from Yvie before, and she would be lying if she said it didn’t make her skin prickle and her blood feel hot in her veins. She wished she could stop smiling, but found herself unable to.

Scarlet paid and the girls all filed out of the cafe, saying goodbye with tight hugs and cheek kisses and promises to see each other later at the pres that Vanjie was hosting. When Brooke and Plastique said goodbye to her, Scarlet could have sworn their smiles were wider than usual, and she was sure that Yvie had hugged her extra tight. Scarlet was so happy that she headed straight into town, treating herself to a new outfit for the night ahead from a shop she would never usually even set foot into. She was in the changing rooms trying it on when the group chat went off again.

FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: Mine tonight, who’s coming!

large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: EXCUSE ME

large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: OURS

Kim Kardashian-West: Me!!!!!! #tgif

FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: they know wtf i mean

Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: sorry i have other plans with more important friends who i don’t live with

Cananana Canadada hey hey hey bingo: My God your…so unfunny…it pains me physically

Kim Kardashian-West: *you’re

Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: *you’re

large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: *YOU’RE

FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: IM DYING

FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: *you’re

Plastique Bague: i’m coming

Cananana Canadada hey hey hey bingo: I’m not coming any mose

FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: PLASTIQUE!!!!!! you ruined it lmao

Plastique Bague: fuck u too Brooke

Plastique Bague: oh lol sorry

Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Who’s mose.

Kim Kardashian-West: Tell me why I find mose so funny

large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: MOSE ADDFGGHLL

Plastique Bague: oh my god mose

Cananana Canadada hey hey hey bingo: guys oh my god a bitch makes a typo!!

FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: MOSE I CANT BREATHE

FORD TRANSIT VANJIE set the nickname for Brooke Lynn Hytes to mose.

mose: I hate you all so much

Plastique Bague: IM DYING

Kim Kardashian-West: VANJIE AHAHAHAHAHAAHAH

Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: actually fuck this has killed me off

large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: VANJIE IM HAVING AN ASTHMA ATTACK!!!!!! MOSE!!!!!!

Dave the Laugh: mose lmao

Dave the Laugh: anyway i’m coming tonight

Dave the Laugh: Scarlet said she was coming at lunch

Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Omg. does this mean we have a full squad?

Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: this NEVER happens

mose: I’m still not coming

mose: I’m being cyberbullied

FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: you are so coming bitchhhh

Scarlet noted the plethora of heart emojis Vanessa tacked on to the end of her message to Brooke before sending hers, still confident from her lunch with the girls and the short, gold dress she was looking at herself in the mirror in.

used Tampon: I’m coming so we OFFICIALLY have a full squad ladies!!

used Tampon: Well. If mose is coming xo

large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: SCARLET HAHAHAHA

Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Scarlet i swear that’s the funniest uv ever been

Plastique Bague: Ahahahaha WOOO!! Yaaaas to full squad!!

Kim Kardashian-West: Mose will be there if i have to drag her there!! Yay Scarlet!!!

FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: Brooky if u come i’ll give you a big cuddle!

Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Anna ou-

mose: I don’t like that threat

mose: See you all later, I’ll be their

Plastique Bague: *there

used Tampon: *there

Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: *there

Kim Kardashian-West: *there

mose: FUCK YOU ALL!!!!!!

large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: *THERE

FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: *there assddffghjkkl love u Brooke xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

After a little shopping trip, a nap, a small, solo getting-ready party and absolutely no uni work, Scarlet found herself in a taxi on her way to Vanessa’s flat, fiddling with the hem of her new dress that popped out from under her parka and wondering to herself if it was too short. She had bought the biggest bottle of gin she could find in the supermarket, not thinking twice about dropping £40 on it, and a small half bottle of tequila. Tonight would be a big one if she had anything to do with it. Scarlet was excited- she hated always being that person that had to borrow money for the entry fee, the only person who couldn’t buy drinks for everyone in the club, the person that got bought pity shots because she couldn’t afford a drink. Tonight, things would be different.

She arrived at the girls’ flat and pressed the buzzer, the music from Akeria’s room pouring out of the second-floor window already. Scarlet wasn’t that late- Vanessa had said 9 and it was only half past, but already she could hear the girls upstairs drunkenly singing along to Pitbull. There was suddenly a loud buzz from the intercom and Scarlet found the front door swinging open. She jogged up the stairs, taking them two at a time in her white trainers, and was greeted with a tight hug from Akeria, whose eyes were already considerably glassy. Scarlet was led through to Akeria’s huge, fairy-lights-and-mirrors covered room, where a huge cheer went up from the girls inside at her arrival. Plastique, Nina and Brooke Lynn were all sat on the edge of Akeria’s huge bed, and Silky and Vanessa were on the worn, purple carpet beside them, making a semicircle. Yvie was sat on the small sofa opposite the bed, dressed in a black lace jumpsuit that caused Scarlet’s pulse to race. Smiling and raising up the bottle of gin from her bag, Scarlet laughed as another cheer exploded in the room. She stepped carefully over the dwindling pack of cards that formed a circle around a pint glass full of a liquid that looked absolutely vile, and sat on the sofa beside Yvie, shrugging her jacket off.

“Hey,” Yvie smiled, flipping her septum piercing in and out of her nose absent-mindedly. “You look nice. I like this.”

Scarlet felt her cheeks heat up as Yvie momentarily touched her bare thigh, fiddling with the material at the hem of Scarlet’s dress. Scarlet rolled her shoulders back and flipped some of her hair over one. “Thanks! Just got it today. You look so good!”

“God, this old thing?” Yvie put a hand to her chest and laughed, Scarlet joining in until Akeria squashed herself down on the sofa beside her.

“Thanks for stealing my space,” she said unamused and giving Scarlet a quick once-over with her eyes. “Here, I got you a glass.”

Scarlet thanked her and poured herself out a measure of gin and lemonade which was approximately 40% gin and 60% mixer. She watched as Vanjie pulled out a card from the deck and a huge roar went up from the girls, a King staring back at the girl’s disappointed face.

“Aw, fuck my life!”

“Get it down, girl!” Yvie laughed, delighting in the other girl’s anguish.

“Vanjie, I’ll drink half if you really don’t want to,” came Brooke’s voice, the groans of objection from the other girls almost making Scarlet miss the grateful smile that Vanjie shot Brooke’s way.

“Um, no the fuck you won’t, bitch!” Yvie piped up again, outraged.

“Yeah this ain’t fuckin’ I’m A Celebrity, drink the damn thing!” Silky all but screamed, the girls chanting as Vanjie raised the glass to her lips and tilted it, some of whatever was in it dripping down her chin and spilling onto her black vinyl skirt. In under ten seconds, the glass was empty and the room was cheering, Vanjie giving a triumphant smile and wiping at her mouth with a somewhat flailing arm.

“Okay, next game!” Plastique demanded, thumping her knees.

“Question game,” Nina said instantly in a monotone voice, some girls cheering and some girls groaning. Scarlet’s heart dropped.

“Noo, please! Last time we played this I got my chat nickname, and it’s fucking horrific.”

“What, when you had to tell everyone that you were the one who left the used tampon in our toilet?” Yvie laughed, and Scarlet felt herself blush to the roots of her hair.

“It wouldn’t flush!! And I wasn’t about to leave it lying at the top of your bin, was I?!” she cried, Yvie laughing and pulling her into her side for a hug. Scarlet supposed the embarrassment was worth it.

“Okay, no tampon-themed questions, guys,” Akeria laughed, the others muttering a laugh around her. “Remember, if you stumble, you answer and drink, if it’s a shit question, you answer and drink-”

“Akeria! We’re in third year! We know how the fuck the game works!” Brooke exclaimed, the other girl narrowing her eyes at her.

“I’m out to get you now, bitch,” she said forebodingly, Yvie “oooooh”-ing spookily beside Scarlet and making her laugh. “Who’s starting?”

“Me!” Silky yelled, and launched into her first question before anyone could object. “Akeria, who was the last person you fucked?”

“Nina, have you ever got with a stranger in the club?” she immediately fired across the room, the other girl’s face dropping in surprise.

“Vanjie, where’s the worst place you’ve had sex?”

“Plastique, would you ever go there with Ariel?” she yelled, her face relaxing in relief that the heat was off her. Plastique, who had been taking a drink at the time, choked, and a chorus of cheers went up as the girls realised she’d have to answer. Scarlet felt for Plastique as a red prickly heat began to spread across her chest and neck.

“I mean,” she began, her voice suddenly quiet. “I guess? Like maybe it would be weird but…whatever. Yes. It’d be fun, and we wouldn’t be awkward about it the next day. And I wouldn’t have to do the walk of shame. I’d just go across the hall to my own room. So it’s convenient.“

“So the fact that she’s hot just doesn’t come into it?” Brooke deadpanned, a bomb of laughter exploding in the room and Brooke receiving an elbow in the ribs for her trouble. Scarlet could relax for the small amount of time the game wasn’t being played. She always lived in terrible fear that someone would bring up the weird sort of relationship that she and Yvie had, and she really didn’t want to have to address it. Finishing her drink, Plastique began again.

“Nina, what’s the biggest dick you’ve ever taken?”

“Brooke, anal: thoughts?”

Brooke laughed as she attempted to get her question out. “Scarlet, have you ever had inappropriate thoughts about someone in this room?”

FUCK. “Akeria, what’s the youngest you’d ever go?”

“Plastique, have you ever done speed?”

“Yvie, what’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever masturbated with?”

“The hell?” Yvie scrunched up her face and laughed, before moving on quickly. “Brooke, if you could fuck anyone in this room, who would it be?”

Scarlet’s mouth dropped open as she watched Brooke’s face turn white. “Silky, um…uh…oh, fuck! I had one!”

The room descended into chaos as everyone realised Brooke would have to answer the question. Scarlet jumped as she suddenly felt Yvie lean in to her side and whisper in her ear.

“How many times do we have to play this game at pres before Brooke answers with Vanessa? She has to at some point, right?”

Scarlet laughed and sat forward eagerly to hear Brooke’s answer, noticing Vanjie looking at her intently out of the corner of her eye.

“Um…” Brooke began, then laughed and took Nina’s hand. “I’m going to say Nina. Because she would make you a cup of tea afterwards and breakfast in the morning, and really what more would you want?”

Scarlet didn’t miss the way Vanjie’s smile turned into a fake one and something shut down behind her eyes. With a pang of empathy, she narrowed her eyes at Brooke and shook her head. “Shit answer!”

Brooke and Nina fixed their surprised gazes on Scarlet as the other girls laughed and some of them agreed. Nina raised her eyebrows in mock-offence. “Scarlet, I’m offended! Are you saying I would be a shit fuck!”

Scarlet felt panic rise in her chest. “No, I-”

Nina burst out laughing. “I’m only kidding, you’re right, it was a shit answer.”

Scarlet joined in with the laughter and shouts that filled the room, confidence spiking again. Brooke soon started the game once more. As things progressed, the girls got more and more drunk and more and more loud, and Scarlet’s gin and tequila got passed around the room, everyone appreciative of free alcohol. As they drank more, Scarlet felt herself and Yvie grow closer together on the sofa until she was practically in the other girl’s lap. The only problem was, as everyone drank more, they all became less on the ball with coming up with questions rapidly.

“Akeria, how do you really feel about Silky?”

“Plastique, what’s your net worth?”

“Scarlet, gaaah, have you ever had a sexy dream about someone in this room?”

“Silky, have you ever farted in bed?”

“Oh my God, y'all nasty! Yvie, have you ever fantasised about anyone in this room?”

“Nina, where was the last time that you…I mean, when was the last place…god damn it!” Yvie exclaimed, jeers filling the room as Yvie blushed uncharacteristically. Scarlet’s interest was piqued. With a small jab of annoyance, she’d wished that Silky had asked who Yvie had fantasised about, but then she’d maybe get an answer she didn’t want to hear.

“Um. Yeah. Obviously! I mean, haven’t we all?” Yvie shrugged, trying to play the question off casually. Scarlet felt her heart speed up in her chest. Akeria raised an eyebrow and leaned back against the arm of the sofa.

“Haven’t we all imagined ourselves in a sexual situation with one of our friends? I don’t think you’re gonna like the answer to that,” she chuckled, Plastique howling with laughter.

“Unless your name’s Brooke or Vanessa,” Yvie shrugged, the girls all descending into screeches of laughter, Silky’s being the loudest as she got up from the floor and started jumping on an unimpressed Akeria’s bed. Scarlet looked at Brooke, who was eyeing Yvie darkly with a tight smile on her face. Yvie cleared her throat beside Scarlet, her eyes expressing regret as if she’d gone too far. Changing the subject, she asked the next question. “Uh, Akeria, what’s your body count?”

“Nina, what’s going on with you and Monet from your course?”

“Ah, oh, um,” Nina began, flustered. She shut her eyes tightly. “Brooke, what’s the dirtiest text you’ve ever sent?”

“Plastique, how many nudes have you sent?”

“Vanjie, who’s the most fuckable person in this room?”

Vanjie screwed up her face and gestured in disbelief. “Shit question, bitch.”

Shouts of objection filled the room. Vanessa put her hands out in front of herself in protest.

“Now, now, now, wait a damn minute! It’s only shit because there’s an obvious answer,” she shrugged, taking a sip of Scarlet’s gin that she’d mixed with her Fanta. As everybody waited with baited breath, she rolled her eyes. “Brooke Lynn. Duh.”

As if it was Wembley Stadium at full time, the room exploded with cheers and roars, and Scarlet doubled over giggling. Brooke was laughing but her face had gone beetroot red, and Vanjie was smiling, pleased she’d elicited such a reaction. Scarlet felt herself fall into Yvie’s side as she laughed. This was great! She was having such a good time!

There was a sudden three bangs on the front door out in the hall, silencing the room and making Scarlet jump. Many of the girls giggled anxiously as Akeria threw her hands up and shook her head.

“Nope! No, I got the last three, I am not getting this one as well.”

“Bitch! Lemme at ‘em,” Silky exclaimed, getting up from her position on the floor. There was silence in which some of the girls (mostly Plastique) made inappropriate comments to try and get everyone to laugh, while they listened through the door to Silky, Vanessa and Akeria’s upstairs neighbour rant and rave about how he had work in the morning, and how this was the fourth time in two weeks, and how next time it would be the police that would get called. As she giggled, Scarlet felt Yvie take her hand and squeeze it, the other girl laughing evilly under her breath and making her laugh even more.

Fuck. Scarlet was beginning to realise her friendship with Yvie wasn’t strictly a friendship anymore.

The bang from the front door caused everyone to jump, and Silky was back in the room almost as quickly as she’d left.

“RIGHT bitches, c’mon, you heard the man, drink up, move, move, move!”

And with that, Scarlet tugged Yvie up from her position on the sofa, ready for the night that lay ahead and all the regrets and consequences that could accompany it.

#rpdr fanfiction

133 notes · View notes

arthurhwalker · 4 years

Text

Moving your Tabletop RPG Online: First Steps

Trapped behind a fortress of toilet paper, but still want to play Tabletop RPGs with your friends? This is my quick and dirty guide to getting started running and playing your games online. Toward the bottom, I'll have links to as many digital resources to help run games as I can find. I will update whenever I find new things, so check back, and comment on what you're looking for.

Requirements

You and your RPG table folks will each need a computer, tablet, or smartphone capable of running Discord, and accessing Roll20 via a browser. Discord can run in a browser as well, but I recommend using the desktop app on your computer, or mobile app on your tablet or smartphone. Also, I strongly recommend a headset or earbuds with a mic.

Every participant will need a Roll20 dot net and Discord App account.

https://discordapp.com/ https://roll20.net/

Discord will primarily provide video and voice chat for your table. It has lots of other potential for community building, but for right now we're just going to use it so you and your fellow gamers can see and hear each other.

Roll20 is where you'll host the game itself. It is where you and your RPG crew will roll digital dice, manage character sheets, look at maps, move tokens on the battlefield, and similar. It takes some setup, but not a lot to get started.

The more preparation the person running the game puts into Roll20, the nicer and more streamlined the experience. This can be done over time, between games. I wouldn't delay play to have everything perfect, just get enough set up to get started and go.

Discord for Gamemasters

Don't worry about setting up or joining a server just yet. You don't really need one, and it often just confuses folks that are new to Discord. At minimum, the person running the game should have all the players added as friends. Go to the Friends Tab, click "Add Friends", and put in their handle, pound sign, and number. Your handle and number will be displayed somewhere in the app depending on whether you have the mobile, browser, or desktop version of the app.

Once the person running the game has everyone added as a friend, they can add them to a Group DM. The New Group DM button looks like a speech bubble with a + sign by it, and should be visible in the Friends Tab. Once everyone has been added to the Group DM, the game runner can hit either the start voice or video call button, prompting everyone else to join.

That Group DM will persist in the Friends Tab, regardless of whether anyone is actually online or in the call. People that drop from connectivity issues can pop back in by just selecting that group DM when a call is ongoing. If people are having connectivity issues, they can send text messages to the Group DM, add files, send GIFs, and similar.

The person running the Game can post news and game schedules to the Group DM, and people can chat about the game off camera/mic in between games.

Yes, you can set up your own dedicated servers, forums, and communities using Discord, but you don't need to. In my experience, Discord is just arcane enough to confuse people the first few times they run it. The desktop version of Discord will continue running in the tray, by default, even if you close the main window.

Make sure you either go into settings and turn this feature off, or shut Discord down from the tray, and/or that you've left the call when you're done. Otherwise, you'll continue to broadcast as you talk to yourself, while browsing the Internet (to the amusement of your friends still in the Group DM.)

Roll20 for Gamemasters

Like Discord, Roll20 dot net is just arcane enough to baffle people. It has a lot of functions and features, and you do not need to make use of them all to get started. Don't delay play while you figure out how to get dynamic lighting to work, or build every map for the campaign.

Just get rolling with it, hands properly dirty.

Once you're logged in, you'll need to create your first game. Once you're logged in, there should be a shiny pink button labeled, "Create New Game". Click that, and head to the next screen. Give your game a name, and don't worry about tags (if you're just playing with friends). Pick the character sheet from the drop down menu that most closely fits the game you're going to run.

This will save you a bunch of time later. Don't worry, you can change it after you've created the game if you don't like this feature.

Once you've created your game, hit the menu button, and go back to Home. Click on your game, scroll down to invite players. You can send direct invitations to the email address they used to sign up for Roll20 with, or copy and paste a link, dropping it into your Discord Group DM text chat.

After your players have accepted the invitation, have them launch the game, at least once, so the Roll20 servers fully recognize that they are participants. This will allow you to assign them control of characters, and access to handouts later. This merely saves you the time of having to make those assignments at the first game.

While your players are in the game, have them go to the "My Settings" tab, by clicking the Gear Icon in the upper right corner. Have them scroll down and set Player Avatar Size to "Names only", and Chat Tech to "None" (no video/audio). You're using Discord (which is way better), so you won't need these features.

On your game's landing page, there is a place for Game Discussion where you, or any player, can post topics, people can reply, and so forth. For important game things, you can flag posts to hang around at the top of the Discussion Feed. This is a good place to put house rules, leaderboards, game schedules, and more.

There is also a place to indicate when the next game will be, the time adjusted from your timezone, to whatever everyone else has, depending on where they live. Handy!

When you launch the game to work on it, I recommend having the Roll20 Wiki up in another browser tab. I'm going to run through some of the basics, and give a tour, but there's too much to detail in a single blog post. I'll be focusing on what you'll need to just get started.

https://wiki.roll20.net/Main_Page

The game view has three visible points of user interface. The vertical bar of icons on the left, the horizontal bar of icons at the top of the chat log on the right, and the game board itself. The first thing in the Chat Log should be a "Welcome" message with some helpful chat window commands. At the bottom of the Chat Log is a toggle letting you change your role from yourself, to NPCs, monsters, and even player characters (should they find themselves charmed by a dryad).

Also, note the little blue Page Toolbar button at the top in the middle. This is what you'll use to navigate between different maps, and change what players are able to see on their screens. Your view doesn't have to follow what the players are seeing.

The learning curve with the Roll20 interface is going to feel very steep at first, for you and your players. If you're already anxious about running games, this can feel overwhelming. However, once you learn even a little of how it works, Roll20 is a very powerful tool. I use it to run my local games now with a big screen TV.

It's that good. Trust me, hang in there.

Okay, you're logged into Roll20, click on the games tab, mouse over it, and click the tutorial. Watching a YouTube video is a fine way to learn, but this gets you accustomed to the tools, where things are located, and so forth. Breaking through this initial learning curve, understanding where your game assets are stored, and how to control what your players see and hear takes a minute.

If you've ever used Photoshop or any image editing tool, even Microsoft Word or OneNote, a lot of the user interface will feel familiar, functions and features much the same.

Okay, some general tips that should streamline things for you.

Make a character called "Dungeon Master", "Game Master", or similar. In the Attributes & Abilities tab create several that are going to automatically roll for yourself via /gmroll, or for players using /roll, the most commonly used things. Passive Detection, Surprise, Random Encounters, Treasure, Initiative, and anything else you roll for multiple times per game.

Then, click the "Show in macro bar" box so they are on screen for you whenever you need them.

When uploading assets, give the file names that are searchable in an intuitive way. You can make folders and to organize your art library, but it isn't really necessary. The search feature is robust enough it'll pick through the pile very quickly, provided your file names reflect what the asset is.

Asset0023.png <- No GoblinShaman.png <- Yes

Finally, in the settings for your game, add any applicable compendiums for your game, and click the box that makes them available for players. There are compendiums for Dungeons & Dragons 5th Ed, Pathfinder 2nd Ed, Call of Cthulhu 7th Edition, Dungeon World, Fate, Kids on Bikes, Pathfinder 1st Ed, Starfinder, Burn Bryte, DramaSystem, and Dialext.

A lot of these are paid upgrades, but worth the investment if you plan to stay on and use Roll20 for any particular duration. You'll find the full list on Roll20 dot net, under the Tools Menu Tab, in Compendiums.

Roll20 & Discord For Players

In the beginnning your goal should be to have fun, and understand how Roll20 works enough that you aren't slowing the game down for anyone else. Worry about macros and navigating the game as you play. Definitely watch YouTube videos, read the Wiki, and do whatever else you need to feel comfortable.

But, first, make sure you are using best application available to you for accessing the game.

There are these options for Android and iPad. (Keep reading, don't just grab one of these yet.)

Android iPad

As far as I'm aware, these are horrible, 1-2 star applications with problems, and lacking in support. Only resort to these options if you've tried every browser (Firefox, Chrome, Safari) available for your platform, and can't get it on your desktop or tablet.

Likewise, do this for Discord.

Make sure you are accessing the Discord App using the best option for your platform. I have yet to find a platform where Discord isn't pretty great. Windows, Mac, iOS, Android, and Linux, all awesome with a dedicated app, or in the browser.

Figure out how to mute yourself, and be courteous to other people participating. No one wants to hear you eating chips or yelling at your kids. ;-D Also, perform and audio test with your computer and headset. Have a friend or the game master meet you online and make sure everything is working properly.

This is, literally, 75% of the battle for a game master running their first online game. Just getting people online with the right software, hardware configured properly, with a modicum of understanding of how it all works. The absolute best thing a player can do is be responsible for learning and helping others learn Discord and Roll20.

Preparing games for Roll20 takes more effort for the dungeon master than normal. You can help this along by writing background stories, doing illustrations of your character, or just making a wish list of magical items your character hopes to encounter. Taking some of the guesswork out of making the game fun for you, will greatly streamline the process for the game master.

Likewise, organizing games online is time consuming and stressful as compared to just meeting at the local game or board game cafe. Make sure you communicate with the game master your availability, and be on time for games. This sets a standard for other players. Supporting the table with your reliable presence makes it nicer for you, and everyone else.

Build some custom emote macros for your character in the Attributes & Abilities tab or your character sheet in the Journal tab above the chat log. Whenever my Warlock uses one of his class abilities at my 5e table, I click a macro button that executes one of these commands.

/em holds a rod aloft, summoning hellish fortitude! (Using his Rod of the Pact Keeper)

/em grasps a shard amulet around his neck, closes his eyes, and reaches across into the hellscape it came from. (Using his Dark Shard Amulet)

/em gains terrible fortitude following the slaying of an enemy. (Dark One's Blessing Class Ability)

/em produces a shadowy tome, bound in the hide of an otherworldly beast, flames leaping up from the script inside. (Book of Shadows Class Ability)

/em reaches back into the void, altering his fate. (Dark One's Own Luck Class Ability) /roll 1D10 [Add To Current Saving Throw]

This accomplishes three things.

It lets the game master know you're using a class ability without breaking the flow by babbling about game mechanics.

It marks the use of that class ability in the chat log for tracking purposes.

It enhances the game for other players, giving them a more vivid picture of what your character is doing.

Resources

As of writing this, Roll20 has a ton of things in the marketplace for free, tokens, maps, and modules. It is part of the response to people being stuck at home. I've included links to some notable items, but definitely cruise through all the things.

The Master's Vault, D&D 5e (Free as of writing this) Quick-Start Rules Call of Cthulhu 7th Edition The Lightless Beacon - Call of Cthulhu 7th Edition The Strange: Starter Pack - Pathfinder Playtest Flip-Mat Multi-Pack

Lone Wolf's Hero Lab things provide for Online Character Creation, Campaign Management, and regular old Classic Character Creation. It looks like they primarily provide online support for Pathfinder 2e, Starfinder, and Shadowrun 6th Generation, and classic support for Pathfinder 1e, D&D 5e SRD, and Savage Worlds.

For 5th Edition Shadowrun, there is a keen Character Chummer on Github. Also, this tool for figuring out your Priorities before you start writing things down.

For Star Trek Adventures, there is a Character & Starships tool here. Also, this fan site looks like a keen source for ideas and things.

@Tartle_Games on Twitter turned me onto a service called Astral. I haven't checked it out in detail yet, but folks that play Call of Cthulhu, Pathfinder, Vampire: The Masquerade, Shadow of the Demon Lord, Exalted, Forbidden Lands, or Fantasy Age should probably head there and see what they've got. It looks like those games are specifically supported for playing online, and Astral appears to be free? https://www.astraltabletop.com/

Even More Resources

PCGen

"Compatible with Pathfinder 1e, Pathfinder 2e (coming), d20 Modern, Dungeons and Dragons 3.5 Edition, Dungeons and Dragons 5th Edition, Starfinder, and many more..."

This service went into archive mode December 17, 2019. Take advantage of it while you can.

Fast Character

"Need a few quick pre-gens for a game convention or organized play group at your local game store?

Your cousin from out of town wants to sit in and join this week's game?

The party insists on hiring that NPC to join them for the adventure?

That failed stealth check got half the party killed and now the fallen are playing back-up reinforcements?

You don't have time to min/max your way through a character build but want to try something new?"

Support for D&D 5e, and Cypher System (Numenera, The Strange, etc)

Also, don't forget about ye old' Google Search for free assets and dungeon maps.

#table top rpgs #playing online #dungeons and dragons #vampire the masquerade #star trek adventures #pathfinder #call of cthulhu #roll20 #astral

4 notes · View notes

mermaidkincore · 4 years

Text

Secondary tumblrs

My main tumblr : https://lady-knight-.tumblr.com/

had, in 8 years, less subscribers than posts.

Others are three months old, and two have less subscribers (normal), the Dark academia one is the ugly duckling, but only recently.

The mermaid centered one have way more subscribers than my eight years old blog, in three months. But it did not the best score.

The fairy one does slightly better still. I’ve just launched blogs on aesthetics I like, but apparently it’s this format that works best, here.

Witches, however, seems to interest way more people than fairies.

My cottage core blog is far ahead of them all, still. Maybe because it has the most posts, but I simply reblogged what I liked and photos are numerous on the subject.

#mermaidcore #cottagecore #artists on tumblr #dark academia #witchcore #princesscore #fairycore

2 notes · View notes

ankcna-blog · 4 years

Text

hello guys !! i’m blaire, and i come to you with a VERY belated greeting !! i went to a skz concert a few days ago and as you would expect my life has been flipped upside down ever since !! but now that things are calming down, i’ve got things in order and would like to introduce you to my beloved weirdo kwanchai, more commonly known as dreamdrop’s choreographer KAI ! i’ve wanted to join you all for the longest and can’t wait to have some fun now that i’m finally here ! without further ado, you can find all his links here ( more to come ) as well as some important info about him below ! and of course, like this if you want to plot ! i’ll also be joining the discord very soon, so that’ll be an option too !

background !

from bangkok, thailand ! maybe it’s because of this he’s such a city boy and loves being around people, because that’s basically been his whole life ! in bangkok there were people around nearly all the time and now that he lives in seoul, it’s no different !

like his fc, he’s ethnically chinese but his nationality is thai ! honestly he feels more of a connection to his thai side because it’s the one he’s the most familiar with, though recently he’s been trying to connect with his chinese side.

grew up around mainly girls, 3 older sisters and one younger ! his dad’s the only boy, but his parents are divorced. they still co-parented pretty functionally, though, so he mainly stayed with his mom and did weekly visits to his dad. he believes the heavy presence of females in his life is the reason he grew up to act a little more conventionally “feminine” and why he has such a high respect for women ! his sisters have always been .... v strong in comparison to him ojoijoijoij so it makes sense why !

his sister is the original dancer of the family, picking up ballet at only 5 years old ! she’s older than him so, wanting to follow in her shoes, he begged his parents to join as well !

his parents were v apprehensive at first, especially his dad, because they weren’t the most progressive and didn’t think a boy dancing ballet looed good. it took some convincing, but eventually they allowed him !

absolutely loved it, would come home dancing nearly every day. once they realized he was really enjoying himself and taking himself seriously he convinced them to add on tap and hip hop classes as well !

always been into american culture, he was always watching shows & listening to music from america, and that transferred into a general interest for the country ! so in high school, he studied abroad for a semester w / a host famiy !

this really helped his english skills and is the main reason he’s so fluent today, which definitely helps with his job ! it’s the reason he sounds less like a foreigner now when he’s speaking.

coincidentally, through america, he found an interest in korean culture ! his host family lived in california, which already was home to a lot of korean spots, but his host sibling was a kpop fan and got him into it ! so when he got back home to thailand he had gained an interest for it.

he started listening to a lot of the music, and at 17 made a very spontaneous decision to send in an audition tape to a company ! ( not noir, a smaller up-and-coming one probably ! )

he was .... incredibly shocked that he’d gotten in, but ecstatic for the chance to do what he loved ! not everyone was quite as ecstatic as him ... mainly his dad who thought his career choice was unfit for the one son of the family.

regardless, he packed up things and moved to korea, where he began to train to become an idol ! contrary to what he’d thought he kind of hated it lmao ! he had a super hard time trying to learn korean initially and didn’t deal too well with the stress of such a cutthroat environment. on top of that, he wasn’t favored by the company and they kept giving other trainees opportunities he didn’t have ! he didn’t like that because he felt he had the personality and drive, they just weren’t willing to take a chance on him. but he really loved the chance to perform alongside other passionate people and learn from them.

so it was a bittersweet moment when, at 18, he terminated his contract. he felt relieved with all that extra pressure off him e but was also sad to no longer be performing. he tried to lie and act like he didn’t to his family but eventually, they found out and his mom sent him back home to thailand. his dad was livid and promised that if he didn’t do something within 2 months to get a job he’d stop helping him out.

kwanchai wanted to keep dancing but still needed a job, so did the best thing he could think of ! a choreographer he’d met in seoul promised him a room in his house if he agreed to fly back to korea and start working as a sort of dance apprentice under him at a studio !

so, going back yet again, he agreed and made one of the best choices of his life ! he got a lot better and not only dance but teaching / choreographing it ! with this, he comfortably began to adjust to the country and learned a lot !

the more he was there, the more he realized how much he enjoyed choreographing ! his friend gave him the chance to begin creating dances from the studio and it was then he decided he wanted to do it as a career !

he didn’t want to feel like a burden at his friend’s for so long, so it was then he decided to apply for a job at noir as a choreographer, hoping to save up and buy his own place. he applied unsure if he’d really get it due to his short experience, but was ecstatic when he did !

the whole thing has proved to be one of the best choices of his life - he’s got a steady job that’s very fulfilling, he saved up enough for an apartment, and he gets to dance while maintaining the level of freedom he’d craved as a trainee !

personality / random tidbits !

his app summed it up well, he’s incredibly eccentric ! he’s just different in nearly every way and if told to do something one way, he’ll probably do it the other.

his name is kwanchai, but ever since he was 17 he’s gone by kai, a shortened version of his full one ! it’s because it not only easier to pronounce for koreans but to his many american friends as well, and honestly it makes him feel less out of place as it’s a fairly universal name !

he’s super talkative, inherited from his sisters, but in turn is a very good listener ! so you’ll catch him either ranting about all his problems or listening to someone else doing the same.

naturally, he’s very fun and excitable ! rarely takes anything seriously, that is .... unless he’s dancing ! typically when teaching he likes to crack jokes and such to make the experience fun, but if it’s crunch-time he does a whole 180. when he has to he takes dancing very seriously, sometimes maybe even too much ! he may come off as controlling but in reality he’s just very passionate and a true perfectionist in terms of technique.

speaking of dancing, seeing him do it is quite an amusing sight ! kind of like j-hope he’s always making noises when he does it, and always has some sort of noise or word that correlates with his dance move ! def the type to say “and jazz hands !!”

maybe it helps, maybe it sounds stupid ! but since he has such a horrible memory it does tend to help him out a lot.

his hair right now is dyed, and the best reference i can give you is the john’s banana video lmao !! he keeps it pretty short to keep it out his face when he dances, and tbh his hai is a different color all the time !

he has a food blog, “rate what i ate”, where he does food reviews for restaurants ! it’s really fun for him because he loves to eat and has a very strong opinion on nearly everything. muses feel free to come eat with him, he’ll never say no to a dining buddy !

aside from that he has general social media and an ig where he posts short dance covers ! thinking about starting a yt cover channel.

coffee is his everything. he’s got a horrible sleep schedule, staying up late and having to wake up early ! but coffee is the one thing that gets him through, and no matter what time of the day he can always be found with his favorite cup in his hand.

remember how his app said power poses ? well it’s something kai actually does ! every morning and before doing something important he stands in a power pose for 5 minutes, saying affirmations rather dramatically. that alongside his guided meditation obsession makes kai in the morning time quite the amusing sight.

he has a black bombay cat affectionately named luna ! she’s his daughter whom he loves very very much and would die for. a total sweetheart who will accept all love, muses feel free to pet !

even though he’s fairly happy somewhat out the spotlight, he still has the idol mentality, and definitely has the whole charming personality thing going on ! he’s a whole personality and it’s almost a sin he didn’t become a talkshow host, but i assume he’d have a small following because of it ! not dreamdrop level of course, but a little bit of recognition !

that’s all i can thin of right now, that and i don’t want to keep you all waiting for this intro for too long ! i’ll add more as i see fit, and again, i can’t wait to meet you all !

#i'm feeling v trash so will be more active tomm !

6 notes · View notes

fairykinpixiecore · 4 years

Text

Secondary tumblrs

My main tumblr : https://lady-knight-.tumblr.com/

had, in 8 years, less subscribers than posts.

Others are three months old, and two have less subscribers (normal), the Dark academia one is the ugly duckling, but only recently.

The mermaid centered one have way more subscribers than my eight years old blog, in three months. But it did not the best score.

The fairy one does slightly better still. I’ve just launched blogs on aesthetics I like, but apparently it’s this format that works best, here.

Witches, however, seems to interest way more people than fairies.

My cottage core blog is far ahead of them all, still. Maybe because it has the most posts, but I simply reblogged what I liked and photos are numerous on the subject.

#fairycore #cottagecore #tumblr #witchcore #princesscore #mermaidcore

1 note · View note

kcaruth · 4 years

Text

My First Time Playing Dungeons & Dragons

First published in 1974, Dungeons & Dragons has experienced a resurgence in popular culture as of late. From Stranger Things to Stephen Colbert’s references to the game to podcasts galore, many people have at least heard of D&D now and have some basic familiarity with the concept of it.

I had never played Dungeons & Dragons and had no intention of trying it anytime soon...that is, until a friend introduced me to Critical Role. Critical Role is a web series in which a bunch of nerdy professional voice actors come together to play Dungeons & Dragons with Matthew Mercer as the dungeon master. Available on Twitch, YouTube, and as a podcast, Critical Role is currently deep into its second campaign. I decided to tune in to the podcast one day in 2019 when I was on a long drive out of town and began listening to the beginning of this second campaign. With most episodes lasting at least three hours, I figured it would help pass the time and make the drive fly by more than cycling through radio stations ever could. Although it took me a little while to get hooked and I certainly was confused at some parts early on, I can now say I am head over heels in love with Critical Role. Thanks to the superb work of the voice actors and the immersive storytelling of Mercer, I am completely invested in the players’ characters. I am only 10 episodes into the second campaign at the time I am writing this blog post, and I cannot wait to see where the story takes our group of adventurers from here.

With Critical Role having piqued my interest in Dungeons & Dragons, I started keeping an eye open for opportunities to try playing myself. I did a bit of research and checked a handful of local comic book and game shops to see if they had any opportunities available. While some of them did have Dungeons & Dragons events, they did not sound like they were easy for a beginner to join, and a couple of them included a cost to play. I was looking for something where I, as a brand new player, would not feel left out or left behind and buried underneath all of the complexities that come with role-playing games. I needed an environment where I would not feel like I was bringing the game to a screeching halt as I tried to get the hang of things. Additionally, I did not want to financially commit by paying an entry fee and going down the rabbit hole of purchasing dice, the official player’s handbook, miniatures, etc. before I felt like this was a hobby I could truly enjoy.

After a few weeks of searching, I saw a Facebook event post come across my newsfeed promoting the start of a brand new Dungeons & Dragons campaign. The description said the campaign was open to veterans and beginners alike, and best of all, it was completely free. Don’t have any dice or miniatures? Not sure how to go about creating a character? No problem! I paid a visit to the store the week before the game night to chat with one of the owners and confirm that this would be a good first foray into Dungeons & Dragons for me. He was very welcoming and assured me that new players like me were exactly the people they had in mind when designing this campaign. I was sold and told him that I would be there.

I only had a couple of drawbacks going into this. First, the store is located approximately 30 minutes away from me, so I have to fight rush hour traffic to get there in time for the 6:00 pm start. Second, considering the session lasts three hours, that does not really give me any time to stop for dinner beforehand, and by 9:00 it is too late for anything hearty. I may start packing an extra sandwich with my lunch to eat on the road on the way over there if I continue going, but I certainly wish that the store was closer.

When I arrived at the store for the beginning of the campaign, the dungeon master introduced himself and explained the concept of this campaign. Essentially, our characters are in a hamlet searching for jobs and quests. There is a job board with different missions available, and together we decide which one to take. He explained that this format would make it easy for new players to join the game, allow players more flexibility by giving them the opportunity to switch to a completely different character the next week if they so choose, and the story would not get thrown off if the players from one week missed a couple of sessions. We gathered around the table, and he expressed his surprise that so many people had shown up to play. All together, there were 10 of us. With me being one of the three brand new players to the game at the table, he asked me to sit next to him so that he could advise me and walk me through things. He let me borrow his dice and a miniature, and he let me choose my character from a pack that he had created. I selected a half-elf rogue equipped with a rapier, a light crossbow, and a dagger. Once everyone was set, the campaign began.

The dungeon master presented us with three different jobs and asked us to vote as a group on which one to take. The first one involved monsters causing trouble near the port and interfering with trade. The second one was a plea for help from farmers whose cattle had started mysteriously disappearing, leaving behind trails of blood. The third one came from a landowner who was worried about bandits encroaching on his land. Our group opted to pursue the second job.

To make a three-hour story short, we discovered that undead skeletons had been taking and killing the cattle, so we engaged them in combat. We successfully defeated the horde of skeletons, and that is where the game ended for the night.

While I did enjoy my first experience playing Dungeons & Dragons overall, it was not as great as I had hoped it would be. Perhaps my expectations were too high, but we hardly dived into the role-playing aspect of the game, which was the main draw for me. Not a single person ever used or even mentioned his or her character’s name! I did try to interact with the other characters a couple of times to drive the other players into a role-playing mindset, but it did not really lead to anything. At the heart of it, I believe that 10 players is way too many people for Dungeons & Dragons; I think the ideal number is four to six. (For reference, the recurring cast of Critical Role’s second campaign from what I have listened to so far is six to seven players.) The fight with the skeletons was especially unbearable, with almost 10 minutes passing each time before it was my turn to do something again. While most of the other players were easy to play with, a couple of players had obviously played before and brought their higher level characters into this new campaign. That was completely fine with me, but one of them constantly kept referring to his Dungeons & Dragons smartphone app to try to correct the dungeon master or point out certain intricacies or bonuses his character had, completely interrupting the flow of the game.

With all of that being said, I really appreciated this dungeon master’s willingness to take new players under his wing, and I am especially grateful to this particular store for providing this chance to try out Dungeons & Dragons. They clearly enjoy the game and want to share their love for it by making it accessible to more people, no strings attached. I am glad I stepped out of my comfort zone to meet up with these total strangers and try out a new experience. If you have ever had even an inkling of curiosity about Dungeons & Dragons, I highly encourage you to seek out a place or group where you can try playing it. At the very least, give Critical Role a listen and see where things go from there.

#dungeons and dungeons #tabletop #critical role #roleplaying #seek discomfort

3 notes · View notes