#i realize this set is completely incoherent from a style perspective | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

smellsfaintlyofvanilla · 3 years

Note

hewwo! Would it be okay to request historia x reader? I’m not sure if you’ve finished aot yet but the scenario in my head is set after historia became queen and the reader is a captain of the scout regiment. They’ve been secretly together since their trainees days and it becomes increasingly hard to find time to spend together. So like one day reader decide to dangle outside of historia’s window (how romantic than throwing rocks at her windows👀) and decides to make up for lost time. Lots of fluff and maybe Heheh I wouldn’t mind if it gets a bit (or maybe more) nsfw. Thankiess <33 sorry if it bothers you with this request

Stan Historia hours :) I love her sm

Also I didn’t proofread ‘cause I’m sleepy, so if there are typos... uh... whoops...

Missing You

(Historia Reiss x Reader)

AU: Canon

Warnings: None

Category: Fluff/smut

Summary: Ever since Historia became queen of Paradis, her s/o has been able to see her less and less. So, one day, they show up outside of her window for a surprise.

Words: 4.1K

Gusts of wind delicately brushed your hair behind your ears as you flew through the air effortlessly. You breathed in the cold evening air and gazed at the setting sun over the horizon tranquilly before firing the grapple of your ODM gear into the wall of a nearby brick building. Using the momentum it gave you, you rounded the corner swiftly and let your eyes settle of the sight in front of you--the Reiss castle.

It was a grand sight, no doubt about it, as the pristine stone and marble was decorated with shiny golden accents that fit the grandeur aesthetic. A tall gate surrounded the estate, and guards lined the outside.

Luckily for you, as the commander of the Scouts, you had no trouble bypassing them all quietly. It’s not like you were in any real danger regardless--even if you were caught, the queen would undoubtedly have you pardoned immediately. The worst you’d get out of it was a harsh scolding from a displeased Levi or Erwin.

You were on a bit of a risky mission. Not one sanctioned by the Scouts, but rather, a personal mission. You knew your girlfriend, who was also the queen, resided inside the palace, and due to her newfound status as a monarch, and your duties as a soldier, you found yourself with less and less time to spend with her. Knowing her, she likely missed you as well, and wouldn’t be at all apprehensive about your sudden appearance.

Your fleeting shadow was all that any guard could make out as your body flew over the wall, landing quietly, albeit a little clumsily, in the hedges lining the outer walls. A glance up at a familiar balcony proved that you had hit your target perfectly--you were directly under Historia’s bedroom.

You sat up and brushed the dirt off of your cloak with a scoff. Security was clearing lacking here if someone like you was able to slip by undetected so easily. Still, you were pleased with it’s convenience in allowing you to visit your girlfriend. You shot the grapple of your gear right above her bedroom window, and quickly zipped up to peer inside, placing both of your feet against the wall and letting your arms hang limp as your weight was carried solely on the wire of your ODM gear.

The curtain was already opened, and you took a minute to admire her sleeping frame, which was hunched unceremoniously over her desk and on top of some incomplete paperwork. The messy golden hair, which was out of it’s usual style, and the gentle rise and fall of her chest as her lips parted slightly. Despite her outward calmness, you didn’t fail to notice the light bags under her eyes, and the scowl that painted her usually cheery face.

You decided to cut your creepy staring short, as you balled up one of your hands into a fist and started gently knocking on the glass window. You stopped as soon as you noticed her stir, but you quickly realized she was still asleep. It was probably gonna take a little more than light knocking to wake her up.

You crouched your legs further into the wall, before jumping away and aiming your feet at the window. As your body swung back and into the window, the cheap wooden frame gave way silently, pushing the window wide open. You silently thanked whatever deity was up there that the glass didn’t shatter when you collided with it, because if it did, a rush of guards would undoubtedly storm in to investigate the threat, and you really wanted this little visit to stay a secret between you and Historia.

You gently closed the window behind you, not wanting to let any more of the chilly night air inside, and walked up to your girlfriend’s desk. You placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and shook her lightly.

“Historia...” You whispered into her ear, but the short girl only tightened her lips into a line and furrowed her brows, accompanied by a short, incoherent mumble. You cursed her for being so cute before you gave her a quicker, more forceful shake. “Historia...!” You whisper-shouted, and you felt her body jump at the sudden call of her name.

She yanked her head off of her desk abruptly and turned her body to face you with a slightly panicked expression on her face, but it lightened immediately into a small smile when her gaze met yours.

“Y/n...” She yawned out, covering her mouth and shutting her eyes peacefully.

“Hello, darling.” You smiled, stepping back a few paces to give her space to stretch her arms out above her head.

“What are you doing here?” She muttered, before perking her head up in confusion and continuing. “Actually, how did you get past security?”

You laughed softly before sliding your cloak off of your shoulders and throwing it carelessly onto her elegant, oversized bed. “Well, I missed you, and it’s been ages, so I decided to drop by for a visit. Getting past security was no big issue, either.” You laughed dryly, before continuing, walking over to stand by Historia’s desk chair. “Don’t tell me you didn’t wan to see me?” You smiled.

“No,” She mumbled sleepily, standing up and burying her head in your chest affectionately, wrapping her arms around you tightly. “I’m glad you’re here...”

You smiled at her bashfully and started to run your fingers through her loose blonde hair. She’s always so cute when she’s sleepy...

“So...” She pulled back after a moment, looking up to face you as the tiredness slowly left her eyes. “Did you have anything specific planned?” She smiled, “Or did you visit just for the sake of it?”

You sighed, rubbing the back of your neck with your free hand. “Nothing in particular, but I had an idea.” She raised her eyebrow, signaling you to continue, but you didn’t speak, and instead, you walked back to her window and opened it wide, the gentle winds causing the curtains to flutter. You waved your hand in the ‘come here’ motion, beckoning her to follow you to the window.

“I’ll show you,” You smiled, “But you have to hold on tight.”

She nodded wordlessly, walking over to you and wrapping her small body around your torso. You pet her head affectionately for a moment, before speaking.

“You ready?”

“Mhm.”

And with that, you climbed onto the windowsill and shot off your ODM gear outside of the palace walls.

As you flew through the air, you made sure to be quick and silent, trying not to make a scene, especially now that the queen was clinging to you like a koala. To an outsider’s perspective, it may have appeared like the calmest kidnapping to ever occur, but in reality, Historia couldn’t have been any happier to be so close to you for the first time in months, even if no word’s were spoken.

She finally pulled her head out of your chest when she felt you stop, hitting the ground and skidding along the dirt on your heels from the leftover momentum. You stumbled a little bit, before gaining your footing in the dirt and stopping in your tracks.

“We’re here.” You exhaled, and Historia reluctantly let go and stood up straight. She looked around curiously at the unfamiliar scenery. Tired oak trees towered over the sky, covering the view of the stars completely. Near her feet, green, unkept grass and shrubbery covered the ground, and the occasional patch of flowers gave a drop of color to the predominately brown and green scenery. She quickly concluded that the city was long behind them, and that this place had been free of human inhabitation for quite a long time.

“You dragged me out of my bedroom at 9PM,” Historia started, and you turned to face her curiously. “To show me some trees...?”

You laughed at this, finding her confusion quite adorable. “Not the trees, sweetie.” You grabbed her small hand in your own, and started to lead her down the closest thing to a path there was near here--an area of beaten down dirt and flattened grass. ‘I wonder how often she comes here...’ Historia thought to herself as you continued to lead her through the trees.

You finally slowed your jog to a stop once you found your destination, letting go over Historia’s hand and stretching out, breathing in the freeing night air. “Now, we’re here.”

She finally turned her gaze away from you, and glanced at the landscape ahead of her, mouth hanging slightly open at the sight of it.

The sky was composed of deep shades of purple and blue, mixing together elegantly like paint on a canvas. Shiny white stars freckled the sky, forming best and constellations. It was nothing compared to the view she got from her palace window.

She glanced down at her feet to see just where she was standing. The two of you were on the edge of the forest, which seemed to be the cliff that oversaw the beach that was at least 50 feet below her. It was a small outcrop of dirt and stone, a tiny little peninsula of cliff where trees and flowers ceased to grow, leaving only the small bits of grass and shrubbery.

“Pretty cool, huh?” You sighed happily, plopping down to sit on the short grass, and patting the space next to you.

She snapped out of her trance and settled down next to you, running her fingers through the soft grass, mesmerized.

You watched her with amusement before chuckling. “How long has it been since you’ve touched some grass??” Despite your playful tone, you were genuinely curious. After all, as nothing more than a soldier, you didn’t remotely understand what the life of royalty could be like.

She ignored the question for the most part, her gaze still fixed on the night’s sky.

“I haven’t gotten to see anything like this in a long time...” She trails off.

“I know,” You say confidently, “I go here all the time to look at the stars since the it’s so isolated, Plus, it has an amazing view. Levi always drags me out whenever he finds me here, but I caught him watching the sunrise here one time. I guess even a pessimist like him finds this place calming.” You chuckle, leaning you back against a dead tree stump and sighing. “But keep this quiet.” You smile. “It’s my little secret.”

She smiled back, a small blush creeping up on her cheeks at your laugh. It was so calming to her, so charming and unique to you. It made her happy to know you were happy.

A sudden gust of wind blew through the air, and Historia shivered, hugging herself in an attempt to conserve body heat. It was pretty here, no doubt, but she wished she had a chance to change out of her night clothes before you took her out.

You glanced at her for a moment, still clad in the standard Scout uniform (which, luckily for you, was very warm), and chuckled for a minute.

“Historia, darling,” You called out, bringing her attention towards you and patting your lap, “Come over here.”

She stood up quickly and made her way over to you, facing you before placing herself in your lap, her arms wrapped around your stomach and one leg splayed to either side of you.

You silently wished you had brought your Scout cloak with you so you could use it as a blanket, but instead, you just wrapped your arms around her in return and hoped that whatever body heat you were giving off would be enough.

It seemed to work, though, as she stopped shivering pretty quickly, and buried her head in your chest. You sighed in relief and started to run your hands through her hair absentmindedly.

“Y’know sweetie,” you start speaking, and although she shows no reaction at first, you know she’s listening intently, “I love you, and I love the cuddles too, but you won’t get a good view of the stars if you stay like this the whole time.” You giggled.

She let out a muffled hum into your chest, before speaking her response. “I don’t mind. You’re much better than some cool view of the sky. Warmer too.”

You laughed at her last statement, before settling down yourself, a hand making it’s way to rub small circles of Historia’s lower back soothingly. It seemed to have worked, as she only sighed and cuddled herself further into you.

The two of you sat like that in comfortable silence for what felt like ages, relaxing in each others’ presences for the first time in months. But, eventually the silence was broken as Historia quietly piped up.

“How has it been?” She asked, and you tilted your head to look at her, only to find her still relaxed against you. “Being commander of the Scouts must be tough work. They’ve been getting a lot of attention recently, both good and bad.”

You sighed and leaned back once again. Things had been tougher and more tiring recently, no doubt. Still, work was the last thing on your mind at this moment. You just wanted to spend time with Historia, free from stress.

“It’s been... okay.” You dodged the question subtly, and Historia elected not to prod you on it as you continued. “But I do miss spending time with my wonderful girlfriend.” You teased, and a smile spread across your features as she flustered up, and turned her head subconsciously to the side, allowing you to see her blushing face.

“And you know what else I miss?” You continued, grabbing her chin with your free hand, and lifting her head up to face you.

“What?” She stared back at you, bewildered and flustered.

“This.”

And before Historia even had the time to voice the words that formed in her mind, you pulled her face to yours quickly, quickly kissing her on the nose, then the forehead, then the cheek.

Historia giggled adorably as you continued to pepper her with chaste kisses against her face, and this time, she didn’t try to fight the blush that spread across her cheeks.

“Y/nnnnn...!” She continued to laugh as you kissed the corner of her lips all the way up to her ear, and her laughter started to infect you as well, as you let out soft snickers and laughs as well as you continued to shower her with affection.

You eventually stopped, and the two of you laughed together sweetly for a moment, before finally settling down against each other once again.

“You know what I missed?” Historia spoke teasingly.

“Hm?” You responded, interested in her response.

She gave no verbal response, much like you, instead opting to show her feelings with actions rather than words as she closed the gap between both of your faces.

Her lips met yours, and you closed your eyes to accept the soft, tender kiss, as opposed to the playful and short ones from earlier.

You continued the kiss, leaning over her slightly, and moving your hands to her lower back, and her hands went to grip your shoulders for support.

You playfully licked her bottom lip, silently asking for permission, but she gave in right away, parting her lips slightly and allowing you to quickly slide your tongue over her teeth. She felt her blush darken at the bold action, but continued to deepen the kiss regardless.

She’d be a liar if she said that she didn’t miss this as well, the more... intimate parts of your relationships. Like how you two would quietly make out in the dorm rooms before meeting up with everyone for breakfast, and how you would quietly finger her behind the barracks after training, and even the cute little noises you made when she went down on you.

She couldn’t help it as these dirty thoughts started to cloud her mind, and she could already feel her underwear growing damp.

You continued to make out with her, asserting your dominance more as your tongue started to explore the inside of her mouth, and Historia couldn’t help but let out quiet whimpers, especially when the hands placed on her lower back started to slowly lift up the hem of her shirt.

Then, in what was most likely a subconscious action, you shifted in place a little bit, and it wasn’t until now that she was reminded that her core had been placed directly on your thigh, and the subtle grinding against her crotch caused her to let out a moan against your lips.

You didn’t realize what you had done for a second, but when you did, you immediately used it to your advantage, and you ground your thigh against her core excruciatingly slowly. At this point, Historia couldn’t help any of the quiet moans and whimpers that escaped her throat.

You pulled away to catch your breath, much to Historia’s dismay, but you at least kept the slow movements of your thigh against her as you spoke up between pants.

“How about we go home now baby?” You asked (though it wasn’t much of a question), wiping your mouth and breaking the thin trail of saliva that connected you two. “This isn’t a very good place for... y’know...”

Historia only blushed and nodded, wiping her mouth as well. “Y-Yeah...”

You stood up to lead her out, and Historia tried her best to ignore the throbbing sensation that lingered between her legs ever since you stopped giving her stimulation.

You wasted no time on your trip home—letting Historia cling to you while you zipped your way back to the palace.

Historia tried to be patient on the way there, but she couldn’t help it as she started to subtly grind her hips into yours as you continued to fly through the air.

You sucked in a little bit of air through your teeth—undoubtedly turned on yourself—but you were quick to reprimand her softly.

“Not here, Historia, just wait until we get back.”

After an excruciatingly long four minutes journey, you one again flew into Historia’s unlocked bedroom window, stumbling on the floor a little bit, before regaining your footing and setting Historia down. You turned to close the window, not wanting anyone but you to hear your girlfriend’s sweet moans but you.

Once you had done that, you removed your coat and tossed it aside aimlessly before pushing Historia down against the bed, continuing to make out with her hungrily. She clawed at your shirt clumsily, and ceased to stop the whine in her throat when you playfully bit her bottom lip.

Your hands roamed to the buttons of her night shirt, fumbling to undo them while keeping all of your attention on Historia. Eventually, you got the stubborn things off, and you threw the shirt to the side carelessly, before immediately abusing your new access.

Your hands roamed her breasts hungrily. They were on the smaller side, but, as you had learned not far into your relationship, they were very sensitive.

You toyed with her happily as she crumbled beneath you, and you relished in the way her breath hitched and back arched as you gently pinched one of the pink nipples.

She pulled away from the makeup session to bite her bottom lip, muting any noises she made as you continued your teasing ministrations.

“Shit... Y/n...” She muttered bashfully, causing you to laugh slyly.

You slowly moved your way up her body, before straddling her hips and sitting up, your crotch flush against hers. You slowly undid the buttons of your shirt, sliding it over your shoulders cleanly once it was loose enough, and you discarded along with the sports bra you were wearing.

Historia shamelessly scanned your body, all the way from your shoulders to your toned, somewhat muscled stomach, and she ran her fingers over it delicately, stopping at the button of your pants. You smiled before leaning down to continue kissing her, curious to see where she was leading with this.

She didn’t seem to lose any confidence when you resumed your dominance, as she unbuttoned the pants easily, and slipped her hand into your underwear. You tensed up and let out a small gasp as her fingers brushed teasingly over your clit, rubbing gentle circles on it.

You pulled away from her mouth and let out a small whine. “Historia...”

She smiled at your reaction, deciding to be just a little bolder as she pressed down on your clit, hard, causing a jolt of pleasure to shoot up your body. You let out a strangled moan before lust took over your mind. Enough foreplay, enough teasing. This is starting right now.

You sat back up again, causing her hand to fall out of your pants to avoid the uncomfortable angle, and you slid of your pants and underwear, throwing it off to the growing collection of neglected clothing that littered her floor. You did the same thing to Historia right after, sliding her skirt down her hips gently, talking her underwear with it.

Your hand instantly settled in between her legs, and you stuck a finger into her up to the knuckle experimentally, and smiling sadistically at the lewd noises that fell from her lips.

You pulled it out gently, causing her to call out your name in both pleasure and frustration.

You didn’t let her go long without stimulation, however, as you lifted one of her legs up to go over your shoulder, pressing your heat against hers, and causing you to close your eyes and let out a pleasured exhale.

Slowly, you started to rock your hips against hers, scissoring her at a slow pace, enjoying the soft sounds she made.

“Y-Y/n...” She muttered, covering her mouth with her hand to mute the noises that fell easily from her lips.

You glanced up at her and grabbed her wrist, displeased with her action. “Don’t cover your mouth.” You groaned, moving her hand away. “I want to hear you.”

Historia nodded hesitantly, blushing in embarrassment as lewd moans and whimpers left her lips.

“Fuck...” She exhaled in ecstasy, causing you to smile. It brought you a lot of joy to make your oh so innocent girlfriend curse as you fucked her like this.

Her dormant hands reached up to grasp at your waist, running her hands up and down it and feeling you up with need, causing you to let out a shuddered moan as you sped your pace.

The increase in speed jostled her for a moment, and a startled, but pleasured yelp left her lips. You sighed and tilted your head back, biting your lip in pleasure as you rocked against her with force.

Slowly, Historia felt a knot grow in the pit of her stomach. Intense, heated pleasure that threatened to burst with every thrust of your body against hers, and helpless whines filled the room, only increasing tenfold when one of your hands went down to grope her breast.

“F-Fuck...! Y/n... I’m getting... close...” She exhaled, causing a surge of arousal course through your body. You could feel your orgasm slowly building in your stomach as well.

“Y-Yeah... me too...” You panted out as your thrusts started to get irregular as you got closer and closer to your climax, and lust-filled moans fell from your lips. You reached your other hand down to rub at her clit, finally sending her over the edge.

The hot sensation in the pit of her stomach finally unraveled as she arched her back up and gripped the sheets, rolling her hips desperately against yours, needy moans of ecstasy spilled from her lips, along with the occasional curse and yelp of your name.

Evidence of her orgasm dripped down her thighs and onto you as you came against her as well, riding out your orgasm with her.

You let out a few, slow thrusts as your hips twitched and legs shook, finally coming down from your high. You thrusted one final time, before exhaling and collapsing next to her, still sweaty and panting from your activities just moments ago.

Historia looked just the same as you, sweat dripping down her red face, the aftereffects of ecstasy still evident on her face. You turned on your side to face her, putting your hands on your back and pulling her close.

She let out a long, contended sigh and wrapped her arms around your back, and pulling the silk covers over you with her free hand, kissing your collarbone gently as sleep started to overtake her.

“I missed this.” You sigh, closing your eyes and running your hands through her disheveled and messy hair. “I missed you.”

You heard her quietly hum in agreement, before muttering sleepily into your chest. ��I love you...”

You smile as her breathing evened against you. You were sure she had already fallen asleep, but that didn’t stop you from responding.

“I love you too, Historia.”

THIS IS SO RUSHED BYE EVERYONE SEE YA

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan x reader #shingeki no kyojin x reader #aot x reader #snk x reader #historia reiss #historia reiss x reader #christa lenz #christa lenz x reader #fluff #smut

162 notes · View notes

thedreamclass · 3 years

Text

Dream Analysis: All You Need to Know

1. What are dreams?

Dreams area unit stories and pictures that our minds produce whereas we tend to sleep. They will be fun, fun, romantic, disturbing, scary, and typically outlandish. Dreams area unit pictures, thoughts, or feelings that occur throughout sleep. Studies have disclosed numerous forms of dream content, however some typical characteristics of dreaming include:

● It encompasses a first-person perspective.

● It is involuntary.

● The content is also illogical or maybe incoherent.

● The content includes people WHO acts with the dreamer and each other.

● It provokes sturdy emotions.

● Elements of waking life area unit incorporated into the content.

Although these options don't seem to be universal, they're found a minimum of to some extent in most traditional dreams. Dreaming will happen throughout any stage of sleep, however dreams area unit the foremost prolific and intense throughout the fast eye movement (REM) stage.

2. What is dream analysis?

Dreams area unit the customarily confusing visions of our subconscious, and lots of individuals believe they contain hidden that means. Dream analysis may be a therapeutic technique best renowned for its use in psychotherapy. Freud|neurologist|brain doctor|analyst|psychoanalyst} viewed dreams as “the royal road” to the unconscious and developed dream analysis, or dream interpretation, as how of sound into this unconscious material. Some psychologists dedicate their careers to the method of evaluating dreams to work out their meanings.

Sigmund Freud

In 1899, shrink Freud revealed his groundbreaking text “The Interpretation of Dreams.” In it, he projected that dreams specific the unsuccessful desires of the dreamer’s existence. The analyst prompts that dreams area unit created from 2 styles of information:

● manifest content

● latent content

Carl Jung

Like Freud, Jung thought dreams were frozen within the unconscious and will facilitate to heal the dreamer if understood properly. Jung prompts that dreams reveal the ways that a personal has fallen out of balance. In Jungian dream analysis, each side of your dream represents one thing in your psyche.

3. What is the importance of dream analysis?

Dreaming could be a terribly sophisticated activity. In step with brain doctor, the goal of a dream is to satisfy those wishes that we tend to can’t even voice, a lot of less work toward satisfying, when awake.

Reasons why it's necessary to interpret your dreams:

1. Profit of your dreams. You dream nightly. Once you awaken and rely on a dream, you've got a chance to access a product of your unconscious.

2. Dreams area unit acquainted territory. They're shaped, in part, by what has gone on the day before.

3. Dreams don't seem to be simply reiterations of what happened throughout the day. Some necessary scientific discoveries occurred because of the results of a dream.

4. basic cognitive process and deciphering your dreams will open up the weird and kinky components of yourself that area unit unbroken covert.

5. though we tend to could also be unaware of the unconscious, it's disclosed in our dreams. If we tend to perceive however the dream is built.

4. How does dream analysis work?

Dreams reveal our deepest truths: Dreams use the language of symbols and archetypes to speak from our inner selves what we’re ineffectual to understand in standard of living.

Context is everything: Dream interpretation could be a terribly personalized follow. Completely different dreams might share a similar symbol, however counting on what’s happening in your life, the precise that means of that image can modification.

Pay special attention to continual dreams: A dream that returns quite once perhaps your subconscious urging you to handle one thing.

Don’t take your dreams too literally: they will be full of hidden that means, however those insights won’t be bestowed to you virtually — they’ll are available in the shape of symbols.

Some dreams have a wide shared meaning: There square measure “classic dreams” that come back to several folks — like being late for an examination and not being ready, being late for work and not knowing a way to get there.

You can program your dreams: This might sound bizarre, however you’ve probably already toughened a “programmed dream” while not even realizing it.

5. What are the benefits of dream analysis?

Hopefully, the subsequent edges can inspire you to start out the life journey of learning to investigate your dreams:

1. Dreams offer you to search out the solution to World Health Organization am I?.

2. setting dreams provide you with a warning to what's happening around you whereas you’re sleeping to stay you from danger.

3. info in your dreams will assist you to heal unhealthiness.

4. there's no denial within the Dreamtime; thus, you'll understand the reality of any scenario in your life.

5. however, you actually feel a few scenario empowers you to unleash feelings secured up within you to avoid them festering within you inflicting disturbance in your waking hours and/or on your health.

6. Dreams provide solutions to difficulties and issues in your life.

7. Your dreams provide warnings concerning people that square measure virulent to your health, red flags regarding a possible mate.

8. prophetical dreams provide the gift of insight for future events.

9. Dream interpretation accelerates your personal and non-secular growth.

10. Last, however not least, you'll have additional peace of mind.

6. How can you program your dreams?

1.Keep a journal by your bedside in which you write a dream intention each night before sleeping. Your intention is literally what you want to dream about. In the morning, before you do anything else, write down any dreams you have experienced.

2.Before you turn out the light at bedtime, look intently at a picture which represents a topic you wish to dream about. Study the details in the picture and when you close your eyes to sleep, visualize the picture inside your mind and continue to visualize its details.

3.It’s been said that smelling roses before sleeping has been said to promote lovely dreams, while the scent of rotten eggs, unsurprisingly, does the opposite result. Smells have an effect on us in our waking time and are equally potent when we are asleep.

#Dreams #dream analysis #importance of dream analysis

2 notes · View notes

tediousoscars · 4 years

Text

2019

Predict-o-meter: This year: 9/11; Total: 108/134 (83%)

Welcome, welcome one and all to this year’s diatribe concerning all things Oscar.

With one glaring exception (see if you can spot it) this year’s class is solid with some soaring achievements at the top and a lot of really solid work through the middle.

So without further ado, let’s get to it ...

- THE CONTENDERS -

1917. In most war movies the MacGuffin is winning: a skirmish, a battle, a campaign, or, ultimately the war. In “1917” the goal is to call off an attack; to avoid a battle. Most war movies focus on the big picture: strategy, troop movements, etc. “1917” focuses on a single soldier embarking on a single mission for a single day. “1917” is not most war movies. The Germans have executed a strategic retreat and established a new defensive position. A zealous British commander is in hot pursuit, but Command has learned - through the new-fangled technology of aerial photography - that he is charging into a trap. No telegraph lines have yet been laid to the forward position, and radio is not quite a thing yet, so the only way to warn the commander is to send soldiers across no-man’s land, across the previous German line, across the French countryside to deliver the message in person. What follows is a quixotic quest full of constant fear and tension across a landscape made bizarre by the ravages and awful logic of war. It is a saga of commonplace heroism, of a man randomly plucked from obscurity, given an awesome, nigh-impossible task, and rising to the occasion for no other reason than it is his job. The film is expertly paced and while moments of sheer panic are rare, moments of relaxation are nonexistent. Though the time-honored message - war is hell - is definitely there, it is not driven home in the typical, ham-fisted way, and the final scene in which our hero collapses against a tree and gazes out at an idyllic sunlit pasture feels more triumphant than any victory brought about by explosions and bullets.

Jojo Rabbit. I often like to go into these films with no knowledge in order to avoid preconceptions, an approach that was a little jarring in this case, at least at first. In “Jojo Rabbit” director Taika Waititi creates a vivid, slightly out-in-leftfield world that will be familiar to fans of Wes Anderson (particularly “Moonrise Kingdom”). However, Anderson’s Boy Scouts have been replaced (as the vaguely authoritarian and hierarchical children’s organization central to the film) by the Nazi’s Hitler Youth. The opening scenes in which an excited 10yo Johannes "Jojo" Betzler bounces around his room in full Nazi regalia chattering away with his imaginary friend, Adolf Hitler (“C’mon, now ... Heil me!”), as he prepares for Nazi training camp are downright off-putting at a visceral level. For a second I thought I’d stumbled into an unironic production of “Springtime for Hitler.” But soon enough you realize that you are seeing the world through Jojo’s young eyes, and that he is a sensitive, insecure boy who is desperate for acceptance. Jojo uncritically accepts the worst Nazi propaganda about the Jews to the point that when he actually meets a Jewish girl he asks where her horns are (“They don’t grow in until you are 21,” she coyly replies). What follows is a complex tale of human drama told from a persistently childish (in the best sense of that word) perspective. The fact that it doesn’t just fly apart into an incoherent mess is a testament to Waititi’s skill as a director (WHY was he not nominated?) and a story that starts out uncomfortably off-putting ends up being thought-provoking and heartwarming. This film defies all expectation and should not be missed.

Little Women. A fresh take on a much-beloved classic, “Little Women” follows a family of 4 sisters through late childhood and early adulthood as they struggle with questions of marriage and career through the lens of an 18th-century culture that has quite definite opinions on these matters. The sisters are well cast and have good chemistry. Two of them - Saoirse Ronan as Jo and Florence Pugh as Amy - were nominated for their trouble. Throw in Laura Dern as Marmee and Meryl Streep as the irrepressible Aunt March and you’ve got a powerhouse cast that drives the film forward and keeps things lively. The storytelling is deft throughout, but for my money the best part is at the end when Jo suddenly and inexplicably agrees to marry a minor character from early in the film that she didn’t even seem to like. It all feels very out of character and more than a little deus ex machina, until the coda showing Jo haggling with her publisher over the publication of her book. When he insists that the main female character must be married (or dead, either is fine) by the end of the book, she reluctantly agrees but asks for more money in return. “If I’m going to sell my heroine into marriage for money, I might as well get some of it,” she declares, adding a nice meta twist that makes Jo’s sudden nuptials not only understandable but downright delectable.

Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood. Director Quentin Tarantino (nominated) returns to a vein he previously mined in 2009’s “Inglorious Basterds”: The alternate-history black comedy. This time out, however, the group upon which he unleashes ahistorical vengeance is not the Nazis, but the Manson Family. Set in 1969 Hollywood in a reality not too far from our own, “Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood” follows Rick Dalton (Leonardo DiCaprio in a nominated role) as an aging TV cowboy who flies to Italy to make Spaghetti Westerns in an attempt to salvage his career. His constant companion, stunt double, and manservant is Cliff Booth (Brad Pitt, also nominated), a man of immense talent, but no ambition, who is content to carry Rick’s water as long as it doesn’t interfere with his generally zen lifestyle. What follows is a fascinating character study of the two men as they navigate the politics of Hollywood. Rick, in particular, pursues relevance with the panicked desperation that only middle-aged white men can achieve. But the show is consistently stolen by Pitt’s portrayal of Cliff as some combination of ronin samurai and burnt-out hippy. In every situation Cliff knows exactly what to do and how to do it at the same time that his motivation seems to be little more than, “Well, why not?” It’s breathtaking to watch. The Manson Family, for their part, play a minor, oblique role through most of the film, only to fall victim to Tarantino’s signature cartoonish uber-violence in the film’s climax. Never before has someone being set on fire been this laugh-out-loud funny. “Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood” is like a rollercoaster: don’t over-analyze it, just enjoy the ride. And it is a very enjoyable ride.

Parasite. This is another film I walked into with no foreknowledge and ended up being very pleasantly surprised. “Parasite” is a film from Korea that at its core is about income inequality, but the lens that it uses to examine this phenomenon is unique. “Parasite” follows the Kims, a downtrodden, working-class family of four barely scraping by in the slums of Seoul. Son Ki-Woo is very smart, but can’t afford to attend college like his friend Min-Hyuk, so when Min-Hyuk has a chance to study abroad he asks Ki-Woo to pose as a college student and take over his position tutoring the daughter of the rich Park family. Ki-Woo does so, and through a series of increasingly hilarious hijinks the entire Kim family becomes employed by the Parks in different capacities. The contrast between the capable, sensible, but poor Kims and the clueless but rich Parks is played to maximal comic effect, and you think this is an enjoyable romp and you pretty much know where it’s going. When all of a sudden, in the middle of the second act, the entire film takes a jarring left turn and sends you careening into bizarre, unexplored territory. I won’t spoil it for you, but director Bong Joon Ho richly deserves his nomination for crafting such a compelling story that completely defies expectations.

- THE PRETENDERS -

Ford v Ferrari. This is the true story of how legendary driver and car designer Carroll Shelby (Matt Damon) teamed up with the Ford Motor Company to take on Enzo Ferrari and win Le Mans. Central to the effort is the cantankerous Ken Miles (played with verve and gusto by Christian Bale), a British driver and engineer who is obsessed with racing to the exclusion of almost everything else, especially social niceties. When an ambitious, young Lee Iacocca proposes that Ford buy the ailing Ferrari, only to be humiliated by Enzo himself, Henry Ford II (aka “The Deuce”) declares war on Ferrari’s beloved racing team and their dominance at Le Mans. Shelby is recruited as one of a very few Americans to have ever won that race, and he insists on bringing along Miles as one of the few people who share his burning, all-consuming passion for racing. But Ken’s brash, irreverent style conflicts with Ford’s corporate image, and there ensues a protracted battle between Shelby and “the suits.” This is all handled deftly. The interpersonal struggles are well-motivated and feel real, the racing scenes are exciting, and the ultimate, somewhat mixed climax feels very satisfying. Definitely a very good movie, just not a great one.

The Irishman. Pacino. De Niro. Pesci. Keitel. Scorsese. Must be a gangster movie. This time around Scorsese takes on True Crime by studying the circumstances surrounding the disappearance of one-time Teamsters President Jimmy Hoffa (played by Al Pacino in a nominated role that is more than a little ironic given Hoffa’s frequent anti-Italian tirades). The titular Irishman is Frank Sheeran (De Niro); a Teamsters driver, turned scam artist, turned Mob enforcer, turned Hoffa confidant and Union Local President. All of the clichéd gangster tropes are here: the steak dinners, the smoke-filled rooms, the bizarre, posturing pseudo-conversations where nothing is actually said, but everybody “gets the message,” the sudden, brutal violence. All of it. And it is all executed expertly, being second nature to this team by this point. But for my money the film really revolves around Sheeran’s daughter, Peggy (played by Lucy Gallina as a child and Anna Paquin as an adult). Even as a child Peggy sees through the bluff and bluster of Mafia “honor” to its brutal core of senseless violence, and she holds her father in distain for it. This particularly rankles Sheeran’s Don and protector Russell Bufalino (Joe Pesci, also nominated), whose lifelong efforts to curry favor with Peggy come to naught. And when Peggy takes a shine to Jimmy Hoffa, seeing him as an honorable man helping people live better lives, Russell’s knickers are well and truly twisted. After Hoffa’s disappearance (the film makes no mystery of it, but I won’t spoil it) Peggy and Frank become fully estranged. Towards the end of his life Frank feels compelled to make a furtive attempt at reconciliation, but offers no remorse nor even any understanding of why Peggy stopped talking to him in the first place. The film ends with Sheeran alone and forgotten in a nursing home, being interviewed by some FBI agents still desperately trying to close the Hoffa case. They point out to him that all of his compatriots are dead, running through a roll call of the characters we have been watching for the past two hours. “Who are you protecting?” they ask. Sheeran has no answer, but offers no assistance, for in the end his loyalty was all he ever had.

Joker. Not since 2012’s “Les Misérables” has a movie been as monotonously bleak as “Joker.” Purportedly the origin story of Batman’s nemesis, “Joker” is a Chinese water torture of debasement and degradation. There’s no real theme or plot; just drip drip drip of indignities piled one upon the other. For hours. The titular Joker doesn’t even emerge from the tortured psyche of Arthur Fleck (played by Joaquin Phoenix in a nominated role) until the film’s waning moments, and even then he is literally just a crazy clown with a gun; hardly a suitable foil for the Batman. Phoenix gamely portrays an abused, antisocial misfit, but the skill with which he applies his craft is not put to any greater purpose. There’s no redemption here, or even a moral, just misery piled upon a man who has always been miserable and always will be. Each year there are at least one or two nominations that I cannot understand. With “Joker,” not only do I fail to understand the nomination, I can’t even understand why it was MADE.

Marriage Story. Meet the Barbers, Charlie and Nicole. They are beautiful (looking exactly like Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson - both nominated) and accomplished: he a playwright and director in New York’s theater community, she a star of stage and screen and Charlie’s favorite leading lady. When Nicole is offered a TV pilot shooting in Hollywood she decides to take son Henry with her, but removed from Charlie’s directorial dictates and suffocating ambition she decides to never go back. What follows is a bi-coastal divorce proceeding and custody battle that pits two people against each other who actually like and admire ~90% of the other, but just can’t reconcile the other 10%. The Barbers have different goals and agendas, but no real animus towards each other. However, the only system available to them for moving forward is one designed along ruthless, winner-take-all grounds. This leads to much conflict and soul-searching. Eventually, through introspection and growth, they manage to achieve something approaching a conscious uncoupling without scarring Henry too much in the process.

So which SHOULD win?

There were a lot of very good, enjoyable films in the class, but only 3 that really made you think about film as an art form and its capabilities: “1917,” “Jojo Rabbit,” and “Parasite.” Of these three Jojo Rabbit was both the most thought-provoking and the most straight-up enjoyable. My pick for the best movie of 2019 is: Jojo Rabbit.

But which WILL win?

“1917” appears to be the favorite, with “Parasite” a potential dark horse. I’m going with “1917,” and I can’t quibble too much; it’s a really good film.

And in the other categories ...

Best Actress: Renee Zellweger looks like a lock for her role in “Judy.”

Best Supporting Actress: Laura Dern should win here, not for being the mother of the Little Women, but for being the glamorous, “take no prisoners” Hollywood divorce lawyer in “Marriage Story.”

Best Actor: Joaquin Phoenix should follow in Heath Ledger’s footsteps by winning an Oscar portraying the Joker. While I am loathe to see this depressing trainwreck of a film garner any accolades, I must grudgingly admit that Phoenix gives a powerful performance. Still not worth seeing the film, however.

Best Supporting Actor: Brad Pitt should run away with this category. His performance definitely IS worth seeing “Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood.”

Best Director: Again this is a race between Sam Mendes for “1917” and Bong Joon Ho for “Parasite.” And again “1917” is the clear favorite and “Parasite” is the dark horse. The Academy has taken to splitting Best Picture and Best Director of late, but I’m going to play it safe and choose Mendes.

Best International Feature Film: “Parasite” should earn its richly-deserved Oscar here. As well as ...

Best Original Screenplay: Look for “Parasite” here. It is definitely very original.

Best Adapted Screenplay: Jojo Rabbit. I would have loved to see Waititi nominated - and even win - for directing, but he will have to settle for winning for his writing. Something tells me he’ll be fine.

Best Cinematography: 1917

Best Makeup and Hairstyling: Bombshell

That’s it for this year. Until next year, save me an aisle seat

0 notes

transassbuttwriting · 4 years

Text

My 27th Birthday: Hall of Fame

Word Count: 4,239 Warning(s): Depressing narrative, mention of stitches

1992

The ride was quiet, the radio playing a sombre song to go along with the dark evening. The sun had gone down an hour before and the headlights barely lit the road.

David’s eyes darted between the road and Geoff in the passenger seat. Every other glance, he caught him picking at his bandages on his arm. There was no way they were turning around just to get his stitches redone and sit through Geoff squirming and fussing like a child again.

He lightly smacked Geoff’s hand, “Don’t mess with those.”

Geoff flinched at the contact. Right after, he narrowed his eyes and mumbled under his breath. David didn’t bother to ask him to repeat himself. The answer would be just as incoherent.

“Look, we’re almost back home...You’ll get to eat and sleep soon. You’re hungry, right?” A sigh left his lips between the sentences, barely audible to David’s conscious.

“...Tater tots…” That’s all he heard from Geoff as he mumbled again.

“Tater tots.” David echoed, feeling dumb right after. It might take a while, but David could stay up another hour. As long as he knew Geoff was safe.

A soft thud caught David off guard and he turned to see Geoff’s head leaning against the car window, his hand clumsily reaching for the switches.

“Geoff, don’t.”

A series of soft clicks followed and Geoff’s cheek moved along with the window going up and down. Geoff snorted and turned his attention to David, leaving the window ajar. It was okay. David could close it after. The wind wasn’t that annoying.

Geoff tugged on David’s sleeve just enough to catch his attention. He simply shook his head and turned back to the road. He ignored the soft tugs that followed, slowly tuning them out as he listened to the radio and focused on the road. It was just a few more minutes until they arrived at Geoff’s place.

Geoff gave one last tug, hard enough for David’s hand to leave the steering wheel. Abruptly, David slammed on the brakes. His knuckles were white and he just stared out of the front window.

“Geoff, how many times do I have to tell you to stop? You can’t distract me when I’m driving! What can’t you understand‒” David’s words trailed off once he turned to Geoff.

His eyes were wide, a deer caught in headlights. The sudden burst of emotion caused him to go silent and all he could do was blink.

David sighed and buried his face in his hands. His emotions flooded his body and he couldn’t help, but start to tear up.

“Why do you do this? I try my best to think we’ll all get through this, but it feels like you don’t put in any effort.”

Geoff was about to mumble something, but David continued.

“You knew not to drink on the set. You knew not to climb the set. Now you have to deal with stitches. Do you know that you’re making a fool of yourself or are you so out of it to realize that? Is this how you want to be remembered in life?”

Geoff didn’t reply. He just sat in his seat, his head hanging low. It took another minute for David to readjust himself before he started to drive again.

The rest of the journey was completely silent. Geoff stared down at his bandages, not picking at them to David’s relief. Although his eyes were on the road, David’s mind was blank as if he went into autopilot. This wasn’t an everyday errand for him, but it happened enough for him to know exactly what to do.

The car pulled into the driveway. David didn’t notice how quietly he moved and how gentle his touch was when he helped Geoff out of the car. Geoff leaned against David, earning a soft chuckle as they walked into the house. The lights were off and the only light was the moon peeking through the windows.

Susie’s not home, David thought, thank God.

With as much grace as a deer on ice, the two stumbled and tripped their way to the living room couch. It was mostly Geoff’s doing, he just took David along for the ride.

Geoff laughed as they fell on top of each other, mumbling something only he could understand. David didn’t care. He smiled. Geoff was okay.

“You still want those tater tots?” He asked, pushing himself up.

Immediately, Geoff returned to his childish manner and nodded frantically. There was something about hospital trips that made him so hungry. Hospital food couldn’t be that bad.

As David walked to the kitchen, he called over his shoulder, “Anything else you need?”

Finally, Geoff said a complete and understandable statement.

“A movie would be nice.”

David turned on a few lights, just the ones that weren’t near the front windows, and started to preheat the oven. As he carried out the task of cooking and setting up the movie, David could see Geoff shifting on the couch, blindly grabbing for a blanket. It reminded him of their weekly sleepovers as kids. How they would build a fort out of all the blankets in the house and watch the movies they had until David’s father demanded his duvet back. The memory made David laugh to himself. He wished it could still be like that. Just the two of them doing whatever without any worry.

Swiftly, David made a small bowl full of tater tots and hopped down beside Geoff. The movie’s theme music blasted through the room and Geoff’s attention was drawn to the screen. All the blankets were wrapped around Geoff, his face and hands were free just to watch and eat. David didn’t mind, he didn’t need any.

A certain scene in the movie came along. The protagonist was training, only for him to get injured in a comedical way and have another character laugh at him. David turned to mention something to Geoff, but he stopped once he saw that he had fallen asleep. His head hung low, his now empty bowl on the edge of falling from his hand. With a soft shake of his head, David laid Geoff down and tucked him in. He started to clean up as quietly as he could, from turning off the TV to putting away the leftovers. David turned off each light, making sure nothing had disturbed Geoff.

A few more steps down the hallway and David entered the bathroom. He was there to clean up and then he’ll leave. That’s it. The water will clear his mind. He threw some cold water at his face, rubbing his eyes out of habit. David looked up into the mirror and stared at himself.

You have no idea when Susie is going to come back, he thought, what if she comes when you leave?

Another splash to the face. Was the water getting colder?

You have no idea what she is capable of.

Another splash, his hands stayed on his face longer.

Susie is going to cause trouble.

Peeking through his fingers, David met his eyes again. He let out a drawn out sigh and picked up a hand towel, wiping his face. He was going to stay the night. It was only to ease his nerves…right?

He dropped the towel beside the sink, pinching the bridge of his nose.

David looked in the mirror.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Geoff looked in the mirror. The outfit wasn’t his style. He wasn’t used to a button-up shirt, closed all the way to the collar, or pants without any rips or holes. As he continued to stare at himself, moving into different poses, he soon felt that stripes weren’t for him. However, he shrugged his thought off. He currently didn’t have a better outfit.

He exited his house, clouds were high and grey as rain dripped down lightly. Geoff wondered if anyone else had the same weather as him or if they had constant sunshine. He wondered how that felt.

Walking down the sidewalk was a quiet journey for Geoff. He thought there would be more cars coming down both ends of the roads. Instead he could lay in the street for hours without a worry. Not that he wanted to, even though it was tempting. He just walked, each step heavy and every other step caused a puddle to splash. The rain wasn’t annoying, but it startled him whenever a drop hit him on the head. It was going to take a while for Geoff to get use to Haven, weather, quiet roads, and all.

Geoff stopped when he heard a soft mew that became more desperate. He turned to a bush and peaking through the leaves was a calico kitten, fur wet and paw reaching out for Geoff. He knelt down, his hand extended naturally. Geoff never owned a cat, or a pet for that matter.

“Hey, hey, hey. It’s okay.” He gently said, waiting for the kitten to crawl on his hand.

The kitten sniffed his hand, backing away for a moment before jumping on top of it. Her small body was barely bigger than Geoff’s palm. He pulled her close to his chest, scratching the back of her head.

“I know, buddy. You’re okay now.” Geoff had no idea what he was doing, but there was something in the bottom of his stomach that told him to do this.

The kitten paused, blinking up at Geoff. She let out a sweet squeak and rested into what Geoff could make out as a smile. She curled up into his hand, nuzzling her head against his chest.

What the fuck am I doing? What the fuck am I doing? What the fuck am I doing? What the fuck am I doing? What the fuck am I doing? What the fuck am I doing?

The thought repeated through Geoff’s head as he quickened his pace. He was unsure if his urge to hurry was because of the kitten or because he felt he was late. Which in all honesty, he found to be stupid because there wasn’t a correct time in Haven and everything was just his perspective‒

Geoff entered the club, the change into the familiar environment zipped his thoughts shut. Alexandre was in the room behind the podium, his office Geoff came to understand it to be. The room was a century behind, just like Alexandre himself, with everything looking like it had a layer of dust on it. It was probably because that’s how Geoff saw that time.

Alexandre looked up and greeted Geoff with a smile.

“Bonjour, Geoff. C’est bon de vous voir! Oh! Je vois que vous avez amené un ami avec vous.” He pointed down at the kitten.

She let out a small sneeze and mewed. Alexandre scratched the top of her head, earning a couple of purs back.

“I saw her in a bush and I just picked her up.” Geoff tried to explain.

“Pas de propriétaire? Pauvre chérie.” Alexandre clicked his tongue, his hand now under the kitten’s chin.

“Do you know a home she can go to?”

Alexandre straightened himself out, a finger tapping on his chin. He nodded and took the kitten, holding her up and scrunching his nose at her.

“Elle peut rester ici!” He exclaimed.

Geoff choked on his voice, “What?”

Alexandre smiled, setting the kitten down on his shoulder, “Elle peut être le chat du club! Qui n’aime pas un chaton?”

Although her claws were gripping onto his coat for dear life, the kitten’s tail stood tall and she smiled at him.

“Are you sure this is the right place for a cat?” The club was overwhelming for him at times. He could only imagine what it would feel like being that small with little knowledge about the place.

“Oui, j’en suis certain. Nous lui donnerons tout ce dont elle a besoin. Est-ce exact, Minou?”

Geoff couldn’t help, but giggle. “You already named her?”

“Oui!” Alexandre cheered, “Allez, Minou. Nous allons vous présenter à tout le monde!”

He turned on his heel and entered into the next room with Geoff in tow. Members immediately drifted toward Alexandre, petting and cooing at Minou. Her grip tightened for a second before she relaxed and took every pet that was offered.

The chatter started again.

“Isn’t she just adorable?”

“Her fur is so pretty!”

“I guarantee she’s a princess! I grew up with cats!”

“You sure? ‘Cause she looks like an absolute sweetheart.”

They showered her with compliments, treating her as if she was the only thing in the world. Geoff couldn’t help himself and got a pet or two in before Minou took shelter in the crook of Alexandre’s neck.

“Pauvre chérie. Elle est submergée.” He laughed, stepping back from the crowd.

Minou purred softly, rubbing her cheek against Alexandre’s.

As everyone returned to their activities, their conversations still on the subject of cats, Geoff got very quiet. His smile faded as everything everyone said started to sink into his skin.

Do people still talk behind my back?

He shook his head suddenly. His hands rested on his temples and he let out a long sigh. He couldn’t be thinking this way. He had been there long enough to know these thoughts were irrational.

What do they truly think of you?

This has to stop. Instead, the thought engulfed him.

Do they realize you’re a piece of shit or has your performance convinced them enough?

Goddammit.

“Ça va, Geoff?” Alexandre was staring at him, his brows furrowed. Minou wasn’t paying attention and crawled over to his other shoulder.

“Hm?” He had heard Alexandre, but his thoughts were louder.

He asked again, “Est-ce que tout va bien?”

Geoff barely nodded. He had just realized that he was staring at the floor, his breathing too shallow.

Alexandre pressed his lips into a tight line. The knuckle of his index finger came to rest just below his lip as he searched for something in his head. He quickly snapped his fingers, a smile returned to his face.

“Tu as vu le Temple de la Renommée?”

The what?

That pulled Geoff from his trance and he looked up. He didn’t need to say anything to ask Alexandre what the fuck he was talking about.

“Je prends ça pour un non. Venez avec nous.” He outstretched his hand and Geoff took it.

They walked back into the front room and Alexandre gestured to a door beside his office. Geoff had assumed it was a closet for storage, even though he had no idea what anyone could store in it.

“Allez vas-y.” Alexandre nudged him forward, “Ouvrez-le.”

Geoff blinked at him a few times before he stepped forward and grabbed the knob. His eyes didn’t leave the man across from him. He didn’t understand why he was making opening a broom closet so dramatic. If the room was any bigger, it would take up space in the stage room and Geoff knew no one would like that. So, it was just a closet.

He opened the door and his jaw dropped. It was a long hallway with framed photos along the wall. It was flooded by red light and the air felt heavy. He immediately slammed the door shut.

“What?”

“Intéressant, n’est-ce pas? Ou comme votre génération dirait ‘cool’.” Alexandre chuckled at his attempt to relate with Geoff. Minou seemed to enjoy it anyway.

“But...How...What is-How can that even‒”

“Je ne sais pas. Juste un des trucs de Haven, je suppose.”

Geoff stared wide eyed at the door. The hand that grabbed the doorknob felt cold like it was dipped in ice water. He tried to convince himself it was all in his mind, it was his perspective. No one could feel how his hand and head felt like ice. He was just thinking this.

“Eh bien, allez-y! Allez-y!” Alexandre pushed him forward with Minou giving an encouraging squeak.

He didn’t want to touch the door again, but his hand was already turning the knob before he could think.

“Vous pouvez regarder autour aussi longtemps que vous voulez. Assurez-vous juste que vous sortez de temps en temps.” With a small wave from both Alexandre and Minou, they exited back into the other room, ready to entertain others.

The hallway extended to the sides, which made more sense than it going forward, but not by much. It shouldn't exist where it sat in the club. It was impossible, but in Haven, everything is possible. The framed photos were large and tall, almost touching the ceiling. Each photo had a plaque underneath it made of gold and dark wood.

Geoff walked down to the left, seeing the dates on the plaques getting lower. He saw some familiar faces like Jimi, Janis, and Robert. Their photos were all professional and looked as if they were taken in their appropriate decade. It made him wonder. Geoff turned on his heel and started to walk to the other end.

His hand went up to touch the bottom of the photos, the red light illuminating his veins. Every photo had a different aura. Whether it was from them changing between colour and black and white or the changing expressions between each person, Geoff was unsettled.

Then his eyes met his own.

Geoff jumped back. Deep down, he expected his to be a mirror and see a double of himself, copying his every move. Instead, a photo of him sitting in a chair crossed-legged stood. He had no emotion on his face and his hand rested on his leg, his rings proudly on display. The photoshoot was clear in Geoff’s mind. It was right after he had gotten out of rehab. He was the healthiest he probably ever was.

Steadily, his gaze shifted to the plaque. He didn’t want to know what it said. It would be repeating the photo album all over again, but Geoff’s body refused to listen.

Geoff Morphine June 20, 1997 Canadian singer, musician, songwriter Best known as the lead vocalist of Needles

Best known?

His stomach dropped even though he knew he had no real reason for the feeling. Is that what he was going to be remembered for? Just the vocalist? What if people only remembered his mistakes? His addiction? What if?

Geoff dropped to the ground, his eyes didn’t leave the plaque as he pulled his knees to his chest. His thoughts were irrational. He knew this. He couldn’t stop thinking about them. They were irrational. They were irrational. They were stupid and irrational. They were irrational.

Maybe...they were rational.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alexandre walked through the stage room. He stopped at every other table, talking to the people who sat at them. Like usual, acts of different types were performed on the stage and drinks were being served left to right. Minou was liked by everyone in the club and was now resting in Alexandre’s office, the music barely loud enough to disturb her. Everyone was happy and everyone was enjoying themselves. Yet something didn’t sit right in his heart. Something was definitely off.

He walked over to the table where Jimi, Janis and Brian sat. They were sharing jokes and laughing loudly as if no one else could hear them. They all stopped when they saw Alexandre, knowing they were in for an ear full.

“Avez-vous vu Geoff? Je commence à m’inquiéter.”

They all looked at each other and shrugged.

“I’m afraid not. Do you know where he was last?” Brian spoke.

“Je lui ai montré le Temple de la Renommée, mais je lui ai dit qu’il devrait sortir après un certain temps. Oh mon Dieu, ai-je fais quelque chose de mal?”

The three saw the panic that surfaced on Alexandre’s face. Jimi stood up, holding his friend by the shoulders.

“Hey, hey, it’s all good. I’ll go check on him. I’m sure he’s just reading all the plaques, you know?”

Alexandre nodded before he sat down with Janis and Brian. He mumbled something about how horrible he was for not checking himself, only to be comforted and scolded by the other two. Jimi made his way through the crowd of people, dodging the occasional swinging arm.

He entered the Hall of Fame, looking both ways before his sight landed on Geoff. He was sitting on the floor, tensed up and curled up as he stared at his photo. He couldn’t judge him. Jimi nearly did the same when he saw his own photo. Not as dramatic, but it definitely made him feel something. Jimi walked to Geoff and sat down next to him.

“Hey Geo. How’s it going?”

Geoff jumped and sighed.

“Oh, hi Jimi. How long was I in here?”

“A bit. You got Alexandre shaking.”

Geoff sighed again, this time harder. He pinched the bridge of his nose and Jimi swore he could see the start of tears.

“Jesus Christ, I’m sorry. I just got‒” Geoff looked at his photo and stopped mid-sentence.

Jimi decided to look as well. He thought Geoff looked very professional. He had no idea when the photo was taken, but he was sure he was safe during it. He noticed the rings on Geoff’s fingers and thought they suited him.

“What’s got you all tensed up?” He asked, scooting closer to Geoff.

He opened his mouth, but no words came out. His throat struggled to force the words out and his mind was drawing a blank.

Jimi started to guess, trying to help.

“Is it the music?”

Geoff lifted his hand and shook it side to side, making a contorted expression. Okay, they were getting somewhere.

“Is it the photo?”

Geoff shook his head.

“Is it the plaque?”

Geoff shook his hand.

Jimi continued to ask and Geoff continued to make different expressions. If it helped Geoff form his words somehow, Jimi was okay with it. He, himself, wasn’t sure if half of the stuff he had said made sense to anyone else.

Finally, words came out.

“What if no one remembers me?”

This made Jimi pause. He waited as Geoff tried to form his next sentence.

“Like the real me. What if they just remember the bad side of me? The seventeen year old who did things just for the shock value? The person who refused to stop? What if‒”

The tears started to come down and it made Geoff stop again. His hands went up to his face, wanting to sink into the floor and disappear. He held back the small noises he made as Jimi wrapped an arm around him, rubbing his shoulder. He had never expressed these feelings in such a long time, he forgot how much they hurt. He shouldn’t be crying. These thoughts were stupid. He should stop. Geoff continued to whimper into his hands. Jimi didn’t say a word, just continued to rub his shoulder.

“I’m so stupid.”

“No, you are not.”

Geoff looked between his fingers at Jimi.

“If anything, you are a talented person. You just hit some rough patches which unfortunately happens to the best of people.”

He rolled his eyes at the comment. He shrunk when he saw Jimi glare at him. Guess he saw that.

“Now listen close. People will find out who you are. They will find the bad, but they will find the good too. They will know how you presented yourself on stage, but they will learn who you were off stage, you know?”

This was the most Geoff had heard Jimi speak in his time in Haven. It honestly scared him a little.

“Look at anyone in the club. Do you think people knew who they were when they were alive?”-Geoff shook his head.

“Exactly. From what I’ve heard, people knew what I expressed on stage, but you have met me. Do you think I’m anything like what I am on stage?”

Geoff made an unsure face and shook his hand.

“Okay, I get what you’re saying, but you know what I’m trying to say, right?”

There was a short moment of silence before Geoff nodded slowly. Jimi smiled and patted his shoulder.

“People will learn. It may take a while, but they will learn. It will be alright.”

Geoff rolled his sleeve over his hand and wiped his eyes. He felt ridiculous crying over such a small thought, but he was happy that Jimi, that someone, was there.

“Thanks, Jimi.” He sniffed.

“Of course. Now come on, let’s get you out into the light.” Jimi stood up and offered his hand. Geoff took it without a second thought.

“By the way, what’s with the outfit? Are you trying to look like Brian or what?”

He recoiled with surprise and looked down at his outfit. The combination of stripes with red and black did make it seem like he was copying Brian, but Geoff didn’t actually think about that. He let out a laugh through a huff of breath.

“I’m sure he won’t mind. He might take it as a compliment.” Geoff joked. Jimi giggled.

The two exited the Hall of Fame hand in hand. As soon as Geoff’s face left the red light, Alexandre jumped him, scrambling between incoherent rambles and bits of an apology. Geoff reassured him that everything was fine and before he could decide his next move, he was pulled into the stage room and more told than asked to sit with Jimi, Janis and Brian.

Brian looked over Geoff and smiled, “Stripes suit you.”

Geoff couldn’t help, but smile back.

#My 27th Birthday #27 Club #original writing #angst

0 notes