//just me venting about sukuna haters sorry

Not me seeing so much discourse about whether sukuna is a well written villain or not... he essentially has no backstory shown as of yet and we barely know anything about him but he is still one of the most naturally interesting and compelling characters in the whole damn series bro 💀 buckle up bc its about to get lengthy (im just glazing sukuna in this post ngl so 🧎‍♀️)

so many whiny ass mfs are weeping about how he "doesn't have any personal goals or a proper reason to be a villain" when that is the whole point???? He lives on his own desires and satisfactions and does whatever he wants to, because he is capable enough to do that. Mfs want "real villains" but cant even handle sukuna 💀 ive seen too many shit ass threads and poorly articulated "critiques" on his character that dont make any valid points. If you can't even separate your personal dislike of a character from your analysis of their writing, dont even bother posting that shit please 😭😭😭 the fact that we haven't even gotten any information about his background yet and people are jumping the gun about him being "poorly written" is already saying a lot 🤨

The fact that yall are so bitter and angry about him that you can write 500+ words about how oh-so-terrible of a villain he is kinda proves that he's doing his job well tbh 💁‍♀️

What also bothers me to no END is how people compare him with villains of other series, who had compelling sob stories that made people empathise with them. Thats nice and all but why should all villains have grand ideals and be subject to feelings of empathy/sympathy from their audience?

Part of what makes sukuna so interesting is how he's not tied down by morals, rules or long term goals in life. He doesn't limit himself, which is what makes him an unpredictable character. He's completely left behind what it means to be human in many ways, and he's clearly not a character written to be empathised with. He is very purposefully inhumane and distant from everyone else, and that feeling transcends from within the series to real life as well. There is a clear lack of understanding bc most of us can't comprehend what its like to just live without being goal-oriented.

Sukuna is a true anomaly in the sense that he doesnt really fit in any kind of box within the series. He's born from man, but its clear that he separates himself from humans (and nobody else considers him human, either). He's not a cursed spirit. He hovers between life and death. The narrator referred to him as the honoured one, whilst angel referred to him as the disgraced one.

These little contradictions in his character make him all the more complicated and interesting to think about. And even recently, he's been shown to waver a little bit momentarily in the manga, questioning his own irritation at yuuji. He's capable of self reflection, and though sukuna does whatever he wants for the most part, he doesn't blindly go into things without some thought first, he's a constant thinker and analyser, and an intelligent one at that.

And honestly, he is always such a joy to watch and read, his personality is so flavourful, and the way he carries himself is very attractive. He's not afraid to get messy or of getting hurt, theres so much chaos in the way he does things and yet he also has a huge element of gracefulness to him, which shines through the poetic way he speaks. Its undeniable that sukuna simply oozes charisma...

And this isnt talked about enough but this man is genuinely so effortlessly funny (in a kind of sinister way i guess?) Like yes he is an old ass man having real beef with one FIFTEEN YEAR OLD for very little reason, he accidentally healed yuujis arm and somehow expected him to be grateful for it despite how he literally ripped his heart out afterwards, then he proceeded to sit on him after kicking him down likeeee 😭 what kind of behaviour is this sir

His facial expressions at yorozus yapping 💀 THE WAY HE COMPARED YUUJIS FACE OF DESPAIR TO THE HARIMA STATUE 😭😭😭💀😭💀💀😭 omg that was so foul but i was fucking losing it ngl

How he randomly compared gojo to a fish and started talking abt his scales... thats a very unique and descriptive comparison, isnt it? Even in the recent leaks, he was 100% ready and squaring up to a literal child talking abt "youre starting to get annoying" LIKE HELPPP 😭 HE FR SAID "fuck them kids and fuck you too"

I saw someone saying that sukuna has no passion, like are we talking about the same character....? This man is a literal jujutsu NERD 💀💀 he truly recognises talented sorcerers and the only time hes seen to be having genuine fun is when hes fighting a mf... is that not passion? This is literally sukuna when it comes to jujutsu: 🤓

Anyway im done here now, im pretty sure i missed a lot of things i couldve talked about as well but ive done enough yapping

Oh my god…I just read chapter 12 and I CANNOT I REALLY NEED TO WRITE THIS ONE OUT 😭😭 CHIP IM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS STORY BUT THE WAY THIS LITERALLY RIPPED ME APARTTTT THE PAIN IS TOO GOOD 🥲

Your story writing and symbolism never ceases to amaze me. The bits and pieces of significant object or events that references the earlier parts of the story and makes the pieces fall into place are so DELICIOUS like idek any other word for it because it’s just so *chefs kiss*

I’m just gonna point out a few I’ve noticed because it’s honestly wrecking me internally so much and I need you to know that 🫵🏻🫵🏻🫵🏻💖

1) THE FIRE

The way demon Jungkook just spawns these little flames out of nowhere and MC is like ??? But it turns out it’s just smth he’s been doing THEIR WHOLE FRIENDSHIP TOGETHER AS A WAY TO CALM HER ANXIETY LIKE ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THAT ONE RUN ME OVER WITH A CROP DUSTER

2) THE VASE

that little vase that Taehyung gifted her after her miscarriage that she smashed 😭😭 why just whyyyyyyy stop making these little objects the cause of my mental breakdown (jk ily and your stories 🥺)

3) THE TREE SCENE

I’m not exactly too sure on this one tbh but that scene when she was in hell and weeping over the forest as she hugged the tree, was that supposed to represent the imaginary friend she had been talking to all along? Or did it remind her of them? But still the chills 😩 also I wasn’t sure if that little girl she saw in the tunnel was supposed to be some evil version of her daughter 👁️👁️ but also was her daughter actually her daughter or an Angel that took on the form of her daughter

4) DEMONS AND THEIR DEMON BUSINESS

THAT CHAPTER WAS JUST A HUGE RECALL TO AN EARLIER SCENE IN THE STORY, when demon JK made a deal with a woman but her partner ended up dying. It’s almost like they intentionally give them hope only to crush it and take it away from them, even more so because it’ll be too late and they can’t do anything having given their soul. The event of MC being cured only for her to become sick not long after and dying are literally paralleled with that woman, only with JK being the demon. But also FUCK Jisoo and that stank ass kid I could never be as kind and gentle as MC like YOURE ON YOUR MFKN OWN 👋

5) LUCIFER

The way I KNEW that he was gonna be the one to make the deal with Jungkook like THE SECOND THAT SLUT WALKED IN AND YOU DESCRIBED HIS TATTOO ANSJDJKFJF

5) THE KISS

oh god I saved the best for last… this one broke me because I KNEW IT I KNEWWWW THE SECOND MC WENT LIKE “is that all I get? ☺️” MY SOUL WAS GONNA BE BLENDED, JUICED AND THROWN DOWN THE SINK 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 AND THATS NOT EVEN THE WORST PART, BECAUSE THAT DIRECTLY TIES INTO WHY ANGEL MC STOPPED DEMON JK FROM KISSING HER HOLY SHIT YOU DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND 😭😭😭 THE WAY I STARED INTO SPACE FOR A WHOLE MINUTE WITH WATERY EYES 🥲🥲 her going “not yet” and him being confused asF. SHE WANTED TO BE ABLE TO FINALLY KISS HIM AS JUNGKOOK, HER LOVER, WHEN SHE SUCCEEDED IN REACHING THE FLAME

That took so much out of me omg 🧌 I really hope I’m not bothering you with my essays 😭 I typically do this when I read writings that have a lot of puzzles and important details like just add my little thoughts and things I love- there’s a term for it but it’s slipping my mind 😭 ty so much for gifting this amazing work of art for us to read 💖

HAHAHA I love how enthusiastic you always are 😭 it's amazing 💝

There's a lot to unpack here!! Let's do it^^

1. THE FIRE:

I'm so glad you picked up on that!!! LOL run me over too while you're at it 😭 🔥

2. THE VASE:

Yessss Tae's wedding gift 🥺 again I am so so glad that you recalled her smashing it 💔 that hurted me to write ngl 😔

3. THE TREE SCENE:

This is actually a really cool theory! The tree actually represents someone who committed violence against oneself. It's part of Dante's Inferno with my own little twist. Our lil angel just felt grief for the soul 💔

THE TUNNEL and BABY ANGEL: Again, another cool theory! The demon in the tunnel is just a demon tho! It was briefly mentioned on kookies 17th birthday that she was spooked in the woods. I didn't find it necessary to go all into that since it was just a ghost story that was explained in the tunnel :) Basically it was one of Apple's childhood fears that manifested in the tunnel 🥲

As for the two scenes with the angel that looks like Aera, it is her! Sweet baby girl is an angel now 💞😇

4. DEMONS AND THEIR DEMON BUSINESS:

Babe you hit the nail right on the head!!!! Ahhhhh I'm so so glad you mentioned it! I was hoping that came across, we'll get more into it in future chapters as well 😫 as for Jisoo, fuck that bitch. Her poor lil boy tho, hims didn't do nothin wrong 😭 but fair enough!!!

5. LUCIFER:

Yeah fuck that bitch ass ugly ass hoe 🖕🏻🤢

6. THE KISS:

STOP IT IT'S TOO SOON EVEN FA ME 😭😭

Thank you so so much for sending this! I truly truly LOVE seeing what you have to say and your theories and takes on different scenes, I always look forward to it!!

I hope you have the loveliest day 💖💖

ILY 🔥

-chip

Okay so I was looking for Seb gifs in case I had to cheer up Tej and I came across these again and I’ve been staring at them for a while now kinda in disbelief? And i thought who better to share it with than Minnie, so we can cry together about how fucking PRECIOUS this baby is ??? 😭😭😭 just like, his eyes and his smile in the first one? SOBBING. Heart overflowing. And the look of shock in the second one? WEEPING. So freaking adorable. And the tongue thing and then the way he stares up after? SCREAMING. Baby boyyyyy 🥺💖💖💖 anyway. I’m very normal about himmm (he’s so so pretty pretty). Hope you’ve had a lovely weekend and that capitalism doesn’t get too much in the way of you getting to do things that make you happy this week 💛💛

Yes, yes, YES, oh god Maya he is a literal angel, I can't believe it 😭 Look at his big eyes, his sweet smile, his pretty little face!!! He is so precious and beautiful and adorable, how even??!

I don't know what it is about his facial expressions that always manage to make me coo and swoon and want to pinch his cheeks, but they do 🥺 There's something so endearing and sweet yet cheeky and interesting about him, I still remember being completely captivated by him for the first time almost five years ago now, and it's still just as real today, if not more so ❤️ I can't believe our baby is going to be FORTY in two weeks 😍 Wow I love him 😭😭

Aaahh and thank you, my sweets 💖💖 You're truly just as much of an angel as our Sebastian is! I'm sorry I've been ranting about capitalism so much lately, I've just been having some beef with it 😅 Hopefully it all balances out a bit more soon! I hope your weekend has been wonderful and that your week off is going to be relaxing and filled with things that make you happy as well! ✨✨ Sending all my love your way!! xxxx

okay im giving you homework fr with this one . juice: 1, 5, 16, 27. angel: 3, 24, 30. AND because we've been talking about it, carm: 23, 26 & 5 (but in a.. what sort of OC would you put him with way). snorting because this is so much so dont feel like you have to answer all of them LMAO <3

Ohhh the way we are snatching up blorbos from every universe. We love to see it. 😌

1.) First impression of them?: The way I just instantly wanted to put Juice in my pocket and take him home with me. I stood no chance. I was doomed from the start.

5.) My favorite ship of them?: Juice x Happiness 😭 Lmaooo no but in all seriousness, I've got a couple OC ideas bouncing around in my brain for him that I've grown very attached to. Someone also randomly got me thinking about Juice x Happy Lowman and I must admit, I think about it frequently.

16.) A childhood headcanon: Juice was deeeeeefinitely the type to be immersed in comic books. I also personally have an HC that he liked to draw and was actually good at it. But I can easily see him with his nose buried in comics whenever he got the chance. 🥺

27.) If they could meet a character from another show/movie/etc. who would be the most fun for them to meet?: The way I COOOOONSTANTLY think about him meeting the Mayans guys. It would be so good, MJ. It would be so fucking good I'm weeping.

3.) A song that reminds me of them: okay this is 110% because I've been thinking about writing a fic inspired by it butttt I've been listening to the 1 by Taylor Swift and the way it's been putting me in my Reyes feelings is...unreal and unacceptable lmao

24.) What do you think is a secret that they have never told anyone?: I think that there have been a lot of things in life that Angel has tried to do or be because of how much he always feels he's falling short. But if it doesn't work out right away he bails on the idea, and then he just never fucking tells anyone because he doesn't want it to be another thing added to the list of what he's not good enough for. (pardon me choosing violence with this I'm just in that mode apparently lmao)

30.) Funniest scene they had?: Oh man. Angel has had so many golden moments??? But what we were just talking about the other day, all that shit with the Swole Boys, is always going to be some top-tier shit. Like it just doesn't get better than that lmao

23.) Future headcanon: They way I know that the money from the end of the season is going to push the restaurant into a new era. And it's going to be great. And things are going to be going well. But I think that Carmy is going to get so wrapped up in all of that, that all of his trauma and all of that is going to get put on the backburner all over again. Because he's going to think that he's going to be fine because other things are fine. And that's not going to be the case. Like obviously there is still going to be chaos in the restaurant because it's a fucking restaurant but I really can't wait to get deeper into all the shit with Carmy and his brother. I can't wait to watch him rip those old scars open RAHHHHHH I'm losing my mind.

26.) When do you think they were being themselves the most?: I feel like his dynamic with Richie is really and truly what brings out some of the realest Carmy. Like not necessarily when they're screaming at each other (but that too) but also just. The jokes and the banter and the snark and the laughs. Like fuck, man, those two knew each other before all of the grief and they still have each other now and I think that's about as real as it gets.

5.) My favorite ship of them?: I've been thinking a lot about what kind of OC I would put with him. (Because I have...ideas. Like the way I'm lowkey waiting for Whumptober to be over so I can invest more of my brainspace into my Thoughts about him and this mystery OC in my head). But he can't be with someone that's a pushover. Which I feel like putting him with someone soft and all that is a nice thought but he's got some bite and I think he needs to be with someone who can match that. Someone funny, and witty, and definitely someone with their own damage. He can't be with someone who is going into the relationship with the intent to "fix him" because that's gonna drive them to an early grave. He needs someone who is kind and loving but will also call him out on his bullshit because he gets so far into his own head and up his own ass sometimes that he gets lost. He needs someone who is going to pull him out of that. The way I'm rotating through careers in my head trying to see which one fits for a potential partner for him. Someone in the restaurant business, maybe, because they'd have that in common. But I also think that if his partner was someone in a completely different field, he could learn a lot from them and I think that he would appreciate that a lot too. Fuck me I've rambled for so long I'm so sorry 😂😂

MJ I'm kissing you on the mouth this was so cathartic.

Send me a character and some numbers!

TAPE THAT STATUE TO THE WALL or better chain it

That's some weeping angel shit how are you sleeping with that thing in the house

You need this

It’s on the ground floor so I’m gonna choose that if it moves, it can’t climb up stairs 😭 But goodness yeah I wish my aunt would get rid of it already… The entire thing… Please I am begging………

Just also seems like prime position for some intruder to like… drag it aside then pretend to be it??? And that thought gives me the chills uururvrhrgrhr

Had to pass by it to go throw some trash out and I kept expecting it to suddenly move and wring my neck >.>

So truly thankful 🥹 that Jesus 🙏🏼🤲🏼✝️💕🥹🥲☺️ has given me His forever fullness of joy🤩. Now and forevermore. Amen 🙏🏼

Wrote this two years ago in 2022: But God. I don’t know any other way to start this post. The articles I posted below are what I could relate to just several a Sundays ago.

I had an encounter with Jesus that still just stops me in my tracks. I don’t expect anyone to read this with a dry eye, nor do I think you’ll be able to.

You see, I thought I was permanently emotionally broken and that was just how things were. I didn’t know that Jesus could completely free me from my cptsd.

Let’s go back to 2008. I had joined an internship that left me emotionally scarred and broken for at least one decade.

Fast forward to 2022-The next moment…is what brings me to my knees in thankfulness to Jesus. Jesus asked me audibly if I wanted to be made whole. He asked me this at least three times…if not more🥺. My first time thought was, ‘yes, of course Jesus. But if you heal me of my cptsd; who will I be?’ He responded back immediately, ‘that’s not what I asked you. I asked you if you wanted to be made whole. It was a command. Not a question. Do you want to be made whole?’

I said, ‘yes, Jesus😭. I’m done being broken and angry on the inside all the time. I just want to stop hurting.’

Seconds later, but I’m sure it was instantaneously, I saw myself back at go ministries international-a part of where my cptsd was stemmed from. I was all alone in the woods….just done with everything. It was during the com m unison game the core leaders had instigated. It was pouring outside. I had found a perfect rock. Jesus spoke to me again, ‘I sent someone right then to stop you from attempting to end your life. The timing could not have been more crucial than you’ll understand. The person I sent over; had no idea they were part of saving your life. I worked through them to rescue you.’

Jesus than showed me another scene. He asked me..’do you remember when you were so depressed and a su icidal when you were sneaking showers so no one would know what you were planning? I sent my guardian and ministering angels to you at that exact moment just as you had the r a z o r poised at your arm and they took those things out of your hands-saving your life. You had simply thought right than that you just changed your mind. Nope, there was a war going on for your destiny. Little did you know just how close you were to end ing your life right than.’ I, of course am bawling my eyes out at that point. I could feel years of pain, heaviness, and heartache melting away. It wasn’t a small trickle of emotions; it was a flood. I wept as I had never wept before.

Jesus spoke something else to my heart. He said to me, ‘My beloved daughter Jessica, you have spent years removing the spiritual grave clothes off of others; revealing a gorgeous gown or tuxedo for others. It’s beyond time that the spiritual grave clothes come off you too. It’s time for you to really live.’ In that moment, I started seeing chains ⛓ being broken in the realms of the spirit.

Jesus asked me another question. He said, ‘it’s time you to stop hating your mom. She was parenting you out of her own brokenness. You must fully forgive her. The pain and hurt that you’ve held onto over the many years-has been destroying you. Let that pain go. Forgive her. Love her from a distance.’

I turn to mike and tell him, ‘I’m not hurting anymore. I don’t feel angry any more. Jesus just now healed my cptsd. Completely. The pain is gone.’

There’s a softness around my eyes that I haven’t seen in quite some time. Ok, it’s been years. I don’t need to keep walls up anymore. I can be free to feel and not shut down.

I’ve been weeping more than I ever have. But, in a good way. I no longer feel the need to hold back my tears or to prevent myself to cry. I’m finally my age at 35 and not as someone who’s ancient. I feel younger in a good way. Jesus has done this. He’s done all of it.

So when I say-but God. I mean every word of it.

Jesus saved me. It’s that simple. I am here

For a purpose. I’m still learning and discovering what it all means. But. Now, I am

Whole. Jesus can do the impossible in your life, too. I know this to be true…because he’s done it in mine🥺

Love you all,

Jessica.

https://themindsjournal.com/9-ways-beautifully-broken-girl-loves-differently/

https://themindsjournal.com/what-it-means-to-fall-in-love-with-a-girl-who-is-beautifully-broken/

25 Jan u ary 2023 Wednesday 3:24 am pdt

I had awoken to pain and felt more heart ♥️ pain I think. When I am in the middle of doing something I sometimes 4get. 3:25 am pdt sometime soon after my parents separated my mom tells me things such as don’t make that face you look like your dad and something I think was I only love 💕 you because I am your mom which for some reason I took 2 be interpreted as she was obligated to love me and that she didn’t really like me. 3:29 am pdt I was probably 8 years old. 3:29 am pdt 8 or 9 years old I don’t remember 🤷🏻‍♀️ 3:35 am pdt but my grandma 👵 snipping my long hair was probably b4 the separation maybe when I was 6 or 7 years old when I had long black hair and I was probably 9 years old when my mom told me I looked like a sick old woman 👵 and she said “I know! You should get a haircut!” 💇‍♀️ Deshana barber 💈 Iranian Kurdish people hair cutting themes. 3:39 am pdt king 🤴 David mentioned in a song. 3:40 am pdt

3:30 am pdt ⏰ when I typed 8 million in the previous post 23 Jan 23 I thought 💭 I typed billion. I heard the population reached 8 billion. Hard 2 believe especially when COVID happened and shootings still happened. 3:34 am pdt

3:40 am pdt when I lived in king 👑 city 🌃 I saw 👀 the ring 💍 pop commercial and wanted one ☝️. When me and mom and probably younger sister went to a small store 🏬 2 get cookie 🍪 mix I found a small bin of ring 💍 pop but all were broken 😞 so I didn’t get any. Reminds me about my mom’s promise ring 💍 falling in2 the river and finding out her boyfriend was caught in bed 🛌 with the ex girlfriend and had a shotgun marriage after the ring 💍 fell into the river. 3:45 am pdt meant 2 b... go with the flow? Bcz dirty old men are in power 2 say it’s ok 👌 2 have extramarital?? Affairs bcz it’s meant 2b. If that’s the case then I guess there’s no real thing as loyalty long lasting until death old age together do you part love and he holds us to a double standard where he expects us to fall so deeply madly In love otherwise he calls us whores , so that when he leaves 🍃 us 4 another bcz love 💕 died he cannot feel it anymore so we weep 😭 deep rivers when he leaves but he’s bouncy happy Bcz he found a younger chick 🐣 to rob of her virginity, friendly unicorns 🦄 only liking virgins to devirginize. 3:51 am pdt is this what he wants????? But he 4got? 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ 🎶🎼🎵🎤 3:53 am pdt

Sierra LaMar Twitter tweeted if you’re a bird I’m a bird say it with me the notebook 📒 movie 🎥 clip. 3:54 am pdt birds of a feather flock together???? 🤷🏻‍♀️ 3:56 am pdt sirens 🚨 half bird sea 🌊 gulls fallen angels 3:57 am pdt. 2 types of sirens 🚨: half bird 🦅 creatures, & mermaids. Tandem opposite meanings/definitions. Yin and yang ☯️? Chinese word was it shanyang? Can b used 2 mean goat 🐐 or ram 🐏 depending on modifying??? Addditional words. 3:59 am pdt but if you’re suffering that is probably a clear indication of a sacrificial lamb 🐑???? 4 am pdt

4:30 🕟 am pdt when I typed shanyang my head got VERY hot 🥵 maybe my brain 🧠 too 😞. I think it was about a year ago my aunt told me nobody likes me. Thanks 4 telling me that. If it’s the truth I need 2 hear 👂 it? I’m receptive 2 those comments/feedback. Ever since I was a kid since at least my parents separated I felt the need 2 change myself in2 the ideal person. I fall short all the time though. I practiced drawing ✍️ since probably kindergarten and somehow I lack technique like example drawing with geometric shapes and planning out spatially. Usually I look 👀 at something and tried 2 feel it out and hopes 4 the best. When I was in school 🏫 I was often distracted. Unfortunately. But high school 🏫 onward we were taught 2 b receptive 2 criticism because that was how we learned 2 see how flawed our work was I guess. 4:39 am pdt I wonder 💭 if my need 2 change was bcz I thought my mom didn’t like me. Maybe I feared no one would like me. And that I’d never have friends and a lover. I romanticized and thought I wanted a slow court ship the type that start off as friends and progressed into best friends then lovers. After my first boyfriend broke up 🆙 with me it got harder 2 find a guy who would take it that slow. A lot of them rushed into s*x. 4:43 am pdt I had wanted something that would take years 2 develope and I was willing 2 wait if my addictions? Didn’t kick in. If he was very attractive all it would take was a kiss 😚 2 get hooked 🪝. I’ve only been physically intimate (s*x) with 4 young men. 3 of them I tried not to, I fell into the hole 🕳 (rinpoche? Poem read from Karen sahlmonsen ? Spelling bounce back book 📚) and it wasn’t my fault bcz of addiction? And he wanted to and we only did it once through pants 👖 at my request but I don’t think I anticipated that semen was going to rocket 🚀 launch out through the pants 👖 until last minute and I don’t remember if I anticipated his 🍆 being felt through the pants 👖 bcz it was my first time doing that. I wore his sweat pants 👖. To be honest, that was the best s*x I had. He was a healthy skater 🛹 and very productive active person mellow artsy tall great voice. Probably not the most handsome but I think his 🍆was long enough 2 fit me well. The following 2, I believe I was somehow in someway psychologically ? Forced into it. I 4:59 am pdt ran my left middle finger 🖕 through my hair and it forced its way through a thick knot 🪢 pain, intestines pain 🐒💨 5 am pdt that was probably 4th knot 🪢 this morning. 5:01 am pdt with second guy, I had tried 2 tell him I needed 2 take it slow, but I said the wrong 😑 words. I said I wasn’t ready 4 a relationship yet after he kissed me. I did not want to kiss at that moment but some reason I felt like hugging him and he took that as a que to kiss me. 5:05 am pdt I even felt magnetism magnet 🧲 between us to pull me into hugging him. Uh oh incubus is trying to erase my memory of the magnet 🧲 feeling i felt between us. 5:07 am pdt bad incubus! 🤬😡🥵😤🥵😤🥵😰😱 5:07 am pdt

5:54 am pdt I remember he had I think this was the order: he had started to unbuckle his belt of his pants 👖 and I remember him asking me “you want to have s*x, right?” And then I told him through clothing. He did seem irritated when I probably told him to “wait” bcz I think I was trying to keep from going too far s*xually with him, bcz I think we had not been on many dates with each other yet but he was willing to jump into s*x without much discussion or verbal or written promises of a future together. We didn’t even know each other b4 we started dating. My sister might have known him a little b4, but I don’t recall her telling me how long. 6:01 am pdt I was stupid to think that through clothing (supposedly I assumed dry humping was this and that there wouldn’t be semen but I was wrong! 😓) abstaining is probably safer. 6:04 am pdt

6:18 am pdt I think that was the only time I had s*x with the 2nd guy. 6:19 am pdt 6:25 am pdt We both changed pants 👖 when I requested through clothing. The third guy I had sat on his lap and dry humped? Grinded? And probably each time I did that he said I was driving him crazy. Long before we had “s*x” but maybe some might call it rape? He drew/wrote my name with a lot of backward little 7’s in sets of threes??? I think I did not learn about triple 7 represented perfection until recently, maybe it was last year I learned this? Probably within last 5 years, and the drawing ✍️ was from summer 2007. 6:32 am pdt I am guessing backwards means =not perfect. 6:33 am pdt

6:39 am pdt we both wore blue jeans 👖 pants 👖 and it I think always happened in his car 🚗 6:40 am pdt.

6:59 am pdt I need 2 clarify that I did not learn the word shanyang until last year? Or the end of the year before last year. 7 am pdt

7:19 am pdt From 2009 onward there were guys I hung out with who were 3 or 4 years younger than me who seemed they wanted more from me than friendship. One of them reminded me a little of my ex in some way but I wanted to friend zone him and hopefully 🙏 grow a brotherly type of friendship with. He touched me inappropriately during a hug at the olive 🫒 garden 🪴 parking lot without permission. There wasn’t any open discussion about feelings. Such as him saying I like you and I want to date you and see if this can be a long term romantic relationship. Nope. 7:27 am pdt it was for Q’s birthday 🎂 maybe 🤔. 7:28 am pdt It was very awkward when he decided to pull me down to sit on his lap in front of everyone and I felt as if I was cornered into playing along bcz I might embarrass him and hurt his feelings and I would end up 🆙 looking like a b*tch from the awkwardness and conflicting feelings and the confusion it was probably causing (I think I felt angry head hot 🥵 7:46 am pdt). For some reason I met men that wanted to have s*x with me without knowing me 4 long. I texted a guy giving him a chance bcz my mom wanted me to back when I still had a job and b4 we could go out on a one-on-one date in person (which never happened) he already was telling me he wanted me in his bed 🛏. 7:37 am pdt 7:38 am pdt I never played love 💕 like it was only a game. I had hoped for feelings to grow that would often plateau, stagnate? And die off b4 or after feeling the butterflies 🦋 and amourous feelings. One guy that I thought I fell in love 🥰 with twice I thought he was going to be the one, but periodically he rejected 🙅‍♂️ me and told me I was going to make blonde 👱‍♀️ blonde 👱 hair babies 👶, (that was his funny line to tell me he rejected me, which is more likely to happen if I married a blonde 👱 man). 7:42 am pdt 7:43 am pdt weird watery gurgle like sounds from left side 🐒💨 7:44 am pdt

8:27 am pdt roku = 6 nihongo. I read something online that god is also referred to as a rock 🪨? If you want to be funny you can break the syllables differently and say rok-u instead of ro-ku. 6 is even. But 7 is odd. Aud-Rey Hepburn? Au = gold. Go ill 🤒 d. D= dominus or devil? Devil = lived backwards. How does someone live backwards? What does that mean? Lucifer? Or Lucia/Lucy? I love 💕 Lucy. Backwards 7? 8:33 am pdt @_@ audi car 🚗 au-di?? 8:34 am pdt we all die 2 things are for certain death 💀 and taxes mark Twain? And if you drop 3 objects you can probably draw ✍️ a triangle between the three. 8:36 am pdt rock 🪨 and roll 🎸 chuck berry???? 8:36 am pdt

8:47 am pdt roll, turn over? High turnover???? 🥵😤🥵😳😖😭😞 Head hot 🥵 they’ve punished me for putting ice 🧊 on my head. 8:49 am pdt 😖😭

8:52 am pdt I have read stuff online that when you meet someone new it’s probably best in a public place and to tell some friends and probably not go alone. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ Maybe also take public transportation? I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ my head is hot 🥵. If you read previous posts probably should take precautions also if introduced by someone else you have been hanging out with for a while. Unfortunately I never know 😑😖😭😤🥵😤🥵 or I did not back then???? 8:58 am pdt

8:59 am pdt clarification my mom probably did not know that guy like longer than I did, which was not at all, the one she wanted me to give a chance to who I texted. 9:01 am pdt

9:03 am pdt the sudden thought 💭 popped n2 my head that some people divorce and say “irreconcilable differences” ? I heard 👂. Can you date someone a long time and still find irreconcilable differences after saying “I do”? Sometimes you just bite the cookie 🍪 and hope it works out. Movie 🍿 5 year engagement? 9:07 am pdt I don’t remember going on any dates incubus. We are still at negative square 1,000,000 the way it’s going. 9:08 am pdt 😑😭😖😭he thinks he can trick me?! 9:09 am pdt I don’t want you anymore! I told you in 2017 (9:14 am pdt and preferably divorced is what was also in my head) we have 2go on dates 2 get 2 know each other 2 see if I can like you. Preferably in public in a group setting 2 allow organic spontaneous partnerships 2 happen. 9:11 am pdt

12:13 am pdt call me crazy but I think I like structure in social relationships: I like for a father to only be my father not my husband; if I had a brother I would only like him to be my brother ideally not my husband; I think I would like my cousins to only be my cousin not my husband no matter what weird feelings incubus wants 2 give me 🤬😡🥵😤🥵😤😖😭. With polygamy I think that makes it more difficult, what I mean is more likely to cross those lines if they secretly cheat. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ what happens if you do do it with a cousin or half brother; I don’t want to find out. It’s not only about genes 🧬 but I like to think about relationships in general having their designated roles. 12:20 pm pdt my grandpa cheated on my grandma so I should probably b more cautious about my mom’s home country and try 4 someone different ethnic identity? And I don’t really know many people on my dad’s side either 😞 but I don’t think my grandpa cheated on grandma 👵 on that side, I guess my grandpa was maybe ugly? My mom said it’s better to like a man not every woman 👩🏻 wants. Steve Harvey said an ugly man is probably the most well behaved man 👨 (I don’t know if it’s true 4 all men but maybe 🤔 it’s true 4 some?) 12:27 pm pdt

1:20 pm pdt funny how I remember things after I type about it. I did have a few drawing books 📖 📚 one for Pocahontas, my dad had Spider-Man and X-men. I stupidly gave the X-men one to Scott when he probably didn’t need it. And my sister had one for horses 🐴. I practiced those but I don’t really recall applying that method/technique much when I wasn’t looking at those books. 1:24 pm pdt

1:29 pm pdt if I had mastered the technique I would have drew a lot more drawings in the amount of time I spent drawing ✍️ probably. In 2015 I tried coloring in a skeleton copy to help myself learn anatomy drawing and then tried to draw ✍️ it but I was slow. I remember also trying to play the guitar 🎸, to learn it on my own but I started falling asleep 😴. So I had to decide to focus on my health and I remember I slept 🛌 a lot, probably between 10-14 hours a day. 1:34 pm pdt

4:14 pm pdt I 4got 2 type uncles, whether blood 🩸 related or in-laws; if there potential 4 cousins 2 b born then an uncle idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ probably b considered like a father figure? Are cousins similar to half-siblings? 4:17 pm pdt

10-14 hours a day would have given incubus a lot of time with me. I remember times when I slept 🛌 I had nightmares and felt my body being weighted down. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if this is the time incubus was on top of me. I remember feeling the need 2 scream and my mouth 👄 opening and no noise coming out. I might have written a little about it in previous posts. 4:22 pm pdt it’s getting difficult 😞 4 me 2 remember. 4:23 pm pdt incubus tried to dig a hole 🕳 into my right ear about 40 minutes ago and I woke up 🆙 with a dry throat again. Immediately after I felt the pain in my ear 👂 I heard a loud bass booming sound then minutes later heard a text message alert 🚨 sound from this cellphone 📲 and it didn’t sound as good. I’m hoping that it was bcz of something it was touching, otherwise I would have 2 anticipate that the phone 📲 speakers 🔊 are degrading suddenly, even though this phone probably cost a lot of money 💰 in its original msrp? What does it stand 4 again 4:30 🕟 heard a loud sliding click don’t know if that’s my mom coming back. 4:31 pm pdt my mom bought me this phone 📲 at a clearance price of ≈$300 which is still expensive 4 an electronic device that only fits in your hand ✋ & I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ how effective it is to editing on it other than very simple little stuff. Back in 2005 when I took fashion classes we were told China 🇨🇳 would sew 🧵 garments 4 a few cents a piece, she mentioned 7 cents I think 🤔. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if that’s accurate but that’s what I remember. 4:37 on pdt It is a lot nicer than the cheaper android phone 📱 which I tried last year. If everyone recycled would it bring down the cost? Or would inflation continue 2 rise? 4:41 pm pdt I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ enough of anything 2 probably b helpful. 4:42 pm pdt

I believe the twitch is really dead 💀. I believe incubus will drive me to the point of wanting 2 commit suicide. I believe he will control me like a muppet and make me walk 2 the train 🚊 and get hit by it/smashed by it similar 2 his maps video. 4:46 pm pdt

6:49 pm pdt I believe incubus is running 🏃‍♂️ the same game on me that he did on other women. On Q in particular years b4 me. Q’s bday is one day after my grandma’s bday. Incubus is yelling “NOOOOOO!!!” Usually that means they’re going 2 do more stuff 2 kill me. Even though he has a lot of knowledge of what’s going 2 happen b4 hand, would make me believe it’s all actually his own decisions. He owns what 3 mansions? Many cars 🚗? Stocks in several companies? A fashion line? A fragrance? The verve? Royalties? Am I missing something? He throws a basketball 🏀 from far away and it seems to fly a tremendous? Distance. I see pictures that it looks like he’s doing poses in mid air as if he has powers to levitate. He may have had me half fooled, & telling me things I want 2 hear 👂 but aren’t you spreading yourself thin incubus? How can you have much genuine feelings romantically deeply 4 that many women? How are you carrying on with all these relationships if we are only capable of having 150 connections???? 7:01 am pdt you keep on running game incubus, rapist, murderer. 7:01 pm pdt the train 🚆 passed by and it shook the place. It’s going too fast past a residential area. Cramps after gurgle feels like burning diarrhea 🐒💨

7:03 pm pdt nihongo has different counting systems? To = ten-> net backwards which looks like a spiderweb 🕸 to like toe tag 🏷 on cadavers. 7:04 pm pdt

7:22 pm pdt time goes by too fast 💨😖😭 he’s playing love 💕 like it’s a game pretending to feel love ❤️. With memory loss, he can con anyone. 7:24 pm pdt head is hot 🥵 came back from bathroom 🚽 7:19 pm. Not good. 7:25 pm pdt

In December 2012 me and Q went to a restaurant with karaoke 🎤. Met some people Q was friends with and some acquaintances or new people I guess. 3 of the men were actually from my high school 🏫 I wonder if they are still alive. I was interested in a blonde-ish haired man 👨 and I thought 💭 he might have been interested in me bcz he started talking 2 me. But I said something that turned him off and he lectured me without asking anything else about me. I thought 💭 maybe we can see eye 👁 to eye 👁 on somethings and maybe I could respect him. But when we said goodbye 👋 he was totally shunning me I guess if I’m using that word right. I had hoped if he knew me more that he would not be so strict? Like if he had noticed that I was completely shy ☺️ around him, and that I had suffered a lot and I do try to work even with my difficulties? 7:34 pm pdt and the only vacations I took were to visit family I don’t see often and once bcz of my eczema. After we left the building, in the parking lot Q told me she thinks she likes him and if it would be ok if she could have him, and she said I could have his twin brother. If you’ve ever watched sister sister or met identical twins 👯‍♀️ you might notice they have slightly different personalities?? Is that right? One might be extrovert and the other introvert? Or did I jump to conclusions? I didn’t think about that back then , but it bothered me that Q asked 4 me 2 back off. I didn’t tell her, but if someone asks an introverted person to do something without really asking their feelings... it seemed like my feelings didn’t matter. I told her I think he likes you more anyway. And then I chose not to hang out again sometime after that. I think it was after another time of hanging out there again with almost the same people but he didn’t show up 🆙. One of the other guys tried to invite me to the house party coming up 🆙 but I felt unwelcomed by his twin brother. Twins 👯 friends with twins 👯. So I tried not to be too disappointed at feeling unwelcomed probably and I stopped trying. 7:44 pm pdt it almost feels like Q is cock blocking me selectively. Even though she put music is her boyfriend on MySpace. 7:45 pm pdt 7:46 pm pdt the twin I felt unwelcomed by was dating one of Q’s friends and was friendly with Q in front of me. 7:47 pm pdt

7:55 pm pdt once my mom gave me an ultimatum that she would leave me unless I took accounting classes, so I enrolled. 7:56 pm pdt unfortunately I didn’t finish the certificate program. I started getting too scared to go and I made excuses. 7:57 pm pdt my eczema started flairing a lot anyway and it was getting harder for me to get to class on time with anxiety. 7:58 pm pdt

12:18 am pdt incubus has been pouring vinegar down my throat I suspect. If this is his way of giving me diverticulitis/crohns whatever it’s called that’s a very cruel way to make someone die especially when you’ve already put me through a lot. 12:20 am pdt divorce relationship came up in auto fill correct. Permanent divorce 2 an imaginary husband. If you were dating stroh 4 a year I wonder if your children ever see you that much and probably don’t know you. Every one thought he was being a stay at home dad. Guess NOT. 12:23 am pdt 26 Jan u ary 2023 Thursday

12:32 am pdt incubus is probably the reason why dusty rose is so short in comparison to gio grace. 12:32 am pdt

12:37 am pdt incubus destroyed love.

that tattoo should be “you’re so cold you’re so cold you’re so cold” 12:39 am pdt

Posted this in 2022🙏🏼🙌🏼🥹🥲😭

But God. I don’t know any other way to start this post. The articles I posted below are what I could relate to just several Sundays ago.

I had an encounter with Jesus that still just stops me in my tracks. I don’t expect anyone to read this with a dry eye, nor do I think you’ll be able to.

You see, I thought I was permanently and emotionally broken- and that was just how things were. I didn’t know that Jesus could completely free me from my cptsd.

Let’s go back to 2008. I had joined an internship that left me emotionally scarred and broken for at least one decade.

Fast forward to 2022-The next moment…is what brings me to my knees I’m so thankful to Jesus. Jesus asked me audibly if I wanted to be made whole. He asked me this at least three times…if not more🥺. My first time thought was, ‘yes, of course Jesus. But if you heal me of my cptsd; who will I be?’ He responded back immediately, ‘that’s not what I asked you. I asked you if you wanted to be made whole. It was a command. Not a question. Do you want to be made whole?’

I said, ‘yes, Jesus😭. I’m done being broken and angry on the inside all the time. I just want to stop hurting.’

Seconds later, but I’m sure it was instantaneously, I saw myself back at go ministries international-a part of where my cptsd was stemmed from. I was all alone in the woods….just done with everything. It was during the com m unison game the core leaders had instigated. It was pouring outside. I had found a perfect rock. Jesus spoke to me again, ‘I sent someone right then to stop you from attempting to end your life. The timing could not have been more crucial than you’ll understand. The person I sent over; had no idea they were part of saving your life. I worked through them to rescue you.’

Jesus than showed me another scene. He asked me..’do you remember when you were so depressed and a su icidal when you were sneaking showers so no one would know what you were planning? I sent my guardian and ministering angels to you at that exact moment just as you had the r a z o r poised at your arm and they took those things out of your hands-saving your life. You had simply thought right than that you just changed your mind. Nope, there was a war going on for your destiny. Little did you know just how close you were to end ing your life right than.’ I, of course am bawling my eyes out at that point. I could feel years of pain, heaviness, and heartache melting away. It wasn’t a small trickle of emotions; it was a flood. I wept as I had never wept before.

Jesus spoke something else to my heart. He said to me, ‘My beloved daughter Jessica, you have spent years removing the spiritual grave clothes off of others; revealing a gorgeous gown or tuxedo for others. It’s beyond time that the spiritual grave clothes come off you too. It’s time for you to really live.’ In that moment, I started seeing chains ⛓ being broken in the realms of the spirit.

Jesus asked me another question. He said, ‘it’s time you stop hating your mom. She was parenting you out of her own brokenness. You must fully forgive her. The pain and hurt that you’ve held onto over the many years-has been destroying you. Let that pain go. Forgive her. Love her from a distance.’

I turn to mike and tell him, ‘I’m not hurting anymore. I don’t feel angry any more. Jesus just now healed my cptsd. Completely. The pain is gone.’

There’s a softness around my eyes that I haven’t seen in quite some time. Ok, it’s been years. I don’t need to keep walls up anymore. I can be free to feel and not shut down.

I’ve been weeping more than I ever have. But, in a good way. I no longer feel the need to hold back my tears or to prevent myself to cry. I’m finally my age at 35 and not as someone who’s ancient. I feel younger in a good way. Jesus has done this. He’s done all of it.

So when I say-but God. I mean every word of it.

Jesus saved me. It’s that simple. I am here

For a purpose. I’m still learning and discovering what it all means. But. Now, I am

Whole. Jesus can do the impossible in your life, too. I know this to be true…because he’s done it in mine🥺

Love you all,

Jessica.

https://themindsjournal.com/9-ways-beautifully-broken-girl-loves-differently/

https://themindsjournal.com/what-it-means-to-fall-in-love-with-a-girl-who-is-beautifully-broken/

But God. I don’t know any other way to start this post. The articles I posted below are what I could relate to just several a Sundays ago.

I had an encounter with Jesus that still just stops me in my tracks. I don’t expect anyone to read this with a dry eye, nor do I think you’ll be able to.

You see, I thought I was permanently emotionally broken and that was just how things were. I didn’t know that Jesus could completely free me from my cptsd.

Let’s go back to 2008. I had joined an internship that left me emotionally scarred and broken for at least one decade.

Fast forward to 2022-The next moment…is what brings me to my knees I’m thankfulness to Jesus. Jesus asked me audibly if I wanted to be made whole. He asked me this at least three times…if not more🥺. My first time thought was, ‘yes, of course Jesus. But if you heal me of my cptsd; who will I be?’ He responded back immediately, ‘that’s not what I asked you. I asked you if you wanted to be made whole. It was a command. Not a question. Do you want to be made whole?’

I said, ‘yes, Jesus😭. I’m done being broken and angry on the inside all the time. I just want to stop hurting.’

Seconds later, but I’m sure it was instantaneously, I saw myself back at go ministries international-a part of where my cptsd was stemmed from. I was all alone in the woods….just done with everything. It was during the com m unison game the core leaders had instigated. It was pouring outside. I had found a perfect rock. Jesus spoke to me again, ‘I sent someone right then to stop you from attempting to end your life. The timing could not have been more crucial than you’ll understand. The person I sent over; had no idea they were part of saving your life. I worked through them to rescue you.’

Jesus than showed me another scene. He asked me..’do you remember when you were so depressed and a su icidal when you were sneaking showers so no one would know what you were planning? I sent my guardian and ministering angels to you at that exact moment just as you had the r a z o r poised at your arm and they took those things out of your hands-saving your life. You had simply thought right than that you just changed your mind. Nope, there was a war going on for your destiny. Little did you know just how close you were to end ing your life right than.’ I, of course am bawling my eyes out at that point. I could feel years of pain, heaviness, and heartache melting away. It wasn’t a small trickle of emotions; it was a flood. I wept as I had never wept before.

Jesus spoke something else to my heart. He said to me, ‘My beloved daughter Jessica, you have spent years removing the spiritual grave clothes off of others; revealing a gorgeous gown or tuxedo for others. It’s beyond time that the spiritual grave clothes come off you too. It’s time for you to really live.’ In that moment, I started seeing chains ⛓ being broken in the realms of the spirit.

Jesus asked me another question. He said, ‘it’s time you to stop hating your mom. She was parenting you out of her own brokenness. You must fully forgive her. The pain and hurt that you’ve held onto over the many years-has been destroying you. Let that pain go. Forgive her. Love her from a distance.’

I turn to mike and tell him, ‘I’m not hurting anymore. I don’t feel angry any more. Jesus just now healed my cptsd. Completely. The pain is gone.’

There’s a softness around my eyes that I haven’t seen in quite some time. Ok, it’s been years. I don’t need to keep walls up anymore. I can be free to feel and not shut down.

I’ve been weeping more than I ever have. But, in a good way. I no longer feel the need to hold back my tears or to prevent myself to cry. I’m finally my age at 35 and not as someone who’s ancient. I feel younger in a good way. Jesus has done this. He’s done all of it.

So when I say-but God. I mean every word of it.

Jesus saved me. It’s that simple. I am here

For a purpose. I’m still learning and discovering what it all means. But. Now, I am

Whole. Jesus can do there impossible in your life, too. I know this to be true…because he’s done it in mine🥺

Love you all,

Jessica.

https://themindsjournal.com/9-ways-beautifully-broken-girl-loves-differently/

https://themindsjournal.com/what-it-means-to-fall-in-love-with-a-girl-who-is-beautifully-broken/

But God. I don’t know any other way to start this post. The articles I posted below are what I could relate to just several a Sundays ago.

I had an encounter with Jesus that still just stops me in my tracks. I don’t expect anyone to read this with a dry eye, nor do I think you’ll be able to.

You see, I thought I was permanently emotionally broken and that was just how things were. I didn’t know that Jesus could completely free me from my cptsd.

Let’s go back to 2008. I had joined an internship that left me emotionally scarred and broken for at least one decade.

Fast forward to 2022-The next moment…is what brings me to my knees I’m thankfulness to Jesus. Jesus asked me audibly if I wanted to be made whole. He asked me this at least three times…if not more🥺. My first time thought was, ‘yes, of course Jesus. But if you heal me of my cptsd; who will I be?’ He responded back immediately, ‘that’s not what I asked you. I asked you if you wanted to be made whole. It was a command. Not a question. Do you want to be made whole?’

I said, ‘yes, Jesus😭. I’m done being broken and angry on the inside all the time. I just want to stop hurting.’

Seconds later, but I’m sure it was instantaneously, I saw myself back at go ministries international-a part of where my cptsd was stemmed from. I was all alone in the woods….just done with everything. It was during the com m unison game the core leaders had instigated. It was pouring outside. I had found a perfect rock. Jesus spoke to me again, ‘I sent someone right then to stop you from attempting to end your life. The timing could not have been more crucial than you’ll understand. The person I sent over; had no idea they were part of saving your life. I worked through them to rescue you.’

Jesus than showed me another scene. He asked me..’do you remember when you were so depressed and a su icidal when you were sneaking showers so no one would know what you were planning? I sent my guardian and ministering angels to you at that exact moment just as you had the r a z o r poised at your arm and they took those things out of your hands-saving your life. You had simply thought right than that you just changed your mind. Nope, there was a war going on for your destiny. Little did you know just how close you were to end ing your life right than.’ I, of course am bawling my eyes out at that point. I could feel years of pain, heaviness, and heartache melting away. It wasn’t a small trickle of emotions; it was a flood. I wept as I had never wept before.

Jesus spoke something else to my heart. He said to me, ‘My beloved daughter Jessica, you have spent years removing the spiritual grave clothes off of others; revealing a gorgeous gown or tuxedo for others. It’s beyond time that the spiritual grave clothes come off you too. It’s time for you to really live.’ In that moment, I started seeing chains ⛓ being broken in the realms of the spirit.

Jesus asked me another question. He said, ‘it’s time you to stop hating your mom. She was parenting you out of her own brokenness. You must fully forgive her. The pain and hurt that you’ve held onto over the many years-has been destroying you. Let that pain go. Forgive her. Love her from a distance.’

I turn to mike and tell him, ‘I’m not hurting anymore. I don’t feel angry any more. Jesus just now healed my cptsd. Completely. The pain is gone.’

There’s a softness around my eyes that I haven’t seen in quite some time. Ok, it’s been years. I don’t need to keep walls up anymore. I can be free to feel and not shut down.

I’ve been weeping more than I ever have. But, in a good way. I no longer feel the need to hold back my tears or to prevent myself to cry. I’m finally my age at 35 and not as someone who’s ancient. I feel younger in a good way. Jesus has done this. He’s done all of it.

So when I say-but God. I mean every word of it.

Jesus saved me. It’s that simple. I am here

For a purpose. I’m still learning and discovering what it all means. But. Now, I am

Whole. Jesus can do there impossible in your life, too. I know this to be true…because he’s done it in mine🥺

Love you all,

Jessica.

https://themindsjournal.com/9-ways-beautifully-broken-girl-loves-differently/

https://themindsjournal.com/what-it-means-to-fall-in-love-with-a-girl-who-is-beautifully-broken/