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jakei95 · 10 months

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[Post in English] Something Nyx and I want to publicly address, regarding the recent allegations in the Glitchtale Crew's Discord Server and it's moderators. I really apologize for the upcoming wall of text. These are our Twitter threads I have pasted them here, in case you don't have access to said platform. I have also added some additional notes to provide more context. All details under the line:

NyxTheShield: (Transcription from his official twitter thread) I read some mean comments lately and I just wanna be super clear: I havent been related to Glitchtale since at least 2022. I never considered myself part of the community and went through some much shit while doing stuff for it that my mental health was completely destroyed.

For people who thought I was an admin of the server, that was just in paper. I was constantly de-admin'd, demodded and kicked from the server through the years for simple stuff like asking the rest of the mod team to not say slurs or standing up against the Midnight Crew. I personally left the server for a long while because I really did not want to be around some of the people there. All of this happened years ago (from 2016~ to around 2020). On the early years, my full income came from Youtube/Glitchtale. I was a broke college student and my economic stability depended on it. Despite this, and making literally hundred of tracks and hours of music for the series, most of the income came from my own ad revenue. I was paid less than 2000 USD for all of the work. Essentially, I was paid in exposure.

This wouldn't have been an issue for me if at least I got to keep my artistic vision with the series. That didn't hold true for long.

From the second season and onwards, and in multiple instances, I would score the entire OST for the episode, watch the episode when it released, and then find out a completely new section of the episode (usually a battle scene) with music from somebody else This was completely demotivating to me because I wasn't being paid, the tracks would not fit the rest of the OST at all, and most of the income I made from the battle scenes. I had to work for weeks trying to compose music for glorified powerpoint presentations (Basically everything that's not a battle scene on the series was just still frames of characters barely moving) and do all the heavy lifting and I wasn't even let known about the guest tracks.

This added to the feeling of having absolutely no power within the community. I don't know if this was intentional or not (I don't wanna presume malice), but all of these things together contributed to me distancing myself from the community.

Honestly, there is A LOT more shit that went down these early years that are extremely traumatic to me that I would prefer to not talk about unless completely necessary, but I feel this is a good amount of context for what I wanna talk about next.

As you might be aware, extremely serious (and true) allegations were made against Camila and his partner, Veir, which was accused of grooming minors from 2015 to 2021 There are really good videos out there explaining the entire timeline of what transpired, but I specifically wanna talk about 2020.

(Jakei's note: Links to said videos are here: [1] [2] [3])

In that year, a public document was made by my head mod CrystalFlame alongside 2 other mods in the GT server, that exposed Veir and their actions. This document went mostly unnoticed. Even more, Crystal went through a lot of abuse for coming forward about their abuse and was almost ostracized from the UT AU community because of this.

Because of this, I was asked directly by one of the victims (and also representing the other victims) to please not speak up (Citing that they just wanted to move on and didn't want to involve themselves with more problems and expose themselves)

All the info was kept very vague from me, including the people who were involved, the extent of the stuff that went down, etc But I knew enough to know it was serious. I followed their request and didn't speak up publicly about this, but I banned Veir from my server, warned all of my mods and people close to me in those circles about Veir, and constantly tried to get Camila to please adress the situation. Despite this, she did not listen and we all know how stuff went down later in 2022, where the allegations came back again with full force. This time around I wasnt asked to stay silent so I spread the word around and confronted the entire mod team. I was shortly banned after that.

I needed to address this because this thing has been eating me alive for years. I was intentionally kept in the dark about a lot of context and nuance that would have completely changed my mind about speaking up or not about what happened in 2020.

Everything is easier in retrospective, and with the knowledge I now have about the situation I know for a fact that I would have spoken up about all that happened. But being asked directly to not speak up by the victims was something that goes against what I am Sorry for the long rant, but I really needed to get this off my chest. I am tired of having to deal with this kind of stuff. As a content creator/public figure I am trying my hardest to keep the communities I am active in as safe as possible.

I feel I could have done more for the Glitchtale community regarding the grooming situation, but all of the years of abuse that I endured really fucked up my judgement. I am not very good at dealing with people and I always trust the people close to help me for this kind of stuff

Sadly, in this case, those same people who were close to me were also the victims, so they couldnt have known or had a way to help me out, I should have helped them instead. Most if not all of what was described in this thread is backed up by screenshots, chat logs, and direct testimony from the people who were involved during this time.

I don't want to direct hate to anyone or start a witchhunt, I am doing this purely to decompress a bit and try to vent some of the trauma I experienced all these years.

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Jakei: (Transcription from my official twitter thread) I would also like to share my experiences about my relationship with the Glitchtale Creator, Camila Cuevas. Publicly, we appeared as close friends, but in reality, that friendship was based on bullying and mistreatment, and this affected my mental health deeply.

Years have passed, and the memories still cause me pain. I decided to remain silent, but after the revelations of grooming cases in her community, I realized I wasn’t being too sensitive. The time has come to speak up about my experiences.

During the early years of Underverse, I was dealing with a serious depressive episode. Simultaneous internal and external pressures as an independent artist amplified my mental strain. Meeting Camila felt like finding a genuine friend who shared my passion for the fandom and understood the struggles of being a content creator amidst toxicity. At my lowest, I became compliant to doing things that I didn’t want to, just to keep people around me happy. For Camila, this meant allowing her to belittle my work and make me the butt of her jokes.

Only our veteran followers may remember the 'roasting games' between us on Tumblr (consisting of mutual insults), a spectacle where she'd always win. However, it was a game she privately forced me to "play" and I ended up accepting, despite the discomfort it caused me. These 'games' would give her a cool and strong image in the fandom while painting me as the dumb, 'cringe-worthy' friend. In essence, I became her personal punching bag, unknowingly reinforcing his reputation.

Camila's favorite term to demean my series 'Underverse' was “Cancerverse”. It felt like a constant contest where she'd always position herself as the superior writer and animator simply because my story and animation techniques didn't fit her standards. Years of being subjected to her ridicule left my self-esteem in ruins. I was okay with the negative feedback by some fans, but when my 'friend' publicly disrespected my art, it made me question my abilities as an artist.

I can't deny there were times when she gave me advice to deal with hate or hurtful comments. However, her damaging comments and treatment outweighed those moments of support.

My depressive state worsened around July 2017, where I had accepted people pushing me to do things I wasn’t comfortable with, while being part of Camila's demeaning games, just to appease her ego. I was introduced to Nyx during this time, he offered his music for my series, and eventually we started dating. We met in person in Chile, where I also met Camila. I hoped our friendship would strengthen but everything felt the same. Before I moved to Chile with Nyx, Camila reached out to me in dms, attempting to turn me against him because he opposed the use of slurs in the GT server. She claimed Nyx was being 'brainwashed' by his American friends belonging to the black and LGBTQ+ communities. She made fun of my dating choices, suggesting I was entering a toxic relationship, while showing off her relationship with her then-boyfriend (later exposed as a pedophile). She even quoted her own mother assuring me that Nyx would 'get back to normal', and if it didn’t happen, she would let me live in her house, almost like if she was telling me that Nyx would hurt me or make me feel miserable.

It only took Nyx 3 months to realize that the GT server was going in the wrong way. I initially felt compelled to defend Camila due to my inferiority complex, but soon realized Nyx was right. (Jakei's note: Not only Nyx was right, a lot of people that called her out over the years were right, yet they were not listened to at the time)

Even then, I found it difficult to distance myself from Camila due to the false sense of obligation I felt towards her. My fear of her making fun of my work kept me from interacting with others in the short period of time I stayed in her Discord server. I was afraid that she and her echo chamber would talk behind my back, something that I found out was happening in private chats until recent years.

Rebuilding my self-esteem wasn't an easy task. I began noticing the red flags – Camila's lack of respect not only for me but Nyx also, the emotional manipulation Nyx was suffering from Veir (something he used to do all the time with his other victims), her attempts to 'roast' me in front of her family and fans in the Underverse/Glitchtale meetings, and her constant criticism of my artstyle not being compatible to hers in the few collabs we made.

All these 'small' instances, dismissed as insignificant by many, caused me immense pain while treating my depression. I felt it was too late to express how I felt, as I feared being labeled as attention-seeking or oversensitive by her and her fanbase. Ironically, the moment she talked about her traumas after being bullied in the past, her feelings were the only ones that mattered any time she was involved in a problematic situation in the fandom and deserved to be the only to get pats in the back.

I never expected a sincere apology, as I was convinced she didn't remember or didn't care about the hurt she caused. I tried to maintain a facade of good terms with her, both publicly and privately. Eventually, I distanced myself from her, unfriending her and banning her from my own server even if she didn't interact there. I started focusing on my own work and the people who appreciated it. Despite this, the aftermath of the bullying continued to affect me.

Everything fell into place when the grooming accusations against her former boyfriend and server mods came to light. It was a shocking revelation, but it validated all my doubts and fears about her. The purpose of sharing my experiences is not to stir up drama, but to address the concerns of those worried about my association with Camila. I want to make it clear that I will never tolerate such behavior. Although the things I did for her in the past cannot be erased, I hope Camila at least deletes the animation remake I did for her and all the collabs that boosted her views for free, though I'm not optimistic about it happening.

As I've matured, my hope is that she and her crew learn from their mistakes, start behaving like adults, and take responsibility for their actions in their future projects and with their new followers. But I'm skeptical about any real change, especially if their server continues to exist. The best course of action for me was to cut all ties with Camila and Glitchtale.

NyxTheShield (now my husband) and I have endured too much from our treatment by Camila. We no longer want to be associated with her or Glitchtale. It's a chapter of our lives that we wish to close. It's time for us to focus on recovering our mental health, as remaining silent is only prolonging our pain. We have been working to improve our mental and physical health over the past few years and this is a crucial part of our healing process.

#jakei says something #english

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saturneves · 2 years

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both mine and my family’s social life is pretty much non-existent and it makes me feel so trapped :’)))))

#i feel genuinely suffocated #i barely see any relatives besides my parents and my sister #we haven't seen our family friends in years #my mom has more or less cut off a major part of our family and while i don't blame her for that it just feels.. so weird #i feel like im on the outside #before covid we used to at least see our closer relatives a couple times a year #especially during summer we'd travel to them or they'd travel to us #but nope #money isn't helping either #and i put some of the blame on myself because i got so terribly sick a couple years ago that my family but especially my mom Had to isolate-#themselves for the family to take care of me during that time #so i feel like i kind of contributed to that #it's because of that same sickness i can't really move out because i don't think i would make it on my own just yet and it Suffocates me #idk summer is just hard because it makes that loneliness and the overall weirdness about my family even worse #i don't really want to see my relatives (apart from one of them <3) but it still sucks to feel like im not part of my family anymore #and for no particular reason that i know of as well #woops didn't mean to vent like that

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themoonsbeloved · 5 months

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I still need help

Its now the 8th of January and despite being told by my friend who spoke with her boss 3 weeks ago during their meeting that he was to hire me in the beginning of January and would reach out to me, he hasn't. I'm hoping somehow, eventually, when this man finally bothers to, he will contact me for a job offer since he reassured me back in november that he still intends to hire me. But since I have no idea when that will be, that means I'm left hanging completely.

long story short I am mentally ill and disabled who was dismissed from my last and only job that I struggled 2 years to get, only to be fired in 2 months in June because of my chronic fatigue and abusive managers. I rely a lot on my henna but bookings are not consistent enough to make regular income, and majority of the money ends up going to contributing to house bills for my family.

My therapy picks up again this week, very honestly been the only thing keeping me from harming myself at this point with how painful life has been and I want to be able to continue getting it low cost (£25 per session), my therapist is so amazing and we recently came to the understanding that I have complex-PTSD, and plan to look into it more this year. I'm too mentally ill to try and look for jobs right now and am basically doing 3 jobs already (one being joint caring duties with family members for my grandparents since I live with them, which I'm not paid for obviously) with inconsistent money coming in/sessional work that I will be paid for once completed further into the year.

I have so many other costs that are coming in the near future, like paying for more medication, and for more lazer hair removal sessions for my severe hirsutism, which usually is around £300 if I'm lucky to catch offers. This is another I thing I mentally can't afford to stop doing, struggling with severe hirsutism and the trauma of it all my life means its important I can feel and live somewhat comfortably in my body. Lazer hair isn't permanent and I'm looking into electrolysis, but again, I don't have that money yet and would prefer to not leave a huge gap where I don't do lazer and the mental torture of watching my body hair grow back. I also haven't gotten my eyes checked in over 3 years, and know I will need a change in perscription and need new glasses. I hate nothing more than what its come to. I'm just exhausted and burnt out from the constant anxiety and depressive episodes, I'm barely eating or sleeping, I'm sick of everything and everyone and I just wish god would give me a break.

With all of the above in mind I'm aiming for about £600. This is all basically to help me just function and continue getting the things that help me not succumb to my mental health issues. If anything, my birthday's coming up in feb so I would appreciate it if folks gave some money if they have the means to. Anything is fine at this point.

Thank you so much

https://paypal.me/iffiia?country.x=GB&locale.x=en_GB

£0/£600

#help

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lucy90712 · 12 days

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Not enough- Jude Bellingham

Dating a footballer is fun until he becomes incredibly successful and all of a sudden there are rumours left and right of him dating someone that isn't you. That's what my life is like Jude and I got together 3 years ago now when we were 17 and have been together since but we never made our relationship public because until the summer we were still long distance and didn't want the extra pressure. Having our relationship private has been so nice as it has meant when we do see each other we get to just enjoy being together but it also means we have to deal with rumours of who Jude might be dating. Those rumours never really got to me while Jude was at dortmund but since he's moved to Madrid things have just got so much more intense it seems that every few weeks there is a million new articles and tweets.

Having to read all of this and seeing how pretty all the girls has really started to get to me. All the girls Jude is rumoured to be with are either models or just incredibly pretty which makes me feel awful about myself. All these girls have made a name for themselves in some way yet here I am with my job in a cafe while I try and find a job in the area that I studied. Jude likes to tell me that he doesn't care what I do for a living or how much I make but I can't help but feel guilty when I can't contribute much to the house or get him expensive things like he does for me. I'm also definitely no model I'm definitely not as pretty or as skinny as a model which I used to be ok with but now I don't feel so confident in myself. The other wags are also so pretty I definitely don't fit in with them either which makes me feel even worse about myself.

Jude doesn't seem to have any clue that this is all going on he wakes up goes to training then hangs out with the boys leaving me until late at night so he doesn't see all the rumours or how they affect me. He's not here for the time I spend scrolling through social media or looking in the mirror judging everything about myself. Even when Jude is home he always seems to have something else on his mind so he never really gives me compliments anymore. I'd like to think that he still loves me but at this point I'm really not sure I mean he's young and he's attractive why would he want to be tied down with someone like me he can do so much better. I simply don't think I'm enough for him.

A few days ago Jude went out to celebrate a big win for the team while I stayed at home but the next morning all I could see was rumours that Jude was flirting with multiple girls all night letting them dance with him and since I haven't really spoken to him. I spent all of last night laying awake thinking about everything and I decided that I just think I need to break up with Jude so then he's free to do all the things everyone thinks he's doing anyway. It's hard to decide to end a relationship especially one that has been going on for so long and one you are so fond of but I don't see any other way forward. This is why I've been so distant with Jude because in my head if I didn't talk to him that would make all of this easier.

As always Jude left for training just as I got up for work but by the time I got back he was home which only happened the first few weeks I arrived so it was strange to see him here. Like always I headed upstairs to shower and change and when I came back out the bathroom Jude was sat on the bed waiting for me. I still didn't say anything to him because I'm trying to stay strong until I find the right time to tell Jude how I feel.

"Babe are you ok you've barely spoken to me the last few days" he said

"Yeah I'm fine just been busy had a lot on my mind that's all" I replied

"Please don't lie to me I know there's something more going on I see the way you look all the time I just couldn't figure out what was wrong and now I give up so please tell me what's going on" he begged

"I didn't want to say this yet because I'm still figuring things out but I think we should break up I just can't do this anymore" I said

"Please no baby no I can't live without you whatever I've done I can fix it and I'm sorry just please don't break up with me" he said

"It's nothing you've done it's just me" I said

"Then what is it please tell me if you really want to do this at least tell me why" he said

"I'm just not good enough for you every day there is new rumours of you being with someone else and all of them are prettier and have more going for them than I do and you deserve to be with one of them or to just be free to do what you want" I explained

"But I want you that's what I want I don't want any of these girls nor is there anything going on with any other girl incase that's what you're thinking I like that you live a more normal life you keep me grounded and I think you are the prettiest girl in the world" Jude replied

"Then why are you never home and why do you never compliment me anymore?" I asked

"I-I'm sorry babe you're right I haven't been home much but I will change that I will come home after training and I will invite you to more things and believe me I could sit here for hours and compliment you and I'll do that if I need to" he said

Jude did exactly what he said he started listing all the things he loves about me while giving me kisses. It felt so good to have his attention again it felt like we were back to how we were before I came to Madrid. After he complimented every single part of me he asked if I'd like to go out on a date like a proper date outside where people could see us and I didn't hesitate to say yes. Even if people see us who cares it's about time that we went public with our relationship then the rumours can be true for once. We have talked about going public a few times but now feels like the right time just so we can stop the media getting too far out of control

I got all dressed up in a pretty dress and my makeup and hair all done for once I actually felt really pretty. When Jude walked in he had a white shirt and some black trousers on which he looked so good in. He stopped as soon as he saw me and I think his jaw actually hit the floor which made me blush and that was before he started complimenting me. The entire drive Jude didn't stop telling me how beautiful I looked which honestly made me feel so good about myself.

At the restaurant there was people taking pictures of us walking in which Jude tried to protect me from a bit but we wanted to be seen together. It was weird being in front of so many cameras as I've spent years trying to avoid all of this but now I'm happily letting them all take pictures and stare at me trying to work out who I am so they can get their exclusive headline. The people in the restaurant were lovely though they showed us to our table then left us alone as much as possible which was nice as we were able to have a proper date night together. As we finished dessert Jude showed me all the pictures all over Instagram and Twitter then he showed me a post he had drafted to tell everyone about our relationship and put an end to everything. He had a beautiful caption written which nearly made me cry and all the pictures he had I hadn't seen before as they were ones he took secretly but they were all so cute. He let me click post so that it was my decision to go public then he took my phone and turned it off so we could enjoy the rest of our evening together without having to see what everyone has to say.

#jude bellingham imagines #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham #football imagine

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lena-in-a-red-dress · 3 months

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To put an extra angsty spin on the assistant au, how about a tangential AU where canon Kara is returned to assistant status after Crisis, and finds herself at L-Corp bringing Lena coffee-- a Lena who did not retain her memories.

And what if, maybe, in this new reality, before Kara is plopped into it, their relationship even as boss/assistant wasn't rosy?

For example, maybe Kara sees this shitty situation as a way to build a new friendship with Lena-- bringing her all her secret favorite snacks, making small jokes, generally being nice. But when Lena calls her on it, her confusion isn't soft, but sharp.

"Whatever you're doing," Lena drawls one day as Kara is walking from the office after voicing a quip she thinks is perfectly innocent, "knock it off."

Kara balks. "What-- what do you mean?"

"We've never bothered with any pretext between us," Lena remarks, leaning one arm on her desk. "You consider a Luthor like myself to be barely a step up from a snake in the grass, and I give you a paycheck so long as you continue to execute your role well. Which you have."

Kara's chin wags, her mouth gaping slightly as she searches for a response. Lena doesn't wait for one.

"But whatever... *this* has been," Lena waves between them, "don't insult either of us by thinking it's necessary or wanted. Continue to perform, and we won't have any issues."

Green eyes skewer Kara to the spot.

"Are we clear?"

Kara swallows thickly. She nods. "Crystal."

Lena returns the nod, accepting the response and dismissing her in one gesture.

Retreating from the office, Kara swerves her desk to make a beeline for the bathroom. This new Lena had been frosty since the reset, but to know that Kara herself (or some version of her, at least) had helped contribute to it breaks her heart.

She hides in a bathroom stall, doing her best to stave off the tears burning against her eyes. She can't go back to her desk like this, can't let Lena see her like this.

Like she cares.

Except she does. She always has, from the moment they first met almost four years ago. Even when she tried to pretend she didn't, when the pain got too much for her to bear.

Not for the first time since Lex rewrote the world, Kara doesn't know what to do. He's turned Kara into someone she's not-- someone cold and hard-hearted, someone who could hate a woman while still accepting money from her.

Kara grinds her teeth at the thought, and screws her lips together.

No. That's what Lex may have written her to be, but she doesn't have to be that person. Lex doesn't control her. He doesn't seem to control Lena either, despite her altered memories. That means, however hard Kara has to work to make it happen, she and Lena *can* still be friends.

And they will, Kara vows as she angrily balls up her handful of tissue and slams out of the stall.

Even if it's the last thing she'll do.

#supercorp #alt assistant au #maybe crisis could actually be interesting for once #thoughts?

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manheimsmuse · 6 months

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it was a very simple concept, a universally agreed upon rule even if it was an unspoken one. you don’t date the people in your friend group. it could only end horribly, even more so when your ex and ‘best friend’ end up together after your breakup.

it wasn’t a case of jess being interested in your boyfriend and ultimately stealing him, you and bobby were broken up for months before she told you bobby had asked her out. of course you told her it was fine, she was your friend and you didn’t want to be the one to kick up a fuss and tell her she couldn’t see him.

and that’s how you found yourself alone at a house party, leaning back against a counter as a beer bottle hung from your fingers as you unintentionally glared at the pair in the living room.

“would it be a dick move to say you’re making me feel better about myself?”

ryan baker, jess’s ex boyfriend, asked with a chuckle as he leant on the counter beside you.

“yes. it would be”

“okay, then i won’t tell you you’re making me feel better about myself”

your glare is redirected, now focused on the boy beside you as opposed to the reunited couple across the floor. you knew of ryan, but you didn’t know him. the only thing you did know about him for definite was the two of you were in the same boat.

“my bad,” he grins, raising his hands in fake surrender as you hold your glare “struck a nerve.”

“there isn’t a nerve there to strike,” you reply bluntly, not intending to be so hostile “she’s welcome to him.”

“tell that to your face.” ryan chuckles again, bringing his own bottle to his mouth as he took a drink “you look like you’re ready to tear them apart.”

“what kind of friend does that? i mean, seriously!” you begin ranting, finally having someone without current ties to either party “on what planet is that okay to do to your best friend?”

okay, so maybe you were a little pissed at jess, but how couldn’t you be!?

“wait, didn’t you and bobby get together after he broke up with jess?”

“a year after they broke up, not three months! besides, she moved on.” you huffed with a vague gesture his direction “who’s side are you on!?”

“i’m on my side” ryan nodded with a quirk of his eyebrow “i was an innocent bystander before all this, you know”

“weren’t you trying to fuck jess while she had a boyfriend?”

“that’s a rumour..”

“i was there!”

you can’t help but laugh at ryan’s avoidance, slowly beginning to forget all about jess and bobby a couple feet away. ryan laughs too, though he clearly isn’t as upset about the situation as you are, if anything he’s grateful because now he had and excuse to approach you, even if his opening line was about your ex.

there’s a silence between the two of you, well, as silent as it can be at a party. neither of you want the conversation to end, but you also don’t want to continue talking about your not-quite-ultimate-betrayal.

“do you wanna get out of here?”

ryan asks suddenly, making your brain freeze as it tried to process his offer. of course you want to leave, and leaving with ryan would be a bonus as you wouldn’t have to leave alone, or worse, with bobby and jess.

“that isn’t me trying to get in your pants, by the way.”

he adds when you take a little too long to answer, worried he came on too strong considering you were barely acquaintances.

“you couldn’t get into my pants even if you were trying.”

you joke, knowing in the back of your mind that you wouldn’t be entirely against the idea. but you didn’t need to contribute to ryan’s ego.

“yeah, okay y/n, we’ll see about that.”

#manheimsmuse #milo manheim #milo manheim x reader #ryan baker x reader #ryan baker #thanksgiving #thanksgiving movie

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olderthannetfic · 6 months

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Can I poke the bear for a moment and get angry? Because I'm seeing "posting as activism" more and more in fandom spaces, and tonight I saw a post that made me lose it.

There is a post about (current events) going around that says, "full offense, but in this time, your own comfort doesn't fucking matter, you should be uncomfortable about things that are happening, and I hope you can fucking live with yourselves if you are quiet. It takes five seconds to retweet or reblog, fuck your aesthetic, fuck your anything aesthetic."

And my god. How dare they.

Yes, there is severely fucked up shit happening. Yes, people should be aware that people are being killed. Yes, there are people who are just shrugging about it and pissing off. But how does reblogging a post certify someone as Good or Bad? How does this person know that someone hasn't already helped out meaningfully in some way, or is still helping out, but on other websites? How does this person know that someone isn't barely holding on by the skin of their teeth, and they would have a mental breakdown if they got closer to any more stressful things?

I know a multitude of people, including myself, who have recently either needed to call lines, check into facilities, move back in with their parents, or go on medication because of how insane things have become in their own lives. How does this person not understand that blogging; being on tumblr; engaging in fandom, having a small space that someone can control in its entirety, is a reprieve for people who are already at their wit's end outside of that space? And that's okay.

(We are not doing the relative privation shit in this house. I refuse to entertain that.)

Ironically, by insisting that people participate in sharing posts when they're already stressed and exhausted, that's a surefire way to make their problems worse, and potentially prevent them from acting helpfully in the future because suddenly, their exhaustion turns into full-blown burnout. That's how it works. Professionals tell you to dial things back if you are too overwhelmed. There is a reason for that. There is a limit to how much people can mentally process and handle. Compassion fatigue exists. For a lot of us, we are already at our limit. We need space to relax, and not have arbitrary obligations thrown on us. That is not our fault, it is not a character flaw, it does not mean we are bad people. And just because horrific things are happening elsewhere, it does not mean we can, or should, stop taking care of ourselves first. Yes, it feels shitty to think, "you know what, I can't reblog this". You bet your ass that I and my friends feel guilty about not being able to engage as much as we think we should, but that is how it goes. I can put my head underwater for a bit. But I cannot keep my head underwater forever. I will drown.

Not to mention the obvious part: guilt-tripping people to the extent of implying they are somehow contributing to genocide, just because they won't reblog a post, and implying they should not be able to live with themselves if they do that, is beyond revolting.

I am angry, and I am not sorry.

So many of those kinds of posts—and they turn up during every set of horrific real world events—sound like people who are in a country far away from the events, diaspora at most but probably just randos, venting their impotent rage because it's the only way they can feel productive in a situation where nothing they can do is productive.

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myperfectfatdads · 2 months

Text

The Job

I’ve been looking for a job for over a year now. I’m desperate for one, i’m not even picky about it anymore. I just need a job someway to earn money. It was looking pretty hopeless until this company Lyon wanted me to do an advertisement for the new hotel that there opening. The pay was good so I signed up instantly with no hesitation. They’ll probably want a fit guy like me to model in the advertisement I think to myself. They make me sign a contract to make sure I follow all the rules. Damn this thing is long why is there so much stuff to read it’s like a terms and conditions I mean who reads all of it anyways. I mostly just click through it. I only pay attention towards the end of all of it. It states at the bottom that they’re really looking for a man who can represent a lion someone perfect to contribute to the new Lyon hotel. I guess I fall under that category I figured. Clicking it off I sent in my application form.

Monday, they got back to me saying that I’m the perfect candidate for this position. And they ask me again are you sure you wanna go through with this? Not thinking much of it I select yes. Perfect the advertisement will take place a week from now. Great I think to myself as I shut my computer and head to my car to go to the gym. This is gonna be great it think my first real job. On my way to the gym I get a text from my dad inviting me over for dinner. I take up his offer as he’s making his killer buttered chicken tonight. At the gym I do my normal sets but it’s feels a little bit harder tonight. Arriving at my parent’s house the smell of the food made me feel right at home. It was nice to see my parents and to tell them the good news of course. I tell them at the table while eating my food, damn this food is amazing I guess I do really miss my dad’s cooking. Now normally I only have one plate and maybe go up for seconds but tonight something was different I was already on my fifth plate and still stuffing my face. After I was done I give my slightly bloated stomach a pat and wave my parents goodbye. Arriving at home I crash right in bed and drift to sleep.

Tuesday, ah a new day only six more days tell the big, and damn i’m really hungry luckily I brought home leftovers from my dad’s dinner last night. I serve it up and get ready to dive in and dive in I do all of the leftovers are gone within minutes. I can’t hold back can I now. Going to put on my clothes I notice that my shirt feels a little bit tighter as my tummy is poking out a little. I look in the mirror damn my cheeks look chubby I say while rubbing my beard that also needs to be shaved. I gotta take batter care of myself so think as I need to look really good for the job on Sunday. This day goes by in a flash and dinner time already rolls around. This man’s gotta eat I say but nothing in the fridge looks appealing, it’s all to healthy I think. A nice juicy hamburger sounds really good and that’s exactly what I order. 20 minutes later the food arrives. I’m so hungry I can barely resist I tear open the bag and grab a mouthful of fries and shove them into my mouth. I peel open the rapper to the burger and take a nice juicy bite, while drops of ketchup drip onto my shirt. I dive into my second burger my stomach howling at how much food I just consumed, but I didn’t stop there I wanted more I grab the chocolate milkshake I ordered and slurp it down sipping every last drop. I let out a huge burp in relief of finishing that meal my head resting on my newly formed double chin and hands resting on my stomach pushing out trying to escape. I felt like I was in a food coma I couldn’t even move and I didn’t as I slowly drifted asleep right there on my sofa chair.

Wednesday, I jolted awake, shocked at the mess around me what the hell happened as if I was almost unaware of what happened last night. I picked up all of the rappers finding it harder to even more around from my increase in size. I can’t do this anymore I say as I fall into the couch, checking my watch I notice it’s already 4 in the afternoon what the hell happened there’s no way I slept in this late I jolted up as there was still stuff to do one of them being ordering me some new clothes. As my old ones were starting to become quite a tight fit, damn clothes are expensive these days especially for bigger people I think. Grabbing my gut I know that I need to go to the gym but meh i’ll just do it tomorrow as I walk to the kitchen the grab a bag of chips and order an extra large pizza on my phone with bread sticks. When the food arrives I dive in again eating everything in my sight it’s only takes a minute to eat a meal made for a family of four. I’ll just got to the gym tomorrow it’ll be fine.

Thursday, damn this commercial is coming faster then I thought and I am in no need ready for it. I look terrible, I have no more clothes that fit me. Just letting my belly hang freely I notice that it’s gotten a lot hairier; yep it’s definitely time to shave I think but not before breakfast. I whip out some donuts I bought from the store a few days ago. Still fresh I take a bite feeling the creamy feeling touch my tongue. I finish the first one within seconds but I don't mind I still have over 10 left to eat. And that’s exactly what I did shoving them down my throat I didn’t even notice my stomach start to expand even more forming love handles and my pecs starting to soften out becoming my moobs resting on my stomach. My face was getting chubbier by the second and the hair on my body just kept growing. After finishing my dozen donuts I let out a massive burp and rub my gut watching it jiggle up and down.

Friday, waking up in the morning was hard I felt sluggish and tired but I pulled through as the new clothes that I ordered arrived. There was only one problem with them, they didn’t even fit me they looked super small on my and my gut was totally peeking out, I brush it aside as I had more important stuff to do today like making a cake. That’s right i’m going to make a 3 layer cake, i’ve been craving it so much, and I already had all the ingredients to make it. I waddled to the kitchen getting all of the stuff ready as this was going to take up almost my whole day. Making the batter is the longest part, wait or is it letting it cook in the oven ah whatever it doesn’t matter I just can’t wait to dig in I think to myself. The cake takes all day but I couldn’t be happier down it, snaking off little bits of it. I plop myself in bed after a long day of work satisfied as the cake will be ready tomorrow.

Saturday, it really hit me in the morning that the big day is tomorrow. But first of all the cake is ready. Okay normally I stress eat but i’ve never stress eaten this mush I ate the whole 3 layer cake in one sitting, shoving that cake in my face like there was no tomorrow, even though tomorrow was the most important day of my life. After I was finished I waddled over to the bathroom to clean up, in there I realize now much hairier i’ve gotten my whole stomach was full of hair and my beard was super thick. My stomach and legs were huge taking up a lot of free space. Trying to find a nice outfit for the job tomorrow I couldn't seem to find anything that fit all my clothes wouldn’t fit over my gapping stomach. I sign in failure and plopped myself onto the bed getting rest for the big day tomorrow I probably a good idea I say as I drift asleep.

Sunday, today is the big day and I couldn’t be less prepared I was a mess nothing fit me and I look nothing like the guy that they hired to do the photo shoot there gonna think that i’m a catfish or something like that. I sign not being able to come up with something in time I waddle out to my car in defeat and somehow manage to squeeze myself in to the car barely being able to fit. Arriving at the hotel it get out of my car in just my underwear as it’s the only thing that still fits me. I walk in and the guy at the front say you must be Ryan here come up here i’ll show you where the magic happens. Huh he knew who I was right away even by seeing how I look now, they take me to one of the hotel rooms where the photographer is. “You must be Ryan I’m Chace what a pleasure to meet you, seems like the procedure went just great you’ll make the perfect lion, I mean just look at you main.” he says while rubbing my beard. “Now just sit down on the bed so we can start.” Procedure, I have no idea what he’s talking about, plopping my self on the bed I can finally relax knowing that my job is almost over with. The mascot of the Lyon hotel.

#dad bod #weight gain #balding #beer belly #beer bloat #burping #fat belly #hairy belly #fatty

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estapa-edwards · 2 months

Text

UNEXPECTED - R. MCGROARTY

paring: rutger mcgroarty x fem! reader

word count:3k

requested? no

warnings: use of y/n.

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I never thought I'd find myself in this situation. Of all the people in the University of Michigan, why did it have to be Rutger McGroarty? I mean, the guy was a hockey legend, scoring goals left and right on the ice and having his face plastered all over campus posters. But off the ice? Let's just say, we were like oil and water.

It all started in Professor Williams' Advanced Statistics class. We were assigned a semester-long project that would contribute a significant portion to our final grades. The catch? We had to work in pairs, and Professor Williams, in his infinite wisdom, decided to pair me up with Rutger. Great.

I slumped in my seat, trying to disappear into the lecture hall's worn-out upholstery as Professor Williams announced the pairings. When he finally called out, "Y/N and Rutger McGroarty," I felt like the entire room turned to look at me, probably to see my reaction. And what was my reaction? Pure dread.

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The first meeting was a disaster. Rutger strolled in wearing his Michigan hockey team jacket, a smug grin plastered on his face as he tossed his bag onto the table. "So, statistics, huh? Should be easy," he remarked, barely looking at the project guidelines I had painstakingly printed out.

I shot him a skeptical look. "Easy for you, maybe. I'm not exactly a math whiz."

He chuckled, "Don't worry, I'll handle the numbers. You can handle... whatever it is you're good at."

I rolled my eyes. "Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence."

As the weeks passed, our project meetings evolved into something entirely unexpected. Rather than focusing solely on statistics and data analysis, our time together became a battleground of differing opinions and clashing personalities. Rutger, with his competitive spirit, always seemed eager to take the lead, often making decisions without even glancing in my direction.

One evening, as we were deep in discussion about our data collection methods, Rutger leaned over the table, his eyes locked onto mine with a mischievous glint. "You know, Y/N," he said, a playful smirk playing on his lips, "I think we should use my method. After all, it's tried and tested."

I raised an eyebrow, not amused by his arrogance. "And what about my method? Have you even considered it?"

He chuckled softly, leaning even closer, his voice low and flirty, "Teamwork? I thought you were just here to witness my brilliance."

I groaned internally, rolling my eyes at his audacity. How had I ended up with such an arrogant project partner?

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During another one of our study sessions, tensions reached a boiling point. We were deep in a heated debate about the interpretation of our data, and Rutger's competitive nature was once again on full display. He suddenly stood up, towering over me with his imposing hockey player physique, making the small study room feel even more cramped.

"I still think my approach is better," he declared, his tone dripping with confidence and assertiveness.

I let out a deep sigh, trying to keep my frustration in check. "Rutger, can you please just listen to what I'm saying? This is a group project, remember? We're supposed to work together, not against each other."

He smirked, his eyes locking onto mine as he leaned down to my level, his face mere inches from mine. The audacity of his flirty demeanor in the midst of our disagreement only added to my irritation.

"Oh, I'm listening, Y/N," he said, his voice low and teasing, "I'm just waiting for you to see things my way."

I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks as I pushed my chair back, creating some much-needed distance between us. "Unbelievable," I muttered under my breath, shaking my head in exasperation.

Rutger leaned against the table, his smirk never wavering. "Come on, Y/N," he coaxed, his tone playful, "Admit it, you're starting to see the brilliance of my ideas, aren't you?"

I rolled my eyes, trying to ignore the fluttering in my stomach caused by his relentless flirting. "Rutger, this isn't a game. We need to work together and find a solution that we both agree on."

He chuckled, his eyes sparkling with mischief. "Alright, alright, I'll try to be more open-minded," he conceded, though the playful glint in his eyes suggested he was far from giving up on his competitive stance.

As we continued to work on our project, Rutger suddenly changed the subject, "Hey, Y/N, are you free this Friday night?"

Caught off guard by the sudden change in topic, I looked up from my notes, "Um, yeah, why?"

Rutger's smirk returned, his eyes twinkling with excitement. "Great! How about coming to one of my hockey games? It's a big one, and I'd love for you to be there."

I hesitated for a moment, surprised by his invitation. "I... I don't know, Rutger. I'm not really into hockey."

Rutger leaned in closer, his flirty demeanor returning full force. "Come on, it'll be fun! Plus, you get to see me in action. Who knows, you might even become a fan."

Despite my reservations, I couldn't help but feel intrigued. Rutger's passion for hockey was evident, and the idea of seeing him play, seeing a different side of him outside of our intense study sessions, was tempting.

"Alright," I finally conceded, a small smile playing on my lips, "I'll come to your game."

Rutger's face lit up with a triumphant grin. "Great! You won't regret it, I promise."

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The rest of the week flew by, and before I knew it, Friday night had arrived. I found myself at the university's ice rink, surrounded by enthusiastic fans wearing Michigan's colors and cheering for the team. The atmosphere was electric, with the excitement palpable in the air.

As the players took to the ice for warm-ups, I spotted Rutger, effortlessly gliding across the rink, his focus and determination evident. I had to admit, seeing him in his element was impressive. His skill and passion for the game were undeniable, and I found myself getting caught up in the excitement of the atmosphere.

Just as the game was about to begin, Rutger glanced up and spotted me in the stands. A wide smile spread across his face, and he waved enthusiastically in my direction. I waved back, feeling a warm flush of pride at his acknowledgment. It was a small gesture, but it meant a lot to me.

My friends, who had accompanied me to the game, noticed Rutger's friendly wave and looked at me with surprise. "Wait, did Rutger just smile and wave at you?" one of them asked, her eyebrows raised in disbelief.

I chuckled, nodding in response. "Yeah, I guess he did. He asked me to come tonight."

My friends exchanged amused glances, clearly intrigued by the unexpected turn of events. "Wow, Y/N," another friend teased, "I didn't know you and Rutger had become so chummy. What's next, joining the hockey fan club?"

I laughed, rolling my eyes at their playful teasing. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I don't even like him like that."

My friends exchanged knowing glances, clearly amused by my defensive response. "We never said you liked him like that," one of them teased with a smirk.

I felt my cheeks heat up, realizing I might have been a bit too quick to clarify. "Well, I just meant... you know," I stammered, trying to find the right words. "He's a good teammate and all, but it's not like that between us."

Another friend chuckled, nudging me playfully. "Sure, sure, Y/N. Whatever you say. But we saw that smile on your face when he waved at you. Admit it, you enjoyed being his special guest at the game tonight."

I rolled my eyes again, but this time with a smile. "Okay, okay, maybe I had more fun than I expected. But that doesn't mean anything's changed between us. We're still just project partners."

My friends laughed, clearly unconvinced by my attempts to downplay the evening's significance. "Alright, Y/N," one of them said, holding up their hands in mock surrender. "We'll let you off the hook for now. But don't be surprised if we start seeing you at more hockey games in the future."

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After the game, as I waited for Rutger outside the locker room, I couldn't help but feel grateful for the unexpected experience. Despite our rocky start and the constant challenges we faced during our project, I had gained a newfound appreciation for Rutger and his passion for hockey.

When Rutger finally emerged from the locker room, still in his gear but looking exhilarated, he flashed me a wide grin. "So, what did you think?" he asked, his tone hopeful.

I smiled back, genuinely impressed. "You were amazing, Rutger. I never realized how exciting hockey could be."

His grin widened, his eyes shining with happiness. "Told you, you might become a fan."

As Rutger and I began to walk away from the locker room, we were approached by two of his teammates, Ethan and Mark, both still in their Michigan hockey gear. They wore playful grins, clearly having spotted our interaction earlier.

"Hey, Rutger," Ethan began with a teasing tone, nudging Mark with his elbow. "Is this your girlfriend?"

Mark joined in on the joke, winking at me. "Yeah, Rutger, you didn't tell us you were bringing your special someone to the game tonight."

Rutger chuckled, rolling his eyes at his teammates' antics but not seeming entirely surprised by their teasing. "Very funny, guys," he said, his tone light and amused. He glanced over at me, offering a reassuring smile. "Ignore them, Y/N. They just can't resist a good joke."

I laughed, brushing off the playful teasing with a wave of my hand. "Don't worry, I'm not taking it seriously. But thanks for inviting me tonight, Rutger. I had a great time."

Ethan and Mark exchanged knowing glances, their grins widening. "Anytime, Y/N," Ethan said with a teasing tone. "You're always welcome to come and cheer for us... and for Rutger, of course."

Mark nodded in agreement, his playful demeanor still intact. "Yeah, maybe next time we'll even get you to wear a Michigan jersey... with Rutger's number on it."

I chuckled, shaking my head at their persistent teasing. "We'll see about that," I replied, glancing over at Rutger, who was still smiling despite his teammates' antics.

As we continued to walk towards the exit, Rutger's playful demeanor returned. "I hope they weren't too much for you," he said, his tone light.

I shrugged, smiling back at him. "They're just having some fun. I can handle a little teasing."

Rutger grinned, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "Good to know. And thanks again for coming tonight, Y/N. I'm glad you enjoyed the game."

I nodded, feeling genuinely grateful for the unexpected experience. "Me too, Rutger. It was a great game, and you played exceptionally well."

His smile widened, and for a moment, the playful, competitive edge that had defined so much of our project seemed to fade away, replaced by a genuine warmth and camaraderie.

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The day had finally arrived to wrap up our project, and Rutger and I found ourselves in the university library, huddled over our laptops and notes. The tension in the room was undenible, not just from the looming deadline, but also from the lingering awkwardness between us.

As we worked on the final touches, I noticed Rutger's eyes drifting from his laptop to me more than a few times. Each time our eyes met, he quickly looked away, but I couldn't help but feel his gaze on me.

"Is everything okay, Rutger?" I finally asked, breaking the silence that had settled between us.

Rutger looked up, seeming caught off guard by my question. "Uh, yeah, sorry about that," he stammered, running a hand through his hair. "I was just thinking about the project, that's all."

I raised an eyebrow, not entirely convinced by his explanation. "You seem distracted. Are you sure there's nothing else on your mind?"

Rutger hesitated, his gaze meeting mine once again. This time, he didn't look away immediately, and I could see a hint of uncertainty in his eyes. "Honestly, Y/N," he began, his voice softer than usual, "I've been meaning to say something."

I felt my heart skip a beat, curious and slightly apprehensive about what he was about to say. "Go on," I urged, setting aside my work to give him my full attention.

Rutger took a deep breath, his eyes searching mine. "I just wanted to say thank you," he said, his tone sincere. "Despite our differences and the challenges we've faced, you've stuck by me and put in the effort to make this project a success. I really appreciate it."

I was taken aback by his honesty, feeling a wave of relief wash over me. "You're welcome, Rutger," I replied, smiling genuinely at him. "Despite our disagreements, I think we made a pretty good team in the end."

Rutger grinned, his eyes lighting up. "Yeah, we did," he agreed, his gaze lingering on me a moment longer than necessary. "And for the record," he added, his tone teasing, "I wasn't just staring at you because you're distracting. I was also trying to figure out how to ask you out after we finish this project."

I chuckled, caught off guard by his candidness but also intrigued by his confession. "Oh, really?" I responded, raising an eyebrow playfully. "And here I thought you were just lost in thought about the project."

Rutger laughed, his grin widening as he leaned back in his chair. "Well, the project was definitely on my mind, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't also thinking about what comes next."

I felt a warmth spread through me, a mix of surprise and excitement at his bold admission. "Well, now that the project is done," I replied, my voice tinged with amusement, "I guess you have your answer, don't you?"

His eyes met mine, the playful glint replaced by something softer, more genuine. "I do," he said, his voice low and sincere. "So, what do you say, Y/N? Would you like to go out with me?"

I smiled, feeling a sense of anticipation and curiosity about where this unexpected connection might lead. "I'd like that, Rutger," I answered, my own voice softening.

Rutger's smile was infectious, his eyes shining with happiness as he stood up, extending a hand towards me. "Great," he said, his tone light but sincere. "How about dinner tomorrow night? We can celebrate our successful project and whatever this is."

I accepted his hand, standing up to meet his gaze. "Dinner sounds perfect," I replied, feeling a flutter of excitement at the prospect of getting to know Rutger beyond the confines of our project.

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I sat across from Rutger at a quaint French bistro nestled in the heart of downtown Ann Arbor. The restaurant had a warm and intimate atmosphere, with soft lighting, rustic wooden tables, and a hint of romantic charm in the air. It was our first official date since wrapping up our project, and I was both nervous and excited.

Rutger was in the middle of sharing a funny anecdote from one of his hockey games when the door to the bistro opened, and in walked Ethan and Mark. My heart sank as I saw them, and I could feel my cheeks flush with embarrassment. Of all the restaurants in Ann Arbor, they had to walk into the one where Rutger and I were having our date?

Ethan and Mark spotted us almost immediately and made their way over, their grins widening as they approached our table. Rutger looked up, clearly surprised to see his teammates, but his expression quickly turned amused as he saw Ethan and Mark's cheeky smiles.

"Hey, Rutger," Ethan began with a teasing tone, leaning against the back of an empty chair at our table. "Fancy seeing you here."

Mark chimed in, winking at me, "And with Y/N, no less. Who would've thought?"

Rutger chuckled, clearly unfazed by his teammates' interruption. "What are you guys doing here?"

Ethan shrugged, still grinning. "We knew you two would finally get together. Just wanted to see it with our own eyes."

I felt my cheeks grow even hotter, wishing the floor would swallow me up. Rutger, however, seemed to find the situation amusing.

"Alright, alright," Rutger said, holding up his hands in mock surrender. "You've had your fun. Now, give us some space, will you?"

Mark chuckled, raising his hands in mock defense. "Alright, alright. We'll leave you two lovebirds alone. But remember, Rutger, you owe us for this."

Ethan nodded in agreement, pointing a finger at Rutger. "Yeah, don't forget it."

With one last round of playful teasing and laughter, Ethan and Mark finally retreated, leaving Rutger and me at our table, slightly flustered but also laughing at the unexpected turn of events.

Rutger shook his head, grinning at me. "I'm sorry about that, Y/N. My teammates can be a bit... overbearing."

I chuckled, feeling more at ease now that the awkward encounter was behind us. "It's okay, Rutger. It was bound to happen eventually, right?"

He smiled, reaching across the table to take my hand. "Absolutely. And who knows, maybe we should thank them. Their little interruption broke the ice, so to speak."

I laughed, feeling grateful for Rutger's easygoing nature and his ability to turn a potentially awkward situation into a moment of shared laughter.

"Maybe you're right," I agreed, squeezing his hand in return. "After all, it wouldn't be a true Michigan experience without a little interference from your teammates."

Rutger grinned, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "Exactly. So, where were we before we were so rudely interrupted?"

I smiled, feeling a warmth spread through me as I remembered the conversation we had been having before Ethan and Mark's unexpected arrival. "You were about to tell me about that overtime goal you scored last week."

Rutger's face lit up, and as he launched back into his story, I found myself once again captivated by his passion for hockey and his infectious enthusiasm. Despite the awkward interruption, our date was turning out to be more enjoyable than I had anticipated, and I was grateful for the unexpected twist that had made our evening even more memorable.

#rutger mcgroarty #rutger mcgroarty x reader #rutger mcgroarty imagine #michigan #umich hockey #hockey

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w1ldthoughts · 4 months

Text

Crooked Smile

Anon requested angst

Warnings: Mention of body image issues

The veneer craze. The ozempic epidemic. This intense and overwhelming need to have a perfect smile and be super skinny, while also having an hourglass figure and a perfectly perky yet fat ass. Thanks to the BBL. You had absolutely no problem with people getting cosmetic surgeries, your body your choice, and you weren’t going to judge anyone for wanting to make themselves feel good. But it did contribute to very unhealthy beauty standards that were becoming more impossible to follow. It really didn’t help that your boyfriend was a celebrity and every function that you went to was full of women who made you feel a little (a lot) like you didn’t belong.

After the last time at Jack’s you couldn’t stop thinking about the way you looked. Every time you walked past a mirror you stopped to look at yourself for a minute. Maybe you could lose a few pounds and have less midnight snacks. Maybe some Invisalign wouldn’t hurt, you knew it would but with the way you were feeling about yourself right now, you’d take the tooth pain over this crippling bout of insecurity and self doubt. You probably hadn’t analyzed yourself this much since you were in high school. This feeling wouldn’t last forever, you knew that, but sometimes you just gotta throw yourself a pity party and recharge your batteries. You were supposed to have a date night with Jack but you lied and told him you were sick and that you’d see him another time.

You knew immediately who was knocking on your door and interrupting your This Is Us rewatch, using it to distract from your own turmoil. Like fighting fire with…more fire. Using your sleeve to wipe your eyes, you sniffled and paused the devastating show to let Jack in.

“Baby, what’s wrong? I knew I should’ve come over earlier.” He immediately placed a hand on your forehead, looking you over for any other signs of distress. “You don’t feel warm. Does your stomach hurt?”

“No Jack, I’m fine.” You took his hand off of you and wrapped your arms around yourself. “Just not really feeling like myself and going out tonight just didn’t seem like the best idea.”

Jack nods, understanding the feeling. Sometimes he didn’t feel like going out either and he wasn’t about to force you to do anything, especially not with the way your shoulders were slumped and the fact that the usual light in your eyes wasn’t there. “Well, would it be okay if I sit and watch your show with you? Haven’t seen much of you lately and to be real, I miss you a little.”

The last part made you crack a smile, a genuine one. “Fine. But don’t ask me a million questions or I’m just gonna turn it off.”

“No promises.” He laughs, plopping himself down in the middle of the couch. You originally parked your body next to him but when his hands wrapped themselves around your stomach, it made you feel weird and overly exposed. Excusing yourself to go to the bathroom, you tried to mentally snap out of it, slightly embarrassed that Jack’s friends’ comments were affecting you the way they were. You walked back to the couch, settling down on one end of it, creating some space between you and your boyfriend.

“What the hell? Why are you so far away?”

“I just want my own space for a little bit, we don’t need to be up under each other every second of the day.” You didn’t even trust your own words, opting to keep it in a hushed tone.

And he called your bluff immediately, grabbing the remote to pause the show. “Look I didn’t come here to press you or anything I just—is there something going on with us? I mean you’ve barely answered my texts, you canceled our plans today and now you can’t even stand to be near me. What’s going on?”

Now you felt guilty, on top of everything else. “It’s not you Jack,” you sigh, scooting over to grab his hand in reassurance. “I really didn’t wanna do this because I don’t want this to become a thing but—something happened at your party the other night.” You feel him tense up, a slight crack in his jaw from how hard he had just gritted his teeth. “I was walking back into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and I heard Cope and Nemo talking about me. They were basically talking about how you could do so much better and how my looks aren’t up to par and it was just really shitty. And I know they’ve been at your place all week hanging out so I really just haven’t been in the headspace to be around them.”

He narrows his eyes at you and pulls his hand away. “Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”

“Because I didn’t want to cause a scene at your party, it wasn’t the time.”

“So you thought that ignoring me and isolating yourself, going on this emotional downward spiral would just what? Make it all better?”

You were taken aback by his reaction but you genuinely didn't have the energy to do this today. “Jack, my reaction or the way that I’m handling it isn’t the point. The point is that your friends were being assholes and you’re more concerned with me than with what they said about me. Why is that?”

“Because you know how they are! They get a little drunk or a little high, sometimes both and they just start spewing random shit. You can’t take them serious. And maybe you got things out of context. Did you hear the entire conversation?”

He had to be joking…right?

Taking a deep breath, you tried to compose yourself before losing your mind. All you wanted today was a nice, relaxing time to find your inner peace but instead here you were. “Let me be clear, I don’t care if I walked in at the very last second of their stupid little conversation. I heard some hurtful things and I heard my name attached to them. That should be enough.”

Jack lets out a humorless laugh, shaking his head,“you’re just being sensitive right now, maybe your period is coming or something cause this really isn’t that deep. Like I said before, you know how they get, I’m sure it was just jokes.”

“Yeah everything may be a fucking joke to you, including my feelings.” You moved away from him, “but I don’t find any of this funny. Which is why I told you I needed some space. And you won’t even respect that.” Your voice cracks, feeling the tears stinging your eyes even though you thought you’d done enough crying today. “You think don’t I see the comments? Or hear the shit people say about me? That I’m not pretty enough or smart enough or that you could easily do so much better. I get that from complete strangers all the time. But to hear your friends say it? Your people? That hurts Jack.”

“I just really don’t think this is that big of a deal.” He tries to reason and diffuse the situation. “They probably don’t even mean any of that shit, you can’t take it to heart.”

The walls that you had built from your failed relationships in the past had been torn down by Jack, brick by brick. You felt safe with him, cared about and cared for. And in this moment, he was public enemy number one.“Do you think I’m the fucking ‘boy who cried wolf?’ I’ve NEVER said anything to you about this before and it isn’t the first time it’s happened but I didn’t want to make it a big deal. And here you are defending them, you’re supposed to be on my side?” You didn’t even notice you were yelling.

“Oh my god I am on your side!” He raises his voice, “I just think this is all one big misunderstanding and you shouldn’t get so worked up about it.”

“Oh my god you—you know what I’m not even gonna do this anymore. You win.” You stand up from your seat, not breaking eye contact with him. “Respectfully, I think you should get the fuck out. I really need to take care of myself right now and you’re not making it any better so you should probably just go.”

He remains stationary on your couch, still staring at you.

“Jack, are you losing your hearing or something? I said you need to leave. Now please.”

He stands up, walking towards you to try to pull you into his arms, “babe—”

You back away. “No. Don’t do that. Don’t try to cutesy pet name your way out of this. I told you that something happened and it hurt me and you refuse to listen so you can go. I’m done talking about it.”

The man finally takes your words seriously, grabbing his stuff and walking to the door. He closes it without another word, leaving you to think about how the hell you even got there. There isn’t even enough sadness in your body anymore to cry, you’re shaking with rage at the fact that your boyfriend chose to defend his boys over caring about your feelings. It was simple, he didn’t care about you and they definitely didn’t, so what was the point? It was time to move on.

Two days later, he was being completely ignored by you. He’d spent some time licking his wounds and was really starting to regret the way he reacted. His first instinct had always been to defend his people, his boys especially. They had been with him since he was working at Chick-fil-A and didn’t have anything remotely valuable to his name and they had never switched up on him, so why should he? And maybe that had been a part of the problem. He never told them “no” or that he didn’t like something because…that just wasn’t the relationship. They were grown men and Jack wasn’t about to tell another grown man how to act. But in this case, he probably should have listened to you and at least talked to Cope and Nemo about what they said, secretly hoping that it wasn’t as bad as you made it seem.

“Bro, I gotta talk to y’all about something. And I’m being forreal.”

Nemo sat next to him on the couch and Cope was across from him. “What’s up? You look like somebody kidnapped your dog.” Cope jokes and Nemo laughs a little, but Jack just clears his throat.

“Okay so…I need to ask y’all about the party last weekend. Y/n heard you talking about her and she was super pissed and we got into this big ass argument about it. So…what exactly was said?”

“Oh shit,” Nemo looks down at the ground. “Look bro we didn’t mean for her to hear all that—”

“But it was all facts.” Cope finishes for him. “All we said was that she’s kind of a bum and you can and should do a lot better than her. I mean the girls that we bring around and that’s who you picked? I don’t wanna judge but—”

Jack holds a hand up to stop him from continuing. “Imma be real, I don’t really give a fuck what y’all think. That’s my girl bro, like my fucking girlfriend who heard you talking shit about her and it made her feel bad. And I defended you because I thought that my best friends would be supportive and I don’t know…not shitty to someone I love? Guess that’s my bad for assuming.”

“I’m sorry, it definitely wasn’t our place to comment on your relationship. You know when that liq starts to hit—”

“Guess you didn’t fucking hear me. I said I defended your dumbasses. I basically chose y’all over her and now you’re sitting here like this shit is sweet?”

Cope tries to open his mouth but Jack cuts him off again, “Not even gonna lie I need you both outta my sight for the next couple days. I can’t believe this. And Cope, you really shouldn’t be commenting about anybody’s appearance when you permanently look like the Avatar. Think about when you’re 50 and how that’s gonna look.”

He knew he was lashing out but he couldn’t believe how wrong he was and how hard he had belittled your feelings. You two always talked about the unreal expectations for people, especially women and now he had contributed to the problem in the largest way. There was no concrete plan to remedy the situation but he damn sure had to try.

When you didn’t answer after the first four times he knocked, he thought about breaking the door down but that was a TMZ story waiting to happen. He just kept knocking and knocking until you opened the door.

“Can I help you?”

He didn’t realize how nervous he was until you were standing in front of him. “I’m so sorry. I know that won’t, that it’s not enough—I fucked up. I should’ve listened to you and I didn’t. Instead I got super defensive and didn’t want to acknowledge that my friends were being shitty and—”

“I forgive you.” You interrupt, facial expression remaining stead. “I’m over it.”

“You—you’re…over it?”

“Yeah,” you shrug. “I had some really hard mental health days and it sucked but I realized that I like who I am. I love who I am, actually. Crooked smile, stretch marks, love handles…whatever. It’s me and I don’t want that to change, for anyone.”

Jack smiles, letting out a sigh of relief. “Good because I was about to give you this big speech about how you’re perfect to me and for me and not to let anyone make you think any different. But it looks like you came to that conclusion on your own.”

You nod, a smirk forming on your lips. “Did you need anything else?”

“N—no. I uh…I wanted to just see if we were okay? Things got pretty heated the other night and I feel horrible for not taking your side. I’m so fucking sorry.”

You can’t contain the burst of laughter that comes out. “Sorry this isn’t funny, it's just…Jack I needed you. I needed you to believe me, to trust me, to defend me, to comfort me. Shit something—anything. But you tried to gaslight me into thinking I was dramatic when I know what I heard. And then you defended your idiot ass friends tooth and nail to the point where we were screaming at each other. I got myself out of this, I remembered who the fuck I am on my own. I remembered how beautiful and smart and worthy I am. On my own. So what the hell do I need you for? Let me answer that for you, I don’t. I don’t need you. I don’t need this. The belittling, the shit talking, the toxicity. I don’t need any of it..”

Looking him up and down, seeing the tears swimming in his eyes, a very different scene from days ago, and you shake your head. “You and I? Baby, we’re done. Have fun with the boys, you all deserve each other.”

#jack Harlow #jack Harlow imagine #jack Harlow x reader #jack Harlow fanfic #jack Harlow angst

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potentialguybodyswaps · 1 year

Text

Jockifacation

Being one of the smartest nerds in school sometimes had it perks, I mean sure most of the nerds got bullied and treated like shit by a lot of the school, especially the sports teams, but there were a few of us that were able to escape from the public humiliation that comes with being a nerd

Us top tier nerds, as I like to call us, we’re the ones that the Dean had picked to help tutor some of the more important students, like the ones who parents had made large Contributions, and the sports team, that all he really cared about, the people that really mattered.

As usual, the dean gave us nerds a heads up that a pop quiz was coming in some of the different classes we all shared with the assigned person that we’re in charge of making sure pass

The guy I was in charge of was one of the basketball players, his name was jake

He wasn’t the dumbest jock in the school, and thank god for that, I feel bad for the guy that had Brad, bro might have retard strength but also the intelligence of one.

atleast I can work with jake, might be annoying with his slow ability to grasp concepts and the constant side stories about the team, his latest conquest, how All this school work is pointless cause he’s gonna be a professional some day… etc

Jake was from a small red neck town and Texas and you could tell, he kinda stood out here in California with his accent and very little understanding of basic algebra, I guess they didn’t teach that were he’s from

it was probably around midnight when I finally got him to remember and be able to apply The Quadratic Formula, now Hopfully he can maintain it for 12 hours

“Aye bro thanks for helping me out with all this math shit, if you ever need anything partner just let me know” he said getting up to stretch

I got up to stretch too and crack my back

“I mean not unless you can make it so I don’t have to stay up late night tutoring members of the team because the dean demands it haha” i said laughing and smiling a sleepy smile at him

“Shiiiiit cuz, I got you just put this hat on” he said taking his hat off and handing it to me

“I mean thanks for the symbolic gesture but I don’t think a hat will do much” i said staring at it in my hands

“Just put it on bro, and you’ll be a part of the team” he said reaching over to guide it and place it on my head

“So is that it? Am I part of the team now haha?”

“Nah bruh, you gotta turn it backwards to start the uh, process”

“Start what process? some sort of initiati-“

I said as I felt it start

“Initiation? initially? Initials? No bro, initiation, god dam I had a brain fart for a minute there bruh haha…” I said stumbling on my words

“Bro? Bruh? What’s happening I don’t use those words!?” I thought to myself as my eyes started to glaze over

“There you go cuz, it’s starting, don’t worry, you should be a full fledged member in a few minutes, then you’ll never have to worry about tutoring again haha, the process kills quite a bit of brain cells” he said sitting back down smiling as he slowly closed his eyes

I tried to get up and take the hat off but I could barely move as I felt my mind weakening and my body was in too much pain as it reshaped it’s self to move

I could feel my thoughts get slower as my body changed more and more

“Mhmmmm b-b-bro h-help” I was able to mumble out, able to hear my voice getting lower

“Just let it take its course” Jake said not budging

My long shaggy hair got shorter and receded back into my scalp until it was short enough to fit inside the cap

My acne disappeared until my face was smooth and I could feel my face reorganizing itself, wholes appearing in my ears for some new giant fake earrings

Next was my sweatshirt I wore to hide my skinny frame dissolved into my skin as it looked like I gained 25 pounds of muscles as my arms became swole and my chest became hard with 6 pack abs from years of working out

“No that’s not right, I never spent years working out, going to the gym, I read books all the time and prepared for tests, played dnd with my nerd friends”

“Nerd friends? I don’t have those, I might skip leg day and not be on any teams but they always considered me a honorary member right?”

Next most of my jeans dissolved into my legs as my calf’s gain muscles from practicing in the gym and on the court with my fellow team mates

“Nah bruh, something about this isn’t right bro” I said standing up suddenly realizing I can move again

“But uh bruh I can’t remember what” I said taking the cap off to scratch my head

Jake looked over and jumped up looking concerned and walked over grabbing the cap

“It’s fine bro, we was just getting ready to go to a party, but the bitch hosting it sent out a text saying not to come for another hour, there was an issue getting the alcohol, we all know how much you like to drink cuz haha”

“Oh ok” I said setting down on the couch… some small part of me was screaming not to wear the cap but it was kinda stupid cause let’s be honest, I look hot wearing this cap

I put the cap back on and closed my eyes for a few seconds

I hadn’t noticed how weird I looked since my jeans weren’t exactly gone but were now Jean shorts

Didn’t matter tho cause my jeans morphed into some white shorts with a red strip to match my cap, right after that my underwear morphed into some tight American eagle pair as I felt my dick grow from 2 inches soft, to 4 soft.

“I can’t wait to go the party ima fuck so many bitches tonight” I thought to myself giggling like a dummy

Wait that isn’t right? I don’t get any bitches on my dick, no one wants to be with a small dick nerd, a 4 inch hard on is pathetic.

“Man what was that thought? I’m not a nerd! I’m a fucking jock bruh! And 4 inches being pathetic? Maybe hard, but that’s me just soft, I’m atleast 6 inches hard. never really cared to measure, chicks always seemed to love it when I fucked them, and if they think I’m small, their just fucking loose pussy bitches!” I thought to myself as I started getting hard pitching a tent

I opened my eyes to see Jake smiling at me

“Wtf you looking at bro? You gay or someshit? I mean that’s fine but just don’t try no shit with me bro” I said mean mugging him

“Nah bro, looks like you got some business to take care of, I’ll uh, be in the bathroom for a bit cuz” Jake said getting up to go to the bathroom

A small voice in my head was telling me something’s wrong, take the cap off, who wears hats inside?

But I decided there was something more pressing, and it’s in my pants

I pulled my shorts down to see my dick straining against my underwear, I pulled them down to let my dick flap out

I grabbed it to feel emence pleasure

I could feel something inside of me traveling down to my balls but I didn’t care, the pleasures were to much, felt like I’ve never jerked off before…

It only took me a few minutes for me to cum my brains out, figuratively and literally unbeknownst to my new jock brain, losing what little remains of my nerd personality, and 55 iq points, taking me down from 145 to 90.

“Fuck bro that felt great haha, i don’t know why I came so fast, must just be a fluke or something” I said to myself

Just then jake walked back outside

“Ya that happens to everyone at first when they go though the process of becoming a jock” he said smirking

“What you mean becoming a jock? I’ve always been one dude” I said a bit offended he didn’t think I’m a jock, I’ve hung out with jake for years now!

“Bro, we’re are we right now?!” Jake said throwing his hands up and looking around dramatically

“Uh my room” i said

“Ya and look at it, it’s a room for a nerd” he said looking at me with a look of annoyance on his face.

“Oh god, your right, I gotta change this shit bro, babes aren’t gonna find this attractive” i said looking horrified of my nerdy room

“Dam straight cuz, it’s ok, you just went from a nerd to a jock boy after all haha, it’s to be expected, especially with memory loss of your old life” he said with a smile on his face

“Now let’s go to a late night party” he said walking towards me throwing a arm around my shoulder and walking us towards the door

“Wait, so you’re saying I use to be a nerd? Ew what the fuck bro… is there anyway that I’m gonna turn back into a faggy ass nerd?” I said concerned

“Nah bruh, once you cum after the transformation it’s permanent, your one of us now dude, I hope you like it haha” he said laughing

“Ya I don’t really remember being a nerd but I bet that shit sucked ass compared to being a jock that can pull bitches haha, and good, I wouldn’t ever wanna go back despite what that voice in my head was crying about” i said laughing

“Oh that voice? Don’t worry about it, just like your chance to go back to your old life, it disappeared when you cummed” he said laughing smacking me on the back

#Bodyswap #transformation #permanent

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xenosagaepisodeone · 3 months

Text

back in the 2000s when people would enact pseuicide (exactly what it sounds like), it was largely as a form of ego-defense. while it was sometimes elicited as a response to actual harassment, the lower stakes nature of interaction on the old net made it as common a play in disagreements as telling someone to kill themselves. a lot of the time, the user in question was unwilling to concede their position in some particular discourse or their status/power in a particular community, but was also left dissonant by the fact that they had no unilateral control over how others saw them, or how others felt. a pseuicide would in this case allow the user to retract an internet persona that had been turned into a pathway way for the ego to be damaged by others while also preserving as much of it's integrity as possible by allowing the purported death to frame them as forever the victim of their interaction with their opps (with of course the intentional added effect of inflicting psychological anguish on them by making them believe they contributed to a suicide). the user would then rebrand under a different account and then rebuild their posting empire, completing the cycle of the pseuicide.

there's a reason why the term 'psueicide' has fallen out of vogue beyond the fact that it is a cruel way to regard the potential suicide of someone online. the deanonymization and userbase-fostered hypersurveillance of the modern net has done away with the low-stakes interactions of aughts forums that made it easy to just say "I'm going to kill myself" to a bunch of formless usernames; on top of just making it very difficult to disappear in general. how many people have you seen abandon their social media handles due to drama, harassment or stress, only to be found under a new persona a week later? you can scrub the internet of as much of your posting presence as you want, but you're going to have a harder time preventing friends, family and even strangers who happen upon you conceal details of your present status just by virtue of how normal it is to involve so much of how you spend real life in what you post online. the modern spectacle of posting makes most user's actions a new development in the narrative arc of their social media presence, and a suicide attempt (real or otherwise) will be milked for entertainment in accordance with such before it is examined for sympathy or used as a means of self-relfection.

you may think this post is about james somerton now that the news has come out that he is thankfully fine, but it's actually not! admittedly though, his attempted rebranding got me thinking about a few things, ultimately leading up to the thought "ah, you really can't say that you will kill yourself online like you used to.". where do you go when nuking everything and starting over is barely an option? well, outside I guess. perhaps to the woods.

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mannatea · 1 year

Note

🔥 fandom

I find myself missing the days where fandom was a private experience more and more, by which I mean to say: I miss the concept of "friends only" journals and blogs. I miss when the pace of the Internet and therefore also fandom was slower. I miss when memes stayed relevant for months if not years. I miss when a new person entered fandom and everyone and their grandmother would outdo themselves trying to befriend them. I miss the community feeling of fandoms where you were almost proud to be a "contributing member" whether that was as a writer, a reader, an artist, an extremely cool contributor with other crafts, or a supportive friend.

I absolutely hate huge Discord servers where things are so busy and nothing stays on topic for long, and someone is always spamming @ everyone and there are so many people you can't form a bond with any of them. I hate how posting anything in fandom now is posting it publicly; it's no longer some fun write-up you did for your friends but something you have to also check over to make sure it's suitable for the entire fandom to read.

I hate how fandoms in general have moved away from giving creatives feedback on their art, especially authors. There are more people reading fanfiction than ever before but almost no one comments, not even to just say thanks, not even in some larger fandoms. This goes right back to missing the community feeling of fandom. I understand wanting easy rebloggable content, and I very much get having almost nothing in the proverbial tank at the end of the day to say witty things, but if you read something and you enjoyed it: say so.

I think people have forgotten that fandom, and sharing creative works with fandom, is a social experience, and this gets truer and truer the older you are and the better your craft gets. You don't get good, solid writers in fandom by ignoring them. They cannot thank you for your kudos. They certainly cannot thank you for your silence. If we were all after money we would strive to write professionally. If we we wrote merely for ourselves we would let our stories rot on our hard drives. Writers in fandom are looking to share and socialize with an audience. That has been the backbone of fandom and all creation in fandom for as long as fandom has been around.

And it feels very much like that is slipping away into anonymous obscurity where nobody wants to take the time to make a connection—however fleeting.

And then people wonder why their favorite authors stop writing. They legitimately do not understand! They express sadness. But when you go look at the stories they're sad about losing, they never took the time to even give the author one word of encouragement, and no writer writes forever for free.

Fandom has always been a delicate balancing act of those who make gifts and those who take them. The thing about taking a gift, though, is that you say thank you for it, and in fandom spaces giving thanks functions as a link. It's what keeps things balanced. It's what spurs further creation and further thanks. On and on, back and forth.

In recent years, with the Internet moving so fast and fandom along with it, we've lost those slow and meaningful connections.

Take heed:

You cannot marvel in the halls of creation for all eternity without giving something back. Eventually the walls and shelves will be bare and there will be nothing new to behold.

#here's my spicy take #it's ok to reblog if it speaks to you #i'm deeply sorrowful for the current state of fandom #people make fan content for the connections they form doing it #i despair seeing people say they read 20 fics a day and comment on zero of them

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fairybinie · 10 months

Text

.✰ 8:14 PM

🎧﹟‘this fluttering sensation my heart is mayhem but i love it we are finally perfect the two of us, us, us.’ - crown

pairings: idol!kai x gn!reader

genre: fluff, hurt/comfort

wc: 1.1k

warnings: pet names, mentions of insecurity, kissing

꒰ 💌 ꒱ my contribution to k-labels debut event <3 also happy birthday to my bestest boy in the world ⋆˙⟡♡

“what’s on your mind, love?” kai asks as you two walk hand in hand near the calm, glistening pond.

you hum in slight exhaustion. still, a small smile forms on your face hearing your boyfriend’s voice after the comfortable silence between you two.

“nothing, i promise!” you do your best to reassure. you bring your intertwined hands in the air and move them back and forth as you continue to stride along the path.

“tsk, didn’t know we were lying to each other now,” kai shakes his head in a teasing manner. despite his actions, his words were serious enough. “c’mon, y/nnie. you were quiet throughout the entire dinner.”

ah, yes. kai and his members were back in town after the first half of their tour. tonight was kai’s birthday and you all decided to eat out in celebration of his special day. you were ecstatic seeing your boyfriend after all these months. seeing his pretty face in person after those daily facetime calls was much more than you could ask for. catching up with his friends was also a neat bonus, you missed them too.

it was too bad you weren’t exactly in your best mood. lately you haven’t been feeling like yourself. getting up in the morning has taken you longer, your sleep schedule has become inconsistent, you overthink everything you do now. not to mention, you haven’t felt great about your appearance recently. you’ve thought of confiding to kai about this, but he’s been so excited about his performances that you didn’t want to bring him down.

still, you can only handle so much burden.

you sigh in defeat and warn him in advance. “i don’t want to ruin your birthday with my stuff, bub.”

kai stops you both in your place which forces you to bring your gaze from the ground onto him, slightly off guard.

“we’re not going home until you do,” kai’s eyes glimmer in the moonlight, ensuring this safe space. “i mean- talk to me, not ruin my birthday.”

“i’ve just been in a funk, kai,” you eventually give in, staring at the water ahead. “i haven’t been feeling great mentally and physically and it’s taking a toll on me. even tonight, i was staring at myself in the mirror longer than usual! it’s like anything i do, wear, or say isn’t right and i don’t know what to do at this point.”

kai remains silent and thoroughly listens to your rant. with each word he traces small shapes on your hand, a habit of his you loved. he hasn’t done anything and he’s already soothing you.

“why didn’t you tell me sooner?” he asks in a whisper.

“i- you have a lot going for you, i didn’t think you’d understand,” now that you say it out loud, it’s a little unfair for you to assume something like that. your boyfriend was a star, not avoidant of feelings like this.

“and i…didn’t want to be a buzzkill,” you mumble under your breath while kicking a nearby pebble to the pond.

you both watch the stone trickle along the water creating the path it does. you glance up at kai, who sucks his right cheek in as he bites the inside in thought. he was too naturally cute to you, which has your eyes smile.

“baby, i was feeling the exact same way not too long ago,” kai mentions the truth that shocks you momentarily. you felt a sense of remorse, were you too focused on yourself to realize?

“you were?” you nearly gasp, upset with yourself.

“why do you think i barely showed my face while we talked on the phone?” kai reminds in a lighthearted manner. “at this point you’ve memorized my forehead.”

your lips form an o shape as you take in his confession, unsure of what to say next. kai fills in the empty void and continues to add on.

“i’ve had plenty of days like that,” kai reminisces as he longingly stares ahead before looking back at you in an admiring gaze.

“how do you make them go away?” your voice nearly cracks, almost like you’ve given up.

kai tilts his head as he thinks up to the stars before staring at the one standing right next to him.

“i’ve found that keeping yourself busy distracts you from those thoughts,” he responds. “or treating and enjoying yourself with the little things.”

“it’s hard to do that when you’re away,” you admit in a mutter, a pout following your words. the action brings you and kai to a smile.

“i know my love, but tour is almost over,” kai reassures while kissing your hands. a giggle escapes from you and kai excitedly reacts, pointing his free hand at you in a gotcha moment. “see, you can enjoy yourself!”

you try to hide your smile after he says that to mess with him and kai facepalms in a frown. he glances at the trail ahead and heads over there, letting go of your hand in the process. you follow behind him, confusion taking over you as there’s nothing special about this area.

kai kneels down on the ground and starts collecting stemless flowers. his palm eventually becomes busy with several colors and he stands up, not quite satisfied yet. your mouth opens in attempt to speak, but it’s interrupted with pondering sounds coming from kai as he walks over to the other side, seemingly in search of something else.

you stay in your spot as all you can see is his back, but it appears like he’s crafting something. it’s not until he turns around and walks over to you with a completed twine and those flowers all around it. he made you a flower crown on the spot.

“maybe this can bring you happiness these upcoming days,” kai says as he places the crown on your head with light hands. his touch was always so delicate. “you’re already feeling better, aren’t you?”

“i guess,” you tease with your eyes rolled, that smile coming right back. kai returns the favor as he admires you in awe seeing his creation compliment you so well.

“here, back up a little,” he instructs all of a sudden, but you do as you’re told.

kai reaches in his pocket for his cell phone and whips out his camera app. you catch along and start protesting with your hands covering your face, but he urges you with pleads and cute clap backs. you can’t resist, and eventually bring yourself to showcase your biggest grin in your beautiful flower crown that your boyfriend made.

“now this is the best gift i could ask for,” he nearly says to himself as the camera shutters. this would become his new lockscreen.

you return back to kai and he welcomes you in his arms. you fit right in his embrace and you two begin to head off back home where cuddling, more talks, and movie binges await you before he leaves the next day.

please do not translate, modify or repost on other platforms.

ﾟ𐦍༘⋆ @iyeonjuni @odxrilove @iuwon @ijhyo @cherr-y-eji @ameliesaysshoo @enhacolor @misscalcutta @cherrybeomgyu @wccycc @hyukabean @strawberri-uyu @hyuntaena @feyregels @boba-beom @luvnhwa @ericyjun @jmin-s @ashxxgyu @bibinnieposts @laylasbunbunny @shiguresohmas @beomsbeanie @stepout-09-15 @ox1-lovesick @soobsdior @ifwtyun @peachy-yabbay @sunlightwoo @ttyunz @rikijackson04 @miyawwn @aintgeluh @baekhyunstruly @wxnderingthoughts @myknifeyourlife @uwuheeseungie @luvrgirlkumi @s00buwu @kangfication

#🪐 — kai!#🐇 — fairybinie!#kflixnet #k-radio!#k-labels #k vanity #kl: debut #txt fluff #txt angst #txt imagines #txt scenarios #huening kai fluff #huening kai angst #huening kai imagines #huening kai scenarios #txt fics #huening kai fics

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jiminiecrickets · 7 months

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seven days a week couple having their firsr sex together in a drabble?

nsfw. warnings for riding/cowgirl (boy?) position, grinding, lot of talking (jk getting worked up and reader reassuring him)

"can i be on top?"

"you want to top?"

"ah, no!" he flails a little. "i mean, can i – be on top...?"

"on – as in, you want to ride me?"

his adam's apple bobs. he glances away, glowing with a dark blush. "yeah... i know it's kinda late to say it – a-and you don't have to agree! – but i wanna make you feel good. you've already done so much for me and i don't want to seem like a layabout."

"you want to contribute to this relationship by riding me?" you tease, sitting back on your heels as your hands glide down to rest on his thighs. he sits up, rubbing his arms.

"don't say it like that," jungkook whines, moving as if to smack your bare chest but rethinking it at the last moment. he twists and untwists his fingers together tightly. "i sound useless when you put it that way..."

your voice softens. "i don't want you to feel like you have to do anything for me. if you want to be in control, i'm happy to follow, but if you're only doing it to feel useful, i'd rather put our clothes back on and talk about that."

"what are you, my therapist?" he mumbles, but he gives a tiny smile, leaning forward and kissing you gently. "i want to do this with you, but i also..." he sighs and stares up at you, big brown eyes pleading. "promise you won't laugh?"

"of course i won't. unless you're about to tell me a joke, in which case i can't promise anything."

he giggles softly, leaning in and stealing another kiss. "you're cute. no, my secret is a little embarrassing..." he inhales deeply. "i wanted to do it to impress you. ah! god, it's so humiliating!"

he flops backwards onto the bed, grabbing a pillow and suffocating himself with it. after a moment, he sits up again, this time with the pillow in his arms. he sighs harshly and ruffles his hair. "shit, i always imagined our first time going a little sexier. i'm not made for sexiness. i'm awkward and dramatic."

you can't help but laugh at that, which you realise is technically part of the thing he didn't want you laughing at. you hope it doesn't sound malicious. you shift on your knees closer between his thighs and the mattress creaks softly as you take his pillow away and set it aside.

"i think you're very sexy," you murmur, tucking your lips against the crook of his neck. he shivers, placing his hand on your side. the other props himself up on the bed. "your dramatic awkwardness just makes me want to fuck you more."

jungkook shivers as he feels you smile against his skin. "really?"

"mm. there's no need to impress me. i'm already falling over myself for you. you want to be 'on top'?" you press feathery kisses along his jawline, making him sigh shakily. "you got it."

he gasps delightedly as you grab him around his waist and nearly drag him on top of you as you flip yourself onto your back. his heart beats a million miles an hour as he stares down at you, your thumb teasing in the band of his tight black boxer briefs, which shape his thick thighs and tight ass so mouth-wateringly well. his cock twitches against yours as you pull him down into a hot kiss, your hand tangled in his hair.

"excited, pretty boy?" you murmur, grinning as he moans and nods against your lips. he's eager, mouth moving hungrily against yours. "mmh... i want to see all of you, baby..."

"me, too," he whispers, placing his hand on yours and guiding your hand to push his underwear down. his lashes flutter briefly as you slide them down his thighs, and he lifts himself off of your lap to wriggle out of them. he tosses them off of the bed and smiles shyly, leaning down to kiss your hot stomach. he frees you from yours with a soft sigh, drawing his lower lip between his white teeth as he returns to his place on your lap.

he runs his hands reverentially over your chest and stomach, greedily committing every inch of you to memory. you stroke his thighs, watching with a small smile as he shifts on his knees, searching for a comfortable way to sit.

he doesn't put his entire weight on you. you prop a knee up, nudging him forward to rest more comfortably over your hips. with the same blush on his cheeks that never quite disappeared, he takes a ginger seat on your lap, your cock resting against your stomach below his. he shivers, staring down at it with shining eyes.

"it seems bigger like this," he giggles nervously, placing his hand next to it to measure. no, it hasn't miraculously grown several more inches, but the knowledge that it was going in him in such a way made him warm in the stomach. his cock pulses once, eager.

"it's okay. take your time." you squeeze his muscled thighs, fingers forming dimples in his flesh like marble statues. "i could look up at this all day."

he huffs and smiles, slightly regretful. "sorry... i've never actually done this before. i wanna do it right, but i've only ever been lying there, so i'm sorry if it doesn't feel very good at first."

"don't apologise, love. you don't need to." you prop yourself up on one elbow, taking his hip in your hand. his waist is so tiny – like it was made to rest your hand on. "actually, i think it's kind of hot to be able to teach you something. i feel important."

he brightens slightly, allowing you to gently push and pull his hips, setting a steady oval shape of motion to grind against each other. he gasps softly, his already-dripping cock easing the friction. "mmh... yeah, i'd like that. my ex never really wanted to try anything different."

he freezes. his eyes grow wide as they dart up to yours, his lips parted in shock. "oh, fuck... sorry! shit, i'm just the fucking worst at this timing thing, aren't i?" he mutters to himself: "stupid, don't talk about your exes in front of him right now..."

with a stifled laugh, you sit up, cradling him in your arms as you take his cock into your palm and stroke him gently, your hand slick with lube that you'd just smeared on your own length. your eyes twinkle.

"you're so fucking sweet," you chuckle, feeling him melt into your arms as you quicken your fist. "just don't think so much. nothing exists beyond these four walls, and it's just you and me. don't think about how much you're failing at this," you order, and he squeaks indignantly. "you're not failing. you're doing really well – you're cute and adorable, and i want you to have a good time."

"cute and adorable," he mutters, shifting on your lap with a pout. he pushes gently on your chest, lying you back, and lifts himself on his knees, reaching back and taking your lube-slick cock in his hand. "i'll show you cute and adorable."

its hardness makes him sigh shakily as he slides it against his prepped ass. he'd done it himself, too shy to let you do anything more than this yet. he moans as he sinks down on it, heart fluttering as he feels your stomach tense under him and a soft groan escapes your lips.

he smiles as he begins to move, learning the best way to rock his hips to have you groaning his name and gripping his thighs. you chuckle, grinning breathlessly up at him as he grows more confident, his moans coming louder and breathier as the drops of his hips grow heavier, allowing you to take more of his weight.

judging by the flourishing of his assuredness and the glimmer in his eyes, you won't be having a similar conversation any time soon.

#asks #jungkook x male reader #seven days a week

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