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silasbug · 2 years

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dream log Nr. -010

12/04/2022 (extracted from a chat, unstructured)

hade:

aber fuck war ich müde

die letzten beide nächte schlecht egschlafen

wieder nur scheißintensive träume

und nicht die gute variante

.

Tuffi:

Was ist denn die schlechte Variante? Alpträume?

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hade:

einer endete mit just screaming before I woke up bathed in sweat because I'd just torn a big chunk of my gums off

it was the teeth falling out dream on crack

i wrote it down at work because it bothered me so much to try to get it out of my head

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Tuffi:

Torn for real or in the dream?

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hade:

in my dream, sorry

irl wouldve been fucked up

no I dreamt my teeth were falling out/I was pulling them out because they felt loose

and I was pulling off a big tooth in the front (it was weirdly long like a lego)

and as it was pulling it off

it came loose halfway before it took like a big piece of gums with it

in my dream I had a literal handful of rotting flesh

like.. an overcooked, gross steak piece in my hand

and it was falling apart

and I just start screaming

it didnt hurt but I was just screaming

fuck it messed me up all day

the dream before that was just as confusing and offputting

the one last night as well

so I'm just really tired

#dream log #retrospective dreams #this one was really bad #i still shudder thinking about it #i can still FEEL it falling apart in my hands #jfc

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alfiely-art · 4 months

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Raincode is an interesting commentary on masculinity. Yakou, Number One, Makoto, and Yomi all refuse to get help, upholding the "men are not allowed to be helped and have to deal with everything on their own" ideal. A lot of the games tragedy comes from these guys being too scared to reach out and get help and God forbid they get too emotional or take a step back and say they can't do this. Yuma is forced into accepting others help and expressing his emotions because he has amnesia and is just so confused and in so much danger he literally can't operate otherwise. The solution to everything is teamwork and communication instead of trying to take everything on yourself and worrying about being seen as weak or unmanly or whatever. That you really don't have to do it alone and it's better if you don't. If Yomi hadn't become so self-rightous and allowed others in, to have equals, he probably wouldn't have become so power-hungry and. Well. Yomi. If Makoto had someone, anyone to talk to, he could've found a better solution for the homunculi's diets. As soon as he opens up about what's going on, a better solution is almost immediately made. If Yakou had opened up to the NDA about his wife and the letters, they definitely wouldve helped him out. Investigating, finding the truth, maybe even getting Huesca arrested. If Number One had EVER accepted help, he wouldnt have needed to give himself amnesia to solve one of his own mysteries- because Makoto most definitely retained that trait of his. If any of them had asked for help, things would have been better. Asking for jelp is good and healthy, and something that many guys struggle to learn and accept and get used to.

Idk. This game definitely sucks when it comes to how it treats women but. This is. A very nice take on expectations of guys. That no, that stuff is stupid actually.

There are very few male protagonists that are allowed to be emotional or empathetic or unsure of themselves. The only ones that really come to mind rn outside of Kodaka's works are. Steven Universe. Shinji Ikari. Uhhhhh............... yeah that's all I can think of rn. And those two characters are shit on and called weak and that they're not real men. And Yuma also gets shit on by Some People for those same reasons. (Obviously there's other reasons to dislike him and the other two, but I'm talking about these specific reasons)

And idk. It's just.... really nice to see a game go out and make its ENTIRE message about how you don't have to do it alone. It's a universal message of course but it's also really important for a lot of guys. I know I sure resonated with it. My family is very gung-ho on being the perfect example of masculinity. So it's just. So rare to see a piece of media challenge these ideas. Thank you Raincode you mean a lot to me. Even though you're stinky. Ily

#rambling #rain code #master detective archives: rain code #raincode #mdarc #mdarc spoilers #raincode spoilers #textpost #theres also something to say about desuhiko #the way hes always trying to perform masculinity and juts.#being really bad at being traditionally masculine.#idk. yeah hes played for jokes but its because he cares so much about appearing like a Man #it isnt him being unpopular with women thats funny #its him trying so so so hard to be popular with women. because. thats what men do. he thinks. maybe #idk. after drv3 gave us momota. shudders. this is a nicer change of pace #its not perfect. hardly.#but. yk. i still like it

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sunsetzer · 3 months

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On one hand, I want a final fantasy 6 remake, because the game is criminally underrated and the amount of fan content (which is all absolutely fantastic btw) is Not Enough for my neurodivergent, hyperfixating brain.

On the other hand, that would inevitably encourage more people to join the fandom, which would be great, except it seems these days the bigger a fandom gets the more toxic it becomes, and I really like what we have going on over here in our little corner. We all just love the game and its characters and nobody fights about who should and shouldn't date who or who you shouldn't like because they're ~problematique~. Nobody's trying to make one ship morally better than another, nobody's calling anyone names or threatening to doxx people who don't agree with their opinions. It's so peaceful and I love that for us. We're just vibing. Moisturized. Unbothered. In our lane. Flourishing.

#as someone who was in an extremely toxic and chaotic fandom and lowkey still traumatized #to the point where I'm afraid to mention which fandom it was/what my ship was #i have to say #i genuinely love it here #i was nervous at first sharing my ships and headcanons but everyone is so chill i was worried for nothing #thank you to everyone I've interacted with who has made this fandom a healing experience for me #i shudder to think about what some of the people i interacted with in a previous fandom would do with ff6 #probably would take edgar's flirting at face value and call him problematic for objectifying women #instead of considering the narrative and what we know about him and the way he actually treats women #my man drinks loving and respecting women juice he's not a creep #or that weird moment with relm that admittedly made me double take before i realized what he meant #theyd have a whole campaign against him lmfao #bc those people boil characters alive until they're just a formless pile of tropes and stereotypes #and seem to disregard all positive aspects of a character they don't like which is fine #but then they go and try to force other people to think like they do and ugh #theres a lot of silly moments in the game and aspects of these characters that make them well rounded and realistically flawed at times #and i fear that would get lost in the chaos if the floodgates opened after a remake #maybe im just jaded lmao #im jaded and i have anxiety so im always thinking about The Worst Case Scenario #the collective positive spirit of the dwellers in this fandom might actually foster a positive space if more people were to come in #ff6 #my post #i was gonna say maybe this is bc we're mostly adults #but that falls flat when i remember how some of the most toxic and immature people in some fandoms are grown ass adults #who bully each other and younger fans #and some of the most mature and cool people were actually younger #maybe ff6 fans are just built different lmao #also idk how old anyone else actually is there might be teenagers here i just don't think about it a lot

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soctherapy · 24 days

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staring off into the distance . am i really up to the challenge of another daily account

#still shuddering at dvvd i want to die everytime i think about it

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darby-rowe · 1 month

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the way that i used to be obsessed with fandom purity and was a full-time kinkshamer but god i just dont give a fuck anymore. just tag properly and we're good.

#🧸; dally speaks #and it was bad #i was so strictly against fics w/ noncon and piss etc #used to be all like 'if you're writing xyz then i hope u d1e!!'#but man.. im in my 20s #i have to pay rent idgaf #i still have limits but i can always blacklist tags #what authority do i have to yuck ppls yum??#i dont!!!!#can yall imagine a world where i didnt write piss fics??#i shudder when i think about it

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swordfaery · 3 months

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anyway my favourite thing about dead men fanfiction is the wildly different characters we all write. like. not even the ones who have been dead for years and have so little actual characterisation but even the ones who were alive in canon were probably very different one hundred, two hundred, three hundred years ago. also theyre under characterised in fiction. also we are all just having fun

#guy who barely posts about skulduggery pleasant: so ive be rereading some of my old favourite dead men fanfiction #as well as my own dead men fanfiction #and damn if we arent all writing a bunch of different fucking guys. to be fair i have gone rogue bcos like. cant be fucked w canon #dont wanna write about war #heyo what if it was pre war and everyone was still. convinced their wouldnt be one #also i love the idea of skulduggery being. just super fucking irresponsible devil may care live laugh love sorta guy pre-war #spoilt. rich parents who dont care much about him. loads of magic tutors.#i mean think about the class implications of the dead men #skulduggery. an elemental. a difficult discipline that clearly requires a level of training and scholarli-ness #his NAME is skulduggery #you come across that name if your educated. if you read a lot #this is a man who has been afforded every privilege #and like. i think a lot of sorcerers are implied to be very upper class #or like. kinda rich and fancy about it #but obviously that wouldnt be the case for everyone bcos magic isnt just genetic right like some ppl just show up with it #and like even then #dexter vex #anton shudder #like as far as im aware these are just names ppl have #and slightly uncommonly used words #disciplines which are more emotional/physical #as opposed to 'learned'#i just think its interesting #i was gonna have my dead men all meet n be friends pre war #but tbh i think them meeting and not being friends is better #i think theres a sort of tragedy in them being as close as they were because of the war #and not having that post war or pre war #its actually really fucking sad but like. evidently they didnt hang out in the interim when most of em were still alive #or at least that much #im wondering if like. they needed a couple hundred years of like. detox bcos seeing each other just pulled them back into that mindset

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coffinwoodx · 2 months

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so… should i read homestuck?

#homestuck #i’ve gotten very close to reading it #almost did in middle school after a friend told me about it #but i gave it up very early on #i don’t think i even left the house tbh #i’m still considering it but idk if i should due to the horrors i’ve seen 😭#sharpie bath #*shudders*#for all i know that could just be the tip of the iceberg tho #i’ll do as the poll says

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mystery-box-gifs · 2 years

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#the devil judge #devil judge #kim gaon #kim ga on #park jinyoung #jinyoung #tdj ep 09 #do I feel bad for cropping out soo hyun? kinda #but also I still shudder thinking about the fact that she said her popsicle is banana flavoured

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dollelujah · 9 months

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uhhh please don't buy from spoonflower, their fabric is just garbage quality and shutterfly squashed a unionization attempt when they bought out the company last year

#Anyone who was remotely qualified or cared about their job left when they replaced all the 8 hour shifts with 10/12s #They slashed benefits and got rid of part time positions #The amount of crappy blurry printing QC approved before was bad enough I shudder to think what's going on now #Mostly I just think of my friend still working there who can't get them to clean up the MOLD problem

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selfshippinglover · 2 months

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craving the touch of teeth on skin

#cicisays #hate being a bottom #just thinking about fangs being dragged across my throat is enough to get me going #the stinging and gnashing of teeth #groaning and shuddering #out of fear and anticipation #eyes stinging with hot tears as I gasp #call me ur little rabbit #eat me whole #or slowly #whatever you like #tell me how good i taste #the way red stains my fur only makes you hungrier #tell me you adore how i whimper and squirm #how your hands around my neck fills you up with heat #how the sounds of my bones breaking fills you with ectasy #lick at my wounds and pet me as i weep #run your hands over my bones so that i feel you in the very core of my being #i'm trying to let myself express my desires more whoops #its uh #its strange but good #not as bad as my brain always shamed me into thinking it was #but still an adjustement #at the same time #i don't halfass anything on feelings so now that I'm giving myself the room to feel it #i just wanna dive in headfirst #oh the poor little rabbit leaves himself open #what will happen when the wolves come out?#lmao jokes on you that's what i wanted

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seveneyesoup · 2 years

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do you think the time lords even understand death? like really

#regeneration sure #but people just don’t die that much on gallifrey #or the time lords don’t #i’m willing to bet some of them regenerate before they even think about proper death #an end sure but abstract and far away #and even when they do die everyone’s still around in the matrix #so death; in a human sense? hell; even in a shobogan sense #has to be like; a totally foreign concept; or very nearly #only understanding death on your third regeneration sitting up at the end of a hallway while the body of your cousin shudders under a shroud #only understanding death as the body of your classmate bleeds into the river and does not move #and maybe i’m being unfair; people do die on gallifrey but not people the time lords are around; i guess #so maybe there’s an understanding of death but not as something that can happen to you?#i don’t know. but in some sense i think they don’t get it #death happens to other people. the lower castes; the lesser species #except it doesn’t #everything has its time and everything dies #and the other part of my point is i think theta and koschei knew that a long; Long time before any of their peers #maybe even before some of their teachers #having not only a secret between them but a secret understanding #a terrible wisdom shared between them alone #not really them alone. but it must have felt like that

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rosicheeks · 1 year

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6/8/22?

Ok ok so 6/8 looks like I was just editing old pictures BUT on 6/11/22 I was an idiot and sliced my finger open 😇

#looking back on it the whole story was kinda hilarious 😂#nobody asked but here’s the story 😌#I don’t really remember what led up to the moment #I think I slept in late and I was hangry and I didn’t have anything to eat #I finally found a bag of salad and was like fuck yeah I’ll have a salad #ok just gotta open it #well the salad bags I get you can’t usually just open it with your hands #but I didn’t grab a scissor like a normal person no no #I grabbed a fucking knife #and not just a butter knife #a bread knife #why????? idk don’t fucking ask me #it was just out and grabbed it without thinking #so I’ll spare the juicy details but the knife slipped and cut my finger #I screamed bloody murder and ran to the sink cause I was literally gushing blood #I still can remember in detail my finger #idk how I managed it but my finger was literally cut open #I’m shuddering just thinking about it #but my roommate eventually came running to see what I was screaming about #they didn’t know wtf to do so they called my parents and my parents came to the rescue 💖#I think it was a weekend or something? so it wasn’t that busy but there wasn’t that many nurses working so I waited for awhile #that was one of the worse pains of my life #doesn’t compare to the *worst* pain I’ve had #and then I couldn’t get properly distracted #all I was thinking about was pain pain pain pain #the BEST part is I didn’t EVEN OPEN THE FUCKING SALAD BAG #salad bag 1 rosie 0 #still have the scar #ask #me

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two-hearts-beat · 1 year

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whenever someone claims that media doesn't actually have a strong effect on us and our perception of bodies I remember seeing the movie "Shallow Hal" as a kid and how it hammered the idea into my brain that someone overweight is the direct opposite of beautiful

#luckily the whole movie was disturbing enough (or I enough of a critical thinker? i doubt it) that my actual takeaway was being disgusted #by fatphobia instead #but that fucking movie still sticks in my brain and I still shudder thinking about it #shallow hal #tw fatphobia #to be clear I think at first I completely accepted the premise and felt like I 'learned' that the female protagonist was apparently hideous

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devilsskettle · 1 year

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idk if you care about the Academia views on horror but for a long time there was the idea pushed by second wave feminists that horror was and will always be inherently reactionary and misogynistic because the act of viewing could only be enjoyed by a sadistic male viewer who liked to watch men suffer. but in the 90s that view began being disputed by people like eve kosofsky sedgwick who pointed out how essentialist and flat that view was and horror studies has bloomed since then to include the queer viewer (benshoff 1997, “monsters in the closet”) and expand beyond the simplistic view that horror is inherently bad and “low art” because of its violence. so basically this is all to say that anon is stuck in 1990

fuck yeah. that's really interesting

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echo-the-ghost · 8 months

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Woke up and my first thought was about Jane Prentiss / hive people. starting the day off strong! :]

#uhhhhh. yeah #there may have been a thought before that but hell if i can remember #i was just like wow shoutout to the big baddie of the first season #i still think about her and shudder sometimes #i love this podcast #echo rambles #the magnus archives #tma spoilers #the magnus archives spoilers

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micamicster · 8 months

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obviously the worst possible time to faceblindness blank stare my former preceptor is when i run into him at the hospital post-cardiac surgery on his 2 day old baby BUT in my defense. ive never seen himwithout a mask before

#WOW was that bad. think i salvaged it the second time i ran into him but im shuddering just thinking about it #the way he's here with his critically ill baby still taking the time to chat with a former student #and im giving him the 'why tf is this guy talking to me' stare

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