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gender-mailman · 1 year

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[ my brain decided to do a silly little backflip and get super interested in yan!mailman so uhm . . . ]

[ may i politely request a lore dump / info dump about yan!mailman ? /nf/lh ]

i was 100% sure i did some info/lore dump of yan!mailman but i really cannot find it so ill do it again! >:3c

ok so! yan!mailman is the mailman of a tiny city/town/valley where its that kind of place where everyone knows everyone wich kind of made his job easy since he knows everyone and everyone knows him, hes just a friendly fellow that likes to help people and always has a smile on his face while doing it!

he is 6'2 feet tall, hes 25 years old, he doesnt have a name yet but im betwen Noah, Oliver, Ethan, Alex, Andrew and Henry <:3 need help to choose and he has BPD, hypersexuality and ADHD with a hyperfixation on letters :D

before his darling comes to town, everyone was already talking about the new person coming to buy the house in sale, news run quikly in the little town

when his darling gets there, when he sees them he just stands there watching them put the boxes inside the house, he almost looks hypnotized by them (OH ALSO! his eyes turn pink when looking at his darling :3 normaly his eyes are a pink-ish gray)(i would also like to say that i like to imagen that his pink eyes glow a bit in the dark just cause :3c)

he talks to them a lot and wants to know *everything* about them, of course its because everyone knows everyone in there and it will make his job easy! haha no hes not obsessed with them! what do you mean?! gfdhdfgsdfgcxyrtf

if them say hi can help with the boxes hes 100% going to help and maybe even keep somethings to himself, somethings that theyll probably not noticed much if it went missing

everytime that he sees a letter for his darling that someone elses wats him to send it, he points the letter at the sun to see if theres anthing that "interesting" in there and if he can read that its somekind of love letter, he is not gonna like that and just simply not deliever it, instead waiting till his houme or when its night to open it, he feels guilty at first yes! cause its like, againt the rules of a mailman thats not to open someone elses letter, but like, if no one knows it, maybe its fine!

he reads the letter and just simply destroy it after wards or when he just dont want to read it anymore like "how could this person think they know more about my darling then me!?!!!!?"

he also writes his own letters, some he send it to you as a anonymos admire and others he keeps it to himself, it could be cause its too obsessive like, or too expecific, it can be any reason really

also! about that person that wrote his darling a love letter, hes going to very quietly at night kill the person, its a very calm town so no one would know that that happen, it can take a while to someone to discover the body and who was the killer since no one can thing of someone that could had done this

no one would suspect the fellow mailman that only job is deliever letters and help people!

also! after killing the person, he uses theyre blood to write a love letter, and he does this every time he kills some one, it just feels more especial

#mailman speak #r0ttiingphantasm #yan!mailman #OK! THAT WAS A LOT! <:D GFDSHTRFYGFSHTFR SORRY #long post

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twewy-comix · 3 years

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the big one-oh - let’s watch twewy

only two more after this!!!

LAST TIME: EVERYTHING SUCKS

“neku wake up! you fucked up big time” “beat”

they decide to go check out where they can get with their keypin. also a dude walks through neku and he hears his twitter feed

it’s indeed become homogenous - once known for being full of all sorts of individuals with their own viewpoints, it has been reduced to a wasteland of people shuffling about like zombies. not a single unique thought to be found. the same phrases, repeating endlessly, mindlessly...

...and that’s just what twitter was like BEFORE the replies meme amirite (canned laughter) (wild applause)

「えっ、ハネコマってハネコマ？」kawaii

and if there’s one person we can always trust, it’s joshua

anyway they continue their search for konishi

love this cat

thot detected

murder!

thot detected

after doing some murder and awkwardly-timed feelings jams, neku and beat find a wall that’s all fucky. i wonder who could possibly have done this

kawaii

they go through to udagawa, where the air is thick with space cat powder. the source seems to be the weird sigil sho drew, so neku tries taking pictures of the past to figure out wtf happened. he doesnt explain how it works to beat because “there’s no time,” which im sure won’t bite him in the ass later

(happy birthday tsudaken)

oh hey it’s our pals kariya and uzuki im sure they know what happened here

jk it’s a boss fight

the anime’s weirdly inconsistent about when it shows blood or not, huh

beat manages to knock uzuki’s red skull pin off, which im not sure was a thing in the game?

they realize they can reverse the brainwashing this way and remove kariya’s pin too, thus avoiding any senseless murder

honestly i didnt rly like how this scene was the last we see uzuki and kariya in the game*, so if the anime is changing that im fine with it. Let Them Live

(i mean theyre in neo twewy so we know they live) (but i thought they were double-dead for nine years, dammit)

*(but the last time i talked about that ppl got mad at me lmao)

haha... sure u are ;)

THE WHOLE BUILDING’S FUCKED UP (AND NOBODY NOTICED???)

oh ok. in the game beat just grabs the camera and uses up all the photos and they find something useful by pure luck lol

oh shit they found his catnip stash

hey havent we seen that design on an evil sky laser recently

yeah from an evil sky laser

oh. that too

anyway there’s a gold key pin in the envelope and a letter that says “try not to get killed by konishi”

wasnt he trying to help joshua get into the river? yet he had this keypin all along?? what gives??? you have to watch the secret reports OVA to find out

oh no

yeah and the weird art installation’s in the way too

male gaze

OH COME ON THEYRE DOING THIS ON PURPOSE

nope, nothing to see here, move along

murder accusation #2...

...ignored

(he doesn’t say megs/megu-chan here. fascinating)

OH. UH. OKAY

some context: here’s the game’s version of this scene:

nine years ago i drew this comic based on that scene (which i re-uploaded earlier today):

but i hadnt read the secret reports yet back then, and on my second or third playthrough i thought “oh maybe he actually meant hanekoma here”

also earlier today i was musing on that and thinking “nah, probably not, but given how the anime framed his resurrection it’d be really funny if he was” because hanekoma was RIGHT BEHIND HIM

but here we are. he really was looking for hanekoma, who was right behind him. that answers that!!!

but i guess the question here is: is hanekoma the composer? or rather, does sho think hanekoma is the composer?

(i know the answer ofc. probably.)

anyway yeah it’s funny. and also way funnier after i said “nah probably not, he couldnt POSSIBLY be THAT much of a dumbass”

no, dude, you cant tap him on the screen or he’ll just teleport all over the goddamn place. you gotta aim your shots through him, like the guy you really wanna hit is standing behind this asshole

unfortunately not everyone can be a super awesome gamer like me so they get their asses kicked. and--wait what

day six....? in the game they were on the last day, right? what do they need an extra day for?? and by they i mean the writers

bunp

NEXT TIME: THE END EXCEPT NOT BECAUSE THERE’S TWO EPISODES LEFT BUT IT LOOKS LIKE THEYRE GONNA DO ALMOST EVERYTHING IN THE NEXT ONE AND IDK HOW THEYLL HAVE ENOUGH TO FILL THE LAST

#the male gaze shots return with a vengeance

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cowboyguts-moved · 4 years

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Ok i’ve GOT to know 14 and 15 because josh...you have a torment hard-on unlike anyone else i have ever seen...why do you always have one OC who’s like a fucking orphan with a peg leg and almost starved to death as an infant or another one who ended up in the hospital and lost all of their money because their small time drug dealer turned out to be working for the colombian cartel and robbed them blind. josh why

ok tumblr wont let me post all of it but gimme a sec and ill edit this ask

edit:

HHSHDJDKXNXJDJZNSJ WHAT'S FUCKIN LIFE WITHOUT PERILOUS DANGER and inborn trauma and tragedy... i do it to purge myself of my own problems and to give me incentive for research and discovering different walks of life than my own ... you almost hit the nail on the head with lewis though which is the answer to

14. The roughest backstory I’ve given an OC

Lewis was made because the head of this cult wanted lewis to be born... kinda like symbolism for jesus's birth. i don't know all the lore for this cult yet but they're a small commune north of a small town in northern California. They have their own isolated community of two hundred people give or take. Lewis' mom was a teenage runaway and lewis' dad was a simple farm hand in a cruel family who treated him poorly because of mental disability and they had to have lewis because it was ordered of them and there was sorta no way out of it...they had a boy and for some reason the birth of this kid didnt feel right and he didnt feel like... divine enough to be used for ritual practice and the ultimate mission of these cults leaders... which would inevitably be a sacrifice of the boy. haha (: and so theyre like ...try again. so now Lewis was born with a fraternal sister but they only cared about Lewis...his real name is Aloysius for petes sake, he's named after a saint. Lewis isnt particularly singled out as he grows up like he doesn't know he's being especially watched because of some bullshit prophecy that was most definitely made up and no theres no angelic godly energy running through him everyone is just a bunch of freaks. Lewis grows up not knowing his siblings are his biologically because the commune is about group-raising. everyone is a sibling every adult is a parent. he doesn't know his mom is His mom but she watches him extra close and lewis gets an idea that this one women may be his Mom mom even though he doesnt have a strong concept of what that even means. Lewis is abused and neglected like other kids, him more severely by a man called Father Gabriel..we despise him ha ha. he's the most vile evil character i will ever make. Lewis's life is fine, not fine... because he's being raised in a cult... but fine in his eyes because he gets schooling in the small community school, he gets recreation activities..this is where he learns to paint, he does labor a lot but he does love when he gets to garden and pet the animals in their barn, he sings in the church choir. the hardest part about it are his visits with Father Gabriel that occur whenever father wants them to at whatever time of day and the neglect from the Brothers of the church as well. this starts when he's about 7 or 8

he's treated especially poorly and corporal punishment and solitary confinement and withholding of basic needs is a big thing. etc etc. this is a religious cult obviously so that sort of biblical fear is instilled in him. uhhh then for whatever reason i have to iron out the kids are allowed to go to private schools close by, probably as not to seem like a closed off and suspicious cult that draws attention. lewis meets chris at his school (: hehe. lewis still has to go back to the commune every weekend though and thats especially hell because things get worse when he's in middle school. uhh when high school comes around hes actually plucked out of the school system and is going back to living full time in the commune and being homeschooled except he and 5 children are selected to go on a Retreat with father gabriel and two of the Brothers..the retreat is actually just living in an abandoned home in the middle of Nebraska and its one big sacrificial ritual thats lasts a year and the kids are of course neglected, made to do odd rituals, are humiliated. uhh basically its Horror Movie stuff... i wanted it to feel like a horror movie that lewis is trying to escape from. theres no light in the house. they only use candles and daylight. theres limited food. hardly any outside time. the ultimate goal is that they'll eventually get very malnourished and then theyll be sacrificed... a little girl doesnt make it. Lewis is upset because he learned to love her as a sister. he can feel himself getting closer to death.... he has deep lacerations on his leg from abuse and theyre not getting treated and his tissue is dying and his leg is getting gangrene. he escapes one night through the corn field and he tells a man he sees in town to call the police and then flees. he realizes his leg is dying! he by chance meets a doctor! lewis has no money for amputation so he offers something Else and this disgusting doctor accepts!!! lewis is sent off with a bad wooden prosthetic and not enough healing time in bed and no physical therapy and his own supply of pain meds that will soon run out! lewis prostitutes for money and pain meds in mystic overhang!! he gets with very repulsive men that mistreat him! when lewis is touched he gets very pliable and limp as a coping mechanism! he stops the meds and withdrawals! thank you

15. The least painful backstory I’ve given an OC

My least painful backstory HHHSHDHSHS IS TANNER. jesus tanner grew up with a very...here or there father. he's not great at all. he's not the worst. but being around him feels kinda empty and they don't talk about much besides tanner in hockey and other common interests like that. his parents are divorced, he feels lost with his passions and where he's going in life. it all feels a bit aimless and he feels like he's on the Precipice of something bad or losing something he holds dear. like friends and memories and his girlfriend amiyah. his brother is really mean like pretty much abusive..he's 14 and he's narcissist asshole with a fucked up head and he makes his life hell and he's honestly a little frightening. sometimes his mom is unaware of the important things going on in tanners life and she's a bit harebrained and unfairly self absorbed but she is a good lady and he loves her. also we arent sure yet if this is canon material but he gets amiyah pregnant and she miscarries 3 months in SO...yeah there u have it.

#abuse #child abuse #child neglect #child torture #lewis #tanner

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itsbetterthananal · 6 years

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ok so. heres the story of when i shit myself in public in front of the boy i liked

here i am 19 years old bright eyed and bushy tailed, first year of college ive got a decent job that pays a decent wage for a part timer. for the first time in my life i have my own spending money, and this boy who ive totally been in love with since i was 15 has just gotten out of boot camp where we had no contact for 3 months. and we had been writing love letters and shit back ans forth like corny bitches because we loved each other but like. hadnt made it official yet. so i decide after the semester ends im going to spend my money on a plane ticket and fly down the jacksonville fl to see him (we split the ticket, he also wanted to see me just as much). so i get there and the first night is just literally so perfect i slept in the same bed with him for the first time and got cuddles and we bang a lot and eat pizza in our pajamas. the next day i want to go to the beach cause i like the beach and he took me there even though hes not a big fan of the beach. i sunbathed and swam in the water while he just watched me enjoy myself. then we walked around this little area that has little local gift shops and food areas. and i made the first move to hold his hand and we walked around like a couple and i was in heaven. we eat at this gourmet burger place, then we wander over to the gift shops bc he wanted to get something. now some of you may know this about me but i have irritable bowel sundrome which can set me off having diarrhea for a multitude of reasons. so my stomach is a little off but it passed and im like it must just be the heat and saltwater. so we go in this little store and he finds something he wants and goes to talk to the cashier who is this older lady who owns the place. she starts asking a bunch of questions why hes here yada yada and she asks if im his wife. and hes like no haha shes my girlfriend. and my ass is hiding behind the sea shell christmas ornaments pretending to look like “girlfriend!!!!!!!! did he say girlfriend!!!!!! oh my god?????” very serious acting going on to pretend i dont hear what theyre saying.

right at this precise moment, i feel my stomach hurt a little again. and i feel like an air bubble so im like oh, i must just need to fart (pain comes with that sometimes) yeah so i went to fart and well. it wasnt just a fart was it. something felt wrong and i stuck my finger down my bathing suit in a panic and out came a shit finger (only the tip had shit on it, calm down). keep in mind im wearing nothing but a bikini and a throwover dress, i have no extra set of clothes. so im like ohhhhhhhh my goddddd and i look for a bathroom. no bathroom, too small. and at this point im panicking bc im like this is typical this would happen to me right at this moment, so i go up to him with the fakest smile on my face. and then the lady starts talking to ME and im just nodding my head and smiling and i look up at him and im like we need to go. like right now. and he was like oh uhhhhh okay and he payed for his items and as soon as we were out of the store hes like are you okay and im like ive bloody shit myself havent i. i have pooped my pants and i need to find a restroom pronto. and hes just like okay uhhhh okay we’ll find one. to make this even more like a god damn lifetime movie, the only place i can think of nearby that would have a bathroom available was a 5 star hotel across the road. so there i go, literally waddling my way in, and i have to act like i belong there in this rich ass place where theres a door hop whose only job is to open the door for you. fake it till ya make it. im so scared theyll kick us out if we ask for directions to anything so i waddle around looking for the bathroom, i find it eventually. i run in and hes like i’ll be out here if you need anything.

so finally i can scope the damage and its not too bad, and the trauma of everything that had just happened to me in the past 10 minutes had made me completely forget about any stomachache, but now here comes another dilemna: i dont want to put my shitty bikini bottoms back on (espec. since i was wearing a dress and didnt want to get it on the uber drivers seats lmao), but i dont have a change of underwear, i cant go commando (again, not sure i want a bare pussy in an uber), and if i try to wash them in the sink of this public 5 star hotel bathroom what if someone walks in and sees me almost in tears scrubbing shit off my underwear. but thats what i did bc it was the best option. thank GOD no one walked in and i had clean(er) bikini bottoms to wear till we got back to the hotel. so its been like 30 minutes and i come back out and hes like are you okay ive been texting you i was worried how are you feeling :( and i was like its fine i just wanna go back to the hotel pls. so we call for an uber and im literally so embarrassed of what i have just gone through i couldnt even look him in the eye. thats really rare for me bc i do not get embarrassed ever and he knows that and he just put his arm around me and held my hand the entire ride home and squeezed it reassuringly. anywho we made it back and everything was fine i took a shower and changed and washed them properly and it in no way made him not want to have sex with me an hour later so. the weekend wasnt ruined and the next day we confirmed our relationship. true love lmfaooooo

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spiffydolan · 6 years

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i've been doing well, i ate a ton of pizza yesterday now i feel sick. wbu?? also side note but why does the fandom even have "lanes" and how come the ethan stans always like to put gray down 24/7. i hate when people will call him a rat or the lesser twin or when he will tweet theyll be like "ok but wheres ethan?" or when ethan will tweet everybody will be like "wow i love the better twin" i just ?? dont get it. i also noticed that ethan has been kind of douchey to gray idk is that just me?-nolan

and by douchey i mean like i know hes joking most of the time ( thats why i love him sm hes goofy and playful ) like it annoyed me when ethan said gray wasn’t funny anyway & the day gray was reading for once ethan had to make a joke about him not being able to read. but idk some the fandom really treat grayson horribly and seem to take joke too far. i wonder if it ever gets to gray, it makes me sad knowing a lot of the fandom just takes their jokes and makes it serious for “humor” - nolan

SORRY IF THAT WAS A LOT, I JUST NOTICED THE WAY ETHAN HAS BEEN ACTING LATELY AND SAW A TON OF PEOPLE DRAGGING GRAY FOR NO REASON AT ALL. i don’t really have a lane bc i don’t understand the “lanes” in this fandom like what makes the twin better than the other twin??? i?? but i do lean mostly towards ethan most of the time. i would just never bring the other down to make the other seem superior when i care about them both and want them both to feel appreciated by their fans yanno? - nolan

ooh what kind of pizza? Sorry you feel sick :/ I’m not a huge fan of pizza. It always makes me feel bad after eating it. Hopefully you’re feeling better now tho!! I’ve been doing pretty good! Things get tough, but then you do something about it to make yourself feel better, right? That’s what I’ve been doing, so I’m just keeping myself busy 😌

but ok I totally get what you mean. I think that when it comes to the stans tho, people in Gray’s lane do the same exact thing to Ethan. It’s just a matter of which one you see more often. Personally, I’d say that people in Gray’s lane put Ethan down more, but that’s just because I guess the people I follow are more in Gray’s lane rather than Ethan’s. It could be opposite for you, if that makes sense.

Everyone always says they do it as a joke… but that’s not really very funny to me either. They definitely take the jokes way too far, but they’ll never see it like that. They’ll just say that we don’t understand their sense of humor. And quite frankly, I don’t want to understand that sense of humor. It’s disgusting. You can make jokes about it; that’s completely fine. But some people take it way, way too far, and that’s where it starts to bother people like me and you I think. No twin should be superior to other… and people have to understand that sarcasm and tone of voice can’t be understood through text on the inter webs. So sometimes a “joke” is straight up a sick, demeaning comment.Sometimes I’ll make small jokes about it, but (I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it until the day I die) I’m truly laneless at heart. Even if I ever were to make a joke like that, 9 times out of 10, I’ll put something in my tags about me joking or saying that I’m actually laneless haha I just love them both so so so much.

Honestly, idk why I have a lane. I do like having one that I feel like I connect (?) with more tho (and I’ve always felt like me & Ethan are very similar)… so maybe that’s why. It doesn’t mean I like or love Grayson any less tho ya know? I wish everyone could be like that, or even be like you… but there’s not really anything we can do about it.

As for Ethan, I’ve noticed in recent videos how he can be very dominant (…)(that’s a nice way of putting it lol) towards Grayson, and it sorta rubs me the wrong way… I just hope that at the end of the day, that’s all for kicks and giggles & they really do get along greatly and see each other as equal. Part of me thinks Ethan may do that because he’s technically older… but idk. Do twins really focus and act because of a small thing like that? But about the snapchat of Gray reading and what Ethan said… I do think he was just trying to make a joke. I just think it was the wrong situation. Grayson has talked about being dyslexic, so I’m sure reading isn’t the easiest. But maybe he’s reading to kinda overcome that (?). Idk if you can fully overcome dyslexia, but I feel like the more you read (or maybe even write), the less crippling it could be. He’s just trying to better himself ya know? I think Ethan sees that, and he truly didn’t mean any harm by his comment… but it still just wasn’t the best time and place to make the joke. So like Grayson making the jokes about Ethan watching his snaps back or gluing pubes to his face - those are good, funny jokes and all done at the right time & place. But both of them mean the same thing (I believe) when they said their jokes. It’s just one is seen as inappropriate because it’s about something more serious that is out of Gray’s control. (I’m afraid none of this makes sense ugh)

I believe that at the end of the day, they each know that they have so, so many people backing both of them up, supporting them, and loving them, so they know their worth. I think they each have their moments where they might feel superior to the other twin, but I can only hope that at the end of the day, they see themselves as equal… because we’re all equal, right? At least we should be. idk

#sorry this was such a long answer ://#ask me anything #anon #nolan #ethan dolan #grayson dolan #dolan twins #lanes

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konicichan-blog · 6 years

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5am thoughts: theory: Story Of Light

is it called the Story of Light because its Shinee telling us and the whole entire world that they will no longer grief in sadness and that they've moved on and accepted what has happened? I'm sure we all know Shinee may still be sad (and maybe more than that) but what if this whole album is telling us that shinee, that all the members, Minho, Onew, Key, and Taemin are ready to have a new beginning? Like, they're ready to let all the sadness go and accept what has happened and that they will continue to work and grow.

What if You&I was about them talking about Jonghyun? Like, what if this song is about them trying to talk to Jonghyun? And theyre all trying to tell him that its hard when he's gone like they dont know what to do. "I’m the only one hurting, I may look fine I’m not easy, my feelings aren’t for decoration" And like they're all reminiscing their memories with him. All those good times that they're not ready to let go of. "A handful of memories, I laugh and remember every day" (okay the lyrics arent in order but JJJJust lemme finish and fyi, its gonna be a lOoong one). "There are countless stars in my heart, there’s one star that shines painfully I don’t want to grab it but I don’t want it to go out" okay in this part i think they maybe talking about Jonghyun. Maybe the stars represent people and "theres one star that shines painfully" might be Jonghyun. A star... someone really special to them... is hurting deep inside. Maybe Shinee is trying to tell us that although a celebrity or ANY person in general who may seem happy in front of the cameras or may seem happy in the outside in general is actually in deep pain inside. Dealing with self doubt, depression and all that and we just dont know :( "The things I can’t throw away make me smile" this is kinda self explanatory. Jonghyun, someone they love, someone they deeply cherish, someone they can't simply just let go of, someone who can always make them smile. You know? "I know that you’re being honest when you wish me well I’ll let you go easy, don’t think that you’re stepping on me" this is kinda hard to explain haha ahm.. maybe as time passes by, Jonghyun's absence is telling them to let go and move on and maybe they're mad with what he did? I DONT KNOW I DONT MEAN IT LIKE THAT! like mad, like?? how do i explain?? like maybe frustrated?? thats the best word i can think of right now riwjkrs they're frustrated but theyre not gonna blame it on him. like the good friends and brothers they are they will let it go easily.. UGH do i make sense? anyway. "I’ve let myself go to the wind and the rain that’s falling cooly But my feelings aren’t for decoration" okay so this is the part theyve told themselves that they really need yo accept what has happened. and maybe "my feelings arent for decoration" means that whatever they are feeling and whatever they are going through shouldnt be joked about in social media since its a serious matter and well ive seen some haters and some "new kpop fans" talk shit about this issue and honestly 😤 it makes me want to slap a bitch

Anyway

next song > UNDERCOVER

so the lyrics:

"I’m paddling my feet as busily underneath the surface with a calm expression on my face, You don’t know"

have u seen swans? how they paddle their legs under the water to move but above the water they seem so calm? like ballerinas, how their arms and body are always so graceful but their legs do all the work and stuff ¿¿?? okay im comparing the lyrics to swans and ballerinas because what if the boys are trying to tell us Jonghyun's situation and maybe also their's and other people who is suffering the same way? We don't always know what happens when we turn around. We don't always know when they're hurting. It's actually pretty easy to lie and fake a smile now a days so we always have to be careful with our loved ones. we dont always know what they're dealing with and one wrong move can cause a bomb to explode.

"Before the curtains rise, I’m always busy but when I’m standing before you I’m Acting cool"

Maybe theyre telling us that behind the scenes, theyre also suffering with personal or family issues. like every other person, celebrities have problems that they deal with too. they also have feelings. maybe on stage theyre smiling and having so much fun but backstage, theyre suffering? they cant breathe, they're overworked, theyre tired. sometimes they're forced to do things. Honestly for me, the kpop industry is so pressuring. you have to be this or that and if you cant you get criticized for it.

"I can’t let you know the things that are secretly happening now, now is not the time. I wait for the right moment, so that when you’ve realized it it’s too late."

Obviously most idols worry about their fans. Theyre worried when theyre fans are worried. its like a family thing we idol and fans have for each other yknow and maybe thats why sometimes they cant always speak up about whats really going on inside their mind. They cant always talk about it to the public bc sometimes people are so rude and so insensitive and leave comments like, "youre not depressed! youre just overthinking" bullshit, barbara. "you just need to hang out more" hMMmM :// ANYWAY thats why they dont really speak up alot. sometimes they cant even go to a psychiatrist privately because the media is always watching and once its on display, BOOm haters here and there talking bs and obviously WE wouldnt realize unless its TOO LATE!

"Like a black shadow is absorbed into the night, the night I dig deep beyond the consciousness, inside of you I’m Undercover"

I dont know how to begin with this.. its like once theyve hit rock bottom and they feel like nothing is gonna get better amd everything is just dark and gloomy. Maybe this is like the moving on part?? like the beginning of moving on. the depressive episode. And at first theyre just trying to hide everything. Just being undercover.

WAIT OMG OKAY SO MAYBE UNDERCOVER BEFORE YOU&I

so they got depressed over what happened and theyre trying to hide from everybody that theyre okay but theyre not and theyre just undercover. in you&i thats when they start reminiscing about jonghyun and talking to him. telling him they miss him and that for him, they're ready to accept and let go.

OKOK SO THE NEXT SONGS ARE WHEN THEY START BEING POSITIVE AGAIN !! YES GO SHINEE !! OUR STRONG KINGS !!!

so i dont really know the sequence i mean its already fucked up in the beginning so lets just go with whatever !!!

So in GOODEVENING!

"The cozy darkness is lingering far away"

so the 'darkness' or those gloomy days and toxic vibes theyve been surrounding themselves has been slwoly disappearing. they're starting to feel a little better again. <3

"At the tip of the sunset that hangs on the buildings I think of you"

i cant explain this one and note: i havent slept and its 6am but im still trying to make this work. but i think fjksjfks ok sunsets means like the day is "ending" and like before the day ends, they remember their sufferings while they were depressed and all those sad times with Jonghyun, like those times of grief.. they remember it all before starting a new day ¿¿ I DONT KNOW im trying my best to explain it. Its like theyre finally accepting what has happened and is ready to start a new happy day

"Spill out the darkness

Open the night

I wanna see you more, right now, oh"

So the sunsets and the night has come and theyve already accepted whats happend but they want to see Jonghyun in a different light. They want to see their bestfriend and brother as someone who was happy and made others happy. They want to remember Jonghyun as someone who made his parents and everyone around him proud.

"The moonlight is rising

I’m going to you before it’s too late

I’m going to get you

Imagining how surprised you’ll be, I’m going to you

Going to you

Without a reason, going to you"

okay this part is like giving someone a hug before they leave for their flight. Like even when hes gone hes not alone and shinee is not alone. like theyre always together. theyll always be together. "imagining how surprised you will be" nrkanfks im thinkg on how to write thus part wo sounding sarcastic. knowing what jonghyun has been through, he might have thought that he was and always will be alone... but the members are there to guide him in his travel to heaven with their prayers and theyre all hoping to surprise him ¿¿ AAAA im sorry if this sounds sarcastic or offensive i REALLY didnt mean it to be that way >·<

literally,for me anway, the whole song is about how theyll always be there for each other. even when the other is far away, it will never stop them from what they are doing. and thats why i love Shinee so much💓

In jump im not gonna add a lot of lyrics since im getting lazier. (lmao you can see my effort fading from you&i until here)

in Jump the song is about them trying to put their pieces together again. They've been broken and torn apart but they're ready to pick theirselves up again.

"I shake my head, brush it off and adjust my heart

I solidly protect my space again"

no one can recover quickly so i guess in this part, they're trying to take things slow. not too fast or anything or else they might make a wrong move and fall back to square one.

"Keep on enduring it

Just close my eyes when it feels futile for no reason"

in this part, theyre still not that strong enough so theyre telling themselves that they should just endure the pain or sadness. if it feels impossible, just close your eyes, believe and trust in yourself. theyve made it this far, why should they quit now?

"Higher, rise higher, fly

There’s the ground beneath your feet

When I travel between the two

Oh yes I feel the freedom

I jump on you, jump on you"

when they finally overcome the fear and sadness and EVERYTHING! they feel the weight lift from their shoulders and finally they feel freedom. overjoyed, they celebrate by jumping¿¿ i guess?? lmAO

"I’m not falling

I’m not wilting

It’s just changes

I turn different

And keep going forward"

this is when they realize that: nothing is going bad. everything is going just fine and everything is great. maybe they havent fully recovered yet but all those depression and pain is finally gone and theyre happy. They're different now and they realize they can finally keep moving forward without feeling to fall back down again.

"Why is that hard Why did I hesitate for such a long time Following my heart away From other people’s eyes I free the feet that were bound I let my imagination loose after a long time The wind is blowing Now I open my eyes and breathe in"

the first 2 lines is probably them asking themsleves, why didnt we do this earlier? they finally followed what their heart wanted instead of being trapped in their own mind and they finally can breathe again. they feel free and loose. they dont feel the heavy chains hanging on their shoulder anymore !

Now I can open my eyes and breathe in.

this is honestly a HUGE step for them. and im so proud?? ugh..

last song: All Day All Night

"All the moments I met you were highlight I don’t regret it, it’s just beautiful"

Theyre remembering Jonghyun more with their happy memories. How his existence highlighted mostly everything in their past. Jonghyun was such a big part of their lives and even if he was gone, they were still happy that he was able to be part of their lives and they were thankful to be a part of his.

"I start to see the world differently Yeah it’s all for you Time starts to emit a light Yeah it’s all for you Our very painful tears The joy that fills ourh hearts All for you, all for you, all for you"

Theyre doing all these wonderful things all for Jonghyun and maybe also for us too and for themselves. "Time starts to emit light" its pretty self explanatory. theyre beginning to see things in a positive way again !! So all of this, this is all for Jonghyun.

"Leave it alone, hold me and my painful scars All of it is the control"

theyre telling us to maybe accept it and move on too. To move on with them. We're all in this together and everything is in control.

So YAAS thats my theory or whatever you call it for SHINEEs album. I really do think the message hidden behind this album is deep and amazing and VERY important. I'm glad SHINEE is able to see things in a new light. Let's just keep loving and supporting them, okay??! So that's it.

The Story Of Light.

The End.

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zooeyslaychanell · 6 years

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Ok so I've been reading your random facts and now I need to know, are you sometimes disgusted by someone's vajajay (when you're waxing them I mean lol), and are there some you find nice looking and others like "damn girl you ugly"? It's soo random I know but I've always wondered lmao and the beautician I go to isn't someone I could ask. Love your blog btw! xx

hahaha i like this question! i get this alot. :) When you first start out waxing a vajayjay (you often practice on collegues first or ask a friend to be your model etc) ((also mind you, once you learn how to wax with all types of waxes, whether thats facial hair/leg/whatever, you can wax ANYTHING! So by the time you ‘practice’ a wax down there, you’re already skilled enough tbh!)) it’s still new. But like I said, usually thats on a collegue or friend (my collegue practiced on OUR BOSS THE FIRST TIME LMAO) After that, it just becomes this area where you just want to ‘work.’It’s literally the same thing as waxing a brow/back/legs/armpit. I’ve never been disgusted by any vajayjay! Most salons have some fresh wipes and you have a moment to yourself so if someone comes in from a long work day, usually theyll freshen up themselfs. And if they don’t its still fine! The person working on you has gloves on and the entire situation is just very hygienic! I will say that i have seen a lady with 4 piercings, that was impressive haha. And a bit tricky to wax around.

And to be completely honest you’re just so focused on remmoving all the hair you’re not even looking at the vajayjay in a whole lol! Waxing is ‘hard’(as in, you need to be fast, and pull here and there right) so when I’d do it i’d be so focused and you just think “oh wait theres some wax left. oh shit theres still hair, now i have to go over it again, customer wont like that. oh shit these hairs arent long enough yet, gotta get tweezers” your mind is just consumed by the hair hahaha.

I wish you couldve asked your beautician tho! Idk if you wax but if you do, I would always happily answer my clients their questions! Whenever someone would come for the first time and would be a bit uncomfortable I would explain the entire treatment from A - Z! I woulndt want my client feel like she couldnt ask me stuff :D (unless your beautician doesnt wax or whatever i totally understand!)

Thanks for the love hihi. :D love you.

also nice jessica day quote u did therrrrr i seee uuuuu

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abakadaeda · 4 years

Text

on a recent dream about redacted (as always)

madaling sabihing ang mga karanasan sa panaginip parehas lang sa karanasan sa buhay kapag gising. ang pinagkaiba ng panaginip sa waking life ay lahat nangyayari sa loob lang ng utak. ang panaginip ay reality na nilalaman lamang ng mga representasyon. mga talinghaga. halimbawa, kung nakita mo ang isang kaibigan mo sa panaginip, hindi talaga sila yun. representasyon lang yun ng idea mo ng taong nakita mo. in the same way, pag nanaginip akong nabubulok at natatanggal mga ngipin ko, hindi naman talaga siya nangyayari sa totoong buhay kahit na ramdam kong totoo siya. yung emotion, yung feeling, yung itsura totoo, pero representasyon lang. posibleng representasyon siya ng insecurity ko sa ngipin ko at sa takot ko na pumangit itsura ko dahil pangit ngipin ko. i know i think about my teeth more than the average person because i’m insecure about them and those thoughts and feelings about my teeth show up in my dreams a certain way. kaya kong sabihing lahat ng nakikita at naririnig ko sa loob ng panaginip nanggagaling sa akin. isip ko lang yun lahat, wala nang iba.

bawat panaginip may gustong sabihin at may pinaparating sa atin. depende na sa tao kung may makikinig siya at hahanapin niya yung kahulugan. ako personally, madali akong madala ng panaginip. madalas akong managinip at madalas kong pinag-iisipan mga napapanaginipan ko. kaya ko rin to sinusulat. medyo malakas impact sa akin ng mga panaginip, lalo na straight after waking up. may mga panaginip na nagpapasalamat akong panaginip lang at may mga panaginip na sana hindi na lang natapos.

napansin ko bumabalik-balik ako rito palagi kapag kailangan kong maglabas ng thoughts n feelings tungkol kay redacted because i find it awkward to talk about with my close friends who are also redacted‘s close friends like my anxiety tells me maybe theyll think badly of me like oh why havent i moved on or whatever lol i mean dahil minsan yun din iniisip ko for myself but i KNOW i have that’s why sometimes it’s confusing. anyway this is just to maybe make sense of what happened in my dream.

yung panaginip ko nagsimula sa kuwarto ko, ginising ako ni diwa tas kasama niya si job for some reason ahaha and i was like uy da heck bat kayo andito blah blah tas sabi nila na may paparada raw or whatever sa labas mamaya and redacted might be there so i might want to check. so lumabas ako later that evening tas may parang prusisyon of some kind ng mga tibak (at mga mas extreme na tibak if u get my drift yes i do im writing it) tas nakita ko siya sa likod ng isang pickup truck and i remembered thinking she’s so pretty! lmao and i didnt want to interrupt them or whatever gusto ko sanang lowkey lang so i just went a bit closer and hoped she’d notice me but she didnt so lumapit pa ako tas kumausap ng mga tao tas gumawa ako ng excuse para makuha attention niya somehow. humingi ako ng yosi sa ibang tibak and this one guy goes sorry pre la akong yosi eh pero ito try mo! and i was like “ano to, juul??!? ahahaha ayos!” tas nagkunwari akong immersed ako sa conversation but i was half-glancing in her direction just hoping she would look my way. she was smiling and having fun just participating in whatever was happening there tas halatang walang ibang nasa utak niya. i took a hit from the juul while looking at her smiling and laughing and my chest got a bit tight and my breath got a bit short and then i woke up feeling very confused.

but now, after thinking about it and trying to make sense of it all i kinda get what it’s trying to tell me lmao well first of all that wasn’t her, it was my idea of her. she’s going through her life her own way, and it’s fine that i’m not a huge part of it anymore.

i didnt want to get too close and i didnt want to get too excited because i was (and i am) scared that it might seem like i want to be with her that much. but why is that a bad thing? oh because it WAS a bad thing. anyway

hindi ako sure masyado kung ano role ni job at ni diwa sa simula maybe theyre some kind of bridge i dont really know.

FURTHERMORE, natakot ako konti kasi ibig sabihin ba nito may feelings pa ako lol and ive come to the conclusion that no i don have special feelings for her now, which was difficult to figure out because 1) tang inang panaginip yan, and 2) ang dami kong sinulat dito, which means im still invested in some way, right? oo, siyempre. we went through a lot so it’s only normal for me to care about her. but what the dream is telling me is that ngayon, ok na. like i said earlier, we don’t play big roles in each other’s life anymore and that’s completely fine. the fact that we didnt interact at all in the dream illustrates that-- kahit na nabigyan ako ng bitin feeling pagkagising. but i realize yun din kasi nararamdaman ko sa times nagkikita kami irl or kapag nagchachat kami online. it’s like...dito na lang aabot friendship namin haha. which is kinda sad sometimes but also all right in d long run!

now LASTLY and also to reiterate-- her in my dreams is not who she is, but my idea of her and also a representation of what i understand to be....love? but what i think my dreams that look and feel like this one are telling me is to invest myself in new people n new relationships. theyre always reminding me how good it feels and how exciting and nurturing and meaningful loving can be! it’s not the person, it’s the feeling, it’s the memory, it’s my mind unfolding. feels good to finally be making sense of my dreams, and in turn, my feelings...and in turn, myself

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